University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses

Transnational motherhood and fatherhood: gendered challenges and coping

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Transnational motherhood and fatherhood: gendered challenges and coping

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Content TRANSNATIONAL MOTHERHOOD AND FATHERHOOD:
GENDERED CHALLENGES AND COPING

by

Ernestine M. Avila

A Dissertation Presented to the
FACULTY OF THE GRADUATE SCHOOL
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
In Partial Fulfillment of the
Requirements for the Degree
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY
(SOCIOLOGY)

August 2008

Copyright 2008 Ernestine M. Avila

ii

Dedication

I dedicate this dissertation to my family
with profound love and gratitude

†††

To the memory of my father, Angel Gamboa Medina who passed away
while I worked on this dissertation.
To my husband, Fred, and my children Freddie and Sara who
unselfishly gave me the time and space I
needed to accomplish this dissertation. I could have never done this
without them.
To my mother, Celia Ramirez Medina who continues to guide
us all with great love and commitment.

iii
Acknowledgments

This dissertation is a story about family, about motherhood, fatherhood and about
sacrifices, and I owe a huge debt of gratitude to the women and men who allowed me to
enter that part of their lives which is most sacred to them. They opened up their hearts
and souls, and trusted me with their personal stories. Without them this research could
not have been carried out. Their voices guided this work, and their courage and
determination gave me the courage to keep going when I thought I could no more.
I am grateful to the Social Science Research Council for the generous
International Migration Dissertation Fellowship I received. I could not have devoted the
amount of time required to researching and writing this dissertation without such a
generous and prestigious award. Also to the USC Center for Religion and Civic Culture
who provided me the support and entrance into the immigrant community and who also
provided me a generous grant that allowed me the time to process and analyze the data.
My profound gratitude to professors Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo, Elaine Bell
Kaplan, Donald Miller, and Scott Coltrane who served on my dissertation committee and
whose encouragement and feedback got me over the finish line. Professor Hondagneu-
Sotelo was a committed mentor and dissertation chair who believed in me, never gave up
on me, and who stayed with me from beginning to end, for this I will always be very
grateful. I am also very grateful to my dear USC colleagues, Theresa Allen, Michele
Dunbar and Greg Stanczak, for also standing by me to the end, and for accepting me for
who I am. Also I wish to thank my colleagues at the University of California, Riverside,
Center for Family Studies, where I was employed during the last stages of my

iv
dissertation writing. Dean Scott Coltrane, Distinguished Professor Ross Parke, Shoon
Lio, Eric Vega, Kate Luther, and Kristy Shih offered daily support and encouragement,
and were there to share in my small and big victories.
I’m deeply grateful to friends, Shoon Lio, Kate Luther, and Greg Stanczak, who
kindly helped by reading various chapters, helping construct tables, and making valuable
suggestions. In addition, I owe a deep amount of gratitude to Michele Dunbar who
assisted with major editing and who in the process made great suggestions from
beginning to end. I appreciate that she respected the voices of the women and men in this
study as much as I do.
Finally, I want to thank my family whose love and support was unfaltering
throughout this long and difficult process. During the period that I worked on this project
I experienced some of the happiest times of my life, but also some of the most difficult,
including the loss of my dear father, Angel Gamboa Medina, who believed I was capable
of anything, because in his eyes I was his campeóna. And Fred, my partner who deserves
so much credit for this work, and whom I will never be able to repay for his willingness
to walk along side me on this journey, to keep the fires burning at home for our growing
family, for taking on my share of the household work so that I could work, rest, and work
some more in order to complete this project. I’m also grateful to him for the little things
that meant so much, such as his morning wake up calls that consisted of a cup of coffee at
bedside, and for the good healthy lunches he sent me off to work with each day. Fred,
thank you! I’m grateful to my son, Freddie Avila, and daughter, Sara Avila-DeMent,
who never complained and who shared in my dream. Thank you both for the sacrifices

v
you made. Finally, I am grateful to my mother, Celia Ramirez Medina, whose courage
and fighting spirit has taught me to never give up and that all things are possible. She has
been a positive and inspiring model of motherhood not just to me, but to my brother
Stephen Medina, sisters Melissa and Angela Medina and to her many grandchildren and
great-grandchildren. Her love has always been unconditional, and her sacrifices have
benefited all of us. Gracias Mamacita!

vi
Table of Contents

Dedication ii

Acknowledgments iii

List of Tables viii

Abstract ix

Chapter 1 Introduction, Methodology & Literature 1
I. Introduction 1
a. Research Standpoint 15
b. Purpose of the Study 17
c. Overview 18
II. The Literature 20
a. Historical Antecedents of Transnational Family Life 24
b. Contemporary “Gendered” Migration 28
c. Cultural Contradictions and Gendered Expectations 32
d. Gender Role Expectations and the Public/Private Spheres 36
e. The Children of Transnational Mothers and Fathers 39
III. Methods 41
a. The Sample 41
b. Data Collection and Field Work 48
c. Data Analysis and Interpretation 59
d. Conducting Family Research with Latina Immigrant
Women and Men 61

Chapter 2 Transnational Motherhood and Fatherhood 63
I. Amparo and Nicolas 64
II. The Making of Hero Fathers 72
III. Cultural Attitudes and Gender Ideologies 78
IV. “The Good Mothers” 80
V. Gendered Motivations for Leaving 83
VI. Abandonment 92
VII. Sonya and Alejandro: The exceptions 95
VIII. Conclusion 101

Chapter 3 Stigma and Guilt 103
I. Only “Bad” Mothers Leave 106
II. Sacrificing Motherhood 108
III. Una madre para cien hijos y un padre ninguno 112
IV. The Stigmatization of Rosario 116

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V. The Other Woman and Fear of Alienation 120
VI. Love and Guilt 125
VII. “Hero” Fathers and “Bad” Mothers 128
VIII. A Father’s Worry: An Unfaithful Wife 131
IX. Conclusion 135

Chapter 4 Gendered Work and Family Relations 138
I. Caring for Other People’s Children 140
II. The Emotional Challenges of Paid CareWork 145
III. Good Karma: Caring for Other Children for the Sake of Mine 149
IV. Men’s and Women’s Paid Work Compared 154
V. Work, Money, and Job Security 161
VI. Conclusion 164

Chapter 5 Praying and Coping 167
I. Cultural Expectations and Gendered Challenges 168
II. The Ideology of Separate Spheres and Coping 172
III. Transnational Challenges 175
IV. Ways of Coping Lead to Bigger Challenges 178
V. Coping With Others in Social Spaces 182
VI. Coping Alone and in Private 184
VII. Organized Religion as a Saving Grace 188
VIII. Coping with God and Prayer 193
IX. Thanks Be To God 200
X. Conclusion 201

Chapter 6 What about the Children? 204
I. Literature: Costs and Benefits 204
II. The Adult children of Transnational Mothers and Fathers 210
III. When Fathers Leave 212
IV. When Mother’s Leave 221
V. Children and Caregivers 229
VI. U.S.-Born Siblings 237
VII. Conclusion 240

Chapter 7 Overall Concluding Remarks and Directions for the Future 245

References 259

viii
List of Tables

Table 1 Typology of Immigration Circumstances that Transformed
Children’s Households into Transnational Households 47

Table 2 Transnational Mothers 269

Table 3 Transnational Fathers 270

Table 4 Adult Children of Transnational Mothers and Fathers 271

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Abstract

Latina immigrant mothers who come to live and work in the United States while their
children remain in their countries of origin represent a new chapter in the immigration
literature. On the basis of in-depth interviews gathered in Southern California, this study
compares and contrasts the experiences of Latina transnational mothers and Latino
transnational fathers. The findings show that the mothers face greater challenges due to
cultural gender ideologies about women’s and men’s roles and attitudes that continue to
see women’s migration as less socially acceptable than men’s migration. The study
reveals that the transnational mothers tend to be single parents, and hence they rely on
alternative childrearing arrangements. In contrast, transnational fathers, whose migration
is seen as a fulfillment of the provider role, rely on female spouses back home to care for
their children and to assist in the cultivation of father/child bonds. The study also
addresses how the gendered, unregulated paid work immigrant women perform in the
U.S. as domestics and child care workers in people’s private homes leads to greater
emotional challenges and obstacles. In addition, the dissertation reveals the distinctively
gendered ways in which migrant women and men choose to cope with the challenges
they face. Finally, in-depth interviews with the now adult children of Latina/o
transnational mothers and fathers examine the perceptions about the parent’s migration,
the children's separation from a transnational mother and/or father, and their thoughts on
the costs and benefits of the separation.

1
Chapter 1: Introduction, Methodology & Literature

I. Introduction

In the winter of 1996, I met Carolina, a Guatemalan immigrant mother who had
been living apart from her four small children for over seven years. Because Carolina
and her husband were renting a room down the block from my parents’ home, I was able
to see and talk with Carolina frequently as she would pass by on her way to the bus stop
or to the corner grocery store. Carolina rarely left her rented room except to go to work
or to shop, and she appeared to have no friends. As I established a friendship with
Carolina, she began to feel very comfortable taking with me, and sometimes with my
mother, about her children, her husband, Victor, and her work as a housekeeper and
nanny. Not yet anticipating I would be doing my research on the topic of transnational
families, my earliest conversations with Carolina were informal and not recorded. Thus,
my recollection of these early conversations with her is based on my memories of what
we talked about. Not surprising today, I vividly recall that conversations with Carolina
were often filled with emotions of sadness—she would cry, then I would cry, but
generally our visits would end on a happy note, as she would once again talk of her plans
to someday reunite with her children. On some days, the plan was that she and Victor
were going to send for the children and bring them to live with them here in the United
States. Other days, she and Victor were going to save up enough money to go back home
where they would build a big house for their family, and they would all be together again.
For now, Carolina explained during these early conversations, she and Victor just had to
keep working in order to send money back home so the children could continue to study.

2
In the mean time, Carolina stayed busy—on weekdays working as a live-in
housekeeper/nanny, taking care of twin toddler boys, and caring for her husband on
weekends. From what I observed, Carolina (unlike Victor) did not appear to have much
of a social life or network of friends, aside from my mother and me. Her relationship
with her employer was far from friendly or even cordial. Carolina explained that the
mother’s expectations were unrealistic where childcare and housekeeping chores were
concerned: “She would use pampers on the weekend, but made me use cloth diapers on
the weekdays when I had the babies.” I think it went without saying that Carolina looked
forward to weekends at home, even if she and Victor’s “home” consisted of one room.
More frequently, and especially on Friday nights, Carolina would mention that
Victor was joining his amigos for drinks after work, a pattern that seemed to become
more frequent and of increasing concern to Carolina, although she never said much about
what she might be thinking about Victor’s distancing from her. What she did announce
one day, was that Victor had told her he was thinking it might be best for her to return
home to tend to the children, while he stayed on here, working and sending money home.
According to Carolina, her mother-in-law, who was having some health issues, had
indicated that she no longer could handle the children, especially the 15-year-old
daughter who, according to the mother-in-law, was becoming more and more rebellious
in her parents’ absence.
Carolina’s stories touched me on a personal level and also as a developing
sociologist. Being a mother myself, I could not conceive of having to live my life
hundreds of miles apart from my children. The thought of having to go year after year

3
without holding, kissing and giving love and care to my children seemed inconceivable.
However, I learned from Carolina (and other Mexican and Central American immigrant
mothers with whom I had briefly spoken while working as a research assistant on
Professor Hondagneu-Sotelo’s research on domestic workers) that, increasingly, mothers
from Mexico and Central America are making the choice to immigrate without their
children out of economic need. I also could see that, even after many years of separation,
the Latina immigrant mothers continued to cling to, and value, their roles as mothers.
The memories of these mothers who had left their children behind with their
mothers, their sisters, and sometimes the children’s father or older sibling, haunted me
and eventually became the driving force behind my work on transnational motherhood.
In the brief moments I spent with the Latina immigrant workers I surveyed at bus stops,
public parks and at ESL classes for Professor Hondagneu-Sotelo’s book, Dom÷ stica
(2001), and afterward in conversations with Professor Hondagneu-Sotelo, I began to
understand that there was something very troubling for many of the immigrant mothers.
Almost always, when asked, “En que pais viven sus hijos?” (In what country do your
children live?), the women would become silent and their gaze distant when they would
answer in a low voice, “En mi pais” (In my country). In a few instances when buses
were delayed or the women had a longer wait, I learned that poverty, not the need for
adventure, had brought these women north. Sure, I knew that, like the men who have a
longer legacy of solo migration, more and more women were beginning to look to the
North for better opportunities. Yet, never did I imagine that so many of the Latina
immigrant women living in the United States, caring for other people’s children and

4
cleaning other people’s houses, were mothers who had forfeited the daily care and
physical bond with their own children, the very thing that, for Latinas, can be so central
to their identity. Furthermore, I learned that most of the mothers had not been able to go
back to visit their children since they had first left them. Carolina, for example, had not
been back to see her children in the seven years since she had been gone. Often I would
find myself wondering how these mothers coped with their sadness and pain; how did
they get through each day, each week, each month, each year, without seeing their
children?
In the summer of 1997, I received an unexpected telephone call from Carolina.
She was calling to tell me she was retuning to Guatemala the next day. I found this
strange, because even though she had been talking about the possibility that she would
return to Guatemala, she had never given me an indication that it would be so soon. I
never saw Carolina again, and I never got a response from the letters I sent her.
The powerful and rich glimpses into the life of Carolina and the other immigrant
mothers with whom I spoke left me wanting to understand better the circumstances
behind the women’s decisions to come to live and work in the U.S. without their children.
I wanted to understand how they coped with the separation. From a sociological
perspective, the following research questions emerged:
1. What are the challenges Latina immigrant mothers face after they have made
the decision to immigrate and leave their children back in their home country?

2. How do the experiences of immigrant mothers differ from those of immigrant
fathers?

3. How do immigrant mothers and fathers cope with the emotional challenges
they relate to parent/child separation?

5

4. What about their children of the immigrant mothers and fathers? What is their
perspective on their mother’s or father’s migration, and the separation that ensues
after their parent’s migration?

In order to understand better the experiences of immigrant mothers, I decided to
interview fathers in order to compare and contrast the mothers’ experiences to that of
fathers’, who have a longer history of immigrating without their children and wives.
Finally, adult children were also interviewed in an effort to understand the experiences of
transnational mothers better and from another point of view, and also to attempt to
answer the question, “What about the children?”
In the last half of the 20
th
century, social commentators, politicians, and
academics have debated issues pertaining to the state of the family and immigration in
ways that have at times unfairly blamed women or have left them out of the debates
altogether (Cherlin, 2008; Jarrett, 1993; Sklar, 1993). Within the debates, increases in the
number of households headed by poor African-American women, the result of non-
marital, adolescent childbearing, have often been framed by race and culture; thus, poor
women of color, especially African-American women, have often been the target of these
debates (Zinn, 1990; Jarret, 1993, Kaplan, 1997). The victimization of the African-
American family was in large part rooted in Oscar Lewis’ 1959 theory of a “culture of
poverty” developed out of his study of the Mexican family, but which became
synonymous with social problems researchers saw within black culture. According to
Lewis, poor people who live in a capitalist industrial society develop certain cultural
characteristics such as an absence of fathers and higher rates of single mother families.

6
In 1965, Daniel Patrick Moynihan advanced the culture of poverty theory, suggesting that
black teenage girls are somehow different from the rest of society because they do not
have the same moral values that prohibit sexual activity at an early age and before
marriage. What Moynihan missed in his analysis is the role structural factors (limited
educational opportunities, joblessness, low wages, lack of childcare, etc.) play in
contributing to early motherhood and other challenges faced by poor families at large
(Jarret, 1993; Kaplan, 1997, p.4). The problem with The Moynihan Report was that it
confused the symptoms of poverty with its causes (most notably, matrifocal family
dynamics among poor black Americans). Sklar (1995) explains, “Moynihan’s notion that
matriarchal families are the core of a Black ‘tangle of pathology’ was the perfect divisive
response to the Black liberation movement, feminism, and the welfare rights movement,”
(p. 125). More recently, Latino immigrant women and children have become the target
of the U.S. scapegoating and xenophobia that has grown out of fears related to terrorism
and a failing economy. As a result, immigrants are once again seen as the source of all
social problems in the U.S. (Gutiérrez, 1995; Espenshade & Belanger, 1998; Massey,
Durand & Malone, 2003).
The practice of immigrant scapegoating is not new within U.S. society. The
targeting of Latino families, in particular, dates back to the Great Depression era when
Mexicans were no longer welcomed in the U.S., after they had been encouraged to
migrate across the border as contracted laborers in the Bracero Program that was in effect
between 1942 to 1964 (Chavez, 1992; Gonzalez, 1996; Gutiérrez, 1995; Hondagneu-
Sotelo, 1997). During this period, nearly 5 million temporary labor contracts were issued

7
to Mexican citizens to meet wartime labor shortages in agriculture. However, the onset
of the Great Depression resulted in economic hard times, the scarcity of jobs, and the
move to send Mexicans back to Mexico. As part of the Repatriation Program, thousands
of Mexican men, women and children, many of whom were American citizens, were
shipped back to Mexico on chartered trains (Gonzalez, 1996; Gutiérrez, 1995;
Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1997). Today, Latino immigrants in California, and increasingly in
other U.S. states, have become the target of various assembly bills (e.g. Proposition 187)
that propose hospitals, police, and educators report undocumented immigrants, and/or
deny services to men, women and children who are deemed to be in the United States
illegally. As Gutiérrez (1995) explains:
Immigration has reemerged as one of the most divisive controversies in American
politics. Resurfacing at a time when the nation is simultaneously experiencing a
deep economic recession, increasing political polarization and a frightening
increase in ethnic and racial tensions, many Americans are again venting their
frustrations about U.S. immigration policy and about the many cultural issues that
immigration has helped to inject into national politics. Although much of the
animus toward immigrants is a response to current circumstances, many of the
patterns of the most recent wave of anti-immigrant sentiment are eerily
reminiscent of earlier periods of American nativism. (p. 207)

Just as with African-American women and children, Latina immigrant women
and their children are targeted based on stereotypes and blamed for the grater social
problems in the U.S., such as poverty, welfare and the changes in family structure.
Furthermore, anti-immigrant sentiment is often framed in a way that overlooks the need
and demand for immigrant labor, and focuses on the factors that bring immigrants over to
the U.S. which include war, poverty, and lack of jobs. The need and demand for
immigrant women and men’s labor is often overshadowed by the anti-immigrant

8
scapegoating that creates a platform for politicians who are trying to further their own
agendas. What is overshadowed is how the lifestyles of American families is made
possible because of the immigrant women, and black women before them, whose labor
has served to relieve American families, especially women, from the services associated
with a women, such as childcare and housework. Most recently, immigrant women have
been the ones to answer the call for jobs in the service sector, jobs that women in first
world countries do not want to do, such as housekeeping, and childcare. As Ehrenreich
and Hochschild (2002) explain,
Thanks to the process we loosely call “globalization,” women are on the move as
never before in history…But we hear much less about a far more prodigious flow
of female labor and energy: the increasing migration of millions of women from
poor countries to rich one, where they serve as nannies, maids, and sometime sex
workers. In the absence of help from male partners, many women have
succeeded in tough “male world” careers only by turning over the care of their
children, elderly parents, and home to women from the Third World. This is the
female underside of globalization, whereby millions of…women from poor
countries in the south migrate to the “women’s work: of the north—work that
affluent women are no longer able or willing to do. (p. 2-3)

Adding to the xenophobia and scapegoating of immigrants are the stereotypes
about most immigrants being illegal, from Mexico and coming to the United States for
free healthcare, welfare, food stamps and they pay no taxes. The reality overlooked is
that many immigrants are encouraged to come to the U.S. to work for employers who pay
them wages below market with no benefits, and also that many migrant women and men
who make the difficult decision to immigrate without their children, do so for the survival
of their family.

9
In the case of single-parent transnational mothers, they must rely on other female
kin in their countries of origin, an action that results in their being stigmatized as “bad
mothers.” Often much of the theorizing about families of color fails to recognize the
diversity that exists within families of color (Collins,1990; Dill, 1994: Zinn, Eitzen and
Well, 2007). For example, women of color have always worked in order to provide for
their children. Yet, many working women, including Latina mothers, hold the cultural
prescription of solo mothering in the home as an ideal. According to Hondagneu-Sotelo
and Avila (1997 ), “This ideal is often disseminated though cultural institutions of
industrialization and urbanization, as well as from preindustrial, rural peasant
arrangements that allow for women to work while tending to their children” (p. 551). It
is not only White, Western middle-class ideology, but also Latino traditional cultural
ideals and attitudes based in Catholicism and patriarchy that tend to cast employment as
oppositional to mothering (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). However, just as other
women of color have historically done, Latina mothers have and continue to rely on
various mothering arrangements, including relying on other women, to help with
childcare (Collins, 1991).
Since the 1960s the family has gone through significant changes, including
rising divorce rates and higher rates of cohabitation prior to marriage, growing number of
children born to mothers who are not married, and increased rates of women working
outside of the home. However, Casper and Bianchi (2002) note that since the 1990s,
“there has been a ‘quieting’ of family change or at least the pace of change” (p .2). This
analysis does not necessarily hold up when we take into account the growing number of

10
single-parent mothers who are migrating, and consequently participating in the
development and maintenance of new family forms, including transnational households.
The transnational family, defined as those divided between two nation-states who have
maintained close ties, depend on across-border division of labor in which productive
labor occurs in the host country and reproductive labor in the home country
(Schmalzbauer, 2004). To date, the research documenting the increased migration of
single-parent immigrant mothers and the impact the women’s migration has on their
children is very limited. However, what is certain by way of recent findings is that the
increase in parent/child separation is on the rise, and the challenges for these families are
many and complex (Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002; Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997;
Parreñas, 2001 & 2005). This study is one effort to try to understand and explaining the
complexities and how mothers’ and fathers’ solo migration impacts the lives of their
families back home, especially the children whom they leave behind.
Recently, scholars have pointed out that processes of transnationalism develop
and maintain new forms of families and parenting (Chee, 2005; Dreby, 2006; Espiritu,
2003; Levitt, 2001; Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer,
2004). For example, transnational families develop in relation to various family
circumstances; one way is after a single-parent mother makes the decision to migrate out
of her country, which often results in the mothers arranging to have other women kin
assist in the management and the care of her children in her absence. This arrangement
of shared mothering represents another variation in family structure (Collins, 1990; Dill,
1994; Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). Furthermore, while mothering is generally

11
understood to involve the preservation, nurturance, and training of children (Ruddick,
1989), there are many variations distinguished by race, class and culture of which
transitional motherhood, a term coined by Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila (1997), is one.
The practice of transforming or developing strategic ways of mothering that
accommodate women’s need to work or tend to other family matters in not a novel idea,
as scholars have noted (Dill, 1988; Nakano Glenn, 1994; Stack & Burton, 1994; Collins,
1994). For example, as Stack and Burton (1994) point out, shared mothering has been
characteristic of African-American communities since slavery, and is a practice that
continues today. Patricia Hill Collins (1990) has argued that much of feminist theorizing
about women and mothering has failed to recognize diversity in mothering, and has
projected white, middle-class women’s concerns onto women of color. Collins points out
that when focusing on the experiences of women of color we see very different patterns
of mothering, and also different concerns and challenges faced by these mothers, such as
the importance of women’s work for the survival of their children, for example.
Likewise, Latina transnational mothers who work and live in the U.S. while their children
remain in their countries represents a variation in mothering that is often overlooked
(Hondagnue-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). For transnational mothers, work is essential for their
children’s survival, and consequently, they transform their mothering role to
accommodate the need to work.
The pressure to maintain the gendered role of mother results in immigrant
mothers working to maintain intimate ties with their children by way of more telephone
calls, letter writing, among other practices. Just as with their Filipina counterparts, Latina

12
transnational mothers become “super moms” (Parreñas, 2005). The mothers have more
authority as single-parent mothers and primary economic supporters of their families,
who also continue to perform the “second shift,” by putting in a day’s work, and going
home and doing the job of mothering and managing the household (Hochschild, 1989, p.
258), although from across borders. In their study on transnational gender relations,
Barajas and Ramirez (2007) find that Mexican immigrant women in the United States do
indeed gain more mando (authority), but the division of labor remains unequal after
migration. In the case of the transnational mothers in this study, they work one, two,
sometimes three jobs, and still maintain, although from a distance, the household
responsibilities and the responsibility of supervising their children’s care. Transnational
fathers, on the other hand, look to their children’s mothers to continue to carry on
household responsibilities and all the childcare. By relying on women to carry on the
responsibilities of the household and childcare, immigrant mothers and fathers are
maintaining traditional patriarchal gender role expectations (Parreñas, 2005).
According to earlier gender and immigration research, paid work and immigration
to the United States serves to empower women and often leads to greater gender equality
among immigrant families (Barajas & Ramirez, 2007). However, the researchers also
note that migration does not entirely erode or diminish immigrant men’s patriarchal
privileges, as these are often “‘simply reasserted at the immigrant community and
organizational level’ (George, 2000; Kurien, 2003) ‘or reproduced in the general societal
structure’ (Toro-Morn & Alicea, 2003)” (in Barrajas & Ramirez, 2007, p. 370).

13
Few scholars have compared and contrasted the experiences of immigrant women
with those of immigrant men. However, within the more recent literature on
transnational families, scholars have begun to explore the experiences of immigrant
mothers and fathers and the development and maintenance of transnational family
households (Dreby, 2006; Gamburd, 2000; Levitt, 2001; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer,
2004). Within the recent works, there is a strong consensus that the transnational division
of family labor is gendered, and that the majority of the care work is done by women in
the sending countries, even when fathers are present (Parreñas, 2005). Joanna Dreby
(2006), who includes immigrant fathers in her study on the transnational family, finds
that mothers and fathers act in similar ways when living apart from their children, with
respect to managing the father/child relationship. However, she also finds that gender
distinctions in parenting are tied to Mexican gender ideology.
While the issue of transnational mothering has received recent attention from
scholars of the family and migration, still largely missing from the literature is the
experience of the children. Those researchers who have begun to look at the children of
immigrant mothers and fathers have found that there are both costs and benefits to their
parent’s migration (Dreby, 2006; Gamburd, 2000; Parreñas, 2005 ). However, in her
interviews with Filipino children currently living apart from their parent(s), Parreñas
(2005) found that absence from a migrant mother, verses a migrant father, has the most
disruptive effect in the life of the children left behind. By way of interviews with
immigrant children who are now adults, this study will allow me to gain a different
perspective of how the adult children of transnational mothers and fathers perceive their

14
parent/child separation, and also how their parent’s migration played out in their lives
over the long term. This approach will add an additional level of analysis to the study of
transnational family life and parent/child separation. By including children in the
research, we are able understand the complexities of family separation and reunification,
a topic that has largely been overlooked in previous studies.
In this study, I argue that transnational mothers in large part face greater
challenges because they as women, and because as mothers they are expected to provide
daily care for their children. They face greater challenges because their decision to
migrate to the U.S. to work challenges gendered cultural boundaries reserved for men.
Furthermore, I argue that in contrast to transnational father who have wives back home
providing daily care to their children, and doing the emotional labor to keep them
engaged, the transnational mothers, who are overwhelming single-parents do not have a
partner back home and thus, they are doing the caring and managing. In addition, I go on
to explain how the work migrant women are paid to perform in the United States, which
is often paid domestic work, cleaning, cooking and caring for children in people’s private
home, serves to add to the challenges immigrant women face. Caring and cleaning is a
constant reminder of what they have had forfeit when immigrating to the U.S. Finally, I
discuss the various ways in which transnational mothers and fathers choose to cope with
the challenges they attribute in large part to family separation, work and other more
gendered challenges.
This project not only contributes to the discussion about circumstances that lead
to the development of new structures of family, but also in juxtaposing women’s

15
migration experiences to men’s, we will be able to compare the experiences of men and
women and further explore the gender dynamics that may be at work in these
experiences. We see that migrant mothers carry on the role of mothering their children
from afar, not only because they choose to, but because the pattern of women taking
responsibility for care of the home and the children continues and is strong (Devault,
1991).
a. Researcher Standpoint
Having been raised in a very traditional, intact Mexican family myself, I have to
admit that, for me, the transnational family arrangement initially seemed completely at
odds with my personal understanding about family, motherhood and fatherhood roles.
When I was a child, my mother did not leave me when she went to work in the fields of
New Mexico, picking cotton and onions; instead she worked with me right by her side.
Sometimes I helped, until I could no longer bear the scratches from the sharp cotton pods,
or my eyes burned from the powerful effects of the fresh onions. Later, after we moved
to California, where my father got a construction job, my mother worked during the rainy
season, when construction was slow. She would work as a hotel maid and/or as private
housekeeper while my brother and I were in school. The housekeeping jobs my mother
took allowed her the flexibility to care for my brother and me. When absolutely
necessary, she could take us with her, where we would sit, as still as possible, while she
swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, and washed. While the work my mother did was
exhausting, she still did all the cooking and cleaning and daily childcare in our house.
My father, a hard working man, did little in the way of housework. He did, however, act

16
as the primary disciplinarian and always asked if our homework was done. During those
times when my mother was not available to us because she was working, I missed her. I
missed that she wasn’t there in the morning to help me get ready for school, or to braid
my hair. I missed the hot lunches that were replaced with bag lunches, when we could
not go home for lunch. I loved the safety I felt when she would walk my brother and me
all the way around the block to our neighborhood school in the morning. These
memories made up my conception of the Latina mother, even though, as a Latina mother
myself, I had transformed the role in ways that allowed me to work outside the home and
go to school. Nonetheless, my own experiences, and the expressed worries the immigrant
women had shared with me, made me wonder who was caring for the caregiver’s
children back home. Who was making sure they were fed and bundled up when cold?
Who was sending them off to school?
My interest in understanding the struggles of immigrant mothers was a process
that evolved in the course of my early graduate career, while working with Professor
Hondagneu-Sotelo and also while collaborating with her on a paper on “transnational
motherhood,” a term we coined to explain this variation of motherhood whereby Latina
immigrant mothers work and live in the United States while their children remain in their
countries of origin (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). How the immigrant fathers
became part of this study is another story. In retrospect, I think that the long legacy of
male migration had become something I took for granted and glossed over when first
thinking about immigration, parenting, and family. It was not until I started interviewing
immigrant men and women for the University of Southern California’s Center for

17
Religion and Civic Culture that I started to realize that the immigrant men I was
interviewing were also fathers who had made the decision to immigrate without their
wives and children, for the sake of their families—fathers who likewise had been living
apart from their children for many years. This new realization made me want to
understand how the experiences of immigrant mothers might be different from, or similar
to, those of immigrant fathers, thus I decided to take on a comparative approach to
exploring and understanding not just transnational motherhood in contrast to
transnational fathers, but also gaining a better understanding of the experiences of
transnational families as a whole. In sum, my friendship with Carolina and the research
opportunities allowed me by my great mentors acted as a springboard for my initial
research on transnational motherhood, and later on transnational fatherhood, because I
believe this issue can be better understood from a gendered comparative exploration
approach.
b. Purpose of the Study
This qualitative study provides an in-depth exploration of the issues and
emotional challenges encountered by the growing number of Latino immigrant mothers,
part of a new chapter in immigration, who, like the many Latino immigrant fathers, come
to live and work in the United States while their children remain behind in their country
of origin. The goal of this study is to expand our understanding of immigrant women’s
and men’s lives, their reasons for migration, and the impact of migration on the family.
This area of “transnational” motherhood and fatherhood is an important aspect of
migration and parenting that has only recently come into the focus of research. A second

18
goal is to compare and contrast the ways in which immigrant mothers and fathers choose
to cope and respond to the emotional challenges they identify as resulting from their
transnational parenting experience. The third goal is to bring contemporary immigrant
parenting practices and family issues to the fore in order to examine migration and
parenthood as a social, economic, and political institution, constructed by global
capitalism and influenced by gender differences between mothers and fathers.
Furthermore, I hope that the results of this study will inform advocacy programs directed
at changing immigration policies that aim to recognize the needs and rights of all
immigrant mothers and fathers and their children.
The larger aim of the study is to capture the voices of the women and men in
order to alleviate the stereotypical views of immigrant women and men. The study will
show that they are not simply workers, but they are members of families—they are
mothers and fathers who have the responsibility of children, and sometimes of elderly
parents, whose survival may be dependent on the labor the migrant performs as a nanny,
housekeeper, gardener, car washer, hotel maid, bus boy, etc.
c. Overview of the Study

In this introduction, I have discussed how my own life experiences have
influenced my interest in transnational family life and motherhood. The next section of
this chapter reviews the pertinent literature and explains the methodology used in this
study. By pulling from the research on immigration and family, I situate transnational
motherhood in contemporary immigration literature, and show how family needs, work
and culture ideals inform the transformation of motherhood for immigrant mothers and

19
the development of transnational households. I also introduce how cultural role
expectations favor and, at times, encourage and support male migration. In Chapter 2, I
begin discussing my findings and comparing the experiences of transnational mothers to
those of transnational fathers. I discuss how the common bond shared by transnational
mothers and fathers is that they are economically motivated migrant parents who are
trying to sustain emotional and monetary bonds across borders. I discuss how gender
affects the experiences of transnational mothers and fathers alike, and how separation
from the family is a difficult and emotional condition they must deal with on a daily
basis. I discuss the role of caregivers back home, the “emotional care work” women
perform and the ways in which transnational mothers transform their mothering role
In Chapter 3, I describe how cultural ideologies and gender role expectations
result in criticism and stigma for transnational mothers. Migration by single women is
not as widely accepted as it is for men, thus transnational mothers face greater emotional
pain, guilt and stigma, because they have dared to challenge the cultural ideologies of
child-centered mothering. Fathers on the other hand, are culturally cast in the role of
economic provider, and thus labor migration is accepted as a necessary and favorable, if
conflicted, action for fathers. In Chapter 4, I discuss how the type of work transnational
mothers generally perform as working immigrants in the United States, such as
housekeepers and/or nannies in private homes, create greater emotional challenges than
the work performed by fathers. The mothers experience emotional conflict related to
providing care for other people’s children while not being able to provide daily care for
their own children. Furthermore, I discuss how domestic work, as it is currently

20
structured, hinders family reunification. Fathers, on the other hand, are not generally
working in a family atmosphere where they have the constant reminder of their own
family.
Chapter 5 is devoted to the findings on coping. It is a discussion about the ways
in which transnational mothers and fathers cope with the challenges they face, and more
specifically, how they cope with family separation. I discuss how fathers more often rely
on social outlets and friendships, while mothers more often rely on religion and prayer.
In the last chapter, Chapter 6, I talk about what I’ve learned from the now adult children
who lived apart from an immigrant mother or father for many years when they were
young. In reflecting on the experience of living apart from a mother, a father, or both
parents, these women and men illustrate that, while indeed there are great costs to
transnational family life, there are also benefits, as some of their lives today illustrate.
I end with a discussion about what I see as the implications are for immigrant families,
and for future research and immigration policy.
II. The Literature
Contemporary immigration research has focused mostly on numerous cost-benefit
analyses of immigrants’ impact on the economy, on the labor market, and on local, state
and federal treasuries (Espiritu, 2003, p 7). Until recently, immigration literature had
rarely focused on family dynamics or gender, and how the processes and experiences of
immigration differ for women and men. Fortunately, a thriving scholarship on
immigration within the social sciences has begun to explore immigration as a complex
gendered experience. Furthermore, scholars exploring transnational families have begun

21
to place women and children at the center, thus illustrating that they are key players in
managing and sustaining transnational households and influencing migration patterns
(Chee, 2005; Dreby, 2006; Espiritu, 2003; Levitt, 2001; Gamburd, 2000; Hondagneu-
Sotelo & Avila, 1997; LARG, 2005; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer, 2004). This
approach has clearly led to new and important works from which I draw insight in this
study of transnational mothers and fathers. First, it helps explain how the parenting roles
of migrant mothers and fathers are transformed as a result of their migration to the U.S.
without their children. Secondly, it explains how cultural ideologies and gender role
expectations impact the immigrant experience for transnational mothers and fathers in
both similar and varied ways.
The topic of the transnational family is important when we consider that today,
nearly 40 percent of the Latino population in the United States is foreign born (Passel &
Suro, 2005). Many of the Latino immigrant population consists of families who have
immigrated as a family unit, whereby the father, mother and children came over together
at one time. Others have been part of family stage migration where a father or mother
first came over to the U.S. and later was joined by his/her spouse and children. However,
many of the new Latino arrivals are mothers and fathers who are participating in
independent migration (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1994). These men and women are migrating
alone, and as heads of transnational family households, they are living apart from their
children for many years (Dreby, 2007; Parreñas, 2005; Chavez, 1992; Hondagneu-Sotelo
& Avila, 2007; Levitt, 2001). While the number of transnational mothers and fathers is
not known, researchers have discovered that migration of mothers without their children

22
has become more common. Furthermore, the practice of transnational parenting, children
living separated from a migrant parent, is not specific to Latino families. In a study
conducted in the greater metropolitan areas of Boston and San Francisco, Suarez-Orozco,
Todorova and Louie found in their sample of 385 immigrant children from five different
countries, that immigrant children today, just as in the past, are most likely to be
separated from their fathers, and less often from their mothers. They reported that 85%
of 385 Chinese, Dominican, Central American, Haitian, and Mexican immigrant youth
reported they had been separated from one or both parents for extended periods of time.
More specifically, 16% of the 77 Central American youth in their study, and 42% of the
84 Mexican youth, reported separation from fathers only. Fewer youth reported being
separated only from their mothers (none of the Central American youth and only 2% of
the Mexican youth). With respect to being separated from both mother and father at the
same time, 80% of the 77 Central American youth, and 40% of the Mexican youth
reported they had lived apart from both parents at some point in time as a result of
migration. Overall, they found that 79% of the children in the sample were separated
from fathers at some point in the migratory process. Of the children from Central
America, 96% were separated from fathers while over 80% of the Mexican children were
separated from fathers (p. 631-2).
Because transnational families are confronted with varied obstacles that hinder
family reunification, including a hostile border and restrictive immigration laws, it is
likely that more and more parents are finding it difficult to remain physically connected
with family back home. A consequence of these stringent measures to curtail illegal

23
immigration is reflected in the increasing reports of minor children immigrating to the
U.S. alone in an attempt to reunite with their immigrant family. Advocates for children’s
rights indicate that every year, thousands of unaccompanied minors (estimates range from
5,000 to 8,000) are detained by the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (Becker,
2007: Gross, 2006). Becker (2007) explains that some children come to the United States
seeking asylum, while others are looking to reunite with family members already here.
Contributing to the challenges faced by immigrant families, the federal
government recently dedicated more resources to interior immigration enforcement at
work sites and in search of immigration fugitives—people who have not complied with
deportation orders. This new approach to curbing illegal immigration has resulted in the
deportation of mothers and fathers, leaving their U.S. born children without parents,
vulnerable to trauma from the separation and uncertainty about their family’s future
(Berestein, 2007).
Psychologist, Carola Suarez-Orozco and Anthropologist Marcelo Suarez-
Orozco’s (2001) work on the prevalence, duration and outcomes of families experiencing
parent-child separation during the immigration process indicated that children arriving in
the U.S. with their parents were less likely to report depressive symptoms than children
whose families had separated during the migratory process. They further noted that
several processes buffer the stress of separation on the children:
When the child is left behind, the quality of relationships between the child and
the caretaker and between the mother and caretaker take on great
significance….Maintaining consistent contact during the separation is also linked
to better outcomes since inconsistent or minimal contact may be interpreted by
children as abandonment. (p. 2)

24
The increasing numbers of immigrant children growing up and living apart from their
mothers and fathers is alarming, and as sociologists, this gives us cause to turn our
attention to further explore the implications of immigrant family life and the dynamics of
parent and child separation.
a. Historical Antecedents of Transnational Family Life
Transnational families are families split apart as a result of migration and, in most
cases, as in this study, one or both parents are living and working in another country
while their children remain in their home country. Scholars looking at various immigrant
populations over time have referred to such arrangements as “split households”—
arrangements whereby one spouse lives with the child(ren) in one country while the other
spouse lives in another (Chee, 2005; Nakano Glenn, 2007). However, it is not always the
case that the children left behind remain with a parent. Transnational families continue to
abide by cultural scripts, and thus arrangements are generally made with other women to
provide daily childcare and domestic work, even when a father is the one who stays
behind.
The Latino family has long been described and admired for its cohesiveness,
commitment to family values, and lower rates of divorce as compared Anglos and non-
Hispanic blacks (Bulanda & Brown, 2008; Bean & Tienda, 1987; Oropesa et al, 1994;
Raley et al., 2004). However, while Latino culture may see family cohesiveness as the
ideal, today there is a rise in single mothers abandoned by their spouses in Mexico
(Gutmann, 1993, p. 9), sometimes as a result of men’s migration to the U.S. As a result,
traditional family structures and familial relations have increasingly been transformed.

25
These changes have played a significant role in the migration of men and now women
and, consequently, the formation of transnational households that in some ways reflect
those of the past.
The transnational family structure, which goes back a century, is grounded in the
experiences of Chinese, Italian, and Mexican men, among others, who came to the U.S.
in search of work in order to sustain families back home (Chee, 2005; Espiritu, 2003;
Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1997). The legacy of split family migration that has preceded the
current flow of immigrants to the U.S. is a long one that stems from inconsistent U.S.
immigration policies. For example, the U.S. labor pool of the nineteenth and early
twentieth century included thousands of Chinese immigrant men who were married with
wives and children back in China. These men were known to have maintained “trans-
Pacific families” for years on end. Much like the Latino men and women in this study,
they too had migrated due to a lack of economic opportunities at home, and similarly,
their initial plan was to work for a few years, save money and return to their families
(Chee, 2005; Espiritu, 2003).
For the most part, Chinese males came to the U.S. in search of gold and better
economic opportunities. The California gold rush prompted their migration, but most
worked as laborers on the transcontinental railroad or in the agricultural fields. However,
the Chinese transnational families that developed were the result of gendered cultural
ideals that allocated wives to the home caring for the children, while Chinese husbands
labored in the U.S. for the remittances they would send back home (Chee, 2005; Lee,
2006). The impact of long-term family separation affected Chinese women in varied and

26
gendered ways. The wives who received remittances were able to lead comfortable lives;
others had to rely on extended family for support. According to Chee, “Long spousal
separation could also influence marital relationship, hence women’s welfare in the case
of abandonment or polygamy” (p. 37).
Similarly, the more direct legacy of the Latino transnational family begins in the
late 1880s, when U.S. employers began recruiting male workers from Mexico to meet the
labor demands of the railroad, agriculture and mining industries (Hondagneu-Sotelo,
1997). In 1914, and again in 1942, government worker recruitment programs were
established to respond to the labor shortages during war time. The Bracero Program,
which began in 1942 and officially ended in 1964, is estimated to have contracted 4.8
million Mexican men to come to the U.S. to work. Many were men with wives and
children back home, and they came to work with no provisions for family migration and
reunification (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1997, p. 119; Oboler, 1997, p. 47). The history of anti-
immigrant politics that includes exclusion from full rights of citizenship, poor wages, and
a hostile border after the war (including the tracking and deporting of “illegal” Mexican
workers) has played a role in the development and maintenance of transnational
households. Much like early Chinese transnational households, Latina wives were left
behind to maintain households and raise the children on the remittances received from the
husbands, who were fulfilling their breadwinner roles. However, Latina mothers have
not necessarily remained passive while waiting for their husbands; like other women of
color, they have always worked. Many take odd jobs that allow them the flexibility to
carry out cultural prescriptions of solo mothering (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997).

27
Recent research on transnational family life has begun to compare the experiences
of women and men, finding both similarities and differences (Parreñas, 2005; Dreby,
2006). Differences are largely attributed to gender ideals and role expectations. For
example, in her work on Mexican transnational mothers and fathers, Joanna Dreby (2006)
argues that when mothers and fathers are separated from their children due to migration,
their parenting activities are remarkably similar. However, she says their experiences
differ in two ways: first, they live in different types of transnational families, and second,
they demonstrate their relationship with their children in different ways. Mothers’
relationships with their children in Mexico are highly dependent on demonstrating
emotional intimacy from a distance, whereas fathers’ relationships lie in their economic
success as migrant workers. She suggests that their differences are tied to Mexican
gender ideology in which women’s maternal role is “sacralized” whereas the father’s role
is tied to financial provisions (p. 34). In her work on Filipino transnational families,
Parreñas’ (2005) focus on gender provides important contrasts between mothers’ and
fathers’ transnational households and how children are affected by the absence of their
migrant mothers and/or fathers; present fathers are no more involved in the care of their
children after their wives’ migration than they were before her migration. Parreñas
illustrates how the gendered division of labor is reformulated, yet maintained, with the
help of female kin after women migrate and become the primary economic providers for
their households (pp. 164-5).
The sometimes very long separation that occurs when transnational fathers leave
partners and children back home can result in strained marital relations, feeling of

28
abandonment, and issues of infidelity. The stories of men migrating to the North and
never being heard from again, and fathers starting new families in the U.S., are so
prevalent that they have become popular themes in Spanish telenovelas (soap operas) and
Spanish corridos, a genre of Spanish folk ballads that capture the melancholy of
migration and separation, as well as the challenges, the pain and suffering associated with
immigration (Archibold, 2007). Furthermore, themes related to transnational family life,
parent/child separation and parental abandonment, are popular topics found in the
Spanish novellas and motion pictures. While the music and movie depictions may serve
to inform a wider audience about the plight of immigrant families, often the stories and/or
characters are romanticized versions or one-sided accounts of the transnational family’s
experience.
b. Contemporary “Gendered” Migration
Today, in cases where mothers migrate solo and leave their children behind, it is
not always with or to follow a spouse, as has been the historical pattern of step
migrations. Increasingly, mothers who are migrating are single-mothers who are coming
to the U.S. in search of work in order to provide for their children.
The act of migrating is clearly not seen as a right of passage for women as it has
been for some Latino males; instead it is an act of survival. Much like their male
counterparts, Latinas are increasingly looking north to the United States for better jobs,
better wages, and for a better future for their families. In addition, the global
restructuring of the labor market and the U.S.’s increasing need for service workers has
played an important role in women’s migration from countries such as Mexico and

29
Central America, among others. Barbara Ehrenreich and Arlie Hochschild (2002)
explain, “The ‘care deficit’ that has emerged in the wealthier countries as women enter
the workforce pulls migrants from the Third World and post communist nations; poverty
pushes them” (p. 8). Ehrenreich and Hochschild note, “This is the female underside of
globalization,” whereby millions of poor women from countries in the South migrate to
do the “women’s work” for families in the North. Often they are doing the work “that
affluent women are no longer able or willing to do” (pp. 2-3). In this respect, Latina
women’s labor migration resembles the experience of Latino men, who have historically
answered the call for the cheap, flexible labor needs of the U.S. which has served to
transform the family structures back in their own countries (Dussel, 1998; Hondagneu-
Sotelo, 2001)
As the demand for “care” has increased in the U.S., its supply has dwindled.
Women from Mexico, Central America, the Philippines and other countries have
responded in force to meet this demand, and to fill the gap in traditional “women’s”
work, especially in paid domestic work and childcare (Parreñas, as cited in Global
Woman, 2002; Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002, p. 39). It is uncertain just how many
immigrant women are here in the U.S. doing care work, however since the early 1980s,
thousands of Central American women, and increasing numbers of Mexican women,
have migrated to the United States to live and work. In some cases, the separation from
family is substantial (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). With the increase of women’s
migration to the U.S., the transnational family structure is arguably changing, and
increasingly consists of migrant-mother transnational households. In 1997, Pierrette

30
Hondagneu-Sotelo and I observed that Mexican transnational mothers throughout
Southern California were not uncommon. The number of transnational mothers in the
U.S. is not known, and their existence has been difficult for demographers to verify,
considering that many of them are undocumented, and most are working as paid domestic
workers in private homes. In her 2001 study, Hondagneu-Sotelo found that of the 153
Latina domestic workers interviewed in Los Angeles , 40 percent of the 114 who were
mothers had children that were back home in their country (p.553).
While the demand for immigrant labor does not appear to be lessening, the
politics that have historically been part of periods of mass migration are extremely
prevalent at this time in history. I, like others, would argue these politics play a role in
the development and maintenance of transnational households, which arguably lead to the
construction of a new pattern of mothering (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). The
development of transnational mothering, which involves parenting one’s children from
across borders with the help of other women kin, allows us to see that the “cult of
domesticity” is a cultural variant of motherhood, made possible by the industrial
revolution and by breadwinner husbands who earn a family wage (Hondagneu-Sotelo &
Avila, 1997, p. 550). Latina immigrant mothers, much like other working class women
of color, have rarely had access to the economic security that permits a mother to provide
exclusive, one-on-one care for her children (Collins, 1994; Dill, 1988; Glenn,1994). As
Evelyn Nakano Glenn describes, “Mothering occurs within specific social contexts that
vary in terms of material and cultural resources and constraints.” Furthermore, she
explains, “Mothering is not just gendered, but also racialized” and differentiated by class

31
(p. 3 & p. 7). Both in the past and in the present, poor and working class mothers have
lacked the resources that allow for exclusive, twenty-four hour, seven days a week
mothering, thus they often have to rely on various arrangements to provide care for their
children. Sharing childcare responsibilities with other female kin who act as “other
mothers,” and do “mother work” is the only alternative women of color have and
continue to use in order to work for pay and ensure the survival of their family (Collins,
1994). These strategies have been important in the lives of poor women of color, because
they have always had to work; and they often work more than one job to make ends meet
(Cranford, 1998). Many work in the informal job sector where wages are low and no
benefits are paid, such as in paid domestic work in private homes.
While immigration may disrupt the notion of family in the traditional sense, and
while migrant mothers may need to rely on women kin to help them with the care of their
children, transnational mothers work to transform their mothering role and devise
strategies that help them continue to care for their children while working to provide for
them. As Hondagneu-Sotelo and Avila (1997) explain:
Latina mothers are improvising new mothering arrangements that are borne out of
women’s financial struggles, played out in a new global arena, to provide the best
future for themselves and their children. Like many other women of color and
employed mothers, transnational mothers rely on an expanded and sometimes
fluid number of family member and paid caregivers. Their caring circuits,
however, span stretches of geography and time that are much wider than typical
joint custody or “other mother” arrangements that are more closely bound, both
spatially and temporally. (p. 567)

By way of frequent and long telephones calls, letters, cards, gifts, and remittances,
transnational mothers are maintaining the mother/child connection and nurturing

32
relationships with their children back home, while providing economically for their
children. Mothering from afar and showing love and care is not only reflected in the
frequent communication, but also reflected in the remittances transnational mothers
consistently send back home (Tung, 2003).
c. Cultural Contradictions and Gendered Expectations
Although the increasing numbers of immigrants coming to the United States from
various Latin American countries have increasingly consisted of women, it still remains
culturally unacceptable for women to migrate alone. This, coupled with the belief that it
is socially unacceptable for a mother to leave her children (Jackson, 1994), poses some
very personal and emotional challenges for transnational mothers. Adding to these
cultural ideas is the widely held gendered belief that women’s and men’s roles are
governed by public/private spheres that guide their lives, especially where parenting is
concerned.
Current research finds that there is a marked increase in men's contributions to
childcare in the Western industrial world, “suggesting a worldwide movement toward
men and women sharing the responsibilities of both work-life and family life,” note
Sullivan and Coltrane (2008, p.65). In his study of Mexican men and family, Matthew
Gutmann (1996) found that a division of labor where child rearing is concerned continues
to exist in variations. The variations in men’s involvement in childcare, he argues, are
influenced by history as well as by class, economics, and region, among other factors (p.
57). Gutmann points out that the Mexican men and women he interviewed told him there
were pronounced differences in parenting obligations; the consensus of ideas among his

33
respondents was “to oversimplify:” men should first and foremost provide for a family
economically and women, before all else, should care for the home—meaning children,
husband and house, often in this order of importance (p. 74). He further explains that
these differences in parental obligations do not mean that parenting is not important to
Latino fathers; on the contrary, he explains that fatherhood is an important and valued
aspect of Latino manhood, and a positive characteristic of the notion of machismo.
Culturally, Latino fathers may be more involved in their children’s upbringing once they
enter adolescence, especially where sons are concerned. On the other hand, Latina
mothers spend more time with their children, especially when they are infants and
younger, because they are likely to perceive it as the norm. Gutmann explains:
Societal norms into which people discover themselves born and reared—that is,
an “inherited consciousness”—interact with individual decision making and
practical consciousness, leading people to acquiesce to or challenge the status quo
in the lives of their infants, and in their own lives as caretakers. It is an
ideological concern intimately connected to a practical one. (p. 75)

Gutmann also found that when available, Latino men often are more involved in the care
of their children, but in different ways culturally and at different stages of the children’s
lives. However, he explains, “Women are more present and are expected to be, and
women generally have less flexibility than men with regard to childcare overall” (p. 75).
While this might be true for many Latino/a men and women, Parreñas’ (2005) work has
illustrated that when Filipina mothers must immigrate to take on the role of economic
provider, fathers who remain behind do not necessarily take on the bulk of the childcare.
(p. 99). Instead, post migration, a mother will arrange for female kin to come into the
home to care for the children in her absence.

34
The cultural expectation of being an ever-present mother poses great challenges
for Latina single-parent mothers who have made the difficult decision to migrate. They
often are conflicted by their decision to leave their children in order to provide financially
for them and by their strongly held ideas about mother-centered parenting. Antonio
Gramsci’s concept of “contradictory consciousness” can be helpful in understanding how
these women may struggle with tradition and culture, and the need to do what is best for
their children. Guttmann (1996) effectively applies Gramsci’s concept of contradictory
consciousness to explain the conflicting influences of practical activity and self-
understanding where Mexican men as fathers are concerned. He explains that while the
beliefs and practices of many ordinary men do not accord neatly with the
“monochromatic image” of the poor urban Mexican man, he notes: “Ordinary men and
women are themselves often aware of and influenced in one way or another by the
dominant often ‘traditional’ stereotypes about men” (p. 14). When applied to Latina
mothers who make the decision to immigrate without their children (many of whom are
single parents), Gramsci’s concept helps illuminate how these women may feel conflicted
about their roles as both mothers and providers. As this study will examine in more
depth, transnational motherhood itself contradicts societal norms about women’s role
within the private sphere as mothers. Consequently, it creates greater challenges for
Latina immigrant mothers who find themselves in the public sphere, where they most
often feel torn between expectations of the dominant traditional role of motherhood and
the reality that they must provide for their children.

35
Cecilia Menjívar (2000) points out that the cultural ideals women are held to are
often used as a form of social control (pp. 161-2). Gendered cultural ideals about
women’s and men’s roles in the family serve to impact transnational mothers emotionally
and also to control their lives socially. For example, they tend to feel conflicted about
their role as provider, and as distant caregivers. This results in guilt associated with not
being in the home to provide daily care of the children and the home (Hondagneu-Sotelo
& Avila, 1997; Parreñas, 2005).
Adding to the role conflict, Latina immigrant women may feel even more
pressure and stress when confronted with the Westernized gender ideals. In her work
with Latina immigrant women, Oliva Espin (1997) explains that some Latina immigrant
women’s backgrounds and their acculturating into North American society, “at a time
when the role of women in this culture is in flux, combine to create some confusion as to
what is appropriate behavior for women in the newly found North American culture.”
She adds, “Frequently, the contradictions between home and host cultures are stronger for
women than for men in terms of what constitutes appropriate gender-role behavior” (p.
118).
According to Barajas and Ramirez (2007), much of the gender and immigration
research has found that immigration to the U.S. and/or paid work empowers immigrant
women and lead to greater gender egalitarianism. However, they find that although the
ideals of gender egalitarianism are increasingly becoming more accepted across borders,
they are tempered by continuing unequal gender practices: “Migration, wage labor, and
settlement in the United States have thus not liberated Mexican women from patriarchy.

36
Mexican women must contend with patriarchy not only within their home but also within
the larger U.S. society. The seemingly empowerment of women in United States is more
illusory than substantive” (p. 385). They further note that migration does not entirely
erode immigrant men’s patriarchal privileges; instead the practices are often reasserted in
immigrant communities and reproduced in the social structure (p. 370).
d. Gender Role Expectations and the Public/Private Spheres
Feminist scholars have long argued that the distinction between the public and
private spheres, and more specifically, the cultural expectations for men and women that
accompany each sphere, serves to maintain women’s second-class status to men (Bose,
1987; Coontz, 1992; Delphy, 1984; Ferree, 1990, as cited in Coltrane, 1998). According
to Coltrane (1998):
The ideal of separate work and family spheres has provided a belief system and
set of ritual practices that continue to disadvantage women in the marketplace and
discourage men from doing family work. The social and economic conditions
initially promoting the separate spheres ideal have changed dramatically, but our
ideas about the natural predispositions of men and women have changed more
slowly. (p. 64)

The idea that some men and women have not fully embraced the notion that
women’s place is no longer just in the home is not surprising when we see that women
continue to carry the bulk of childcare while working to provide for families. According
to Ehrenreich and Hochschild (2002), immigrant women generally send home anywhere
from half to nearly all of what they earn. These remittances have a significant impact on
the lives of children, parents, siblings, and wider networks of kin back home.
Furthermore, the remittances that immigrant women are more diligent about sending

37
home (in comparison to immigrant men), not only benefit their children, but also the
“cash-strapped Third World governments” back in the women’s home countries (p. 7).
Latina women have always worked in some capacity or another, however cultural
notions about motherhood often result in Latina mothers seeking work arrangements that
allow them to work while tending to their children (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997, p.
551). Often their work in the U.S. has been unregulated labor, but nonetheless they have
always contributed to their households financially. Furthermore, whether in their home
country or here in the U.S., Latinas have demonstrated that they can be creative in their
efforts to stay on the “good mother side of the cultural dichotomy while challenging old
traditions. Research has shown that this has been most evident in the mother’s
employment patterns (Fernandez-Kelly & Garcia, 1990; Stephen, 1991). While work
outside of the home was generally viewed as oppositional to the ideal motherhood role,
this has not kept Latina women from working for pay—it simply has made them find
ways to work out of their homes, or involve their children in their work. When the
women cannot incorporate the children into their work, they rely on other women to help
with childcare (Collins, 1991). Thus, transnational mothers are not replacing
“caregiving” with “breadwinning” in their definitions of motherhood, but they are
expanding their definitions of motherhood to encompass breadwinning, and they
recognize that this may require long-term physical separations as the ultimate sacrifice
(Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997).
However, women’s work has historically been seen as supplemental income.
When immigrant men come to the U.S. to work, they are seen as fulfilling their

38
breadwinner role. When women come to the U.S. to work, they are challenging gender
boundaries and notions about motherhood that are culturally seen as sacred. Such actions
result in stigma, guilt and harsh criticism (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997).
Latina mothers are often categorized as “good mother” or “bad mother.” In her
historical analysis of mothers of Mexican origin, Rosa Linda Fregoso (1993) notes that
the Chicana dominant culture’s tendency has been to both blame and idealize mothers.
She is idealized as self-sacrificing, without her own life, wants and needs: “she is known
only in her capacity as mother” (p. 133). The dichotomous standards and ideals which
often are translated or described as good mother/bad mother are grounded in Catholicism,
and have served to control the Latina’s conduct by casting her in one of two categories:
the good mother, modeled in the image of the Virgin de Guadalupe (Virgin Mary), or the
bad mother, who is compared to such cultural symbols as La Llorona or La Malinche—
fallen women of Mexican folklore (Chinas, 1992; Stevens, 1994; Soto, 1986). This “cult
of motherhood” and what Fregoso describes as a “patriarchal illusion,” play a role in the
stigmatizing of transnational mothers who step outside of the traditional role of stay-at-
home mothers and venture out into the realm of the working world to provide
economically for their children. In the process, they push the boundaries of gender and
cultural ideals. For the most part, the father’s parental role has been one of breadwinner
and disciplinarian, such that being a good provider equates to being a “good father”
(LeVine, 1993).
Sara Ruddick (1989) and Nancy Chodorow (1978), among others, have argued
that parental division of labor is not biologically determined, but eminently cultural and

39
therefore amenable to change. It is hard to say just how much immigration has
influenced change with respect to Mexican and Central American parental attitudes and
practices. What we do know is that women’s migration has transformed the household
and mothering from the way it has traditionally been practiced.
In sum, cultural notions about motherhood as child-centered, emotionally
committed and labor intensive, along with gendered notions about public and private
spheres (Coltrane & Galt, 2000; Griswold del Castillo, 1984; Hays, 1996; LeVine, 1993),
make it more difficult for women to justify their decision to immigrate for the benefit of
their families.
e. The Children of Transnational Mothers and Fathers
The growing body of research on transnational families (Dreby, 2007;
Hondagneu-Sotelo, 2001; Kandel & Kao, 2001; Levitt, 2001; Kanaiaupuni & Donato,
1999; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer, 2004; Suárez-Orozco, Todorova & Louie, 2002;
Tung, 2003); describes some of the ways that children left behind both benefit and suffer
from parental separation. Some of these scholars have outlined the various benefits,
explaining that children of immigrants have been the primary beneficiaries of their
parents’ sacrifices, especially in the way of economics, which has led to improved health
and better education for them. These same scholars note that children left behind may
also experience strong emotional consequences. They may feel ongoing distress and
sadness, others may feel abandoned and continue to long for the bond they may have
once had with their mothers and/or fathers.

40
Children of transnational mothers and fathers often must live apart from their
parents for what can amount to very long periods of time. For example, the adult
children interviewed in this study were separated from their transnational parent(s)
anywhere from 2 to 25 years (some adult children had never reunited with their migrant
mothers and/or fathers). While some parents may hold off bringing their children to the
U.S. for various reasons, some children remain separated from their parents because they
refuse to migrate to reunite with their parents in the U.S. As Joanna Dreby (2007) found,
preadolescent children often resist parents’ efforts to reunite with them in the U.S. She
found this refusal is often due to the child’s resentment over having been left behind (p.
1057).
Furthermore, research indicates that while children of immigrants are apart from
their mothers and fathers, they may feel abandoned and respond by detaching from the
parent that left them (Schmalzbauer, 2004; Suárez-Orozco, et al, 2002; Levitt, 2001). As
Suárez-Orozco, Todorova and Louie (2002) explain, children may eventually reunite with
their parent(s), however they also can experience detachment and pain from separation
from their caregivers, other family members, friends, and all that has been familiar to
them back home. These same researchers explain that, “Reunification can be
complicated for children that have to adapt to a new family constellation” (p. 636). They
conclude that in spite of the many challenges the children of immigrant parents face,
what is of most importance in their ability to adjustment to the challenges is how the
child perceives the separation from the parent, whether or not the separation was framed
as temporary and if they understood that it was necessary.

41
III. Methods
In this qualitative research study, I have used a mixed methods approach which
includes in-depth interviews and informal interviews and observations.
a. The Sample
I conducted 44 in-depth, open-ended question interviews which lasted an average
of three hours each. I interviewed 14 transnational mothers, 11 transnational fathers, 10
adult children of transnational parents, and 9 women who were caregivers for children
left behind by immigrant mothers and fathers for at least one year. Tables 2, 3 and 4
provide demographic characteristics of mothers, fathers and adult children. Additional
methodology pertaining to the adult children is provided in Chapter 6, the chapter on the
children.
All of the mothers and fathers interviewed were birth parents of minor children
(18 years or younger) whom they had left back in their country of origin. All of the adult
children interviewed had been separated from their birth parents for at least two years.
Of the nine caregivers interviewed, six were wives of transnational fathers, two
were maternal grandmothers caring for the children of transnational mothers, and one
was the oldest (14-year-old) daughter of a transnational mother and father who was
caring for her younger siblings.

In this particular case, the daughter had become the
primary caregiver back in Guatemala only after her father had left to the U.S. to join her
mother who had left prior. Of the caregivers, the daughter and two of the wives were

42
now living in the U.S., after having reunited with their husband/parents; the rest of the
caregivers continued to live in Mexico or Central America.
1

Contact with one caregiver occurred when she, the grandmother of one of the
adult children in my sample came to the U.S. from El Salvador to visit. My interviews
with the other 5 Mexican caregivers came about in an interesting and unexpected way.
One day while talking about my work with a colleague who was very involved in
missionary work in a small town outside of Mazatlán, Mexico, she proceeded to tell me
about how this small town in Mexico her church had been working with was largely
inhabited by young mothers, children and elderly men. She had learned in the time she
spent working to help refurbish the town school that most of the young men/fathers from
the town were migrants, living and working in the U.S. The colleague, serving as a
mediator, arranged for me to visit and arranged for the town’s school teacher, Dolores, to
serve as my contact and informant. Dolores arranged for me to meet with the caregivers
who agreed to be interviewed. On the day of my arrival, I was driven out to the town and
taken to the small school where slowly the women and their children began to arrive. I
noted some apprehension, and later learned from Dolores, that some of the women had
indicated that they had reservations about meeting with me, because they feared I might
be there to get information on their husband to take back to the United States—
information that could have them deported. Other women came thinking maybe I new
their husbands and could provide them with information about them. With the help of

1
The University of Southern California Center for Religion and Civic Culture provided me the opportunity
and funding to gather the additional data with caregivers in the small town outside of Mazatlán, Mexico.

43
Dolores, a highly respected individual in the community, the women were reassured that
I was there only to document their experiences as wives and mothers of immigrant fathers
and mothers, and also that their identity and that of their children’s fathers was
confidential. Once confident that I was only there as a researcher who wanted to
understand their experiences as caregivers, the mothers were very forthcoming and
helpful. I had taken gifts for them and their children, and I came home with gifts of dried
mango and mango jam that had been processed in the factory where many of the women
from this town worked to supplement the remittances sent by their children’s fathers.
On this visit to the small town in Mexico, I was also able to make observations
with the caregivers and the children they cared for during the interviews and also later, in
my informal visits with the mothers in and around town during my two-day stay. While I
did not interview the children, who were all minors, they were present and caregivers
often informally included them in our conversations.
Of the 14 transnational mothers in the study, six were from Mexico and the
remaining eight were from El Salvador or Guatemala. Of the 11 fathers in the study, nine
were from Mexico and two were from Guatemala. Four of the 10 children were of
Mexican origin, six of Central American (See Tables 1a, 1b, 1c). My mixed sample of
Latino immigrant women and men—the result of a snowball sample that did not include
controlling for country of origin when I was looking to identify transnational mothers and
fathers for the study—is indicative of the immigrant population trends in the U.S.
According to Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001), since the early 1980s, thousands of Central
American women and Mexican women increasingly have left their children to come to

44
live and work in the U.S. Mexicans have a long history of migrating to the U.S. as
laborers, but migration by Central Americans is more recent. The Salvadorian civil war
(1979-92) and the ongoing conflicts in Guatemala related to military campaigns
supported by U.S. government aid played a role in Central American migration to the
U.S. The communities in which the women and men lived were diverse, made of both
Mexican and Central American immigrants, and this further contributed to the mixed
sample.
The Latino sample came about in a natural way as a result of the snowball
sampling technique used. Knowing so little about the population of transnational parents,
a random sample was not feasible for this project. Instead a snowball sampling method
was employed in order to secure the most interview respondents(D.D. Heckathorn, 1997).
When I asked informants or participants for contacts with immigrant parents who they
knew and who also lived in their Southern California communities, it turned out they
were always either Mexican or Central American, with the men overwhelming Mexican,
and the women mostly Central American. This was not surprising, in lieu of the fact that
Mexican and Central Americans immigrants have and continue to share space in the
communities in which data was collected for the larger immigrant study. While I initially
thought the diverse sample might pose a challenge, the more interviews I conducted, the
more I could see that the two groups shared similar experiences as migrant mothers and
fathers living apart from their children. In fact, other research has shown similar
experiences with Filipina mothers who migrate to Rome and to the United States
(Parreñas, 2001).

45
In working with a diverse Latino population sample, I have come to learn that
diversity exists between groups and even within groups. I agree with Gutmann (1996)
who, in his study of Mexican fatherhood, cautions that we must be careful not to hold the
parenting practices of one group as representative of every other group (p. 88). Denise
Segura (1994) notes that diversity in parenting can stem from one or many factors
including region, history, generation, one’s ethnicity, and religious beliefs, as she found
in her study on Mexican and Mexican American mothers (p. 212). As part of my analysis
in this study, I have tried to define the patterns that are common between and within my
sample of Mexican and Central American transnational mothers and transnational fathers,
especially where their immigrant worker and parenting experiences are concerned. For
the purposes of this work, I have allowed my participants’ discussions about family,
motherhood and fatherhood to guide my analysis. I have attempted to identify patterns of
behavior, and the interviews have provided insight into the ideologies about gender and
parenting roles that inform the behavior. I have been able to show how both mothers and
fathers of Mexican and Central American origins share similar challenges and ways of
coping as transnational parents.
In this sample, the average age at time of departure from their home country was
29 years of age for women and 30 years of age for men. All but three of the 14 women
were estranged from their children’s fathers at the time of immigration; most of the
single-parent mothers had been abandoned and had not received support for over a year.
Thus, they were single-parent mothers at the time of their departure. Of the 11 fathers,
all had a legal or common law wife back home with their children.

46
The average number of years of education was six years for women and seven
years for men. The average years of separation from their children were eight years for
mothers and six and a half years for fathers. The average number of children left behind
was 3.7 for women and 3.0 for men. The majority of children left behind by both
mothers and fathers were under 10 years of age when their mothers and/or fathers first
left to the U.S.
In analyzing the data collected from the mothers, fathers, and children, which
totaled 35 interview, I have constructed a typology of four circumstances defined by the
mothers, fathers and children that resulted in the transformation of their households into
transnational family household (see Table 1 on next page).
The two circumstances that resulted in a greater numbers of transnational
households were: fathers who had migrated to the U.S. leaving their children with their
wives (the children’s birth mothers), which accounted for 100% of the fathers in the
study, and single-parent mothers who had immigrated to the U.S. leaving their children
with other female kin in their country—64% of the mothers in the study. In addition, 50%
of the children who were interviewed were children of single-parent mothers who had
been left with female kin.

47
Table 1 Typology of Immigration Circumstances that Transformed Children’s
Households into Transnational Households

Situation A: The father immigrates to U.S. to work and the child(ren) stay behind with
their biological mother.

100% of interviewed fathers fall into this category
20% of interviewed children fall into this category

Situation B: The children’s father is not in the home, and the single-parent mother
immigrates to the U.S. leaving the child(ren) with a grandmother (usually maternal) or
another female kin.

64% of interviewed mothers fall into this category
50% of interviewed children fall into this category

Situation C: The mother immigrates to the U.S. and the child(ren) remain with their
father and other female kin who assist with the household and childcare.

21% of interviewed mothers fall into this category
10% of interviewed children fall into this category

Situation D: Both of the children’s parents immigrate to the U.S. to work, but not
necessarily together. The children(ren) remain with female kin, most often with maternal
grandmothers.

14% of interviewed mothers fall into this category
20% of interviewed children fall into this category

Note. Due to rounding, the mothers’ percentages do not equal 100%. Percentages are
representative of the 35 mothers, fathers, and adult children interviewed in this project.

48
b. Data Collection and Field Work
Materials for this study are drawn from a larger study on immigrants in the greater
Los Angeles and surrounding areas. As a Research Assistant at the University of
Southern California’s Center for Religion and Civic Culture, my assignment was to
interview religious leaders and lay leaders at various churches and in immigrant
communities for a study on immigrants and religion funded by the PEW Charitable
Foundation. Although my assignment was to interview immigrant women and men from
Mexico, Guatemala and El Salvador in an effort to learn about the role of religion in their
lives, the interviews often addressed the topic of family and the migration process. Soon
I was finding that many participants in the larger study were either transnational parents
or knew of immigrant mothers or fathers in their communities who had migrated without
their children. With the support of The Center, I was able to incorporate my dissertation
project into this larger immigrant project. Having access to both immigrant mothers and
fathers, and some adult children of transnational parents, I eventually was able to locate
respondents through an informal snowball sampling (D.D. Heckathorn, 1997). The
snowball method of identifying a sample was best suited for this study not only because
no one knows the total universe of transnational domestic workers, but because many of
the women and men lack legal documents and work in the informal sector where census
data is not collected or reliable.
From previous experiences, I had learned that because no one knows the true
number of immigrants, and especially those who migrate without their children, many of

49
whom lack legal papers and work in the informal sector where census data are not
reliable, a non-random sample was most effective in identifying potential participants.
In addition to the interviews obtained from the larger study, I also was able to re-
interview or follow-up with four of the transnational mothers I had interviewed for my
Master’s thesis, which was an exploration of immigrant women who were working in the
U.S. as nannies while living apart from their own children.
The primary sites from which participants were found were two churches, one
Catholic and one Pentecostal, in two large inner-city immigrant communities in Southern
California. These congregations were assigned to me, because of their diverse immigrant
populations. Thus, the assignments played a significant role in my diverse sample of
Mexican and Central American immigrant women and men. Religious and lay leaders at
both sites supported and were enthusiastic about the USC Center fro Religion and Civic
Culture’s Immigrant Project, and about my own interest in transnational families. Both
churches had large immigrant congregations. The Catholic Church where I spent a
significant amount of my time was actually referred to as “La Mission” and was located
in a largely immigrant neighborhood the members referred to as the colonia. This very
small, chapel-like church was under the auspice of a newer and more modern Catholic
church that lay outside the colonia. Many of my respondents, including the deacon of the
little mission and the parish priest at the large church, explained how the leadership in the
big church had been trying to incorporate the Latino immigrant population at the mission
into the larger church’s congregation. I was told this was largely due to the fact that the
small mission could no longer accommodate the growing immigrant population.

50
However, there appeared to be strong resistance to this move to integrate, and even after
all the Sunday Spanish masses had been stopped at the little mission, the people
continued to attend the weekday masses heavily and would still gather at the mission for
their fiestas, fundraisers, religious classes and meetings. It was at these functions that I
did much of my fieldwork and where I was able to make contact with potential
respondents for the study. With the help of my informant, a Salvadorian immigrant man
who served as the leader of a large immigrant Jovenes Para Cristo group (Youth for
Christ, or Young in Christ), I was introduced to both men and women who were either
transnational fathers or mothers. I interviewed the priest and some of the church leaders
and this helped me establish rapport with both my informants and the community. I felt
very accepted in this environment and was always amazed at how willing people were to
help me with my research. Many of the women I interviewed indicated that they believed
the topic of immigrant family separation was an important story than needed to be told.
The Pentecostal church, which I was told was one of the largest in the United
States, was housed in four very large older warehouse-like buildings. The church was
located in an industrial section of another inner-city in Orange County; it was also
conveniently located next to another large Latino immigrant community. Entry into this
community proved to be a little more challenging. Even though the Assistant Pastor, who
turned out to be an old family friend, assisted me by assigning the Church Community
Coordinator to help me make the necessary contacts I needed for immigrant research
project, I had little success. Although the Community Coordinator who was Mexican

51
American, Spanish-speaking, appeared well connected to the community at large, his
efforts were not successful in helping me secure contacts in the community.
I conducted fieldwork observations while trying to gain entrée into the various
immigrant communities and churches. I did this by attending Spanish Sunday services,
women’s prayer groups, children’s mentoring classes, but still had little success in
obtaining interviews. Thus, much of my fieldwork took place at the food distributions
held on Saturdays where I helped out as much as I could by filling grocery bags with
food items that had been donated. There I began to make connections with the people at
the food distributions who initiated conversations with me, or me with them.
When my snowball sampling leads were ending up at dead ends and I was
struggling to find participants to interview, I began to simply approach women and men
on my own, hoping to maybe get more leads and keep my snowball sample rolling. I
soon learned that my direct approach was perhaps considered “bold” and may have
crossed some of the gender appropriate boundaries, or I may have sent out mixed
messages to my potential male participants, as was the case with Nicolas.
I approached Nicolas on what was a sunny spring day while driving to work. I
noticed him working building a beautiful stone wall. I was so taken by the fence that I
just had to stop to admire the work. I introduced myself and Nicolas, a bit
apprehensively, introduced himself. I asked about the fence and he politely answered my
questions. He proceeded to tell me that he was only doing this job temporarily since he
had been laid off his full-time job as a delivery man for a large trucking company. As
Nicolas became more comfortable, our conversation about work led to Nicolas asking me

52
about my work. I told him about my research on immigrants, and more specifically those
immigrant women and men who live apart from their children. Immediately I could see
that Nicolas was relating to what I was saying about immigrant fathers and he shyly
proceeded to tell me that he had a wife and children back home whom he had been living
apart from for many years. As natural as possible, I asked Nicolas if he would be willing
to sit with me and be interviewed. Without hesitation, and even with some unexpected
enthusiasm, he agreed to be interviewed. However, Nicolas explained that he really
didn’t have a home, but simply rented a room from the people who lived in the house
where he was building the fence, and he could not receive visitors there. Thus we
decided that he would come to my house on a Monday evening, I would fix us a meal and
follow up with the interview. On the day of the interview, my door bell rang promptly at
7:00 p.m. sharp. I opened the door and there stood Nicolas with a big smile, his hair
slicked back, and smelling too sweet from too much cologne. While this may have been
a clue that perhaps he may have misunderstood my intentions, or read more into my
invitation, it was the shirt he was wearing that suddenly made me see that I had indeed
sent a mixed message. The shirt Nicolas wore bore a full length colored picture of very
handsome charro (Mexican cowboy) proudly standing very tall and naked, except for the
sombrero on his head and a very tiny sombrero he held covering his male anatomy.
Needless to say, I was caught by surprise, but also realized that I had somehow misled
this man! He had interpreted my invitation and probably my boldness as one of a woman
who was open to who knows what. I had heard talk that some Latino men perceive
American born women as behaving more sexually aggressive and bold, as compared to

53
Latinas, but up to now, I guess I had never really thought that this could pose a problem
for me—after all, I am Latina. Not wanting to embarrass Nicolas, but clearly knowing
that I needed to send a different message very quickly, I invited Nicolas in and
announced that my husband would be down any minute to meet him and join us for
dinner. The embarrassment and immediate realization of the misunderstanding was very
evident in Nicolas’ expression. He was not only visually embarrassed, but also was
trying as best he could to cover-up the front of his shirt by keeping his arms crossed in
front of him. However, I felt I was able to put Nicolas at ease, for the most part, and in
the end, the three of us had a nice dinner and a good interview. Nonetheless, at moments
I could see Nicolas trying to unsuccessfully cover-up the front of his t-shirt.
Through this experience, I learned that I had to be more attuned to cultural scripts
and attitudes about gender. I realized that what I had come to see as “normal” behavior
could be misinterpreted. There were indeed other interviews with men that left me
wondering if my gender was perhaps an obstacle to truth and full disclosure. The
problem was that I generally did not get this feeling until far into the interview, usually
when our conversations turned to their wives and their personal and social lives in the
U.S. However, like other researchers, I have come to learn that often the telling is in that
which is not told. This made me more attuned to my participants body language and
unspoken displays of emotions.
In reviewing the data, it is evident that the women’s and men’s responses convey
a story characterized by the gender binary. This study is about gender dynamics at play
by virtue of this topic, thus I cannot rule out the possibility that the nature of my

54
questioning about motherhood, fatherhood, family and children may not have influenced
the gender binary responses, or that my respondents were telling me what they thought I
wanted to hear, and thus conveying their experiences in highly structured gender patterns.
This is a study about gender and motherhood and fatherhood, and although I took great
effort to structure my questions in ways that would allow for the opportunity to
understand and explore the experiences, meanings, process of transnational mothering
and fathering. This is one of the concerns associated with qualitative research, and I can
only trust that my respondents were acting and reporting accurately. They were told that
there was not right or wrong answer to my questions, and as I have indicted my questions
were open-ended allowing for respondents to elaborate. I found that little probing was
necessary in most of areas of questioning.
In is important to note that some of the major challenges faced by both female and
male migrants in the U.S. are not necessarily specific to family separation and economics.
Many of these other challenges are related to the transnational mothers’ and fathers’
migrant status. More specifically, upon entering the United States, migrants often
encounter what can be a very hostile environment related to increased anti-immigrant
sentiment. Although every immigrant group, and even every individual’s, experience is
unique, today’s immigrants continue to contend with discrimination, prejudice, poverty
and isolation much the way other immigrant groups have had to throughout history.
However, immigrants who enter the U.S. today face new challenges. For example, over
the course of time that I have been studying immigration and writing my dissertation,
several major events have helped intensify the anti-immigrant sentiment and have added

55
to the challenges faced by immigrants. One major event was California’s 1994
Proposition 187, a law that was intended to discourage illegal migration by denying
social services, including health services to immigrants without papers and public
education to immigrant children. The 1994 ballot measure passed by a wide margin and,
although it was eventually ruled unconstitutional, it remains a contentious issue for
Latino immigrants as efforts are currently underway to re-introduce a new and similar
law that would deny public benefits to undocumented immigrants.
Adding to the anti-immigrant debates was the terrorist attacks of September 11
th
,
2001. These events and the ongoing fear of terrorist acts in the U.S. have intensified
xenophobia and created greater obstacles for those immigrants who have been living in
the U.S. For example recent immigrant sweeps throughout Southern California by the
United States Border Patrol have caused alarm and fear among immigrants and the larger
community, who question whether the sweeps are justifiable or even legal (Avila, 2004).
This hostile climate, along with the current immigration policies that have resulted in
tighter border control, in part, continues to result in long-term family separation and
constant fear for immigrant women and men who are here without legal papers. Today,
immigrants live with the fear of losing their jobs as a result of mass efforts to deport
immigrants. Those who have been here for many years and who have American children
fear that they will be deported and separated from the children who will stay behind.
Needless to say, these major events made the process of data collection even more
challenging at times. Often I found myself having to work very hard to gain the
confidence of my participants. I interpreted unanswered calls or missed appointments as

56
acts of precaution or as just plain fear of the strange lady who, after they had given it
more thought, was asking too many questions. Many times after a “no show,” I felt great
disappointment, but I was always sympathetic to the fear and threat my potential
respondents might feel on a daily basis when approached by strangers who wanted to talk
with them. I truly understood that it was likely fear that caused them to change their
mind and not meet with me after all. I would even often think to myself, “I’m not so sure
that if I were in their situation, I would meet and talk with someone I hardly knew who
was asking so many personal questions.” Taking all this into account makes me
especially grateful to the women and men who did take a risk, who trusted me and who
consequently shared their stories with me, in order that we might come to understand the
transnational family experience better.
While collecting data, I also found my fellow researches at the Center to be a
great source of information. Several helped me make contact with people they knew who
employed transnational mothers and fathers in their homes, and this helped me with
additional contacts which extended the data collection outside of the two church sites.
After I contacted potential interviewees, I conducted all of the interviews myself,
either in the home of the respondent, at their place of employment, and a few in my
home. Location selection was left up to the participant. Several interviews were done at
an appropriate or neutral setting including parks, restaurants, and at the university,
depending on the participant’s situation. For example, those who chose not to be
interviewed where they lived generally were individuals who rented a room or simply a
place to sleep in a house or apartment, and they explained that they did not have access to

57
a place where they could privately visit. Some participants worked in jobs that did not
allow flexibility; for example, some mothers who worked as nannies/domestic workers
did not feel comfortable asking their employer if they could have visitors. Furthermore,
most of the mothers and fathers had heavy work schedules that did not allow them to get
home until late in the evening. I often volunteered to pick them up after work or at their
bus stop and take them to dinner or out for coffee and then drive them home after the
interview. I always paid for the meal we had, in gratitude for their time and willingness
to participate in my research.
Follow-up interviews and visits were conducted with at least half of my
participants. Some of the subsequent interviews were conducted by phone and others
were informal visits at various public events. In those cases where the interview was
already three hours long and the participant was still interested in talking, at an
appropriate point in the conversation, I suggested we have a second meeting to finish the
interview. I found that both the men and women were always willing to meet again for
follow-up interviews.
Interviews were conducted in either Spanish or English from the participants
based on their language preference. The interviews followed an open-ended format. In
an effort to keep the interviews somewhat consistent, a simple interview schedule was
used. Similar questions were asked of all participants, but participants were encouraged
to elaborate on their responses. In using similar questions with each participant, I tried
not to lose sight of the interview as an opportunity to learn not just about the individual,
but about other members of the transnational family unit as well. Interviews were audio

58
taped. The use of a tape recorder, as opposed to relying solely on my field notes,
enhanced the quality of the interview—not having to rely on writing down everything the
respondents were saying provided for a better interview flow and, consequently, a more
natural conversation for both my respondents and myself. Additionally, audio taping
helped me recollect the interview more accurately than would have been possible
otherwise.
Part of my interview approach involved the use of a recollection or storytelling
technique and also the use of vignettes. I would ask a respondent if she/he could tell me
about the day she/he first left to the U.S. without her/his children, for example, “What
was that day like for you and your children?” This story telling approach often helped
the respondents organize and recollect the events, experiences, and even emotions they
had in some cases forgotten about. I used the vignettes generally to introduce a topic that
might not have surfaced during their storytelling. For example, in relation to the topic of
criticism, I told the participant that I wanted to share with her something that another
mother had told me and asked if she could tell me what she thought about what this
woman had said and about what she had experienced: “An immigrant mother who
migrated without her children told me that she had been criticized for having left her
children behind. She told me that others had said she was a bad mother for having left
her children behind.” Story telling is much like oral histories in that it triggers past life
events which are recollected by the women and men in the present in a certain context
(Plummer, 1995).

59
In some cases, the use of vignettes not only allowed the women and men to
recollect similar experiences, but resulted in them sharing their opinions on related issues
about certain topics. Gonzalez-Lopez (2005) used this technique in her work on Mexican
immigrant women’s and men’s sexuality and found it to be very useful. Stack (1994)
utilized this technique to conduct research with African-American women in order to
explore how moral thinking and reasoning is transformed by the intersection between
gender, race, class, and historical contexts.
The data used was conducted in accordance with an accepted human subject’s
protocol. The Institutional Review Board at USC granted the Center for Religion and
Civic Culture research approval to conduct the larger study on immigrants and religion of
which this study was part. Respondents who agreed to voluntarily participate signed an
informed consent form before our interview, and obtained their permission to tape record
the interviews. I informed respondents of their right to refuse to answer any questions,
and to withdraw from the study at any time. In order to assure the confidentiality and
privacy of my respondents, I use pseudonyms to identify study participants.
c. Data Analysis and Interpretation
In the gradual process of interviewing, I wrote up observational field notes on
each of my interactions with the participants in this study. These were later incorporated
into my transcribed interviews. I listened to each of my interview tapes and transcribed
the majority of them myself. Toward the end of the data collection, six interviews were
transcribed by an assistant after I received a small grant from the USC Sociology
Department to help pay for transcribing. While I tried to transcribe most of the

60
interviews into English for the purpose of the USC Center for Religion and Civic
Culture’s use in the larger immigration project, certain portions of all my interviews were
directly transcribed in Spanish, particularly when I felt it was necessary in order to get the
full meaning of the respondent’s answer. The earlier interviews from my Master’s thesis
that were utilized after a follow-up interview were primarily transcribed in Spanish. The
English translations included in this dissertation were all translated by me.
Mothers and fathers, and most of the caregiver interviews were coded using the
ATLAS.ti qualitative analysis program, which allowed me to analyze the large body of
textual data I collected and also to construct a multitude of codes to explore the
commonalties and differences between mothers and fathers especially. My 196 codes for
mother and father interviews included general demographics that were helpful in
constructing profiles of mothers and fathers and included age, education, marital status,
income, employment, among others. Other codes or categories of analysis were assigned
in various themes. (e.g., definitions of motherhood/fatherhood, length of time separated,
information on remittances, methods of communication between parent and child,
parent’s social activities, among others. This method was especially helpful in the
process of classifying participant’s quotes by themes.
The children’s interviews were analyzed separately. After transcribing their
interviews verbatim on my computer, I created separate computer files for each
interview. Next, I created specific files for the 130 various codes or categories of analysis
for the various themes I was exploring, e.g., Parental separation at what age, Length of
separation, process of reunification. After reading and color coding my codes/categories

61
I copied them into the different code/category files. With ten adult children interviews,
this was a manageable way to sort and analyze the data and identify and classify
participant’s quotes by themes.
The process of analysis was ongoing. From the time I started interviewing, I was
consistently reviewing field notes and interview transcripts and writing notes to myself
about the data and the themes that were emerging. I kept an ongoing file of these notes
on my computer. The process Kathy Charmaz (1983) defines as memo writing and which
she explains as “written elaborations of ideas about the data and the coded categories” (p.
120), was especially helpful when I started to think about themes for coding my data.
d. Conducting Family Research with Latina Immigrant Women and Men
My research training with my mentor Professor Pierrette Hondagneu-Sotelo has
without a doubt provided me with great mentoring and a wonderful introduction to the
lives of immigrant women and the challenges they face. Her work has inspired my
project on the transnational family.
Furthermore, my work as a Research Assistant at the USC, Center for Religion
and Civic Culture provided me the opportunity to gain entrance into the communities
where I was able to find the women and men who were willing to participate in this
study. Not only did the research team at the Center provide me with useful research
training, but they supported and encouraged my own research interests as part of the
larger immigrant research project.
Unquestionably, my own personal Latina family life experiences have inspired
this project. The good, and the not so good aspects of my life, and those of my Mexican

62
ancestors, have encouraged me to explore the dynamics of immigrant family life and
motherhood and fatherhood. I have been inspired by the resilience of my own Mexican
family, which I hold so dear to my heart, because they have made me who I am. In this
respect, I am somewhat of an insider within the Latino community, but also an outsider to
transnational family issues, since I am now three generations removed from my
immigrant ancestors.
In the next chapter I begin to discuss my findings by providing an overall
comparison between the transnational mothers and fathers. This discussion addresses
how transitional fathers benefit from having wives back home caring for their children. In
contrast, transnational mothers, especially those who are single-parents, rely on other
women kin to care for their children while they come to live and work in the U.S.

63
Chapter 2: Transnational Motherhood and Fatherhood
The experiences of transnational mothers and transnational fathers are different in that
transnational mothers face greater challenges that are rooted in gender ideologies. As
women and mothers, Latina transnational mothers have challenged gendered cultural
expectations and have crossed social boundaries traditionally reserved for men. Many of
them are single-parents who have made the decision to migrate and live apart from their
children for years on end. They find themselves caring for other people’s children which
serves as a daily reminder of their own. For Latino transnational fathers with wives and
children at home, on the other hand, labor migration is seen as an acceptable practice and
way in which the fathers are fulfilling their provider/breadwinner roles.
In this chapter we see that although transnational mothers and fathers may have
similar motives for their decision to migrate, which are primarily based in economics, the
mothers and fathers tend to articulate these motives differently. Mothers speak about
their motives focused on immediate needs (e.g. food and shelter) and for the benefit of
their children. Fathers describe their motives for migrating in more general economic
terms and also in terms of personal opportunities for the future.
By way of examples from the lives of transnational mothers and transnational
fathers, such as Amparo and Nicolas, in this chapter I describe how the mothers and
fathers are different, and in some ways similar. I discuss Latino cultural attitudes and
gender ideologies within a historical context to show how they apply to the transnational
mothers and fathers, and consequently create challenges for transnational mothers. Next
I discuss the role that wives and other female kin play in the lives of transnational fathers

64
and mothers and the children left behind. This is followed by a discussion about how
transnational mothers and fathers live their lives in the United States and how gender
scripts influence daily living. Finally, by way of transnational mother Sonya, and
transnational father Alejandro, I show that there are exceptions to the transnational
parenting patterns I have described.
I. Amparo and Nicolas
Amparo is a 49 year old single mother who, for the past 15 years, has worked as a
housekeeper and nanny in the U.S. Long before coming to the U.S. from Mexico, she
had been an internal-migrant domestic worker living away from her family in order to
sustain a household that included her three children, her mother, and her sister. She
rarely had the support of her abusive husband, who had left her and the children.
Although she has not seen her three daughters in over 15 years, in the time she
has been living and working in the U.S., she has consistently worked to send home the
remittances that have sustained her daughters and her mother, who has cared for her
children. She takes great pride in the fact that she alone provided her daughters with an
education. Amparo is sad, she says, mostly because she now has a grandchild whom she
has never met. She explains that she never intended to stay so long: “Yes, I came with a
señor, he was my boyfriend. He told me, ‘Lets go to work for a year and then we’ll come
back.’ Well he could only stand it three months here and he left and he left me here. But
I said, ‘From here I can help my daughters and I can tolerate it and I’ll be mortified by
it.’” At 49 years of age, Amparo has avoided going back to Mexico for various reasons.
For one, she’s heard the stories of immigrants dying or being killed when trying to cross

65
the frontera into the U.S. According to Leo R. Chavez (1992), undocumented immigrants
fear re-crossing the border. The US/Mexico border is a hostile region where the military
violently protects the territory of the United States. Daily attacks against women and
men attempting to cross occur in the form of brutal beatings, assaults, rape and
harassment by state an federal officials as well as by anti-immigrant vigilante groups who
have taken the job of protecting the border into their own hands. Sylvanna Falcón (2007)
explains that the violence at the border, especially the rape of women, in part is related to
the militarization of the US/Mexico border which she notes resulted from two key
processes: the introduction of military units due to the war on drugs and national security
concerns, and second (and more recent), the moving of the Immigration and
Naturalization Services (INS ) to the Department of Home-land Security. Many of the
women and men are the victims of campaigns against illegal immigration and xenophobia
that have steadily grown beginning in the 1980s, when increasingly immigrants were cast
in the role of scapegoats for all of the problems in the U.S. Furthermore, the
U.S./Mexico border was made a national security issue when U.S. President Reagan, as a
result of Communist insurgencies in Central America, envisioned a “Tidal wave of
refugees…swarming into our country” (Massey, Durand & Malone, 2002: pp. 86). Thus,
the demonization of Latino immigrants as invaders and terrorists, the linking of border
control to national security, and the cultivation of public hysteria about undocumented
migration has continued be used as political issues by aspiring politicians, such as
Republican governor of California, Pete Wilson, who need a platform for their own
agendas (Massey, Durand & Malone, 2002).

66
The pressure on elected officials to control the border and stop illegal immigration
has resulted in legislation to curb and control Mexican undocumented immigration by
imposing sanctions on employers who hired undocumented workers. The IRCA
(Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986) also included provisions for an amnesty-
legalization program for undocumented immigrants who could prove continuous
residence in the U.S. since 1982, and for those who could prove they had worked in the
U.S. agriculture for ninety days during certain time periods (Hondagneu-Sotelo &
Messner, 1997). In any case, efforts to stop the flow of undocumented migration and to
sanction employers have not been successful. The anti-immigrant and scapegoating has
continued with increased hostility and a political effort specifically directed toward
undocumented immigrates. For example, Proposition 187 was a 1994 ballot initiative
designed to deny undocumented immigrants social services, health care, and public
education. The initiative introduced during the anti-immigrant hysteria stirred by
Republican Governor of California, Pete Wilson was part of the “Save Our State”.
Against massive protests, Prop 187 was passed by 58.8% of the vote, but later was
overturned by a federal court however; the ballots rejuvenated anti-immigrant politics at
the national level. It opened the doors to new legislative measure (e.g., 1996, Proposition
187) to deny public assistance to legal immigrants (Massey, Durand & Malone, 2002;
Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). This ongoing scenario has played a significant role in
the hostility at the U.S. border, which has created fear in immigrants to return home once
here in the U.S.

67
Adding to Amparo’s worries about crossing over into Mexico to visit her children
is the concern that if she should make it across safely, she may not be able to get back
over into the United States to keep working unless she hires a coyote (a paid guide who
helps undocumented men and women cross into the U.S. from the Mexico border). She
would have to come up with anywhere from $1,000 to $3,000 to pay the coyote, which
for her, is a lot of money—money she can send to her children instead. These issues and
concerns pressure women like Amparo to stay in the United States until they are sure
they want, or are forced, to return home. Chavez (1992) notes that, “This seems
especially true for women, who very often immigrate on their first and only trip to the
United States” (p. 55). In Amparo’s case, and that of the other women in paid domestic
work, there is an additional reason for not going back home for visits and that is that they
fear losing their job to another domestic worker should their employer feel
inconvenienced by their taking time off the job. The large available pool of newly
arrived immigrant women willing to work for low wages in order to enter the labor
market makes Amparo nervous; she understands she can be easily replaced.
Amparo is clearly consumed with guilt over having left her three daughters
behind to be raised by her mother. The guilt she feels from not having raised her
daughters in the way a mother “should” makes her feel she has no right to discipline her
daughters, as she explains:
I don’t know, in my house I can’t say because I’m not with my daughters. I would
like to see them, to help them... [Very emotional moment as she speaks while
crying]…I haven’t been with them when they started school, to listen to their
daily tales, I haven’t been there. I know that this is a mother’s responsibility to
do, I could not do it, but still…I made myself like family because I still feel like if
I’m not able to be with them, so I’m not going to mistreat them, I’m not going to

68
scold them, right? So I try to help them with my love and to try to understand
them. And they too should be able to understand that it’s different yes. I
sometimes feel like I’m not a mama, but that I’m the papa [she laughs].

For Amparo, migration has transformed her mothering role to a point where she can
laugh about the very idea that she feels less like a mama and more like a papa. Although
the father of Amparos’ children has been out of the picture for most of her children’s
lives, and although Amparo has done the bulk of the childrearing with her mother’s help,
and has been the primary financial provider, she nonetheless distinguishes these roles by
gender, “mama” and “papa.” The fact that she is distinguishing between the two and
alluding to the distant father is an example of how immigrant mothers continue to
maintain gender boundaries.
In comparison, for some Latino men, migration to the U.S. is seen like a right of
passage into and/or an opportunity to fulfill the cultural ideal of financial provider for
their families (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Messner, 1997, p. 63), as 31 year-old Nicolas’
experience illustrates. Nicolas is a transnational father of four children, who has been in
the U.S. on and off for 14 years. He first came to the U.S. at the age of 17, after having
increasingly become more and more curious about the United States after hearing the
romanticized tales told by other immigrant men in his home town in Mexico. Like
Amparo, Nicolas never dreamed he’d be in the U.S. so long. As he explains:
I was much younger and I came just because I wanted to get to know over here
and I came only for six months, but six months became eight, then one year and I
remained for two years and then I went back. I went back and I got married over
there… So, I was married but my wife does not want to come back [to the U.S.],
and my children don’t either, so I came and went like that [back and forth].

69
Unlike Amparo, Nicolas does not fear the border; he has gone back and forth, each time
leaving his growing family to return to the U.S. to keep working. He speaks of crossing
the border with excitement, and sees it as an adventure.
In the 14 years he has been here, Nicolas has had various jobs, and explains that
before his driver’s license was revoked for drunk driving, he had a great paying job as a
truck driver. Today, he is having a difficult time making ends meet because he doesn’t
have a driver’s license, has legal fines to pay, and was ordered to attend AA meetings
daily. As a result, he is not able to always come up with the large monthly remittances
his family has come to rely on. Nicolas explains that at times he becomes very
discouraged and disappointed that in all the years he’s been in the U.S., he has not been
able to fulfill his dream—to save enough money to start a business back home. However,
he has been able to have a home built for his wife and children:
Well right now I have my house [in Mexico], but later I want to open a business
so that when I get there [Mexico] I don’t have to do the same work. All my family
is in construction. That’s what they do, and I want to get there and not have to do
the same work but rather have… my own taxi business.

After many years of separation, Nicolas has come to realize that here in the U.S. he is a
lonely man who has missed many good years with his children. He says he is now ready
to go back home, but will wait until he clears up his legal responsibilities.
Nicolas’ experience is the story that has come to typify the immigrant experience
as most people know it—that of immigrant men coming to the U.S. to live and work in
order to fulfill their breadwinner roles, and build a better future for themselves and their
families (Chavez, 1992; Griswold del Castillo, 1984; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1997). Unlike
Amparo who migrated to find work, Nicolas represents one of the many young single

70
men whose U.S.-bound migration has come to represent a right of passage that is driven
by curiosity and dreams of economic success (Davis, 1990; Escobar, Gonzalez de la
Rocha, et al., 1987). However, for most migrant men, family becomes the main
motivation, and as Hondagneu-Sotelo and Messner (1997) note, “Once in the United
States the accomplishment of the masculinity and maturity hinges on living up to the
image of a financially successful migrant” (p. 63).
Amparo’s story, on the other hand, while not so typical, is part of the new chapter
on immigration made up of young Latina immigrant women, many of whom are single-
mothers who leave children behind in their home countries while they come to live and
work in the U.S. Amparo is also representative of the many poor immigrant women who
work as nannies and housekeepers relieving more affluent women of “women’s work,”
while entrusting the care of their own children to other mothers (Ehrenreich &
Hochschild, 2003, p. 2).
Much like the other transnational mothers and fathers in this study, Amparo and
Nicolas’ experiences are alike, but different. Both are motivated by their strong sense of
obligation to the families they have left behind in their home countries. They are alike in
that both see migration as a self-sacrificing act that is necessary for the greater good of
their families. Both have goals, such as providing their children with an education, and
both have hope that their efforts will lead to a better future for their children.
Both mothers and fathers leave their children with the idea that they will return
within a year, or shortly thereafter. However, in almost all cases, one year turns into two
years, and two into four, and before you know it, parents have missed the major part of

71
their children’s early years. They miss important events in their children’s lives and must
rely on wives, grandmothers, and other kin to keep them involved in their children’s
lives, and to keep their memory alive in their growing children’s minds.
Because transnational mothers did not have a spouse/partner back home caring for
their children, they had to rely on mostly other women to help them raise their children in
their absence. Although the Latino family has long been described and admired for its
cohesiveness, commitment to family values, and lower rates of divorce as compared to
other groups, the transnational mothers here are examples of the rise in single abandoned
mothers among Latino families. In this sample, 11 of the 14 women interviewed had
been abandoned by the fathers of their children. The remaining three mothers had
husbands, two of whom were also here working in the U.S, and the other husband had
remained back home caring for the children with the help of his mother (the children’s
paternal grandmother).
While rates of single-mother households are on the rise, social attitudes about
women’s roles and social support for single-mothers have not been forthcoming.
Consequently, the mothers are increasingly challenging gender and cultural boundaries
when leaving home and their children in search of work. As a result, transnational
mothers feel they are stigmatized as “bad mothers” and find themselves compensating for
their guilt. Furthermore, as Leo Chavez (1992) explains, some immigrant mothers may
come to the U.S. after having been abandoned by husbands, because they believe the U.S.
offers an escape from society’s harsh judgment of them as “abandoned women” and

72
mothers with children out of wedlock. Adding to their motivation to leave Mexico is
their belief that the U.S. may provide more job opportunities for women (p. 31).
II. The Making of Hero Fathers
Mothers indicated that the women caring for their children back home would
make some effort to keep them in the loop, and also try to keep the children from
forgetting that their mothers were away working on their behalf. The wives of the
transnational fathers take great effort to cultivate and maintain relations between children
and fathers so as to keep the memory of a father alive in their child’s minds. The wife of
Alejandro, a Mexican transnational father, took great measures not to allow her children
to forget him, as he explained, “No, my wife she makes me very present to them by
showing them videos of me so they don’t forget me.” In doing this, he explained that his
now two year-old daughter (left when she was an infant) will know her father when he
returns next year: “She knows who I am when I call home, and my wife says that when
she sees my brother, she thinks it is me and calls him Papa.” This commitment to
keeping fathers memory alive in the minds of the children, I would argue, is in part an
effort by mothers to keep fathers focused on their commitment to their families, which
they may fear is threatened by the prolonged separation. This may be further motivated
by the stories they hear about immigrant men and women, and the overwhelming
temptation they are subjected to in the U.S. As one transnational mother candidly told
me in reference to immigrant men in the U.S., “You know what they say, right? Aguí, en
este lugar cada uno es soltero (here in this place, everyone one of them is single).” Thus,
for the wives and partners of some transnational fathers, the commitment to keeping the

73
father’s memory alive and maintaining the father/child bond intact is financially driven
and instrumental to the wellbeing and future of the family back home.
The single-parent mothers do not enjoy the benefit of a traditional nuclear family
structure, or a spouse back home advocating for the mother’s absence and parental
authority. In most cases, mothers have to do this for themselves, or hope that caregivers
are involving them in their children’s lives. Magdalena, the mother of two young
daughters felt very grateful to have a mother and sister who kept her informed and
involved:
My sister tells me how they [daughters] are changing as time goes by, how
they’re doing in school, and yes, complaints about their behavior [laughs]…She
tells me what they need. Little by little I buy what they need and send it,
notebooks, and uniforms…We have always had a good relationship, above all
good communication.

For both the women and men in this study, family separation is a highly
emotional experience that mothers, like Celia, who had to leave the care of her children
to her 14-year-old daughter described very passionately as a great suffering: “It is a great
suffering, very hard, very hard [crying]. And to leave the children is the worst thing,
because I left them when they needed me the most.”
Both fathers and mothers indicated that they miss their children. It is difficult to
say who, between the fathers and mothers, misses their children more and who suffers
more from parent/child separation, not only because emotions are conveyed in different
ways, and sometimes maybe even repressed, but also because emotions are difficult to
measure. The mothers appeared to struggle more with the emotions that frequently
surfaced when they spoke about their children. Mothers articulated feelings of pain and

74
sorrow, and emotional suffering, which they related to being apart from their children.
They clearly showed more emotions, such as crying, when talking about their children
and when describing the challenges they associated with family separation, such as
worrying about their quality of life back home, health and safety, as Ofelia, explained:
There I was on the third shift, because I worked the first shift in another factory, I
would sleep 3-4 hours and at 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning, I was a machine
operator, and I would cry just from thinking about my son. What is he eating? Is
he cold, so many things? I would just remember and I would say, Hay Dios, no.

In contrast, when asked about their children, fathers like Ernesto generally
seemed less worried about the well-being of their children, and their discussions were
focused on their children’s education and happiness. When talking about their children,
the fathers often would display proud smiles and their posture seemed to change as they
sat up and spoke out more, and with less probing. Here Ernesto speaks about his two
daughters,
Linda is very quiet and a strong character, also like her father, and let me say,
restless. She is very secure. This is from all the communication I have had with
her. She knows what she wants and looks for it. At home there is a computer and I
tell her to look up the information on the internet or in the library…She is
independent. She has goals. She is tremendous.

Q: Does she do well in school?

Yes, yes, yes.

Q: And the younger daughter?

The same but Linda has a strong personality. Sonia is not. They're both
intelligent but nothing seems to worry her. She's much happier. She's not
fearful but things don't bother her. She knows all will work out well. They're both
wonderful.

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While the lack of tears by fathers does not imply or suggest that transnational
fathers do not suffer from family separation, the absence of painful emotions and sadness
taken into account with other factors indicate that transnational fathers appear to be more
at ease with the fact that they are separated from their children than are mothers. For the
fathers, migration and family separation is necessary to their being able to fulfill their
roles as providers.
Furthermore, the lack of tears is not so surprising if we consider that historically,
in some Latino cultures, crying has been seen as unacceptable behavior for men and
viewed as a sign of weakness attributed to gender (Gutmann, 1996). Transnational father
Gilberto illustrates this when asked if he cries at night when thinking about his children
the way some transnational mothers have told me they do. He answered, “No I don't. I
get sad but I endure. It's that a woman is different. She is much weaker. A man is
stronger.”
Why might the transnational fathers be more at ease with family separation? First
findings suggest that fathers do not suffer from the stigma of being a “bad father” after
leaving their children. They do not appear to be consumed with guilt associated with
leaving their families, because as immigrants they are viewed as good fathers who are
fulfilling their roles as financial providers. Second, they all have wives back home, who
likewise are fulfilling the cultural expectations of motherhood by providing devoted care
for their children. Gilberto’s confidence in his wife and the care she provides his three-
year-old daughter is representative of how most of the fathers view women’s role,

76
particularly as it applied to their wives as mothers. When asked about the challenges
faced between transnational mothers and transnational fathers he expressed that the
fathers have it easier:
Yes, for me I feel sad because I don’t see them [wife and daughter], but I know
that the mother [referring to his daughter’s mother] is with her and it’s as if I was
there. I am sure that nothing will happen and all is well. When the mother is
there [back home] there’s no problem, when the mother is not there, no [there are
problems].

Regarding an absent transnational mother, he explains:
It’s that her family suffers very much. It’s bad for the children. Who knows how
they [children] will be cared for? Of course there are women [referring to
mothers] who get mad because the children are mischievous, but one is there with
them, but to leave them with someone else? They don’t know if they’ll be cared
for or how they’ll live. That’s not right. She’s [referring to transnational
mothers] always worrying about her children.

In seeing the burden of childcare as women’s work, not only does it justify men’s lack of
involvement, as with Gilberto, but such attitudes serve to maintain gender role
expectations and boundaries for transnational fathers and their children’s mothers back
home.
Of the 14 transnational mothers interviewed only three were in relationships with
the fathers of their children prior to immigrating. One, Celia, had left her husband back
home while she came to find work as a nanny/housekeeper after his alcoholism had
resulted in a terrible traffic accident that nearly cost him his life and his ability to work to
provide for his family. The second mother, Carolina, had come to join her husband,
leaving the children with her mother-in-law. The third mother, Sonya, who was the
unique case in my sample, indicated she had come to work with the support of her
husband who had remained behind caring for the children. In the three cases where

77
fathers had remained back home initially, the fathers were not caring for the children
alone, but with the help from a daughter and two grandmothers, respectively, who were
also living in the home and providing most, if not all, of the child care. The remaining 11
mothers, all single-parent mothers indicated they had been abandoned by the fathers of
their children, and received little or no financial support. Most were relying on their own
mothers to help them parent their children.
Having wives back home caring for their children and managing their households
was very reassuring for fathers and provided them the confidence that allowed them to
live apart from their families with less stress and suffering. Ernesto, a 38-year-old
Mexican transnational father who prided himself on having very egalitarian views
acknowledged the value of having a wife back home to tend to all matters:
Ordinarily it should be both [mother and father] but the truth is that it is the
mother throughout life. It is a very difficult assignment, very important and
truthfully my wife has all my respect because she handles the money for food,
clothing, shoes, and necessities. She is a good administrator.

As has been shown in other studies on transnational families, emotional responses
to family separation are tied to gender ideology (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997;
Parreñas, 2005; Dreby, 2006). My findings based on what the mothers and fathers have
expressed concur with this research. As Ernesto’s statement above demonstrates, women
back home are running the household and caring for the children. For transnational
mothers, these same gendered role expectations that they are physically able to carry out
create a sense of failure and guilt no matter how hard they try to make up for their
absence, as discussed in the next chapter. Furthermore, as single-parent mothers prior to
immigrating, most of the transnational mothers had established close bonds with their

78
children as a result of the primary care they provided on a daily basis. These close bonds
resulted in mothers suffering over the loss of the physical closeness they had once shared
with their children. Consequently, this resulted in mothers feeling the need to stay in
close touch more regularly, not only to fulfill their mothering role, but to fill the void they
felt, and to relieve their sadness and loneliness.
III. Cultural Attitudes and Gender Ideologies
Ironically, the belief that mothers were “naturally” best suited to care for the
children was a belief held by not just the fathers, but also by the mothers whose roles had
been transformed after immigrating. Even though motherhood and fatherhood is socially
constructed and not biologically predetermined, it was not unusual to find that the women
and men continue to embrace a belief that women are naturally suited to care for young
children, and that children benefit most from the daily love and care of a mother, more so
than from a father. I found that this ideological belief plays a significant role in how the
women perceived gender roles, even though they were challenging these roles.
Although the transnational mothers had directly challenged the boundaries of
gender roles by migrating and separating from their children, they continued to ascribe to
and value the cultural belief system that said that a mother is the best one suited to care
for her children, and that she should be the one to provide the primary care. Much of the
guilt transnational mothers feel is a result of what Gramsci identifies as “contradictory
consciousness” (Gramsci as cited in Gutmann, 1996). Gutmann’s (1996) application of
Gramsci’s concept of contradictory consciousness to Mexican fathers is also helpful in
explaining how transnational mothers may be aware of, and influenced in one way or

79
another by, the traditions and even stereotypes about Latina motherhood, even when as
transnational mothers their practices do not “accord neatly with the monochromatic
view” (p. 14) of Latina motherhood.
When asked, “Who should first and foremost care for the children?,” nearly all of
the mothers, like the fathers in this study, answered “the mother.” One Salvadorian
mother explained why she believed a mother should be the one to care for the children as
follows: “Well, because one has them [gives birth to them]. One has brought them into
the world.” This response was answered in such a matter-of-fact way, that I was made to
feel that I had just asked the most stupid question. This strong belief in mother-child
centered care appeared to be the basis of many of the mothers struggles with deep
emotional guilt of having left their children behind (as will be discussed in the next
chapter). Also, such attitudes work to maintain the gendered cultural scripts that create
greater challenges for transnational mothers.
Fathers, for the most part, were alleviated from the guilt of parental separation,
because, as previously noted, their decision to immigrate is socially viewed as an act of
fulfilling their parental responsibility. Moreover, their wives back home provided daily
care for their children; they described having good, devoted wives back home who were
caring for and loving their children. When asked, “What is a good mother?,”
transnational father Nicolas replied, “I don’t have words to explain that, but I think it’s a
woman who devotes herself physically ‘en cuerpo’ (in body) when the children are small,
and gives the best she can so they are clean, nourishes them and occupies herself with
their complete care. I know there are women who treat children badly, but my wife? No.

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She is a good mother, is very devoted to her children.” When probed, “Is she an example
of a good mother?,” he emphatically replied, “Yes,” with certainty in his voice.
Like Nicolas, other transnational fathers believed that they were very fortunate to
have such great wives back home taking care of their children. With respect to the ideals
of a good mother, most believed their wives to fit the “good mother” model of loving,
caring and self-sacrificing, and all indicated that they were very lucky to have such a
good mother caring for their children back home. All the men explained that this made
the experience of migration less stressful for them, unlike the mothers who were
depending on other women to provide care and love for their children while they were
gone for years.
Transnational fathers all felt they could rely on their wives to provide them
accurate reports about their children’s behavior, problems, educational progress, and
about the major events in their children’s lives. On the other hand, the single mothers
with no spouse back home often had to rely on their children to provide them with
pertinent information about their lives back home.
IV. The “Good Mother”
Although some Latino men and women may no longer practice the traditional,
cultural prescribed gender roles of their parents and grandparents before them, they are
often influenced in one way or another by the traditional stereotypes of women and men’s
roles, especially when it comes to parenting roles. In spite of the changes that may be
occurring all around them and even within their own households (for example, mothers
migrating, mothers not providing primary care for their children, mothers as primary

81
breadwinners, wives managing households while their husbands are away, etc.),
transnational mothers and fathers continue to favor and identify with traditional ways of
parenting. For example, Amparo, who had been apart from her three daughters for over
11 years, described a “good mother” as, “One who is always with her children no matter
if she is very poor. No matter how she lives, but [she] is there.” Nicolas, the father of
one son and three daughters, describes a good father as follows:
One who is with his children…To me the most important is telling “him” [his
son] the good and bad about life and not obligating them to do what the father
tells them but to care, protect and be with them. Help with his homework and
make sure they have the necessities, and above all to give them much love, a
father’s love, to talk to them.

According to the transnational mothers and fathers interviewed, dominant,
traditional, even stereotypical, ideals of motherhood and fatherhood do not change upon
immigrating. Ways of thinking about men and women’s gender roles, ideal
representations of mother and father, and patterns of parenting remain very traditional,
even when mothers and fathers seemed to support greater gender equality in parenting.
The egalitarian idea of both parents being equally present to support and care for
the children was not the way parenting was carried out by transnational mothers. Instead
the mothers carried out their roles as mothers in the traditional way, as best they could
with the help of other women back home. Also, transnational fathers’ households were
being run by wives/mothers back home in ways that served to maintain the “ideology of
domesticity” on both sides of the border (Parreñas, 2005: pp. 168). For example, the
transnational mothers worked hard to maintain their identity as mothers by way of
maintaining close bonds with their children and being involved in all aspects of their

82
lives, while fathers felt validated as providers simply by way of the remittances they sent
home. Furthermore, immigrant mothers embraced and sought out ways to practice the
traditional motherhood role from afar in order to try to maintain their status and role as
“good mother.” For transnational mothers, the status of “good mother” is threatened by
not only their geographical separation from their children, but also by the presence of
another woman who represents a mother-like figure who is meeting her children’s daily
physical and emotional needs.
These conflicting ways of thinking and acting are quite evident in the case of
transnational parents who transformed their ways of parenting after migration. They are
parents who, without much choice, have challenged traditions and boundaries pertaining
to motherhood and fatherhood; they are not living with their children, not providing for
their daily physical and emotional care in the traditional sense, thus, not practicing the
dominant perceived way of parenting. They are, however, still influenced by traditional
roles as exemplified by their description of ideal roles. When mothers were asked, “What
is a good mother?,” most gave answers that sounded very traditional. They made
statements such as, “Good mothers protect their children; a good mother gives love and
affection; a mother educates, and teaches them to respect their elders; She tends to them
when they are ill”—all tasks that they were not able to do on a daily basis because they
were not living with their children. Fathers too, tended to frame roles in the traditional
sense: “A father gives advice, but the mother is the opposite…they give more love.” Even
though circumstances had changed, most fathers and mothers held onto the traditional
ideals of motherhood and fatherhood. Furthermore, mothers especially, reflect upon

83
these cultural perceptions to evaluate, judge and even critique themselves and others as
either “good mother” or “bad mother.”
V. Gendered Motivations for Leaving
While providing economic support for the family is clearly the motivation for
immigrating for both mothers and fathers, this tended to be articulated differently by the
mothers and fathers. Mothers talked about how the decision to migrate was for their
children, so that their children could eat, so they could pay the rent, so they could send
their children to school. Fathers described the decision more in more general terms of
economics and personal opportunities, for example they spoke of their future goals to
save enough money to build a house, or start a business back home. They indicated that
being apart from their wives and children was so they could get ahead. Mothers
explained that their personal suffering, which they described as suffering related to
having to leave their children, was not in vain, but for their children.
Furthermore, mothers appeared to be emotionally connected to the children in
deeper ways than the fathers. For example, they could tell me very personal things about
their children, things they learned about their children from talking to them on a regular
basis. Also, their remittances were their number one priority, because these were seen as
a demonstration of their care and love, and thus they were very accurate about recounting
how much they sent and when they sent it. Fathers admittedly knew they were less
consistent with remittances and with phone calls, and most said they did not write at all.
As Ehrenreich and Hochschild (2003) explain, “Some sending countries actively
encourage women to migrate in search of domestic jobs, reasoning that migrant women

84
are more likely than their male counterparts to send their hard-earned wages to their
families rather than spending the money on themselves” (p. 7). They further explain that
migrant women tend to send a greater portion of what they earn back home, “from half to
nearly all of what they earn” (p. 7). The remittances tend to have a significant impact on
their children’s wellbeing. Furthermore, these remittances may extend to a wider
network of family including the individual caring for the children.
In her study that compared transnational fathers and mothers, Dreby (2006) found
that when mothers and fathers are separated from their children due to migration, their
parenting activities are remarkably similar. One major difference she found was that
mothers’ relationships with their children in Mexico are highly dependent on
demonstrating emotional intimacy from a distance, whereas fathers’ relationships lie in
their economic success as migrant workers. She notes that their differences are tied to
Mexican gender ideology in which women’s maternal role is “sacralized” whereas the
father’s role is tied to financial provision (p. 34). Similarly, I argue that differences are
gender based, and furthermore, I also found that mothers’ relationships with their
children are dependent on demonstrations of emotional intimacy as part of the
motherhood ideology. However, I did not find that transnational fathers and mothers
equally sustained regular direct contact and relationships with their children. I found that
mothers generally had more open communication with the children, and fathers spoke
more with their wives about how things were going with the children. Specifically,
mothers called to speak directly with their children. They also appeared to write letters
more often. Fathers’ communication was more sporadic, and when they did phone home,

85
they generally spoke mostly with the mothers of their children and most conversations
were mediated by mothers back home who asked fathers to talk to a son or daughter
about their school work, or other disciplinary problems. The higher degree of parental
devotion among mothers is most likely due to their attitudes about the children being
their primary responsibility, and the need they feel to demonstrate their love. In part, it
may also be attributed to other factors including the mother’s greater level of concern
about her children’s emotional happiness and wellbeing, because, unlike the situation for
fathers, the children were not under the care of a parent back home. Also, compared to
the fathers, the mothers had more time to devote to their children because they were less
involved in social activities when not working.
Transnational fathers, like Guillermo, rely on social networks that keep them busy
and help them not to think so much about what might be going on back home with their
families. This helps them forget, for a least the time, about how lonely they feel. As
Guillermo said, “Yes, there are times when I wonder what my daughter is doing, if she's
fine and I want to call them at that time, pero ni modo. I'm not here for my good, but for
their welfare.” When I asked him, “What do you do in those difficult times to endure or
feel better?” Guillermo said, “I will turn on the radio, watch television or I go outside,
anything to forget. Or go out with some friends to talk and change the subject.”
Guillermo also enjoyed meeting up with his co-workers on the soccer field on weekends.
When not working, the daily lives of the transnational mothers and fathers
appeared to conform to the ideological impetus of women at home, men out and about—
traditional gender roles that often are bounded by public/private spaces. For example,

86
part of the father’s routine included going out with friends after work for a few beers to
listen to music, or to play soccer at the neighborhood park was common behavior among
the fathers. Mothers on the other hand indicated that they rarely went out in public,
except to shop, go church, or to visit with a close friend or family member in her home.
Public places were generally avoided by the women, who explained that they avoided
being out in public, to avoid gossip that might make its way back home. Fathers did not
appear to feel socially restricted, and some appeared to enjoy the bachelor-like lifestyle
they had found after migration (a topic that will be discussed in more detail in Chapter 5).
While some fathers appeared to continue to be motivated by the welfare of their
children and made efforts to call home, others had long ago become completely reliant on
their wives to contact them if there was a matter back home that needed their attention.
Others, like Armando, who seemed to suggest that he held a more egalitarian view about
parental roles, admittedly knew he had not lived up to his perceptions of a good father:
Well my conception of a good father is to be responsible, loving--basically to be
loving, not just responsible and gives no love. To be a good mother, oh that is
more difficult, because there are more requirements for a mother. To be a good
mother she should be very loving, more than anything…there is no rest for her.
She gives all to her home. It is the same whether she works or not, that she
doesn’t [not] have time for the children or her home.

Q: Who should have the primary responsibility for the children?

Both of them [mother and father], because during that time [when he was still
back home], I left a lot to their mother. I would take them to the garden or
walking, but both have to it.

Armando’s story illustrates the contradiction between some fathers’ views about
the role of a father, and their behavior. He is a 65-year-old Mexican father who has had
little, if any communication with his wife, and eight children since he left Mexico 13

87
years ago. From his own account, he came to the U.S. after his wife asked him for a
divorce, but indicated that ever since he had been to the U.S. as a young boy, he wanted
to return to grow old and find his happiness here. He realizes now that perhaps he should
have stayed and tried to mend this marriage. When asked why there has been no
communication with his children or financial support in the way of remittances, Armando
explains, “There’s a big wall between us. It’s that they don’t look for me.” I asked him,
“Do you send money back home to them?” He replied, “No, not now…When I got social
security then I sent all the money to them, but after my wife and I separated and she
wanted the divorce, nothing. There hasn’t been much money anyway with the rent,
money to live, and my truck.” Armando seems to use his divorce as an excuse for why he
has not kept in touch with his children and for not providing financial responsibility.
It is common knowledge among transnational families that not all migrant fathers
remain loyal to their wives and children. Many, it is said, fall victim to the enticements
of the U.S. such as drugs and liquor and infidelity. I cannot say with certainty that
infidelity is common, because it is not something the fathers disclosed. Generally the
men told me stories that were not about themselves, but about acquaintances, or about the
“friend of a friend.” Fathers were in agreement that it was wrong to be unfaithful. These
stories of infidelity were often attributed to unfavorable macho behavior, or justified as
an exercise in what some Mexican men continue to believe is male privilege (González-
López, 2005). Nicolas’ story illustrates:
I spoke with a man who had his family over there [in Mexico], and he said he had
a girlfriend over here. I knew he had his wife and children over there. He told me
she was his girlfriend but he said, ‘Un hombre tiene necesidades. (A man has

88
needs).’But what could I tell him, it was his business. But it seemed sad to me
because the wife was over there with the children.

Transnational father Victor, the husband of Carolina who I first talked about in
the introduction, seemed very justified at having openly taken a girlfriend after Carolina
had returned to Guatemala to tend to her and Victor’s children and also Victor’s mother.
Having established a friendly relationship with my parents, one day after Carolina had
gone back home, Victor stopped by to say hello to my parents, and in his hurry to leave,
he casually mentioned to my mother that he was sorry to rush off, but that his girlfriend
was waiting in the car for him. My mother, being the conservative Mexican lady in such
matters, explained that she was shocked that Victor had a girlfriend who was younger
than Carolina and blonde. Furthermore, she said he must have seen the surprise on her
face, because he had given her this explanation, "You know Doña Celia, a man has
needs." Some time later I ran into him in a store parking lot. He was alone. He told me
he was now living a “Christian life,” but sadly he explained, he knew little about his
family, had no contact with Carolina since she’d moved, but occasionally spoke with his
children.
Victor’s life is clearly the saddest scenario; his experience is the stuff that
Mexican banda musicians sing about. Songs, such as the song titled, “El Niño De La
Calle” (Child of the Streets) sung by Los Tigres Del Norte
2
, are songs that often depict
the everyday experiences of immigrant life. For example, in “El Niño De La Calle” the
song lyrics depict the experiences of a12-year-old boy who sings that he is the child of

2
New York Times writer, Josh Kun . May 14, 2006 notes that perhaps the greatest statesmen, in pro-
immigrant music are Los Tigres del Norte. Not only do they sing about political issues, but also cultural
issues related to challenges related to immigration.

89
the streets who is fighting to survive as a result of his father’s dream to migrate to the
United States. He sings about how once he was so happy, he had his grandparents,
cousins to play with, a dog and a pet turkey, and a stream in which he swam. However,
he tells of this happiness ending on the day that his father announced that he no longer
could stand the poverty and that he will cross his family to the other side (U.S.) no matter
what it takes. He tells his children that because he loves them so much he will find a way
for them to grow with a good education. A week later on their journey to the frontera
(US/Mexico border) his little sister dies, and soon after his mamacita became ill;
however, his father continues to swear that he will not give up until they cross into the
United States. In the end, the young boy’s father crosses the frontera alone, by way of a
hole he has dug under the fence. Upon leaving, his father, sad and serious, says to the
boy, I leave your mother in your care. Three years later, the now 13 year old son of the
immigrant father, explains that although he has tried and wanted to take charge, he cannot
do it all alone for it is too hard. Especially, he cries, because I am already a boy of small
stature. In the end he tells, “From my father we never heard. And he will never know
that for him we suffered a lot. We missed him all the time”, he sings. “Surely he [his
father] must have been killed, for if it were not for that he would not have abandoned
me.”

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El Niño De La Calle

Como recuerdo aquel niño
que triste vino hacia aquí
con carita de molesto
y reclamándome así:
usted que canta corridos
por que no canta una historia de mi
yo soy el niño indeseable
que desprecian por aquí.
Yo soy el niño de la calle
que lucha para vivir
y vine hasta la frontera
pero sin querer venir
arrastrado por mis padres
dizque por un porvenir
por mi, no hubiera venido

Yo era feliz donde estaba
tenia 3 abuelitos,
mis primos con que jugaba,
un perro, y un guajolote
y un arrollo en que nadaba
mi hermanita no había muerto
mi apa y mi ama se adoraban

Un día por la mañana
después de haber ido a misa
mi apa le dio a la familia,
aquella triste noticia:
ya no aguanto la pobreza
nos vamos pa'l otro lado
quiero juntar un dinero,
aunque sea de mojado

Es por ustedes mis hijos,
me dijo casi sonriendo
es muy pesada la vida
como la estamos viviendo
y yo que los quiero tanto
he de encontrar la ocasión
para que vayan creciendo
con muy buena educación

91
Una semana después,
en el viaje todavía
se nos murió mi hermanita,
dizque de una pulmonía
le faltaron medicinas,
pues dinero ya no había
mi ama también de tristeza,
por poquito y se moría

Llegamos a la frontera
nomás a puro penar
mi mamacita querida
aquí se vino a enfermar
y mi apa nos dijo jurando
que iba a luchar sin parar
pa' los Estados Unidos
muy pronto hacernos cruzar

Mis abuelos y mi casa
se quedaron uy muy lejos!
pero aquí traigo en el alma,
las lagrimas de mis viejos
aquí ni cuando jugar,
y la escuela, pues ya luego
ahora empecé nuevo oficio,
ora soy un tragafuegos

Ese tabaco apestoso
y los polvos y las tachas
por aquí es lo principal,
pa' gabachos y gabachas
que si mi jefe me viera,
me da risa de tristeza
como me voy educando,
en medio de la bajeza

Mi padre cruzo esa barda,
hizo un hoyo por abajo
triste muy serio me dijo:
ahí le encargo a su mamita!
ya complete los diez años
y hace tres se fue al carajo
y yo me quiero hacer
cargo desde ese día se lo juro!

92
pero no puedo solito,
de veras se me hace duro
ya me muero por crecer,
de por si yo soy chaparro
del dinero donde este
y si se dejan lo agarro

ahí esta la barda maldita,
de mi apa nunca supimos
y nunca va a darse cuenta,
que tanto por el sufrimos
lo extrañamos todo el tiempo,
tienen que haberlo matado!
de no haber sido por eso,
no me hubiera abandonado.

Los Tigres Del Norte

VI. Abandonment
The practice of “abandonment” is so well known that it has become a common
theme in music and in the telenovela (Spanish language soap opera) broadcast here in the
U.S. My friend Sara, a true addict of the telenovelas, and participant in my research has
been most helpful in providing me with weekly summaries of the telenovelas. In one, she
explains, a father goes to the U.S. to live and work, but ends up meeting a woman who
becomes pregnant, thus contact and remittances stop. After his daughter suffers a tragic
accident in the course of looking for her father, he makes the decision to return home to
try to mend his marriage and relation with his children. The hyper drama with which this
story is told is telling of the emotional consequences faced by family members who are
left behind feeling abandoned. In real life, some fathers like Alejandro, don’t return, and
like all family break-ups, this creates a lifetime of emotional pain for the wives and
children left back home.

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Armando’s story, like the father in the telenovela, is an image of transnational
fathers that is increasingly being used to describe all migrant men, however, the
testimonies of the transnational fathers in this study indicate that, while fathers may be
less disciplined about calling their children and sending remittances regularly, they do
indicate they are working to get ahead for the sake of their families. However, many
conducted themselves the way single-men would and felt justified by male privilege. For
example, Victor, the Guatemalan husband of Carolina with the four children, as
previously noted, openly took a girlfriend very soon after Carolina had gone back home
to deal with the children. Although, some would describe it as bold and scandalous that
he would allow himself to be seen with another women, he seemed quite at ease and
simply justified it by saying, “Un hombre tiene necesidades (A man has needs).”
In my interviews with wives of transnational fathers, those who continued to live
back in their countries, revealed that overwhelmingly they knew very little about their
husband’s lives and whereabouts in the U.S., and they talked about how they often
wondered if their husbands hadn’t taken up with another woman over in el Norte. Some
mothers even were accepting of adultery, as long as the men did not forget them and the
children.
Like the mothers, the fathers were also privy to gossip that had a way of reaching
the wife back home. However, gossip of infidelities was often shrugged off as “typical
male behavior,” and often overlooked, as long as the man kept his financial obligations to
his family and returned home, as Carmen, one of the two women who had reunited with
her son’s transnational father in the U.S. explained:

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I don’t say no they can’t have “Una aventura de una noche, (a one night
adventure), but that it doesn’t go beyond that and she lives with him and they
have a child. They can have a one-night stand, but not get with the woman
knowing he has children over there (in Mexico) and they need and depend on
him. He needs to work to send them money and save enough to return as soon as
possible.

Although the fathers, such as Armando, share similar views about what is a good
father (hard working, an economic provider, and disciplinarian), they may not always
practice the role accordingly and most have greater autonomy because of cultural
ideologies and male privilege. Armando suggests that perhaps he should have done
things differently, but this realization does not propel him to mend his relationships with
his children, who he says have not looked for him and ultimately he blames his behavior
on his macho ways. When I asked Armando “Is there anything in his life you would
change?,” he said, “Yes. My mind, my personality, because I contributed very much in
my wife wanting a divorce, because I was very machista, very machote in that it was only
what I wanted. If I could change that I would because it is not good, very negative…It
was like I was the only one and nobody else mattered.” Armando goes on to say, that if
he had not been so macho then things would have been very different: “I wouldn’t be
here for anything, because over there, there was much work.” My sense is that Armando
has some regrets about not having made more of an effort to stay in touch with his
children. Toward the end of my interview he mentioned that a few years ago he had
found out through his sister that one of his daughters was living in Tijuana, and although
Armando often goes into Tijuana to pass some time and enjoy himself, he indicated he
had never made contact with his daughter.

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VII. Sonya and Alejandro: The exceptions

The intersection of single-parent status and gender is arguable strong in this
sample. Transnational mother’s migration is influenced by their status as single-parent
mothers who must support their children without the help of a spouse back home. In
contrast, transnational fathers migration, although likewise motivated by economics is
often spurred by bigger goals that fathers hope will benefit them and their families in the
future. The mother’s single-parent status creates challenges that fathers do not face,
because they have wives back home to not only care for their children, but maintain a
household that they can come to and build on. In this respect, fathers are working toward
bigger goals and personal success, while transnational mothers are working for
immediate goals that amount to providing the immediate needs of their children who they
have entrusted to other women.
While I would argue, based on this sample of transnational mothers and fathers,
that most of the transnational mothers who are here in the U.S. are more likely to be
single-parent mothers and that most of the transnational fathers are more likely to be men
who have wives back home, I also recognize that there are exceptions to the patterns
outlined in the study. In other words, there are cases that tell a different story and varied
experiences that further add to the complexity of the transnational family life. By way of
Sonia and Alejandro, I attempt to show another side of the story below.
The transnational life experiences of Guatemalan transnational mother, Sonya,
who had now been living in the United States for over 12 years, and Alejandro the
Mexican transnational father who had spent only two years in the United States, were

96
unique in comparison to the other transnational mothers and fathers interviewed, thus
illustrating that as Segura (1994) and Gutmann (1996) argue, there are differences
between groups and within groups.
While most transnational mothers were single-parent mothers who had left their
children in the care of other female kin, Sonya, had left a husband and three children back
home. Her mother-in-law had taken charge of the youngest son, then 12 –years-old,
while her husband was overseeing the care of the two older children. According to
Sonya, she had applied for a Visa, and after it was granted she told her husband she was
coming to find work in the U.S. along with her sister. As she explained:
Yes, it was different. I think for me it was different and I didn’t have any
complaints, only that my youngest son always had complaints about his
grandmother’s cooking (she laughs). But everything was perfect for them. My
husband used to say that he was the father, the mother and the employee…He
never complained…For them [her children] when they need something it’s, ‘mi
papa, mi papa, mi papa’.

I asked Sonya if she feels jealous over her husband’s relationship with her children and
she replied, “No,” followed by a long silence. Although Sonya says she left during a
period of hard economic times back in Guatemala, informing her husband and children
that she would only be away for six months, she returning after almost three years.
Today she no longer sends home remittances, and does not appear to have intentions of
returning home in the near future.
Sonya appeared to paint a very romantic picture about her experiences as a
transnational mother: She had come to the U.S. to find work, while her very supportive
husband was home taking care of the children with the help of his mother. When asked,
“What has been the most difficult part of being a transnational mother?” She says, “I

97
have never felt any difficulty. It’s been easy because I have never had any problems with
anything, thanks to God.” Sonya had returned home several times to visit, but explained
that each time she would become very sick, and thus, her children would tell her to go
back to the U.S. so she could get medical care. Sonya emphasized that her children have
been supportive of her extended stay, possibly with the exception of her daughter, who
had begged her mother not leave, telling her that together with her brothers they would
find her medical care pay for her medicine. However, Sonya explained that only in the
U.S. was she able to receive the treatment and care she needed for kidney stones that had
created chronic problems for her. Today, Sonya is in better health, and for the most part,
passes her time visiting with her friends, and likes to visit with her sisters who also live in
the U.S. with their families. At the end of my interview with her, I asked, “Is there
anything more you’d like to tell me about your experiences as a mother?” She replied,
As a mother, (I’ve been) the happiest, because I was involved with my children
when they were little in most things…Thanks to God I had a good husband and
good father, and he helped me. He helped us all.

Much like some of the transnational fathers, Sonya has come to enjoy her life in
the United States, which has been made easier because of her husband who remained
behind and who was overseeing the care of his children with the help of his own mother.
Although Sonya may feel some jealousy over the close relationship her husband has
established with her now three grown children, she also feels confident that they received
good, loving care in her absence. Furthermore, in an interesting twist, Sonya explained
that her husband had become both mother and father to their children, and now four
grandchildren, and has taken over the household: “Mind you,” she says with a laugh, “He

98
even went out and bought new chairs for the house.” Sonya’s experience is more in line
with the stories told by transnational fathers whose primary function is to send home the
remittances and leave the bulk of the childrearing and household matters to the wives.
Although I’m sure Sonya would disagree, it could be argued that she has abandoned her
traditional mothering role, and consequently her children whom she rarely sees anymore,
for a more liberated life.
Alejandro seemed to have had a different experience from that of the other
transnational fathers. To begin with, Alejandro had completed 12 years of schooling in
Mexico and had owned his own business selling natural foods and pharmaceuticals to
stores; prior to this, he had worked in a bank. After the economy in Mexico worsened,
his business failed, leaving him with debts he could not escape, and thus he and his wife
together had decided that he would come to the U.S. to work for a couple years to pay off
the debts and start over. When I met Alejandro, he extended his hand to shake mine in a
formal fashion while apologizing for the roughness of his hand. He explained that the
outdoor physical labor he has been doing since coming to the U.S. had made calluses on
his hands and darkened his complexion. In a humble way he said he was not accustomed
to the hard physical labor that goes with being a day laborer. I found Alejandro to be
different, not so much because he was more educated than the other fathers, but because
his emotions and attitudes about family separation seemed more in line with those of the
transnational mothers. He appeared to be highly involved in the daily lives of his
children, explained that, “Sometimes during the week, there are occasions when I call
home twice.” He always makes it a point to talk to his children and reminds that he will

99
return as promised. He explains that, to put it in perspective, he gave his son a date when
he would return, “I gave my son a date of July twenty-first. We were talking yesterday
and he said, ‘Thursday was the twenty-first of June, and you said you were coming the
twenty-first of July.’” Alejandro explains that he will keep his word and return even
though he may not have reached his financial goals. Furthermore, he explains that he tries
to continue to provide a good education for his son, and to parent him by way of the
telephone: “Yes, every time I talk to him, I ask him how he is doing in school. I ask him
about his school exams and he tells me he is fine, or that he has another exam…The
satisfaction I get from being here is knowing that in Mexico he is in honor classes… and
that he can go to school.” Alejandro appears to have great respect for the role his wife
has in his absence: “She now has very much responsibility because she has 100 percent
of the responsibility, you could say, because I just send them money, but the problems
that occur over there, she alone has to resolve them.” When I asked Alejandro, “What do
you do when you’re not working, and do you have friends?,” he said, “No amigos, no.
It’s to work, home and then rest and watch television for a little while…I don’t go out for
anything.”
While nearly all of the fathers did not have pictures of their children with them,
Alejandro had brought out pictures of his wife and children before I asked. Like the
transnational mothers, he seemed consumed with guilt, which was in part about his wife
having to take on the bulk of the daily child care, and also at having missed special events
in his children’s life. He showed me a picture of his son in a baseball outfit, and although
proud, he also seems very sad. Shortly after our interview, I called his sister’s house

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where he’d been living and learned that he had indeed returned to his family prior to July
twenty-second. According to his sister, he could no longer stand the separation.
Alejandro and Sonya’s experiences illustrate that variations among transnational
mothers and fathers exist. Furthermore, as Gutmann (1996) and Segura (1994) have
argued, diversity exists not only between groups but within groups, even groups who
share a history, origin, and cultural attributes (Segura, 1994, p. 226). They suggest that it
is possible that some transnational mothers, such as Sonya may see migration as a way to
escape lives that are less satisfying and/or fulfilling. It may also provide a sense of
empowerment that allows them to escape bad marriages, and/or oppressive gender roles.
By way of one of Sonya’s friends, another transnational mother whom I interviewed, I
learned that Sonya may not have been completely forthcoming about her relationship
with her husband and children. It is possible that she was in an unhappy marriage and
that her children were not happy about her decision to stay in the U.S. However, for
some, migration may be the springboard that has propelled them to keep on challenging
cultural boundaries in an effort to create their own happiness. With respect to Alejandro,
we see that some fathers are more focused and open about their children, and see their
provider role as secondary or equal to their parenting role. Although Alejandro had the
most frequent contact with his children and wife of all the fathers in the study, he could
not bear the separation. Furthermore, although his wife made every effort to keep his
memory alive by constantly showing them pictures and videos, for him it was not
enough.

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VIII. Conclusion
The literature (Chavez, 1992; Massey, 2002; Gutierrez, 1995; Hondagneu-Sotelo,
1994) has addressed men’s historical practice of migrating without wives and children;
the focus has largely been viewed with respect to how it benefits the family
economically. As this chapter has shown, the practice of men migrating without their
wives and children continues to receive cultural acceptance and support, because it is
seen as necessary in order for the father to be able to fulfill his role as economic provider.
So common is this practice that the experiences of men’s migration and family separation
are told and re-told in romanticized ballads that have become part of the genre of
Mexican immigrant folk music. Where women are concerned, migration is not socially
accepted, because of cultural ideals and gender scripts that place mothers in the home,
providing the bulk of childcare in their hands. When women do make the decision to
immigrate, they may be stigmatized as “bad mothers.”
The common bond shared by transnational mothers and fathers is that they are
economically motivated migrants who are sustaining emotional as well as monetary
bonds across borders. For transnational mothers and fathers, physical absence from their
children does not imply emotional absence. On the contrary, the parents often spoke
about how their love for their children and their determination to provide them with a
better life was the force that sustained them during long periods of separation. As this
chapter demonstrates transnational mothers work extra hard to transform the ways in
which they parent from afar, and for both transnational mothers and fathers, migration

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does not appear to transform the long held ideals and cultural expectations about
motherhood and fatherhood.
From the accounts described by the women and men in this study, it appears that
Latina identity continues to be largely constructed around her role as a mother, and
often her success is measured by her success as a parent. Taking this into account,
transnational mothers who leave their children behind are likely to feel some sense of
failure. This failure which is often internalized, consequently results in emotional
pain and suffering, a topic which I discuss in the next chapter. In an effort to meet
their mothering obligations and to maintain the mother/child bond as best they can,
transnational mothers work hard to maintain relations with their children, and to keep
their memory alive in their children’s minds. In contrast, because they are fulfilling
their role as providers, the father’s rely on their spouses back home to perform most,
if not all of the child care, and also to maintain their father/child connection. As
demonstrated by the stories presented here, wives back home create a good father,
hero-like image for their children.

Like the Filipina transnational mothers in Parreñas’ (2005) study and the Mexican
transnational mothers and fathers studied by Dreby (2006), the Latina/o transnational
mothers and fathers in this study demonstrate behaviors and emotional responses to
family separation that appear to be tied to gender ideology. Overall, mothers in
transnational households experience greater challenges and suffering because of the
cultural gendered attitudes about mothering that does not account for physical separation
no matter what the reasons, including economic need for the wellbeing of her children, or
abandonment by the father of her children.

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Chapter 3: Stigma and Guilt

To be a mother is beautiful but it is very hard, because one has to work
and care for the children. The mother is the one who suffers most. To be a
mother is beautiful when a woman has everything and she can dedicate
herself only to her children. She doesn’t have to work and lacks for
nothing. But many mothers who are Latinas, we have to leave our
children to work to give them what they need. That is the most difficult
thing because she cannot attend to her children,cannot give them her time.
That is also the most difficult to have to earn money so they can study,
provide food [for them], because a child wants everything.

~Rosario, a Guatemalan transnational mother

Like other transnational mothers, Rosario, quoted above, clearly values her role as
mother, and views it as something beautiful, even though she believes that mothers suffer
most (as compared to fathers). She understands that her circumstances as a poor Latina
have made it difficult for her to be the ideal mother she describes, one who does not have
to work, can stay home with her children and dedicate all her attention to their needs.
Rosario’s idea of what constitutes a “good mother” is an ideal that is very
common with Latina mothers and with many other mothers; it is also an ideal that is not
easy to live up to. In spite of the fact that working-class women of color like Rosario
have rarely had access to the economic security that permits a mother to be the only one
exclusively involved with mothering during the children’s early years (Collins, 1994;
Dill, 1988 & 1994; Glenn, 1994), the pressure to live up to the idealized “good mother”
image is strong, and for transnational mothers it can be the source of great challenges and
emotional suffering.

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In the previous chapter, I compared and contrasted the experiences of
transnational mothers and transnational fathers. I argued that gender ideologies, and
marital status are the basis for their varied experiences, and for the greater challenges
faced by transnational mothers, as compared to transnational fathers. I have argued that
gendered role expectations make transnational fathers’ migration more acceptable and
justifiable, because they have wives back home caring for their children, and because as
working migrants, fathers are fulfilling their parental role as financial provider. In
contrast, Latino society continues to be less accepting of women migrating and highly
intolerant of mothers who leave. The idea that a mother would leave her children is often
viewed as shocking and scandalous.
In this chapter, I discuss how immigrant mothers experience family separation,
the transformation of what it means to be a mother who has left her children in the care of
other women, be it their own mothers, sisters, aunts, or their eldest daughter. More
specifically, I explore the emotional aspects of transnational motherhood whereby
mothers are not able to parent their children in a traditional fashion, and how this results
in their being stigmatized as a “bad mother.” I discuss how the social-cultural ideals and
portrayals of motherhood result in criticism and stigmatization of transnational mothers
by others, including peers and family. I discuss how transnational mothers interactively
construct new forms of mothering from afar in order to alleviate the criticism, stigma and
guilt they feel, and also to maintain their identity as mothers which is threatened by the
“motherly” care their children may be receiving from women caregivers back home.
Transnational mothers, in spite of the fact that they are not physically present in

105
their children’s lives, are still attempting to parent and manage their household back in
their countries. They continue to go to work (sometimes to multiple jobs) and from their
home in the U.S., by way of telephone calls and/or letters, they perform the “second
shift,” which consists of doing the job of mothering and managing the household
(Hochschild, 1989, p. 258).
Based on the findings from this study, it does not appear that the increase in
women’s migration has significantly transformed the ways in which migrant women and
men view their roles as mothers and fathers. Although current research on Latino family
households and gender roles indicate a movement toward more egalitarian gender roles
both here in the U.S. and in countries of origin (Barajas & Ramirez, 2007; Gutmann,
1997; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1994), it appears that the transnational mothers and fathers in
this study continue to live their lives and parent in a traditional patriarchal fashion.
According to Barajas and Ramirez (2007), research indicates that migration does not
entirely end or diminish immigrant men’s patriarchal privileges. Instead men’s privileges
are often reasserted in immigrant communities.
The data from this study suggest that women and men may continue to adhere to
traditional gender roles because they believe it is what is expected of them: males as
economic providers and females as caregivers; as such they are conforming. However, in
the case of transnational mothers, I argue that the social and cultural pressure that can
lead to guilt and stigma play a significant role in the mothers’ efforts to maintain their
status as “good mothers.”

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I. Only “Bad” Mothers Leave
In discussing the topic of mothers migrating and leaving their children back in
their countries, non-transnational mothers reacted negatively, citing such behavior as
terrible and simply unacceptable to them. Clara, a Mexican-born immigrant woman with
an American-born daughter living here in the United States, was most expressive about
her views of women who leave their children:
Q. You were telling me that you had an acquaintance that left her children?

A. Oh, aha, but this woman, tan mala, tan mala (so mean, so mean), and she’s
from Honduras. This woman left her children. It seemed she had given them
away before coming over here, los regalo (she gave them away) and over here
she was taking care of children [worked as a paid nanny] and I said, “God, who is
going to want to leave their children with her if she did that with her own
children?” They [employers] don’t know…What sadness that, and there are
many women who come and, I don’t know, the children… (Shakes her head in
disapproval and doesn’t finish her sentence).

Q. What if they leave the children with family back home?

A. No, not even with family, me, not even with family would I leave mine, not
me, not me and even with family. I say, “If I have my mija (my daughter), I alone
take care of her…

Ironically, Clara had a friend, another participant in this study, who was presently living
with her family on her days off from her live-in domestic job. The woman, Hilda, had
immigrated without her son after her husband left her for another woman and took
custody of their son during a messy divorce.
Orbach and Eichenbaum (cited in Jackson, 1994) explain how mothers who leave
their children are seen to go against all that embodies a “good mother:”
It is as if there is an internal grammar of motherhood, a correct (and
imperative) way to be and behave, which involves women remaining
attached to their children. To depart from this, to advertise separation,

107
throws this deepest syntax askew. A mother who leaves jolts all the usual
expectations about women into such disarray, it becomes hard to find
images or words to describe her: as if an absent mother is a contradiction
in terms, a grammatical impossibility. (cited in Jackson, 1994, p. 45)

The idea that mothers who leave are thought of as unnatural, deviant, and/or immoral
occurs through social processes and are often reinforced by media depictions that show
good mothers as mothers who are primary caregivers of their children, and who structure
their lives around those of their children. In contrast, mothers who leave (regardless of
the circumstances) such as the mother in the Hollywood hit film Kramer vs. Kramer
(1979) are portrayed as “bad mothers” who put their own needs before those of their
children. In contrast, the fathers who remain are portrayed as heroic figures (Jackson,
1994, p. 66). These fathers are heroes because they have “stepped up to the plate” to
provide their children with the daily care mothers generally are expected to do. Such
circumstances often illicit strong emotions of sympathy for such fathers, but not
necessarily for the mothers who are working and raising their children alone. In addition,
fathers often receive assistance by women kin, because they are seen as not necessarily
capable of caring for children alone, without the help of a woman. Following this
tradition, the Latino spouses of Latina transnational mothers in this study who remained
behind with children, much like the transnational husbands/spouses of Filipino fathers in
Parreñas’ (2005) study, are not performing much of the care giving work. I found that
generally, the fathers do not assume the bulk of the household responsibilities. For the
most part, the work and care of the children is passed on to other women, such as
grandmothers, sisters, or daughters.

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II. Sacrificing Motherhood
The most obvious challenge faced by Latina immigrant mothers in relation to
immigrant fathers are cultural notions about motherhood and fatherhood that construct
double standards and contradictory ideals. Historically, Latina mothers have been held
up to cultural standards that leave little room for diversion, as 32-year-old Mexican
transnational mother Magdalena explains:
I left my two daughters when they were only one and two years old. It’s very
hard….One sacrifices a child's entire childhood because one spends so many
years here working to send money. Being here I'm not rich, but I'm getting more
here than over there. It's also a sacrifice in not seeing them and being so far away
from the rest of the family too. It's sacrificing motherhood because here I am not a
mother. I am alone. I have two daughters but they're not with me. It is sad. I'm at
home watching television and I see children and always think of my daughters
and I want to be there to take care of them, educate them and more than anything
that they are.

Magdalena is a good mother who works hard to let her daughters know she loves them.
She provides financially for them, stays in constant communication with them by
telephone, and sends remittances that are large enough to provide more than just food and
shelter, but also a good education back home. Yet, she suffers from guilt and believes
that she is not a good mother as long as she is living apart from her two daughters.
Contrary to media portrayals of mothers who leave, transnational mothers do not
abandon their children upon migration. Nor do they pass down all of their
responsibilities to other family members left behind. Instead, they transform mothering
by providing acts of care from afar, and often do so by overcompensating for their
absence. According to Parreñas (2005), they are performing a transnational version of
what Sharon Hays identifies as “intensive mothering” (p.103).

109
While immigration is motivated by an immigrant mother’s need to provide for her
children economically, her decision to leave her children results in her inability to
provide exclusive, full-time, round-the-clock mothering. However, with women’s
decision to migrate come some harsh consequences and challenges for transnational
mothers who may be mildly aware that they are forging new territories for women. One
such consequence is that of being judged and or feeling that they are “bad mothers” for
having left their children back home. Even though they and others recognize that
migration and family separation generally occur out of necessity, judgment is reserved
for the women only. Fathers on the other hand are seen as “good fathers,” romanticized
as “heroes” who are fulfilling their male obligations by providing for their families.
Even though Latina mothers have always worked, their decision to immigrate in
search of work is seen as a threat to the sanctity of the family, and the well-being of the
children. When transnational mothers, like Rosario, leave their children, they are damned
by strangers, friends, and family members for committing one of the greatest atrocities
against society. As women, they are perceived to lack morals and be “bad” mothers.
Mexican mother, Anita, was especially attuned to what her husband’s family thought of
her for leaving her two daughters, when she made the decision to immigrate after she and
her husband had separated. When I asked her “What do they [your family] say about
your decision to come here?,” she replied:
What don't they say! “Well, one [referring to herself] likes the fun of being
single, and the freedom. One comes [to the U.S.] to have a good time.” Well we
women are always the bad ones. They don't see anything positive in what we try
to do.

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Leaving their children, even when doing so for their benefit, does not make
leaving any easier for transnational mothers; as their stories tell, the guilt can be
unbearable. So central to her belief system is this notion of “good mother” as primary
caregiver, that even though Rosario is not mothering in the so-called “good mother”
traditional fashion, she uses this model as a measure of her mothering, and feels she has
to defend her decisions. She says:
But many mothers who are Latinas, we have to leave our children to work to give
them what they need. That is the most difficult thing because she cannot attend to
her children, cannot give them her time.

In an emotional contradiction, transnational mothers feel that they are fulfilling that
aspect of motherhood ideology that says a “good mother” is self-sacrificing, and will do
anything for the welfare of her children, but at the same time they struggle with the
realization that a good mother does not leave her children. A good mother is one who is
there for her child, and good mothering is a labor of love that requires she perform the
day-to-day caring and nurturing for her child.
Scholars have found that men’s and women’s roles have shown to be moving in a
more egalitarian direction in recent years (Bernard, 1981; Ishii-Kuntz & Coltrane, 1992;
Coltrane, Parke & Adams, 2004). Ralph La Rossa (1997), in his analysis of fatherhood,
attributes changes in fatherhood to culture rather than in the conduct of fatherhood (p.
300). One might even argue that today, stereotypical behaviors and attitudes about
Latina women and men, often described by the terms Machismo and Marianismo
3
, are a

3
“Machismo and Marianismo” is the Catholic legacy that developed during a remote agrarian past and
flourished under plantation cultures in the New World, persists today in popular culture and informs
contemporary social gender roles. (Consuelo Lopez-Springfield, 2001, pp. 486-495)

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thing of the past; the very idea that women are increasingly immigrating alone is an
indication of new times and a transformation of roles, as the women respond to the global
labor market’s demand for women’s cheap and flexible labor. However, in spite of the
increase in Latino egalitarian households, the gendered patriarchal concepts of Machismo
and Marianismo were often introduced by both mothers and fathers in our conversations.
Rarely, if ever, did I introduce the terms during the interviews. Despite the ongoing
critiques over such stereotypical representations of Latino men and women within the
social science discourses (Baca Zinn, 1982; Mirandé, 1985), the popularity of these
traditional controlling images are such that some Latino men and women internalize them
and use them (Barajas & Ramirez, 2007; pp. 368). In this study, it was not unusual to
hear fathers describe themselves as being or acting “Macho,” and the women describe
their maternal roles in Marianismo terms, as one who takes care of all her children’s
needs, loves them and suffers for them—characteristics used to describe the virtues of a
“good mother.”
For many of the men and women interviewed, these two concepts helped to define
what they believed to be acceptable or unacceptable behavior. The concept of
Marianismo stems from the root of the word Mary, the mother of Jesus, who became
enshrined as a pious, self-sacrificing saint, and whose role on Earth, as in Heaven,
according to certain strains of the Catholic tradition, is to support her son’s mission. This
maternal religious imagery is particularly salient within Mexican and Central American
Catholicism and has been associated with motherhood. Marianismo teaches that women
are semi-divine, and morally superior and spiritually stronger than men (Stevens, 1973).

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As such, it implies a mother’s complete devotion to family and supreme valuation of her
role as wife and mother, as well as the value of preserving virginity (Adams & Coltrane,
forthcoming). When asked what constituted a “good mother,” the mothers in this study
described a woman who is committed to the welfare of her children first and foremost,
and who sacrifices for their needs. In describing themselves and other men, the
transnational fathers in this study, on the other hand, often used the terms
Macho/Machismos, which has historically implied assertiveness, independence and
sexiest beliefs and practices traditionally held by men. Some transnational fathers, such
as Nicolas, the Mexican transnational father of four children being cared for by his wife,
used the terms macho and machismo to describe their behavior and that of other men: “In
my case, many people believe that I am "machito" but I don't want to be, but, I am
without realizing it.”
III. Una madre para cien hijos y un padre ninguno
I was both mother and father to my children in the sense of correcting
them, advising them. He [children’s father] didn't do much because he
went to work every day and come home at night. He wasn't aware of how
they did. Although I was working I was still with them. If I had forgotten
them, they would have been in the streets. It was hard but . . . It is more
the mother who has more responsibility for the children. As they say,
“Una madre para cien hijos y un padre ninguno” (one mother for 100
children and one father for none)…The responsibility of the mother is
greater. It is certain that the father contributes but in providing for the
expenses. If he wants, he helps take them to school. What do I know? The
father's responsibility is to work, buy things for the children, right? But
the mother who struggles more because she has the greater responsibility
because how many mothers are both mother and father when the children
don't have a father.
~Celia, Guatemalan transnational mother

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The words of Celia, a Guatemalan transnational mother of five children, resonate with
what other transnational mothers express, and with what many Latino families continue
to believe is most acceptable—when it comes to children, the mother is best suited to care
for them. Celia says what most of the participants in this study feel: that mothers, for the
most part, “do it all,” and with limited support from fathers. Celia’s words, Una madre
para cien hijos y un padre ninguno (one mother for a hundred children and one father for
none), convey the cultural notion about the importance of a mother where children are
concerned, in contrast to that of a father. In essence, that children may do fine without a
father, but not without a mother. Gutmann (1996) learned from the mothers and fathers
in Colonia Santo Domingo, Mexico, that “in the minds of most women and men, their
children, especially young children, ‘belong’ with their mother or other women” (p. 64).
Likewise in her study of urban Mexican women, LeVine (2000) found that while some
fathers are indeed participating more in the rearing of their children, they remain a
minority. This is not to say that fathers are not involved and do not care. Fathers do care,
and more often than not, their motivation is also their children. However, few men view
housework and childrearing as men’s responsibility, and when they do, they view it as a
temporary situation. In the case of the transnational single-mothers in this study, the
involvement of their children’s fathers was next to none. This was in part because most
of the fathers had been estranged from the children for a long period of time.
The wives of the transnational fathers I interviewed (who were left behind),
overwhelmingly appeared to carry the bulk of childrearing. Father involvement was
generally limited to discipline, more specifically, reinforcing the mother’s disciplinary

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actions. Thus, caregiving mothers back home reinforced the gendered attitude of Una
madre para cien hijos y un padre ninguno. The cultural ideologies and gender role
expectations that have historically viewed women as primary caregivers of children and
fathers as primary breadwinners, have resulted in major challenges for some mothers.
Although women have increasingly entered the work force and now deal with the
pressures of paid work outside the home, they also face cultural pressures to continue
doing the majority of the childrearing (Hays, 1995). For some mothers, such as the
transnational mothers in this study, these cultural ideals and gender role expectations
become more of an issue and create unique challenges after they become single-parent
mothers and feel they have no other alternative but to migrate to find work, and
consequently leave their children behind to be cared for by someone else.
Denise Segura (1994), in her work on Chicana and Mexican immigrant mothers,
points out that, despite the ideological encouragement to mother at home, over half of all
women with children work outside the home for pay. She adds, that the growing
inconsistence between social ideology and individual behavior has prompted some
researchers to suggest that traditional gender role expectations are changing (i.e. greater
acceptance of women working outside the home). However, she notes that the literature
on the ambivalence and guilt employed mothers often feel when they work outside the
home indicates that changes in expectations are neither absolute nor uncontested (p. 368).
For most Latina women, much like the transnational mothers in this study, strong
Latina/o traditions and cultural beliefs and practices are based in an exceptionally long
legacy tied to Catholicism and patriarchal notions of gendered privilege and power—A

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legacy that is especially prevalent in notions of motherhood. According to Shirlene Soto
(1986), cultural symbols that model maternal femininity, such as the Virgen de
Guadalupe, and negative femininity, such as La Llorona and La Malinche, serve to
control Mexican and Chicana women’s conduct by prescribing idealized visions of
motherhood (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). Furthermore, the good mother/bad
mother dichotomy is rooted in these symbols. As transnational mothers have found,
decisions to immigrate and work mean stepping out of the traditional framework of
“good mother,” and consequently results in personal conflict, challenges, and emotional
suffering.
When questioned about criticisms made of them, the women clearly struggled
with their emotions of embarrassment, sadness and guilt. The mothers were often their
own worst critics as they struggled with the choices they had made to migrate without
their children. For example, Magdalena, a Mexican transnational mother, explains how
she feels even after 12 years of separation from her two daughters, who were ages one
and two when she first left them:
I don’t know if I am a good or bad mother. In time if my daughters will view the
problem I am in economically, I think they [daughters] are going to think well of
me, [knowing I did this] so they could get ahead. On the other hand, as people see
that I came here and [that my daughters] don’t have me [with them], I think that’s
being a bad mother. I think the idea [people have] is divided, because many
people say I am a bad mother because the mother always has to be with the
children even if all they have to eat is beans. But it’s been said that children need
more than beans.

When a child develops problems, blame is directed at the mother, since she is the
one who is in charge of the children’s physical and emotional well being. These
dichotomous standards and ideals, grounded in Catholicism, have served to control the

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Latina women’s conduct by casting them in one of two categories: the good mother,
modeled in the image of the Virgin de Guadalupe (Virgin Mary), or the bad mother, who
is compared to such cultural symbols as La Llorona or La Malinche—fallen women of
Mexican folklore (Chinas, 1992; Stevens, 1994; Soto, 1986). It is this “cult of the
motherhood” and in the patriarchal illusions of power that I found to play a role in the
stigmatizing of transnational mothers who may inadvertently be challenging cultural
notions of motherhood roles. I also found this to be the source of their guilt and
emotional suffering.
IV. The Stigmatization of Rosario
Mexican women have experienced significant changes in their roles as wives and
mothers, in spite of patriarchal ideals that have opposed women working. For example,
Mexican women’s labor force participation has continued to increase as previously noted,
and they are now immigrating solo (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). However, one
must question how the transnational mother experience is being received and perceived
within her own culture: is the transnational mother being supported or has she been
stigmatized as a “bad mother?”; how is she viewed in comparison to transnational
fathers? My findings suggest that Latina immigrant women have mixed feeling about
this issue. For example, a Mexican immigrant woman who did not have to leave her
daughter back home told me she thought it was “horrible” that a mother would leave her
children behind to be cared for by someone else, and that under “no” circumstances
would she ever leave her daughter behind. Yet this same woman has been the sole
companion to a transnational mother she befriended at a domestic worker employment

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agency where they both were seeking work. Ofelia, single-parent mother who at the age
of 20 had left her critically ill infant son back in El Salvador so she could come and work
for his much needed surgery, told me about how a group of women from the Catholic
Church she attended had provided her the emotional support she needed while she lived
apart from her son:
The women [at her Catholic Church] were there for me and offered their support
when I cried and missed my son. When I finally brought him here the women
helped me with him and they were very happy for me.

Comments and actions such as these have prompted me to question how transnational
fathers are perceived and emotionally supported in contrast to transnational mothers,
especially if, as some scholars note, Mexican father’s paternal roles and ideals are
changing.
Rosario, the transnational mother from Guatemala has now lived apart from her
six children for over 11 years. As a single-mother who had been abandoned by the father
of her children in Guatemala, she came to the United States while pregnant with her sixth
child in search of work. Rosario works physically hard, six to seven days a week as a
domestic worker in order to be able to send home the monthly remittances that sustain
her children and her own mother. The little money that is left goes to support herself and
her five-year-old American-born daughter, Annisa. Rosario and Annisa live in a one
room studio apartment located on one of the busiest streets of Los Angeles. Their one
bedroom apartment is sparsely furnished, and the walls are decorated with pictures of
Rosario’s children, religious icons, and Annisa’s art work. Outside there is no yard
where Annisa can play, and according to Rosario, the dark hallways and sidewalks are

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not safe. Rosario works hard to make her earnings stretch, and for her, a telephone is one
of her necessities; it is her connection to her children back in Guatemala. Without the
cellular phone, her children would not be able to reach her whenever they need her. For
Rosario the cell phone signifies her effort to be present in the lives of her children.
At first glance, Rosario appears sad and rarely makes eye contact. She cries
often, and often speaks of her longing to someday reunite with her children. Her life here
in the United States consists of work, church and home. Sometimes she and her daughter
will go out for a meal before or after church, but for the most part, she avoids the public
arena. Rosario suffers from depression and insomnia, which she attributes to the stress of
family separation and family obligations back home. She struggles with guilt from not
being with her children, and also from the shame and sadness that comes with her
knowing that she is being criticized and labeled a “bad mother.” She explains:
I too [as with other transnational mothers] have passed those hard moments
where people have critiqued me, saying that I left my children, because I was a
bad mother, but that, that attitude that one is a bad mother (long pause), I know
that I’m not [a bad mother], because I am looking out for my children, one is not
a bad mother. The people don’t understand this, and this is the most difficult
experience for me, that the people would criticize me for leaving my children.

Rosario’s decision to forfeit everyday, face-to-face intensive mothering in order to
provide economically for her children has come with steep costs. She has been
stigmatized as a “bad mother” by people in the pueblo in Guatemala, and by her own
brothers, who reside in the U.S. In conversations with her mother and her children back
home, she has heard that people in her village say that she is an unfit mother who is
living the life of a single woman in the U.S. and that she has forgotten all about her
children in Guatemala. In other words, she is being described like the men she has heard

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about who come to the United States, find other women and abandon their families back
home.
The gendered ideology that suggests the mother should be the one to provide
daily care of the children because she is biologically best suited to do the job is so
entrenched in some mother’s belief system, that reactions to my question, “Who do you
think should take care of the children?” were often met with dumfounded stares, and
answered in a matter-of-fact ways, such as, “Pues la mama.” Such reactions often made
me feel as if I had just asked the most stupid question. For example, Rita, the
Salvadorian mother of two responded with the following: “Well, the mother [should be
the one to have primary care of the children], because one has them [gives birth to them].
One has brought them into the world.” This strong belief in mother-child centered care
appeared to be the basis of many of the mothers struggles with deep emotional guilt of
having left their children behind.
The challenges, and most significantly, the emotional challenges with which
immigrant women seemed consumed (guilt, sadness, and loneliness), consequently
resulted in health problems such as headaches, insomnia and stomach problems, etc.,
even after many years of separation. This phenomenon seems to be particularly true of
immigrant women who have suffered traumatic experiences in the process of migration,
such as leaving loved ones behind.
4
Mothers indicated that once night time came, they
felt most lonely for their children and could not sleep. Some, like Josephina, disclosed

4
This finding supports other empirical evidence that seems to indicate that sadness, depression, and more
serious pathology may recur or develop many years after the actual migration took place. Rumbaut, R.D.
(1977). Telles, P. (1980, March). Espin, O. (1997).

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that they often self medicated with over-the-counter drugs, such as sleeping pills:
Q. What do you do you do when you can’t stop thinking [about her children] and
can’t sleep?

I take sleeping pills.

Q. From a doctor?

No, I buy them at the store. They help me sleep…But I never forget.

Transnational mothers often suffer alone, just as they tend to cope by self isolating. Often
they do not share their thoughts or talk to others about their children back home, for fear
they will be judged and made to feel bad for having left their children.
V. The Other Woman and Fear of Alienation
Unlike the fathers whose children’s mothers were back home caring for the
children, the transnational mothers deal with feelings and worry of alienation from their
children. This struggle is one that has been an issue for other immigrant mothers as well.
Recent works by Rhacel Salazar Parrenas (2001), Sedef Arat-Koc (2001), Yen Espiritu
(2003), among others, have similarly found this with Filipina and Caribbean transnational
mothers. Although most of the mothers appreciate the love and care the caregivers give
their children, some admit to feeling jealous when they discover, or hear their children
call their aunt or grandmother “mother.” The transnational mothers are often confronted
with the reality that their children have bonded with the caregiver back home. This issue
was especially painful for mothers who had limited access to their children by telephone,
and who had been gone for an extended period of time. Salvadorian mother, Rita, whose
children were being cared for by her own mother and her sister, cried as she explained
how difficult this experience was for her and how she had no choice but to tolerate it:

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One will stay here and tolerate things, and with out the love of one’s children,
because I think that the children love one [referring to herself as a mother] who is
far away, they love one, but it is not the same, because they are not together with
them [the children]…I guess it’s not the same for them because they love my
mom more, they are closer to her…Well imagine will you, well like my mom
would get real jealous when I went back home. She would just get jealous when
my daughter would get real close to me.

For Rita, hearing her daughter call her sister “Mama,” was one of the most painful
moments in her life, and while she would like to bring her children over to the U.S., she
has met with great resistance from her mother, who begs her not to take them away.
Attached to the experience of having to leave their children with someone else
and to depend on them to help meet their children’s physical and emotional daily needs,
mothers often are consumed with worry over the wellbeing of their children. The mothers
often explained that they constantly would wonder about what their children were doing,
if they were eating well, or they were being treated well, if they were being mistreated in
any way. These thoughts and worries appeared to be the source guilt over having left the
children behind. They feel guilt over having left the daily care of their children in the
hands of another woman. “You can pay them to take care of their basic needs, but you
can’t pay them to love and care,” explained Ofelia. Whatever arrangements the mothers
make for their children when they immigrate and leave them, notes sociologist Arlie
Russell Hochschild (2002), most feel the separation acutely; they express guilt and
remorse and sometimes, as one mother indicted, feel as if they’ll go crazy from the pain
of separation (p. 21).
For some mothers such as Ofelia, who had only been separated from her infant
son for a year, this stress and worry about her son’s wellbeing pushed her to find a way to

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bring her son over to the United States. Now with her son, she indicated that she could
not understand how some mothers could handle being separated from their children for
such long periods of time:
I don’t know how they do that! I don’t have that kind of heart. Look, I’m not
lying, but I worked where some kids would cross the road near the factory [where
she worked]…I was a machine operator, and I would cry just from thinking about
my son. What is he eating? Is he cold? So many things I would just think and
remember and say, ‘hay Dios.

What is interesting in the case of Ofelia is that she becomes judgmental of the mothers
who remain apart from their children. In her statement, “I don’t know how they do that! I
don’t have that kind of heart,” she suggests other mothers, the one’s who are not with
their children, have a different kind of heart than she does, perhaps a less caring one.
Although Ofelia was living in an apartment with two of her brothers, two male cousins,
and two male uncles, she said:
Oh, I don’t even want to remember! [Her exclamation]. It’s something very hard
to think about now, no, no, no. it makes me very sad. Really my head would hurt
from working so much, from bad food, and from thinking about my son [back in

El Salvador], knowing that I didn’t have enough [money] to give him. And they
[the men she lived with] didn’t help me with anything and that is what would get
me so mad.

According to Ofelia, not only did she work multiple jobs, but the men expected her to do
all the household work and cooking. And since she was a single woman, they did not
approve of her going to public places, such as to Disneyland with the members of the
church group, who she felt were most supportive of her situation. The male family

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members she lived with were critical of her and would lecture her and tell her to read the
Bible. She explains:
I told them that I was not doing anything wrong…Yes, it’s true, I am a woman,
but I’m not going to be there [in the apartment] como loca (like a crazy)…I told
them I was not doing anything anymore. As soon as I got there [to the apartment]
I went to my room because I didn’t want to hear it. It never ended.

Ofelia was especially sad because when her goal had been to bring her infant son over to
the U.S., her male relatives did not offer to help her with financial support. When I asked
Ofelia why she thought her male relatives had treated her this way, she replied, “To tell
you the truth, I don’t think they thought I belonged here. As single women with a baby
and no husband they think that a woman like me should be back home…” In the end,
with the help of her church friends, Ofelia was able to bring her son over to the U.S.
Ofelia believed she was fortunate to have been able to establish a support system
in the church she attended in her mostly immigrant neighborhood. The transnational
mothers in this study who had never been able to bring their children over to the U.S. did
not have such a support system. Ofelia had female friends in the church who helped care
for her son once he was here, while she continued to work multiple factory jobs. She
says, “Only God knows how I have sacrificed and everything I’ve done to bring my
son…” By accomplishing her goal of bringing her son over to the U.S. to be able to
provide him a better future, Ofelia has proven to the men who were once very critical and
judgmental of her that she is a good mother. However, their cultural expectations about
how a woman should act, and their opinions about her may have influenced her behavior,
because she adds, “I had to make the sacrifice, but once I had him [her son] here with
me, everywhere I go, I take him with me.”

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Mothers used the “good mother” model as a measure of how they were doing.
Just as Sharon Hays (1995) found with non-transnational mothers, the transnational
mothers, although physically separated from their children, still feel pressure to live up to
the image of good mother. Transnational mothers, possibly more than non-transnational
mothers, recognize the ideal characteristics of intensive mothering. Although they are
not doing intensive mothering, per se, and are in essence transforming the traditional role,
they do not try to transform that ideology for their benefit. Rather, they construct the role
in ways that allow them to fulfill their mothering responsibilities from afar, in an effort to
maintain their status as mothers and meet their mothering responsibilities, thus alleviating
some guilt. The practice of transforming or developing strategic ways of mothering that
accommodate women’s need to work or tend to other family matters in not a novel idea,
as scholars have noted (Dill, 1988; Nakano Glenn, 1994; Carol Stack & Linda Burton,
1994; Collins, 1994). For example, as Stack and Burton (1994) point out, shared
mothering has been characteristic of African-American communities since slavery, and is
a practice that continues through today. Patricia Hill Collins (1990) has argued that much
of feminist theorizing about women and mothering has failed to recognize diversity in
mothering, and has projected white, middle-class women’s concerns onto women of
color. Collins points out that when focusing on the experiences of women of color, we
see very different patterns of mothering, and different concerns and challenges faced by
these mothers. One example is the importance of women’s work for the survival of their
children. Likewise, I argue that for transnational mothers like Rosario, work is essential
for her children’s survival, and consequently she has transformed her mothering role to

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accommodate her need to work. However, the very emphasis she puts on her role as a
mother is what makes the separation and fear of being replaced so difficult for her and for
other transnational mothers.
For Rosario, just as with the other transnational mothers, the ideals of the devoted
“good mother” have deep roots that continue to thrive even after a long separation of time
and space, and make it important to practice motherhood. The phone in her apartment,
the cell phone she carries in case of emergencies and the calling cards she mailed to her
older children were important ways in which she was able to keep in touch with her
children and be present when they needed her. This was especially important since her
children had grown and she had become more concerned and worried that something
could happen to them in the streets as they traveled to school or ran errands for their
elderly grandmother. For Rosario, maintaining frequent communication by phone, which
amounted to a big expense, was one way she was able to be more involved in her
children’s lives, and maintain her mothering role.
VI. Love and Guilt
Mothers generally worked to maintain open and loving relationships with their
children. Mothers also appeared to over compensate for the guilt they felt. This
generally resulted in meeting demands from their children. Requests for gifts from the
U.S., money, and even higher education were things that mothers felt too guilty not to
provide. Amparo, the 49-year-old mother who left three daughters behind over 11 years
ago and had never met her grandchild, explained that she basically was remaining in the
United States to work in order to put one of her daughters through college. She and the

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other two sisters both felt that it was time for her to go back home, that she had done
more then enough for all of them. However, the daughter who wanted to continue her
education was persistent, and Amparo indicated she felt an obligation to fulfill this
dream:
Well, yes one gets tired, but one has the necessity to work. I don't stay at home in
my house, because I have to work.

Q: Tell me about your necessity.

Because I have a daughter who is studying, and she doesn’t complete her studies.
She is grown now—the eldest [of her three daughters], and I want her to finish.

Rosario likewise explained that demands for additional money from her children often
resulted in her going into debt. She had to borrow money, which often resulted in her
having to clean more houses for pay, or limit her own household spending even more:
They want shoes, clothes, well money. They go to the pueblo and see things and
they want to buy them.

Q. What do you do say when they ask for things, money and it is difficult for
you to send?

A. I tell them to wait till the next week and then I send it to them. I have to send
it.

Mothers often indulged their children as a way to make-up for their absence and
as a way to try to make their children happy. Discipline was another issue that was
challenging for mothers. Both mothers and fathers talked about disciplining and advising
their children when conversing with them over the telephone. It was not uncommon to
hear a mother or father say that a wife or a caregiver back home would ask them to speak
to the children about school performance or behavioral problems. Fathers, nearly all of

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whom had wives back home, relied on their wives to provide them with reports about the
children’s progress in school and the major events in their lives. Mothers, on the other
hand, had to rely on their children more often to provide them with pertinent information
about themselves and their education. This is in great part because, as Joanna Dreby
(2007) found in her work on the children of transnational families, the children of
transnational mothers (and fathers in Dreby’s work) lack academic support from
caregivers in Mexico: “Mostly, this is because the majority of caregivers are grandparents
with very low levels of education who are uncomfortable with the school system” (p. 28).
Several parents talked about how difficult it was to have to reprimand their
children after getting bad reports from back home. However, more often mothers
expressed feeling of guilt. Rita explained, when asked about disciplining her children:
Yes, I do scold them, but I feel awful then. To scold them, because well I’m not
with them and well he’s [her son] going to say to me, “well than you’re not with
me and you’re they’re telling us things.” So I scold him and than I tell him to
forgive me, that I feel very bad, but well there are things one has to tell them.

Where fathers were concerned, most feel that fulfilling the disciplinary responsibilities of
parenting is difficult. Nicolas says:
I don’t want to say that I’m a good father but I try [to be a good father] when I
talk to them. They tell me their problems, I listen, never scold them if they get
into trouble. I just tell them it was bad and I explain why.

While both mothers and fathers appear to find it difficult to discipline their children
because they are not with them, mothers do it because their caregivers back home look to
them for support and fathers do it because they are called upon by their wives back home
to reinforce their disciplinary actions. However, fathers heavily rely on their wives back

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home to handle problems, while mothers try to alleviate problems for caregivers, and thus
see it as their primary responsibility to handle discipline, and resolve problems from afar.
For transnational mothers, having a non-parent caregiver caring for all the daily
needs of their children was further challenging. All were expected to, or felt obligated to,
provide some financial support to the caregiver’s household, and they also had the task of
trying to maintain a good relationship with the caregivers to ensure her children were
treated well. Fathers’ remittances, for the most part, went directly to the household, and
some mothers were doing so well in managing finances that upon their husband’s
instructions, they had begun saving money for a business the men hoped to start once
they returned. Nicolas, for example, explained:
One has to work very much, but I am used to this life of earning dólares [Nicolas
had been working in the U.S. for 12 years]. But I am sending money back over
and saving a little money and I hope to go back to stay with my family…Right
now I have my house [over there], but later I want to open a business, so when I
get there I don’t have to do construction. I am going to work, but I’ll work for
myself, so I will not be under anyone’s orders and I won’t have to work as a
laborer.

My sense was that Nicolas had had enough of life in the U.S., especially after all his
problems with drunk driving. He seemed to have strong feeling about meeting his goals.
VII. “Hero” Fathers and “Bad” Mothers
Transnational mothers’ decisions to immigrate for the better of the family, their
decisions to work so their children could have enough to eat, have a roof over their head,
and possibly receive an education, were actions that were rarely described as heroes and
“self-sacrificing,” by peers. In contrast, fathers who had made the decision to immigrate
were often viewed as good men, hero-like fathers who were self-sacrificing for the better

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of their family. As Hondagneu-Sotelo (1994) has argued, this is because of the
traditional patriarchal notions about motherhood and fatherhood that facilitate men’s
migration (p. 83). In sum, migrant fathers are seen as heroes, fulfilling the positive
aspects of macho by being good financial providers. Transnational mothers are criticized
for “abandoning” their children and thus stigmatized as a “mujer mala” (bad woman).
Even when fathers who had failed to meet their responsibilities were criticized, their
behavior was generally excused as “machismo” behavior both by transnational mothers
and the fathers themselves.
With respect to criticism of fathers, I found that the long legacy of male
migration and family separation that in part can be attributed to the gender-biased
Mexican Bracero Program (1942-1965), and the ongoing cultural expectation that men
serve as primary breadwinners for their families, which they attempt to do through labor
migration, lessens negative judgments of fathers. The notion of men leaving their wives
and children in order to provide for them is seen by some as “heroic.” For example,
fathers told of how their wives tell their children back home stories about how their
fathers are away working very hard and sacrificing for them, fathers such as Nestor rely
on wives to keep their memories alive. He says, “I tell my wife to show them my photos
so they will know me, the most recent of pictures. They have an album to look at.”
Wives of Latino transnational fathers, and also the Filipina wives in Salazar Parreñas’
(2005) study, act as “informants” to their transnational husbands in order to retain a high
level of intimacy and bonding within the family and between children and their fathers.
Mothers are constantly telling the children stories of their father’s sacrifices, challenges,

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ordeals (p. 85). Thus they create the hero-like image of transnational fathers whose
absence is framed as self-sacrificing and for the good of the family. Fathers were grateful
to know that their wives made it a constant practice to talk about them, and to show the
children pictures and videos of them, so the children will not forget them. While wives
back home were very instrumental in keeping a father’s memory alive for their children,
transnational mothers explained how they could only hope and pray that their children
would not forget them. Fearing this, they called home more often and felt they had to
work harder to maintain the emotional bond with their children.
The literature has addressed men’s historical practice of migrating alone; the
focus has largely been viewed with respect to how it benefits the family economically
and furthermore, as a temporary situation. However, it is important to note that, as this
research shows, the practice of men migrating without their wives and children gains
cultural acceptance and even admiration because it supports the valued dominant role of
father as “breadwinner.” In this respect, migration plays a role in the construction of
husband/father as the hero-like father who goes north to seek a better future for this
family. Although the “bad father” exists, he is rarely talked about, and no one knows
him—he is the “friend of a friend,” and he is not the “bad father” because he immigrated
in search of work, he becomes the “bad father” when he fails to provide for his children.
His remittances make him the good father. For immigrant fathers, cheating, or carousing
is expected of men, as Carmen’s story depicted in the previous chapter when she said that
knowing her husband is with another woman is something she could live with as long as
he wasn’t actually “living” with another woman. The attitude that “men will be men” is

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part of the gendered double-standard, such that the experience of migration is less of an
issue for men than for women. Infidelity was alright with Carmen, and excused as
typical male behavior, as long as he did not abandon his wife and child. For transnational
fathers, remittances were the most important obligation to meet, and in meeting this
obligation fathers are “good fathers.”
On a trip to Mexico during which I visited the family (the wife and two
daughters) of a Mexican transnational father who was living in Chicago, I observed that
they had erected a religious shrine where they would pray for the father. The shrine was
in the kitchen above the table where the mother and children ate their daily meals. It
consisted of a large picture of the Virgen of Guadalupe, the patron saint of el immigrante.
Among the flowers and candles were pictures of the father/husband. When I asked about
the shrine, the eldest daughter, with prompting from her mother, explained that the
pictures were of her father and that they would pray everyday for the safe return of him.
They clearly worried about the father, especially because they had no idea where he was
in the United States, as the mother explained. Furthermore, they were not able to call
him, but instead had to wait for him to contact them. The ritual of worship and prayer
was important to the family, and the father’s self-sacrificing act of migration appeared to
be seen as a hero-like act by the mother and daughters.
VIII. A Father’s Worry: An Unfaithful Wife
While transnational fathers may not experience the same level of guilt about
leaving their children with their wives and may not experience the suffering that comes
with being labeled “bad father,” they do have at least one challenge and added worry that

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is not common among the transnational mothers. They have the challenge and worry of
being able to maintain a relationship with their wives from a long distance and long
period of time; and they have the added worry that their wives, after many years of
separation, may seek out male companionship in their absence.
Several of the father’s in this study were quite open about the gendered double
standard. They admit to going out and having a good time, but they do not think it is
appropriate for their wives to do this back home. Fathers worried about their wives being
faithful and thus, had the wives live with their family, or quizzed them about this
concern. For example, Nicolas shares a conversation he had with his wife about her
finding someone else back home:
I think this way, for many people it is something stupid. Not for me. I
simply say that I am not going to do that which I do not want done to me. I
tell her if she meets someone over there that she falls in love with and
because of the distance to go ahead. There is no problem, just let me
know. She tells me she married me and she is going to wait for me. She
tells me she has never allowed another man to make her fall in love. I tell
her the same. I tell her I do flirt but that's all but to have girlfriends or be
unfaithful to my wife, no. That's what I tell my friends. They tell me they
don't believe me. They tell me I certainly must have one hidden
somewhere. How is it possible? I tell them that's how it is.

Nicolas’ story about having a good mother and wife back home caring for their children
and managing the household was a wonderful benefit for fathers. For the most part, the
fathers did not worry much about their children’s wellbeing; instead some were more
concerned about their wives’ behavior in their absence. Worried that his wife might get
lonely and find another man, Nicolas explained:
In the beginning I would say, “Well she might go out with someone else.” But she
told me that if I went [came to the U.S.] she would be waiting for me and she
would eventually come [to join him in the U.S.]. I would always ask her if she’d

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found anyone to fall in love with. At first she said that there was never lack [for
opportunity to fall in love with someone else] when one wanted to, but that when
a woman respects herself, they [men] will respect her. But when a woman loves a
man, she will wait. But you also have to take into account that there are many
men who have come here, never to return and never send money. In other words,
they forget their families over there [back home]. What does a woman do when
the husband forgets her and doesn’t send money? She has to give her children
something to eat.

While many of the fathers expressed some concern about their wives faithfulness,
Nicolas jealous-like concern was especially interesting because he was the man in my
introduction with the naked charro t-shirt, who as a self-proclaimed macho,
misinterpreted my friendliness on the street as bold and flirtatious, and who admitted he
behaved macho when he said, “In my case many people believe that I am machito, but I
don’t want to be, but I am without realizing it.” Nicolas used the term macho to describe
what he saw as negative qualities in himself and other men he knew, however it is
important to note that the term macho also signifies positive qualities and virtues of
masculinity (Gonzalez-Lopez & Gutmann, 2005)
5
. Furthermore, Nicolas explained that
he did not want to behave “machito”. Nicolas’ struggle and conflicted feelings about his
“macho” ways and behavior were evidence that he, much like other fathers, truly wanted
to do good for themselves and for their families.
The worry of an unfaithful wife and men’s fear that it may happen to them is a
theme that is present in Banda music. The Banda boom of the early 90s has gained

5
According to Gloria González-López and Matthew C. Gutmann (2005) “to be macho can have
contradictory connotations: for older generations this may refer to something positive for men to emulate,
so that a macho man is one who is responsible for the financial welfare of his family, whereas for younger
men to be macho can refer to culturally stigmatized behavior like beating one’s wife, and thus in order to
differentiate themselves from this kind of stigmatized practice many men of these younger generations
would not readily refer to themselves as macho.

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momentum due to Mexican immigration to the North, and because the polka-like sound
often focuses on immigrant issues, protest and struggles. In essence the music has
become part of an immigrant pop culture; immigrants often can relate to the lyrics. With
respect to immigrant men being dumped by the women they love and have left back
home, songs such as Sr. Locutor and Pedro y Pablo, by the popular Banda group Los
Tigres del Norte, speaks to the sad events that lead up to a man who returns home and
finds that his girlfriend has met another man in his absence. In the song Pedro y Pablo,
Pedro learns that his younger brother, whom he left behind when he goes to the United
States to work in order to provide him with an education, ends up marrying the love of
his life, Leticia. The same story line is told in Sr. Locutor, however, ironically the man
who has returned from the U.S. learns while in route to reunite with the woman who he
has expected to have waited for him after many years of working in the U.S. to earn
money for them, and in order to buy her the beautiful white dress she will wear when
they marry, is now the wife of the taxi driver. Sadly, the taxi driver informs the man that
the woman he loved, for some time she spent her days crying, but finally he was able to
win her over. In the end, the taxi driver informs the man that when their son is born, they
will give him his name.
Fathers too found ways to escape their feelings of loneliness. Most at one time or
another used alcohol and /or drugs to help them escape. This had become a problem for
several fathers whose use had turned to abuse and resulted in legal problems. Such was
the case with Julian and Nicolas. At the time of my interviews with them, both were on
probation, which means they could not return home for several years to see their wives

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and children. Julian had finally agreed to allow his wife and son to come to the U.S. to
join him, but Nicolas continued to live and work here, but was anticipating going back
home after his probation period was over.
IX. Conclusion
The major finding in this chapter is similar to what Salazar Parreñas (2005) has
found with Filipina transnational mothers, which is that regardless of the length of time
separated, Latina transnational mothers face greater challenges than transnational fathers
in relation to the parent/child separation. This is not because of the type of care the
children receive, but because of the gendered expectations that do not change after
mothers immigrate. Unlike transnational fathers, transnational mothers transform their
mothering roles in ways that allow them to continue to perpetuate conventional ways and
ideals of mothering that are expected of them. For example, they maintain close ties and
involvement with their children. In sharp contrast, migrant fathers tend to reduce their
relationships with children and allow and even expect that the mothers back home are
doing a good job caring for the children. This is justifiable for fathers because they
believe mothers are naturally suited to do the care work, regardless of the gains that
women have made.
The pressure to maintain the gendered role of mother results in mothers working
to maintain intimate ties with their children by way of more telephone calls and letter
writing, among other practices. As Salazar Parreñas says, “From the descriptions given
by their children, most mothers could be described as “super moms.” These findings
support this description of transnational mothers. The mothers have more authority as

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single-parent mothers and primary economic supporters of their families, who also
continue to perform the “second shift,” by putting in a days work, and going home and
doing the job of mothering and managing the household (Hochschild, 1989, p. 258).
While Mexican immigrant women in the United States do indeed gain more mando
(authority), the division of labor remains unequal after migration, as Barajas and Ramirez
(2007) found and this study confirms. In the case of transnational mothers, they work
one, two, and sometimes three jobs, and still maintain (though from a distance) the
household responsibilities and the responsibility of supervising their children’s care.
Findings indicate that cultural gendered ideals about motherhood and fatherhood
pose greater emotional challenges for transnational mothers and fewer challenges for
transnational fathers. When we look at the cultural ideologies about what men as fathers
are expected to do, we see that transnational fathers are complying with expectations of
father as breadwinners. In contrast, transnational mothers are not complying when they
make the decision to immigrate in an effort to provide for their children’s need—even
when there is no father in the family to fulfill the responsibility of providing. Thus, for
transnational mothers, the non-conforming role of the immigrant mother who leaves her
children results in guilt, sadness and stigmatization as “bad mother.”
Matthew Gutmann (1996) explains that both Mexican men and women are
responding to sweeping social forces in Mexico, with women’s changing roles (e.g.
greater participation in the labor force, improved education, and lower birth rates) often
initiating changes in male attitudes and behaviors that consequently have produced shifts
in parenting roles. He finds that, against the stereotype, many men's sense of sexual

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identity involves considerable child care responsibilities and recognition of a new found
female autonomy
One would think that the increase in women’s migration would transform the
ways in which women and men practice their roles as mothers and fathers. According to
the gender and immigration scholarship, paid work and immigration to the U.S. often
does lead to women’s empowerment and to greater egalitarianism within immigration
families (Barajas & Ramirez, 2007; Grasmuck & Pessar, 1991; Hondagneu-Sotelo,
1994), but it does not necessarily change the ideas and practices about the division of
labor in the home, especially where child rearing is concerned
In sum, it is important to note that where a decision to migrate may play out
favorably for Latino immigrant men’s, and possible elevate their status and play out
favorably in their identity as hard-working men who will do anything for their children, it
does not elevate the identity or status of immigrant mothers who decide to migrate. On
the contrary, transnational mothers while continuing to mother from afar, are generally
criticized, stigmatized and made to feel guilty for leaving their children with someone
else to provide care, just as their male counterparts have done for many years. While both
mothers and fathers provide economic support to sustain their families back in their
countries of origin, transnational mothers, and caregivers back home are responsible for
maintaining the emotional notion of “family” for the children left behind. Transnational
mothers, although not physically present, do the emotional work they see as necessary to
create a sense of family that includes them. Thus, even though they are hundreds of
miles away, they still are very present in the lives of their children.

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Chapter 4: Gendered Work and Family Relations

Since the mid-1960s, political and economic transformations in Mexico, Central
American and the United States have resulted in large numbers of undocumented
immigrants leaving their countries and coming to the United States. The transformation
of the labor market, the labor needs and opportunities in the U.S. have resulted in a new
chapter in the migration literature, one which documents the increasingly flow of migrant
women whose labor is largely that of “caring work,” performed either in private homes or
in other parts of the service sector. Overall, half of the world’s 120 million legal and
illegal migrants are now believed to be women (Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002).
Immigrant women have largely come to find themselves in the care work as a
result of transnational structures from late 20
th
century global capitalism that have
initiated the immigration of women as a source of cheap and flexible labor. The
independent female migration, and break from the more traditional male-only migration
patterns of past, have correspondingly increased with the feminization of wage labor in
the global economy. More specifically, the increase of Mexican and Central American
women immigrating to the United States has been linked to shifts in the U.S. labor
market, including the increased demand for private domestic and child care workers
(Colen, 1989; Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 2001; Parreñas,
2000). Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001) explains that the growing concentration of Central
American and Mexican immigrant women in Los Angeles and their entry into domestic
service came on the heels of local African-American women’s exodus from domestic
work. The supply of new immigrant workers has helped fuel the demand. The

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increasing number of Latina immigrant women has pushed down wages and made
domestic services more affordable and available to wider class of people.
Most, if not all of the transnational mothers, and likewise fathers, in this study
indicated that the need to find work in order to provide for their children was the
motivating factor in their decision to immigrate to the United States. Like many male
immigrants before them, transnational mothers also have come to see the United States as
the land of opportunity, as Rosa explains when asked why she decided to immigrate to
the United States: “I thought to come and succeed and maybe give my children an
education.”
In the previous chapters I argued that the challenges transnational mothers and
fathers face are based in cultural and gendered ideals about men and women, and notions
about motherhood and fatherhood that have historically not sanctioned immigration and
work for women. I have discussed how transnational mothers have forsaken deeply felt
cultural beliefs that biological mothers should be the ones to raise their children, which
consequently results in the stigmatization of transnational mothers as “bad mothers” and
overwhelming guilt.
In this chapter, a discussion about the gendered paid work immigrant women and
men perform, I continue to argue that transnational mothers face greater challenges and
greater emotional suffering than do transnational fathers and that the challenges are in
part due to the type of work they do while living apart from their children. I demonstrate
how and why paid domestic work is incompatible with providing primary care for one’s
own family (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). I argue that the work Latina

140
transnational mothers perform as paid domestic workers results in greater emotional
suffering compared to the paid jobs transnational fathers hold here in the U.S. For
example, as paid domestics, they are cleaning and caring for other people’s children,
which serves as a constant reminder of their own children and makes it harder for the
mothers to be away from their children. In addition, unregulated paid domestic labor
creates unique challenges for mothers in that it can make it extremely difficult for them to
take the time to travel to visit or to reunite with their children in the U.S.
In contrast, I show how the paid jobs immigrant men are hired to perform allow
transnational fathers more flexibility and benefits, which can benefit the father/child
relationship by providing fathers the opportunity to return home to visit their children.
I. Caring for Other People’s Children
Upon their arrival into the United States, Latina transnational mothers’ entry into
the labor force begins with paid domestic work. Many end up working as live-ins in the
homes of American families where they perform what I refer to as a “dual-
occupation,”—two jobs for one wage. They not only are hired to do all the
housekeeping, but often are expected to provide daily care for children.
Transnational motherhood arrangements are not exclusive to paid domestic work,
but as Hondagneu-Sotelo and Avila (2007) note, there are particular features about the
way domestic work is organized that encourage temporal and spatial separations of an
immigrant mother and her children. Historically and in the contemporary period, paid
domestics have been expected to divert or forfeit the primary care of their own children
and families in order to earn money by providing primary care to other families who are

141
privileged by race and class (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997; Glenn, 1986; Rollins,
1985; Romero, 1992).
Transnational mothers, such as Magdalena, the mother of two daughters living
back in Mexico with her mother and sister, explained that as single-parents they had no
other option but to leave their children back home while they came to work in the United
States cooking and cleaning for other families:
…The situation is that if I go there (back home to Mexico) I won't have enough
money to provide for them (her two daughters), and if I bring them here I won't
either, because I'll have to pay for their care.

Like Magdalena, poor single-parent mothers who emigrate from poor countries often find
that as single-parent mothers, their opportunities are limited. They can’t earn enough
money back in their home countries to support their children, and they can’t bring their
children over, because they have no support system to help them care for their children
while they earn a living caring for other people’s children in the U.S.
The scarcity of jobs in their home countries and the growing demand for cheap
and flexible labor in the United States was seen by the mothers as the best hope and
opportunity to secure a better future for their children. However, as the transnational
mothers in this study revealed, once in the United States, the work they were generally
hired to do was paid housekeeping and child care in people’s private homes. For
transnational mothers, domestic work and child care work often serves as the constant
reminder of what transnational mothers have forfeited—children and a home.
Unlike Latino immigrant fathers who work primarily in agriculture, construction
and manufacturing, Latina immigrant women as workers are increasingly situated within

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the realm of reproductive labor (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 2001). As paid domestic workers
they are cooking, cleaning, and providing care for other people’s children. Paid domestic
work and child care, the gendered work many poor third world immigrant women are
hired to perform in the U.S, create unique challenges for Latina transnational mothers.
First, the way the occupation is structured and unregulated tends to hinder the
transnational mother’s contact with her children, and thus can impact the mother’s ability
to provide care. Second, the job itself, which involves caring for children, cooking,
cleaning, etc.—in essence, “mothering” other people’s children—while at times
rewarding, can also be emotionally challenging.
In this study, nearly 80% of the mothers interviewed (all but 3 of the 14 mothers)
had entered the labor market as domestic workers and/or nannies, and most have
remained in the domestic occupation where work is readily and abundantly available (see
Table 2 for a list of the women’s occupations and levels of education). Women who
migrate without a spouse or parents encounter a limited range of jobs and residential
situations (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1994). The majority of the women in this sample also
have limited education, job skills, and non-legal status that keep them from moving out of
the occupation. As Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001), Rollins (1985), Romero (1992) have
pointed out, the occupation has historically been racialized. Women of color, including
immigrant Latinas, have historically been the ones centered in this occupation, and
Rollins notes that a pattern can be observed:
A racially or ethnically subordinate group is “ghettoized” into the occupation. The
distinct pattern of domestic service in twentieth-century America—older, married,
live-out domestics who retain a lifelong maid-of-all-work status and whose
daughters may well enter domestic work—appears to be directly related to racism,

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not only through the exclusion of these women from other jobs, but also by the
prevention of men of color from obtaining wages sufficient to support their
families. (p. 55)

Today, poor immigrant women, as a group, continue to be “ghettoized” in the
occupation. However, the distinct pattern of domestic service in twenty-first century
America appears to have changed from the older, married, live-out domestics to a pattern
of young, single-parent immigrant mothers from third world countries who hold most of
the domestic/nannie live-in jobs. For most of the women working in paid domestic work,
the goal is to transition out of the occupation; however as Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001)
points out, “Live in domestic work does serve as an occupational bridge of sorts, but it
often leads only to other types of domestic jobs” (p. 48). Thus, it is not uncommon to see
Latina immigrant women situated in some level of the occupation for many years, and
because the occupation does not pay a fair living wage, many of the transnational
mothers work multiple jobs in order to be able to meet their financial obligations back
home.
The majority of the transnational mothers in this study worked multiple jobs
because, as single parents, one income was not enough to sustain their households back
home and themselves here in the U.S. Consuelo is one example of how creative
transnational mothers can be in managing multiple jobs. Consuelo’s multiple jobs, which
include a live-in position with a middle-class Anglo family, allowed her little time to go
visit her children:
With Jane [live-in employer], I would get up at 6 a.m. and cleaned the garage,
yard, kitchen, bathroom, vacuum, dust, and at 9 a.m. el senor would take me to
my job with Margaret [daily housekeeper job]. In 1-2 hour I did a lot. In two

144
hours I'd done the laundry and hung it out the dry. In the evening [back at Jane’s
house] I would iron his [husband’s] shirts. Then in my room I had a [sewing]
machine in my room, because Julie [daughter] sewed a lot and there were lots of
scraps, when I got home about 4 p.m. I made furniture covers, seat covers, etc. He
[Jane’s husband] would ask me if I wasn't tired. I told him no. I would continue
cleaning the yard. There was a lot to do in the yard as he worked.

Q: What did Jane do, did she go to work?

Consuelo: No. She didn't even know how to drive (laughs).

Q: What did she do when you were cleaning?

Consuelo: She drank coffee, and watched television. She would tell me to sit
down, but what was I there for, I asked her.

Most immigrant women, such as Consuelo, work as much as possible in order to
supplement the domestic worker jobs that often do not pay well. Also, the women
indicated that they try to stay busy, because staying busy means less idle time to sit and
think about how much they miss their children. Thus for many of the women, work is a
welcome diversion.
Mexican transnational mother Hilda, at one point, worked Monday through Friday
as a live-out nanny, on week-ends she cleaned houses, and on top of this, she did
housecleaning and elder-care seven days a week for the couple from whom she rented a
room. This resulted in little time for much else and, according to Hilda, she had multiple
employers with whom she had to negotiate for time off to go back to see her son in
Mexico. Several of the women had eventually moved into weekly housecleaning jobs,
what Mary Romero (1992) calls “job work,” to describe the domestic workers who clean
different houses on different days of the week. These arrangements not only generally
mean more income, but also more flexibility in the work schedule and autonomy

145
(Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). In the case of the women who were (or had)
worked as domestics for one employer, they essentially were already doing multiple jobs
(childcare, cleaning and cooking, etc.), but for only one wage.
II. The Emotional Challenges of Paid Care Work
For some transnational mothers, working as a live-in domestic means that she
must forfeit the daily care of her child. This is evident in the case of Rosario, the mother
of five children in Guatemala and one in the U.S. She explains:
The day I left was very sad for me to say good-bye to my children…In the
beginning my mother was here [in the U.S.] too, and she helped me. During the
first months I was able to work, but later no one would give me work, because I
was pregnant…After I had my son, I began to work. I worked for a while
encerada.

Q: Live-in with your son, or without him?

Without him…I worked encerada and she [her mother ]took care of my son, and
she also took care of other children of other women who were here [immigrant
women] to help them. In that way she helped me very much. And then when she
went back [to Guatemala] with my son it was another good-bye and I could not
bear it. I think that is why when I was working encerada, I remember that every
day, when she [her mother] was still here, I would call her to see how she was
and how my son was, and when they left I would sit down to eat and suddenly
would think to myself, “Oh I have to call my mother and son.” But now I had no
one to call. It was a very hard time for me and I wouldn't eat either.

Rosario’s experience speaks to the pain and emotional suffering transnational mothers
must deal with when having to forfeit the care of their children, as she did with her
newborn son, because working as a live-in domestic did not permit her the time to care
for her own son. Rosario explained that she eventually had to make the heartbreaking
decision to allow her son to return to Guatemala with her mother, where he now lives
with his four siblings. She has never seen him since. He is now 11-years-old.

146
Rosario, like other transnational mothers, found it very difficult to continue to
work as a live-in while separated from her children. Not having her own children with
her was one thing, but having to take care of other people’s homes and their children was
another. According to Rosario, this was the main motivation for her to work extra hard to
build a clientele of different employers for whom she now does daily housekeeping. She
works up to six days a week, long hours in an effort to support her five children back
home, and the 5-year-old, U.S. born daughter who lives with her now.
As Rosario’s story above illustrates, paid childcare and domestic work is
generally incompatible with providing primary care for one’s own children and home
(Glenn, 1986; Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997; Rollins, 1985; Romero, 1992). Not
only could Rosa not get a job while pregnant, but once her child was born, she could not
provide daily care for him while employed as a live-in. With no support network, she
had no choice but to send her son back to Guatemala with her mother. It was only after
she had transitioned to daily, non-live-in housekeeping work that she was able to keep
her second U.S. born child, her daughter, here with her in the U.S.
Because Latina immigrant women are generally hired to perform a dual
occupation of housekeeper/nanny, work schedules can be very demanding, thus making it
challenging to try to maintain their own lives. As the job is structured with its long
workdays and sub-minimum wages, it is not physically compatible with workers being
able to take care of their own families daily. In a previous study, Hondagneu-Sotelo and
Avila (1997) found that live-in domestic workers, on average, work 64 hours per week,
thus leaving little to no time to tend to her own children and home. The physical

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demands of the occupation, from an employer’s perspective, requires a worker who has
very few, or no, daily family obligations of her own; she must be available to work long
hours and be flexible to accommodate not only the employers work schedules, but also
their social activities.
Anticipating that they will most likely enter the domestic worker labor market
once they arrive in the U.S. and possibly having no support system to help with child
care, immigrant single mothers generally make conscious decisions not to bring their
children with them to the U.S. In some cases, immigrant mothers who initially migrate
with their children (such as Magdalena), or who give birth to children here in the U.S.
(such as Rosario), may quickly come to realize that they can no longer care for their own
children; they eventually send their children back to their country to be cared for by
family there. Rosario had come to rely on her mother when, as a live-in, she could not
care for her own newborn son. However she realized that upon her mother’s return to
Guatemala, she would have no one to care for her newborn son while she worked. Thus,
at the time, she felt she had no choice but to send her newborn son home with her mother.
For Rosario, it was bad enough not to be able to be with her new son, to take care of him
while he was here, so close to her in the U.S. Yet, after he went back home with her
mother, it was even more painful, as she explained, because now she couldn’t call her
mother from work to check on her son. She explained how, after they left to go to
Guatemala, “I had no one to call. It was a very hard time for me and I wouldn’t eat.”
Similarly, Mexican transnational mother Magdalena, who was quoted above
talking about how she told her daughters she couldn’t bring them over to live with her,

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had initially come to the U.S. with her two daughters. She very quickly realized she
couldn’t manage work and their care, and she decided to send them back home to her
mother. She had done what she felt was the best thing for her daughters, though it was—
and still is—painful, for both her and for them.
While Magdalena and Rosario’s experiences serve to show how the domestic
work occupation can create physical boundaries between a mother and her child, the
work itself also creates emotional challenges. The actual task of “caring” for other
people’s children, even if it is for pay, poses some deep emotional challenges for
transnational mothers who cannot provide daily care for their own children. For
Magdalena and Rosario and the other transnational mothers, not being able to see and
care for their own children on a daily basis was very painful. Once her mother took the
child back home, Rosario was left with painful memories, regrets and depression, and
still had the task of caring for her employer’s baby. Eventually, Rosario left the
occupation for daily house cleaning work after she became pregnant. The father (a man
she had met at church) of her American-born daughter, Annisa, had provided financial
assistance, which made it possible for Rosario to slowly build a clientele and transition
out of live-in work. The transition into daily house cleaning jobs allowed Rosario the
flexibility to care for her daughter, with the help of a babysitter. Although Rosario
worked long hours six days a week and had to travel on the bus for up to two hours to get
to some of her housecleaning jobs, for her it was much better than the live-in situation,
because she could come home each night to be with her daughter.

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For transnational mothers like Rosario, entrance into the paid domestic labor force
occurs because they are steered into it by their mothers who, likewise, have relied on
income from housekeeping and childcare to sustain their households back in their
countries. For example, transnational mother Celia had also paved the way into paid
domestic work for her daughter Sara. In Celia’s case, she had become very fond of the
family she had been working for since she had first immigrated to the U.S. However, her
caregiver daughter, Sara, wrote to her telling her she needed to return because Sara could
no longer manage her now adolescent brothers and sisters. Celia agreed to return, but
arranged for Sara to take her place with the U.S. employer. Sara remained in the
occupation for 18 years.
III. Good Karma: Caring for Other Children for the Sake of Mine
Paid domestic work, child care and the setting in which it takes place serves as a
daily reminder of what transnational mothers have forfeited in order to provide a better
future for their own children. Providing daily care for children in a “home” setting
results in more intense bouts of nostalgia for immigrant mothers. The emotional work of
caring for and giving affection to a child can, on occasions, become very personal and
thus pose difficult emotional challenges for transnational mothers. This was the case
with Carolina, a Guatemalan mother of four children whose story Hondagneu-Sotelo and
Avila documented in a previous study on transnational mothers (1997). Carolina had
cared for many children in the seven years she had been in the U.S. working as a nanny
and living apart from her own four children, however, the one child that had touched her
the most was the one that reminded her of her own daughter back home. Interestingly,

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Carolina had felt that the young girl was unhappy because her mother was always away
from home and spent little time with her daughter. During this period, Carolina started
getting reports from back home that her own daughter was acting out, just as her
employer’s child was doing. It became quite clear from Carolina’s account that she had
tried to give her employer’s daughter what she could not give her own daughter: love,
affection and personal attention:
When I saw that the young girl was lacking in affection, I began to get close to
her and I saw that she appreciated that I would touch her, give her a kiss on the
cheek…And then I felt consoled too, because I had someone to give love to. But I
would imagine that she was my daughter, ah? And then I would give pure love to
her, and that brought her close to me.

Not long after our interview, Carolina called me to say she was returning to
Guatemala because she had become increasingly concerned about her own daughter’s
rebelliousness and could no longer ignore her aging mother-in-law’s pleas for her return.
According to Carolina, her husband Victor, a transnational father, would remain in the
United States, and he was to continue to send home the remittances while she tended to
the children. Carolina was making a good income as a nanny/housekeeper, however as
Carolina implied, it was she, as the mother, who would return to tend to the children.
During the course of my interviews with the mothers, it was not unusual to hear
them talk about how work often elicited strong emotions and crying. Mothers talked
about how they would start to think about their own children when they were at work,
wondering what they were doing, eating and if they were being well taken care of by
their caregivers. When directly asked if it was difficult for them to take care of other
people’s children while they were not with their own children, the mothers indicated that

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the childcare kept them busy and distracted. Anita, who had left behind two young
daughters, explained:
No, because as I say, I enjoy all the children. I feel good and they help me. They
help me not to be thinking so much about the girls [her daughters] over there [in
Mexico]. Thinking about what they are doing, I'm distracted by them [employer’s
children]. We play.

Q: They know about your children?

A: Yes, they know because they ask, "Anita, aren't you going to call your girls?" I
tell them yes, I am going to call them.

Q: Why are you working as a nanny?

Anita: In the first place because to live [where she rented a room] there and not to
have to pay rent and I'll be with children…I like the children and I'll be with them.

Q: These children you take care of are they very different from your daughters?

Anita: No, they're all alike, restless at times. No it's just that you know that here
you can’t leave them in the streets and there's a little more freedom over there

Like Anita, mothers felt that taking care of children was a diversion that kept
them busy. Most sincerely enjoyed children, especially those who reminded them of
their own back home, such as with Carolina. While the mostly Catholic mothers did not
use the term “karma,” they indicated that they believed or felt that if they took good,
loving care of their employers children, their own children would be well taken care of
back home. Thus, taking care of other people’s children and doing it in a loving way was
seen as a form of insurance and/or reassurance that their own children would be treated
well and loved by their caregivers back home. Rosario, for example, demonstrated this
when I asked her the following question: “The job you told me about, the one you had
when your son was born, working ‘encerada,’ what was that like for you? I ask this

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because many of the other mothers I've talked to who are here without their children have
told me that taking care of children can be very difficult.” Rosario replied:
This experience, for me, well, it's very lovely when one is caring for children
…one has to take good care of those children so that mine will be taken care of
well in my country.

Q: Why do you think this way?

Yes. Because I love the children I'm caring for. I love them very much and this
is how they're also going to love mine. Because one who is mean is what the
children feel…I took care of a baby girl of six months until she was 3-years-old.
She was a beautiful little girl, who was raised with me. She started walking, and
when she started talking first was my name she said. When I'd leave on Sundays,
she'd stay very sad. As a result, the parents liked me very much, because they
could give her to me one Sunday and in the evening they would pick her up,
because the little girl liked me a lot. She got very close to me.

Transnational mothers who found it was a good way of diverting their thoughts
away from their loneliness, sadness, and worries, inadvertently used the job as a kind of
therapeutic divergence from thinking about their situation and loneliness. Amparo, who
had been caring for other people’s children for the 15 years she had been apart from her
own children, told me one day, when I asked her what she did when she was feeling sad
or lonely, that she had no choice but to aguantarse (just stand it). She said, “One has to
suffer a little, its part of life, but one has to suffer and then keep going. For me, work
helps me forget, even if just for little while. It helps me forget my sadness.”
The transnational mothers who indicated that it was not difficult to care for other
people’s children because they loved children, in many cases, found themselves
transferring the love they could not give to their own children to their employer’s
children, as was the case with Carolina above. Celia, who had left four children behind

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in Guatemala, was most direct about the connection between her children and the
children she was paid to care for. She explained:
I care for the children because they reminded me of my own children that I had
left. They also gave me their love…For me it was very good because it distracted
even though I didn’t understand the language. But I used to play with the little
ones.

Still, other mothers—mainly those who were no longer caring for children after
having transitioned into other types of work such as cook, janitor, or factory work—could
not conceive of the idea of having to care for other people’s children while separated
from their own. For example, when asked if she had ever had to work as a nanny, Ofelia,
a Salvadorian factory worker who had struggled to bring her infant son to the U.S.,
replied, “Aye, I think I would have been more traumatized.” Although some of the
mothers, like Carolina, Celia and Rosario, convey that they have no problem caring for
other people’s children, I could not help but feel that their tears and emotionally charged
conversations were in direct contradiction to this. While it was evident that some were
indeed transferring their love and affection to some of the children they were being paid
to care for as a way of copying, it also proved to be painful and challenging. My sense
was that these immigrant mothers were making the best of a difficult situation and their
limited options. Since paid domestic/child care work was their only option as
undocumented immigrant workers with limited education, no English language skills, and
no drivers’ license or car, they manage emotions in their domestic/child care jobs in a
positive ways.

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In some cases employers tried to be a support system for the transnational
mothers who worked for them, and whose painful separation from their children was too
obvious to go unnoticed. Some employers, such as Celia’s, were sympathetic to the
transnational mother’s pain from separation. Celia’s employer made attempts to comfort
her. Recounting the experience brought Celvina to tears:
I worked for them 2-1/2 years. I was so grateful to them because they cared for
me like family, not like a maid or servant. I ate with them at the table. When
they had gatherings with their friends they would sit me there. They would give
me my plate, my cup of wine, everything. And the lady would cry with me when
she saw me crying because it bothered me to be so far away. I cried when I was
going to sit down to eat because I would think that I was eating with all of this,
and my kids.” A mi se me rolavan las lagrema [my tears would come rolling
down]," and the lady [employer] would begin to cry and she would hug me and
even though she didn't know how to speak Spanish but I knew that she was
saying, ‘Don't cry. Your children are okay.’ Whatever she said to me I knew
what she was saying. But I loved them for that love they had for me. It was hard.
It is hard.

Transnational mothers’ emotional challenges that stem from the work they are
paid to do as domestics does not necessarily mean that that transnational fathers do not
have bouts of melancholy and nostalgia; some of the fathers did indeed talk about having
moments of sadness and some even told me they would cry when missing their children.
None of the men interviewed, however, indicated that “work” specifically posed
emotional challenges for them as transnational fathers.
IV. Men’s and Women’s Work Compared
Leo Chavez (1992) found that immigrant men often leave Mexico in pursuit of
“the immigrant dream.” Undocumented immigrants, he explains, “View the U.S. as the
land of opportunity, where the streets are paved with gold, and where hard work and

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sacrifice can earn them upward mobility at least for their children if not for themselves…
Many immigrants symbolically equate the idea of journeying north with rising
economically and socially” (Chavez, 1992, pp. 29-30). In this respect, fathers initially
came to the U.S. with bigger goals than those of the mothers interviewed.
The transnational fathers came to work temporarily for large-scale achievement.
They, too, needed to provide for their families, but they also were looking to build a
better future back home with money they tried to save. For transnational fathers, the
greatest challenge with regard to work is finding a secure job that pays a descent wage.
Most of the fathers in this sample held factory jobs or they worked as gardeners. In
addition, some of the fathers indicated that they at times would pick up extra work on
weekends as day laborers. Furthermore, they also indicated that performing weekend
work as a day laborer was a good way to network with fellow-immigrants and employers
that could lead to finding better jobs. When I asked, “How much do you earn as a day
laborer?” Most indicated that they earned about $10.00 and hour. “Good extra money,”
said Ricardo, the Mexican transnational father who worked weekdays as a gardener and
who had been able to bring his wife and four children to the U.S. by getting extra work as
a day laborer on the corner, “En la esquina,” he says. “Now they are here, I don’t work
the extra [hours as a day laborer].”
The fathers who worked in gardening explained that, although they were making
good money most of the time, by nature of the occupation, they also lost income during
the rainy and winter season, when people’s lawns and gardens required less maintenance
and employers would cut back on the lawn crews. The fathers working in factories, for

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the most part, indicated they earned a better income than day labor work, and some even
earned benefits, including paid vacation. These few fathers, however, did fear that the
faltering economy could result in their losing jobs due to lay-offs, and they believed they
would be some of the first to be let go from their jobs. The fathers often noted that in all
jobs there was a “pecking order” (seniority), in which most of them were at the bottom.
Even among the day laborers, there was a pecking-like order which, as newer arrivals,
affected their chances of obtaining daily work. From my observations while visiting the
day laborer sites with the men, I noticed the competition for work was high and thus
stressful and often discouraging.
While the work immigrant women do as domestic workers may have drawbacks,
including the same lack of job security the men spoke of, it does not appear to be in short
supply. According to Menjivar’s (2000) study on Salvadoran immigrants, immigrant
women tend to find work more easily than men, even if they generally do not earn more
than men (p. 165). Clearly there has been a steady growth within the domestic work
occupation in the U.S., which has helped keep immigrant women working. This growth
can be attributed to the high rates of employment of middle-class American women,
especially of married women with children. According to Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001),
parents prefer the convenience, flexibility, and privilege of having someone care for their
children in their own home. This arrangement makes life much easier for the working
parent who is not always able to meet with the regulations of day care centers (pp. 4-11).
For the most part, the women in this study had consistent employment from the
time they had arrived in the U.S., even if some did change domestic jobs frequently.

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According to observations by Ernesto, a Mexican transnational father, the women have it
easier in the job market, because they have all the necessary skills for the demands in the
U.S. job market:
I have always said it is much easier for them [immigrant women] to work than for
a man…I have seen newspaper announcements for work for women. I have
commented to my sister that as soon as a woman gets here she has a job in her
own house just taking care of kids, which is a very great responsibility. If not,
there are many homes who solicit women to work all week…I told my sister they
[women] had that gift and others cook very well and wherever they go there is no
problem.

Ernesto’s perspective of the job market is an interesting one, he clearly sees
immigrant women in a better position than himself and his fellow men due to the fact that
they are consistently employed. However, what Ernesto and others may fail to realize is
that the work immigrant women do in the U.S. as domestic workers, not only tends to pay
poorly, but also is generally very restricting and, consequently, impacts their role as
mothers. In addition, while the men can leave their work behind at the end of a long day,
the women very often tend not to—domestic work is emotionally draining and caring for
children makes it hard to separate from one’s emotions.
When questioned about their views on women who immigrate without their
children, most of the transnational fathers indicated that they did not think it was a good
thing for women to come alone and leave their children. They felt that a mother should
be with her children, and that children needed their mother. However, the fathers
conveyed sympathy for the transnational mothers, especially for those who were earning
a living taking care of other people’s children while they were separated from their own.
Alejandro, who showed great admiration for his wife and who he acknowledged was

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carrying the majority of the childcare and household responsibilities back in Mexico, was
especially sympathetic toward immigrant mothers. When I asked, “What are your
thoughts about mothers who migrate without their children?,” he replied:
Someone who is here [in the U.S.] understands the situation others [other
immigrants] are in. The women [immigrant mothers] prefer to leave their
children who are suffering from hunger back home…Truthfully the mothers have
the responsibility of taking care of the children and sometimes they don’t have
any other recourse, but to leave, come here because they have not other
opportunity that allows them to get ahead…And my wife back home, she has one
hundred percent of the responsibility, you could say because I just send them
money, but the problems that occur over there, she alone has to resolve them.

Because paid domestic work takes place in the employer’s private home, the
actual job is generally designed to accommodate the employer’s household and family
needs. Rarely do the women receive a minimum wage, or job benefits, such as paid
vacation. Furthermore, there is no “down time” in domestic work and requesting time off
may result in a reprimand or even the loss of one’s job, as Amparo found out:
One time I asked her [her employer] permission for Christmas Eve off, I asked if
she’d give me the 24
th
off and she told me that she couldn’t give me the day off. I
told her, but its Christmas the 24
th
. She was giving me the 25
th
off and I wanted
the 24
th
and she told me, “I can’t give you this day.” Look, I am tired because she
has, how do you say it…she rents houses, sells houses...She tells me, “For me
someone asks for a day of rest I fire them,” like that she tells me. Well, like I
already felt fired, I told her well, yes right well then I’ll leave. And than she told
me, “I cannot give a day off, in the office we all work,” well I had already asked
for that day.

The employer Amparo was working for at the time owned a real estate and
property management company and consequently worked days, evenings and weekends.
As a result, Amparo’s services were needed around the clock, and she had little time off.
After having asked for Christmas Eve off, Amparo knew she had crossed the line with

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her employer, and consequently was let go. Amparo’s situation is an example of how
difficult it can be to have a family life when working as a live-in domestic. Rebecca, a
domestic worker with whom I had an informal conversation one day at a family
gathering, explained that her own employer was looking for a new nanny and needed
someone who had no family commitments: “No husband, no boyfriend, no children of
her own,” she said, in disbelief, “Because she needs a nanny who can be available at all
times, even to travel with her family!” [her emphasis].
Live-in jobs clearly are the least compatible with conventional mothering
responsibilities. Employers who hire live-in workers do so because they often want
employees round-the-clock. In previous research on transnational mothers, Hondagneu-
Sotelo and Avila (1997) found that live-in domestic workers, on average, work 64 hours
per week. For live-in domestic workers, the workweek may consist of six long
workdays. The days can begin at dawn and end at midnight. Responsibilities can also
span a 24-hour day when they include caring for an employer’s sick child. With regard
to live-in nannies, Romero (2006) explains:

Hiring a surrogate is an ideal strategy for maintaining child-centered, emotionally
demanding, and labor-intensive mothering, while shifting the burden from one’s
own shoulders. Domestics and nannies are relegated the more physical and taxing
part of child work while employers upgrade their own status to mother-managers.
(p. 240)

These arrangements make it near impossible for live-in workers to maintain daily contact
with their own children, and furthermore make it even more difficult for transnational
mothers to travel home to visit their own children. Furthermore, the subminimum pay
and the long work days also make it very challenging for transnational mothers to have

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their children with them in the U.S (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997, p. 555). When I
asked Magdalena about the possibility of reuniting with her children here in the U.S., she
explained:
I can’t bring them [my children] here, because I can’t take care of them, and I
don’t have anyone to help me, no one to take care of them when I am working. I
tried, I brought them, and they were here when they were younger, but I had to
send them back to my mother. It was too hard.

While some immigrant men have faced challenges related to occupations that may
hinder family contact and/or family reunification (dating back to the mid-20
th
-century
Bracero Program), the transnational fathers I interviewed were, for the most part, situated
in occupations that were less restrictive than live-in, unregulated domestic work, and
were more conducive to family life. Thus, transnational mothers in domestic work had to
do some major planning and adjusting in order to accommodate their families, or visit
with their children, unlike the men in formal service jobs, factory work or paid
gardening/landscape jobs where they had some benefits or time off from seasonal work.
Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001) explains this is because “the lack of paid holiday, paid
overtime, and paid vacation is virtually institutionalized in the occupation” (p. 108).
The inadvertent benefit to the types of work the fathers overwhelmingly
performed was that they had time off from their jobs (even if it was without pay), and
they could go back home to visit family and connect with their children—a benefit of
which most of the transnational mothers could only dream. Furthermore, while lack of
work impacted the men’s decisions to reunite with their children here in the U.S.,
dependable childcare was not necessarily a primary factor for them, because they had

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wives who could continue to care for their young children, should they make the decision
to reunite in the U.S. Instead, fathers generally believed that back home (in their country)
was the best place for their wives and children, especially because most expected to
return to their country eventually, and many hoped to start a business there.
V. Work, Money, and Job Security
Aside from the restrictive job arrangements and work obligations, I found that for
both fathers and mothers, finances, job security, and fear of re-crossing the border were
three other major factors that impacted decisions to visit home, and thus limited the
opportunity for transnational mothers and fathers to return home to visit their children.
Where finances were concerned, most of the fathers and mothers explained that saving
enough money to go back home for a visit was near impossible, because after allowing
for their own living expenses and sending back the remittances needed to sustain their
children, there was very little left to save for a trip back home. However, limited finances
appeared to play less of a role for fathers. Re-crossing the border was also less of an
issue for the fathers, as I learned they were more willing to take a chance crossing the
border alone. Fathers, like Nicolas, admitted they had become quite savvy at crossing the
border alone, undetected, and this resulted in more frequent visits with family back home:

I was afraid of crossing the border but at the same time I felt that if I stayed here
with my fear I would not do anything. Yo me aviento with whatever happens. I
went with my family and stayed a week and then I’d return. I already knew the
way. I have only paid once to cross over… I like those stories [stories he’s shared
with me about his various back and forth over the U.S/Mexican border] because I
know that it is very dangerous crossing, but I also say I am going to do it. I don’t
think about it until I’ve already done it and I’m surprised that I did it.

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In contrast to fathers such as Nicolas, mothers were fearful of crossing the border at all,
and most could not manage to save enough money to pay someone to help them cross
back over again.
Clearly one can argue that there is no such thing as job security for immigrant
workers. However, some of the transnational fathers in this study who received time off
from seasonal work or had paid vacation, tended to go back home to visit with their
families if their finances allowed; and they did so feeling they could leave and return to
their jobs. Some fathers, like Nicolas, boasted that because he had been with his
employer for a long period of time, and because he had been a good, dependable
employee, if he needed time off to go back home to Mexico, his employer would hold his
job:
I had gone back within one year. Then I came back and started working for the
company [delivery service] for two years. I came and went, came and went and
the company never let me go. They never let me go because I would ask for
permission. I would tell them I needed five days and they’d give me a week.
They’d ask why and I would tell them that I was going on vacation with my friend
and they would tell me to go. I would get a week or maybe 15 days.

Of course there are other factors that play a role in men’s more frequent visits
home. As Nicolas also explained, with time he had become very good at coming and
going on his own, crossing the border without a “coyote” and without being caught.
However, the women feared the border and, from their earlier experiences and stories
they had heard, understood the border to be filled with potential dangers, especially for
women and children. Nonetheless, even though the transnational fathers often boasted
about their ease at coming and going over the border, they noted that it was not an easy

163
task. Leo Chavez (1992) documented the following in his work on undocumented
immigrants:
Crossing the border is not a frivolous undertaking. The journey poses risks, the
least of which is apprehension by the Border Patrol. Border crossers face the
ever-present possibility of being robbed, raped, or killed by a border bandit…or
them maybe be injured or even killed in an accident. (p. 57)

On average, over half of the fathers made yearly visits back home and the rest, at least
every two years. Of the two men who had never gone back, one was about to return
home permanently after having completed his two year goal, a much shorter stay than is
common. The other was an estranged father who had left his family 12 years ago and
never made contact with them again.
In contrast to the fathers, the mothers who managed to make visits home did so
about once every three to four years. Of the 14 mothers interviewed, there were four who
had never been back to visit their children: one had not seen her children in seven years,
for the others it had been 11 years, 13 years, and 15 years, respectively. Amparo was the
mother who had not seen her three daughters in 15 years. Through tears she told me
about the pain of separation and the struggles associated with her job as a domestic:

The most difficult thing is being separated from you children, from your family.
And now Christmas is coming (begins to cry), and I’ll pass it [the holiday]…it’s
fine, because I’ve never been without having to work all my life, and at work still
they want that one work on the holidays. Over there in Mexico on the holiday it’s
work and than one is with the family. But over here it’s more difficult because
you know, one can’t just go [back home] and come. Now I am afraid. It is more
difficult…One has to just take it, and take it. And me, the only thing that makes
me feel better, right? Is knowing that they [her daughters] are fine, because there
is no other way…

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In trying to meet their financial obligations, the women worked longer days, and
on average more hours per week than the fathers. When mothers worked multiple jobs
not only did it limit the amount of time they could spend maintaining family bonds with
their children back home. Multiple jobs were less common with fathers, the few who had
worked multiple jobs when they first arrived did so up until the time they were able to
acquire one full-time, better paying job. Except for the two more recently arrived fathers
(each here for less than 2 years), who were still dependent on day labor at the time of the
interviews, all the other fathers were in full-time jobs earning more than minimum wage.
One thing is evident from talking with the transnational fathers in this study: the
8am to 5pm, Monday though Friday jobs that many of them hold have some positive
benefits for the fathers. Although not without some problems, and possibly greater
challenges than what the fathers conveyed to me in this study, the occupational
arrangements of factory work and gardening allow the men to return home and/or to
devote more time to their wives and children. This, in turn, allows them greater
opportunity to maintain a father/child bond and to be more involved in their children’s
lives, if they so choose.
VI. Conclusion
Globalization has resulted in the transformation of the labor market into one that
demands greater labor in the service sector in the U.S. and has played a significant role in
the new chapter of migration which includes more women, many of whom are mothers.
Upon arriving in the United States, many Latina immigrant mothers end up working as
paid live-in domestic workers in the private homes where they cook, clean and take care

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of other people’s children. The occupation is incompatible with providing primary care
for one’s own family, and can result in emotional challenges for the mothers who are
living apart from their own children. The unregulated occupation of domestic work
generally comes with no benefits, such as paid vacation, or sick time. Furthermore, in
this competitive immigrant job market, there is no job security. Thus, transnational
mothers often working in domestic work may delay going back home to visit their
children, because they do not want to risk losing their jobs to other immigrant women.
The one positive aspect about domestic work is that it is readily available to
immigrant women. As Hondagneu-Sotelo (2001) explains, demand for domestic workers
is no longer limited to the elite, but today, spans a wider range of potential employers
who can afford to pay a newly arrived immigrant woman to clean and care for their
children.
In contrast, the type of work the Latino immigrant fathers perform, such as
landscaping/gardening, factory work, and construction, is less emotionally challenging.
Furthermore, once the transnational fathers are able to acquire a “good” job with some
level of job security and benefits, such as vacation and sick time, they are able to go back
home to visit their wives and children. Many of the fathers also indicated that their
employers allowed them to return home for emergencies and held their jobs until they
returned.
Transnational mothers, more than transnational fathers, identified the US/Mexico
border as another challenge that kept them from returning home. The mothers feared the
border not only because it posed danger to them as women, but because the risk of

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crossing illegally could jeopardize their jobs. They feared that if they crossed over to see
their families, they may not be able to get back over and would lose their jobs. The
fathers were less fearful of crossing the border illegally and actually bragged about how
good they had become at coming and going over the border without getting caught.
Thus, they did not necessarily associate border crossing with risking their jobs.
In sum, the type of paid work transnational mothers and fathers do in the United
States is one major factor that determines the experience of separation between parent
and child. It impacts the ability of a parent to bond with their children and monitor the
care their children are receiving back home, even if only occasionally. Furthermore,
mothers’ ability to return home is restricted by fear of losing their job (which they need to
support their children) by taking time off work or by attempting to cross the border,
leaving for a visit and then returning to their jobs in the U.S.

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Chapter 5: Praying and Coping

I pray the rosary and at times I'm praying while I work. When I'm working
and can't [pray the rosary], because I have the children, I sometimes
can't, but sometimes I'm praying still while I'm working. I take my time to
say my prayers so that I can feel better. Prayer helps me a lot....I feel God
is with me. And I ask God for help…I pray for my daughters. I ask God
that my daughters will be safe and well back home.

~Angelina, Mexican transnational mother of three

Throughout the time I was collecting data, and long after, I have found myself often
wondering how the mothers and fathers cope with being separated from their children.
How do they cope with the loneliness, the worrying and the pain of guilt? Even though I,
like other parents whose children move away, felt a great sadness when my adult son
made the decision to move out of state, I felt that my emotional suffering was unmatched
to that of the transnational mothers who, unlike myself, did not usually have the resources
to simply pick-up the telephone or to hop on an airplane to visit. After my son’s move, I
gained an even greater respect for the transnational mothers and fathers who had shared
their stories with me, and I became even more compelled to learn about how they cope.
Thus in this chapter, I first explore the varied challenges transnational mothers and
fathers face on top of the challenge of being separated from their children, and second,
how they cope with the challenges they experience.
In the previous chapters I discussed some of the major challenges faced by
transnational mothers including their single-parent status, which results in their
dependence on other women to provide care for their children in their absence. In
chapter 4, I discussed how the mothers, who are highly centered in paid domestic work,

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are faced with the challenge of having to care for other people’s children while not being
able to care for their own. Furthermore, paid domestic labor, especially live-in work, can
be isolating and can hinder family reunification. Finally, by way of the transnational
mothers’ experiences, we have seen that they face greater emotional challenges than do
fathers, because they struggle with guilt and are often stigmatized as bad mothers for
leaving their children. In sum, transnational mothers’ decisions to immigrate challenge
cultural gender scripts and ideologies about motherhood that amount to greater
challenges and emotional suffering.
I. Cultural Expectations and Gendered Challenges
In arguing that transitional mothers suffer emotionally, I do not mean to imply
that they are victims. It is true, as I have argued that they suffer because of the social,
economic and political circumstances that have resulted in their decision to immigrate to
the U.S. It is also true that they suffer as a result of the gender biases pertaining to
motherhood, in contrast to fatherhood, and the long separation from their children, which
is especially felt because they have been the primary caregivers to their children prior to
leaving them. However, I would also argue that some mothers may also experience a
sense of empowerment, not only because of their religious faith, but also by holding on to
the idea that they are doing something good for their children. In some cases, this idea
can be even more empowering than the actual act of providing the material things that
their children also need. Praying and imagining a greater good for their children is what
transnational mothers do to cope.

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By arguing that transnational mothers face greater challenges than transnational
fathers, I do not mean to minimize the hardships and challenges faced by transnational
fathers. On the contrary, transnational fathers, just like transnational mothers, are also
faced with the emotional challenge of being separated from their wives as well as their
children. And while the transnational fathers may have more sense of peace knowing
that their children are being cared for by their own mothers, transnational fathers may
develop personal problems after arriving in the U.S., such as drug and alcohol abuse, that
create challenges for them and, consequently, for their families. As other scholars
(Brandes, 2002; Connell, 2000; Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005; Portes & Rumbaut, 1996) have
noted, immigrant men, especially those with a previous history of substance abuse,
become more vulnerable after immigration due to such factors as emotional distress,
isolation, economic hardship, racism, uncertain legal status, language barriers, peer
pressure and housing conditions (Connell, 2000, p. 180; Gonzalez-Lopez, 2005, p. 135).
Many of these factors are intensified by the pressure to meet the expectations of a good
father/provider in a competitive job market.
Based on my interviews with both transnational mothers and fathers, I found that
the challenges they identify are related to what they believe is culturally expected of them
as women and men. In this respect, transnational fathers—who have the wives of their
children back home caring for their children while they are fulfilling their cultural
obligation as provider—appeared less focused on challenges related to the care of their
children and problems back home, and were more focused on work and wages. In
contrast, although the transnational mothers also feel pressure to meet economic

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responsibilities to their children back home, they are more focused on efforts to maintain
their mothering role and the maternal bond with their children, in spite of the separation
by time and space. Transnational mothers overwhelmingly identified challenges related
to their relationships with their children, the care of their children back home, and the
wellbeing of their children.
In exploring ways of coping with family separation and various challenges, I have
found that transnational mothers cope by becoming insular in private spheres, and relying
on their faith and religion as a way to deal with their suffering. The insular behavior and
self-isolating practices described by the transnational mothers was, for the most part,
attributed to their need to avoid gossip and being seen as a bad mother for having left her
children. One mother told me that she deliberately avoided telling people she had
children back home, because she did not want them to think badly of her.
While the mothers did not identify other factors that may have played a role in
their self-isolating behavior, it is highly likely that the type of paid work as domestics the
women performed played a key role (although they did not identify this as a reason,
specifically). As Hondagneu-Sotelo (1994) found in her work with Mexican women, the
work most single immigrant women do as live-in domestics deprives them of normal
social relations (p. 131). Even if the women have kin here in the U.S., they have limited
contact because of their job conditions. Furthermore, not having their children with them
here in the U.S. may also serve to eliminate the potential for immigrant mothers to
establish the social networks and support systems that most mothers find come with
having children, especially when they are of school age. Hondagneu-Sotelo (1994) also

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explains that “women constitute community in consortium with men and children and
that it is because of their family members that they are drawn into various organizations
and social interaction” (p. 174).
Transnational mothers rarely socialized with peer groups, and for many, their
networks were made up of women from the churches they attended. Research has shown
that immigrant women tend to gravitate toward churches (Levitt, 2001; Parreñas, 2001),
because church is one of the few places where they find a community of like-minded
people, many of whom are also immigrants from their home countries. In contrast to the
women, transnational fathers coped by becoming more extroverted and integrated in
public spheres, which sometimes led to trouble. While the mothers’ and fathers’ coping
strategies indicate a strong gender binary, prayer was the coping mechanism that cut
through the binary. Both mothers and fathers pray to an omnipresent God to help with
their personal suffering. They also pray for God to help with the challenges related to
finding work and performing their jobs so they can meet their financial obligations.
Mothers and fathers both ask God to watch over their children and keep them safe.
Prayer as a coping mechanism not only helps mothers and fathers cope with their daily
challenges as workers here in the U.S., but prayers to God help collapse the physical
distance between them and their families back home. In sum, prayer is one way
transnational mothers and fathers transcend distance from their families, and while the
distance is still felt on some level, it helps them cope with the separation. Furthermore,
for transnational mothers and fathers, the common ground is that both are praying for an
anticipated good that, in the long run, will benefit their families.

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II. The Ideology of Separate Spheres and Coping
Early in the project, when I decided I would ask the mothers and fathers about
coping, I did not expect that the question would become such a significant part of this
work. For the most part, I expected to find that mothers, more so than the fathers, would
tell me that they coped by relying heavily upon peer networks of support in their
immigrant communities. I expected to find this because of what I had observed growing
up in a very large Mexican household where I would see my mother, her sisters, and their
comadres confiding in each other and helping each other out. Furthermore, I had made
this assumption based on the literature on kinship support systems and compadrazo,
which according to various scholars, is noted to be extremely strong and important in
Mexican culture (Carlos & Sellers, 1972; Menjivar, 2000; Thornton Dill, 1994; Velez-
Ibanez, 1983). However, this was not the case with the transnational mothers in this
study. The transnational mothers rarely socialized with family or friends the way I had
expected they would. Instead, it was the transnational fathers who indicated they passed
time and relied on friends for support.
Cultural notions about public and private spheres that impact the women’s and
men’s roles as parents also appeared to influence the ways in which they choose to cope
with family separation and how they structured their lives outside of work here in the
U.S. For example, while the transnational mothers have clearly challenged gender
boundaries by their action of migrating alone without husbands or fathers (and in doing
so, have become primary breadwinners in their households), for the most part, they still
seem to be influenced by cultural attitudes about what is socially acceptable for men and

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women. This includes ideas about gendered spaces—men and women and public/private
spaces—what scholars have referred to as the ideology of separate spheres (Gerzon,
1984; Padavic & Reskin, 2002; Coltrane, 1998). The ideology of separate spheres
suggests that a woman’s “proper” place is in the home and not in the workplace, and a
man’s natural sphere is not in the home, but in the public sphere, working. Furthermore,
as Padavic and Reskin (2002) explain, the ideology of separate spheres has encouraged
men to work away from home, and in the case of transnational fathers, very far away
from home.
These foreign public spaces inhabited by transnational fathers can lead to huge
challenges and temptations. Fathers feel less restricted and bounded by gender
expectations than mothers do. Thus, within the public spaces where fathers congregate
with fellow migrants, they are exposed to various situations that can result in problems
for them, and possibly for their families. For example, one of the men who lived in an
immigrant community I spent time in explained to me (in an informal conversation we
had one day), that many of the immigrant men “got into trouble” by hanging out at dance
clubs and bars. He said that one of the more popular clubs where some of the men went
to listen to music was known as a place where one could “easily find trouble,” in the way
of “other women,” drugs and sometimes too much drinking. Furthermore, unlike the
mothers, many of the fathers owned and drove cars; many of them drove with out a
license, which, for some, led to confrontations with the law. Fathers often indicated that
buying a car was one of their first priorities, an act that seemed to mean more
independence and possibly an important show of their success in the U.S.

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Clearly, the mothers and fathers appeared to be aware of a double-standard and
this influenced how they lived their lives. Scholars have argued that a double standard
exists, especially with regard to sexual behavior, which is rooted in Spanish law and is
still almost universally accepted in contemporary Mexico and by immigrant women and
men in the U.S. (González-López, 2005; Levine & Correa, 1993). Levine and Correa
(1993) explain the effect of this double standard:
During the colonial period, married women and widows could be punished for
adultery by forfeiture of property and even imprisonment, whereas, except under
very exceptional circumstances, men got off scot-free. After independence from
Spain in 1820, Mexicans began to modify their notions about the inequality of the
sexes, signaling a gradual rise in the status of women. But mid-century saw the
advent of Mary worship, or the Latin American version of the Victorian cult of
motherhood for which Evelyn Stevens coined the word marianismo. Women
were now regarded as spiritually superior to men, but the price they paid for this
increment in status was confinement to the home, where they were “placated” for
the loss any role in the public sphere with the exclusive charge of children. (p. 89)

In their work on Latina migrants in Israel, Raijman, Schammah-Gesser and Kemp (2006)
similarly found that the dilemmas and challenges faced by the Latina migrant are
gendered. They also found that undocumented Latina migrants, many of whom were also
mothers living apart from their children, choose strategies for coping that tended to fall
along distinct gender lines. Furthermore, and specific to this discussion, they argue that
one way in which the Latina migrant’s choose to cope with the challenges of migration
and family separation is through participation in religious organizations (p. 153-7).
Indeed, as the mothers and fathers in this study have shown, and as illustrated in Chapter
3, transnational mothers and transnational fathers are influenced by gender norms and
cultural ideals.

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III. Transnational Challenges
As previously discussed, Latina transnational mothers, more often than not, end
up in domestic work, caring for other people’s children and homes—an occupation that
can pose strong emotional challenges for them and which tends to further isolate them.
The transnational fathers I spoke with indicated that they had all faced challenges in the
U.S. labor market. Most had found that finding work, especially day labor work, was not
as hard as keeping a good paying job. Thus, unlike in the past, when Latino migrant men
could arrive in the U.S. and instantly start working in agriculture, many of the men in this
study relied on day labor work—which is extremely competitive and risky for the
undocumented—until they could secure a regular job.
When asked, “What has been the most difficult thing for you since immigrating to
the U.S.?,” fathers generally said that securing steady work was the biggest challenge.
Securing steady work in order to be able to meet obligations back home was something
they all said was very challenging. For example, Mexican transnational father Alejandro,
who had worked in a bank prior to immigrating, explained that he felt trapped in day
labor work because of the limited options he had as an immigrant who spoke no English
and had no car:
Not having the transportation to get a better job, not having a license to drive.
You can't leave this area without a license to drive and find a better job. There are
people who take the risk [and drive] and it's more expensive if you lose your car
or passport and they send you back. It also depends on luck.

“Luck,” he explained, was because he never knew how much he would earn in a day.
Like the transnational fathers, the mothers felt extreme pressure to meet their
financial obligations. They too had the ongoing challenge of earning enough money to

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send home the remittances needed to sustain their children. Mexican transnational
mother, Rita, explains it as follows:
With the little bit I have left, well, I make it, but…once I send my children the
money for them…then I’m relived and satisfied, and knowing they have
something to eat over there. Well, that is it for me, even if I stay here trying to
make ends meet.

Transnational mothers also worried about maintaining steady work; however what
I suspect the mothers might not have realized was that the work most of them performed
as domestic/caregivers was itself an emotional challenge, unlike the work men
performed. When asked about their caregiving duties, mothers often spoke about the
importance of taking good care of their employer’s children, keeping them safe. These
are work issues that undoubtedly influence their fears and concerns and, consequently,
their intercessions to God in the form of prayer about the care and safety of their own
children (a topic I discuss in more detail later in this chapter). Fathers, on the other hand,
are consumed daily with work tasks that take them away from parenting concerns outside
of earning a paycheck. Thus, I would argue that what the mothers and fathers are doing
in their paid jobs influences coping.
For transnational mothers, the greatest and most difficult challenges were
centered on concerns about their children, and their need “to be there” for their children.
They were challenged by the sadness and emotional pain they felt from being separated
from their children everyday, and they worried about their children’s safety and
happiness constantly. Furthermore, they were consumed with the challenge of trying to
parent from afar and also trying to maintain their status as mother to their children.

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Magdalena, for one, was very happy that her mother and sister loved and took good care
of her children, but she was envious of the close bond that they had established in her
absence:
I'm not saying you lose your children when you leave, because they are always
yours. You care for them as much as if you were there with them, but they're
used to other people. One of the sacrifices is that they aren't used to me. They do
respect me and love me, but they don't know what I am like.

Mothers often worried they would return home someday and their children would have
forgotten them. Rita said she felt the sting of rejection when she went home to visit, and
her son and daughter did not warm up to her right away. While some fathers also spoke
of this type of rejection, the experience and the fear did not appear to be as intense as it
was for the mothers. Nicolas, for example, laughed as he described the surprise he felt on
a visit back home when his daughter opened the door and did not recognize him
immediately: “Well, she was much younger when I left her, and also I was not as dark as
I am now (he laughs).” Nicolas joked about how he needed to start sending some more
recent pictures of himself to his wife and the children.
Transnational fathers also have the challenge of maintaining matrimony while
living hundreds of miles apart from their spouse for long periods of time. As noted
previously, in chapter 3, fathers worry that their wives will be unfaithful, and/or forget
about them. Thus, some fathers indicated that they were faced with the challenge of
returning home, generally crossing the boarder illegally, in order to maintain the marital
relationship. Ramon, a 41-year-old Mexican transnational father who had migrated back
and forth to the U.S. several times over the years, was very aware of the importance of

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returning home to keep his marital commitment. This time around he had been in the
U.S. for two years, but he made frequent visits home and, at the time of our interview,
had already made arrangements for his next visit. Too much time apart from the family
is not good, “Con tiempo se va la memoria” (“With time goes the memory”), he
explained.
Both transnational mothers and fathers had to cope with the challenges related to
day to day living in the U.S. The challenges included an overall poor quality of life,
related to poor housing situations, language barriers, and fear related to immigration
status. While many of the mothers and fathers work multiple jobs, most of the money
they earn is sent home to their families; because of this, the women and men survive on
little money. Most rent a single room in a privately owned house, or share the rent in an
apartment with two or more people. While some of the fathers eventually saved enough
money to buy a used car or truck, many relied on a bicycle for transportation, and nearly
all of the mothers depended on public transportation to get them to and from work.
Some, such as Rosario, would ride the bus for up to five hours a day to get to their
various domestic jobs. All of these daily challenges are relevant and require ways of
coping.
IV. Ways of Coping Lead to Bigger Challenges
Whether for reasons of male privilege or because of traditions about men in public
spaces, or women’s desires to avoid public spaces and potential opportunity for gossip,
fathers appeared to enjoy more freedom, and consequently a greater range of coping
strategies and social activities than mothers. In some cases, this greater freedom resulted

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in serious challenges for the fathers in this study. It was not uncommon to hear fathers
say that at the end of a hard day, or on weekends, they would choose to relax and escape
their worries and loneliness by frequenting bars and/or dance halls with their co-workers
and friends. Gloria Gonzáles-López (2005) found that some Mexican men use alcohol as
a strategy for solving the problems of legal uncertainty, emotional isolation, and sexual
urges. She explains:
[Immigrant men are] vulnerable because of the social, economic, legal, and
emotional stresses they face as part of the immigrant experience although a man’s
vulnerability is mediated by the quality and the intensity of his immigration
experience, as well as by his personal history. Emotional isolation, peer pressure,
and gang activity may evoke experiences of a painful past and enhance danger.
But desperately looking for an alternative or renewed faith within the community
may offer a change to some. (pp. 143-44).
In this study, I found that while the use of alcohol and drugs may have initially
been a coping mechanism for some fathers, it eventually became abuse and consequently,
resulted in bigger worries, specifically legal challenges. Mexican father Jaime’s
experience with substance abuse was the most serious of the cases I heard. After the
passing of his mother and father back in Mexico, Jaime journeyed to U.S. to join his
older brothers when he was only 13 years old. He explained that his life at this time was
one of great suffering. He admits that in the process of trying to fit in to the U.S. culture,
he made bad choices that have led to bigger problems for him. Feeling lost and alone
from the time he arrived, he became addicted to alcohol and drugs. His addiction
spiraled out of control to the point where he had contemplated taking his life:
...Love of God, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to kill myself because I felt that
nobody cares about me. My brothers no longer cared for me the way my parents
would. Nobody wants me, what for? For that reason, I started drinking. Well,
what I mean is that when one thinks that he has nothing in this world and he sees

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that as the only solution, to drink, beer, drugs, the only solution…We were still
drinking, every day, go back to work and drink, drink, drink. I never settled down.

At the time of my interview with him, Jaime was clean and sober. He attributed his
sobriety to the church and God. He explained that by participating in an organized
church support group made up of many immigrant men who, like he, had made bad
choices, he had “found God” and had taken an oath to stay sober. His wife and child
back home, for the most part, had little knowledge of his problems here in the U.S.,
including knowledge that Jaime was HIV positive. When we last spoke, Jaime informed
me that he was in the process of preparing to tell his wife this and to bring her over to the
U.S. Today, he believes that his newborn son, his wife and God will be what keep him
strong and focused on living a better life here in the U.S. My sense was that Jaime did
not truly understand the severity of his medical diagnosis or what it could mean for his
new family. I later learned that he was receiving support and guidance from one of the
lay leaders at the church he was attending.
In Nicolas’ case, his problems with alcohol abuse eventually led to an accident
that resulted in legal problems, not being able to drive, and losing a job he loved, which
paid very well:
Yes, I was drinking. I was already trying to quit drinking since November because
I didn't drink in December, but after Christmas I went to the house of a friend and
he invited me to drink a beer. I happened to be in Big Bear and I was coming too
fast and the road was slippery because of the snow, even though there was no ice,
and I crashed. So I said, “There is no reason for me to be here working hard and at
the same time drinking and if I kill myself.” I said, no [no more drinking].

My wife said to come home. I told her [about the accident], but not immediately,
and she got mad, but I told her that I didn't want to worry her and she was also
going to scold me (laughter), and she has reason. Right now I'm not saying that
I'm not going to drink some day, more than likely, yes, but right now I do not

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want to drink anymore…Actually when one has to go to court for an accident like
that, or they catch you drunk, they send you to Alcoholics Anonymous. I
completed my program, but I keep going because I liked it.

In Nicholas’ case, though he experienced several negative consequences to his drinking,
he also turned things around for himself and appears to be focused on doing better for his
children.
Transnational father Julian was also coping with alcohol until after his employer
proposed he reunite with his wife and son:
It's dumb, but at times when you get together with friends, talking, drinking and
then you get drunk. I remember, I went with my cousins and I only had one day
off and I fell asleep because I was hung over…and did not wake up until midnight
or the next day… I told them [his cousins] I had to go or I would lose my job.
They called a taxi and when I got there I didn't want to knock [on the restaurant
door] because it was so early, so I found some cardboard boxes at the restaurant
and I slept there. I got up about 6 a.m. and [was] wondering if they were going to
fire me…I met the boss and he asked me what happened. I told him I fell asleep
with my cousins…. He asked me if I would like to bring my family. I think they
[employers] had started thinking of this, because when they gave me days off, I
would go drinking with my cousins. He [the boss] told me if I wanted to bring my
family that I should. I told him I thought I should, it had been a long time [apart
from his wife and son].

Julian eventually sent for his wife and son, and although it was to be a time of joy, it was
also the beginning of new and bigger challenges related to reunification after 13 years
apart from his family (reunification is discussed in greater detail in chapter 6).
It is important to note that husbands often indicated that their wives back home
were not aware of their problems here in the U.S. Furthermore, when talking with wives
of transnational fathers, I learned that often the wives did not know their husband’s
whereabouts in the U.S. They did not always have an address, a phone number, or a way
to contact them; some just waited for their husbands to initiate contact—a situation that is

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very stressful for wives and children back home. In comparison, the mothers in this
study utilized cell phones to stay in constant contact with their children, and so caregivers
back home could reach them in case of emergency (despite the challenge they faced in
paying the telephone bill).
When I asked Ramon, a Mexican transnational father of only two years, how he
spent his time outside of work he replied, “At times we [him and his co-workers] go out,
we leave work and we go play soccer at some park they call El Hoyo (the hole)”. He
explained that he was not very skilled at the game of soccer, and only played sometimes,
but that he went out for the socialization he found in El Hoyo. He said, “Well, we take
some beers, others take refreshments, and others take their grills to cook.” After Ramon
extended an invitation for me to go to El Hoyo to see what goes on, I asked him if women
also went to El Hoyo. He explained that some of the men took their wives or girlfriends
out, and they cooked. I never went to El Hoyo; Ramon had tried to tell me where it was,
but did not know the street names, so I never found it.
V. Coping with Others in Social Spaces
One of the questions I asked both mothers and fathers was, “How do you cope
with being apart from your children for a long time?” This question generally elicited
tears from mothers and long pauses by fathers. For the most part, since fathers see
themselves as breadwinners who were here in the U.S. fulfilling that role, the knowledge
that their wives and children were prospering from their labor helped fathers cope with
their long separation. Transnational father, Carlos, who had worked with a traveling
circus in the 11 years he had been in the U.S., said he loved his work with the circus. He

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told me that he only made a little more money than he had earned back in Mexico with
the circus, but he loved the adventure of traveling all over the U.S.:
The work is my life. I think of nothing bad [when working]. If your mind is
occupied, you're doing good things. The work maintains one and relieves you of
many things. But when one goes to bed, to sleep alone, is when you miss the
family. That also supports one by working more for them.

For Carlos, meeting his family obligations as provider helped him justify his work with
the circus, and this is how he coped with the separation.
Transnational mothers indicated that they also coped by working as much as they
could, some taking multiple jobs, because for them, work kept their minds occupied and
made the days go by faster. However, they did not indicate that they cope with their
decision to immigrate and live apart from their children by justifying work.
Other transnational fathers thought long about my question before offering a list
of different ways in which they chose to pass time and cope. Armando, especially, had
an array of ways to divert his attention and cope:
I have always had the hope that tomorrow would be a better day and I still think
the same thing. In the meantime, not to suffer so much, I find someone who plays
the guitar and I would sing…I find my friends who know how to play the guitar
and accompany me to sing boleros that I like…Also, I go to a little canyon or to
the ocean, get a bike or visit a friend who will help me sing to draw out what is
destroying me. Right now, I haven't encountered a place where there is art,
paintings, drawing.

Armando’s choices for coping clearly made his existence a happier one. As he indicated,
he lessened his suffering by diverting his attention by doing the things he enjoyed, such
as playing his guitar and singing with his friends. What I suspected, but what he did not
say, was that his suffering and the thing that “was destroying him” was that he had not

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had a relationship with his eight children since he left home 12 years ago, after a marital
dispute with his wife.
Most, if not all, of the transnational fathers participate in an assortment of social
activities that help them pass time and keep their minds occupied. These activities
generally took place in the public domain and included playing soccer at the park, going
out for beers and/or out dancing with friends, listening to music, taking long sightseeing
drives and visiting tourist sights. Furthermore, in contrast to the transnational mothers
who generally worked isolated in private homes performing domestic work, the type of
paid work the fathers did exposed them to other men and women. Fathers indicated that
socialization with their co-workers and friends was helpful in times of loneliness and
sadness. Going out with friends to have a few beers and listen to music, or to play soccer
was a nice diversion. Mothers did not have the same easy access to these social outlets
that fathers gained through their workplace, and when they did, they did not choose to
cope in this way.
VI. Coping Alone and In Private
Transnational mothers not only have the challenge of parenting their children
from a distance without the help of a spouse, but also the challenge of making sure they
maintain a partnership with the caregivers back home, in order to insure their children
will be well cared for and have a good sense of family. Transnational mothers draw on
their faith and pray as the primary choice for coping with challenges they overwhelming
associate with their children. The transnational mothers, for the most part, went to work
and church, and occasionally, on a day off, might visit with a female friend or female

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relative. Domestic work, as it is structured, further served in insulate mothers from the
outside world, especially when working as a live-in housekeeper/child care worker, like
Celia did:
My life here was just work, church and visit my sister. And when I met my friend,
I would visit her because she lived close to my sister. All the time, seven days a
week, I stayed there [at her live-in job], slept there and never paid for a place to
sleep, not even with my sister. I was just with her two weeks and when I got the
job, I lived there.

Limiting their social activities and public presence was often described as proper
behavior for women, and furthermore, the transnational mothers avoided public spaces
whenever possible as a way to avoid being the subject of negative gossip and personal
judgments. As Anita and Olga previously explained, transnational mothers, unlike the
transnational fathers, have to cope with fear that they will be the subject of gossip that
may possibly reach their families back in their home countries, as was discussed in
Chapter 3. Transnational mothers, such as Anita, indicated that they avoided the public
because they did not feel comfortable in public and wanted to avoid being the subject of
gossip. They believed others would likely make negative assumptions about them as
single women who had left their families to come to the U.S.
The few transnational mothers worked in occupations that allowed for more
interaction with others, yet for the most part, they still limited their socializing and social
activities. In an attempt to avoid gossip, they intentionally limit their social contacts to a
few close female friends, or a relative, and rarely went out in public, except to go to
work, church, or to take care of business. Clearly, the cultural gendered attitudes about
women, and the need to limit gossip and rumors that might make their way back to the

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women’s hometown, appear to influence the way in which the women cope with
loneliness and family separation, as compared to immigrant fathers. What appears to be
self-isolation by the transnational mothers—as a way to avoid being stigmatized and
criticized—results in limited coping options and, often, a sadder, lonelier, and more
private existence. Thus, while transnational fathers more often rely on peer support and
social activities to help them cope and pass the time, transnational mothers more often
choose less interaction; instead, they cope in isolation by talking to their children on the
telephone, writing letters, and, overwhelmingly, by relying on their faith, religion and
prayer.
Mothers, like Hilda, also filled their time with work as one way to avoid too much
time to think, to essentially escape into their work. When I interviewed Hilda, she was
working three different jobs, with no days off. When I asked her what she did to cope
with the separation from her son, she explained, “I work as a nanny during the week, and
then I help the señora where I live during the evenings…On Sunday, my day of rest, if I
can, if they give me work, I clean houses.”
Although mothers may try to cope with separation from their children by
occupying their minds with work, there is no escaping the pain of separation or the worry
one feels for her children’s safety and happiness back home—not even in sleep, as
Magdalena’s words convey:
There are times I am asleep and have to get up at night because I am dreaming
about them [her two daughters] and feel something bad is happening, and I call.
It's despairing, especially when they're sick and you can't go to them. Even at
work I am uncomfortable because I worry about what's happening to my children.
But you have to be here to work, to send money and pay the bills, and not being
able to go home, because they need the money you're earning.

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As a group, the transnational mothers also coped by spending more time writing
letters, and talking by telephone with their children back home. Often, telephone
conversations with the children turned to discussions about the children’s and/or mother’s
plans to someday reunite. This appeared to be another way mothers were able to cope
with an uncertain future for her and her children, in those moments when separation was
unbearable. As Magdalena’s words exemplify, the longing for a reunion between mother
and children is something that she can only dream of, because without the support and
resources a single mother needs to help her with her children, she cannot bring her
children to the U.S.:
I tell them that I miss them very much and love them very much. They tell me to
go get them, but the situation is that, if I go there, I won't have enough money to
provide for them, and if I bring them here, I won't either because I'll have to pay
for their care. They have different fathers and they don't help.

Even when transitional mothers such as Magdalena may not have the necessary support
and resources to reunite with their children here in the U.S., they still hold on to the hope
that it will happen in the future.
It appears that immigrant parents do not seek formal, more “westernized” forms
of therapy as an option to coping with the challenges they encounter. Economics, legal
status, and fear of the unknown are likely part of the reasons, but also for mothers, talking
about separation seemed to be very painful and difficult. In the two instances where
mothers did meet with a therapist, they did not find it to be helpful after the first visit and
never returned. This is not surprising when we realize that, as a society, we still know
little about the personal challenges today’s immigrants face, and we know even less about

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the transnational parent experience. Furthermore, as Espín (1997) explains, “Therapy
proceeds in a void for many immigrant women…They have to learn to understand,
express, and experience feelings concerning distant family members without ever fully
testing those feelings in the interpersonal context where they originated” (p. 120). Not
surprisingly, many of the women and men whom I had the privilege to speak with
indicated that they had never really spoken to anyone about their experiences and feelings
as mothers and fathers who were living apart from their families.
Except for a few mothers who indicated they had sought out the counsel of a
priest, the mothers and fathers do not utilize counseling or therapy as a method of dealing
with challenges that may result in stress or depression related to the challenges they face
as parents living apart from their children, or other health issues. A couple of the mothers
admitted to self-medicating with sleeping pills to help them sleep at night, when their
thoughts about their children were most intense. Based on the frequency of cases
reported in this study, I believe it is highly probable that more fathers may have used
alcohol and drugs as a way to cope more often than they admitted in our interviews.
VII. Organized Religion as a Saving Grace
Transnational mothers and fathers stated that while they had always been
religious on some level, it was in their newfound immigrant community that they
rediscovered God and increased their faith. Much like back home, the immigrant
communities (or Latino barrios) where nearly all the participants in this study lived, are
anchored by Catholic churches that sit in the middle of run-down, poverty and crime-
stricken neighborhoods, and serve as the point of entry for many new U.S. immigrants.

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In the course of conducting the interviews with women and men, I started to see
that references to God, faith and/or prayer were often short statements that were couched
in their discussions about their children and other family back home, as well as work, and
discussions about worries, fears and problems related to substance abuse, the law, wives,
husbands and/or children back home. I began to see that the fathers’ problems related to
alcohol or drug abuse, and troubles with the law had led to an increase in their religiosity
and prayer. These fathers indicated that, by way of God and the church, they were able to
cope with sobriety. In her work with Mexican immigrant men and women, González-
López (2005) found that the fathers in her study likewise chose sobriety, and some stayed
sober after professing their faith and swearing an oath to God or the Virgin de Guadalupe.
This finding of increased religiosity supports current research findings by other
immigration and religion scholars (Kurien, 2003; Levitt, 2001; Rayaprol, 1997; Warner,
1993). These scholars also have found that migrants frequently turn to religion to counter
isolation and marginalization caused by relocation.
For transnational mothers, the role of religion is a significant way of coping with
family separation. Religion was also described by the women as the way in which they
coped with the struggles they associate with their newfound roles as labor migrants and
the pressure of being the primary economic providers for their families. Within the
references about religion, God and prayer, I noted that while both the mothers and fathers
relied on their faith, religion and prayer, they did so for different reasons.
For the mothers, especially, religion and prayer was therapeutic. Some found
solace and comfort at church. Others felt comforted when confiding in their church priest

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about issues that troubled them. For example, Celia frequently visited her parish priest to
discuss problems related to her alcoholic husband, and worries about her four children
back in Guatemala. Gutmann (1996) notes that the preponderance of women he found at
church services in the Mexican community of Santo Domingo, where he conducted
research on Mexican fathers and mothers, is a reflection of the great importance of
church and priest in the lives of many women. The men, he notes, “…are less likely than
women to seek out the counsel of a priest when morally or emotionally troubled” (p. 78).
The reliance on religion, prayer and faith in God is not surprising, considering the
early presence and influence of Catholicism in Mexico and Central America; all but three
of my respondents identified themselves as Catholic. Of the three, one was Jehovah’s
Witness, one Evangelical, and one “non religious,” but had been raised Catholic.
Regardless of their denomination, all of the women indicated that their religious beliefs
are a source of strength and comfort. The cultural identity and ties between Latinos and
the Catholic religion is strong, even when individual Latinos no longer attend Catholic
services. In the USC study on religion and immigrants in which I took part, we found
this to be true in our interviews with Latino immigrants. More specifically, we found that
although immigrant women and men may, at some point, begin to attend non-Catholic
churches, such as Evangelical Churches where they receive assistance, they often tend to
continue to self-identify as Catholic. This link between Latinos and the Catholic religion,
I believe, continues to operate under strong patriarchal attitudes and rules about women’s
and men’s roles, and also about family structure. However, immigrant women rely on
their faith and religion because it helps them ajuntar (withstand) the suffering that they

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say comes from being separated from their children. One could argue that in using
religion as a coping mechanism, transnational mothers feel empowered to keep going, to
withstand the pain they feel from the separation. Religion and prayer helps them remain
focused on their children. And the idea that they are working for their children motivates
them to keep working, not only to provide for their children’s immediate material needs,
but also to provide them with a better future. For transnational mothers, religion and
prayer mitigates their suffering and motivates them to keep working on behalf of their
family.
While all the mothers, and some fathers, indicated that they had practiced religion
on some level in their home country, nearly all indicated that their level of religiosity had
increased after migration to the U.S. Mothers, as a rule, attended church at least once a
week. In some cases, fathers had turned to organized religion as a way to cope with legal
troubles that had resulted from drugs and/or alcohol abuse. This was the case with
Nicolas, who had befriended the local Catholic Church’s priest after his troubles with
alcohol and the law had left him jobless and without a car; he explains:
Yes, with that priest I would get home and he would tell me to come [visit him] so
that they [his friends] wouldn't convince me to go out dancing and drinking, and I
would always go with him [the priest]. I would get there and we'd drink
chocolate. Then I would tell him I wasn't coming to see him but was going for the
chocolate. It [the friendship] lasted a long time, six to eight months, not daily, but
regularly about every three days, and daily when I could.

Q: Did he give you advice?

Oh yes. He would always tell me not to forget my family and when I would get a
letter I would go to him and we would read it together.

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My sense was that Nicolas’ new relationship with the local priest had heightened his
awareness of his family, and the need to transform his life for their sake. Although
Nicolas felt he had made bad choices in the past, at the time of our interview, he was
trying to stay focused on his children for motivation, and was relying on his faith in God
to help him cope with his challenge to stay sober.
Other transnational fathers, such as Jaime, found that religious-based groups
served as a diversion to drinking and other social behaviors that had resulted in legal
problems for them here in the U.S. For many men, as González-López (2005) also
found, practicing their faith helps them with sobriety and furthermore, makes them aware
of the sexual dangers that exist within their communities (p. 135).
The transnational fathers I interviewed who had become more active in religious
activities had become part of a growing Catholic ministry made up mostly of Latino
immigrants. Several of the fathers I interviewed had been approached by group members
who had invited them to attend social activities organized by the group. In an informal
way, the leaders of this Spanish-speaking group would reach out to young immigrant men
whom they suspected were, or they knew to be, struggling with personal demons related
to drugs, alcohol, and other social behaviors they believed were spiritually and physically
destructive to young immigrant men and their families. The program appeared to have
some success; however, the transnational fathers I interviewed indicated that while the
ministry had heightened their faith, their participation in the group and church was
erratic. Consequently, it did not entirely solve their problems, though most indicated they
continued to pray, even when they were not involved in the church.

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The organizational aspects of religion and immigrants have been well documented
and, to date, are very dominant in the literature (Cadge & Ecklund, 2007; Levitt, 2001;
Menjivar, 1999). Like many other groups of immigrant women and men, the
transnational mothers and fathers in this study look to religion for a sense of community
and for help. However, through the lived experiences the mothers and fathers shared
with me, I have found that prayer—an aspect of religion that is often overlooked—plays
a particularly important role in the lives of transnational mothers and fathers. As a
similar coping mechanism for both the mothers and fathers, prayer is what breaks the
binary gendered ways transnational parents cope with the gendered challenges they face.
VIII. Coping with God and Prayer
The mothers and fathers I spoke with engaged in prayer for immediate and practical
needs: for strength and emotional sustainability, for protection and care of their children,
and always to give thanks to God. The gender patterns were evident in these reasons for
praying. Mothers especially explained that prayer was a way of life, and they did it all
the time and everywhere they could. While mothers also prayed for work, and fathers
also prayed for their children, generally, mothers explained that they prayed as a way of
coping with the pain, worry and separation from their children. Fathers, on the other
hand, generally introduced the topic of prayer (as previously noted) when talking about
direct hardships such as substance abuse problems, challenges related to finding work,
and when they needed strength to perform the work. Alejandro, a day laborer explained
it as follows:
I ask God to give me strength to be so far away and for physical strength to
work. At times one feels he can't continue. And also to protect my family over

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there. And there are occasions when you're not sure if you're going to work when
you go to the corner. You don't know that. Today I worked and I give Him [God]
thanks.

Transnational fathers explained that they prayed for help from God to be able to
stay focused on their families and thus, avoid “temptations” or taking the “wrong path,”
so as not to falter in meeting their family obligations. This was especially the case with
the fathers, such as Nicolas, who had developed alcohol and drug addictions and was
consequently facing legal troubles. At the time of our interview, he was struggling to
remain sober. He talked about the role of God and prayer in his life and how he tries to
stay focused on the good through prayer:
Endure hunger (laughter)? The dream that I have of my children over there? I am
working here and I send to my children, but one day I will be with them and not
be separated. Each day I get up and thank God that I am alive for another day, and
I also ask that my children will be fine and not lack anything. In that way,
thinking about them and endure, remain firm and not fall. A tenido la tentación
aquí de irme por camino mal (I have had the temptation here to take the bad
road), but I come home to look at the photos of my children. I say, no, they're
over there and they are my remedy to be able to stay here and my illusion is to
one day be with them and never be separated again.

As Nicolas’ story illustrates, some transnational fathers may look to God and religion
after finding themselves in trouble, or for help with their personal life challenges so that
they can do better.
Mothers said they entrust their children to God, and in doing so, they are able to
cope with the fears and worries they feel with respect to their children. Celia’s words
illustrated this when she spoke about the pain and suffering she endured while living
apart from her four children for most of their young lives:

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But my faith in God helped me, as I always asked him to protect them [her
children] back home. And I prayed and asked God to keep them free of danger
and I prayed they would be good children. That was my faith, my faith in God.
And thank God, they are good children.

Like Celia, many transnational mothers look to God as a co-parent and protector of their
children in their absence. Mothers indicated that their faith in God was what helped them
stay motivated for their children and cope with the challenge of family separation.
In praying to God as a co-parent, mothers prayed for God to intervene with
problems related to their children, and prayed for God to watch over them and keep them
safe. By way of caregivers, mothers knew of the dangers back home and this was a
constant worry and source of fear, as Rosario explains:
Look, what I was afraid [of] was that over there, they would feel alone and make
bad friends or do bad in school and that is a parent's fear. Also with my oldest
daughter I was afraid, as all mothers, that they see that she is alone. She goes
alone to study—that she would be assaulted because to go to the college she has
to pass through a monte para subir to walk along the river. That's what always
frightens me all the time. But I having faith that nothing is going happen and that
God will take care of them.

While faith and prayer were high on the mothers’ list of ways of coping with
family separation, loneliness and other challenges, participation and inclusion in a
religious community was not as significant as the personal faith of which the women
spoke and relied upon. For example, of the 14 women interviewed, all indicated that
they were going to “church” on a regular basis; however most did not speak extensively
about church as a daily or weekly ritual. Instead, they spoke more about prayer, and their
faith in God. Nearly all the women, and a few of the men, explained that it was daily
prayer that got them through the long days and sleepless nights. Mothers indicated that

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they prayed constantly—some when they could not sleep, others while cooking and
cleaning for their employers. The quote at the beginning of this chapter by Mexican
nanny, Amparo, illustrates this:
I pray the rosary and, at times, I'm praying while I work. When I'm working and
can't [pray the rosary], because I have the children, I sometimes can't, but
sometimes I'm praying still while I'm working. I take my time to say my prayers
so that I can feel better. Prayer helps me a lot....I feel God is with me. And I ask
God for help….I pray for my daughters. I ask God that my daughters will be safe
and well back home.

Mexican transnational mother, Fatima, explained that she cried every day for the
two years she lived apart from her children. She worried that her mother was not
protecting her three young sons from her abusive brother:
I prayed all the time, at work, at church, on the bus, on the street walking. I was
always praying for them to be safe and for my mother to be careful of
them….Church, the bible, and I prayed to God to give me strength to endure and
to take good care of my sons, and I wanted to be with them. I suffered a lot that
they were so far away from me.

Like Mexican transnational mother Fatima, who coped with prayer, and who entrusted
her sons to God, many of the transnational mothers indicated that being apart from their
children was the greatest suffering for a mother to endure. Rosario was the mother who
Probably best described the suffering that comes with being a transnational mother:
To be a mother is beautiful, but it is very hard because one has to work and care
for the children. The mother is the one who suffers most. To be a mother is
beautiful when a woman has everything and she can dedicate herself only to her
children--doesn't have to work and lacks for nothing. But many mothers who are
Hispanic, we have to leave our children to work to give them what they need.
That is the most difficult thing because [she] cannot attend to her children, cannot
give them her time. That is the most difficult; to earn money so they [her children]
can study, [she can] provide food, because a child wants everything.

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Mostly single-parent mothers who had been forced to rely on other women to care
for their children were generally preoccupied with the physical and emotional wellbeing
of their children. They feared for their children’s safety and coped with these worries by
entrusting their children to God. Almost as a substitute for themselves, as an absent
parent, the mothers, like Celia, prayed to God to keep their children safe and asked God
to help their children be good:
…I always asked [God] to protect them [children] and keep them free of danger
and that they would be good children. And thank God, they are good children…
[And] here I am still praying in every moment asking God that they will be well
and will lack nothing, their health. I ask for everything

Like Celia, other transnational mothers’ faith in God gave them assurance that their
children would be safe, and this was important to their ability to cope with the fears they
had with respect to their children.
Ofelia, a transnational mother from El Salvador who migrated leaving behind an
infant son who was very sick and needed an operation, credits prayer and her faith in God
for her son’s survival and her ability to earn the money to pay for the operation:
I say God helped me because I paid more than $3,000 to come, and then $3,000
for his operation. Then I didn’t want him in the nursery ward of the hospital but
rather a private room, because it was very frightening and my sister would take
care of him at night and my mother during the day. I would tell them not to leave
him alone. I would call and would say to myself, “They’re operating on my son.”
It is something very sad…But thanks to God, I don’t even know how I did it.
Even today I remember and I wonder how I did it.

Transnational mothers coped with stress, such as the ongoing stress of trying to
make ends meet by praying. For example, even though Rosario was earning good money
working as a house cleaner for multiple employers, she often had a tough time sustaining

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two households, here in the U.S., and her mother’s household back home, where her four
children were living. As Rosario explained, during the toughest of times, it was her faith
in God that helped her cope with the stress and guilt:
Well when the time comes that I’m going to have to send them [the children]
money and at times I don’t have enough, because I have to pay rent, or other
things, or I have to buy something…well I get very sad because sometimes what I
earn is not enough, but I treat the situation as, well as to leave it and to ask God to
give me strength, this is what helps.

Q: What do you pray for?

Well, what I say is, “My God help me. Give me strength and give me more
strength to be able to work more to be able to give my children more, so that I
will not fail them in their expenses, their needs.” It’s hard for them. God has
helped me a lot.

In the course of my interviews with the transnational mothers, I was more often
able to detect their sense of desperation when they spoke about their prayer for their
children rather than when they spoke about anything else. The desperation was generally
related to their concerns and fears for their children. Celia, who had left her three
younger children with her 16-year-old daughter, was racked with worry; although the
children’s father was in the picture, his drinking and legal problems had also become a
burden which she coped with by praying:
I went to the church when I felt desperation. I sat there and asked El Senor [God],
for the health of my children, that they would be well, that He would give me
strength to continue forward, strength and life to be able to see [my children]
again, everything, that my husband change and no longer drink. So much that I
asked him for, he is probably tired of me asking for so much (laughs).
As a single-parent of five children back in Guatemala and one in the U.S., Rosario
works very hard as a paid domestic to sustain her family back home, and to provide for 5-
year-old daughter, Annisa, here. At the end of our conversation, and with a slight laugh

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of relief, Rosario says, “Sometimes I’m sure I’m not going to be able to make it to send
all the money back home for my children, but just like that I have it. God always
provides.”
The prayers described by mothers and fathers appear to resonate with the ideals of
motherhood and fatherhood and the urgency to meet the demands of the mother/father
role. For example, fathers pray for strength to stay on the right track and to be able to
work and provide for their families, thus asking God for guidance to keep to the positive
values of economic provider. The women, on the other hand, pray for the well being of
their children, keeping to the role of a good mother who is focused on the wellbeing and
care of her children. While the ways in which transnational mothers and fathers choose
to cope generally follows a gender binary, when coping with prayer they sometimes cross
the binary. For mothers, prayers are a way to maintain their primary gender role of
mother, and for fathers, it is fulfilling their primary gendered role as provider; prayer is
how each cope with the challenge of fulfilling these roles.
The gendered roles of immigrant mothers and fathers become transformed as a
result of economics, migration and family separation. Furthermore, through these
prayers, we begin to understand that immigrant women are transforming their roles. For
one, they are “real workers” praying for strength to work and to meet their financial
obligations. In this way their work has valued meaning for them and their children who
depend on their remittances see them as the primary provider. These mothers now pray
to God for help in caring out both the traditional “good mother” role, and also that of the
main economic provider.

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IX. Thanks Be To God
It was very common to hear both the mothers and fathers end a sentence, with,
“Gracias a Dios” (Thanks to God). The transnational mothers and fathers who relied on
faith, religion and prayer as a way of coping with the varied challenges they faced
overwhelmingly indicted a strong belief that nothing they had accomplished would have
been possible without God’s help. As a result, most of the mothers and fathers frequently
thanked God even in our conversations, and also said that in their prayers, they gave
thanks to God. Nicolas spoke about how he always gave thanks to God:
I always ask God that, no matter where I am, to take care of me and help me to
succeed and never forget my children and my wife. I always give thanks to God
for all that he has given me and all his help in what I am doing because if it
weren’t for his help, I would not be able to do anything. First is God and he is the
one who has helped very much.

The major finding of this study with regard to coping is that transnational mothers
and transnational fathers choose to cope in ways that are influenced by gender. The
fathers tend to cope in multiple ways, and often within the public arena where it is still
more socially acceptable for Latino men to do so. On the other hand, transnational
mothers tend to cope more privately, and more often rely on religion, faith in God and
prayer, as has been the case historically. For the most part, findings indicate that religion
continues to have a strong influence on how Latinas and Latinos view their roles as
mothers and fathers. Even though transnational mothers are forging new territory as
women who have migrated solo and have dared to transform ways of mothering, they
continue to feel the pressure of adhering to traditions based in Catholicism, and more
often turn to this faith as a way to cope with challenges related to parenting and family.

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However, in general, prayer plays an important role in the lives of transnational mothers
and fathers, especially in their ability to cope with the pain and suffering of family
separation. Both mothers and fathers see their migration and consequent separation from
the family as a difficult and emotional condition with which they must deal on a daily
basis.
X. Conclusion
In spite of the transnational mothers’ situation prior to immigrating and here in
the U.S., and the long history of Latinas’ participation in the labor force, cultural
expectations about motherhood and attitudes about women’s behavior and “proper place”
influence and restrict opportunities, including their choices for coping. Likewise, gender
attitudes about men’s roles and behavior also tend to influence the ways in which fathers
choose to pass time and cope with challenges. With respect to fathers, their accepted
status as men and primary breadwinners allows them freedom in the public arena where
they can socialize, develop social networks, and take advantage of opportunities that may
help them enjoy a better quality of life.
Transnational mothers and transnational fathers are confronted with a multitude of
challenges, including the difficulty of being away from their children. Clearly, nothing
prepares the parents for the challenges they confront once they make the decision to
immigrate to the United States, however as the lives of these mothers and fathers show,
most persevere. This, in part, is attributed to the motivation they receive by doing so for
their families, and also by how they choose to cope.

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My discussion here of the challenges transnational mothers and fathers face is in
no way complete. The challenges noted are those that appeared to be most common
among the mothers and fathers. For the most part, the challenges are gendered: for
mothers, they were specific to their role as mothers, and for the fathers, to their role as
providers.
Where coping is concerned, gender attitudes and cultural expectations allow the
transnational fathers more freedom, and consequently more opportunities to cope with the
challenges they encounter. Transnational mothers, on the other hand, appear to be
restricted by gender and cultural ideals and as a result, they tend to self isolate and cope
in more private ways, such as with religion and prayer. In sum, coping appears to not
only be influenced by gender, but also practiced in gendered ways.
What has been most surprising with respect to coping are the patterns that
emerged that indicate that while the challenges transnational parents face—and some of
the coping mechanisms—fall into a gender binary, however for some the act of praying
cuts across the binary. For mothers, prayers are a way to maintain their primary gender
role of mother, and for fathers, it is fulfilling their primary gendered role as provider;
prayer is how each cope with the challenge of fulfilling these roles. However, fathers
also pray for their children, and mothers also prayer about their jobs. In which case, it
appears that in “prayer” gender ideologies and boundaries are more fluid for Latina
immigrant women and men.
Findings show that for transnational mothers, and for some fathers, religion and
prayer mitigates their emotional suffering. Immigrant women rely on their faith and

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religion because it helps them ajuntar (withstand) the separation, the worries, and also
the guilt they feel from not being physically present in their children’s lives. It appears
that in using religion as a coping mechanism, transnational mothers may also feel
empowered to keep going and to withstand the challenges they face. Religion and prayer
helps them remain focused on their children and the idea that they are working for their
children motivates them to keep working not only to provide for their children’s physical
needs, but also to provide them with a better future.
What we learn in the stories told by the transnational mothers and fathers is that in
the end, both mothers and fathers are praying for a common good for themselves and for
their families back home.

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Chapter 6: What about the Children?

When there is love, it doesn’t matter where you live, because that keeps
you together…. We may not have money, we’re not rich, but the best
inheritance that she has given me is education that’s certain.

~Jennifer, 25-year-old daughter of transnational mother

What about the children of transnational mothers? In this chapter I attempt to introduce a
new perspective on the challenges associated with transnational family separation. In my
interviews with adult children of transnational parents, I address the question that is most
often asked, “What about the children?” By way of in-depth interviews with the now
adult children, I try to gain an understanding about how children are affected by the long
separation from their parent(s). After an introduction of the literature on transnational
families and children of immigrant parents, I discuss children’s experiences related to
separation from mothers and fathers and also the role caregivers back home play. Next, I
discuss how the adult children have come to perceive their mother’s and father’s
migration in relation to their lives today. This is followed by a discussion about the
challenges associated with reunification in the U.S. and the challenges associated with
separation from caregivers and adjustments to new family arrangements in the U.S.
I. Literature: Costs and Benefits
Researchers have just begun to scratch the surface on the topic of transitional
families, especially where the children are concerned. Our awareness of the plight of the
contemporary immigrant children left behind by women and men who come to the U.S.
to work, some cleaning our homes and caring for our children, some keeping our yards
looking beautiful or working in factories, has increased. Newspaper articles, talk shows,

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documentaries and films on the big screen have featured stories about immigrant women
and men, and the children they leave behind. While some of the writers sincerely attempt
to capture the true story, more often than not, we get romanticized versions that tend to
focus on the negative side of the transitional family life experience—most often stories
about children being left by their mothers or children coming to look for their mothers
and fathers who abandoned them. On some level, by way of the media, we gain an
understanding of just how prevalent and emotional family separation can be for the
children left behind, but too often, we do not see that there are benefits as well, and that
mothers and fathers sacrifice for an end result that can, for some, lead to success.
In 2002, the Los Angeles Times ran an emotionally charged story about Enrique,
a young teenager, who left Honduras to come to the United States in search of his mother.
The powerful story, which won Times’ staff writer Sonia Nazarro the 2003 Pulitzer Prize
(now a book and an HBO movie), has undoubtedly shed light on the vast migration to the
United States that has resulted in, as she notes, thousands of children traveling alone in
search of their mothers. While truly a touching story that sheds light on the desperation
some children may feel and the desire to reunite with a parent, one can also wrongly
assume that thousands of children are immigrating in search of mothers who have
abandoned them. Rarely does one think to ask, what about the fathers?
In the 2004 Mexican drama “Buscando A Leti” (Looking for Leti), which
arguably resembles the lives of some of the adult children who were interviewed for this
study, Director Delia L. Tapia brings us the story of Leti, who is left behind in Mexico
shortly after she is born to be raised and cared for by her elderly grandparents, after her

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mother migrates to Chicago to join her father. The drama is focused on Leti’s painful
separation from her mother, and little attention is given to her migrant father, whom she
has had no contact with and first sees at the age of 10, when her mother brings her to
Chicago. When Leti and her father meet, they are like strangers meeting for the first
time. The film gives a sensitive portrayal of how the separation between Leti and her
mother is often more than Leti can bear. Her pain and sadness is compounded by her
inability to please her caregiver grandmother, who favors Leti’s light skinned sisters.
The film effectively allows us to feel, through Leti, the pain many transitional children
say they experience when the bonds between them and a caregiver are broken, after
children are forced to leave and reunite with their parents in the U.S. The film also
depicts how some children struggle to adapt to a new foreign world.
The emotional costs of family separation related to immigration are great,
especially where children are concerned. A growing body of research on transnational
families (Hondagneu-Sotelo, 2001; Kandel & Kao, 2001; Kanaiaupuni & Donato, 1999;
Levitt, 2001; Parreñas, 2005; Suarez-Orozco, 2007) has found that there are both benefits
and costs to migration. The gains generally include opportunities that are not available in
their home countries—the ability to financially sustain the families they must leave
behind, and hope that their efforts will lead to a better future for their children. The
benefits often include improved financial resources that amount to better health, a better
education and, consequently, a better quality of life. With respect to the consequences
and losses, Suārez-Orozco, Todorova & Louie (2002) explain that for some children, just
as with some parents, the separation can lead to depressive symptoms (p. 636). Suárez-

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Orozco (2007) further notes that transitions related to migration, “Can trigger a variety of
reactions, including excitement, anticipation, and hope as well as anxiety, anger,
depression, somatic complaints, and illness. By any measure, immigration is one of the
most stressful events a family can undergo, removing family members from many of their
relationships and predictable contexts…” (p. 1-2).
Some immigrant mothers and fathers may wait to bring their young children to
the United States because of financial difficulties related to immigration policies, and
also due to the lack of a support system and childcare assistance here in the United States
(Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). While children and parents often see reunification as
the point in time when things will be better for all concerned, with reunification come
some additional challenges. Not only do some children experience the pain of
detachment from caregivers back home, but also children are suddenly faced with the
challenge of rekindling the more intimate parent/child relationship, while they are also
trying to adapt to a new way of life.
The research on the immigrant family has only begun to address the impact
family separation has on the children of migrant mothers and fathers. Recent research
focused on Mexican, Sri Lankan, Filipino and Honduran transnational families (Dreby,
2006; Gamburd, 2000; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer, 2004) has provided some great
insight into the experiences, costs and benefits immigrant parents and their children
attribute to parental migration. Parreñas’ (2005) interviews with children of Filipino
transnational mothers and fathers suggest that children do indeed have a difficult time
adjusting to the changes that occur after a mother separates due to migration. Her

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research also reveals that women’s migration tends to intensify the gender division of
labor. She explains that in the families where the mother is the one who immigrates, the
children struggle to accept the reconstitution of “mother” as more of an economic
provider and less of a caretaker of the home. She adds that even when children recognize
the economic contributions of their mothers, they still may consider themselves to have
been “abandoned” in migration, regardless of the work done by the extended kin who
help raise the children back home.
Michele Gamburd (2000) explains that women’s migration result in the
restructuring of the household by incorporating other women kin, even when fathers stay
behind. In her work on Sri Lankan transnational mothers, Gamburd found that migration
has forced women and men to renegotiate gender roles, not only regarding whether a
woman can work abroad, but also who will take care of a “migrant woman’s duties and
responsibilities in the home she leave behind” (p. 200). She finds that although many of
the men are unemployed, very few admit to taking over the housework or childcare, and
explains, “In Sri Lankan villages, the gendered division of labor clearly marks childcare
and cooking as female activities. Most men would feel their sense of masculinity
threatened if they took on household chores or cared for young children” (p. 200). As a
result of the strong gendered household boundaries, Gamburd and Parreñas found that
most of the migrant women in their studies leave their children in the care of their
mothers, mothers-in-law or other kin.
When fathers migrate and their wives stay behind, there is less household
restructuring that occurs. Mothers continue to provide the daily care for their children

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and also manage the household with the remittances they receive. More importantly, as
the data from this study show, the children benefit emotionally from the direct care they
receive from their mothers. The children of transnational fathers who remain with their
mothers are at an advantage over the children of single-parent transnational mothers who
are left in the care of female kin. The advantage is that the migrant father’s children are
being cared for by a parent, and specifically the parent who is culturally seen as the
parent best suited to care for the children (as the transnational mothers and fathers in this
study clearly indicated). Furthermore, findings indicate that the wives of migrant fathers
who raise the children back home see their husband’s migration as necessary for the
family’s benefit; thus they help the children develop a positive image of their father,
which is likely to make the experience more positive for the children.
Mothers also do the emotional work of helping their husbands and children
maintain a bond. As mediators, the mothers keep fathers informed and involved in the
children’s lives. Furthermore, by helping migrant fathers maintain a bond with their
children back home, mothers may see it as strategic and advantageous in helping keep
migrant fathers focused on their family, thus ensuring that remittances continue to arrive
and that fathers will eventually return.
On the matter of parent/child reunification, research has found that some children
experience detachment stress after leaving a caregiver back home; for some children, the
thought of leaving their beloved caregiver can play a significant role in their decision to
reunite with a parent in the U.S. (Suárez-Orozco, 2007; Suárez -Orozco, Todorova &
Louie, 2002). Furthermore, interviews with children who were currently separated from

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their mothers and/or fathers have indicated that some children feel abandoned by their
migrant mothers and fathers, despite the adequate care they may be receiving back home
(Levitt, 2001; Parreñas, 2005). Regardless of the duration of separation, the children of
migrant mothers face greater challenges than do the children of migrant fathers (Parreñas,
2005).
II. The Adult Children
In their mixed ethnic sample of immigrant youth, Suārez-Orozco, Todorova and
Louie (2002) found that immigrant children today, as in the past, are more likely to be
separated from their fathers (p. 632). While this has been the case historically, it is
highly likely that just as many Latino immigrant children are separated from mothers
today, given the increasing numbers of single-parent Latina mothers from Mexico and
Central America immigrating to work in the U.S. Hondagneu-Sotelo and Avila (1997)
found that of the 153 immigrant women in domestic work they surveyed, 40% of the
mothers had a least one of their children back home in their country of origin (p.553). Of
the 10 adult children I formally interviewed for the current study, seven were children of
transnational mothers; of these seven, six had mothers who were single-parents. Also, of
the 14 mothers interviewed for this study, 11 were single-parent mothers.
Undoubtedly, labor migration is no longer just something men do, and
consequently, children’s lives are transformed as a result of the increased migration by
mothers, just as they have been by their fathers. Based on the data collected from my
sample of adult children, and the transnational mothers and fathers who were also
interviewed for this study, I have found that there are various situations that initiate

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migration by a mother or father and which, consequently, transform the lives of the
children who remain behind in their home countries. The arrangements that develop are
often influenced by gender and marital status (see Typology of Immigration Situations
that Transform Children’s Households and Lives in Chapter 1, Sample section).
All of the children of transnational mothers and fathers interviewed for this study
were now adults. Their ages ranged from 23 years to 46 years at the time of the
interviews (See Table 4). Number of years separated from a mother, father or both
ranged from two years to 25 years (two daughters remained separated). Along with the
in-depth interviews with the adult children, I also drew from my interviews with the
transnational mothers and transnational fathers who took part in this study. These parents
always did their best to provide me with information about their children’s experiences,
or at least what they perceived their children felt about the separation and about their
parent/child relations.
Five of the ten adult children (three sons and seven daughters) interviewed were
the adult children of transnational mothers I had interviewed as part of this study.
Although I tried, I was not able to interview any of the children of the transnational
fathers in my sample, since only one of the 11 fathers (Julian) had reunited with his child
in the U.S.; his son, Diego, was a minor. All but two, both adult daughters, had reunited
with their parents in the U.S. at some point in time. In one of the two exceptional cases,
Olga’s Mexican transnational father had never returned after he left her family 15 years
ago, when she was just 10-years-old. In the other case, Jennifer (now 24) had ample
opportunity to reunite with her Guatemalan transnational mother here in the U.S., but she

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had thus far chosen to stay behind in Guatemala, a decision that continued to create
emotional heartache for her mother, which I will discuss later in this chapter.
III. When Fathers Leave
Much like the Filipino fathers in Parreñas (2005) study, The Latino transnational
fathers of the adult children who were interviewed in this study took less responsibility
for nurturing their children than the mothers. According to the adult children, they
disciplined from afar by way of phone calls or on visits back home, however most of the
interaction with fathers was initiated by mothers who acted as “informants” to the
migrant fathers. That is, just as Parreñas (2005) found, the mothers reported to the
fathers in telephone conversations both the good and bad behavior of their children. For
example, Alejandro explained that his wife always let him know when his son was not
cooperating with her, or not doing his homework. He noted that she also made sure to
report good news, such as letting him know that his son had received a special award at
school for outstanding grades.
Transnational fathers had wives back home to cultivate the father/child bond, and
also to portray positive hero-like images of the father for the children. Therefore, some
of the children of immigrant fathers developed a romanticized view about their fathers in
the United States. For many of these adult children, the mothers’ efforts to maintain the
hero-dad persona left lasting impressions. For example, both Delia and Eva indicated
that they had special memories of the time they spent apart from their fathers before
reuniting with them in the United States. Delia explained that her father, although away

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for many years, was very devoted to his family and risked crossing the U.S./Mexico
border at least twice a year to be with his children:
Every year from what I remember when we were already older, what I recall is
that he used to go every December to spend Christmas and New Years with us
and we used to come over here during the summer and spend the summer here
with him. So we would see each other twice a year, in Mexico during the holiday
season and over here in the states in the summer.

Eva smiled at the fond memories she has of her father, who returned to El
Salvador to bring her and her brothers over to the U.S to reunite the family. Eva spoke
about her father and their journey to the United States in such a romanticized way that it
made the experience sound as if she were being rescued by her hero. The strenuous
journey and danger of crossing the Mexican and U.S. borders from El Salvador seemed to
have dissipated in the brightness of her image of her father—she seemed to perceive him
as the hero who returned for his children and who had protected them on the long and
dangerous journey. She recalls:
We had to cross the river. It was quite a big river and we had to do it, there was
no other way. There was no canoe…I remember what my dad did with
us…basically my dad carried me on his shoulders, so we could get across safely.

Eva explained that although she holds special memories of her father related to their
separation and then the reunion, in the time she was separated from both her mother and
father, it was more difficult being apart from her mother. Both daughters explained that
their mothers told them often (“almost daily,” said Eva) that their fathers were away all
alone, sacrificing, and working hard for their benefit. Eva says, “I felt sorry for my dad,
and worried for him.”

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This practice of “hero-making” was very evident in the home of Reyna, a
Mexican caregiver mother of two daughters whose husband was somewhere in the United
States working. As I have previously recounted, the focal point of Reyna’s small one
room home back in Mexico was a religious shrine above the kitchen table that consisted
of a large image of the Virgen de Guadalupe (referred to by some as the patron saint of
all immigrants), flowers, candles, and a pictures of her two daughters’ transnational
father. Reyna, with verification from her daughters, indicated that they prayed every day
for their father, always entrusting him to the “Virgencita,” and always asking that she
guide him and return him safely back home to them.
While reuniting with a father may initially be a time of happiness, some caregiver
mothers explained that it was also the most challenging time for their children, who
emotionally struggled to bond with a father who had not stayed in touch enough to
establish a father/child bond. At the same time, some children were confronted with the
challenge of being introduced into a new community, new school, language barriers, and
for some, a new foreign way of living altogether. This was the case with 13-year-old
Diego, the son of Carmen and transnational father, Julian. Three years after Diego and
his mother Carmen had reunited with Julian in the U.S., after a 10 year separation, Diego
was still very unhappy and angry. According to Carmen, Diego is angry and often tells
his father that he wants to go back “home” to Mexico. As Carmen explains, “He
[referring to Julian, Diego’s father] left him very young, he was barely 11 months. He
was just beginning to walk. We were there with Julian’s parents, and it was very difficult
for me because I had never been alone, and with a small child. He [Diego] grew up with

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Julian’s mother and father. He would call them ‘papa’ and ‘mama.’” Diego had only
seen his father three times in the 10 years they were separated.
According to Carmen, Julian’s decision to reunite with his son has been
bittersweet, because Diego’s transition has not been easy. She explains that still after
three years in the U.S., Diego is having a very difficult time adjusting to his new home
and is not doing well in school. According to Carmen, Diego has been transformed—like
many children who migrate to the United States—and she is not pleased with the changes
in him:
He is at an intermediate age where he doesn’t know what’s right. He doesn’t
know where to go. You know as they say la vida loca (the crazy life). Soon he
will be of [legal] age, and when they go their own way and don’t want to know
you. That’s how it is here. The kids who come here [from Mexico] get those
customs right away (she laughs). They say, ‘I’m older now, and you can’t tell me
anything. I can go here and do what I want.’ That hurts, because one is not used
to that way, that’s not right, pero se van a la vida de aquí (but they go to the life
style here).

It seems Diego is having problems adjusting to life in the U.S. as an adolescent. Carmen
believes his problems are related to his adjustment to U.S. culture:
He is getting the customs from here…They want to be free and he is not doing
well in school…And it’s buy me this brand of shoes and I buy me some more
pants because I don’t want the same one and I want a different [pair] every day.
They’re [kids] really troublesome…Also, he doesn’t respect us [his father and
mother].

When I asked about Diego’s relationship with his father, Carmen explained that Diego
was making an honest effort to develop a relationship with Julian, but she also believed
Diego was disrespectful at times and was very angry with his father for having left him
and for not visiting more frequently. According to Carmen, the anger and accusations
would come out when Julian would try to discipline Diego:

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When he is not given his way he will tell Julian things such as, “You’re the one
that left us,” or he’d ask, “Why did you come [to the United States] and leave us
[in Mexico]?” When he [Diego] wants to go out with his friends, and Julian
doesn’t want to let him go, he’ll tell him, “Ay, when you left us alone, what
about then, and now that we’re here, what, you can tell us we can’t go out?” It
hurts Julian, because he wasn’t there when he was growing up, when he started to
talk, and started to walk, and he did not spend enough time with Diego when he
needed him the most. I tell him [Julian] to talk to him, to explain to him that he
wanted more for him, and to tell him how the situation was over there [in
Mexico]…

Carmen’s account suggests that Diego is struggling with his emotions related to his
father’s long separation and limited contact. Even though Carmen is facing her own
marital challenges post-reunion, she explains that she tries to coach Julian on what to tell
Diego when he becomes confrontational with his father about having left him. She says,
“I tell him to explain to him that you wanted more for him and how the situation was over
there for us. Let him know you wanted more for him.” It is unclear if Carmen also
worked to cultivate a positive father image for Diego during the separation, the way she
explains she tries to do today. However, with all the stress of having to live with Julian’s
“controlling and abusive mother,” as Carmen explains, and marital problems that have
developed after the reunion, it is less likely that Diego holds a positive image of his
father, although as Carmen explains, she sees that Diego continues to long for some kind
of relationship with his father.
Since joining Julian, Carmen has had to deal with knowledge of Julian’s infidelity
which, she explained continued even after she and Diego arrived in the U.S.; so it is a
situation that Diego is aware of. However, at this point in time, Carmen seems to be most
concerned with Diego’s rebellious behavior and also with the deterioration of her own
relationship with her son, who she explains, often turns against her by taking Julian’s side

217
during their domestic disputes. She indicates that Diego blames her for the tension in the
home, and when she and Julian argue, he tells her to stop. Furthermore, Diego appears to
use his father’s long absence as leverage to get his way. Diego’s anger at this father three
years after the reunion appears to be rooted in the long separation and Julian’s lack of
involvement in Diego’s life, and certainly his parents marital problems related to his
father’s infidelity has made it more challenging for Diego and his parents to adjust; this
may have tarnished the hero-like image that Diego may have, at one time, had of his
migrant father. Nonetheless, as Carmen believes, Diego is desperate to have a
relationship with his father, even if it means taking his side in family disputes.
Adult children of transnational fathers may see their fathers as heroes who are
providing for their families, but they also acknowledge that their caregiver mothers are
the ones who were there for them in their father’s absence. Eva, the adult daughter who
held a romanticized image of her immigrant father, explained that mothers are the ones
who are there and who provide the daily nurturing. Eva admits that she realized this after
her mother immigrated to the U.S. to join her father, leaving her and her younger brother
with their maternal grandmother:
I think I missed my mother more. I definitely think so. I guess because it was
sort of that emotional attachment, strong emotional attachment that mom was
there to fix us food or that when we cried she was there to comfort us. When
something happened, you know, she was there and unlike my dad, you know, I do
remember that he used to work so much…I especially remember how much I
wanted my mom one day when, you know El Salvador was going through, if you
know, conflict with the guerrilla army, so there was a lot of confrontations in
different parts of El Salvador and one of the things that I clearly remember,
something that just visually stands out, is that after my mom left [to the United
States], there was a confrontation between the guerrilla [army] and the [El
Salvador] arm forces, right where I lived in Ilopango, it’s a city within San
Salvador, and…uh…they had a confrontation there for the whole night after my

218
mom left, and, we, our house had two rooms towards the back and that’s where
we just hid under the mattresses. Just hoping and praying that no bullet would
come through the roof or through the walls. So, that was the scary part and I only
asked God to protect us and then for my mom… I wished for my mom to be there,
at that moment.

Before immigrating, Eva’s mother worked hard to keep the family united and also
cultivated a hero-like image of the father who was working far away for the benefit of his
family. Eva’s mother did this even though she also had to work outside the home,
running a small coffee shop. According to Eva, her mom was a huge presence in her
daily life, providing the care for her and her brother even though she worked. She
explains:
She mainly worked in the morning and for lunch, so that meant that the rest of the
afternoon and dinner she was home with us. So she was very, you know, like I
tell you, she knew when our nap time was. By 2:00 p.m. you needed to be in bed.
At that time you needed to take your leche con pan, you know, your milk and
bread, sweet bread actually, and go to sleep for an hour to hour and a half, get up,
do your homework, go play for a little while then come in for dinner.

Delia continued to hold a special image of her transnational father. Her
recollection is of happy times when her father would show up with a carload of gifts for
the whole family, or when he would bring them over the U.S./Mexico border to spend
time with him in the summer. In reality, Delia has little memory of her father aside from
the good times they shared when he they visited twice a year. Delia was only two years
old when he left. Her early memories and accounts of her bond with her father,
admittedly, have been constructed by stories told to her by her mother—stories about
how her father made a tremendous sacrifice for his family by going North to the United

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States to work hard, so that they would have a better life, even though they knew it was
going to be a hard. Delia says:
I don’t remember when he left. I don’t remember (long pause), I really don’t, but
my mother mentioned to me that fact that before my father left I was very
attached to him and that when he left I actually got sick. I ended up in bed sick
and that I kept on asking for my father, but I don’t remember myself. I guess I
must have been pretty small.

While Delia admits she has no early memory of her father leaving and what transpired
that resulted in his migration, with the help of her mother, she has stories that have
become her early memories; and they are good memories. Delia’s mother clearly played
an important role in how her children experienced separation from their father.
Furthermore, her emotional work helped create a hero-like image that Delia cherishes as
a grown woman today.
As mediators between children and fathers, these mothers cultivate positive
images of transitional fathers. This benefits the children by lessening anxiety and trauma
from the separation and making it a more positive experience. It appears that caregiver
mothers may strategically work to establish father/child bonds and romanticize fathers’
labor migration as a way to keep fathers focused on their family, but these efforts frame
the separation as self-sacrificing and for the good of the children, which ultimately makes
the experience a positive one for the children.
The emotional work caregiver mothers do to hold up the absentee fathers as
heroes is arguably similar to what sociologist Arlie Hochschild (1983) refers to as the
emotional labor some people do in particular service jobs. Hochschild explains that
emotional labor is the regulation of emotions workers in certain occupations (e.g., flight

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attendants) are expected to display as part of their job in order to produce an emotional
state in another person. For example, in the case of a flight attendant, her job may be to
produce the state of cheer and anti-stress in order to produce a positive experience for her
passengers. With respect to the mothers of immigrant children, their emotional work
consists of producing an emotional state of happiness, limited anxiety, pride and support
of the absentee father, to produce a positive state of mind in the children about their
migrant fathers.
This emotional work mothers perform appears to have a long lasting impression,
even when immigrant fathers may not live up to the hero-like images, such as when they
stop sending remittances or never return home to the family. This was the case for 25-
year-od Olga, whose father immigrated when she was 10 years, but, after some time had
passed, he stopped writing and sending money to her mother, and he never returned
home. Much to my surprise, after all the years of not hearing from her father, Olga did
not seem angry at him, she actually seemed more concerned. Furthermore, she indicated
that she really longed to reunite with her father, so that he could meet his grandchildren.
While it was hard to initially comprehend how Olga could yearn for a relationship with a
father who had left her mother with six small children and pregnant with twins, I listened
as Olga appeared to justify her father’s actions:
Many have been envious of my mother…my relatives would hurt my mother,
because my father had left to the U.S. to work, and they thought he was going to
make a lot of money, and that is why they [relatives] were envious of my mother.
So, they would send gossip to my father in the U.S., telling him to not send my
mother money. Until now, recently, he is sending something. But I would like to
know something about him, how he is doing.

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Understandably, Olga appeared to yearn for the father that she had known as a child, and
not knowing why her father did not return is still a question Olga struggles with.
However, my impression was that after 15 years, she continues to hope for some type of
reunification with her father who may have abandoned her and her siblings, even though
Olga never used the word abandonment to describe her father’s actions
Whether they maintain a shrine as a symbolic tribute to a hero-like father, or show
their children videos of their father, or whether they simply pass on stories that help the
children construct memories of an absent father, caregiver mothers are helping the
children cope with the separation by way of the emotional work they do. Furthermore, in
the emotional labor they are performing for the benefit of their children, they are
maintaining the institution of the nuclear family and the traditional image of the good
provider father.
IV. When Mothers Leave
When transnational mothers leave, there are usually no fathers who stay behind to
cultivate a positive image of them and to help them maintain the mother/child bond. No
one is there to construct the hero-like image of the mother who is off alone, working very
hard to make a living for her children. Instead, mothers must rely on other women to
help them care for their children, and they must “do the emotional work” to construct a
positive image of themselves for their children, and to maintain the mother/child bond
from across the border. Through phone calls and letters directly to their children,
transnational mothers are doing their own emotional work. They attempt to convey
mothering characteristics such as concern, support, care and love, in order to reassure the

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children they have not been forgotten and that they are emotionally there with them,
although they are physically apart.
As has been discussed previously in Chapter 2, mothers work hard to maintain
their status as mothers in the lives of their children back home, just as they work hard to
maintain a strong emotional bond with their children. Most of the children of
transnational mothers have a clear understanding that their mother’s decision to
immigrate to the U.S. was to work for their benefit, and that their mothers generally
demonstrated this to them through frequent telephone calls, letters, cards and gifts on
holidays and birthdays. The adult children indicated that the remittances they received
from their mothers further validated their love and sacrifice on their behalf. Furthermore,
the adult children indicated that they had come to better understand, with time, that the
remittances sent by their mothers had benefited them by allowing them not only to live
better when they were children (with better food and shelter), but also allowed them the
opportunity to go to school and get an education.
The children indicated that they had seen their mothers’ emotional suffering
during the separation as an indication of their love. When they spoke of their mothers,
they overwhelmingly showed enormous gratitude to their mothers for the sacrifices they
had made for them, and they also seemed to feel that their mothers had suffered greatly
for their benefit. As Miguel, one of three sons of a single-parent, Salvadorian
transnational mother explains:
I think she came because of the situation back home wasn’t working well
[relationship between Miguel’s father and mother had failed, and his father had
left his mother and he and his brothers]. I think that was a big part of it. I think
another part was the economic situation from the political situation in El

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Salvador, the war…She had brought my two older brothers here first, because she
was scared they’d take them into the war…but mostly I think because she wanted
a better future for us and she was thinking about us. I think she put her own life
aside for us.

Miguel’s appreciation for his mother’s self sacrificing was admirable, as was that of his
two brothers. All three were close to their mother.
Some of the adult children indicated that the experience of separation from their
mothers had made them stronger individuals and better prepared to cope with life’s
challenges, as 24-year-old Guatemalan college student, Jennifer explained:
I think that this whole experience [transnational family life] has made me
stronger because I think some people like, you know like the psychologists and
some people themselves always blame childhood and all that, [as the source of
people’s problems] they say, like, “Oh my parents got divorce, or they were not
here for me when I needed them. Oh my God that ruined my life.” No, I think
that you have to make the best out of everything and like I told you before…I’ve
been very lucky to have a lot of people that care about me, like my grandparents,
and all my family. It made me stronger. I appreciate things different maybe than
other people.

Both sons and daughters attribute their achievements, such as educational
attainment, to their mothers, who they said came to the United States to work hard so
they could study and have a better future. I found this especially to be the case with the
children of the single-parent transnational mothers who had no emotional or financial
support from fathers, but whose own mothers back home (caregivers to their children in
their absence) had done the emotional labor described above, which resulted in a positive
experience for the children and maintenance of the bond between the children and their
mothers. These children felt immense gratitude toward the mother who had struggled to
provide for them without help from their fathers. Most felt that their mothers had done

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everything in their power to stay present in their lives and to make them feel loved even
if from afar. Miguel, who was basically raised by his maternal grandmother (whom he
loved deeply), also held a strong emotional bond with his migrant mother; she had
maintained a strong connection with him that transcended time and the physical space
between them. His recollection of the things his mother did to make him feel her love
and her presence, even while they were apart, was very strong:
I remember getting the letters and once I was able to read, which was at an early
age, probably first or second grade…I was the one that went with grandma to
the mail place, pick up the letters, so I would read it to my grandma…Now that I
remember it was something I used to do and probably took it for granted, but it
was a wonderful experience. She would write saying I miss all of you and you
know, hugs and kisses and all of that, so that was great. That was a wonderful
experience for me…I felt very good because I knew that mom existed and that
she was there. That was great. You know the other thing I really liked was our
birthdays and Christmas and all of that when you know we got a little extra
money individually. I waited for that, looked forward to it.

Some children noted that their motivation to succeed, especially in their studies,
was due to the sacrifices of their mothers. Miguel explained that he felt he had a
responsibility to take advantage of the educational opportunities his mother made
available to him by working hard to bring him over to the United States so he could study
and have a better future. Soon after my interview with Miguel, he earned his a Master’s
Degree and, not long after, I received an announcement that he had earned his Ph.D. in
Psychology. Today, he runs a thriving private practice in Marriage and Family Therapy,
where he counsels immigrant families.
Not all children fair as well when separated from their mothers, regardless of their
mother’s efforts or circumstances. The experiences of Rafael and Guadalupe, the
children of two single-parent transnational mothers, illustrate that although mothers may

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try to make the best choices possible about whom to entrust their children to when they
leave, some children may still suffer from abuse or inadequate care. In turn, this can
impact the mother/child relationship in negative ways. As adults, both Guadalupe and
Rafael initially spoke of their mothers with admiration and appreciation for the lessons
they had learned from their struggles. Rafael, for example, initially spoke candidly about
his mother, and how he had inherited his mother’s work ethic: “My mom was always,
always a hard worker, always wanted us, her kids, to have the best. My mom still works
hard, so you know, you grow up with that work ethic. Yeah, she started laughing when I
called her and told her that I had three jobs, and she says, ‘Oh my God mijo, you’re like
me now.’” However, as our interview progressed, it became clear that Rafael was deeply
affected by the circumstances surrounding his mother separation.
Rafael explained that his mother had first immigrated to the U.S. without saying
goodbye when he was 5-years-old. Much to his joy, she returned to Mexico, but shortly
after, she left again, leaving him to help his maternal grandmother care for his two
younger brothers. He was very emotional as he told about his mother’s two different
departures:
I remember her saying she was going to go to work the next day, and then I
didn’t see her again. The second time, I was 8-years-old, and I was more aware,
so when she sat us [him and his two younger brothers] down and told us she was
going to work, I didn’t want to let her go, because I already knew, I knew.

Q: How did you cope with her being gone?

I couldn’t really…I tried my hardest to do what I had to do in school. Whatever
I could to keep my mind off of my mother not being there. Indulging myself by
cooking with my grandmother and looking out for my brothers, but nothing really
helped.

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Admittedly, Rafael said he had continued to feel anger toward his mother until he was in
his late teenage years. He continued to maintain the close loving bond he had developed
with his maternal grandmother until she passed away. Rafael explains that he did not
understand, until recently, how much his mother was like his grandmother:
I think my mom is the strongest person besides my grandmother. But I now see
everything I saw in my grandmother in my mom. I couldn’t see that then,
because all I had was my grandmother raising me. I didn’t see my mom, I saw
her [his grandmother] slaving away. I saw her beating herself up going to work,
cleaning cooking, alongside me…My mom just sacrifices herself over and over
and over…I think she is the strongest person, besides my grandma

Up to the time Rafael was in his late teens, he says he blamed his separation from his
mother for all the problems in his young life: beatings from his abusive father, who drank
too much and did not provide for the family, and sexual victimization of him and his
brothers by his grandmother’s teenage brother back in Mexico. Later, after the reunion in
the U.S., he suffered more abuse by his mother’s new husband (who also drank too
much), the father of his U.S.-born step-sister. Finally, after his mother had kept her
promise and saved enough money to send for Rafael and his brothers, things were not
better.
Rafael explains that his anger started when his mother left without saying
goodbye and that. although he recalls his grandmother telling him that she would be back,
he did not believe she would. He recalls:
The second time she left, I remember crying and crying and my grandma would
tell me, “She’s gonna come back for you. She’s just trying to make money. She
wants to have enough money so she can come and bring you home and take care
of you over there so you boys can live with your mom over there”…but I didn’t
believe her.

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After finally confronting his mother in his teen years, Rafael explains that his mother told
him that once she learned about the abuse back home in Mexico, she lived in constant
fear and worry about him and his brothers. According to Rafael, she told him this was
what motivated her to work even harder to bring her sons to the U.S. as fast as she could.
While Rafael eventually understood that his mother had left out of necessity and
that she had done what she believed to be in the best interest of her sons, it appears that
the extenuating circumstances made it too difficult for him to accept the separation, no
matter what the reasons. Rafael’s ongoing emotional suffering illustrates that children of
immigrant parents are vulnerable emotionally and physically, and no matter how hard
their mothers may try to protect them by the choices they make about their care, some
situations are just too difficult for them to foresee.
It is important to note that, in this study, most of the children of immigrant
single-parent transnational mothers never had any communication or support from the
fathers after they’d abandoned them at a young age; if they had, the fathers never
established a bond with them. This in part added to the challenges, some children of
single-parent immigrant mothers faced on top of their mother’s migration. For some
children, the abandonment by a father prior to the mother’s migration can compound the
loneliness they feel after their mothers leave to the U.S. This was the case with
Guadalupe, who felt lost without her mother and father. She explained that she needed
the affection and love of her mother, especially because she did not have her father:
Well she [her mother] had to leave to support us, because my father did not work.
We needed her over there [back home in Mexico], more me, especially me
because then I didn’t have my grandmother, she died, and I needed her cariño, el
amour de una madre, because without a mother without a father? I really needed

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her very much. And this is what I tell her, what I want her to understand, that I
needed her. When one is sick, when one needs help with the homework, because
one [as a mother or father] has to be pre-occupied with the child…Like me, I have
been there for my kids, because I brought them with me [to the U.S.], yo no los
abandone, (I did not abandon them) and I didn’t leave them behind.

The experiences shared by Rafael and Guadalupe indicate that although
immigrant children may understand that their mother’s decision to immigrate was
necessary and for their benefit, it does not mean they do not develop emotional scars that
make it difficult for them to establish a mother/child bond after reuniting. Rafael’s
experience was especially difficult because of the abuse he endured in his mother’s
absence, which he indicated he had internalized as having happened because his mother
was not there to protect him. He now realizes that such victimization could have
happened anywhere and anytime.
Guadalupe’s story shows that even when fathers abandon their children, mothers
are left to carry the burden and often take the blame for their children’s pain and
suffering. Also, Guadalupe’s feelings about never leaving her own children and never
repeating her mother’s mistakes with her own children suggest that she also attributes her
suffering to her mother’s absence, even though her father had abandoned her family and
left her mother to support eight children. These stories indicate that not all children see
their mothers as heroes who sacrificed for their future and also that family separation is a
complex experience for both parents and their children.
Even in the best of situations during the parent/child separation, adult children of
transnational mothers indicated that they had suffered emotionally. Jennifer, whose
quote I used in the opening of this chapter, was very forthcoming about her experience

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and felt it important that others understand that her mother’s efforts on her behalf were
not in vain. She was very emotional and cried throughout most of our interview. For her,
it was important for others to understand the difficulties of family separation and the
sacrifices:
I think it’s good that you are doing research about this because maybe society can
understand how people like us live through this situation, and that it’s very hard
that your family is separated. You know like my mom says, “When there is love,
it doesn’t matter where you live, because that keeps you together”…. We may not
have money, we’re not rich, but the best inheritance that she has given me is
education, that’s certain.

Oddly enough, after the long 14 years of separation, Jennifer has not reunited with her
mother. The opportunity is there, and Erica, Jennifer’s mother would like nothing more
than to have her daughter with her at last. However, Jennifer’s refusal to reunite is in part
due to her sense of obligation to her caregiver grandmother, and possibly also related to
her feelings about her mother’s new life and family in the U.S., which I discuss in more
detail in the next section where I address child and caregiver relations.
V. Children and Caregivers
In her work on transnational mothers and fathers from the Philippines, Parreñas
(2005) finds that regardless of the length of time separated or class, the children of
migrant mothers face greater challenges than do the children of migrant fathers. This she
argues is not only due to the inadequacy of care children received in “mother away”
transnational families, but also because, “The provision of care in these families
reinforces the conventional division of labor in the family” (p.97). When a father is
present, he tends to rely on other women to do the care work that a mother would
generally be expected to do, which maintains the father role as breadwinner. In this

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respect, the children suffer because they are not receiving emotional support from fathers.
In this study sample, two unrelated daughters, Sara and Victoria, and their siblings had
been left in the care of their fathers back in their countries. However, prior to leaving for
the U.S., their migrant mothers made arrangements for aunts and female neighbors to
help their husbands with the household and childcare duties, according to Sara and
Victoria. However, Sara and Victoria explained that the situations after their mothers’
departures had turned from bad to worse. In Sara’s case, her Guatemalan mother had
made the decision to leave after her father, an alcoholic had gotten into a terrible car
accident and her mother had borrowed a lot of money to keep him out of jail. According
to Sara, her father was not able to work due to his injuries, so at age 14, Sara was left to
tend to her three younger siblings (ages 13, 11 and 6), and her rehabilitating father. She
explains:
Three or four months after my mother left, my dad started to walk, but then that
was another worry because he started getting drunk again, and he wouldn’t come
home early, he’d stay out, and lots of worry for me…Finally, it was decided that
he would join my mother in the U.S. and for one, it was a relief for me, because I
didn’t have to deal with him anymore, but on the other hand, we had to be alone
in the city and it was very tough, because it was not very safe living alone at that
time.

Sara explains that she is not bitter at her mother for having left, however, she blames her
father for the sacrifices her mother, she and her siblings have had to make because of his
alcoholism. Not only had he been responsible for her mother having to leave, but he
couldn’t even care for his children; she explains, “He left as soon as he could, and kept
drinking over there. He has given my mother lots of misery.”

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When Victoria’s mother came to the U.S. to work as a live-in nanny, she left
Victoria, age 11, her two sisters (13 and 8-years-old), and two brothers, (15 and 5-years-
old) in the care of their father back in El Salvador. As Victoria explains, it was very hard:
With my father it was very difficult because we were used to having our mother,
and we wanted to be with her. My mother also suffered very much while here in
this country away from us. She would send us money, but my father was
harsh…and it was not like having our mother on our side to tell our problems to,
or to say I hurt. It was difficult with our father; if we did anything wrong he
would hit us…He didn’t know how to care for us girls. That’s how it was, and so
I left with my sister…she was 15 years and I was now 12. We told our father we
were leaving and he said, “There’s the road”…We left the house for three months,
but then my older sister told my mother, and my mother said he would not send
anything [money] unless she got us back home. She suffered such heartache over
here. So my father came for us, he was almost crying, and said we should not be
apart. The greatest surprise was when my father said, “Daughter, I want you to
return home.” And he said if we returned he would not hit us anymore. After we
went back he didn’t hit us the way he used to. It was a great trauma, but I have
learned to forgive my father… and I love him.

At the age of 19, Victoria and two of her siblings came over to the U.S. with money her
mother had sent for their journey. Just as with Sara, Victoria does not attribute her
suffering to her mother’s decision to immigrate. Her suffering is related to her father’s
lack of care, or inability to provide proper care, as she explains, “He didn’t know how to
take care of us girls.” Today she has a very positive relationship with her mother and
explains that her mother now rests better. Furthermore, she appears to feel that her own
suffering is emotionally unmatched to her mother’s suffering as a transnational mother
living apart from her children; as she says: “She’s better now, but she suffered
much…Each time she would sit to eat she would think about us, had we eaten, had we
done this or that.”

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Both Sara and Victoria did not feel their caregiver fathers were there for them
after their mother’s migration. Both felt their fathers were unprepared to care for them
and their siblings even with the help of other female kin. For both the experience of
separation was difficult, not so much because of their mothers being away, but because of
their negative experiences with their caregiver fathers back home. Today both women
have positive relationships with their mothers with whom they reunited with in the U.S.
and they attribute this to the emotional work their mothers did in their absence.
Transnational mothers do not abandon their parental responsibilities when they
migrate, they transform motherhood in ways that allow them to continue to parent from
afar, and often overcompensate for their absence (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). As
we saw through Miguel’s experience, the frequent phone calls, gifts and emotional care
and support his mother gave over the phone, in cards and in the way of special little gifs,
provided him, much like the other children, the constant reminder that they had not been
forgotten and were always loved. When compared, mothers clearly were more involved
in their children’s lives than were fathers. Of those children who had migrant fathers,
most were not able to initiate contact with them, but instead had to wait until their
father’s contacted them. The children of migrant mothers generally had frequent contact,
and they were able to initiate contact when they needed their mothers.
Most of the children had established a strong and loving bond with their
caregiver grandparents, some more than others. For example, Jennifer, who had been an
only child at the time her mother first left, was left in the care of her maternal
grandparents in Guatemala at the age of ten. As Jennifer recalls,

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She [her mother] told me like, “I’m going there to work. I already had started
school…So I had like 3 months in school and she told me she was only going to
stay for 1 year and that it was going to be hard. I know that she loves me and she
wanted the best for me so that’s why she was coming here [to the U.S.]. And then
like you know at first . . . I knew that she was coming but maybe in my mind I
didn’t understand it so I was, “okay you’re going,” but the day she left it was so
hard for me…I was crying like a baby for a long time. My grandmother helped
me pass that time, because I am very close to her because when my parents got
divorced we went to live with my grandparents so I stayed with them…It was
hard for them, because you know like for Mother’s Day I cried all day because I
missed my mom so much.

Q: Do you remember what your thoughts were about at that time?

Only that it wasn’t going to be forever. You know like that I would see her soon.

Fourteen years later, Jennifer continues to live apart from her mother, who re-married and
gave birth to two daughters in the U.S. As she explained, her grandparents have played
an important role in getting her through long period of separation that was to be
temporary, but which has turned into 15 years. Jennifer’s mother, Erica, who was
interviewed as one of the transnational mothers, explained that she had tried very hard to
convince Jennifer to come live with her in the U.S., offering to help her get into the better
schools where she can continue to study. Although Erica has provided Jennifer with a
very good life back in Guatemala, making sure Jennifer has had tuition to attend the
better schools back home; Erica suffers from guilt over having left Jennifer and from
their continued separation. When I asked Jennifer why she has not reunited with her
mother as a child or teenager, she explained that she tried to a couple times, but she just
could not adjust to life in the U.S. and that Guatemala was her home. Furthermore, she
indicated that she just could no t bear to leave her grandmother and grandfather, who
have been very devoted surrogate parents to her. Jennifer’s bond with her grandmother is

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very strong, and although she distinguishes between her mother and grandmother, she
clearly has developed a mother-like bond with her grandmother, as she explains:
My mom is my mom and that won’t change for anything. I can’t compare the
love. It’s different but I love my grandmother so much you know, like she is so
special with me. She defends me and no one can say anything to offend me
because she’s like a lion protecting her cub. And I can count on her. She has
taken care of me when I’m ill. She is very linda (beautiful).

Just as with other children of transnational parents who develop strong bonds with their
caregivers that resemble the stay-at-home mother/child bond, Jennifer described her
grandmother as having the characteristics and behavior of a traditional mother. When
asked, “What do you think is the definition of a good mother?” Jennifer distinguished
between her caregiver grandmother, and her transnational mother:
Well I have two definitions. One would be like the one that takes care of you
and is there when you’re sick, is there when you’re sad, when you’re happy,
that’s always with you. That would be my grandmother that’s like my second
mother. But also I think it’s the one that will sacrifice anything for their children,
even being with them to their welfare [sic]. Sometimes I don’t express that well
in English but I think you get the idea.

Jennifer, who continued to live in Guatemala with her grandparents, was clearly torn
between her the pressure to please her mother who wanted her to move to the U.S. after
14 years of separation, and her sense of obligation to the elderly grandmother who had
provided loving care for so many years, and who established a mother-like bond with
Jennifer. Jennifer’s story in part illustrates that when single-parent mothers immigrate
they may find that no matter how hard they may try to mother their children from afar
and maintain their status as mother; children may develop exceptionally strong bonds

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with caregivers that may hinder the mother/child relationship later. Such bonds between
caregiver and child can influence the child’s decisions about reuniting with a mother.
Miguel’s bond with his grandmother was also very strong. The bonding had
begun at the age of one when his mother left him in the care of his maternal grandmother.
Like Jennifer, Miguel had also put off coming to the United States, because he could not
stand to leave his elderly grandmother, especially after his mother had already sent for his
brothers. Finally, after coming to the U.S. for a visit, Miguel’s mother enticed him with
the offer to study here in the U.S. However, feeling a sense of obligation, Miguel took
every opportunity he could to go visit his grandmother in El Salvador. He recalls:
I was very homesick in the beginning, and went to visit as much as I could
The first year I actually stayed three months with her. I went back, you know
school ended [in the United States] on Friday and Friday night I took off. I think
I came back Sunday right before school started again.

Miguel’s plan to finish school, get a good paying job and bring his grandmother over to
the U.S. was a dream never realized. She passed away shortly after Miguel’s last visit.
He recalls, “I knew when I said goodbye to her that she was saying goodbye to me for
good. I told her I really loved her and she told me just to take care of Estela [Miguel’s
wife of two weeks], and to help my mom.” The passing of Miguel’s grandmother
occurred very shortly after she had made a visit and I had the pleasure to meet her. She
was a wonderful lady who was clearly very proud of Miguel for all his accomplishments
here in the United States. Later, in one of my visits with Miguel, we spoke about how
much he was missing his grandmother, and he said he wished he had made more time for
her. He seemed to be struggling with guilt.

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Separating from caregivers, as Miguel’s and Jennifer’s stories show, is emotional
and sometimes too difficult to do or bear. For the most part, caregivers, especially
maternal grandmothers, do the best they can to provide loving care to their grandchildren.
However, sometimes it can be overwhelming, and inadvertently the children may not
receive quality care, or they may get a negative image of their mothers by way of their
caregivers’ frustrating comments, as was the case with Guadalupe:
My abulita tried to do the best she could, but it was hard to take care of so many
kids, and she was tired…Over there life was also difficult, because also there is no
refrigerator, no washer, nothing like that. My abulita would give us what she
could. My mom would send the money so she could feed us good, but my abulita
well she still would give us frijoles con tortillas, She would tell her [Guadalupe’s
mother], ‘Just when they’re getting older when you see that they are good to work
the muchachos, you start taking them one by one.’ She said, ‘Why don’t you take
them little? No just when they are a bit older, and well raised then you start
taking them.

The children who were left in the care of fathers after their mother’s migrated did
not fare so well. Both Victoria’s and Sara’s fathers were uninvolved and abusive. This
made it even more difficult for the children to be apart from their mothers. The fathers
who had all been in households where they maintained gender specific roles with their
wives were at a loss when their wives had crossed the gender boundaries into primary
provider. They were not able to provide primary care for their children and this resulted
in stressed relationships and resentment by their children.
Children who were left in the care of grandparents appeared to do better, however
some had established such strong bonds, that it made separation especially painful for
them in as in the case of Jennifer, they could not bare to leave to reunite with their
parents. Finally, through of Guadalupe’s experience we see that in some cases the role of

237
caregiver can be extremely overwhelming, and consequently, the caregiver frustrations
are focused on the migrant parent and this may further impact the child’s ability to cope
with the parent’s separation.
VI. U.S.-Born Siblings
Three of the adult children interviewed had brothers and/or sisters who had been
born in the U.S. to their immigrant mothers while they were separated. None of the adult
children reported that their transnational fathers had children who were born in the U.S.
Of the 14 transnational mothers interviewed, two had given birth to American-born
children prior to reuniting with their children. One mother. Erica, from Guatemala had
married a gentleman from her home country who’d also immigrated to the U.S. shortly
after she arrived in the U.S. They had two daughters and have now been married for over
12 years. The other, Rosario, also from Guatemala had given birth to a daughter from a
Guatemalan immigrant man who she’d met here in the U.S. Of the 11 transnational
fathers interviewed, none indicated they had fathered children here in the U.S while apart
from their children.
While the process of reuniting with children here in the U.S. can be a wonderful
time for parents and children, it can also be challenging for everyone. As Suārez-Orozco,
Todorova and Louie (2002) have found in their work with immigrant families, the
children of immigrant parents can have difficult time adapting to new siblings born in the
U.S. and new partners in their parent’s lives. I perceived this to be a difficult subject
where some adult children were concerned, and did feel that some were not as
forthcoming with their thoughts and emotions. Rafael, seemed to brush off the topic of

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his U.S.-born step-sister, but was very open about his distain for his step-father: “I didn’t
have a problem with my sister, but he (his sister’s father) was an alcoholic who was
abusive to my mother, to me and to my brothers. He made our lives difficult, and I
thought, ‘This is what we come to (the U.S. for)?’, but it was wonderful to be with my
mom again.”
Guadalupe, who continued to feel sad over not having had her mother with her,
explained that she blamed her American-born sister and brother, as much as she blamed
her mother for having them, for keeping her mother away from her and her siblings back
in Mexico:
She never took them over there [to Mexico]. She brought their father; he seemed
like a nice man, but the kids she left them other there. I don’t blame them, but it
hurts me that my mother was not here for me in the same way.

Today, many years later, Guadalupe says she has a good relationship with her step-
brother and sister, who she says, treat her well, but her relationship with her mother
continues to be strained. She says, “I don’t see her much, but she’s old now, so I call her
and ask her how she is doing.”
Jennifer, who was a single-child before her mother’s migration and who has been
reluctant to come to the U.S. to live with her mother, says she is not jealous of her two
American-born sisters. However, Jennifer admits that in her grandmother’s house back
in Guatemala, unlike in her mother’s apartment in the U.S., she continues to hold the
single-child status, and is treated, as she jokingly says, “like the princesa de la casa”
(princess of the house).

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Jennifer was adamant that she is not angry or jealous of her American-born step-
sisters and her mother’s husband or their life in the United States. However, as I noted,
the outpouring of tears suggested that although Jennifer truly loved her mother, and was
grateful to her for all she had given, especially her education in private schools in
Guatemala, she also appeared sad and torn between a new life with a new family, and the
comfortable familiar life she had made with her maternal grandparents back home.
Furthermore, Jennifer was very emotional when she described the birth of her first step-
sister, Jackie, who is 12 years younger, than she as a happy event in her life, however, she
indicated that they fought, but brushed this off as “common” sibling rivalry, as she says,
I don’t know, maybe I’m weird, but I really accepted all, my mom’s marriage and
another baby, and yeah I didn’t have a problem with that. I was very happy for
her and I came like a week later when Jackie was born and I was so happy with
her. You know like we still have fights, but that is common between siblings.
Sometimes my mom gets upset and tells me like, “Oh my God, I don’t know why
you fight that much.” But I say, it’s normal…But she says, “you are 12 years
apart [in age], but with the little one I don’t fight with her.”

While Jennifer’s may not admit it, her continued separation from her mother affords her
special connection to her mother that her two U.S.-born sisters don’t share. When I
interviewed Erica, Jennifer’s mother who was one of the transnational mothers in this
study, she revealed a tremendous amount of guilt over her continued separation from
Jennifer, and appeared to over compensate for the guilt. She calls Jennifer frequently and
sends for her anytime she wants to come; she also continues to send home the remittances
that provide 24-year-old Jennifer with a good education and comfortable life in
Guatemala. While it is certain that Jennifer is sincerely attached to her grandparents and
cannot bear to leave them now that they are older, it also is possible that Jennifer may

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feel some reservations about her ability to adapt to her mother’s life in the U.S. and be
happy with her mother, step-father (with whom she says she has a good relationship), and
her two step-sisters who are very Americanized.
VII. Conclusion
Findings indicate that the lives of children of immigrant parents and their
transnational mothers and fathers are very complicated. The children of transitional
mothers lives are perhaps more complex, because these children are generally left in the
care of other women who assist with the daily care and emotional needs of the children
back home. In contrast, the children of immigrant fathers are being cared for by their
mothers who remain back home with the children while the father’s migrate. Children
who remain back home with their mother’s benefit from the emotional labor their
mothers do to cultivate a positive image of the migrant father, and also as mediators who
work to maintain a bond between their children and their fathers. Such emotional labor
helps keep fathers focused on their responsibilities to their families, and mothers back
home may see this as a way to ensure their husbands return to his family.
Transnational mothers by comparison must do their own emotional labor to
maintain their status as mothers, and keep the mother/child bond and emotional bonds
strong between them and their children. They do this with the help of the women who
they have made arrangements with to help them care for their children in their absence. In
their absence, the mothers with contend with the risk of losing their children’s love and
attention to the women who are there providing the day to day care and love to their
children while they are far away. As a consequence, transnational mothers work extra

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hard to remain present in their children’s lives by way of frequently phone calls, letters
and cards, and sometimes over indulging their children with gifts and money that make
them feel less guilty, but which can amount to greater financial hardships for mothers.
The strong commitment to their children often means that immigrant mothers and fathers
must give up any opportunity to save up enough money for visits back home.
Furthermore, the commitment to providing for the children often means that mothers, and
fathers do not live a good quality life in the U.S.
The cultural expectations that result in mothers performing the primary care to
their children is likely to result in children having developed closer bonds with their
mothers prior to migration. Thus, as this work has shown, a mother’s decision to migrate
is especially challenging for the children left behind. However, transnational mothers
continue to mother from afar, because they value their status as mothers and because they
feel it is their responsibility as mothers. Ultimately however, during the course of the
parent/child separation, the level of interaction and involvement with the child back home
will determine how the child internalizes the experience of separation, and also the
child’s ability to successfully bond with her/his mother or father upon reuniting.
Findings also indicate that the parent/child reunion in the U.S. can be challenging,
because some children suddenly find that they are expected to build new relationships,
while still mourning the loss of broken bonds back home in their home countries.
The interviews with adult children suggest that for the most part, the children of
transnational mothers fare pretty well in the end. Although they indicate that separation
from their mothers was emotionally difficult, as adults they come to see their mother’s

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migration as an unselfish act performed for their benefit. They understand that their
mothers’ suffering was great, and consequently many of the adult children feel a great
sense of gratitude and indebtedness to their mothers.
With respect to migrant fathers, with the help of caregiver mothers back home,
the children come to see their fathers in romanticized ways. Likewise their fathers’
migration is seen as a self-sacrificing act performed for the benefit of his wife and
children.
This study has shown that while children of transnational mothers and fathers do
indeed suffer some consequences from parental separation, most of the children indicated
that ultimately the benefits out weigh the costs. For the most part, the adult children in
this study did not attribute their adult problems or lack of success to their transnational
mother’s or father’s absence in their early lives. Single-parent mothers were especially
praised for their sacrifices, and praised for their personal suffering. Perhaps this was in
part because the Latino children culturally assumed that fathers would leave to go find
work in order to provide for their families. Furthermore, for those children who were
fortunate to have their mother’s back home providing daily care for them, it is highly
possible that their mothers had also worked to cultivate a positive hero-like image of their
fathers, and helped maintain bonds between them and their fathers.
With respect to their immigrant mothers, the adult children appeared to have a
good understand that their mothers left because it is necessary and for their benefit. Even
Guadalupe, who at age 46 was still mourning the lack of a strong mother/daughter bond,

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indicated that she understood that her mother had immigrated for her and her brothers and
sisters.
Furthermore, it is evident that the now adult children, who in some cases, are now
parents themselves, had reflected on their mother’s and father’s decision to migrate and
understood it at a different level. No longer was it just about their need to put food on the
table and a roof over their heads, but it was also about sacrificing in order to possibly
provide them with a better future. As 33-year-old Ricardo, now a father of two
explained,
I can see, you know, what my mother went through, she has struggled, she
struggled to bring me and my brothers here from El Salvador…She first brought
me, the oldest to keep me from the danger during the war, and also because she
wanted me to have a better future. This is what I want for my children now, and
they will also benefit from my mother’s efforts, because we are here because of
her struggles.

By way of the adult children, the transitional mother and transnational fathers, and
the caregivers interviewed for this study, we can understand that there are costs involved
when parents migrate and leave their children behind. However, the participants also
have demonstrated that, in real life, there are happy endings; mothers’ and fathers’
sacrifices do lead to success for some children.
I did not overwhelmingly find in my interviews with adult children that they felt
they had been abandoned by their mothers or fathers when they were separated. This
finding suggests that for some of the children left behind, time may heal the wounds and
allow them to see the experience in a positive way, especially when the adult children

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have had time to evaluate how the sacrifices their parents have made have benefited
them.
It is difficult to know whether the experiences shared by the now adult children of
transnational mothers and fathers may have been seen and/or conveyed differently when
they were minor children actually living apart from their mothers and/or fathers. There is
clearly a benefit to interviewing the children of immigrant mothers and fathers at an adult
stage, in that they are able to reflect on how their lives have been impacted by the
experiences of transnational life, and parental separation, and better evaluate how their
success or failures are, if at all, attributed to their parent(s) migration.
In relation to future studies on the children of transitional parents, I encourage
scholars to include children’s voices in the exploration of immigrant family dynamics. I
believe we can learn much more from the children who have reached an age where they
are better able to articulate and make sense of their experiences, emotions and
perceptions about their past and present circumstances as players in the transnational
family. Greater attention to the experiences of the children will help ground the study of
the immigrant family within the family and immigration literature.

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Chapter 7. Overall Concluding Remarks and Directions for the Future
Immigration and family research has just recently begun to focus on the new chapter of
immigration which consists of immigrant women, many of whom are single-parent
mothers who come to the U.S. to live and work while living apart from their children for
many years. In large part, the global economy is reshaping the traditional family as more
and more women are lured by an increased demand for paid domestic workers in the
United States, and in other parts of the world.
Recently, scholars have begun to explore the experiences of immigrant women,
however, within the more recent literature on transnational families, scholars (Dreby,
2006; Gamburd, 2000; Levitt, 2001; Parreñas, 2005; Schmalzbauer, 2004) have begun to
explore the experiences of immigrant mothers and fathers and the development and
maintenance of transnational family households. Within these recent works there is a
strong consensus that parent/child separation due to migration is on the rise, and the
challenges for these families are many and complex (Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002;
Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997, Parreñas, 2001 & 2005). Also, they find that
emotional challenges are a daily part of life for the mothers and fathers who live apart
from their children. Some scholars (Gamburd, 2000; Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997;
Parreñas 2005) find that the transnational division of family labor is gendered, and that
the majority of the care work is done by women in the sending countries, even when
fathers are present. Joanna Dreby’s (2006) research on immigrant fathers and mothers
finds that mothers and fathers act in similar ways when living apart from their children
with respect to managing the father/child relationship. However, she also finds that

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gender distinctions in transnational parenting are tied to Mexican gender ideology. In
other words, scholars (Dreby, 2006, Parreñas 2005; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1994) find that
while the conditions of migration may change, gender expectations do not. These
findings indicate that gender expectations in parenting remain strong in the transnational
context.
In this study, I found little indication that women’s migration significantly
transforms notions of motherhood and fatherhood, even when transnational mothers are
transforming the way in which they mother their children from afar. Like Parreñas
(2005), I find that transnational mothers and fathers do not question the traditional gender
roles; instead they help to maintain them. Fathers, as providers, continue to rely on and
expect the mothers of their children to do all the household and child care work back in
their countries. Mothers, although they are challenging boundaries by immigrating alone,
continue to mother their children and run their households from afar, with the help of
other women. When fathers maintain gender conventions, they are simply conforming to
what is socially and culturally expected of them. Mothers maintain their mothering roles
because of pressure from their peers and family to uphold mothering obligations
regardless of the circumstances, including migration.
When I began this study, my goal was to understand better what challenges Latina
immigrant mothers face after they have made the decision to immigrate and leave their
children back in their home countries. Furthermore, I wanted to explore how the
experiences of immigrant mothers differed from those of immigrant fathers.
Additionally, I wanted to gain an understanding of how the immigrant mothers and

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fathers cope with the emotional challenges they relate to parent/child separation. There
was also the other side of the story, which prompted me to ask: What about the children
of the immigrant mothers and fathers? What is their perspective on their mother’s or
father’s migration, and the separation that ensues after their parent’s migration?
What I learned was that immigrant women face greater challenges than men.
They do so because they are mothers who have dared to challenge the traditional, cultural
boundaries that continue to be less accepting of women’s migration, but continue to favor
men’s migration as “breadwinners,” economic providers for their families. Furthermore,
by leaving their children behind in their countries of origin, they have challenged yet
another traditional cultural boundary that advocates for exclusive, full-time, round-the-
clock, mother-centered parenting. Although Latinas, like other women of color, have
always relied on variations of mothering that incorporate the help of other women so they
can work for their families, they continue to be held to the cultural prescription of solo
mothering in the home as the ideal (Hondagneu-Sotelo & Avila, 1997). Such ideals serve
to create emotional conflict for Latina transnational mothers, and emotional challenges
that result in guilt and stigma.
Overall, the findings of this study indicate that gender plays a significant role in
how transnational family households are structured, (i.e., women continue to do the bulk
of the childcare work when women and men migrate). Also, gender ideologies about
women’s and men’s roles as mothers and fathers, persist in spite of the fact that women
do “real work” for pay; as the mothers in this study have illustrated, they often can be the
primary financial providers for their families. Regardless, immigrant men are praised

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because they are fulfilling their father roles, and immigrant women are stigmatized for
leaving their children, even when it is for their benefit.
Findings also indicate that while fathers overwhelmingly have wives back home
caring for their children, transnational mothers do not. Having a wife back home to care
for the children is clearly a benefit for the immigrant fathers and for the children of
immigrant fathers who remain back home in the care of their mothers. For the fathers,
the presence of a wife/spouse results in less stress and thus less worries in relations to
their children’s care. They feel confident their wives are providing adequate care for
their children with the remittances they send. Furthermore, wives/spouses do the
emotional work of keeping the absent father’s memory present in their children’s lives.
They also mediate to help fathers maintain a bond with his children.
In contrast, mothers are doing their own emotional work. While they rely on
other women to help them provide direct care for their children in their absence and with
the economic remittance they send, they also maintain the emotional bonds with their
children and mother them from afar. They do this with the help of the caregiver, frequent
phone calls directly to the children, and by cards and letters. In addition, the mothers also
must work to maintain positive relations with the caregivers back home to ensure that
their children receive good care. Consequently, mothers must also deal with the
possibility that they will be forgotten and replaced by the women who are providing the
daily care for their children.
In addition, I have found that mothers face greater challenges because of the
paid work they generally perform in the U.S. Most have worked, and some continue to

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work, as domestics in people’s private homes. Not only is the occupation not compatible
with caring for their own children, but the cooking, cleaning, and caring for other
people’s children often serves as a constant reminder of their own children. While some
mothers attempt to make the best of this situation by bonding with their employers’
children, others find the job of caring for other children unbearable.
Transnational fathers face different challenges in the job market. Not only are
jobs scarce, but there is a lot more competition in the immigrant male labor market.
Many of the fathers indicated they had started working as day laborers. However, most
had eventually found permanent work with benefits in factory work or landscaping. With
vacation benefits, the fathers had the opportunity to return home to visit. Transnational
mothers did not have benefits, and without legal documents, crossing over the
U.S./Mexico border was expensive and dangerous. Furthermore, they feared if they did
successfully cross the border to see their children, they might not be able to get back over
to keep working.
While the issue of transnational mothering has received recent attention from
scholars of the family and migration, still largely missing are the voices of the Latino
children. The few works that have explored the experiences of the children of immigrant
mothers and fathers (Dreby, 2006; Gamburd, 2000; Suárez-Orozco, Todorova & Louis,
2002; Parreñas, 2005) have argued that, for children, there are costs and benefits that
result from their parent’s migration. For example, in her interviews with Filipino
children currently living apart from their parent(s), Parreñas (2005) finds that absence
from a migrant mother, verses a migrant father, has the most disruptive effect in the life

250
of the children left behind. In the study presented here, with research based on interviews
with immigrant children who are now adults, I was able to gain a different perspective of
how the adult children of transnational mothers and fathers perceive their parent/child
separation, and also how their parent’s migration played out in their lives over the long
run. By including adult children into the research sample, I was able to understand the
complexities of family separation and reunification, not just during one point in the life
cycle (i.e., during childhood), but over the long term of a child’s life, into adulthood.
This is a topic that has largely been overlooked within the discipline of sociology.
With respect to the children, I found that the cultural gendered expectations that
result in mothers performing the primary care to their children also results in children
developing closer bonds with their mothers prior to migration. Thus, mothers’ decision
to migrate is especially challenging for the children left behind. Findings suggest that
during the course of the parent/child separation, the level of interaction and involvement
with the children back home determines how the child internalizes the experience of
separation, and also the child’s ability to successfully bond with her/his mother or father
upon reuniting. Findings also indicate that the parent/child reunion in the U.S. can be
challenging, because some children suddenly find they are expected to build new
relationships, while still mourning the loss of broken bonds with their caregivers left back
in their home countries.
For the most part, the children of transnational mothers fare pretty well in the
end. Although the adult children indicate that separation was emotionally difficult, as
adults, they come to see their mother’s migration as an unselfish act performed for their

251
benefit. They understand that their mother’s suffering was great, and consequently, many
of the adult children feel a great sense of gratitude and indebtedness to their mothers.
With respect to migrant fathers, with the help of caregiver mothers back home, the
children come to see their fathers in romanticized ways. Likewise their fathers’ migration
is seen as a self-sacrificing act performed for the benefit of his wife and children.
While this study has shown that the children of transnational mothers and
fathers do indeed suffer some consequences from parental separation, most of the
children indicated that, ultimately, the benefits out weighed the costs. For the most part,
the adult children in this study did not attribute their adult problems or lack of success to
their transnational mother’s or father’s absence in their early lives. Single-parent mothers
were especially praised by their adult children for their “sacrifices.”
Transnational mothers and fathers are confronted with a multitude of challenges
they must cope with, including the difficulty of being away from their children. Clearly,
nothing prepares the parents for the challenges they confront once they make the decision
to immigrate to the United States, however as the lives of these mothers and fathers
show, most persevere. For the most part, the challenges transitional mothers and fathers
described were gendered: for mothers, specific to their role as mothers, and for the
fathers, to their role as providers. Fathers overwhelming face challenges related to work,
and in some cases, to issues related drug and alcohol abuse. Transnational mothers face
greater challenges related to separation from their children, because it is less culturally
acceptable for mothers to migrate and considered worse for them to leave their children.

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In addition, they face challenges related to the care of their children and their need to rely
on other women to help them with the daily care for their children.
Where coping is concerned, gender attitudes and cultural expectations allow the
transnational fathers more freedom, and consequently more opportunities, to cope with
the challenges they encounter. For example, they felt no hesitation to go out and have a
few drinks at a bar with their co-workers after a hard days work, or to participate in a
soccer game at the local park on a Sunday afternoon. Transnational mothers, on the other
hand, appear to be restricted by gender and cultural ideals and attitudes about women’s
boundaries that make them fear being stigmatized as a bad mother or woman with lose
morals. As a result, mothers tend to self-isolate, which limits their coping opportunities.
What has been most surprising with respect to coping are the patterns that
emerged that indicate that the challenges transnational parents face and the ways in which
they the cope—fall into a gender binaries. However, in respect to coping, prayer is the
more mechanism that cuts across the binary; prayer is the common ground women and
men share. What is generally different about the prayers is the focus of the mothers and
fathers prayers. For mothers, prayers are a way to maintain their primary gender role of
mother, and for fathers, it is fulfilling their primary gender role as provider; prayer is how
each cope with the challenge of fulfilling these roles. However, in some cases fathers
also pray for their children, and mothers also prayer about their jobs. In which case, it
appears that in “prayer” gender ideologies and boundaries are more fluid for Latina
immigrant women and men.

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Findings show that for transnational mothers, religion and prayer mitigates their
suffering. Immigrant women rely on their faith and religion because it helps them
ajuntar (withstand) the separation, the worries, and also the guilt they feel from not being
physically present in their children’s lives. It appears that, in using religion as a coping
mechanism, transnational mothers may also feel empowered to keep going and to
withstand the challenges they face. Religion and prayer helps them remain focused on
their children and the idea that they are working for their children motivates them to keep
working, not only to provide for their children’s immediate material needs, but also to
provide them with a better future.
Transnational mothers are driven by their roles as mothers. They leave their
children because they are mothers, but they are condemned as “bad mothers,” because
they leave their children. As Latina women, they are constrained socially and this not
only creates greater challenges, but impacts their ability to cope outside of church and
their personal faith. Their lives are complex and ambiguous, as they take on the role of
economic providers while trying to maintain their role as mother from across the border.
However, as mothers, they continue to endure the emotional challenges, hardships and
adversity, because of their children. In essence, transnational mothers are the true heroes
of transnational families. As devoted migrant mothers working here in the U.S. or
working back home caring for children, they are maintaining families and bonds that are
pertinent to the emotional survival of the children who are left behind, not only by
mothers, but also by fathers.

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In contrast, transnational fathers continue to fulfill their roles as economic
providers, but they also continue to depend on wives and other women to create and
maintain family. I do not mean to imply that all fathers abandon their fathering
responsibilities upon migrating to the U.S, however, as this study indicates, there is a rise
in single-mother households, headed by women who are having to make the decision to
come to the U.S. to work because they have no spousal support. Thus, when fathers
neglect their parental responsibilities, it is very likely that their children will face the
harsh consequences that include poverty and/or a mother who is living and working in the
U.S. in order to provide for the children.
Future Research and Policy Implications
The growing research on transnational families challenges other researchers who
look at immigration and the family to expand their focus to include immigrant family
situations that have not been part of the traditional family debates. Transnational families
are on the rise, and this means that for the children of immigrant mothers and fathers, the
years and miles cannot be taken for granted. More research on the comparison of
transnational motherhood and fatherhood will shed light on the ways in which gender
plays out in new family forms and how it impacts the lives of children of immigrants.
Furthermore, this research has only begun to uncover the impact parental migration has
on the children left behind, and the challenges related to parent/child reunification.
Based on these early findings, I believe we can learn a lot about the transnational family
and reunification, and the end result of the sacrifices made by the growing number of
transnational mothers and fathers, especially by way of the now adult children.

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Undeniably, gender ideologies serve to create greater challenges for immigrant
mothers and their children. Much like Parreñas’ (2005) study on Filipina transnational
families, I also find that, in relation to Latina transitional mothers, the ideology of
women’s domesticity in Mexico and Central America remains intact, and unfortunately is
recast and performed in a transnational terrain by transnational mothers. The ideology of
women’s domesticity is also promoted by the absence of fathers and their reliance on
women to care for their children back home. Furthermore, it is encouraged by the cultural
traditions espoused by the larger community and kin, whom I have argued stigmatize
immigrant mothers who have challenged the boundaries, migrating alone and becoming
the economic providers for their family. Collectively, as educators, researchers, women
and men we need to challenge and change these deep rooted gender ideologies about
women’s domesticity. Parreñas (2005) suggests, and I agree, that we can start by
accepting the gender boundaries women cross when they leave their families after
making the decision to immigrate in search of work in order to sustain their families. In
addition to accepting women’s shift from traditional mothering, we must expect a greater
expansion of men’s participation within the family and childrearing. As educators and
researchers, the challenge is to encourage greater support for mothers who do not
conform to the gender ideological scripts and encourage society to reshape gender beliefs
about fatherhood and parenting. This in turn has the potential to benefit families,
especially the children. A more egalitarian approach to transnational parenting by men
and women could serve to lessen the emotional challenges experienced by everyone

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concerned. Furthermore, the implications of a more egalitarian world, in general, would
hold great promise for the future of all women, men and children.
For now, transnational mothers and fathers and their children’s lives are divided
by a heavily guarded political border that keeps some transnational mothers and fathers
apart from their children for many years. The politics and legal mandates of immigration,
in part, lead to the development of transnational households, and consequently, children
growing up without their parents. Because many Latino transnational mothers and
fathers do not have legal documents, and are therefore here “illegal,” it is highly unlikely
that the present U.S. policies and the current push for stronger immigration mandates will
allow for these parents to reunite with their children here in the U.S. Anti-immigrant
sentiments, the xenophobia that has resulted in the targeting, and deporting of Latino
immigrant women and men, many who have U.S. born children is alarming and paints a
gloomy picture of future immigration policies regarding the state of immigration in the
U.S.
However, as has been pointed out by Hays (2001), undocumented immigration is
a global problem that needs global solutions. We cannot simply look at immigration in
relation to "push factors" that send immigrants over from poor countries, but also at the
“pull factors” that bring them over—in large part, the restructuring of the global market
that looks to poor immigrant women from other countries to come and fill the “care
deficit” that has emerged in wealthier countries as women have entered the workforce
(Ehrenreich & Hochschild, 2002). In the broader picture, immigration is the result of
U.S. dependence on cheap and flexible labor on one end, and at the other end, poor

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women and men needing jobs to sustain their families. Recognition of this
interdependence is a start to the reforming of immigration policies that are just, humane
and considerate of all families. As a country that values and sees the family as the
cornerstone of a great society, we need to acknowledge the struggles of immigrant
families in the U.S. and develop policies that make it easier for families to reunite here in
the U.S., or that allow transnational mothers and fathers to go back to visit their children
more easily and safely. This would challenge immigration policy makers to make the
process of migrating to the U.S. more accessible and affordable for the women and men
whose labor we have come to rely upon, instead of continuing to attempt to deny them
their human rights and perpetuate the separation from their children, and consequently
the development and maintenance of transnational families.
At the individual level, employers (esp. those of domestics) must recognize that
the women who cook, clean and care for their children, and the men who maintain their
gardens, also have families who count on them, and need their attention. Employers can
begin to provide greater support to their employees by paying a fair wage and benefits
that will allow transnational mothers time off to visit family or care for their own children
here? Furthermore, employers can support policy making efforts to change and improve
immigration policies that are focused on family and that do not engender the
development of transnational households. As members of communities (e.g. schools and
churches) we should initiate support groups to assist immigrant families with the
challenges they face in relation to family separation. Such support systems may serve as
one way to integrate immigrant women into the larger society, and thus begin to erase the

258
isolation and fear of being stigmatized, and recognize that they are mothers with children
who depend on them, just as our children depend on us.

259
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269
Table 2 Transnational Mothers

# Children Children’s
Mother’s Marital Country Years Years of Left at Age Reunited
Name Age
1
Status
2
of Origin in US Education Occupation
3
Behind Separation w/Children

Ofelia 20 S El Salvador 10 6 Factory 1 newborn Yes
Rita 24 S El Salvador 8 5 Med.Asst. 2 6, 2 No
Anita 32 S Mexico 1 9 Domestic 2 9, 7 No
Celia 35 M Guatemala 18 6 Domestic 4 15,13,11,6 Yes
Josephina 29 S El Salvador 24 4 Fast food 4 8, 6, 4, 1 Yes
Rosario 23 S Guatemala 11 0 Domestic 5 8-4, newborn No
Erica 34 S Guatemala 13 16 Domestic 1 10 No
Sonya 41 M Guatemala 12 9 Domestic 3 18, 14, 12 No
Carolina 29 M Guatemala 7 6 Domestic 4 8, 7, 5, 3 No
Consuelo 34 S Mexico 48 6 Domestic 9 12-2 Yes
Magdalena 20 S Mexico 12 14 CNA 2 1, 2 No
Amparo 34 S Mexico 15 5 Domestic 3 8, 6, 4 No
Hilda 41 S Mexico 8 3 Domestic 1 10 No
Fatima 26 S Mexico 23 3 Domestic 3 8, 6, 4 Yes

Note.
1
Age at time of interview
2
At time of immigration, M = married, S = separated.
3
The term domestic as an occupation refers to various arrangements of housekeeping, child care, cook, and other domestic
tasks performed for pay in the privacy private homes in the U.S.

270

Table 3 Transnational Fathers

# Children Children’s
Father’s Marital Country Years Years of Left at Age Reunited
Name Age
1
Status
2
of Origin in US Education Occupation Behind Separation w/Children

Jamie 23 M Mexico 10 4 Gardner 1 newborn No
Alfredo 29 M Mexico 2 12 Day Laborer 2 6, 1 No
Nicolas 19 M Mexico 12 8 Truck Dirver 4 10, 7, 5,3 No
Julian 24 M Mexico 13 6 Care Assistant 1 3 months Yes
Ramon 39 M Mexico 2 7 Factory 3 15, 8, 3 No
Armando 52 S Mexico 12 6 Day Laborer 8 24-11 No
Ricardo 21 M Mexico 13 4 Gardner 4 6, 4, 3, 1 Yes
Carlos 26 M Mexico 11 10 Circus Crew 2 4, 6 months No
Ernesto 38 M Mexico 2 14 Factory 2 14, 13 No
Guillermo 32 M Guatemala 1 1 Day Laborer 1 1 No
Victor 30 M Guatemala 10 unk Housepainter 4 7, 6, 4, 3 No

Note.
1
Age at time of interview
2
At time of immigration, M = married, S = separated.

271

Table 4 Transnational Children

Child Sex of Transnational Country Age at Age at Care during Country of Current
Name Child Parent of Origin Separation Reunion Separation Residence Occupation

Victoria F Mother El Salvador 11 16 Father US Domestic/Childcare
Sara F Both Parents Guatemala 14 19 Father, Self US US Postal Worker
Jennifer F Mother Guatemala 10 Still apart Grandmother
1
Guatemala College Student
Delia F Father Mexico 2 17 Mother US Restaurant Owner
Olga F Father Mexico 10 Still apart Mother Mexico Pottery Crafter
Guadalupe F Mother Mexico 2 19 Grandmother
1
US Domestic/Childcare
Eva F Both Parents El Salvador 9 11 Grandmother
1
US Graduate Student
Ricardo M Mother El Salvador 8 17 Grandmother
1
US Factory Worker
Rafael M Mother Mexico 8 10 Grandmother
1
US Make-up Artist
Miguel M Mother El Salvador 1 15 Grandmother
1
US Family Therapist
2

Note.
1
Maternal Grandmother
2
with a Ph.D.

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Asset Metadata

Creator Avila, Ernestine M. (author)

Core Title Transnational motherhood and fatherhood: gendered challenges and coping

School College of Letters, Arts and Sciences

Degree Doctor of Philosophy

Degree Program Sociology

Publication Date 07/15/2008

Defense Date 05/22/2008

Publisher University of Southern California (original), University of Southern California. Libraries (digital)

Tag children of immigrants,coping,gender,immigration,Motherhood,OAI-PMH Harvest,transnational family,Work

Place Name California (states)

Language English

Advisor Hondagneu-Sotelo, Pierrette (committee chair), Coltrane, Scott L. (committee member), Kaplan, Elanie Bell (committee member), Miller, Donald E. (committee member)

Creator Email eavila@usc.edu

Permanent Link (DOI) https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-m1335

Unique identifier UC1290526

Identifier etd-Avila-20080715 (filename),usctheses-m40 (legacy collection record id),usctheses-c127-192976 (legacy record id),usctheses-m1335 (legacy record id)

Legacy Identifier etd-Avila-20080715.pdf

Dmrecord 192976

Document Type Dissertation

Rights Avila, Ernestine M.

Type texts

Source University of Southern California (contributing entity), University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses (collection)

Repository Name Libraries, University of Southern California

Repository Location Los Angeles, California

Repository Email cisadmin@lib.usc.edu