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The role of social media in the evolution of the male homosexual community in modern China

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The role of social media in the evolution of the male homosexual community in modern China

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Content Stumph 1

The Role of Social Media in the Evolution of the Male
Homosexual Community in Modern China

Steven Stumph
Department of East Asian Language and Culture
Master of Arts
University of Southern California
May 2018

Stumph 2
Table of Contents
1. Introduction ............................................................................................................................. 5
2. Historical Background ............................................................................................................ 7
Clinical Term for Homosexuality (1910s – 1970s) ............................................................ 7
Tongzhi versus Homosexual (1970s-1980s) ....................................................................... 8
Western Connotation of Homosexual (1990s) .................................................................. 10
Homosexuality in the 21
st
Century (2000s – 2010s) ......................................................... 11
3. The Homosexual Sub-Community ....................................................................................... 12
Homosexual Identity Formation ....................................................................................... 12
Stereotyping Homosexuality ............................................................................................. 12
Sexual Penetrator versus Receiver: 1s and 0s ................................................................... 13
4. Homosexual Cultural Norm .................................................................................................. 15
The Chinese Homosexual Cultural Norm ......................................................................... 15
Gay Gender Roles ............................................................................................................. 16
Heterosexual Norms Restrict the Homosexual Community ............................................. 17
Financial Role Adaptations ............................................................................................... 19
5. Attitudes of Homosexuality in China ................................................................................... 20
Misrepresentation of the Gay Community ........................................................................ 20
Familiarity with Homosexuality ....................................................................................... 21
6. Opposition to Negative Attitudes .......................................................................................... 22
A. Platforms for Freedom of Expression ................................................................... 22
Publicly Announcing Sexual Orientation ............................................................. 23
B. Effectiveness of Opposition .................................................................................. 26
Gay Jargon ............................................................................................................ 28
7. The Gay Community on Cyberspace .................................................................................... 30
Style of Speech on Cyberspace ......................................................................................... 30
Unifying Emotions on Cyberspace ................................................................................... 31
Joining the Online Gay Community ................................................................................. 33
Contradictions in the Gay Community ............................................................................. 34
Shared Social Spaces and Social Sites .............................................................................. 36
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Drag Shows in Bars as a Social Space .............................................................................. 37
Marriage Markets as a New Shared Social Site ................................................................ 39
8. Initiating Social Change ........................................................................................................ 40
Educating the Public about Homosexuality ...................................................................... 40
9. Conclusion ............................................................................................................................ 42
The Argument ................................................................................................................... 44
The Implications ............................................................................................................... 45
Future Research ................................................................................................................ 46
Sources .......................................................................................................................................... 47
Chinese Sources ................................................................................................................ 47
English Sources ................................................................................................................. 48
Appendix I: Key Translated Terms ............................................................................................... 50
Appendix II: Websites and Sources for LGBT in China .............................................................. 52
Appendix III: Social Media Postings ............................................................................................ 57
如果你有通知朋友，这些是需要知道的....................................................................... 58
If You Have a Gay Friend, this is What You Need to Know (Translation) ..................... 68
写给父母的问答............................................................................................................... 79
LGBT Knowledge Manual – Aibai (Aiqing Baipishu Love White Paper) (Translation) . 85
青春同志 -同志最怕的是什么？——老 ........................................................................ 91
Gay Youth: What are Gay People Afraid of? --- Getting Old (Translation) .................... 93
同志的博客 - 出柜 ........................................................................................................... 95
Gay Blog – Coming Out of the Closet (Translation) ...................................................... 100
同志的博客 - 我是同志 (一) .......................................................................................... 106
A Gay Man’s Blog – I am Gay (Part 1) (Translation) .................................................... 110
我是同志（三）............................................................................................................. 114
I Am Gay – Part 3 (Translation) ..................................................................................... 117
我是同志（六）——你是怎样进入同性恋这个圈子的？......................................... 121
I’m Gay (Part 6) How did You Become a Member of the Gay Community? (Translation)
......................................................................................................................................... 125
我的同志男友们 - 第一章入圈约见首位网友 .......................................................... 128
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My Gay Boyfriends - Tutu Tutu Moumou: Chapter 1 (Translation) .............................. 137
我的同志男友们 - 第二章我和四川男友的三个月 ................................................. 148
My Gay Boyfriends - Tutu Tutu Moumou: Chapter 2 (Translation) .............................. 161

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1. Introduction
In China, it is estimated that approximately three to five percent of the total male
population is homosexual (Aibai Culture and Education Center 2016). This statistic suggests one
in every four families has a male gay member in the immediate or extended family. Since
mainstream Chinese culture currently does not fully embrace the gay community, the male gay
community largely focuses on expression in social media as an outlet for recognition. This large
male gay community uses social media almost exclusively to relate to their sexual orientation.
Through shared experiences and revelations concerning their sexual orientation online, they seek
to define both themselves and their community.
In the digital twenty-first century, social media continually evolves alongside public
attitudes and beliefs. Common Chinese opinions of the gay community are portrayed on online
platforms. Gay men post about the negative opinions the mainstream culture has of their
community. The anonymity of cyberspace enables gay men to publicly share insights and
experiences they could not comfortably share in other “embodied” social spaces. These posts
form a body of work called comrade (tongzhi) literature. Comrade literature effectively
repurposes conventional modes of expressing feeling and public opinion. This thesis explores the
various topics discussed by gay men in these social media postings. It is through this unique
dynamic process that the Chinese gay community creates its evolving identity.
To analyze this dynamic process, I investigate prominent themes and topics from a wide
variety of social media posts on popular Chinese websites. These sites point to the existence of a
thriving online gay community that addresses concerns and topics specific to a Chinese context.
My analysis includes passages and excerpts from various platforms, such as informational
pamphlets, blogs, short films, and other social media postings which I have carefully translated
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from Chinese to English. The complete original texts and translations are included in the
appendices.
This thesis aims to use the terms gay and homosexual in an appropriate and non-offensive
manner to refer to gay men and the gay community in China. This thesis uses social media posts
written exclusively by males identifying as gay. In these posts, gay men discuss instances of
discrimination. The experiences shared by gay men show how popular Chinese beliefs are
strongly influenced by sociopolitical and cultural norms.
A number of the online authors discuss a prevalence of negative attitudes against the gay
community due to a lack of familiarity with the gay community. The gay community effectively
communicates prominent issues relevant to homosexuality in China, which they circulate online
to combat the negative attitudes against their community.
This thesis begins with a historical background on homosexuality in China. This section
looks at homosexuality in China starting in the 1910s and ending in the contemporary 2010s. The
second section focuses on terminology relevant to the modern gay community in China. This
section explains less widely-known terms that are commonly used among gay men and that are
prevalent in the online literature to support the critical importance of analyzing community-
specific concepts. This section is followed by an analysis of gay gender roles and cultural norms.
The third, fourth, and fifth sections present attitudes about the gay community in China
held by heteronormative society. The gay community adapts heterosexual norms by relying on
rigid gender roles and expresses these adaptations online. A common theme in the online
literature is that heterosexual norms restrict the gay community. To combat these norms, the gay
community turns to social media to publicly announce their sexual orientations.
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The sixth section analyzes the effectiveness of social media postings. The seventh section
discusses informational pamphlets created by the gay community to educate others about the
practices of homosexuality. The overall goal of this research is to examine topics of interest to
the gay community in China on their own terms, as expressed on social media.
2. Historical Background
The following represents a brief history of social attitudes toward homosexuality in China
starting from the Republican Era, during the early 20
th
century. This thesis starts in the 1910’s
and leads to the modern 21
st
century to show the gradual shift in attitudes in modern China. Since
this thesis looks at modern China, I began my analysis in 1912, which marks the end of the Qing
Dynasty and the beginning of modern China. By examining a brief history of Chinese society’s
understanding and attitudes toward homosexuality, it is possible to understand the social
constructs to which gay men adhere.
Clinical Term for Homosexuality (1910s – 1970s)
The dominant ideology in China during the Republic Era (1912-1949) associated
homosexuality with a mental perversion. This negative perception evolved after the Western
term for homosexuality – tongxinglian – was translated into Chinese vocabulary in the 1930s.
Tongxinglian carried a plethora of negative connotations, such as homosexuality being a mental
illness, disease, or pervertibility (Zheng 2015). This term also denoted homosexuality to be a
disgusting and lewd practice (Dikotter 1995). During this era, same-sex sexual acts were viewed
as crude, perverted, and lustful. By the end of the Republican Era, same-sex practices,
masturbation, premarital sex, and extramarital sex were deemed indecent and were widely
denounced.
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During the Maoist Era (1949-1978), same-sex relationships were rarely discussed. Any
discussion that did occur denounced homosexuality and equated it to a decline in Western
civilization (Wu 2003). Yet, during the late 1970s, the Open-Door policy presented the Chinese
population with more information about gay men from outside mainland China (Ho 2011).
In 1978 gay men could delay marriage. Yet, reports suggest 90% of gay men still married
a partner of the opposite sex as a part of a “sham marriage” (Zheng 2015), suggesting that the
social pressure men felt to fulfill their heteronormative role was still intense. This practice
continued for forty years into the twenty-first century Post-Socialist Era (1978-Present). These
marriages became so widespread a gay man’s wife became known as a “living widow (tongqi)”
(Liu 2001).
Tongzhi versus Homosexual (1970s-1980s)
At the beginning of the Post-Socialist Era (1978-present), it was dangerous for gay men
to engage in same-sex acts. The 1979 Hooligan Law (liumangzui)
1
made it illegal for individuals
in China to engage in sodomy. Lawmakers desexualized homosexuality in order to prosecute gay
men. Men participating in same-sex sexual acts were classified as a “hooligan” and prosecuted
under the Hooligan Law (Liu 2001). As a result, the gay community remained invisible, keeping
their gay identity hidden from the public.
In 1981 the health specialist, Zhang Mingyuan, wrote an article based on Cao Xueqin’s
novel, Hongloumeng, Dream of the Red Chamber (Cao 1974).
2
For the first time in Post-
Socialist China, an article openly addressed same-sex relationships in a positive manner. Taking
an affirmative stance on homosexuality went against the heterosexual norm (Ho 2011). The gay

1
流氓罪 liumangzui, also known as Rogue Crime.
2
Dream of the Red Chamber is one of China’s four classical novels published in 1791, in certain
parts it discusses homosexual affairs from the Qing Dynasty.
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community used the momentum this article produced to initiate discussion about homosexuality
in China.
In 1986 students were displeased with the government’s progress of reform. This gave
students the platform to stage demonstrations and protest the political system. These
demonstrations eventually led to the Tiananmen Square Massacre on June 3 and 4, 1989, where
an estimated 300 civilians died. The students protested for a pro-democratic government along
with their beliefs and freedom of expression (Han 1992).
Two weeks after the 1989 Tiananmen Square Massacre, nearly one fourth of Hong
Kong’s population marched to protest human rights. As a colony of Britain, the colonial
government in Hong Kong was afraid of an uprising similar to that of mainland China (Wah-
Shan 2000). In previous Hong Kong legislation, homosexuality was a criminalized act
punishable by up to 10 years in prison (Wah-Shan 2000).
Adding to the momentum of the Tiananmen Square Massacre and the protests in Hong
Kong was the creation of a new, positive term for homosexual. The label ‘tongzhi’ or ‘comrade’
emerged in September of 1989 during the Hong Kong Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
(Engebretsen 2015). Instead of connoting a perverted illness, tongzhi signaled a positive sense of
what it meant to have a gay sexual identity in Hong Kong.
In light of the Tiananmen Square Massacre, the Hong Kong government quickly passed
the Hong Kong Bill of Rights in 1991. Part of the Bill of Rights decriminalized homosexuality,
allowing for tongzhi to also carry a new meaning of modernity and change.
In 1991, China’s Criminal Law Code did not specifically criminalize homosexuality.
Same-sex sexual intercourse was only punishable under the Hooligan Law. This is a reflection of
Chinese culture, differing from the circumstances in Hong Kong. The Hong Kong Bill of Rights
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was a response to British colonial law while Chinese law was a response to culture. Gay men in
mainland China adopted the term tongzhi as a way to start changing the culture since the term
connoted modernity, change, and positivity (Zheng 2015).
Western Connotation of Homosexual (1990s)
The abolishment of the Hooligan Law in 1997 presented the gay community in China
with an opportunity to emerge as a prevalent minority. By law, sodomy and same-sex
relationships were no longer considered criminal acts. Even though it was no longer illegal for
gay men to engage in same-sex acts, the taboo against them was still prevalent. Mainstream
Chinese culture still perceived gay men as sick, weak, and destructive, blaming them for creating
a weak Chinese state because they did not contribute to the desired strong attributes of the nation
(Zheng 2015: 62).
At the end of the 20
th
century, Chinese society still largely maintained the mindset that
the needs of the family and the state came before individual needs. Therefore, sexual orientation
and sexual identity were not commonly understood (Ho 2011: 14). According to Wu, if a gay
man’s sexual orientation was discovered at his place of employment, he would probably rather
be demoted, deprived salary, or be fired than allow his employer to reveal his sexual orientation
to his family (Wu 2003). This shows the importance of placing familial needs ahead of
individual desires.
Additionally, a majority of gay men did not see a need to come out during the 1990s.
Most subdued their inner turmoil of “reconciling their personal identity with the social obligation
to maintain family ties and social harmony, an approach that is appreciated as an avoidance of
confrontation or conflict” (Ho 2011: 15). If the family discovered their child’s gay tendencies, it
would bring disgrace and dishonor to the family.
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Homosexuality in the 21
st
Century (2000s – 2010s)
At the beginning of the 21
st
century, gay men still hid their sexual orientation in order to
avoid social, economic, and administrative hardship (Zheng 2015). Same-sex sexual acts were
part of the culture, yet gay identities were not. Chinese culture considered a gay identity a
Western concept (Engebretsen 2015: 7).
In 2001, the Chinese government removed homosexuality from the list of mental
illnesses (Ho 2011). This gave grassroots organizations and global LGBT rights groups the
opportunity to emerge in Chinese society. The younger generations of gay men in China started
to refer to themselves as “gay” (tongxinglian) as a way to show boldness and courageousness. As
a result, like tongzhi once connoted, the term “gay” now signaled modernity and change.
Gay organizations in China turned to cyberspace as a way to initiate discussion about
homosexuality. Websites catering to the gay community started to emerge online. These online
platforms created a way for gay men to interact with a “global gayness” and adopt gay ideologies
and knowledge from abroad (ibid., 17). The websites primarily created safe spaces for gay men
to share their feelings with likeminded individuals. The specific aim of some of these sites was to
spread knowledge about the increasing HIV and AIDS epidemic in China during the 2000s.
Internet technology allowed a gay community to emerge in China through the creation of
new, vast online networks on shared websites. This community flourished through interactions
on social media platforms, such as Bulletin Board Systems (BBS), forums, and messaging apps
(ex. QQ, ICQ). Literature on these platforms avoided censorship laws by creating new language
and context-specific jargon. Engebretsen suggests that these new words allowed for “egalitarian
gender relations, gender roles, and diverse sexualities” to emerge as prevalent topics of
discussion amongst gay men (Engebretsen 2015: 133).
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In the 2010s, cyberspace connected gay men from various urban cities across China to
create a vast gay network. With the aid of social media, the gay network helped facilitate and
spread information about living as a gay male in modern China. These shared experiences helped
constitute a gay identity in China.
During the 20
th
and 21
st
century, the mass culture misrepresented gay men in China. The
younger gay generation utilized social media platforms to reveal the misconception that all gay
men are weak and demasculinized (Zheng 2015, Ho 2011, Wah 2000). Instead, the gay
community used the online network to unite gay men across China to actively shape the common
understanding of Chinese homosexuality.
3. The Homosexual Sub-Community
Homosexual Identity Formation
Gay identities in China are multifaceted. The accommodation of heterosexual norms in
these multifaceted identities reflect the impact of widespread stereotypes and the restraints of
Chinese cultural norms on the gay community (Radhakrishnan 1996, Sullivan 2003: 83).
Stereotyping Homosexuality
The local Chinese context generally stereotypes gay men into two groups, 0s and 1s.
Each of these two groups portray different characteristics. The 0s assume a feminine role, often
associated with being; a sex object, emotionally ready, requiring protection, and having an
interest in esthetics. The 1s assume a masculine role; often denoting a protective and strong
personality.
The numbers 0 and 1 contain semiotic interpretations along with associated sexual
positions. The 0 represents the figure of a vagina, thus a female figure. During sexual
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intercourse, the 0 typically assumes the penetrated position (Zheng 2015). In Western gay culture
the penetrated is also referred to as a bottom or receiver. The 1 represents the image of an erect
penis. During sexual intercourse, the 1 typically assumes the penetrator position or the top
position (ibid). These semiotic interpretations of gender roles result in stereotyping.
Often gay men are categorized as a 0 or 1 as a result of one sexual experience. This
usually occurs when the individual enters the gay community and starts experimenting sexually
with other men. An already self-identified gay man usually forces the newcomer to assume either
0 or 1.
Previous sexual experiences typecast gay men to assume a 0 or 1 role. Yet, adopting
these roles rob the gay man of his own individual identity. The 0 and 1 roles limit the freedom
gay males have to express their preferred identity separate from their preferred sexual position
(Wah 2000). Restricting the separateness of these two phenomena is relatively distinct to the
Chinese gay community.
Sexual Penetrator versus Receiver: 1s and 0s
0s and 1s create two distinct gay communities in a sense. These two groups share
different sexual experiences (ibid). The following explains defining characteristics for 0s and 1s.
Sexual
Penetrator
Sexual
Receiver
Assumes
Male Role
Assumes
Female
Role
Displays
Effeminate
Traits
Financial
Provider
0 X X X
1 X X X

Figure 1 shows specific qualities associated with 1 and 0
First, there is an imbalance of 0s and 1s in the community (Zheng 2015). There seems to
be predominantly more 1s and significantly fewer 0s in the community. 1s compete with other 1s
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in order to find a 0. Finding a 0 fulfills a desire to have a sexual partner, a one-night stand, a
casual hookup, or even a life partner. In this situation, 1s typically proposition the 0s, while the
0s flaunt the abundance of 1s to choose from.
Secondly, there is an expectation that 0 can express their emotions more readily.
However, a 1 must be careful not to appear to be too emotional. A 1 is considered too emotional
when he portrays emotional needs, seeks guidance from fellow gay men, or is distraught. In this
situation, the emotional 1 is often met with ridicule for not fitting clearly into the categorization
of the 0 and 1 binary.
Lastly, according to Taoist ideology, there is a balance of yang and yin during sexual
intercourse. The 1 (male) contains qualities of yang and the 0 (female) contains qualities of yin.
Since a male contains more yang, he needs to engage in sexual acts with a female to create
balance within (Zheng 2015). The only way to do this is through sexual penetration without the
use of a condom or other sexual protection. The male penetrates the female and orgasms. By
orgasming inside the 0, the 1 creates a balance of yang and yin. In order to create balance, the 1
trades his abundance of yang for the 0’s abundance of yin. This is a distinct binary that creates
very different sexual experiences for both men involved in the same-sex act.
From outside the gay community, these attributes portray gay men as creating a rift in a
homogeneous Chinese society. Yet, the heterosexual community also views these attributes as
part of a sub-community cultural norm.
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4. Homosexual Cultural Norm
The Chinese Homosexual Cultural Norm
This section identifies two Chinese cultural norms related to sexuality and interpersonal
relationships that stem from the heterosexual community.
The first norm is to marry someone of the opposite sex. According to Leta Hong
Fincher’s Leftover Women, individuals usually marry around their early to mid-twenties (Fincher
2014). Women and men are starting to starting to change this trend and marry in their late-
twenties and early-thirties. Yet, some of these marriages are typically not all about love. They are
perhaps better described as an effort to find a life partner. Continuing the family surname
through marriage to a partner of the opposite gender is the norm.
Laws in China only allow heterosexual couples to adopt. As a result of these laws, gay
couples are incapable of producing an heir and passing along their family name. Due to the
government’s adoption policies, gay men must marry a partner of the opposite sex to fulfill this
the norm, or they are otherwise unable to produce a family heir (Zheng 2015).
The second norm requires conformity to dichotomous gender roles. While this is not
unique to Chinese culture, it is important to discuss how gay Chinese men adopt dichotomous
gender roles. Standards for males include being dominant and aggressive, having a strong will,
being financially independent, and having protective instincts. These characteristics also include
physical attributes, such as being tall and handsome, and having defined facial features. The
female is supposed to assume an opposite set of characteristics. These include being submissive,
requiring protection, being financially dependent, having a good figure, and using makeup
(Zheng 2015).
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The Chinese state promotes marrying individuals of the opposite sex who showcase these
“gender-conforming” characteristics. TV shows, films, and literature that do not contribute to
producing or reflecting the desired couples are often subject to the state’s censorship laws and
removed from public view. The state presumes that enforcing these standards of its ideal family
structure perpetuates a “harmonious society” (Fincher 2014: 23). Gay men adapt to these gender
roles in order to create a modified ideal family and blend into Chinese culture.
Gay Gender Roles
The gay community modified traditional social constructs by having rigid gender roles.
This binary between male and female roles in the gay community allows for a successful
adaptation to traditional norms. In order for a gay man to assume a gender role, he assumes
multiple character traits associated with that gender. For example, if a gay male were to obtain
the female role, then he would acquire the penetrated position during sexual intercourse,
financial dependency, physical qualities, among other facets of being a female in Chinese society
(Yan 2003). In this manner, gay men satisfy a relationship containing both a female and male
figure.
A gay male assuming the female gender role and trying to blend into the heterosexual
norm often finds it impossible, while a gay male assuming the male gender role finds blending in
both possible and practical. The gay male and heterosexual male gender roles are relatively
similar. For the individuals identifying as 0s, however, this creates a unique situation where the
feminized gay identity conflicts with the masculine hetero-normative identity. Dissanayake
describes this unique situation as a conflict of identity (Dissanayake 1994). In order for gay
identities to encompass this conflict, they must rely on the representation of rigid gender roles
originating from heterosexual norms.
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Heterosexual Norms Restrict the Homosexual Community
The mass culture negatively stereotypes the gay community. The societal norm requires
individuals to blend into a predominantly homogeneous standard.
Gay men feel a need to assimilate their own identities to fit into the mass culture’s
societal norm, thus blending into a prescribed homogenous society. Fitting into the norm is a
prominent issue in the article, Love really needs courage, to be true to oneself! found on the gay
blog site Gay IVF Blog (Homosexual Test Tube Baby 2016). This article discusses an interview
with Kangyong Cai,
3
a famous movie actor in China and Hong Kong. Cai talks about the need to
fit into the societal norm and his opinions of gay social issues:
We [Cai Kangyong and the interviewer] have both been
educated “the minority obey the majority,” “Be a good
boy,” “Don’t stand out,” “Look at what other people do” …
From an early age to an old age, family and society have
given us countless norms, as a result we begin to give
ourselves norms, set norms for other people, and even use
these norms to intentionally or unintentionally hurt others
(Homosexual Test Tube Baby. Love really needs courage,
to be true to oneself! 2016).
Cai discusses the importance of blending into the norm from an early age to avoid emotional
hurt. The adaptations often require gay sub-culture to mirror common heterosexual relationships.

3
Cai Kangyong, 蔡康永
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Figure 2 shows the various adaptations to the gay community makes to Chinese heterosexual norms
In the following social media post excerpt from My Gay Boyfriends, Chapter 1, it is
possible to see the phenomenon of gay men seeking partners of the opposite gender role. The
author remains anonymous in order to protect his identity, so I will call him Lu. He meets
another gay man, Ping. This interaction is their first-time meeting after connecting via an online
BBS. Lu travels to a neighboring city to meet Ping in person and describes his encounter in great
detail:
When I [Lu] saw him I was really disappointed, he [Ping]
was short (I am not tall, yet he was even shorter than me).
His face was also not very handsome. (Moumou, Chapter 1,
2016).
Lu describes the physical characteristics of Ping as non-desired male characteristics. The social
construction influenced Lu’s perception of attractive physical qualities. Desirable masculine
physical features are prominent in both the heterosexual and gay communities. This shows gay
men mirror heteronormative gender roles.
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The male is supposed to act according to their distinct male characteristics. If a male
displays some female tendencies and characteristics, he breaks the prescribed social norms.
Dress and language both affect a male figure’s appearance. Male figures that exhibit effeminate
traits conform less to norms, stand out more, and therefore, their status is weakened in both the
heterosexual and gay communities.
Financial Role Adaptations
Heteronormative culture promotes conformity, yet a deviation from the norm is more and
less accepted (Sedgwick 1990). Gay couples create a deviation from the norm by dividing roles
of financial provider and dependent. These roles are based on heterosexual relationships (Yan
2003).
In a gay relationship, consequently, it is typical for men to assume the same financial role
in multiple relationships. This occurrence is visible in the social media blog post My Gay
Boyfriend, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, found on the popular mainstream website Sina. The
financial dependent role assumed by Lu contrasts with the provider role assumed by Ping:
He [Ping] took out 200 Yuan [dollars] from his pocket and
handed it to me [Lu], it took me by damn surprise. I said:
“Why give me money?” He said: “To buy water to drink on
the road” (Moumou, Chapter 1, 2016).
This gesture is a defining characteristic of the financial provider. The act of Ping giving Lu
money is a demonstration of how the gay community adopts the heterosexual cultural norm
established by husband and wife. In a second relationship, Lu again assumes the dependent role:
When I [Lu] rented the hotel room I tried to fetch money
from my pocket, Xiaoxuan seemed to understand, fom his
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black shoulder bag, he took out a hundred-dollar bill and
handed it to the hotel manager (Moumou, Chapter 2, 2016).
This excerpt demonstrates that in a series of romantic relationships, Lu clearly acts out the role
of the financial dependent partner. His lovers immediately recognize and assume the “provider”
position in response, a pattern similar to the heteronormative roles of male provider and female
dependent linked to traditional marriage roles.
5. Attitudes of Homosexuality in China
Misrepresentation of the Gay Community
Widespread unfamiliarity with the gay community in China leads to a misrepresentation
and stereotypes that all gay men fall on the female side of the spectrum; all gays resemble
individuals that in the gay community would often be characterized as “0”s. This is a
misrepresentation and is completely false. In reality, the majority of the gay community remains
closer toward the masculine side of the spectrum (Zheng 2015) and do not appear to be
effeminate or flamboyant.
The blog post, A Gay Man’s Blog, I am Gay, Part 1 (Gay Man, Part 1, 2008) captures the
stereotyping and misunderstanding that all gay men are effeminate. In this post, the author
expresses negative stereotyping of the gay community due to a lack of knowledge about gay
characteristics:
The outside world often believes that effeminate men are
homosexuals, thinking that all homosexuals are effeminate;
in fact, this is a complete misunderstanding of this group
(Gay Man, Part 1, 2008).
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The author is not trying to criticize the “outside world” for not understanding the spectrum of
gay identities. Rather, the author is trying to share with the “outside world” that more
possibilities exist for homosexual characteristics.
Negative social attitudes about the gay community are linked to certain characteristics
that many heterosexuals stereotypically attribute to gay men. These negatively viewed qualities
include: being extremely effeminate, flamboyant, sex crazed or sick. Zheng suggests these
negatively viewed qualities support the stereotype that gay men fall on the female side of the
spectrum (Zheng 2015).
Familiarity with Homosexuality
The concept of homosexuality seems to remain misunderstood in Chinese society. The
reason the practice is misunderstood is because the mass culture is, for the most part, ignorant of
gay culture.
Heterosexual prejudice regarding gay culture arises largely out of ignorance. In the blog
post, A Gay Man’s Blog – I Am Gay Part 1 (Gay Man, Part 1, 2008), the anonymous author
shows this misunderstanding:
A large part of their [heterosexual community]
understanding of this community [gay community] is
primarily based on speculation; it is easy to make the
mistake of missing the bigger picture. People
misunderstand too many things about this group! (Gay
Man, Part 1, 2008)
The author attributes the misconception to ignorance, which is a sign of unfamiliarity. Affiliated
with this concept is the idea that homosexuality is distant and remains unseen (Grossman 2000).
Stumph 22
This invisibility is exacerbated by the fact that many gay men in China choose to publicly adopt
a heteronormative persona. This is one goal of the social media posts--to spread knowledge and
to change the preconceived misunderstanding of the gay community.
6. Opposition to Negative Attitudes
A. Platforms for Freedom of Expression
The sub-community opposes negative social attitudes by seeking ways to inform the
populace about gay practices in China. The gay community utilizes cyberspace as a safe space to
publicly announce their sexual orientation in order to combat the misunderstanding of their
community.
The gay community utilizes social media as a platform for freedom of expression. Social
media acts as a newfound freedom of speech that allows gay men to try out anonymity via
cyberspace. Included in the freedom of speech is the ability to discuss aspects of homosexuality
without impeding on their relations with family, friends, coworkers, or classmates (Johnston
2009).
The younger generations are more likely to self-identify and exercise a freedom of
speech. The age of technology created a cultural shift, allowing the younger generations to face
less pressure exercising this freedom: “the current younger generation feels less societal pressure
than their parent’s generation, so it’s easier to come out (Gay Man, Coming Out of the Closet,
2009). This shift allows the younger generation of gay men to proclaim their sexual orientations
at a younger age than their predecessors.
Stumph 23
In the blog post, Gay Blog – Coming out of the Closet, the author acknowledges that the
prejudice toward homosexuality is now changing. This excerpt exemplifies the freedom that
social media allows for gay men:
A lot of sites have dedicated personal columns, allowing
gay men to post their personal ads, their own contact
details, and even share one’s own private photos (Gay Man,
Part 6, 2009).
This excerpt shows that gay men are starting to feel comfortable expressing their gay identities
online. More gay men are able to connect and reach out to other gay men by being able to post
personal details, such as name, contact number, and personal photos.
Publicly Announcing Sexual Orientation
Social media platforms provide a space for gay men in China to express their identities in
ways that have helped them come out in others social spaces. The anonymity of cyberspace
enabled gay men to publicly share insights and experiences they could not comfortably share in
other “embodied” social spaces. This has helped build bonds of community among gay men and
discourses about gay life (Waugh 2001). These discourses have helped gay men express their
identities more often in other public spaces, in “embodied” social spaces, and to broader publics.
To publicly announce sexual orientation is often expressed through the metaphor of the
closet, as in this excerpt from Shanshan and Xinwen’s social media article, If You Have A Gay
Friend, This is What You Need to Know:
Three aspects of the closet:
Coming out: to publicly announce one’s sexual orientation
Stumph 24
Closet Case: is a minority, cannot publicly announce one’s
sexual orientation or refuses to come out
To Be Outed: obviously didn’t want to come out, but
accidently/inexplicably their orientation was exposed and
they had to come out (Shanshan and Xinwen. If You Have
a Gay Friend, this is What You Need to Know 2017).
This excerpt mentions three distinct stages of the closet. But an additional fourth stage, ‘in the
process of coming out,’ is also visible in the gay community.
As with gender orientation itself, the closet represents a continuum. On this continuum
are various stages that each gay maintains. An individual choice regarding coming out relies
heavily on the ability to find societal and familial support, along with tolerance in one’s own
self-affirmation and self-identity (Wah-Shan 2008).
Typically, Chinese gay men remain in the closet, choosing not to self-identity as gay.
Some gay men consider the negative taboo against their gay identity too strong to come out.
Engebretsen and Schroeder suggest that the need to first come out outside of an online space is
often not ideal since the same positive reception is not as widely given (Engebretsen and
Schroeder 2015).
As shown in the social media post, Gay Blog – Coming Out of the Closet, coming out of
the closet in China is quite risky. There are many contributing factors to the environment of each
individual that creates different circumstances:
Sometimes this will even depend upon which individual
you come out to. For people that have contact with you,
you coming out of the closet will psychologically affect
Stumph 25
them. Everyone has different views about gay people, thus
it is necessary to be cautious when coming out to each and
every individual. This is a terrible phenomenon, the
pressure that a gay man faces when coming out of the
closet is unimaginable! (Gay Man. Gay Blog – Coming Out
of the Closet 2009)
This excerpt shows that coming out of the closest is not a possibility for every gay man in China.
While determining if coming out is the right option for them, gay men often arrive at the
conclusion that the economic hardship, parental pressure, psychological stress, and societal
pressure they will face are too much to reveal their gay identity. Yet, despite this significant
personal risk, there is a group of individuals that still choose to announce their sexual orientation.
Most often, online social media posts or forums are the first place that gay men come out
of the closet. Different moral systems generate differing levels of acceptance (Szonyi 1998). In
these social media posts and forums, they receive positive reception typically from other gay
men. The need to receive positive feedback and suppress any negative emotions encourages gay
men to come out online first. An example of a gay man coming out online first is displayed in
Gay Blog – Coming Out of the Closet:
Coming out to your Internet friends is a relatively stress-
free way to come out. One reason is, coming out online
releases your suppressed emotions. Also, you don’t have to
face a lot of pressure, because after all, the Internet will not
affect their lives too much (Gay Man. Gay Blog – Coming
Out of the Closet 2009).
Stumph 26
Coming out online allows gay men to utilize cyberspace as a platform that sets them up for
positive reception. Like-minded people with similar moral systems give the men that come out
affirmation and support. This response from within the gay community provides a much-desired
emotional connection to fellow gay men and a sense of community.
B. Effectiveness of Opposition
Role models and leaders in the gay community emerge online by highlighting the issues
of prejudice against their community. Individuals that advocate for the gay community also
indirectly change the culture. By presenting the gay community impartially or even positively,
these activists bring a different image of gay culture to gays and non-gays as well, enabling
vernacular specific to the gay community to spread into the heterosexual community and
promoting a cultural shift on social media (Hill 2006).
Websites are communication platforms and mediums to combat socio-political
opposition. Online websites also include information, articles, and topics specific to the gay
community in China. Individuals inside and outside of the community utilize these sources. In
the excerpt from, My Gay Boyfriends, Chapter 1, the author shares his experiences with social
media platforms:
A few years ago, the inland provinces still only had the
Danlan gay website, whatever you wanted to search, you
could only go through Danlan or Baidu.
4
There are forums
on it. There are also people that post information about
dating, and others post pictures of themselves (Moumou,
Chapter 1, 2016).

4
Nandu (淡蓝网) and Baidu (百度) are popular search engines in China
Stumph 27
By showing the foundations and principles of homosexuality, these forums spread familiarity of
gay practices and experiences. This increased familiarity with the gay community helps combat
negative attitudes about homosexuality.
But while social media posts can represent a social minority’s discourse, they are also a
space open to culture and government domination (Dissanayake 1994). Postings that openly
express negative attitudes and criticism of the government are often met with state censorship.
Sites such as www.gaybyte.com, www.gaychinese.cn, and www.soyoo.cn no longer exist
because the Chinese government shut them down.
5
Websites are usually shut down by the
Chinese government because they openly discussed explicit gay sexual content.
Due to socio-political pressures, self-expression on social media requires special
attention. The Chinese government will remove the post from the Internet if it negatively
critiques the homogenous society, the government, or the culture.
6
The censorship laws work to
promote a homogenous society that abides by a cultural norm.
One example of a blog being removed by the Chinese government is Tutu Tutu
Moumou’s My Gay Boyfriends. At the beginning of my research, the posts on this blog were
readily available online. Approximately six months after being posted, the government’s
censorship bureau removed the posts due to the explicit “abnormal” sexual tendencies described
by Moumou, as shown in this excerpt from Chapter 2:
His mouth moved down slowly, after his tongue rimmed my
bellybutton, he put my penis in his mouth, my body
trembled, the tip of my penis felt warm and moist…enjoying

5
See Appendix II for full list of websites and sources for gays in China
6
Certain blog postings in this thesis were blocked by the government’s censorship policies. The
author copied the original Chinese texts before they were removed from the Internet.
Stumph 28
the pleasure he brought me, my hands continuously playing
with his penis, he also moaned continuously (Moumou,
Chapter 2, 2016).
The “abnormal” same-sex sexual acts described in this excerpt are one reason why the
censorship bureau deemed this post inappropriate and removed it from online.
New websites, such as queercomrades.com, abide by the government’s censorship
policies in order to post videos, blogs, forums, and other news mediums. While anonymity
allows gay men to openly express their opinions and emotions, certain self-censorship must
occur for the posts to remain online.
Gay Jargon
Self-censorship allows gay men to have a strong opinion about a subject and have the
post remain online. It is often the case that the censorship bureau cannot keep up with all of the
associated meaning of vernacular. Therefore, the gay community incorporates jargon into their
blog posts to convey the prejudice against them without having the posts immediately removed
by the government.
Some social media postings use abbreviations and numbers to avoid using certain words
the censorship bureau searches for. One example is 3p being used instead of the word threesome,
as shown in the post If You Have a Gay Friend, this is What You Need to Know: “[they’re] more
likely to cheat or have a 3p” (Shanshan & Xinwen 2017).
7

Another abbreviation example is 419 to represent a one-night stand, such as in the post, A
Gay Man’s Blog – Part 6: “many people will have a 419 if they’re attractive” (Gay Man, Part 6,

7
“容易劈腿、能够 3p” meaning “more likely to cheat or have a threesome”
Stumph 29
2008).
8
The use of abbreviations like 3p and 419 allow gay men to talk about more explicit
topics without the censorship bureau removing their posts as quickly.
The gay community created jargon to express the ideas and concepts unique to the group.
Jargon helps create unification amongst the gay community (Simpson 2017). An example of the
use of jargon comes from the following the post in I Am Gay, Part 3:
The feminine nature of “c” guys identify them as obviously
gay, giving society a false impression. In reality, more gay
guys are not “c.” It should be said, most gay guys do have a
soft side. This refers to deep rooted characteristics (Gay
Man, Part 3, 2008).
This excerpt contains a specific lexical item that has meaning unique to the gay community. The
letter “c” refers to a male that displays effeminate traits. The term is derived from the English
word “sissy.” To create an equivalent to “sissy” in the Chinese script, the Chinese gay
community modified the pronunciation and used the letter “c.”
9

Jargon brings a community closer together and isolates a community from outsiders.
Because jargon does not encapsulate all bodies of Chinese society, a difference emerges between
the homosexual and heterosexual communities (Johnston 2009). In the social media post, If You
Have a Gay Friend, This is What You Need to Know (Shanshan & Xinwen 2017), the author
explains the meanings behind some of the jargon and vernacular that the homosexual community
uses:

8
很多人只要双方顺眼就能玩起 419 “many people will have a one-night stand if they’re
attractive”
9
Chinese script consists of thousands of characters. The script does not use an alphabet. Lots of
adopted modern terms either use other traditional characters or modify an abbreviated English
spelling
Stumph 30
Being dumbfounded by a screen full of jargon isn’t a
pleasant experience for anyone. For our new students
[people outside of the homosexual community], we decided
to look at the basic vocabulary of “the world of sexual
minorities” (Shanshan & Xinwen 2017).
While the group uses language specific to the community, members outside of the community
often are unable to relate to the jargon. Members outside of the gay community might respond to
this un-relatability with prejudice, which is why some gay bloggers have authored blog posts
trying to explain gay jargon to non-gays. Gay men explain these new terms in hope of
combatting the prejudice that might derive from ignorance and a lack of understanding.
7. The Gay Community on Cyberspace
Style of Speech on Cyberspace
There are multiple instances of gay bloggers using humor to disguise emotions in social
media postings. Many homosexuals tend to hide their emotions of resentment and anger, and in
these written texts often communicate these feelings through humor, typically expressed in a
sassy tone.
Gay bloggers can help create solidarity in addition to expressing the attitudes of their
community through this style of writing. In the blog post, I’m Gay – Part 3, the author uses
humor as a way to reflect hidden resentment:
To some of the so-called straight men who despise gay
guys, honestly you shouldn’t attack me. If I had not led a
crowd of beautiful boys to become gay, you guys would’ve
Stumph 31
had no chance? Don’t mention it at all, but why repay me
with these vicious attacks? Think about it, if we also like
women, you’d have had an even harder time in a place like
China where the ratio between the sexes is already
imbalanced, you’re welcome! (Gay Man. I’m Gay – Part 3
2008)
This excerpt displays different emotions, such as sass and resentment. Instead of returning the
verbal abuse with a barrage of insults, the author conveys his feelings in a humorous way. This
style of speech is typical of gay social dialect. Social dialects are usually restricted to a
geographical location, but in this instance, the language is restricted to an online cyberspace
(Simpson 2017). This is a positive response that promotes gay power. By sharing their
experiences with prejudice, homosexuals can hide their insecurities of being gay behind a
blanket of humor. The insecurities expressed in such posting reveal a prominent theme in the
homosexual community.
Unifying Emotions on Cyberspace
Loneliness emerges as a prevalent theme in the homosexual community in China. In
order to prevent revealing their homosexual identity, gay men typically tend to avoid each other
in public spaces. Avoiding each other causes them to remain distant from each other. Thus, the
gay community ostracizes themselves and in the process, creates a feeling of isolation.
The use of male prostitutes is an indication of loneliness in the gay community. One
typical phenomenon is that when aging gays are unable to procure one-night-stands,
10
those that
can financially afford it, often resort to purchasing prostitutes. Gay male prostitutes are also

10
Jargon for one-night-stands is 419s
Stumph 32
referred to as money boys in Chinese society.
11
Money boys are typically younger heterosexual
males from rural areas. These males typically moved to cities to find work with good pay. If they
cannot find work or are not earning enough money they resort to becoming a money boy. Most
of the gay community views money boys as low-class citizens in both the heterosexual and gay
communities. They are often considered degrading and a disgrace to the homosexual community
(Zheng 2015). Partaking in the use of money boys and the desire to be with a partner sexually
symbolizes the loneliness in the gay community.
Another theme of loneliness in the gay community is the desire for companionship.
Many gay men yearn to have someone to share experiences with during old age. The older gay
community did not have the privilege of having marriage equality in China during their youth.
Therefore, it is common for older gay males in China to not have a companion.
A unique article titled Gay Youth – What are Gay People Afraid of? --- Getting Old
expresses an interesting opinion about loneliness from an older gay male’s perspective:
When gay people are young why do they refuse to be
bound by conventions, but ultimately marry and have
children?
12
Perhaps they are not only forced by society and
family pressures, but also in fact they like having children
because the child is the continuation of their own lives.
This way they won’t be lonely when they are old, being
married and having children is part of their life plan, the so

11
The term haizi/xiaohai has been standardized in translation as money boy
12
They are in the end being conventional
Stumph 33
-called pressure is just a justification (Gay Doctor. Gay
Youth – What are Gay People Afraid of? ── Getting Old
2014).
This excerpt shows that aging in the gay community correlates to ostracization and loneliness.
Without a life partner, family, or children, gay men can feel very lonely. Their heterosexual
counterparts are expected to marry and have children, yet the legal system prevents gay men
from marrying or adopting children. This leaves gay men with very few opportunities to create a
family for themselves and find happiness. As a result, a correlation between aging and loneliness
compels gay men to feel isolated.
Loneliness in the gay community can also be seen as a symbol of the community not
being harmonious or united. There are many instances where gays are divided into subgroups,
stereotyped, and pressured to suppress aspects of their identity or emotions to fit more clearly
into the categories (such as 0 and 1) that are predominate in gay community interactions. Many
gay men conform to these roles in order to facilitate fitting comfortably into the gay community,
but sometimes conforming under such pressure leads to unhappiness and a sense of loneliness. In
this regard cyberspace can be seen as having ambivalent influence on gay individuals that engage
with it: it can help gays feel connected (for instance, help older generations of gays to forget their
loneliness); but it can also be a space where role types (like 0s and 1s) get reinforced as norms
that make individual gay men feel like they must choose one role or the other.
Joining the Online Gay Community
Joining the online gay community allows homosexuals to feel a sense of belonging.
Cyber space is a transitional space for gay community formation in modern Chinese society. Gay
men that recently came out of the closet typically have no close confidants of whom they can ask
Stumph 34
questions about their newfound identity nor close gay friends with whom to discuss gay issues or
concerns. Self-exploration shared through the Internet is often the only way which gay men can
further discover and understand homosexuality in China (Burton-Rose 2012).
Some gay men share their self-exploration process as a way to help others join and
expand the online homosexual community. An excerpt from the blog post, I’m Gay Part 6,
captures this process.
How did you become a member of the gay community?
Different people have different ways, but we can sum up
the different ways for people who are struggling to find an
emotional partner and offer some of our own experiences to
make things easier for you (a short cut) (Gay Man, Part 6,
2009).
The author is explicitly writing with an educational purpose to serve as a guide for those who
want to learn the nuances of the online gay community.
Contradictions in the Gay Community
The collar-class system in China is based on economic levels. Red collar refers to people
that work for the government. Gold collar are people who make 400,000 Yuan and up a year.
White collar are the mental laborers and blue collar are the manual laborers. Gray collar
individuals are the university students. White, blue, and gray collar are considered lower class.
Red and gold collar individuals are considered upper class. These two classes typically
have the money to rent money boys. Gay men typically associate the ability to have an emotional
gay relationship with upper class individuals. The white and blue-collar citizens typically are
associated with only being able to afford having sexual pleasures.
Stumph 35

Figure 3 shows the five color-classes of Chinese society, broken into upper and lower classes
Some in the gay community strictly categorize its members into various clichéd “types”
based upon collar-class and gender role which seems rather ironic in that the gay community
does not want individuals outside the community to categorize them. But the gay community is
multi-voiced and no single author, voice or narrative hegemonically defines or definitively unites
the community. Dissanayake’s work suggests that these blogs are a conglomerate of narratives
that comprise a single multi-voiced context (Dissanayake 1994). The social media posts are
merely shared opinions and experiences that can simultaneously build community while also
manifesting contradictions within that community.
Different voices from the gay community can contradict each other. People who feel out
of the norm can use social media postings as a way to connect with a community via similar
personality traits. Yet, in order to get a lot of people to view their social media pages online, they
need to appeal to an audience. Following Nikki Lee’s insights, we must also recognize that most
blog posts are written for a certain audience to enjoy, that they target various audiences. (Lee
2011). One example is the popular gay blogger Xiahe. In the blog post, Gay Blog – Coming Out
Stumph 36
of the Closet, an anonymous author references Xiahe in discussing a certain voice for the gay
community:
But only a few gay individuals who come out, come out to
their parents. For example, the famous younger generation
gay celebrity – Xiahe, his aunt found out that he was gay
from an online post; she called him to find out what was
going on… A famous gay person who is known by almost
everyone online doesn’t come out to his parents?! Now,
many gay individuals like to come out as gay online
because they’re handsome, but also to become Internet
celebrities (Gay Man, Coming Out of the Closet, 2009).
Xiahe’s blog posts seemed to promote coming out and being a representative voice for the gay
community, yet his actual identity differed from his message. Looking at the context of a voice
can be critical to the establishment of the legitimacy of the claims. In certain cases, it can also be
critical to the acceptance of facts as truth. Examining the voice’s underlying meaning can show
that a single voice that can advocate for a cause will not always remain a valued voice for that
cause when contradictions that some see as hypocrisy become apparent. While readers likely
sympathized with Xiahe’s situation, the author of this blog post clearly saw the hypocrisy as
potentially undermining Xiahe’s credibility as a leader in the gay community.
Shared Social Spaces and Social Sites
Social media facilitates the gathering of gay men in physical spaces. Many gay men
arrange to meet each other via various social media platforms. Physical social spaces are the next
Stumph 37
step in the evolution of the gay community making substantive change toward the attitudes of
their community.
Negative social stigmas restrict gay men to express their homosexual identities in specific
physical spaces instead of allowing them to utilize any physical location to interact with other
gay men. These particular spaces empower gay men to feel comfortable portraying their
homosexual identities. Distinct physical social spaces, such as drag shows, parks, bars and clubs
present gay men with the opportunity to express their identities freely amongst other gay men.
Lynda Johnston and Robert Longhurst argue social spaces are mediums used to express personal
experiences, self-realizations, and belonging (Johnston & Longhurst 2009). Multiple
communities can occupy the same physical social space as a way to gather at the same time.
Drag Shows in Bars as a Social Space
Heterosexual and homosexual communities can use the same locale, but have different
interpretations of that locale. These multi-purposeful social spaces give empowerment to the two
different groups to interpret and interact in different ways. An example of both the heterosexual
and homosexual communities utilizing a physical social space simultaneously is the dance club,
China Jump (Fu 2010: 243). Xiaoxing Fu studies gay communities, specifically in Northern
China,
13
by interviewing gay individuals to identify social sites of importance to the gay
community. China Jump caters to a heterosexual community, yet there is a prominent gay
community in one section of the club. As one of Fu’s interviewee discusses, on occasion this
particular club has drag performances. All the gay men in the club know that the performance is
a drag show, but the heterosexual community is unaware of the drag show.

13
Xiaoxing Fu 富晓星
Stumph 38
The two different communities interpret the drag shows in different manners. The gay
community views the drag show as a symbol of self-expression. Cross-dressing males displaying
effeminate traits in a glorified manner embodying a gay identity. On a posting on Jingnan
Swallow King’s gay microblog page,
14
the author describes the drag show performance as, “it
was really wonderful, basically the man is dressed as a woman, looking just like a drag queen”
(Jingnan Swallow King 2013). This performance of a drag show is a liberating exchange for a
gay identity.
The heterosexual community views the drag performances as a parody of traditional
Chinese opera, in which only male actors were allowed to perform with the male actors cross-
dressing to perform the female roles. While the drag queens perform, the heterosexual
community makes fun of the male cross-dressers and laughs at the queens displaying effeminate
qualities. Both the gay community and heterosexual community view the same drag show in the
same physical space, but have experiences interacting with the drag queens.
The use of public parks by homosexuals as a social gathering place is an example of
homosexuals converting communal public places into specifically gay social sites. Public parks
present many distinct opportunities to gay men as places for gay men to go cruising,
15
find 419s
16

and 3ps,
17
display their gay identity, and have social interaction with other gay men.
The generally understood intent of urban public parks is to create environments for
society to enjoy the outdoors, converse, exercise, and relax (Zheng 2015). Over time certain

14
Jingnan Swallow King (江南燕子王)
15
Cruising is typical in the gay communities across multiple cultures. A gay male goes to public
spaces looking for someone to have sex with
16
419s are Chinese vernacular for one-night stands
17
3ps are Chinese vernacular for threesomes or group sex. The tongzhi community views sex as
a liberating and important part of the tongzhi lifestyle.
Stumph 39
spaces in specific public parks evolved into specific sites for the gay community to gather and
become known as gay social sites. This excerpt from My Gay Boyfriend, Chapter 1 captures the
interaction between two gay men and their experience together in a park:
I [Lu] just remembered we came to a lawn, him and I sat
down right next to each other… he put his face right next to
mine while I was not prepared, he kissed my cheek … He
put his hand directly into my crotch, holding it firmly.
18
The park provides a physical site where two gay males have the ability to have an intimate
experience together. Some gay men feel comfortable exposing their true homosexual identity in
parks. Showing signs of affection in heterosexual public spaces is not typical of gay culture, but
in homosexual social sites such as these parks some gay men feel more empowered to freely
express their homosexual identity, even though the heterosexual community also utilizes these
communal spaces.
Marriage Markets as a New Shared Social Site
During weekends in China, marriage markets typically occupy certain portions of public
parks. Parents of heterosexual children attend marriage markets in hopes of finding a partner for
their child. They hand out ads with a picture of their child and vital information, such as: career,
salary, university attended, height, desirable physical features, and character traits. In May 2017,
parents of gay children also attended a marriage market in Shanghai (Linder 2017). The
Shanghai marriage market is an example of how parents of gay children are adopting
heterosexual norms for their gay children.

18
Gay Man. A Gay Man’s Blog (Part 1) – I’m Gay 2008
Stumph 40
Since Chinese society has moved from an arranged marriage society to a marriage for
love society, parents often feel anxious when their child does not have a foreseeable partner
(Fincher 2014). Parents of gay children also express this anxiety and take proactive measures to
find a partner for their child like attending a marriage market. In Linder’s article, he quotes
responses from passer-byers to the parents of gay children:
“The group was bombarded with questions from the curios
(“How do they have sex?”), and protests from the intolerant
(“LGBT issues shouldn’t be a public display. Their choice
is wrong and is against Chinese values”) (Linder 2017).
Linder here presents a range of responses from heterosexuals, from tolerant and curious to
judgmental and condemning. The marriage market in the park functions to show the range of
specific attitudes toward homosexuality in one localized social site.
8. Initiating Social Change
Educating the Public about Homosexuality
Education and spread of knowledge can influence change in social attitudes. Gradual
change affects the culture and different perspectives arise from the shift in conventions and
lifestyles. While culture helps dictate social attitudes, each individual must interact with their
own belief system to create their own outlook. Social media has a high level of influence on an
individual’s concept of the mass culture (Radhakrishnan 1996). Thus, it is possible to use social
media as a medium to incorporate self-thought (Lyotard 2001). Individuality makes it possible to
claim cyber space as a social site for self-expression, insinuating education as a means of
influence.
Stumph 41
The social media posts of gay bloggers should be interpreted as more than just a coming
out story or the relatively free voice of experiences; there are strong elements of social influence,
community building, and education that reaches beyond the confines of any single community.
The purpose behind including education along with a coming out story is to pave the way for
other gays to follow.
In order to combat this misunderstanding of the community, an informational pamphlet
called the LGBT Knowledge Manual
19
was compiled. This pamphlet shares helpful hints and
information about the underlying ideology of the gay community in China. There is even a
section devoted to questions and answers. A response to the question, “what is homosexuality,”
gives a partial reasoning for the widespread misunderstanding:
Over the years, psychology and psychiatry have spread
some theories on why people become homosexuals, which
were seemingly correct but actually wrong… These
theories have been abandoned by today’s psychologists and
psychiatrists. It is necessary for us to remove these absurd
theories and erroneous concepts from popular culture
(LGBT Knowledge Manual 2009).
Unjust prejudice stemmed from the misunderstanding that homosexuality was a perversion or
mental illness; the pamphlet asserts that the unjust behavior exhibited toward homosexuality is
primarily due to misunderstandings.
Education coupled with shared expressive speech can help transform social attitudes. The
social media posts written by homosexual authors function as educational material.

19
LGBT Knowledge Manual 2009
Stumph 42
Organizations compile books,
20
pamphlets, and other informational materials to aid gay men.
One such organization is Aibai Culture and Education Center (ACEC)
21
which created the LGBT
Knowledge Manual, referenced in various parts of this thesis. In the appendices of this thesis is
a list of educational sources for LGBT in Chinese. A few sources are in Chinese, while others
include English translations. These sources include shut down websites, functional websites,
books, a list of openly out Chinese celebrities, a list of various tribes
22
in China, a list of
homosexual jargon, movies, short films, and documentaries.
9. Conclusion
Modern social media interact with and shape social perception. In mainstream Chinese
society, there is currently a negative social stigma against the gay community. The heterosexual
standard entails fairly rigid gender norms and many in the male homosexual community have
found it necessary to adopt these distinct gender roles in order to function in and blend into
society. Yet, this causes gay men to carry two identities, living a double life due to the negative
social perceptions placed on the homosexual sub-community.
Blogs, microblogs, and social media written by gay authors give insight into the current
social prejudice in China. Examining this body of literature is critical to understanding social
spaces and the role of negative social attitudes toward gay men. With the economization and
commercialization of China, more gay men have access to new social spaces, including online
social sites. Websites that have forums, discussions, and groups specifically for gay men foster a

20
Look at list in Appendix II for complete list of educational books
21
Aibai is short for Aiqing baipi shu 爱情白皮书
22
Tribe refers to subcategories of sexual minorities in the male homosexual community
Stumph 43
new era of the gay community. These are platforms and mediums for homosexuals to interact
and share their experiences of confronting negative social attitudes.
While the gay community is not restricted to just online social spaces, physical social
sites are also used as locations for gays to interact with fellow gays. These locations are often
restricted to certain parks, bars, or bathhouses, yet they can also be used simultaneously with the
heterosexual community. As shown with the drag show performances in hidden social sites, the
negative social perception of the gay community is prominent. This masks social influence,
transforming identity, and blending gender roles.
The age of technology made social media and blog posts reach audiences on a grander
scale. In doing so, these informal texts emerge as a form of literature. They reach audiences that
may feel out of the norm and need guidance or information in self-affirming their identity.
Part of self-affirmation is the newfound freedom and exploration of speech expressed via
online social media. Since oral transmission is often not feasible due to taboo and prejudice,
online texts spread and enlighten others about the structure and context of the gay community.
This creates a social sphere where homosexuals can implement positive construction of their
community without facing opposition or prejudice.
The rejection of culture is not easy, but not adopting and implementing new culture is
also detrimental to societal progress. The ability to embrace a new set of ideals based off of
thought is critical to understanding individuality, self-identity, experience, knowledge, self-
realizations, and most importantly, homosexuality. Using different expressions of reality and
contradictions to the norm show that relationships between power, culture, oppression,
adjustment, and adoption of culture norms breeds understanding.
Stumph 44
Newfound knowledge of a topic, community, and people changes social attitudes.
Ignorance is the root of negative social perceptions and stems from a lack of knowledge about a
subject and people that live unfamiliar lifestyles.
The Argument
Homosexuality is viewed in many different ways according to the culture. Homosexuality
in the People’s Republic of China requires an understanding of social attitudes, the homosexual
sub-community, and misunderstandings about the gay community.
There are underlying negative social attitudes of homosexuality which stem from
ignorance and lack of acceptance. The gay community tries to share what it means to be gay in
China by relying on social media platforms as a way to spread knowledge about their
community.
One main purpose behind these social media posts is to gain recognition. In order for
something to exist, other entities and bodies have to recognize its existence. Current Chinese
culture does not fully embrace the existence and acceptance of the gay community. Due to these
circumstances, the male gay community in China focuses on expression and excerpts of
discourse in social media postings as a means of recognition within a very specific context.
Chinese male homosexuality represents its own unique culture, embodying the concept of
self-realization. The sub-culture operates within certain parameters, such as different social sites
that the gay community utilizes. Within these social sites, the homosexual community expresses
its own free speech, experiences, knowledge, self-realizations, and issues that arise from within
itself. These various aspects showcase the ideas of social perceptions conveyed by the
heterosexual community. Social perceptions influence an individual’s way of recognizing a
Stumph 45
community. Therefore, there is a need to spread factual information about communities little
known to the mainstream populace.
The Implications
This thesis discussed why the gay community used the term tongzhi, and a younger
generation started to use the term ‘gay’ in reference to themselves. Expressing this term as part
of their identity as a community effectively presents outsiders with an effective way to interact
and become familiar with gay men and tongzhi. While outsiders still have a large negative social
perception of homosexuality, as shown through expression of emotion, this is a
misrepresentation. Discussing these issues is critical to understanding the purpose behind the
movement to share knowledge via social media. This research is important because this social
group wants to share knowledge about their local context, regional culture, and subgroup
dynamics in order to seek recognition as a valued community. They lag behind other similar
groups in countries at comparable levels of development due to the unique cultural differences
discussed. The way this group overcomes these distinct challenges will be of great interest to a
variety of social science researchers.
This topic is constantly evolving and consideration for progress requires continuous
attention. As social perceptions gradually change, so will the dynamics of what constitutes a
homosexual identity. The community’s needs will transform to encompass diverse issues and
assorted themes will emerge as a way to combat or interact with perception.
This shared information educates individuals about what it means to be gay. As shown,
often times the laws of a state follow the customs. Thus, the change of the current social
perceptions must then originate from a cultural standpoint within Chinese society.
Stumph 46
Future Research
This thesis focuses on a gender binary as a form of misunderstanding the gay community.
Potential future research could examine the speech patterns present in the social media posts.
Future analysis could examine if speech used by various gay men represents speech patterns
typical of men or women. It would be interesting to see if the gendered speech patterns correlate
to the gender role assumed by the homosexual males. If they differ, it would be fascinating to
analyze in what ways they divert from the gender binary. Further analysis could probe whether
speech patterns contribute to the negative attitudes of homosexuality in China.

Stumph 47
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Homosexual Test Tube Baby (同性恋试管婴儿). “Love really needs courage, to be true to
oneself! (爱真的需要勇气，做最真实的自己!),” Gay IVF (Test Tube Baby) Blog, 13
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“LGBT Knowledge Manual (认识同志手册).” Aibai. 2009. Accessed 30 Jan 2017.
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的),” (blog), 2017-01-13 https://www.danlan.org/disparticle_55506.htm. Accessed 24
Feb 2017.

Stumph 48
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Stumph 50

Appendix I: Key Translated Terms

The following terms are shown first in Mandarin Chinese Pinyin, followed by Mandarin Chinese
Characters, then in English. The first English term is the slang translation, followed by the
English literal translation in parentheses, if available.

Unabbreviated Terms
Boli 玻璃 gay (glass)
Gong 攻 top (to attack, to penetrate)
G-pian g 片 gay porn
Guimi 闺蜜 significant other (girlfriend or friend)
Jilao 基佬 gay [negative connotation in some cases]
Ku’er 酷儿 queer (ruthless)
Liumangzui 流氓罪 Hooliganism Law
Minjian 民间 [unofficial] political writer
Shou 受 bottom (to receive)
Tongxing’ai 同性爱 same-sex love
Tongxinglian 同性恋 homosexuality
Tongzhi 同志 gay (comrade)
Tongzhi wenxue 同志文學 comrade literature
Stumph 51
Yiyeqing 一夜情 one night stand
Yueguopao 约过炮 to hookup for sex

Abbreviated Terms
0 – female role, bottom (association with a vagina)
1 – male role, top (association with the penis)
3p - threesomes/group sex
419s - one-night stands
BBS – Bulletin Board System
C – sissy, Nancy (portray feminine traits)
IVF - Test Tube Baby
Lala - lesbian
Les – lesbian
Lily – lesbian (often found in anime or manga)
Macho Queen – masculine (portray extreme masculine traits)
P - fem (strongly related to lesbian culture)
T - tomboy (strongly related to lesbian culture)

Terms to Refer to Eroticism of Same-Sex Relationships
jiqing zhijiao passionate intercourse
ziti huanyu autoeroticism
ning artfulflattery
zi hui love and favor
Stumph 52
Appendix II: Websites and Sources for LGBT in China

Functional Websites When Sources Compiled
www.111k.com (sexualized commercialization)
www.aibai.cn
www.blog.sina.com.cn (have to search more closely)
www.boysky.net
www.chian.reddust.net
www.gaychinese.net
www.gztz.org
www.queercomrades.com (available in English)
www.she.21cn.com (lesbian specific)
www.baidu.com
www.baike.baidu.com
www.marksmile.com (BFBOY Blue Network)
www.danlan.org
www.sohu.com
www.uncovermap.org
www.hotline.org.tw
www.tongyulala.org
www.un.org/chinese/hr
www.ginginbooks.com

Stumph 53
Shut Down Websites When Sources Compiled
www.bjtongzhi.com
www.gaybyte.com
www.gaychinese.cn
www.pybk.com
www.soyoo.cn
www.tianjincool.com

Cell-Phone Apps
Blued 不撸帝 Buludi (dating app)
ICQ
QQ
Momo 陌陌
Tantan 探探 (dating app)

Homosexual Tribes
Intersex
Transgender
Pansexual
Kinksters
Tombois
Leatherfolk
Tom
Stumph 54
Dee
Waria
Mahu
Mak nyahs
Travesty
Bakla
Hijra
Kothi
Jankhas
Panthi

Openly Out Online Figures
Jin Xing 金星
Uncle Ladybeard
Li Yinhe 李銀河
Xiahe 夏河
Luoluo 洛洛
Liu Qi 刘奇
Wang Zixuan 王子轩
Lin Kaiwen 林凯文

Films
Stumph 55
蓝色大门 2004
喜宴 1993
十七岁的天空 2004
海南鸡饭 2004
Beautiful Thing 愈爱愈美丽 1996
Bent 生命中不能承受之情 1997
Billy Elliot 跳出我天地 2000
Boys Don’t Cry 男孩不哭 1999
Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee 2005) 斷背山
East Palace, West Palace (Yuan Zhang 1996) 東宮西宮
Ethan mao 志同盗合 2004
Far From Heaven 远离天堂 2002
Farewell My Concubine (Chen Kaige 1993) 霸王別姬
King and the Clown (Lee Joon-Ik 2007) 李濬益
La Cage Aux Folles 鸟笼 1978
Lan Yu (Stanley Kwan 2001) 藍宇
Maurice 莫瑞斯 1987
Midnight Dancers 热夜舞男 1994
Philadelphia 费城故事 1993
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert 沙漠妖姬 1994
Stumph 56
Stonewall 石墙风暴 1995
The Celluloid Closet 电影中的同志 1995
The Laramie Project 恐同残杀事件 2002
The Sum of Us 我们四个 1994
Torch Song Trilogy 火炬三部曲 1988
Touch of Pink 桃色接触 2004
Trick 天雷勾动地火 1999
Wild Reeds 野芦苇 1995

Novels about Homosexuality
Beijing Comrades (Bei Tong) 北京故事
Why are we bullying? (陈岚) 我們為什麼被霸凌?

Stumph 57
Appendix III: Social Media Postings
Forums and Sponsored Documents
如果你有同志朋友，这些是需要知道的
If You Have a Gay Friend, this is What You Need to Know (Translation)
认识同志手册
LGBT Knowledge Manual (Translations)
Articles as Blogs
青春同志 -同志最怕的是什么 – 老
Gay Youth – What are Gay People Afraid of? ── Getting Old (Translations)
Blogs
同志的博客－出柜
Gay Blog – Coming Out of the Closet (Translation)
同志的博客－我是同志（一）
A Gay Man’s Blog (Part 1) – I’m Gay (Translation)
同志的博客－我是同志－我想很多同志多有
I’m Gay (Part 3) (Translation)
同志的博客－我是同志－你是怎样进入同性恋这个圈子的
I’m Gay (Part 6) (Translation
我的同志男友们 - 第一章 - 入圈约见首位网友
My Gay Boyfriends: Chapter 1 (Translation)
我的同志男友们 - 第二章 - 我和四川男友的三个月
My Gay Boyfriends: Chapter 2 (Translation)
Stumph 58
如果你有通知朋友，这些是需要知道的
2017-01-13
https://www.danlan.org/disparticle_55506.htm3

秀闺蜜已经是司空见惯的套路了，“Gay蜜”早就取而代之成为了新的风潮。但是对
于部分直了半辈子的小白兔来说，论起Gay蜜新世界里的概念仍然是一头雾水：

LGBT都是啥？
什么，除此之外还有QIA？
深柜是什么柜？
同妻跟换妻什么关系？
……

看着满屏专有名词一脸懵逼对谁来说都不是愉快的体验，为了照顾新同学们，我们决
定以“性少数世界的入门词典”为主题带大家做一期复习——
Stumph 59
同学们，欢迎来到你所不知道的世界

⒈ LGBT
L-Lesbians，女同性恋
也称“拉拉”或“百合”。“拉拉”的使用场景更广泛、更通俗些。而“百合”则多指动漫
场景下的女女恋情。

G-Gays，男同性恋
也有“玻璃”或“基佬”的说法。

Stumph 60
如果你和一个Gay 关系很近而且他又不介意，在合适的情况下你尽可以用“基佬”这个
词开他的玩笑。但在某些语境下“基佬”还是带有强烈的贬义色彩，所以怎么使用，全看情
商咯。

B-Bisexuals，双性恋者
异性恋和同性恋都属于只对一种性别产生爱情的“单性恋”，而双性恋者可以对两种性
别都产生爱情。
听起来好像幸福遍地，人生巅峰对不对？

并不！双性恋不意味着“谁都行”，更不意味着“容易劈腿、能够3p”。他们的爱情也是
两个人，和我们并没有任何分别。

T-Transgender，跨性别者
通俗来说，“跨性别”就是“跨了两个性别”，指“不认同自己与生俱来的性别，相信自
Stumph 61
己属于另一个性别”的人们。用男跨女做例子，就是——
“我本是女娇娥，又不是男儿郎。”

当然，张国荣并不是跨性别者，我们也没必要从“是不是跨性别感情”这种无关紧要的
角度来讨论《霸王别姬》。若说到“男儿身、女儿心”，我们更应该请出金姐：

Stumph 62
因为金星的影响，跨性别者中的变性者得到了更多的曝光，在公众中引起的排斥和厌
恶似乎也因为“同情”而有所减少，简直完美！

但是，“变性者”只是跨性别者中的一个类别，并不是所有跨性别者都会去做变性手
术。有些跨性别者会使用药物、激素使自己看上去更像另一个性别，有些则只是通过变
装，打扮成“理想中的性别” 来满足自己的愿望。
比如下图中这位第一眼看上去辣眼睛第二眼感觉还有点萌的大叔LadyBeard：
Stumph 63

但是，这又扯出了更多的概念，比如：
异装爱好者未必是跨性别，人家可能就是享受用本来的性别穿上异性的衣服……
LGBT也不是性少数的全部，更多的还有酷儿与疑性恋(不愿被贴上明确性向标签、或
对自己的性向存疑)、双性人(生理上具有两种性征或两套生殖系统)、无性恋(不会对任何
性别表现出性倾向)等十多个分类没有讲……相信很多同学已经在高呼：“臣妾记不住
啊！”

其实，我们不需要记住每一个弯弯绕的概念。世间人有千万种，情与性的模式只会更
多，又岂是区区十几个标签就能概括完全的呢。
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⒉ 不撸帝
指blued，一款知名男同性恋社交软件。就像异性恋会玩陌陌、探探一样，同性恋也
有自己的交友(或约炮)小天地哦。
据说上“不撸帝”就能告别撸管时代……呵呵，装了陌陌你就能摆脱单身吗？

⒊ 柜子的故事
Stumph 65

关于柜子，下面的三个概念是必考题：
出柜：公开自己作为性少数的性取向。
深柜：作为性少数，不敢承认自己的性取向or拒绝出柜。
被出柜：明明不想出柜，但一不小心/莫名其妙就暴露了性取向，从而不得不出柜的
情况。
其中，“被出柜”堪称段子和故事(也许是事故)高发地带。比如“我出柜是因为在同志交
友软件上遇见我哥”什么的……
Stumph 66

你和“ 柜子”有什么爱恨纠葛？
或者经历过(自己或朋友的)出柜故事？
欢迎评论分享/后台留言给我们。
⒋ 同妻/同夫、形婚
同妻/同夫：同性恋的妻子/丈夫，并且Ta们在结婚的时候并不知道对方是同性恋。被
称为“骗婚”。
形婚：两个性少数者为了化解来自家庭、社会的压力，互相协商知情，结成互惠互利
的形式婚姻。
同妻/同夫和形式婚姻的出现都是因为一些同性恋者迫于社会压力等原因不敢出柜，
到了差不多该结婚的年龄就要么隐瞒自己真实的性取向“骗” 个异性结婚交差、要么找个有
同样需求的异性结婚交差。
对于被骗婚和在形婚中吃过亏的人们，我们当然抱以心疼的态度。但是对于迫于压力
选择了这两条路的性少数群体，我们也很难粗暴地把Ta们归为“恶人”阵营。只能说在这种
情况下，没有人是胜利者。
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给你一个抱抱，我们的心愿是世界和平。

( 来源：搜狐 · Yummy女性愉悦平台)
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If You Have a Gay Friend, this is What You Need to Know (Translation)
http://www.danlan.org/disparticle_55506.htm
2017-01-13

A guy’s girlfriend is already a common occurrence, “gay honey” has already been replaced with
a new fad, but as for a newbie that has been straight for most of their life, “gay honey” is still a
confusing term:

What does LGBT mean?
In addition, what does QIA mean?
When we say “closet case,” what closet do we mean?
What is a beard and what is wife swapping?

If you have a gay friend, this is what you need to know

Being dumbfounded by a screen full of jargon isn’t a pleasant experience for anyone. For our
new students, we decided to look at the basic vocabulary of “the world of sexual minorities.”
Stumph 69

Students, welcome to a world you do not know

1. LGBT

L - Lesbians

Also known as “lala”
23
or “Lily”
24
The term “lala” is more extensively and commonly used , and
“lily” refers more so to romantic love scene between women found in manga and anime.

G - Gays

Also known as “glass”
25
or “jilao”
26

23
拉拉 lala Lala
24
百合 baihe Lily
25
玻璃 boli Glass
Stumph 70

If you and a gay guy have a close relationship, and he doesn’t mind, then in the right context you
can use the term “jilao” to joke around with him. But in some contexts “jilao” still has a negative
connotation. So how do you use it? On a case by case basis.

B - Bisexuals

Heterosexuals and homosexuals are attracted to only one sex, while bisexuals are attracted to
both sexes.

Sounds like “you can have your cake and eat it too,” the pinnacle of life, right?

26
基佬 jilao Jilao
Stumph 71

NO! Bisexual doesn’t mean “everyone’s fair game,” it also doesn’t mean “more likely to cheat or
have a threesome.” Their relationship’s are also between two people, and they are no different
from us.

T - Transgender

It is commonly believed that transgender means across two genders. Transgenders do not
identify with the sex that they were born. They believe that they are the other gender. Take for
example a MTF (male to female transgender)

“I am a woman, not a man”
Stumph 72

Of course, Leslie Cheung
27
was not trans and we don’t have to discuss the movie, Farewell My
Concubine,
28
in terms of whether or not he is trans. When we speak of “having a woman’s mind
in a man’s body,” we should talk about Jin Xing.
29

27
张国荣
28
霸王别姬
29
金星 Jin Xing
Stumph 73
Because of Jin Xing’s influence, trans people who are post-op have gained more exposure, and
the public’s rejection and disgust for trans people has decreased seemingly because of their
empathy for Jin Xing. Perfect!

However, trans people who are post-op are only one category of trans people, not all trans people
will have sex-reassignment surgery. Some will use medication and hormones in order to make
them look more like the other sex. Some only dress in the clothes of their “ideal gender” in order
to satisfy their own desires.

For example, look at the picture below. On first look Uncle Ladybeard’s appearance is jarring;
on a second look, he is cute.
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However, this suggests many more concepts, such as:

Cross-dressing enthusiasts, who are not necessarily transsexuals, may just enjoy wearing the
clothes of the opposite sex.

LGBT does not encompass all of the sexual minorities. There are more people who are queer or
questioning (they do not want to define a clear cut label or question their own sexual
orientation); intersex (has the sexual characteristics of both sexes or two reproductive systems);
asexual (doesn’t have a sexual orientation)... there are more than a dozen categories that haven’t
been mentioned...a lot of you have already shouted: “I can’t remember them all!”
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In fact, we do not need to remember each and every one. There are millions of kinds of people in
the world, there are even more different sexual orientations. How can a dozen labels summarize
them all?

2. Buludi (不撸帝 Blued)

Also known as Blued, a well-known gay dating app, resembling the heterosexual dating apps:
Momo and Tantan, homosexuals have their own dating (or for a one-night stand) apps.

It is said that because of “Blued,” you can say goodbye to masturbating, LOL...If you install
Momo could you save yourself from being single?

3. Stories from the closet
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Let’s looking at three aspects of the closet:

Coming Out: to publicly announce one’s sexual orientation

Closet Case: is a minority, cannot publicly announce one’s sexual orientation or refuses to come
out

To Be Outed: obviously didn’t want to come out, but accidently/inexplicably their sexual
orientation was exposed and they had to come out

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The “to be outed” category yields the most stories or mishaps, such as “I was outed because I
saw my friend on a gay dating app” etc...

You and the closet have what kind of love/hate relationship?
Or you or your friends coming out stories?
Welcome to comment or share your stories with us.

4. Homosexual Wife/Homosexual Husband and Sham Marriage

Homosexual Wife/Homosexual Husband: When getting married he/she do not know that her/his
partner is homosexual. This can also be called a fake marriage.

Sham Marriage: two sexual minorities will marry each other in order to escape family or societal
pressure. It is a mutual agreement to form a mutually beneficial “sham” marriage.

The emergence of a homosexual wife, homosexual husband, and sham marriages is because
homosexuals cannot come out of the closet due to societal and other pressures. When they are of
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marrying age, they will either conceal their true sexual orientation to “trick” a member of the
opposite sex into marriage, or try to find someone of the opposite sex in the same situation to
marry.

For those getting the short end of the stick in a fake or sham marriage, of course we are deeply
distressed. But for sexual minorities who are forced to pick between these two roads, we find it
difficult to look at them as “evil.” We can only say that in this case, no one is a winner.

Give yourself a hug, our dream is world peace.

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写给父母的问答
认识同志手册 (爱白文化教育中心)

这篇资料并不是在鼓励同志朋友向家人亮相,而是当你确实需要与家人沟通,需要给
父母解释的时候,我们期待着这篇资料能够在一定程度上帮助你的家人正确而全面的了解
并解决他们所必须面对的问题。我们的方针是:筹前备后,谨慎亮相!前言 寻求真爱的孩子,
渴望一丝家庭的温暖来缓解疲惫;深爱他(她)并被他(她)深爱——当您的子女“亮相”以后家
着的您,请给同性之爱一点点亲情的抚慰。
当您第一次了解到子女是同性恋或双性恋时,相信您是不会有太多的思想准备的,大
多数父母都会经历一个伴随着震惊、否认、愤怒、愧疚和失落的痛苦历程。以当今社会对
同性恋者的态度来看,您所经历的上述种种感受都是可以理解的。在这种情况下,我们希望
并建议您不要去埋怨自己,也不要去责备孩子,而是通过以下的问答,客观冷静的度过子女亮
相后的心理煎熬,了解他们,理解、接受并支持他们,并更加的爱他们。
第一部分
同性恋是人类的一种自然现象。- 李银河
当父母在得知孩子是同性恋后,经常会有震惊、抵触和愤怒的反应,变化来的突然,情
感来的激烈,好似经历着一场暴风骤雨。“他/她怎么会做出这种事情?”, 这样的疑问也许会
萦绕在您的心头。但是,当您仔细思索自己的种种感受时,您也许会发现孩子只是作了一件
对您表示信任的事情,而您在知道真相后,您与孩子的关系将得到进一步的发展。

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一、同性恋到底是怎么一回事?
当您看到“同性恋”这三个字的时候,也许您从来就没有听说过,也许您觉得那是外国
人的事情,也许您想到的是难以言状的不适......但不论如何,他们(她们)都不会因此消失,他们
(她们)其实就在您的周围,和您一样在工作、学习和生活,只是您没有发现而已。“同性恋”
一词是匈亚利医生卡罗•玛利亚•本克特于1869年第一次使用,如今世界各地的各种语言都
纷纷采用这一词。在中国,由于各种各样的历史问题,“同性恋”一词被蒙上了歧视与仇恨的
阴影,但是它所代表的情感是自然的,它所包含的意义是普遍的,随着社会的进步,人类自我
认识的发展,“同性恋”一词正在变得越来越普通,越来越纯洁。简单的说,“同性恋”就是在性
方面受到同性的吸引,这种性吸引如同异性恋者为异性所吸引一样,都是发自内心深处最根
本的情感需要。

二、为什么我的孩子是同性恋?
父母经常问这个问题的原因有很多,其中包括:可能因为孩子背叛了他们/她们在自己
心中的形象而难过;或者总是觉得自己做错了什么;以为有什么人“误导”孩子“变成”了同性
恋;或者想知道同性恋是否有生物学等其他别的原因。
您可能认为孩子是被别人误导才成为同性恋的,实际上,同性恋是“学来的”这种说法
尽管广为流传,却是一种极其错误的概念,其实并没有人把您的孩子“变成”同性恋。您的孩
子也许很早就知道自己跟其他人的“不同之处”了,没有什么人能够“改变”您的孩子。有些
父母认为自己才是孩子成为同性恋的主要原因。多年来,心理学和精神病学传播着一些关
于同性恋成因的似是而非的理论,比如父母的个性类型──强悍的母亲和脆弱的父亲会促成
Stumph 81
孩子的同性恋倾向等等。这些理论已经被今天的心理学界和精神病学界抛弃,我们有必要
从大众文化中清除这些荒谬的理论和错误的概念。同性恋者可以出自各种各样的家庭,在
有些家庭中母亲可能居支配地位,而在另外一些家庭中父亲可能更有发言权;同性恋者可能
是最小的孩子,也可能是最大或中间的孩子;一些家庭的兄弟姐妹中有多个同性恋者,有些则
只有一个;许多同性恋者的家庭甚至可以被视作社会模范。
许多父母想知道同性恋是否有基因或生物学的基础。虽然同性恋倾向的成因仍有争
议,但已有科学证明性倾向是天生的但不是遗传的,同性恋的子女中具有同性倾向的人并不
多。事实上我们更建议您来问自己这样几个问题:同性恋的成因对您真的很重要吗?支持和
爱您的孩子是否取决于您能否找到一个成因?我们是否要求异性恋者以同样的方式审视自
己的性倾向?事实上,同性恋者存在于各种职业、宗教、国籍和种族的人群中,因此像异性恋
者一样,同性恋者各不相同,他们以不同的方式确立了自己的性身份。也许我们仍然好奇,但
要支持和爱您的孩子,他/她为什么是同性恋其实并非那么重要。
三、孩子为什么要告诉我们这些?
一些父母会觉得,如果他们不知道孩子的性倾向该多好,因为在孩子亮相前的日子里,
家庭里一直充满着平静与温馨。但是您想错了,在这平静与温馨后面所隐藏着的,正是您与
孩子的日益疏远。有时父母会试图否认一些发生过的事情(“孩子,这只是一个词而已,你一
定会克服它的”),或者您根本不想听(“如果你选择这种生活方式,我们无法接受”), 或者您避
重就轻(“够了,别说了!今晚你想吃什么?”), 这些都是正常的反应。然而, 如果您不知道孩子
真实的性倾向, 您就不可能真正了解您的孩子,孩子生活中的很大一部分内容就会与您无缘,
您永远不可能真正地完全了解他/她。接受和了解孩子的性倾向非常重要,因为同性恋不仅
Stumph 82
仅是一个词。决定向父母亮相时,您的孩子也并非只想到同性恋这个词而已。一般来讲,他
/她往往对自己的性倾向已经有了一段漫长而艰苦的思索,所以如果您想问“你肯定吗?”之
类的问题时,答案几乎总是“我肯定”。向您亮相的子女需要克服许多困难,他们/她们要鼓起
勇气走出始终笼罩他们/她们的阴影,甚至还要承担极大的风险,因此,任何人都不会草率行
事。事实上,孩子对您亮相意味着他/她对您的深爱,他/她此时此刻需要的是您的支持和理
解。亮相需要很大的勇气,它显示了孩子期待着与您建立一种开放和诚实关系的强烈愿
望。

四、为什么孩子以前不告诉我们?
当您意识到孩子可能已经考虑了几个月甚至几年才告诉了您这些,相信您很容易把
这误解为缺乏爱和信任的表现。您发现您对孩子的实际了解并不如您想象的那么多,甚至
连您也曾经被排除在孩子们的情感生活以外,这确实是一种痛苦的感受。其实,不管孩子是
同性恋还是异性恋,所有的父母在与子女相处的过程中都要面临这一问题。俗话说儿大不
由娘,在孩子渐趋成年的时候,父母与子女的关系将会面临一种必要的分离。您的孩子可能
已经意识到某些事情,而您还没有;他们去作某件事,事先却不曾和您商量,特别是在亮相的
问题上,情况尤为棘手,因为孩子对自己的性倾向所下的结论是如此出乎您的预料,这意味
着:您可能有很长时间根本不了解孩子的心思了。
我们仍然生活在对同性恋抱有误解和恐惧的社会里,同性恋者往往花很长时间才能
够最终确认自己的身份,这可能是他们尽量对父母保密的原因。同性恋者通常在年纪很小
的时候就感到自己与众不同,但要等到多年以后,他们才会用“同性恋”来

定义这种感觉。您
Stumph 83
的孩子一定经常对自己的性倾向感到不安,甚至自我排斥,并在心世界中痛苦的挣扎很长的
时间,经过仔细考虑以后,才能鼓足勇气向父母亮相。即便您认为孩子应该早一点和您谈这
些事情,即便您相信如果您较早介入会有另一番结果,您也不应该抱怨什么,因为您一定也知
道我们这个社会对同性恋的态度,那就是“不问不说”。而孩子现在终于向您亮相了,这意味
着他们/她们希望与您建立更加诚实与开放的关系。

第二部分
爱只是为了爱而存在。—徐列
经历了子女暴风骤雨般的亮相之后,大多数父母的内心将会变得十分沉重:“我到底应该如
何处理?”,这也许是很多父母此刻的共同心声。而这种复杂的心态,追根究底,都是源自您对
他们/她们的深爱。您对子女发自内心的关爱以及子女们将去面对的爱情,这一切的一切,
都只是为了爱而存在。通过以下的问答,我们衷心希望可以散去那些笼罩在您心头的阴云,
因为爱是美好而纯洁的感情,它不应该被那些密布的愁云掩去它的光彩。
五、我们了解到子女是同性恋或双性恋后应该怎么办?
根据统计,不论是在中国还是在国外,同性恋者占总人口的3-5%,因此可以大至推算出每四
个家庭里就有一个家庭有同性恋成员,而几乎每一个家庭在亲戚范围内都至少有一名同性
恋者。这意味着您并不孤单,您的子女也毫不另类,您甚至可以去和一些人交流。根据我们
的经验,这种交流是非常有益的。在爱情白皮书以及其他一些网站,很多书籍和帮助电话都
可以提供资讯,您还可以和他人交谈、分享经验。如果您愿意,您不但可以从茫然中走出来,
而且可以和您的孩子建立起比原来更加强而有力的亲密关系。
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当孩子表明自己的同性恋身份时,他/她在昨天和今天其实是同一个人。您所失去的仅仅是
孩子原来在您心目中的印象以及您自以为对孩子的了解。这种失落感有时会很令人难受,
但您可以心情愉快地试着用一个更新的、更真实的印象和了解取而代之。对于年轻的同
性恋者来说,父母的理解尤为重要。受到父母排斥的同性恋者很有可能走向自闭,自甘堕落
甚至自杀的道路;一些青少年为了保护自己,则尽量和父母保持疏远的距离。如果您的孩子
自愿向您表明身份,您可以自豪的相信在理解孩子这方面,您做得非常出色。同性恋现在仍
然受到很多人的排斥,如果孩子向您坦诚公开自己,这就意味着他/她对您怀有深切的爱与
信任,如果您同样是深爱着他们/她们的话,现在就该是您拿出勇气,同样给予他们信任与理
解的时候了。

Stumph 85
LGBT Knowledge Manual – Aibai (Aiqing Baipishu Love White Paper) (Translation)
Section 4 - Family Articles: A question and answer with parents

After your child “Comes out publicly”

Editor’s Note:
This material is not encouraging gay guys to come out to their family, but rather when
you need to communicate and explain with your family. We hope that these materials in some
way will be able to assist your family members to correctly and completely understand the issues
that they will face. Our policy is: prepare for the future, be cautious when coming out publicly!

Preface:
Kids looking for true love, longing for a family’s love to alleviate their exhaustion; you
dearly love them, and are dearly loved by them. Please give homosexual love love and comfort.
When you first learn that your child is gay or bisexual, you will not be prepared to cope.
Most of you will go through the painful steps of shock, denial, anger, guilt, and loss. This is
understandable with society’s attitude toward homosexuality. Under these circumstances, we
suggest that you do not blame yourself, and also don’t blame your children, but rather the
following Q&A will help you to cool and calmly get through your child’s coming out publicly,
understand them, comprehend them, accept and support them. Love them even more.

The First Part:
Homosexuality is a natural phenomenon. --- Li Yinhe (李银河)
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When parents discover that their child is a homosexual, they are often in shock. They are
resentful and angry. It’s a sudden change, there’s a rush of emotions, like a violent storm. “How
can he/she do such a thing?” Such questions may linger in your mind. However, when you think
about your conflicting emotions, perhaps you will discover that your child trusts you with this
matter, and after you know the truth, your relationship with your child will be even deeper.

Question 1: What is homosexuality?
When you see the word “homosexuality,” perhaps you have never heard of it, perhaps
you think it’s foreigner, perhaps hearing this word makes you feel uncomfortable……but in any
case, your homosexual children will not vanish because of these feelings you have. Homosexuals
are actually all around you, at work, at school, and in your life, bu it’s only that you have not
noticed them.
The word “homosexuality” was first used by the Hungarian doctor Karl-Maria Kertbeny (
卡罗•玛利亚•本克) in 1869. The word is used in all languages around the world today. In China,
the word “homosexuality” is linked to discrimination and hatred because of various historical
reasons. But, it is representative of a feeling that is natural; it is universal. The word
“homosexuality” is becoming more and more commonplace, more pure and honest as society
progresses and people become more self-aware. To put it simply, “homosexuals” are attracted to
the same-sex the same way heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex. It evolves from the
most basic feelings and needs from deep in one’s heart.

Question 2: Why is my child a homosexual?
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Parents often ask this question for many reasons, including: they are perhaps upset
because the kids turn out differently from what they expected; or they feel that they have done
something wrong; they think that someone has “mislead” the child into “becoming a
homosexual;” or they want to know whether homosexuality has a biological or some other basis.
You may believe that other people have mislead your child into becoming a homosexual.
In fact, the widespread belief that homosexuality is “learned,” is actually extremely incorrect. In
reality, no one has “turned” your child into a homosexual. Your child may have known from a
very young age that they were “different from” other people. No one can “change” your child.
Some parents think that they are the main reason their child is a homosexual. Over the
years, psychology and psychiatry have spread some theories on why people become
homosexuals, which were seemingly correct but actually wrong. For example, the personality
types of parents--domineering mothers and weak fathers can cause a child’s tendency toward
homosexuality, etc. These theories have been abandoned by today's psychologists and
psychiatrists. It is necessary for us to remove these absurd theories and erroneous concepts from
popular culture. Homosexuals can come from a wide variety of families. In some families, the
mother may have a more dominate position in the family, and in some families the father may
have more of a voice. Homosexuals might be the youngest child, or might also be the oldest or
middle child. Some families have several homosexual siblings, while others may only have one.
Many families that have a homosexual child can even be regarded as a model family.
Many parents want to know if homosexuality is genetic or biological. Although the
contributing factors for a homosexual orientation are still controversial, there is scientific proof
that homosexuality is innate, but there’s no proof that it’s hereditary. Not many children of
homosexuals have homosexual tendencies. In fact, we propose you ask yourself the following
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questions: Is the cause of homosexuality really important to you? Does the support and love for
your child depend on whether or not you can find the cause? Are we asking heterosexuals to look
at their sexual orientation in the same manner? In fact, homosexuals have a wide variety of
occupations, religions, nationalities, and ethnicities. Just like heterosexuals, each homosexual is
his/her own individual. They are different in their own way and establish their own sexual
identity. Maybe we are still curious about the reasons why they are homosexuals, but loving and
supporting your child is more important. The reason for their homosexuality really isn’t that
important.

Question 3: Why should our children tell us this?
Some parents will feel that it would be better if they did not know their child’s sexual
orientation. Before the child comes out, the family is tranquil. But you are wrong, hidden behind
this tranquility is you and your child slowly drifting apart. Some parents will try to deny things
that have happened (“Son/daughter, this is just a phase, you will overcome it”); or you simply
don’t want to listen (“If you choose this way of life, we cannot accept it”); or you avoid the
situation (“Enough, don’t bring it up! What would you like to eat tonight?”); these are all normal
reactions. However, if you don't know your child’s real sexual orientation, you cannot really
understand your own child. You will have no connection to a major part of your child’s life, and
you will never be able to truly understand him/her.
Accepting and understanding your child’s sexual orientation is very important because
homosexuality is more than just a phase. When your child is deciding to come out to you, your
child is not just thinking about the word homosexual. In general, he/she has tended to think long
and hard about his/her sexuality. So, if you ask the question like: “Are you sure?” the answer is
Stumph 89
almost always “I’m sure.” Your child has had to overcome many difficulties to come out to you,
and they have had to muster up the courage to come out of the shadows. They have had to
undertake great risk therefore, they will not act hastily. In fact, your child coming out to you
means that he/she loves you and what he/she needs now is your love and support. Coming out
takes a lot of courage, and it shows that your child strongly hopes to establish an open and honest
relationship with you.

Question 4: Why did our child not tell us before?
When you realize that your child must have considered this for a few months or years
before telling you, you may easily misunderstand this as a lack of love and trust. You may find
that your actual understanding of your child is not as great as you thought it was. You have even
been excluded from the emotional life of your child, this is a really painful feeling. In fact,
whether your child is homosexual or heterosexual, all parents face this problem while trying to
get along with their children. As the saying goes, all kids grow up and leave the nest. As children
approach adulthood, there’s a necessary distancing in the relationship between parents and
children. Your child may have become aware of certain things and you may have not. They may
go to do something but don’t discuss it with you in advance. This is especially true when coming
out. The situation is particularly tricky, because your child’s sexual orientation goes against your
own expectations. This means, you may have misunderstood your child for a long time.
We still live in a society where homosexuality is misunderstood and feared. Homosexuals
typically spend a long time coming to terms with their identity. This might be why they try to
keep it from their parents for as long as possible. Usually homosexuals realize as kids that they
are different from everyone else, but it is not until later in life that they will identify with being
Stumph 90
homosexual. Your child must have felt uneasy about their sexual orientation, even felt self-
loathing, and for a long time in their hearts have struggled with being homosexual, after careful
consideration, they have found the courage to come out to their parents. Even if you think that
your child should have talked to you about this earlier; even if you are convinced if you had
found out earlier you could have gotten involved and there would have been a different outcome,
you should not complain about that, because you know our society’s attitude toward
homosexuality is “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” In the end, your child has come out to you, which
means that they hope to build a more honest and open relationship with you.

Question 5: What should we do once we know that our child is a homosexual or bisexual?
According to statistics, whether in China or abroad, homosexuals account for 3 to 5% of
the total population. So, it is possible to extrapolate that one in every four families will have
someone that is homosexual, and almost every family has a homosexual relative in their
extended family. This means that you are not alone, your child is not out of the ordinary. There
are other people like you that you can talk to. According to our experience, this kind of
communication is very beneficial. You can even go on Aibai (Aiqing Baipishu Love White
Paper) as well as some other websites. Books and hotlines can also provide information. You can
also talk to others to share experiences. If you are willing, not only will you become aware, but
also your child and you can establish a stronger and closer relationship than before.

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青春同志 -同志最怕的是什么？——老
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4df0631b0101iyg9.html
(2014-03-14 16:00:11)

正文开始
同志最怕的是什么？——老

“老”意味着凋谢，孤独。想一想就觉得可怕。其实不只同志，所有人都是怕老的，
所以医学才那么努力的寻找延缓衰老的方法，才有了“美容整形外科”，人均寿命才得以不
断延长。但无论如何，人都是要老的。从某种意义上说，直人通过繁衍避免了衰老和死
亡，以及衰老过程中的孤独。那同志呢？同志怎么办？

写这篇文章的我，就已经在面对这个问题了吧？翻开照片，常常想，永远停留在25
岁该有多好？但岁月无情，时间永远不会停下它的脚步，当我们还整日无所事事时，突然
发现，已经老了。为什么那么多同志年轻时放浪形骸，最终还是选择结婚生子？也许他们
不只是迫于社会和家庭的压力，其实他们也喜欢孩子，因为，孩子是自己生命的延续。这
样，老了才不会孤独。结婚生子本就是他们人生规划中的一部分，所谓压力不过是借口
吧。

真是讽刺，GAY代表着快乐、阳光，但当GAY变成“老GAY”时，绝对的贬义。想
想也对，老了，哪里还有快乐？这真的是同志的宿命？有什么办法可以让同志不老？
Stumph 92

延缓衰老有很多方法。首先，年轻时不要拼命挥霍青春。生活规律、饮食清淡、不
抽烟、少喝酒、注意皮肤护理和保养。这不是一朝一夕能看到功效的，但 20 年后，会至
少比同龄人年轻 10 岁。其次，要注意转型。脸上的岁月遮不住，但同时可以让身上的肌
肉也遮不住。有时候，身材和脸蛋同样重要。第三，要注意修养。一个人最有魅力的永远
都不是他的身材和脸蛋，而是他的气质。为什么很多人老了同样很有魅力？内外兼修，才
是保持青春的法宝。第四，要有事业心。如果一个人只有青春和美貌，那当他老了，就什
么都没有了。漂亮是天赐的最珍贵的礼物，但往往也最会迷惑人。许多小孩儿只靠青春吃
饭，但这个年代，漂亮的太多了，不过 5 年，就会被淘汰。因此，有自己喜欢的、投入
的、正经的事业，并一直奋斗终身，才是保持青春的不二法宝。第五，也是最重要的，认
真对待感情。这个圈子真的很乱，如果不认真，就跟着乱下去。诱惑再多，真正肯爱你一
辈子的，也只有那一个人。找到他，和他厮守着一起慢慢变老，就不会害怕孤单寂寞！

Stumph 93
Gay Youth: What are Gay People Afraid of? --- Getting Old (Translation)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4df0631b0101iyg9.html
(2014-03-14 16:00:11)

“Getting old” signifies decline and loneliness. Thinking about it is awful. In fact, not only
are gay people afraid of getting old, everyone is afraid of getting old. Medical research strives to
find an anti-aging method, as a result, there’s plastic surgery. Life expectancy is continually
being extended. But in any case, all people will become old. In a sense, straight people procreate
in order to prevent aging and death, as well as the loneliness associated with the aging process.
And gays? What about them?
As I write this article, have I already confronted this problem? Looking at photos, I often
think, wouldn’t it be great to always be 25 years old? But the years are ruthless, the footsteps of
time never stop, we live our lives and before we know it we’re old. When gay people are young
why do they refuse to be bound by conventions, but ultimately marrying and having children?
30

Perhaps they are not only forced by society and family pressures, and in fact they like children,
because the child is the continuation of their own lives. This way they won’t be lonely when they
are old, being married and having children is part of their life plan, the so-called pressure is just a
justification.
It’s ironic, the word “gay” represents happiness and openness, but when gay people
become old, it absolutely has a negative connotation. Think about it, old, is there still happiness?
Is this really the fate of gay people? Is there any way for gay people to prevent aging?

30
They are in the end being conventional
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There are many ways to prevent aging. First of all, don’t squander your youth. Lead a
disciplined life, eat a healthy diet, don’t smoke, don’t drink much, pay attention to your skin.
You may not see the affects overnight, but in 20 years, you’ll look at least 10 years younger than
your peers. Second, pay attention to how you age. You’re unable to conceal the years on your
face or your body. Sometimes, the body and the face are equally important. Third, pay attention
to keeping your mind active. A person’s most attractive feature is never his body or face but his
personality. Why are a lot of old people still attractive? They don’t just maintain the outside but
also the inside. This is a way to stay young. Fourth, have an occupation. If a person only has
youth and beauty, once he’s old, there’s nothing else. Beauty is the most precious gift of all, but
is also the most misleading. Many kids solely depend on their beauty to make a living, but in this
day in age, there’s a lot of beauty out there. In less than five years they will become yesterday’s
news. Therefore, having an occupation which you like and are engaged in for your whole life is
the key way to stay young. Fifth, and most importantly, pay attention to your feelings. This
community is already a mess, if you don’t pay attention to your feelings, then you’ll be a mess
too. No matter how many temptations there is, only one person that will truly love you your
whole life. Find him and slowly age with him, that way you won’t be afraid of being alone!

Stumph 95
同志的博客 - 出柜
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100c626.html
出柜 (2009-02-15 21:19:12)

正文开始
面对同志身份的尴尬，内心的寂寞，伪装的疲乏，感情的压抑，每个同志都有过出
柜的冲动吧，但是真正出来的确实寥寥，而以情侣身份双双出柜的更是屈指可数。而出柜
也有很多层次，因为一个人的人际圈子包括亲人，友人，同学，同事，熟人，网友……向
哪个圈子里的人坦白也就是出柜具体含义的细节区分了。
甚至他会细节到人，单个的人！对于周身跟你有联系的人，你的出柜也会是对他们
心理的一次冲击。每个人对待gay的看法都有不同，因此出柜谨慎到每一个人是必要的。
这是可怕的现象，一个Gay面临的出柜的压力可想而知！
你选择的第一个出柜坦白的对象是有讲究的。大多数gay出柜的第一个人绝非是家
人。大多数男同志的出柜对象竟多是女性朋友，这是一个有意思的现象。女孩一般对于事
物不会陷入极端，而且她们大多诚实可信，善解人意，会为你的秘密守口如瓶，因此向一
个信的过的女友出柜可谓聪明的决策。其次，同志出柜对象的第二目标应该是要好的同
学，同学是朝夕相处的人，年龄相仿，认知相近。大家彼此没有太多利益经济上的瓜葛，
关系较为简单，而且作为年轻人，更容易接受新鲜事物，他们未必会对你的出柜过于吃
惊，另外，在同学中掩饰自己身份是一件很麻烦的事情，因此坦诚倒也不错。但是向同学
出柜会面临的问题是，也许你的秘密会很快不胫而走，担负风险。
说了最容易成为Gay出柜目标的两个圈子，再说最不容易成为对象的圈子。
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第一个就是家人圈。说实话作为一个Gay，我迟迟不能出柜，面临的压力就是来自
家庭。因为出柜会真正伤害打击到的只有最至亲至爱自己的人，他们也是你最不想伤害的
人。就是血浓于水的亲情，才成为一种难以放下的负担。向父母之外的亲人坦白，他们大
多可以接受，因为他们是爱你的，但你是不是gay并不会过多的影响到他们的感情。但是
向父母出柜却要有着足够的心理准备，因为父母的反映会很多很多，而且都是真实的。但
肯定的一点是，父母必然要经过一段心理过渡期，他们肯定都无法一下接受亲手养大的儿
子是这样……震惊，失望，伤心，担心，不甘……父母也会面临压力，无穷大。
我周围的朋友向父母出柜的结果就是例证。有一个朋友跟父母说后，父母包括他姐
姐，哭了几天后最终无奈接受了这样的现实，也接纳了他的男友。他的父母都是大学教
师。另一个朋友则没那么幸运，出柜后父亲跟其断绝了父子关系，现在孤身飘荡。这是两
个极端。更多的朋友，父母知道其是gay后还是逼其与女人结婚，希望他有常人眼里正常
的家庭，这样的朋友我见的很多……
另外，同事也会成为我们最不愿意出柜的对象。一是同事跟我们感情生活不会有太
多纠结，没有出柜的必要。二是同事可能是与自己有利益争夺的人，害人之心不能有，防
人之心不可无！各位同道朋友，谨慎！但也不排除我们的同事会成为我们的挚友，对于友
人这个圈子，同志的出柜感情可能要现实的多了。
因为我们的好朋友是不同的，有的是兴趣相投的狗友，有的是心心相惜的知音，有
的是共度患难的哥们……当你想出柜的时候，你会找谁呢？曾经一块谈论女人胸部，甚至
一块偷看黄片的狗友？如果去告诉他们你其实喜欢的是男人，他们接受吗？曾经一起吃过
饭，甚至一床睡过觉的哥们？他们心里是怎样想的呢？如果是女性朋友，她是否对你有过
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好感，夸过你是真男人？所以，向朋友出柜要考虑到你在朋友眼中是怎样的，你的出柜会
不会让他们感觉反差太大，难以接受……你跟他们的友谊是否可以跨越这些东西呢？如果
你在他们面前追过女朋友，当然我知道你追女朋友是因为掩饰身份，或者家庭压力，或者
真想谈婚论嫁，可是一旦你要出柜，他们会瞧得起你以前的作为吗？跟好友出柜是要考虑
这些的，因为你的私生活可能他们参与的最多，最真实的你他们最了解，最虚伪的你或许
也就是他们最不愿接受的……
所以，对于好友的出柜要秉持“因人而异，因地制宜”的方针政策。
其实，很多人会好奇我前面一直没提到的一个圈子——“熟人”，熟人是谁，他们或
者是我们朋友的朋友，或者是仅见面点头的邻居，或者是偶有接触的杂货店老板……这些
人，你的生死对他们来说有时真的无关痛痒，所以也就不再讨论。
谈到出柜，还是年轻一代的同志们比较有种，因为年轻人崇尚自由与小资，叛逆与
张扬，活的更为坦荡与自我。经受的社会压力没有父辈们大，也就更容易出柜。
但是很多出柜的同志，还是鲜有人向父母出柜。比如，著名的年轻一代的同志代表——夏
河（他的bf是个高中生，叫洛洛，很清纯），他的姑姑也是从网络上知道他的事情，才电
话向他求证的。（为此夏河写过一篇文章，不妨读读
http://blog.xiaonei.com/GetEntry.do?id=359825810&owner=238966365）在网络上几乎尽人
皆知的出柜名gay不也没向父母出柜吗？现在很多同志喜欢在网上出柜，而且由于长相帅
气，有许多还成为网络红人。他们的朋友，同学，家人有时也跟众多网友一样，是通过这
种方式重新认识他们。比如说刘奇和王子轩这对情侣，他们喜欢在网上秀俩人的甜美二人
生活照。（刘奇的真名是刘大龙，王子轩真名是冯晓驰，都是我的好友，我的页面里有晓
Stumph 98
驰的博客链接，才子一个）但是，前几天大龙才刚刚向自己的表妹出柜成功。所以说，向
网友出柜是一件压力相对来说较小的出柜方式，一是他们因为在网络上出柜会释放一部分
压抑的情感，另一方面，也不会面临太多压力，因为网络毕竟还不会过多的干预到他们的
生活。现在的年轻人更大胆的活着！
一个人到底为什么要出柜？
我选取三类典型来说。
一个人出柜与他处的环境的氛围是分不开的，比如林凯文，著名的交际花类的
gay，在校内和搜狐博客里大谈自己的性爱生活，剑桥海归，台湾同胞，与多名主持人等
社会名人有过交往，开放的性态度，传奇的性经历让他在校内上博取了很高的点击率。他
是台北人，应该说，台湾是个性相对开放的社会，而且他的亲人只有年迈的外公，对于一
个gay，这是梦寐以求的家庭环境，所以他就可以这样坦诚的活着……这类人的出柜更多
的要感谢上苍。
还有一类人，是太想抓住自己的爱情，不想压抑自己，而且很多人都是以情侣的身
份集体出柜，比如最早的同志红人宫非和羽锡。这类人的出柜是为了自我的生活追求和解
放，很崇高。
还有一类人面对家庭结婚压力，无奈出柜，这类人则是很无语了。
出柜好，还是不出好？真的是见人见智，理论联系实际了！如果看到这篇文章的是您是一
个同性恋的父或母，而您的儿子向您出柜，希望您再了解一些同志知识后，理智对待，人
性关怀！对于一个gay，出柜的巨大压力不是社会，其实是家庭，是父母！
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对于以上文字，只是个人在同志圈里得到的一点个人经验观点的总结，纰漏颇多，
请宽容对之吧！！！

Stumph 100
Gay Blog – Coming Out of the Closet (Translation)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/wshtzh
(2009-02-15 21:19:12)

The Initial Stage
Facing the embarrassment of being gay, inner loneliness, weariness of hiding one’s
identity, feelings of depression. Every gay person has the urge to come out of the closet, but very
few indeed come out. The number of couples that come out of the closet together can be counted
on one’s fingers. There are many levels to coming out of the closet, due to a person’s social
circle includes one’s parents, friends, classmates, co-workers, acquaintances, internet friends.
How you will come out is decided by which social circle you come out to.
Sometimes this will even depend upon which individual you come out to. For people that
have contact with you, your coming out of the closet will psychologically affect them. Everyone
has different views about gay people, thus it is necessary to be cautious when coming out to each
and every individual. This is a terrible phenomenon, the pressure that a gay man faces when
coming out of the closet is unimaginable!
The choice of the first person you choose to come out to is really critical. Most of the
time a gay person does not come out to a family member first. Most gay men choose to come out
to a female friend first, this is an interesting phenomenon. Women typically don’t get caught up
in absolutes. In addition, most of them are honest and trustworthy, are good at understanding
others, are good at keeping one’s secret and coming out of the closet to a trusted girlfriend would
be considered an intelligent strategy. Next, gay people should come out to close classmates, you
are in contact with classmates all the time, and are similar in age, and have similar ideas. There
Stumph 101
are no financial entanglements,
31
the relationship is relatively simple, and as young people, they
are more receptive to new things, they may not be too surprised when you come out of the closet,
in addition, hiding your true identity from your classmates is troublesome, thus being frank is
good. But students that come out of the closet will face many problems, maybe your secret will
spread like wildfire. You have to be willing to take the risk.
We just talked about the easiest two social circles for a gay person to come out to. Now
we’re going to talk about the hardest ones.
The first is the family circle. To tell the truth, being gay, I cannot come out. I face
pressure from my family. Because coming out will only hurt the ones who love you the most,
they are last ones that you want to hurt. In the same way that blood is thicker than water, it
becomes difficult to let go of the burden. Confessing to relatives, other than your parents, most
people can accept you being gay, because they love you, but if you are or are not gay it will not
affect their feelings for you too much. But coming out to one’s parents requires a lot of mental
preparation. Because parents can have many different reactions, and they are all real. But there
is one thing for sure, parents must also go through a period of adjustment, they certainly are
unable to accept the son they raised is this way… shocked, disappointed, sad, worried,
unwilling… parents will infinitely face the pressure.
An example of this is how it has gone for my friends that have come out to their parents.
After my friend told his parents, his parents including his sister, cried for several days, had no
choice but to accept this reality, they also accepted his boyfriend. His parents are both college
professors. Another friend of mine is not so lucky, after coming out is his father cut off the

31
Cultural aspect where there is no importance placed on economic gain since the primary focus
is on other aspects, such as school work during a young age when work is not important.
Stumph 102
relationship with him, now he is floating through life all alone. This are two extremes, for most
friends once their parents know they’re gay, they are still forced to marry a girl, the hope is they
will have a normal family, I’ve seen a lot of friends like this……
In addition, people the most unwilling to come out will be colleagues. First, is that
colleagues and our personal lives are not intertwined, there is no need to come out. Second, we
might be competing with our colleagues. Do no harm, but also protect yourself. Dear fellow
friends, be careful! But it doesn't rule out that our colleagues will also become our good friends,
there might also be out of the closet gay people in this social circle.
Because our good friends are all different in their own way, some are people that are
really good friends and have the same interests, some are soulmates, and some have faced similar
hardships… when you want to come out of the closet, who will you come out to? Are you going
to come out to the guy that you used to talk about boobs with, or watch porn with? If you go and
tell them that you are attracted to men, will they accept it? A guy you’ve eaten with, a guy that
you’ve slept in the same bed with?
32
What will they think? If you come out to a girlfriend, was
she once interested in you? Did she boast to her friends that you’re a real man?
33
So, coming out
to your friends you have to consider their opinion of you, will you coming out highlight the
disparity between who they think you are and who you really are? It’s difficult to accept…. Can
your friendship be able to survive? If you chased girls in front of them, (of course I know that
you chased girls to cover up your identity, or because of familial pressures, or really wanted to
discuss marriage), as soon as you come out of the closet, will they accept what you have done?
Coming out to close friends you must consider these factors. Because they are the greatest part of

32
Using a Northern Dialect
33
Real man refers a masculinized man that portrays masculine affiliated traits
Stumph 103
your private life, they know the best, most authentic you, and they might be completely
unwilling to accept your hypocrisy….
Therefore, regarding coming out to your closest friends is important to uphold the
principle that “it’s going to be different for each person and you have to adapt to them.”
In fact, a lot of people are curious as to why I don’t always mention one circle ---
“acquaintances.” Who are acquaintances? Perhaps they are friends of our friends, or they are our
neighbors that we nod hello to, or they are the grocery store owner who we occasionally have
contact with...these people. Whether you live or die is immaterial to these people, so I won’t
discuss them any further.
Talking about coming out, the younger generation of gay people have guts, because they
revere freedom and being driven to overachieve, to rebel and to be flamboyant, to live even more
above board and for oneself. The current younger generation feels less societal pressure than
their parents’ generation so it’s easier to come out.
But only a few of the gay individuals who come out, come out to their parents. For
example, the famous younger generation gay celebrity – Xiahe (his boyfriend is a high school
student called Luoluo, very pure), his aunt found out that he was gay via online. She called him
to find out what was going on. Xiahe wrote an article about it, take a look.
(http://blog.xiaonei.com/GetEntry.do?id=359825810&owner=238966365)
A famous gay person who is known by almost everyone online doesn’t come out to his
parents?! Now, many gay individuals like to come out as gay on online, because they’re
handsome, but also to become internet celebrities. Their friends, classmates, family members
have to get to know them again the same way that their internet followers do. For example, the
couple Liu Qi and Wang Zixuan, they like to post sweet photos of their relationship. (Liu Qi’s
Stumph 104
real name is Liu Dalong, and Wang Zixuan’s real name is Feng Xiaochi. Both are my good
friends. My page has a link to their blog, both are gifted scholars), however, a few days before,
Dalong successfully came out to his cousin. That said, coming out to your internet friends is a
relatively stress-free way to come out. One reason is, coming out online releases your suppressed
emotions. Also, you don’t have to face a lot of pressure, because after all the internet will not
affect their lives too much. Now the younger generation is bolder and daring!
What’s the reason why someone should come out?
I’m going to talk about three typical reasons why.
Whether or not a gay person comes out is linked to the environment that they find
themselves in. Lin Kaiwen, the famous flamboyant gay celebrity, on his blog on Xiaonei
34
and
Sohu
35
he openly discusses his sex life, studying at Cambridge, talking about being Taiwanese,
and having contact with a number of other celebrities. He has open sexual attitudes and his
legendary sexual experience allowed him to get many blog views on Xiaonei. He is Taiwanese, it
should be said, Taiwan is a relatively open society about sex, and his immediate family only
includes his elderly grandfather. For a gay person, this is the ideal family situation. He can live
this kind of candid life…this kind of person should express gratitude for their situation.
Another kind of person is someone that really wants to find love, they don’t want to
repress their emotions. A lot of people come out together with their partner, for example, the
earliest out gay couple, Gong Fei
36
and Yu Xi
37
. These people came out in order to pursue their
own lives and newfound freedom, very admirable.

34
Chinese networking site
35
Chinese web portal
36
宫非 Gong Fei
37
羽锡 Yu Xi
Stumph 105
There is a group of people that face family pressure to get married, they have no choice
but to stay in the closet, there’s nothing more to say about these people.
Should you come out or shouldn’t you come out? Everyone’s opinion is different, theory
meets practice! If you are reading this article and you’re a parent of a gay child, and your son
comes out to you, I hope you understand a little bit out being gay. Treat them rationally, and treat
them with kindness! For gay people, coming out is a huge pressure, but not from society, it’s
actually from the family, specifically the parents.
Regarding the above text, it is only an individual gay man’s experience and point of
view, there are a lot of mistakes, please forgive them!!!

Stumph 106
同志的博客 - 我是同志 (一)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100a9p7.html
(2008-07-25 21:33:25)

正文开始
一个人对自己的性别认识应该是很早的，至少就个人成长经历来说是这样。稍细
想，也应该。性别的最初自我认定是从生理特征和环境对你的认定开始的，男和女也是极
容易搞明白的，明确自己是男是女后性别意识也会根深蒂固的随其一生。但是一个人的性
取向却不会像性别明晰那样板上钉钉似的绝对。个人认为，性意识最终形成标志不是性别
认定，而是性向明晰。（不是专家，一家直言）

——前言
能用“c”这个字母的人绝对是圈中人，在同志圈内这是一个有着特殊含义的字母，
网上聊天同志之间问的第一个问题可能就与它有关——你c吗？（我特意查过“c”的出处。
“c”系由英语“Sissy”及“Nancy”所衍生而来，指气质阴柔的男同志。“c”是取了“sissy”[ˈsisi]
的谐音。与“c”对应的还有Macho Queen的说法，指外貌非常阳刚，身型健壮，但隐约有阴
柔特质或动作及想法的男同志。其实在同性恋这个特殊的群体部落里有自己的一套语言，
类似的代号还有很多，而且男同性恋与女同性恋是拥有独立的各自的语言系统，这是一个
有意思的现象。）确实有的gay是具有女性化的，也就是我们称作的c，但是绝大部分的
gay是不c的。外界人往往把女性化的人当作同性恋，认为同性恋都是女性化的，其实这是
他们对这个群体的整体误解。换个有穿透力的说法：潜伏在你身边的更man型的人他更可
Stumph 107
能是同性恋。为什么这么说，因为在这个群体中c的比例其实是极少的，也就是说绝大部
分的人是爷们型的。比较女性化的人，或者一心想做个女人的男人，他们大都有着易性
癖，这类人是极少数的。大部分同志他们除了在性取向上的不同，是跟正常男性没两样
的。同性恋这个隐形的，神秘的群体虽然越来越多的得到关注，但是普通人还是很难了解
到其间的细节，因此他们对这个群体的认识很大程度上是在不了解的基础上的猜测，这也
就是容易犯“管中窥豹”的惯性错误的原因。这个群体有着太多被人误解的东西了！
我个人心理成长经历有点曲折。（也许很多gay也一样）小时候的我是有点女性特
质的，害羞腼腆，不喜欢男孩子的圣斗士，偏爱花仙子。（具体例子懒得举了)
特别小的时候，别人说我像小姑娘，我会羞红脸，但是后来说的多了，我不争辩，
不反驳，内心却是泛起更大的波澜的。随着年龄的增长，性别意识越来越强，我更加想重
塑自己，培养自己的男性气质。其实，说小时候自己c也不准确，我的内心还是有着男孩
子的野性的。性格的变化是悄然的，渐变的，好像也是注定的，有后天的刻意，也有天生
的基础，我越来越正常化。我本来就是男性。
而这是性别意识，而非性取向的范畴啦。
自己渐渐明白自己的性取向是在小学四年级左右，因为我会特别注意男老师，小学
男教师比例很小，所以期盼有男老师的课好像是我每天都有的心情，那时也会想这是不是
小男孩正常思维——都希望成为男老师这样每天衣着光鲜又智慧的男性,（在小孩眼里老
师是最厉害的人了）即使在五年级我对一个男孩有了特别的好感以后，还会想这只不过是
我最喜欢的朋友。但是，有时看见帅气男性勃起（我小学五年级就能勃起，也不知道是否
是正常），会令自己心生狐疑。时间推移，自己会一步步认识自己的。
Stumph 108
如果说小学还是在否定肯定再否定再肯定中探寻迷茫着自己的性取向，到了初中，
随着青春期的姗姗来迟，终于还是会明白自己的真正心理需求。
但是，我相信每个gay都会有着内心的苦楚。那就是来自外界的压力。进入初中，
随着生理发育，青春萌芽也如雨后春笋般滋生。这时候的我们，敏感，好奇，充满了活
力。关于性的东西我们充满了极大的兴趣。大家是羞于说自己对女性的感觉的，自然而然
的，大家的话题就会谈到同性恋，这类话题只不过是大家打的性话题的擦边球，不可能严
肃，尤其对于这些正值青春期的少男少女，那是一种过瘾游戏，一种玩笑方法，一种解渴
方式，满足一时的心理好奇。我想很多人都遇到过关于同性恋的讨论，你们的好奇，揣
测，玩笑，居高临下的审视姿态都会有意无意的伤害到我们。我应该是比较早熟的人。也
很庆幸，自己可以一次次帮自己免疫，不至于心理太受伤害。随着年龄的增长，我也不会
再脸红到底的讨论这类问题。我们很多人都是伪装高手，包括我。
如果说，更加明确自己是同性恋的经历是那次偶然的看到男性裸照，我的那里硬硬
的，很久。之后，还有比较丢人的经历是我还在老师的计算机上看过g片。那是暑假的一
次辅导机会，在玩老师计算机，心生杂念，趁办公室无人，找到了g片，现在我还惊异自
己的计算机水平，我似乎是无师自通型的，利用搜索引擎，键入关键字，我竟然很快就找
到了，那时我还只是计算机入门级别的人。那时我初二。也是我平生第一次看到肛交画
面，我当天晚上恶心的没吃饭。我是不能接受这样的画面的，当时。即使我心理有了恶心
心理，但是我的那里还是一柱擎天，这是我现在都没明白的地方。
g片，这个代名词我想又是一个人类的伟大发明，取gay的首字母，呼应a片，这就
是同志们的温柔乡了。（开玩笑）到后来，由于自己兽性大发，看了很多黄色影片，渐渐
Stumph 109
的也不再恶心肛交，也就是那次经历让我明白，原来世界上有很多人跟我一样，同性相
吸。
我是同志。说出这句话，认识自己，有勇气肯定自己，心理的挣扎过程，无人能
知。
满纸荒唐言，一把辛酸泪。

Stumph 110
A Gay Man’s Blog – I am Gay (Part 1) (Translation)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100a9p7.html
(2008-07-25 21:33:25)

The Main Text
A person’s understanding of their own gender should occur very early, at least my
experience growing up was this way. Upon careful consideration that’s true. Gender is primarily
comprised of physiological characteristics and determines how the people in your environment
see you. It’s easy to determine the distinctions of the male and female gender, after being defined
as male or female. Gender identity will be deeply rooted for your entire life. But a person’s
sexual orientation isn’t as clearly defined as their gender. I believe, the sign of your sexual
consciousness being fully formed isn’t determined by your biological gender but rather you
understanding your sexual orientation (not an expert, just speaking frankly).

Preface
People who use the letter “c” are a part of our community, this letter carries a special
meaning in our community. The first question between two gay men chatting online is --- “Are
you C?” (I specially researched the etymology of “c.” “C” is derived from the English “Sissy” or
“Nancy,” referring to gay men who have feminine characteristics. “C” is taken from the ‘s’
sound in “sissy.” And the counterpart of “c” is ‘Macho Queen’, which refers to the masculine
appearance of muscular physique, but having vaguely feminine characteristics and mannerisms.
In fact, gay guys in this particular tribe have their own language, a lot have their own code
words. Gay men and lesbians have their own vernacular. This is an interesting phenomenon).
Stumph 111
Some gay guys possess effeminate qualities, that is, we call them “c,” but an overwhelming
majority of gay guys are not “c.” The outside world often believes that effeminate men are
homosexuals, thinking that all homosexuals are effeminate, in fact this is a complete
misunderstanding of this group. A more persuasive argument might be that the guy hidden
among you who is more masculine, is more likely to be a homosexual. Why am I saying that,
because in this group the proportion of guys who are “c” is really small, so the vast majority of
men in this group are dudes. Guys who are comparatively effeminate or guys who want to be
women are transsexuals, these people are a small minority. For the most part, disregarding their
sexual orientation, gay guys are no different from straight guys. Homosexuals, this mysterious
and invisible group are increasingly getting more and more attention, but for an average person it
is still difficult to understand the subtle differences. Thus, a large part of their understanding of
this community is primarily based on speculation, it is easy to make the mistake of missing the
bigger picture. People misunderstand too many things about this group!

My own experience growing up is a little complicated (maybe a lot of gay guys are the
same). When I was a kid, I was a little feminine, shy and bashful. I didn’t like the boy’s anime
show Saint Seiya.
38
I liked the girl’s anime show The Flower Angel
39
(I don’t feel like giving a
specific example).
When I was really little, people said that I was like a little girl. I was shy and would
blush, as it was said more and more, I didn't argue, I didn’t refute. I was preoccupied with other
things. As I got older, my gender consciousness grew stronger. I even thought about changing

38
圣斗士 Saint Seiya
39
偏爱花仙子 The Flower Angel
Stumph 112
myself, to cultivate a male disposition. In fact, calling me “c” when I was young is imprecise, my
heart still had the unruliness of a boy. My personality changes were quite gradual, as if it I was
already destined, innate. I became more and more normal. I am a man.
This is gender consciousness rather than sexual orientation.
I gradually understood my sexual orientation around the 4
th
grade because I would pay
special attention to the male teachers. The proportion of male teachers in elementary school is
relatively small, so every day I would look forward to having a male teacher for one of my
classes. At that time, I would also think I would question whether this was a normal way of
thinking about a boy. All the boys wished to be like the teachers that were dressed well every
day and were so intelligent (in the eyes of a child, a teacher is the most awesome). Even after I
had a crush on a boy in the fifth grade, I thought he was just my best friend. However, seeing
that handsome boy made me have an erection (I was able to have an erection in the fifth grade, I
don’t know if this is normal). It made me have suspicions. Over time, step by step, I found
myself.
In elementary school, I again and again went back and forth between denying and
affirming my sexual identity, which confused me. Finally, in junior high, along with blossoming
into puberty, I finally understood my true emotional needs.
However, I believe that every gay guy has inner turmoil. This is from the pressure of the
outside world. Going into junior high, as we mature, many new feelings emerge in rapid
succession. At this time, we are sensitive, curious, and full of energy. We have a lot of interest in
sex. Everyone is ashamed to talk about their own feelings for girls. Naturally, homosexuality
comes up in conversation. This topic is just them pushing boundaries, they aren’t serious. For
boys and girls just hitting puberty, it’s just a game, they’re only joking, scratching an itch to
Stumph 113
satisfy their curiosity. I think a lot of people have had a conversation about homosexuality. Your
curiosity, speculation, jokes, and condescending judgment will intentionally or unintentionally
harm us. I matured relatively early, also very fortunate, I could protect myself over and over,
unlikely to have any psychological harm. With age, I will not blush when discussing such issues.
Many of us are masters at blending in, including myself.
If I had said, I clearly knew that I was a homosexual. That time, by chance, I saw a nude
picture of a guy and got hard down there. After, there was still an embarrassing experience. I
watched gay porn on my teacher’s computer. That time was during a tutoring session during
summer vacation. I was playing on the teacher’s computer, filled with distracting thoughts, while
no one was in the office, I searched for gay porn, now I am still amazed at my computer skills. I
did it all by myself. Using the search engine, typing in the keywords, surprisingly I soon found it,
at that time I was just learning how to use the computer. Then I was in the 7
th
grade, it was the
first time in my life I saw anal sex. I was so disgusted I didn’t eat that night. I couldn’t process
that kind of image at that time. I was revolted, yet down there was steel hard.
40
Even now I can’t
comprehend how I was disgusted and hard at the same time.
Gay porn is one of humanity's great inventions. Later, as my animal instincts took hold, I
watched a lot of porn. Gradually I wasn’t disgusted by anal sex. That is the experience that made
me realize, as it turns out there are a lot of people in the world like me that are attracted to the
same sex.
I am gay. Say these sentences. I know myself. I have the courage to affirm myself. No
one can know my inner turmoil.
Filled with absurd talk and sad tears.

40
Literally: down there was like a huge column up to the sky
Stumph 114
我是同志（三）
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_b2a55b6f0101lima.html
(2008-07-29 00:55:13)

正文开始
我想很多同志都有过内心的侥幸，都抱有过幻想，希望自己的性取向是短暂的假
象，甚至试图改变自己。但是最终会悲惨的发现，唯有男人能激发自己体内荷尔蒙的分
泌，唯有男人的肌体能让自己全身亢奋发热，能让自己那里坚挺的永远不会是穿着“隐藏
重点，展现诱惑”的比基尼女郎。我在第一篇的文章就写到过，性取向是与生俱来，随其
一生的，你的“性趣”在小时候就会表现出来，与你成长经历，生活环境没有太多的关系。
其实，异性恋者也可以很好理解这个，当你们试图尝试一段断背情缘的时候，会发现，这
对异性恋者绝对是强人所难了，将心比心可以知道，同性恋者亦然。我甚至在一份研究报
告中还看到过这样的研究结果，世界上根本没有双性恋。所谓的双性恋，是一个人在社会
中，由于压力产生的一种自我蒙蔽与欺骗，（举个例子，遭到强奸后心理扭曲可能导致一
个异性恋者变成双性恋；对于同性恋者而言，长期的异性氛围，自我心理暗示，社会压力
等也可导致）其实是属于心理疾病了，但是即使这样，双性恋者还是双性，不会性取向产
生截然相反的变化。
很多同志都有过自我检讨。当面对无法自控性冲动的自己时，很多人会陷入自责的
深渊。自己为什么会“沦落”成这样，这样的自己羞于面对含辛茹苦的父母，会对自己失
望，沮丧。而且，这种罪恶感时常会像巨石落入深井中，在心里激起闷雷般的回声。有
时，一个gay不敢去公开自己的身份，可能他不在乎社会的看法，而是作为儿子，他无法
Stumph 115
面对父母，亲人。在网上，我认识过几个向家庭公开身份的同志，这些人的家庭拥有一个
共同点，其家庭成员大都受过高等教育，他们的家庭在观念上更容易接受了这个事实。现
在，他们中很多人都有了固定的伴侣，有的还见过父母。这些人整体给你的印象是他们活
的更阳光。而我们与其相比，活的那么心累。
像是无法面对自己的父母一样的感情，作为我们，还会对很多人抱有歉意。
很多人认为gay是不具有异性魅力的。那你又错了。外人接触认识到的gay可能更多
的是那些“c”的人，他们的行为特点导致他们的引人注目，而社会就下结论，gay大都是女
性化的人。在第一篇的引论中我已经解释了，这是犯了管窥蠡测的错误。这部分人的特点
使他们更容易暴露自己的身份，给社会造成了一种假象。实际上，更多的gay并不“c”。应
该讲，大部分的gay都有内心阴柔的一面。（这指的是内心深层次的特点，可能异性恋者
男性也有内心脆弱的部分，但这不能等同于女性行为特征）正是因为这个，他们特质中更
绅士，更含蓄，更阴郁，有点梁朝伟。就是这类特质更迷人。很多gay确实是女生的大众
情人，这也会是同志的烦恼。就我个人而言，拥有过几个异性追求者，有的被我冷淡处
置，有的还对我欲罢不能，面对这些善良的女孩，有时会有种冲动要告诉他们，但是……
只能在心底说，你们是我不懂欣赏的美丽，对不起！I。
（有这么一个插曲，网上有一对同志网络红人，其中一个叫夏河的还在校内开了个
人主页，里面晒了很多他跟他的“妻”的照片，都是绝对的帅哥。他的校内日浏览量可以达
到上万人，而且，大部分是女性关注者。有很多正常的男性对他们不齿，还恶言攻击。他
这样回复他们：某些鄙视同志的所谓直男们，你们评良心讲不该攻击我。若不是我率领一
众美型BOY都去搞了同性恋，你们不是更没活路么？不谢我也罢了，何苦恩将仇报。想
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想也对，如果我们也喜欢女性了，在性别比明显失调的中国，你们肯定会受到极大挑战，
我们还算做了贡献）
如果到了婚龄，你会选择掩饰自己的身份，跟一个不喜欢的女人道貌岸然的做夫妻
吗？这有一篇文章（http://lady.taizhou.com/qgwy/hywy/2006-12/5/153208513.html），是一
个知道自己丈夫是同志的妻子，写的自己的心路历程，看过后，你还会忍心吗？面对那个
把你当作他男人的女人，你的心里会丝毫没有歉疚？
你又怎么面对你的恋人，如果你结婚了，你怎样对待你的爱情，如果他想与你一起
生活，你能做到吗？你是否只让他做一个地下情人，让他跟一个女人争夺你这个男人？如
果他结婚了，你又怎么忍心打扰他的生活，你又怎么面对他的家庭？
如果你有了孩子……
会有很多现实的问题需要面对，会有很多人需要你回报他们对你的感情需要，会有
很多责任需要你承担。
我们需要愧对的人太多！
可是，总想去承担其他人的幸福，却总忘记自己，其实最应该得到抱歉的是自己。
是谁造就了我们，谁又让我们拥有了情感，我们为什么要经受这些折磨，谁又承担我们的
幸福？
写这么多，也许是希望找到同性的共鸣，也许是希望获得异性理解，但是我写累
了。
已经发了够多的牢骚了。自己看着这些文字也有些厌弃，就这样沉沦吧，明天开
始沉沦，不想再想这些糟糕的事，太累了，写到这吧，就到这了。
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I Am Gay – Part 3 (Translation)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100ab08.html
(2008-07-29 00:55:13)

I think many gay guys have wishfully thought and have had fantasies hoping that their
sexual orientation is a short-lived illusion; even trying to change themselves. However, they will
tragically discover, only men can stimulate them, only a man’s physique can excite their entire
body. A woman wearing a bikini will never make them hard. I wrote in the first article that
sexual orientation is innate; it follows one throughout life. “Sexual interest” emerges in
childhood, and is not dependent on life experiences or one’s environment. In fact, heterosexuals
can also completely understand this. When you heterosexuals try to find your “Brokeback
Mountain” love, you discover it is impossible. Putting yourselves in a homosexual’s position,
you will know that homosexuals also discover this. I have read studies which state that
bisexuality simply doesn’t exist. The so-called bisexual, is a person who is deceiving themselves
because of societal pressure. (For example, after experiencing rape, heterosexuals might be
psychologically disturbed so that they become bisexual; for homosexuals living long-term in a
heterosexual environment, self-suggestion and societal pressure can cause them to become
bisexual.) In fact, bisexuality is classified as a mental illness, but even so, bisexuals are bisexual
and will not completely change their sexual orientation.
A lot of gay guys have had a self-reflection. When faced with being unable to control
their sex drive, a lot of gay guys will fall into the abyss of self-blame. Why do they “fall” into
this spiral of self-shame, this kind of self-shame loses face in parent’s eyes, they will be
disappointed and depressed. More ever, this kind of guilt is like a huge boulder falling into a
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deep well in the heart, echoing like a muffled thunder. Sometimes, a gay guy does not disclose
his own identity publicly. Maybe he doesn’t care about the society’s view, but as a son, he can’t
face his parents and relatives. On the internet, I know several other gay guys who are out to their
families. These people’s families have one thing in common, most of their family members have
had a higher education. Their family members are more likely to accept the fact of them being
gay. Now, many of them have long-term partners, some of which have met the parents. This kind
of people give you the impression that they live a happy life, and compared to them, we don’t.
Being unable to confront your own parents, like us, a lot of people have to apologize.
Many people believe that gay guys don't not attract the opposite sex. You’d be wrong
again. Outsiders mostly interact with the gays they know, most of whom are “c.” Whose
behavior attracts attention. But society reaches its own conclusion, gay guys are mostly feminine.
In the first article, I have already explained that this is missing the bigger picture. The
feminine nature of “c” guys identifies them as obviously gay, giving society a false impression.
In reality, more gay guys are not “c.” It should be said, most gay guys do have a soft side
(This refers to deep rooted characteristics. There may also be heterosexual men who have a
fragile side, but this cannot be equated to a feminine trait). It is because of this, they are more
gentleman in character, more reserved, more depressed, a little bit like Tony Leung,
41
this kind of
characteristic is more charming. A lot of gay guys are indeed a woman’s sweetheart. This is also
troublesome for gay guys. Personally, I have had a few heterosexual women pursue me, some of
them I have dealt with coldly, others “just can’t quit me.”
42
Facing these kind of girls, sometimes

41
An award-winning Hong Kong actor and Canto pop singer; (梁朝伟)
42
Referencing the film Brokeback Mountain
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I want to just tell them, but … I can only say it to myself. You are a kind of beauty that I do not
know how to appreciate, sorry! I understand that leading you on harms you more.
(By the way: There’s an internet celebrity couple, one of them is called Xiahe, who has a
homepage on Xiaonei.
43
He shares a lot of photos with his “wives,” they’re all drop-dead
gorgeous guys. His Xiaonei homepage’s daily views can reach tens of thousands. Moreover, the
majority of views are from women. There are many “normal” men that despise them, who
viciously attack them. Xiahe replies to them: To some of the so-called straight men who despise
gay guys, honestly you shouldn’t attack me. If I had not led a crowd of beautiful boys to become
gay. You guys would’ve had no chance? Don’t mention it at all, but why repay me with these
vicious attacks? Think about it, if we also like women, you’d have had an even harder time in a
place like China where the ratio between the sexes is already imbalanced, you’re welcome!)
If you’re at the marrying age, would you choose to cover up your identity, to
hypocritically play a couple with a woman you don’t love? This is an article in which the wife
knows that her husband is gay (http://lady.taizhou.com/qgwy/hywy/2006-12/5/153208513.html).
She writes about her life. After reading it, will you be able to stand to do the same? Wouldn’t
you have the slightest amount of remorse in your heart if you had to face a woman who thinks of
you as her man?
How would you face your lover? If you got married, how would you cope with your love
for him? If he wants to live with you, could you do it? Are you going to just make him your
piece on the side? Make this guy fight with your wife over you? If he is married, would you have
the heart to disturb his family? How would you face his family?
What if you have kids……

43
人人网, Chinese social network website, renamed Renren Network
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There would be a lot of real problems that would need to be faced. There would be a lot
of people that need you to be there for them emotionally. You would have a lot of
responsibilities.
We need to live up to so many people!
But, we always think we are responsible for another person’s happiness but we forget our
own. In actuality, we should be responsible for ourselves. Who made us? Who let us have these
emotions? Why do we have to bear these torments? Who is responsible for our happiness?
I have written so much, perhaps I hope to find a sympathetic ear from gay guys. Perhaps I
hope to get straight guys to understand, but I am tired.
I’ve bitched enough, I’m sick of all these words. They’ll sink in, tomorrow they’ll begin to sink
in, I do not want to think of these terrible things anymore, I am too tired. This is it. This is the
end.

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我是同志（六）——你是怎样进入同性恋这个圈子的？
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100ae06.html
(2008-08-05 10:20:05)

正文开始
你是怎样进入同性恋这个圈子的？
不同的人应该有不同的方式，但是我们可以总结一下，给其他还苦苦寻觅感情伴侣
的人提供点借鉴，少走些弯道。
我想大家应该跟我一样，先是通过网络“学习”，认识同志和自己的吧。我很高兴，
刚接触网络就认识了“百度”。应该说七八年前的网络管理不是很严格，“更黄更暴力”，呵
呵。百度一搜，同性恋的文章，图片，论坛，bbs……应有尽有。（经验总结，搜索引擎
还是百度好。）同志论坛发展很快，很早就发展到每个较著名的城市，都会有同志自己的
论坛，现在应该更多。比如，朋友别哭，BFBOY蓝色网络……不胜枚举。另外，现在一
些著名的大学也会有自己专门的同志论坛，现在的大学生越来越开放，他们的观点也是走
在社会意识流前的。一批批的同志进入校园，加入自己学校的gay友论坛，勇于表达自己
的感情。论坛版主会随着上任版主的毕业更新换代，这是一种生生不息的方式，也是有趣
的现象。
我现在很少再去这类网站了，但是，那时候这类网站还是对我起到了启蒙作用。通
过这些网站，认识了自己，知道了性是什么，同性恋是什么，明白自己不是特例，不是怪
胎，肯定自己的存在价值。跟很多同志交流时，会了解到很多人一开始是否定自己的，自
认为自己是变态的，不能接受自己，想过自杀。社会否定有时未必有自我否定来的可怕。
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至少我在一开始认识性的时候就从这些网站获得了肯定的声音，知道很多人跟自己一样，
无形中，得到了一种心理支撑，因此，并未自己给自己施加过太多心理压力。现在的自己
无须再从这些网站得到心理安慰，也就很少穿梭在一个个“家园”了，当然，不去这些网站
还有一个很重要的原因是，这些网站现大都“改邪归正”，已经很难再看到“解渴”的图片，
视频，很色？哈哈。
当然，想认识网友，这些网站倒是提供了一个极其重要的途径。那就是很多论坛都
设有专门的交友专栏，允许gay友在里面公布自己的寻友启示，自己的联系方式，甚至可
以晒晒自己的私密照片。而且大部分的论坛还会以地区为划分依据，设置子栏目，让你更
容易找到志同道合，又不会天各一方的朋友。这个是一种很有效的方法，你只要公布自己
的条件，自己的联系方式，无论qq，msn，还是电邮，应该会有感兴趣的，有缘的人与你
相约的。
这类论坛有时还会组织一些见面郊游活动，让虚拟走向现实，促成了很多情侣。
我认为这类论坛最重要的功能是它会公布一些qq群。不同qq群间也是有区别的，分
类是多种多样的。有的qq群是论坛建立的官方群，主要目的是方便论坛注册会员之间交流
用的；有的qq群则会以地区为依据，主要加同一个地区的gay友，方便大家交流认识，甚
至更深层次的了解；有的群则是另类爱好的同志建立的群，大多是关于sm有关，譬如制
服兴趣群，皮革爱好群等等，鉴于可能引起部分人士反感就不多做介绍了。有的群则会以
g片交流，网站共享等目的建立……之所以说这是这类论坛最重要的，因为我认为现在同
志有机会邂逅认识在一起，往往是通过qq群找到彼此的。
QQ深刻的改变了现代人的交流方式。很多人打开电脑的第一件事必定是登陆qq。它
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自然也成为更隐秘的同志间交流的方式。对于一个同志，都会有一个专门的qq与同性友人
交往。另外，QQ还有一些附带工具，譬如qq聊天室，也提供了很好的机会让大家认识。
它里面有许多虚拟的房间，有同志们自己的房间，很多人会从那里面接触到自己的真爱。
除了qq聊天室，网络上也会有很多利用浏览器的聊天室，通过添加小插件，这类聊天室还
支持视频聊天，也成为一部分人认识朋友的方式，山东同志聊天室曾是我三年前经常光顾
的一个聊天室哦，有点做广告嫌疑。
博客的出现并不晚，很多年前就有人写了，那时叫法也很多，诸如部落格，网络日
志等等，远没现在博客流行。因此，在七八年前，博客并不是同志认识的好方法。但是，
随着徐静蕾，韩寒的博客人气走高，很多明星纷纷加入，博客一时走热。一时间，很多
gay友也跟我似的，建立了自己的个人主页，写些方块，发点牢骚，谈谈畅想……也会吸
引到别人的注意，也成为一种自我推销，广识朋友的途径。另外，类似新浪博客，还会建
立博客圈，我就在几天前，一口气加入了20几个同志圈，哈哈。
文章开头就说到“百度”好，百度还有一个好处是百度的贴吧。贴吧类似一个bbs论
坛，但是任何的同志bbs论坛，远不及百度贴吧的影响力。但是，貌似这几年百度贴吧有
点颓势。
当然，除了通过网络这个虚拟世界去认识gay友，很多人则会选择去同志酒吧。很多
人迫于生活压力，不能找个长期恋人，因此，好像去同志酒吧的人，更多的是希望解决自
己的一时性需求，并非交友。在里面，很多人只要双方顺眼就能玩起419。这也是同志群
体是艾滋病高危人群的重要原因。而往往酒吧认识的同志，或者聊天室交的419似的朋
友，情侣配对成功率是最低的。
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其实，如果现实中你认识一个同志朋友，你很可能因为他认识到他结识的其他gay
友，就像接龙游戏似的，而且是多方位接龙，渐渐的，你周围就会形成一个gay友圈子。
这是这个圈子里最稳定的交友方式。
无论你是通过什么样的方式结识朋友，只希望大家能够真诚的对待感情，这是对自
己，他人，社会的负责表现，也是让同志得到社会尊重的基础。真爱自己，真诚交友。这
是我对大家的建议。今天，就写到这了。

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I’m Gay (Part 6) How did You Become a Member of the Gay Community? (Translation)
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_59c6d9ba0100ae06.html
(2008-08-05 10:20:05)

How did you become a member of the gay community? Different people have different
ways, but we can sum up the different ways for people who are struggling to find an emotional
partner and offer some of our own experiences to make things easier for you (a short cut).
I think everyone is the same as me, first they use the internet to “learn” about being gay
and being themselves. I was very happy to find out about Baidu when first using the internet. It
can be said that seven or eight years ago, the government control of the internet wasn’t very
strict--the internet “had more porn and more violence,” haha. You could search Baidu and find
gay articles, pictures, forums, BBS
44
…anything and everything. (Based on my experience, Baidu
is the best search engine.) Gay forums developed very quickly. Early on, each major city had its
own gay forum. Now there should be even more. For example, “Friends Don’t Cry,”
45
BFBOY
Blue Network
46
… they’re too numerous to mention. In addition, some famous universities have
their own gay forums. Now there are more and more openly gay students whose views are at the
forefront of the mainstream.
As more and more gay people enter school and join their school’s gay forums, they find
the courage to express their feelings. As the previous forum moderator graduates, a new forum
moderator takes over and rejuvenates the forum. This is one way for the forum to grow, and also
is an interesting phenomenon.

44
Bulletin Board System
45
朋友别哭 Friends Don’t Cry
46
蓝色网络 BFBOY
Stumph 126
I rarely go to such sites now, but at that time, sites like these opened up my eyes.
Through these kind of sites, you can get to know yourself, know what sex is, know what
homosexuality is, and understand that you’re not different or a freak, to confirm one’s true value.
Communication with other gay people will help you understand that a lot of people in the
beginning denied themselves, thought themselves as freaks, could not accept themselves, and
had suicidal thoughts. Society’s denial is not necessarily more awful than self-denial. At least at
that time I began to understand sex. I heard an affirming voice and found out that a lot of people
are like me. Virtually, I got psychological support, therefore, not exerting too much
psychological pressure on myself. Now I no longer need to get psychological support from these
sites. Seldom do I need to shuttle back and forth from these “homes.” Of course, there is a very
important reason for not going to these sites, most of these sites have “turned over a new leaf”
and it is already difficult to see pictures and videos, which can “quench” my thirst. I am so
horny! Haha!
Of course, if you want to meet internet friends, contrary to what one might think, these
sites are providing an extremely important channel. A lot of sites have dedicated personal
columns, allowing gay friends to post their personal ads, their own contact details, and even
share one’s own private photos. But also, many forums are based according to local region, set
sub-sections, making it easier for you to find like-minded people, and unlikely that you will live
far apart. This is a very effective way as long as you publish your own stats and contact details,
be they QQ, msn, or e-mail. There should be people that are interested in meeting you.
Some forums sometimes organize meet and greets, letting the virtual come to reality,
contributing to many couples getting together.
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I think the most important part of these forums is that it posts some QQ Groups. Each QQ
Group is different, and there are many different kinds. Some of the QQ Groups are the official
ones established by the forum. The main purpose of the group is to facilitate the interaction of
registered members on the forum. Some QQ Groups are based on regions, with members all
from the same region, that way it’s convenient for everyone to interact and get to know each
other, and even get a deeper level of understanding. Some groups are for people with alternative
hobbies. They are mostly about S&M,
47
for example uniform fetish groups, leather fetish groups,
and so on. Considering that some people might dislike these things, I will not introduce them
anymore. Some groups are established in order to exchange gay porn websites…. the reason why
these forums are the most important is because gay people now have the opportunity to become
acquainted, often finding each other through the QQ Groups.

47
S&M stands for Sadism and Machoism, during sexual intercourse it associates pain with
sexual pleasure
Stumph 128
我的同志男友们 - 第一章入圈约见首位网友
涂涂涂涂某某
2016-09-02 23:45:35
没要华丽的辞藻，没有浪漫的经历，只是简单的真实的记录我 6 年的同志生涯！

第一章入圈约见首位网友

2010年！我踏出了纯真美好的校园大门步入纷彩斑斓的社会大染缸中，我的人生因为
高考而改变了航线，我的校园生活因为高考定格在了2010年6月。在这一年里我的人生发
生了翻天覆地的变化！
考过后我便来到了温州，温州对我来说再熟悉不过了，我在这片土地上生活过10多
年，不论是温州的风土人情还是人文地理我都甚是了解，甚至比我家乡还要了解的多一
些。这大概也是验证了“一方水土养一方人”吧。温州的水土把我这个重庆人活脱脱的养成
了“温州人”。好生不可思议！
可也是在这片上，悄无声息的打开了我的另外一种世界之门，我成为了一名名副其
实的同性恋者。今年已是2016年，我也踏入此圈6年有余。在这六年里我从一个对此圈充
满好奇的纯情少男变成了历经沧桑的奔三大叔。我是个俗人，所以我找过同志恋人，当然
没有恋人时候我也约过炮，我想大部分的同道中人都是这样度过的吧！
我对同性关注的启蒙源自于小学一次偶然的境遇。至今依然清晰的记得那是在上小
学二年级的某个课间，我像往常一样去厕所小便，农村学校的厕所大家应该也能想象的，
大便的地方不是像现在四周隔板密闭的，而是中间一块水泥隔住的，还比较埃，两边都可
Stumph 129
以蹲，所以当两个人同时小便时，如果面对面站着，对方的一切都尽收眼底。那天课间一
个大概五六年级个子高高的显得比较早熟的学长和我不期而遇在厕所，他正面朝着我小
便，那个时候他的私处已经是皮肤黑黝黝的，粗粗的，当我第一眼看到他私处我感觉到一
股浓浓的荷尔蒙气息扑面而来，面对此情此景我的目光完全被他硕大黝黑的私处吸引的无
法转移，就像现在观看好莱坞大片一样给人的视觉冲击无以言表，就是这样的情景让我时
时刻刻留恋往返，时时刻刻在yy，也促成了日后总是忍不住偷瞄别人裆部的习惯，对别人
裆部充满了好奇，总想对别人裆部一探究竟，来满足自己的好奇！
可对于同性的吸引我搞不清是天生的还是被某种外界因素影响所致，小学一年级我就
喜欢过男生，我的同班同学，他的名字今时今日我依然记得，我性格比较内向，所以跟别
人都不是很熟络，和他自认也是这样，这位同学长的清秀，皮肤白皙，个性柔弱，爱哭鼻
子，可以说有些女性化，每次看到他哭鼻子我都有一种想保护他的冲动，总想靠近他，和
他玩耍，基于我的性格我并没有那样做，直到我对他的关注慢慢淡去，我们也因为分班而
分散，直到今天我们也没再见过！如果再见也已互不相识！！或许我过于早熟吧，7-8岁
就会喜欢上人家！！后来在镇中心小学上到四年级便随着父母离开了重庆来到温州乐清这
个10多年前刚刚开始经济发展的城镇里开启了“新温州人”的生活。
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来到的依旧是农村，由于这里靠近海边，优越的地理环境，即使是农村也比我的老
家好上千倍万倍！在这里我穿插点我的老家和我的家境吧！我老家是重庆贫困县之一的奉
节县，周围都是高山，一条河成就了两座山的峡谷，人就在半山腰上的平地上建房居住，
耕种，过着自给自足的农耕生活。经济条件差到极致。我家住在差不多快到山顶的一处平
地上。我妈曾跟我讲述了她嫁到我家过了的日子，刚开始嫁过来是借油无盐，借盐无粮的
日子，后来怀上我之后也是天天吃土豆，几乎揭不开锅了，那时的家境好似回到饥荒时
代。不过还好我妈够坚强，够强大，她在家里忙农活，我爸就在家乡唯一的河里捞矿石，
就这样一天天家里稍微有些起色，但依旧是不如人意，我至今都记得上小学需要算盘和字
典，我家都拿不出钱来买，我妈不得不背着粮食去集市卖了才买上算盘和字典。读书要走
1 个多小时路程的山路才能到达学校，晚上以同样的路程回家，日复一日的走。中午别
人家的孩子都有饭吃，我就只能吃三毛钱的馒头！想想我的心都发酸！所以面对温州这个
新环境，我感觉我非常幸运，非常幸福，我的生活条件因来到温州得到改善。我比我同龄
的家乡孩子幸运太多了。
继续回到我的同志话题！！2011年的仲夏我正式踏上交往同志朋友之路，在网络中
疯狂的搜罗同志qq群，通过群结识到了一位贵州人，那年我21，他26，我在温州，他在台
州！隔着4个小时的大巴车程！认识那会聊得热火朝天，什么都聊，因为对他的感觉是我
从来对别人没有过的感觉，从来没有遇到这么能聊的来的人，彼此视频聊天，文字聊天，
似乎陷入了疯狂的，不可自拔的网恋中，开始停不下来，忍不住要和他聊天，感觉自己喜
欢上他了，如今才明白那只是对这样的情感好奇产生的错觉，今时今日我全然忘却了和他
聊过的话题，见面时说过的话！
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就这样一天天的聊，一个多月过去了，在这期间他一直要我去他工作地方玩，我一
直没下决心去，因为我认为对他的了解还不够，也因为距离有点远，对社会认知不充足，
怕有什么危险！那是个周末，星期六他再次提出要我去他工作地方玩，说了好多，已然不
记得了，我盛情难却，半推半就的答应星期天去，我星期天不休息，但我还是请好假，从
乐清的南岳乘上轮渡到达彼岸（台州玉环县）。轮渡到达后要坐一个小时的公交车才能到
达县城，他早早的到达县城来等着我了，当我见到他的时候我真的就满怀失望了，个子不
高（我本身就不高，他比我还矮）。长的也非常不帅！可我还是跟他上了车，来到了他工
作的地方。周末，宿舍就他一人，其他同事出去玩去了，他打开宿舍门让我先进去了，房
间里面整齐干净，摆放着两张床，床上的杯子折叠的非常漂亮，靠着墙放着一个书柜，上
面放着一台笔记本电脑，柜前放着一把椅子，有点小旅馆的气息，也显得比较紧凑。
在这个新环境了我显得有些拘谨，走到电脑前坐在椅子上，他过来打开电脑，然后
去食堂的冰箱里取回了他星期六去葡萄园摘回的葡萄，洗干净用盘子端到房间放到桌子
上，期间还不时的给我剥一颗喂我嘴里，我就一直盯着电脑看着视频。他偶尔会摸下我大
腿，腰。第一次被别人碰触，实在不习惯，所以我会很自然的躲开，可能他感觉到了一丝
尴尬，就说出去转转，逛逛。我自然是乐意的不得了，出行用的是电瓶车，他问我会不会
骑，随口应了句会！他就非得要我骑车载着他，在路上一直用大腿夹我的臀部，我提醒过
他多次后便没有再夹。
在街上逛了会到中午了，他带着我来到一家四川人开的小饭馆，点了三个菜一个
汤，菜品不记得了，只记得辣！（虽然我是重庆人，但我从小就不吃辣，所以有些吃不
惯），只是将就着吃了点饭，喝了点汤，就结束了！吃饭期间他还会给我夹菜，他可以若
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无旁人似的，丝毫不在乎别人的眼光，给我夹菜，倒是我显得很在意，左顾右盼，“别夹
菜了，我自己会夹，被人看着呢”我压低了声音对他说。他也只是笑笑不回应。吃好饭以
后去干嘛了我都已经忘得一干二净了！只记得傍晚他带我去爬山，途中老是触碰我的
手，企图牵我的手，但每次当他手碰触到我的手我都会躲开，所以他也没牵到我的手，就
这样到了山顶，俯看了玉环的夜景便匆匆下山了。
下一站我都不知道是什么地方，直记得我们来到的是个草坪，他和我并坐在草坪
上，因为没人他开始了，趁我毫无防备时把脸凑了过来，亲上了我的脸颊，我本能的往另
一侧躲闪，他便把脸撤回去了，没一会手又开始了，这次是直入主题呀！！！直接把手放
我裆部去了，狠狠的摸了一把，我立马起身走开与他保持了一段距离，他起身朝我走进，
我也往前走，就这样边走边聊了会，他便说要回去，依旧是要我骑车载他，这次我死活不
肯了，他只好载着我，我坐在他身后靠都没赶靠近他，只是闲聊着。
很快到他公司了，把车停好便再次回到他的宿舍，进门他便把自己脱的只剩条内裤
了，26岁的他肚子上有了些许肚腩，手臂看起来倒是壮壮的，他说：“我们一起洗澡吧”。
“不用这样吧，我们第一次见面就要一起洗澡，这样好吗？”话音刚落我便坐回椅子上了。
他见我没有一起洗澡的意思，便说“那我先洗了”。说完便走进了浴室。一个人呆坐在椅子
上，听到的只有浴室传出的水声。很快他出来了，不停地用毛巾擦拭着他稍微自然卷的头
发说：“你去洗吧”。“好”我起身走进浴室锁好门，退去一股汗味的衣裤，打开开关，喷头
的水唰的一下淋到我头上，顺着脸颊流道胸前直达脚下得地板上，冲走的是一天的奔波带
来的疲惫，洗个热水澡爬山的疲惫也随之烟消云散，我穿好依旧留有汗味的衣裤，赤着脚
走出浴室，他冲着我微微一笑，“笑什么”我弱弱的问了句。他没作声。
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我继续坐回椅子上，打开刚才没看完的视频。他也走过来坐在他室友的床上，靠我
的很近。“我们睡觉吧，时间不早了”，他凑到我耳边低声说。听他这么说我顿时紧张了起
来，有些不知所措问了句：“怎么睡”。“我们一起睡呀”他说。“不行，这不是有两张床
吗，一人睡一张吧”。见我这样说他也没再多说什么。只是很无奈的说了句：“好吧，你睡
我同事这张床，我睡我自己床上”。我嗯了一下继续看视频了，他也在边上看了会，就去
整理他的床铺准备睡觉了，我看了小会儿关掉也睡去了，我迅速的退去衣裤只留下一条三
角内裤，钻进被窝盖好被子。“你身材真好，我就喜欢你这么瘦瘦的”他笑嘻嘻的说。“把
灯关了睡觉吧，我明天一早就得回去呢”我说。不知不觉的睡着了。
可是重头戏来了，半夜睡着了跟个死猪一样，他竟然悄悄的跑到我床上来，亲我，
摸我，这期间我竟然没有意思感觉，我还是睡的跟个死猪一样，直到他退去我的三角内
裤，用手指沾上他的唾液扣我的后庭，一只手指都深入了我才迷迷糊糊的醒过来，醒来我
只感觉我后庭处有一股疼痛感，还没意识到是他手指深入了，等我反应过来时我隐约感觉
到一股酥麻感从他手指指尖处传遍身体每个角落。因为后庭处的疼痛感我没有多想，开始
挣脱他的手，他手臂那么壮，我费了好大力气才把他的手挣脱出来，把他推下床。提高嗓
门说到；“你干什么啊，大半夜的不睡觉，把灯打开”。“小声点，别把别人吵醒了”他压低
声音说到。并开了灯。灯光有些晃眼睛，我眯着眼把内裤穿好，继续盖好我的被子，说
到：“你别再这样了啊，再这样我就叫喊了啊”。估计他也是怕我喊，就关灯躺下睡觉了，
我久久不能入睡，真怕他又再次来我床上。就这样一分一秒的躺在床上，不知什么时候才
再次睡着。
等我醒来太阳都已经升起很久了。我揉搓了下眼睛，发现他早早的就已经整理好
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自己等着我醒来，我掀开被子起身穿好衣服裤子，走进浴室洗了把脸出来对他说：“我们
走吧，送我去车站乘车去”。他微笑的对我说：“我们先去吃早餐吧”。我直接来了句“不吃
了，先去车站吧”。他起身拿起电动车钥匙，打开房门，我跟在他身后，在送我去车站的
路上我们没怎么说话，他只是说了句“有空要来乐清看我，找我玩”。我没应答他。起了大
概20来分钟，到了车站，我一下车就往售票处走去，没往回看，但是他还是跟了过来，买
好了票，车子也要出发了，他从兜里掏出两百块钱递给我，太[他妈](damn)令我意外了，
我说：“给我钱干嘛”。他说：“在路上买水喝，谢谢你不远千里来看我”。我没收，只是说
了句：“有缘再见”。便走进了大巴车。没多久车子出发了。就这样我结束了一天的台州之
旅，第一次见网友，看似平淡无奇，对我来说却是惊奇无比，和我预期的差的太多，不论
是人或事，发生的都出乎我意料，也许是没经历过，所以想的太简单，实际却很复杂，首
次见网友这事也随着大巴车的远去而渐渐成为过去式，经过四个多小时的车程我回到了乐
清，下车回到了厂里继续我的工作。
见他结束了，可我们之间却还没结束，他经常会发些暧昧的信息给我，诸如“我想你
了” “我爱你”之类的，我每次一看到这类话语都会跟他说，别这样，我们就做朋友，做兄
弟，但是他还是[一如既往](the same) ，我也没有很决绝的回绝他，那时候第一次经历这
些事情，都不懂得怎么处理，就这样渐渐的联系没有起初那么频繁了。大概又过了个把月
吧，有一天他突然说他星期天要来乐清看我，我一直都让他不要来，来了我也不会接待
他，但是他还是坚持要来，由于之前我的地址都告诉了他，我不同意他也还是来了，第二
天上午大概9点多就到了乐清虹桥的时代广场，我在上班却接到了他的电话，只得请假去
接待他，那个时候他挎了个比较大的公文包，显得好老气。他说他没吃早餐。我带他去吃
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了早餐，去了一处公园坐着，期间不知道聊了些什么。也不知道后来去干了些什么，只记
得晚上我带他去开了房，带他去房间呆了会儿我就离开回家了，那一晚把他一个人留在了
旅馆。
第二天早上我去旅馆接他，去的比较早，我坐在床上看电视，他便靠了过来，从后
背抱住我，双手从我的脸颊游走到腿部，我也没反抗，他的手从胸慢慢向下移，解开了我
的裤带，把外裤脱掉了，把我按到在床上，开始要亲我，我躲开了，他的嘴便走向了我的
乳头，由于我乳头比较敏感，我感觉像是一股电流从乳头蔓延到了全身，我全身都起了反
应，开始享受着这种感觉，这个过程中我一直都没有回应过他，只是享受着，他的舌头慢
慢向下移，到达肚脐，到达了下体，他一口含住了我的下体，我身体微微一颤，他舌尖不
停地围着头部转动，我直觉的麻麻的，很舒服，那一刻我贪婪的享受着，享受着。他的手
也开始了，开始去攻陷我的后庭处。他手指触碰到我后庭时彻底把我从完全放松的享受中
拉了回来，我清醒的从床上一跃而起，制止了他的手，我匆忙的穿好裤子。他有些吃惊的
看着我说：“怎么了，刚刚不是好好的吗”？我说：“我要上班了，你赶紧穿好衣服，我送
你去车站乘车吧”。说完我去厕所小便了。他也穿好衣服裤子去洗漱。很快我们走出旅
馆，载着他来到虹桥西站，我说：“我要上班了，你再这里等会车吧”。说完我便骑车离去
了。他临走时候给我发来条信息。我只是回了句路上注意安全。他回去之后还是在继续发
着“想你了”这类的信息，我没没怎么回应他了，就这样渐渐的联系减少，后来过了很长一
段时间不联系，直到有一天我想起他，去通通讯列表翻找他的qq，却已经不见了，那时我
才知道我被他拉黑了，就这样我和他彻底断了联系，第一个网友，第一个曾经因为聊天有
感觉的人消失了。我也没多想，就这样上着班直到2012年的夏天！在这段空窗期，我守住
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内心寂寞，宁缺毋滥，没有约见任何一个人!这应该是我可以骄傲一下的事情吧！！！

这是今年的照片，在外务工，居住的环境不好，背景太烂了！

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My Gay Boyfriends - Tutu Tutu Moumou: Chapter 1 (Translation)
http://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404015407173396603#_0

No gorgeous rhetoric, no romantic experience, just a simple record of my life being gay
for 6 years!

The first chapter: Enter the circle to meet up with my first Internet friend
The year is 2010! I graduated I was exposed to the temptations of society My course of
life has changed because of the college entrance exam. My college life ended June 2010, as the
result of the college entrance exam. In this year everything turned upside down in my life!
After the exam, I came to Wenzhou. I am very familiar with Wenzhou because I have
been living here for more than 10 years. I thoroughly understand Wenzhou local customs,
tradition, and human geography, even more than my own hometown. This is probably to verify
that I am more of a Wenzhou local.
48
I’d considered myself more Wenzhou than Chongqing
since I live here. Quite incredible!
But also, this event quietly opened my door to another world. I became not only just in
name, but also in reality, a homosexual. It is already 2016, I have been in this circle for more
than 6 years. In these 6 years, I was a young man that was pure and full of curiosity about the
gay circle and became an uncle that is quickly approaching his 30s, that has experienced all the
bad moments in life. I am a common person, so I had gay lovers. Of course, at the time when I
had no lovers, I had hookups for sex. I think people like me are spending all their time the same
way!

48
Direct translation: “one area raises water and soil, one area people”
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My inclination for homosexual attention stems from an accidental situation in primary
school. To this day I still clearly remember that it was in the second year of elementary school,
during a break between lessons. As usual I went to the bathroom to urinate, I think you can
imagine what a bathroom in a rural village school is like. The toilet is not like now, where the
partition confines it. The middle is a cement partition, also relatively low, both sides crouch, so
two people can see each other at the same time. If facing each other, you can see each other very
clearly. That day during the break between classes, a roughly tall 5th or 6th grader and I meet, by
chance, in the bathroom. He urinated facing me and during that time I could see the dark, course
skin of his genitalia. When I first saw his private parts, I felt a strong hormone rush hit me in the
face. Facing this circumstance, my eyes were completely attracted to his huge, dark genitalia,
unable to divert, so that it was like watching a Hollywood film. The same as the visual impact of
words, that is the same circumstance that allows me all time to be reluctant to go back and forth,
at all time having dirty thoughts. This also contributed to always being unable to end the habit of
looking at other people’s crotches. I am always curious about other people’s crotches, I always
want to take a closer look, to fulfill my curiosity!
But regarding being attracted to the same sex. It is either innate or some kind of external
factors. When I was in first grade, I liked male students. My classmate, to this day, I still
remember his name. My personality is relatively introverted, so with other people I am not that
close. With him I felt the same way. This student is handsome, fair complexion, but a weak
personality. He often cried, and perhaps was a little feminine. Every I saw him cry I had the urge
to go protect him. I always wanted to approach him and play with him. Because of my
personality I didn’t do that until I gradually lost attention in him. Also because of the separation
of different grades in class, we have not seen each other even till today! If we meet again we
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wouldn’t recognize each other! Perhaps me liking someone that like was too precocious for 7-8-
year-old. Later, after the fourth grade in the town center’s primary school I left Chongqing for
Yueqing, Wenzhou, where the economic development just started a little over 10 years ago. The
place where I started my new Wenzhou lifestyle.
The place I came to was still a rural village, due to the proximity of the beach and its
superior geographic location. Even this rural village is a thousand times better than my
hometown! Let me briefly talk about my hometown and my family circumstances! My place of
origin is Chongqing, Fengjie county, which is one of the impoverished counties in Chongqing.
It’s surrounded by high mountains and one river that runs through the canyon of the two
mountains. Halfway up the mountain people level the land to build homes, to cultivate the land,
and to live in a self-sufficient lifestyle off the land. The economic conditions are extremely poor.
My family lives on level land near the top of a steep hilltop. My mother Zeng once talked with
me about how she lived her life after she got married to my father, when she was first married
she was extremely poor after she got pregnant. We only had potatoes to eat every day, almost to
the point where we didn’t have food to eat when the familial circumstances seemed to turn
toward famine. However, my mother is fortunate to be strong willed. She was busy doing the
farm work. My father went out to dredge ore at his hometown, like these things at home started
to improve gradually day by day, but it was still not satisfactory. To this day I remember in
elementary school I needed an abacus and a dictionary. My family could not afford to pay for
either. My mother had no choice but to carry food on her shoulder to the market to sell so that I
could buy the abacus and dictionary. To attend school required me to walk an hour on a
mountain road and return on the same path in the evening, day after day. At lunch, other children
all had food to eat, I could only eat 3 cents worth of steamed buns. When I think back to then my
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heart drops a little! So, I face Wenzhou’s new circumstances. I feel I am very lucky, extremely
lucky, my lifestyle improved after I came to Wenzhou. I was a lot more fortunate than the boys
in my hometown that are my age.
Going back to the topic of being gay!! During the midsummer of 2011, I formally started
my road of dating a gay guy. I searched like crazy through the tongzhi group on the popular
Chinese networking app called QQ, at last through the group I got to know a man from Guizhou.
That year I was 21, he was 26, I was in Wenzhou, he was in Taizhou! We were separated by a 4-
hour bus ride! When we first met each other, we were chatting in full swing, we would talk about
everything, because I had feelings for him that I never had for anyone else. I have never met such
a person that I wanted to talk to more over chat, video chat, and messaging. I developed a crush,
unable to free myself from the online love affair, it had to stop. In the beginning, I could not stop
chatting with him. I felt I really liked him, now I realize it was only an illusion because of an
emotional curiosity about this relationship. To this day I completely forgot what we talked about,
and what we said when we met in person!
More than a month passed since we chatted every day, during this time he continuously
tried to coerce me to go to visit him. I all along was hesitant to go because my understanding of
him wasn’t very good, but also because the distance is a bit far, and he didn’t know enough about
society.
49
I’m afraid of some danger! It was a weekend, on Saturday he again asked me to go to
his workplace to visit him. He talked a lot, I already do not remember, I found it difficult to
decline his great kindness. Half willing and half unwilling, on Sunday I promised to go. I had to
work on Sunday, but I still asked for a leave of absence. I took the ferry from Yueqing Nan Yue

49
Since he comes from a rural village he doesn’t know enough about the society to feel
comfortable in this situation
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to the other shore (Yuhuanxian, Taizhou). The ferry arrived, I took a bus for an hour, he arrived
to the county early to wait for me there. When I saw him I was really disappointed, he was short
(I am not tall, yet he was even shorter than me). His face was also not very handsome. But I still
got in his car and went to his workplace. During the weekend, there was just him at the dorm.
The other colleagues went out to play. He opened the dorm door and let me go in first. The room
was clean and tidy inside. There were two beds. The bed sheets were folded neatly. Against the
wall stood a bookcase, a laptop on the desk and a chair in front of the wardrobe. It had a little
hotel atmosphere and also appeared to be relatively crowded.
In this new environment, I looked somewhat reserved. I walked in front of the computer
and sat down in the chair. He came to open the computer, then he went to the refrigerator and
retrieved the grapes he picked Saturday from the vineyard. He washed them and put them on a
plate that he placed at the other side of the room on the desk. During this period, occasionally, he
would peel a grape and feed me. I had been staring at the computer watching a video. He
occasionally touched my thigh and waist. The first time being touched by another, I wasn't use to
it, so I naturally avoided it. He may have felt a hint of embarrassment. He suggested to go out for
a stroll, to roam around. I was extremely happy, we set out on a long journey on his motorbike.
He asked if I knew how to ride, without thinking the matter through I answered I knew how! He
insisted I ride in front, all along on the road his thigh straddled my butt. I reminded him many
times not to straddle me and then he stopped.
In the streets around noon, he took me to a small Sichuan restaurant. We ordered three
dishes and one soup, but I don’t remember which dishes. I only remember spicy! (Although I am
from Chongqing, in my childhood I didn’t eat spicy food, I’m somewhat not accustomed to it).
We simply ate the food, and finished the meal! During the meal, he placed food on my plate. He
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didn’t care what other people saw. He didn’t care in the slightest what other people saw. He
placed food on my plate, he didn’t care, but I cared a lot, looking all around “stop doing that, I
know how, I’ll do it myself, other people are watching,” I whispered to him in a low voice. He
only laughed, but didn’t respond. After we enjoyed a good meal, I already have thoroughly
forgotten where on earth we went next! I just remembered at nightfall he took me to go climb a
mountain. In-route he was always touching my hand, trying to hold my hand, I avoided every
time. He tried to hold my hand and I pulled mine away. Then we reached the top of the hilltop,
we looked down on Yuhuan county’s nightscape and quickly went down.
We were both unaware of where the next bus stop was, I just remember we came to a
lawn. Him and I sat down right next to each other. Because there was nobody around, while I
was not prepared he put his face right next to mine, kissed my cheek and intuitively I pulled
myself away. He then pulled back, shortly his hand started again, this time straight into the main
theme!!! He put his hand directly into my crotch, holding it firmly. I immediately got up to leave
to keep a short a distance between him and me. He got up and walked toward me, I also moved
forward, so while walking we chatted. He later on said to go home and still wanted me to ride in
front of him. This time for the life of me I adamantly didn’t agree to. He without any better
option had to carry me, I sat behind him both not rushing but merely chatting.
Quickly we arrived at his work place, parked the bike and went to his dorm one more
time. Once we entered, he took off all his clothes except his underwear. For a 26-year-old he had
a little bit of a beer belly. Contrary to what one might expect, his arms looked strong. He said
“let’s take a shower together.” “Let’s not do that, it’s only our first time and you’re asking to
shower together?” Right after I said that I leaned back on the chair, he saw I didn’t like his
showering together idea, then he said “I’ll shower first.” He went into the bathroom alone, I sat
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back in the chair doing nothing, I only heard the sound of running water come from the
bathroom, pretty quickly he came out, while he dried his naturally curly hair with a towel he
said: “you go shower.” “Good,” I went into the bathroom and locked the door, I took off my
smelly underwear, I turned on the facet. The nozzle sprayed water on the top of my head; the
water followed a path down my cheek, across my chest and onto the floor, flushing away the
exhausting day. The hot shower washed away the exhaustion of climbing the hilltop, thereupon
vanishing like smoke in thin air. I got dressed as before, putting on the same smelly underwear, I
exited the bathroom with bare feet. He came toward me slightly smiling, I feebly asked what he
was smiling at, he didn’t make a sound.
I continued sitting on the chair, I resumed watching the video that I previously watched.
He went and sat on his roommate’s bed, very close to me. “We should sleep, it’s very late,” he
whispered in my ear. Listening to him speak made me begin to get very nervous, somewhat
embarrassed and not knowing what to do I asked: “How do we sleep?” “Let’s sleep together,” he
said. “Won’t work, there are two beds in here, one-person per bed.” I said this and he didn’t ask
me anything else. Only grudgingly said, “fine, you sleep in my roommate’s bed, I’ll sleep in my
own bed.” I agreed and continued watching the video. He also watched, preparing his bed to go
to sleep. I watched for a little bit, turned it off and went to sleep. I quickly took off my clothes,
only keeping on my briefs and got under the top of the blankets. “Your figure is truly good, I like
when you are so thin,” he said smiling happily. “Turn off the lights, I’ll have to go back in the
morning,” I said. Then I unwittingly feel asleep.
The most interesting part was during in the middle of the night. I slept soundly without
waking, he quietly crept to my bed, kissed me, stroked me, during this period of time, to one’s
surprise I didn’t even feel it. I still continued to sleep soundly, until he took off my briefs, he
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used his moistened finger to finger my butthole. I woke up groggily, when he used one finger to
penetrate me deeply, When I woke up I had a pain in my anus. I was unaware of his finger
penetrating me. Once I reacted I vaguely felt a numb feeling from his fingers, as his fingertips
spread over every nook and cranny of my body. Because of the pain in my anus I didn’t think
much why it hurt. I began to break free of his hand. His arm was so strong, it took a lot of effort
to get free of his hand and push him out of bed. Raising my voice, I said, “What are you doing,
why aren’t you sleeping, turn on the lights.” “Shhh, don't wake up the others,” he whispered. He
turned on the lamp, the light was somewhat dizzying. I squinted so I could put my underwear on.
I continued to cover myself with the quilt, I said, “don’t do that anymore, or I will shout again.”
Reckoning he was afraid of me, he turned off the lights and laid down to go to sleep. For a very
long time I could not fall asleep because I was afraid he would come over to my bed again. I was
just lying in bed as time passed by, I don’t know when I fell asleep again.
When I woke up the sun had already risen, I rubbed my eyes, and discovered that he had
already been up for a long time organizing his things waiting for me to wake up. I pushed the
covers aside to get up to put some pants on, I went into the bathroom to wash my face and said to
him, “let’s go, can you take me to the train station.” He smiled and said to me, “first, let’s go eat
breakfast.” I immediately said, “I don’t want to eat, I want to go to the station.” He got up to pick
up his keys and opened the door. I followed him. On the way to the station we didn’t say
anything. He just said, “if you have free time, come visit me in Yueqing.” I didn’t reply to him.
Probably after about 20 minutes, we arrived at the station. Once we were at the bus station I
immediately went to the ticket office. I didn’t look back, but he still came with me. I bought a
ticket for the train about to leave. He took out 200 Yuan (dollars) from his pocket and handed it
to me. It took me by damn surprise. I said, “why give me money?” He said, “buy water to drink
Stumph 145
on the road. Thank you for coming all this way to see me.” I didn’t take it, but only said “if fate
decrees, we’ll meet again,” I boarded the bus. Before long the bus left. So, in this way I ended
my day trip to Taizhou. The first time I met an online friend it looked like an ordinary trip, but to
me it was extremely surprising. There was too much of a gap between my experience and
expectation, regardless of people or things, what happened is beyond my expectation. Perhaps I
do not have experience, so I think too simply, reality is very complicated. As the bus drove
away, the experience became part of the past. After a 4-hour bus ride I returned to Yueqing, got
off the bus at the factory and continued my work.
I finished seeing him, but between us it was not over, he frequently sent me flirtatious
messages, such as “I want you”, “I love you” and the like (and etc.). Every time I read these
utterances I would tell him, don’t do that, but let’s just be friends, brothers, but nevertheless he’s
just the same. I also didn’t refuse to severe all relations with him. When I first experienced these
things, I didn’t understand how to handle them, such connections were not as frequently as they
were originally. Probably after one or two months, suddenly one day he said he was coming on
Sunday to Yueqing to visit me, I told him straight up he mustn’t come. Even though he is
coming, I would not receive him,
50
but he still insisted on coming. Because previously giving
him my address, I didn’t agree to him still coming. The next morning around 9 o’clock he in the
end arrived at Yueqing Hongqiao Times Square Station. I was at work when I received his phone
call, I had no alternative but to request leave from work to go receive him. At that time, he was
carrying a relatively large briefcase, looking old-fashioned. He said he hadn’t eaten breakfast, I
took him to eat breakfast, went to go sit outside in a park, during that time I didn’t know what we

50
To receive someone in Chinese culture refers to when a guest comes to your residence. It is
customary to go above and beyond to make sure that guest has lodging, food, and feels
welcomed.
Stumph 146
chatted about, nor did I know what we did, I only remember in the night I took him to check into
a room, took him to stay in the room while I left to go home, that night he was left alone in the
hotel.
The next morning, I went to the hotel to pick him up. I went relatively early. I sat in bed
watching TV while he leaned over. From the back he held onto me, putting both hands of my
cheeks and moving them to my hips. I also didn’t resist. His hands slowly shifted down my chest
and undid the belt of my trousers. He removed my pants, put me on the bed and began to kiss
me. I dodged an awkward situation, his mouth moved to my nipple. Because my nipple is
relatively sensitive, I felt like an electric current flowed from my nipple through the rest of my
body. My whole body reacted, began to enjoy this feeling. During this time, I hadn’t responded
to him, just enjoyed. His tongue slowly moved downward, reaching my bellybutton, then penis.
He fixated his mouth on my penis, my body slightly trembling while the tip of his tongue
continuously moved in a circle around the head. My intuitions went numb because I was very
comfortable. At that moment, I greedily enjoyed. His hand also began to attack my butthole.
After his fingers made contact with my butthole, I pulled back from being thoroughly relaxed
from the pleasure. My clear-headedness made me jump up from the bed to stop his hand. I
hastily put on my pants, he looked somewhat startled at me and said “What’s going on? Just a
moment ago you were good?” I said, “I want to go back to work. Put on your clothes quickly. I’ll
take you to the bus station.” I went to the toilet to pee, he also put on his pants to go wash his
face and rinse his mouth. We quickly left the hotel. I took him to Hongqiao Times Square Station
and said, “I’m going to work, you can wait for the bus here.” Then I drove away. When he was
about to leave he sent me a message. I only replied “stay safe on the road.” After he returned, he
continued to send me messages like, “thinking about you.” I didn’t always respond to him, so I
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gradually reduced contact with him. Later, after a long time of having no contact with him, one
day I thought about him. I went through all the messages trying to find his QQ number, however,
it already disappeared. Then I remembered I added him to my blacklist, so I could thoroughly
break the connection with him. My first internet friend, the first one ever to disappear because
we connected over chat so well. I didn’t think much about it and continued to work until the
summer of 2012! During this period of time, I guarded my inward loneliness. Better to go
without than accept a substandard option. I didn’t see anyone! This should be something I can be
proud of!!!

This is this year’s picture, a work laborer, living in a bad environment, the background is
really crappy!
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我的同志男友们 - 第二章我和四川男友的三个月
涂涂涂涂某某
2016-09-02 23:45:35

第二章我和四川男友的三个月

时间推送到了2012年，依旧是仲夏，持续的高温让人躁动不安，浮躁的心蠢蠢欲
动，兴许是寂寞太久，终于熬不住了，我又开始放纵自己，于是开始在网络上大肆搜罗各
种图片，男生的联系方式，看着那些让人血脉膨胀的图片难免会坠入深渊，也会时常忍不
住让自己沦陷。
前些年内地还只有淡蓝网一家同志网站，所有你想看的都只能通过它或者强大的度
娘搜索，淡蓝网上面有论坛，有别人发布的交友信息，有些贴着自己的照片，我没贴交友
信息上去，只是浏览着别人的信息，看着看着几个醒目的字眼吸引了我的眼球“白象”“四
川人”！我在虹桥，与白象只隔了个乐清，我是重庆人，看到四川人有种莫名的亲切感，
所以我有种想了解他的从动我点进去，没有照片，只有联系方式，手机号码，qq号码，身
高，体重，年龄。我没留下手机号码，立即加了他的qq号，没一会他通过验证，就这样我
们勾搭上了！
以下就称他为“小轩”吧！

我：“你好”。

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小轩：“你好，你是哪位？”。

我：“朋友啊，我是在淡蓝网上看到你得交友信息加你得，你是四川人，四川哪里的？我
们是半个老乡诶！”

小轩：“哦，四川达州的，你多大了”。

我：“22，你在白象多久了，一个人在这边还是一家人都在呢”。

小轩：“我们同岁啊，我家人也在，只是没住在一起,我和闺蜜一起住着的”。

。。。。。。就这样我们打开了话匣子，聊得没完没了，没羞没臊。
期间我们各种聊，还偶尔会打个电话聊上半小时或者一小时，那时候我买了一台二
手台式电脑，经常视频聊天。就这样又是一个多月过去了。
依稀记得他在来找我的前几天去他前男友哪里了，那天夜里下雨，他彻夜未归，我
向小轩闺蜜询问小轩。小轩闺蜜告诉我他去找他男朋友了，一个晚上都没回家。当我听到
这消息时我的心都瘫了，有男朋友却不告知我，还和我保持着暧昧，心里真的是五味杂
陈，难受到极致，心想这么久的联络，自己依然是个局外人，只是一个陪聊让别人打发寂
寞光阴的人，那时真想电话去问个究竟，然而我没有那样做，因为自己什么都不是，凭什
么打电话去质问别人，别人并没有承认和我有任何关系。只能暗自伤神。那天我发了无数
消息，他一条也没回复我，在我对他几近绝望时回复了我.
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我：“听说你昨晚一宿未归，去那里干嘛了，不怕外面危险哪”。

小轩：“没干嘛呀，去朋友家玩了，后来下雨，就没回去，在他家住了一晚”。

面对他的回答，我又能说什么呢，即时我知道他去做什么了，他不愿说实情，说明
还是有些顾虑我的感受，我也没再多问，也没再多想。
我们还是像往常一样聊着，联络着，慢慢的我们确立了关系，他提出说让我做他男
朋友，我没拒绝，只是问了句你现任男朋友怎么办，小轩告诉我他那夜之所以彻夜未归，
是和他前男友分手去了，把事情摊开讲清楚。于是我很乐意的答应了他。之后我们联系的
异常频繁，我感觉到他对我的重要和我对他同等的重要，有时候和他打电话我都不会背着
我父母，还说着“我想你”“舍不得挂电话”之类直接表露爱意的话语。
那时候我也是胆大到极致，和小轩打电话对我父母竟丝毫不避讳，也不知道是从何
而来的这份勇气让自己疏忽成这样，亦或许是被这份感觉冲昏了脑子，失去该有的冷静与
理智。那时候他还在饭店工作，休息日和我的休息日不一致，所以我们一直没机会见着
面，虽说联络了两个多月，竟也没去讨论碰面的事，因为我根本没去想过见面这事，估计
小轩也是迫于腼腆也没好意思提出见面。
终于小轩可能忍不住了，有天晚上我们聊天聊着聊着他突然说他要来看我，说第二
天放假，我有些诧异的问了他一句：“怎么突然要来看我了，我都没心理准备啊”。小轩带
着一丝撒娇回复说：“不希望我来找你吗，不让我来就不来了，以后也不用联系了”。我只
得连忙回复表示他能来我感到很高兴，只是突然说要来，有点意外。
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第二天一早小轩发来消息说他已经出发了，坐上了城乡巴士出发来虹桥了，我是高
兴又紧张，期待却又不知所措。但我还是一如既往的上班了，因为做的行业特殊，可以随
时出入公司。大概8点多的样子，小轩打来电话告诉我他已经到了虹桥西站，我挂了电话
立马骑上电动车去接他，远远的看到一个肩上挎着个黑色单肩包，白色短袖上衣，蓝色牛
仔裤，一双黑色人字拖，个子170左右的男生站在车站门口看着手机。我谨慎的往他靠
近，他没察觉，“小轩”我带有些许疑问的语气叫出他的名字。此时他才察觉到我，惊讶的
回过头看着我，我眼前这个皮肤白皙，小小的嘴唇，嘴角微微上扬，鼻梁不算高挺，眉眼
间弥漫着淡淡的忧郁，左耳带着颗耳钉的男生由内而外的散发着一股莫名的气质瞬间让我
整个人紧张不自然，甚至有些慌乱起来。我不知道下一步要干嘛。“你没事吧，怎么你看
起来很紧张啊”他平淡的疑问让我缓过神来。说：“没事，只是你帅的把我迷到了”。他扑
哧的笑了出来，说到：“你要不要这么夸张，我有这么帅吗，看吧你弄得”。我回复到：
“有啊，太帅了，上车吧，我们去公园逛逛，坐坐”。
我们来到当时虹桥玩的人最多的公园----建强公园。那是上午，人不太多随便逛了
下便找了处石凳坐了下来，在公园我们所交谈的话题我几乎都忘了，只记得小轩当时说了
句“他比较内向，见到我觉得我也比较内向，以后怎么相处呢”。后来带着他去了虹桥广场
的华联商厦玩了会电玩，买了些许零食，不知何时离开，又去干了些什么，这些统统没了
印象。只记得依稀是傍晚，依旧是那个旅社，我带着小轩去开了个房间，小轩没带身份
证，期间我载着他回到了我的住所，只是没把他带进我的家，取了身份证便离开了。那年
我刚开始学手艺，300一个月，自己吃早餐都不够，可以说我是拿着父母的辛苦钱在泡男
人。开房间时候掏了掏兜没钱，那真的是大写的尴尬摆在脸上，小轩似乎看懂了，从他黑
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色挎包里掏出钱包拿出一张百元大钞递给了老板，那年的房费已然是80一夜。房间开好
了，是个双人间，我们便上楼了，小轩拿着钥匙把门打开，打开所有的灯，让我先进去
了，他也随着进来，屋内放着两张床，床上铺着洁白的被褥，两张床边各放着个床头柜，
柜上放着基本杂志和一些成人用品，床前摆放着两双居家拖鞋，靠墙放着一个办公桌，桌
上放着的是21寸的老式彩色电视机，灯光把房间照射的透亮，洁白的墙面在灯光的照射下
有些晃眼。小轩把他黑色的单肩挎包扔到了进门处的床上，走到电视机前打开了它，我也
顺势在靠窗的床上坐下来，小轩提着买来的零食来到我坐着的床上趴了下来，撕开一袋薯
片递给我，我拿了几片吃了起来，到此时我们没有说话，兴许是我们不知道可以说些什么
吧。小轩把频道调到湖南卫视，那个时段在回放《快乐大本营》期间讨论关于节目的话
题。后来看了些什么电视节目，已经不记得了，只是记得这段时间我们都没有离开过那个
房间，直到我看手机，发现已经10点多了，便对小轩说：“洗澡睡觉吧，都10点多了”。
“好，你先洗吧”小轩盯着电视回答到。我起身脱了上衣，便走进了浴室。等我洗好出来小
轩已经脱得只剩平角内裤了，身材纤细，身上皮肤也很白皙，，但依旧在吃着零食看着电
视，我催促他去洗澡他才放下手中的零食。我也坐回原处继续看着电视。
一阵“唰唰”的水流声过后，小轩裹着浴袍走出浴室，头发湿嗒嗒的，整个人更加帅
气迷人了，小巧的嘴唇在灯光的映衬下格外富有弹性，让人不禁想要一口含住，可惜我没
冲动到扑上去，小轩整理了下他的床铺，准备入睡，他把他的黑色单肩包放在了床头，我
却还是继续看着电视，因为我不知道要干嘛，他整理好床铺后跑到我这张床上把枕头拿到
了他床上。于是乎我明白了他的意思，我起身关掉电视机，走近他的床，脱下外裤，躺了
下来，小轩帮我盖好了被子，我直挺挺的躺着，一动不动。“刚刚如果我不把枕头拿过
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来，你准备怎么弄”小轩贴着我耳边问道。“我准备一人睡一张床的”我吞吞吐吐的回到。
小轩没啃声，转身背对着我缩着腿，我犹豫了几十秒，转身把手慢慢的从他腰上划过，从
后背一把抱住了他，我的胸膛贴着小轩的后背，我的心跳频率极具加速，呼吸变得厚重而
急促。“你怎么了，心跳这么快”小轩关切的问道。“没事”就是有点紧张。话音刚落，隐约
感觉到小轩轻声的笑了一下。
我的手不由自主的上一到小轩的脸上了，感受着他立体的五官，额头，眉骨，鼻
梁，嘴唇，下巴。。。。。我的手在他身上慢慢往下游走，小轩的呼吸也变得急促起来，
当我抚摸着他胸部，指尖碰触到他乳头时他身体不由得抽搐了下，我的手继续往下走，掠
过肚脐，光滑的皮肤使得我的手很轻松的滑进他的内裤，探到了他早已勃起雄赳赳的私
处，，口上早已是爱液泛滥，我一把握住私处并上下套弄着，小轩轻轻的呻吟了出来，这
使得我也更加兴奋了。用手扳着他的肩朝我胸前用力，他也顺势转身平躺着，他突然迅速
的翻身骑在了我身上，他把嘴凑了上来，一口含住了我的嘴唇，小轩的嘴唇好q弹，他用
力的吮吸着，小轩吧舌头伸了过来，在我嘴里搅动着，我也用舌头迎接着他的舌头，就这
样撞击着，他的嘴开始往下走，下巴，脖子，然后是胸部，我微弱的喘息和呻吟声刺激着
我，使得他疯狂的啃咬着，他用舌尖舔吸着他的乳头，一种酥麻感蔓延到全身使得我呻吟
的更加大声了，他边舔吸着乳头边把我的三角内裤褪去了，手也不停地套弄着我的私处，
私处硬的像是钢筋。我也帮他退去了他的平角内裤，帮他套弄着他的私处。他的嘴慢慢往
下移，舌尖在我肚脐眼处打了好几个圈后一口含住了我的私处，我身体微微一颤，头部感
受着他口腔的温度，湿度，我长长地呻吟了一声，小轩便开始了上下吮吸着，头部麻酥感
传遍身体的每一个细胞，简直是要爽上天了，我不停地呻吟着，闭着眼享受着他给我带来
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的刺激快感，手不停的玩弄着他的私处，他也不时的呻吟几声。我微微的睁开眼，只看见
小轩的头一上一下的动着，速度在慢慢加快，不一会我都感觉我体内的洪荒之力快要迸发
而出了，我双手托起小轩的头示意让他停止。他立马朝着垃圾桶吐了几口口水，拿起床头
柜的矿泉水漱了漱口说道：“累死我了，面部肌肉都快要抽经了“。我笑了笑了说：“辛苦
你了，来你躺着，你来享受下吧”。因为我之前没有任何接吻，伺候别人的经验，所以我
也就按部就班的照着小轩刚才的套路在他身上重新来过一编，这也许就是“学以致用”吧。
他是第一个和我接吻，真正有过身体接触的男生。是他教会了我接吻等一系列的东西。
回到正题，当我在他身上按照他的套路表演一番后，我的私处在他臀部摩擦，由于
之前没有经验，并不知道该如何施展下一步。小轩仰起头问道：“你很想要吗”。我嗯了一
声。只见他从床头的黑色单肩包里拿出一个套套递给我，我惊奇的问道：“这是什么”。
“不会吧，你连这个都不知道，没见过吗？没见过总听过吧，这事避孕套！”我尴尬的回
到：“听肯定听过，只是真没见过”。我顺势躺了下来。对小轩说：“今晚算了吧。不想那
个了”。小轩猛的转过头来说道：“怎么，对我没感觉吗？”我急忙解释到：“怎么会，对你
没感觉怎么会一直和你聊的那么起劲，还和你来开放，只是我觉得我们才见一次就要那
个，是不是有点太快了。”小轩回到：“好吧，那就算了，睡觉吧，快12点了”。我抱着小
轩不知不觉的就睡着了，等我醒来小轩依旧头枕着我的手熟睡着，由于我的手发麻，就把
手移开了，一看手机已经是上午10点。我起床洗漱，出来小轩还在睡，走过去轻轻拍打着
小轩的肩，嘴里念叨着：“嘿，小轩，起床啦，都已经10点了，太阳晒着屁股了”。叫了大
概两三次吧，小轩才半睁开眼睛，用手挼搓了两下眼睛，打着哈欠，才醒过来。“起床
吧，我们去吃饭，这会就早饭午饭一起吃了”。我看着小轩说道。小轩说了句好之后便穿
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好衣服起床了。很快洗漱完我两一同走出了旅社，现在还清晰的记得带他去虹桥最出名的
平价饭店---白马饭店。虽然不高档，但口碑很好，菜品也很好，高档的地方也没钱去，点
了一个剁椒鱼头，小炒野菜，一碟花生。虽然我是重庆人，可我从小习惯不吃辣，所以鱼
头我只能浅浅的尝尝，不敢多吃。小轩倒是无辣不欢，吃的津津有味，整个鱼头都被小轩
吃得光光的。看着小轩吃的如此享受，心里突然萌生了一种幸福感，发现幸福可以来得很
简单，一起吃个饭也能很幸福！
饭吃好已经是中午12点了，因为房间已经退掉，便也没地方可去，小轩说自己要回
去，明天还得上班，我虽然有一丝不舍但也不能把人强留下来，便送他去车站买了回乐清
的票，没过多久车子启程了，目送着他的车子消失在视线里，我也转身骑上车子离开了车
站，回到厂里继续上班，在他回去的路上也一直在聊天，期间小轩说自己晕车，等他到乐
清之后头痛起来，说自己都不想乘车回白象，我心里突然有种感动和自责，觉得他为了来
看我晕车，头痛都不惧，虽不是特别远，但这份心意令人感动，于是我便跟小轩说去找
他，和他一起送他回白象，一开始他拒绝，说我要上班，耽搁太久不好，我的坚持让他松
口答应我去乐清找他。大概当天4点多，我再次走出了公司大门，去了车站乘上了去乐清
的车，大概半小时的时间我到了乐清，小轩告诉我他在乐清时代广场，我去时代广场找到
小轩四处逛了会就和他去买了到白象的车票，和小轩一同回到他在白象的住所。
** 现在还清晰的记得小轩的住所租住在一栋5层楼房的楼顶的，小轩带着我从后门
进入了他租住的那栋楼里，因为前门是门面房别人租去开店了，所以只能走后门，一口气
爬4层楼的台阶终于来到小轩的住所，他打开房门，脱掉鞋子换上了一双拖鞋，给我拿了
一双拖鞋，穿好走进房间扑鼻而来的是一股淡淡的清香，进门处事一个单独的卫生间，里
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面干净整洁，房间地板干净的一层不染，靠着卫生间墙壁处放置着一张2米宽的席梦思
床，床上铺着凉席，两个单人枕头，两床薄薄的被褥，床头是一张桌子，桌上放着小轩的
电脑和一些他闺蜜的小杂物，其中那股淡淡的清香来自桌上的一盒空气清新剂，一条长凳
摆放在桌前，墙角放着个电饭煲，整个房间虽然不足15平米但是看着干净，简洁有序，给
人一种爽朗的舒适感。小轩非常爱干净，地板都是一个星期擦两次。当然是小轩擦一次，
他闺蜜擦一次。
那天他闺蜜出去跑业务直到晚上6点多才回家。我坐在那条长凳上玩着电脑，听到
有人开门走进房门来，很自然地转过头来，一个身高略矮，胖嘟嘟的男生出现在了我的视
线中，脸也是胖嘟嘟的，有几分可爱，他看到我有些惊讶的说了声“嗨”，我礼貌性的回了
句“你好”，随便瞎聊了几句便回过头继续玩电脑。期间是怎么度过的已经忘记了，只记得
我们是一同出去在一个不错的饭店吃的饭，还喝了点点酒。饭吃好后到白象的街道上逛了
逛，这里要吐槽下白象的街道，真的是小到没办法，一条主街道估计5分中就可以逛完，
而且就那么一条街道！没多大一会便逛好了，便回到了住所。那天晚上回到住所没睡觉之
前做了些什么我忘得一干二净。记得那晚洗漱时小轩领我走进卫生间，帮我拿出早就为我
准备好得牙刷，毛巾，我内心突然有一股暖流在涌动，原来我再他心里这么有分量，对我
这么有心，连我的日用品都早早的准备好了。心里满满的幸福，在一阵“唰唰唰”的水声中
我洗好了澡。接着小轩进去洗漱。小轩闺蜜就光着膀子躺在床上，我做到了长凳上。我们
没有说话。小轩洗好出来他闺蜜也去洗了。见小轩出来我便站了起来，上前一把抱住小
轩，他也顺手搂着我的腰身，我吻了下小轩的额头。小轩笑笑问：“你要干嘛，可有人在
的啊”。“不干吗，就想抱抱你，亲你下”我边回答边把手伸向小轩的私处摸了一把，俨然
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已经起反应了。然后便松开了小轩坐到了床上。
不一会小轩闺蜜也洗好出来。我便问了句：“今晚咋睡呀，就三个人一起睡
吗？”“有什么不可以吗，你很介意吗？”小轩闺蜜如是说。我没做声，小轩回复到：“没事
的，就一起睡睡觉而已。”之后不知道在房间里聊了些什么，也不知道是什么时候睡的
觉，只记得我睡的靠墙，小轩睡得中间，小轩闺蜜睡的外边。第二天小轩偷偷告诉我说他
闺蜜昨晚摸过我私处，说我一点也不敏感，睡的跟死猪一样，我当时说不出什么心情，只
是说：“我怎么没感觉到他模我了，我睡的好死，他摸我了，你不吃醋吗？”小轩的答复是
这有什么好吃醋的。大家有有这嗜好，摸下有不会死。此时内心真是一种无以言表的心
情，也没再继续讨论这个话题。
第二天下午我便乘车离开了小轩的住处，临走时小轩在他的住所一脸不舍得表情，
泪眼汪汪的眼睛看着抱着我，那一刻我真的不想走了，就感觉离开了或许就再也见不着
了，就这样抱着待了大概半小时，我还是决定要走，小轩送我下楼，走路送我去车站，一
路我对小轩说：“我中秋节会两天假，在家待一天，来陪你待一天，”小轩回答到：“中秋
节你还是别来了，节日都是陪着家人过，我怎么能自私的把你霸占了呢。”“我不是放两天
嘛，在家一天，来你这里一天，这不是刚刚好吗？”我继续说道。小轩回复说等到了中秋
再说吧，离中秋节还有一个月呢，现在说这么早也没啥用。一边说一边走，不一会就到了
车站，时间来的刚刚好，没来得及在车站多停留便乘车离去了，我从车窗看着小轩目送这
我，渐渐的我们都消失在彼此的视野中。思恋也随之而来，才刚刚离开就又开始想恋，也
许是大部分人在热恋中都会有地感觉吧，车子在我与小轩的聊天之余到乐清站了，我需要
转车才能到虹桥，等到下午5点多才到达虹桥西站。
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我们一如既往的聊着，像往常一样的上着班，日子就像流水一样飞逝而过，转眼又
是一年中秋节。中秋节时候每个公司都有给员工发放月饼，水果等礼品的习俗。只是那年
我公司发放了什么，已经想不起来。那年中秋我的那个公司放两天假，中秋一天，之后再
一天。中秋当天我没外出，老老实实的在家里待了一天，第二天一早我便跟父母说我出去
玩，早早的来到车站买好车票，最早班的公交车也给我赶上了，迫不及待的上车，那颗思
恋已久的心像是射出去的箭一样早早的就飞到了白象，只留下各躯壳随着列车一点一点的
靠近着目的地。期盼，焦急，迫切的像见到小轩，在心里设想了各种见面场景，只是相见
了依旧是很平淡的碰面，没有那么的花式。当我到白象车站时小轩早已在那等候多时了，
见我下车便微笑着来迎接我，我自然也是笑脸以对，再次跟着小轩来到他的住所，同样的
路程，同样的楼层，同一个房间，虽只走过一次，心里却存有一丝熟悉感。依旧是在房门
处换鞋，小轩开门，我率先进门，房间里依旧是上次一样的布局，只是这次我喝小轩可以
享受二人世界，小轩闺蜜已经去温州陪他师傅过节了。真的是天赐良机啊!在房间里呆了
会之后小轩带我去白象的公园，因为离小轩住所不远，所以我们徒步而去，公园里被各式
各样的儿童游乐项目摆的满满当当的，因为是节假日，公园显得特别热闹，人挤满了公
园，我和小轩在公园游走了一圈便在一处小孩画画的地方停留了下来，小轩兴起买了一副
画，端坐在小板凳上画了起来，我在一旁静静地看着他的一举一动，好似看上几辈子也不
会腻，没一会小轩画好了，只是画得内容已经随着记忆记不清了，在公园稍作停留后离开
了公园。时间也差不多中午了，因为是中秋节，小轩特意带我去比较好得饭店吃饭，点了
三菜一汤，一人一瓶雁荡山啤酒，我不胜酒力，喝的我晕乎乎的，因为中午的太阳着实有
点辣，无处可去，午饭过后便回到了小轩的住所，我一进门就躺在了床上，小轩也扑了过
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来压在我的身上，压的我有些喘不气来，我只能忍着，因为这样亲密接触的时间本就不
多，不能因为这样就拒绝彼此靠的近些。小轩亲了一下我的嘴唇，我没回应他，只是看着
他俊俏的脸蛋，小轩的手开始往下移，触碰到了我的私处，轻捏了下，已经明显的起了反
应，然后把我的上衣撩掉，解开我的腰带，我再一次赤裸裸的躺在他眼前，我们重演了第
一次见面时候的激情！激情退去，洪荒之力殆尽，都去洗了洗澡，然后赤裸相对的躺在床
上，你看看我，我看看你，眼神不是的对上几眼，说说笑笑，显得幸福美满极了。激情在
当晚再次重演，干柴烈火的年纪，精神状态也特好，当晚他再次递给了我安全套，只是依
旧没用上，但却少了一个安全套！幸福来得快散的也快。
第二天早上我就乘车离开了白象，回来一切正常，可没过几天突然变得不联系，小
轩也好几天没联系我，我也好几天没联系小轩，也许是大家都淡了，都觉得可以了，都选
择往后退，当我问小轩为什么这么些天都不联系我，他的回答是“我觉得我们不合适，你
会找到比我更好地，我们之间就这样结束吧”。那时候我内心很平静，也许是我也在退
缩，所以才会如此平静，接受的如此坦然，因为这样的结果是必然会出现的，只是时间上
得问题。那时候我工资不高，所以每次见面都是小轩在花钱，有时候我是真的不好意思，
只是囊中羞涩没办法撑起自己的面子。短短的接近3个月的时间，从陌生到熟悉再到陌
路，只用了三个月不到的时间，我和小轩的这份缘分就这样无疾而终！
后来小轩因为男友转辗到了福建！因为这期间小轩托我给他找个女孩领养，所以时
隔三年之后因为这个契机我与小轩有过一次碰面，故人重聚勾起了些许回忆，只是没了当
初那份浓浓的情分，已没有了当初的感觉，只是简单的寒暄，随意的问候，显得苍白无
力。碰面那晚依旧是我带着他去旅馆，依旧是他付的房钱，依旧是我两一起走进的房间，
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那晚打雷下雨,小轩给了暗示，他说：“这么大雨，雷这么响，你就把我一个人扔在这睡
呀？”我没应答，坐了一会便起身离开，走的时候说：“早点睡，明早来接你送你去车
站”。第二天早上我送小轩到绅纺东车站，他走进候车室我便离开了，没有做多余的陪
伴。我与小轩之间的故事就结束在绅纺动车站门口。

Stumph 161
My Gay Boyfriends - Tutu Tutu Moumou: Chapter 2 (Translation)
http://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404015407173396603#_0

Chapter 2, Me and My Sichuan Boyfriend of Three Months

The time is now 2012. It is still midsummer and the continuous high temperatures are
making people restless and giddily. It is beginning to stir the heart. Perhaps I have been lonely
for too long and cannot bear it. I began to indulge myself. As a result, I began to search all kinds
of pictures on the internet and schoolboy’s contact information. I uncontrollably fell into an
abyss unable to climb out from looking at these photos that made my heart rate increase too
fast.
51

A few years ago, the inland provinces still only had the Danlan gay website, all you
wanted to search you can only go through Danlan
52
or Baidu.
53
There are forums on there, where
people post information about dating. Others post pictures of themselves. I didn’t post any dating
information, as I was browsing other people’s information. A few phrases caught my attention,
like, “Baixiang”
54
and “Sichuan native!” I was in Hongqiao and Baixiang was only separated by
Yueqing. I am from Chonqing, so when I see people from Sichuan I have the feeling of being
close to them. So I had the impulse to click on his profile, so I went for it, without a photo, only
contact details, cell phone number, QQ number, height, weight, age. I didn’t leave a cell phone

51
Literally: “looking at those photos of people’s blood vessels swelling will inevitably drop into
an abyss”
52
Danlan 淡蓝网
53
Baidu 度娘 niandu
54
Baixiang is a city in China
Stumph 162
number, I immediately added his QQ number and not a moment later, he added me back. So we
hooked up!
I will just call him “Xiaoxuan!”

Me: “Hello.”

Xiaoxuan: Hey, who are you

Me: Friend, I added you from the Danlan website. Looking to make friends. You’re from
Sichuan, where in Sichuan? We are from the same province, but not same hometown, eh?

Xiaoxuan: Oh, so you’re from Dazhou, Sichuan. How old are you?

Me: 22, How long have you been in Baixiang, by yourself or with family members?

Xiaoxuan: We are the same age, my family is also here, but we don’t live together, my best
friend
55
and I live together.

…… We kicked it off really well. We chatted endlessly and shamelessly.
During this time, we talked about everything, we’d occasionally call each other for half
an hour or an hour. At that time, I bought a second-hand used computer. We frequently video
chatted. Another month passed by like this.

55
闺蜜, literally: “significant other”
Stumph 163
I vaguely remember a few days before he came to visit me, he went to his ex-boyfriend.
It was raining that night and he didn’t return all night. I turned toward Xiaoxuan’s best friend.
Xiaoxuan’s best friend told me that he went to his boyfriends that night and didn’t return home.
When I heard this news, my heart stopped beating. He didn’t tell me about having a boyfriend,
and had an affair with me. My heart filled with complex feelings, unbearable to the extreme. I
thought to my myself, it’s been so long, and I was still an outsider. I was only a person for
someone else to kill time chatting with. At that time, I really wanted to call to get to the bottom
of this, but I didn’t do that because I was nothing. Who was I to call and question others. Others
that did not admit that there was any sort of relationship with me. I have to swallow all the
sorrow and grief to keep the feelings to myself. That day I sent numerous messages. He didn’t
reply to me, I was on the brink of despair when he messaged me.

Me: I heard you didn’t return home last night, where did you go, what did you do? It’s dangerous
out there, are you not afraid?

Xiaoxuan: Nothing, just went to a friend’s house to visit, then it rained, so I didn’t come back, I
stayed at his place for a night.

To his response, what can I say, even though I knew what he did, but if he was not
willing to tell the truth, indicating that he cared about my feelings. I didn’t ask more. I didn't
want to think about it anymore.
We still chatted as usual and stayed in contact. Slowly we established a relationship, he
asked me to be his boyfriend, I didn’t refuse, just asked him what are you going to do with your
Stumph 164
current boyfriend. Xiaoxuan told me that the reason he didn’t return the whole night was to break
up with his ex-boyfriend, to sort things out. As a result, I’m happy to agree with him. Afterwards
we contacted each other abnormally frequently. I feel his importance to me, and he feels my
importance to him. Sometimes he would call me in front of my parent’s. He also said “I want
you,” “don’t hang up,” a direct expression of affection.
At that time, I was extremely bold, to the point I was not shy in the slightest about
avoiding my parents, and I didn’t know where this kind of courage came from. It made me so
negligent, or perhaps infatuated with this feeling that I lost my cool-headed-ness. At that time, he
was still working at the hotel, his day off and my day off didn't line up, so we didn’t always have
the opportunity to see each other. Although we stayed in contact for two months, we didn’t even
discuss meeting up, because I didn’t think about meeting up at all. I’m guessing Xiaoxuan didn’t
have the nerve to suggest meeting up since he is shy.
At last, Xiaoxuan could not stand it anymore, one night we were talking when he
suddenly said he was coming to visit. He said he had the next day off. I was somewhat
flabbergasted and asked him, “how come you suddenly want to come visit me, I’m not mentally
prepared.” Xiaoxuan replied with a flirtatious behavior, “you don’t want me to come visit you? If
you don’t let me, I won’t come visit you and we can stop.” I had to quickly reply that I would be
glad for him to come visit me, it’s just when you all of a sudden said you will come I was a little
unexpected.
The next morning Xiaoxuan sent me a message saying he had set out. He was sitting on
the city/countryside bus headed for Hongqiao. I was both happy and nervous. I was looking
forward to it, yet also not knowing what to expect. But I still went to work as usual, because of
my special profession, I can come in and go at any time. At about 8 o’clock, Xiaoxuan called to
Stumph 165
tell me he had arrived at the Hongqiao West Station. I hung up the phone and immediately got on
my moped to go get him. From a distance, you could see him carrying a black shoulder bag, a
white sleeved short shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of black flip flops. About 170 boys were standing
in front of the station looking at their phones. I cautiously walked in his direction. He didn't
notice, “Xiaoxuan,” I had a little doubt about the tone in my voice when I called out his name. At
this point he was aware of me, surprisingly in front of me this fair skinned, little lips, corner of
the mouth slightly raised, the bridge of the nose not that high, I could sense he was a little shy.
56

The left ear had a stud earing from the inside, and from within exuded an unknown quality and
personality. That instantly made me nervous or panicked. I didn’t know what to do next. “Are
you ok, you look very nervous,” his plain question made me snap out of it. I said, “yea, your
handsome looks got to me.” He bent over laughing out loud, saying, “don’t be so dramatic, I’m
not that handsome, I see you get it.” I replied, “yes, too handsome, hop on my moped, let’s go
walk around a park and sit.”
We went to the most popular park in Hongqiao --- Jianqiang Park. Since it was a
morning, not too many people were strolling around the park. So, we found a bench to sit down
on. I only remember that Xiaoxuan talked, I practically forget what we talked about. I just
remember Xiaoxuan said, “I’m an introvert, he also thought I was introverted. How are we going
to live together?” Later I took him to Hongqiao plaza to play video games. We bought some
snacks. I didn't know when we left or what else we did. I can’t remember a thing. I only vaguely
remember that evening, it was that same hotel that I took Xiaoxuan to check into a room.
Xiaoxuan didn’t bring his ID card, so I took him back to my house, but we didn’t go inside my
house. I fetched my ID card and we left. That year I just started to learn a trade, 300 a month, it’s

56
Literally: “in between his eyes are a light blue (means shy, timid, gloomy)”
Stumph 166
not even enough for myself, you could say I am spending my parent’s hard-earned money
fooling around with guys. When I rented the room, I tried to fetch money from my pocket, that is
really the capital of embarrassment of face. Xiaoxuan seemed to understand, from his black
shoulder bag, he took out a hundred-dollar bill and handed it to the boss, that year the room rate
was $80 a night. We checked out a double room and went upstairs. Xiaoxuan took the key to
open the door. He turned on all the lights and let me enter first. He also came in. There were two
beds in the room, the beds were covered with white sheets, a nightstand stood between the two
beds, on the nightstand stood a basic magazine and a few adult products, placed in front of the
beds were two pairs of slippers, against the wall was a desk, on the desk was an old-fashioned 21
in. color TV. The bright light illuminated the room. The light which shown against the white
washed walls was too bright. Xiaoxuan took off his black shoulder bag and threw it on the bed
closest to the door and went to turn on the TV. I took the opportunity to sit on the bed by the
window, Xiaoxuan brought the snacks we bought and laid down on his stomach on the bed. He
tore open a bag of potato chips and handed it to me, I took a few chips and started eating, up till
this time we didn’t speak. Maybe we didn’t know what to say to each other. Xiaoxuan changed
the channel to the Hunan satellite channel. During that time, it showed a replay of “Happy
Camp.”
57
Later we watched a few other TV programs, I just don’t remember. I just remember
that we did not leave the room, until I saw my phone and found out that it was already 10
o’clock. I said to Xiaoxuan, “Let’s take a shower and go to bed, it’s already past 10.” “Ok, you
wash first,” Xiaoxuan stared at the TV when I answered. I got up and took off my jacket, then
walked into the bathroom. As soon as I got out of the shower, Xiaoxuan had already taken off
everything but his briefs. He had a slender body, his skin color was also very white, but as before

57
快乐大本营 PRC TV series
Stumph 167
he was still eating snacks watching TV. Not until I urged him to go take a shower, did he put the
snacks down. I also sat down and continued to watch TV.
A “swish, swish” sound of water, Xiaoxuan came out of the bathroom wrapped in a
bathrobe, hair still wet, the whole person was even more handsome and charming, under the
lighting the lips seemed more full and plush, making it unbearable but to take a bite. It’s a pity I
didn’t have the urge to go and throw myself on him. Xiaoxuan arranged his bed, ready to fall
asleep, he put his black shoulder bag on the head of the bed, I was still continuing to watch TV,
because I didn’t know what to do. He finished arranging his bed, then ran to my bed to retrieve
one of the pillows and take it back to his bed, as a result, his meaning became clear (I understood
what he meant). I got up and turned off the TV, went to his bed, took off my pants, and lied
down. Xiaoxuan helped me turn down the quilt, I laid down straight and motionless. “If I don’t
take the pillow over, what would you have done?” as he whispered closely into my ear. “I’m
prepared for one person to sleep in one bed,” I muttered back. Xiaoxuan didn’t make a sound, he
turned his back to me and bent his legs, I hesitated for 20 or 30 seconds, I hesitated and turned
slowly, from the back I hugged him, my chest fitting snugly to Xiaoxuan’s back, my heart rate
beat increased extremely, my breathing became very heavy and rapid. “What’s up, your heart
rate is so fast,” asked Xiaoxuan concerned. “nothing,” just a little nervous, as soon as I spoke, I
vaguely felt Xiaoxuan laughed softly.
My hand couldn’t help but touch Xiaoxuan’s face, feeling his face, forehead, eyebrows,
nose, lips, and chin…my hand slowly moving down his body, Xiaoxuan’s breathing became
more rapid, I gently caressed his chest, when my fingertips touched his nipple, he uncontrollably
twitched, my hand continued downward, moving lightly over the belly button, his smooth skin
allowed my hand to easily go under his briefs, reaching his powerfully erect penis, precum
Stumph 168
dripping from the tip of the penis.
58
I grabbed his penis and began to play with it. Xiaoxuan
lightly moaned aloud, this made me even more aroused. I pulled him toward me, he layed down
on top of me and then changed positions so he was on top, he moved his mouth close to my lips.
His mouth enveloped my lips, Xiaoxuan’s plush lips sucked hard and his tongue extended into
my mouth. He was exploring my mouth with his tongue. I met his tongue with my tongue. His
lips began to go down my chin, neck, and then chest. My faint gasp for breath and moans
stimulated him, making him bite crazily. He used the tip of his tongue to play with my nipple, a
quivering feeling spread through my body making me moan even louder, he sucked my nipple
and took off my briefs. His hand continued to play with my penis. My penis was as hard as steel.
I took off his underwear, and played with his penis. His mouth moved down slowly, after his
tongue rimmed my bellybutton, he put my penis in his mouth, my body trembled, the tip of my
penis felt warm and moist, I gave a long groan. Xiaoxuan began to suck up and down, the
electric feeling at the tip of my penis spread to every cell of my body.
59
I continued to groan, my
eyes were closed, enjoying the pleasure he brought me, my hands continuously playing with his
penis, he also moaned continuously. I opened my eyes slightly, only to see Xiaoxuan’s head
moving up and down, slowly speeding up, soon I felt my primal urges about to burst, I used both
of my hands to hold onto Xiaoxuan’s head to stop him. He spat into the trashcan, picked up the
water from the nightstand to rinse his mouth and said, “I’m exhausted, my jaw cramped up.” I
smiled and said, “you’ve worked hard, come lie down, now it’s your turn.” Because I didn’t have
any previous experience kissing or servicing anyone. I repeated the same moves on him that he

58
Literally: love juice dripping from the mouth of the penis
59
Literally: simply wanted to take off and fly into space
Stumph 169
has just used on me, perhaps this is “learning.” He was my first kiss, my first time to genuinely
be with a boy. He taught me how to kiss and a series of other things.
Back to the main topic, after I performed the same moves on him, my private parts
rubbed on his butt, as a result of not having previous experience, I did not know what the next
step was. Xiaoxuan looked up and asked: “You really want it?” I grunted in agreement. I saw
him take out something from his black shoulder bag next to the bed and hand it to me I was
surprised and asked, “what’s that?” “No way! You don’t even know what this is? Haven’t you
seen one before? Even if you haven’t seen one before, you’ve had to have heard of it. This is a
condom!” I was embarrassed to reply, “I’ve heard of them, but haven’t really ever seen one
before.” I laid down. I said to Xiaoxuan: “Forget about it tonight, I don’t want to.” Xiaoxuan
turned his head abruptly saying: “What? Don’t you feel anything for me?” I hastily explained,
“what, if I didn’t have feelings for you, would we have talked through the entire night, and be so
open with you. It’s that we’ve only just met and isn’t it just a little too fast to do it.” Xiaoxuan
responded, “okay, then let’s forget it, let’s sleep, it’s almost midnight.” I dozed off to sleep
holding Xiaoxuan. Once I woke up Xiaoxuan was deep asleep and his head was still resting on
my arm. Since my arm fell asleep, I moved my arm, and looked at the phone to see that it was
10am. I got up to shower and when I came back Xiaoxuan was still asleep, I walked over and
lightly tapped Xiaoxuan’s shoulder, whispered sweetly in his ear, “hey, Xiaoxuan, get up, it’s
already 10am, the sun’s already been up for a while.” After I repeated myself two or three times
Xiaoxuan’s eyes only opened up half way. He rubbed his eyes, yawned, and only then woke up.
“Get up, let’s go eat, let’s get brunch” I said looking at Xiaoxuan. Xiaoxuan said okay and got up
to dress. After washing up, the two of us left the hotel. Now I clearly remember taking him to
Hongqiao’s most famous restaurant, the White Horse. Although it’s not high end, it has a very
Stumph 170
good reputation, the dishes are also very good, I didn’t have the money to go to a high-end place.
I ordered a chopped peppered fish head, sautéed vegetables, and a dish of peanuts. Although I
am from Chongqing, but I didn’t grow up eating spicy food, so I could only take a small bite of
the fish head dish, I couldn’t eat more. On the other hand, Xiaoxuan never tried a spicy dish he
didn’t like, and scarfed it down. Xiaoxuan ate the entire plate. Watching Xiaoxuan enjoy the
meal so much, my heart suddenly felt a wave of happiness, I found that happiness can come from
simplicity itself, such as eating a meal together!
It was already noon when we ate, because the room had expired, we had no place to go.
Xiaoxuan said that he had to go back to work tomorrow. Although I was reluctant to part with
him, I also can’t hold someone back. I took him to the bus station to buy a ticket back to
Yueqing. It didn’t take long for the bus to depart. I watched his bus leave my line of sight, I
headed back to the factory to continue work.

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Asset Metadata

Creator Stumph, Steven A. (author)

Core Title The role of social media in the evolution of the male homosexual community in modern China

School College of Letters, Arts and Sciences

Degree Master of Arts

Degree Program East Asian Languages and Cultures

Publication Date 03/15/2018

Defense Date 01/26/2018

Publisher University of Southern California (original), University of Southern California. Libraries (digital)

Tag blog,Gay,gay China,homosexual community,Homosexuality,Linguistics,microblog,modern China,OAI-PMH Harvest,social media,tongzhi

Language English

Contributor Electronically uploaded by the author (provenance)

Advisor Li, Audrey (committee chair), Bernards, Brian (committee member), Goldstein, Joshua (committee member)

Creator Email stevenstumph@att.net,stumph@usc.edu

Permanent Link (DOI) https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-c40-486461

Unique identifier UC11268219

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Legacy Identifier etd-StumphStev-6112.pdf

Dmrecord 486461

Document Type Thesis

Rights Stumph, Steven A.

Type texts

Source University of Southern California (contributing entity), University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses (collection)

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