University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses

They wanted their stories told: digging through artist Donell Hill’s attic to unearth the forgotten history of 11 Texans living with HIV/AIDS in 1994

(USC Thesis Other)

They wanted their stories told: digging through artist Donell Hill’s attic to unearth the forgotten history of 11 Texans living with HIV/AIDS in 1994

PDF

Download a page range

Download transcript

Copy asset link

Request this asset

Transcript (if available)

Content

They Wanted Their Stories Told:

Digging Through Artist Donell Hill’s Attic to Unearth
the Forgotten History of 11 Texans Living with HIV/AIDS in 1994

by

Patrick Waechter

A Thesis Presented to the
FACULTY OF THE USC ANNENBERG SCHOOL
FOR COMMUNICATION & JOURNALISM
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
In Partial Fulfillment of the
Requirements for the Degree
MASTER OF ARTS
(SPECIALIZED JOURNALISM)

August 2022

Copyright 2022 Patrick Waechter

ii

Table of Contents

Abstract iii

David 1

The Idea 3

Tim 5

The Process 7

Sister Alice 8

The ReBARN Show 11

Incarnate Word 12

The Media 13

Nine Days 15

The Media Part Two 17

Edna 18

The Lawsuit 20

Now 21

Bibliography 25

iii
Abstract
It seemed like Donell Hill was trying to forget 1994. Then I showed up and started asking
questions. I would have understood if she couldn’t bring herself to trust anyone from the media.
She has been burned by so many journalists in the past. I’m grateful she chose to trust me.

In 1994, Hill was villainized in headlines around the world for her show at San Antonio’s
ReBARN Center for Spirituality and Art, which was run by nuns and located on the same
property as the headquarters, or Generalate, of the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word (Kirk
2022). The show featured paintings and sculptures at the intersection of spirituality and sexuality
and, of most interest to me, portraits of 11 Texans living with AIDS (Hill 1994).

Few of the many articles about Hill’s show mention the names of the people living with AIDS.
The historical record of this moment is skewed by controversy and in a time when HIV/AIDS
was heavily publicized, but vastly misunderstood. AIDS was the leading cause of death for
Americans 25-44, but treatments were ineffective and ridden with side effects (Altman 1995). To
live with an almost certain death sentence, to be feared and stigmatized, and to be so bold as to
step forward and share your story—then to have it be forgotten. It’s heartbreaking to imagine
how they must have felt.

Documenting this story has been a personal experience. I have been living with HIV since 2005,
but I am fortunate to enjoy a relatively unencumbered existence. One pill a day keeps my virus
undetectable; my viral load is so low that it cannot be measured with a lab test. It also means I
cannot transmit the virus to anyone else. I am fully aware that my health and comfort as an HIV+

iv
man in America is built upon a foundation of coffins representing an entire generation of angels
whose names we will never learn. But we can learn the names of these 11. I felt a sense of
responsibility to learn as much as I could about them, to find out as much as I could about this
moment in HIV/AIDS history, to create a record for posterity if only to say: they were here.

My research has been extensive, but it is also incomplete and ongoing. I interviewed Hill three
times, including once in her Houston home. I also interviewed Sister Alice Holden over three
visits to her room at The Village at Incarnate Word in San Antonio. Holden was the director of
ReBARN and worked directly with Hill to create the show. I spoke with Kelley Shannon, the AP
correspondent who wrote the story that launched the little show into national scandal, and with
Edna Perez-Vega, who handled PR for the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word in 1994. I
even tracked down three people who were at the opening. Effort was made to reach Hill’s former
friend Shirley Ressler, San Antonio Express-News religion writer J. Michael Parker, the subjects
of the original show, and the families and friends of David and Tim. Ressler and Parker did not
respond. The others have either passed away or couldn’t be located. All 11 of Hill’s original
subjects are presumed deceased.

Hill has always identified her subjects by first names only. Out of respect, that is how they are
identified here as well, beginning with David.
1
David
David had been estranged from his parents ever since he told them he was gay. They didn’t even
know he had AIDS. Then, on Sept. 10, 1994, in a San Antonio art gallery, they met their son
(Hill 2022b).

David’s mom and dad, sister, and three big macho brothers drove down from Corpus Christi.
Artist Donell Hill invited them. It was a show of her work at the Sisters of Charity of the
Incarnate Word’s ReBARN Center for Spirituality and Art, and David was one of her subjects
(Hill 2022b, 2022c).

David and Hill met while she was working on her “Inner Aids” series, which she describes as
emotional psychological self-portraits of people with AIDS. Hill sought not to paint how they
looked but how they felt and how they perceived themselves, which is why she describes these
works not as conventional portraits but as self-portraits (Hill 2022b).

At the show, David’s family gathered around his self-portrait. They saw their son and their
brother floating in pitch-black nothingness: small, naked, crouched, and cross-legged. On the
label next to the art was his defining statement: “I enter into the space of darkness alone, with
only the vibration of self” (Hill 2022b).

Hill remembers seeing David’s family crying as they embraced their son that night (Hill 2022b).

“They got the depths of what their baby was going through,” she said (Hill 2022b).

2

Sister Alice Holden, who curated the show, recalls a conversation she had with David and his
sister the night of the opening (Holden 2022a).

“His sister said to him, ‘I didn’t know you felt this way. I’m so sorry. I had no idea how you
felt.’ And I told her, ‘You know, the whole art show was worth it when I heard you say that,’”
said Holden (Holden 2022a).

Four months after Hill asked David’s family to come down from Corpus Christi, they invited her
to drive up for his funeral. He passed away with his family and his partner Tommy all together
by his side (Hill 2022b).

David’s family saw their son’s pain on canvas and put their problems aside. That’s what Hill’s
1994 ReBARN show to be about—the humanization and de-stigmatization of sexuality and
AIDS—but the message got lost (Hill 2022a). A single newspaper article riding on the hype of a
headline about nun sex art led to public pressure, then a statement from Archbishop Patrick
Flores of San Antonio calling Hill’s work “pornography” (Flores 1994, Goddard 1994, Martinez
1994).

Hill’s show closed just three days after it opened (Martinez 1994). In the fallout, there were
friendships lost, an artist in self-imposed exile, the stifled career of an activist nun, an
international media blitz, a lawsuit, and the silencing of 11 Texans living with AIDS. They
wanted their stories told. Now their portraits are hidden in Hill’s Houston home (Hill 2022b). A

3
few of them hang in her hallway, but most are stashed in her attic, where she also tucked every
clipping, scrap, or VHS tape related to her art (Hill 2022a).

We started by building trust, but before either of us knew it, Hill was carting all her old things
down from the attic. Soon after, I was with her in Houston in her pianist husband’s all-red home
studio with its two shiny black grand pianos. She shared photographs of the opening and the
weeks that followed. In 1994, Hill was 42 with fiery red hair and beaded statement gowns and a
vivacious persona. Now, she is 70 and grey, but still just as bubbly. Knowing I would be taking
photographs, she dressed up for our first meeting with a roomy purple pantsuit and hairspray. We
pored through all the memorabilia stacked on folding tables and took a moment with each
painting. she shared stories of old times, often raising her voice to speak over her herd of floofy
dogs calling from the next room.

The Idea
It was the early 1990s. In the middle of the night, an audible voice with an urgent message,
spoke to her (Hill 2022c).

“Donell, wake up,” it said. “You’re going to do emotional, psychological self-portraits of people
with AIDS” (Hill 2022c).

Hill often hears voices. She has heard this one many times throughout her life (Hill 2022b,
2022c).

4
“It’s a voice that’s familiar to me. There’s a trust there, so I sat straight up in the bed,” she said
(Hill 2022c).

The first time she heard this voice was during a near-death, out-of-body experience. She was just
8 years old. She and her two brothers were staying in temporary foster care with a woman who
was training to be a nurse. At bath time, the woman would force Hill’s head under the water until
she would pass out. Then, she would take her out of the tub and attempt to revive her with CPR
(Hill 2022c).

“She was practicing her nursing skills on me,” said Hill (2022c).

One night, Hill tried to sneak a bath without the woman knowing. She put just a little water in
the tub and bathed quietly and quickly. But the woman rushed into the bathroom, grabbed Hill
out of the tub, and dunked her head in the toilet. Hill was drowning. That’s when she left her
body (Hill 2022c).

She remembers being encircled by ghost-like figures and colors she’s never seen anywhere else.
Surrounded by love, she felt a sense of acceptance. She wanted to stay. Then, around her
shoulder, she felt an arm. And she heard a voice—that voice (Hill 2022c).

“It said, ‘You have to go back. You’re not through. You have things to do that are really
important,’” she recalled (Hill 2022c).

5
When that same voice came to her in the middle of the night in the early 1990s, Hill sat straight
up in the bed. For her, this was like an assignment from God.

Tim
“Inner Aids” began with two paintings of Tim (Hill 2022b).

Tim was a dance teacher. Hill once took his ballroom class. But Tim was no longer dancing
when she called to ask if she could paint his self-portrait. He was in a wheelchair and required
assistance to do even the most basic things. He couldn’t talk. His mouth was full of thrush, a
fungal infection that can accompany AIDS (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

AIDS had taken hold of him. No one knew how long he had left, but they knew it wasn’t long
(Hill 2022c).

Hill asked Tim where the virus lived in his body. Since he couldn’t speak, he wrote messages on
a small whiteboard and held them up (Hill 2022c).

He wrote, “I’m on fire. Eyes are watching. But nobody cuts in and helps me.” In a second
message, he said he felt crucified, silenced by the church (Hill 2022b).

While he was speaking, Hill tried to listen, process the emotions and make outlines on the canvas
at the same time. But she was overwhelmed and frustrated (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

6
That night, she received a call. It was Tim’s mother. She couldn’t understand what was going on.
She asked Hill – What have you done to my son? (Hill 2022b, 2022c)

“My heart sank,” said Hill. “I’m thinking, ‘I’m way in over my head’” (Hill 2022c).

She told Hill that after getting back home, Tim got up out of his wheelchair and was walking
around. He was talking up a storm, too. She said he had been speaking with his sister for well
over an hour. She couldn’t believe it. His fantasy of wellness lasted for several days (Hill 2022c).

That was all the inspiration Hill needed. She started painting again the next morning (Hill
2022c).

Hill first painted a dancer, mid-pirouette, engulfed in flames. The energy is raw and provocative.
There’s grace in his body and wildness on his face. Looking down at the small canvas of
oranges, yellows, and unresolved pain, she read Tim’s words aloud (Hill 2022b).

“I’m in hell on earth, dancing as fast as I can with vague faces watching through the flames”
(Hill 2022b).

It’s a haunting image. But Hill knew she could go deeper.

7
For the second painting of Tim, Hill made him a sickly green. He stares out from the canvas with
his lips wide open. But there are no teeth or gums. Just a black hole. His tongue is nailed to a
cross (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

Tim passed away soon after their session. Hill’s paintings may be the only enduring
representations of how he felt (Hill 2022c).

The Process
Hill had some regrets about how she began. She had her paints out when she should have been
paying closer attention to Tim. Hill was simultaneously trying to listen, analyze, and visualize
Tim’s words on canvas. It was too much (Hill 2022c).

She wanted to create emotional, psychological self-portraits, not realistic works painted by a
detached observer. Hill needed her sessions to be less artist-subject, more therapist-patient (Hill
2022c).

“I needed to slow it down,” she said. “I needed to be in their energy and transfer it” (Hill
2022c).

She decided to film her sessions, which was not an obvious choice for an independent artist in
1994. By recording her interviews, which she also calls meditations, she could be fully present
for their energy exchange and experience their pain (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

8
“We went down in the body,” she said. “I told them to find the fort, find the cave, whatever it is
where the virus lives. And it was different for everybody. For one, it was lungs, one brain, one
genitals. For some, it was just all over” (Hill 2022b).

When it came time to paint, she reviewed the videotapes over and over until, finally, they
activated what she calls her cellular memory. She needed to feel their energy as her own (Hill
2022c).

“I’m right back in that pain with them,” she said. “And that’s what I put on canvas” (Hill 2022c).

With this formula, Hill was ready to create a series. Next, she painted her old friend, Tom, a
psychic. Then, Tom introduced her to Donnie and then Neil (Hill 2022c).

A friend named Shirley Ressler learned what Hill was doing. Ressler heard through the
grapevine that an Incarnate Word nun in San Antonio was planning an art show with the AIDS
Foundation. She gave Hill her name: Sister Alice Holden (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

Sister Alice
Sister Alice Holden is now 87 years old and living at The Village at Incarnate Word, a retirement
community on the same property as the Generalate. Just two days after a major surgery, she was
up receiving guests and moving around her room looking through piles of her meticulously
catalogued journals. She looked a bit thin in her oversized grey sweatshirt, which she
accessorized with a red scarf. She leaned hard on a walker, which also has a shelf for her teacup.

9

When it’s time for meals and daily mass, Holden can find her way down the hall. But that day,
she lost track of time talking about the past, so a nun brought communion to her room. In fluid
movements, Holden flipped open the silver cup, made the sign of the cross, placed the wafer
representing the body of Christ into her mouth, and closed the lid.

Communion is second nature for Holden, but she once thought she would become a flight
attendant (Holden 2022b).

“I thought that would be a wonderful job,” she said (Holden 2022b).

A few events in her teens changed the course of her life. She described one night in 1951, when
she was 16. She was out walking late and passed a strip joint on Chicago’s South State Street.
Large photographs of nude women covered the wall outside. From a shadowy door, the barker
yelled for her to come inside. She said no, hurried home, and got ready for bed (Holden 2022a,
2022b).

“And when I was saying my night prayers, that picture of South State Street and the strip joint
came to my mind,” she said. “I said, ‘Oh God, I wish I could do something about the position of
women in the world, even if it means becoming a nun’” (Holden 2022b).

Then, she started crying (Holden 2022b).

10
“I remember real tears coming down,” she said. “Because I didn’t want to become a nun!”
(Holden 2022b)

Two years later, when Sister Alice was a senior in high school, she had a big sociology test
coming up. She hadn’t prepared, and she thought she was going to flunk. By chance, she looked
at a board and saw a notice asking anyone who had thought of becoming a nun to come meet
with the priest (Holden 2022b).

“I thought, ‘Aha, an escape hatch!’” said Holden (Holden 2022b).

It was the perfect excuse for missing class. She could go meet with the priest, hear the pitch, and
make up the test later. The priest encouraged her to write a letter to the Sisters of Incarnate Word
in St. Louis, an action that would change her life. They replied, and she rode the momentum. She
was on a flight for Missouri just after high school graduation. That was in 1953 (Holden 2022b).

Her vocation was as unconventional as her path to it. She is pro-gay. She taught tai chi, and she
once held a workshop on shamanism. She’s received her share of criticism (Holden 2022a,
2022b).

“I was called a witch doctor,” she said, smiling. “I have a varied reputation” (Holden 2022a).

Unvaried is Holden’s commitment to improving life for women, whom she sees as
oversexualized in American society (Holden 2022b).

11

“Women do not have to be thought of as sex maniacs. They're not,” she said. “Being a nun gives
a counterpoint to that idea” (Holden 2022b).

The ReBARN Show
Holden became director of ReBARN Center for Spirituality and Art in March 1992 (Parker
1994c). The space often hosted programming that might be deemed atypical or a space
associated with the headquarters of the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word. One newsletter
from 1994 advertises workshops on handwriting analysis and mysticism (ReBARN Newsletter,
1994).

In 1994, Holden received a call from the San Antonio AIDS Foundation asking if she would
consider doing a show to draw attention to the disease. The person knew Sister Mona Smiley
from Holden’ s order, a nun who dedicated most of her later work to HIV/AIDS awareness.
Holden agreed to do the show and soon after, received Hill’s call about “Inner Aids” (Hill 1994,
Holden 2022a). It all perfectly aligned. Hill flew to San Antonio on March 17, 1994, to meet
with Holden and the ReBARN board (Hill 1994). Half an hour later, the show was approved
(Hill 1994).

Hill needed more paintings, so she partnered with The Wellness Connection, an organization that
offered programming and services for people with HIV/AIDS in San Antonio (Medina 1993).
That’s how she met James, Joe, Mary Beth, Paul, Sherrye, Tommy, Will, and a pair who asked
only to be identified as “mother and child.” And, of course, David (Hill 1994).

12

Later in the process of organizing the show, Hill asked to include a second body of work,
“Spiritual, Sensual, Sexual,” which included a painting called “Initiation” that depicts an angel
facing an altar with a leg over his shoulder (Hill 1994, 2022b).

Holden wrote a letter that was handed out to all attendees. In that letter, she acknowledged the
show’s connection of spirituality and sexuality. It begins, “We wish to make it clear from the
viewpoint of the incarnation, the body, sex, and all that is human is to be held sacred” (Holden
1994).

She goes on to express her resolve that this show falls within the mission of the sisterhood. “This
show is not ReBARN’s most pleasant exhibition. It will not draw the viewer to contemplate a
serene God of power and glory. Rather, it will, especially in the AIDS portion, enable the public
to see the Christ of 1994 suffering in a multitude of sick and infirm who have the courage to live
with this disease and to speak their truth to society” (Holden 1994).

The reference, “a multitude of sick and infirm,” would not be lost on any Incarnate Word sister.

Incarnate Word
In the 1860s, Bishop Claude Marie Dubuis was vicar of the Diocese of Galveston, which
included the whole of Texas. When a cholera pandemic broke out in 1866, Dubuis saw the
devastation and disease ravaging his state. He tried to persuade congregations with trained nurses
to relocate to the city. But no one wanted to get near the sickness. Desperate, he issued a call to

13
Mother Angelique, Superior of the Monastery of the Order of the Incarnate Word and Blessed
Sacrament, in Lyon, France (Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word).

He wrote to her, “Our Lord Jesus Christ, suffering in the persons of a multitude of sick and
infirm of every kind, seeks relief at your hands” (Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word).

Three sisters from Lyon answered Dubuis’ call. Sisters Blandine Matheline, Joseph Roussin, and
Ange Escudé, established Charity Hospital, the state’s first Catholic medical facility, in 1867.
These three were the founding members of the Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word, which
eventually expanded throughout Texas and beyond, moving quickly from fighting cholera to
battling yellow fever (Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word).

The Media
Kelley Shannon was working as the San Antonio correspondent for the Associated Press in 1994.
She remembers hearing about an art show involving nuns and sex and thinking it might make a
good feature. She recalls Holden’s enthusiasm for the show (Shannon 2022).

“She was super open and friendly. And she said, ‘I know there might be some who are offended,
but sex is God's gift, and it's something we should talk about,’” said Shannon (Shannon 2022).

The interview was Saturday. Shannon filed her story Monday. The next day, Tuesday, Sep. 13, it
ran on the front page of the San Antonio Express-News, illustrated with a photo of the painting,
“Initiation.” The story was reprinted in itty-bitty towns all over Texas, and there were

14
impassioned reactions to what many presumed to be an image of an angel having sex on an altar
(Hill 1994, Shannon 1994).

Hill first realized what she was in for when the phone rang that morning at 8 a.m. It was her
friend Shirley Ressler, who had originally connected her with the sisters (Hill 2022c).

“She was telling me the gallery had been descended upon by people protesting,” said Hill. “She
said, ‘You’ve got to get here. We’re going to have to close the gallery. They’re calling you all
kinds of names. They’re calling you devil incarnate’” (Hill 2022c).

In a flash, Hill set out on the four-hour drive to San Antonio. She pulled up to ReBARN at 1:20
p.m. (Hill 1994).

Shannon’s article was published in dozens of newspapers across the U.S., inspiring a barrage of
callers complaining to the Archdiocese of San Antonio (Shannon 1994, Parker 1994a).
Archbishop Patrick Flores had no actual authority over the sisters, but it was nevertheless
significant when the most senior bishop of the district who never saw the show called it
“pornography” (Flores 1994, Goddard 1994, UPI 1994). Hill met with members of the ReBARN
board and Edna Perez-Vega, Director of Communications for the order’s San Antonio
headquarters, who said her show would be closed pending a review of Provincial Superior Sister
Brigid Marie Clarke and other members of council leadership (Hill 1994). Hill recalls the
meeting as being very cold. Holden was not there. The day after the opening, she had left for a

15
one-week vacation at the Grand Canyon. She had no cell phone and there was no way to reach
her (Hill 1994, 2022b, 2022c).

After the meeting, Hill went to Ressler’s house. The two were good friends and she had stayed
there during her visits to San Antonio (Hill 2022c).

Calls flooded into Ressler’s home line (Hill 2022c). It was an art emergency, a religious
emergency, a Donell emergency.

“Her phone was ringing off the hook,” said Hill. “There were some reporters who came to her
house. And she got scared. It overwhelmed her" (Hill 2022c).

Ressler and her husband conferred, then decided Hill had to go, but go where? She thought about
going back to Houston, but she needed to be close to her paintings. She couldn’t get a hotel. She
didn’t have any money. She called the nuns (Hill 1994, 2022b, 2022c).

Nine Days
The Sisters took her in but kept her at a distance. They housed Hill in a section of the Generalate
where no one else lived. Hill remembers the room having only a bed and a wooden cross on the
wall. There was one phone downstairs in the kitchen. The nuns would leave muffins for her in
the mornings, but she never saw anyone. The Sisters allowed her to eat in the dining hall for
lunches and dinners, but they weren’t allowed to sit with her (Hill 1994, 2022b, 2022c).

16
On Sep. 15 at 11 a.m., Hill met with the Provincial Council. In a recorded interview from the
time, she states that several members privately expressed their sympathy for her and her work,
but that they could not speak openly and defy authority. During the meeting, the council
informed Hill they had received bomb threats. They hoped she would consider relocating her
work to a more suitable gallery. She agreed and began to search (Hill 1994, 2022b).

Holden returned from vacation to find an overflowing fax machine and a note directing her to see
the provincial aide as soon as possible (Holden 2022a, 2022b).

“I came back, and it had all exploded,” she said. “That’s when I got in touch with Donell to get
her vision of what was going on” (Holden 2022a).

After four days eating alone and sitting in that empty room staring at the cross, Hill received a
note asking her to give Holden a call. Hill recounts that Holden was trying to make sense of what
had happened. She told Sister Alice that no one would listen to her. Holden said she was banned
from the campus but asked if she could do anything for her (Hill 2022a, 2022b).

Hill told Holden how the sisters were treating her, and that they had locked her out of the gallery.
With all the media attention, she was concerned that someone had done something to her
paintings. Holden gave her the security code so she could check on them (Hill 2022a, 2022b).

Hill searched for an alternative space in San Antonio to have the show, but the results were
bleak. There were 35 pieces in total. The smallest pieces were hand-sized sculptures of flowers

17
in the shape of genitals, but many of the paintings were quite large. The entire exhibit required at
least 140 linear feet of wall space (Hill 1994, 2022b, Parker 1994b).

The Media Part Two
The news kept rolling with the nun sex story– CNN, the Washington Post, Univision, even
Playboy, which ran the headline, “Naughty Nuns Nailed” (Playboy 1995). Everyone wanted a
piece of the nun sex art hysteria.

But nowhere was the story bigger than in the San Antonio Express-News (Goddard 1994,
Greenberg 1994a, 1994b, Keene 1995). The paper published a barrage of coverage throughout
the weeks and months following the show, including frontpage stories and numerous critical
articles from Catholic religion writer J. Michael Parker (Parker 1994a, 1994b, 1994c, 1994d,
1995). There were also several op-eds with a range of perspectives. Some joined in the outrage at
the show (Richelieu 1994). Others were more nuanced.

On Sep. 17, 1994, Laurie Taylor-Mitchell, at the time an art professor at Incarnate Word College,
criticized the paper’s “apparent delight in mixing nuns and sexuality,” thereby bringing attention
to a show that would have otherwise only been seen by a few hundred people. She also suggested
that Archbishop Flores should apologize, not for the so-called pornography on display, but for
having spent so much of his time on something so unimportant. Taylor-Mitchell criticized the
response, but she also criticized the art, which she described unapologetically as “bad” (Taylor-
Mitchell 1994).

18
Edna
Edna Perez-Vega has a very different perspective on the 1994 ReBARN show. She grew up
immersed in the church and went to school at Incarnate Word College. Her job as Director of
Communications for the Generalate was her first out of school and with it came the immense
responsibility to serve the women who shaped her. But Perez-Vega also played a key role in
shaping the media narrative of this story (Perez-Vega 2022).

The week of the show, Perez-Vega received a desperate call asking her to go see what was
happening at the gallery (Perez-Vega 2022).

“One of the sisters from the retirement center next to the exhibit space called me and said, ‘Oh
my God. You have to come help us. It’s so terrible,’” said Perez-Vega (Perez-Vega 2022).

She went down and saw them setting up the show. She remembers looking up at “Initiation” and
knowing immediately a blow up was on the way (Perez-Vega 2022).

“I knew I had about 48 hours to figure it out, but the reality is, the media coverage got out in
front of us,” she said (Perez-Vega, 2022).

Hill wanted to know the origin of San Antonio Express-News story, implying she had tricked the
nuns into showing the art and that no one had approved this show. Perez-Vega acknowledges her
role in planting the false narrative (Hill 2022c, Perez-Vega 2022).

19
“In the old world, there were PR flacks like myself who were in charge of molding the story in a
way that’s favorable for your client,” she said (Perez-Vega 2022).

Perez-Vega describes her professional role as a “fixer,” and regardless of feelings for any aspect
of this story, you must give her this—she’s good at her job. Given her role and her background
with the sisters, it makes sense that her perspective on how things unfolded would be all about
damage control (Perez-Vega 2022).

“I see it from my perspective as an administrative blunder more than anything,” she said. “The
exhibit and location were mismatched. If we had better oversight and process, we would have
never booked that exhibit there” (Perez-Vega 2022).

When she talks about Sister Alice Holden, whom she describes as a close friend, Perez-Vega
lights up. During her pregnancy, she attended Holden’s tai chi classes. But the two do not agree
on the art show (Perez-Vega 2022).

“My respect and affection for Alice are not tied to my observation of a lack of good judgment on
this issue,” she said (Perez-Vega 2022).

Perez-Vega had completely forgotten about what she describes as the show’s “purported
connection to AIDS,” and she dismisses the show as “insignificant” and the art as “bad.” But
when she is told the story of David and his family on the night of the opening, she is visibly
moved (Perez-Vega 2022).

20

“I will tell you now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if it had been about the portraits of people
suffering the ravages of AIDS, the kind of suffering that we saw in the 1990s, that would have
never been a problem,” she said. “It was 100% related to the grotesque and overt sexual themes
of the other works” (Perez-Vega 2022).

The Lawsuit
On Sep. 24, after nine days in residence at the Generalate, Hill was in the gallery with her work
for the last time. It was clear to her that the show would not be reopening. She spoke with an
attorney, who explained that members of the Provincial Council privately supported her but
didn’t want to endure the risk of doing so publicly. The attorney suggested that she sue on the
theory that if the nuns were legally required to show the paintings, it would allow them to save
face, to privately support and publicly disapprove (Hill 1994, Parker 1994a, 1994b).

Hill filed suit on Oct. 7, requesting only that her art be shown. She asked for no monetary
compensation That same night, she received a fax informing her that her art had been moved to a
storage facility (Goddard 1994, Hill 1994, 2022b, Parker 1994a, 1994b).

Holden was censured, forced to resign as gallery director and reassigned as gallery coordinator
(Holden 2022b). A newspaper article details her demotion (Parker 1994c). She regrets none of it
(Holden 2022a, 2022b).

21
“People had really emotional feelings about this art show and about the disgrace that it was, and
actually, I didn't feel that it was such a disgrace,” said Holden. “And I didn't really feel that her
pieces were sexy, even” (Holden 2022a).

Hill’s lawsuit was unsuccessful. Her paintings were eventually shown at ARTESANantonio
Gallery in December 1994 (Parker 1994d, 1995). Holden wasn’t supposed to be at that opening,
but she was (Hill 2022b). In 1995, some of Hill’s prints, advertised as “banned in Texas,” were
available at New York’s Abney Gallery (Hill 2022b). And in 1997, they were displayed at
University of Houston-Downtown (Hill 2022b). At the Houston show, Hill added an installation
of hospital bracelets leading down a hallway, each one representing a local person who had died
of AIDS (Hill 2022b).

Now
Hill and Holden had not spoken at length since Hill decided to sue the sisters in 1994 (Hill
2022b, Holden 2022a). They both spoke highly of each other but thought the other wouldn’t
want to hear from them (Hill 2022b, Holden 2022c). Since that wasn’t true, I gave them each
other's contact information.

Hill messaged me recently with an update on her reconnection with Holden and on her progress
with finding the archive of materials from “Inner Aids.”

“I spoke to Sister Alice yesterday. We had a wonderful conversation. I have, however, lost my
voice,” she writes. “I believe it is a couple of things. The elements I have been exposed to

22
looking for the ‘94 info and perhaps emotionally reliving having my voice along with my PWAs’
voices silenced. The mind is a powerful thing. I have found 95% of the event. It’s a lot. In
radiant light, Ms. Donell.”

Indeed, it is a lot. Spelunking through her attic, Hill uncovered an extensive archive. All the
spare scraps are now in neat stacks, hundreds of pieces–photographs, newspaper clippings,
contracts, memorandums. There are dozens of VHS tapes, including news broadcast recordings
and many of the original interviews for “Inner Aids” (Hill 2022b).

Revisiting this trove from her past, Hill also uncovered four manilla folders. Each represents a
person she interviewed but never painted (Hill 2022b).

“I forgot,” said Hill. “Or I got traumatized” (Hill 2022b).

She has signed releases, interview notes, and photographs for each person. In her gallery, there
are a couple new canvases. They’re leaning against the wall of her studio, still in plastic. For her
70th birthday in May 2021, Hill asked her husband for a new easel. She’s planning to revisit
“Inner Aids” and translate those manilla folders into paintings (Hill 2022b).

“That’s something I’ve set as a goal for myself,” she said. “I’m going to paint their self-portraits”
(Hill 2022b).

23
But first, she has another goal: to restore the original “Inner Aids” paintings. Houston is no
stranger to weather, and, in Hill’s attic, they have endured moisture, heat and cold, even critters.
This may sound like a technical restorative process, but Hill describes a much more emotional
quest ahead (Hill 2022b, 2022c).

“I will start with the restoration so I can go back to feeling them,” she said. “I want to feel them
again and get my head in the space” (Hill 2022b).

Journalists rarely reflect on their involvement with a story, but my interventions became part of
the tale. Two women, friends and colleagues bonded by a historical event that forever changed
both of their lives, are now reunited. Four life stories, told with the intent of being memorialized
but which were relegated to manilla folders in a Texas attic, will make their way to canvas. Hill’s
emotional psychological self-portraits of people with AIDS, many of them abandoned to the
elements, will be restored.

And Hill, an artist who once thought almost no one cared about this work, who thought that
anyone who did care probably hated her, who certainly never expected a journalist to show up
almost 30 years later asking questions, has decided she will show these works again (Hill
2022b).

In fact, she has already received one offer. San Antonio artist Toro Martinez, who is involved
with the city’s annual Luminaria Contemporary Arts Festival in November, attended the 1994
ReBARN show and loved it (Martinez 2022). He asked me to give Hill his number, and I passed

24
along the message. But while that might be a good opportunity, the process of revisiting the past
has taken a toll on her (Hill 2022b).

“When I get overwhelmed, the word that comes to me is paralyzed. I get paralyzed,” she said.
“When I speak to my therapist, I tell her, ‘This is all too much. Why would anybody care about
this?’” (Hill 2022b)

Hill and I continue to speak, and she is now more receptive to the idea that her story is worth
telling. We are currently in talks to create a documentary film from her archive and the events
still to come.

25
Bibliography
Altman, Lawrence. “AIDS is Now the Leading Killer of Americans 25 to 44.” The New
York Times, January 31, 1995.
“Church group urges probe of art exhibit.” UPI, September 15, 1994.
Flores, Archbishop Patrick. Archbishop Patrick Flores to press, San Antonio, TX,
September 13, 1994.
Goddard, Dan. “Art or pornography? – Artist Donell vows exhibit will reopen.” San
Antonio Express-News, November 6, 1994.
Greenberg, Mike. “Finding, and missing, spirit in the flesh.” San Antonio Express-News,
September 21, 1994a.
Greenberg, Mike. “On words, ethics, art and anatomy.” San Antonio Express-News,
October 2, 1994b.
Hill, Donell. Interview by Tom Nivlac. Transcription. Houston, TX, October 17, 1994.
Hill, Donell. Interview by author. No recording. Via phone in Houston, TX, February 21,
2022a.
Hill, Donell. Interview by author. Digital recording. Houston, TX, March 13, 2022b.

26
Hill, Donell. Interview by author. Digital recording. Via phone in Houston, TX, April 10,
2022c.
Holden, Sister Alice. Sister Alice Holden to visitors of ReBARN, San Antonio, TX,
September 10, 1994.
Holden, Sister Alice. Interview by author. Digital recording. San Antonio, TX, March 10,
2022a.
Holden, Sister Alice. Interview by author. Digital recording. San Antonio, TX, March 11,
2022b.
Holden, Sister Alice. Interview by author. Digital recording. San Antonio, TX, March 14,
2022c.
Keene, Tom. “Sexuality feared in holy places.” San Antonio-Express News, January 21,
1995.
Kirk, Sister Martha Ann. Interview by author. Digital recording. San Antonio, TX, March
10, 2022.
Martinez, Demetria. “Angel too sensual for convent art gallery.” National Catholic
Reporter, October 28, 1994.
Martinez, Jesus Toro. Interview by author. Digital recording. San Antonio, TX, March
11, 2022.

27
Medina, Dan. “San Antonio’s Wellness Connection. Healing and empowerment.” This
Week in TX, March 12, 1993.
“Naughty Nuns Nailed.” Playboy Magazine, February 1, 1995.
“Our Heritage.” Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word. Accessed March 27, 2022.
https://www.amormeus.org/en/our-heritage/
Parker, J. “Artist sues to force nuns to exhibit controversial art.” San Antonio-Express
News, October 8, 1994a.
Parker, J. “Controversial paintings reportedly stored in wake of suit.” San Antonio-
Express News, October 15, 1994b.
Parker, J. “Sister to leave post of gallery director.” San Antonio-Express News, December
28, 1994c.
Parker, J. “Art exhibit unusual story of 1994.” San Antonio-Express News, December 31,
1994d.
Parker, J. “Virgin mural angers Flores.” San Antonio-Express News, September 1, 1995.
Perez-Vega, Edna. Interview by author. Online recording. Via Zoom in San Antonio, TX,
April 16, 2022.
ReBARN Newsletter, September 1, 1994.

28
Richelieu, David. “A tarnished image our city doesn’t need.” San Antonio Express-News,
September 15, 1994.
Shannon, Kelley. “Nuns’ gallery links sexuality, religion.” Associated Press, September
13, 1994.
Shannon, Kelley. Interview by author. Digital recording. Via phone in San Antonio, TX,
April 19, 2022.
Taylor-Mitchell, Laurie. “Dispute paints pathetic picture.” San Antonio Express-News,
September 17, 1994.

Abstract (if available)

Linked assets

University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses

Conceptually similar

PDF

The impact of gentrification on Hispanic communities in San Antonio

PDF

The mistreatment and misrepresentation of Black women in sports media must stop

PDF

Coming of age through my eyes

PDF

The transcendence of violence and survival: To ‘Kill the Indian’ then and now

PDF

Dance/Abolition: how dance can be used as a form of protest and empowerment

PDF

The evolution of Black women journalists' hair in the news: how the CROWN Act has changed Black hair forever

PDF

Bahay: 200 years of Filipino stories in Louisiana

PDF

Picture perfect: how social media's pressure to be beautiful can exacerbate body dysmorphia in women

PDF

The art and journey of hair locing: the way hair connects us to the world

PDF

Waking up to womanhood

PDF

The Black catalyst show

PDF

40 grams: the impact of less-lethal weapons

PDF

Surviving the pipeline: the truth behind the numbers in south LA’s juvenile criminal justice system

PDF

Behind the phenomenon of natural wine

PDF

What it feels like to love a Black man through the worst of times: the life of Nickolas Lee

PDF

The road to Hopscotch: an exploration of identity with Los Angeles' mobile opera

PDF

Cause of death: AIDS, obituaries, and The New York Times

PDF

Surviving in the shadows: peering into the impact of sexual violence

PDF

The long road to revitalization

PDF

"Where art lives" in Los Angeles and the psycho-geographical connection between creatives and the spaces within which they create

Asset Metadata

Creator Waechter, Patrick (author)

Core Title They wanted their stories told: digging through artist Donell Hill’s attic to unearth the forgotten history of 11 Texans living with HIV/AIDS in 1994

School Annenberg School for Communication

Degree Master of Arts

Degree Program Specialized Journalism

Degree Conferral Date 2022-08

Publication Date 07/19/2022

Defense Date 07/19/2022

Publisher University of Southern California (original), University of Southern California. Libraries (digital)

Tag AIDS,art,Catholic,Censorship,Donell Hill,HIV,Houston,media,Nuns,OAI-PMH Harvest,San Antonio,Sister Alice Holden,Sisters of Charity of the Incarnate Word,stigma,texas

Format application/pdf (imt)

Language English

Contributor Electronically uploaded by the author (provenance)

Advisor Winston, Diane (committee chair), Richardson, Allissa (committee member), Thrupkaew, Noy (committee member)

Creator Email patrick@keesh.com,pwaechte@usc.edu

Permanent Link (DOI) https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-oUC111373340

Unique identifier UC111373340

Legacy Identifier etd-WaechterPa-10860

Document Type Thesis

Format application/pdf (imt)

Rights Waechter, Patrick

Type texts

Source 20220719-usctheses-batch-956 (batch), University of Southern California (contributing entity), University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses (collection)

Access Conditions The author retains rights to his/her dissertation, thesis or other graduate work according to U.S. copyright law. Electronic access is being provided by the USC Libraries in agreement with the author, as the original true and official version of the work, but does not grant the reader permission to use the work if the desired use is covered by copyright. It is the author, as rights holder, who must provide use permission if such use is covered by copyright. The original signature page accompanying the original submission of the work to the USC Libraries is retained by the USC Libraries and a copy of it may be obtained by authorized requesters contacting the repository e-mail address given.

Repository Name University of Southern California Digital Library

Repository Location USC Digital Library, University of Southern California, University Park Campus MC 2810, 3434 South Grand Avenue, 2nd Floor, Los Angeles, California 90089-2810, USA

Repository Email cisadmin@lib.usc.edu