University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses

The house that Jack built

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The house that Jack built

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Content THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
by
Samuel Stevens Spencer
A Thesis Presented to the
FACULTY OF THE GRADUATE SCHOOL
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
In Partial Fulfillment of the
Requirements for the Degree
MASTER OF ARTS
{CNTV Production)
December 1994
Copyright 1994 Samuel Stevens Spencer
UNIVERSITY O F SO U TH ERN CALIFORNIA
T H E G R A D U A T E S C H O O L
U N IV E R S IT Y PA R K
L O S A N G E L E S . C A L IF O R N IA SO O Q 7
This thesis, written by
ScHMlel ^^,<5^2 maf
under the direction of .Thesis Committee,
and approved by all its members, has been pre
sented to and accepted by the Dean of The
Graduate School, in partial fulfillment of the
requirements for the degree of
Master o f Arts
D t* n
Date.-. ,Qc tQb&t. 3 .. .1994
THESIS COMMITTEE
£Ls=ei
c
FADE IN.
SUPERIMPOSED! MARCH 3, 1986 A.D. 1
EXT.-MISSOURI FOOTHILLS-MIDDAY
AERIAL SHOT: A dozen COWS graze peacefully in a low-lying
field surrounded by rolling hills. The cows are arrayed
diagonally from Southwest to Northeast.
One GRAY COW stands sixty feet South of the herd.
POVt From the vantage point of a gentle slope two hundred
yards away two males observe these cows.
MIKE HUGIC holds a clipboard and wears a stopwatch around his
neck. He's a meek, stocky 26 year old with unkempt, longish
hair peeking out from under a CARDINALS cap. He wears high-
water corduroys, a blue oxford cloth shirt and running shoes.
CLAY
This is stoopid man. We oughta be
over at your school lookin' at some
trim. Hey— patty breath1
Mike is lost in a world of NUMBERS. He doesn't hear Clay.
The Gray Cow wanders a little further South. Mike checks his
watch and marks on his chart. CLAY CUMMINS takes a draw from
his Slurpee. He's Mike's age with an odd angular build.
MIKE
I'm sorry, did you say something?
CLAY
I said, if you knew half as much about
people as you know about cows, you'd
be dangerous.
MIKE
This isn't about cows.
CLAY
Obviously.
Mike flips back to a previous CHART and scans it intently.
CLAY
Uncle Abe says you’re daffy. Big Al.
MIKE
The territorial interactions of these
cows are ruled by a complex set of
cyclotomic derivatives. I can determine
how they will move down to the last hoof.
This is a textbook "Musual" formation.
CLAY 2
Obviously. Andrew Jackson thinks
you're scared to bet.
MIKE
The gray cow’s gonna join the herd
in twenty seven seconds.
Clay tries to scratch his backr but his Slurpee gets in the
way. He holds the cup out to Mike.
CLAY
Hold this.
Mike takes the cup without thinking. Clay BOLTS off RUNNING
towards the COWS I We waves his arms wildly 1
CLAY
RUN YOU HIEFFERS, RUN!I MOOOOOOOl1
MIKE
CLAY DON’T I i
Mike drops the Slurpee lowers his head and sprints at Clay.
Clay serpentines down the slope to elude Mike, still trying
to disrupt the herd. The cows look up from their lunch.
CLAY
MOOOlt WICKED WANDA— MOOOOOOOOl1
Mike runs straight for a nearby flat area-- taking the angle
on Clay, whose zig-zags cost him the lead.
Mike LEAPS forward at Clay— bringing him down in a sloppy
tackle I They CRASH to the ground. Mike holds Clay down.
The Gray Cow belches. It slowly walks towards the herd,
JOINING the other cows in their diagonal formation.
Mike checks his watch and stops it with a satisfied click.
MIKE
Just as I predicted.
Clay wrestles a Twenty from his pocket and throws it at Mike.
INT.-S.E. MISSOURI AG AND TECH SCIENCE LIBRARY-THAT AFTERNOON
Faculty, staff and grad students of the Science department
act riveted to CHOATE, a bow-tied professor.
EXCEPT for Mike, who intently transfers the data from his cow
charts onto a master grid. He is there in body only.
CHOATE
While I concede incremental advantages
in design and practical application, I
cannot emphasize enough the glorious
tradition represented by, nay, EMBODIED
by the classical metal paper clip. I
urge you to reject the siren song of the
tawdry petroleum-based plastic clip in
favor of certain established standards
of form, order and aesthetic principle.
Half the audience of ten claps politely. PROFESSOR MINOR
stands and motions for quiet as Choate sits.
MINOR
I am sure we all agree that this topic
demands far more time than the mere
two hours we have devoted to it here
this afternoon. I move to table the
motion— all in favor ’aye'— motion to
adjourn— so moved— we stand adjourned.
Adjournment sends the attendees milling about. Mike furrows
his brow in thought. Choate discretely drifts over to him.
CHOATE
Mr. Hugic, my hypothesis...
Mike reaches into his back pack and pulls out a computer
printout four inches thick. He hands it to Choate.
CHOATE
Uh huh, very...thorough. I just
happen to have another opportunity
for you. If you’re up to it...
Choate hands Mike an old accordian file bursting its seams.
Mike shakes dust from it. As Choate circles away 85 year old
LENORE ALCOTT inches up, leaning hard on her wooden cane.
ALCOTT
Michael, I believe you promised me a
little help with boundaries of
oscillating objects. Tuesday?
Mike nods. She smiles, and latches onto a secretary to help
her out. Something CLICKS in Mike's brains the World fades.
MIKE
Six point oh two times ten to the
twenty third...
He gathers his charts and hurries off. Professor Minor holds
his chin as a colleague drones on. He subtly motions to
Mike, but Mike doesn't pick up on this. 4
Mike comes to an odd space cluttered with all kinds of graphs
and charts and polyhedrons. He sits at his small desk and
feverishly key-punches data on an old IBM card reader.
MIKE
Six point oh two times ten to the
twenty third...
Minor wanders back to Mike's area. Mike keeps key-punching.
MINOR
A word to the wise...
Mike STILL keys— until Minor blocks the keyboard with his
right hand. Minor leans in.
MINOR(cont)
Mike, if you ever hope for me to
satisfactorily evaluate your
dissertation, you have GOT to stop
letting all these bullies around here
USE you. Your time and energy is
being siphoned off by these
self-serving sharks. Take Alcott...
Minor cautiously moves in closer to Mike.
MINOR(cont)
The woman is a barracuda.
Mike catches a glimpse of Alcott out the window. She jerkily
pulls herself forward step by halting step.
Mike solemnly nods. Minor nods back.
MINOR
(normal voice now)
I've got a meeting with Dean Miller at
four. You know how long-winded he can
be. Could you possibly take my...
INT.-LECTURE HALL-FOUR THIRTY
The hundred seats of the creaky wooden classroom are seventy
percent filled by lounging students. Mike adds the final
line to a lengthy equation on the chalkboard.
MIKE
(with nerdly enthusiasm)
It becomes obvious, then, that just as
the Heisenberg uncertainty principle
gives us a context for relating to
Ornette Coleman's theory of harmolodics, 5
so too does the first law of thermonuclear
dynamics allow us to model any number of
complex closed systems. The probability
array of Peanut M&Ms without peanuts, the
symmetry of colors in soap bubbles, the
impact of the hit and run play on
Cardinal baseball, all of these things
may be described in logical, mathematical
terms. Physics, then, can be seen as the
discipline of reasoning that ties the
abstract ideas of the Universe together.
Mike's heated speech is met by bored silence. FINALLY a
student in the front row raises a hand.
STUDENT
Do we have to know this for the test?
Mike just NOW senses he hasn't been connecting. The BELL
rings and he turns to erase the board as the class files out.
The echoing sound of one person CLAPPING surprises Mike. He
wheels around, marking his slacks with chalk dust.
Sitting alone in the last row is 8. WILLIAM GOLDHAMMER, a
trim man of 40 in a striped suit, striped shirt, Hermes tie
and suspenders, with a monogrammed alligator briefcase.
MIKE
I, uh...Administration’s down the...
Goldhammer stands and steps down towards the front.
GOLDHAMMER
’Bovine Dispersion Patterns:
Theoretical Precepts And Practical
Application’.
Mike kind of shrugs. He doesn't know what to make of this
guy. Goldhammer reaches the lectern. He plops his briefcase
down and opens it. He pulls out a file.
GOLDHAMMER
’pH Variation In Milk', ’Swine Methane
Production: Silent But Deadly?’.
Mike turns pink with modesty. Goldhammer adroitly tosses the
file ten feet into the briefcase. He extends his right hand
across the lectern to Mike.
MIKE
You read...my stuff...?
6
GOLDHAMMER
Mike Hugic...
MIKE
Mike...
GOLDHAMMER
S. William Goldhammer. Howe, Ardley
& Upton.
Mike eventually figures out that this guy is waiting to shake
his hand. Mike thrusts his hand out clumsily.
MIKE
Mike Hugic.
GOLDHAMMER
Mike, I'm going to get right to the
point. Have you ever thought about
Investment Banking?
(Goldhammer says 'Investment Banking' like it weighed a ton.)
MIKE
Like...in what way?
GOLDHAMMER
As something you could do, as a
career, as a higher calling.
MIKE
I think you got the wrong guy. I
cain’t even balance my checkbook.
GOLDHAMMER
you won't HAVE to.
Mike turns back to the chalkboard and distractedly erases.
MIKE
I don't know anything about business.
GOLDHAMMER
Hundred mortgages. Can prepay at any
time, within interest rate bands how
many'll be outstanding in two years?
MIKE
(surprised)
pH variation in milk, probability
array analysis, combinatronics.
GOLDHAMMER
Mike, at Howe, Ardley & Upton you'd
be at the Epicenter of the financial 7
universe— the precious blood of the
World's commerce coursing across your
desk on a daily basis.
Mike makes an effort to continue erasing the board.
GOLDHAMMER(cont)
You’d get to test your mettle against
the sharpest minds in the world; Yale
Law Review, Harvard valedictorians, guys
that sail through M.I.T. in two years.
Mike has erased down the board, further away from Goldhammer.
But that last line slows him. Goldhammer feels this.
GOLDHAMMER{cont)
And you oughta see the Numbers...
Mike stops erasing. Goldhammer speaks in hushed tones,
forcing Mike to ease closer.
GOLDHAMMER(cont)
Screen after screen of 'em, printouts
three feet thick of 'em, circling
clockwise above you every second of
the day. Wall Street's different from
other places. We don't make trucks or
Twinkies or shoe trees— we make NUMBERS.
That's what we do. Numbers.
MIKE
Why...me?
GOLDHAMMER
(turning to Mike)
You've got this...gift. This way of
looking at things. We're always
interested in people who are outstanding
in their field. I'd like you to come
to New York for an interview.
MIKE
I don't know. I don't know if I can.
Goldhammer moves to his briefcase and closes it. He checks
his watch and heads for the door. Mike takes an awkward stab
at the board with the eraser.
GOLDHAMMER
It could be the challenge of a lifetime.
But...if you don't think you're up to it.
Goldhammer strides imperiously out the door. Hike thinks.
MIKE 8
wait...
As the door creaks shut, Mike realizes he isn't coming back.
Mike strides to the door and opens it.
MIKE
Haiti
There is no sign of Goldhammer either way down the long hall.
INT.-HALL-SAME TIME
Mike steps out into the hall, but Goldhammer is NOWHERE. He
strides down to the nearest exit. No Goldhammer. He walks
back to the door of the lecture room.
As he stands there perplexed, Professor Alcott inches out of
the Ladies Room. She throws Mike a friendly wink and creaks
on down the empty hall.
INT.-LECTURE HALL-SAME TIME
Mike retreats back to the board. He ponders whether to erase
"Heisenberg may have been here" when he notices something on
the lectern.
An airline ticket with Goldhammer’s business card clipped to
it— with a PLASTIC paper clip.
Mike picks it up. And stares at it.
EXT.-MIKE’S MOM’S HOUSE-A COUPLE OF AFTERNOONS LATER
Mike helps MOM unload cardboard classroom displays from her
old station wagon. They lug them to the front door of the
modest brick home. While Mom goes through the mail Mike
distractedly bends the day-glo Space Shuttle display.
MOM
I think you’d make a fine banker.
MIKE
Do you know how complicated it is
to describe the bending of cardboard?
MOM
Did you call that man?
MIKE
It’s basically the same problem as
the movement of waves through water.
MOM
Have you called that man yet?
9
MIKE
I don't know.
MOM
You don't know if you've called him yet?
MIKE
Do ya'll still have Weekly Reader?
MOM
Shouldn't you at least look into this?
MIKE
I'm happy doin' what I do.
MOM
What? Watchin' cows, caddyin' for
Professor Minor, livin' at home?
MIKE
Do ya’ll still use S.R.A.? I got to
aqua in two weeks.
MOM
I hate to mention you know who—
MIKE
Don't say it, he—
MOM
He knows business.
MIKE
Yeah. But...you know how he...
Mom tenderly pushes a strand of hair out of Mike's eyes. Her
LOOK says she knows EXACTLY what Mike means.
INT.-HUGIC CHRYSLER-THE NEXT MORNING
Mike camps in front of a display case which holds old
football jerseys, a football and a yellowed photo of a young
stud in a classic 1956 football pose. The stud is his Dad.
DAD comes out of his office, potbelly parting a double-knit
sport coat. He smiles at Mike and slips coin into a machine.
DAD
Hey Bud. Big Red?
Mike nods 'no'. Dad gets a soda and they walk to the door.
MIKE
The reason I called...this bank in
New York wants me to come talk to 'em. 10
DAD
'Bout time you got yourself outta
that mortuary. Ya know, all this’ll
be yours some day.
Dad pushes through the doors and rests an arm on Mike's far
shoulder, making Mike noticeably ill at ease.
EXT.-HUGIC CHRYSLER-SAME TIME
Two old mechanics nudge each other as Dad and Mike pass by.
YOUNGER MECHANIC
Hey Mike— long time no see. You got
you a girlfriend over at school?
OLDER MECHANIC
Hell, cocksman like ol' Mike here's
out chasin' anything in a skirtI
Dad squats by a new LeBaron to rub some dust off the grill.
MIKE
This guy came down here just to see me.
He read my articles.
DAD
Things are happenin' out here, bud.
I'm so keyed up I can't sleep. I just...
Dad breaks off into a chortle of raw enthusiasm.
DAD
You oughta see the '87s. They're a
sight for Enos Slaughter. Man, the
Chrysler Corporation is BACK.
MIKE
What about my deal?
DAD
(genuinely puzzled)
Your deal?
MIKE
New York— INVESTMENT BANKING...
DAD
If you're interested in Finance, you
gotta come work for your old Dad. I'm
tell in' ya bud, I need you out here.
We’re DOUBLIN' our floor plan. It's
all I can do to keep my head above water.
MIKE
This could be the challenge of my life.
DAD
You want a challenge, I'll set you up
with all the damn challenge you can
handle. I'll have you runnin' my
Finance operation inside a two years.
MIKE
This'd be like, like the Major Leagues.
DAD
I'm already proud of you, son. Of
all the kids in your school when you
were growin' up, you were ALWAYS one
of the smartest.
Mike is red with frustration. He’s just made up his MIND.
Dad leans against the car as the younger mechanic ambles out.
YOUNGER MECHANIC
They wanna pit-churl
DAD
Let me know when you wanna start.
Dad puts a bear hug on Mike and heads back to the showroom.
DAD
Gotta see a man about a Dodge.
As Dad moseys off Mike looks towards the showroom. But his
mind is focused somewhere else. Somewhere 1,700 miles East.
OS: The sound of FOOTSTEPS echoing across a marble floor.
In the distance, Dad puts an arm around an elderly man and
smiles as the wife takes a photo.
MIKE(OS)
I'm here to see Mr. Goldhammer.
OS: Four phone tones.
SECURITY GUY(OS)
And you are?
INT.-HOWE, ARDLEY & UPTON LOBBY-THE NEXT THURSDAY
12
Mike is dressed in a worn tan corduroy suit, knit tie and
Bass weejuns. Behind the desk a navy blazered security guy
sits with a phone to his ear.
MIKE
Mike Hugic.
SECURITY GUY
A Mr, Hugic here to see Mr. Goldhammer.
Uh huh. Mr. Hugic, take the elevator
around to your right. Nineteenth floor.
Mike nods ’thanks1 and heads around to the elevator bay. He
pushes the button. As he waits a Strange Nasal Brooklyn
accent floats around the corner...
STRANGE VOICE(OS)
Steinbrenner's opening up his fat
wallet again— lotta good that'll do—
free agents come and free agents go...
The elevator opens and Mike steps in.
INT.-NINETEENTH FLOOR-MOMENTS LATER
The elevator opens and Mike steps out. A young secretary
with the Big Hair Staten Island look stands to greet him.
JENNIFER
Mr. Ewe-gic, I'm Jennifuh. Follow me.
She leads him to Goldhammer's office. On the phone, he waves
Mike enthusiastically into his sleek but paper strewn office.
INT.-GOLDHAMMER*S OFFICE-SAME TIME
JENNIFER
Can I get you somethin'* soda, tea,
coo-uh-fee?
Mike's polite nod sends her away. He stands timidly by the
door. Against the wall sits a GLEAMING Sun computer
workstation. He is drawn to it like a force of nature,
staring at the NUMBERS scrolling across the big color screen.
GOLDHAMMER
(to Mike)
Hit slash seven.
Mike presses two keys and the screen splits into four models,
each BLIPPING away its own calculation.
MIKE
Wow...stochastic modeling.
13
GOLDHAMMER
(into the phone)
Bangers and sausage?1
Goldhammer smiles at Mike's fascination and ends his call.
He eases over to Mike. Jennifer sees Goldhammer wincing at
Mike's CORDUROY suit. She throws back a faux-haughty look.
GOLDHAMMER
Gets Japanese baseball results,too.
Mike, I’m glad we could get you up here.
Mike looks up. Goldhammer leads Mike out of his office with
a spiel that may as well be on tape, he's done it so often.
INT.-NINETEENTH FLOOR-SAME TIME
GOLDHAMMER
Nineteen is the executive floor. I
share the office of Chairman with two
other gentlemen, Steve Furillo and Bob
Peabody. We're responsible for seventy
profit centers at HRU, managing the
efforts of over two thousand associates.
Goldhammer has led Mike past several offices where sober
businessmen work intently. He turns a corner and gestures.
GOLDHAMMER
We add a million transactions to our
data base every day. Work stations
have on-line access, producing P&Ls,
inventories, a host of tailor-made
reports, and an hourly mark to market.
Goldhammer draws Mike over to an open stair. His sweeping
gesture encompasses the ENORMOUS two story TRADING FLOOR
spread out below. He knows this is the Ace up his sleeve.
GOLDHAMMER
And this...is the Floor.
White shirts bolt up and sink down, bounce along between
cramped rows of fifty foot long desks and bark into phones,
at each other and to no one in particular.
A scoreboard's LIGHTS spell out breaking news: the "TICKER".
Another HUGE board displays a dozen lights, roughly arrayed
in a diagonal pattern: this is the "YIELD CURVE SCREEN".
Mike's eyes cannot blink. He is transfixed with awe.
NUMBERS POUR OUT AT HIM FROM EVERY DIRECTION.
GOLDHAMMER
The Floor is where all the data COMES
FROM. I want you to get a FEEL for it.
INT.-TRADING FLOOR-SAME TIME
GOLDHAMMER
This is our mortgage Desk, the most
dynamic segment of today's debt market
with over a trillion dollars of untapped
home equity in the United States alone.
ANDY LEVINE, a chubby 25 year old, cradles a phone on a
shoulder and writes on a label. He eats a messy calzone.
ANDY
I am ALWAYS up for the Beady El.
GOLDHAMMER
Over there’s our corporate area. We
underwrite and make markets across the
spectrum of corporate credits.
Andy rises and extends a hand to Mike. They shake.
ANDY
Andy Levine.
MIKE
Mike Hugic.
Goldhammer's already moved on. Mike turns to follow. Andy
casually slaps Mike on the back as he leaves.
ANDY
Don't let Goldfinger lose you.
MIKE
Thanks.
As Mike catches back up, Andy and a clique of traders break
up laughing at the sticker Andy has slapped onto Mike's back.
It reads "GEEK".
GOLDHAMMER
From blue-chips to start-ups...
Salesman ARTIE BURNS, hungover huge and hungry, finds a bagel
on his desk. He taps it on the counter. It's concrete.
ARTIE
LUCY; GO LONG!
15
Artie cocks the bagel behind an ear and points his free hand.
ARTIE
Kapp looks to his fly...throwsI
He HURLS the bagel 1 LUCY BARAPAVRONG, a 32 year old Korean
trader, reaches up to catch it— in vain.
The BAGEL is on a direct line for Mike's headl
GOLDHAMMER
...from silicon valley chip designers...
Goldhammer lifts his right hand and CATCHES the speeding
bagel six inches from Mike's craniuml
GOLDHAMMER
...to a regional bagel manufacturer.
Goldhammer shows Mike the bagel, tucks it into a suit pocket
and leads Mike forward without missing a beat.
GOLDHAMMER
We're a primary dealer, taking
substantial positions along the whole
Treasury curve, from overnights to the
long boy.
when Goldhammer turns the corner he sees a STRIPPER in a G
string bouncing her pasties right down the hall towards theml
He quickly points in the other direction and turns Mike,
using his body to shield Mike's view down the hall.
GOLDHAMMER
You can see Lady Liberty just on the
other side of the green building if
you squint. She'll be ready by July.
He leads Mike across the hall without meeting the stripper.
He opens the nearest door and ushers Mike into the...
INT.-STAIRWELL-SAME TIME
Without breaking stride Goldhammer leads Mike down the stair.
GOLDHAMMER
Our equities, FX and real estate
departments are on the cutting edge of
today's global marketplace. You hungry?
INT.-HARRY’S OF HANOVER SQUARE-TWO HOURS LATER
16
GOLDHAMMER
Look, we've thrown at lot at you today.
Do you have any questions?
Mike stares down at the linguini he's been unable to corral.
MIKE
what...what makes you think 1 can do
investment banking?
GOLDHAMMER
(laughing)
Don't worry--we can teach you that.
What we can't teach is IQ. Let me
tell you where I see Mike Hugic fitting
into all this. I’m in the process of
building an arbitrage effort here at HRU—
MIKE
Arbitrage...?
GOLDHAMMER
Arbitrage. You could make a solid
contribution to the team I’m setting up.
It’s what you were born for, Mike Hugic.
Mike is flushed with sudden pride.
GOLDHAMMER
I see bringing you on board as a full
associate at a salary of fifty thousand
plus bonus. Health, dental, 401k.
He lets Mike absorb the offer for a moment, then stands.
GOLDHAMMER
And you've got a plane to catch.
He leads Mike out of their dining room, through the bar and
out to the sidewalk as he continues talking.
GOLDHAMMER
I know all this must seem sudden, but
we're on the move at Howe, Ardley &
Upton, we’d like you to be part of it.
EXT.-HARRY'S STREET ENTRANCE-SAME TIME
Blue Cadillac number 763 idles on the curb as Goldhammer and
Mike come out. Goldhammer opens the door for Mike.
GOLDHAMMER jy
If you could let me know by next
Thursday.
MIKE
Next...Thursday.
They shake. Goldhammer sees the “GEEK" sticker and deftly
removes it. Mike climbs into the back seat. Goldhammer
watches the Caddie pull away him.
INT.-FURILLO'S OFFICE-SAME TIME
From the Nineteenth floor STEVEN FURILLO watches Goldhammer
through a large telescope. Dressed ultra-conservatively in a
gray suit that seems black, this 39 year old is as humorless
as granite. A knock. Furillo steps away from the scope.
MARTY KENDALL, a former Marine of 46, enters the dark office
and hands a file to Furillo. Furillo puts the file on his
desk and begins studying it.
FURILLO
No one saw you?
KENDALL
I have done this before. So, what
about Goldenhammer anyway?
FURILLO
He's history.
KENDALL
(with delight)
I want that chair he's got, the one
with the adjustable lumbar support—
FURILLO
He doesn't know yet.
KENDALL
Fuck. You're sure we've got him7
FURILLO
He left us the perfect going-away gift.
Furillo looks at a PHOTO OF MIKE taken from an agricultural
publication. The file on the desk is MIKE'S FILE. The same
file that Goldhammer brought with him to S.E. MO. AG & tech.
EXT.-AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 217-THREE HOURS LATER
Mike stares absently out of his First Class window.
The jet soars across the twilight sky of the Great Midwest.
INT.-PROFESSOR MINOR'S OFFICE-FRIDAY AFTERNOON
18
Professor Minor does a spit take— spraying bourbon across his
small desk. Mike rises from his chair, but Minor waves him
off. Eventually he fights off the choking cough.
MINOR
I don't make that— Dean Miller doesn't...
Mike squirms uncomfortably in his seat. Minor pulls a quart
of Old Charter out of his desk and refills his glass.
Minor gets up and gives Mike a hearty back slap. Mike
relaxes. Minor pours Mike a glass of bourbon. They raise
their glasses and CLINK, in toast. Minor moves over to his
window and gazes out through the blinds.
MINOR
Congratulations Mike. I do wonder...
MIKE
About... ?
MINOR
I mean, I can’t imagine what it would
be like...
MIKE
What WHAT would be like?
MINOR
...to sit in the front row of Arvis
Duncan Stadium on a cool, crisp autumn
afternoon, the aroma of burnin' hickory
leaves waftin' across the forty yard
line...the counterpoint of the
woodwinds swelling into the crescendo
of our glorious Alma Mater...
MIKE
Our Alma Mater...?
MINOR
...feeling the sting of a thousand
EYES on your back. Hearing the sibilant
buzzing around your ears. I...I don't
think I could weather such a, well...
MIKE
Such a WHAT?
MINOR
I'm sure you would do just fine up
there. But...if you needed to come
back here, for whatEVER reason, well...
Hike gets the drift. He hardens as he rises from his chair.
Mike finishes his drink in one slug and sets the glass down.
MIKE
You don't think I can do this?
Mike moves to the door. Minor finally faces him.
MINOR
Don't expect to come back here with
your tail between your legs. I'm
warnin’ you. This is it.
Mike turns and exits the little office.
MINOR
You could be an assistant professor
by Spring term 19951
Mike leans back in, taking one last look at academia.
MIKE
Six point oh two times ten to the
twenty third. Oughta work as the
constant in your differential movement
of fluids in a tube equation.
And with that Mike leaves for good. As his footsteps decay
down the hall Minor takes a pen and writes Mike's constant.
EXT.-MISSOURI FOOTHILLS-SUNDOWN THE SAME DAY
Mike sits in the field staring off into space. He holds his
stopwatch ready, but it has measured off well over two hours.
A spotted cow wanders over and gives him a concerned look.
Mike finally breaks out of his trance.
MIKE
moo.
INT.-MIKE'S MOM'S KITCHEN-THE NEXT MONDAY AFTERNOON
Mike holds the phone in one hand and holds down the connect
button with the other. Finally he dials eleven tones.
GOLDHAMMER(OS)
Goldhammer.
MIKE 20
Mr. Goldhammer; Mike...Mike Hugic.
GOLDHAMMER(OS)
Miket How ya been?
MIKE
Oh, OK. The reason I'm callin'...
INT.-GOLDHAMMER'S OFFICE-SAME TIME
Goldhammer hits the speaker botton. He's in shirtsleeves,
rolling around in a chair with files in his lap.
MIKE(OS)
I..... uh.......
Goldhammer rolls back to the phone and hits the mute button.
GOLDHAMMER
Jennifer 1 Someone's absconded with
the Murray Savings filel
Jennifer appears in the doorway, arms akimbo.
JENNIFER
Geddaudaheah. I saur it yes-tuh-day.
Goldhammer flaps the empty file at her and unmutes the phone
without so much as looking at it.
GOLDHAMMER
Yes...
INT.-KITCHEN-SAME TIME
MIKE
I'm calling to accept your offer.
GOLDHAMMER(OS)
Hey Mike— that's great I Congratulations I
I’ll have Jennifer call you with all
the relo scoop. I look forward to
working with you.
MIKE
(beaming with pride)
Me, too.
GOLDHAMMER
See you in a couple of weeks then.
MIKE
OK.
INT.-GOLDHAMMER'S OFFICE-SAME TIME
21
Goldhammer hangs up. He stares at another EMPTY FILE.
INT.-KITCHEN-SAME TIME
Mike smiles confidently as he hangs up. Mom carries in two
grocery bags. Mike takes one and sets it on the counter. He
digs into it and pulls out a big red apple.
Mike bounces the apple from one hand to the other as though
he were a juggler. He bounces it around in front of Mom
while she puts away the groceries.
MOM
Boy, have you...
She finally catches on, and lets out a squeal of excitement.
INT.-ROGER'S RATHSKELLER-NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT
CLAY
To Mr. Super Hero— I hope his damn
head doesn't get so big he cain't
fit on the plane!
Clay holds aloft a pitcher of beer. He pours Mike a mug.
Then guzzles straight from the pitcher. The college bar is
packed, but Mike and Clay stand in their own corner. "Small
Town" by John Cougar Mellencamp blares from a stereo.
Mike is SURPRISED to have a GIRL approach him.
GIRL
We're real proud of you. Show those
Yankees what a Missouri boy can do.
As she leaves Clay nudges Mike with goofy abandon. An ex
jock bar patron gravitates to Mike.
CLAY
I told a few people.
EX-JOCK
I always knew you'as smart. You be
sure an' see that ' Cats' now, I hear
it's a damn fine show.
Mike shuffles around humbly. But he doesn't seem to mind
being a Super Hero too terribly much.
EXT.-WALL STREET-THE NEXT MONDAY AT SEVEN A.M.
Mike steps up from the subway and onto Wall Street, wearing
his corduroy suit with a backpack slung over one shoulder.
He can't help but GAWK at the gray buildings projecting from
the pavement to what there is of a sky. Foot traffic isn't
too thick yet, but Mike moves in slow motion compared to the
intensely purposeful gait of everyone else on the Street.
MALE VOICE(OS)
You get up there an' knock 'em dead I
FEMALE VOICE(OS)
Why, what brings a big wall Street
wheeler-dealer into our humble presence?
MALE VOICE #2(OS)
Listen, Mr. Millionaire, I bought this
mutual fund a while back and I was—
WHAM! Mike is snapped out of his daze BUMPING into a glazed
looking BAREFOOTED GUY wearing a stained shirt and suit pants
rolled up to his knees. He holds an old pizza box.
Mike backs away. The guy stands there, still. Mike moves
along down the street, with the thickening crowd.
EXT.-HOWE, ARDLEY & UPTON-SAME TIME
Mike walks up to the front door, but a sign reads "PLEASE USE
REVOLVING DOOR”. He moves over to the revolving door. Hard-
charging men in pin-stripes spin the door around forcefully.
Mike waits for an opening. He scoots in, but he's misjudged
and he's in the door compartment with someone else. He takes
quick little shuffle steps to get himself through.
INT.-HOWE, ARDLEY & UPTON-SAME TIME
Mike stumbles in. The man he was trapped behind strides to
the elevators without having noticed Mike. Mike drifts up to
the security desk. The security guy pours over the "Post".
MIKE
I'm Mike Hugic. I was...I work here.
The guy points without looking up. Mike goes to the elevator
bank. A crowd waits. When the elevator arrives Mike defers
politely to everyone and steps onto the jam-packed car last.
Again, Mike hears the Nasal Voice bouncing around the corner.
STRANGE VOICE(OS)
You can't expect to win a pennant when
the Fat Man runs through managers like
chocolate bon bons— I SPEAK THE TRUTH... 23
As the doors shut a hand flies into the crack, causing them
to reopen. Artie Burns slams right on board, forcing Mike
into a contortionist's pose. The doors close.
INT.-THE NINETEENTH FLOOR-MINUTES LATER
The doors open. Mike steps off the empty elevator. He
inches across the carpet in the direction of Goldhammer's
office. Men in suits charge by. Secretaries hurry around.
A DOOR SLAMS!
Mike stops in his tracks. The foot traffic walks on egg
shells now. A door opens— almost as violently as one can
slam. Goldhammer marches out, and right past Mike.
MIKE
Mr. Goldhammer.
Goldhammer wheels around, surprised. He looks haggard. Mike
extends HIS right hand and Goldhammer shakes. It takes him a
second to figure out who Mike is.
GOLDHAMMER
Mike...MIKE. Welcome aboard. Listen,
(just a HINT of a smile now) get
Jennifer to take you down to Personnel
right away. I’ll get with you later.
Goldhammer strides off. Mike steps over to Jennifer's desk.
She listens raptly to a phone call.
JENNIFER
(into the phone)
OH my gaw-uhd. What'd SHE do?
Mike stands politely in her line of sight. She does not
acknowledge him at all.
JENNIFER
And what'd HE do? No way! ROSES!
MIKE
You're 'sposed to take me down...
She looks up. And continues her call.
JENNIFER
She’s just bustin’ his chops.
Mr. GOLDHAMMER said you're 'sposed to
take roe down to Personnel.
JENNIFER
(finally noticing Mike)
Oh My Gaw-uhhd, you’ve got SUCH an
accent. Go to the third floor. Ask
for Tita. She'll process you.
She preemptively returns to her call. Mike nods 'thanks'.
INT.-PERSONNEL OFFICE-MINUTES LATER
MIKE
Mike Hugic. I'm here to be processed.
TITA stares at Mike without blinking. She pops her gum.
TITA
Is that with an 'h' or a *u’?
A SERIES OF QUICK, SHORT SHOTS:
— Mike winces as Tita FLASHES the ID camera at him.
— His full-face and profile photos slide out of the camera.
— Tita routinely presses Mike's fingers onto an ink pad and
fills out a fingerprint card.
— Mike comes out of the MEN'S ROOM self-consciously carrying
a little bottle.
— Tita gingerly sticks a label around Mike’s specimen bottle
— Tita slides Mike a contract and a pen. Mike signs. She
tears off the bottom quintruplicate and hands it to him.
INT.-NINETEENTH FLOOR-MINUTES LATER
Mike stands by Jennifer's desk as she whispers on the phone.
JENNIFER
Wait in Mr. Goldhammer's office.
INT.-GOLDHAMMER'S OFFICE
Mike eases into the office and sits in the chair by the Sun
workstation. He gawks at the numbers posted on the computer
An EXECUTIVE peers into the office, surveying its contents,
but seemingly not noticing Mike. The executive disappears.
A DOOR SLAMS! ANOTHER DOOR SLAMS!
The executive reappears with another executive. They enter
and each lift an end of the COUCH across from the desk. In
fifteen seconds they cart the couch out of the office.
2S
Jennifer carries in a cardboard filing box. She collects
Goldhammer's family photos and puts them in the box.
MIKE
Two guys...they took the couch...
Her bottom lip quivers. She keeps packing personal effects
and carries the box out when she’s through.
A DOOR SLAMS I AND ANOTHER1 AND A THIRD 0NE1
The last SLAM was in the office NEXT DOORI The walls shake.
Mike hears a conversation coming from the next office.
Clearer'n fiber optics.
PEABODY(OS)
Ok, you get corporates, real estate,
and foreign exchange. I'm picking up
mortgages and tax exempt. Agreed?
FURILLO(OS)
What about arbitrage?
PEABODY(OS)
Arbitrage? What the hell’s arbitrage?
Mike's ears turn red at the mention of 'arbitrage'.
FURILLO(OS)
You don't know about arbitrage? It’s
not very...I'11 trade foreign exchange
for arbitrage.
PEABODY(OS)
But what IS it?
FURILLO(OS)
How about foreign exchange and money
markets?
PEABODY(OS)
Oh no you don’t, I’ll give you tax
exempt for arbitrage.
FURILLO(OS)
Foreign exchange, money markets and
real estate?
PEABODY(OS)
You take tax exempt, block trading
AND project— I'll take arbitrage.
26
FURILLO(OS)
Damn. You win.
PEABODY(OS)
Who, uh, who runs arbitrage?
FURILLO(OS)
Who runs arbitrage? You haven't heard
about the new guy, the arbitrage guru?
The rocket scientist?
PEABODY(OS)
(yelling out into the hall)
JenniferI Where's the new guy I 1
Jennifer enters the next office. She whispers to Peabody.
PEABODY(OS)
NEXT DOORI Christ— what if he heard
us I Get him in here.
Mike stiffens. He realizes this and thumbs through an
'Investment Dealers Digest' as nonchalantly as possible.
Which is not a strength of his.
Jennifer leans into the office.
JENNIFER
Mr. Ewe-gic, come with me please.
Mike gets up and follows her into the next office.
INT.-FURILLO*S OFFICE-SAME TIME
Furillo and ROBERT UPTON PEABODY III stand ready to shake
Mike’s hand. Peabody is the 48 year old posterboy for WASP,
the silver-haired patrician of Ralph Lauren's wet dreams.
FURILLO
Steven Furillo.
PEABODY
Robert UPTON Peabody the third.
Furillo motions for everyone to sit. Everyone does. Mike
sits in a nervous silence. He clears his throat.
MIKE
where's Mr. Goldhammer?
Peabody stands, moves to the full-length window overlooking
the Floor and stares out. Then he turns to Mike.
PEABODY
S. william Goldhammer is no longer
with us.
Mike takes the news hard. There is a PAINFULLY long silence.
MIKE
He...he's dead??
A beat. Peabody bursts out laughing. Furillo TRIES to
smile. It's beyond him. Peabody touches Mike's shoulder.
PEABODY
He...resigned about an hour ago to go
over to Becker Marcus. To run their
London office. (several beats) None
of this changes any of the plans we have
for you Mike, you go by Mike? We're
ready to push our arbitrage effort into
the upper echelons of Wall Street.
FURILLO
Any questions?
Peabody squeezes Mike's shoulder as a signal to rise and
follow him. Mike does so. They head out of the office and
descend the open staircase to the Floor.
INT.-THE TRADING FLOOR-SAME TIME
PEABODY
I know all this must be a little
unsettling on your first day. Don't
worry about it, this sort of thing
happens all the time on the street.
That statement doesn't seem to reassure Mike. They reach the
bottom of the stairs to the Floor's routinely tumultous roar.
PEABODY
You know, Brooks Brothers has their
tropical wools on sale now.
Peabody leads Mike to one of the fifty foot long desks, the
mortgage Desk('the Desk'). Peabody touches Andy's shoulder.
ANDY
Beady El; six on the buck...
PEABODY
Hook me up.
Andy hits a button with the butt of his phone receiver. The
"SHOUT DOWN" now broadcasts to the Floor and all branches.
ANDY
Ladies and gentlemen, this evening's
headliner!
28
Amid scattered laughter Andy hands the phone up to Peabody.
PEABODY
Can I have your partially divided
attention please. Thank you. Bill
Goldhammer's...departure should in no
way signal a lack of commitment to
Howe, Ardley & Upton's ongoing mission
to create the preeminent financial
supermarket in the World.
ANDY
Hey, Mr. Financial Supermarket— some
of the produce is startin’ to smell!!
Belly-laughs follow. Peabody puts a hand on Mike.
PEABODY
Towards that end, I am pleased to
introduce you to Mike Hugic...
Applause, raucous shouts and good-natured enthusiasm.
PEABODY(cont)
...our new Head of arbitrage!
Cheers trail off into shocked silence. MIKE IS STUNNED.
Andy drops his cheeseburger. His jaw drops involuntarily.
Kendall hands his phone to the next trader and sprints up the
stairs to Furillo's office.
Peabody pats Mike on the back, UNAWARE of the turmoil he has
unleashed on the Floor. He points down the mortgage desk.
PEABODY
Find you a seat on the Desk. Settle
in. It’ll take you a couple of days
to get your sea legs around here.
Peabody makes his way back to his office around the corner.
All eyes are on Mike. He somehow manages to put one foot in
front of the other. He moves. He comes to an unoccupied
seat on the far end of the Desk. He slowly sits. Dazed.
Andy looks up and sees Kendall in Furillo's office.
INT.-FURILLO'S OFFICE-SAME TIME
KENDALL
How the hell did fucking Peabody get
fucking arbitrage— Pea-brain doesn't
know how to SPELL fucking arbitrage.
An' who's this fucking KID running
what should be our deal?I?I
FURILLO
Do you lack confidence in me?
KENDALL
Yes— I mean no— I mean... FUCK.
FURILLO
The kid's an academic. A science geek.
The kind you chain to a computer and
let out for an occasional shower.
He's the cornerstone to my plan.
KENDALL
(warming up)
The corduroy boy's in WAY over his
head. He's gonna fuckin' drown.
FURILLO
If we engineer this correctly he'll
drag Peabody down with him.
KENDALL
We march in, save the day and YOU are
undisputed honcho of HRU. Fuck-ing YES.
FURILLO
I can instill the discipline this dump
needs to join the bulge bracket. I'll
start by firing every slob on the Desk.
KENDALL
I give the kid six months.
FURILLO
That long?
Kendall smiles snidely. He's going to enjoy this.
INT.-PEABODY'S OFFICE
Andy SLAMS the door HARD 1 Peabody doesn't look up. Andy
opens the door and reaches back and SLAMS IT HARDER111
Andy.
PEABODY
ANDY 30
You gave up tax exempt to get arbitrage?
PEABODY
And block trading, and project finance.
ANDY
Let me get this straight: you gave up
tax exempt, block trading AND project
to get the— the Hick from French Lick?I
Did Furillo even buy you dinner?
PEABODY
Andy, you play much poker in college?
I did. Third Tuesday of the month.
Two semesters. I played Furillo like
a drugstore Indian, savvy? I've got
him right where I want him. Trust me.
Andy can't even answer. His face tells the whole story. How
OUT OF TOUCH with reality CAN Peabody BE? Andy shuffles out
of the office, closing the door gently.
ANDY
(to himself)
I wish I had my own door to slam.
INT.-TRADING FLOOR-SAME TIME
Mike sees Andy wander back to the Desk. Andy leans in and
whispers to PHIL BACON, a 31 year old African-American. Phil
passes the whisper on to Lucy, who passes it on to Artie
Burns. Salesmen ZACK TAYLOR and KATHLEEN CORE lean in.
Kendall strides by, slapping Mike on the back.
KENDALL
Good luck kid.
As everyone on the Desk indiscretely takes a turn looking at
Mike, CLIFF plops a ham and cheese sandwich on the Desk in
front of Mike and continues down the Desk delivering lunches.
CASS AIMBNDRAHL dumps a five inch thick computer printout in
front of Mike. Jennifer drops off a stack of memos.
Mike digs into the stack in front of him, finding a pair of
wing-tip shoes. He sets the shoes aside and digs out a
printout to study as a cover for his shell-shocked state.
DISSOLVE TO:
Mike still studies the printout. His stack is taller. The
Floor is pretty well vacant, it's dark outside. An OLD
CLEANING WOMAN hobbles around emptying waste baskets. ^ ^
Phil comes around the corner from the Men's room. He grabs
his coat and puts it on. He sees Mike on the end of the
Desk. He eases over.
PHIL
You oughta go home.
Mike looks up, finally able to SPEAK since the morning.
MIKE
(emotionally)
You don't understand. I can't go home.
Until I prove myself here there's no
WAY I can go home.
A beat. Phil is taken aback by this outpouring.
PHIL
I...I meant for the night.
Phil turns and saunters off the Floor, muttering to himself.
PHIL
Meshuggeneh.. .
Mike loads a bunch of printouts into his backpack. He turns
and stands, finding a huge Art Deco Indian's head staring at
him from the next building’s eighteenth floor.
MIKE
help.
Mike shuffles tiredly off the Floor to the elevators.
EXT.-WALL STREET-MINUTES LATER
The Art Deco Indian looks down impassively at tiny Mike
skulking along Wall street below.
INT.-SUBWAY BOOTH-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Mike steps up to the booth and holds up an index finger.
As he digs two ones and a ten out of his pants he notices a
sign posted in the booth. The sign promotes the purchase of
Ten Packs of tokens. He slides the ten through the slot.
MIKE
Make that a ten pack...I'm sorry.
INT.-SUBWAY PLATFORM-MINUTES LATER
32
Evening commuters stand boredly awaiting the next train, one
guy keeps leaning out and looking up the tunnel and checking
his watch.
Mike stands a foot and a half behind the yellow safety line.
Leaning back away from the tracks in fear.
The train pulls in and SQUEALS to a stop. The doors open.
New Yorkers rush on-board. Mike timidly steps on last. The
doors close and the train speeds off— sending Mike scrambling
forward the length of the subway car in search of balance.
EXT.-MURRAY ARMS-HALF AN HOUR LATER
Mike drags himself and a deli plastic bag under the awning of
an older high-rise building in Murray Hill. He enters.
INT.-MIKE'S APARTMENT-AN HOUR LATER
The studio apartment is more than generic--it's CORPORATE.
Cardboard boxes sit in the middle of the room. Only one of
them has been opened.
Mike sits in bed popping M&Ms from a two-pound bag and
chasing them with milk. He stares numbly out the window at
his fifteenth story view— a BRICK WALL.
Mike exits. The sound of tooth-brushing comes from the
bathroom. He comes back in and gets into bed. He turns off
the light. The distant hum of the City puts Mike to sleep...
WHAT YOU NEED!1 The distorted BUZZ of "What You Need” by
INXS rattles through the wall from the next door apartment 1
Mike's eyes pop open. But he forcefully closes them and
wills himself to sleep.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK I KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK 11
Mike is shaken AWAKE by the KNOCKS at his door. He rolls
over, but the KNOCKING continues. He staggers out of bed,
tripping on his covers.
Mike takes a perturbed look to the door. And FLINGS it open I
TORIE
(singing along)
What you need...
Before Mike stands a woman's back. The dress she is wiggling
into is unzipped down to her...well, ALL the way down.
TORIE
Gimme a zip.
33
Mike's jaw goes slack. He stands there.
TORIE
Come on, zip met
Mike swallows. He steadies his hand and moves it toward the
zipper. She bends down, dancing. Mike grabs the zipper.
When she bends down again he pulls the zipper half way up.
TORIE
what you need— come on, ZIP ME 1
Mike jerks the zipper up the rest of the way--taking a little
SKIN in the process 1 She whirls around.
TORIE
OWWWWWWWI Hey you're not Brenda.
TORIE MOORE, a beautifully cute 25 year old with a twinkle in
her eyes, sizes up Mike in an instant. She charges right in
and heads for the kitchenette.
MIKE
Look, I don't know any Brenda, but if
you think you can barge in here like
this in the middle of the night...
TORIE
A school night. I'm Torie. Have
you got any Coke?
She begins boisterously searching through the cabinets.
MIKE
Coke?l Do I have any 'Coke'?
Torie senses that he thinks she means 'cocaine', she goes
with it. And keeps on rummaging his kitchenette.
TORIE
Coke— snort— flake— blow— wheeze—
Andean snowfall— white lines, don't
do it— nose candy— nostril straightener
— Colombian corn flakes— get with it
Huck Finn, this is New York City.
Mike is amazed. Torie opens the fridge and eyes it contents.
TORIE
Milk, M&MS, BAKING SODA?
MIKE
You don't want your milk tastin' like...
In the next cabinet she finds a diet Coke. She taps it
twice, opens it and CHUGS it down. As she chugs she checks
his pad out. HE CHECKS HER OUT.
TORIE
When’d you check in?
MIKE
This week. They said I can stay here
up to six months.
TORIE
That's what they told me. I’ve been
here over two years.
MIKE
Two years?
TORIE
I keep telling my boss he has no
earthly idea how hard it is to find
an apartment in New York these days.
MIKE
Wow. How hard is it?
TORIE
I have no earthly idea. Who're you with?
MIKE
...Howe, Ardley & Upton. I'm...I'm
in charge of arbitrage.
TORIE
Ewwwwww. What's arbitrage?
MIKE
Well...it’s kind of complicated...
TORIE
Thanks for the D.C.. I've got a late
date with a near-Rockefeller.
Torie dances over to the door. Mike follows. She pats him
on top of his sleep-mishapen mound of hair.
Nice cone.
TORIE
And with that Torie disappears into the next apartment. Mike
stands there, unsure what to make of the whole encounter. He
feels the top of his hair.
35
EXT.-DESOLATE RAILROAD TRACKS-THE NEXT DAY
MIKE
Mr. Peabody...
Peabody looks up from a chart he's holding.
PEABODY
Please, Mike, call me Robert.
MIKE
Yessir. Robert...I can't do all this,
I'm the wrong guy, I can't run your—
PEABODY
Can’t do WHAT?
MIKE
I can't run your arbitrage department.
I can't run anything. I'm 'sposed to
be an associate; a worker bee; an
Indian, not a chief. I was 'sposed to
get all this training and I can't—
PEABODY
(abruptly cutting Mike off)
Don * t think I don't know what’s
going on here.
Mike's face telegraphs 'HUH'??
PEABODY
What's he offering?
MIKE
What's...no one's...
Peabody checks his watch. He grabs a dozen blue books from a
conference table. They're NOT out by the railroad tracks—
they’re standing in front of a rather LARGE realistic
PAINTING of railroad tracks in a CONFERENCE ROOM AT HRU.
PEABODY
You know that sign downstairs, the one
that says "Please Use Revolving Door"?
Yessir...?
MIKE
PEABODY
A lot of people consider that career
advice.
36
Peabody hurries down the table to the end. Mike follows.
PEABODY(cont)
I started in the mailroom here twenty
six years ago. Toughest week of my
life. But I didn't quit. My Uncle
wouldn't hear of it...
MIKE
You don't understand, I don't even—
PEABODY
My family’s run Howe, Ardley & Upton
since Zachary Taylor was in the White
House. Sure, we’re not the force we
once were, but that can change. You
signed a one year employment contract
and I don't care how much Goldhammer's
offering, I'm gonna hold you to it.
Do we understand each other?
MIKE
I... I don’t know.
PEABODY
The key to this business is people.
I know people. And I feel good about
you, Mike Hugic. What do you say to
a...ten thousand dollar raise?
Peabody puts an arm on Mike and nods his head, smiling.
PEABODY
You * re a lot sawier than I' d given
you credit for. Now get out there and
make us both rich. I'm counting on you.
Peabody strides to the door, leaving Mike in front of a
PAINTING of an Ocean Liner. He stops and turns to Mike.
PEABODY
'Dyou see where Paul Stewart's running
a big sale on men's suits?
Mike kind of nods 'no'. He's wearing his same corduroy suit
with a different shirt and an old wide tie of his Dad's.
He exits the conference room for the ruckus of the Floor.
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
Kendall saunters out from his spot on the Treasury desk
brandishing a pair of scissors. As he makes his way over to
the Desk he passes Mike.
37
KENDALL
Hide and take notes.
Kendall stalks the unsuspecting Cass. As Cass turns to check
a computer printout Kendall reaches in and SNIPS his
suspenders IN TWO I Cass' pants sag. He whirls around.
KENDALL
Get a fuckin' belt kid, this ain't
Fashion Avenue 1
When Cass sees it's Kendall he mutes his protest. As Kendall
and his Treasury cohorts chortle and gloat the Desk bristles
in impotent agitation.
Kendall takes his seat and puts his feet on the desk. He
reenacts his snipping action for the Treasury Desk.
BUZZZZZZI 1 BUZZZZZZ1!
The Floor rattles with an obnoxious electronic warning.
"FED DOING $15 BILLION REPO" lights up across the TICKER.
ANDY
DAMMMMMMMMN YOU PAUL VOLKERI 1
The Floor ERUPTS in a FLURRY of activity I
on; everyone is suddenly FRANTIC 1
Phone lights blink
Mike is energized. He grabs a notepad and writes down the
News Flash. He looks to the huge Yield Curve Screen and
sketches it's shape— just before it blinks and changes.
He takes up a position between Andy and Lucy, ready to learn,
Andy shouts into one phone and smashes another on the Desk.
ANDY
Don't let him walk Artiei
We were DONE 1 He can't—
Plus two fifty?1 Douche
bagl You got a pick-off
artist for a customer.
PHIL
Offer me twenty mill— Auggie
— I don't CARE what the screen
says, has the screen ever
bought your bonds?
LUCY
Whose bid is that?l
Thirteen plus the Buck?
Fucking skeezle-breathl
BAUM
I'll DO it away— I can't
spread it any tighter...
LUCY
I'm at ten minus. I gotta
get out of the ten year.
ARTIE Twelve? I wouldn't do it
Come on Andy, work with met at twelve with YOUR dick!
PHIL ANDY 38
YOU’RE DONE 11 August... Your credit's twenty
fucking bips helmet headl
ARTIE
Fuck you dirt bag— do I BAUM
look like the Salvation Army? No Beady El for youl
Mike has written down some numbers— but none of this makes
ANY SENSE to him. (IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU, GOOD.
THAT’S THE POINT. RELAX.) Mike leans in to ask Lucy...
MIKE
What does 'ten minus' mean?
She bolts up from her seat YELLING over to the Treasury desk.
LUCY
SELL ME TWENTY MILL OF THE TEN YEAR1
JOEY CHAMPAGNE holds up two fingers and shouts into a phone.
LUCY
DAMN YOU JOEY, YOU’RE BUSTIN' MY BALLS 1
ANDY PHIL
I’m L0NG1 I’m growin' moss 1 Are they hockable?
OY1 What's the haircut?
BAUM
I can't spread it tighter 1 LUCY
I've got a HARD ON for
ARTIE October Gordies I I've
He's D.K.ing us Andy! got an axe— FEED ME1 1
EDDIE ARTOMOSKI rushes back to his seat next to TOMMIE BAUM.
He crashes into the stationary Mike.
EDDIE
Watch where you're going1
Mike obsequiously steps back a bit. Like it was HIS fault.
EDDIE
How do you like the long boy, ANDY
Tommie? I'm gettin* whipped to
death— PULL THE TRIGGER1
BAUM
Thirty year's cheap, cheap... ANDY
CASS! HIT ME CASSIUS 1
Andy reaches to grab a printout from Cass. Mike is IN THE
WAY and has to step aside, again.
BAUM 39
PHIL Roll it into June.
I'm seeing THAT on the dealer
screen 1 Alter kocker... ARTIE
Play ball with me Andyl
Andy turns to grab a donut, and Mike has to step away AGAIN.
MIRE
What does 'D.K.' mean?
ANDY
It means get out of my FUCKIN’ way I
Hey Artie, I'm not gonna fall on my
sword for that scumbag I
EDDIE PHIL
It’s cheap, I'm tollin' yal Short THIS, k'nockerl
ANDY LUCY
I want SIZE 11 SIZE 11 SIZE!I Ten at the buck— DONE!
Mike retreats to his seat. As the CACAPHONY of VOICES BUILDS
we see:
A flowing MONTAGE of NUMBERS:
— the TICKER revolves clockwise above the Floor
— the YIELD CURVE SCREEN blinks and changes
— streams of numbers move across stacks of QUOTRONS
— COMPUTERS churn out mile after mile of printouts
Mike is LOST in the midst of all these NUMBERS.
INT.-MIKE'S APARTMENT-THURSDAY NIGHT AT TEN P.M.
Mike sits in bed with a printout. His eyes are glazed over.
He grows frustrated. He takes the printout and HURLS it
towards the window! It fans out all over the floor: the
Cacaphony of Voices ends so abruptly that it ECHOES.
Mike pulls up his covers and turns off the light. The
soothing hum of the night sends him off into a deep sleep...
HE DREAMS...
...of floating through peaceful blue waters...
computer printouts shimmer like seaweed...he
drifts past pale green lights; NUMBERS...over
one shoulder he sees the Floor below him—
growing distant... the Art Deco Indian smiles
serenely as Mike is carried higher...Mike looks up
— there is no SURFACE... he begins to shrug
himself upwards, but still NO SURFACE...
HOT HOT HOT11 Shakes the Walls 1 The bass BOOMS 1 40
Mike is AWAKEN by the SQUEALS and LAUGHS of a PARTY next
door. He bolts out of bed and heads for the door. He feels
his hair— it's standing up. He puts on his Cardinals cap.
INT.-THE HALL-SAME TIME
Mike MARCHES next door. He sucks up a little courage. He
raises a fist to pound on the door— but the door flies open!
A drunken CONGA LINE floods out of the apartment. Mike is
pushed back. Guys in tuxedos and girls in formal dresses
chant "HOT HOT HOT" like the white folk they are. One guy
twirls an umbrella. A girl hands Mike a Big Kahuna frisbee.
Torie dances out, locking her door. She pulls Mike's cap
down over his eyes and joins the snaking line down the hall.
Shouts of "Surf Clubl" break out. Mike stands there, dazed.
INT.-THE FLOOR-FRIDAY AT NOON
Cliff struggles to carry ten LARGE pizza boxes over to a low
filing cabinet.
ARTIE
T.G.I.F.1
ANDY
Tony’s Grease Inches Forward.
As Cliff lowers the boxes a swarm of bankers converges and
digs in. Box after box is emptied as slices are carried off.
Andy swaggers over to the pizza. He picks up two pieces,
folds each in half and eats them simultaneously.
JENNIFER
Go get you some Friday pizza.
Mike thinks it over. He gets up and heads over to the pizza
cache. Andy finishes his double-decker. He folds another
one. Taylor darts in and grabs a slice. THE LAST ONE.
ANDY
If you lazy-ass sales dogs worked
this hard movin' my LoneFed paper,
I'd be out of it by now.
Mike comes to the empty boxes and shuffles through them.
ANDY
Fresh out Charlie Corduroy, (his eyes
lighting up) But you are just the
man I wanted to see.
41
MIKE
Oh yeah?
Andy puts an arm on Mike and promenades him back to the Desk
ANDY
I got this position, see. An' it's a
little...unusual. Now I KNOW how to
move it, but Peabody tells me it's an
arb type deal. You ARE the almighty
arbiter of arbitrage, am I right?
MIKE
Oh...yeah.
ANDY
Then we got to get you workin’ on this.
LUCY
Andy— Lincoln on line seven.
ANDY
I'll call 'im back. I got a deal
workin' with Mikey here.
Andy's WINK lets Lucy in on the con. Andy sits, and pulls
Mike up a seat. He takes out a pen and a notepad.
ANDY
There's not a damn thing wrong with
my LoneFed bonds. They just pay on
a different date than most bonds.
Market dings you for that.
MIKE
Dings you.
ANDY
Yeah. But we can structure a special
security to hold bond payments in a
trust until the fifteenth of every
month, when normal bonds pay.
MIKE
The fifteenth...
Andy writes the words, one below the next, as he says them. .
ANDY
A Coupon Lagging Interest Tranche.
C.L.I.T. The Desk stifles guffaws. Andy dead-pans it.
ANDY 42
Peabody knows all about it. You just
need to go in and remind him. This'11
be a sixty million dollar deal, Slugger.
Andy hands Mike the note paper. Mike sits there, unsure.
LUCY
I'm sure you and Peabody can lick
this deal.
PHIL
I know he'll be up for this one.
With Phil's advice Mike rises and heads back to Peabody's
office. The Desk breaks out in raucous laughter. Cass is
uneasy. This used to be his role. Eddie checks his watch.
EDDIE
How long do we give him?
LUCY
It may take Peabody a while to figure
this one out.
A new round of laughs. Andy grabs Cass and points him
towards Peabody's office. He wants to monitor his joke.
ANDY
Go see what's happening with Clueless
Joe Jackson.
Cass hurries off. Anticipation builds. Cass rushes back.
CASS
Peabody’s out to lunch.
ANDY
Literally or figuratively?
Amid new laughs, everyone catches sight of Mike rushing up
the stairs to FURILLO'S OFFICE I
PHIL
Dammit Cassl
Cass runs after him— but Mike is already IN the office.
From the Floor all eyes watch Mike. He gets Furillo's
attention. He talks. He hands the NOTE PAPER to Furillo.
What you need.
34
Before Mike stands a woman's back. The dress she is wiggling
into is unzipped down to her...well, ALL the way down.
TORIE
Gimme a zip.
Mike's jaw goes slack. He stands there.
TORIE
Come on, zip me1
Mike swallows. He steadies his hand and moves it toward the
zipper. She bends down, dancing. Mike grabs the zipper.
When she bends down again he pulls the zipper half way up.
TORIE
What you need— come on, ZIP ME!
Mike jerks the zipper up the rest of the way— taking a little
SKIN in the process 1 She whirls around.
TORIE
0WWWWWWW1 Hey you're not Brenda.
TORIE MOORE, a beautifully cute 25 year old with a twinkle in
her eyes, sizes up Mike in an instant. She charges right in
and heads for the kitchenette.
MIKE
Look, I don't know any Brenda, but if
you think you can barge in here like
this in the middle of the night...
TORIE
A school night. I'm Torie. Have
you got any Coke?
She begins boisterously searching through the cabinets.
MIKE
Coke?! Do I have any 'Coke'7
Torie senses that he thinks she means 'cocaine'. She goes
with it. And keeps on rummaging his kitchenette.
TORIE
Coke— snort— flake— blow— wheeze—
Andean snowfall— white lines, don't
do it— nose candy— nostril straightener
— Colombian corn flakes— get with it
Huck Finn, this is New York City.
35
Mike is amazed. Torie opens the fridge and eyes it contents.
TORIE
Milk, M&Ms, BAKING SODA?
MIKE
You don't want your milk tastin' like...
In the next cabinet she finds a diet Coke. She taps it
twice, opens it and CHUGS it down. As she chugs she checks
his pad out. HE CHECKS HER OUT.
TORIE
When'd you check in?
MIKE
This week. They said I can stay here
up to six months.
TORIE
That’s what they told me. I've been
here over two years.
MIKE
Two years?
TORIE
I keep telling my boss he has no
earthly idea how hard it is to find
an apartment in New York these days.
MIKE
Wow. How hard is it?
TORIE
I have no earthly idea. Who*re you with?
MIKE
...Howe, Ardley & Upton. I'm...I'm
in charge of arbitrage.
TORIE
Ewwwwww. What's arbitrage?
MIKE
Well...it's kind of complicated...
TORIE
Thanks for the D.C.. I’ve got a late
date with a near-Rockefeller.
36
Torie dances over to the door. Mike follows. She pats him
on top of his sleep-mishapen mound of hair.
TORIE
Nice cone.
And with that Torie disappears into the next apartment. Mike
stands there, unsure what to make of the whole encounter. He
feels the top of his hair.
EXT.-DESOLATE RAILROAD TRACKS-THE NEXT DAY
MIKE
Mr. Peabody...
Peabody looks up from a chart he’s holding.
PEABODY
Please, Mike, call me Robert.
MIKE
Yessir. Robert...I can't do all this,
I'm the wrong guy, I can’t run your—
PEABODY
Can't do WHAT?
MIKE
I can't run your arbitrage department.
I can’t run anything. I'm ’sposed to
be an associate; a worker bee; an
Indian, not a chief. I was 'sposed to
get all this training and I can’t—
PEABODY
(abruptly cutting Mike off)
Don't think I don't know what's
going on here.
Mike's face telegraphs 'HUH'? ?
PEABODY
What’s he offering?
MIKE
What's...no one's...
Peabody checks his watch. He grabs a dozen blue books from a
conference table. They're NOT out by the railroad tracks—
they’re standing in front of a rather LARGE realistic
PAINTING of railroad tracks in a CONFERENCE ROOM AT HRU.
PEABODY
You know that sign downstairs, the one
that says "Please Use Revolving Door"?
HIKE
Yessir...?
PEABODY
A lot of people consider that career
advice.
Peabody hurries down the table to the end. Mike follows
PEABODY(cont)
I started in the mailroom here twenty
six years ago. Toughest week of my
life. But I didn't quit. My Uncle
wouldn't hear of it...
HIKE
You don't understand, I don't even—
PEABODY
My family's run Howe, Ardley & Upton
since Zachary Taylor was in the white
House. Sure, we're not the force we
once were, but that can change. You
signed a one year employment contract
and I don't care how much Goldhammer's
offering, I'm gonna hold you to it.
Do we understand each other?
MIKE
I...1 don't know.
PEABODY
The key to this business is people.
I know people. And I feel good about
you, Mike Hugic. What do you say to
a...ten thousand dollar raise?
Peabody puts an arm on Mike and nods his head, smiling.
PEABODY
You're a lot sawier than I'd given
you credit for. Now get out there and
make us both rich. I'm counting on you.
Peabody strides to the door, leaving Mike in front of a
PAINTING of an Ocean Liner. He stops and turns to Mike.
38
PEABODY
'Dyou see where Paul Stewart's running
a big sale on men's suits?
Mike kind of nods 'no'. He's wearing his same corduroy suit
with a different shirt and an old wide tie of his Dad's.
He exits the conference room for the ruckus of the Floor.
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
Kendall saunters out from his spot on the Treasury desk
brandishing a pair of scissors. As he makes his way over to
the Desk he passes Mike.
KENDALL
Hide and take notes.
Kendall stalks the unsuspecting Cass. As Cass turns to check
a computer printout Kendall reaches in and SNIPS his
suspenders IN TWO I Cass' pants sag. He whirls around.
KENDALL
Get a fuckin' belt kid, this ain't
Fashion Avenue I
When Cass sees it's Kendall he mutes his protest. As Kendall
and his Treasury cohorts chortle and gloat the Desk bristles
in impotent agitation.
Kendall takes his seat and puts his feet on the desk. He
reenacts his snipping action for the Treasury Desk.
BUZZZZZZI 1 BUZZZZZZII
The Floor rattles with an obnoxious electronic warning.
"FED DOING $15 BILLION REPO" lights up across the TICKER.
ANDY
DAMMMMMMMMN YOU PAUL V0LKER11
The Floor ERUPTS in a FLURRY of activity1 Phone lights blink
on; everyone is suddenly FRANTIC I
Mike is energized. He grabs a notepad and writes down the
News Flash. He looks to the huge Yield Curve Screen and
sketches it's shape— just before it blinks and changes.
He takes up a position between Andy and Lucy, ready to learn.
Andy shouts into one phone and smashes another on the Desk.
39
ANDY
Don't let him walk Artie! LUCY
We were DONEl He can't— Whose bid is that?!
Plus two fifty? I Douche Thirteen plus the Buck?
bagl You got a pick-off Fucking skeezle-breathl
artist for a customer.
BAUM
PHIL I'll DO it away— I can't
Offer me twenty mill— Auggie spread it any tighter...
— I don't CARE what the screen
says, has the screen ever
bought your bonds?
ARTIE
Come on Andy, work with me 1
PHIL
YOU’RE DONE1 I August...
ARTIE
Fuck you dirt bag— do I
LUCY
I’m at ten minus. I gotta
get out of the ten year.
Twelve? I wouldn't do it
at twelve with YOUR dickl
ANDY
Your credit's twenty
fucking bips helmet headl
BAUM
look like the Salvation Army? No Beady El for youl
Mike has written down some numbers— but none of this makes
ANY SENSE to him. (IF THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU, GOOD.
THAT'S THE POINT. RELAX.) Mike leans in to ask Lucy...
MIKE
What does 'ten minus' mean?
She bolts up from her seat YELLING over to the Treasury desk.
LUCY
SELL ME TWENTY MILL OF THE TEN YEAR I
JOEY CHAMPAGNE holds up two fingers and shouts into a phone.
LUCY
DAMN YOU JOEY, YOU'RE BUSTIN' MY BALLSI
ANDY
I'm L0NG1 I'm growin' mossl
BAUM
I can't spread it tighter!
ARTIE
He's D.K.ing ub Andy!
PHIL
Are they hockable?
OYI what's the haircut?
LUCY
I've got a HARD ON for
October Gordies 1 I've
got an axe— FEED ME 11
EDDIE AXT0M06KI rushes back to his seat next to TOMMIE BAUM.
He crashes into the stationary Mike.
EDDIE
Watch where you're going I
Mike obsequiously steps back a bit. Like it was HIS fault.
EDDIE
How do you like the long boy, ANDY
Tommie? I’m gettin' whipped to
death— PULL THE TRIGGER!
BAUM
Thirty year’s cheap, cheap... ANDY
CASS! HIT ME CASSIUS!
Andy reaches to grab a printout from Cass. Mike is IN THE
WAY and has to step aside, again.
BAUM
PHIL Roll it into June.
I'm seeing THAT on the dealer
screen! Alter kocker... ARTIE
Play ball with me Andy!
Andy turns to grab a donut, and Mike has to step away AGAIN.
MIKE
What does 'D.K.* mean?
ANDY
It means get out of my FUCKIN’ way!
Hey Artie, I’m not gonna fall on my
sword for that scumbag!
EDDIE PHIL
It's cheap, I'm tellin' yal Short THIS, k'nocker!
ANDY LUCY
I want SIZE!! SIZE!! SIZE!! Ten at the buck— DONE!
Mike retreats to his seat. As the CACAPHONY of VOICES BUILDS
we see:
A flowing MONTAGE Of NUMBERS *
— the TICKER revolves clockwise above the Floor
— the YIELD CURVE SCREEN blinks and changes
— streams of numbers move across stacks of QUOTRONS
— COMPUTERS churn out mile after mile of printouts
Mike is LOST in the midst of all these NUMBERS.
INT.-MIKE'S APARTMENT-THURSDAY NIGHT AT TEN P.M.
Hike sits in bed with a printout. His eyes are glazed over.
He grows frustrated. He takes the printout and HURLS it
towards the windowI it fans out all over the floori the
Cacaphony of Voices ends so abruptly that it ECHOES.
Mike pulls up his covers and turns off the light. The
soothing hum of the night sends him off into a deep sleep...
HE DREAMS...
...of floating through peaceful blue waters...
computer printouts shimmer like seaweed...he
drifts past pale green lights; NUMBERS...over
one shoulder he sees the Floor below him—
growing distant...the Art Deco Indian smiles
serenely as Mike is carried higher...Mike looks up
— there is no SURFACE...he begins to shrug
himself upwards, but still NO SURFACE__
HOT HOT HOT!! Shakes the Halls! The bass BOOMS!
Mike is AWAKEN by the SQUEALS and LAUGHS of a PARTY next
door. He bolts out of bed and heads for the door. He feels
his hair— it's standing up. He puts on his Cardinals cap.
INT.-THE HALL-SAME TIME
Mike MARCHES next door. He sucks up a little courage. He
raises a fist to pound on the door— but the door flies open!
A drunken CONGA LINE floods out of the apartment. Mike is
pushed back. Guys in tuxedos and girls in formal dresses
chant "HOT HOT HOT" like the white folk they are. One guy
twirls an umbrella. A girl hands Mike a Big Kahuna frisbee.
Torie dances out, locking her door. She pulls Mike's cap
down over his eyes and joins the snaking line down the hall.
Shouts of "Surf Club!" break out. Mike stands there, dazed.
INT.-THE FLOOR-FRIDAY AT NOON
Cliff struggles to carry ten LARGE pizza boxes over to a low
filing cabinet.
ARTIE
T.G.I.F.1
ANDY
Tony's Grease Inches Forward.
As Cliff lowers the boxes a swarm of bankers converges and
digs in. Box after box is emptied as slices are carried off.
Andy swaggers over to the pizza. He picks up two pieces,
folds each in half and eats them simultaneously.
42
JENNIFER
Go get you some Friday pizza.
Hike thinks it over. He gets up and heads over to the pizza
cache. Andy finishes his double-decker. He folds another
one. Taylor darts in and grabs a slice. THE LAST ONE.
ANDY
If you lazy-asB sales dogs worked
this hard movin' my LoneFed paper.
I'd be out of it by now.
Mike comes to the empty boxes and shuffles through them.
ANDY
Fresh out Charlie Corduroy, (his eyes
lighting up) But you are just the
man I wanted to see.
MIKE
Oh yeah?
Andy puts an arm on Mike and promenades him back to the Desk.
ANDY
I got this position, see. An' it's a
little...unusual. Now I KNOW how to
move it, but Peabody tells me it's an
arb type deal. You ARE the almighty
arbiter of arbitrage, am I right?
MIKE
Oh...yeah.
ANDY
Then we got to get you workin' on this.
LUCY
Andy— Lincoln on line seven.
ANDY
I'll call 'im back. I got a deal
workin' with Mikey here.
Andy's WINK lets Lucy in on the con. Andy sits, and pulls
Mike up a seat. He takes out a pen and a notepad.
ANDY
There's not a damn thing wrong with
my LoneFed bonds. They just pay on
a different date than most bonds.
Market dings you for that.
MIKE
Dings you.
ANDY
Yeah. But we can structure a special
security to hold bond payments in a
trust until the fifteenth of every
month, when normal bonds pay.
MIKE
The fifteenth...
Andy writes the words, one below the next, as he says them..
ANDY
A Coupon Lagging Interest Tranche.
C.L.i.T. The Desk stifles guffaws. Andy dead-pans it.
ANDY
Peabody knows all about it. You just
need to go in and remind him. This'll
be a sixty million dollar deal. Slugger.
Andy hands Mike the note paper. Mike sits there, unsure.
LUCY
I'm sure you and Peabody can lick
this deal.
PHIL
I know he'11 be up for this one.
With Phil1s advice Mike rises and heads back to Peabody's
office. The Desk breaks out in raucous laughter. Cass is
uneasy. This used to be his role. Eddie checks his watch.
EDDIE
How long do we give him?
LUCY
It may take Peabody a while to figure
this one out.
A new round of laughs. Andy grabs Cass and points him
towards Peabody's office. He wants to monitor his joke.
ANDY
Go see what's happening with Clueless
Joe Jackson.
44
Cass hurries off. Anticipation builds. Cass rushes back.
CASS
Peabody's out to lunch.
ANDY
Literally or figuratively?
Amid new laughs, everyone catches sight of Mike rushing up
the stairs to FURILLO'S OFFICE 1
PHIL
Dammit Cass I
Cass runs after him— but Mike is already IN the office.
From the Floor all eyes watch Mike. He gets Furillo's
attention. He talks. He hands the NOTE PAPER to Furillo.
Furillo says something. Mike stands there. After a few
beats he exits the office.
Mike comes out and steps down the stairs. He looks flushed.
The Desk erupts in false activity. No one looks at Mike.
As Mike sits Furillo starts down the stairs. The false
activity grows. Furillo comes right up to the Desk. He lays
the note paper on one of Andy's Quotrons.
FURILLO
(quiet, even, intense)
Do you hear that?
The entire floor falls silent. All ears strain to hear.
FURILLO(cont)
Do you know what that is? (pause)
That's the sound of overhead. The sound
of light bills, phone bills, interest.
The sound of paychecks. The sound of
money flowing OFF this Floor. Do you
imagine that you can just show up here,
dressed in a suit, and run this Desk
like some college fraternity?
ANDY
Hey, to you it might look like all we
do is horse around, but in reality—
FURILLO
Perception IS reality.
45
Furillo lets his statement linger. He surveys the Desk with
disdain. He walks to Mike and glares.
FURILLO
Son, the clock is ticking.
Furillo then turns and makes his way across the Floor and up
the stairs. Activity away from the Desk resumes. Phil looks
guilty. He scoots his chair over to Mike and leans in...
PHIL
Dinner— the Tube Room— six o'clock.
MIKE
The ’Tube Room'?
EXT.-MARINE MIDLAND BUILDING, LOWER MANHATTAN-SIX P.M.
Phil takes two loaded Hebrew National hotdogs from a street
vendor and sits on a long row of steps.
PHIL
Pay the man.
Mike hands over a five. Gets back a dollar. He sits beside
Phil and is handed a hotdog. He looks over his shoulder. A
HUGE METAL CUBE balances ominously on one corner behind them.
MIKE
Can we...
Phil eats his dog as they scoot out away from the sculpture.
PHIL
You're a smart guy an' all, professor
type. Right?
Mike nibbles at one edge of his hotdog.
PHlL(cont)
You know the theory of relativity...
MIKE
Energy equals mass times a constant—
PHIL
(cutting Mike off)
Wrong. The value of any bond is based
solely on its price RELATIVE to other
bonds.
46
Hike's confusion is evident. Phil grabs his hotdog.
PHIL
What'd you pay for this7
MIKE
Two bucks.
PHIL
'S that a lot?
MIKE
well, yeah.
PHIL
Based on what? what they charge in
Kansas?
MIKE
Missouri—
PHIL
Whatever. Point is, there's no RIGHT
price for a hotdog. There’s no right
price for anything. Price is always
relative.
Mike nods. He's soaking Phil's insights up like a sponge.
MIKE
What...
PHIL
What?
MIKE
What's a bond?
INT.-GREEK COFFEE SHOP-ABOUT A WEEK LATER
Mike has a stack of text books, each with many bookmarks.
Phil works on a BLT.
MIKE
A bond is a form of indebtedness
promising payment of principle and
interest at specfied intervals.
PHIL
And that means...
Mike's look is as blank as a slice of white bread.
47
EXT.-PIER 11-ABOUT A WEEK LATER
Phil gobbles a messy gyro as he and Mike stroll past the junk
food concessions lining the pier.
MIKE
... a bond's present value is equal to
the sum of all future cash flows
discounted back to the present at the
capitalization rate.
PHIL
The capitalization rate represents...
Mike stops. He lets out a moan of frustration.
PHIL
Risk. Relative risk. It doesn't take
a rocket scientist to understand this.
MIKE
I... I studied cows.
PHIL
Oy. I'd keep that under my hat, if
I were you.
INT.-DELI-ABOUT A WEEK LATER
PHIL
Bagel with a schmear.
Mike nods to the DELI GUY who spilts two bagels, slathers
them with cream cheese and wraps them in wax paper. Phil
takes them while Mike pays. They sit at a small table.
Phil opens his bagel to find half an inch of cream cheese.
He uses a napkin to remove most of the cheese.
PHIL
I tell the guy a schmear and he gives
me enough cream cheese to make a
dental impression.
MIKE
I like cream cheese. I like it more'n
I like bagels. A bagel, to me, is
just a vehicle for the consumption
of cream cheese.
48
Phil slides his cheese-loaded napkin over to Mike.
PHIL
I oughta charge you for that. Now
THAT'd be arbitrage.
Mike doesn't get it, but Phil's ready to run with this one.
PHIL
Bagel with cream cheese costs two bucks.
Without cream cheese— buck seventy
five. I buy one with cream cheese,
scrape off the cheese, sell it to you,
the cream cheese freak, for fifty cents,
and sell the plain bagel for a buck
seventy five. I give the guy that just
wants a plain old bagel what he wants.
I give you what you want. Everybody's
happy and I make a quarter for keeping
cream cheese from being misallocated.
MIKE
I don't get it.
Phil is drained. He's out of patience.
PHIL
Look, Mikey, I can only come up with
SO many bad food metaphors. It's up
to you now. You got the shmarts.
Something's just gotta click upstairs, OK?
Mike takes Phil's resignation as stoically as he can.
PHIL
OK?
Mike nods a little. Phil checks his watch, stands and exits.
Mike traces 'OK' on the surface of his cream cheese.
INT.-THE FLOOR-5:30 P.M. THE NEXT DAY
ARTIE
Hey Dirtbag, you up for the Beady El?
ANDY
That's MISTER Dirtbag to you.
Traders and salesmen put on suit coats and leave for the day.
Mike wearily copies numbers off the Quotrons. He stops.
He rolls his chair over to the Floor-high window and leans
against the safety glass. Crowds scurry about on the streets
below. He locks eyes with the Art Deco Indian.
Hike stands and drags himself off the Floor— WITHOUT his
backpack. He steps onto the elevator. The doors shut.
INT.-HRU LOBBY-A MINUTE LATER
The elevator opens. Mike plods into the empty lobby. Again
he hears that Strange Nasal Voice...
STRANGE VOICE(OS)
Joe Neikro; whatthehell is Joe Neikro
doin' startin'? Joe Neikro's old
enough he could've invented toothpaste.. .
Mike is curious. He follows the VOICE around the corner....
to a musty old NEWSSTAND stuffed with magazines and candies.
JACK, eighty-something and in the prime of codgerhood, stands
behind the counter BLABBING. His glasses are an inch thick
and he wears a cheap Yankees cap. A Macunudo cigar in hand.
JACK(cont)
Steinbrenner’s not runnin' a baseball
club, he's runnin' an old folks home;
he's got a KNACK for takin' overweight,
over-the-hill chumps and turnin’ 'em
into overweight, over-the-hill
millionaires. I'm tellin’ the truth...
An off-duty CUSTODIAN leans against the counter. Mike slides
up to one side and picks up "The Village Voice" as a cover.
He's enjoying listening in on Jack's shtick.
JACK(cont)
The young catcher, Wynegar, Butch
Wynegar, he's out with a groin injury—
a groin injury)— What's a guy got to
do to get a groin injury?
The custodian takes some Mentos leaves some change and exits.
MIKE
How 'bout those Card'nals?
JACK(cont)
I'll tell ya what he's doin’— he's
doin' something he hadn’t oughta be
doin', that's what he * s doin'...
Hike realizes that Jack isn’t talking to him— he’s talking to
HIMSELF.
Hike THUMPS his shoes on the floor extra loudly and goes
around the corner. He leans out and peeks back— Jack keeps
BLABBING. Mike walks back up to the counter.
JACK(cont)
The Yankees've changed pitching coaches
twenty three times in the last fourteen
years— makes Billy Martin look like F.D.R.
— Joey Altobelli better not sign a long
term lease in Canarsie— pinella either—
hey they got a regular mafia— Altobelli,
Pinella, Pagliarulo, Pasgua, Righetti,
Lombardi, Steve Balboni— enough with the
canneloni, learn how to push yourself
away from the dinner table you fat slob...
Mike's had his fill. He leaves a dollar and takes a "Voice".
JACK(cont)
They should take all the Italians off
the Yankees and give ’em their own team...
MIKE
(to himself, with exasperation)
Take the Italians off the Yankees...
JACK(cont)
They'd sell out every game— play 'em
down in Little Italy— serve spaghetti
instead of hot dogs— what an IDEA!
Jack's voice fades as Mike pushes through the revolving door.
INT.-SUBWAY CAR-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Mike firmly holds the overhead support handle. He can’t help
but shake his head as he mutters...
MIKE
Take the Italians off the Yankees...
What about Dimaggio?
EXT.-HUDSON STREET-LATE DUSK
Mike jogs along the sidewalk, passing a Greenwich Village
Little League team practicing. He stops and leans against
the fence. The coach huddles the boys around first base.
The huddle breaks with spirited yelps when the coach claps
twice. Half the boys run to the outfield and the other half
run to home plate and grab bats. Mike smiles and jogs on...
MIKE
Take the Italians off...
INT.-MIKE'S BATHROOM-ELEVEN THIRTY P.M.
Mike stands in front of the mirror brushing his teeth. When
he meets his own eyes he rolls them condescendingly.
INT.-THE DESK-THE NEXT DAY AT LUNCH
Mike takes the cellophane off his ham and cheese sandwich and
shakes his head. He gazes into a Quotron screen.
MIKE
Take the Italians...
EXT.-HRU BUILDING-DUSK, THAT SAME DAY
Mike trudges out. He shakes his head to himself.
He joins the sparse but brisk pedestrian flow going west on
wall Street. He passes huge old stone banks, their flags
flapping in the breeze. It is turning just dark enough on
this May night that streetlights blink on here and there.
Mike comes to the subway entrance near the Old North Church.
He STOPS. People bump and dodge him as he stands there.
MIKE
Take the...
The streetlight above BLINKS ON. Mike's face lights up with
REALIZATION1
MIKE
Split the Italians off the teaml
He walks quickly back to HRU— breaking into a RUN halfway.
He runs through the revolving door and to the elevators.
INT.-THE FLOOR-A MINUTE LATER
Mike hurries to his seat. He begins typing numbers into the
computer as he sits. He's creating a Model from scratch.
DISSOLVE TO:
Hike has a pen stuck over each ear. He writes on a printout
with a pencil and leans over to input a stream of numbers.
The old cleaning woman pushes her cart up to Mike.
CLEANING WOMAN
Go home Meester. You go home.
Mike doesn’t hear her. He’s locked in his own World.
DISSOLVE TO*
The Sun emerges over the horizon past the Statue of Liberty.
Streams of commuters rush off the Staten Island Ferry.
Foot traffic on Wall Street is thick and rabid.
INT.-THE FLOOR-SEVEN THIRTY THE NEXT MORNING
Mike sits going over an extensively marked up printout. He
was up all night. But he’s WIRED.
Traders and salesmen filter in. Andy leads Artie, Lucy, Cass
and Phil out of the elevator to the Desk. Artie veers off.
ANDY
So Tom Cruise's got the hots for Kelly
McGillis, which is hilarious because—
Andy spots the haggard Mike in the exact same clothes he wore
the day before. He jumps to a conclusion.
ANDY(cont)
Professor Corduroy got LAIDI Who was
the lucky debutante?
MIKE
(to Phil)
It clicked. It clicked BIG TIME.
Phil pulls Mike away from the Desk. Damage control.
PHIL
What are you talking about?
MIKE
The option implicit in Fannie Mae tens
is substantially over-valued given any
reasonable estimate for volatility
within the Black-Scholes model.
Phil hustles Mike down the hall and into the Men's room.^
INT.-MEN'S ROOM-SAME TIME
PHIL
WHAT are you talking about?
Mike hands Phil the computer printout of his Model.
MIKE
Fannie tens— we take all the interest
out and put it in its own bond and we
take all the principal and put that
into another bond— the countervailing--
PHIL
You're saying we take mortgages and cut
'em into two completely separate deals...
one that's just interest and one that's
just principal...?
MIKE
Thereby uncoupling the countervailing
performance characteristics, investors
can avoid negative convexity or accentuate
it's volatility!
PHIL
Everbody gets what they want.
MIKE
And we make four points, whatta you
think— will it work?
PHIL
It makes so much sense, it's like...why
didn't somebody think of this before—
but your assumptions, something new like
this takes a bigger sales credit. Maybe
forty bips.
WHANGI! One of the stall doors FLIES open! Artie races out
the Sports section trailing him. Phil watches, amused.
MIKE
But it could work?
PHIL
If we can steer this through the
beauracratic maze, educate the sales
force, get it past the Executive
Committee, it may take months, but.
yeah, this deal could work.
54
Phil puts an open palm in mid-air. Mike high fives him.
They head out of the Men's Room and down the hall.
PHIL
I hope you've got the stamina...
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
ARTIE
Madison wants to know TAYLOR
how many Interest Bonds Where can we do twenty mill
we can dol Principal Bonds?!
KATHLEEN LUCY
What speed are we gonna Don't do this without mel
price this at?l
PHIL
Gevaaalt. CASSSSSlll
Phil PUSHES Mike through the CLAMORING THRONG of Salesmen.
At the Desk Mike is BESIEGED by Questions: Yelled, Phoned.
He takes his printout and begins answering them.
MIKE
CPR 80; Principal,say, 62; I can run 'em
from 50 to 300; duration moves out; a
hundred million; assume a WAC of ten sixty.,
Phil sits Cass down next to Mike. Cass looks through Mike'
printout and enters data into Mike's computer Model.
PHIL
Cass here knows the drill.
Kendall notices the hubbub. He strides over to the Desk.
KENDALL
What in fuck's name is goin' on here?
PHIL
We're lookin' at an arb deal.
KENDALL
Arb Deal? I got the auction fuckin'
next Tuesday. I need the whole fuckin’
sales force jammin* MY fuckin' bonds 1
MIKE
It's a principal and interest strip—
KENDALL
From the man that invented the fuckin'
CLIT bond. Fuck this fuckin'...fuck.
Andy lunges over and grabs the printout. He goes over it.
Kendall picks up a phone and dials four digits.
KENDALL
(into the phone)
You should get down here; NOW.
Phil notices Kendall’s call. He eases off the Desk.
ARTIE KATHLEEN
Could we do more here? What's the pay date?
Mike leans over and whispers to Cass. Cass whispers back.
MIKE
I guess so; Fifteenth of the NEXT month.
Furillo steps down the stairs and onto the Floor. Even his
gravest walk can't quiet the ROAR of salesmen after a sales
credit. He arrives at the Desk unnoticed.
After a beat Furillo CLICKS OFF Cass' computer from behind.
CASS MIKE
HEY1 HEY I
They see Furillo and fall quiet. Kendall saunters over.
FURILLO
What seems to be the problem?
MIKE KENDALL
We're tryin' to do an They're fuckin' jackin'
arbitrage deal where around with some Circus
we strip interest off... trick while I’M tryin’ to...
Furillo's STARE silences them.
FURILLO
Levine— is this one of your little
comedy skits?
Andy doesn't answer. He's engrossed in the printout of
Mike's Model. Phil hustles Peabody up to the Desk.
PEABODY
OK, what's the ruckus?
FURILLO
Do we want HRU to maintain a strong
presence in the financings of the
United States Treasury?
PHIL
That’s not fairl
KENDALL
Fuck you, Baconl
PEABODY
Who can tell me what’s going on?
MIKE
We're uncoupling a mortgage's negatively
convex implied call option from...
56
Phil shoots Mike a serious LOOK.
MIKE
We’re taking the interest off a bunch
of Fannie tens and putting it into a
bond of its own, and we're doing the
same thing with the principal. To
maximize investor value.
PEABODY
What are we talkin' here, dollar-wise?
Cass hands Mike a note, Mike does a calc in his head.
MIKE
On a two...two hundred million dollar
deal, a profit of about eight million.
LUCY
Plus a forty basis point sales credit.
PEABODY
(smiling)
So, what's the problem?
FURILLO
You mean besides diverting our sales
force, tying up capital and rushing
headlong into a deal it takes a NASA
engineer to figure out?
KENDALL
Fuckin' NASA.
57
FURILLO
You do realize a deal this size requires
approval by the Executive Committee7
There is a palpable letdown on the Desk. Like a missed putt.
Peabody surveys all the players along the Desk.
PEABODY
I’m for it. How about you?
FURILLO
You1 re asking ME how I would vote?
PEABODY
Well, Jesus, what do we do in a tie?
Deadlocked silence. Mike thinks. He looks at Cass' computer
screen, picks up a phone and hits a button. Andy picks up.
ANDY
Fun City.
MIKE
Look on page three, down—
ANDY
Some of these assumptions--
MIKE
Right hand corner. Down by, yeah.
Payments coming into the deal would be
held in trust until the FOLLOWING month.
ANDY
So?
MIKE
So...
ANDY
(lighting up, up, UP)
My bonds— LoneFed— I can swim— I'm—
Peabody, we gotta DO this DealII
PEABODY
It's a tie.
58
ANDY
Get a Spine Implant pal— You can DO
this deal if you want toll
FURILLO
Are you prepared to take absolute moral
responsibility for this experiment?
PEABODY
Mike, you feel good about this?
MIKE
The numbers suggest--
PEABODY
What does your gut tell you?
MIKE
That the numbers are right.
FURILLO
Are you prepared to take absolute moral
responsibility for this?
Furillo's look asks this question of Peabody over and over.
PEABODY
do it.
THE DESK ERUPTS IN SHOUTS OF TRIUMPH AND DEAL ADRENALIN I
ARTIE
The Japs'11 take all the TAYLOR
Principal Bond we can jam! Tremont's got a hard-on
the size of Florida for
KATHLEEN the Interest piece1
I can jam twenty mill P.B.s
over the wirel Shoot ’em LUCY
ini JAMMIT Sales Dogsl
Furillo and Kendall slink away from the DEAL. They retreat
to their respective corners.
Andy rolls over to Mike and Cass and lends a hand.
MIKE
Is there any, like, size limit on
this deal?
ANDY
There's only twenty billion Fannie
tens. You squeeze 'em, people notice.
59
They start buyin’. They don't wanna
be left out. It’s the herd mentality.
You can jack the price up so high
your deal doesn't work anymore.
Andy downs a donut and points up at the Yield Curve Screen.
ANDY(cont)
The third light from the right moves
out, you're squeezin' too hard.
MIKE
Out?
ANDY
North. Up. To the ceiling.
Phil stands, phone wedged between a shoulder and an ear.
Cass hands out computer runs. Mike answers a question here
and there, an eye glued to the Yield Curve Screen.
KATHLEEN ARTIE
Cragmont's ready to do I can jam twenty morel
the swapl
PHIL
Pull the trigger Mikeyl
The THIRD LIGHT moves UP...just a bit.
Andy sees Mike staring at the screen. He smiles.
PHIL
Bids are startin' to hangl TAYLOR
Are we done— are we done here?
ANDY
Don't get greedy I
Phil, Lucy and Baum GAWK incredulously at Andy.
ANDY
It's a figure of speech.
The THIRD LIGHT jumps a little MORE to the North 1
Mike sweats. He looks to Phil. Phil gives him a "it's your
ball" look. The ROAR of Salesmen and Traders intensifies.
The THIRD LIGHT moves further UP.
Mike nods to Phil. Phil adds his numbers and hands them to
Mike. Cass inputs a stream of numbers. He leans in and
yells into Mike's ear. Mike makes notes.
60
Hike stands. Andy rolls his chair out and motions for Mike
to STAND on it. Mike STEPS UP onto the chair.
Andy hands him a phone. Mike clears his throat. He's
broadcasting to all of HRU on the Shout Down...
MIKE
Three hundred and twenty million of
principal bonds at a price of sixty
one and three quarters and one hundred
eighty million notional amount of
interest bonds at thirty six and thirty
one thirty seconds. we Are DONE 111
WHOOPS and HOLLERS and PRINTOUTS are THROWN INTO THE AIR!
High Fives and victory Dances break out all around the Desk.
TAYLOR ARTIE
I'm a Bad Mamma Jamma... PHI SLAMMA JAMMA11
Mike stands above the fray holding the phone. He's too
intoxicated by the moment to move.
Above him the electronic news ticker BUZZES! BUZZES! BUZZES!
"HOWE, ARDLEY & UPTON* FIVE HUNDRED MILLION IN PRINCIPAL AND
INTEREST STRIPS— NEW TYPE OF SECURITIES BACKED BY FANNIE 10"
Circles the trading floor in letters FIVE FEET HIGH.
DISSOLVE TO: 5*20 THAT AFTERNOON
Relative calm. Two slices of cold pizza sit beside Mike and
Cass. Cass patiently inputs data as he talks on the phone.
LUCY
Hey, Huge Dick, it's the Wall Street
Journal!
MIKE
(into the phone)
Hello? Uh, yeah. We just put the
principal into one bond and the interest...
Mike catches a look from Phil. Only this time Phil motions
for Mike to shovel it on.
MIKE(cont)
...into another, thereby uncoupling
the countervailing convex implicit...
JENNIFER
MR. EWE-GICI Mr. Peabody wishes to
see you. In his office.
A worried chorus of UH OHS is passed around the Desk.
PHIL
You did kinda go farfufket today.
ANDY
Good luck Perfesser.
Mike follows Jennifer to Peabody's office. He can't figure
out how worried to be. Jennifer knocks on the door. Mike
takes a deep breath and enters.
INT.-PEABODY'S OFFICE-SAME TIME
Peabody finishes mounting a big world Map behind his desk.
He turns and picks up two boxes of multi-colored thumbtacks.
PEABODY
When someone does their first deal
I call them in here and act like they
screwed up. Chew their keister out,
but good. It’s a tradition. But I
don't have time for that now.
Peabody hands Mike a box of thumbtacks. Peabody presses
tacks onto the map. He motions for Mike to do the same.
MIKE
Where...do they go?
PEABODY
It doesn’t matter.
Mike joins in randomly putting tacks on the map.
PEABODY
Mike. I'm not at all sure that Bill
Goldhammer quit of his own accord.
He may have been pushed.
MIKE
Pushed?
PEABODY
Furillo. Furillo wants to run this
shop so bad he'd— I don't think there's
anything he wouldn't do. He's ruthless.
Doesn't give a tinkler's damn who he
shoves to the ground. If he takes over
he'll turn this house upside down.
62
MIKE
what can we do?
PEABODY
Do you think I got to be Ivy League
high jump champ without knowing how to
put up a fight?
MIKE
No sir—
PEABODY
Hell no. What you did today was great.
You're the best arbitrage...guy...I've
ever seen.
Mike blushes with pride.
PEABODY
I'm placing all my bets on you, Mike.
(a beat) Furillo will run this firm
over my dead body.
Peabody rests his hand heavily on Mike's shoulder.
PEABODY
When you walk out, act like you've been
cussed up and down, sawy?
Mike nods and heads to the door. Peabody sits on his desk.
PEABODY
I saw...
MIKE
Yessir?
PEABODY
I saw where Barney's is having a sale...
INT.-THE FLOOR-THE SAME TIME
Mike skulks out, down the hall. The salesmen and traders
affect solemn faces. They avert their eyes from Mike. Mike
plays along, looking on the verge of tears. He slowly sits.
Andy paces back and forth behind Mike. He stops. Listens.
He looks up at Furillo's office. The blinds are drawn.
ANDY
Do you hear that? Do you know what
that is? (pause) That's the sound of
LARGE mammary glands crying out for
portable portraits of George Washington1
CHORUS
B-D-Lll B-D-Lll B-D-L!I B-D-L1I
Mike acts perplexed, then breaks a smile as though he's just
gotten it. Phil WHOMPS him on the back, handing him a cigar.
EXT.-HRU BUILDING-MINUTES LATER
Ten blue Dial-Car Cadillacs pull out in a line. They roll
two hundred yards uptown. And stop at 34 White Street.
The drivers hop out and open the back doors, letting the
entire population of the Desk out of their back seats. "We
Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off", by Jermaine Stewart,
drifts out of an inconspicuous little white store front.
INT.-BABY DOLL LOUNGE (B.D.L./Beady El)-SEVERAL HOURS LATER
A sequined banner says "Welcome to the BABY DOLL LOUNGE".
Tables are filled by various Desk personneli even Lucy's
here. Eddie and Baum sit at a small table, nursing beers.
EDDIE
Whatta you think about the redhead?
BAUM
I'd do that deal.
EDDIE
Yeah. Me, too.
Mike, Phil, Andy, Artie and Cass are crowded around a table
that's practically ON the stage. Bottles, glasses and cigar
butts fill every inch of the table top.
Artie has a dollar bill emanating from each nostril. He
stands and aims for the nipples of a topless blond dancer.
She squeezes the bills between her breasts. Artie WHOOPS 1
ARTIE
You think they're real?
ANDY
Who cares? I perceive them to be real.
PHIL
(to the waitress)
'Nother round a shooters.
64
ANDY
Hey, Hugest of the Huge, Mr. Super
Jumbo Gigantically Enormous Collossus,
oh Swollen Towering Mountain of Large...
Mike burps. He's really really DRUNK.
ANDY
I'm gonna make a generous donation to
the White Street ballet— in YOUR name I
Andy puts three bills in his mouth, turns and rests his head
on the stage. The dancer boogies over, bends at the waist
and takes Andy's money with her breasts. Artie WHOOPS!
MIKE
I wouldn't D.K. her overnight reverse
for duration-matching seasoned discounts.
Phil pays the waitress and passes beers around. Mike burps.
ARTIE
Hey, Cass, do you ever talk?
Cass timidly shrugs.
MIKE
I wouldn't pull her Ginnie bid for
backfillin' in front of money supply.
Phil does a take. Mike's making less and less sense.
PHIL
(to Mike)
Chalutzl People on the Street are
gonna remember you as the Father of
Principal/Interest Strips.
MIKE
Really?
PHIL
For days— maybe weeks. Hey, Mikey,
where1d you get your idea?
MIKE
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of
the Universe. There's just one set of
rules. Everything ties together.
Physics— Finance; Ornette Coleman—
Vince Coleman; Jack, the codger who
runs the newsstand— he's tapped into
the whole cosmos deal in a way he'll
never begin to comprehend.
Phil has been ogling the dancers. He turns back to Mike.
PHIL
I'm sorry, did you say something?
WHOOPS 1 from Artie and Andy. "BACKSTROKE" by the Fatback
Band bursts out over the sound system— the B.D.L. is ROCKIN'!
Artie and Andy LIFT Mike onto the stage. Mike is flanked by
two topless dancers. They perform a standing Backstroke
dance. Mike joins in with gusto.
The traders and salesmen CLAP and SING ALONG...
CHORUS
You got to tighten’ up on your
Backstroke...(da nu nu neh neh naa naa)
EXT.-THE B.D.L.-SAME TIME
A full moon peeks over the skyline as the drunken chorus
wafts out into the night. Blue Caddies wait patiently.
INT.-SPARKS STEAKHOUSE-SAME TIME
Furillo and Kendall EACH stare at a steak as thick as the
Manhattan phone book. It is quiet in their dark corner.
KENDALL
Fuck. We...fuck. How did we...fuck.
FURILLO
I let them do their little deal.
KENDALL
YOU...fuck. I mean— fuuuuck...
FURILLO
In order to break an egg one must
drop it from some height.
KENDALL
Fuckin'...EGG?
FURILLO
If Mr. Hugic had failed quietly, he
would have been of minor strategic
value to us. Now that he has attained
a certain status, his exit will insure
Peabody’s downfall.
KENDALL
But we’re givin' him a fuckin’ chance!
FURILLO
Chance? Do you imagine that I would
leave anything up to chance?
Kendall finally gets it. He greedily cuts into his steak.
INT.-APARTMENT-SATURDAY AT THE BREAK OF NOON
Mike groggily opens one eye. The world is HAZY and OPAGUE.
He shuts his eye to sleep some more.
He feels an itch on his ear. He reaches up and scratches it.
In a moment he feels ANOTHER itch. He scratches again.
The ITCH again, accompanied by a sensuous singing whisper...
TORIE
Sleeping beauty, wake up...
A beat.
Mike BOLTS up from his sleep! He lets out a startled YELL!
Torie sits on the bed in a Carlyle bathrobe.
MIKE
What are you doin' here?
She throws him a look as she sips a diet Coke. Mike notices
a portable CD player and a Georgia O'Keefe poster. Except
for that, her apartment is IDENTICAL to his.
MIKE
What am I doin'...?
Torie emits a sexy hum that turns into a knowing laugh.
MIKE
I...? WE — didn't...
TORIE
'I...WE’ didn’t what, sugarlumps?
Mike realizes he's still wearing most of his corduroy suit.
MIKE
I'm still dressed.
TORIE
Your zipper works. 'Zip me, come on
zip me baby.'
MIKE
Look, I had a few beers...a few dozen—
TORIE
I tried to get you to take your
socks off.
MIKE
The last thing I remember, I was—
TORIE
(doing the Backstroke)
Tightenin' up that Backstroke...
MIKE
Oh God I'm sorry. I didn't— I mean
I wouldn’t normally— I don't—
TORIE
You were an animal.
MIKE
I was... ?
TORIE
You were moan-ing...
MIKE
I WAS?
TORIE
You were like...like some kinda...
Torie unties her robe. She's wearing pleated shorts and
designer t-shirt. Her tone becomes, well, NOT sexy...
TORIE(cont)
Wounded water buffalot BEATING on my
door. It was all I could do to wrestle
you onto the bed. I had to sleep on
the stupid couch. You kept mumblin'
about Ornate Goldman's cherry harmonica
and how Jack knows the secret of the
Universe.
MIKE
I 'm sorry.
68
TORIE
Don‘t sweat it. Brenda used to do
the same thing. You DID make me
promise one thing though...
INT.-BARNEY’S-AN HOUR LATER
Mike stands stiffly in a dark suit. A tailor marks the
cuffs. Torie slumps back in a chair, thumbing through a
magazine. Mike's Cardinals baseball cap rests on her head.
TORIE
What do you think about the Armani?
MIKE
well, it's...
TORIE
He'll take it.
MIKE
It...it kind of pulls.
TORIE
Pulls?
MIKE
You know. When you (lifts arms) it
kinda...you know. Pulls.
TORIE
I've been in the fashion industry
four years and I never heard the word
'pulls' used in a fashion context.
MIKE
Geez. My mother always bought it.
TORIE
You afraid to make a fashion statement?
MIKE
No. I'd just like to say something more...
TORIE
More...
MIKE
American. This is too...
TORIE
TOO?
MIKE
You know. Too...
TORIE
Too Euro-trash. Do you see anything
in the whole 9tore you can handle?
MIKE
Polo.
TORIE
You liked the Polo?
MIKE
I had one a the shirts one time.
Torie and the SAMESMAN laugh. This guy's different.
INT.-BARNEY'S TIE COUNTER-THIRTY MINUTES LATER
A pile of shirts, ties and suits sits on the counter.
SALESMAN
And how would you like to pay for this?
MIKE
Indentured servitude?
Neither Torie nor the Salesman laugh.
TORIE
He works at Howe R. U..
SALESMAN
Fabou.
He produces an account receipt and fills it in.
TORIE
Five power suits, eight power ties,
six power shirts—
MIKE
Two hundred and forty 'power* outfits.
TORIE
Two hundred thirty nine. If you EVER
wear the blue suit with the blue shirt
and the pink tie I will hunt you down
and kill you.
70
INT.-TAXICAB-MINUTES LATER
TORIE
(obnoxiously LOUDLY1)
HOW * S THAT OVERHANG?I I I
Mike recoils from her verbal BOMB in hungover misery.
EXT.-CENTRAL PARK LAKE, BY LOEB BOATHOUSE-THREE P.M.
Torie and Mike drift peacefully in a rented rowboat. Mike
polishes off kasha with bow-ties from Balducci's. Torie lies
back to sun, using a pecan triangle to shield her nose.
TORIE
I like working for Yves LaCroix. But
I don't plan on bein’ there forever
and ever. I'm gonna have my own line
some day. something...classy.
MIKE
Torie's Togs.
TORIE
Torie Moore For Women.(pause) What
about you? What's your ultimate dream?
MIKE
I don't know...
TORIE
If you could do anything. If you
didn't have to worry about money or
anything. What would you do?
MIKE
A baseball coach...?
Torie bites into the triangle and considers his answer.
MIKE
(in hushed tones)
Listen.....
A boat rows slowly by them. Birds chirp in the trees.
MIKE(cont)
...the boat's movin' through the water
in four/four time and the birds are
singing six/eight to it.
Torie leans up and listens intently for a few moments.
TORIE
You said that JUST to impress me,
didn't you?
MIKE
No— I heard the birds
and the boat was... I
didn’t— I don't have to
prove anything, I heard
it and, I just— if I
wanted to say stuff, I'd—
YOU JUST LOVE GETTIN’ ME
ALL WORKED UP, DON’T YOU?M
Everyone within a hundred yards stares at Mike.
TORIE
It's so easy.
A smile crosses her face. She dips her paddle into the water
and SPLASHES Mikel
EXT.-FLEA MARKET-FOUR P.M. OR SO
An Upper West Side basketball court is taken over by booths
of funky, junky merchandise. Torie tries on a Navy officer's
jacket in one of the booths. Mike wears his Cardinals cap.
MIKE
You go out a lot, don't you.
TORIE
During the week. This IS New York.
MIKE
What's that like? In New York, I
mean, without a car an' stuff.
TORIE
The guy might come over to the girl's
place and they take a cab. Or they
might meet somewhere, where they're
gonna eat, or on the street, like
mid-way. It's just like other places,
you know?
TORIE
Come on, admit it.
Tell the truth. Chum on.
He can tell her.
Chum on now. Good boy.
Chum onnnnn...
MIKE
(acting like he does)
Yeah.
Torie moves to the hat section. She tries on military hats,
fedoras and ball caps, testing each one in the mirror.
MIKE
You go to a lotta big social deals.
TORIE
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I go cas,
jeans, a movie...
MIKE
How do ya, I mean, in New York, how
do ya meet...
TORIE
At work, at parties, weddings, the
Vertical Club. Friends. Friends of
friends. In your building. You know?
MIKE
You wouldn
TORIE
Wouldn't What?
An awkward silence. Mike takes off his cap and tries on a
Russian sailor’s cap. Torie sips her diet Coke.
MIKE
These guys you go out with...
TORIE
Yeah...
MIKE
Look, I'm really sorry about last night.
TORIE
Don’t sweat it.
MIKE
I was thinkin
Mike is about to ASK Torie something. She leans in...
The turbanned PROPRIETOR pushes a CUSTOMER up to the mirror1
PROPRIETOR
It is beautiful. Beautiful.
CUSTOMER
It's not too...disco ?
73
Torie and Hike move on to a booth of old buttons and watches.
The interruption has made it tough for Mike to continue.
TORIE
You were thinking?
MIKE
It's just...I, I promise I
won't come beatin' on your
door, moanin' like some
wounded beast of burden,
blubberin1 on and on
about Ornette Coleman
and soap bubbles and
M&Ms an' doin' that
Backstroke thing...
Mike doesn't know what to say.
forearm. There is an ELECTRICITY.
TORIE
You sure?
MIKE
(lamely pointing)
I was gonna...
Torie rushes off. Mike watches her exit the market and hail
a cab. His face is flushed. A woman tries on his Cardinals
ball cap. Good thing for Mike it doesn't fit her.
INT.-TORTILLA FLATS-ELEVEN P.M. THAT VERY EVENING
Nachos congeal. Torie and her friends DIANE and CARMEN order
another pitcher of margaritas from the Elvis booth of the
kitschy Mexican cum K-Mart dive. "West End Girls", by the
Pet Shop Boys plays in the background.
DIANE
You spoon fed him?
TORIE
(thumb and forefinger close)
He was THIS close.
CARMEN
Then you smelled fear.
TORIE
(acting shocked to
see the time)
Ohmigod— is this right?
I am SO late I I've got
to— he's meeting me at
eight at Odeon. You
don't mind if I...
Torie places her hand on his
TORIE
74
Like a German shepard.
CARMEN
Once you smell fear—
TORIE
You gotta cut your losses.
DIANE
Why didn't you ask him out?
CARMEN
I asked this guy out once. Scared
him so much he moved to Hoboken.
TORIE
He’s kinda...different.
DIANE
This is New York.
TORIE
He's just, like, really really shy.
CARMEN
word.
DIANE
So is it, like, a love thang?
TORIE
Maybe, like, a crush thing. So far.
CARMEN
I had a crush on the doorman at King
Tut's WaWa Hut last year. He moved
to Passaic.
DIANE
What're you gonna do, Gidge?
Torie's gears are cranking. And grinding.
INT.-TORIES'S APARTMENT-ONE THIRTY A.M. THE SAME NIGHT
Torie sits addressing an INVITATION to Mike. Party on board
the intrepid. She smiles, goes to her CD player and CRANKS
UP "What You Need"1 So LOUD she has to cover her ears.
INT.-MIKE'S APARTMENT-SAME TIME
Mike is shocked AWAKE from the middle of a drooling sleep.
He tries to drift back off, but he's thinking about Torie...
EXT.-HRU BUILDING; NINETEENTH FLOOR-TWO WEEKS LATER, 5 P.M.
Inside Mike stands on his chair broadcasting over the Shout
Down. He looks sharp in his new clothes.
MIKE
Thirty six the buck. We Are DONE 11
Mike steps down and dodges a few hurled lunch rolls. The
Desk congratulates him and drifts off the Floor for the day.
A person-sized plastic Statue of Liberty stands by the Desk.
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
Mike picks up the INVITATION to the Intrepid Party.
He studies it for what looks like the hundredth time.
PHIL
Mikey— pick up eight 1
As Mike picks up the phone Phil drifts by and high-fives him.
MIKE
Hugic.
INT.-GARMENT DISTRICT SHOWROOM-SAME TIME
Young women dress mannequins and steam clothes samples.
Carmen talks into one phone while Torie listens on another.
CARMEN
Mr. Hugic? This is Estelle Beauschell
with the Kips Bay Boys Charity. I am
calling to confirm that you received
the invitation to our annual gala on
board the Intrepid this evening.
INTERCUT THE DESK with THE SHOWROOM—
MIKE
Uh, yeah. It's right here.
CARMEN
And will you be attending, sir?
MIKE
Well...I don't know. I've got a lot
a work stacked up...
Torie throws Carmen a panicked look. Carmen winks at her.
CARMEN
Sir...I'm not SUPPOSED to tell you
this, BUT...You have been selected
to receive an award...as one of the
Outstanding Young Men of wall Street.
Torie is AMAZED— Carmen is a fearless improviser.
CARMEN(cont)
we would greatly appreciate your
attending tonight’s Award Ceremony.
Can we count on you to be there?
MIKE
Sure. I'll be there, Miss—
CARMEN
Beauschell. See you there Mr. Hugic.
Carmen hangs up as she and Torie EXPLODE in Laughter1
TORIE
I can't believe you said thatl
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
Mike disconnects the phone. He re-examines the invite.
LUCY
You going to the boat party? We'11
share a car Uptown.
MIKE
Gimme an hour.
EXT.-WEST SIDE HIGHWAY-AN HOUR LATER
Mike and Lucy sit in the back of a Dial-Car.
MIKE
So, you're throwin' this deal?
LUCY
Me and two hundred C.P.F.'s. Close
Personal Friends.
MIKE
I'm sorry, but I didn't figure you
for one of these society maven types.
LUCY
I’m really a sweet person. But if
you tell anyone on the Desk, I'll
break your balls into bite-size pieces.
A moment of silence.
MIKE
Do...do you know anything about
the Award Ceremony?
LUCY
Award Ceremony? This is my fifth
year. There's no 'Award Ceremony1.
Mike's mind works overtime to figure out that phone call.
EXT.-U.S.S. INTREPID-TWENTY MINUTES LATER (DUSK)
The deck of the huge gray battleship is crammed by mingling
young professionals. Party music drones on.
Torie is positioned aft. She wears nautically influenced
fashion and uses small binoculars to survey arriving guests.
She spots Mike and Lucy handing over their invitations and
walking up the gang-plank. So...Mike's got a date.
Torie thinks quickly. She turns and grabs the elbow of a
random MALE standing nearby. Fight Fire WITH Fire.
TORIE
Do I know you?
MALE
You could.
He nudges up to her. She does likewise. Mike and Lucy make
it on board, right up to where Torie and the Male stand.
TORIE
Why, next door neighbor, what are
you doing' here?
MIKE
Torie...Torie, this is Lucy Burr-a—
LUCY
Lucy Bee. Good to meet you, Torie.
If you'll excuse me, I need to mingle.
Lucy pushes off into the thick crowd of young professionals.
MIKE
We work together. On the Desk.
MALE
Rick van derslice.
Rick shakes with Mike. Torie edges away from Rick.
TORIE
Could you get me a drink? Uh...Pimms
and soda I
Torie GRABS Mike's elbow and drags him into the crowd. Rick
retreats around the periphery to find the bar.
TORIE
Ohmigod— You gotta help me— that guy’s
been following me around all night.
They push DEEP into the crowd. Carmen and Diane spot Torie.
Torie leads Mike over to her friends. They check him out.
DIANE
Toriel
TORIE
What a ragel
CARMEN
And this is...
MIKE
Mike Hugic.
DIANE
How do you two young people know each
other?
TORIE
He's my next door neighbor.
CARMEN
And you ran into each other here?
imagine that.
Mike's heard that VOICE before. And he KNOWS where.
The Phone Call suddenly becomes VERY CLEAR to him.
MIKE
When does the Awards Ceremony begin?
DIANE
Awards Ceremony?
CARMEN
Award Ceremony?
TORIE
It’s that guy— you've gotta dance
with meJ
Rick pushes his way over to Torie. She takes Mike's hand and
PULLS him to the dance area. Mike and Torie plod along to
Bananarama's "Venus". They have to lean in and YELL...
TORIE
Those jerks are all alike1
MIKE
I'm not 'sposed to tell anyone, BUT...
TORIE
I’ll bet he grew up on Park Avenue 1
MIKE
I'm here for a special reason 1
TORIE
Probably lives off a trust fundi
MIKE
I was selected to receive an Award 1
Torie SCREAMS in J0Y1 "Can't Hide Love" by Earth Wind & Fire
comes on. She digs totally INTO it— "ahh"-ing along to the
wordless intro. Mike's amused, but he's ALSO into it.
MIKE
You like Earth Wind & Fire?
Torie DIGS in deeper— challenging Mike to match her. He
plays air bass. They FACE OFF as the vocals begin...
TORIE and MIKE
(Nasal Maurice White voices)
You want my luhh...an' ya can't deny,
You know it’s true but you try to hi-
hide— yea-eah...You turn down lu...
(BOTH of them SLUR over the uncomfortable "L" word.)
...like it's really bad, yea-eh, 0WW1
You-ew cain't give what you never had,
yea-ea-a-eah. Well bless your soul you
can fool a few...I know the truth now
so do you-hoo-ew...You can't hide, I
betcha...ew-ew-oo-ew I betcha— Betchal
Can't hide luh...Can't hide lu...
Rick SQUEEZES into them, sloshing a couple of drinks.
RICK
I got your Pimms...
Torie PULLS Hike off the dance area, through the crowd.
TORIE
Let’s get outta here!
MIKE
We'll miss the Award Ceremonyt
TORIE
They had it before you got here.
EXT.-WEST 3rd STREET (IN THE VILLAGE)-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Torie and Mike stroll along the peaceful street. Past closed
bookshops and cleaners. Torie skips up an antique shop.
MIKE
What was it like?
Torie admires an antique mannequin as Mike eases up to her.
TORIE
These things are too much.
MIKE
The Award Ceremony, what was it like?
Torie starts strolling again. Mike follows.
MIKE
Was it...impressive?
TORIE
Ohh, yes, very impressive.
MIKE
How, exactly, was it 'impressive'?
TORIE
Weill...there was this podium—
MIKE
Big podium?
TORIE
Biiig podium. There were a lotta TV
cameras...
MIKE
TV cameras? Really?
TORIE
People were doin' the wave.
MIKE
How about the honorees?
Torie stops. Mike moves closer. The World is QUIET. LATENT
SMOOCH-ability fills the air. Mike leans in...
ZINGI ZING1 A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY nearly runs into them with
his BICYCLE I They swing out of his way.
Mike finds himself further away from Torie now.
TORIE
It's funny. There were three of them.
MIKE
Three of them. Three honorees...
TORIE
There were four plaques though.
Mike and Torie are eye to eye. ELECTRICITY draws them in...
MIKE
Four. Hmmmmmm...
TORIE
I don't know what happened to the
fourth guy. He must've been late.
Everyone was just standing around
waiting and waiting and...
Mike moves in to her. She moves in to him. Their lips meet.
A KISS.
They draw back, seemingly hypnotized.
TORIE(cont)
...waiting...
They draw together again. In serious smooching. Hike's not
all that experienced, but he's getting on the job training.
FINALLY they have to take an oxygen break.
MIKE
Why Miss Beauschell...
Torie HITS Mike— playfully, but HARD. Mike grabs her wrists.
TORIE #
You're makin' fun of met
MIKE
It’s so easy.
INT.-LIMOUSINE-SAME TIME
Furillo and Kendall sit in the back of a sleek black limo
heading uptown. Kendall hands Mike's file to Furillo.
FURILLO
How's his Ego?
KENDALL
This kid’s ridin' higher'n the moon.
FURILLO
Almost ready for a fall. You're sure
you can get him to take the bait?
KENDALL
Hugic doesn't stand a fucking chance.
Just say when.
FURILLO
You do realize what's at stake here?
If anything goes wrong Howe, Ardley &
Upton comes crashing down around us.
Kendall solemnly nods. The limo slows. It stops.
KENDALL
Hey driver, we're going to—
FURILLO
I have another meeting. Uptown.
Kendall's not happy to get out of the limo, but he does. He
knows his role.
The limo drives on two more blocks and pulls over to the
curb. The DRIVER hops out and opens the back door.
83
SOMEONE gets into the jumpseat, facing Furillo. WE CANNOT
SEE WHO IT IS.
FURILLO
I’m terribly sorry to disturb you
at home. Would you care for a drink?
A nod 'no'. Furillo motions to the driver to drive on.
FURILLO
Do you think Peabody's ever going
to pay you what you’re worth?
EXT.-UPPER WEST SIDE-SAME TIME
The Black Limousine CREEPS across 72nd Street towards the
Park. A dark cloud moves to cover the shining Moon.
EXT.-WALL STREET- THE NEXT DAWN
TWO TIME EXPOSURE SHOTSt The SUN gains momentum rising over
the Hudson River. Sharp angles of shadow and light CHASE
across the face of the Financial District's skyscrapers.
Mike appears over the asphalt horizon.
"WIZARD OF FINANCE" by Parliament KICKS INTO GEAR!
((NOTE* This is a Funked Out Fifties Song that only George
Clinton could concoct. LYRICS: "If I was a wizard of Finance
spec-u-la-ting every day on Wall Street, My dividends would
be so amazing, Even Dow Jones would find it hard to believe))
Mike's walk is CONFIDENT. He takes an expansive look at the
sky and swells his chest. And strides into the HRU Building.
MONTAGE t
Quick Shots, moving to the joyous bounce of the music.
— Mike’s on the phone. Phil throws a Wall Street Journal
onto the Desk. Mike is AMAZED...
His Etched LIKENESS GRACES THE FRONT PAGE!!
— Mike ducks into the MENS ROOM. He checks under the stalls
to make sure it's empty. He PUMPS his fist in giddy joy!
Andy walks in. Mike instantly composes himself.
— Mike slips a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL onto Jack's Newsday Change
pad for a Sporting News. He winks. Jack BLABS, oblivious.
84
— From the HRU ROOF Mike and Torie join miscellaneous HRUers
in watching the Fourth of July/Statue of Liberty FIREWORKS.
— Mike stands on his chair with the phone. He yells "We're
Done I". He slaps high-fives with Cass. Peabody smiles.
— Mike and Peabody play like they're having a discussion, for
the benefit of a photographer. One of the photos is FROZEN
and appears as the COVER of FORTUNE (with the headline):
"HRU’S STRIP MINERS"
— Torie and Mike sit in a Prime Box at YANKEE STADIUM. Torie
wears a souvenir cap with stylish insouciance. As Mike
explains a play to her she scans the crowd for celebrities.
— In the lobby Mike animatedly tells Cass a joke as he
routinely pushes a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL onto Jack's counter.
— All the slices of a FRIDAY PIZZA disappear in seconds.
— Mike, Lucy and Cass huddle around a Quotron. Andy browses
through the Sunday New York Times Magazine.
ANDY
Which do chicks dig more, a mansion
or a manor?
The Desk cracks up. Andy doesn’t see what's so funny,
— A HELICOPTER whisks Mike and Peabody into Lower Manhattan.
WE INTERRUPT THIS MONTAGE FOR A SCENE (Ease the music down):
INT.-GRAND BALLROOM-NIGHTTIME
A huge charity auction is in progress. Torie, Diane and
Carmen wear variations on the little black dress. Every male
in the place is tuxedoed. including Mike.
DIANE
So Mike, what is it that you do,
exactly?
Everyone in their group leans in. Torie ESPECIALLY leans in.
MIKE
Well. You know what a Fannie Mae is?
NOPE. Better try something else.
85
There's these large pools of mortgages...
You know when you borrow money to buy
a house, and thousands of other people...
NO TAKERS. Try again.
See, it's really about routing cash
flows so that various classes of...
GLAZED LOOKS. Like sugar doughnuts.
See that fur coat?
Mike points to a full length fur coat that is being modelled
The AUCTIONEER interprets Mike's gesture as a bid.
AUCTIONEER
The Gentleman in the back— fourty six.
Mike PULLS his arm back in. But fast.
MIKE
Say you took the sleeves off, and
sold 'em, as...
TORIE
... as leg warmers.
MIKE
As leg warmers. And then you sold
the coat without the sleeves.
CARMEN
A sleeveless fur coat? Get real.
Torie shoots her a look. She squeezes closer to Mike.
MIKE
And the combined price for selling the
sleeveless coat and the sleeves was
more than the coat cost by itself.
That's what I do. With bonds.
Torie gives him a proud squeeze and kisses his face. The
rest of the group wades through shared befuddlement. Each
person unsure whether they're the only one who didn't get it
DIANE
This fall we're carryin' acid-wash jeans.
CARMEN
Acid-wash stretch jeans with an acid-
wash jacket. How—
CARMEN & DIANE & TORIE
Bridge and Tunnel.
AUCTIONEER
will the Gentleman go to Sixty?
Mike nods ' no ’, and lowers his head. BACK TO THE MONTAGE--
— At the BDL Mike draws a graph on a napkin for Phil.
— A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL across the change pad. Jack BLABBBS.
— Mike stands on his chair with the phone, Cass by his side.
WE NOW EASE DOWN THE MUSIC and LEAVE THE MONTAGE...
MIKE
world Wrestling Fans...WE ARE DONEl
Routine high-fives. The ticker announces the Deal. As Mike
stands up there he looks different. CONFIDENT. Even COCKY.
We can now see that Mike is receiving a SHOE SHINE as he
stands on his chair wrapping up the Deal.
ARTIE
Come on guys— the Cars are downstairsi
Clients are WAITING1
Mike steps down from the chair. He leans in to Cass.
MIKE
You OK with all this?
CASS
I got it covered.
Mike grabs his ham sandwich and joins Andy, Phil and Lucy on
a group mosey toward the elevator.
MIKE
As of one seventeen p.m. the market
is effectively CLOSEDI What is it
with these ham sandwiches every day?
PHIL
The guy that used to sit in your chair
liked 'em. Billy Glazier.
MIKE
where'd he go?
ANDY
He went crazy.
87
PHIL
Meshuggeneh.
LUCY
Walked outta here barefoot one day at
noon. Carryin’ a pepperoni pizza.
ANDY
Never heard from again.
EXT.-LONG ISLAND SOUND-THREE HOURS LATER
A rented fishing boat bobs in place. No land in sight. The
August SUN bleats down. On Board) beer-basted denizens of
the Desk, Kendall, Joey, three CLIENTS. Six lines are angled
out to sea. With nary a nibble to disturb the drinking.
ANDY
Investment banker, a lawyer and a
politician go deep sea fishing—
CHORUS
PROFESSIONAL COURTESY.
ANDY
Stop me if you've heard this.
Artie distributes a new round of beers to his clients.
ARTIE
This is our fifth annual shark fishing
tournament.
CLIENT
Who won last year?
LUCY
No one's ever actually caught anything.
Kendall takes a long draw of beer. He's up to something.
KENDALL
On an afternoon like this I can only
think of one place I'd rather be...
MIKE
The old ball park. A dog and a coupla
brews—
KENDALL
Chase away the blues. B.P.—
88
MIKE
Clean white lime on the foul lines—
KENDALL
The smell of fresh cut grass...
Everyone takes a reflective sip on that note. Yessir.
MIKE
The suicide squeeze...
KENDALL
What are you, a Cardinals fan?
MIKE
Team of the Eighties.
KENDALL
Fuck the Cardinals. Punch and Judy,
bunt and squeeze fuckin’ Astroturf
bleeders crap. The Mets. Now there's a
BASEBALL team. Gary Carter, Ray Knight,
the Straw. Big Swingin' Dicks. HOME
FUCKING RUNS! The way God intended it.
Artie offers Kendall a beer, hoping to smooth over the
affair. Phil's look tells Mike to let it go.
MIKE
Whitey's a master of strategy—
KENDALL
FUCK the White Rati Fuck fucking Vince
Coleman. Fuck ugly-ass Willie McGhee.
Fuck Ozzie FUCKING SmithII
MIKE
The Mets are lucky. Knight's having
a career year—
KENDALL
The difference between the Cardinals
and the Mets is BALLS. St. Louis
doesn't have any. Just like you nickel
and dime arbitrage homos.
Mike JUMPS out of his deck chair. He can't just TAKE thisl
MIKE
Listen here, asshole, we're carryin'
you, OK?I We're fuckin' carryin’ you!
Phil grabs Mike's arm and draws him away from Kendall.
PHIL
Mikey, Mikey, down boy.
KENDALL
I don’t need two hundred computers to
make my money. I make more off one
gutsy trade than you make on five of
your circus deals. All it takes is
McNuggets— cojones— balls. If you had
any you'd be dangerous.
SPLASH1 One of the client's lines has HOOKED something.
Kendall eases over to assist. He and Artie WORK the fish in.
ARTIE
It's a blue fish, does that count?
Kendall has a SMUG grin as he helps pull in the fish.
Mike SEETHES just beneath his surface. He can't cool down.
INT.-STEPHEN SPROUSE SOHO BOUTIQUE-NEXT SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Mike stares out the window, Sunday New York Times under an
arm. Torie leaves the counter swinging a boutique bag.
TORIE
I got you something.
Torie bops on out of the store onto the sidewalk. She sees
that Mike has not BUDGED. She backs over to the window right
in front of where Mike stands staring into space.
She TAPS on the window. Mike is startled! He comes outside.
EXT.-GREENE STREET-SAME TIME
They stroll along with SoHo's Sunday sidewalk traffic.
TORIE
I got you somethin1.
Mike's in his own World. Torie pulls a pair of FLASHY
SUSPENDERS from her bag. Mike stops and stares at his
fragmented reflection in a display of framed mirrors.
She drapes the suspenders over his shoulders.
TORIE
They’re full-on tycoon looking.
90
Torie conies up and playfully embraces Mike from behind.
TORIE
What are you thinking about?
MIKE
Huh? Oh...nothing...
TORIE
He can tell her. Please?
MIKE
Nothing...really...
They move forward awkwardly, Torie holding him from behind.
TORIE
Chum on. She wants to know.
MIKE
Really?
TORIE
Really.
Mike turns and faces her.
MIKE
It’s nothing.
TORIE
Puhhh-leeeeeeese?
MIKE
Promise you won't get mad?
TORIE
I won't get mad.
MIKE
You swear?
Torie bucks up. Maybe she's got something to worry about.
TORIE
I swear.
MIKE
In ’81 the Cardinals had the best
record in the Eastern Division but
due to the strike they rigged it so
the Dodgers played the Yankees in the
World Series, which sucks.
He stands there, his mind attacking this injustice from every
angle. Torie, she's BEFUDDLED. What else could she be?
INT.-HRU LOBBY-MONDAY MORNING
Mike saunters up to Jack's counter, takes a Times and leaves
a hundred dollar bill. He strides off purposefully.
JACK
It's too easy to sucker Balboni. You
bring a little heat outside then throw
Uncle Charlie anywhere you want— Mr.
Universe is helpless chasin' the curve—
INT.-THE FLOOR-MINUTES LATER
Mike strolls off the elevator and up to the Desk, his suit
coat puffed up in pride. With a controlled matter-of-
factness he takes off his coat...
REVEALING his SUSPENDERS.
As he puts his coat on the back of his chair a soft blanket
of "oooohs" and "ahhhhhs" covers the Floor.
Kendall's head JERKS UP from a Quotron— his eyes ZERO IN on
the SUSPENDERS with the precision of radar. He discreetly
slips his scissors out of a drawer and glides to the Desk.
Mike stands in ad hoc conference with Phil and Baum.
MIKE
Isn't twelve sixty one pushin' it?
Kendall STALKS around to where the trio talk.
BAUM
We can swap out of T.B.A.s for spec
pools before settlement.
Kendall leans over to Mike, scissor metal GLEAMING.
LUCY
Huge Dick— Cohen's on fourl
Mike grabs the phone— He's JUST out of Kendall's reach.
MIKE
Billy— where's Coastal?
92
Kendall deftly scrambles around Phil and Baum. He brings the
scissors CLOSER and CLOSER to Mike's suspenders...
Mike WHEELS AROUND1 He THRUSTS SCISSORS at Kendall1 with
one Quick SNIP he CUTS Kendall’s tie in HALFI
MIKE
Just like a Treasury trader to come
to a battle of wits unarmed.
Kendall is SHOCKED STILL. Mike soaks up GRUNTS and CHEERS
from the Desk. But Kendall reaches in and SNIPS one of
Mike's suspenders. Jaws drop as the suspender falls limply.
KENDALL
Just like an arb guy to come to a
cock fight without one.
Phil and Baum RESTRAIN Mike. Andy and Artie PUSH Kendall
away from the area. Phil picks up a stapler and reconnects
Mike's damaged suspender.
PHIL
Don't let that plosher get to you.
CASS
That...BASTARD.
The Desk is SURPRISED to see Cass express ANYTHING. Mike
collects himself. He sits at his computer and glares into
the monitor. After a moment an IDEA comes to him. He begins
inputting streams of code into his MODEL.
As Mike concentrates, the rest of the World falls away.
DISSOLVE TO*
Miket inputs code, checks his Model. Inputs again.
He's energetic but haggard, wearing the EXACT same clothes he
was wearing before, only with sweat rings under his arms the
size of Roger Ebert.
It is the NEXT AFTERNOON.
Pull back to reveal* EVERYONE on the Desk wears SUSPENDERSl
ARTIE
Come on Hoss, you got major face time
in one hourl
Artie slaps Mike on the back and moves on. As Mike checks
the Model once more, he openB a drawer and pulls out a
plastic packaged Kilgour, French & Stanbury dress shirt.
INT.-DOWNTOWN ATHLETIC CLUB BANQUET ROOM-AN HOUR LATER
Two hundred HRU salesmen, clients, bankers and traders act
riveted to Baum, who addresses the crowd from a podium.
Except for Mike, who scribbles notes onto a printout.
BAUM
While I concede incremental advantages
in rolling forward reverse repos, I
cannot emphasize enough the risk of
adverse pool selection once delivery is
taken. I urge you to reject the siren
song of the trendy off-balance sheet—
Peabody starts a roll of polite applause. He bounds up to
the podium and takes over. Baum takes a seat.
PEABODY
Thank you Tommie Baum. And now, our
last speaker before the bar opens—
Raucous cheers interrupt Peabody. He knew they would.
PEABODY(cont)
Our rocket scientist— Mike Hugic.
Applause INTENSIFIES as Mike shuffles to the podium. He
stands there going over his notes until the room turns quiet.
MIKE
(stiffly, flat)
The creation of a market for Principal
and Interest Bonds heralds an exciting
new era. Any point on the gamma curve...
Mike stops. After a beat he looks up at the crowd. He's
decided something. He speaks now as if to an old buddy...
MIKE
Numbers are great. Numbers...attack
those things that scare us. They take
the unknown and make it knowable. They
take the unknowable and give it shape.
But they don't tell the whole story.
Investing is about risk. LIFE is about
risk. Risk defines us. We are rewarded
for taking risks. Not foolish risks,
like, like asking the guy in the subway
booth for directions. (Laughter)
Calculated risks. SMART risks.
The room is hushed, expectant.
MIKE(cont)
I've been thinking a lot about risk.
Can we make enough of it? Can we get
it all squeezed in and concentrated
like, like when Superman squeezes on a
hunk of coal until it becomes a diamond?
I came up with this new deal...
ANDY
Did somebody say deal?
Laughter. Mike pulls a printout of the MODEL from his notes.
MIKE
The Super Principal Bond. Super P.B. .
Four times the risk. Four times the
volatility. Four times the opportunity.
Four times the sex appeal. I will
introduce Super P.B.s this Friday...
as part of a six BILLION dollar deal.
SILENCE. Did we HEAR that right? Six, gulp, BILLION...
SHOUTS 11 WHOOPS ! APPLAUSE 1 CHEERS 1 And MORE 1 Mike has to
smile at the reaction. He tucks the Model into his coat.
Kendall looks to Furillo. Furillo begins clapping along with
the crowd. He throws Kendall a look which makes Kendall
start clapping, too. Kendall can't hide a devious smile.
INT.-THE FLOOR-LATER THAT NIGHT
The Floor is dark and still. Not even a cleaning lady in
sight. The elevator doors open. A LONE SILHOUETTE steps
off. WE CANNOT TELL WHO IT IS in the darkness.
POVi The figure comes to Mike's seat on the Desk. Sits.
Punches up Mike's new MODEL on the computer workstation.
An ominous bass tone.
The figure watches a stream of alpha-numeric code flood the
monitor. At Line 663 the screen freezes. The intruder
begins inputting code.
EXT.-HRU BUILDING-FRIDAY AROUND NOON
95
Cliff walks out of the building. We hear the EXCITED VOICES
of Sales Dogs pushing Mike's Six Billion Dollar Deal...
ARTIE(OS)
This is NOT story paper* it's a Six
Biliion Dollar deal: he's steppin' up
to the plate and makin' a market I
Cliff passes a young woman in a short skirt. He turns 180
degrees and examines her locomotion. He loosens his tie and
affects a pimp roll across the street.
KATHLEEN(OS)
The Super PB's volatility works FOR you...
Cliff rolls into the TONY’S PIZZA. We see him giving a
'soul' shake to TONY. He signs a receipt.
ANDY(OS)
Whatta ya get when you cross Lee
Majors with Carl Sagan? The Six
Billion Dollar Man!
FIFTEEN large pizza boxes are stacked on the counter. Cliff
holds his arms out like a forklift. Tony slides the boxes
onto Cliff's arms. Cliff's knees buckle.
PHIL(OS)
Do we have the MUSCLE to support Super
PBs in the secondary market?! Are
you kiddin? Muscle— schmuscle...
Tony holds the door for Cliff, who struggles out. Cliff
makes it across the street. He spots a DOLLAR BILL on the
sidewalk. He stretches a foot out and pins it to the
pavement but the Security Guy comes over and holds the front
door open. Cliff abandons the dollar and struggles inside.
INT.-HRU LOBBY-SAME TIME
LUCY(OS)
Swap out of your Fannie nines and into
Freddie spec tens— Where's your BALLS!?!
Cliff gets to the elevator. Security Guy hits the button.
SECURITY GUY
What's up for Labor Day?
CLIFF
Jones Beach— you kiddin'?!
96
INT.-THE FLOOR-A MINUTE LATER
Cliff steps off the elevator to the LOUDEST most HYPER wave
of VERBAL ASSAULT you’ve ever imagined. Mike and Cass huddle
by the computer. The DEAL is imminent.
As Cliff fights to get the pizza onto the filing cabinets
Mike stands on his chair, telephone in hand, one eye glued to
the Yield Curve Screen. He looks to Cass, who punches the
BROADCAST button on the Shout Down. The noise ebbs...
MIKE
Six BILLION combined face of Super PBs
and Interest Bonds...WE...ARE...DONE.
The Floor goes BONKERS 1
Cliff lets the pizza fall onto the cabinets. Within SECONDS
the boxes are snapped up and the pizza is snarfed down.
Mike savors the moment from his chair top perch.
EXT.-"THE ANCHORAGE" BEACH HOUSE, QUOGUE-'ROUND MIDNIGHT
A beach cottage, weatherbeaten but classic, is nestled
between the sand dunes seventy yards off the road.
"Freedom” by Grandmaster Flash floats out of the house.
INT.-"THE ANCHORAGE"-SAME TIME
Torie, Diane and Carmen dance up on a couch. Guys dressed in
everything from tuxedos to madras shorts and gals dressed in
everything from little black dresses to madras shorts ALL
dance UP on some piece of furniture.
Except for Mike, who plods half-heartedly on the floor.
A guy in a tux coat and shorts jumps down and hurriedly
switches cassettes. "I Can’t Wait” by Nu Shooz comes on.
The girls start a synchronized dance. Mike has NO desire to
dance to THIS song (imagine that). He tugs at Torie's shorts
like a kid getting Mom's attention in the Supermarket. She
steps off the couch, still dancing.
MIKE
I NEED OXYGEN1
As Torie dances out the back door with Mike, Carmen and Diane
hum "EWWWWWWWW” and flash the International "SHAME” sign.
EXT.-THE BEACH-SAME TIME
Torie and Mike ease along the beach, close to the water.
TORIE
She's gettin* away from himl
Torie imitates a four year old half running away and half
looking back to make sure Mike is following. Mike can't
help but laugh. He gives slow chase. And lets out an
accidental BELCH. She stops.
TORIE
Listen...the waves are breaking in
four/four time and you're belching
six/eight to itl
MIKE
You said that JUST to impress me.
TORIE
Are you makin' fun of me?
MIKE
It's so easy.
Torie takes a playful swipe at his headl He dodges it. She
breaks into her kid's run again. Mike gives chase.
TORIE
She's gettin'—
THUD 11 Torie trips and falls flat onto the beach.
Mike doubles over with LAUGHTER. As she spits out sand Mike
sits down next to her, brushing beach off her face.
MIKE
Enjoy your SANDwich?
Torie lets out a whimper, like a kid. Mike moves closer. He
gently pushes her hair out of her face.
MIKE
Torie.............................
Her name hangs in the ocean air for what seems like an EON.
MIKE
I love you.
AAEEEEIIY11 She lets out a SHREIK. It takes Mike a second
figure out it's a HAPPY shreik. She leans in. They kiss.
A car can faintly be heard coming up the gravel driveway.
Torie sprawls out on the beach.
TORIE
I was WONDERIN' if you were ever
gonna say thatl
A car door slams in the background. Someone knocks on the
front door of the beach house.
MIKE
I almost said it the other day on
Orchard Street# but that guy kept
tryin' to sell me a cashmere overcoat.
TORIE
Two hundred dollars— such a steal.
Footsteps get louder as someone approaches. Mike and Torie
are oblivious.
MIKE
I almost said it at Le Mis# but those
cannons...
As they lay sprawled on the beach a SHADOW approaches.
CASS
Mike? Mike Hugic?
MIKE
(surprised)
Cass?l? What are you doin' here?
Cass shyly steps closer. He looks like he may cry.
CASS
The numbers are wrong. You've got
to come right now...
Mike tries to understand. He sits up straight.
TORIE
Is something wrong?
Mike stands. It's sinking in. He pulls Torie up.
MIKE
Are you sure?
99
CASS
There's a Dial-Car.
MIKE
(to Torie)
I gotta go. I’ll call. I'm sorry...
And with that Cass leads Mike to the waiting car. Torie
stands alone on the beach as "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by
Wang Chung Drifts out of the beach house.
EXT.-LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY-HALF AN HOUR LATER
The Dial-Car speeds along the nearly empty highway.
INT.-CONFERENCE ROOM-A MINUTE LATER
Mike stands alone across a huge oak conference table from
twenty bankers and accountants. Some are in disheveled suits
others in casual clothes. The nighttime view is spectacular.
Furillo, dressed like he's just come in on a Monday morning,
sits off to the right. Peabody, in traditional tennis wear,
sits to the left, racket in hand. Cass cowers by the door.
ACCOUNTANT
Line 683.
He tosses a printout onto the table. Mike flips back halfway
through it. He feels all eyes glaring at him.
Line 683— Something's WR0NG1 Mike feels like he's just been
PUNCHED in the Solar Plexis.
MIKE
My algorithm...it's off...
BANKER #1
The deal is dead.
BANKER #2
HRU has to buy the whole thing back.
At a cost of around seven million.
There are only twelve billion Fannie
Mae nines in existence—
ACCOUNTANT
And we'll own six billion. Which have
fallen over two points, or—
100
MIKE
A hundred and twenty million dollars.
That NUMBER being said aloud stuns the whole room.
BANKER #3
How many other Principal and Interest
Bonds does HRU have in inventory?
MIKE
Eighty, ninety million, but there's
nothing wrong with the other deals--
HEAD BANKER
You haven't picked up on how serious
this is, have you son7 That whole
market's down the shithole.
BANKER #3
Herd instinct. BANKER #4
Ripple effect.
BANKER #5
Flight to quality.
BANKER #6
We're talkin' about one of the oldest
houses on Wall Street; about thousands
of jobs; about customers; about LIVES.
HEAD BANKER
We don't want Howe, Ardley & Upton to
go outta business. We've lent money
to you since the Civil war. But—
BANKER #2
We can only keep you afloat up to a
hundred million dollar loss. After
that, we will step in and enforce the
covenants of our loan agreements—
BANKER #3
We'll shut this shop down.
Peabody JUMPS out of his chair1
PEABODY
Are you INSANE 1? You— We can't just
open up Tuesday morning and hold a
GODDAMNED Going Out of Business salel11!
The bankers aren't sure how to interpret this OUTBURST.
101
FURILLO
Did you HEAR what he just said?
Furillo cooly rises and paces to the middle of the table.
FURILLO
He's right. You'll set off a panic.
You don't want to turn a hundred forty
million dollar loss into a half billion
dollar loss...DO you?
The bankers freeze for a beat. Then they lean in to confer.
Mike hasn't moved an iota since he last spoke.
BANKER #2
A SHOCK like this— BANKER#4
A financial Chernobyl—
BANKER#3
The Banking System...
BANKER#1
We CANNOT trigger a panic.
BANKER #5
I think we need Mr. Hugic here to stay
on a day or two to unwind the position
in an orderly fashion.
HEAD BANKER
I will personally supervise the
liquidation process.
Furillo stiffens JUST A BIT— this ISN'T what he had PLANNED,
but he knows how to proceed...
FURILLO
Do you think that's enough?
BANKER #6
No. The lack of supervision here is—
it's AMAZING. This stuff's gotten WAY
outta hand. Nobody understands it—
everybody just acts like they do, long
as money keeps rolling in the front door.
There's gonna be Hell to pay. We're
talkin' SEC sanctions, fines, jail time.
BANKER#1
Someone's got to take the heat.
MIKE
I made a mistake with my algorithms—
PEABODY
I'M IN charge HERE. I'll take the heat.
HEAD BANKER
Get me a resignation by Tuesday morning*
You and Mr. Hugic may be excused.
Banker #4 ushers Mike and Peabody out of the room. Mike
absently carries the computer printout with him.
INT.-ANTEROOM-SAME TIME
Mike follows Peabody into a roomful of accountants.
MIKE
You didn't have to do that— it's all
my fault— I'm sorry Mister...
Peabody gives Mike a look.
MIKE
Robert...I'm the one that screwed up...
Peabody breezes out into the hall. He seems RELIEVED.
INT.-HALLWAY-SAME TIME
PEABODY
You know the old joke? Guy goes to a
psychiatrist and says 'doc, my brother
thinks he’s a chicken'. Doc says 'well
how long has this been going on?' Guy
says 'two years'. 'Two years?' the doc
asks,'why'd you wait so long to see me?'
Guy shrugs,'we needed the eggs*.
Peabody pauses to straighten a portrait of an ancestor.
PEABODY
I'm that old joke.
The elevator door opens. They step on.
INT.-ELEVATOR-SAME TIME
MIKE
I'm really sorry. I let you down.
PEABODY
This is a different business than the
one I grew up in. Used to be I'd get
a call from old Chaz Winstead,'We're
thinking about issuing stock*. Well
Hell Chaz, book a flight in next month;
I'11 wear your gluteus maximus out on
the tennis court. Nowadays you've got
a million sharp-tongued, sharp-elbowed
young overachievers dialing for dollars.
INT.-HRU LOBBY-SAME TIME
The elevator opens. They step out. The Weekend Security Guy
unlocks the door as Peabody and Mike walk towards him.
PEABODY
Relationships used to mean something
on the Street. There aren't any more
relationships. Everything's a
'transaction'. I'm glad I'm gettin' out.
EXT.-HRU BUILDING-SAME TIME
As they exit a Dial-Car rolls forward.
MIKE
I'm really sorry...
Peabody slaps Mike on the back, leaving his arm on Mike.
PEABODY
We had a good ride, didn't we?
The driver opens the back door. Peabody shakes Mike's hand.
MIKE
What*re you gonna do?
PEABODY
You know me. I'll land somewhere.
Peabody gets in. He rolls down the window.
PEABODY
Something most people don't know...
Mike moves closer for these last words of wisdom.
PEABODY
Brooks Brothers carries a full line
of casual wear.
And the Car rolls off, leaving Mike standing on Wall Street.
He sinks down onto the curb, sitting there NUMBLY. Absently
he takes off one of his Nikes and shakes sand out of it.
In a SPASM he JUMPS UP and THROWS the SHOE as HARD AS HE CAN1
The shoe caroms off the building and lands in a DUMPSTER.
After a beat Mike trudges over to the dumpster. It's BIG.
He has to jump up and pull his torso in so he can forage.
The Computer Printout FALLS into the dumpster.
He comes up with a cardboard shipping box and lands on the
pavement. He pours his shoe out of the box and puts it on.
The label on the box catches Mike's eye—
FROM* MACUNUDO CIGAR CORP.
TO* JACK PLUST
157 EMMONS AVENUE
BROOKLYN, NY 1
Mike tears the label off. The Art Deco Indian peers down.
EXT.-SHEEPSHEAD BAY, BROOKLYN-TWENTY MINUTES LATER
A yellow cab squeals away, leaving Mike on the corner. He
checks the label and heads for a sadly sagging BROWNSTONE.
At the door Mike checks the listing. He finds "J. PLUST-3F"
— there's a hole where a buzzer used to be. A glass pane on
the door is broken. Mike sticks his arm in and opens the
door from inside. He steps in.
INT.-BROWNSTONE-SAME TIME
Mike eases up the creaky stairs. He hears the muffled
strains of Robin Byrd's cable show on the Second Floor.
On the Third Floor Mike spots 3F and knocks on it HARD1
A continuous stream of invective rises up from inside the
apartment. Mike knocks HARDER. The door SWINGS OPEN— all
three inches the chain will allow. Jack squeezes his face
into the opening and squints.
JACK
Can't you damn Quakers let a poor
defenseless taxpayer sleep in peace?
Leave the literature in the hall.
Jack SLAMS the door closed. Mike knocks persistently.
105
MIKE
It'a me— Jack— it’s me— open up I
The door opens. Jack peers through the opening.
JACK
Who'n the hell are you?
MIKE
It's me, from Howe, Ardley, I'm the guy—
JACK
I've seen a million a you guys come
through the lobby in the last sixty
years. You all look the same to me.
MIKE
I'm the one that leaves the hundred
dollar bills.
Jack puts his glasses on. They don't help. He's blind.
JACK
Whatta ya want from me?
MIKE
Jack, you gotta tell me what to do...
All of a sudden Mike FEELS STUPID for having come here, for
having asked that question, for having thought Jack could...
Jack shuts the door. Mike knocks AGAIN. The door opens—
Jack pushes a flood of Snickers bars through the door crack.
MIKE
How about those Yankees?
JACK
Bunch a quitters--the whole bunch of
’em, quitters— they lay down like they
were French or something.
Jack shuts the door. Mike slowly DESCENDS the stairs.
EXT.-BROOKLYN BRIDGE-4*30 A.M.
Mike plods across the Bridge back to Manhattan in a misty
rain. He has entered a ZOMBIE-like state of being.
INT.-MIKE’S APARTMENT-SIX THIRTY SATURDAY MORNING
RIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNGGG1I RIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGtI
Mike rushes into his apartment, slipping onto the floor in
his haste to pick up the phone.
TORIE(OS)
Mike7 Mike?i Mi-ikel Hello...
Mike scrambles to reach the phone. He gets a hold of it.
MIKE
Torie?
INT.-"THE ANCHORAGE" { INTERCUT WITH MIKE'S APARTMENT
TORIE
Where have you been? I've been calling
all night, I called your work number,
I even called the Baby Doll Lounge...
MIKE
I'm sorry...1...1 don't know...
TORIE
Is everthing OK? (long pause) Are
you coming back out? It's gorgeous
out here.
MIKE
Something— Look...I don't know, I...
TORIE
(worried now)
Should I come in?
MIKE
No, look, I don't know what I'm gonna
do— OK? I don’t...
TORIE
Is he all right?
MIKE
You justi Look, you just lay out in
the sun with all your gala charity ball
society buddies— OK? You just do that.
TORIE
You’re not being very—
MIKE
What do you know about any of this?
You never had anything like this— Look...
TORIE
Look...
MIKE
Hell...
TORIE
Hell...have a nice life.
SLAMJ Torie hangs up before the last syllable ends. Mike
sits on the floor, looking like Hell warmed over. He's lost
his ability to deal with ANYTHING.
He slides over to the dresser and rises to slip a pair of
jeans on over his shorts. He steps into his Nikes and grabs
his Cardinals cap. He rushes out of his apartment.
EXT.-MURRAY ARMS APARTMENT BUILDING-A MINUTE LATER
Mike skulks out, eyes cast down at the sidewalk. After a
moment he is aware of a hulking presence following him.
FURILLO
Can I give you a ride?
Mike is surprised to see Furillo's black limo tailing him.
MIKE
I don't know where I * m going.
Mike lowers his head and walks on. The limo eases forward.
Furillo gets out and walks down the street beside Mike. He
still looks fresh in his same suit.
FURILLO
I'm sorry about Peabody. Believe it or
not we're on the same side. He both
want what's best for HRU. Those
commercial bankers don't understand
the discipline of investment banking.
Like you and me.
MIKE
Oh yeah7
FURILLO
I might be able to save HRU, if...
Mike stops. Furillo hands him the Saturday NYTimes. There's
a picture of Mike beneath the Headline "COLLAPSE OF RISKY
STRIPS MARKET IMPERILS HRU". Mike's breath leaves him.
FURILLO
If I can be seen as having taken
control of this situation.
Furillo pulls an envelope from his suit and brandishes it.
FURILLO
This includes a bonus for 1986, deferred
until Jan. one for tax purposes. You
can take some time off. Decide what's
next for Mike Hugic.
Furillo hands Mike the envelope.
MIKE
What're you tellin' me?
FURILLO
Don't show up.
Mike stands there. Furillo stands there. An awkward moment.
Furillo places his hand on Mike. I didn't know Furillo had
it in himt And then he's back in the Limo, rolling away.
Mike is alone under the overcast morning sky.
ROY LICHTENSTEIN, COW TRIPTYCH (COW GOING ABSTRACT)
PANEL #li a characteristically Lichtenstein cow in black,
white and lemon yellow, probably appopriated from an
advertising image
PANEL #2i the cow is distributed into a jagged cubist array
of planes, but still recognizable as a cow
PANEL #31 a Mondrian-like arrangement of rectangles and
triangles using the same colors in the same proportions
as the other two panels, but no longer resembling our
bovine friend
INT.-MUSEUM OF MODERN ART-MID AFTERNOON
Mike sits on a bench facing the Cow Triptych. He's been
parked here for hours. Art imitates his mental state.
Across the room Phil whispers to a guard, who points to the
Triptych. Phil eases over and sits down beside Mike.
PHIL
I tried Gedman Dairy. They laughed
at me. The lady at the Museum of
109
Natural History sent me over here.
Phil studies the painting with Mike for a while.
PHIL
Cow in a blender? Elsie on acid.
Beef blowout. Good cow gone bad?
MIKE
Superstring theory proposes a reality
with ten dimensions. Which is
impossible for a sane person to imagine.
PHIL
What are you gonna do?
Mike hands him Furillo's envelope. He reads it and whistles.
MIKE
Furillo says he can save the company.
PHIL
Furillo.
MIKE
What do you want from me?
PHIL
You want my Knute Rockney speech?
MIKE
Please not.
PHIL
Who's the oldest guy on the Desk?
MIKE
Baum?
PHIL
How old you think he is?
MIKE
Fifty fo—
PHIL
Forty. Just turned forty.
MIKE
He looks...
PHIL
Look, you can make six digits, eat at
the Quilted Giraffe, summer in Quogue,
but when there's a guy like Furillo
around you never know when you're
gonna find a knife in your back.
MIKE
what are you getting at?
PHIL
{with the envelope)
This may look like the easy way out,
but you can’t live with this. If he
takes over we're all history. Peabody’s
just the first fall guy, take my word.
You'll have white hair and ulcers by
the time Reagan's out of office.
MIKE
Everything I believed in, numbers,
physics, the secrets of the Universe,
me...it's all— it JUST DOESN'T MEAN A...
The guard slips in and looks around. He exits.
PHIL
We got together and talked it over...
We— we all think you oughta show up
Tuesday morning and go for broke.
We're behind you all the way.
MIKE
Man, you don't get it; I screwed upI
i can’t do anything I I suckh y o u
understand? I suck.
TWO guards glare in. Phil stands, holding the envelope.
PHIL
Then why’s Furillo tryin' to buy
you off?
Phil tosses the envelope onto the floor and exits. Mike
picks the envelope up and runs his fingers along its edge.
EXT.-FURILLO'S CO-OP TERRACE, UPPER EAST SIDE-TWILIGHT
Furillo reads the assembly diagram for the swingset he and
Kendall are trying to erect. He's FINALLY dressed casually.
Furillo gets Kendall to hold a section so he can screw in a
bolt. Furillo's son plays with the set's cardboard box.
KENDALL
I've seen brinksmanship in my day,
but that takes some ball—
111
Furillo shoots Kendall a LOOK. The boy can hear them.
KENDALL(cont)
— playing skills. I wish I could have
seen those banker1s faces when the
Hugic kid said 'a hundred twenty
million dollars'. Fuu-uuudge.
FURILLO
Didn't I tell you I had all the bases
covered?
KENDALL
Yeah, but— fuuudge. Corduroy boy
didn't suspect anything; the bankers
didn't suspect anything—
FURILLO
They're commercial bankers.
KENDALL
And none of the accountants stumbled
onto the off-shore accounts?
FURILLO
They're further down the evolutionary
scale than commercial bankers. Over
the years I've quietly hidden enough
capital in those accounts to buy a
small country.
KENDALL
We've waited a long time for this.
A coupla kids from the Bronx crackin'
the WASP Mafia.
FURILLO
After the Corps I tried to get on with
one of the bulge bracket houses. They
weren't ABOUT to hire a spic with a
night school diploma from City College.
KENDALL
I was a margin clerk for six years.
FURILLO
I started in the back office, working
for Peabody's uncle. Talk about in-
breeding. On my first day I Knew I
could run the show better than any
genteel, white shoe, green-toe S.O.B..
SON
Daddy, what's a S.0.B.?
FURILLO
Son of Bob.
SON
who's Bob?
FURILLO
(fairy tale scary)
He's a mean old man with four eyes
who lives underneath the floor.
The Son shivers, enjoying the chill going up his spine.
KENDALL
You think Hugic’11 show up?
FURILLO
If he does, we'll use the off-shore
accounts to trade against him. when
he sells, we sell. The market'll tank.
He won't know what hit him.
Furillo crouches into an ogre form and meets the stare of his
Son, who skulks like Frankenstein up to him.
FURILLO
We'll hang him up and rip out his
greasy guts for the buzzards to eat...
AARHI1 Furillo and his Son growl like monsters.
INT.-THE VILLAGE VANGUARD-11:30 P.M. SATURDAY NIGHT
Mike sits at a small table along the dark basement’s back
wall. Six empty highball glasses crowd the table. He holds
a seventh, frozen in mid-air.
A tenor saxist steps out from the bop quintet and BLOWS. The
dense, knotty solo whiplashes off in one direction after
another. Mike doesn't bat an eyelid or tap a foot.
The other musicians drop out, letting the sax player lope off
on a bluesy lament. His cadenza ACHES more deeply every bar.
Mike's table is vacant, seven empty glasses left behind.
The Saxophone Solo continues overt
113
SERIES OF DISSOLVES:
Mike wanders away from the red awning of the Vanguard...
— past the cast iron facades of SoHo...
— amidst the late night foot traffic of Chinatown...
— down the eerie, deserted Nassau Street Mall...
— past the rusted fish markets of the Seaport...
— through the steam clouds in front of the Courthouse...
INT.-MIKE'S APARTMENT-LABOR DAY MONDAY, 6 P.M.
An album spins, the needle stuck in the last groove...Bud
empties, Coke cans, clothes and papers cover the floor...a
pizza box and Chinese takeout cartons pulsate with the bluish
glow of TV...a headline reads "MELTDOWN AT HRU"...a trail of
M&Ms leads to MIKE'S FACE...unshaven and glazed over.
As the sax solo fades out we hear the Jerry Lewis Telethon.
A KNOCK at the door.
MIKE
(hoarsely)
Layyy-deeeee...
The PIZZA DELIVERY GUY enters. He looks for a place to put
the pizza down. Mike GRUNTS as a signal to put it anywhere.
MIKE
Look in the...
The Guy goes to the closet. He's done this before. He goes
through Mike's suits looking for money. And finds none.
Mike rolls over and checks the pockets of a couple of suits
crumpled up beside him. The Guy joins him. Mike pulls out a
ticket stub...a cocktail napkin...a COMPUTER PRINTOUT.
A beat.
Mike SITS BOLT UPRIGHT! He inspects the Printout. It's the
one he carried with him the day he made the Super PB speech!
He JUMPS to his feet. The Guy finds a hundred dollar bill.
Mike throws on his Cardinals cap and goes to the door.
MIKE
Keep it. You're a good man.
EXT.-HRU BUILDING-THIRTY MINUTES LATER
Mike stands by the door, yelling into the tiny crack. There
are several security guards now, and there's NO WAY they're
letting Mike in.
Mike retreats from the door, defeated. After a few beats he
RUNS for the alley— coming upon the DUMPSTER. He climbs
right in. Miscellaneous trash comes flying out.
MIKE
YESSIRi1
INT.-DUMPSTER-SAME TIME
Mike holds the PRINTOUT which he took on his way out of the
meeting with the Bankers. He holds the other printout next
to it— one is dated Sept 2, the other Sept 5.
He flips back a few pages, to Line 683. He wipes some oil
off the later copy— his JAW DROPS...
MIKE
They're...different.
EXT.-QUIET GLEN RIDGE, NEW JERSEY NEIGHBORHOOD-7:30 P.M.
Mike steps up to the door of a quaint two story home and
KNOCKS fast and furiously. The door swings open.
MIKE
I don't suck.
Phil stands in the doorway in a robe, holding a Tonka truck.
MIKE
I mean, I might still suck, just not
as much as I thought.
INT.-PHIL’S REC ROOM-FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Mike and Phil sit on a couch cluttered of children's toys.
PHIL
Unbelievable. Furillo set up this
whole magilla. He hired a spy.
Sabotaged your model—
MIKE
He shoved Peabody out of the way and
pushed HRU to the brink of bankruptcy.
PHIL
What's the plan, Stan?
115
MIKE
We gotta find out who the traitor is.
They'll let me in the building at seven
a.m.. I'm gonna check the computer time
allocation records, security logs,
Dial-Car receipts.
PHIL
Clever.
MIKE
I've gotta get enough evidence to
clear Mr. Peabody. And nail Furillo.
I need you to cover for me on the Desk.
PHIL
What about the liquidation?
MIKE
All the bad news is already in the
market. You can bet nobody else on
the planet's gonna sell Fannie nines
tomorrow. If we take it slow the market
oughta be able to handle a coupla bill
without going further South.
PHIL
I'll keep my eyes glued to nines on
the Yield Curve Screen.
MIKE
You and half of Wall Street.
PHIL
Mikey, I'm glad you felt you could
trust me.
MIKE
That...and you're the only one on the
Desk who doesn't know how to use the
computer.
EXT.-MURRAY ARMS APARTMENT BUILDING-7 P.M.
Mike strides toward his building, printouts in hand. A
couple of German tourists approach him.
TOURIST
Can you show where is Madison Square
Garden?
MIKE
You go up to...you know where Thirty
Fourth— TORIE1 TOR-IE11
Mike spots Torie stepping off the Hamptons Jitney with her
weekend bag. He rushes to her. She sees him and quickly
turns away from their building. He gives chase.
MIKE
Toriel I'm sorry1 Please...TORIE—
Mike catches up to her. He notices bystanders watching them.
TORIE
Leave me alone.
MIKE
Let's don't do this...out here.
TORIE
This is New York.
MIKE
Sweetie, I'm really sorry. I didn't
mean to be mean to you—
TORIE
I know about your big deal an' everything.
MIKE
I'm sorry. I was afraid. I was afraid
I wouldn't be...that I wouldn't be
good enough for you.
TORIE
I love you— Mike Hugic— guy from
Missouri. I don’t care if you're
President of the United States or a
dog catcher, I love you. But if you
think I'm SO shallow— I may not be a
rocket scientist, but you've got to
give me a little credit...
MIKE
I'm not a rocket scientist. I' m a
bovine research design engineer.
Torie's LOOK says "hunh?"
MIKE
I study cows.
TORIE
Well...study THIS I
117
SLAP!! Torie gets off a Good One with her free hand.
As Hike stands stunned she raises her hand. A cab SCREECHES
to a halt. She's in and off in a flash. The crowd applauds.
The German tourists are unsure what to do.
INT.-BASEMENT IN MIKE'S BUILDING-AN HOUR LATER
Mike picks up a two drawer metal filing cabinet. He runs
with it a couple of steps and HEAVES IT1
It CLANGS against the chain link Wall and PLOPS to the floor.
Mike REPEATS this action several more times— he seems
strangely devoid of emotion.
EXT.-PARK AVENUE-SAME TIME
The Upper East Side bustles with traffic coming into the City
after Labor Day. A stately pre-war Co-op rises thirty two
stories from the street.
INT.-PEABODY'S CO-OP-SAME TIME
Peabody finishes typing a missive on HRU letterhead. It
reads: "I, Robert Upton Peabody III, do hereby resign'*.
Peabody signs the letter with a flourish. He's wearing
shorts and a tight fitting HARVARD track jersey. He takes
the letter and pins it to his track top with safety pins.
The French doors leading onto the terrace are open. Peabody
gallops half speed up to the ledge of the terrace. He leans
over sideways and lifts one leg up to the ledge. He then
strides backwards in measured paces into the co-op.
Peabody leans forward and wipes sweat off his palms. A beat.
He breaks into a high-jumper's TROT.
At the ledge he JUMPS UP and turns over, thrusting his hips
skyward. And he's over the ledge, out of sight.
INT.-PEABODY'S OFFICE-8:48 A.M. THE NEXT MORNING
THUD!! Jennifer drops a heavy cardboard filing box onto the
desk. The personal effects of his office are inside. She
cries as she magic markers "R.U. PEABODY 3" across the box.
EXT.-THE FLOOR-THE SAME TIME
118
Like a morgue. The living dead move around in preparation
for the market's 9 a.m. open. Mike's chair is empty.
LUCY
Is he gonna show?
ANDY
He's not going to come. I just know,
he's not going to come.
8*58. The Head Banker hurries to the Desk, followed by
Furillo and Kendall. He signals for the Desk to huddle.
HEAD BANKER
Where's Mr. Hugic?
No reply. 8:59.
HEAD BANKER
This is my speech. You've got a chance
to save one of the oldest houses on
Wall Street. That means thousands of
jobs— not just yours, but all the back
office and clerical workers, too.
We're in this with you, but...
He lets the "but" hand in the air. Andy whispers to Phil.
ANDY
But they’ll pull the plug if they
have to.
8*59. The Banker nods to Furillo. Furillo steps forward.
FURILLO
I'11 have the Treasury Desk trying to
ease pressure along the intermediate
section of the curve. If there are...
8*59. The elevator doors open. All heads turn---
Mike steps off the elevator onto the Floor. Wearing his
CORDUROY SUIT.
Furillo meets Mike halfway to the Desk. Jennifer approaches.
FURILLO
Mike...Bob— Mr. Peabody...is no
longer with us.
JENNIFER
He...jumped...(she cries again)
119
This hits Mike hard. Furillo leans in.
FURILLO
You've got an immense task ahead of
you. Don't let any feelings of...
Mike, it's not your fault.
Mike catches the innuendo. It STEELS him. He marches to the
Desk and fixes his corduroy coat onto the back of his chair.
Phil leans in to him.
PHIL
What'd you find?
MIKE
Someone beat me to it.
Phil takes a hit. Mike maintains a cocky facade.
MIKE
We ready to roll?
HEAD BANKER
We mean to insure this liquidation
is handled in an orderly fashion.
MIKE
This market's skittish, we're gonna
have to mix some buying in with our
sales, or we may see it run away from us.
HEAD BANKER
Of course. Net net net, though, we
have to work the six billion down to
three billion by noon, or we'll have
to pull the plug. Understood?
The Banker surveys solemn nods along the Desk. The BUZZER
heralds 9*00— the Market's Open. Friday's Yield Curve is
still on the Screen. It changes to Tuesday— and the various
points on the curve shift UP, that is, to the Northwest.
EXCEPT for the Fnma 9 light. It shifts markedly South. A
collective GROAN. 9's ARE FALLING, not good news. The Desk
works the phones without the usual boisterousness.
MIKE
What're you seeing out there?
LUCY
The whole Street knows our balls are
caught in barbed wire.
MIKE
Phil, see how fifty million goes down.
As Phil SELLS fifty million Cass inconspicuously crosses his
arms, making a fist with his left hand and holding out five
fingers on his right. At the Treasury Desk Furillo spots
this and leans down to Kendall.
FURILLO
Sell fifty million from the account.
Kendall obeys. The Yield Curve Screen shifts— 9's MOVE
FURTHER SOUTH. Kendall lets out a cocky chortle.
ANDY
This is going over like New Coke.
BAUM
I thought the market could take that.
EDDIE
Me too.
ARTIE
Cragmont'll swap out of tens, hundred
mill I
MIKE
Do itl
Cass crosses his arms, with all ten fingers stuck out.
Furillo catches the signal and instructs Kendall to SELL a
hundred million.
The Yield Curve Screen shifts 9’s FURTHER SOUTH. The Banker
awkwardly paces the area. This is NOT going well.
LUCY
Still headed South.
MIKE
Let's mix it up a little. Buy thirty
mill, interdealer.
As Phil places the order Cass puts his hands on his hips, the
left hand a fist, right hand with three fingers out. Furillo
relays the info to Kendall.
FURILLO
Sit tight, he's buying.
121
9*8 stop falling down the Screen. For a moment.
PHIL
Firming up?
MIKE
Like everybody doesn't know who bought
the thirty mill. Phil, try sixty mill
to CalPers.
While Phil SELLS sixty million Cass crosses his arms, five
fingers out on the right, one on the left. Furillo sees and
relays. 9's SHIFT SOUTH. A groan goes out.
HEAD BANKER
We're taking a bath 1
MIKE
Knee-jerk reaction. Don't worry.
But Mike IS WORRIED. He looks over to Cass and shakes his
head in exasperation. Cass returns the look.
MIKE
Offer up thirty, interdealer.
PHIL
(into the phone)
Sell thirty mill, October delivery.
Mike looks over at Cass again. Cass crosses his arms, three
fingers on the right, the left a fist. Mike looks up to the
Yield Curve Screen. He studies it for a hint of what to do.
SWOOOOOOSH1 Mike snaps his head back to Cass. He SEES Cass'
odd posture— he looks to the Treasury Desk and SEES Furillo's
eyes fixed on Cass. CASS IS THE SPY1 Mike has uncovered the
PLAN 1
Mike casually grabs Andy's pancakes and syrup. He takes a
bite, then TRIPS. He DUMPS the food ALL OVER CASS I
MIKE
Dang Cass— I’m sorry.
Mike and Cass work on cleaning his shirt, but it's a mess.
CASS
That's OK; I’m OK; I'm all right.
122
Mike opens his drawer and pulls out a brand new dress shirt.
MIKE
I just happen to have a spare.
He hands the shirt to Cass, who doesn't know WHAT to do.
Furillo subtly signals him to accept it. Cass hurries off to
change. Mike fixes his gaze on the Yield Curve Screen.
Mike's mind is racing— the World falls away— something about
the Yield Curve Screen is familiar... IT'S THE SAME PATTERN AS
THE COWS IN THE FIELD IN MISSOURI— THE "MUSUAL" FORMATION 11
MIKE
Holy cow— a textbook ' ’ Musual" formation.
Mike picks up the phone and hits a button. Phil picks up.
MIKE
Phil— don’t look at me. Look the
other way. Cass is the spy. From
now on, whatever trade I tell you to
make, you do the OPPOSITE— OK?
PHIL
Are you crazy? We can't BUY any—
MIKE
JUST DO IT. Pass it down.
Furillo has been watching Mike across the Floor, but Mike's
DEKE has worked. Cass is back already, in the new shirt.
MIKE
Phil— SELL a hundred million.
Phil stares Mike down. Then quietly places a BUY order.
Cass crosses his arms, one finger on the right hand, left
hand under the arm. Furillo watches and relays to Kendall.
FURILLO
Sell a hundred mill.
The Screen doesn't change— but at least it doesn't get WORSE.
MIKE
Mr. Baum, let's try unloading two
hundred on the Japanese.
Baum winks, and quietly BUYS $200 million. Cass crosses his
arms, two fingers on the right, left hidden. Furillo sees
and relays. UH OH— The Banker paces close to Baum. MiJce^
motions for him to come over. They stand side by side.
MIKE
Nines are showing strength. Lucy—
offer up six hundred, see what happens.
Lucy discreetly BUYS. Cass signals. The Screen stays put.
BANKER
This is going surprisingly well.
MIKE
Surprisingly. Phil— sell a billionl
Phil gulps. Then BUYS a billion. Cass signals. The Screen
stays the same. Furillo can’t believe it's not falling.
FURILLO
Shouldn't nines be going South?
KENDALL
Could be a dead cat bounce.
MIKE
we've got a window here.
BANKER
Go with the flow.
MIKE
Andy; sell three billion retail.
Andy BUYS. Cass signals. Kendall SELLS. The Screen is
frozen. The tension is THICK. But the Banker is unawares.
MIKE
Luce— offer four billion.
Lucy BUYS. Cass signals. Kendall SELLS. The Screen won't
BUDGE. Mike just KNOWS it should. Mike looks to Cass.
MIKE
Whatta you think?
Cass nervously shrugs. Furillo and Kendall grow suspicious.
KENDALL
The fucking bid/offer's collapsing.
Something's fucking weird here.
Furillo steps over to the Desk and stands by Mike and the
Banker. The Screen holds firm. The tension ratchets up.
FURILLO
How's our luck holding up?
HEAD BANKER
I think we've got a window here.
MIKE
Phil. Sell four bill, interdealer.
PHIL
Four bill. You sure?
Mike looks at Phil with all the resolve in the world.
•
Phil turns away from Furillo and quietly BUYS. Kendall looks
over to Furillo. Furillo flashes four fingers. Kendall
gulps. And SELLS. The Screen still does not move.
The tension is UNBEARABLE— that Screen SHOULD be moving— 9's
should be going NORTH— Mike knows, he just KNOWS...
Without looking at him Furillo leans in closer to Cass...
FURILLO
Bring up inventory.
Cass goes to his computer and keys in a code. Furillo
wanders over with determined nonchalance. He sneaks a
sidelong glance. A beat. His head WHIPS back to the
computer— the Desk OWNS $18,690,000,000 of Fnma 9'si
FURILLO
Eighteen billion1?11 EIGHTEEN...
BILLION— they've been— you...
Furillo MARCHES up to Mike. He affects JUST the right tone
in pleading to the Banker. Inside he BOILS— but outside...
FURILLO
This Desk has subverted the entire
liquidation process. They have been
surrepticiously BUYING instead of
selling. We are now stuck with a
position in excess of eighteen billion
Fannie Mae nines.
The Banker can’t hid his SHOCK. His face falls.
FURILLO
There are only twelve billion actual
Fannie Mae nines in existence.
HEAD BANKER
Oh good God in heaven. We can't
float that. The margin calls, we...
MIKE
We've got a SQUEEZE on. This can work!
All we need is a little time.
HEAD BANKER
Son, we don't HAVE any time!
MIKE
Nines are gonna move— they HAVE to!
FURILLO
We can’t take that risk. I’m in charge
here. Andy, start selling in blocs.
MIKE
I can choose to wreck Howe, Ardley &
Upton. It's all up to me. I'd rather
blow this dump into a million pieces
than let you take over.
FURILLO
You may not care for me. You may
not even care about yourself. But
what about all the other people who
work here? Don't turn them out into
the street. It is my perception that
you are too rational to destroy this firm.
They LOCK STARES. Something gradually comes into Mike's
eyes. Something wild. Devilish.
Mike LEAPS UP onto the DESK! He grabs a Quotron machine and
RUNS with it— its cables ripping out behind.
He takes three good strides and VIOLENTLY HURLS the metal box
THROUGH the GLASS!
The Quotron BREAKS through the Floor-high window and falls
eighteen stories, leaving a gaping hole.
Mike slowly turns back to Furillo. He catches his breath.
MIKE
Perceive that.
No one BREATHES on the Floor. Furillo is FROZEN. As Mike
walks down the Desk, away from the window, everyone gawks up
at him. Mike's face is blank, in an INTENSE way. He comes
to a stop. He looks at the Yield Curve Screen. UNCHANGED.
Furillo recovers enough to pick up a phone and dial.
FURILLO
Security— send armed assistance.
We have a situation on eighteen.
Furillo turns to the Desk.
FURILLO
I am hereby ordering you to SELL.
Anyone refusing to comply will be
terminated on the spot.
Phil leans back in his chair and puts his hands behind his
head. Everyone else follows suit. Furillo's beside himself.
FURILLO
I'm warning you— this is your last
chance.
The elevators open. A half dozen SECURITY GUARDS march to
the Desk. Mike stares up at the Yield Curve Screen.
And THEN...the Fnma 9 light stranded all by itself down in
the Southeast quadrant of the Screen starts EASING UPWARDS!
It inches up. Everyone leans forward— this is a MIRACLE!
A smile crosses Mike's face. HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
MIKE
Just as I predicted.
Mike turns and enthusiastically instructs the Desk.
MIKE
All over the Street traders've sold
nines they don't have. Don't let
ANYBODY off easy! Make them PAY!
LUCY
We've got 'em by the short hairs 11
The Floor ERUPTS in TRIUMPHANT CHEERS as Fnma 9's not only
catch up to the rest of the DIAGONAL FORMATION— they RISE
ABOVE IT! Kendall rushes over to the Desk.
FURILLO
Put Mr. Hugic under arrest.
127
Mike jumps down from the Desk. He faces off with Furillo and
Kendall in front of the Banker and the Guards.
MIKE
They changed my model so they could
wreck the Super PB deal. They've been
trading against us all morning. They
hired Cass to spy on me so they could
sink our position. They risked the
future of the company so they could
take control.
The Banker looks to Furillo for denial/confirmation.
FURILLO
If I find any evidence whatsoever to
back up your accusations I will hold
Marty Kendall personally responsible.
Kendall simmers. But he bites his lip and stiffens up.
Mike goes to the computer and taps into the trading records.
He looks at Cass. All eyes shift to Cass.
MIKE
What’s the password?
Cass looks at his feet. Several beats. Cass inhales and
steps forward. Kendall won't let Cass spill the beans...
KENDALL
Fuckin’ don’t fuck with me, fucker 1
Mike smiles with an idea. He enters "FUCK". Records of
Kendall's secret trades pop onto the computer screen.
MIKE
It's all here.
The Banker looks to Furillo.
HEAD BANKER
It is my duty to inform you, Mr.
Furillo, that you are relieved of
all positions held at Howe, Ardley &
Upton and subsidiaries. I suggest
you get yourself a good lawyer.
The Banker nods to the Guards, who escort the shaken, bu
still composed Furillo off the Floor.
The NOISE LEVEL on the Desk builds as traders desperate to
BUY Fnma 9’s flood the phone lines 1 The Fnma 9 light on the
Screen moves FURTHER UP1 JOYOUS haggling breaks out.
ANDY
We’re makin' a killin'I
MIKE
Don't let anyone off easyl
HRU is gonna make it. The Banker picks up a phone and dials.
HEAD BANKER
Send him in.
He taps Lucy, asking to be hooked up to the Shout Down.
HEAD BANKER
(broadcasting)
In the interest of providing a
continuity of leadership to Howe,
Ardley & Upton, the lender's committee
announces the appointment of a new
President...William S. Goldhammer.
Goldhammer comes waltzing around the corner.
GOLDHAMMER
S. William Goldhammer.
CHEERS BREAK OUTt Goldhammer strides over to the Desk.
ANDY
Oh no, the dreaded Disney ending.
Goldhammer shakes hands with Mike, and leans in to him.
GOLDHAMMER
I told you this could be the challenge
of a lifetime.
Mike smiles at that understatement. Goldhammer picks up the
phone and hits the Shout Down button like the old pro he is.
GOLDHAMMER
I believe that the events of the
past few days will allow us, working
together, to restore Howe, Ardley &
Upton to its preeminent position atop
the World's financial markets. In a
deal worked out only minutes ago with
the Securities and Exchange Commission
and our lenders consortium, I hereby
terminate the employment of Steven
Furillo, of Martin Kendall, of Cass
Almendrahl, and...of Mike Hugic.
CONFUSION. What?l?
GOLDHAMMER(COnt)
While Mr. Hugic did engineer the rescue
of HRU, the SEC insisted that his
violation of section 12D must result
in immediate dismissal. I'm sorry.
The mood is mixed; upset about Mike, happy about the rescue,
and all kinds of other feelings about all the day’s events.
Goldhammer puts the phone down and addresses Mike.
GOLDHAMMER
Mike, I'm really sorry. You shouldn't
have any trouble getting another job.
People on the Street know’ll what
you've done. I'll make sure of that.
MIKE
Thanks, but...stick a fork in me.
GOLDHAMMER
Stick a fork...?
MIKE
I’m done.
Mike slowly walks down the Desk. The whole Floor is
watching. He comes to Baum and Eddie and shakes their hands.
BAUM
It's been great working with you.
EDDIE
Yeah, me too.
Mike moves over to Artie, who pumps his hand heartily.
ARTIE
Keep gettin' your cuts, OK Slugger?
He moves down to Lucy. Shakes her hand. She hugs him.
LUCY
We're gonna miss you, Huge Dick.
MIKE
I'm gonna miss all your sweet nothings.
He goes to Andy. Andy combines a shake and a back slap.
ANDY
You're the Hugest of the Huge. Don't
ever shrink.
Mike moves on to Phil. They shake. They hug.
PHIL
Shalom.
MIKE
Shalom.
Mike heads toward the elevator, emotionally soaking up his
last moments on the Floor. Phil calls out to him...
PHIL
Hey— MikeyI
After Cliff hands him his ham sandwich Mike turns around.
PHIL
moo.
Mike smiles. Artie starts a STANDING OVATION that quickly
spreads all over the Floor. As Mike disappears into the
elevators the ovation continues over...
INT.-HRU LOBBY-MOMENTS LATER
Mike passes Jack's Newsstand. It's closed. A hand-lettered
sign reads "RETIRED TO FLORIDA. THANKS FOR YOUR PATRONAGE”.
INT.-THE FLOOR-SAME TIME
LUCY
Who was that masked man?
ANDY
I don't know...
Andy lifts the corduroy coat off the back of Mike's chair.
ANDY(cont)
...but he left us this.
EXT.-WALL STREET-SAME TIME
131
As Mike walks out of the HRU Building and joins the throng of
pedestrians on the Street, the Art Deco Indian peers down
from its twenty story vantage point. Is there a faint SMILE?
SUPERIMPOSED* JUNE 23, 1995
EXT.-BASEBALL DIAMOND-MID AFTERNOON
An American Legion baseball game is in progress. There's a
runner on third base. The batter takes a few swings as he
approaches the plate.
INT.-DUGOUT-SAME TIME
Mike inputs frantically on his laptop computer. He digests a
couple of screens of information, then sets the laptop aside.
He runs out towards home.
EXT.-BASEBALL FIELD-SAME TIME
MIKE
Time! 1
The batter meets Mike in foul territory. They huddle.
MIKE
Based on this pitcher's statistical
tendencies, and a Monte Carlo simulation
of your past performance in this
situation, I'm gonna put the squeeze
play on. Do you understand?
BATTER
You want me to bunt?
WHUUMPtI
A plastic cooler spills onto the field. Torie stands behind
the waist high fence holding a cute six month old girl.
Mike strides over, squatting to gather the formula bottles
which have fallen out of the cooler. He avoids looking Torie
in the eyes.
When he finishes cleaning the spill he hands the cooler over
the fence to Torie. She refuses to take hold of it. until
he FINALLY looks at her face. Torie raises an eyebrow.
Mike gets the message. He strides back to the batter.
MIKE
On second thought...hit away.
132
Mike trots to the dugout. The batter steps in. The windup
the pitch— CRACK! The ball heads over the fence. Home Run
The bench explodes in JOY as the batter rounds the bases.
Mike shakes his head. He's slightly puzzled...
FADE OUT.
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Asset Metadata

Creator Spencer, Samuel Stevens (author)

Core Title The house that Jack built

School Graduate School

Degree Master of Arts

Degree Program Cinema-Television Production

Degree Conferral Date 1994-12

Publisher University of Southern California (original), University of Southern California. Libraries (digital)

Tag literature, American,OAI-PMH Harvest,theater

Language English

Contributor Digitized by ProQuest (provenance)

Advisor [illegible] (committee chair), [Miller] (committee member), Bolton, Janet H. (committee member)

Permanent Link (DOI) https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-c18-5157

Unique identifier UC11356726

Identifier 1376517.pdf (filename),usctheses-c18-5157 (legacy record id)

Legacy Identifier 1376517-0.pdf

Dmrecord 5157

Document Type Thesis

Rights Spencer, Samuel Stevens

Type texts

Source University of Southern California (contributing entity), University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses (collection)

Access Conditions The author retains rights to his/her dissertation, thesis or other graduate work according to U.S. copyright law. Electronic access is being provided by the USC Libraries in agreement with the au...

Repository Name University of Southern California Digital Library

Repository Location USC Digital Library, University of Southern California, University Park Campus, Los Angeles, California 90089, USA