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A phenomenological study: the lived experience of former foster youth attending a four-year college in Southern California

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A phenomenological study: the lived experience of former foster youth attending a four-year college in Southern California

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Content A PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY:
THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF FORMER FOSTER YOUTH
ATTENDING A FOUR-YEAR COLLEGE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

by

Dora Yiu Lam Lee

A Dissertation Presented to the
FACULTY OF THE USC ROSSIER SCHOOL OF EDUCATION
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
In Partial Fulfillment of the
Requirements for the Degree
DOCTOR OF EDUCATION

May 2010

Copyright 2010 Dora Yiu Lam Lee

ii

Acknowledgements

My deepest appreciation to my committee chair, Dr. Reynaldo Baca, who has
encouraged and supported me through this experience. Without his guidance and
persistent help this dissertation would not have been possible. I am also thankful to my
committee members, Dr. Alexander Jun and Dr. Jacquelyn McCroskey for believing in
my research and for challenging me to examine my research from different angles.
To my friends and family, thank you for your patience and for checking-in on
my progress. I know my completion is exciting for all of you as it is for me. Special
thanks to my husband, Juan, for pushing me along and keeping me focused. I look
forward to doing the same for you as you embark on completing your dissertation.
This dissertation would not have been possible without the support of CSU-A
and the RS program. I would like to especially thank my co-researchers, Tobias
Anderson, Darryl, Michael, Mantonious, Sky, Shannon Marie, Jasmine and Veronica
for trusting in me and sharing your life stories with me. I wish you all a successful and
fulfilling future.
Lastly, I would like to thank my former student and friend Sue for inspiring me
through her life experience to learn more about the foster care system.

iii
Table of Contents

Acknowledgements ii

Abstract vii

Chapter 1
Research Problem 1
Deficiencies in the Literature 3
Importance of the Study 4
Purpose 5
Phenomenology 6
Definition of Terms 8
Preview 9

Chapter 2
An Overview of the Child Welfare System 11
Child Welfare System 11
Going Through the Child Welfare System 13
Juvenile Dependency Court 14
Figure 1: Going Through the Child Welfare System 15
An Overview of Foster Care 16
History of Foster Care in the United States 16
Foster Care Today 17
Current Trend in Foster Care 18
Educational Outcomes 19
“Aging-Out” of Foster Care 22
Accessing Postsecondary Education 24
Early Intervention Programs for Underrepresented Youth 24
Foster Youth Access to Higher Education 26
Theoretical Perspectives Used in Student Services Research 28
Resilience Theory 29
Transition Theory 32
Student Integration Model 36
Not Utilizing Conventional Theory 36
Summary 37

Chapter 3
Methodology 39
Development of Phenomenology 39
Orientations in Phenomenology 42
Phenomenology as a Methodology 44
Summary 46

iv
Chapter 4
Methods 47
Site Selection 47
Protection of Human Subjects 49
Purposive Sampling Procedures 50
Data Collection 51
Interview Protocol 54
Data Analysis 55
Credible Validity 58
Summary 59

Chapter 5
Individual Life Stories 60
The Lived Experience of Tobias Anderson 62
Personal and Family Background 62
Foster Care Placement(s) 63
Foster Care Experience 65
Pathway to College 67
College 68
RS Program 69
Beyond College 70
The Lived Experience of Darryl 72
Personal and Family Background 72
Foster Care Placement(s) 72
Foster Care Experience 74
Pathway to College 77
College 81
RS Program 84
Beyond College 86
The Lived Experience of Michael 87
Personal and Family Background 87
Foster Care Placement(s) 88
Foster Care Experience 90
Pathway to College 91
College 93
RS Program 96
Beyond College 97
The Lived Experience of Mantonious 98
Personal and Family Background 98
Foster Care Placement(s) 98
Foster Care Experience 100
Pathway to College 103
College 107
RS Program 109
Beyond College 110
113

v
The Lived Experience of Sky
Personal and Family Background 113
Foster Care Placement(s) 113
Foster Care Experience 114
Pathway to College 117
College 118
RS Program 120
Beyond College 122
The Lived Experience of Shannon Marie 124
Personal and Family Background 124
Foster Care Placement(s) 124
Foster Care Experience 125
Pathway to College 128
College 129
RS Program 131
Beyond College 132
The Lived Experience of Jasmine 135
Personal and Family Background 135
Foster Care Placement(s) 136
Foster Care Experience 136
Pathway to College 142
College 144
RS Program 150
Beyond College 151
The Lived Experience of Veronica 153
Personal and Family Background 153
Foster Care Placement(s) 158
Foster Care Experience 159
Pathway to College 164
College 167
RS Program 168
Beyond College 170
Summary 172

Chapter 6
Findings 173
Student Profiles 173
Table 1: Student Demographics 174
Feeling Alone 175
Wanting to Be Normal 179
Growing Up Fast 181
Powerless 183
Missing Links 185
Social Worker(s) 188
That One Person 192
Summer Bridge 198

vi
RS Program 201
Turning 21 206
Not Wanting to Be Like Their Parent(s) 208
Giving Back 210
Summary 213

Chapter 7
Discussion 215
Summary of Findings 215
Implications 217
Limitations 217
Feedback for the RS Program and CSU-A 218
Feedback for the Foster Care System 221
Feedback for K-12 223
Directions for Future Research 224
Summary 225

Chapter 8
Epilogue 227

References 236

Appendices
Appendix A: Informed Consent 245
Appendix B: Recruitment Letter 248
Appendix C: Interview Protocol 249

vii
Abstract
This qualitative study examined the lived experience of eight individuals
attending a four-year college who were all part of a campus support program for former
foster youth. The purpose of this phenomenological study was to understand and
explore the lived experiences of these unique college students that have gone through
the foster care system. This study gives voice to a community of students that not only
survived various forms of abuse and/or neglect during their childhood, they negate the
nation’s trend of low high school graduation rates and low college attendance rates
among former foster youth. These students are success stories.
The phenomenon of being a foster youth is told through the students’ narratives.
The narratives convey stories about their experiences in foster care system, their
journey as foster youths and how they came about being one of the few that made it into
college. Twelve themes summarizing their collective experience emerged from the
student narratives: Feeling Alone, Wanting to Be Normal, Growing Up Fast,
Powerless, Missing Links, Social Worker(s), That One Person, Summer Bridge, RS
Program, Turning 21, Not Wanting to be Like Parent(s) and Giving Back.

1
Chapter One
Research Problem
Foster youths are from abused and neglected homes, relegated to a powerless
position in society and are at the will of the courts (Bass, Shields & Behrman, 2004;
Blome, 1997; Hochman, Hochman & Miller, 2004; Pecora, Williams, Kessler, Hiripi,
O’Brien, Emerson, Herrick & Torres, 2006). Once a youth ends up in the hands of the
child welfare system, his or her future becomes unpredictable and unstable (Blome,
1997; Williams, McWilliams, Mainieri, Pecora & La Belle, 2006), where anything can
happen. Best-case scenario, the youth reunites with his or her birth parent(s). Worst-
case scenario, the youth drifts from one foster home to another until he or she
emancipates at the age of eighteen and ends up in prison or on the streets (Blome, 1997;
Davis, 2006; Merdinger, Hines, Lemon Wyatt & Tweed, 2002; Zweig, 2003).
The foster care system began in the 1900’s in response to the growing
population of neglected and abused children, homelessness, low adoption rates,
delinquency and inadequate support services. In 1980, Congress passed the Adoption
Assistance and Child Welfare Act in response to unmet needs and problems in foster
care and to promote permanency through adoption. This federal intervention mandated
individual states to set up their own child welfare legislations. As such, in 1982,
California passed SB 14, the Public System of Statewide Child Welfare Services to
establish in every county a welfare department specializing in emergency response,
family maintenance, family reunification and permanent placement (Youth Transition
Action Teams Initiative, 2006). In the last 28 years, California has passed 60 legislative

2
bills addressing such issues as adoption, health care, emancipation, education, training,
service programs, housing, reunification, parental rights and transitional support.
Government agencies (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting
System (AFCARS), 2005; California Education Code, 1996; National Clearinghouse on
Child Abuse and Neglect Information, 2005) and foundations such as the Annie E.
Casey Foundation (Casey Family Programs, 2003, 2005, 2006a, 2006b, 2006c;
Freundlich & Barbell, 2001; Freundlich & Wright, 2003; Pecora, Williams, Kessler,
Downs, O’Brien, Hiripi, et al., 2003) have used data to guide them in developing new
ways to provide intervention and prevention services to abused and neglected children
and their families. As the number of youth entering the foster care system continues to
rise, so do programs from various state and private agencies.
The number of youths in foster care has grown in significant numbers since the
establishment of the foster care system in the early 1900’s. In 1990, the U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Family,
Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Children’s Bureau (DHHS) reported
that 378,466 children were in foster care at the start of the year. By the end of the year
there were 405,743 children remaining in care (Voluntary Cooperative Information
System (VCIS), 1998). By 2005, 800,000 children were in foster care and by the end of
the reporting period in September 2005, 513,000 remained in care (Adoption and Foster
Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS, 2006). The DHHS in 2006, reported
that children of color represented 64% of all the children in the foster care system and
of that, 35% were Black (Casey Family Programs, 2006). Wolanin (2005) estimated the
average high school completion rate among foster youths is 50% compared to a 70%

3
completion rate for all youths. There is far too few foster youth that complete high
school and even less enter postsecondary education. Of the 300,000 foster youth
between the ages 18 and 25, only 30,000 enter postsecondary education, with a high
concentration at the trade school and a community college level (Wolanin, 2005).
The rate of youth entering foster care, reunifying with family, completing high
school and attending college demands greater government attention. Unfortunately,
federal regulations and cuts in funding make it difficult for the states to provide
adequate foster care and prevention services for child welfare (Christian, 2006). On
February 1, 2006, the U.S. House of Representatives approved a budget reconciliation
bill that cut $40 billion from federal spending for programs targeting abused and
neglected children and their families. This bill cut $600 million from the Title IV-E
Foster Care and Adoption Assistance that impacts support for youth in kinship care. In
addition, there were substantial cuts to child support, Medicaid, student loans, childcare
and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (Child Welfare League of America,
2006).
Deficiencies in the Literature
Despite an increased interest in foster care, there is little research on the topic,
especially from the perspectives of foster youths. Of the literature that is available, a
notable amount comes from reports and statistical data from public and private
agencies, such as the Annie E. Casey Foundation, Adoption and Foster Care Analysis
and Reporting System and National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect
Information. Few studies focus on the life experiences of youth in foster care and their
resilience, or the extent to which they access higher education and their ability to rise

4
above life’s challenges (Davis, 2006; Hines, Merdinger & Wyatt, 2005; Merdinger,
Hines, Lemon & Wyatt 2002; Wolanin, 2005). Instead, most of the available literature
concentrates on the deficiencies and risks of being a foster youth before emancipation.
Very little is found on foster youths’ achievements and ability to rise above their
abusive pasts and the challenges of being in the foster care system (Adoption and Foster
Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS), 2005; Bent-Goodly & Chipungu,
2004; California Education Code, 1996; Casey Family Programs, 2003, 2005, 2006a,
2006b, 2006c; Freundlich & Barbell, 2001; Freundlich & Wright, 2003; National
Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information, 2005; Pecora, Williams,
Kessler, Downs, O’Brien, Hiripi, et al., 2003; Westat, 2001; Wolanin, 2005).
Importance of the Study
Foster youth are an invisible population, silenced by those that abuse and/or
neglect them and by those that are trying to help them (Hochman, Hochman & Miller,
2004). A study commissioned by the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care
contends that policy makers and service providers do not listen enough to the views of
the youth, parents and foster parents (Hochman, Hochman & Miller, 2004).
This study attempts to contribute to the limited knowledge on foster youth by
giving voice to eight former foster youths who currently attend a four-year state
university in Southern California. My goal is to use their experience to inform
practitioners and policy makers about the foster youth experiences and to encourage
more former foster youths to speak out. These stories are important for they will bring
about a better understanding of the complexities that surround the foster youth
experience and inform policy.

5
To provide effectively the needed services and support for foster youth,
practitioners and policy makers must have a full understanding of whom they serve
(Pecora, Whittaker, Maluccio & Barth, 2000). While quantitative data is respected for
its scientific methods and ability to capture large samples, its force-choice questions
limit its ability to draw-out the unique experiences of participants. The qualitative
method used in this study captures rich data numbers are unable to provide. According
to Hones (1998), narratives such as life stories frequently bring the voices of those who
have been silenced, including children, to the attention of policymakers. While
qualitative research may raise questions of generalizability, in depth analysis of a small
sample size can be just as powerful. Descriptive narrative data can shed light to the
unique human experience and capture voices and perspectives quantitative data is not
able to do (Patton, 2002).
Purpose
My interest in learning more about the foster youth community stems from my
interactions and work with former foster youths at California State University-A (CSU-
A). The world of foster care opened up to me when I hired Susan six years ago. Susan
walked into my office and applied for a student assistant position as a freshman. She
was intelligent, strong, creative and determined. Who would have ever guessed that she
was a former foster youth? For four years, I had the privilege to experience with her the
challenges and successes she faced in college and how being a former foster youth
shaped her life experiences. The relationship I had with Susan transformed me as a
person and as a student affairs practitioner. She brought me into her world, allowing
me to learn about her life experiences as a former foster youth.

6
Susan’s stories challenged my assumptions and perceptions about foster youth
and the foster care system. My relationship with Susan and other former foster youth
lead me to question the reasons so few enter college and even fewer graduate. Many
people just like me do not have a great deal of knowledge about this invisible
population. As such, I feel I have the responsibility to raise awareness among other
practitioners who may be inclined to take action once they become aware of the issues
of foster care and foster youths. I am committed to this study because I want to make a
difference and give voice to youth that have been victims of abuse and neglect.
Therefore, the purpose of this phenomenological study is to understand the lived
experience of eight former foster youth attending CSU-A. My aim is to go beyond the
incidents, what was true or not true, what happened or did not happen and the facts and
figures. In phenomenology, what happened is not for the researcher to question, but
rather it is for the person to relate the story (van Manen, 1990). Although a related
incident may have occurred differently than it is relayed, I as the researcher would not
point out the discrepancy because it is the storyteller’s lived experience. I want to
understand the essence of their lived experiences as former foster youth, particularly
those relating to pre-foster care, their placement(s) in foster care, education, and their
decision to attend college.
Phenomenology
Phenomenology is a philosophy, methodology and a method to study a
phenomena or the study of human meaning. Phenomenology is a system used to
explore and describe the meaning of a unique lived experience. It is the study of
people, not individuals or subjects (van Manen, 1990).

7
The methodology of phenomenology is such that it posits an approach toward
research that aims at being presuppositionless; in other words, this is a
methodology that tries to ward off any tendency toward constructing a
predetermined set of fixed procedures, techniques and concepts that would rule-
govern the research project (van Manen, 1990, p. 29).

Phenomenology is the study of one unique personal experience, one that cannot be
duplicated or generalized to develop a blanketing theory or solution (Gadamer, 1994;
van Manen, 1990). What is liberating about phenomenology is the ability to appreciate
the person and not having to make the experience fit into a predetermined category.
Phenomenological research does not offer the creation of theory, but it does create
insight to bring us closer to the living world (van Manen, 1990). It is also not based on
mere conjecture or inferences; instead, research takes its point of departure from the
person’s lived experience. The lived experiences gathered through phenomenological
research can make a difference on the personal and societal level (Gadamer, 1994).
Another person’s lived experience can help us put ourselves in his or her world. In this
case, what it is like to be a former foster youth.
Solving problems is not the goal of phenomenological research, but rather
understanding the lived experience is what guides phenomenology. Facts, incidents,
information about where, when and how particular incidents occurred are not important
when compared to the CSU-A program for former foster youth (RS) student’s conscious
reflection of his/her lived experience. Reflection on the lived experience is
retrospective, based on a recollection of the past. As van Manen (1990) articulates, “A
person cannot reflect on lived experience while living through the experience” (p.10).

8
Definition of Terms
For the purpose of the study, the following terms are defined:
• Foster youth. From the point of birth to the age of eighteen, the state can take a
child away from his or her parents because of abuse and neglect. The state uses
the term foster youth to designate a child the court has placed into the custody of
child protective services.
• Emancipated foster youth. The state releases legal guardianship once a foster
youth reaches 18 and sometimes up to the age of 21. This stage in a foster
youth’s life is called “aging-out” or “emancipation,” where they are left to their
own resources for survival. There are services that are available to help
emancipating youth transition into adulthood. These services vary from state to
state.
• Kinship care. Youth taken from their immediate family are placed into kinship
care over foster care if there is a relative (i.e. grandparents, aunts or uncles)
willing to serve as the youth’s legal guardian. Kin-GAP is a kinship
guardianship assistant program in California created to provide payment and
Medi-Cal coverage for the child under care (California Department of Social
Services, 2000).
• Child & Youth. The term child refers to a person that is between the ages of 0 to
14. The term youth refers to a person that is between ages of 15 to 24. This
study will use these two terms interchangeably to identify a person between the
ages of 0-18.

9
• Lived experience. Phenomenology is the study of the lived human experience,
the past. The term “lived experience” is used to emphasize the past because
phenomenology is not the study of the present and nor is it predictive of the
future (van Manen, 1990).
• Bracketing. Phenomenological studies use bracketing to suspend one’s beliefs
that include theories, personal experiences and expectation of what is reality or
someone else’s reality to understand fully the meaning of an experience and new
meanings. In other words, bracketing is being aware of one’s bias and setting
aside preconceived notions to “experience the experience” in more than just a
superficial way (van Manen, 1990).
• Essence. The study of essence is to look at the inner true being and nature of
something. It is, the “whatness of things, as opposed to their thatness” (van
Manen, 1990, p. 177). The essence describes the meaning relations we have
with the world.
• Co-researcher. The term co-researcher and RS students will be used
interchangeably to refer to the research participants.
• RS program. This term represents the program designated for former foster
youth at California State University-A (CSU-A).
Preview
This study is structured to give the reader a glimpse into the world of foster care
through the lens and voices of eight former foster youths attending a four-year
university. Chapter Two begins with a brief history and progression of the foster care
system and current trends with a focus on educational attainment and outcomes. In

10
Chapters Three and Four, I will provide a background on phenomenology, the
methodology and methods guiding the study. In hermeneutic phenomenological
inquiry, writing is as important as the research activity and reflection itself (van Manen,
1990). Hence, the last two chapters, Five and Six, are critical because they will
immerse the reader into the lived experience of eight former foster youths. Chapter Five
illustrates the lived experiences of eight former foster youth through themes and
storytelling.
My aim in this chapter is to transform the lived experiences of eight former
foster youth into a “textual expression of its essence – in such a way that the effect of
the text is at once a reflexive re-living and reflective appropriation of something
meaningful…” (van Manen, 1990, p. 36). After presenting each of their stories
individually in Chapter Five, I will in Chapter Six pull the stories together to create a
collective experience through themes that will speak to being a former foster youth.
Chapter Seven provides my reflections on the process and findings from the research
with implications for research, policy and practice. Lastly, I will conclude with an
epilogue where I will share my personal experience in doing this study.

11
Chapter Two
An Overview of the Child Welfare System
Child Welfare System
The child welfare system was created to protect and ensure the safety, permanence
and wellbeing of children. The complex system of courts, along with private and public
(federal, state and county) welfare agencies (i.e., mental and physical health, education,
substance abuse and domestic violence) respond and provide support and interventions to
families when it is evident that the children’s safety and wellbeing are in jeopardy
(McCarthy, Marshall, Collins, Arganza, Deserly & Milon, 2003; Reed & Karpilow,
2002). Though not every child in the system ends up in foster care, seven out of every ten
children in California’s child welfare system are in foster care (Reed & Karpilow, 2002).
While policy and services vary by state and county, there are a set of federal
policies all states and counties must abide by to receive federal funding. The U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) is the principal federal agency that
regulates state funding and services. Under DHHS are the Administration for Children
and Families (ACF) and the Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services (CMS). ACF is
responsible for allocating funds to support state programs such as foster care, adoption,
childcare, abuse prevention and finding permanent placements for children displaced
from their homes. CMS is responsible for the medical care of foster youth.
The California Department of Social Services (CDSS), under the Child Welfare
Services (CWS), is the primary institution responsible for the state’s child welfare
program. CDSS is responsible for (a) allocating federal and other sources of funding to
state and county programs, (b) overseeing developing and implementing programs for at-

12
risk children and their families, (c) licenses foster care providers and conducts research,
(d) supports counties with adoption services, and (f) evaluates programs and services
(Reed & Karpilow, 2002). CDSS monitors and supports programs and services of 58
counties who are directly responsible for developing and implementing programs that
address the needs of abused and neglected children (Reed & Karpilow, 2002). Counties
are state and federally mandated to address four service areas:
1. Emergency Response: The county is responsible for taking reports (usually
through an Emergency Response 24-hour Hotline) of child abuse and/or neglect
and determines if there is a need for an investigation or an immediate response.
Depending on the evidence from the investigation, the county can close a case or
assign a social worker to determine the placement of the child.
2. Family Maintenance: The goal of the child welfare system is to keep the family
together. The social worker has the ability to provide in-home services to families
in crisis, where the child is not in imminent danger. A service plan and timeline
are created to address the changes that need to be made. The family has a
deadline, usually about six months to achieve the objectives on their service plan.
The family may petition for extra time if it will help to complete the desired
objectives. If the family is unable to meet the objectives and is unable to care for
the child, the county may either continue the services or petition the court to place
the child into foster care.
3. Family Reunification: When a child is removed from the home, the child welfare
agency creates a reunification plan to outline the necessary steps parents must take

13
for their child to return home. Families have between 12 to 18 months to work on
their plan before the agency sets into motion a more permanent plan for the child.
4. Permanent Placement: A permanent placement plan is created in case the
reunification plan is not achieved. Reunification is the primary objective. If that
is not achieved then the county looks for the next best solution to finding the child
a permanent home. Adoption would be the first alternative. The second would be
legal guardianship. If neither is possible then the child welfare agency considers
other alternatives such as foster care, kinship care, group homes and community
treatment facilities. (Reed & Karpilow, 2002)
Going Through the Child Welfare System
The CWS is a complex system (see Figure 1) designed to protect the child from
abuse and neglect. Once a call is made to the Child Abuse Hotline, a social worker
screens the call to determine whether there is evidence of abuse and/or neglect (Child
Welfare Information Gateway, 2008). If there is evidence of abuse and/or neglect, and
such that the child’s safety is determined to at risk, a case will be opened and a report will
be sent to an emergency response social worker for further investigation. The case will
close if the investigator does not find evidence of abuse or neglect. If there is evidence of
abuse or neglect, the social worker evaluates the level of risk and will determine whether
to offer supportive services at home, remove the child from the home or allow the child to
stay with the family with a family maintenance plan (Child Welfare Information
Gateway, 2008). The case will close if the family is successful in completing the family
maintenance plan.

14
However, if the identified risk takes the child out of the home or if the family fails
to comply with the family maintenance plan, a petition is filed with the juvenile
dependency court to begin a series of hearings. These hearings will determine the fit of
the parents and their ability to keep the child at home. The court will place the child in
out-of-home care (foster, group, kinship) if the court finds the parent(s) are a risk to the
child. While the goal is family reunification, the court will order CWS to find a
permanent placement (adoption or guardianship) outside the home for the child (Child
Welfare Information Gateway, 2008; McCarthy et al, 2003; Reed & Karpilow, 2002).
Juvenile Dependency Court
Embedded in the CWS is the juvenile dependency court. The court process is a
series of hearings that begins once a child is removed from the custody of the parent(s).
While the child is waiting for the court’s decision, the child is temporarily placed into
“out-of-home” care to keep the child safe. It is then the court’s responsibility to
determine the risk and the necessary actions to keep the child safe. Depending on the
court’s ruling, the child may be returned to the parents. CWS has in place a complex
system to ensure the safely and permanency of a child (see Figure 1). The level of abuse
and/or neglect a child has experienced will determine whether the child will get to stay
with the parent(s) or become a dependant of the court and be placed into foster care or
kinship care (Reed & Karpilow, 2002). If the court allows the child to return or remain at
home, the parent(s) may still be required to attend hearings until all of the service plans
have been fulfilled to the court’s satisfaction. At any time, the child may be taken away if
the court does not see improvement or change. If the child becomes a dependent of the
court and is placed into out-of-home care, the child will remain in the juvenile court

15
Figure 1 – Going Through the Child Welfare System

________________________________________________________________________
From “Understanding the Child Welfare System in California: A Primer for Service Providers and Policymakers,” by
D.F. Reed & K.A. Karpilow, November 2002, p. 8. Copyright 2002 by the Public Health Institute, California Center
for Research on Women and Families. Adopted with permission of the author.
Report Called into Hotline - Report of suspected child abuse or neglect is called into the county Child Abuse
Hotline by a mandated reporter or concerned individual.
Cross-Report Filed
If evidence of abuse is
found, a cross-report is
sent to law enforcement
for further action.
Call Screened
Hotline social worker screens call
to determine if an investigation is
warranted.
Case Note Opened
The Hotline social worker
assesses the evidence and
decides it is not sufficient to
open a case.
Case Closed
Investigation
determines suspected
abuse or neglect is
unfounded or evidence
is inconclusive.
In-Person Investigation - An ER social worker conducts an in-person
investigation to assess evidence of child abuse or neglect.
Case Substantiated - Investigation confirms evidence of child abuse or neglect.
Child Removed from
Home
Child is taken into custody
and placed in an emergency
shelter or foster home.
Voluntary Services Provided
Child remains at home. Family may
receive ER services for 30 days or up
to 6 months of voluntary Family
Maintenance
Case Closed
ER services or Family
Maintenance succeeds in
providing a safe and secure
environment for the child.
Voluntary Services Fail
The abuse continues, a new report of abuse or neglect is
confirmed, or voluntary services fail for other reasons.
Dependency Petition Filed
A petition is filed in juvenile dependency court by the child welfare
agency, beginning a series of judicial hearings.
Case Dismissed or Settled
Court finds insufficient
grounds for petition or that
the problems that brought
the family into court have
been remedied.
Family Maintenance
Court leaves child at
home and orders child
welfare agency to
develop a case plan
and provided services
to the family.
Child Becomes a
Dependent of the
Court
Court places child
under its
jurisdiction.
Family Reunification
Court orders the child placed in out-of-home
(foster) care to keep child safe, and orders, child
welfare agency to develop reunification plan with
parents. Concurrent planning is required to
prepare for an alternative permanent placement
should reunification fails.
Case
Dismissed
or Settled
Court finds
problems
that brought
family into
court have
been
remedied.
Family
Maintenance
Fails
A petition for the
removal of the
child from its
family is filed
with dependency
Permanency Planning
Court decides child cannot safely be
returned home and/or efforts to
reunify with birth family should end;
orders another permanent placement
plan to be selected.
Family Reunified
Family successfully
completes service
plan and child is
returned home.

16
process until permanent living arrangements such as guardianship, foster care or adoption
has been determined (McCarthy et al, 2003; Reed & Karpilow, 2002).
An Overview of Foster Care
History of Foster Care in the United States
The Code of Federal Regulations (2003) defines foster care as:
24-hour substitute care for children outside their own homes...Foster care settings
include, but are not limited to: foster family homes, relative foster homes (whether
payments are being made or not), group homes, emergency shelters, residential
facilities, childcare institutions and pre-adoptive homes (p. 5).

Two men, Charles Loring Brace and Henry Dwight Chapin, introduced foster care as an
alternative to placing children in orphanages in the early 1900’s. They believed that
children would fare better in a home environment over an orphanage, even if it were only
temporary. Placements varied from a child working to pay for room and board to agency-
funded homes (The Adoption History Project, 2005).
The foster care movement grew in popularity over time and replaced the
orphanages. Statistics from 1950 show that children in family foster care outnumbered
children in orphanages for the first time. By 1960, there were more than twice as many
children in foster care, and by the late 1970’s, the foster child population exceeded
500,000 and continued to rise yearly (The Adoption History Project, 2005). The Casey
Family Program in Seattle, Washington, established in 1966, was the first social-service
agency in the country dedicated to offering planned, long-term foster care as part of the
continuum of child welfare services (Casey Family Program, 2006). Today, the Casey
Family Program continues to be the leading agency in providing services, research and
funding to the foster care system.

17
According to Freundlich & Barbell (2001), several key factors and actions over
the years have influenced the present form of foster care and include:
• The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act of 1974 provided states with
funding to develop child protective services, which brought about an increased
reporting of child abuse and neglect.
• The decline in social services that addressed poverty, homelessness and substance
abuse increased the number of children that were at-risk of child abuse and
neglect.
• The role of child welfare and foster care has changed over the past three decades.
This change reflects changing values about the roles these agencies should play in
dealing with the issue of long-term and short-term placement, to re-unify or not
and what can be done to ensure that what is done is in the children’s best interest.
(pp. 5-6)
Foster Care Today
By the 21
st
century, the number of foster youth across the country doubled from
300,000 in 1980 to 800,000 in 2003 (Bent-Goodley & Chipungu, 2004; Wolanin, 2005).
This steady increase in children entering the foster care system results from the increasing
rate of family poverty, homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse, HIV/AIDS,
unequal education, family and community violence and racism (Bent-Goodley &
Chipungu, 2004).
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services claims that children of
color represent 64% of all the children in the foster care system, though they represent
only 39% of the child population in the nation (Casey Family Programs, 2006). The 2005

18
Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) estimated there
were about 523,000 children in foster care in 2003. Of those, Black children in foster
care made up a disproportionately high of 35% given that Blacks make up 15% of the
U.S. population of children. Of the other racial groups, White children were at 39%,
Latino/a children were at 17%, Asian were at 1%, Native American children were at 2%
and the Unknown were at 6% in 2003. Males in foster care were 7% higher than female.
The median age was 10.9 years old (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting
System, 2005).
Current Trends in Foster Care
Foster care is seen as a last resort to keep children safe from abuse and neglect
from their immediate family. Because the goal is to reunify the child with his or her
family in the shortest amount of time possible, twelve months or less (Lewis, 1964),
foster care is viewed as a temporary measure. Therefore, the longer a child stays in foster
care the more likely the child will have to move from placement to placement. The
average number of placements is two; however, nearly 18% of children have had six or
more placements (Freundlich & Barbell, 2001). The Adoption and Safe Families Act of
1997 provides monetary assistance to the child welfare system to facilitate permanency
for foster youth. In instances where reunification is not possible, the Act provides
incentives to encourage foster families to adopt or become long-term foster care parents
(Westat, 2001).
The longer a child remains in foster care, the more complex reunification becomes
with the immediate family. After twelve months of out-of-home care, a child will go
through a permanency hearing to decide where he or she will reside, whether with a kin

19
or an adoptive family. In 2001, 57% of the children exiting foster care were reunified
with one or both of their parents, although nearly one-third of these children returned to
foster care within three years (Wolanin, 2005). Children of color, especially Black
children, are less likely to reunite with their families according to a study by Westat
(2001), which found that 34% of White children were reunified compared to 9% of Black
children. The study “concluded that race continues to play a major role in the
reunification of children in addition to other child, family and case history characteristics,
[such as] age of entry, caretaker job skills, caretaker substance abuse problems and
caretaker services” (p. 14).
Educational Outcomes
The lack of hard data makes it difficult to assess with any precision the status of
foster youth within the educational system, especially at the postsecondary level, to
inform policy (Davis, 2006; Merdinger, Hines, Lemon & Wyatt, 2002). Research points
to poor education outcomes among foster youth. They repeat at least one grade level, drop
out at higher rates, have more discipline problems, are less likely to be in college
preparatory programs, demonstrate poor academic performance and are less likely to
attend college (Blome, 1997; Choice, Andrade, Gunther, Downes, Schaldach, Csiszar, et
al., 2001; Festinger, 1983; Pecora et al., 2003). The San Luis Obispo Office of Education
(2006) reports that 30% of foster youth perform below grade level and 50% are held back
in school. In another study, Burley and Halpern (2001) found that foster youth in
Washington State scored on average 15 to 20 percentile points below non-foster youth in
achievement tests, foster youth at the elementary and middle school level are twice as

20
likely to repeat a grade, and only 59% of foster youth in the eleventh grade that promoted
to the twelfth grade graduate.
Children in foster care face incredible barriers when it comes to educational
attainment. Available data from local and state agencies typically track quantitative data
such as graduation rates and test scores. Out of 277 former foster youth in New York
City, only 65% completed high school (Festinger, 1983). In Blome’s (1997) research, out
of 167 foster youth nation-wide, 77% completed high school, compared to a 93%
completion rate for non-foster youth. The closest measurement of educational attainment
on a national scale was a comparison of nine independent studies examined by Wolanin
(2005) for The Institute for Higher Education Policy. Wolanin’s (2005) report examines
and analyzes the relationship between broad demographic variables such as income, race,
ethnicity, and gender and participation in higher education. Based on the comparison, the
average high school completion rate among foster youth is estimated at 50% compared to
a 70% completion rate for all youths (Wolanin, 2005). Findings from Wolanin’s research
indicate there is far too few foster youth that complete high school and even less enter
postsecondary education. Of the 300,000 foster youth between the ages 18 and 25, only
30,000 (10%) entered postsecondary education, with a high concentration at the trade
school and community college level (Wolanin, 2005).
Studies conducted by Burley and Halpern (2001) and Wolanin (2005) suggest four
major factors contribute to a foster youth’s inability to graduate from high school and
enroll in postsecondary education:
• The pre-care experience, such as abuse and neglect that brings a child into foster
care. What the child experienced before foster care placement has a tremendous

21
effect on their psychosocial development. A negative environment, where adults
neglect the needs of the child and/or are abusive, can impact a child’s ability to
develop relationships, build trust with other adults, and regulate one’s behavior
and emotions. The abuse and neglect a child sustained prior to foster care can
have a lasting effect.
• Parents in poverty are less able to shelter their children from negative elements in
society such as drugs and crime. They are unable to provide adequate nutrition
and health care when compared to higher income parents. Most children in foster
care are from poor and impoverished families. Children in low-income
communities attend schools that may not provide the same level of education as
children living in middle-class communities.
• The trauma of being taken away from family and placed into another family
environment may cause emotional challenges that can impact academic
performance. Between 40-60% of foster youth have at least one psychiatric
disorder that may have been caused by pre-care and foster care experiences.
Emotional challenges, which can range from emotional to behavioral problems,
may have a direct influence on a child’s ability to do well in school, especially if
the problems are not identified and treated.
• Foster youth often experience instability as a result of having to move from
placement to placement and having to adjust to new families, neighborhoods and
cultures. Moving around can directly impact the child’s ability to keep up with
schoolwork, develop friendships, focus on schoolwork and keep track of school

22
records. Although there are special educational services for foster youth, the
constant changing of schools makes it difficult to maintain curriculum continuity.
These four factors are just a few of the major obstacles that can affect the
educational outcomes of foster youth. The challenges do not end with high school
graduation, as finishing high school does not guarantee a normal and fruitful life. For
foster youth, the experience of transitioning out of foster care at 18 can be just as
traumatic as when they were taken away from the family and placed into foster care
(Barth, 1990; Delgado, Fellmeth, Packard, Prosek & Weichel, 2007). According to
multiple studies, few foster youth successfully complete high school and far less enter
postsecondary education, which leaves an overwhelming number of emancipated foster
youth experiencing negative outcomes such as homelessness, incarceration,
unemployment and mental health issues (Casey Family Programs, 2005; Lenz-Rashid,
2006; Maluccio, Krieger & Pine, 1990; Reilly, 2003; Roman & Wolfe, 1995; Trickett &
McBride, 1995).
“Aging-Out” of Foster Care
Each year, about 20,000 foster youth between the ages of 18 to 21 “age-out” or
emancipate from the foster care system nationwide (Eyster & Oldmixon, 2007; Wolanin,
2005), many of whom are unprepared to live on their own. Too often, emancipated foster
youth are challenged with transitioning out of foster care. Many end up on the streets
with the clothes on their backs and minimal support from the government (Williams,
McWilliams, Mainier, Pecora & LaBelle, 2006). In California, a study found that about
25% of emancipated female foster youth are on welfare compared to only about 6% of

23
non-former foster youth females of the same age range (Needell, Cuccaro-Alamin,
Brookhart, Jackman, & Shlonsky, 2002).
Emancipated youth end up homeless, unemployed or incarcerated because of the
lack of support services available before and after emancipation (Bent-Goodley &
Chipungu, 2004; Casey Family Programs, 2005; Lenz-Rashid, 2006; Maluccio, Krieger &
Pine, 1990; Reilly, 2003; Roman & Wolfe, 1995; Trickett & McBride, 1995). In 2005, an
estimated 20,000 emancipated foster youth across the nation experienced the following
outcomes twelve to eighteen months after emancipation: 51% were unemployed, 30%
had no health insurance, 25% had been homeless, 84% became parents, 30% were
receiving public assistance and 54% had graduated from high school (Foster Care Month,
2005).
Before the Foster Care Independence Act of 1999, emancipated foster youth
received limited services from the state government. Now, states must provide foster care
youth ages 18 to 21 with services to help them make the transition from foster care to
self-sufficiency. Agencies such as the Casey Family Program, the Independent Living
Program through the California Community College Foundation and other state funded
Independent Living Programs offer transitional support through technical and vocational
training services. These services are designed to provide former foster youth with
employment services; personal and emotional support through mentors and dedicated
adults; financial assistance, housing, counseling and other supports and services
(Freundlich & Barbell, 2001).

24
Accessing Postsecondary Education
Early Intervention Programs for Underrepresented Youth
A college degree benefits not only the individual but also society and economy.
The more education one has, the less likely one will become a burden to the social and
criminal justice systems. A person with a college degree earns substantially more money
and enjoys a better and healthier lifestyle (Merdinger, Hines, Lemon & Wyatt, 2002;
National Postsecondary Education Cooperative, 2001; Wolanin, 2005). The U.S. Census
(2005) reports that adults 18 and over with a Bachelor’s degree earned an average of
$51,554 in 2004. Adults with a high school degree earned an average of $28,645 and
adults without a high school degree earned an average of $19,169 a year. The education
of low-income and underrepresented youth should be a private and a public issue because
the success of our youth equates to a better society and economy.
Research studies and intervention programs often refer to Blacks, Latinos, and
Native Americans with such labels as low-income, minority and underrepresented youth.
Minority students from low-income backgrounds are underrepresented in institutions of
higher learning. Blacks, Latinos and Native Americans have been historically
underrepresented and continue to experience limited access, a lack of representation and
low graduation rates in higher education (National Postsecondary Education Cooperative,
2001; Swail, Redd & Perna, 2003; Tierney, 1999). The 2003 U.S. Census indicated that
the high school completion rate for Blacks (80%) and Latinos (57%) trailed behind
Whites (89%) and Asians (87%). In terms of earning a Bachelor’s degree in 2003,
Whites (30%) and Asians (50%) were ahead of Blacks (17%) and Latinos (11%). In

25
2004, the National Center for Educational Statistics reported that four-year colleges
conferred 1,299,542 degrees and of that number, Whites earned 73% of those degrees.
According to a national research study conducted by the National Postsecondary
Education Cooperative (2001) low-income Black, Latino and Native American students
are not attending college at higher rates due to the following barriers:
• Poor families lack cultural and social capital to help their children with accessing
information about college and educational resources;
• The lack of resources such as libraries, museums and parks in low-income
neighborhoods and communities;
• Students do not want to be identified as high achievers in fear of being ostracized
by peers;
• The continued existence of racism that causes students to doubt their academic
abilities;
• Low-income students tend to end up in poor school districts that have less
resources and a lack of well-qualified teachers;
• Low-income communities tend to create segregated schools which makes it
difficult for Black and Latino students to develop social networks outside their
racial/ethnic and cultural community;
• There are not enough school counselors to provide adequate counseling;
• Low teacher expectations and aspirations;
• High dropout rates; and
• Limited financial resources to help pay for college.

26
In response to these issues, policy makers across the nation have earmarked funds
to implement early intervention programs to increase the chances for youth to access
postsecondary education (National Postsecondary Education Cooperative, 2001). To
date there are thousands of programs across the country focused on eliminating barriers
and helping low-income minority youth get into college (National Postsecondary
Education Cooperative, 2001; Perna, Fenske & Swail, 2000; Swail, 2000). They range
from private organizations and foundations, federal government, federal, state and local
government collaborations, school district and college collaborations and college and
university supported programs.
Although there are plenty of early intervention programs such as Gear Up,
Upward Bound, TRIO, Puente and AVID, many serve a small percentage of students at
one time. A lack of program assessments makes it difficult to determine the program’s
effectiveness, its impact on student achievement, cost and long-term outcomes (National
Postsecondary Education Cooperative, 2001; Swail, 2000).
Foster Youth Access to Higher Education
According to Wolanin (2005), foster youth do not attend college for several
reasons, many of which result from their lack of social capital and networks. Some of
those reasons are outlined below:
• Foster youth often do not take courses that fulfill the four-year college admission
requirements, even when they qualify.
• Foster youth simply do not apply to college, even those who qualify, because of
the lack of expectation from the people around them. People around foster youth
generally do not talk about college nor do they encourage them to pursue college.

27
• Foster youth are not aware of college opportunities and they do not have access to
information and resources to help them navigate through the application process.
• Lastly, foster youth do not have the financial resources to pay for college.
In response to the disproportionate number of foster youth who are not accessing
college, the legislature passed Assembly Bill (AB) 2463 that was added to Article 5 of the
California Education Code in 1996. This bill mandated the California State University
(CSU) and the California Community College (CCC) systems to increase college
outreach services to foster youth, provide technical resources to aid them with admissions
and financial aid, ensure year-round campus housing and provide campus support and
retention services (California Education Code, 1996). Immediate action has not been
taken since the passing of AB 2463. As of 2009, 14 CSU's have established some form of
service to support former foster youth, four CSU’s have institutionalized a program
geared specifically towards outreach and support for the development and educational
achievement of former foster youth and five CSU’s are struggling to gain a foothold to
support their former foster youth population.
Creating programs to support former foster youth across the CSU system has been
slow. There are no accountability procedures to monitor what programs are doing on
each campus. According to the former director of the RS program at CSU-A, the CSU
must address several challenges to serve the foster youth population successfully. One of
the greatest challenges the CSU faces is the inability to identify applicants that were part
of the foster care system. To support foster youth with admissions and financial aid, the
campus must find a way to identify them. Currently, a direct way to identify former
foster youth is not available in the college application. It is only after the college has

28
admitted the student and through the Educational Opportunity Program application would
the college be able to identify a former foster youth. Secondly, AB 2463 does not speak
to the needs of creating support programs. The lack of direction from the legislature may
account for the slow response rate to creating systems in the CSU to support former foster
youth. Lastly, the campus must be committed financially to sustain these support
programs. Local and national agencies, along with foundations, partially fund current
programs and these funds are not long-term.
Theoretical Perspectives Used in Student Services Research
The use of theoretical perspectives in a phenomenological study is
unconventional. Phenomenology encourages the “bracketing” of facts and personal
experiences to understand the true essence of a phenomenon (Husserl, 1969; van Manen,
2002). Before I committed to using phenomenology, I relied on three theoretical
perspectives - resilience, transition and student integration - to understand the foster youth
experience. I intentionally kept the three theoretical perspectives, knowing well that this
practice does not follow the traditions of phenomenology. I did so, because, these
theories provided me with a starting point to my study. As I reflected on previous
research and literature, I realized there was not one theory that spoke directly to the foster
youth experience or could answer the question: What is the foster youth experience? I
used phenomenology because, I wanted to hear from the youth’s themselves about their
personal stories of what it means to be a foster youth and making it into college. Every
youth will have a different story; therefore, I cannot box their experiences into these three
theoretical perspectives.

29
Resilience Theory
What began as a quest to understand the extraordinary has revealed the power of the
ordinary. Resilience does not come from rare and special qualities, but from the
everyday magic of ordinary, normative human resources in the minds, brains, and bodies
of children, in their families and relationships, and in their communities.
- Masten, 2001, p. 9

At-risk youth. Youth labeled as “at-risk” are presumed to be off-track and on a
path towards non-normative life goals, such as dropping out of school to work full-time,
have children before marriage or stop-out of school due to unforeseen circumstances.
Research has shown that the following environmental factors can impact a youth’s ability
to thrive (Druian and Butler, 1987; Howard, Dryden & Johnson, 1999):
• Living in a densely populated area;
• Living in a school district that is struggling to maintain stability;
• Growing up in a low socioeconomic family;
• Lack of academic preparation to perform at grade level (unrelated to intelligence);
• Having parents that did not complete high school;
• English is the student’s second language;
• Low self-image;
• A lack of motivation;
• Lack of self-confidence;
• The need to work; and/or
• Having children or getting married.
In addition to experiencing possible negative educational outcomes, at-risk youth
are also susceptible to other negative influences such as drugs, gangs, sex, violence,

30
homelessness, neglect and abuse (Fergusson & Horwood, 2003; McMahon, 2007;
Werner, 1996).
Focusing on risk poses three problems: (a) children from families that are
culturally and visibly different from the dominant culture are labeled as at-risk; (b)
students who choose to act or behave differently and withdrawn abused children are
tagged as at-risk; and (c) schools adopt a deficit model that sees students and their
families as the ones that need to change or receive intervention (Howard, Dryden &
Johnson, 1999). There is evidence that factors such as poverty and abuse can impinge on
students’ ability to succeed academically, but it does not mean that in different
circumstance these students cannot be successful (McMahon, 2007). When students
misbehave and/or underachieve, the school personnel may automatically jump to the
conclusion that the issue(s) lies within the student. Instead of holding the school
accountable, educators and administrators look to blame the students, parents and the
community (Howard, Dryden & Johnson, 1999). McMahon (2007) observes:
As a result, the designation of being at-risk which is constructed as a means of
generating more equitable outcomes for students serves to maintain stratification,
and the segregation of difference among children in our schools forming part of an
all encompassing web of privilege and power. (p. 3)

The concept of at-risk youth has generated attention from educators and policy
makers such that services have been implemented to target at-risk youth and their
families. Although there are numerous programs geared towards underrepresented
students, as noted earlier, the vast majority serve a limited number of students and their
effectiveness cannot be adequately ascertained (National Postsecondary Education
Cooperative, 2001; Swail, 2000). Bernard (1997) notes, “Even though this approach
sometimes succeeds in getting needed services to children and families, it has led to

31
stereotyping, tracking, lowering expectations for many students in urban schools, and
even prejudice and discrimination” (p. 1).
Shift from risk to resilience. Research on resilience has increased substantially
since the 1980’s, shifting away from the dominant deficit model (Bernard, 1991, 1994,
1997; Garmezy, 1991; Howard, Dryden & Johnson, 1999). Resilience theory provides
researchers and practitioners a more nuanced framework to understand how some youth
are able to overcome adversity. Resilience refers to an individual’s ability to overcome
adverse life circumstances despite negative conditions (Ghazal & Lemay, 2002; Gilligan,
2000; Luthar, Cicchetti & Becker, 2000; Werner, 1996; Wyman, Cowen, Work, Hoyt-
Meyers, Magnus & Fagen, 1999). Resiliency can be cultivated and developed through
mentoring, fostering talents and interest, having family, community members and/or
schools that care and have high expectations. Interventions that are supportive and
developmental also generate resiliency (Bernard, 1991, 2004; Gilligan, 1998; Osterling &
Hines, 2006).
Resilience and foster youth. Werner and Smith (1992) suggest applying the
concept of resilience in foster care provides us with a way to counteract and build
awareness so that we may be able to assist children achieve normal adult development
under the most challenging circumstances. Osterling and Hines (2006) found that
mentoring programs for foster youth preparing to emancipate helped to prevent negative
outcomes when transitioning out of care. The foster care system has in place programs
and interventions to prepare youth for emancipation, making it less stressful and negative.
Currently, each county has transitional services called Independent Living Program (ILP)
to prepare foster youth for emancipation. ILP services vary from county to county, but

32
its primary purpose is to provide foster youth with life skills, such as budgeting money,
shopping for food, searching for living arrangements and accessing health services. The
ILP services are very basic as they teach youth to take care of their basic needs. This
makes studying resilient individuals, such as foster youths attending college that much
more important, because we need to learn about the skills and abilities they needed to
break through adversity (Hines, Merdinger & Wyatt, 2005).
Transition Theory
A framework for transitions. Schlossberg’s (1981, 1995, 2006) theory on
transition provides a framework for understanding the diversity of individual experiences
while going through transition. By definition, a transition is an “event or non event that
results in a change in assumptions about self and the world and thus requires a
corresponding change in one’s behavior and relationships” (Schlossberg, 1981, p. 5).
Individuals experience transitions differently depending on their ability to cope and adapt
to the stresses that come with change or new events in life.
There are anticipated, unanticipated and non-event types of transitions.
Unanticipated transitions are unpredictable and often are the most stressful. An example
of an unanticipated transition would be losing a parent and being placed into foster care
or waking up the next morning and changing schools. How it has altered the individual’s
daily life and how one copes with the changes determines the impact of a transition
(Schlossberg, 2006).
There are three parts to the transition model: Moving-in, moving-through and
moving-out (Scholssberg, 2006). The first phase is “moving-in” where the individual is
learning about his or her new role, becoming adjusted to the new environment,

33
establishing relationships, developing routines and trying to move past the life he or she
left behind. The second phase is “moving-through” and is when the individual enters a
period of feeling limited, looking for new roles, relationships, routines and
responsibilities, experiences a period of emptiness and confusion and develops a sense of
hope. The last stage is the “moving-out” stage where the individual experiences
separation and disengagement from the current experience or situation and prepares to
transition into a phase, experience or situation in life.
According to Schlossberg’s (1981) model for analyzing human adaptation to
transition, there are “three major factors that influence the adaptation of transition: 1) the
characteristics of the particular transition, 2) the characteristics of the pre- and post-
transition environments, and 3) the characteristics of the individuals experiencing the
transition” (p. 4). This model later evolved into the “4 S’s,” situation, self, support and
strategies (Goodman, Schlossberg & Anderson, 2006).
Characteristics of the particular transition or situation. Seven variables explain
the impact the type of transition an individual is likely to experience: role change, affect,
source, timing, onset, duration and degree of stress (Schlossberg, 1981). Role change can
be a gain or a loss in a transition. Role change can either be positive or negative which
can generate feelings of pleasure or pain. Whether the change is a result of a personal
decision, internal or forced by external forces and if it is sudden or gradual impacts the
perception of control over the situation that may lead to stress and feeling helpless. There
is only so much stress an individual can withstand during times of transition before it
negatively impacts mental and physical health (Holmes & Rah, 1967).

34
Characteristics of pre-transition and post-transition environments or support. An
individual’s pre- and post-transition environment, which includes interpersonal support
systems, institutional support and physical setting, will impact an individual’s ability to
adapt (Schlossberg, 1981). Research has shown that even in the toughest conditions,
having the support from loved ones, family and friends can increase a person’s desire to
survive and adapt (Fiske & Weiss, 1977). Institutional support takes the form of support
services geared towards the specific needs of individuals going through transition. The
physical setting, such as an individual’s living arrangements, the environment and climate
can contribute to the stress, sense of well-being and ultimately to an individual’s ability to
adjust to transition (Schlossberg, 1981).
Characteristics of the individual or self. An individual’s characteristics can play a
role in an individual’s ability to cope with the stresses of change and adapting to the
transitions. According to Schlossberg (1981), the following eight characteristics will
affect the way an individual adapts to a transition:
1. Psychological competence, which includes an individual’s attitudes about self, the
world and personal behavior;
2. Sex role identification, meaning how strong the individual adheres to the
prescribed role of a male and female;
3. An individual’s age or stage in life impacts the ability to respond to certain life
changing situations;
4. An individual’s state of health will impact the ability to deal physically or
mentally with situations of change, especially if change is physically demanding;

35
5. Race and ethnicity plays a role in a person’s value orientation and certain changes
can support or challenge cultural norms;
6. Socioeconomic status will impact an individual’s ability to access services or
tangible goods to alleviate the stresses of a transition;
7. Similar to number five, individuals may be placed into situations where decisions
and/or actions contradict one’s values and beliefs and lastly;
8. Stress or challenges of transition can be lessened if the individual had a similar
previous experience that foretells an idea of what is ahead in the current transition.
Characteristics of strategies. How individuals cope with situations characterize
their strategies. Every individual navigates through a transition differently and may
respond in three ways: (a) modify the situation to make it more fitting or comfortable; (b)
look for ways to decrease the stress of the situation, such as exercising, seeking
counseling or joining an organization and; (c) assess the situation to come up with a mode
of coping (Goodman, Schlossberg & Anderson, 2006). There are also four coping modes:
information seeking, direct action, inhibition of action and intrapsychic behavior
(Goodman, Schlossberg & Anderson, 2006). Individuals use different strategies
depending on their response to the situation but those who cope effectively with
transitions employ several methods and are flexible.
Social workers, foster parents, teachers and other health and service providers can
use this model for it furthers their understanding how foster youth experience and deal
with the transition from family and all that is familiar to foster care, a new family or
group home, a new school and later emancipation.

36
The transition from high school to college for first-time, first-year college students
poses various challenges and opportunities (Smith & Wertlieb, 2005). The inability for
students to integrate into the academic and social culture of a college campus can lead to
poor academic performance, isolation, alienation, a lack of motivation and attrition
(Upcraft, Gardner, & Associates, 1989; Tinto, 1987).
Student Integration Model
Student retention and persistence in college are a function of the student’s
academic and social integration to the campus community (Pascarella & Terenzini, 1979;
Tinto, 1975). Researchers and educators use Tinto’s (1975) Student Integration Model
(SIM) to explain why students leave college; yet, researchers criticize it for not taking
into consideration the experiences of non-traditional college students. This includes
students of color, students from lower socioeconomic statuses and women (Cabrera, Nora
& Castaneda, 1993; McCubbin, 2003).
According to Tinto’s (1975) SIM, a student’s ability to integrate academically and
socially into the institution largely determines the decision to leave college. In addition,
a student’s pre-college characteristics play a role in how the student will relate to the
academic and social systems of higher education. Therefore, each student’s pre-college
characteristics will impact the student’s social and academic integration (Tinto, 1975).
Not Utilizing Conventional Theory
Phenomenology recommends bracketing beliefs, experiences and theories that
may influence the researcher’s perspective and ability to fully understand the experience
under study (van Manen, 1990). I chose not to continue with utilizing conventional
theories because it would influence my perspectives and lead me to develop inferences

37
about the foster youth experience. I decided to leave the theories in chapter two despite
the interference it may have on my research because it will serve as reference to future
research.
Before choosing phenomenology as my methodology, I used the theories in
Chapter Two to inform me about the experiences of current and former foster youths. The
theories helped me make sense of the experience; however; it was only a generalization.
Theories may provide an explanation to an experience or issues but it has its limitations.
The student development theories, resilience theory and transition theory provided me
with a general overview and perspective on current and former foster youth experience,
but the weakness is that they do not hold true for all current and former foster youths.
Summary
Although the concept of foster care has been around for about a hundred years, we
have much more to learn.
A 2003 national poll found that most Americans know little about foster care or
about the policy issues related to it. Foster care is likewise unfamiliar to most of
those who staff America’s institutions of postsecondary education and those who
are responsible for higher education policy in the federal and state governments.
(Wolanin, 2005, p. 4)

There are data but not enough to fully understand the complex experiences of the growing
population of foster youth across the nation. The lack of research impacts policy and the
country’s ability to address all the needs of foster youth. According to Blome (1997),
“Little is known about the transition of foster children from adolescence to young
adulthood due to the cost of longitudinal designs and the need to obtain court permission
before children in custody can participate in research studies” (p. 4). Unfortunately, the
U.S. has not found a solution to ensure a positive future for its foster youth. The

38
continuing rise in child abuse and neglect, along with cuts to child welfare services,
makes it challenging to provide every youth in foster care with adequate care and support.
This chapter began with the historical development of the foster care system, a
review of events that lead to its evolvement, a summary of current trends and concludes
on the issue of access to higher learning. The second part of the chapter was a review of
three relevant theories that informed me about the foster youth experience. The
information gathered through the literature review provides a generalized overview of the
foster youth experience and theories that help explain that experience.
Foster youths need to be seen as a distinct population and not clumped into the
experiences of the traditionally defined “at-risk youths” that are found in studies of
resiliency, the experiences of the average person going through life transitions and the
experiences of traditional first-year students learning to navigate college. The diverse and
unique experiences of foster youth and the lack of qualitative research on foster youth
lead me to discontinue the use of conventional theories in an attempt to explain the foster
youth experience.
My goal was to apply the traditions of phenomenology to explore, learn and
discover the lived experiences of eight former foster youths. Although I entered this study
un-bracketed, I did my best to set aside Chapter Two and the other learned experiences to
understand the phenomenon of being a foster youth and not generalize their experiences
to fit a theoretical framework.
The following chapters outline the methodology and methods for this
phenomenological study. My study’s findings, conclusion, implications and reflections
on my experiences will be presented in Chapters Five and Six.

39

Chapter Three
Methodology
The methodology of hermeneutic phenomenology influences the qualitative
methods used in this research study. Although there are no prescribed methods to
phenomenology, there is a body of historical work and knowledge that serves as a source
and guide to design appropriate research methods, techniques and procedures to examine
a specific question (van Manen, 1990). This qualitative study takes a hermeneutic
phenomenological approach to interviews. The method of interviewing may be utilized
across disciplines; however, the “techniques” and “procedures” are different, reflecting
the characteristics of the methodology (van Manen, 1990).
Development of Phenomenology
The discipline of phenomenology is rooted in Western and Eastern philosophy.
Centuries before the term phenomenology was coined, the works of Descartes, Hume and
Kant, and the teachings of Hindu and Buddhist philosophers embodied the ideas of
phenomenology (Smith, 2003). Phenomenology flourished in the 20
th
century under the
influence of the German philosopher Edmund Husserl (1859-1938). Rene Descartes,
Bernard Bolzano and his teacher Franz Brentano inspired Husserl's earlier work on
phenomenology (Husserl, 1964). Tying together the works of Brentano, Descartes,
Bolzano and other philosophical contemporaries, Husserl introduced his new science of
consciousness, phenomenology, in Logical Investigations (1900-01) (Husserl, 1970;
Smith, 2003).

40
Husserl refined Descartes’ “method of doubt” by creating three steps to see the
“pure or reduced phenomenon” (Husserl, 1964, xviii). Brentano’s concept of “descriptive
psychology” and “intentional theory of mind” served as a basis of Husserl’s framework
for phenomenology. According to Brentano, an intentional act is to “think of or about” or
to “desire this or that” and the object that is being thought of or desired does not need to
exist, it can all be in the mental state (Husserl, 1964, p xiv). Lastly, Bolzano provided the
ideal of logic to Husserl’s Logical Investigations (1900-01). Bolzano’s distinction
between “subjective and objective ideas or representations” were later transformed into
two Greek words “noesis and noema” representing the “intentional process of
consciousness” and the “act of consciousness” (Husserl, 1970). The synthesis of
Descartes, Brentano and Bolzano defined Husserl’s phenomenology as a descriptive
analysis of the essence of consciousness. Distinct from empirical psychology, which
seeks out the facts of experience, phenomenology is in search of the essence.
Phenomenological reduction is thus the process where facts are suspended by using the
method of bracketing to understand the true essence of reality to eliminate bias (Husserl,
1969).
Martin Heidegger (1889-1976) is another pioneer of phenomenology following in
the footsteps of Husserl. Heidegger’s interest in phenomenology was highly influenced
by Husserl’s early works in Logical Investigations (1900-01). As Husserl’s assistant at
Freiburg University, Heidegger had the opportunity to lecture on phenomenology.
Ironically, his experience turned him into Husserl’s biggest critic (Korab-Karpowicz,
2006) and in his most influential work, Being and Time (1927), Heidegger questioned
Husserl’s phenomenology.

41
Heidegger took a different approach to phenomenology, which unlike Husserl, he
did not base on consciousness. Phenomenology for Heidegger began with “Dasein,”
meaning life or existence (Heidegger, 1962). Heidegger saw phenomenology as a method
to examine the meaning of being in the world. His examination of “being” or “their
being” in the world is connected to the philosophical field of ontology. According to
Heidegger (1962), “Phenomenology is our way of access to what is to be the theme of
ontology, and it is our way of giving it demonstrative precision. Only as phenomenology,
is ontology possible” (p. 60).
Subsequent philosophers central to the expansion of phenomenological thought
were Marcel Proust (1871-1922), Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) and Maurice Merleau-
Ponty (1908-1961) from France. The earlier works of Proust and Sartre became the
building blocks for later French phenomenological development (Smith, 2003).
Proust’s In Search of Lost Time recounts life experiences through one’s own body
and senses, such as the sense of smell when remembering a past incident in life (Smith,
2003). Sartre developed a different perspective on phenomenological ontology where
“the central player in consciousness is phenomena, and the occurrence of a phenomenon
just is a consciousness-of-an-object” (Smith, 2003, p. 13). Sartre later laid the
philosophical foundation for existentialism, the freedom of choice and the concept of the
“Other” (or being part of another group whether it is cultural or ethnic) (Smith, 2003).
Merleau-Ponty drew on Husserl and Heidegger while drawing his own
conclusions about his version of phenomenology. “His phenomenology addressed the
body, the spatiality of the body, the motility of the body, the body in sexual being and in

42
speech, other selves, temporality, and the character of freedom so important in French
existentialism” (Smith, 2003, p. 14).
Orientations in Phenomenology
Together, the pioneers of phenomenology developed the framework that paved the
way for today’s contemporary perspective on phenomenology. Transcendental
phenomenology, existential phenomenology, realist phenomenology, hermeneutical
phenomenology, linguistical phenomenology and ethical phenomenology are some of the
schools of thought that grew out of Husserl’s early works (van Manen, 2003).
Built on Husserl’s concept of the noetic, noematic and bracketing, transcendental
or constitutive phenomenology is now the study of pure consciousness through
intentional analysis. Transcendental phenomenology explains how consciousness forms
the meaning of things (van Manen, 2002). Transcendental phenomenologists include
Alfred Schultz, Oscar Becker, Aron Gurwitsch and Amadeo Giorgi.
Existential phenomenology is based on the later works of Husserl, Heidegger and
Merleau-Ponty and it focuses on the lived experience, how one lives in the world, modes
of being, ontology and the everyday experience (van Manen, 2002). Other existential
phenomenologists include Emmanuel Levin’s, Jean-Paul Sartre, Paul Ricer, Hannah
Arndt and Gabriel Marcel.
Realist phenomenology came after Husserl’s Idden in 1913. A group of
philosophers from Munich created realist phenomenology to distance themselves from
transcendental phenomenology. Realist phenomenology holds onto Husserl’s first book
Logical Investigations as true phenomenology (Smith, 2003). Realist phenomenologist

43
includes Adolf Reinach, Alexander Pfander, Johannes Daubert, Max Scheler, Roman
Ingarden, Nicolari Hartmann and Hans Kochler.
Heidegger led the movement of hermeneutical phenomenology with Hans-Georg
Gadamer and Paul Ricoeur later following. The methodology of hermeneutical
phenomenology is interpretive, allowing lived experiences to speak for themselves
through language (van Manen, 2002). Themes common in hermeneutic phenomenology
are “textual meaning, dialogue, pre-understanding and tradition” (van Manen, 2002). A
contemporary of hermeneutic phenomenology is Max van Manen (2002). van Manen
teaches phenomenology at the University of Alberta. He uses hermeneutic
phenomenology to explore the contemporary human experience such as education, social
welfare, nursing and counseling.
Linguistical phenomenology focuses on the significant role language plays in
phenomenological inquiry. Meaning primarily resides in language and text, not the
individual. Human phenomena are therefore derived from deconstructing written and
spoken language (van Manen, 2002). Linguistical phenomenologist includes Martin
Heidegger, Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Hans Georg Gadamer and Jacques Derrida.
Ethical phenomenology is rooted in the works of Max Scheler, Jean-Paul Sartre,
Knud Lgstrup and Emmanuel Levinas. Ethical phenomenology removes the focus from
the “self” in traditional phenomenology and places it on the experience of the “other.”
This orientation came from Levinas’ experience as a Jew during the Nazi occupation. He
believed that to understand human reality, one must focus on the other and respond to the
experience. Common themes of ethical phenomenology are “otherness, responsibility, I-
Thou, the vocative and (non) relationally” (van Manen, 2002).

44
Phenomenology as a Methodology
Phenomenology is both a discipline and a method to study a phenomena or human
meaning. It is the study of people, not individuals or subjects. van Manen notes (1990):
The methodology of phenomenology is such that it posits an approach toward
research that aims at being presuppositionless; in other words, this is a
methodology that tries to ward off any tendency toward constructing a
predetermined set of fixed procedures, techniques and concepts that would rule-
govern the research project (p. 30).

Phenomenology is the study of one unique personal experience – one that cannot be
duplicated or generalized to develop a blanketing theory or solution (Gadamer, 1994; van
Manen, 1990). What is liberating about phenomenology is the ability to appreciate the
person without having to make the experience fit into a theory or category.
Phenomenological research does not create theory; instead, it creates insight into and
brings us closer to the living world (van Manen, 1990). It is also not based on mere
conjecture or inferences; rather, research takes its point of departure from the lived
experience or empirical data. Phenomenological research can make a difference on the
personal and universal level (Gadamer, 1994). Not only will the experience be
transformational for both the researcher and the co-researcher, it can also lead to positive
social change. The opportunity to experience and reflect on the co-researcher’s lived
experience gives the researcher a perspective other methods of research may not yield.
Phenomenological research gives the researcher insight to create change in the human
world.
Because phenomenology is the study of the lived experience, facts, incidents,
information about where, when and how particular incidents occurred are not important to
phenomenological research. Research is dependent on the RS student’s conscious

45
reflection of his or her lived experience, which is retrospective and based on a
recollection of the past. As van Manen (1990) observes, “A person cannot reflect on
lived experience while living through the experience” (p. 10).
Although phenomenology is not empirical, it is still deemed scientific because “it
is a systematic, explicit, self-critical, and intersubjective study of its subject matter, our
lived experience” (van Manen, 1990, p. 11). It is systematic because it follows a method
of inquiry, ways of questioning, reflecting, focusing, intuiting and blocking. In
articulating the lived experience, the researcher makes rigorous attempts to be explicit,
leaving no doubt about intended meaning. As a researcher, being self-critical ensures that
the goals and methods are constantly re-evaluated to understand what works and does not
work. Lastly, intersubjectivity between the researcher and RS student is important to
validate the phenomenon. Intersubjectivity can be achieved through an open and
committed dialogue between the researcher and the RS student to reach a full
understanding of the topic, otherwise known as a “dialogic conversation” (Gadamer,
1994; van Manen, 1990).
To do phenomenological research is to question the lived experience and attempt
to explicate the meanings in our existence in the world. The point of phenomenological
research is to bring us closer to the world, and eventually become the world. To “be” in
the world requires us to “know” the world. To know requires the act of questioning the
lived experience. The more we know how people experience the world, the more
connected we are to the world (van Manen, 1990). In phenomenological research, the
intention to doing research must come from our desire to know and connect to the world.

46
Phenomenological research is a “caring act: we want to know that which is most essential
to being” (van Manen, 1990, p. 5).
Hermeneutic phenomenology and phenomenology are alternately similar and
different in their approach to research (Laverty, 2003). Researchers often use the two
terms interchangeably despite their minor differences. Heidegger developed hermeneutic
phenomenology as a critique to Husserl’s phenomenology. Both shared a similar
foundation and a common interest in looking at the lived human experience (Heidegger,
1962; Husserl, 1964; Laverty, 2003). The basic differences between hermeneutic
phenomenology and Husserlian phenomenology in methodology are summarized by
Laverty (2003) below:
Phenomenological research is descriptive and focuses on the structure of
experience, the organizing principles that give form and meaning to the life world.
It seeks to elucidate the essences of these structures as they appear in
consciousness – to render the invisible visible. Hermeneutic research is
interpretive and concentrated on historical meanings of experience their
developmental and cumulative effects on individual and social levels. The
interpretive process includes explicit statements of the historical movements or
philosophies that are guiding interpretation as well as the presuppositions that
motivate the individuals who make the interpretations. (p. 15)

Summary
Chapter Three outlines the philosophical reasoning for using phenomenology as a
methodology for my study. I have chosen to learn as much about the development and
philosophy of phenomenology so that this study is not just qualitative interviewing. The
next chapter provides a detailed outline of the research methods used that follow the
traditions of phenomenology.

47
Chapter Four
Methods
Max van Manen (1991) suggests six elements to consider when conducting
hermeneutic phenomenological research:
1. Select a phenomenon which seriously interests you and commits you to the world;
2. Investigate the experience as we live it rather than how we conceptualize it;
3. Reflect on the essential themes which characterize the phenomenon;
4. Describe the phenomenon through the art of writing and rewriting;
5. Maintain a strong and oriented pedagogical relation to the phenomenon; and
6. Balance the research context by considering parts and whole.
I will highlight these elements throughout the methods section.
Site Selection
California State University-A (CSU-A) is a four-year public institution of higher
education located on the outskirts of Los Angeles County. The student population of
21,000 consists of a racially and ethnically diverse mix of men and women from lower to
upper middle class families. Most students come from the surrounding cities, work part-
time jobs and commute to campus.
This institution selected as the site for this study has a program for former foster
youths. Founded in 2001 in response to AB 2463, the RS program at CSU-A is one of the
three fully implemented programs within the CSU system. The RS program is housed
under the Student Support and Equity Programs, part of the Division of Student Affairs.
The RS program at CSU-A complies with the specific requirements stated in AB
2463, which was passed in 1996 to provide outreach, access and retention services for

48
foster youth interested in attending a California State University or community college.
The RS fact sheet indicates that since the founding of the program in 2001, it has
achieved the AB 2463 requirements of increasing college outreach services to foster
youth, providing technical resources to aid them with admissions and financial aid,
ensuring year-round campus housing and providing campus support and retention
services (California Education Code, 1996).
The current RS coordinator and the educational counselor work individually with
RS students on their academic plans, financial aid, housing and personal development.
The institution created year-round housing to allow all students to stay during major
holidays and breaks. Just a few years ago, RS students were given unlimited access to the
campus counseling and psychological services, but budget cuts have eliminated this
service. Since the elimination of unlimited counseling services, students with long-term
counseling needs are referred to off-site counseling services. All RS students begin their
first year at CSU-A at Summer Bridge, which is a program designed to provide
transitional support to students enrolled in RS and the Educational Opportunity Program
(EOP). All RS students have individual year-round advising to ensure they are taking the
proper coursework to meet their educational and career goals. In addition to Summer
Bridge, RS students are required to enroll during the summer and fall in a two-unit
learning strategies and life skills class to promote academic success and independent
living skills. Independent living skills can range from learning how to balance a
checkbook to getting a driver’s license. These skills are vital to a successful transition
from foster care to independent living (Wolanin, 2005).

49
The RS program is currently home to 42 former foster youths. Over the past nine
years, the RS program enrolled a total of 97 students and graduated a total of 16 students.
Each year, the average acceptance rate is 10 students. The program has the capacity to
support 50 students and this fall the RS program admitted seven students. In its nine
years, RS has grown from one office with a part time Coordinator to a fully
institutionalized department with a full-time coordinator and an educational counselor,
with a computer lab, conference room and a living-learning center for the students.
I selected to conduct this study at CSU-A for two reasons. First, CSU-A currently
houses a well-established program for former foster youth at the state college level. The
RS program has been serving former foster youth at CSU-A for over nine years. RS,
along with the G-Scholars (term use to identify a former foster youth program at another
CSU) program at a nearby sister college, have been around the longest and serve as
models for new sites. Secondly, I work at CSU-A as the senior coordinator for the Office
of Student Life and Cultural Centers; therefore, I have an existing working relationship
with the RS program and the former director and the current coordinator. My relationship
with RS granted me access to the RS students as well as provided me with opportunities
to establish a stronger rapport with the former foster youths that participated in the study.
Protection of Human Subjects
Before proceeding with the study, I submitted my institutional review board (IRB)
protocol to the University of Southern California and CSU-A’s IRB for review and
approval. Along with the IRB protocol, I submitted an informed consent form and an
interview protocol. As part of the protocol, the informed consent form covered the
following eight components:

50
1. An invitation to participate, the purpose of the study and the timeline;
2. The potential risks involved;
3. The rights of the RS students to withdraw from the study;
4. Possible benefit the RS students may gain from the study;
5. Confidentiality;
6. How the results of the study are disseminated;
7. Stipulate that children under 18 will require the consent from a parent or guardian;
and
8. Information on how to contact the institutional review board and me for questions.
Purposive Sampling Procedures
“Understanding the lived experiences marks phenomenology as a philosophy as
well as a method, and the procedure involve studying a small number of subjects through
extensive and prolonged engagement to develop patterns and relationships of meaning”
(Creswell, 2003, p. 15). Different from other interview protocols where multiple RS
students are interviewed once, phenomenological interviews are carried out over time
with a few people, in this case eight. In hermeneutic phenomenology, RS students are
selected for their ability and willingness to inform the researcher about the phenomenon
under investigation (Polkinghorne, 1989; van Manen, 1990). With the permission of the
university and the coordinator of the RS program, I invited third and fourth-year RS
students through email to participate in my study.
From the list of interested students, purposive sampling was used to select the
eight RS students for this study. The students were purposively sampled with the

51
following criterion for quality assurance (Patton, 2002) and the ability to communicate
their life experience pertaining to the phenomena under study (van Manen, 1990):
1. Of junior or senior standing at CSU-A;
2. Part of the RS program;
3. Balance between female and male;
4. A former foster youth; and
5. Over the age of 18.
The RS coordinator assisted me with identifying and emailing the students. The
recruitment letter and informed consent form were attached to the email. Students
interested in the study contacted me directly. Once a student agreed to participate
through either email or the phone, I scheduled an initial 90-minute interview with the
student. At the initial interview, I went over the informed consent and answered
questions about the research before proceeding with the interview.
Data Collection
Hermeneutical phenomenology methodology is interpretive, allowing the lived
experiences to speak for themselves through language (van Manen, 2002). I used the
method of conversational interviewing to gather the personal life stories of eight former
foster youth attending CSU-A. Hermeneutic phenomenological interviews serve two
functions: 1) “it may be used as a means for exploring and gathering experiential
narrative material that may serve as a resource for developing a richer and deeper
understanding of a human phenomenon, and 2) the interview may be used as a vehicle to
develop a conversational relation with a partner (interviewee) about the meaning of an
experience” (van Manen, 1990, p. 66).

52
The conversational structure of hermeneutic interviews allows both the
interviewer and interviewee to engage in reflection and make meaning of the
phenomenon under question (van Manen, 1990). Throughout the process, the interviewer
asks questions to engage the interviewee reflection of the experiences, probe deeper into
their experiences and to gain insight on the phenomenon. I conducted a minimum of
three interviews with each RS student so that I may be able to reflect on the transcripts
and pull themes after each interview in preparations for the next interview.
The interview questions were open-ended and unstructured, allowing the RS
students to guide and elaborate on information that they felt was important and relevant to
their experience. The questions asked the RS students to fully explore specific instances
about the phenomenon of being a foster youth. The interviews were conversational where
both the researcher and RS students engaged in reflection and interpretation of the
experience (van Manen, 1990). What makes hermeneutic phenomenology unique is the
level of investment an interviewee may develop during the process.
The conversations and the opportunities for both the researcher and interviewee to
self-reflect on the themes and experiences develop into a relationship where the
interviewee becomes a co-researcher (van Manen, 1990). The term “co-researcher” is
used in phenomenology because the individual participating in the research becomes
highly involved in the process of re-constructing the experience through reflection,
meaning making and pulling themes. The structure of phenomenological inquiry creates
an environment where the interviewer and interviewee relationship becomes more of a
partnership, where the co-researcher develops an interest and becomes invested in the
study.

53
Three 90-minute interviews were scheduled with each RS student. Each interview
was separated by at least one week. The time in between each interview gave us time to
reflect, but not too much time to break the momentum (Seidman, 2006). I conducted the
interviews behind closed doors on campus, digitally recorded, downloaded onto a laptop
for storage and later transcribed. Staying consistent with hermeneutic phenomenology,
immediately after each interview, I wrote a reflective and interpretive piece on my
experience, my insights, what I learned and possible issues to follow-up on in the next
interview (van Manen, 1997).
Interview one. The initial 90-minute interview centered on developing trust and
comfort (Polkinghorne, 1983). The nature of the phenomenon is a sensitive topic and the
RS student needs to feel safe to tell his or her lived experience (Koch, 1996). At the start
of the first interview, I reiterated my interest, reason for my research and what I hope to
do with the data. To establish trust, I asked each RS student general demographic
questions and questions about their college experience. Once I felt the RS student had
reached a level of comfort, I began exploring their lived experience by asking the RS
student to reconstruct their past (Seidman, 2006). To keep the RS student’s story in
context I asked them to begin sharing memories of their childhood and how they came to
be placed in the foster care system and how they came to be in college.
Interview two. The purpose of the second interview was to gather details of their
experiences from the first interview (Seidman, 2006). The RS students were asked to
describe in greater detail specific incidents in the past. These included such instances as
their relationship with their biological family and foster family, what it was like to be
placed into foster care, and how they ended up in college. Before the end of this

54
interview, I gave the RS students the opportunity to include or expand on experiences
they may have left out.
Interview three. The last interview focused on getting the students to make
meaning out of their life experiences (Seidman, 2006). Given their experiences, how has
it shaped their life and future? What meaning came out of exploring the past and looking
at the present? It was my hope that at this stage the RS students will have found this
experience cathartic and transformational. Lastly, the final interview served as a space
for closure. As part of closure and appreciation, I gave the RS students a $40 gift card to
the CSU-A bookstore.
Interview Protocol
The interview protocol was loosely structured to give as much flexibility to my
co-researchers and myself the opportunity to explore and learn as must as possible about
the phenomenon under question. The intention of the three question sets was meant to
gradually capture detailed accounts of the students’ lived experience. The questions
captured the students’ earliest memory as a child before the intervention of Child Welfare
Services to present day college. The students recalled and retold their story in their own
manner and on their own time. Bracketing what I previously knew about the students,
foster care, foster youth and theories, I did not go into the interviews with expected
accounts or specific revelations about their experiences.
The first 90-minute interview began with six demographic questions: age, major,
year in college, ethnicity, gender and number of years in foster care. This was followed
by the question: “Tell me as much as possible your experience of being a foster youth.
Stopping at present day, trace your experience as far back as you can.” The second 90-

55
minute interview took place minimally a week later. Some took place a few weeks to a
month later. The second interview was followed up with four more targeted questions:
1. Talk about your relationship(s) with your foster family.
2. Talk about your relationship(s) with your social worker or other significant adult
figure.
3. What was it like to be in school as a foster youth?
4. What was it like to apply to college?
The last 90-minute interview was spent expanding on themes and reflecting on the
meaning of the experience. The last two questions were designed to create closure to the
experience by asking the RS student to reflect on how his or her experience has impacted
their present situation and future:
1. Given what you have said about your life as a former foster youth and given your
experience in college thus far, how do you feel these experiences impacted your
present situation?
2. Given what you have reconstructed in these interviews, where do you see yourself
going in the future?
At the end of the final interview, the RS student received a $40 gift card to the campus
bookstore and invited back to review the write-up to his/her story.
Data Analysis
My goal with the analysis is to develop a deeper understanding of the lived
experiences of foster youth. Throughout the process, I remained true to the traditions of
phenomenology by bracketing my personal beliefs and perspectives to experience the
other person’s lived experience (van Manen, 1990). Since there are no specific structures

56
or methods to conducting phenomenological studies, I framed my analysis through the
works of van Manen (1990) a hermeneutic phenomenologist, Seidman (2006) who wrote
on phenomenological interviewing and Creswell (2003) who designed a six-step process
for interpreting and analyzing in-depth phenomenological interviews.
The first step began with the organization and sorting through all of the collected
information to make the following steps more manageable. Creswell’s (2003) process of
data analysis and interpretation begins with organizing and preparing the data. I began
the process of analysis by listening to all the interviews a minimum of two times.
Listening to the interviews twice gave me the opportunity to revisit the conversations to
pick up additional points that I may have missed during the initial live interview. While
the interviews were transcribed by a transcription service, I took the opportunity to
organize my field notes and reflections.
For the second step, I read through all of the data to develop a general sense of the
information and what the RS students were expressing. During this process, I took notes
on my initial thoughts and insights on what the RS students were saying (Creswell, 2003).
Step three involved coding the data by systematically clustering and organizing data in
meaningful categories. Using the “selective or highlighting approach,” (van Manen,
1990, p. 94), I went through the transcripts and selected phrases; sentences and parts of
sentences that stood out or spoke to the phenomenon. Once I completed the process of
pulling out themes, I categorized them and assigned them to codes (Creswell, 2003).
van Manen (1991) presents five ways to approach the analysis of text that is
consistent to the hermeneutic phenomenological approach: (a) thematically, (b)
analytically, (c) exemplificatively, (d) exegetically and (e) existentially. For this study, I

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conducted a theme analysis, which refers “to the process of recovering the theme or
themes that are embodied and dramatized in the evolving meaning and imagery of the
work” (van Manen, 1990, p. 78). Themes emerging from the coding process should
capture the phenomenological experience. According to van Manen (1990), “1) Theme is
the experience of focus, the meaning, of point. 2) Theme formulation is at best a
simplification. 3) Themes are not objects one encounters at certain points or moments in
a text. 4) Theme is the form of capturing the phenomenon one tries to understand” (p.
87). The emerging themes served as headers to organize my data and are supported with
individual quotes or anecdotes and other supporting evidence that emerged from the
interviews. The complexity of human experience will no doubt generate a lot of themes;
however, for the purpose of this study, I only selected themes that spoke directly to the
phenomena.
After identifying the major themes, I transformed them into “more
phenomenologically sensitive paragraphs” (van Manen, 1990, p. 95). I achieved this by
transforming the themes, notes, literature and other research material into a descriptive
narrative (Creswell, 2003; van Manen, 1990). In hermeneutic phenomenology, writing is
the method, therefore, writing is vital in phenomenological research because it allows
others to understand, connect, learn and take action (van Manen, 1990). To do justice to
my eight RS students’ life experiences I must be sensitive and reflective about how and
what I write. To capture the full essence of their experience, I needed to write and re-
write, think and re-think and reflect and re-reflect (van Manen, 1990).
Interpreting and making meaning of the data was the final step to the analysis
(Creswell, 2003). As part of the analysis, I provided my interpretation of the data and

58
what I learned from the experience. In addition, I summarized the salient findings and
commented on whether the findings confirm the literature. I also included what the RS
students experienced, the meaning that came out of exploring their past, what they
learned about themselves and how this experience impacted them. Lastly, I proposed
questions that came out of this study and suggestions for future research. In keeping with
the nature of phenomenology and its transformative qualities, I plan on taking this study
to child welfare providers, social workers, counselors, foster parents and teachers so that
the lived experiences of these eight former foster youth are heard, with the hope that more
of them will be given a voice.
Credible Validity
Beck (1993) viewed credibility lying in how vivid and faithful the description is to
the experience lived. When this occurs, the insight is self-validating and if well done,
others will see the text as a statement of the experience itself (Husserl, 1970). Lincoln
and Guba (1985) described the goals of credibility as demonstrating that the inquiry was
conducted in a manner that ensures the topic was accurately identified and described.
My co-researchers were given the opportunity to be as involved in the process as
they saw fit. I emailed each co-researcher their story to verify the validity of the
material. Half of them provided me with feedback and the other half did not respond. The
other half that did not respond was interested but had other activities that took their time
away or they just forgot to provide me with feedback. The feedback from the four RS
students was valuable to the study, as they added to the experience, made edits and
suggestions to make their life stories more complete and accurate.

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Summary
Chapter Four outlines the research methods for this phenomenological study.
Under the guidance of van Manen (1990), Creswell (2003) and Seidman (2006), I
constructed my methods. Step by step, I outlined my sampling process, interview
protocol and data analysis. In my last two chapters, I will attempt to bring to life the lived
experiences of the eight former foster youths.

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Chapter Five
Individual Life Stories
There are different ways to structure the text of a phenomenological study. van
Manen (1990) proposed five approaches to organize a phenomenological text:
thematically, analytically, exemplificatively, exegetically and existentially. Findings from
the individual interviews are presented in two separate chapters and are organized in a
combination of two approaches: thematically and analytically. An analytical approach to
the study is appropriate
…if the research involves in-depth conversational interviews with certain persons,
then these interviews may be reworked into reconstructed life stories, or the
conversations may be analyzed for relevant anecdotes, or one may use incidents
described in the interviews for constructing fictionalized antinomous accounts
that bring out contrasting ways of seeing or acting in concrete situations, and so
forth. (van Manen, 1990, p. 170)

I will be structuring Chapter Five analytically to illustrate the life experience of eight
former foster youth.
Structuring one’s research thematically involves the process of going through the
interviews and pulling out emerging themes. Once the themes are pulled, it is necessary
to determine whether the themes are “incidental” or “essential.” To determine if a theme
is “incidental” or “essential,” one must ask, “Is this phenomenon still the same if we
imaginatively change or delete this theme from the phenomenon? Does the phenomenon
without this theme lose its fundamental meaning (van Manen, 1990, p. 107)?” Chapter
six will be organized around the “essential themes” that speak to the phenomenological
experience of former foster youth. Themes derived from this study are organized into
sections labeled with headings that speak to the phenomenon under question.

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The three other approaches, exemplificatively, exegetically and existentially will
not be used to organize this study; however, I will briefly speak of each approach. To
exemplificate “is to begin the description by rendering visible the essential nature of the
phenomenon and then filling out the initial description by systematically varying the
examples…Each variation may enlighten some essential aspect of the [phenomenon] (van
Manen, 1990, p. 171).” Organizing a study exegetically is done by weaving classical or
existing phenomenological literature into the study. Lastly, the existential approach to
writing involves weaving “one’s phenomenological description against the existentials of
temporality (lived time), spatiality (lived space), corporeality (lived body), sociality
(lived relationship to others) (van Manen, 1990, p. 172).”
Chapter Five contains eight unique life stories also called “anecdotes” (van
Manen, 1990), which are used in phenomenology as a methodological tool to present
“aspects of qualitative or human science research” (van Manen, 1990, p. 115). Each life
story has been reconstructed from in-depth conversational interviews to tell the lived
experience of eight former foster youth attending a four-year college and is divided into
eight sections illustrating the individual’s story. Each life story begins with the
individual’s memories of childhood before the incident that lead to the intervention of the
Child Welfare System and ends with his/her perspective of the future after college. The
purpose of phenomenology is not to generalize; as such, these individual life stories are
meant to provide us with some comprehension of what it may be like to be a foster youth
that made it to college despite the odds.

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The Lived Experience of Tobias Anderson
Tobias Anderson is a 20-year-old Iranian male that identifies as Middle Eastern
and is a third-year civil engineering major at CSU-A. Tobias was in the foster care
system for ten years prior to emancipating at the age of 19.
Personal and Family Background
Tobias’s story begins in the third grade when he and his family lived in Culver
City, California. “I had, it was just a regular family of two older sisters, mom and dad.”
He remembered a happy childhood. His parents loved him and his sister very much and
describes being treated well and were provided for. “Everything seemed fine and there
was no big difference between my family and other families, but slowly as time went on,
my parents, they got divorced.” After the divorce, his parents’ relationship got worse and
it escalated to the point where his father killed his mother. Tobias was at school when
this happened and when we arrived home, two detectives intercepted him. He did not
know who they were but they asked him if he knew where his father was. He said he did
not know that he should be returning any minute. Tobias was taken to the Sheriff’s office
while the detectives remained behind to arrest his father. His father was arrested and
sentenced to prison for life. Tobias has not seen his father since. “I haven’t talked or
seen him. For all I know, he is dead or he is still alive, I don’t really care anymore.”
Tobias had a hard time believing that his mother was dead. He came to realize
that he no longer had parents when he and his two sisters were placed in separate foster
homes. Everything changed for Tobias that day for he was no longer “a simple kid.” He
compared his life as being in a safe bubble and the death of his mother popped the
bubble, leaving him to experience the negative elements in life.

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You’re in a bubble and you’re just, you’re comfortable in it and then all of the
sudden that bubble pops. And you, know then you get to understand the bubble is
nice and then now, there’s not more, there’s no more force surrounding you. You
can feel cold. You can feel the wind. You can feel all these different things you
haven’t felt before.

Foster Care Placement(s)
After the incident, Tobias and his sisters were placed into separate foster families
for about a month. “I didn’t like the atmosphere and I didn’t like the people and they
were not good to me, I thought. And so I was only there with these strangers for a short
amount of time and then I was able to go to my uncle’s house.” For a year, Tobias and
his sisters lived with his mother’s brother and family in Orange County. He enjoyed
living with his uncle because he had two cousins around his age to play and go to school
with. His uncle was able to provide him with the life he was used to and give him a sense
of safety and home.
After a year, in the fifth grade, he and his middle sister moved in with another
uncle that had recently moved to the county while his oldest sister stayed with another
uncle. This uncle was his mother’s youngest brother and Tobias lived with this uncle and
his family for a couple of years in an apartment in Downey. He did not mind the move
because it took him back to his hometown and he was still with family.
In the seventh grade, Tobias moved in with his maternal grandmother. Tobias
disliked living with his grandmother because he no longer had cousins to play with and
had stricter rules to live by. His grandmother spoke only Farsi and his limited
comprehension of the language made communication a challenge between them. He
found her strict because of her culture. He was not allowed to go out a lot and he did not

64
want to bring over his friends because he was embarrassed of his grandmother and her
culture.
I want to be this normal person, this normal kid hanging out with my friends.
But, you know, if I were to bring them to my house, I’m afraid that I would be
embarrassed, cuz, you know, she’s there and she doesn’t really understand their
culture.

Tobias got into a lot of disagreements with his grandmother, which his oldest
sister knew about. He did not want to live with his grandmother anymore so he moved in
with his oldest sister in the ninth grade until he left for college. His oldest sister is eight
year’s older so at that time she was old enough to be his legal guardian. Tobias enjoyed
living with his sister because though she had her rules, she was not as strict as their
grandmother.
I was able to do things I wasn’t able to do with her [grandmother]. And I
respected her [sister] and everything. And so I think living with her helped me a
lot more because she let me be who I am.

Tobias was able to be the teenager he wanted to be. He got a job, played sports, joined
clubs and bought a car.
Not having a mother or father while growing up was tough and it forced him to
grow up fast and to be self-reliant. His relatives treated him well and provided him with
what he needed, sometimes even spoiling him. Although he perceived himself to be
spoiled, he did not get into a lot of trouble nor was he demanding. He pointed out that
him moving around from relative to relative was not because he was a bad kid. He
moved around because his uncles did not know how to raise him without crossing
boundaries.
I wasn’t a bad kid. I was a quiet kid, I would like to say but I didn’t, I don’t really
know if I really was disciplined…he [uncle] didn’t know where to draw the line,
he didn’t know where to be an uncle and where to be the father figure. And he

65
could not be the father he was with his children because I wasn’t his kid and he
didn’t want to cross that boundary and he didn’t want to hurt me.

Tobias lived with a total of five families before emancipating from the foster care
system. Although he moved around every couple of years, he felt lucky that he was able
to stay with family as his living situation was very different from that of other children.
He had to grow up fast, learn to depend on himself and how to do things on his own.
These skills taught him how to be independent.
Foster Care Experience
The court screened the two uncles, grandmother and sister before they were
granted guardianship. “I became very familiar with the LA County 2201 Court in LA,
because each uncle or legal guardian had to go through that. I had to go to court to get
approval with my social worker through with judge.”
Tobias was assigned to a Persian social worker right after his mother’s death. She
worked out well because she spoke Farsi and understood their culture. She related well
with him and his family and helped them to navigate the court hearings and paperwork.
He developed a close bond with her and after a few years, she introduced him to his new
social worker. It so happened that his new social worker was friends with his current
social worker. It did not take his new social worker long to gain his trust and she
remained in Tobias’ life until he emancipated.
Tobias developed a close bond with his social worker for he felt she went above
and beyond her responsibilities as a social worker. She cared about him and took an
interest in his education, his hobbies and social life. She visited every other month for
about an hour and during the visit, she would meet with his current guardian to go over
courts documents. She would then meet with him and his sister and go over a series of

66
questions to make sure they were doing well and getting their basic needs met. What
made her different from other social workers according to Tobias was the extra time she
spent getting to know him and his sister on a more personal basis and helping them with
general questions they had pertaining to school and life. “It was more than just the basic
questions and I think that it was helpful what she did. She was more of a friend than a
social worker, I thought.”
Tobias was ordered by the court to see a counselor after his mother’s death but he
did not find counseling helpful. It was challenging for him to open-up to a stranger he
was forced to see. The sessions ended after a year because he was not ready to open-up
and share his emotions. Five years later, he thought he would give counseling another
try. Now that he was older, he thought the sessions would turn out better. To his
disappointment, however, counseling did not live up to his expectations. He felt that he
did not need to see a counselor to express his feelings because he was already doing that
on his own.
It’s just I don’t think I need it. And you know if I feel mad or angry about
something then I’ll say, you know, I really feel mad or you know that upset me. I
would confront it rather than, you know talk to a counselor or like a marriage
counselor.

Tobias emancipated a couple of months after he started college. He was advised
by his social worker to wait an extra year before he emancipated so that his sister would
continue to receive government support until he left for college. At the age of nineteen
Tobias sat through his last court date, rehashed the last ten years of his life to the judge
and said goodbye to the foster care system.
When I did emancipate, it was just a regular day, I thought, okay, I’m just done
with the system. I felt as if that day already came a long time ago. I felt I was
ready to become an adult when I got a job or when I had bills to pay.

67

After emancipating, he stopped seeing his social worker and has not stayed in
close contact with her. However, he will always be grateful for what she has done for
him.
I’m not going to forget what happened, because she helped shape me, she was a
caring person. And I am never going to forget the fact that she helped me get into
CSU-A…but we don’t really keep in contact now.

Pathway to College
Tobias always knew that he was going to go to college. He did academically well
in school, was liked by his peers and was very involved in sports and clubs. He felt his
social worker saw potential in him because he was different from the other children she
was responsible for.
We had a close bond, relationship. I was one of her brightest students, because
when she would go and visit other foster students, other foster kids, you know,
their living situation wasn’t that great…I was doing well in my school. I got
friends and so it was when she came to see me it was just you know, bright eyes.

Tobias’ social worker encouraged him to apply to CSU-A and the RS program.
CSU-A was Tobias’ number one choice among colleges because he was interested in
engineering. Unfortunately, he got rejected and did not know why he was rejected.
When his social worker found out that he got rejected, she told them to apply for the RS
program. She told him that the RS program was for foster youth just like him. He
applied for the program, interviewed with the former RS director and got accepted.
Therefore Tobias attributes his acceptance to CSU-A to his social worker who was there
for him every step of the way. He had no one else to turn to but her for support.
There is a lot of time I believe, I have more questions when I was almost out of
the system, cuz, I was entering college and I needed help with how to apply for
financial aid because, you know, being a foster kid, you know, and our parents—
so what do I put under mother’s income or father’s income?

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College
Summer Bridge was Tobias’ first taste of college and independence. Bags
packed, he moved out of his sister’s home into the residential halls at CSU-A. At
Summer Bridge, he lived with 75 other students, attended classes during the week and
went home on the weekends. Summer Bridge gave him a taste of what college was going
to be like and prepared him to be successful. Since he passed his math placement, he was
able to take a general political science class with current students. The political science
class was challenging because it was not geared for Summer Bridge students. However,
on the alternate days the political science professor met with the five Summer Bridge
students to get them up to speed. Although the experience was challenging, Tobias
enjoyed the opportunity. By the end of summer, he was motivated and prepared for his
first quarter at CSU-A.
It was like boot camp—educational boot camp! I really enjoyed Summer Bridge
because I would, I even to this day I’m familiar with those faces. I’ve met people
who didn’t go to Summer Bridge were over summer break they just did their own
thing while I was being—I was out there and being involved with other students
and having that closeness or that bond. So, I think if anything, Summer Bridge
did really help, you know, make me one step ahead of the game.

Tobias was excited to start fall quarter. For once, he had full control over his
school schedule. He took all 8 a.m. classes Monday through Friday his first quarter
thinking that it was going to be like high school. He later realized what a big mistake that
was. He also took a beginning engineering class that was extremely challenging. His
professor expected the class to have certain skills going into the class, skills he did not
have. Overall, he made it through his first quarter realizing that college is going to be
really different from high school.

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Tobias was assured by the idea that he was not starting college on his own. He
has four high school friends that are also engineering majors with whom to share the
experience. They support each other by sharing books and class notes. Tobias spends a
lot of time around his engineering peers. The challenging coursework and nights of
studying has created a special bonded between them.
After three years of college, Tobias has maintained a C+ average. He has
accepted that it is practically impossible to get A’s in his major classes. It was initially
disappointing to move from being an A/B student in high school to being a C+ student in
college. Today, he is just relieved to pass his engineering classes. Getting Cs in his
major has not stopped Tobias from pursuing a career in civil engineering. He is currently
interning for a water company and hopes to land a job in the company after he graduates.
Tobias saw college as a fresh start to get away from his past. “I think college has
a benefit, because you can start with a clean slate.” Tobias always spoke of being
“normal” or wanting to be “just like other kids.” In high school, Tobias never told
anyone about his past or why he was not living with his parents. He did not want anyone
to think of him differently. Tobias never told his friends, not even his best friend from
middle school. He still has not shared his story with his best friend. If people do not
directly ask him, he does not feel the need to share.
RS Program
Tobias was first introduced to the RS program through his social worker. He is
aware that without the RS program he would not be at CSU-A today. Being part of the
RS program has it benefits, such as guaranteed year-round student housing and financial
support. Each quarter, he receives about $700 from the Independent Living Program for

70
personal and school related expenses and he has a scholarship through United Friends of
the Children that pays for his college fees.
What Tobias likes most about the RS program is the cohort concept. He
appreciates the bonds he has created with his RS cohort. He sees them like family,
people whom he can call on for help.
I think the RS itself is good because you’re not lost when you’re at school. If you
need help with you know, where is a good place to eat off campus, where is this,
where is that, how I go to financial aid, where do I do to talk about ILP or about
financial aid. So I think you are in this family and it’s really like another family.
You have your blood family and then you have a family with the RS.

He values the bond he has with his RS cohort and wishes that cohorts behind him
will have the same experience. The experience of having directors and advisors come
and go makes him feel that the students need to form a strong bond to keep the RS
program strong. To maintain the foundation of the RS program he feels that there should
be more activities to create a stronger bond between the different cohorts.
As time goes you see, they say they [RS professional staff] are here and you know
it's all fun and games and then it is goodbye and farewell…and I think that if you
have to have the foundation of you know…let’s say S--- wants to leave like she
did before you know that’s fine. If A---- wants to leave and a new person comes
that’s fine but there is always going to be the students that stay and I think that
they make up the RS.

Beyond College
Tobias is pursuing a career in civil engineering. He is currently an intern at a
water company and hopes to land his current supervisor’s position after graduation. His
career goal is to be a Professional Engineer (PE). To achieve the level of PE, he will
have to work in the field for a minimum of five years and pass the PE exam.
Completing his engineering degree is much more than an accomplishment to
Tobias.

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That’s much more of a pleasure, you know, my journey of from a kid who had
everything I wanted, to a kid who you know had his foundation crumbled, to a kid
looking into his future to a young adult who graduated from college. You know
that’s a pretty big accomplishment and I think that you know from there on, I
think after college its, I’m an adult and as an adult you find a job, you find a place
to live, you have a nice sporty care, I don’t know…

Tobias’ career is important to him but enjoying life is also important. He does not
want to get stuck in a boring work routine. He wants to coach little league, be a big
brother in the community, learn Japanese and stay active.
Before settling down with a family, Tobias wants to have a steady income and
job security. He wants to have a family and raise his kids to be just like him,
independent. He does not want his children to experience what he went through. He
wants to be there for his children, set boundaries for them and not make the same
mistakes his parents made.
I want to be there for them. Like when I come opening the door from work, they
are going to run in you know, hug me and everything, ‘daddy, daddy, how was
your day, here, guess what I drew?’ I want to go to their sports events, their ballet
performances, their school plays. But, I also want to be discipline and firm you
know. Making the children know what’s right and what’s wrong and they, I mean
there are some things that can get away with you know.

Tobias and his two sisters have been there for each other since they lost their
parents and their bond has grown over the years. He sees his older sister now more as a
friend than his guardian. He feels fortunate to have a close relationship with his extended
family. Although his parents are no longer in his life, he still has his grandmother,
uncles, aunts and cousins. He is always participating in family activities and hanging out
with his sisters and cousins.

72
The Lived Experience of Darryl
Darryl is a 22-year-old male that identifies as Black/African American. He is in
his 4
th
year at CSU-A majoring in psychology and will soon be switching to
communications. He was in the foster care system, under kinship care for 18 years.
Personal and Family Background
Darryl was too young to remember much about his family before entering into the
foster care system at the age of five. What he remembers is what he has gathered from
his father, grandmother and his older siblings. Not remembering much of his childhood
before entering the foster care system, he and his older brother went to their father after
the first interview to learn more about their past. They asked their father to share with
them their past with the foster care system and their growing-up experience. For a long
time, his childhood memories were real and true to him, ones that have shaped the person
he is today. Not until he spoke to his father after his first interview for this study did he
realize what he believed was reality never really happened or was skewed.
Darryl comes from a family of two sisters and three brothers. Darryl’s mother left
the family behind for New York because of “personal reasons.” He was very young,
about 3-4 years old when his mother left and does not remember anything that took place.
Neither Daryl nor his siblings ever learned about the real reason as to why she left, except
that they were not the reason.
Foster Care Placement
Darryl’s father worked a couple of different jobs in the absence of his mother.
Even with two jobs, his father was unable to provide for him and his siblings.
Eventually, child welfare intervened and a case was opened. Not too long after, Darryl

73
and his siblings were placed into foster care because his father was unable to properly
provide and care for them on his own.
Me and my other brother, my older brother, were placed in one foster home and
then my little sister and little brother were placed in a different foster home and
them my oldest sister was placed in—she’s the oldest out of the family, my older
sister was placed in a foster home by herself, and my youngest brother stayed in a
daycare center within a police station.

Darryl was placed into foster care at the age of about five. Aside from being aware that
he was away from his family for a period of time, he was not entirely clear about the
incidents that lead to his placement in foster care and the time while he was with a foster
family.
In about six month’s time, his father regained custody of him and his siblings.
And then I remember one day we all—I remember one day I think my daddy
came and got us and said, ‘hey, you’re going to meet up with all of your brothers
and sisters.’ So he came in and got us and then we went to another foster home,
of my little brother and little sister and got them. Then we went to my older
sister, got her and then my youngest brother at the day-care center and got him.

Darryl and his siblings were reunited with their father and lived together in one
bedroom. Darryl never knew that the one bedroom they lived in with their father was
right next door to their grandmother. He was actually shocked that she was just next
door. He always thought that they had to travel to get to their grandmother’s. They
mostly stayed in the bedroom so they never got to meet the other people that shared the
house with them. They actually did not know that they lived with other people under one
roof until one day the women that lived in the same house had an incident that brought
the police to their doors. He remembered being in the bedroom watching a scary movie
and all of a sudden a woman came dashing into the room and lights were shinning
everywhere. That memory apparently was out of context. What happened was that the

74
woman was running away from the man that was trying to rape her. The cops were
called so their father spoke to the cops and that was when he saw the flashlights.
So, in regards to living with my grandparents, we lived in a one bedroom with my
father and my grandparents lived next door. However, after we actually got the
house, owned house we lived in, my grandparents moved in and my father moved
out to his apartment soon after. But I don’t know how long we were all together
with my father and grandparents before he moved out.

The period of time when Darryl and his siblings were moving around from his father’s to
his grandmother’s was confusing. After living next door to his grandparents in the one
bedroom, Darryl and his siblings moved in with their grandparents for a short period of
time. When they lived with their grandparents, their father moved into an apartment with
his girlfriend and her three children. They later joined their father and his girlfriend. It
was not long before they had to move back to their grandmother’s place. “I don’t know
how long we were there, but I think eventually there were some problem…I think his
relationship with his girlfriend kind of started to whittle down and so then we moved
back with my grandmother.”
Darryl and his siblings lived with their grandparents from then on. By high
school his grandparent’s relationship ended. Darryl’s grandfather moved out and his
father moved in. When his grandfather moved out, his grandmother started working
again at the Riverside County Prison in the laundry facilities. “I wasn’t sure if my dad
was supposed to live there or not, given that we were in that system of Kin-GAP, because
you weren’t supposed to live with your biological parents.”
Foster Care Experience
My father did not share a lot of information about us being in foster care because
he didn’t want us to have to worry about the foster care system. For example, he
didn’t want us to think we were going to one day be taken away and split up. He
told me how some parents would tell their kids everything about the system and

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how much money they make for taking them in. He told us that he didn’t want us
to have to go through that and worry.

His father and grandmother kept all the details about foster care away from the children
and would purposely try to schedule meetings with the social workers during times when
the children were away. On occasions when he was at home when the social worker
visited, he would question why there was a stranger asking him questions about his
grandmother.
I also didn’t know why she was asking the questions she asked. It seemed
like she was trying to make us talk bad about my grandmother or
something. It was really confusing back then, but me and my siblings
would say how much we loved living with my grandmother and things
like that because we didn’t want to say anything bad about her or I guess
you could say—get my grandmother in trouble…even though living with
her was a blessing and nothing was wrong with the way she raised us or
our living conditions.

His father did tell him that they stayed with their grandmother instead of him so
that they could get extra support from the government. His father knew how to work the
child welfare system so that was why they were kept under the guardianship of their
grandmother. Their grandmother received government support for taking care of them.
He said their father probably should not have been living with them.
So it seems as though my grandmother, she might have filled out some paperwork
or tried to pull some strings so where she could be our foster parent or guardian.
So, that’s when we were placed under her guardianship. The system or sub-
system of foster care that we were in was called Kin-GAP, so that’s when you live
with someone who isn’t your biological mother or father, but another relative.

Darryl and his siblings were under the care of their grandmother who was their
legal guardian. The program he was in was called Kin-GAP, kinship care. He faintly
remembers speaking only once to the social worker. She asked him if he liked living with
his grandmother. He said yes fearing that if he said anything different he would be taken

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away. He does not remember any court or other forms of government intervention aside
from the couple of visits from the person he later realized was the social worker.
We had a social worker, but—and I know about it now, I’m like, oh, that was our
social worker. But, I didn’t know who a social worker was back then. But, it was
always this lady who would come and she would like ask us questions about like,
“Oh, how do you feel about living here?” and “How do you feel about your
grandmother and your grandfather?” and stuff.

Darryl’s grandmother was practically his mother.
In the household, we saw my grandma as my mom, so it was kind of like—it was
not that we told people that she was our mom because we had called her grandma,
but she was basically our mom in the household.

People assumed Darryl’s grandmother was his mother because she looked young. As he
reached the fourth grade, more classmates would inquire about his mother. When asked,
he and his siblings would tell them that they did not know.
I don’t know if we asked my dad about it or anything, but basically, what we
came up with is I go, ‘She left, she just left.’ So I mean, I remember, it was so
funny. It was this funny story we use to have that she went to the grocery store
and never came back or something. And I was like—and that’s what we just all
used to say…and it never really—so it never really affected us that she wasn’t
there because we never really thought about it. We always had my grandpa and
my grandma.

Darryl did not think that his living arrangements or experience was any different
from his peers. Foster care did not cross his mind until his senior year in high school.
So, my parents, as in my dad and my grandmother, they tried to make it so that we
didn’t have to worry about that. We did just go to school and everything is just
good, you now. So, I don’t know too much about any of that. As I grow older, by
senior high school until now, I started realizing a lot of the—a lot and I started
realizing what the foster care system was in a lot more detail.

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Pathway to College
Darryl looked up to his father and enjoyed spending time with him. His father
inspired all his favorite hobbies, such as basketball, chess and music and their shared
interests brought him closer to his father.
He inspired me to do a lot of things and like I said, he inspired me to do music
because he was doing music before we were born…I really enjoyed listening to
the type of music that he made…so by middle school, I was learning to write
poetry and decided to try to perform my poetry over music. I thought that if I
could do music like my father, I may be able to help him in some way in the
future with his musical ambitions as well.

He goes on, saying:
Another thing that really impacted just my life in general is basketball…For me, it
was kind of like I used to watch my dad play basketball with my uncles…I used
to watch him and stuff and then, and I remembered playing basketball in
elementary and I was always the last one picked you know…And so, after awhile
though I started getting tired of being picked last so I asked my dad if he could
teach me how to play and do some moves that would make me a better player,
because I couldn’t shoot threes and that’s what all my peers would look for in
choosing teams, who could shoot threes. Then he [father] showed me how to play
basketball. And so, he would like telling me what to do, telling what to practice,
telling me that I was able to do it. A year later in elementary, I was one of the
first picked or I was the second one picked.

Since then Darryl spent a lot of his free time playing basketball to prefect his techniques,
hoping to play professional one day.
His father was his inspiration and mentor. He remembered that his father would
have these talks with them about life, school and things they should be doing and not
doing. He enjoyed listening to his father and would absorb every word of wisdom his
father shared. His grandmother also had an impact on him. She too would express the
importance of school and being responsible. Although he did not think a lot about
college, he did know that he was going to go.

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Darryl did not grow up knowing his mother. It never occurred to Darryl that his
mother was not around.
I wasn’t really curious about who my mother was or why she left. It just never
occurred to me to think about it. I didn’t really care too much about it because I
was living well and I had parents, my father and grandparents. I never asked my
father about my mother because I never thought about it. I never wondered or
pondered to the point where I had questions or felt that I wanted to know about
her. Her not being there didn’t affect me in any way.

He remembered his father showing him and his siblings a picture of their mother and told
them that she loved them a lot and that it was not their fault that she left. Once when he
was in high school, his mother showed up.
So I guess my aunt, my mother’s sister got in contact with my father and told him
that my mother was out here and would like to see us. My father agreed and I
guess they planned her visit. I don’t know how long it was that they were
planning this visit before she actually came. But on that day, my father told us
that we were going to meet our mother for the first time.

Darryl remembered that day clearly, October 4, 2004. He and his siblings did not know
how to react when their father announced their mother’s visit. Darryl had not seen his
mother since he was three years old and had no recollection or memory of her.
My youngest brother was the only one who would not remember anything at all
about my mother because she left when he was a newborn. Other than that and
the fact that we were all really young in regards to interacting with our mother,
none of us have met her before October 4, 2004.

On her visit, she made the effort to reconnect and get to know them.
I remember that day. I couldn’t stop sweating for some reason. She was talking
to my dad and we were all sitting around and she was asking us questions about
school and things like that. We didn’t really get into the past as in what happened
with her and my dad or anything like that. It was just kind of like meeting for the
first time trying to get to know each other.

Her visit was brief and eventually had to leave them once again. “However, before she
left, we hung out twice. We all went to dinner with her and our aunt and we also went to

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Dave & Buster’s.” She told them to keep in touch with her and left them her number and
contact information. Darryl kept in touch with her over the years by phone and email.
He did not contact her regularly, when he did, their conversation centered on the music
and entertainment business.
At first, I was really just trying to get to know my mother. I asked questions like
what she does for a living, and how it is living in New York. I never got into the
past unless she brought it up. After a while our conversations started to be about
music and how she could help me out with that because she has a lot of
connections and huge entertainment network.

Aside from the infrequent phone calls, he never developed a connection with his
mother. He has not seen his mother since her initial visit back when he was in high
school. Last May while in college, he made an effort to meet up with her when he was in
Florida. He made several attempts to meet up with his mother while in Florida but left
without seeing her.
She said she was going to try to meet up with me on a particular day while I was
out there. We talked on that day and she said that she was having trouble
catching her scheduled flight to Florida because the airline cancelled it. So, she
tried to get another flight and she couldn’t. That’s what she told me happened in
regards to her not coming out to Florida.

Darryl did not seem fazed by the outcome when he shared the story with me. He was not
upset and was very matter of fact.
I don’t remember what my response was to the situation back then, but as I think
of it now, I know that my mother says she’s going to do things and doesn’t follow
through with them. For example, she told me and my siblings that she was
coming out here to visit us during Mother’s Day, but she never did. And it seems
like there’s always a reason or excuse that she has for not following through. In
regards to the Florida incident, I don’t think she planned it out well enough. I
don’t think she really made an effort to come see me. I think she may have tried,
but she didn’t plan it ahead of time and didn’t put forth enough effort to follow
through with she said she was going to do.

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Initially, he felt that she was more interested in connecting with him and his siblings than
they were with her. Therefore, out of being “cordial,” Darryl “tried to connect with her
in some way.” Darryl’s attitude about connecting with his mother changed when he
realized that she was not putting in the effort to follow-through with her plans to connect
with him and his siblings. Consequently, Darryl decided that he was going to stop
making the effort. Perhaps when he is more settled, with a career and family, he might try
to connect with her again. Right now, she is not his priority.
Darryl did not think about college until he developed an interest for animation
after attending a college fair during his junior year in high school. He wanted to pursue a
career in multimedia animations because he enjoyed drawing. During Darryl’s junior
year, he was required to meet with the career counselor and it was at these meetings that
he looked into schools for animation. To his disappointment, he learned that the schools
that offered animation were too far from home and expensive. Transportation was
something he had to take into consideration when selecting a college. Since animation
was out of the realm of possibility, the career center helped him look into other major
options. “At this time, I wasn’t sure what major I would do so I decided to select a school
first and then look to see if that school had multimedia animation or something else to my
liking.”
Darryl applied to different colleges and decided to first pick a school that was
within reasonable traveling distance on bus and then decide on a major.
The career center taught us how to apply. I guess it was like a standard time
during the day when we had to go the career center so they kind of show us what
to do. So, I applied to like different colleges just because, you know. I applied to
different ones with everyone than I’ll research them and things like that.

81
Darryl coincidently learned about the RS program at CSU-A when he attended a
workshop in high school.
How I got into the RS program, it was really interesting. I was—so it’s senior
year and I’m about to graduate like in a month or two or so. I was a teacher’s aide
for the computer lab and one day our computer teacher, she didn’t show up…So a
supervisor saw me and another aide and asked what we were doing standing
outside the computer lab. After we told her that our teacher wasn’t there she said
that we either had to go to tardy sweep or to this classroom where there was a
presentation from CSU-A. And we’re like okay. During the presentation, the two
speakers mentioned that the RS program was a program for foster youth. I
remembered that term foster youth and thought to myself that I may be a foster
youth because I lived with my grandmother.

Darryl contacted S--- after the presentation to find out more about the RS program and
foster care. S--- provided him with more information and encouraged him to apply to the
RS program. He applied, interviewed and got into the RS program. He thought this story
was quite a good one because him being in the RS program was all because he did not
want to go to the tardy room.
Darryl got accepted to CSU-A and a couple of other CSU’s. He decided to attend
CSU-A because of the RS program and campus was only ten minutes away from his
home.
College
Darryl started college with Summer Bridge, a pre-college program that provides
students with the opportunity to take classes and become acclimated to the college
experience. Going to college was exciting for Darryl. He looked forward to living on his
own and meeting new people. His father and grandmother did not like the idea that he
was going to live in the residential halls because he had never been on his own. Even
today, he still does not know why they were against him moving out.

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I was really excited to go and move into the dorms because I’ve never been really
outside of [my city]. I’ve never been living nowhere besides when I was with my
father and his girlfriend and when I was in the foster placement, I don’t really
remember that anyway. So being on campus and being able to meet different
people and things like that really excited me and being around different people I
didn’t grow up with, it was just really exciting to me.

Summer Bridge turned out to be a really good experience and it got him ready for
the rigors of college life. “The whole process was kind of like—a lot of us who where in
Summer Bridge, we kind of called it boot camp.” Summer Bridge was a full day of
classes, workshops and programs that prepared students for college. He took math and
English, learned about campus resources and made friends. He really enjoyed Summer
Bridge especially getting to know people and the system unlike other freshmen. He got
to meet other RS students in his cohort and campus staff.
The biggest struggle Darryl encountered in college was changing his current
major from psychology to music. Darryl entered CSU-A undeclared and initially wanted
to major in multimedia animation but found that CSU-A did not offer it as a major. The
closest thing CSU-A had to animation was graphic design and it was only offered as a
minor. This put him into a bind because he felt he needed to declare a major right away.
Flipping through the course catalog he settled on psychology as his major.
The reason that psychology stood out to me is because of I guess a hobby or
interest just how people think and things like that. But, not really like having a
career in doing that, it was something that I was just personally interested in.

As of this interview, Darryl has not taken a single psychology class. Since declaring he
has decided that what he really wants to do is study music.
I decided that I wanted to do music and that music would be the best thing for me
at CSU-A. My father talked to me about doing music and how it would be a
difficult field, but I wanted to pursue it anyway.

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He has not yet changed his major to music because he has not been able to get his grades
to a 2.3 GPA.
When I actually got a 2.3, I still couldn’t change my major because I failed one of
the music preparatory course and had to pass that one before I could declare. I
took the class and passed, but my GPA went below 2.3 once again.

Feeling that the music department was giving him the “run-around,” he decided to pursue
music on his own time and take a different path to music by becoming communications
major with an emphasis in public relations.
I’ve gotten B’s and A's on my communication classes. So, I was like, that’s
something I can go into. And one of my friends who graduated I think two years
ago, he was a communications major with a public relations emphasis, he’s doing
like music and entertainment stuff right now. And I was like, I can do that.

Music and entertainment has always been a passion of Darryl’s. Although he may
not be able to pursue a music degree, he still plans on getting into the music business
after college. He is now fulfilling his passion for music through other avenues. He
started an organization called The Show that captures all levels of artistic talent. The
Show was a vision of his when he found the Music Recital Hall on campus. The Show is
now in its fourth year and has captured a wide audience on and off campus. He is very
passionate about The Show and credits his father for inspiring him.
Darryl talked about how he was a different person in junior high and high school
as compared to college. Before college he did not hang out with a single group of
friends, instead he had pockets of friends with varying interests. He was not very popular
and was not particularly hip or trendy. He spent all his free time playing ball on his own.
In college, he found himself joining different and diverse organizations. He has enjoyed
learning and meeting people different from him. He has embraced the diversity of the
campus and has enjoyed learning how to communicate across cultures. He is very

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interested in learning about human relations and communications and understands the
value of being able to function and communicate in diverse cultural communities. He
talked about his first girlfriend that was deaf. He learned to sign because of her and
through her, he understood how communication is very complex. He also mentioned
how being in relationships have taught him a lot. Before, he was so absorbed with
basketball that he had no interest in dating. After a year in college, he got engaged to a
woman off campus. The relationship did not work out but although they broke up, he felt
that he learned a lot from her. Eight months have passed and he is now dating a woman
on campus. He really likes her because she is good at communicating her thoughts and
feelings unlike the other women he dated in the past.
RS Program
Darryl has found a home away from home in the RS program. Initially, he did not
feel like he belonged in the program, especially when he met his RS cohort. Their stories
and his did not match up. He did not feel like he was ever neglected or abused. He did
not even know that he was in the foster care system until high school. After speaking to
S---, he understood the variance of experiences in the foster care system.
I talked a lot to my advisors about stuff and my issues. She basically tried to help
me understand that everybody has their own story and that everybody is different.
I kind of just accepted everything that happened and was just having the mentality
that I can give back to the program and I can help, help out in my own way, you
know? Like I help S--- by going to these presentations and talk to the high school
student about going to college to the foster youth. Ever since, I learned more
about the foster care system, I felt like I had a responsibility to give back and had
a purpose in the program.

Darryl feels supported by the RS program and has enjoyed taking on leadership
roles. He has remained active in the RS program, helping with presentations at high
schools, speaking at conferences and being a mentor to high school students and foster

85
youth in particular to go to college. He really enjoys making presentations and doing
outreach for the RS program. He wants to be more involved in the RS program, but does
not know how. A big piece of feedback he had was that he wanted the RS program to be
more transparent and involve the students in the planning. He feels like the RS program
is getting away from its initial purpose, from being “student-centered” to “business-
centered.” Perhaps if he knew more about why there is such a big concentration of the
business side, he can better understand why certain things are being implemented or
carried out.
Darryl wants to be involved with the planning of the student retreats and
programs and when events are mandatory he wants to know why and the purpose. He
also feels that the transition of coordinators and directors sets the program back. He is
conflicted with transitions because he believes consistency is necessary to maintain
stability and gain the trust of the RS students. He mentioned a bit about personality
conflicts with previous staff, but now things are much better with S--- back. He does
miss going to W-- his former academic advisor and is having a hard time getting use to
A---- his new advisor for the RS program. He thinks that the RS club may be the answer
to getting students more involved, but he does not know how things will work out with
having non-foster youth involved in the mix.
Darryl has kept himself out of the leadership role with the RS lately because he
wants others to have the opportunity to be involved. He also mentioned that he and
others did not like the mandatory leadership workshops and community service. He
would have felt better about the workshops and community service if the reasons for
doing these requirements were explained in greater detail, “and if things like workshops

86
weren’t mandatory, RS student would actually make an effort to learn from the
workshops instead of just attending them because it’s a mandatory requirement of the RS
program.”
Aside from the minor issues Darryl has about the RS program, he appreciates the
support and opportunities he has been given. The RS program has provided him with a
community, housing, mentors and financial support. Unlike his sister who is attending
another CSU, he has not had the need to work because of the financial assistance the RS
program and his Independent Living Program has given him. He has been bringing his
brother around campus and introducing him to the RS staff. He is hoping that his brother
will follow in his footstep and attend CSU-A and be part of the RS program. He is
paving the way for his brother and making sure his brother knows about all the services
there are out there for former foster youth.
Beyond College
Darryl will continue to pursue a career in the music industry as he wants to
become a recording artist, one that will use music to send a positive message about
change and social justice.
But also, I think my absolute dream would be to develop various organizations
and also a lot of different things I’m interested in. And maybe an organization
that puts workshops on at schools for you know, foster youth or something like
that. Just doing little things like that to add to that dream, being able to not just
help through music, but through other ways as well, so yeah.

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The Lived Experience of Michael
Michael is a 22-year-old Salvadorian male that identifies as Hispanic. He is a
fourth-year fine arts major at CSU-A. Michael was in the foster care system for nine
years and he emancipated from the system at the age of eighteen.
Personal and Family Background
Michael began his story with his birth. From what he recalls, his birth brought his
mom and his stepfather together. She was single and pregnant and he was a baseball
player about to sign-on to play professional ball in New Mexico. Her water broke and
went into labor on the plane on the way to New Mexico. His stepfather, a total stranger
at the time, gave up his opportunity to sign with a major league baseball team, went to the
hospital with her and stayed with her. His stepfather’s life changed overnight. Instead of
becoming a baseball player, he became a husband and father. For two years, the three of
them lived in New Mexico before moving to Los Angeles.
Michael’s parents struggled in Los Angeles.
I was moving from apartment to apartment…and basically, everyday, life was just
a struggle for my mom and step-dad, so being in LA with full of you know,
negativity, violence and all of that, they had to, you know, they had to give into
the drug dealing part of life.

Initially his parents got into the drug business to pay the rent and put food on the table.
However, their involvement deepened, exposing him and his younger sister to drug
dealers, violence and crime. “Sometimes, I would be left with random people you know,
maybe friends or drug dealers or just some random people that are willing to take care of
my sister and I.” Over time, their involvement with drugs got so bad that it put both
Michael and his sister in danger.

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Some people would try to kill them or somebody would try to harm us, my sister
and I. And, these are the things that I went through even walking down the street
with [my stepdad], he always watched out you know, for people and sometimes
people just attacked him in front of me.

Similarly, drugs had a negative impact on his parent’s relationship. No longer were they
just selling drugs, but eventually became users themselves. After a couple of years of
drug dealing, their relationship ended in violence, when, as Michaels says, “weapons and
all were used.” His mother fled the violent relationship, taking him and his sister with
her.
His mother continued to use and sell drugs even after leaving his stepfather. It
was tough being a single mother so she entered into another relationship. With his new
stepfather, she bore three sons. Michael’s life changed dramatically the day his youngest
brother was born and the doctors detected cocaine in his system.
And so, when she gave birth to my youngest brother, she was gone for a week and
I was in the apartments alone with my younger sister and brothers…I guess the
doctors found out that he had some kind of drug in his system. So, naturally, they
asked if she had any more kids, my step-dad was not there with her. So, they
went to the apartments, they picked up my sister, my brother and they picked me
up from school…And, we just drove off to a building somewhere in L.A. and they
placed us in this, this glass room where it was surrounded by nothing but desks
and cubicles where people were working and they just passed by and looked at us.

Foster Care Placement
At the age of eight, Michael and his siblings were taken away from their mother
and placed into two separate foster homes. He and the oldest of his younger brothers
stayed together while the other three stay together with another family.
We did not get to see each other for a few weeks...did not hear from my mom for
a few months I’m guessing…I stayed in that foster home for maybe one or two
months something like that and then I left them and then lived with seven or eight
more foster homes. So, between my fifth and seventh, I probably moved between
nine or eleven different schools…

89
The constant movement from one school to another made it challenging for Michael to
keep up with instruction and make friends. “I was just convinced that in three to four
weeks, I’m going to move out and what’s the point of even listening.”
Michael was assigned to a different social worker and psychologist each time he
moved. The social workers came and went, asking him questions about how he was
doing but never really doing anything about his concerns and questions. He does not
remember much of his experience with the different psychologists, except that they all
tried – unsuccessfully – to get him to talk. “I don’t know what they’ve thought about me
or what they said, but they all kind of just told me that one day I will probably just
basically go crazy…they said because I bottled up so much…”
There was very little stability in Michael’s life until the seventh grade.
As I was being passed from home to home, no one really knew about my case, no
one really knew about my case or what’s going on, no one really had time to just
stop and ask how I felt or anything like that and even if they ask, I don’t know
what I would say.

Michael was a good child and was not the cause for all his moves. From what he
remembers
…all previous foster homes didn’t work because either that mom was a single
foster mother…or some of the foster parents were abusing the foster children
before I got there…there were foster parents that were either in it for the money
or I don’t know what they were in it for.

After three years in the foster care system, Michael’s mother came back for all of
them. At that point in time, however, Michael was finally settling in with a more
permanent foster family. “We were driving away from the foster home and I kind of felt
like I didn’t want to be with her because I was starting all over again and it was very
confusing.” Living in a one-room apartment with his stepfather and siblings was

90
uncomfortable and he was treated differently from his stepfather’s biological children. In
less than six months, Michael and his siblings had to pack their bags once again. His
mother did not pass the drug test so back into foster care they went. Michael did not get
to go back to the previous foster home, instead Michael was moved from La Puente to
Pomona, then back to La Puente. The foster family in La Puente was his final move.
In the seventh grade, Michael and his sister were placed into a new foster home
next door to his three brothers and their foster family where he remained until he left for
college. Michael was very happy when his three younger brothers' foster parents adopted
them; however, he is now sad because they are moving to another state. Michael’s foster
parents offered to adopt him but he declined. He did not think adoption would change
anything and there was always tension between him and his foster mom. He once told
her, “No matter how hard you try to be my family, I am just naturally not going to see
you as a family member.”
After moving and living in all parts of California (Sacramento, Los Angeles,
Carson, Colton, Pico Rivera, Pomona and La Puente) Michael emancipated at the age of
18 and left for college.
Foster Care Experience
Michael’s experience in the foster care system for the first 2-3 years was marked
with instability, causing him stress and confusion. Once he was placed in a more
permanent home, Michael was finally able to settle down, make friends and experience
the stability he longed for. He had his siblings around him, foster parents that cared for
him and a consistent social worker that went above and beyond.

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Michael’s foster parents had two biological daughters and a biological son but
fostered two younger boys and later two younger girls while under their care. When
Michael was 13, he felt that his foster parents were “very, very, very strict.” They were
strict because Michael and the other foster children were their responsibility and they
were liable for their welfare. Michael did not get to go out with a lot of friends because
he was required to come home directly after school and for him to go over to a friend’s
place, their parents needed to get fingerprinted. He did not understand why his foster
mother monitored what he wore, when he slept and when he studied. There was a lot of
tension between him and his foster mother because he did not appreciate or understand all
her rules.
I struggled a lot with my foster mom, I will always argue with her, she didn’t
understand me and I didn’t understand her. I was, I was kind of rebellious with
her, but when I got to high school, things started to calm down, I was maturing, I
was starting to understand where she was coming, what she wanted for me.

Michael had the same social worker until he emancipated. She was his social
worker, mother figure, mentor and friend. “She tells me, ‘I feel like I’m your mother and
you’re my son. I just want the best for you.’” She visited him and his sister weekly to
check-up on them and made sure their needs were met. She encouraged him to apply to
college and helped him with the applications. Michael’s social worker continues to play
a big role in his life even after his emancipation. Before he emancipated, she and her
husband wanted to adopt Michael, but he declined their offer.
Pathway to College
Michael did not speak in detail about his K-12 experience. Much of his
experience before high school was a blur given that he moved frequently between

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schools, which made it challenging for him to establish any consistent relationships and
memories.
One aspect about his educational experience that amazes is the fact that he
continued going to school everyday when he was with his biological family. At the early
age of five, he would walk himself to and from school. After school, he would come
home and take care of his siblings while his parents were away.
I was by myself taking care of my younger sister and two younger brothers. So, I
was still going to school by myself, I was getting up by myself, nobody ever told
me to go to school…my mom didn’t tell me not to go to school, but she didn’t
really think much of it, I just went on my own.

Moving from school to school during different times of the academic year was
further challenging for Michael because he had a difficult time keeping up with
instruction and making friends.
My teachers wouldn’t really take time to introduce the work to me or anything
like that and I kind of didn’t give it as much of an effort as I should have because
I was just so used to moving. I was just convinced that in three to four weeks, I’m
going to move out and what’s the point of even listening.

Once Michael settled down and stayed in one school, he was able to maintain
good grades. It was not as if he was a bad student, rather, all Michael really needed was
consistency in his life. “I never really procrastinated in high school. I was always doing
well. I was always in good standing, getting principal’s honor roll and all that.”
Michael did not think about going to college until his classmates and his social
worker talked about it during his senior year. Though he was planning on going into the
army, Michael’s social worker encouraged and convinced him to attend college. She
helped him with the application process, financial aid and scholarship applications. She
also told him about the RS program at CSU-A. Applying to college was not hard for him

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given the help from his social worker. “But, if I’m by myself, it would have been
complicated…”
Michael realized that college was going to be his outlet to becoming independent.
He had never been on his own and he always had people in his life telling him what to do.
Now that he reflects back, he does not know what he would have done if he had not gone
to college. Michael was so excited when he got accepted to CSU-A and the RS program.
“There was a big change graduating from high school and you know when I got into RS,
I was very happy, excited, didn’t know what to think of it.” College meant a new
beginning, independence and freedom from his foster mother and foster care’s strict
rules.
College
Michael began his college experience at Summer Bridge, a “summer school
program that’s offered by the EOP. on campus, and pretty much everyone called it
academic boot camp.” Michael thought Summer Bridge was “very intense.”
They gave me Math classes and English classes and basically what it was, is you
lived in the dorms, they woke you up at seven, you are in class by eight, got out
by eleven or twelve. You have to go eat lunch, go back to class.

In addition to taking classes and participating in after school activities, Michael got to
meet the ten RS students in his cohort. The RS students had an additional workshop
together during Summer Bridge. They got to know each other really well and developed
a strong bond.
I really like all my friends that came in the RS, my year. We’re all bonded, were
all, you now, we became close friends and we saw each other a lot and yeah it
was, I don’t know--I really liked it.

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Summer Bridge was challenging for Michael but the experience taught him how
to manage his time, keep up with the fast pace of college and live independently from his
foster family and social worker. What Michael remembers the most is the enormous
amount of “freedom and independence” he gained when he left for college. He was not
sure how he was going to manage all the freedom because there was no one around to tell
him when to sleep, eat or do homework. He did not have adults monitoring who his
friends where, where he went or whom he went out with. Michael loved his
independence, made a lot of friends and enjoyed living in the dorms.
After Summer Bridge, Michael found himself three to four times a week at the RS
lounge studying, hanging out with friends and speaking with his advisors. The RS
program gave Michael a home, community and family. He appreciated the guidance
from the program coordinator and executive director, former director of the RS program.
Michael has been able to forge a balance between his newfound independence
with the demands of school. Because he sees school as a job and priority, he does not
have a reason to not do well.
School, I always try in school. I mean like I always try harder, but I do good in
school, like I don’t know like a week ago I found out that I was on the deans’ list,
two or three quarters in a row and I’m like, okay, I don’t even realize that. You
know, schools a priority for me, definitely a priority.

Michael entered CSU-A as a psychology major before becoming a fine arts major.

You know psychology just seemed very interesting to me, I mean I went through
different psychologists, so I saw what they—you know, how the job was and you
know and social workers they are psychologist in some kind of a way to a point
and foster parents you know. I don’t know, I just, their way of thinking was
interesting to me. I don’t know, I guess I just went through so much growing up
like I feel like I can connect to anybody I talk with.

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Michael’s interest in psychology, however, was overshadowed by his passion for art. As
of today, he has not taken a psychology class.
He did not realize his talent for art until his senior year in high school. Without
formal training, he did not think he had the skills to compete with those that did. Much to
his surprise, he would consistently place in the top five out of two to four hundred
contestants when he entered art competitions. He has been drawing since he was a small
child to help pass the time while his parents were away dealing drugs. A fine arts major,
unlike psychology, allows him to pursue his passion and express feelings he has a hard
time articulating.
I just can’t wait for my senior year. Next year, our senior project is to put some
work together to display at the campus gallery and present your own senior show,
just like you were in a professional field. You know, it’s just like having your
own gallery, people will comment, your work. And, so that—I have big plans for
my senior show and probably new things and that hasn’t been done before. It’s
just exciting.

This summer, Michael will be studying art in Paris, France and is one of ten
students selected from Southern California in an art completion. He is excited about this
opportunity as this is Michael’s first time leaving the country. He plans on spending the
remainder of the summer visiting museums and famous architectural sites across Europe.
“I mean Venice and Paris, France are just some places I really wanted to go to when I
was younger and all of the sudden I get to go, here’s my chance to go where art started.”
Michael lived in campus housing for three years then moved into foundation
housing across the street from campus for a brief period before moving in with a friend
he met in high school. Michael’s friend, now landlord, is a 36-year-old professional
photographer who volunteered to drive Michael to an art competition his senior year in
high school. A couple years later, Michael ran into him at a scholarship program. Since

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then, Michael and him have become friends. He now lives rent free with the
photographer and his family.
RS Program
Michael learned of the RS program at CSU-A through his social worker. The
program provided him with financial security, a place to live year-round and a
community to belong to. He grew close to his RS cohort and the RS director and advisor.
He sees the RS program as “a big family,” where people understand and support each
other.
I just feel really comfortable being with them. We talk and I mean, we don’t
always have to tell each other what we’ve been through…even though we don’t
hang out as much as we do with other friends, we still feel very connected, I mean
like today I was just walking by and four of the RS students saw me and they say,
“Let’s go grab lunch.”

Michael does not think he would be where he is today if it was not for the RS
program.
If there was no RS, I probably would not be at CSU-A…you know RS said they
will help you so, it just seemed right for me to go to CSU-A. If CSU-A didn’t
have RS, I would go to class and during my break hours…between classes, I
would just be like most typical students, just sleeping at the student center or just
trying to do homework or kill time doing something else.

Michael enjoys spending his free time at the RS lounge. He is there 3-4 times a week,
studying, hanging-out or participating in an RS activity.
Michael has a lot of respect for the former RS director, whom he met when he
interviewed for the RS program, and has grown closer too over the years.
I grew a lot of respect for him. I really like how you know he says “hey let’s us
be together, be family…” I just really like how he was just all positive and all that
but when it came to time to get serious, just like that he will get everybody serious
and everyone is getting down to business doing what they have to do.

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The former director gave Michael a sense of stability; something Michael thinks is now
missing with all the recent transitions.

Beyond College
After college, Michael plans on attending graduate school to become an art
teacher at a community college. His dream is to own a studio and paint but he does not
know if he can support a family off his paintings. He wants to get married and have lots
of children. Michael has not put too much thought into his future and is still unsure about
where life is going to take him. As such, he does not want to set too many goals.
I don’t really try to pack too much in my life because I mean, I never, up to now
have not planned anything that has happened. And I just take whatever is
negative in me and turn it to something positive and it leads to another positive
thing. I guess my whole life has been based on reactions from one thing to
another...and that’s all I am planning right now…I just want to see what happens
and go with what I want.

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The Lived Experience of Mantonius
Mantonius is a 23-year-old male that identifies as Mexican and Portuguese. He
transferred to CSU-A from a community college in Sacramento. He is currently a senior
at CSU-A with another year left before graduating with a bachelor in history. He was in
foster care for about 13 years and emancipated at the age of 18.
Personal and Family Background
Mantonius was born and raised in Sacramento by parents who made a living as
“petty criminals, selling random small items for quick money” to pay for their drug
habits. “We were homeless, living in a car and we use to drive from place to place and
stay by the river or whatever.” Mantonius clearly remembers standing between his
parents in the car without seatbelts while his parents drove around different
neighborhoods looking for an easy target. Sometimes they would camp by the river and
his mother would tell him that they were going camping. Before the age of four, he and
his family went to live with his aunt. By this time, his mother had given birth to another
son. “So, we went to live with my aunt and she lived right next to the cemetery where
my grandparents were buried.” It was not long before Child Protective Services (CPS)
caught up to them.
Foster Care Placement
Mantonius and his brother were taken from their parents while living in his aunt’s
home.
I remember that day because my mom, I had never seen her cry. And she was
really crying that day a lot. And I have my little brother who was just a baby and
I remember her taking care, like getting him ready and packing some stuff. And
the people (CPS) kind of talked to my mother and they asked her a dozen of
questions. I remember that day really clearly, I do not know why I guess it is very
traumatic…So that was say in terms of being taken away and then I remember

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that first house I have been to. I would only remember probably like two house or
three houses that I have been to.

Before the age of six, Mantonius moved around from home to home, but much of
the experience was a big blur. To his recollection, he has moved three to four times,
remembering only snapshots of his experience such as being around a lot of other
children, game boards, playing in different environments and different style homes. He
does not believe that he lived with anyone for a long period of time because he does not
have any recollections of the people that took care of him. He remembers his mother
visiting him shortly after his first placement. “I remember my mother came to visit me
one time and played Connect Four. And then she said she was going to come back to
visit…but I don’t think I ever saw her again at that house.”
Mantonius and his brother were reunited when his aunt, his father’s older sister,
took them in when he was about six. This placement was only temporary, because not
too long after, he was placed into another foster home while his younger brother
remained with his aunt. He was not sure if it was a group home or not, but he remembers
the house had a lot of children.
In the fourth grade, Mantonius went back to live with his aunt and younger
brother. His mother was able to stay in contact while there, and they were able to visit
with her and occasionally their father on the weekends who was often in and out of
prison. Mantonius’ aunt remained as guardian until he emancipated at the age of 18.
While he was under his aunt’s guardianship, Mantonius spent a significant amount of
time at his mother’s house during his senior year in high school because she lived nearby.

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Foster Care Experience
Mantonius was placed into foster care at a very early age. Much of what he
remembers of foster care, especially before moving in with his aunt is fragmented. As
such, his story begins when he moved in with his aunt in the fourth grade. Mantonius
lived with three older cousins, and every so often, another female cousin would join
them. When Mantonius was 16, his aunt had another son. All total, his aunt took care of
seven children at one time. Along with the assigned chores he and the other children were
assigned, Mantonius was also responsible for the dog he got from his dad when he was
seven. His biggest complaint of his time with his aunt had to do with his assigned chores
and hearing her complain about how dirty the place was all the time. No matter how
much they cleaned, it was never clean enough for her. “She would always say, ‘I am too
embarrassed to bring people over here.’”
Mantonius does not think that his aunt treated him and his brother the same as her
children. “We were never really treated like her kids. I was as good as her kids were.”
His aunt never asked about his progress in school or reminded him to do his homework.
“I never remember my aunt telling me to do homework.” The more he realized the
difference in treatment between him and her other children, the more he wanted to move
back with his mother. There was this one time after school where he took his younger
brother in search of their mother. “I remember it was very hot and so we were on our
bikes and it was like summer time and the heat was dry.” On their bikes they went
looking for their mother’s home yet he did not exactly know where his mother lived.
Eventually, they made it to their mother’s; however, the visit was cut short because his
aunt was immediately notified to pick them up.

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Mantonius’ aunt, no matter how disappointed or upset she was with him, would
never hit him, largely as a result of a particular incident.
I remember just standing there, she had her belt and she hit me across my legs.
And I was in the hallway just standing and staring at her, and she was hitting me.
And I think that she was more frightened that I did not really show any emotions
from her hitting me than her actually like hitting me.

Mantonius had to deal with anger issues while in high school. He often found
himself getting mad at his classmates, especially when they would bother him about his
parents. “I am used to getting into fights at school all the time. If you ever said anything
about my mother, it was always like, we were fighting.” He would not fight his cousins
because they were always bigger than he was; instead he
…would get like a knife or something and like to chase them and they would lock
themselves in the bathroom. Aware of this problem, he met with a counselor to
“deal with those frustrations. So, now I am like—I am pretty mellow.

Mantonius’ parents moved three blocks away from his aunt’s house during his
senior year in high school and the proximity of their homes gave him and his brother
more access to their parents. Initially, Mantonius would divide his time between his
parent's home and aunt’s home. Although they were still under their aunt’s guardianship,
Mantonius moved back in with his parents his senior year while his younger brother
stayed behind. “I lived with my parents like my senior year. Towards the end of the
year, I think I kind of just stay there.”
Mantonius had a male social worker that visited him and his aunt “sporadically”
in middle school. He had other social workers as the years passed, but according to
Mantonius, they all served the same purpose. Interactions with his social workers were
usually brief.

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I can remember, they would contact us and you know like talk to me briefly,
asking what I am doing, how is school, how I am being treated? But not too
much of the one-on-one interaction to talk about issues or anything like that.

When the social worker did visit, he would mostly speak to his aunt. Aside from the
social worker he did meet with a counselor at school while his aunt was in court
petitioning to be his guardian, but he was not sure if that counselor was part of the
system.
Mantonius has kept his foster youth identity from his classmates. Throughout
elementary and middle school, he would get into fights whenever a kid would say
something about his parents. When asked about his parent, he would lie and say they
were dead or that he lives with them. One friend, however, gave him the strength to talk
about his identity, in part due to the fact that his friend also lived with his aunt. Seeing
that he would always talk about his aunt, he felt comfortable sharing with him about his
living situation. Other than his one friend in middle school, he kept his identity to
himself.
It wasn’t until—let’s see—at the end, at the very end of high school that I even
said anything about being in a foster home or how my parents were or anything
like that. And only told two people, like my two very closest friends and so, and
now, until to this day, maybe ten people.

There were teachers at his school that knew about his identity.
There’s a couple of times I was pulled out to talk to the teachers about being like
a foster youth or not living at home in terms of my parents, like living with the
aunt and making sure that everything there was okay.

One person that knew him really well was his high school cross-country coach.
Oh, my mentor, I don’t know what I would do without this guy. He would try to
talk you up if you have a bad day or build up your self-esteem. And he would
always tell you about life experiences and how you can come through the
situations that you face. He has always been there—not only advice about school

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or about girls, about family, about money and about—I do not know, these things
like life like he is always there to help you out on life.

Mantonius is grateful to have had a mentor that believed in him and motivated him. His
coach was the father figure he did not have growing up and is still in contact with him.
His coach is still the person he calls on for advice.
Pathway to College
Before the sixth grade, Mantonius struggled with math and English. In the sixth
grade, he stopped hanging out with the “jocks” and surrounded himself with “a smart
group of friends.” He believes his friends made an impact on his education. “Now, it is
the first time I actually like passed my classes. I started doing better in school. I mean
by the end of sixth grade, I would be—it was totally like wow! It feels good.” This
motivated him to try harder and do better in school. Mantonius continued to do better
and by the eighth grade, for the first time he earned a 3.0 GPA and made the honor roll.
Eighth grade graduation came and went as he decided not to attend his own
graduation because he did not think that his parents would be able to go. Because his
father was back in prison and his mom was working, he opted not to even ask so that he
would not be disappointed by their response. He did not want to go and not have them
be present. Nor did he want his classmates to ask where his parents were and have to tell
them the truth.
Mantonius continued to do well in high school, maintaining a 3.0 GPA every
semester. He kept to the same routine of doing all of his homework before going home
and hanging out with the “right crowd.” One thing he never understood was why he was
not driven to do better and be the best in school, like the way he was with sports. “I can
never really be that competitive like I had in sports and put it into education, so I was

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really okay with getting a B or getting a C in hard classes.” He was doing well in math
so he decided to push himself more and took geometry. To his disappointment he had a
very difficult time with the class and ended up with a C and a D.
Mantonius was driven, however, when it came to sports. He started playing
sports at an early age and continued to play competitively in high school. In high school,
he played football, baseball, basketball, track and field, cross-country, volleyball and
soccer. He was always striving to be number one and enjoyed the competition.
Mantonius is the first of his family to graduate from high school, as his father
dropped out in the eighth grade and his aunt dropped out even earlier. Finishing high
school was a huge accomplishment.
Mantonius was inspired by his science teacher’s words, who said, “You can do
well in school if you stick your mind to it. You have to live outside of box and don’t let
negative people influence you.” He does not remember what he learned in class but what
he said motivated him to step outside of the box. Not wanting to join the Army or Navy
like the rest of his family, he decided to apply for college. He really wanted to go to UC
Davis with his friends, but he knew it would be a challenge because of his grades. When
he applied to UC Davis his GPA was about a 3.0, so when he was not accepted he did not
want to go to a CSU.
The Cal States, so I was like—I mean I really wanted to go but I do not want to be
kind of away from my home. It’s kind of like I am 18, I can go home, I can see
my parents whenever now and I just wanted to be around the family. I could go
to Sac State, but I was like no. Anyone can go to Sac State, so enrolled in Junior
College.

He enrolled in the community college and stayed for four semesters. He did fine the first
two semesters, but some major incidents in his life changed everything for him. “I

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remember, the worst week ever in my life, October 20
th
to 27
th
, the worse week.” In one
week, he broke-up with his girlfriend, lost a cross-country race, got his car and books
stolen and his dog died at the end of the week. This week marked a major turning point
for Mantonius. He really needed a change, but because he was not yet ready to transfer
to UC Davis, he enlisted in the Marines.
I always wanted to join the Marines growing up, I don’t know why. It’s kind of
like it was always a challenge for me. I always want the best and I always wanted
to be at the top level, like what’s the hardest thing to do and that was always for
me.

Mantonius signed up for the Marines two days after speaking to a recruiter. Determined
to make it into the Marine Corps, he pushed himself in boot camp to the point where he
permanently injured his shoulders. After the Marine Corps, Mantonius was stationed in
Fallujah for two years.
You know at first, it wasn’t too bad…but there are really those days where you
just kind of like, I just want to do something normal. You are always on alert,
you’re I mean, and you’re always looking around for anything that you think is a
threat. I mean even the smallest things that you can see that piece of trash on the
side of the road and like, oh my gosh! There’s a bomb!

Mantonius lived in fear for two years, not knowing when the next bomb was
going to explode or when he or the next Marine would get killed while on duty. “I
remember the first guy who died. I remember everyday the one who died.” Mantonius
has a hard time dealing with the deaths of his unit. They started off with 90 Marines and
lost about 40 in two years. He spent a lot of time thinking about what he could have done
to prevent their deaths. Mantonius was in Iraq from July 9, 2005 to January 26, 2007.
Mantonius returned to the states and finished his service through the reserves. He feels
fortunate to be back and every so often he has the urge to go back to relieve his fellow
Marines. The Marines have until January 14, 2012 to call him back to duty. He does not

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believe that he will be called back to active duty because the Marines usually do not call
people back to active duty when they have been out for an extended period of time.
The experience in Falluja was life changing and as part of his duties in the
reserves, he spoke to new recruits about his experience. Outside of the reserves, he does
not talk much about what happened while he was oversees. Although his experience was
traumatic and painful, he does not regret being part of the Marines especially given that
being part of the military entitled him to $18,000 that could be used for school.
When he returned he also became engaged to the girl he was dating before going
to active duty. They moved into an apartment in Sacramento and together they went to
the local community college. Their goal was to transfer to a school away from their
parents. Coming from a more affluent family, his fiancé looked “negatively upon” his
family. “She always thought they were like bringing me down…she didn’t really like
them for whatever reason. I mean she was raised a lot nicer. She has lot of extra things
in terms of material things.”
Mantonius and his fiancé both decided to apply to schools away from their family
but in close proximity to their jobs. He worked at Costco at the time so he wanted to
continue working there while in school. They ended up applying to eight CSUs paying
about five hundred dollars in application fees between the two of them.
As time got closer to decide on a school, she decided that she wanted to stay close
to her family. At the end, he decided to go off to college with or without her. Before he
left for school, they moved out of their apartment and back to their parents. Two months
before he left for CSU-A, she broke off the engagement, but they remained a couple.
I don’t know if her mom talked her into it or what happened. But after awhile,
when it came time to actually do it, she got cold feet, so she didn’t want to move.

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So I was like, I got to do this. I got to go somewhere else for school. I really
want to have my own life and live it like I want it to be, and that’s that.

College
Mantonius left his ex-fiancé and family behind in Sacramento and headed to
Southern California to continue his education at CSU-A. Even while at CSU-A he was
still in touch with his ex-fiancé, trying to work things out between them. At one point, he
was going to let everything go and move back home to be with her.
I was already here going to school, yeah, I’m like there’s no way I’m not going
back home, but actually in December, it came to a point like, okay, let me just go
home and we’ll fix this and then we’ll take it from there…I went back home and I
was trying to get a transfer back from work back to Sacramento and there is no
opening, there is no seasonal openings during this time.

Unable to transfer, he was unwilling to take a pay cut and lose his health insurance to
move back home. Their relationship eventually came to an end, and though she has
contacted him from time to time, he has ignored all of her calls because they were caller
blocked and she never left a message. Going back and forth with this relationship was
emotionally draining on Mantonius.
Aside from the turmoil he experienced with his ex-fiancé, his transition into CSU-
A began on a positive note. He was guaranteed university housing through the RS
program and his first year’s tuition was covered through the GI Bill. He moved into the
traditional first year student housing complex, thus living with 17- and 18-year-old
students. He was 22 at the time he moved into the resident halls and had an easy time
adjusting to the living arrangements.
So that transition—I mean it was not too hard because I was in the military, I
stayed with guys my age or a little bit younger and there was no problem. The
dorm life for me was not bad. I actually liked the experience of the dorm life.

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Although he transferred in as a junior, he decided when he got into CSU-A that he
wanted to take his time to explore different subjects and enjoy campus life. He estimated
he would take four-years to graduate. In the meantime, he wanted to get involved on
campus and experience college.
The quarter system at CSU-A was challenging since he was used to the semester
system.
And so, transitioning to a quarter system meant getting used to a lot quicker pace.
I mean there is a lot more stuff, things go a lot faster and then the semester…here,
if you slack off, you are fighting for a C, and so that is really—like I always
enjoyed that leeway time.

He had a difficult time with time management his first year given that he had to learn to
balance his work, school and involvement on campus. His GPA hovered around a 2.8
during his first two quarters at CSU-A. But because he felt he was handling the changes
well, in the spring quarter he decided to pledge a fraternity. The fraternity, along with
working full-time and taking 16 units ultimately took a toll on his health and grades. “I
was continuously sick…and then trying to have enough energy to work full-time, so it
was the worst decision ever. I have so many academic problems now.” He dropped the
fraternity towards the end of the spring quarter, but not soon enough to save his failing
grades.
After his “crash and burn quarter” he took the summer off to re-focus.
It let me focus, let me remember my goals and what I need to do to achieve those.
Last quarter I came ready to basically—ready for business. This is my job and I
have a goal that I have to meet, and I need to reach my GPA. So after the class, I
would come over to the RS lounge and would start doing homework at like nine
o’clock in the morning because I will go eat then go again and do homework until
I have class. So, I would be there till 12, start class, get out of class at eight
o’clock at night. That really set up good habits for me.

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Mantonius developed a routine that worked for him academically. He spent the
following fall quarter retaking all of his classes and is now working hard on raising his
grade point average. He is currently on academic probation and has one year to raise his
grades. In addition to his study routine, he meets regularly with his RS advisor to stay
academically on track.
RS Program
Representatives from the RS program contacted Mantonius when he was still in
Sacramento to tell him about the program and its benefits. Although the application
deadline had passed, they extended the deadline for him to submit his paperwork.
Mantonius chose CSU-A because of the RS program.
Normally, transfer students do not have guaranteed housing; however, being part
of the RS program the director made sure Mantonius had a place to stay. As such, the RS
program provided him with free housing accommodations on campus and even got him
financial aid to cover a majority of his tuition for the first year.
So according to them [RS program], I was not supposed to get financial aid but
due to RS--I do not know what they did…but just being in the RS, I was able to—
I was not going to have to pay for it. And the majority of the school, I did have to
pay some but a majority was paid for.

He did not get full financial aid because he had an income of about $24,000 a year from
working at Costco.
Mantonius spends a lot of time at the RS lounge, which provides RS students with
computer usage and free printing. He took advantage of the free printing since he did not
have a printer. The RS program also provided him with a community away from home to
belong to. He appreciates the bond and understanding the RS students have for each
other. He tries to hangout and participate in social activities with other RS students when

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he does not have work. Aside from the RS program, he has not taken on any other co-
curricular activities aside from playing sports.
Currently, he lives at the University Village, which are apartments operated by the
University Foundation. He is working at Costco, playing sports and sticking to his study
routine. He is saving up because he does not think he will continue to receive the same
amount of financial aid he has been getting in the last two years. He has also been
getting periodic raises from Costco so the increase in income will most likely impact his
financial aid. He also applied to be a Resident Advisor (RA) so that his housing would
be free, and working as a RA would give him good work experience.
Mantonius is very grateful to the RS program. The program provided him with
opportunities he may not have ordinarily had. He appreciates the RS alumni that come
back for panels and the donors that give their support to the program. He wants to do
something to thank the donors and to show them how their money has impacted the
students.
Beyond College
Mantonius may not have had an easy life, but he has learned to be appreciative of
his experiences.
I’m a type of person where I always see, like the events of my life or things that
happened in my life, I see them as—you should learn from those experience and
you should grow from them and do whatever you can possibly do to make sure
those bad experiences, you know, don’t have that type of experience again.

Mantonius is reflective of his past. He has learned to appreciate the past, even the
toughest times. He feels that he is the person he is today because of his life experience.
I don’t really have too bad memories of being in the system or anything and you
know. I just feel that I wouldn’t be who I am today without those experience.
And that’s just because I tried so hard to not—you know not to relive those.

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The experience he definitely does not want to repeat is his parent’s. He does not dislike
his parents or harbor ill feelings for what they did in the past. He is very aware that he
does not want to follow in their footsteps and that is why graduating from college is his
primary goal.
Studying history has been a passion of his. “Ever since high school, it’s just kind
of like a subject that I’ll actually enjoyed.” He is working towards becoming a high
school history teacher. He wants to teach high school because those were the years
where he found himself. It was in high school where he met the people that had the
greatest impact on his life. “So, I really want to do high school, just because you know I
want to impact other people’s lives like mine was impacted in high school as well.” He
has also thought about teaching at the community college level or even at a four-year
university. He plans on getting his masters in history so that he will have the flexibility
to teach at the K-12 or community college level. He is not sure about the doctorate to
teach at the university level.
I always want to kind of push a little bit further. So, I was like, I’ll get a masters
now, like you know, everyone’s getting a masters. Oh man! I don’t want to be a
student forever [Laughs]. So I do want to get a masters to that I will enable me to
do a least the junior college, I think.

Mantonius’ mentor has been an inspiration and a source of support to him. He wants to
have the same impact his coach had on him, so he plans on following his mentor’s
footsteps in becoming a teacher and coach.
Mantonius has not given his future, aside from his career much thought. “You
know, that’s a very good question, I have no idea, I've always known school and work, I

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mean since I was at least 16.” The most he came up with after a few moments of
thinking centered on going on vacation after graduation so as to see history in person.
I don’t know what else is going to be, I mean, I know there’s others—you have
your career and you have your family. And you have the things that come with
being an adult, but in terms of my life, the way I see it kind of going after that,
we’ll I haven’t thought that far.

His relationship with his parents has been good and he talks to his mother more
often than he does his father. When he does speak to his father, the topic revolves around
sports. “Maybe he’ll call me if the—I’m a Lakers fan and my dad is a Kings man, so if
the Lakers play with Kings, he’ll call me and he’ll let me know, especially if the Kings
won.” He visits his home in Sacramento about two times a year and spends most of his
time with his siblings. Being away from school, unfortunately, does not give him the
time to mentor his two younger brothers and younger sister.
The relationship between him and his aunt has grown over the years. He may
have had some growing pains while living under her roof, but now they have a new
understanding and more of a mother and son relationship. “She’s the one that if I would
ever to get married, she would be the one I bring my girlfriend to--you know you take
home to your parents. Well, I would take her home to my aunt.” His aunt’s opinion and
approval is important to him. “I think that it’s really, you know to me it’s something
that—like very, very super important for her to say okay.”
Mantonius is moving on and leaving his past behind. He has grown and learned
from his life experience, the good and the bad. He is now dating a new woman, doing his
own cooking, enjoying his independence and working on getting his grades back up. He
continues to push his body to its limits with sports and being the best.

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The Lived Experience of Sky
Sky is a 20-year-old African American female. She is a third-year Sociology
Major with an emphasis in Social Work at CSU-A. Sky was in the foster care system for
16 years and she emancipated at the age of 18.
Personal and Family Background
Sky’s memory of her family goes back to what her father’s mother told her when
she was in high school.
My grandfather came into the house intoxicated, drunk and he was like trying to
force himself on my grandmother…they kept guns in the house, so I guess my
grandmother, to defend herself she shot him and killed him. And so, I guess she
went to jail and my aunties and mom, and my uncles got my grandmother out and
when she got out, she came back home and she was hurt from killing her husband.
So, she shot her own self and so, I guess that affected my mom. So, she got into
drugs.

Sky’s mother was a teenager when her mother committed suicide.
Sky’s mother was on drugs when Sky was born and left her at the hospital
because she needed to get a drug fix. “So, I was born a crack baby and so, my auntie
picked me up from the hospital and brought me back to her house. My mom and auntie
were living together.” Sky had one older brother, one older sister, a younger brother.
She did not know if her father was in contact with her mother at that time.
Foster Care Placement(s)
Child Protective Services got word that Sky’s mother was not taking care of her
and her four siblings. An investigation took place and her mother was found unfit to
raise her children. Social services placed Sky initially with a Pilipino woman.
I didn’t stay there for long because of the, I guess the ethnicity difference that
they didn’t want me brought up in a Pilipino home. I guess that was a conflict.
And then they moved me again to a group home. I’m not sure of all this, my
grandmother told me all this. I’m not sure of the age either, but I know I was

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young because the lady I went back to go visit her when I got older. And she’s
like was so excited to see me…I was probably months old, probably.

Sky and her siblings did not stay at the group home for an extended time. At the age of
two Sky’s grandmother became her guardian.
Sky’s older sister and older brother were also living at the group home and when
they were put up for adoption, their paternal grandmother came for them.
And so that was a good thing, because I’ve been there [grandmother’s] ever since,
I believe I was two years old, when I moved to my grandmother’s. So, mine was
really a success story, because I believe that my grandmother, like she was an
angel, you know, that came down to take care of me and like to heal all the hurt
and pain. She has been taking care of me ever since I was two years old.

While she and two of her older siblings lived with their paternal grandmother, the
younger brother stayed with his father’s mother. Sky’s younger brother has a different
biological father.
Foster Care Experience
Although Sky felt very lucky to have a grandmother to live with she did not think
growing up without a mother and a stable father was easy. Although Sky’s father was
around he kept his distance. “My dad was like right there, but not here. My dad was like
a gang member, so he was like running in the streets all the time.” Even still, Sky was
closer to her father than her mother who lived in Compton and would visit them over the
holidays to bring them gifts. “I didn’t have a good relationship with her because, I knew
she felt guilt and she didn’t want to be around…”
Sky was really close to her grandmother who largely assumed the mother-figure
role in her life. There were many times when Sky wanted to call her grandmother
“mom,” but she felt weird about taking that step. She is also very close to her aunt whom
she considers to be her “second mom.” Her aunt lived in the same house and is eleven

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years older. Her aunt took it upon herself to take care of them while their grandmother
was working. Sky credits both her grandmother and her aunt as her “inspiration.”
Sky did not feel different being a foster child very likely because it was not
unusual to see children living with relatives in her neighborhood. “I didn’t feel different
cause like in the community that I lived in, it’s like a lot of us, living with our
grandmothers, our family members…so it was considered normal.”
Sky and her siblings had each other growing up and were each other’s friends.
Life was not hard at their grandmother’s house, prompting Sky to say she felt lucky
because she got to enjoy many opportunities other foster youth do not get.
We always have like things to do, like we went to Disney. We always go to
Disneyland, like once a year. We had it good. I mean I had a good childhood. It
wasn’t hard like my peers because I hear other peoples’ stories and it is like,
“Wow! You’ve been through a lot.”

The toughest part about Sky’s experience was not having her mother around. Although
she had her grandmother, aunt, brother and sister, Sky often felt alone.
I felt mainly lonely when I went to school and like my friends would talk about
their parents and how they had like that ideal family and home. And I would tell
them what my family was like…I couldn’t like really mention my mom or dad
because they weren’t really present in my life. So that’s when I felt lonely.

Sky’s grandmother received financial support from the government for her three
grandchildren and a social worker met regularly with her.
[The social worker’s] responsibility was to make sure we had a roof over our head
and to make sure we were clothed, bathed, just the basic needs that a child needs.
But she doesn’t always take care of us, because she knows that our grandmother
was a good person. Because my grandmother, she worked as a nurse. And like
my granny, she has a nice house, so she [social worker] always assume like we
were being taken care of.

Sky’s social worker made a lot of assumptions about what her grandmother was able to
provide. Sky never got invited to Disneyland with all the other foster youth because her

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social worker thought her grandmother could afford it on her own. They also never
received holiday gifts or invitations to the foster youth events sponsored by the
Department of Family and Children Services. “And it’s like we missed out on a lot of
opportunities to do things and have fun.” Sky did not think that her social worker was
helpful and thought her visits were a waste of time. When Sky was younger, the visits
were less often, every six to seven months and in high school she came once a month to
give them bus passes. The social worker was the only person connected to the foster care
system she remembers having contact with aside from her ILP class.
At the age of 16, Sky and her brother enrolled in a mandatory Independent Living
Program (ILP) class. She got into the ILP class early because her grandmother wanted
her to take it while her older brother was also in the class. At the end of the class they
each received $50.00. When she completed the class, the Outreach Advisor that taught
the class offered her a job as a peer counselor. This was a positive experience for Sky
because she got to learn more about the foster care system and help others like her.
And so, that was a good experience because, you know, you get to listen to
different experiences and meet new people and try to help them get through what
they are going through. ILP is the class to help foster youth transition, I mean
emancipated out of the system, like become independent and they teach them
about how to get a car, if you want to get a car, how to save money, how to
budget your money, so you can pay your rent, how to get a job, just basic skills
that you need for the real world.

Sky learned a lot about the foster care system and existing resources by working as a peer
counselor for ILP. She felt prepared and confident as she anticipated emancipation.
Sky emancipated in October on her 18
th
birthday. She went to the courthouse and
stood in front of the judge.
He [judge] was proud of me cause I had a good future ahead of me and like I was
enrolled in college. I graduated from high school and I was coming to a program

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like the RS and so, many of the people that worked in DCFS [Department of
Children and Family Services] was like happy for me.

Pathway to College
Sky’s grandmother spoke to her about college and told her how important it was
for her to go. Sky also had her high school counselor and her ILP advisor encourage her
to apply to college. In addition to meeting with her guidance counselor for school related
matters, she found herself making frequents visits to her office to just talk, hangout or to
have lunch.
She was the best counselor. She pushed me to like apply to the different Cal
States, because it was, I guess free online with the waiver. So, she pulled me out
of class. She was like, ‘go to the library and apply to these colleges’ and so I
applied…

Initially, Sky did not get accepted into CSU-A. A short time after getting rejected from
CSU-A Sky received an application from the RS program who was going to give her
another opportunity to apply to CSU-A. She filled it out, went to the interview and got
into CSU-A via the RS program.
Although Sky had a lot of people encouraging her to go to college, she herself
was not motivated. She decided to go to college because she did not want to be like her
siblings, she wanted to make her grandmother proud and she wanted to become
independent. Further propelling her motivation to attend were acceptance letters to
college she was receiving and hearing people say how proud they are of her and her
accomplishments. Sky is the only one that went to college out of her siblings so she does
not want to disappoint her grandmother by not going to college and finishing.

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College
Sky started CSU-A at Summer Bridge in July, which is a requirement of all RS
students. She moved out of her grandmother’s house and moved into the residential halls
on campus that summer.
So, I was kind of sad because I was in my granny’s house for like a long time. I
was there since I was two like that’s all I knew. I never really like moved out.
And so that was hard.

Summer Bridge was fun for Sky, aside from the tight schedule that regulated when they
ate, go to class, study and sleep. Because she was not used to being on a schedule at her
grandmother’s, the schedule at Summer Bridge was hard in the beginning but it taught
her how to manage her time and got her ready for “real college.” The fun part for Sky
was meeting different people and having a roommate who was another RS student she
met at summer orientation. They have been good friends ever since and the friends she
met from the RS program have served as her support group. She appreciates the other RS
students because she has people she relates to and was relieved to know that she was not
the only person that went through the foster care system.
Sky remained in the residential halls for her first year then moved into the
“Village,” off-campus student housing, for her second and third years of college. She
enjoyed living at the Village because it gave her a better sense of independence.
It felt good. I didn’t feel really independent because it was like they took money
out of financial aid for the dorms already. So, when I moved in the Village, it
became like, I could pay my rent, I could buy my own groceries. I really felt
independent then.

Although Sky enjoyed the social aspects of college, she did find academics to be a
challenge.

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Not all the classes was hard, but like certain classes, like I don’t think like I
usually use the excuse that I didn’t learn what everybody else learned, like
coming from a school in Compton. I felt like they didn’t teach us to a level that
everybody else was learning at. I don’t know. I felt that everybody learns on a
different level in different cities. I wasn’t that prepared.

Sky’s grades kept dropping and it got harder to for her to stay motivated. She has gone
from a 3.0 GPA after Summer Bridge to a current 2.1 GPA. Although she has developed
better study skills in the past three years, her grade point average continues to remain
low.
I’m learning now that I need to read the book to have the answers for the test.
And so, I need to learn how to study more. I learned how to study better, because
I really didn’t. I really thought it was kind of just easy, you know?

Sky is in her third year at CSU-A and is doing much better in school. She is
enjoying her major classes so her grades have been improving. Her goal is to raise her
GPA to a 2.5. She is majoring in sociology and is working towards becoming a social
worker because she wants to be the social worker she never had. She wants to make a
difference in the foster care system and be a social worker that cares, that goes above and
beyond her responsibilities to support foster youth and encourage them to go to college.
Because of my social worker, she was not the best social worker and I want to
make a difference…I just want to help those who were just like me. Who went
through what I went through and I can relate to them…they think they’re alone.
They feel that nobody loves them. They just felt like nobody can relate to them.
So, with me sharing my story with them and letting them see that I have a career
and I’ve done something with my life, you know, that sure really can give them
some you, give them a push.

Sky is involved in getting the RS club chartered as well as being active in the
Black Student Union and the Multicultural Council. She spends most of her free time
hanging-out with her friends at the Village community center. “Instead of homework, I
go on MySpace and Facebook and I go back home to my grandma’s house to spend time

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with her.” She visits her grandmother about “three times a month” but says she would go
more often if she had a car at her disposal. She is currently working on getting her
license, and while she has a permit, Sky has not had the time to practice driving to take
her test.
RS Program
Sky entered into the RS program with a cohort of eight other former foster youths.
They connected at Summer Bridge and have developed a strong bond over the years. Sky
received a lot of support from her advisors in EOP and RS, keeping her on track and
provided her advice on her career options, finances and life in general. She loves the RS
staff because they understand what she and other RS students have gone through. She did
experience some transitional pains when they lost long-term staff and gained a new
director, largely due to established relationships and trust that was built between them
and the students. Bringing in new professional staff was difficult for Sky and her friends
because they were always experiencing people coming and going in their lives. Sky
wants stability in her life, but the lack of it makes it difficult for her to establish trust and
rapport with others.
The RS program provides Sky with financial support. Financial aid plus
additional grants and ILP money has kept her from having to apply for additional
scholarships or to have to work. One thing Sky regrets not participating in was the Los
Angeles County foster youth graduation celebration held at the Disney Concert Hall.
Every graduating senior that participated received a college scholarship and she is
disappointed that she missed out on that scholarship.

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Sky does not have a job and aside from RS, she is not really active on campus.
She often finds herself getting bored, which very often leads her to spend money. She
realized that she needed to stop spending money and start saving so Sky now has a
checking and savings account where she has been putting away the extra money from
financial aid she receives. When she turns 21, she will be cut off from ILP and medical
care. The savings she has started building will be available to her when she is forced to
provide for herself.
Sky attributes her college success to the RS program. “If I wasn’t in the program,
I’ll be lost like, I would have no sense of direction coming from foster care, like, it feels
good to be part of the RS because it’s like that’s our little community.” She has two very
dedicated advisors to go to for advice and support and a community space to study and
hangout. Sky considers the RS program as family.
Sky and about 15 other RS students are actively putting together a club that
focuses on foster care issues. They do not have a name yet, but their goal is to “reach out
to foster youth and show them the college campus and let them know that we have a
program.” The club is open to everyone so they are looking for a name that will
distinguish them from the RS program.
Sky speaks out a lot about her foster care experience to different audiences, from
interviews and class presentations to taking an active role in the California Youth
Connection (CYC), a group that advocates for foster youth issues. Sky got involved in
high school when she was part of the ILP program and has stayed involved in college.
Sky is very passionate about educating current foster youth about resources and college
because she has found that foster youth do not always get the services and resources they

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need to emancipate and to carry on a healthy and productive life after emancipation. As
such, Sky wants to do something to change that reality.
I want them [foster youth] to have the information when they emancipate, like
how they can find housing. So they won’t be homeless because a lot of foster
youth, they become stranded once they emancipate. I want them to have like
housing, be informed about school because it’s like there is a low number of
foster youth in college and I want to increase that number.

Beyond College
Sky is still in contact with her father, yet their relationship has changed since he
remarried. Her dad and his new family, along with her older brother now live in the
Inland Valley.
I’m very distant with my dad. I don’t have a grudge with him…He calls me and
sees how I’m doing, you know, we call each other. I go visit him from time to
time, but it’s nothing like, you know, close.

Her father is no longer in a gang and has a seven-year-old son for whom he wants to do
the right thing. “He wants the best for my brother. So, my brother is having a good life.”
Sky got back in contact with the brother that lived with the other grandmother.
He is now 18 and is planning on going to fire fighter school. They reconnected at their
mother’s sister’s funeral and are now really close.
Sky has remained in contact with her mother. “Like, I forgive her for everything
she has done because everybody makes mistakes, but yeah, I feel like, if she needs
something, I’ll be there for her.”
Sky cannot wait to graduate from college and although she is worried about not
having financial aid, she is eager to start making her own money. “Like I’m anxious
right now to go out and work. I’m tired of sitting here in class. I want to apply this
stuff.” After graduation, Sky plans on pursuing her masters in social work. She is in the

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process of researching programs in clinical social work. She wants to be a social worker
for Los Angeles County and work with foster youth. She also wants to open-up a group
home, one for girls and one for boys with her friend that is also in the RS program.
You hear a lot about group homes being bad and the people not getting what they
need in the group home. And they, the kids in the group home are being
mistreated and stuff like that. So, I just want to open up a group home that does
the opposite of that. I want them to have a good experience like I had, you know
because everybody does not get good experiences in the foster care system.

Sky is very aware of her past and is cautious about the path she has to take to
avoid making the “same mistakes” as her parents.
I don’t want to do what my mom and dad did. I want to finish school, have career
goals, make money, have children and I want my children to have the ideal
family, a mother and a father there, but before I have children, I want to get
married and do it right!

Sky’s past has made her into a strong and a caring “motherly” person.
Sky does not know what the future will bring. She has some immediate goals
such as finishing school, getting into graduate school and becoming a social worker. She
understands that she will need to stay motivated and expect more from herself in order to
achieve her goals. In addition to her career, she does want to move away from Southern
California, maybe to Atlanta, Georgia, get married and raise a family. Right now, she is
just eager to finish college, which may be another two years.

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The Lived Experience of Shannon Marie

Shannon Marie is a 20-year-old African American female. She is a third-year
biology major at CSU-A. Shannon Marie was in the foster care system for nine years and
she emancipated at the age of 18.
Personal and Family Background
Shannon Marie (Shannon) was born in Hayward, California to a single mother
and is the second youngest of six children. Her living situation with her mother was very
unstable, moving from shelter to shelter. She moved to Los Angeles from Hayward at
the age of four where they remained homeless, living in shelters and motels.
I remember, once I did graduate from elementary we got a home in a hotel. We
got an apartment and that’s when everything kind of went sour, because like now,
she hasn’t looked after us and we started missing more school. So they [school
administrators] told her that she needed to keep me in the school more, but she
tried to but she can get really sick.

Shannon’s mother had a difficult time dealing with stress and depression, which in turn
made it challenging for her mother to maintain a job and care for her children.
As Shannon got into her younger adults years, she learned more about her
complex family system. In addition to her five biological brothers, she found out that she
might have additional siblings from her biological father whom she has never met.
Foster Care Placement(s)
Shannon and her younger brother were taken from their mother by two police
officers and the county social worker on November 18, 1999 and taken to Bright Future,
a foster care agency. Her other siblings at that time were over the age of 18 so they were
left alone. Shannon, age 10, and her younger brother, age 7, stayed at Bright Future for a
few hours before their foster family, the Johnson’s, came for them. The Johnson’s had

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three children of their own and had been fostering children before the arrival of Shannon
and her brother. Shannon was the only foster child the Johnson’s cared for that stayed
through emancipation. In less than one year, her brother was moved to another family
because the Johnson’s did not like the fact that he often wet his bed at night.
She lost contact with her biological mother two years after entering into the foster
care system. Although Shannon did not move from one foster family to another, she had
to work hard to stay with the Johnson’s. In high school, Shannon’s foster mother gave
her up a couple of times, but Shannon was able to fight her way back into their lives. For
example, Shannon was dropped off at a teen shelter the summer of her senior year in high
school while her foster family went on a seven-day cruise. They never went back for her
after the cruise and Shannon had no other choice but stay at the teen shelter. She
remained there for about 40 days until her foster mother changed her mind and asked her
to come home. Rather than returning to her foster family’s home, she opted to stay in
Long Beach with her foster sister. She remained with her foster sister until she left for
college. Although her experience with the Johnson’s was rocky, she forgave them and
remains in contact with them to present day.
Foster Care Experience
Shannon’s relationship with her foster mother began to strain when she started
high school. Though she tried to do everything right, there always seemed to something
that upset her foster mother.
She [foster mother] started getting like mildly abusive because she would always
say, ‘There’s only one woman in this house. I’m the woman.’ And she always
thought that I was trying to like separate the other kids from the foster father…the
foster father was like, we had a closer relationship, because we have the same
interest, you know, art and music, comedy.

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Her foster mom also treated her differently from her biological children, leaving Shannon
to feel that her foster mother did not care about her accomplishments. Shannon
remembers the time when her foster mother attended all of her foster sister’s basketball
games and ignored her games when her time came. “…They use to go to her basketball
games. When I played basketball they didn’t come for one game…I totally noticed that I
was being pushed to the background.”
Shannon felt like she was an “inconvenience” to her foster family, saying, “So, I
called my social worker and I was like ‘I don’t want to live here anymore. I don’t want
to be there.’” She asked her social worker to keep her frustration confidential from her
foster mother. Unfortunately, her call for help backfired because her social worker
shared everything with her foster mother. As a result, her foster mother became so upset
that she kept Shannon from going on the family cruise. Shannon was really looking
forward to the family cruise, but it was something that her foster mother used as a way to
keep her in line. Each time she time she got into trouble, her foster mother would take
away the cruse. This happened so often, Shannon gave up on the idea she was going on
the cruise. The incident with the social worker ultimately denied her the opportunity of
going on the trip.
Shannon went through three social workers by her senior year, none of whom
made a lasting impression. They came and went, meeting with her and her foster mother
regularly, jotting down notes at every visit. Shannon glanced at the notes on one
occasion and saw that the social worker made mention of her biological mother. She
remembers it saying that her biological mother was “crazy.” Shannon did not appreciate

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the comments she read and wondered if she was being similarly judged because of her
mother’s condition.
After the intervention by her social worker, Shannon and her foster mother
attended counseling to try and work things out. Counseling did not work largely because
her foster mother failed to remove Shannon the teen shelter after the cruise.
So, I ended up going to this teen shelter. So, I was there for a week for the whole
time at the cruise. So, I’m like okay on the first day—days gone by and
everybody there, I think they already kind of knew that I was not getting picked
up, but I didn’t know. So, I’m talking to the lady and she’s like, “Yes, you know
why you’re here.” I was like, they are at the cruise and they will get me after
seven days. So she was like, okay. Seven days passed, maybe they will do it the
next day because you know, time to get back. So, I called up the ninth day and I
was like, “oh, yes, what’s going on?” She was like, “Oh, yes, I have decided that
I don’t want you here in the house anymore.”

While at the shelter one of the ladies that worked there felt bad for her and offered
Shannon a place to stay with her in Long Beach until she finished her senior year in high
school. At about the same time, her foster mother called, saying, “I made a mistake and I
want you to come back.” Shannon was initially hesitant to take up her offer but at the
same time, this was the only family she had ever known, so she returned to the Johnson’s.
However, her foster family had moved to a new home in Fontana. Rather than going with
them, she stayed behind with her foster sister in Paramount.
Everyday, Shannon took the bus from Paramount to Long Beach where she was
finishing up her senior year in high school. On her way home from school, she would
stop at her foster grandmother’s place in Compton. Shannon had her own room in
Paramount and her foster mother paid her foster sister $500 a month to help out with rent.
Each month, Shannon’s foster mother received $1,100 a month to help pay for Shannon’s
cost of living. After paying $500 a month for Shannon’s rent for several months and

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giving her spending money, her foster mother decided it was not worth her while to
continue to support her.
So what got me was like towards or around Christmas time, she told me again,
she was like, “I don’t want you to live here. I made a mistake again. I don’t want
you in my house any more. I don’t want to take care of you no more.” That is
when I broke down, I really broke down that time and I was in theater so I told the
theater teacher and she was like, “you know, that is not right, this is the second
time that she did that to you.”

She informed her foster grandmother about her foster mother’s latest decision, to which
her foster grandmother reassured her that she could stay with her while she dealt with her
foster mother. She continued to stay with her foster sister and made her daily visits to her
foster grandmother despite her foster mother’s request.
Even though Shannon had a strained relationship with her foster mother, her
relationship with the other family members was positive and strong. She considers her
foster family as her family. When Shannon spoke of her foster family, she often left out
the label “foster.” She has grown so close to them that she addresses them as mom, dad,
sister, aunt, uncle and grandmother. “I have forgiven her for the past and I think she’s
trying to forget about the past. I think she is growing as a person too.” Despite the way
her foster mother treated her, she continues to go on yearly family cruises and gives her
foster mother money she earns. As of today, her mother foster mother owes her about
$8000 but she does not expect to get repaid.
Pathway to College
Shannon learned about college from her mother in the second grade, but it was
not until she was at the teen shelter did she realize that college was her way out.
Yes, once I got out of the shelter, I had a big plan. I was like if I don’t go back to
the house, you know, I’ll move out of here and I will make sure I get into college.

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I will make sure that I will take care of myself. You know, it is true because I am
in college. I took care of myself. I had choices.

In high school, she was encouraged by all of her teachers to go to college because
they thought she was a good student with a great deal of potential. Teachers, counselors
and classmates never knew Shannon was in the foster care system. Only four friends and
two teachers knew, her choir teacher because he helped her with her RS application and
her theater teacher because she told her early on in their relationship. She connected with
her theater teacher because she did not judge her and she understood her and was there to
listen and give her advice, something she did not receive from her foster mother.
Applying for college was easy for Shannon. “Easy! Well, the easiest thing ever. I
thought it would be hard but it was so easy.” Shannon used CSUMentor, an online
application program to assist her with her applications and was able to apply to six
schools with one form. Financial aid was a bit more challenging because she did not
receive any assistance when engaged with the process. Shannon was accepted by USC
and a school in Washington, but she chose not to attend either school because she did not
want to go “overboard with loans.”
The majority of the colleges to which she applied accepted Shannon and she
enjoyed the fact that she had choices. CSU-A was the last college to accept her and
ultimately the one she decided to attend. After receiving her acceptance to CSU-A she
heard from the RS program – a program she was unfamiliar with prior to her acceptance.
She completed the RS application, went through the interview process and got accepted.
College
Shannon started her college experience at summer orientation. Her fondest
memory of summer orientation was meeting her friend Sky when they ran into each other

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while looking for orientation. She did not have a good impression of Sky when they first
met, but coincidently, she ran into her again at Summer Bridge later that summer. Not
only was she in Summer Bridge with Sky, but they became roommates in Summer
Bridge and for their freshman year. They have been good friends ever since, supporting
each other and keeping each other company over the last three years. Even today, they
still laugh about their first encounter.
Summer Bridge gave Shannon a head start to college. Because she placed into
college level math and did not have to take remedial math during Summer Bridge, she
was able to take political science and English. She did not have a hard time adjusting to
living on her own. “It was kind of the same thing for me because my senior year, I was
already living with my sister so I wasn’t really you know at my parent’s house.” Overall,
Shannon had a positive Summer Bridge experience, which provided her with the
opportunity to make friends, get a head start on school and build her confidence.
Coming from a semester system in high school, she was challenged by the shorter
quarter system. To her surprise, however, she did really well her first year in college. “It
was pretty good, I was doing good actually. My grades were excellent, I was excellent.”
She felt the courses she took were easy and getting the good grades “was a good
confidence booster.”
Although she was on campus before the start of the fall quarter, she still felt lost
in a very busy place. She did not feel different living on her own because she was
already doing that with her foster sister. She is use to being on her own. She got along
fine with Sky but not with their third roommate, who was also a RS scholar. She tried,
but the relationship did not turn out the way she expected.

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Shannon visits her foster family two to three times a month and stays with them
whenever she can over the holidays. She does not drive, so her family picks her up. She
is working on getting her driver’s license, hopefully in the summer. She had a permit but
that expired because she did not get to practice driving.
Currently, Shannon is in her third year of college. She is majoring in Biology and
is on track to become a physician’s assistant. Her grades have slipped since her first year
and her GPA now stands at a 2.7 GPA. In addition to the RS program, Shannon is
involved in two science clubs. Because she loves to sing and dance, she has taken choir
and several dance classes on campus. Shannon would love to be a professional recording
artist and as such, has gone to auditions and is always opened to sharing her talents on
campus.
RS Program
The RS program is a source of support for Shannon as it provides her with
information and access to campus and county resources. As a student, she has utilized
Educational Opportunity Program (EOP) services, the learning center, the reading lab and
tutoring. All RS students are guaranteed free year-round campus housing. She took
advantage of the campus housing her first year, then moved into off-campus foundation
student housing.
Shannon loves the diversity of the RS program because it allows her to be around
people with different perspectives and backgrounds. She is not uncomfortable sharing
her life experience with other RS students because she knows that they will not judge her
past. When she does share her story with people that do not understand the foster care

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system, they respond with shock that she has made it so far all the while maintaining such
a positive spirit.
The RS program requires every RS student to attend a yearly retreat. This year
was Shannon’s third retreat, which she enjoys because it brings them “closer as a family.”
She does not think that the topics that are covered are always the most exciting and does
not think that people are always engaged in the process.
Shannon came into the program receiving financial support from several funding
sources. The RS program creates a financial aid package for every RS student by
combining different funding sources such as money from ILP, grants, scholarships and
sometimes loans to make it possible for the students to pay for college and living
expenses.
Beyond College
Shannon has been saving money since she was in the fourth grade; something she
learned to do by watching adults. “So, I just watch older people a lot…like how they
save their money, so like in middle school, instead of trying to spend all the money that I
got for my allowance and lunch, I brought my own lunch.” Instead of using her $5.00
lunch and snack money, she asked her foster mother to make her lunch everyday. She
even brought lunch for her friends. She saved up her lunch money to buy things she
wanted and it gave her a sense of independence. She has continued to save up her money
throughout college, now more intentionally to prepare herself for graduate school.
Shannon wants to go to graduate school to become a physician’s assistant. She is
currently studying biology and is maintaining a B average. Getting into a school right
now is her biggest priority.

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I see myself in the health field, like in the medicine field. I want to be a physician
assistant. And I think there, I can get to experience probably some stuff where I
can take it back to the communities and like, you know, you need to take care of
yourself and I’ll try to see if I could get doctors to give free appointments and free
treatments to some people that don’t have necessarily the money to pay for it,
especially in the foster care community. Like people in the foster care system, so
I’ll see if I can get some resource from that.

Shannon and other RS students this past year were asked to create a five-year
plan. For Shannon, it was challenging to plan so far in advance. “To me, you can’t really
see where you will be in five years, you could only hope you are there in five years, but I
think that’s just being unrealistic.” Shannon’s “five-year plan” includes graduating from
CSU-A and get into physician assistant school. A bonus is to become a recording artist
on the side.
I would like to be a celebrity. I’d like to travel the world. I see myself on MTV.
I just feel like that’s a backup plan, I mean actually going to college and getting a
degree and having a real profession, it would be like plan A. Like you have one
plan you always want to see if plan B might happen because it’s just like, it’s a
wish, it’s a fantasy. But plan A is permanent, plan B is maybe.

A recent goal of Shannon’s is to find her biological father. Shannon does not
know who her father is but found his contact information online. He is currently residing
in Sacramento and she plans on writing him and visiting him this spring. She is nervous
about meeting her father and other siblings and hopes that their meeting goes well.
She has four brothers that are from her biological mother whom she has not seen
since they left Hayward. They did not get placed into foster care like she was because
they were old enough to find a place of their own. Only recently did one of her brothers
contact her to see if she would move to Los Angeles to be with her biological mother and
help with rent. She said “no way,” as she was not about to move and change colleges to

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live with her mother. Her goal right now in life is to take care of her own business and
she does not have the time to deal with everything else.
She is not in a relationship and does not seem to be particularly excited about
having one. She has never been in a relationship and finds dating boring. When asked
what she was looking for in a relationship she said,
Someone to make me laugh, everybody is just so uptight, like just chill out...so,
this person needs to be funny and has to have something going on…If you only
have McDonalds, you’d be the best McDonalds worker you can be. Just don’t be
like some lazy guy.

Shannon does see herself having cats and adopting a lot of kids.
I’ll be a foster mother…I don’t want to have a lot of [biological] kids because I
feel like there’s so many kids out there already that don’t have anywhere to
go…Two adopted, probably two natural, and then in between foster children.

She plans on starting a family in her late 20’s or early 30’s but wants to “live life” and
travel before she settles down to start a family. She wants to be a “goofy mother…really
goofy and really childlike” and she wants to be there for her children and take care of
them.
This summer Shannon will be going on another seven-day cruise to Baja
California with her former foster family. Although she was never adopted into the
Johnson’s family, she still sees them as her family. She says she is lucky because she has
two moms as she and her foster mother have developed a stronger bond over the years.
She has moved beyond the past to create new ties with her foster mother. Shannon is
looking ahead, putting the past behind and excited about what her future may bring.

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The Lived Experience of Jasmine
Jasmine is a 21-year-old Latina. She was a clinical exercise science major for
about three years before declaring sociology as her major. Jasmine was in the foster care
system for 11 years before she emancipated.
Personal and Family Background
Jasmine was born in Mexico. Her father was never around because he was in and
out of jail. “The first time I saw him was in jail, and I don’t really remember much about
him just because I was a little kid.” Jasmine lived with her mother, who worked in the
fields, seven sisters and two brothers. Jasmine was seven when her mother passed away
from cancer. “And when she passed away, one of my older sister the one I really never
saw, she came in. She somehow brought us here to the United States.”
In the states, Jasmine and her little sister lived with her older brother and his wife.
Things did not work out at her brother’s place because his wife was physically abusing
her and her little sister. As a result, they moved in with the older sister that brought them
to the states. However, her older sister was having problems with her own husband and
kids and when things did not work out she eventually “kicked” them back over to the
older brother. Jasmine and her little sister were bounced between her older sister and her
older brother. “So throughout this time when we were living with my brother, his wife is
physically abusing my little sister and myself.”
Between the moving and the physical abused, Jasmine also had to endure abuse
from another brother.
My other brother would take me and tell people that we were going to do
something at grandma’s back in Mexico, instead he sexually abused me
throughout that time. It has probably happened three or four times, that he’s said
that he would take me to grandma then take me to his place. And so this

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happened for a while, maybe throughout the whole year that we were with my
brother, my other brother and somehow when we were in school, I just remember
the cops coming to class and taking me and my little sister away.

Foster Care Placement
Jasmine and her younger sister did not know why the police came for them.

I really did not know what was going on. I was just confused. And they took us,
they questioned us, and then we are taken to a foster home. I didn’t know what
was going on and I was so confused. My mom had just passed away and then we
had just seen all the physical abuse, and then this happened.

Jasmine and her younger sister were placed with a foster family while the police
conducted their investigation. Two years went by before her older sister was able to visit.
She was the only person that visited and those visits were monitored by the social worker.
Jasmine and her younger sister remained in the same foster home for three years
before the court recommended adoption. Jasmine wanted to live with her sister or aunt,
but no one in the family wanted to bring them home. Still, Jasmine did not want to go
through adoption, nor did she want to be separated from her younger sister and not see
her older sister.
So we tried our best to not be given to adoption, and we did not. My foster mom
took custody of us, or she did not take custody of us but she became our legal
guardian. Me and my sister stayed together.

Foster Care Experience
Jasmine and her younger sister did not want to be away from family, but the
choice was not theirs. Living with a foster family was hard but she was glad that she and
her sister were together and that they were “not moved around from home to home to
home like other foster youths.” Jasmine remained with her foster family until she
emancipated at the age of 18.

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At the young age of eight, Jasmine craved love and attention. Jasmine shared her
foster parents with her own sister, three other girls that were also in the foster care
system, two biological daughters that were 18 and 23 and grandchildren. Though only
one biological daughter was still living in the home when they were there, the other
would drop her children off before going to work.
You see the difference with how they treat their children, what they get, of course,
they are going to get more than what we are. If we go to the store, we are not
going to get what they, you know, what they are getting and stuff. So, we are
very limited and like just I would say at the time, I would think it was like love or
preference and stuff.

There was an obvious difference in treatment between the foster children and the
biological children. Jasmine did everything she could to get her foster mother’s approval
and attention, from getting good grades, to following the house rules and staying away
from trouble. She even sided with her foster mother when her sister got into trouble to
earn her approval. Jasmine’s younger sister was hurt and felt betrayed despite the reason
she gave her about why she had to side with their foster mother, which was her attempt to
do all that was necessary so that she and her sister did not get separated due to their bad
behavior.
Jasmine competed against her foster mother’s grandson for recognition and
attention. Her foster mother doted on him and rewarded him for everything he did. He
could not do anything wrong in his grandmother’s eyes. “I was the kind of kid that
needed the attention, so I always wanted the attention from them.” It was not that her
foster parents did not complement or acknowledge Jasmine’s achievements, rather, she
just wanted more. Jasmine did not feel that it was fair that they got the generic brands
while the biological children and grandchildren got the brand names.

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I’m acting a little ridiculous now, but at that time, it just, it kind of hurt because,
like they would get the shampoo and then they would get us the cheapest
shampoo…We would get Kicks or Cheerios, when we wanted the Frosted Flakes
or Lucky Charms. So we kind of saw the differences…I kind of wanted what
they were having, so it kind of hurt and it kind of made me feel like, do they love
us? What are we actually here? Why don’t they just take us to a different home
or something…I know they did care but I just saw like there was like love missing
and I needed like that attention, like that mother attention or father attention.

When Jasmine turned 15, she started questioning why she was in foster care, how she got
into foster care and why her relatives did not assume custody of her. No one in her
family and foster family was ever forthcoming about the incidents that led to her
placement in foster care and why she and her sister were not living with their immediate
family.
I just started having a lot of questions and having a really hard time getting them
answered because, throughout this whole time, it was never brought up, never.
Maybe they do not want to bring it up because I was a kid and they do not want to
confuse me. I am not sure, and up to this point, I still do not know.

Jasmine’s frustration of not knowing the truth and not getting the attention she craved led
her to rebel. This behavior continued until the 10
th
grade, when her foster mother found
out about her drug and smoking habits.
I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, started like trying drugs and then
getting bad grades…I did not tell anybody but I started smoking cigarettes and
doing drugs because I thought that that kills, so it would kill me, and I would not
have to deal with you know doing through this, like going through the home,
going to the house and seeing how different they treated me and my little sister,
and not having my questions answered and dealing with my family.

The only person that visited Jasmine and her younger sister while they were in
foster care was their older sister, the one that was 18 when they were placed into the
system. For the first two years, the foster mother monitored the visits. Over time, the
monitored visits increased in time such that the one-day monitored visits turned into
unmonitored weekend visits. Jasmine and her younger sister got to spend the weekends

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with their family at gatherings without have to have their foster mother present. These
weekend visits came at a time when Jasmine began questioning her situation and the past.
The visits added to her pain and frustration because everyone in the family acted as
though nothing ever happened.
They never mentioned it. The thing that upsets me the most is that when we used
to go over on the weekends, there were a few times, we saw my brother, the one
that sexually abused me. And that hurt me so much because I do not know, like I
do not know what was going through their heads. I do not know what went
through my family’s head, my biological family, like I do not know what
happened. I do not know what they have told grandma because maybe like about
three or four years ago, we went to Mexico and nobody like mentioned anything.

Jasmine wants the truth about why she and her sister were removed from the
family and why the family never did anything about the brother that sexually abused her,
but is afraid to ask. She is afraid to ask especially her two older sisters because she does
not know what would come out of the conversation. She does not want to lose her two
sisters. Her foster mother did share one piece of information with Jasmine.
She told me that they took everything to court because apparently, my brother
came out…he was sent to jail. He was in jail for like about three years. So, I
guess he came out or something and when my foster mom told that nobody
wanted to testify against him, no one in my family wanted to. The only proof that
they had was the medical papers, but my family did not allow them to give that to
the judge. And the examination was proof that he did it, and they did not allow
that. Why, I do not know, like I do not know. I am like that really hurt.

What really hurt Jasmine the most is knowing that no one in the family wanted to take
custody of her and your younger sister and for staying in touch with her brother after
what he had done.
Jasmine’s foster mother hid all the court documents but Jasmine was able to
locate the documents one day when her foster mother was away. When she discovered
them, she could not help but wonder why they were kept away from her.

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Why was everything just like hidden from us, from me and my little sister? I am
like, kind of like just brainwashing us and just telling us to ignore everything and
just move on with your life. Anyway, that is how I took it because they never
brought it up.

Jasmine had regular visits from her agency and county social workers. She had
about three different agency social workers and about nine county social workers from
the time she entered into the foster care system to the time she emancipated. So many
came and went she was not able to keep track of the numbers. Moreover, the
inconsistency of the social workers made it hard for Jasmine to develop a trusting
relationship with them. Her social workers checked in on her and her younger sister once
a month to make sure they had their basic needs met. The thirty minutes to an hour visit
consisted of a house safety inspection, and inquires about their diet, health, school and
clothing. Everything from clothing inventory, safety violations and conversations with
the foster parents and children during the visits was documented. Jasmine’s foster
mother did not like the visits as each time there would be a list of changes her foster
mother had to make to maintain a safe household for the children. Her foster mother was
particularly upset when she had to remove the Jacuzzi. A cover over the Jacuzzi was not
sufficient to prevent the children from possibly drowning.
Jasmine did not find the visits helpful because the social workers did not take her
concerns seriously. Nothing ever changed after their visits aside from the safety
violations. On one occasion, Jasmine complained to the social worker about her foster
mother treating the foster children differently. The social worker relayed Jasmine’s
disappointment to her foster mother, which in turn led her foster mother to become very
upset and threaten to send her to another home. Consequently, Jasmine stopped trusting
the social workers.

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There were some differences between the county and agency social workers.
Jasmine preferred the agency social worker over those from the county because they
spent more time on their visits, would invite them to holiday parties and bring them gifts
on special occasions. Neither the county or agency social workers ever mentioned how
nor why they were place in the foster care system and Jasmine never asked because she
did not trust them. After her previous attempt to get help with her foster mother, she did
not want to get in trouble again.
I think this is one thing that you kind of just, like when you are in the foster care
system, a lot of youth are scared to talk or scared to ask questions because they do
not know what to expect. I know once, my foster mom kind of threatened,
always, it was not just once, always threatened us with saying, “Okay, if you keep
doing those things, you are going to be going to another home. I will call the
social worker and they are going to take you.” So, I think I got to a point where I
just kept everything to myself.

In addition to meeting with social workers, Jasmine went to group counseling for
two years and after that, she went to individual counseling with another therapist for six
years. Jasmine did not continue after her sixth year because she did not think the
counseling helped or that the counselor truly cared about her. She felt they were just
doing their job. “I just felt like it wouldn’t help and they just want to get into my business
and they just want to know my life and they don’t even care, that is the way I was
thinking.”
No one outside of her foster home and people that were part of the foster care
system knew she was a foster youth. None of her friends in school ever found out largely
because Jasmine did everything in her power to convince her classmates that her foster
father was her biological father and her foster mother was her stepmother.
My friends, they still do not know up to this point [present day]. I just did not
want them to judge me and I was embarrassed of why I was in foster care, so I

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never like brought it up and I know that if I told them, that those are my foster
parents, they are going to ask questions. And that was the thing that I was
avoiding, the questions that they would ask because I would not know what to
say.

Jasmine wanted to have a “normal” life with a “normal” family and as a result, she
avoided all circumstances where people had to meet her foster parents. She never invited
friends over to avoid questions about her family. A couple of times in 12
th
grade she
reluctantly offered her home up to her classmates to work on group projects.
Nobody else wanted to volunteer their house so we had no other option but for
them to come over to my place. And they would come in and I would try to rush
them through to my room because as soon as you enter the house, there is a big
wall on the house and it had pictures of her family and no pictures of me and my
little sister…another thing that I do not like talking about is about my race or
nationality or culture or stuff, it is really hard for me because although I am from
Mexico, their [foster family] race is Salvadorian…and so they would see things
that says El Salvador in the house. And of course, they knew I was Mexican.

Whenever these awkward questions come up Jasmine would come up with a lie to hide
her identity, which she does not enjoy doing because she cannot be herself.
I felt like I am being a fake, you know. And that really hurt because I was not
able to express that something happened at home or if I felt a certain way, I could
not go to them [friends] and talk to them.

Jasmine felt trapped. She was unable to find a win-win solution to her problem. On the
one hand, she was afraid of losing her friends and the people she loved if she spoke of the
truth. Yet, on the other, by not speaking the truth, she had no one to confide in.
Pathway to College
Jasmine was an average student in high school and never thought about the
possibility of going to college until she joined the Transportation Course Academy
(TCA) in the 10
th
grade. Although she primarily joined to use their computers, joining
this after school program was one of the best choices she ever made. It was at TCA

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where she met her mentor, the coordinator of the program. He was the only person she
told about her identity as a foster youth. Although he knew about her identity as a foster
youth, he did not know about the whole story. He respected her and did not pry.
In a way, he was more like a grandpa to me, like the advice he would give me.
He always made me feel really good, you know, he always encouraged me and he
always said, like every time I got good grades, it would be “good job” and “keep
it up.” He was always there…and if I was going through a hard time, he would
know, you know. I could talk to him. And when I have gotten to my senior year,
this is when I told him. It actually came out of the EOP form and there the
question in that EOP form is if you were a ward of the court.

Jasmine spent all her free time after school at TCA. The program gave her a good
reason to not have to go directly home. As part of the program, students were required to
take the SAT and apply to colleges. With the support of her TCA teacher, Jasmine
applied for six colleges and she got into three.
So that is what we did and because of him, I was like actually able to apply to
college and think of something more, something for myself and like he future and
stuff like that. And he helped me out a lot. He helped me with a lot of things and
stuff, so I think he was like the only one that I could actually trust and I knew that
he was being a real person.

Jasmine thought a lot about what was going to happen to her when it came time to
emancipate. She did not believe that her foster parents would continue to let her stay
since they would no longer be receiving money from the government for her care. “So, it
actually hit me when I was already in the 12
th
grade and about to graduate. And I was
like oh my god, what am I going to do? Like what happens now?” Jasmine considered
living with her sisters after emancipation, but her sisters had a lot of problems
themselves, and would not be ideal to stay with them.
Somehow, everything began to fall into place. Jasmine got accepted into three
colleges, which meant she would have a place to go. She wanted to go as far away as

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possible, and initially, she was set on attending the California State University, San
Francisco. Then she was contacted by CSU-A’s EOP program, who upon realizing she
was a foster youth, Jasmine was invited to apply for the RS program. “And after that,
everything just started falling into place…it was like amazing to me how my life just fell
into place.”
The hardest part about leaving for college was leaving her sister behind, as they
have never been apart. Jasmine feels responsible for her sister’s well-being and she
blames herself for not being “more of a big sister and being there for her.” Her sister
asked her not to go, but it was not something Jasmine was willing to do. She had a new
life awaiting her and college was her chance to begin a new life and leave the past
behind.
College
Summer Bridge was Jasmine’s first taste of college. The pre-college program
provided Jasmine with the opportunity to meet other students in the RS program, live in
the residence halls and get a head start on her math and English. Through Summer
Bridge, she learned about different resources and college activities. After Summer
Bridge, Jasmine went on to Welcome Week, which is sponsored by university housing
for all first-time residents. Jasmine did not have the $100.00 for registration, so the RS
program got it waived. However, in getting the waiver Jasmine was required to get
involved in the student housing council (IHC) which is a student run programming board
that provides activities for residents. “So from things like that, it is kind of like a
coincidence where I had to do it in order for me to be part of it. So, from there I just kept
getting more and more involved…”

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The mandatory activities Jasmine had to do turned out to be fun and enriching.
As a sophomore, she continued on with IHC and became an EOP peer advisor. As an
EOP peer advisor, she learned all about campus resources and got to meet a lot of staff
and administrators. “I learned a lot and I think I learned how to be part of groups and
then working with other students helped me got more involved and more outspoken and
talk to other students to network and stuff.”
Jasmine’s EOP advisor helped her out academically, offering her advice on how
to become a successful student. She met with her EOP advisor regularly for about two
years until RS brought in their own academic advisor. Jasmine did not like the change in
advisors. “It was really hard for me because I really liked him [EOP advisor]. We boned
lot…he just made me feel really comfortable and he is very, very helpful and he is a
really, really good advisor.” Being an EOP peer advisor has kept her in contact with her
former EOP advisor, however. Out of habit, she periodically visits and gives him
updates.
Over the last four years, Jasmine has developed strong advisor relationships with
three people, the former director to the RS program, K---, the current coordinator of the
RS program, S---- and her former EOP advisor, W--. She has had other advisors, but she
has found herself going back to the three she trusts the most.
I get so attached to a person, so use to a person that changes are hard for me and I
think that is way happens…it is hard to adapt to a new, for me it is hard to adopt
to a new person and then truly trust them and let them in. I think that could be
like a really big issue for me. This one thing that I have, like it is hard for me to
trust anybody and a lot of people take it in a wrong way.
On top of seeing her new advisor through RS, Jasmine also has a college advisor
whom she is suppose to meet with on a regular basis to stay on track with her major. She
does not like meeting with her college advisor because there were quick and impersonal.

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Jasmine had the hardest time her first quarter in college because she had to learn
how to study. “I think it took like a whole entire year for me to learn how to study and
learn how to get through a class and learn different strategies for studying everyday and
stuff.” Although Jasmine took advantage of the free tutoring available through EOP, it
has nonetheless remained a challenge to keep up the good grades.
Graduating from college is her primary goal and fears that if she does not
graduate, she will not be able to get a job to pay her rent and bills. This fear of hers has
kept her from being irresponsible and immature.
So I think for that reason, I’m a bit more responsible and I’d rather take care of
those sorts of two things [degree and job] rather than having fun…My friends are
not always going to be there for me, so it is kind of like choices that I have to
make in order for me to stay where I’m at, and not like lose the place that I am
staying in and stuff.

Jasmine lived in the residence halls for two years and enjoyed living there
because she got along well with her roommate. Things went well until the end of her
second year when their relationship turned sour. She moved into off-campus student
housing and had new roommates. Because she did not get along with them, she cancelled
her contract a quarter early. Thereafter Jasmine moved into a five-bedroom house with a
friend she met at work. She shared the house with two male students and the landlord.
The landlord and one of the male housemates moved out leaving Jasmine, her friend and
the other male student behind to rent out the additional space. Over all, the living
situation they were left with worked out well because the man living with them was a
graduate student that never left his room. She and her roommate got along well and
became “best friends.” Next year, another RS student, a good friend of Jasmine’s, will
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Jasmine’s college experience has had its ups and downs.
So, I have to have someone like give me energy, like boosting me up, and if I do
not have that energy, I sometimes like just bring myself down…I think the bad
thing is that sometimes I just depend on that person so much or depend on that
energy that when I do not have it, I get lost because I don’t know how to get back
on track.

Jasmine has been saving up since she was in high school when her foster mother,
who had opened a savings account for her when she was still a child, gave her the ATM
card to the account when she turned 18. She has learned how to save money and to stay
away from credit cards. In college, she has been saving-up all her scholarship money and
has kept her spending to a minimum because, when she turns 21, she will no longer
receive government support or health care.
Jasmine enjoys the independence of living off-campus and managing her own
finances. She thinks she is doing a good job managing her finances, but she worries
about the future when she is going to need credit to qualify for loans to buy a car or other
big ticket items. As a former foster youth, she does not have a parent that can co-sign a
loan for her. But because she worries about debt, she has not opened a credit card. Yet at
the same time she knows she will need to start somewhere.
I mean I know things are not easy and life is not going to be easy but I think
things like this, a lot of their students, they have their parents to go to help them
out or they need a care, they have a cosigner and you know their parents could be
their cosigner and stuff like that and it just makes a lot more complicated for me.

Jasmine felt she had to grow up faster because she had to be on her own and rely on
herself. She wishes she had someone to tell her what to do.
Jasmine and her foster mother have grown closer since she started college. She
and her sister continue to be invited to holiday dinners and Jasmine visits her foster
parents at least a couple times a month. When she is not around her biological family,

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she calls hers her foster parents “mom” and “dad” as they have become her family. They
will be similarly introduces to her friends and others as her “mom” and “dad.” Their
relationship has changed because, as an adult, she now understands why they treated her
the way they did.
I think I am who I am now, is because of how they raised me and the way they
disciplined me and taught me. They always told me what was going to happen if
I do something wrong or if I don’t go to school, if I don’t get good grades, or if
I’m with a boy, what is going to happen. Like they always prepared me for what
is going to happen in the future.

She understands that it was the age difference that caused all the tension. Her
foster parents meant well from the beginning but she was just too young to appreciate and
understand.
Jasmine’s relationship with her foster parents has changed so much that her foster
parent’s biological children seem to now be jealous of Jasmine’s success and the
complements she has been receiving from their parents. Although Jasmine is close to her
foster parents, she is not close to her two foster sisters who much older. Her foster
parents’ kids are closer in age with Jasmine’s younger sister. The grandson, the one
Jasmine used to envy, is no longer her competition as he is no longer doing well in
school. Over the years, Jasmine and her sister were the only two consistent foster
children at the home. Jasmine’s foster parents fostered nearly 20 children during the time
Jasmine and her sister were under their care. Jasmine and her sister were the only ones
that stayed till emancipation.
Jasmine was in one relationship before her current boyfriend. She is very aware
that her past has taken a toll in her relationship with men because she has a hard time
trusting and expressing herself. When Jasmine first started dating her current boyfriend,

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she did not tell him that she was in foster care. “I could not tell him the truth because I
didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know what his reaction was going to be. So, I would
say things but I would not say like the complete story.” There were times when she had
to meet up with her social worker and needed a ride. She would tell him that she was
meeting up with a cousin instead of the truth. These lies went on for about a year before
she decided to let him know about her past. Rather than tell him in person, she gave him
the letter she wrote for her RS class during her freshman year to read.
Initially, he was shocked with the truth and “was quiet for a long time, not really
know what to say.” He asked her a few questions, but was careful about what he asked
so as to not hurt her feelings. Jasmine did a lot of explaining that day and he found out
that all of the family members he drove her to meet were really her social worker. After
reading the letter, her boyfriend gained a better understanding of Jasmine’s behavior.
Then he understood why I acted the way I did. Why sometimes I feel
uncomfortable even like him getting close to me or hugging or things like that.
He didn’t understand that at first. To him, it was just like weird like “why is she
acting like that?” So, after I told him, things became more like understandable to
him…he will give me my space and then we will come back and talk. So, those
sorts of things, we just like try to work on things.

The letter did not contain every bit to detail, but as time passed, he learned more about
her past. It took about a year before he was able to piece her entire past together.
Jasmine was an exercise science major for three years, before switching to
sociology. She still plans on applying to physical therapy programs, but because she felt
she needed a back-up plan in case she does not get in, she changed her major to sociology
so she can become a social worker. When she entered college, all she wanted to do was
to get away from the foster care system. However, as she got more involved with the RS
program, she realized that she wanted to continue making an impact on foster youth.

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Jasmine wants to improve the foster care system, especially the role of the social worker.
She wants to do something in the foster care system, but she does not know what
specifically yet since it is her back-up plan.
So, that is my goal, my main goal is to continue school, get my masters in
physical therapy and then still be involve with foster youth. I don’t know how I
can combine them, I don’t know how I could do both, but if I can do both, hey I
would be more than willing to do both.

Jasmine’s goal is to purchase a car before she graduates from college. This
winter, she will get her driver’s license and start doing research on buying a car.
RS Program
The RS program takes care of Jasmine’s college finances. Her tuition and campus
housing were taken care of by the RS program. “Like everything is taken care of by the
beginning of the quarter, it is all taken care of. We are like babied so much, but at the
same time I think that we have to learn also.”
The first time Jasmine ever spoke to anyone about her past was during the RS
class where each student was asked to do a presentation on their life experience as a
foster youth. Ever since, Jasmine has no longer been reluctant to speak-up about her
experience. She feels good about sharing her story, especially when she gets feedback
from other youth about the impact she made on them. She realizes that her story could
help others and encourage more foster youth to attend college.
Although she did not find counseling helpful when she was a foster youth, she
feels she now needs therapy to deal with her past. She has utilized the counseling
services at CSU-A. She went a couple of times but because her issues were not “critical,”
the counselor gave her the option of going to a self-help class through the counseling
center or a referral to an off-campus therapist. She did not feel comfortable with either

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choice and was disappointed with the outcome because she was led to believe by the RS
program that all RS student were given unlimited sessions.
I think it takes a couple of sessions to really get into it and I think, I mean while I
do not know what their system is like here but I guess that they have a lot of
people [clients].

Jasmine did not return to the counseling center since her referral, instead she has been
seeing S--- for all her personal and academic needs. She has another academic advisor,
but she feels more comfortable going to S---. “S---was basically my counselor. Every
time I had problems or anything at all I would always just go in there and tell her
everything that was going on.”
“I think I am just like really, really lucky to have a program like RS and to be here
because I think that makes a big difference.” Jasmine appreciates all the support and
perks that comes with being in the RS program. She never had to worry about tuition or
housing and she has the support of the advisors. Moreover, there are recognition
programs, activities, holiday parties and most importantly people to call family.
Beyond College
Jasmine wants “normal future plans.” She wants her own place and her own
family.
I do want to get married, although right now that seems like really weird, not
weird but it is just like scary, marrying. I think it is a big responsibility to be
married and a big commitment and I don’t think I am ready for that right now.
Although I do have my boyfriend and everything, but I think we have our
differences and stuff, so who knows what’s going to happen?

Right now, school is her priority because, if she does not finish school then everything
she wants will be even harder to obtain.

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After college, Jasmine wants to live abroad in Europe for about ten years. This is
where she and her boyfriend do not see eye to eye. He wants to stay in Southern
California by his family and does not want or see the need to take a trip outside of
California. Jasmine on the other hand, wants to explore the world and experience the
“four seasons.” Jasmine got a glimpse of Paris, Austria, Germany and Italy one summer
and fell in love with the experience, the culture and the history. When Jasmine was
abroad she
…learned to appreciate things a lot more, things in general. The food, things I
get, privileges, my freedom and everything like that is not the same you know, we
are so spoiled, and Californians are so spoiled. Americans are so spoiled. And
people take that for granted and they don’t know how to appreciate that if they
haven’t been abroad.

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The Lived Experience of Veronica
Veronica is a 21-year-old Latina. She is a third-year sociology major with an
emphasis in social work at CSU-A. Veronica was in the foster care system for three
years and reunited with her biological mother right before turning 18.
Personal and Family Background
Veronica’s mother was pregnant with her while her father was still married to
another woman. Her parents never married and because there always seemed to be
problems between them, they did not see each other often. Her father passed away in a
car accident when she was an infant. Her parents were taking her to the doctors when the
accident happened and she and her mother were the only survivors. “So from then I
guess she just kind of held a sort of resentment towards me, so she was always really
angry with me and just really verbally and emotionally abusive.” After the accident, her
mother kept her distance, leaving Veronica to spend the majority of her time with her
grandmother.
Veronica’s mother began dating her stepfather when Veronica was five years old
and married him a year later.
It was on that night their wedding day, we actually had their wedding at our house
that we just moved into, it was on the night of their wedding day that he sexually
abused me for the first time. So, I very, like very briefly remember some other
thing that happened there, so I just remembered that he did sexually abuse me and
he molested me that night and then for like I can remember several other
incidences where it happened again and again and again, but I don’t remember all
of it. I’m not sure whether or not my mom was aware of it at the time but from
what I’ve spoken to her now, like she just claims that she had no idea that
anything was going on, that she was asleep the whole time and she had no idea.
So, I don’t really know what happened there but that went on for a couple of
years, and it happened probably maybe once or twice a week, so that was the deal
with him.

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Veronica's stepfather molested her for a period of five years without anyone
knowing about it. Veronica finally decided that it was time to tell her mother when she
found out that her mother was pregnant with her sister. She did not want her little sister
to experience what she had to go through and felt that it was her duty to protect her sister.
“I just remember being eleven years old and like locking myself in the bathroom and
sitting in front of my mirror and just practicing and practicing what I was going to say,
making sure to say it exactly right.” That afternoon, Veronica told her mother that her
stepfather was molesting her before he arrived home. Her mother, in disbelief, cried and
screamed, asking, “Why, wouldn’t you say anything before? Now we have a baby on the
way, didn’t you even think about that? What are you trying to do to the family and why
are you trying to tear us apart?”
Veronica’s mother had her bring out a doll and show her exactly what had
happened between them. Her mother had her stay in her room while she waited for her
husband to get home to confront him. When he arrived, her mother intercepted him and
confronted him about the news.
I just heard them screaming at each other and then eventually, I don’t know how
much time went by but they came into the room and they like sat me down on the
bed and my mom was like, “I understand why you’ve might have made up this
story and I understand that, you now, I’ve exposed you to a lot of TV shows like
90210. You know I exposed you to those kinds of things and like really sexual
kind of things on TV and so I know where you got those ideas from but you don’t
have to lie anymore, like I already talked to him and he said he didn’t do anything
to you so you can’t lie about these things anymore.”

Veronica was devastated that her mother chose to side with her husband.
Throughout the confrontation, her stepfather simply stood there.
I think after that, I kind of shifted the way I thought about my mom and from that
point on, and it is just hard because I no longer felt like I was my mother’s
priority. And so after that, I just lost a lot of respect for her and I lost a lot of trust

155
that that I had for her and I really like, I still saw her has my mother but I no
longer felt like she could help me in any way and I didn’t feel like if I was ever
going to get help, it wasn’t going to come from her.

After that incident, her relationship with her mother turned for the worse. Before,
her mother was only verbally abusive, but after the confrontation, she became both
verbally and physically abusive towards her. On the other hand, her stepfather stopped
sexually abusing her. “Even though he stopped doing that, it’s like now I had this new
problem that I had to deal with. Now I have to deal with my mom and her aggression and
all that.” The physical abuse got so bad her mother kept her home from school to keep
the school officials from questioning her injuries and bruises. Veronica was constantly
nervous around her mother because every little thing would upset her. Her mother would
relieve her stress and anger by abusing her. Even when she did everything, she could to
be good, her mother always found a reason to hit her.
My family members, they’ve asked me sometimes when they saw bruise or
anything like that, like what happened, and I will just tell them that I got hurt
messing around. And if my mom was there she just tell them that me and my
friends were just really rough and that’s the way we played with each other and
she always told me to not mess around like that with my friends but I did it
anyway and I was just being disobedient…So that went on for a while and I
basically just learned to live with it.

Although the sexual abuse had stopped, she still had to live under the same roof
with her stepfather. She tried to ignore him and stayed away from him at home.
I just kind of tried to stay away from him but after a while, it just seemed like I
started to just ignore it, just kind of pretend like nothing had ever really happened.
And so like every so often, we’d get in arguments and things that just like regular
people do with their parents but for the most part like if we were around friends or
family, I just pretend to like we were fine, like we have a normal relationship.
We joked around sometimes. We went on family vacations and it was, it was
seemingly perfect to like anyone who didn’t really know what was going on in the
family. So I just kind of pretended that it never had ever really happened and I
just wanted to ignore it and just kind of leave it in the past.

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Veronica realized that not everything was really okay or normal when she started
to develop feelings for boys around the age of 14. All she wanted was to live a normal
life and be like any other kid her age and resented the fact that she was unable to get
close to a boy without panicking or “freaking out.” Veronica really wanted to have some
normalcy in her life. She really got angry and frustrated because not only did she have to
worry about her mother’s mood everyday, she now could not have a normal relationship
with a boy.
I started to really resent the fact that I had to lie because of what he had done
before. And this was what was making it so hard for me and I was really angry
cause I couldn’t just be normal like everyone else.

In pretending to be normal, along with the anger and frustration she often felt,
sent Veronica into a withdrawn and depressed state. Veronica started cutting and
drinking as a way to deal with her problems.
Like I never did drugs or anything like that but I just started engaging in a lot of
risky behaviors and just doing really dumb stuff like just for the sake of it and just
to see if I could get away with it I guess and to push my mom more.

Veronica rebelled against her mother and stepfather and blamed them for everything that
was happening to her. Her cutting, drinking and recklessness grew worse but nothing she
did changed the situation she was in. It got to the point where she did not want to
continue living anyone and as a result, she overdosed on a bottle of pills. Immediately
after taking the pills, she became scared and called a friend to take her to the hospital
where she remained for about five days. When she returned she was transferred from a
private high school to a public high school. Her mom figured that if she is going to kill
herself, why “bother paying for” the private school.

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After her suicide attempt, her friend encouraged her to speak to someone about
what had happened to her. Veronica decided to tell her cousin about what her stepfather
had done to her and how her mother did not believe her when she confided in her.
However, in the sharing she left out the part about her mother physically abusing her.
Her cousin then told her father, who, together, confronted her mother and demanded that
she ask her husband to leave the house or they would report it to the police. Her mother
initially refuted trying to convince her brother that Veronica was making it all up.
Veronica’s mother eventually gave-in and asked her husband to move-out.
Once he was out of the house, [the physical abuse] just got even worse because
she was angry that I had gotten him kicked out. And so, I was still living with her
and with my little sister at that point and that’s when the physical abuse just got
really, really bad and like she’d just kept me home for even longer from school…

The abuse escalated to such a point that Veronica was cut-off from everyone and
school. Eventually, one day I was at school and I just decided like that was it.
Like I was sick of going home and I was just terrified because I knew if I went
home, one day she was going to kill me and that was going to be it. I didn’t want
to risk it anymore…

Before the end of English class, she asked the teacher to be excused early to speak to her
counselor.
And so I just broke down, I just told her all about my stepdad and what happened
with my mom and how she used to hit me, but now it is getting worse and like I
was scared of what she was capable of doing and that was why I couldn’t go
home and I was just sacred to go home.

Veronica’s counselor reported the situation to the police and she was escorted to the
police station. Her mother and stepfather were brought in for questioning. “So they
brought both of them in and I just remember the police officers were being really, really
rude and just really harsh.” The police officer did not believe her and was convinced that
Veronica was making everything up. He kept pressuring her to tell the truth and stop

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lying about what her parents did. There was no one else in the room with her and the
police officer but she kept telling him that she was telling the truth. He finally gave up
and left her to speak to her parents. Her stepfather eventually confessed to sexually
abusing Veronica whereupon he was arrested and sent to jail.
Veronica did not return home. Instead, the police station called a social worker to
take her to the Psychiatric Hospital while they looked for a more permanent placement.
She was taken to the hospital because of her past suicide attempt and Veronica’s sister
stayed with her mother’s side of the family. Veronica did not feel comfortable staying
with family so she remained at the hospital for about two weeks until her social worker
was able to finally place her in a group home in Whittier.
Foster Care Placement(s)
While at the psychiatric hospital, the doctor, social worker and therapist visited
her daily. She was prescribed medication and participated in group counseling. The
hospital wanted to make sure she was emotionally ready to move on.
The first week they were giving me medication and things like that. They are just
trying to assess like how I was emotionally and all that. But after the first week,
like they didn’t really have much else to do with me because they’ve already
established what I needed for medication, like I still kept meeting with my doctor
once a day. I’d meet with a social worker from the hospital once every two to
three days and then I’d meet with the counselor every other day.

An individual from group home picked Veronica up from the hospital and brought
her to her new home in Whittier.
I’d heard of foster homes and like where you are going and you have these people
who are suppose to be your parents or whatever, but I’d never ever heard of
anything like a group home. I remember the drive there. It was the group home
staff member who was driving and then there was a girl in the passenger seat and
a girl next to me and they were all talking about how the day before a staff
member had gotten fired because they found out that she was doing drugs with the

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other girls in the house. And so, like they were talking about all that stuff and I
was just like, “what am I getting myself into?”

Veronica was nervous and scared about living with other girls under the same
roof. “I was terrified. I was scared and I was just wondering like what the girls were
going to be like.” When she saw her room, she thought her roommate was in gangs
because of the pictures and graffiti on the walls. Her transition to the group home was
initially challenging initially and it was some time before she was able to adjust to her
new environment.
Veronica lived in the group home for three years, a period in which a number of
girls and staff came and went. There were very few success stories in the group home as
many of the girls wound up in jail, pregnant or homeless. Veronica did not want to end
up like the other girls and did her best to do well in school and abide by the rules to
maintain her privileges. Veronica remained in the group home until she reunited with her
mother a little before her 18
th
birthday.
Foster Care Experience
Veronica’s group home experience was rocky in the beginning. Towards the end
of her sophomore year of high school she started a new school, which he did not like
because she found it challenging to make friends and keep-up with coursework. It was
not that she was a bad student back when she was with her mother. “I love school and I
did really well in my classes.” But going to a new school in the middle of the year made
it challenging.
So, it was just really hard…I had a really hard time talking to people and I was
just really shy and really nervous…I felt lost in my classes, like it wasn’t that I
didn’t understand them or I couldn’t understand the material…So I didn’t feel
comfortable in my classes and I just got scared and I was just sick of going to

160
class and sitting among these people and just being there and not feeling like I
belonged there.

Over time, Veronica stopped attending classes. She and two other girls from the group
home skipped school so much that the school notified the group home manager. The
school did not have access to Veronica’s case so they did not try to understand why she
was skipping school. Consequently, they assumed she was like the other girls at the
group home. The school and the group home manager both decided that Veronica missed
too much school to catch up; therefore, they transferred her to a continuation high school.
“It was basically where they sent everyone who got kicked out for fighting, or drugs, or
who had gotten pregnant or anything like that.”
Getting kicked out of high school was a wake-up call for Veronica. She realized
that she needed to graduate and go to college if she was to change her life situation.
College was her way out.
They sent me there and so I actually, once I got sent there, I made sure to go to
school everyday. So I kind of had it on my head that I was still going to go to
college and get my degree and everything and so when that happened, it was just
like a reality shock and I was like, what am I doing with my life, what am I going
to do with my future once I get out of here? I can’t just keep getting in trouble.

The continuation school did not hold high expectations for their students. The curriculum
was watered down because the students were not expected to go to college and many of
the students present were enrolled against their will and had an attitude problem.
Veronica on the other hand, had different plans – she wanted to go to college. She took
school seriously and did extremely well, prompting the teachers to take notice of her
achievements and determination. As a result, they began giving her additional work and
materials to supplement her education.

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The group home was staffed with a group home manager and live-in staff
members that watched over the girls. The staff was young and the girls living there saw
them more like peers. The staff was not trained and did not serve as their social worker
or counselor. Rather, their role was to run the house and keep the girls in check. Some
of the staff were college students, but it was not necessary for them to have a degree.
There was always some form of conflict or issues going on in the home between the girls
and with the staff. Veronica laughs about all the crazy things that happened at the group
home now, but it was not easy at that time living in a home where there was always chaos
and negativity.
There’s always yelling. Somebody was always fighting. We had new staff
members who would come in because they were always switching and they were
always getting rid of people and hiring new people. We had staff members who
would come in and like tell the girls that they were dumb, they were ugly, and one
actually came and she told the girl that she was going to end up pregnant and
living on the streets just like her mom. And that girl actually ended up going to
juvie that same night because she went outside and she found like a brick or
something and she was coming to throw it at the staff member.

Veronica did well both at school and at the group home. She stayed out of trouble
and did her chores to maintain all her privileges, which were assigned according to zero
to five level system.
At my group home they have this level system where it ranged from level zero to
five, like if you didn’t get in trouble and you followed all the rules and you were
really respectful to everyone, and you went to school every single day, you were
on level five. If you broke a huge rule or anything like that you and on level zero
and level zero could last for a certain number of weeks and then varying levels in
between.

The level also determined the girls’ allowance. A level 5 got the girls $25.00 and a level
zero got the girl $5.00. The staff was strict and made it hard for the girls to stay at a level
five. As hard as Veronica tried to abide by the rules, she often found herself at level zero.

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Veronica and the girls at the home had mandatory individual therapy with a
psychiatrist and a psychologist outside of the group home and individual therapy at the
group home. Veronica did not open up to the psychologists because of the constant
changes. By the time she got to know one, a new therapist came along.
So we, every week, we would go to the psychiatrist the one that dispenses
medication. So, we would go to meet with our psychiatrist and each of us was on
medication like for one thing or another. They were always giving us medication
and so he would talk to us for about five minutes and decide whether they keep
our dosage the same, up the dosage or whatever he was going to do and then he’d
call the next girl. So we talked to that person each week. Each week we would
also go to see a psychologist and those were always changing just because we
never had one for more than a month. Because we’d all go to see the same one
and at least one girls would have a problem with that psychologist and so they
didn’t want him anymore so we’d all have to switch and go to a new one.

All the girls were required to take their medication but if they did not they would
be at level zero for the week. Veronica did not know what all the medication was for but
was told that most of the medication was for depression and bipolar disorder. However,
the psychiatrist kept switching them whenever she had a negative reaction to the
medicine. No one ever dared to challenge the doctor because they would be placed on
level zero for trying. Veronica stopped taking the medication when she moved home
with her mother.
In addition to the weekly visits outside of the group home, a therapist visited the
girls on a weekly basis. He rotated between individual and group therapy. The group
counseling sessions allowed the girls to work out issues between each other while the
individual sessions gave the girls the opportunity to talk about their personal experiences
and issues. Veronica did not share with the therapist because there was a lack of privacy
– there was a window in the kitchen and the walls where thin.

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Throughout her time at the group home Veronica had one social worker she met
with on a monthly basis for about 15 minutes and accompanied her at the court dates.
Veronica did not have contact with her social worker outside of the scheduled meeting
times. The girls had the same court dates and they spent the whole day from seven in the
morning to five in the evening at the court. At court, the girls were called in one at a time
with their social worker and court appointed attorney to meet with the judge, family
member(s) and attorney. In Veronica’s case it was her mother and her mother’s attorney
at each court hearing. At every hearing, the judge asked Veronica if she was ready to go
home to her mother, how she was doing and how she was doing in school. After
Veronica’s turn, her mother’s attorney would speak on behalf of her mother.
My mom’s lawyer would talk and he would say that she just wanted me back if I
was ready and that if I was willing to go back that she would take me back and he
talked about if she was going to anger management or anything like that which I
don’t think she was doing. So, yeah, she doesn’t want to take it anyway. Yes,
that was it and then since I wasn’t ready to go back and she wasn’t completing her
classes, the judge would always just say, “Okay, well I’m going to leave you
where you are as long as that’s okay,” and then he’d usually tell me that I just do
well in school and that was it. It didn’t take very long. They’re really short cases.

Towards the end of her senior year in high school, Veronica, members of her
family and friends gathered for weekly group counseling sessions, also known as “wrap-
around services” to open-up communication between Veronica and her mother. Her
mother, along with her best friend, aunts and cousins participated in the group counseling
sessions. The group addressed conflicts, concerns and issues they all had with each
other.
Over time, they just kind of worked with us to have me and my mom talking
again because before they came, my mom and I didn’t really talk. Like I was
really angry with her so I did not want to see her or anything. And so, they started
forcing us to just kind of talk to each other. So, after a couple of months of that,
they decided that I was probably going to be ready to go back with my mom. And

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they asked me if I was comfortable with that and I said, “Yeah,” but I wasn’t
ready to go back fully. But I was ready to start trying like living there for a week,
instead of just going for a day. So, at first I tried going full weekends to my
mom’s and then after that it progressed to going to a full week to live there and
then coming back. And then after that, that’s when I decided that I was ready to
go back to live with my mom.

Two months before graduating from high school, at the age of 17, Veronica
moved back in with her mother and younger sister. Veronica’s case closed once she
moved back in with her mother. Since Veronica was 17 when she reunited with her
mother, she did not have to go through the emancipation process.
Veronica’s mother and her sister were sharing a room in her grandparent’s house
when Veronica returned to her mother. Her grandparents carved out a space for Veronica
in the kitchen closet. Veronica did not mind the lack of privacy as she was used to not
having any privacy in the group home. The fact that her mother and sister lived with her
grandparents was a better arrangement as Veronica felt safer knowing that they were
there to keep an eye out for her.
Veronica’s mother did not have to serve time; instead, she had to go through
anger management. Her stepfather on the other hand was sent to prison and was released
a few years ago. Since his release, he has contacted her mother because he wants to get
the house back and get custody of his biological daughter. “So, I know he’s out but I
have no idea where he is.”
Pathway to College
Veronica and the girls at the group home did not get a lot of positive messages
about their ability to go to college and there never was a girl from the group home that
attended college. Veronica was told by the group home manger that she was not “college
material” and to not bother applying. Not only did Veronica get negative messages about

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her ability to attend college at the group home, she got the same from her high school
advisor, which was curious given that Veronica graduated as valedictorian from her high
school. Her high school advisor did not think that she would make it into a four-year
college and was constantly reminded that no one from the school ever “went straight on
to a four-year university” and that her “best bet [was] to either go to a trade school or go
to a community college.”
The negative messages did not boost Veronica’s confidence and she doubted her
ability to get into college. When the time came to apply for college, she was ready to
settle on a community college. Had it not been for her two persistent and motivating high
school teachers and her childhood friend, Veronica would not be in college today.
And so, my advisor wasn’t really helpful at all, but like, and two of my teachers in
particular were just constantly hounding me and like college application are due at
this time and you want to make sure you fill out your forms…

The person that really made a difference in Veronica’s life was her childhood
friend who had stayed in touch to support Veronica through her foster care experience
and kept her motivated to complete her college applications. “She would print out forms
and fill them out and just have me like sit me down and have me sign them and
everything.”
Veronica was back at her mother’s when she started getting responses from the
colleges she applied to. She stopped by the group home everyday after school to pick
mail up. “I was getting one rejection letter after another, after another, after another and
it was like it is not going to happen.” Getting rejected from all of the colleges she applied
for, including CSU-A discouraged Veronica. Veronica did not realize at that time that
one of the reasons why she did not get accepted was because she did not fulfill the

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required college preparatory courses at the continuation school. Although she had the
grades, the curriculum did not meet admission criteria. Veronica decided to enroll at the
local community college when she got her last rejection letter. Right when she was about
to enroll at the community college, she got a call from CSU-A’s RS program.
CSU-A was Veronica’s first choice because her best friend was currently enrolled
there. Moreover, she had a connection to CSU-A because she had had the chance to sit-in
on a few classes and tour the campus. She was most discouraged when she received the
rejection letter from CSU-A. However, the call from the RS program changed
everything. The RS program called Veronica to let her know that there may be a chance
that she can get admitted to CSU-A through the RS program. Veronica completed the
application and went through the interview process. At the interview, she broke down
and shared her story with the current director of the program.
K--- called me in and I sat down in his office and he was like, tell me a little bit
about yourself. And I opened my mouth to speak and right at that moment, tears
just started running out of my eyes and I just started bawling right in front of him.
And I was like, ‘I am so sorry, it is just you do not have any idea how much this
means to me. Like, I am a good student, I swear I am. I can prove it to you…’
And I was just crying and crying and crying and poor K--- is just sitting there. It
was so uncomfortable and he is like ‘okay, okay, okay.’ And then eventually I
stopped crying and I was like okay, I am sorry. I got tissue and I blew my nose
and everything.

Veronica heard from S--- a couple days after the interview and was offered a
place in the RS program and admittance to CSU-A. The group home manager was
surprised when Veronica told her that she got into college, because she did not think that
any of the girls would ever make it to college. The manager was proud of her and wished
her well. Veronica is still in touch with her group home manager and feels that she was
the only person that was honest and actually cared about her.

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College
Veronica was extremely excited and nervous at the same time about starting
college and moving into the residential halls. She did not know what to expect living in
the residential halls. She did not think that it would be as bad as living in the group
home. Veronica got her first taste of college through Summer Bridge.
That whole Summer Bridge experience was just really great and like all the
students were really cool. I got close with everyone who was in the program
especially the other RS students who were coming in during my same year. And
so we all kind of got together and we talked to each other and we are like, “Oh,
that’s cool, like what’s your story and what’s your story and what’s your story
and what’s your story.” We all kind of got to know each other really well and I
got especially close with them.

Veronica was glad that she had the opportunity to go through Summer Bridge as it
allowed her to start taking classes, learn about campus resources, meet people and
develop community. Veronica took remedial math and English during Summer Bridge,
and though she loved English, she struggled with math. She did not want to
disappointment K--- and S--- so she worked really hard to pass her math class. By the
end of Summer Bridge, Veronica found herself a new family. She grew very close to her
peers and felt right at home in the residential halls. As such, she chose not to move home
to be with her family. Instead, she remained in the residential halls while other
classmates went home for the break before fall quarter.
Veronica enjoyed her first year in college. She started out with three good
roommates but she made a really good friend in the residential halls that she switched
rooms in the middle of the year to be her roommate. Classes were not easy but were
interesting. She continued to struggle with math but she had the support of the RS

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program to get her the extra help she needed. The RS program, offered Veronica free
tutoring and a class that helped her develop better time management and study skills.
My whole first year was really great. I loved my classes. I loved my friends. I
was grateful to be away from home. I still talked to my family every so often just
to kind of update them on what was going on. Things had gone a lot better when
them because they were all just proud of me for getting into college and all of
that.

Veronica is entering into her fourth year in college. Since her first year in
college, she has developed strong bonds with her peers in the RS program, gotten
involved in student organizations and has remained active in the RS program. She started
two organizations, one is a national organization for psychology majors and the other is a
foster youth awareness and outreach organization. She works as a peer mentor for EOP
and interns for the campus violence prevention office. She also does a lot of
presentations about her experience as a foster youth at conferences and in classrooms.
Veronica currently has a 2.8 grade point average and her goal is to reach a 3.0 by
the time she graduates. She plans on staying an extra quarter next academic year so she
can study abroad this summer in Paris. This will be the first time Veronica leaves the
country, aside from going to Mexico.
RS Program
The RS program has provided Veronica with free year-round student housing, a
financial package that covers her tuition, books and cost of living and a community to
belong to. As a former foster youth she was also eligible for Independent Living
Program funds that covered gas, clothes and other miscellaneous needs and Medicare
until she turns 21. “The only times I think that I’ve ever really struggled was over the
summer, because over the summer our funds get cut really short and that’s a lot less than

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we get over than regular quarters.” Veronica is aware of her need to save money for the
summer months when cash is low, and has learned to budget well. She, unlike her other
roommates, does not have parents to fall back on.
If anything, my mom is asking me for money to help her out sometimes. And so,
I knew that I didn’t really have that option to fall back on. Like, I was responsible
for my own money and if I didn’t have it, I just didn’t have it.

On top of financial support, RS introduced the students to various student
services. Veronica tried going to the campus counseling but was referred out because her
issues where too complicated for short-term therapy. Veronica did not have the money to
spend on outside counseling, so she ignored the situation and deal with her issues on her
own. She does not understand why they could not give her long-term therapy because,
she was told by the RS program that RS students were given unlimited counseling
sessions. She has not gone back since. “I guess, I don’t know, there was family issues and
I was dealing with a lot of flashbacks from the sexual abuse from before and the physical
abuse.” Veronica has been suffering from flashbacks and blackouts, which tend to be
more frequent when she is under stress.
I’ll be with my best friend and like I’ll have a flashback like in the middle of
nothing and just start crying and crying like yelling at her and screaming at her.
And like she’ll try to grab me like calm me down and I’ll just freak out and I’ll
push her away and everything. Like I don’t really have any way of just kind of
calming myself down, like I just cry until I’m tired and then, that’s it. I’ll just go
to sleep and when I wake, I’ll be fine.

Veronica’s experience with the RS program has been positive as it has given her
the opportunity to start a new life through college. In return, she volunteers her time to
help out with outreach and conference presentations. She has had a lot of experience
talking about her experience in the foster care program and feels the more she shares her
experience with others the easier it is for her to talk about her past and move on.

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I think it’s always good to talk about it more. I think one thing that’s constantly
just repeated to me is that the more you talk about it, you get to deal with it, so it’s
healthy and helpful to process the information.

She does not mind sharing her experience if it can help others in the system. Veronica
wants to continue to volunteer her time after she graduates, becoming a mentor and talk
to potential students about college.
The RS program has become Veronica family and feels comfortable knowing that
her peers have also gone through similar experiences and can understand her situation.
She does not have to explain herself to them. The RS students are so comfortable with
each other that they are able to joke about their experiences and have a good laugh.
Veronica feels the RS program has provided her with all the tools she needs to be
successful in college. Her transition into college went well because she got the support
and preparation. Living in the residential halls has similarly been helpful because it gave
her the opportunity to meet people and develop a community. She appreciates the living
arrangement the RS program creates for the students in the program. The mandatory
advising through the RS program and EOP have provided her with personal and
academic support. Moreover, her advisors in the RS and EOP have stepped in and
offered her assistance with counseling center could not.
Beyond College
Veronica’s experience in foster care has influenced her career path. Before her
experience with foster care, she aspired to be many things. Today, she wants to work for
the Department of Children and Family Services as a social worker so that she can
change the system and make an impact on foster youth. Now that Veronica is preparing

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to graduate, she is constantly thinking about graduate school and her career. It worries
her that the economy is doing so badly and is afraid that she will not be able to find a job.
I am constantly worried about being able to pay for all my bills and being able to
make sure that I have somewhere to live and enough money for food, for
everything that I need to get to where I need to go, just being able to pay my bills
is constantly running through my mind.

Veronica’s backup, in case her plans fall through, is to work for the group home she was
once a part of. The group home manager told her that she can always come back and
work at the home until she is able to get into graduate school or land a job that will pay
her bills.
Veronica’s life experience has shaped her future and the person she has become.
I think it has definitely made me a lot more resilient when it comes to different
things. At times when I am really stressed out with school or anything like that, I
have to constantly remind myself that I have gone through so much worst
before…I can’t imagine how I made it through all that, like I can’t even picture,
like I know how hard it was, but to even imagine how hard it must have been back
when I was there. Like I can’t picture myself getting through it and I can’t even
explain how I made it through.

Veronica attributes a lot of her success to the support of her best friend. If it was not for
her best friend’s optimism and constant push, she may not be in college. She feels her
best friend was the only person that truly believed in her.
Right now, Veronica has her mind set on attending graduate school, but has not
thought too far into the future.
I don’t even know. I know I want to travel a lot more. I do want to get out of the
country a lot more. Before I even start thinking about a family or anything like
that, I just know that I want to get my career settled down.

Veronica is still in contact with her mother and sister. Veronica developed a very
close relationship with her sister. She tries to spend a lot of time with her sister and
encourages her to do well in school and go to college. Veronica does not know if her

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sister knows anything about what happened in the past. The only thing her younger
sister, who is now in the sixth grade, remembers is Veronica being taking away. She is
debating whether she should tell her sister about what happened to her. Since her
stepfather’s release from jail and his failed attempt to gain custody of his daughter and
ownership of the house, he has stayed away from the family.
On the other hand, Veronica’s relationship with her mother has never blossomed
into a strong mother daughter relationship. A strain was placed on their relationship
when her mother began to ask Veronica for money. She has stopped giving her mother
money, but once in a while she still asks.
Summary
Each of the eight students in this study had a different story to tell. Although the
eight students experienced challenging childhoods, they are all very hopeful for a bright
and promising future. While in college the eight students all had the opportunity to share
their experience with their peers, in class presentations and at conferences; however, none
of them has ever had their personal story published. It was important to share their life
story in this study because their stories add rich qualitative data to inform future research
and practice.
The next chapter will bring all eight stories together through twelve essential
themes that have been pulled from the interviews. The twelve essential themes were
chosen for the story it tells about the lived experience of former foster youth.

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Chapter Six
Findings
The purpose of this phenomenological study is to understand the lived experience
of eight former foster youth attending CSU-A. Chapter six uses anecdotes to portray to
the reader the essence of being a former foster youth in college. This chapter begins with
the profiles of these eight students, which are then followed by the twelve essential
themes that emerged from the interviews: Feeling Alone, Wanting to Be Normal,
Growing Up Fast, Powerless, Missing Links, Social Worker(s), That One Person, RS
Program, Summer Bridge, Turning 21, Not Wanting to be Like Their Parent(s) and
Giving Back.
Student Profiles
I interviewed eight former foster youths who are currently juniors or seniors
attending CSU-A and part of the RS program. The participants consisted of four females
and four males and their ages ranged from 20 to 23. The number of years in foster care
ranged from 3-18 years, with the average number of years under care being 11 years.
The students self-identified as Middle Eastern, Black/African American, African
American (2), Hispanic (2), Mexican/Portuguese and Latina. The students majored in a
variety of fields including Civil Engineering, Communications, Fine Arts, History,
Sociology (3) and Biology.

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Table 1
Student Demographics

Name Age Major Year in
College
Race/Ethnicity
(Self-
identified)
Gender Years
in
Foster
Care
Type of abuse
and/or neglect

Tobias

20

Civil Engineering

3
rd

Middle Eastern

Male

10

Father
imprisoned for
killing his wife.

Darryl

22

Communications

4
th

Black/African
American

Male

18

Single father
lacked ability to
support 6
children.

Michael

22

Fine Arts

4
th

Hispanic

Male

9

Parents were
drug users and
dealers.

Mantonious

23

History

Transferred
2
nd
year to
CSU-A

Mexican &
Portuguese

Male

13

Parents were
transient and
petty thieves.

Sky

20

Sociology

3
rd

African
American

Female

16

Mother was
addicted to
crack. Father
was in a gang.

Shannon
Marie

20

Biology

3
rd

African
American

Female

9

Single mother,
mentally
imbalanced,
and homeless
with 6 children.

Jasmine

21

Sociology

3
rd

Hispanic

Female

11

Lived with
sister after
mother’s death.
Older brother
sexually abused
her.

Veronica

21

Sociology

4
th

Latina

Female

3

Sexually
abused by
stepfather and
physically
abused by
mother.

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Feeling Alone
Feeling alone is a common feeling among foster youth. More than half of the
former foster youth attending college in this study mentioned specifically that being taken
away from their parents and siblings made them feel alone and lost. Some participants
felt alone because they moved around from foster family to foster family and from one
school to another. All of which made it challenging for them to connect with anyone.
Others felt alone because they were treated differently from their foster parent’s
biological children and were made to feel that they were not part of the family. The
experience of feeling alone also comes from not having anyone to trust and confide in.
Shannon wanted to be part of her foster family and be treated like one of their
children. Unfortunately, she did not experience the same attention or love the biological
children received. Shannon did not get the same praise for doing well in school or sports
and she also did not get to take part in family vacations. Compounding these devastating
circumstances, her foster mother tried to relinquish her responsibilities to Shannon twice:
the first time was after the family cruise before Shannon’s senior year in high school and
the second time was during Christmas of that same year.
The first attempt took place nine days after the family cruise. Shannon called her
foster mother from the teen shelter that she stayed at temporarily while the family was on
vacation, to see when they were going to pick her up. Her foster mother responded over
the phone, “Oh, yes, I have decided that I don’t want you here in the house anymore.”
No one else in the family knew what was going on and when her foster father found out
he made her foster mother bring her home. Instead of moving back to her foster family’s
home, however, she stayed with her foster sister to finish off her senior year.

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The next time Shannon received another call from her foster mother was during
Christmas break when her foster mother once again told her, “I don’t want you to live
here. I made a mistake again. I don’t want you in my house no more. I don’t want to
take care of you no more.” Shannon was once again taken back by her foster mother’s
sudden request. She did not understand why she did not want to be her foster mother
anymore. She had tried so hard to please her foster mother by doing well in school, by
being responsible and helping out with chores, but nothing seemed to please her.
Shannon questioned why her foster mother even bothered to bring her home the first
time. She believed that her foster mother took her back for the money but later realized
that she was not pocketing as much after Shannon moved in with her foster sister.
I think it was the whole paying rent and stuff but I don’t think I was like well you
get paid because you know, you get money from the county…. And I think it’s
the whole like I got to pay the money for you like the money I get for you. It is
not mine anymore. It’s really your money, you know. Okay before she moved to
Fontana, I think get was getting six something maybe, almost seven hundred.
And yeah, once she moved to Fontana, it went down to six hundred. So when she
paid me five hundred you know, it only left her with one hundred. She sees me
like a job. She’s like, ‘I’m not gaining any money to look after you child, but I
have to.’ And so that is her second job.

Shannon is not connected to her biological family. She has been out of contact with her
biological mother since she was 13.
I lost contact with her when I was 13, like the first two years I was in foster care.
I was talking to her and like I visited her periodically but then I it kind of got
harder because she [her biological mother] got like really weird. I didn’t want to
see her like this, so I stopped seeing her all together. I haven’t’ seen her since.

Despite what her foster mother‘s attempts to abandon her, Shannon’s fear of
being alone kept her from giving up on her foster family. She found ways to stay
connected to her foster family through her foster grandmother and foster sister.
Presently, she is still in contact with her foster family and has made enough money to pay

177
her own way to go on the annual family cruises. Her foster mother sees her differently
now that Shannon is self-sufficient and doing well in school. Yet still wanting to be part
of the family and accepted by her foster mother, Shannon continues to give her foster
mother the little money she gets from financial aid. “You know, I help her out. Yeah, I
don’t know why I help her out.”
Jasmine lost her mother at the age of seven and was placed into foster care when
she was 11. Being so young and away from her older sisters was a lonely experience,
leading her Jasmine to crave her foster mother’s love and attention. She did everything
she could to be the good foster child, unfortunately, her foster mother did not give her the
attention and praise she needed. She felt that her foster mother did not provide her with
the same material goods her own children and grandchildren received.
I was the kind of kid that needed the attention, so I always wanted the attention
from them [foster parents]…so I would try my best to be the best kid so that they
would like talk about me. I always wanted to be like the one they were always
proud of and stuff like that. So, I always tried my best to get good grades and
make them proud, and follow the rules at the house and stuff up to a point where I
just felt that the difference between her, me and the grandkids and how they
treated them and stuff. So throughout this time, I can just see the differences. I’m
acting a little ridiculous now, but at that time, it just hurt because they would get
shampoo and then they would get us like the cheapest shampoo…and I just saw
the difference and I wanted what they were having, so it just hurt and it made me
feel like, “do they really love us and why are we actually here? Why don’t they
just take us to a different home or something?”

Since being a good child did not gain the favor or attention of her foster mother,
Jasmine decided to act out in high school.
I started skipping school. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, started like
trying drugs and then started getting bad grades. And this was like about maybe
9
th
through 10
th
grade until my foster mom found out and she got upset and started
questioning me and stuff. I was just going through a hard time and it got to a
point where I did not tell anybody but I started smoking cigarettes and doing
drugs because I thought that that kills, so it would kill me. And I would not have
to deal with you know going through this, like going home and seeing how

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different they treated me and my little sister, and not having my questions
answered and dealing with like my family. Still, the only person that is used to
visit was my sister, the one that was 18 at that time. She was the only one that
would visit us.

Although Sky got to stay with her grandmother, she found it “tough” not being
with her mother and father.
It was tough. It was hard because my friends had mothers and fathers and I had
just a grandmother…. I always question myself like why is my mom not there?
My dad was like right there but not here. My dad was a gang member, so he was
running in the streets all the time. I felt mainly lonely when I went to school and
my friends would talk about their parents and how they had the ideal family at
home…I couldn’t really mention my mom or dad because they weren’t really
present in my life. So that’s when I felt lonely.

Mantonious did not go to his junior high school advancement ceremony because
he did not think anyone in his family would attend. He did not ask, assuming no one
would be available. Since no one in his family was going to be present at the ceremony
he decided not to go at all to avoid questions from his classmates about his parents. “I
don’t want to be there and be like ‘oh, where’s your mom and dad? Where’s your
[parents], who’s here for you?’ I won’t go…let’s just not go and miss the whole
depressing part.”
Being in foster care for Michael was a lonely experience because he lived apart
from his siblings and moved around so often that he never stuck around long enough to
make any friends. The strictness of his foster family also kept him from spending time
after school with friends. “So, I never really hung out. I was pretty much living in a
foster home, that’s where I went after school, and that where I stayed until I had to go to
school again.”

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Wanting to be Normal
The former foster youth in this study were all placed into the foster care system as
a result of neglect and/or abuse at the hands of others. None of the participants wanted
people outside the foster care system, specifically their peers and teachers to know about
their identity. Nor did they want people to perceive or treat them differently because of
their foster youth status.
Veronica wanted to have “normal” relationships with boys and not have to feel
uncomfortable around them. The experience of being sexually assaulted by her
stepfather has left a lasting impact on her ability to have intimate relationships with men.
I started dating boys and I started to notice that if we were ever kissing, I’d get
really, really uncomfortable and I just kind of start to panic and freak out. And
so, like the boys you know are wondering why I was acting like that. Like this is
normal stuff like, other girls aren’t really having a problem and so I started to
really resent the fact that I felt like that because of what he [stepfather] had done
before. And this was making it so hard for me and I was really angry because I
couldn't just be normal like everyone else. And then on top of that, I was coming
home and I started to get really frustrated because I thought when I like really
started to think to myself like this is not what a normal household is like. All my
other friends don’t have to go home and worry about what kind of mood their
mom’s going to come home in, for the fear of getting hit and so I was just really,
really angry.

Shannon, like the other participants, did not feel the need to tell anyone about her
foster youth identity. She did tell her theater teacher because she had a connection with
her. Other than her theater teacher and a handful of friends, she did feel the need to
confide in anyone else about her identity. However, she did not lie about her identity of
someone did ask about it. “My theater teacher, she didn’t let anyone know and I only had
four friends that knew.” Shannon only told those that asked. “If they asked, then I’d let
them know. If they didn’t ask, then I don’t let them know.”

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Jasmine kept her foster youth identity hidden from everyone, especially people
that mattered to her. She did everything in her power to be a normal kid with a normal
family. No one at school ever learned of her identity expect for one teacher.
In high school, nobody knew I was in the foster care system. Everybody thought
those were my parents. My story was always, my mom passed away and my dad
got remarried to someone else. That she is my step-mom. And that is how
everyone knows me in high school. Like my friends, they still do not know to this
point. And yeah, like that was my story the entire time. I did not want them to
judge me and I was embarrassed of why I was in foster care, so I never brought it
up. If I ever told them that those are my foster parents, they are going to ask
questions and that was the thing I was avoiding, the question that they would ask
because I would not know what to say or I will I tell them the truth.

Sky only told two of her closest friends in high school about her foster youth
identity. It was easier for Sky to keep her identity to herself because where she lived
many of her peers were also living with their relatives, so it seemed normal to be living
with her grandmother. “My counselor probably knew, but she didn’t really mention it
cause that’s kind of like my business.” Her teachers did not know either. “I believe they
saw me like a normal student and I didn’t really mention anything about my history or
anything like that.”
Before entering the foster care system, Tobias saw himself as a “regular kid” with
a “regular family.” After his mother’s death and his father’s imprisonment, Tobias
moved around between family members. His life no longer resembled what he perceived
as normal or regular. “My living situation, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t all that great. So, I
just wanted to fit in and just be part of the norm.” Tobias tried to come off as a “normal
kid” and, as such did not share with others his identity as a foster youth. “I was
somewhat embarrassed because, I want to be this normal person, this normal kid hanging
out with my friends.” Tobias kept his foster youth identity and what happened to his

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parents to himself. Even today, his best friend from high school still does not know
everything about Tobias’ past.
He knows that I live with my sister and I’m pretty sure, if he can put the pieces
together, that I don’t really mention my parents, but I don’t think he knows. I
never told him, like, why I don’t have parents and I’ve been in the foster care
system, but I would think that he knows something about that.

Tobias did tell a few people in high school and if people did ask, he would answer
truthfully. Mostly, he did not want people to feel sorry for him or treat him differently
because of this situation.
Growing up, Mantonious had children ask him about his mother and father and
would get into fights because of what they would then say about his parents. When asked
about his parents he would tell them, “oh yeah, my mom, my dad died” or “yeah, I live
with my parents.”
It wasn’t until the end, at the very end of high school that I even said anything
about being in a foster home or how my parents were or anything like that. And I
only told two people, like my two very close friends and so even now, until this
day, maybe ten people.

Growing Up Fast
Being a foster youth also meant having to grow up fast, become independent, and
learn to take care of oneself and sometimes younger siblings. It also meant acquiring
basic life skills such as learning how to shave, saving money, dating and getting a
driver’s license. Foster youth have to think ahead and plan for the future such as saving
up money for emergencies and life after foster care.
Shannon started saving money in the fourth grade, making and packing her own
lunch and snacks to save up her daily five-dollar meal allowance. The money she saved
gave her the financial freedom to buy what she wanted and it gave her a sense of

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independence. “I like independence, I want to be an independent person, so whatever I
can, whatever way I can achieve that, that’s going to work for me.” Because Shannon
did not want her foster family to leave her behind again when they went on their yearly
cruise, she saved up enough money the following year to pay for her own passport and
cruise ticket. “I went on a cruise because I paid for that cruise. I went with the whole
family. I paid for it so she can’t tell me I can’t go this year.”
After her mother’s death when she was seven, Jasmine and her younger sister left
Mexico to live with their older sister in California before they were placed into foster
care. Being on her own and not having family around forced her to mature and take
responsibility for her younger sister.
I feel like I had to grow up faster being in the system. So I feel like instead of
being like when I was 16, instead of being 16, I was 19 because I had to grow up
on my own. I had to buy my own things…. I wish I could have been more like a
kid. And more like what I want to be when I was at that age instead of having to
grow up faster and learn things.

Jasmine felt she had to grow up faster because she had to be on her own and rely on
herself but nonetheless wishes she had someone to tell her what to do.
I mean I know things are not easy and life is not going to be easy but I think
things like this, a lot of their students, they have their parents to go to help them
out or they need a care, they have a cosigner and you know their parents could be
their cosigner and stuff like that and it just makes a lot more complicated for me.

Not having parents and moving from family to family similarly forced Tobias to
grow up fast and become independent. He found not having the guidance of a father
figure to be a challenge because he had to learn, sometimes the hard way, about shaving,
driving, tying a tie and sex all on his own. He does not mind it now because he felt his
childhood prepared him to take on the challenges of adulthood.

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Being on your own and surviving by yourself at a young age and looking out for
yourself and you know, not always having, you know, mom or dad to help you.
You need help with the prom or how to shave or things that you’re supposed to do
with parents, I wasn’t able to do that…. I wanted to be an adult, because you get
to work, that’s cool. You can get money. You can have a car, house and a family
of your own. That’s what I wanted to be when I was a kid…. So, I always wanted
to grow up and I thought that as of a young age.

Powerless
Once a child becomes a ward of the court, the Child Welfare System and the court
have the authority to make all major decisions for the youth. As such, foster youth do not
have the power to decide where they want to live or whom they want to live with. Social
workers, attorneys, judges and sometimes doctors and counselors monitor them. Social
workers regularly visited the foster youth and foster parents to check in on the youth and
to ensure the foster parents adhered to policies and protocols.
Jasmine did not have the option to stay with her older sisters. The court removed
her and her younger sister from their older sister’s home and placed them in a foster
home. Jasmine was grateful that she and her younger sister were able to stay together;
however, her foster mother would often threaten to separate them if they did not obey or
behave. Jasmine did not want to be separated from her sister so she did her best to stay
out of trouble and obey her foster mother’s rules, even if it damaged the relationship
between her and her younger sister. Jasmine’s sister had a more difficult time dealing
with being in a foster home so she took to drinking, cutting herself and other rebellious
behavior.
I think it hurt me a lot because my foster parents kept threatening [my younger
sister] like you know, “you are going to have to go to a different home and you
are not going to be with your sister anymore.” And that was really hard for us
because we are always raised together. So every time, I would just go along with
my foster mom just because again, I wanted her to me. I do not want her to
dislike me. I would just go along with my foster mom and when my foster mom

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was not around, I would like try to talk to my little sister and tell her to like try to
be good and like to stop doing that [drinking and cutting herself] because I do not
want her to be like separated and stuff. But when my foster mom was around, I
would be on my foster mom’s side and my little sister would see that. And she
would tell me, “why do you act differently” or “do you actually care” or “do you
actually care if we are separated or not because you are different with our foster
mom and you are taking her side.”

Moreover, Jasmine did not feel in control of her life because her foster mother
kept all the court documents away to prevent Jasmine and her sister from getting hurt by
knowing the truth. If she ever dug for more information, she feared her foster mother
would separate them to stop her from pursuing her search.
Why was everything just like hidden from us, from me and my sister? I am like,
it’s kind of like brainwashing us and like just telling us to ignore everything and
just move on with your life. It was just like, okay, you are with this new family,
just deal with it. My social workers never brought it up…Never mentioned why
we are in the system, never explained to us why we are in the system or never told
us about my family or anything.

Child Protective Services removed Mantonious and his younger brother from his
parents at a young age. He remembered the day when social workers arrived at their
home. He was four years old when Child Protective Services took him from his mother.
I remember that day really clearly, I do not know why, I guess it was very
traumatic...and I just remember the first night being there in the dining room or in
the living room with the TV on and me with Benjamin going to sleep and just
crying and feeling scared because I did not know what was going to happen or
who they were.

Mantonious was separated from his siblings and moved from family to family across
California. He did not get to see his mother much since he did not get to stay in one
central location. Even after moving in with his aunt, he was not able to see his mother
regularly due to court orders. Mantonious did not like being away from his mother and
could not understand why he had to live apart from her. In rebellion, him and his brother
went searching for his mother’s home across town.

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So, I took my little brother and I remember I found like two dollars in change.
And we had our bikes and I will tell you like we just left like we rode to where
my mother was staying, like it was totally across town.

Their mother immediately called their aunt once they arrived at her doorstep. That
evening, Mantonious’ aunt physically punished him for the first time by his aunt for
running away.
Child Protective Services removed Michael and his siblings from their drug-
addicted mother and placed them into different foster homes. Between the fifth and
seventh grade, Michael went through seven to eight foster homes and about eleven
schools.
I was being passed from home to home, no one really knew about my case or
what was going on, no one really had time to just stop and ask how I felt of
anything like that and even if they ask, I don’t know what I would say.

Michael was at the will of his foster parents and everything he wanted to do required
permission and was monitored closely. The foster family he lived with until he
emancipated went strictly by the rules.
The foster care system, if you want to do something as simple as going out with
your friend. I mean it’s embarrassing to ask them to tell their parents that they
had to get fingerprinted just for something simple like that. And, not even that,
it’s just, I mean, first you got to ask your foster mom, if she approves, then your
social worker. If she approves, you kept going up…then you ask your attorney,
and then the attorney has to get approval by the judge. That’s it, all foster homes
go by the rules and my last foster home, they did, you know, because I’m a
liability…

Missing Links
Some of the participants were able to remember for themselves the incidents that
led to the intervention of Child Protective Services. Others remember through the stories
that their social worker, foster parents, biological parents, relatives and/or older siblings

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told them. Memories of the past before foster care, knowledge of their placement(s) and
information about their parent(s) are not always clear to the youth.
Jasmine entered foster care at an early age and was uncertain as to why she was
placed into foster care and not with her relatives. For the longest time, she thought she
did something wrong. Her social worker and foster parents shared very little information
about her case. As she got older she started questioning why she was in foster care and
why her relatives did not want custody of her.
I guess I got to teenage years and I started getting older where I started realizing
and asking myself questions, like “Why am I here? Why was I in foster care, why
didn’t my relatives want to take custody of me?” I just started having a lot of
questions and having a really hard time getting them answered because
throughout this whole time, it was never brought up, never. Maybe they do not
want to bring it up because I was a kid and they do not want to confuse me. I am
not sure, and up to this point [present day], I still do not know.

To make the situation worse, her immediate family pretends that nothing has ever
happened. Whenever Jasmine would visit, they would act as though she was never
sexually assaulted by her older brother. There were even times when Jasmine would be
at the same event with the brother that sexually assaulted her.
Every time we would visit, they [family] would act like everything was fine.
When we were in the foster care system, like everything was just perfect, and a
happy family. And it was just confusing to me and my little sister. We didn’t
really know why they just acted like that, like nothing ever happened…. I am so
afraid to ask these question to them, to any of my relatives, the ones I talk to
because, especially my two sisters, because, I do not know what to expect. I do
not know what they are going to say and I think I am just afraid to hear what I do
not want to hear. And I do not want to stop talking to them, to my two older
sisters…. One thing that my foster mom did tell me when I went back, and I keep
telling her that I do not know if I should ask them [relatives] or not, or if I should
keep holding these questions to myself. And she told me that when they took
everything to court because, apparently my brother came out. I guess he was just
going to jail for about two or three years. So I guess he came out or something
because nobody wanted to testify against him, no one in my family wanted to.
The only proof was the medical papers, but my family did not allow them to give

187
that to the judge. The examination was proof that he did it, and they did not allow
that. Why, did I not know, like I did not know? I am like, that really hurts.

Darryl knew little about whom his mother was and why she left when he was
three.

I grew up without a mother, my mom, she left, as I was told for personal reasons,
things like that. She left and moved out to New York. So she’s been living in
New York since, I believe, I was like four, three. So she’s been living out there
since.

Darryl did not start questioning where his mother was until he was in the fourth grade
when his peers began to ask about her. Darryl did not have an answer and his father
would not tell him, so he basically created a story. “It was this funny story we used to
have… that she went to the grocery store and never came back or something. And that’s
what we all used to say.” Darryl almost got into a fight because he was made fun of for
not knowing where he mother was. “So then it started affecting me a little bit, like
wondering. Like I wonder if that was really what happened or whatever and we never
really asked my dad or asked my grandmas or anybody about it.”
Darryl was not aware that he was in the foster care system and did not think living
at his grandmother’s home was anything unusual. He had a sense that his father was not
supposed to live with them, but he was not entirely sure why. He also did not pick-up on
the fact that the occasional visitors were social workers who were there to check-up on
the family. He did not have a name for his living arrangement or the occasional visits
from strangers until he accidentally attended a workshop for foster youth in high school.
At this workshop he met people from the RS program. He realized at this workshop and
after speaking to S--- that he was considered a foster youth.
I remember S--- mentioning foster care and foster youth and so I listened and I
was thinking, I was like, I think I am in foster care. Because again, I never really
think about it, but I remember it and I was like, ‘well I think I am in foster care.’

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So I started listening and she was talking about all the benefits at the RS program
can provide and the services for foster youth, what to do if you want to be part of
the program.

This interview prompted Darryl to ask his father more about the past and how
they ended up in foster care. Interestingly, much of what Darryl perceived as events that
occurred in the past were events his father skewed when he hold him the story.
My father and my grandmother, they kind of wanted us not to know too much
even like when we talked about it now, he was kind of like, he said, “I am willing
to tell you all.” He was like, “because you don’t need to know.” He didn’t want
us knowing too much about the system of being in a foster care like that. I’m
telling to myself where they [social workers] came by like I totally remembered
that was once or twice maybe. And, if she [social worker] came by, they try to
arrange it when she will come by when we were at school or something, you
know, so that we wouldn’t know too much about or be worried about that, you
know, stressing about if we’re going to be able to in one house…. So, my parents,
as in my dad and my grandmother, they tried to make it so that we didn’t have to
worry about that.

After the second interview, Darryl did not continue to ask his father about the
past. I asked him why he did not continue the conversation. He said that he had been
doing a lot of reflecting.
No, after that last time he talked to me and we haven’t talked about it again. I just
started doing my own kind of thinking and just how interesting, it was that I had
my own interpretation of what was going on and then what really happened and
that each person in my family has a different interpretation too, given the age and
experience and stuff. Like my oldest sister, she remembers a lot of stuff that I
don’t remember. That was really interesting. I’m just reflecting on that. But we
haven’t really talked too much about anything.

The Social Worker(s)
The social worker was one common experience all the participants had while in
foster care. Tobias and Michael were the only two participants that expressed they had a
positive and rewarding experience with their social workers. The others either did not
think their social worker(s) cared or were helpful, or that their social worker(s) played an

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insignificant role in their lives. Most of these former foster youths felt their social
workers were distant, over-worked, disinterested, unhelpful, untrustworthy and routine.
Tobias experienced two attentive and encouraging social workers. They both
impacted his experience in foster care in a positive way by going above and beyond their
routine check-ins and taking the time to get to know him. Tobias’ first social worker
understood his family’s culture and language. The social worker was able to support the
uncles and his grandmother through all the complicated documents and court hearings.
His second social worker turned out to be a good friend of his initial social worker. She
came into Tobias’ life and picked up where the initial social worker stopped. She earned
his trust fast.
I had two main social workers. One in the beginning, who is a Persian, was pretty
good because, in the beginning, she was able to talk to my family. And she
understood the culture and she understood how our family would feel because
they can relate to each other. And then, she was really good to me and so I grew a
close bond with her. And then a few years later, another social worker came in
her place. They worked together and they were friends, my two social workers
that I had. And then so, when I’ve got the news that there’s going to be a new
person, then I thought okay. If you know this person and you trust her and you
like her, then I don’t think there should be any problems with me. And so, that
was definitely the case where everything did work out well with the second one.
And she stayed with me for quite some time for like five years and I liked her a
lot. We had a close bond and relationship. I was one of her brightest kids,
because when she would go and visit other foster kids, you know their living
situation wasn’t that great…I was doing well in my school, I had friends…and so
I think with both of my social workers, it was really helpful and I really enjoyed
both of them and even the second one, she was actually the one that kind of made
me come to CSU-A.

Michael had a different social worker each time he moved to a new foster home.
He never got to know his social workers because he was never in one place long enough.
In the seventh grade, Michel was finally placed into his final foster home. From there, he
was able to establish a relationship with his social worker.

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She will come every week to check on me and the social workers, you know, their
job is to make sure that I’m doing fine, have everything I need, I’m doing good in
school, if I needed something like to get a new pair of schools or sports
equipment, she’ll make sure I’ll have it or just find a way for me to get what I
needed. Just to see how everything in the house was going and just watching out
for me pretty much you know, just here to see if the foster parents are doing their
job.

She was not the typical social worker and Michael knew because he had a lot in the past
to compare her with.
She’s not the typical social worker…you know, she was actually motivating me
you know, most social workers will say, ‘go to college’ and if the foster child
gives up, that will be the end of that. But, my social worker just kept saying that I
have potential. I could do something and so I listened to her and I’m going to
school [college], I like it and I’m doing good.

Michael is still connected to his former social worker from high school. She has even
offered to adopt him, but he kindly declined.
And now at CSU-A, I’m still keeping in touch with my last foster parents and my
social worker, she’s still there for me. She helps me, she has offered her home to
me and you know, her husband and her, they really care about me.

Veronica was assigned to a social worker that visited her regularly for three years.
According to Veronica, her social worker did not have a negative or positive impact on
her experience at the group home. The social worker came and went along with other
professionals who were assigned to care for the girls in the group home.
Yeah, I had one and she was basically I think my social worker from that time I
was in the group home the entire time until I emancipated. I would see her like I
think 15 minutes once a month. She would come to the group home and she
would talk to me. She’d basically just come in and we sit in the living room and
she’d really like “how is everything at the home? Are you ready to go back to
your mom yet? Is there anything in particular that you need?” And that was it.
She would go. So, I did not really see her that often like I knew she was there if I
needed. If I need to call her of anything, I had all her contact information. I saw
her at my court dates every so often but I mean other than that I don’t really talk
to her very much.

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Shannon had one main social worker until she emancipated. In between, she had
three different ones that came and went. Shannon tried to connect with her social worker
in the beginning. She confided in her social worker about her foster mother not treating
her fairly and not taking her on the cruise, but that backfired. After that experience, she
realized that she could not trust her social worker.
I had one, from the beginning, she was alright, I don’t know. She had problems
because, one time when she was meeting with my mom [foster] and you know
how people jot down stuff, like they jot down information on what’s going on.
So, I remember when I looked at her paper, being nosey…they were talking about
my mother [biological], saying she’s crazy.

Child Welfare Services assigned Jasmine to a county and agency social worker.
Her social workers were not consistent and their visits were brief and routine; therefore,
she did not develop a relationship with either of them. She had three agency social
workers and about nine county social workers over eleven years.
So, it was just really hard for us to trust them, you know, and anything we said, I
kind of took it like they wrote it down and that was it. It goes right down on
paper and they did not do anything about it.

It was not that Jasmine did not try to let her social workers know about her
concerns. She confided in her social workers about the differential treatment she got
from her foster mother but nothing ever changed.
I went to tell these things to the social worker, like little things about the food or
stuff like that, or we want to go out with our friends but we were not allowed to,
but they [social workers] never did anything about it. To me, it just seems like
they just wrote it down and that is it.

Sky and her two siblings shared one social worker who visited them monthly.
Sky’s social worker assumed her grandmother did well as a nurse so she did not share
with them opportunities the county provided to other foster youth such as free trips to
Disneyland, parties and holiday gifts.

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Her responsibility was to make sure we had a roof over our heads and make sure
we were clothed, bathed, just the basic needs that a child needs. But, she doesn’t
always take care of us because she knew that our grandmother was a good person.
Because my grandmother, she worked as a nurse. She just came to ask questions,
same questions, ‘how’s school,’ like just retarded questions.

Mantonious had a hard time remembering whether he had a social worker. He
wavered back and forth, unsure if his social worker was a counselor or just someone from
social services. Mantonious did identify a male social worker that checked in on him and
his brother “sporadically.”
I remember seeing him and having to talk with him every now and then, being at
the table with him. But, I really do not remember who they were. I rarely see
them, sporadically…But, I mean, even when I was in middle school, I mean high
school, I never really saw him like at all. I can remember, they would contact us
and you know like talk to us briefly, asking what I am doing, how is school, how I
am being treated? But not too much of the one-on-one interaction on maybe
issues or anything like that. So, I really never had interactions with the social
worker. I remember an older social worker, but I do not really remember a social
worker at all. But I can remember talking extensively about things. I know I did
have one. But I do not remember now.

When Darryl was little he did not know that the person making regular visits to
his home was a social worker. Darryl’s grandparents served as his guardians and did not
speak to him and his siblings about foster care.
We had a social worker…but I didn’t know who a social worker was back then.
But it was always this lady who would come and she would ask us questions
about like, “oh, how do you feel about living here?” and “how do you feel about
your grandmother and your father?” and stuff. And while we were kind of like
scared or kind of like didn’t know what, why they were asking these questions or
nothing, so we were kind of going, “oh, I love my grandma, I love my grandpa”
and stuff like that. She would come, like, I only remember her, like, a couple of
times in my life, maybe like two or three times.

That One Person
The former foster youths in this study pointed to at least one person that made a
positive impact on their lives and/or influenced them to attend college. This one person,

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whether it was a teacher, relative, social worker, friend or counselor believed in youth
and gave them the motivation and love to do something to change their life situation.
Veronica had a childhood friend that was a year older with whom she kept in
touch with while living in the group home. Her friend encouraged and helped her with
her college application and kept her motivated. Veronica also had a couple of teachers in
high school that believed in her abilities to do much more than what they were used to
seeing at the continuation schools. Unlike many other people in her life, her computer
and English teachers supported her decision to apply to college. Although no one at the
continuation school has even gone to college, they believed in her.
My teacher was like, “you have to try to get into college. You just cannot give up
on yourself.” Yeah, they were my teachers for the end of my junior year and all
of my senior year. So, yeah, they helped me a lot and they really pushed me to do
well. And I actually ended up graduating early from that school because I had
just gone through all the material really quickly, and I ended up being the
valedictorian…I didn’t really have the drive to fill out my college application.
But thankfully, my best friend at that time who’d been through the whole process
[foster care] with me was there for me…she would like print out forms and fill
them out and just have me like sit down and sign them and everything.

Shannon’s theater teacher was one of the few people who knew about her foster
youth identity. Shannon felt a connection to her theater teacher and she did not feel
judged by her. “She was there to listen and she didn’t judge me because she understood
the whole thing so that’s why I talked to her.” Shannon confided in her theater teacher
because she trusted her. Her teacher supported her through the college application
process and gave her the motivation to push forward and do her best in school.
Jasmine turned to one person in high school. In the ninth grade, she joined an
after school academy that gave her the excuse to stay after school. The academy gave
Jasmine more than a sanctuary from her foster parents. The academy provided her with a

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computer to do her homework, prepared her for college and allowed her to meet the one
person that made a positive impact on her life. The teacher that ran the academy became
that one person Jasmine trusted and confided in.
[Joining the academy] actually turned out to be the best choices I had ever made
and stuff because the coordinator of the program is a teacher in charge of the
whole program…he was just the one and only person that I ever mentioned that I
was in the foster system and I think that he knew throughout my time in the
academy because I was in the academy for like three years and he kind of treated
me different than the other kids. In a way, he was more like a grandpa to me, like
the advice he would give me. He always made me feel like really good, you
know, like he always encouraged me and he always said, like every time I got
good grades, he would be like “good job” and “keep it up.” He was always there,
like giving more like that grandpa’s advice, someone that I could go to and talk
to…. And when I have gotten to my senior year that is when I told him. It
actually came out of because I had to fill out financial information for EOP and
the question in the EOP form asked if I was a ward of the court. Now, I do not
know what that was so I asked him…that is when I had to tell him that these are
not my actual parents… He’s the one that actually made me fill out the college
application.

Sky, unlike the other RS students in this study, attended a mandatory Independent
Living Program that prepared youth for emancipation when she was 16. Through this
program, Sky met her mentor and the person that prepared her for emancipation and
college.
It was very helpful because many of times you don’t know what to do when you
get emancipated and you don’t know what you are going to do. So, that really
helped like give me a boost, you know, give me confidence like, “oh, I can do
this, like this is not that hard.”

Sky had a couple of other people that made an impact on her life, learning about
college through her grandmother and her high school counselor.
Yeah, my grandmother, she would talk to me about college, like you need to go to
college, like college is a good thing. It was always enforced in our home and also
my counselor at my high school did the same. Her name was Ms. B-----, she was
the best counselor. I didn’t see myself going to college. But, she pushed me to
apply to the different Cal States, because it was I guess free online with the

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waiver. So, she pulled me out of class. She had me go to the library and apply to
these colleges and so I applied…

Tobias’s second social worker went above and beyond her role. She visited him
every other month to check-in on how he was doing and if his needs were met. After
going through protocol, she would take additional time to catch-up on how he was doing
personally and with school. The extra time and attention she gave Tobias meant a lot to
him. “It was more than just the basic questions and I think what she did was helpful and
she was more of a friend than a social worker, I thought.” Tobias felt that she was always
there for him, whether it was a question about the court hearings or about school. When
college applications drew near, she was there to help him through the application process.
There is a time I believe when I had more questions. It was when I was almost
out of the system and when I was entering college and I needed help with how to
apply for financial aid because, you know, being a foster kid, you know, and
without parents, what do I put under mother’s income or father’s income.

Tobias’ social worker was also the person that told him about the RS program.
…[CSU-A] was my number one choice and I got rejected and I can’t figure out
why…. But then she told me about RS. And I’m like, what is RS? What is it
about? She said, ‘Just apply, it’s for foster youth.’ So I applied and I got in. And
K--- interviewed me and it worked out good. So she helped me on my path to
where I am at right now.

Mantonious met his cross-county coach during his freshman year in high school.
His coach found out about his foster youth identity through another teacher, but that did
not change his opinion of Mantonious. His coach, now mentor, has been there as a
source of support and guidance, a role he continues to play today.
I met him in freshman year…. I was never into cross-county but he came into our
class and spoke about cross-country and he was all like check it out. So, I went
with the cross-country team and then from there, it’s just kind of like things went
pouring. He has always been there to give advice…not only advice about school
or about girls, about family, about money, and about, I don’t know, these things
like life, like he is always there to help you out in life. And so whenever I have

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any questions or any doubt or anything, or I feel insecure, I can call him and he
will kind of give me his experience of things. I mean they may be different from
mine, he may know I might not do what he is saying, but at least I know he has
that type of experience or he has some experience to that. Like he can give me
that type of advice to kind of what to expect, about how to take the challenge
on…. He’s really good in motivating.

Now, his mentor is still the person he goes to for advice. “I have one person like I would
go to for basically anything. I mean, my mentor, I would say he would be the most well-
rounded person I would go to for basically anything.”
Darryl’s father was his inspiration, and though he had to give Darryl and his
siblings up to kinship care, he made sure he stuck around and provided for Darryl and his
siblings. With kinship care, the child is under the care of a family member rather than a
non-relative with foster care. Darryl did not feel abandoned by his father when they were
placed into foster care then kinship care with their grandmother. His father protected him
and his siblings from knowing too much about their mother who left them and his
inability to raise them on his own. Darryl admired his father and respected him for trying
to keep the family together; therefore, he wanted to be like his father and make him
proud. He developed a passion for music, basketball and chess because that was what his
father was good at.
I used to get the inspiration from myself, but my dad though, he really inspired
me to do a lot of things that I do now, and inspired me to look into things that I
enjoyed doing to try to take the path to a particular career. My dad, he had a lot
of sit-downs with us, with me and my siblings…he always gave me advice. He
gave a lot of advice on how to treat women, you know, in relationships and things
like that as well. He gave me advice on education…he kind of gave like a bigger
picture on the idea of education and why you should receive this education and
why you should be getting good grades other than you know what I’m saying, just
to please them or the teacher or whoever you know. So he inspired me to do a lot
of things and like I said, he inspired me to do music because he has done music
since before we were born.

Darryl aspired to play basketball because his father played basketball.

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Another thing that really impacted my life in general is basketball…. For me, I
use to watch my dad play basketball with my uncles…I use to watch him and
stuff and then, I remembered playing basketball in elementary and I was always
the last one picked, because I can’t shoot threes or something and unlike every
other one, it was always air balls…My dad taught me how to do a lay-up.

Darryl and his father’s relationship continue to grow in a positive direction.
I think it’s growing, grows up through the years. Especially when I started going
to college…I mean, we sit down and talk about anything. I talked to him about
everything even plus my dates, what I’m doing with my music and stuff, because
he does music as well. He gives me advice, things like that. So you know, I think
we’re kind of getting to that stage where we’re more close like, I mean, friendship
type thing.

Michael’s social worker went above and beyond to help Michael. They
developed a close bond over the years. She and her husband offered to adopt Michael,
but he did not see the need.
She tells me, “I feel like I’m your mother and you’re my son. I just want the best
for you.” I never called her mom or anything and she understands why. She takes
care of me and her husband too. And we’re pretty tight; we’re pretty close
together. And if I ever had trouble or had no one to talk to, I will talk to her. Or
if I didn’t do good in school, I will talk to her. If I had something big going on in
my life, I will talk to her and that’s pretty much my situation or my relationship
with her and her family. Just being a good mom.

He did not know much about college until his social worker told him about it and
encouraged him to apply. She went above and beyond to help him through the
application process.
In my senior year, I didn’t think that I’m going to college until everybody was
talking about it and my social worker was the person that helped me out the most
ever. She helped me to fill out college applications. As frustrated as she was, she
still stayed to help me. She also told me about the RS…she told me about other
scholarships. I applied for them. I made it into RS and I got scholarships. I don’t
know, the application for school was really easy with her help.

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Summer Bridge
Participants talked about the positive impact Summer Bridge had on their college
transition. Summer Bridge is a requirement for all RS students the summer before fall
quarter. The five-week program provides students with the opportunity to get ahead on
their math and English, especially if they needed remediation. In addition, students are
required to attend college success and life-skills workshops, meet with academic advisors
and stay in the residence halls during the program. Every participant of this study
attended Summer Bridge except for Mantonious, because he was a transfer student. “I
did not go to Summer Bridge just because I am a transfer student, so that is kind-of for
freshmen.”
Veronica was excited to leave her mother’s home for college. She enjoyed her
Summer Bridge experience and her independence. She was thrilled to be in college and
most of all get a fresh start in life.
The whole Summer Bridge experience was just really great and like all the people
were really cool. I got close with everyone who was in the program, especially
that’s when I first met other RSs who were coming during my same year…. My
whole Summer Bridge class just kind of felt like another family, like we were all
just so close and like we live together, we ate together and went to classes
together for month or so.

Veronica took Summer Bridge as an opportunity to catch up with her peers. She
knew quite well that she had a lot of catching-up to do as her continuation high school
had not prepared her well academically.
So, I did struggle a bit with my math class…but it didn’t ruin the experience at all.
I had to spend a lot of time, like in tutoring and doing all my homework. And like
the other people in my class would just finish their homework really quickly, I
always struggled with my math and so I just wanted to make sure that I passed it.

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Shannon was used to living on her own as a result of staying at her foster sister’s
during her senior year in high school. She felt going to college and living in the
residence halls was similar to living with her foster sister. What she had to get used to
however, was the quarter system. Being on the quarter system meant an even shorter
summer session. Summer Bridge was a five-week program and in the five weeks, she
took English and a Political Science class. It was challenging, but at the end she was able
to get ahead on course work and the experience “was a good confidence booster.”
Shannon also met her best friend, another RS student through Summer Bridge. They
were roommates in Summer Bridge and are still roommates today.
Jasmine did not feel prepared for college, but going to Summer Bridge gave her
the opportunity to take a couple of classes, meet people in the RS program and get
acclimated to college life.
Actually, the thing that helped me be more active and more involved were things
that we had to do that were required to be in RS. In order to be in RS we had to
go to Summer Bridge. That was like a requirement so since we had to go to
Summer Bridge, I was able to get to know other people and get involved in
different activities…. I really liked it because I knew everything that was going on
and I knew where everything was on campus from being in Summer Bridge.

Attending Summer Bridge was Sky’s first time away from her grandmother and
was something she had to get use to. At her grandmother’s she never had rules and
schedules to adhere to. At Summer Bridge, Sky and her classmates were on a tight
schedule of eating, going to class, studying and activities. Overall, Sky thought Summer
Bridge was fun despite the rules and schedules. Summer Bridge created opportunities for
her to make friends, meet other RS students, learn how to manage her time and take a
couple of classes to get a head start.

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It taught us about time management…it taught us about how to get things done
within a certain period of time, it just taught us a lot. I felt ahead of the game
because I felt like I was already a student. I felt like I was already here before
these people.

Tobias was excited about Summer Bridge as it was his first true taste of
independence. He understood that Summer Bridge was not an opportunity everyone had.
Out of all his friends who were going to CSU-A, he was the only one attending Summer
Bridge. Knowing this, he took the experience seriously.
I think it was helpful because I was able to get that feeling of college. And for me
especially, I was one of five students out of the whole Summer Bridge to actually
get to take a college class rather than having to take regular writing class and a
regular math class, because me and five other students, we weren’t suppose to
take that math class, because we already knew it. That was like Math 12 or Math
11. And so, I was able to take an actual class that was taking place here. It was
PLS 2, Political Science. And so it was more challenging because it was in the
summertime and in the summertime, it was ten classes…. It was like educational
boot camp.… So, I think if anything Summer Bridge did really help make me one
step ahead of the game.

Going away to Summer Bridge was the first time Darryl has ever been away from
home. While his grandmother and father were not thrilled about the idea of him sleeping
somewhere else, Darryl was excited to experience living in the residence halls and going
to college.
The whole process was kind of like, a lot of us who were in Summer Bridge, we
kind of called it boot camp. It was kind of like boot camp to us because they
knocked on your door and wakes you up early morning and then you’re scheduled
all day till you go to bed. As for the classes, we took two classes and I kind of
wanted to be ahead of the game so I would do my homework ahead of time and
just have everything done…. I think my best experience for Summer Bridge was
being in those classes because it kind of helped me see the difference between a
college-level class and a high school class and the way they’re ran and the way
the professors are…The workshops were really cool too because we got to meet a
lot of people…we made a lot of connections, met people at the Credit Union and
we met people in the different organization, things like that…By the time it was
over, I’d bonded a lot with the RS students because we had the RS Seminar and it
was kind of like a class and we got units for it.

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The freedom from being away from his foster parents was overwhelming. For the first
time, he got to decide what he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it and who he wanted
to do it with; all without his foster parents’ input.
So I go to the dorms and I just, I don’t know, when I was done moving in, putting
everything down, I just didn’t know what to do. I think it was because I had so
much freedom and I wasn’t sure if I was going to procrastinate because I never
really procrastinated in high school. I was always doing good.

Michael also thought Summer Bridge was like an “academic boot camp.” He did
not have much time to adjust to the five-week program. As challenging as it was, he
successfully completed two classes and he still had time to procrastinate and have fun.
Summer Bridge built Michael’s confidence and it provided him with a community to
belong to.
Summer Bridge was very intense academically. They gave me Math classes and
English classes and basically what it was, is you lived in the dorms, they woke
you up at seven, you are in class by eight, got out by like eleven or twelve. You
have to go eat lunch, go back to class. Now, when you’re done with school, like 3
o’clock you go do whatever the RA’s or the people that are in the program make
you to. You know you have to do some activities every day, so it’s kind of like
extra-curricular activities they are trying to teach you community service or
whatever the case. So, by 7 we’re free to do whatever we want, which is
homework.

RS Program
All the former foster youths in this study said the RS program made a significant
impact on their college experience. The director, coordinator and advisor of the program
provided resources and programs that assisted the participants in their transition into
college, moving through college and preparing for the future. The RS program became
their new family, a place where they found comfort in knowing that people understand
their situation. The RS program provided each of them with financial support and
introduced them to various services on campus to increase their chances for success. All

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eight are personally invested in the RS program and want to see the program continue to
grow and provide more former foster youth the opportunity to attend college. They all
felt that if it were not for the RS program, they would probably not be in college.
Jasmine is very grateful for being part of the RS program. The RS program gave
her a family and peers that understand what she has gone through. The RS program has
provided her with academic and personal support, financial aid, housing and access to
campus resources.
I think I am just really, really lucky to have a program like RS and to be here
because I think that makes a big difference. And like other students that were in
the system in the RS is like a family, in a way you feel like you know you have
someone to go to. Even if they are not your parents, it is still someone that you
could trust as a friend.

Sky got accepted to CSU-A through the RS program. She credits the RS program
for giving her the opportunity to attend college and the resources to be successful in
college.
If I wasn’t in the program, I’ll probably be lost. I wouldn’t have a sense of
direction coming from foster care. It feels good to be part of RS because it’s like
that’s our little community and you know that people in the community went
through similar things like you. Coming from foster care and adoption and just
tragic situations, we can share things with each other and we know that it won’t
go out of our community. We go there to study, hangout and just like have
friends. We can go there to talk to A---- and S---. S---, she’s a good person, since
she like went through some of the stuff that we went through like she could relate
to what we go through on a daily basis. She knows because she’s been here, she
was a student here actually, so she knows like what we go through on a daily
basis. So yeah, I think she’s great person.

Tobias developed a close bond with his RS cohort. They have become his family
and his RS classmates are his siblings.
So, I think that they did really good on establishing that close bond with your
cohort, with you know, other people in the same year as you…So I think the RS
itself is good because you’re not lost when you’re at school…. I think you are in

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this family and it’s really like another family you know. Your blood family and
then you have your family with the RS.

Mantonious is a non-traditional college student. Unlike the traditional-aged
college student, Mantonious did not go directly from high school to a four-year college.
He attended a community college for a brief period before joining the Marines. After
serving in the Marines for two years, he returned to the community college to finish up
his coursework and then transfer. Several colleges accepted Mantonious but he decided
to attend CSU-A because of the RS program. Once he got accepted to CSU-A the RS
program contacted Mantonious and encouraged him to apply for the program. Since he
was a transfer student, his experience was slightly different from the RS students that
entered their freshman year. Nonetheless, the RS program was still able to offer him free
housing and provide him with some financial aid.
Mantonious did not go through Summer Bridge or the RS Seminar since he
transferred in his junior year. Not receiving the same college success workshops and
advising like the rest of the first year RS students, Mantonious had to navigate his way
through college the hard way. His transition into college started was difficult; he did not
have good time management, worked full time, pledged a fraternity and went to school
full-time. At the end of his first year at CSU-A he had a grade point average of 1.7.
So I mean in terms of the experience of taking the classes, a lot different than a
junior college or any other courses that I took, like even in the military…so it took
me a while to kind of learn that because I did not think that way before. I have
done this before like for two years, you know, like no problem. This is easy, I can
do this. But now, I really kind of realize that I cannot work 35 hours or full time,
make it to school full time at CSU-A on the quarter system. So I did 12 or 16
units and then went to work full time, which is like totally not the brightest idea in
the world.

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Mantonious started his second year on academic probation. To stay in the RS
program and in school he had to attend mandatory advising with the RS advisor once a
month until his grades improved. Since then, Mantonious has created a more balanced
work and school schedule.
I would come over to the RS lounge and I would start doing homework at nine
o’clock in the morning because I would go eat and then go and do homework
until I have class. So, I would be there until twelve, start class, get out of class at
eight o’clock at night. That really set up good habits for me. So this quarter, it is
the same thing…so, doing all of that stuff at one time, spring of last quarter is not
the best thing in the world. I do not want to do that ever.

Mantonious has made the RS lounge his home. He is seen there almost everyday
studying, using the computers and hanging-out with the students in the program.
Mantonious’ new study routine at the RS lounge introduced him to new relationships and
a community to belong to.
Darryl feels fortunate to have found the RS program. For him, falling into the RS
program by accident was truly fate. Since he does not go home often because of
transportation, he finds himself spending a lot of free time with his RS peers and
participating in RS activities that range from fun outings to representing the RS program
at conferences. He is one of the more active RS students and is always trying to get other
RS students to stay involved and assist with outreach programs at the local high school
and conferences. Darryl has this passion for the RS program because, the program has
educated him about his foster youth identity, and it has helped him out financially and
academically. Darryl has benefited from the RS program so much and had such a
positive experience he is already paving the way for his younger brother to also attend
CSU-A and be part of the RS program. “I’m trying to let him [younger brother] to know

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the ropes. He’s trying to get here. I’m going to let him know how to plan and
everything. So, I bring him on campus and stuff like that.”
Michael can also be found in the RS lounge almost every day. The RS program
has become his family, enjoying the company of his advisors and his peers and the ability
to be himself. Michael would not normally tell friends about his life experience because
he does not think that they would understand. The RS program, however, has given him
an outlet to be around other students that have gone through similar experiences, so that
he would not have to explain himself.
I just feel really comfortable being with them. We talk and I mean, we don’t
always have to tell each other what we’ve been through, I mean that’s a reality the
way we know we’ve been through it and enough reason to talk about positive
things, you know. Just like a big family, I guess in a way. There is some
awkwardness between some RSs because some actually had very bad life growing
up or really traumatizing childhoods and some are not sure about opening up or I
don’t know, you just have to be very careful and delicate with what you say
around RSs something too, to each other.

Michael bonded with his RS peers and his advisors. “In your free time you have to go to
your RS activities and it was I don’t know, I just really liked all my friends that come into
the RS, my year. We all bonded, we became close friends and we saw each other a lot
and yeah I really liked it.”
Michael is very grateful to be part of the RS program. Being part of the program
has given him access to money for school, campus housing and a community to belong
to.
If there was not RS, I probably would not be at CSU-A…. If CSU-A didn’t have
RS, I would just go to class and during my break hours, like four or six hours long
breaks between class I will just be like most typical students, just sleeping at the
student center or just trying to get homework done or kill time doing something
else. But, you know the RS has its own little private area with offices and TV
room and that is where we all hang out.

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In addition to the friendship and community space, the RS has advisors that are
very dedicated to the success of the students. Michael enjoys his meeting with his
advisors because he feels they keep him grounded and motivated.
I grew a lot of respect for [the former director of the RS]. I really like how he
says “hey, let us be together, be family, let’s do this, let’s do that.” He gets me
saying, “yes, why not, let’s do it and let’s do what’s right, let’s do this.” And I
just really like how he was just all positive and all that, but when it came time to
get serious, just like that, he will get everybody serious and everyone is getting
down to business doing what they have to do.

Turning 21
A foster youth goes through three major transitions in his or her lifetime. A foster
youth’s first experience with Child Welfare Services begins his or her removal from an
abusive or negligent parent(s) by a court appointed social worker and/or police officer,
depending on the level of abuse and/or neglect, and placed into a foster or group home.
The second major transition is emancipating from the foster care system at 18 and lastly,
turning 21. At 21 former foster youth will lose their medical benefits through Medicare
and the services and monetary support through their county Independent Living Program.
Turing 21 was mentioned by most of the participants because for all of them it meant
losing financial support. Some of the participants planned ahead for this day and some
are just beginning to save in preparations for graduation. For most of the participants,
they are just glad that they are in college because, although they will turn 21 while in
college, they will have until they graduate to really begin worrying about their finances.
Veronica depends on her financial aid and the support she gets from her county
Independent Living Program and Medicare. Now that she is 21, she is no longer
receiving support. She feels fortunate that financial aid is still covering a big portion of

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her education and housing. She now works part-time on campus to help offset the money
she used to receive through the Independent Living Program.
I’ve been managing. The only times I think that I’ve ever really struggle was over
the summer, because over the summer our funds get cut really short and that’s a
lot less than we get over the regular quarters. Plus, on top of that, I don’t work
during the summer…. So, summer is just twice as hard because my financial aid
is cut and at the same time I’m no longer working. And so, I just try really hard
to save up money throughout the academic period just so I’m ready for summer.

Unlike her peers, she does not have family to go to for monetary support. She
would be even luckier if her mother did not go to her for money.
…If they ever got to a point where they can’t pay it off, they can’t afford to pay it
off, and they needed help with rent or anything like that, their parents would help
them. And I didn’t have that option because if anything my mom is asking me for
money to help her out sometimes.

Turning 21 for Tobias was a big turning point for him. He was excited to turn 21
because it meant more privileges and another step closer to being an adult.
For me right now, what I think of is turning 21. I think when I turn 21 you know
it’s bright lights, you finally made it and it’s you know, in the background it’s like
hallelujah. Because, I think when you turn 21, then I can wash away all my fears,
all my challenges. When I turn 21 then I can have more friends. I can have a
girlfriend…and that’s what I think about right now you know, 21 is all high and
mighty, it not too far, it’s coming very soon.

Mantonious entered into college at the age of 22, not expecting to receive any
form of aid. He has been saving up since he finished his military service, expecting to
pay for college on his own. Fortunately, for Mantonious, the RS program was able to
find him financial help to offset the cost of his first year in college.
They told me I was not supposed to get it. You know, you got it through the RS
for being a first year here but after that, you’re on your own. The amount of
money you make…you are probably not going to get financial aid next year.” So
I came in to this year, that’s why I took summer off so I can work, save money so
I can pay for school and so I was working fulltime all that summer, the whole two
and a half, three months that we had off…. Well, now I’m paying housing and

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school and so now I am trying to think of alternatives to balancing my budget,
seeing what I can spend and what I can afford.

Darryl received $5,000 a year from his county Independent Living Program to
help pay for living expenses and school. Once he turned 21, he stopped receiving money
from the county and other grants he was getting to pay for tuition and housing.
Once you turned 21, you can’t get that type of grant, I believe. I’m not sure. But,
as I, like recently, I talked to S--- and she says that you might be able to get an
extension, so I don’t know, I might be able to but, I haven’t gotten it since I
turned 21.

Since Darryl turned 21 has been taking out loans and working on campus part-time to pay
for college.
Not Wanting to Be Like Their Parent(s)
Every participant mentioned how they, as adults, do not want to end-up like their
parent(s) or be like their parent(s). They are all aware of what happened to their parents
and do not want history to repeat itself. All of the participants want to have their own
family and do things the “right way.” Their primary goal is to graduate and establish a
career before getting married and having children. They all want to give their children
the life they did not have.
Shannon wants to be a mother some day and she already knows what kind of
mother she will be. She wants to be a “really goofy, really childlike” mother “that
actually gets down there and play with the kids, like they’re playing tag, I will play tag.
And then, if they play hopscotch, we will all play hopscotch. So, not so serious, someone
they can talk to.” She also does not want to have children too early. “I figure I should be
starting work, like really working at 24 or 25. But, I’ll have time only to live it up for the
next three year and then I could think of having a family.”

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Sky does not want to be like her parents and make the same mistakes they made.
My past influences me to be who I am today because I don’t want to make the
same mistakes. I don’t want time to repeat itself, right? I don’t want to do what
my mom and dad did. I want to finish school, have a career goal, make money,
have children and I want my children to have the ideal family—a mother and a
father, but before I have children, I want to get married and do it right! Not to get
married before I have children, because I was a bastard, well, all my brothers and
sisters are bastards, born out of wedlock, so yeah.

Mantonious does not want to end up like his parents. He specifically avoided the
Army and joined the Marines to break the family tradition of joining the Army after high
school. Mantonious was the first in his family to complete high school and the first in his
extended family to go to college.
It’s all a cycle, like they’re not the first ones probably. It’s probably in the family
somewhere. And so we’re always fighting against odds. But only a strong willed
person will be able to come out of that, and I see it as a challenge…I mean we all
have issues and struggles. Like for me, I have crossed by it, but without any of
those things, I would not probably be in college right now.... I don’t really have
too bad memories of being in the system or anything you know, I just feel that I
wouldn’t be who I am today without those experiences. And that’s just because I
tried so hard to not relive those, you know, in my life, cause I know that it wasn’t
my decision that made the situation that I endured, but you know, it’s the
decisions of others and how my parents chose. As long as I can do what I can
control and do it to the best of my abilities and make sure that you know, I don’t
put myself nor my children nor my family in those situation, then you know,
everything will be okay.

Michael’s childhood before foster care was surrounded by violence and substance
abuse. The last thing he wants is to relive his parents' life or put his own family through
similar experiences. Unfortunately, his sister fell into the cycle of drugs and hanging out
with the wrong crowd. Michael is torn, because he has not been able to help her.
I haven’t seen her for six months, I haven’t heard from her. She just doesn’t want
anything to do with me…. the last time I saw her, I met her boyfriend…. I don’t
know him personally, but I did know that he’s into drugs. He’s just living a bad
life, no job, no school, just dropped out and my sister just decided to stay with
him and I wasn’t happy with that and my sister just pretty much disappeared.

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Michael is aware that he too can fall into his mother and stepfather’s footsteps.
While growing up, he found himself acting violent towards his own siblings. He is still
ashamed of his past behavior, but he now understands where this behavior was learned.
He grew up in an area where violence was the norm. He also went through a period in
high school where he experimented with drugs.
Well, with growing up with everything [drugs and violence] I mentioned, I guess,
I got accustomed to it but I learned by myself that it was not the right thing and I
don’t want to be that way. So, I turned out to be the complete opposite of
everything that I saw so that is why I am pretty positive most of the time, I tend
not to stress about any little thing or things that are not going my way…. I won’t
usually party, but if I do, it’s just to have a good time, just good friends, you’d
have a drink or two and talk and I don’t do drugs just because of what my mom,
with her situation…So, I am pretty responsible that way I am when I go hangout
with friends. I don’t hangout with crazy friends, I don’t. It’s just all happy, fun
responsible partying.

Despite what Michael experienced with his family, he wants to get married and be
a dad. He wants a lot of children and given them what he never had.
I learned a lot going through dozens of families living with them and all these
negative things happening in the house. I know I don’t want my children to go
through the feelings or pains or whatever it would be.

Giving Back
All the participants are aware of the deficiencies within the foster care system.
Having gone through the system, they all want to find ways to improve the experience for
future foster youth. There is nothing positive about being a foster youth. However, there
were people that came into their lives that made it bearable and gave them hope for a
better future. On the other hand, there were also people that made the experience worse.
No matter what each participant experienced, they all feel the need to give back. None of
them want other foster youth to have to go through what they individually went through.

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Veronica is majoring in sociology and plans to get her master’s in social work.
Her career goal is to become a social worker and work specifically with foster youth.
I mean my career path most definitely was affected by that, I mean I want to go
into social work mainly because I have been through the whole system and I have
seen more kind of flaws there are, what different types of social workers are out
there and that kind of person that I want to be in order to help people who were in
the foster care system. I mean before I went into foster care, I knew that I was
kind of torn between a lot of different career paths, but once I went in there beside
just knowing that I want to help people like I knew specifically what kind of
group I wanted to help.

Shannon is currently a biology major and plans on pursuing a career as a
physician’s assistant (PA). Although Shannon dreams about being a celebrity on MTV,
she thinks being a PA a bit more realistic. She wants to be a PA because she wants to
help the community, especially foster youth with accessing free quality health care.
Shannon wants to be a foster mom and adopt children.
I see myself adopting a lot of kids. I’ll be a foster mother to kids that don’t have
homes. I don’t want to have a lot of kids [biological] because I feel like there are
so many out there already who don’t have anywhere to go. So, I can do my part
in that.

Jasmine’s original career plan was to become a physical therapist. She has all the
prerequisites to apply for physical therapy school. However, as a backup plan in case she
does not get into physical therapy school, she changed her major to sociology to become
a social worker. Either way, Jasmine wants a career that involves the foster care system.
At first, I didn’t want to because my goal was to get away from the system to
leave that behind and just move on. For that reason, I chose something
completely different, something that didn’t really have to do with the foster care
system at all. But, I don’t know, I think over the years, I volunteered a lot and
being part of that group, either volunteering, participating in presentations. Being
involved with the youth that are still in the system, that somehow, I felt like
maybe I could make a difference. And who else better than someone that went
through it? So, I kind of feel like I should do it since I always come back to it
every time I try to get away from it…So, my main goal is to continue school, get
my master’s in physical therapy and then still be involved with foster youth.

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Sky is currently a sociology major with an emphasis in social work. Her goal is
to become a social worker and work with foster youth.
Because my social worker was not the best social worker, I was like I want to
make a difference. She doesn’t seem to be passionate about her job. So, I just
want to help those who were just like me. Who are going through what I went
through, I can relate to them and they know what I’ve been through. I can
probably share my story with them. So that they can go to college and do
something with their lives. Something positive, instead of negative, because
many foster kids, they just do negative things, like they just think nobody cares
about them. They just feel list nobody can relate to them. So sharing my story
with them and letting them see that I have a career and I’ve done something with
my life, you know, that sure really can give them some, you know, push.

Tobias feels lucky, because his experience in the foster care system was a lot
better than his peers. Tobias attributes his success to the mentoring he received from his
two social workers. Without them, his experience may have turned out much differently.
He wants to have the same impact on other foster youth by being their “big brother.”
I thought there’s something I need to do more of so I think that, like giving back
to the community, being a big brother I think, would be helpful. Cause, I mean
there’s you know times where I needed a big brother when I was young, so I think
that would help the community.

Following in the footsteps of his mentor, Mantonious wants to teach high school
history and coach sports. He wants to teach high school because that was the age when
he was most impacted by his teacher/coach.
I really want to do high school, just because you know I want to impact other
people’s lives like mine was impacted in high school as well. And that’s really a
maturing age, where you can really decided where “I want to take charge in my
life.”

Darryl is very active with the RS program. He has represented the RS program at
conferences, workshop and outreach efforts and sees it as giving back to the community.

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He feels he has the responsibility to inform current foster youth about the system and
about different opportunities that are out there for them.
…I go to these presentations and talk to the high school student about going to
college know to the foster youth. Ever since, I learned more about the foster care
system, I felt like I had a responsibility to give back and a purpose in the program.

Darryl had a positive experience living with his grandmother and father. He was
sheltered from the negative aspects of foster care, but as he grew older he wished he
knew more about the foster care system and the support that came with being a foster
youth.
As I grew older by senior high school until now, I started realizing a lot and I
started realizing what the foster care system was in a lot more detail. For
example, I started talking to other students who where in foster care and learn
about their stories and then just talking and talking to other people who were in
positions that give opportunities to foster youth. I started to find out about the
opportunities. So for me, it was kind of like I gave myself the responsibility,
myself the duty to make sure that a lot of foster youth understand that there are
opportunities out there for them, opportunities to go to college, opportunities for
financial needs, things like that. Because I didn’t know about all of that.

Darryl’s goal in the future is to create an organization that will go into schools to provide
foster youth with workshops on college and resources to help them through the system
and be successful.
Summary
As I was writing up each life story in Chapter Five, I took the “selective reading
approach” to identify the themes. I read the transcribed interviews over several times
while asking myself “what statement(s) or phrase(s) seem particularly essential or
revealing about the phenomenon or experience being described” (van Manen, 1990, p.
93). Many interesting themes emerged; however, for the purpose of chapter six, I had to
think about how the themes informed me about the phenomenon at hand. The

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phenomenon under study is the lived experience of former foster youth and the journey
they took to get into college. With that in mind, I selected twelve “essential themes”
from the interviews: Feeling Alone, Wanting to Be Normal, Growing Up Fast,
Powerless, Missing Link, Social Worker(s), That One Person, RS, Summer Bridge,
Turning 21, Not Wanting to be Like Their Parent(s) and Giving Back. The twelve
essential themes serve as the headings for Chapter Six. Anecdotes were used to reveal
the individual experiences under each theme. The goal was to pull out as many anecdotes
from the conversations I had with each participant so that the essence of each theme is
fully captured. The themes were systematically organized to provide the reader with a
structure that illustrates the phenomenon of being a foster youth (van Manen, 1990).
Overall, the twelve essential themes provided me with a very personal look inside eight
very different lives of former foster youth.
In Chapter Seven, I will provide insight on key findings, implications, limitation
and suggestions for future research. This study will conclude with Chapter Eight, an
epilogue about my personal transformation and experience from this research and my
relationship with the eight co-researchers.

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Chapter Seven
Discussion
In phenomenological research the emphasis is always on the meaning of the lived
experience. The point of phenomenological research is to “borrow” other people’s
experiences and their reflections on their experience in order to better be able to come to
an understanding of the deeper meaning or significance of an aspect of human
experience, in the context of the whole of human experience.
van Manen, 1990, p. 62

Summary of Findings

The purpose of this study was to capture the meaning of what it was like to be a
foster youth. Taking a phenomenological approach to this study, I interviewed eight
former foster youth attending a four-year college in Southern California. I kept the
sample size small to give myself the opportunity to fully capture their individual life
stories in as much detail as possible over three separate interviews spanning three to four
weeks. I specifically focused on a campus that provided a retention program for former
foster youth to develop an understanding of their transition from foster care to college.
I interviewed four females and four males that were junior or seniors in the RS
program at CSU-A. I loosely structured the interviews so they resembled a conversation.
I started the beginning of each interview by gathering general demographics (age, major,
year in college, race/ethnicity, gender and years in foster care). I had them begin their
story with their earliest recollection of childhood. We would end the interview with their
view on life after college. At the end of my data collection, I ended up with over 32
hours of transcribed data.
From the interviews, I captured from the participants’ their own perspective,
interpretation and reflection of what happened to them prior, during and post foster care.
In staying true to a phenomenological study, I had to remind myself to not concentrate

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too much on facts and details about what happened. It was not my job to determine
whether something happened or not.
The most challenging part of the study was accurately capturing the sequence of
their story. The conversational format required me to piece all the information together
in sequential order so that their stories had structure and fluidity.
Twelve themes emerged from the interviews: Feeling Alone, Wanting to Be
Normal, Growing Up Fast, Powerless, Missing Links, Social Worker(s), That One
Person, Summer Bridge, RS Program, Turning 21, Not Wanting to be Like Their
Parent(s) and Giving Back. These themes summarized a collective experience. The
themes on their own, with the supporting anecdotes, tell the story of what it was like to be
a foster youth for the participants.
Although the findings in this study are consistent with existing literature, the
purpose of my research was not to make conclusions or create theories about the
experience of foster youth. My goal was to provide readers with the rare opportunity to
experience, through words, the lived experiences of eight unique individuals. As an
educator, I understand the value of knowing who my students are and being aware of
their needs. To do this, I need to take the time to learn about their personal life
experiences and hear directly from them about their needs. As such, I do not make
assumptions about what I think they need.
From my conversations with the foster youth involved in this study, all of them
felt at some level powerless, when decisions were made for them. One thought I hope
readers will take away from this study is giving voice to those we serve, in this case,
foster youth. I make this recommendation because foster youth are not all the same and

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cannot be treated with the same formula. Foster youth have feelings and they need to be
loved and cared for by loving and nurturing adult figures. This is where social workers,
teachers and foster parents can play a vital role. Take the time to listen to their stories,
get to know them, give them a voice and try to understand their situation by picturing
yourself in their shoes. It is all about letting the youths know they matter.
Implications
The goal of my study is to inform practitioners and stakeholders about the lives of
former foster youth. My personal impression of the foster care system is that not many
people outside of the foster care system understand or know much about the lives of
foster youth. Foster youth are invisible to our society. By giving eight former foster
youth the opportunity to tell their stories, I have given them a voice to share their
experience. I hope this study will launch more conversations and generate more support
for foster youth.
Limitations
The first limitation to this study is not having a set protocol or methods to conduct
a phenomenological study (Creswell, 2003; Dukes, 1984; van Manen, 1990). Not having
a set protocol was a challenge because I had to create my own parameters as to what I
believed was appropriate and practical in terms of time, money and steps to achieving my
goals. van Manen (1990), Creswell (2003) and Seidman (2006) all propose different
ways to approach a phenomenological study; that is, using a mixture of qualitative
methods, such as conversational in-depth interviews, observations, analyzing personal
works such as essays, poems, drawings, journals, music and/or biographies. I utilized a
combination of these methods while staying true to phenomenology.

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The second limitation is the inability to generalize or make any factual statements
about the findings. Although phenomenology is the study of one, I intentionally chose to
highlight eight unique life experiences to provide the reader with more than one
perspective on the phenomena. The purpose of my study is not to be bothered by facts or
the truth, but how the individual experienced the social phenomena.
The third limitation is my ability to fully bracket the information and experience I
had prior to the study. Phenomenological bracketing takes practice. As a novice to
phenomenology, I may have distorted the study by seeing what I wanted to see. Aware
of this possibility, I intentionally increased my sample size to eight participants to vary
the experience and remove anything I may have perceived about the population before
entering into the study.
The fourth limitation is the length of time spent with each participant. Other
phenomenologist may criticize the length of time given that a phenomenological study is
usually conducted over a long period of time. However, what is considered a long period
of time is subjective to each researcher. There are researchers that follow the
individual(s) for years, some for months and some for weeks depending on the
phenomena (Dukes, 1984). For the purpose of this study, my interviews extended over a
minimum period of three weeks and each interview was a minimum of one-hour per
participant. Phenomenologists may suggest I spend a few more years with each
participant but I felt the time I spent with each participant was adequate for this study.
Feedback for the RS Program and CSU-A
The RS program at CSU-A is a valuable tool to recruit, retain and graduate former
foster youth. From the conversations I had with the eight participants, the RS program

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positively impacted their educational experiences. The participants wanted me to share
the following information with the RS program, campus administrators and stakeholders:
1. Do more outreach to local high schools and community colleges and use the
current RS students to assist with presentations. All of the participants felt that
the RS program could do more in this area. The participants want other foster
youth to have the same opportunity they had.
2. Find a way to keep the RS students engaged with the RS program throughout their
college experience. The participants feel that the incoming RS classes are not as
committed as they were when they entered as freshmen. The new RS students are
not regularly seen in the RS lounge or at sponsored events. The participants that
are helping to establish a RS club on campus are hoping that the club will
generate more involvement among other RS students. Even with the RS club, the
same active RS students are the ones getting the club going.
3. Provide RS student with more opportunities to assist with the programmatic side
of the program, such as planning the retreats, donor events and outreach. Create
leadership opportunities to empower the students and to create a greater sense of
ownership for the RS program. The participants want to provide input on what
they want to learn and take part in the development and implementation of
programs. They do not want their RS experience to mirror their experience in
foster care.
4. Spend more time on explaining why RS students are expected to fulfill certain
requirements. For example, a couple of participants asked why they are required

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to participate in the Student Development and Leadership Institute. How will this
requirement benefit them?
5. Continue to offer Summer Bridge to all entering RS students. Summer Bridge
impacted all of the participants that went through the program in a very positive
way, such as getting ahead with coursework, develop friendships, learn about
campus services and get a sense of college life.
6. Continue to provide RS students with a space of their own to study and socialize.
The RS lounge has developed into a home for many of the RS students. It has
become a place where the RS students can study, take breaks in between classes,
socialize and, most importantly, a place where they can be themselves.
7. Retain RS advisors and coordinator/director. The RS students indicated that they
had a tough time developing trust with new professional staff. It is very
important for the RS students to experience stability especially when that was
absent in their childhood. Several of the participants commented on how their
experience with RS has changed because of the changes of professional staff.
8. If the RS program is to grow, there must be enough resources and staffing to
support the growth. Currently, there is an advisor and coordinator that are
running the RS program. The participants commented that they felt that the RS
program is short staffed and they cannot picture the RS program growing in
numbers if the staff does not increase to support the needs of the students.
9. Provide long-term counseling services to the RS students. Several of the
participants were disappointed with the campus counseling services because they
were unable to provide them with long-term care. The participants of the study

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that sought help at the counseling center were referred to an off-site provider.
This was disappointing because, when they entered into the RS program, they
were promised unlimited sessions.
10. Continue to provide RS students with financial support and guaranteed housing.
All of the participants were grateful and relieved that the campus has taken care of
most of their finances. The RS program has done such a good job; most of the
participants do not even know where all the money is coming from to create their
financial aid package. The financial support has given most of them the
opportunity to concentrate on doing well in school and participant in college
activities. The guaranteed year-round housing has taken the stress away from the
RS students of having to find housing during the holidays.
Feedback for the Foster Care System
No matter what the experience was for each participant, the foster care system
provided them all with the chance to live a life free of abuse and neglect. From the
conversations I had with the participants, there was some very specific feedback that
came up pertaining to the foster care system.
1. Social workers can make a difference in a foster youth’s experience in the foster
care system. From what was shared, the social worker’s role needs to shift. The
routine check-ins are not effective and they do not promote trust between the
youth and the social worker. The social worker should be a consistent adult
figure and ally that will take the time to understand the youth’s situation and to
provide support and encouragement.

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2. Foster parents need to be better trained and scanned for fit. A better fit may
reduce the need to move the youth around from home to home. Being a foster
parent is not easy; therefore, it is important that the individual be properly trained
to understand the challenges and needs of foster youth. This parent figure should
not add stress to the youth; instead, this parent figure should make the youth’s
experience less painful and stressful.
3. Group homes need trained caretakers and people that care about the youths’
welfare. Group homes give-off negative connotations. Adults working at group
homes need to understand that not all the youths under their care are delinquent.
The youth living at group homes need more than a disciplinarian. They need
adult figures that care, motivate and support positive behavior.
4. The foster care system needs to listen to the youths and consider their needs.
Decisions are made for the youths without their input or take their needs into
consideration. They may be young and lack the ability to make complex
decisions; however, it is still important to allow the youth to express their
viewpoints and take their perspectives into consideration. Do not punish the
youth for speaking out and expressing their concerns.
5. Every county’s Independent Living Program (ILP) should host a mandatory
seminar to prepare foster youth for emancipation. Only one participant mentioned
having to attend an ILP seminar at the age of 16. This program prepared her for
emancipation and created an environment of support for her.
6. The Child Welfare System and its branches that directly support foster youth
should focus more on increasing high school graduation and college enrollment

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rates. There should be local programs created specifically to work with youth in
foster care. These programs should be geared towards empowering youth and
providing them with a pathway towards college.
7. Extend government benefits to former foster youth from 21 to 25 years of age.
Currently, the average age of a college graduate is 25 years old. Former foster
youth can use the additional support as they complete their bachelor’s degree and
attain a job. Almost all of the participants that are 21 and older have jobs to cover
what the government has stopped providing. Summertime is the most challenging
because the students do not receive enough financial aid to cover the cost of
living. Currently, support through ILP, Chafee Grants and Medicaid all come to
a halt once the former foster youth turns 21 and sometimes even earlier depending
on the county’s available funds and individual need.
Feedback for K-12
K-12 educators play an important role in providing a positive experience for
foster youth. Half of the participants in this study are in college today because of their
teacher or counselor in high school. Foster youth are not receiving the information and
guidance they need to seek out educational resources. Here are some ways the K-12
system can contribute to the success of our foster youths:
1. Teachers and counselors are a valuable resource to foster youth. Half of the
students in this study mentioned that their teachers made an impact on their
educational experience and decision to pursue college. It is important that school
administrators are able to identify their foster youth population to provide
appropriate support and services.

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2. It is important to create a timely system to ensure student transcripts and
documents are properly transferred when the foster youth is relocated to another
school. Students in this study commented on how challenging it was to change
schools and not have the teachers and administrators understand their
circumstance. It should be not on the student to notify the school about their
situation.
3. Teachers, counselors and administrators should have a general understanding
about the Child Welfare System and Foster Care. The school should identify
someone on campus to provide information and assistants to school officials,
serve as an ally to foster youth and be a liaison to the county and social workers.
4. School counselors should encourage and provide foster youth students with the
opportunity to explore the possibility of going to college. In addition, counselors
should introduce foster youths to college campuses that have current programs
that support former foster youth.
Directions for Future Research
This study lays the groundwork for a future empirical study to explore the specific
themes that emerged from this study. The recent surge of programs targeting former
foster youth at two-year and four-year colleges and universities call for a need to learn
more about this population. One of the questions I had before I began this study was
whether or not there was something in the lives of the eight participants that propelled
them to go to college. In my conversations with the eight participants, it was evident
that all of them had that one person in their lives that motivated them to push forward, to
overcome obstacles and go on to college. There needs to be further research to determine

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whether that one person did indeed make a difference or if there was something else that
impacted their decision to graduate high school and continue onto college. Although this
study only captured the experience of eight former foster youth, the findings can serve as
a valuable tool for practitioners to reflect on the work that is being done currently at their
institution or agency.
What can Child Welfare, public and private foster care agencies, social workers,
educators and foster parents do to increase the number of foster youth attending college?
Right now, as Wolanin (2005) suggests “The rates of college attendance and degree
completion are dramatically lower for foster youth compared to their peers: a rate of
college attendance of 20 percent compared to 60 percent, and a rate of degree completion
of 5 percent or less compared to 20 percent” (p. 7). In addition to looking at what works,
it is also important to look at the barriers that prevent foster youth from attending college
to help high schools and colleges develop better early outreach programs and services to
increase college enrollment rates.
Resiliency factors may have contributed to the participants’ ability to persist and
achieve despite the obstacles and future research is needed to identify these resiliency
factors. If we can determine what increases resiliency then we can better prepare foster
youth for the challenges they may face in the Child Welfare System, in foster care and
life after foster care.
Summary
Chapter Seven pulled together the stories of eight former foster youth and
provided the reader with a summary of the findings, limitations, feedback from the
participants and suggestions for future research. Chapter Eight, the final chapter will be

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dedicated to my personal journey as I studied and reflected on the lives of eight former
foster youth. In the last chapter, I will ask myself: What did I draw from this
experience? How has this experience transformed me as an individual and as an
educator? And what impact did the stories have on me?

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Chapter Eight
Epilogue
To be honest, I was unaware of the world of foster care until I started working at
CSU-A about nine years ago. The Child Welfare System and foster care was not
something I learned in social studies in high school or in college through a general
education course. I am sure I grew up around foster youth, had them in my classes and
possibly had them as friends. Why are foster youth an invisible population? If they were
around me, then why did I not know about them?
My first encounter with a former foster youth was someone I dated briefly after
college. I did not put the puzzle together that he was a foster youth until years later when
I started working at CSU-A. Now that I reflect back, his story makes total sense to me.
He hyphenated his name, the man he called father was a gay White man, and he lived
with unrelated siblings and his mother lived nearby. He never brought up his foster youth
identity to me and I never thought about asking about his living arrangements.
My interest in the foster care system and foster youth came about through my
relationship with my former student assistant at CSU-A. She shared with me, over a
period of four-years in college, snippets about her dysfunctional family, her decision to
call Child Protective Services, foster care, her foster parents and the relationships she
developed over the years with men. Over the last nine years, I got to meet more former
foster youth and learn of their stories. Apart from the eight to fifteen students that join the
RS program each year, I am not connected to or aware of the former foster youth
population at CSU-A. The only reason I know there are non-RS former foster youth at
CSU-A is because my former colleague interviewed them for his dissertation.

228
Identifying a former foster youth is not an easy task on a college campus. There
are no other identifiers except the box one checks to indicate oneself as a former “ward of
the court,” on the financial aid application. Foster youth can therefore go through their
entire life not having people around them know about their past. I can see why this
population has remained invisible.
Working with my friend that was the former director of the RS program provided
me with the opportunity to learn more about the program and the challenges RS students
experience while in college. When he was at CSU-A, we would collaborate to support
students we worked with. The partnership turned into a friendship and when we both
entered our doctoral program we decided to both study former foster youth in college.
We both felt the population has been invisible and silenced by child welfare and our
society’s own ignorance. Our goal is to give voice to the participants of the research by
publishing a book that is accessible to the public.
This experience has been transformative for the participants of the study and me.
For some of the participants, they were able to uncover thoughts and feelings they have
never experienced before. Others reflected on certain aspects of their experience for the
first time or looked at an incident with a different lens. For me, I have developed a
greater sense of hope that soon, as we build awareness around issues of foster care, that
our youth will experience a higher rate of reunification with their parents or find suitable
adoptive parents.
My sense of hope grew as I was conducting this study. I had the opportunity to
meet others in the fields of education, social work and child welfare that share similar
sentiments about the need to do more research on current and former foster youth. I

229
believe awareness building is key to creating change. This study and others before and
after will contribute to a small but growing body of knowledge so more people will
understand the experience and needs of our current and former foster youths. For me, I
feel that this study has broken stereotypes about foster care and foster youth. I can better
empathize and I can use this knowledge to educate others to make a difference. My goal
is to contribute to developing and enhancing the RS program. I have shared parts of my
study with the current coordinator and the past director, K---. S---, the current
coordinator of the RS program has been very supportive of my research and she has been
interested in the findings. In the upcoming year, I plan on presenting my study at
conferences, college campuses and at my own institution.
I was very fortunate to be given the opportunity to interact and delve into the past
of eight former foster youth. I did not think that getting eight interviews was going to be
possible as I was pretty much asking each person to divulge his or her most private
information so that I may share it with the world. I also did not expect the participants to
be so open about their stories. Some of their stories were so traumatic, I felt bad for
asking them to relive it in front of me, a total stranger. However, after the interviews, I
was no longer a stranger to the students. One of the students even told a group of
students at a leadership conference “Dora knows everything about me.”
The choice of structuring the interviews like conversations and not taking notes
made the experience for both the participants and me feel less formal and much more
relaxing. Quite a few of the participants at the end told me that they enjoyed the process
because it did not feel like a formal interview and they got to talk about anything they
wanted. They mention that this experience, although a lengthy commitment, was very

230
different from the other research they have taken part in. Many commented on how they
enjoyed the conversations, that I listened instead of taking notes and was able to help
them realize things about their past and present through our conversations. It did not take
the participants long to get comfortable. Many dived right into their experience and did
not think twice about getting deep about their feelings and experience. All of them
shared with me that they had the opportunity early on in college to share their story with
other students in the program and periodically a few of them have been asked to share
their life story with donors and at foster youth related conferences.
A few mentioned how my research was much different from the others they
participated in the past. I spent the time getting to know each of them by allowing them
to follow tangents during the interviews. They appreciated how our interviews did not
follow a strict protocol. What also set my study aside from the other studies they have
experienced was how I was going to publish their individual stories. I gave them the
opportunity to share their experience and voice their opinions. They were not used to
being asked how they felt or what they wanted, even in college. This study gave them a
voice. They felt their story mattered and that their story was going to make a difference.
Coming into the study, I thought I was going to have a hard time bracketing the
information I learned about foster youth. Having done a literature review, I feared that
the data and theory I wrote about was going to influence and inadvertently guide my
research. I came to realize as I was conducting the interviews that what I knew was very
superficial. The data and theory I have written on was only the beginning. What I
learned prior to the interviews was nothing compared to the stories the participants shared

231
with me. The stories I collected were personal, unique and were full of feelings and
emotion.
What I have learned as a practitioner and researcher is that theory can only reveal
so much information about our students’ experiences. In addition to utilizing theory to
inform practice, it is also valuable to listen to those that have gone through the experience
and those that are currently going through the experience. By bracketing my previous
knowledge, I allowed new knowledge to come into being.
My experience interviewing the eight participants was a journey in itself. The
conversations got very personal and intense. After each interview, I found myself
needing to debrief the conversations with my husband. I got nervous each time I began a
new set of interviews. I feared not being able to console the participant if something
emotional surfaced. I thought ahead, wondering if this interview would be the interview
that pushes the participant over the edge. I did not know how to act if something really
traumatizing came up. All these thoughts ran through my mind before each interview. I
left every interview feeling exhausted because of the intensity of their stories, and
relieved at the same time because the session did not go beyond a box of tissues.
Jasmine and Veronica were the first two individuals I interviewed. They both had
very intense and traumatic experiences prior to entering into foster care. I remember
thinking to myself, “I can’t believe they are sitting there in front of me sharing with me
their deepest and darkest secrets about their past.” I started to think after these first
interviews that the other participants were also going to be victims to sexual abuse.
Learning about their experience as victims of sexual abuse was challenging for me. I got
frustrated and angry when they told me the people they trusted the most turned on them.

232
Jasmine was sexually abused by her brother and no one in her family stood up for
her. No one testified against her brother, and kept Jasmine and the evidence away to
prevent him from getting convicted. At the end, her brother admitted to the crime but
was released due to a lack of evidence. The family has chosen to ignore the past and has
acted as though nothing ever happened. Veronica’s stepfather sexually abused Veronica
and her own mother did not believe her when she finally mustered up the courage to tell
her. Veronica’s mother accused her of lying and began to physically abuse her. I am
surprised that after all that they have endured, they are sitting in my office sharing their
past with me. It is amazing how resilient both Jasmine and Veronica are. They were
surprised themselves as to how they were able to survive the abuse. Not only have they
survived the abuse, they have moved on, forgiven those around them and created a better
life for themselves. It has not been easy for the two to put aside the past. What happened
to them still haunts them regularly and they both experience posttraumatic symptoms.
No matter how much they want to block it out, there will always be incidents that will
create a resurgence of memories that will impact them from being in a healthy
relationship with a male partner, trusting people and letting people into their lives.
The other six participants that followed had very different stories. Even Jasmine
and Veronica’s experience was very different. The one experience they all shared, in
different variations, was being placed into the protective custody of the Child Welfare
System because of some form of abuse and/or neglect. All the participants know each
other through the RS program so they all know about each other’s story. I have to agree
with some of the participants that some had less traumatic experiences than others. Not
to say that any of their experiences were positive or something to wish for, there were

233
those that did consider themselves luckier than others. The students that felt “lucky” or a
“success story” was Tobias, Darryl and Sky. The three of them spoke of being lucky
because they did not think that their experience compared to those of their peers. I can
only speculate why. I believe they felt lucky because, unlike their peers, they were not
physically or sexually abused and they got to live with a relative and be around family.
Over a span of three to four months, I met with my eight participants. I would see
many of them on campus through different functions and programs. I never mentioned
the research outside of the interviews, because I did not want them to feel uncomfortable
around me. I connected with all eight of them at varying levels but I did connect at a
deeper level with a few of the participants. I was able to connect at a deeper level with
those that stuck around after the interview to chat. At the end of the interviews, we
would go off on tangents and talk about random topics. Many were interested about who
I was and why I was interested in studying their lives. We connected through a hobby,
interest or a shared experience.
I connected with Mantonious because we are both interested in shooting guns and
rifles. With Tobias, we chatted about our first car and what we wanted next. With Sky,
Jasmine and Shannon, we talked about careers and graduate school. Michael and I talked
about art and traveling to Paris. Veronica and I talked about her involvement in the
violence prevention center, an area I supervise. Darryl and I talked about “The Show,”
the performance showcase he has been putting on for the past two years and his music.
There was a lot that was omitted from the manuscript because they were not
connected to the phenomena I was studying. Anything that did not contribute to the
understanding of being a foster youth and a college student, I either left it out or I touched

234
on it briefly. For example, Mantonious' two-year experience in Iraq was intense and
interesting, but the experience did not contribute to the phenomena. I included what was
necessary, but left out the details about the bombings, the excursions and people dying
from the manuscript. Another example is when Michael and I talked about art and how
everyone perceives art differently and how excited he is about his senior art project and
the ideas he has for the project. I also did not go into details about summer plans,
vacations and current hobbies. Often, in a loosely structured interview, different topics
will come up. Although the topics may be interesting, I needed to decide what was
appropriate to create structure and flow.
It has been about eight months since the interviews concluded. I still see most of
them on campus. Some I see at student programs and others drop by my office to say
hello. I have asked each of them to read their story and give me feedback. Some of them
responded immediately and others are still sitting on the manuscript.
I will never fully understand the experience of being a foster youth. However,
this study has given me the opportunity to experience the experience through the lens of
eight former foster youth, through their memories and reflections. I felt their frustration,
their need to hide their identity, being alone, being scared and being angry with the
people that hurt them. I admire their strength to press on despite the obstacles and
negative messages. I understand why they are in college and their excitement to start a
new life in college. And I respect their decision to be selective about who they share
their past with.
These are youth that were not given the same opportunities because of what their
parents did or did not do. These are youth that did not choose to be in the system or have

235
a say about where they wanted to live or go to school. These are youth that did not have
a voice. Decisions have been made for them and even when a few spoke up, no one was
there to believe them. However, despite their past, all eight of the participants have
prevailed and are now stories of success.
As I was pulling out the themes, I was inspired to use the twelve themes in a
poem, which I think captures for me the essence of being a foster youth:
Being a Foster Youth

Feeling alone in a stranger’s home.
Wanting to be normal, I hide my identity from others.
Growing up fast, learning things on my own.
Powerless, no one cared about what I wanted.
Missing links, what really happened?
Social workers come in and out of my life.
I had that one person that made the difference.
Summer Bridge, a new beginning.
RS program a second family.
Turning 21, no more government funds.
Not wanting to be like my parents, I’m doing things different.
Giving back, so things don’t stay the same.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the positive impact the RS program has had
on the students that participated in the study. The RS program has provided a home, a
safe place and an opportunity for former foster youth to succeed, build community and to
heal. The RS program is still considerably new and has so much more potential to grow.
From the students’ comments alone, I can confidently say that the RS program is on the
right track and is doing something that should have been done long ago. I hope, other
institutions of higher education follow the path CSU-A has created. Maybe then, the rate
of college attendance and graduation for former foster youth will increase substantially.

236
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245
APPENDIX A:
INFORMED CONSENT
University of Southern California
Rossier School of Education

INFORMED CONSENT SHEET FOR NON-MEDICAL RESEARCH
A Phenomenological Study:
The Lived Experience of Four Former Foster Youth
Attending A Four-Year College in Southern California

You are invited to participate in a research study conducted by Dora Y. Lee, a Doctor of
Education candidate from the Rossier School of Education at the University of Southern
California. The results from this study will contribute towards a doctoral dissertation.
You were selected as a possible participant in this study because you identify as a former
foster youth taking part in the Renaissance Scholars (RS) Program at Cal Poly Pomona.
A total of four subjects, two males and two females that are of junior or senior standing,
will be selected to participate. You must be aged 18 or older to participate. Your
participation is voluntary. Please take as much time as you need to read the information
sheet. You may also decide to discuss it with your family or friends. You will be given a
copy of this form.

PURPOSE OF THE STUDY
The purpose of this study is to learn about the life experiences of former foster youth.
The voices of former and current foster youth are missing from literature. This study will
give four former foster youth the opportunity to share their stories about their personal
experiences about being a foster youth. The goal of this study is to provide educators and
social services providers a better understand of this population.

Response to the interview questions will constitute consent to participate in this
research project.

PROCEDURES
You will be asked to participate in a minimum of three 90-minute interviews over a
three-week period. You may be asked back for additional follow-up interviews. In the
interviews, you will be asked a series of questions related to your past experiences as a
foster youth. In order to get a complete account of your experience, each interview will
be built on the next. All the interviews will be digitally recorded and notes will be taken.
The interviews will be conducted on campus, behind closed doors for privacy. All of the
interviews will be transcribed. After the third interview, you will be invited back to
review the transcriptions for accuracy. Additional questions may be asked at this point
for clarification. You will be given a false name (pseudonym). Please remember your
pseudonym, since all of the data collected will be associated with this pseudonym.

246

POTENTIAL RISKS AND DISCOMFORTS
There are no anticipated risks to your participation; you may experience some discomfort
during the interview while you are discussing your past experiences as a foster youth.
You may skip any questions that may make you uncomfortable. You may discontinue
your participation in this study at anytime. You will be provided with information about
campus counseling services at the close of the interview if necessary. There will be no
cost to you if you chose to utilize the services on campus. All information is strictly
confidential, including your identity, which will remain anonymous. If any discomfort
or uncertainty occurs, you can stop the interview.

POTENTIAL CONFLICTS OF INTEREST
The Principle Investigator is currently a Cal Poly Pomona employee who has a working
relationship with the Executive Director of Student Support and Education Equity
Programs. However, she is not attached in any formal way to the RS program. Therefore
her work does not, and will not impact student grades, financial aid or in any academic or
personal way.

POTENTIAL BENEFITS TO SUBJECTS AND/OR TO SOCIETY
You will not directly benefit from your participation. However, your participation in this
study has the potential to increase society’s awareness of foster youth. Your stories may
help inform educators, social services providers and policy makers in shaping policy and
practices to improve the quality of life and access to higher education for current and
former foster youth.

PAYMENT/COMPENSATION FOR PARTICIPATION
You will receive a $40 gift card to the Bronco Bookstore for your participation. Payment
is not contingent upon your completion of the interview.

CONFIDENTIALITY
There will be no information obtained in connection with this study and that can be
identified with you. Your name, address or other information that may identify you will
not be collected during this research study.

The information collected about you will be coded using a fake name (pseudonym). You
will have the right to review/edit your interviews upon request. All handwritten notes,
data and audiotapes will be stored and locked in the office of the principal investigator
(Dora Lee). All data stored on a computer will be secured by a password. When the
results of the dissertation are discussed, no information will be included that would reveal
your identity. All audio-tapes and data will be stored for three years after the study has
been completed and then destroyed.

Your name will not be published for shared with anyone outside of the research,
including the RS program staff or administrators at Cal Poly Pomona.

247
PARTICIPATION AND WITHDRAWAL
You can choose whether to be in this study or not. If you volunteer to be in this study,
you may withdraw at any time without consequences of any kind. You may also refuse
to answer any questions you don’t want to answer and still remain in the study. The
investigator may withdraw you from the research if circumstances arise which warrant
doing so.

ALTERNATIVES TO PARTICIPATION
Your alternative is to not participate. Your grades or other services at Cal Poly Pomona
will not be affected whether or not you participate. Your decision whether or not to
participate is not academically related; so your decision will not impact you
academically. Participation in the study will not be part of your experience in the RS
program.

RIGHTS OF RESEARCH SUBJECTS
You may withdraw your consent at any time and discontinue participation without
penalty. You are not waiving any legal claims, rights or remedies because of your
participation in this research study. If you have questions regarding your rights as
research subject, contact the University Park IRB, Office of the Vice Provost for
Research Advancement, Stonier Hall, Room 224a, Los Angeles, CA 90089-1146, (213)
821-5272 or upirb@usc.edu.

IDENTIFICATION OF INVESTIGATOR
If you have any questions or concerns about the research, please feel free to contact the
principal investigator, Dora Y. Lee, by telephone at (626) 215-8471 or email at
doralee@usc.edu.

248
APPENDIX B:

RECRUITMENT LETTER

Recruitment letter to be sent via email to current
Renaissance Scholars of Junior/Senior standing

Dear NAME,

I am contacting you because you are a former foster youth in the Renaissance Scholars
program at Cal Poly Pomona. My name is Dora Lee and I am a Doctor of Education
candidate from the Rossier School of Education at the University of Southern California.
I am conducting a research study on the life experiences of former foster youth that are
part of the Renaissance Scholars at Cal Poly Pomona. I would like to ask you to consider
participating in this research study. Participation in the study is voluntary and not
connected to the Renaissance Scholars. You must be aged 18 or older to participate.

The study involves a minimum of three 90-minute long interviews on campus about your
personal life experience. I am looking for two women and two men of junior or senior
standing.

If you are interested, please come to an informal meeting on Tuesday, Month/Date/Year
at 12 p.m. at the Renaissance Scholar’s lounge. At the meeting, you will have the
opportunity to learn more about the research, process, timeline and have your questions
answered. At the end of the meeting, you will have the opportunity to sign-up on an
interest sheet. Four participants will be selected from the interest list. If selected you
will be invited back to a second meeting to go over the process in more detail and to set
up your interview schedule.

All selected participants will be compensated for their participation.

If you have questions or need more information about this study, please feel free to
contact me at, (626) 215-8471 or at doralee@usc.edu.

Sincerely,

Dora Lee. Ed.D. Candidate
University of Southern California
Rossier School of Education

249
APPENDIX C
INTERVIEW PROTOCOL

Pseudonym: _________________________
Introduction: Thank you for participating in this study. In the next three weeks, you will
have the opportunity to share with me your personal experiences as a foster youth. I want
to remind you that your identity will remain confidential. So, I want you to feel free to
speak openly about your experience. Will it be okay for me to record the interviews?
Once I get these interviews completely transcribed, I would like to have you review them
for accuracy. Would you be willing to do that for me? Before we begin, I want to give
you the opportunity to ask me any questions pertaining this study or information you
would like to learn about me.

Interview One: Focused Life History (90 minutes)
Time of Start Interview:
Time of End Interview:
Date:
Location:
Interviewer:
Interviewee:
Location:

Demographical Questions:

1. Age:
2. Major:
3. Year in college:
4. Ethnicity:
5. Gender:
6. Number of years in foster care:

Open-ended Question:

1. Tell me as much as possible your experience of being a foster youth. Stopping at
present day, trace your experience as far back as you can.

250
Interview Two: The Details of the Experience (90 minutes)
Time of Start Interview:
Time of End Interview:
Date:
Location:
Interviewer:
Interviewee:
Location:

Open-ended Questions:

1. Talk about your relationship(s) with your foster family.
2. Talk about your relationship(s) with your social worker or other significant adult
figures.
3. What was it like to be in school as a foster youth?
4. What was it like to apply to college?

Interview Three: Reflecting on the Meaning (90 minutes)
Time of Start Interview:
Time of End Interview:
Date:
Location:
Interviewer:
Interviewee:
Location:

Open-ended Questions:

1. Given what you have said about your life as a former foster youth and given your
experience in college thus far, how do you feel these experiences impacted your
present situation?
2. Given what you have reconstructed in these interviews, where do you see yourself
going in the future?

Abstract (if available)

Abstract This qualitative study examined the lived experience of eight individuals attending a four-year college who were all part of a campus support program for former foster youth. The purpose of this phenomenological study was to understand and explore the lived experiences of these unique college students that have gone through the foster care system. This study gives voice to a community of students that not only survived various forms of abuse and/or neglect during their childhood, they negate the nation’s trend of low high school graduation rates and low college attendance rates among former foster youth. These students are success stories.

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Asset Metadata

Creator Lee, Dora Yiu Lam (author)

Core Title A phenomenological study: the lived experience of former foster youth attending a four-year college in Southern California

School Rossier School of Education

Degree Doctor of Education

Degree Program Education (Leadership)

Publication Date 01/28/2010

Defense Date 01/12/2010

Publisher University of Southern California (original), University of Southern California. Libraries (digital)

Tag access to higher education,Child welfare,college,foster care,foster youth,Higher education,lived experience,OAI-PMH Harvest,phenomenology,student support

Place Name California (states)

Language English

Contributor Electronically uploaded by the author (provenance)

Advisor Baca, Reynaldo R. (committee chair), Jun, Alexander (committee member), McCroskey, Jacquelyn (committee member)

Creator Email doralee@csupomona.edu,doralee@usc.edu

Permanent Link (DOI) https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-m2817

Unique identifier UC1190728

Identifier etd-Lee-3456 (filename),usctheses-m40 (legacy collection record id),usctheses-c127-290347 (legacy record id),usctheses-m2817 (legacy record id)

Legacy Identifier etd-Lee-3456.pdf

Dmrecord 290347

Document Type Dissertation

Rights Lee, Dora Yiu Lam

Type texts

Source University of Southern California (contributing entity), University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses (collection)

Repository Name Libraries, University of Southern California

Repository Location Los Angeles, California

Repository Email cisadmin@lib.usc.edu