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Content THE SATIRE OP AMBROSE BIERCE ITS OBJECTS, FORMS, DEVICES, AND POSSIBLE ORIGINS A D i s s e r t a t i o n P re se n ted to th e F a c u lty o f th e Departm ent o f E n g lis h The U n iv e r s it y o f S o u th ern C a l i f o r n ia In P a r t i a l F u lf illm e n t o f th e R equirem ents fo r th e D egree D octor o f P h ilo so p h y by Harry Lynn She H e r June 1945 UMI Number: DP22991 All rights reserved INFORMATION TO ALL USERS The quality of this reproduction is dependent upon the quality of the copy submitted. In the unlikely event that the author did not send a complete manuscript and there are missing pages, these will be noted. Also, if material had to be removed, a note will indicate the deletion. UMI DP22991 Published by ProQuest LLC (2014). Copyright in the Dissertation held by the Author. Dissertation Publishing Microform Edition © ProQuest LLC. All rights reserved. This work is protected against unauthorized copying under Title 17, United States Code ProQuest LLC. 789 East Eisenhower Parkway P.O. Box 1346 Ann Arbor, Ml 48106-1346 This dissertation, written by .................... H / ^ Y . L ^ . N , S ^ ^ E R under the guidance of hX.8. Faculty Committee 071 Studies, atid approved by all its members, has / been presented to mid accepted by the Council ( J \ * + c / on Graduate Study and Research, in partial ful- ' ' fillment of requirements for the degree of D O C T O R O F P H I L O S O P H Y D ean Secretary D a te J u n e . . 1 9 4 5 ............. C om m ittee on Studies '.^.vsr;v».. .1 . ,* Chairman TABLE OF CONTENTS PART I BACKGROUND.............................. PART I I OBJECTS OF BIERCE'S SATIRE . . . PART I I I VEHICLES, DEVICES, AND POSSIBLE ORIGINS OF BIERCE'S SATIRE , PART IV CONCLUSION .............................................. , TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE PART I I THE PROBLEM........................................................................................... . . . 1 I I THE MEANING OF SA TIR E ..........................................................................................3 I I I THE AIMS OF SATIRE ............ ...........................................................................11 IV POSSIBLE CLASSIFICATIONS OF SATIRE ..................................16 V THE DEVICES OF SA T IR E ....................................................................................... 25 VI THE LITERARY CAREER OF BIERCE....................................................................44 PART I I I THE INTELLECTUAL DELINQUENTS...................................................................75 I I THE MORAL DELINQUENTS.................................................................................... 123 I I I JOURNALISTS, LITTERATEURS, AND ARTISTS .................................... I 5 O IV CAPITALISTS AND UNIONISTS........................................................................226 V PEOPLE IN GOVERNMENT.................................................................................. 254 VI RELIGIONISTS AND REFORMERS...................................................................296 V II SOLDIERS, SCIENTISTS, AND EDUCATORS .............................................. 320 V III MANKIND IN GENERAL.......................................................................................3 3 9 PART I I I I THE VEHICLES OF S A T I R E ............................................................................... 3 4 5 I I THE SATIRIC DEVICES......................................................... 3 6 2 I I I SOM E POSSIBLE ORIGINS OF BIERCE'S S A T I R E ...............................416 PART IV CONCLUSION......................................................................................................................449 BIBLIOGRAPHY ...........................................................................................................460 PART I B A C K G R O U N D S CHAPTER I THE PROBLEM I t I s proposed In t h i s stu d y to i n v e s t i g a t e th e o b j e c t s , v e h i c l e s or form s, th e d e v ic e s by w h ich i t i s a c h ie v e d , and the p o s s i b l e o r i g i n s o f th e s a t i r e o f Ambrose B ie r c e . Ample, o b v io u s , and en g a g in g as t h i s s u b j e c t i s , l i t t l e h a s b een done w ith i t . The s a t i r e o f B ie r c e has everyw here b een ta k en f o r g r a n te d . Many have commented upon i t i n c i d e n t a l l y i n t h e i r d i s c u s s i o n s o f B ie r c e ; a few have d e a lt w ith i t p r im a r ily , thou gh b r i e f l y , 1 but no one h a s r e p o r te d a th o ro u g h g o in g i n v e s t i g a t i o n o f i t . Such a stu d y n eed s to be made b e c a u se B ie r c e was p r im a r ily a s a t i r i s t . Why t h i s p r i n c i p a l phase o f h i s work sh o u ld so lo n g have been n e g le c t e d one ca n n o t t e l l , though i t appears l i k e l y to have been b eca u se o f th e more o b v io u s a p p e a l o f h i s c a p t i v a t i n g p e r s o n a l q u a l i t i e s , h i s Poesque s h o r t - s t o r i e s , and h i s r o m a n tic , m y ste r io u s d i s appe aranc e . 1 "D em ocritus” ”Ambrose B i e r c e - - S a t i r i s t , w Town T alk November 2 8 , 1908; W ilso n F o l l e t t , “A m erica 's N e g le c te d S a t i r i s t , ” The D ia l, 6 5 : 4 9 - 5 2 , J u ly 1 8 , 1918, and '"Ambrose B ie r c e an A n alysis" o f th e P er v er se Wit th a t Shaped H is Work,*’ The Bookman, (New Y o r k ), 6 8 :2 8 ^ -9 , November, 1 9 2 8 ; A lla n K e v in s, "Ambrose B ie r c e , S a t i r i s t , ” New York W orld, J u ly 1 , 1 9 2 5 ; Herman George S c h e f fa u e r , “Ambrose B i e r c e , e i n a m e r ik a n isc h e r S a t i r i k e r , " P r e u a s is c h e J a h rb u ch er, 2 0 5 : 5 2 9 - 3 7 , Septem ber, 1 9 2 6 . The f a c t i s t h a t u n le s s a s a t i r i s t i s r e a l l y f i r s t - r a t e , h i s w r i t i n g may soon be f o r g o t t e n , f o r s a t i r e i s n o t o r i o u s l y s h o r t - l i v e d . T h is i s so b eca u se s a t i r e a p p e a ls to o n ly a l i m i t e d or s e l e c t group o f r e a d e r s , and b eca u se much o f i t i s depend en t f o r i t s v i t a l i t y upon th e ep h em eral p h a ses o f c u r r e n t l i f e — l o c a l i n c i d e n t s o f t r a n s i e n t i n t e r e s t , m o rta l men and women o f momentary im p o r ta n c e . CHAPTER I I THE MEANING OP SATIRE In a stu d y o f th e n a t u r e , o r i g i n s , and v a lu e o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e a f i r s t c o n s id e r a t io n i s th e word s a t i r e . q u it e a p a r t from B ie r c e and h i s w r i t i n g s . Like o th e r words i n th e langu age s a t i r e has meant v a r io u s t h in g s a t d i f f e r e n t t i m e s . S c h o la r s a g r ee t h a t t h e word i t s e l f i s o f L a tin o r i g i n , d e r iv in g from t h e word s a t u r a . w hich in i t s o r i g i n a l p h r a s e , la n x s a t u r a . b o r e th e m eaning o f a f u l l , m is c e lla n e o u s p l a t t e r or a f u l l f r u i t d i s h . The word s a t u r a . i t i s su p p o se d , was th e n a p p lie d by a n a lo g y to a m is c e lla n y or m edley o f l i t e r a r y p i e c e s . Whether th e i m p l ic a t i o n was t h a t t h e v a r i e t y e x i s t e d i n th e c o n te n t and g e n e r a l ton e o f th e p i e c e s or i n t h e i r b e in g a m ix tu re o f v e r s e and p ro se or i n a l l t o g e t h e r i s n ot a s e t t l e d m a tter among s c h o l a r s . R. J . E. Tiddy sa y s th e tr e n d o f modern b e l i e f i s t h a t t h e word s a t u r a r e f e r r e d m erely to v a r i e t y i n th e u se o f p r o se and v e r s e , th o u gh he h im s e lf b e l i e v e s The t i t l e meant t h a t t h e c o n t e n t s o f th e w hole c o l l e c t i o n were m is c e lla n e o u s , th e m etr es v a r io u s , and p ro b a b ly e v e n t h a t some o f th e s i n g l e poems were d i s c u r s i v e .^ At any r a t e t h i s m is c e lla n e o u s , d i s c u r s i v e q u a l i t y , combined 1 R. J . B. T id d y , " S a tu r a and S a t ir e ," E n g lis h L ite r a tu r e and t h e C l a s s i c s , p . 2 0 4 . w ith an a i r o f u r b a n it y , r e s t r a i n t , p o lis h e d f i n e s s e , and t o l e r a n t l a u g h t e r , came t o c h a r a c t e r iz e one o f th e two g r e a t ty p e s o f L a tin s a t i r e , g e n e r a lly known a s th e H o ra tia n in r e c o g n i t io n o f i t s g r e a t e s t m a ste r, bu t a ls o known a s th e s a t u r a . or "p h i l o s o p h i c a l , ” or " r e f l e c t i v e " t y p e . A ccord in g to Tiddy th e ty p e was e s t a b l i s h e d by Ennius (2 3 9 -1 6 9 B . C.) and em ployed s u c c e s s i v e l y by Varro (1 1 6 -2 7 B . C .) , Horace (6 5 -8 B . 0 . ) , S en eca (4 -6 5 A. D . ) , and P e t r o n iu s (d . 66 A. D .) To th e s e names sh o u ld be added t h a t o f M a r t ia l (p.. 4 0 - p .i 0 4 A. D .) , who i n h i s s a t i r e , l i k e th e o th e r members o f th e grou p , i s n ever th e i ll - t e m p e r e d or in d ig n a n t sco u rg e o f f o o l s and v i l l a i n s , b u t a lw a y s th e u rb a n e, s o p h i s t i c a t e d , i r o n i c s p e c t a t o r . M a r tia l b e lo n g s to t h e s a t u r a t r a d i t i o n by v i r t u e a l s o o f th e v a r i e t y o f th e m e te r s , m oods, and ty p e s o f epigram s th a t he em p lo y s. The se co n d g r e a t ty p e o f L a tin s a t i r e , th e I a ic ilia n or J u v e n a lia n , was c h a r a c t e r iz e d by th e m oral b i t t e r n e s s o r in d ig n a t io n o f th e s a t i r i s t , by th e c o n seq u en t v i g o r , d i r e c t n e s s , and d id a c t ic is m o f t h e a t t a c k , and by th e e s s e n t i a l u n i t y o f th e c o m p o s itio n . L u c i li u s ( c . 1 5 0 -1 0 3 B . 0 . ) , i n Roman l i t e r a t u r e , i s r e p u te d to be th e f a t h e r o f t h i s t y p e , 2 I b i d . . p . 2 0 3 . 3 John Wright D u ff, Roman S a t i r e . p p . 1 3 0 f . 5 and he was f o llo w e d by two o th e r g r e a t k in d r e d s a t i r i c s p i r i t s , P e r s iu s (3 4 -6 2 A. D .) and J u v e n a l (4 6 -1 3 0 A. 1 ).}. I t i s n o t to be u n d e r sto o d t h a t t h e s e two c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s o f Roman s a t i r e were w h o lly e x c l u s i v e o f one a n o th e r ; f o r th e s a t i r e o f P e r s iu s and J u v e n a l borrow ed from th e s a t u r a t r a d i t i o n a t t im e s , and th e two ty p e s had a good d e a l 4 i n common. The words H o ra tia n and J u v e n a lia n m erely d en o te th e two p r e v a i l i n g s p i r i t s th a t dom inated L a tin s a t i r e . I t was th e J u v e n a lia n t r a d i t i o n t h a t , e n t e r in g E n g lis h l i t e r a t u r e d u rin g th e s i x t e e n t h c e n tu r y , was th e more con g e n ia l to th e E n g lis h s p i r i t . In a cco rd a n ce w ith and i n i m it a t i o n o f th e J u v e n a lia n s p i r i t th e w r i t e r s o f fo r m a l E liz a b e th a n and p o s t - E liz a b e t h a n s a t i r e , su ch a s H a ll, M arston , Q u ilp in , and W ith er, w ere g e n e r a lly d i r e c t , i n d i g n a n t, and a b u s iv e ,^ and s a t i r e was c o n s id e r e d t o be "p r im a r ily a form o f s t i n g i n g rebuke B ut thou gh th e J u v e n a lia n s p i r i t dom inated th e l a t e s i x t e e n t h and e a r l y s e v e n te e n th - c e n t u r y s a t i r i s t s , t h e s a tu r a or H o r a tia n t r a d i t i o n was n o t e n t i r e l y f o r g o t t e n or u n im it a t e d , and Horace was probab ly a s w id e ly read d u rin g t h i s p e r io d as ^ T id d y , o j d . c i t . . p . 2 0 7 . 5 Raymond M acdonald A ld en , The R ise o f Form al S a t ir e i n E n g la n d , p p . 9 7 f f . 6 I b i d . . p . 1 0 0 . J u v en a l* The p io n e e r o f a l l E n g lis h form al s a t i r i s t s , S ir Thomas W yatt, was p r im a r ily H o ra tia n i n h i s w ork , 7 w h ile th e H o ra tia n mode e x e r t e d i n th e s a t i r e s o f John Donne a s t r o n g and i n th o s e o f Ben Jo n so n a major in f lu e n c e .® A f t e r th e p r a c t i c a l e c l i p s e o f s a t i r e from ahout 1620 Q to 1660 one f i n d s a c o n t in u a t io n o f h o th th e H o r a tia n and J u v e n a lia n i n f l u e n c e s among E n g lis h s a t i r i s t s . Som etim es one i s dom inant i n th e works o f a w r i t e r , som etim es the o th e r ; and som etim es th e two are so merged and b le n d e d t h a t n e i t h e r can he s a id to d o m in a te. G e n e r a lly , one can sa y t h a t th e H o ra tia n s a t i r e l o s t i t s d i s c u r s i v e q u a l i t y among i t s E n g lish i m it a t o r s and t h a t , b e g in n in g w it h Dryden, th e J u v e n a lia n s a t i r e l o s t i t s ra g e or ’’ sa v a g e in d ig n a t io n ” ; how ever, as e x c e p t io n s to th e form er o f t h e s e g e n e r a l i z a t i o n s one th in k s o f Gay, A d d iso n , S t e e l e , H ogarth , and Gowper; and to th e l a t t e r , S w if t and C h u r c h ill i n p r a c t ic e and Johnson i n t h e o r y . B ut th ou gh th e H o ra tia n d i s c u r s i v e n e s s and th e J u v e n a lia n anger app eared l e s s and l e s s f r e q u e n t ly i n E n g lis h s a t i r e , th e c l a s s i c a l u n it y o f J u v e n a l and th e u r b a n it y , f i n e s s e , and w it o f H orace were r e t a in e d ; and J u v e n a lia n v ig o r and H o ra tia n g e n i a l i t y were em ployed a c c o r d in g t o th e 7 i b i d . , p . 6 9 . 8 I b i d . . p p . 8 5 f . , 1 9 4 - 6 . ® Hugh W alker, E n g lis h S a t ir e and S a t i r i s t s . pp . 1 2 0 f f . 7 demands o f th e s u b j e c t under tr e a tm e n t and, p a r t i c u l a r l y , a c c o r d in g to th e temperament o f th e s a t i r i s t h im s e lf* More over th e term s a t i r e was e x te n d e d i n E n g lis h u sage to in c lu d e v a r io u s form s o f p o e tr y , such a s th e ep igram , th e H u d ib r a s tic n a r r a t i v e , and even b a l l a d - l i k e l y r i c s , and a l l k in d s o f p r o se works t h a t were in te n d e d p r im a r ily t o r i d i c u l e . T hus, w ith d i s c u r s i v e n e s s and ra g e p r e t t y u n i v e r s a l l y r u le d o u t , w ith u r b a n it y , w i t , and c l a s s i c a l u n i t y r e t a i n e d , and w it h th e e x t e n s i o n o f th e term to in c lu d e a v a r i e t y o f fo r m s, th e word s a t i r e i n some ways h a s come to have a more l i m i t e d and i n o th e r ways a broader m eaning th a n i n th e days o f H orace, J u v e n a l, W yatt, J o n so n , or D ryden, a m eaning t h a t may b e s t be e x p r e s s e d by th e s i n g le word r i d i c u l e . T h is c o n c lu s io n i s su p p o rted b y.m ost o f th e c u r r e n t d ic t io n a r y d e f i n i t i o n s o f t h e w ord. The Standard D ic tio n a r y (1938) d e f i n e s s a t i r e a s A s p e c i e s o f c o m p o s itio n , o r i g i n a l l y a d e s c r i p t iv e v a r i e t y o f d i d a c t i c p o e t r y , b u t i n modern l i t e r a t u r e e i t h e r p o e tr y or p r o s e , i n w h ich v i c e , f o l l y , i n c a p a c it y , o r c o r r u p tio n i s h e ld up to r i d i c u l e . W ebster1s Hew I n t e r n a t io n a l D ic t io n a r y . Second E d i t i o n , d e s c r i b e s :-S a t i r e a s A l i t e r a r y c o m p o s itio n h o ld in g up human or i n d iv i d u a l v i c e s or f o l l y , or a b u se s or sh o rtc o m in g s o f any k in d , t o r e p r o b a tio n by means o f r i d i c u l e , d e r i s i o n , b u r le s q u e , or o th e r m ethods o f i n t e n s i f y i n g i n c o n g r u i t i e s , u s u a l l y w ith and i n t e n t to provoke amendment. The same u n d e r s ta n d in g o f th e word i s found i n th e Hew E n g lis h 8 D ic tio n a r y (1 9 1 4 ), w hich g i v e s t h i s d e f i n i t i o n : A poem, or i n modern u s e som etim es a p r o se c o m p o s itio n , i n w hich p r e v a i l i n g v i c e s o r f o l l i e s a re h e l d up t o r i d i c u l e • H owever, i t i s h a r d ly enough t o d e f in e s a t i r e m erely as r i d i c u l e . That in d e e d i s th e h e a r t o f i t s m eaning; h u t th e word i s r i c h in i m p l i c a t i o n s , and i t must be d i s t i n g u i s h e d from o th e r c l o s e l y r e l a t e d te r m s. S a t ir e i s ‘a k in to humor i n t h a t i t em p h a sizes th e i n c o n s i s t e n c i e s and i n c o n g r u i t i e s o f l i f e , b u t i t la c k s th e fr a n k n e s s and k i n d l i n e s s o f humor. I t i s c e r t a i n l y a k in d o f c r i t i c i s m , thou gh a l l c r i t i c i s m i s n o t s a t i r e ; mere c r i t i c i s m i s f o r t h r i g h t and j u d i c i a l , and i s c o n c e r n e d p r im a r ily w ith e v a lu a t io n , n o t w ith t a u n t s , w ith c e n su r e o f th e s in n e r f o r m oral d e lin q u e n c y , or w ith th e p r o v o c a tio n o f d e r i s i v e la u g h te r a t him . S a t ir e d i f f e r s from c y n ic is m in t h a t i t im p l i e s r e s p o n s i b i l i t y and th e power o f amendment on th e p a r t o f t h e p e r so n a t t a c k e d , w h ile c y n ic is m assum es man t o be an a c c i d e n t a l atom a t th e mercy o f c ir cu m sta n c e or F a t e . S a t ir e i s more than mere pu nishm en t or p e r s e c u t io n , f o r , though i t i s in te n d e d t o d e t e r , i t i s n o t u s u a l l y d is p e n s e d to s a t i s f y th e c la im s o f j u s t i c e or to g iv e v e n t to p e r s o n a l an ger; i t i s a k in d o f d i a b o l i c a l punishm ent i n p u b l i c . I t i s n ev er p l a i n d i d a c t i c i s m , w h ich i s fr a n k ly i n s t r u c t i v e , m o r a l i s t i c , and a d v iso ry , but i t in c lin e s more to s c o rn fu l or d e risiv e a t t a c k s upon i t s o b j e c t s . Though i t som etim es has a v i o l e n t , 9 d e n u n c ia to r y q u a l i t y , s a t i r e i s n ev er u n a d u lte r a te d i n v e c t i v e or v i t u p e r a t i o n . The s p o u te r o f i n v e c t i v e i s so l o s t i n h i s anger t h a t h e f a i l s to s e e h i m s e l f , h i s s i t u a t i o n , and h i s s p e c t a t o r s a l l in p e r s p e c t i v e , and i s u n c o n sc io u s o f th e sc e n e he i s making; on t h e o th e r hand th e u s e r o f s a t i r i c i n v e c t i v e , su prem ely c o n s c io u s o f a l l , assum es a p la n e ahove t h a t o f h i s v i c t i m , m a in ta in s h i s p o i s e , e x e r c i s e s a s u p e r io r r e s t r a i n t , g i v e s th e v i c t i m an o b j e c t i v e g o in g - o v e r , and i n v i t e s w h atever s p e c t a t o r s th e r e may be to j o i n in th e l a u g h t e r . S a t i r e assum es a m e n d a b ility and i s t h e r e f o r e n o t so p e s s im i s t i c , s t a t i c , or i l l - n a t u r e d a s m isa n th ro p y , w h ich a c c e p t s v i c e and f o l l y a s i n e v i t a b l e , f i n a l l y , s a t i r e , though i t o f t e n c o n t a in s a good d e a l o f b a n t e r , i s n o t p l a i n d e v i l r y , w h ich p e r s e c u t e s f o r th e mere p le a s u r e o f p e r s e c u t io n . Modern s a t i r e may c o n t a in a t tim e s some or a l l o f t h e s e q u a l i t i e s , b u t th e p e c u lia r q u a l i t y alw ay s fou n d t h e r e i s r i d i c u l e ; and form al r i d i c u l e , r e g a r d le s s o f i t s t o n e , m anner, t e c h n i c a l d e v i c e s , or p u r p o se , i s alw ays s a t i r e . l e t i t be s a i d , b e fo r e g i v in g o v e r th e d i s c u s s i o n o f th e word i t s e l f , t h a t t h e r e i s s a t i r e , and t h e r e are works t h a t are s a t i r i c ; t h a t i s , t h e r e are works in te n d e d p r im a r ily to s a t i r i z e , w h eth er th ey p r e te n d to do s o or n o t , and t h e r e are works in te n d e d p r im a r ily to do so m eth in g e l s e w h ich em p lo y s a t i r e o n ly i n c i d e n t a l l y . The a t t a c k i t s e l f , w h eth er prim ary or i n c i d e n t a l , i s n e v e r t h e le s s s a t i r e ; c o n s e q u e n t ly , 10 i n a stu d y o f th e s a t i r e o f B i e r c e , a l l h i s s a t i r e s h o u ld he i n c l u d e d , w h eth er i t was se r v e d a s th e main h i l l o f f a r e or shaken i n i n c i d e n t a l l y a s se a so n in g * So a l l th e s a t i r e s and a l l th e works s a t i r i e are p e r t in e n t t o t h i s i n v e s t i g a t i o n * CHAPTER I I I THE AIMS OF SATIRE The aim s o f s a t i r e have b een v a r io u s ly d e f in e d . In harmony w ith i t s n e g a t i v e , c r i t i c a l , d e s t r u c t i v e , n on - c r e a t i v e n a t u r e , i t s aim i s to t e a r down and d e s t r o y — t o t e a r down and d e s t r o y fr a u d , e v i l , f o l l y , v i c i o u s o r s i l l y i n s t i t u t i o n s , and th e p r e s t i g e o f u n d e s ir a b le p e o p le . C lo s e ly a l l i e d to t h i s p o s s i b l e aim i s t h a t o f m etin g o u t j u s t i c e to p u b lic o f f e n d e r s , p u n is h in g them f o r t h e i r s i n s . The m otive o f th e s a t i r i s t may be m erely s e l f - e x p r e s s i o n , — th e d e s i r e t o r e l i e v e p e r s o n a l anger or i n d ig n a t io n and g iv e e x p r e s s io n to a ccu m u la ted , p e n t-u p f e e l i n g , though su c h a m o tiv e i s l i k e l y to le a d m erely t o i n v e c t i v e . A gain th e pu rp ose o f s a t i r e may be p r im a r ily t o amuse or e n t e r t a i n , th ou gh su ch a m otive im p l i e s a r t i s t i c i n s i n c e r i t y . I t i s som etim es a s s e r t e d t h a t th e s a t i r i s t may aim t o reform th e o b j e c t o f h i s a t t a c k , i f t h a t o b j e c t i s a p e r s o n . T h is v iew was e x p r e s s e d by D ryden, who a s s e r t e d t h a t " th e tr u e end o f s a t i r e i s th e amendment o f v i c e s by c o r r e c t io n ." ^ However, t h e s a t i r i s t who s e r i o u s l y a tte m p ts r efo rm by s a t i r e i s c e r t a i n l y d e f i c i e n t in know ledge o f human n a tu r e ; f o r b a s i c P r e f a c e t o "Absalom and A c h ito p h e l," John Dry den* s Works. 9 : 2 1 4 . IE ch an ges in human a t t i t u d e s are e f f e c t e d by r e a s o n , n o t hy h o s t i l e or s c o r n f u l a tt a c k s * Those who c o n s id e r s a t i r e an in stru m en t o f reform assum e, w r o n g ly , t h a t a change i n b e h a v io r f o l l o w i n g a s a t i r i c a t t a c k i s th e r e s u l t o f an in n e r refo r m a tio n * I t i s th e p reach er who aim s a t tr u e reform by s e t t i n g up v o lu n ta r y in n e r c o n t r o l s , an end w h ich can n ev er be a c h ie v e d by th e u se o f s a t i r e . R efo rm a tio n by s a t i r e i s l i k e t r y i n g t o b e a t t h e d e v i l out o f a b o y . Let t h e boy g e t s e c u r e ly o u t o f s i g h t , and h i s d e v i l i s h p r o c l i v i t i e s w i l l im m ed ia te ly r e a s s e r t th e m s e lv e s . A p u b lic b e a t i n g , how ever, i s o f t e n a b e a u t i f u l l y e f f e c t i v e means o f c o n t r o l l i n g human b e h a v io r , and th u s i t may be a l e g i t im a t e pu rp ose o f s a t i r e t o com pel c o n fo r m ity to popular sta n d a r d s o f b e h a v io r by ad m i n i s t e r i n g t o th e o f fe n d e r s p u b lic c h a s tis e m e n t t h a t i s b o th p a i n f u l and e m b a r r a ssin g . One o f t h e most b a s i c o f a l l human c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s i s t h e d e s ir e f o r a p p ro v a l by o n e 's f e l l o w s ; h e n c e , when s a t i r e h o ld s th e s in n e r or f o o l up as an o b j e c t o f pop ular la u g h t e r , he i s i n a measure d e te r r e d from f u r t h e r v i l l a n y or f o o l i s h n e s s by th e f e a r o f f u r t h e r p u n ish ment and p o p u la r d is a p p r o v a l; and p o t e n t i a l o f f e n d e r s who w it n e s s h i s f a t e a re d e te r r e d by t h e f e a r o f s u f f e r i n g a s i m i la r f a t e t h e m s e lv e s . S t i l l a n o th er p o s s i b l e end o f s a t i r e i s t h e g e n e r a l ex p o su re and d i s c r e d i t i n g o f v i c e and f o l l y i n th e e y e s o f th e s p e c t a t o r s . The a p p la u d in g o f a n o th e r ’ s ex p o su re and 13 h u m ilia t io n c a l l s f o r a c e r t a i n amount o f s e l f - e x a m i n a t i o n , and e n a b le s th e s p e c t a t o r s to s e e i n th e m s e lv e s t h e t h in g s a t t a c h e d i n o th e r s * Somehow human b e in g s are made so t h a t th e y can n ot c o m fo r ta b ly p r e te n d one t h in g and be a n o th e r ; i n t e g r i t y - - t h a t i s , t h e o n en ess o f c o n v i c t i o n s and b e h a v i o r - - i s b a s i c t o co m p lete p eace o f mind* Thus s a t i r e becom es a means o f g en u in e reform a f t e r a l l , n o t o f th e c u l p r i t s them s e l v e s , but o f th e s e m i-in n o c e n t p e o p le or p o t e n t i a l v i l l a i n s who j o i n i n t h e d e r i s i v e la u g h t e r . Ho one o f t h e s e p o s s i b l e ends i s th e purpose o f s a t i r e * In p a r t i c u l a r i n s t a n c e s any one may be th e s o le o b j e c t i v e o f th e s a t i r i s t , th ou gh he may n o t r e a s o n a b ly e x p e c t to e f f e c t a b a s i c reform in h is o b j e c t o f a t t a c k . I t i s a l s o p o s s i b l e t h a t s e v e r a l o f t h e s e p u rp o ses in co m b in a tio n may be th e end o f t h e s a t i r i s t . He may f e e l an i r r e s i s t i b l e d e s i r e t o e x p r e s s h i s own in d ig n a t io n or a n g er; he may w ish to p u n is h th e s in n e r f o r th e p le a s u r e o f s e e i n g him s u f f e r and f o r th e sak e o f j u s t i c e ; he may d e s ir e to t e a r down an i n s t i t u t i o n or o b l i t e r a t e some o b j e c t io n a b le p r a c t i c e ; he may se e k to d e te r th e im m ediate o ffe n d e r and p o t e n t i a l o f fe n d e r s by th e t h r e a t o f f u r t h e r p u b lic punishm ent; and he may hope by e x p o s in g and d i s c r e d i t i n g v i c e and f o l l y i n th e e y e s o f t h e p u b lic t o e f f e c t a gen u in e change in th e c h a r a c t e r s o f p o t e n t i a l o f f e n d e r s . I t s h o u ld be n o te d b e fo r e le a v i n g th e m atter o f 14 purpose t h a t s a t i r e i s alw ays d i r e c t e d , e i t h e r im m ed ia tely or u l t i m a t e l y , a t p e o p le * Much has b een s a i d a b o u t t e a r i n g down and d e s t r o y in g a b u s e s , e v i l s , f o l l i e s , and i n s t i t u t i o n s , and i t i s o f t e n a v e r r e d t h a t su ch t h in g s are s a t i r i z e d * T h is v ie w i s b a s i c a l l y f a l l a c i o u s * One ca n n o t r e a so n a b ly r i d i c u l e a bad serm on, a b o t t l e o f p a te n t m e d ic in e , a w recked automo b i l e , a p ie c e o f o f f e n s i v e m u sic , ,or a w o r t h le s s s t o c k c e r t i f i c a t e . The o b j e c t o f a t t a c k i s r e a l l y th e m i n i s t e r , th e im p o s t o r , th e r e c k l e s s d r i v e r , th e com p oser, th e p ro m o ter. When V o l t a i r e a t t a c k s th e p h i l o s o p h i c a l c o n c e p t t h a t t h i s i s th e b e s t o f a l l p o s s i b l e w o r ld s , h i s c y n i c a l la u g h te r i s n ot d i r e c t e d a g a in s t th e i d e a , bu t a g a in s t t h o s e who a c c e p t and d e fe n d i t . Furtherm ore i t i s f a l l a c i o u s t o th in k o f d e s tr o y in g an e v i l d i r e c t l y , f o r i t does n o t have a s e p a r a te e x i s t ence a p a r t from p e o p le . The e v i l or f o l l y i s e r a d ic a t e d o n ly by e f f e c t i n g a ch an ge, s u p e r f i c i a l or b a s i c , i n human b e in g s t h e m s e lv e s ; i t i s never i t s e l f la u g h ed out o f c o u n te n a n c e . C o n se q u e n tly , r e g a r d l e s s o f t h e p u r p o se , s a t i r e i s a d d r e sse d ■ fc ° beo'Ple - b o th to t h e v i c t i m h im s e lf and t o th e body o f on lo o k e r s * An im p l ic a t i o n o f a l l t h a t has b een s a i d about th e purpose o f s a t i r e and ab ou t th e p e r s o n a l v e r s u s th e im personal, th e o r y o f a t t a c k i s th a t th e s a t i r i s t i s b a s i c a l l y , in th e b e s t s e n s e o f th e te r m s, an o p t im is t and i d e a l i s t . He b e l i e v e s i n o b j e c t i v e r i g h t and wrong and in c e r t a i n r e l a t i v e l y 15 f i x e d or a b s o lu t e v a l u e s . W o tr u e b e l i e v e r in m oral r e l a t i v ism c o u ld e v e r be a s a t i r i s t . The s a t i r i s t b e l i e v e s i n th e m oral r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f man f o r h i s b e h a v io r and assum es an a p p r e c ia b le d eg ree o f c h o ic e and f r e e w i l l i n human c o n d u c t. I f th e p s y c h o l o g i s t s e v er s u c c e e d i n c o n v in c in g p e o p le t h a t man i s w h o lly th e c r e a tu r e o f h i s h e r e d it y and en v iro n m en t, s a t i r e w i l l a t once be d is p la c e d as a l i t e r a r y genre by a l i t e r a t u r e o f c y n ic is m . A f u r t h e r i m p lic a t io n o f s a t i r e b e yond th e e x i s t e n c e o f o b j e c t i v e v a l u e s , m oral r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , and f r e e w i l l i s , o f c o u r s e , t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f ch a n g e . CHAPTER 17 POSSIBLE CLASSIFICATIONS OP SATIRE There axe f i v e m ain ways i n w hich t o c l a s s i f y s a t i r e , each one o f w h ich adds so m e th in g to th e u n d e r s ta n d in g o f s a t i r e i t s e l f * P i r s t i t may be c l a s s i f i e d a c c o r d in g t o th e a u th o r ’ s method o f a t t a c h ; he may a t t a c h d i r e c t l y or i n d i r e c t l y * I f th e a t t a c h i s d i r e c t , th e a u th o r , fr a n h ly and som etim es f o r m a lly , ad m its th e s a t i r i c a l purpose o f h i s worh, and he p r o c e e d s o p e n ly t o p a ss judgm ent upon th e o b je c t o f h i s a tta c h * He d o e s n o t p r e te n d to be t e l l i n g a s t o r y f o r i t s own sahe or to be p r im a r ily i n t e r e s t e d i n a n y th in g e x c e p t h i s a t t a c h . N a tu r a lly t h i s approach o f t e n , th ou gh n o t n e c e s s a r i l y , r e s u l t s in s e v e r e r e p r e h e n s io n and reb u h e . P a r t i c u l a r l y f i t t e d to t h i s d i r e c t method are th e e s s a y , th e ep ig ra m , and v e r s e i n b o th b r i e f and s u s t a in e d fo rm s. A d d is o n 's e s s a y on th e I t a l i a n o p e r a , th e s a t i r e s o f J u v e n a l, B y r o n 's E n g lis h B ards and S c o tc h R e v ie w e r s , and E rasm u s's In P r a is e o f P o l l y are a l l good exam ples o f d i r e c t s a t i r e , a l b e i t th e E rasm ian worh i s n e i t h e r e s s a y , ep ig ra m , nor v e r s e . On th e o th e r hand th e s a t i r i s t who em ploys t h e i n d i r e c t method o f a t t a c h d oes n o t o p e n ly or fo r m a lly p a s s judgm ent on th e o b je c t o f h i s a t t a c h , bu t a llo w s h i s r e a d e r to p erform t h i s fu n c tio n * He d oes n o t p r e te n d t o be 17 a t t a c k in g a n y th in g , b u t p r o c e e d s a s th o u g h he were p r im a r ily i n t e r e s t e d i n r ep r o d u c in g a c o n v e r s a t io n , draw ing a c h a r a c te r s k e t c h , d e s c r ib in g an i n c i d e n t , or t e l l i n g a s t o r y f o r i t s own i n t r i n s i c w o r th , th ou gh i t soon becom es p l a i n t o th e t h o u g h t f u l rea d er t h a t th e author* s r e a l purpose i s c o v e r t r i d i c u l e . T h is method i s l i k e l y t o r e s u l t i n u rb a n e, s o p h is t i c a t e d la u g h te r or i n b u r le s q u e . Among th e p r o se g e n r es t h a t are w e l l a d a p ted to th e i n d i r e c t a t t a c k are th e n o v e l , th e p h ilo s o p h ic t a l e , and th e s a t i r i c b u r le sq u e o f any p r o se form ; w h ile among th e p u r e ly v e r s e form s or th e form s t h a t may be e i t h e r v e r s e o r p ro se are th e d ia lo g u e , th e drama, th e f a b l e , th e t a l e , th e b a lla d - o p e r a , and th e s a t i r i c b u r le sq u e o f any v e r s e form . G u lliv e r * s T r a v e l s . C an d id e. The A lc h e m is t . The Beggar* s O pera, th e Roman de R e n a r t. Chaucer* s S ir T h op as. th e f a b l e s o f L a F o n t a in e , G argantua and B a n ta g r u e l. Don Q u ix o te , T r istr a m Shandy. and The Y is io n o f Judgment a re a l l exam ples o f i n d i r e c t s a t i r e . S a t i r e may be c l a s s i f i e d a c c o r d in g to th e pu rp ose o f th e a u th o r . That i s , th e a u th o r may in t e n d p r im a r ily , w h eth er he so p r e te n d s or n o t , to s a t i r i z e some p e r so n or group o f p e r s o n s . I f h i s prim ary purpose i s r i d i c u l e , what he w r i t e s i s s a t i r e . On th e o th e r hand, h i s f i r s t p u rp ose may be to t e l l a s t o r y or d ram atize a c e r t a i n seq u en ce o f e v e n ts or m irro r h i s tim e s or e x p la in a c e r t a i n p o l i t i c a l s i t u a t i o n . In t h i s c a se he i s n o t w r i t i n g s a t i r e , b u t a n o v e l , a drama, 18 a d e s c r i p t i v e poem, or a s y n d ic a te d new spaper colum n, though, h i s work i s n o t s a t i r e , i t c o n t a in s s a t i r e and i s s a t i r i c . Thus Mac P le c k n o e . The D u n eiad « and A M odest P r o p o s a l a r e s a t i r e s ; w h ile t h e p r o lo g u e to th e C anterbury T a l e s . Much Ado About H o th in g . Sense and S e n s i b i l i t y , and The V ir g in ia n s a r e i n s p o t s s a t i r i c . A work t h a t i s i n ten d e d p r im a r ily to r i d i c u l e i s a s a t i r e ; one t h a t c o n t a in s i n c i d e n t a l r i d i c u l e i s s a t i r i c . A nother p o s s i b l e c l a s s i f i c a t i o n o f s a t i r e i s t h a t a c c o r d in g t o t o n e . S a t i r e may be v i t u p e r a t i v e , v i t r i o l i c , s a v a g e , b i t t e r , s c o r n f u l , contem p tuou s; i t may be c o n d e sc en d i n g , u rb a n e, g r a v e , d i d a c t i c , or n a iv e ; i t may be l i g h t , m is c h ie v o u s , m ild , or h a l f p l a y f u l . Such c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s are n o t g e n e r a l ly o f much v a l u e , b e c a u se o f t h e la r g e number o f c a t a lo g u e s and th e a lm o st i n f i n i t e number o f t o n a l g r a d a tio n s t h a t are p o s s i b l e , and b eca u se o f th e d i f f i c u l t y o f draw ing l i n e s b etw een th e v a r io u s c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s . F urtherm ore th e v a r io u s p a r t s o f a g iv e n s a t i r e may b e lo n g to s e v e r a l c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s . S in c e f i n e d i s t i n c t i o n s i n c l a s s i f i c a t i o n o f to n e a re n o t o f t e n n e c e s s a r y i t i s u s u a lly enough to i d e n t i f y th e to n e or t o n e s o f a s a t i r i s t o n ly r a th e r g e n e r a l l y . A gain s a t i r e may be c l a s s i f i e d a c c o r d in g t o t h e fo r m : a c c o r d in g to t h e g en re or l i t e r a r y v e h i c l e i n w h ich i t i s c o n v e y e d . Thus we have fo rm a l s a t i r i c v e r s e , th e ep ig ram , th e lam poon, the mock e p it a p h , and th e v e r s e b u r le s q u e s o f o th e r v e r s e form s; we have th e dratna, d ia lo g u e , th e n o v e l , th e t a l e , th e a l l e g o r y , th e f a b l e , th e b a lla d - o p e r a , and a l l p r o se b u r le s q u e s o f o th e r p r o se form s. F i n a l l y , s a t i r e may be c l a s s i f i e d a c c o r d in g to s u b j e c t - m a tte r ; th e n a t u r a l c a t e g o r i e s h e r e a r e p e r s o n a l and g e n e r a l . ! I f th e s a t i r i s t d i r e c t s h i s f i r e a g a in s t a p a r t i c u l a r p e r so n f o r f o l l i e s g r e a t or s m a ll, s i n s p r iv a t e or p u b l i c , and i f h e a t t a c k s th e p e r so n more th a n th e f o l l i e s or s i n s , th e s a t i r e i s p e r s o n a l. Mac F le c k n o e , The D u nciad , and E n g lis h Bards and S c o tc h R ev iew ers a r e e x c e l l e n t i n s t a n c e s o f p e r s o n a l s a t i r e . I f th e s a t i r i s t la y s major em p h asis upon th e w ea k n esses or f a u l t s and a t t a c k s n o t m erely a p a r t i c u l a r o f fe n d e r but o f f e n d e r s a t l a r g e , th e s a t i r e i s g e n e r a l. J u v e n a l's S a t i r e s . B u t l e r ' s H u d ib r a s, amd S w i f t ' s G u l l i v e r ' s T r a v e ls o f t e n a t t a c k p a r t i c u l a r p e r s o n s , bu t in each th e m ajor em phasis i s upon ty p e s or c l a s s e s o f p e o p le , and each i s to be c l a s s i f i e d as g e n e r a l s a t i r e . Under b o th p e r s o n a l and g e n e r a l s a t i r e th e r e may be 1 The c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s o f " p e r s o n a l” and " g e n e ra l" are made by B i e r c e ' s f r ie n d and p u p i l , Herman S c h e ffa u e r In "The D eath o f S a t i r e , " The L iv in g A ge, 2 7 8 : 8 2 , J u ly 1 2 , 1913; and th e y a r e u sed by Samuel M arion T u ck er, V erse S a t i r e in England B e fo r e th e R e n a is s a n c e , p . 10; by Humbert W o lfe , N otes on E n g lis h S a t i r e , pp. 9 f ; and by David W o r c e ste r , The A rt o f S a t i r e , p. 16. W o lfe, o p . c i t . , p. 2 6 , and W o r c e ste r , op. c i t . , p . I 2 9 , a l s o em ploy a t h i r d , but in a d m is s i b l e , c l a s s i f i c a t i o n , th e " c o sm ic." 2 0 v a r io u s c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s o f th e p a r t i c u la r f o l l i e s and s i n s a t t a c k e d . In s tu d y in g th e o b j e c t s o f E liz a b e t h a n s a t i r e A ld en groups them under t h e s e h e a d s: m o r a ls, f a s h i o n s , p u b lic a f f a i r s , c l a s s e s (lo u d women, b r o k e r s , la w y e r s , e t c . ) , r e l i g i o n ( in c lu d in g p r o f a n i t y , a v a r ic e o f th e c l e r g y , p a p i s t s , e t c . ) , l i t e r a t u r e , p e r s o n s , and p e r s o n a l hum ors, e.._g,., h y p o c r i t i c a l h o s p i t a l i t y , c i t y e t i q u e t t e , a young g a l l a n t ' s o c c u p a t io n s , m arriage o f an o ld man, and l o v e r s .^ F u e s s b reak s th e o b j e c t s o f a t t a c k i n t o th r e e d i v i s i o n s : i n d i v i d u a l s , c l a s s e s , and i n s t i t u t i o n s . F ra n ces T h eresa B u s s e l l i n h er stu d y o f s a t i r e i n th e V i c t o r i a n n o v e l c l a s s i f i e s th e o b j e c t s o f s a t i r e under t h r e e h ea d s: i n d i v i d u a l s , i n s t i t u t i o n s ( i n c lu d in g such d iv e r s e t h in g s as m ercenary m a r r ia g e s , s o c i e t y , s t a t e , ch u rch , s c h o o l , a r t , and i d e a l s ) , and t y p e s ( . i . e . . , ty p e s o f p e o p le , f o o l i s h or v i c i o u s , th e s a t i r e b e in g d i r e c t e d n o t a g a in s t a s p e c i f i c p e r s o n , b u t a g a in s t th e h y p o c r i t i c a l or v a in p e r so n as p o r tr a y e d in some a r t i s t i c c h a r a c te r e r e a t i o n l i k e H u d ib ra s ) . 4 T u ck er, s tu d y in g e a r ly v e r s e s a t i r e i n E n glan d , c l a s s i f i e s th e o b j e c t s o f a t t a c k under fo u r h ea d s: 2 Baymond M acdonald A ld e n , The B is e o f Form al S a t ir e i n E n g la n d , p p . 6 6 f f . ® Claude M. F u e s s , Lord Byron as a S a t i r i s t i n V e r s e , p . 5 . 4 F ra n ce s T h eresa B u s s e l l , S a t ir e i n th e V ic t o r ia n H o v e l, p p . 1 6 7 -8 6 5 . p e r s o n a l, p o l i t i c a l , m oral and s o c i a l , and l i t e r a r y . 5 T u rn er, who i n h i s stu d y o f ir o n y n e v e r r e a l l y d e f i n e s s a t i r e , 6 but c o n s t a n t ly c o n fu s e s th e tw o ,7 c l a s s i f i e s ir o n y under two h ea d s: " p r o p h e tic ," w hich i s p r im a r ily d i d a c t i c and m oral and d e a ls w it h th e b a s ic m a tter s o f l i f e , a s d o es G u l l i v e r f s T r a v e l s ,and " L i t t l e , " w h ich i s i n c i d e n t a l and commonly d ev o ted to th e e x p o su re and c e n su r e o f human f o i b l e s , a s i s M iss A u s te n 's irory.8 Thus T urner, q u i t e u n s a t i s f a c t o r i l y , makes up h i s c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s m ain ly on th e b a s i s o f im p o r ta n c e, but p a r t l y on th e b a s i s o f w h eth er th e w r i t e r ' s i n t e n t i o n s w ere p r i m a r ily or i n c i d e n t a l l y i r o n i c . W olfe makes no b la n k e t c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s , b u t d i v i d e s S w i f t ' s s a t i r e i n t o ’ " th ree main s tr e a m s — th e p u r e ly p o l i t i c a l , th e a n t i - f e m i n i s t , and. . .t h e more g e n e r a l a t t a c k on human f r a i l i t i e s " 9 - - a c l a s s i f i c a t i o n , i n c i d e n t a l l y th a t makes no 5 T u ck er, o p . c i t . , pp. 3 0 f f . 6 He s a y s , " iro n y may w e l l s e r v e a s s a t i r e ' s heavy a r t i l l e r y : sh e s e r v e s no l e s s w e l l as th e humor o f s a t i r e ; " a l s o , " S a tir e i s a somewhat b r u t a l form o f l i t e r a t u r e , and, a s su c h , i t runs e a s i l y In to fo r m a l, u n r e le n t in g Ir o n y ," w hich Turner f e e l s e x c e l s " s a t i r e . . . i n range and a d a p t a b ilit y .® P. McD. C. T urner, The E lem en ts o f Iron y i n E n g lis h L i t e r a t u r e , P» 75* _ 7 I b i d . , pp. ^ l f . 8 I b i d . , p . 11. 9 W o lfe, o p . c i t . , pp. 8 6 f . 22 p r o v i s i o n f o r such a c h i e f work a s A T a le o f a Tub. Walker and W o rcester a ttem p t no c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s o f s a t i r e a c c o r d in g to s u b j e c t - m a t t e r . A l l t h i s goes to show t h a t i n th e c l a s s i f i c a t i o n o f p a r t i c u l a r f o l l i e s and e v i l s under th e two la r g e g e n e r a l d i v i s i o n s o f p e r s o n a l and g e n e r a l s a t i r e good w r i t e r s d i f f e r and t h a t w it h in r e a so n a b le l i m i t s a v a r i e t y o f c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s may be d e fe n d e d . In a d d it io n to t h e s u b - d i v i s i o n s o f p e r s o n a l and gen e r a l s u b j e c t - m a t t e r t h e r e s t i l l rem ain s f o r c o n s id e r a t io n a t h i r d s u b - d i v i s i o n , t h a t o f " co sm ic” s a t i r e . I f th e s a t i r i s t la u g h s b i t t e r l y a t p e o p le f o r t h e i r b e l i e f i n a b s o lu te v a l u e s , u n i v e r s a l p u r p o s e , th e im p ortan ce o f man in th e u n i v e r s e , th e e x i s t e n c e o f God, com m unication b etw een God and man, d iv in e i n t e r f e r e n c e i n tem p o ra l a f f a i r s , and t h e l i k e , th e s a t i r e i s s a i d to be c o s m ic . There i s a. f i n e d i s t i n c t i o n b etw een cosm ic s a t i r e and cosm ic ir o n y , a d i s t i n c t i o n t h a t , i t se e m s, no c r i t i c h as made. W olfe sp ea k s o f " th e s a t i r e o f f a t i g u e , " ^ m eaning boredom w ith l i f e , d e s p a ir r i s i n g o u t o f a s e n s e t h a t l i f e i s m eaning l e s s ; and W o rcester c l a s s i f i e s a s a ty p e o f s a t i r e t h a t l i t e r a tu r e w hich e m p h a sizes th e c o n t r a s t b etw een m an's d e s ir e f o r 1 ° I b i d . , p . 2 5 . 23 a p la c e in th e u n iv e r s e and h i s seem in g i n s i g n i f i c a n c e t h e r e i n . Cosmic ir o n y i s th e s a t i r e o f f r u s t r a t i o n , u t t e r e d by men who b e l i e v e t h a t how ever h ig h man*s a s p i r a t i o n s may r e a c h , th e r e i s a lw a y s a s t i l l h ig h e r , u n a t t a in a b le l e v e l o f k n ow led ge, in th e l i g h t o f w hich th o s e a s p i r a t i o n s and c a l c u l a t i o n s must become, s t u l t i f i e d and a b o r t i v e . The theme o f t h i s " cosm ic irony" or " s a t i r e , " s a y s W o r c e ste r , i s man* s i n s i g n i f i c a n c e i n th e u n i v e r s e , h i s im p o t e n c e , h i s lo n e n e s s , h i s f r u s t r a t i o n , h i s boredom , h i s ted iu m , h i s w rath er a g a i n s t w h atever gods may b e ; — " th e v i s i o n o f th e e a r t h as a sp e c k o f dust" and man a s an i n v i s i b l e atom 12 t h e r e o n , James Thomson he d e s ig n a t e s a s th e " la u r e a t e o f c o s - I 1 2 mic ir o n y ." ° Thomson may w e l l be th e " la u r e a t e o f cosm ic ir o n y ," bu t i n i d e n t i f y i n g s a t i r e w ith ir o n y W o rcester e r r s . These t h in g s a r e i r o n i c b e c a u se th e y em p hasize t h e d is c r e p a n c y i n t h e s e cosm ic m a tte r s b etw een what man a s p i r e s to be or t h in k s he i s in th e u n iv e r s e and th e p la c e he a c t u a l l y o c c u p ie s a s th e co sm ic i r o n i s t v ie w s h im . The i r o n i s t f i n d s i t e x c e e d in g l y d i f f i c u l t t o la u g h s c o r n f u l l y , d e r i s i v e l y , a t su ch m a t t e r s - - t o r i d i c u l e su c h a s t a t e o f a f f a i r s , and when he t r i e s , h i s la u g h t e r h a s a m ost h o llo w sou nd . Such l i t e r a t u r e i s i r o n i c and c y n i c a l , b u t n o t s a t i r i c . I t i s o f a la r g e r 11 W o r c e ste r , oj), c i t . . p . 1 2 9 . 12 I*>id. . PP* 1 2 9 f f . 1 8 I b i d . . p . 1 3 3 . 2 4 s t a t u r e th a n s a t i r e . S a t i r e , th e n , may he c l a s s i f i e d a c c o r d in g t o m eth od . •purpose. t o n e , form , and s u b j e c t - m a t t e r , and su ch c l a s s i f i c a t i o n in v o lv es a d i f f e r e n t approach from th e o th e r s and has i t s own p a r t i c u l a r v i r t u e s . CHAPTER V THE DEVICES OP SATIRE The sim p le d e f i n i t i o n o f s a t i r e , th e d i f f e r e n t i a t i o n o f i t from a l l i e d l i t e r a r y t y p e s , th e c o n s i d e r a t io n o f i t s p u rp o se s and i m p l i c a t i o n s , and th e stu d y o f th e v a r io u s ways i n w h ich i t may be c l a s s i f i e d a l l r e v e a l so m eth in g o f i t s n a tu r e ; but p ro b a b ly n o th in g e x c e p t th e d e f i n i t i o n i t s e l f i s s o i n d i c a t i v e o f i t s r e a l n a tu r e a s th e d e v ic e s by w h ich i t i s a c h ie v e d . U n fo r tu n a te ly no one h as e v e r p u b lis h e d a th o ro u g h a n a l y s i s o f t h e s e d e v i c e s ,- 1 - p ro b a b ly b e c a u se o f t h e i r e l u s i v e and a t tim es se e m in g ly in d e f in a b le n a tu r e . They a r e , h ow ever, th e e s s e n c e o f th e s a t i r i s t ' s a r t and a r e o f t e n so com bined, so v a r ie d , so s u b t l e , so k a l e id o s c o p ic t h a t , l i k e s t y l e , th e y d e fy a b s o lu t e d e t e c t i o n and c l a s s i f i c a t i o n . N e v e r t h e le s s , i n o rd er t o c l a r i f y as much a s p o s s i b l e th e b a s ic n a tu r e o f s a t i r e , an o u t l i n e o f i t s d e v ic e s i s n e c e s s a r y . S in c e s a t i r e i s r i d i c u l e , one may s t a t e i t a s an axiom t h a t a n y th in g t h a t s e r v e s to make a n y th in g r i d i c u l o u s I The b e s t work in t h i s f i e l d h a s b een done by D orothy M a d elin e McGhee, V o lt a r ia n N a r r a tiv e D e v ic e s as C o n sid ered i n th e A u th o r 1s C on tes P h ilo s o p h iq u e s , and W o r c e ste r , op. c i t . , p a ssim . 26 i s a s a t i r i c d e v i c e . The a n a l y t i c a l h e y , t h e n , i n th e exam i n a t i o n o f any p i e c e o f s a t i r e must h e , what i s i t h ere t h a t s e r v e s to e x p r e s s or evoke r i d i c u l e ? One o f th e most f r e q u e n t ly u s e d and most o h v io u s de v i c e s o f s a t i r e i s ir o n y , w h ich may assum e any o f th r e e fo rm s. F i r s t th e r e i s "v e r b a l "2 or " sim p le " 3 ir o n y ; t h a t i s , ir o n y w h ich i s e x p r e s s e d by words a lo n e and i s u n d e r sto o d by _ l i s t e n i n g t o t h e words or r e a d in g them . The commonest h in d o f v e r b a l ir o n y i s t h a t o f " in v e r s io n ," ^ i n w h ich th e sp ea k er or w r it e r sa y s or w r it e s th e o p p o s it e from what he m eans, as i n th e i r o n i c encomium or in t h e e x p r e s s io n o f mock sym pathy. A lso e x p r e s s e d by words a lo n e i s th e ir o n y o f u n d e r s t a t e m en t, 3 a r h e t o r i c a l d e v ic e t h a t n eed s no e x p la n a t io n d e s p it e i t s t e c h n i c a l name, l i t o t e s . B e s id e s v e r b a l ir o n y th e r e i s S o c r a t ic ir o n y or " ir o n y o f m anner," 3 i n w hich th e i r o n i s t p o s e s a s in n o c e n t , m erely in q u ir in g or c u r io u s , n a i v e , or perhaps ig n o r a n t fo r t h e sa k e o f l e a d in g h i s v i c t i m in t o a r i d i c u l o u s s i t u a t i o n . By h i s f e ig n e d in n o c e n c e , n a iv e te '’ , or ig n o r a n c e th e i r o n i s t 2 W o r c e ste r , o p . c i t . . p . 76. ® T u rn er, p p . c i t . . p . 5 . 4 W o r ce ster , p p . c i t . , p . 79. 3 I b i d . , p p . 8 8 - 9 0 . 6 I b i d . . p p . 7 6 , 9 0 - 5 . 27 en c o u r a g es th e im p o ste r t o s t r u t and b r a g , to d is p la y or p reen h i m s e l f , or to maneuver h i m s e l f i n t o a p r e p o s te r o u s s i t u a t i o n . Then su d d en ly a c a s u a l remark or q u e s t io n r e v e a l s th e p r e t e n t i o u s n e s s or a b s u r d ity o f th e v i c t i m ’ s b e h a v io r or c o n t e n t i o n . U sed i n t h i s way, ir o n y o f manner a r t f u l l y le a d s i t s o b j e c t to condemn h i m s e l f . A v a r i a t i o n o f t h i s ty p e o f ir o n y i s found i n G u l l i v e r ' s T r a v e l s . w h e r e in th e in n o c e n t , c u r io u s G u lliv e r g o e s about in q u ir in g i n t o th e s o c i a l , p o l i t i c a l , and m oral sy stem s o f th e v a r io u s c o u n t r ie s t h a t he v i s i t s . The same iro n y o f manner c h a r a c t e r i z e s Oandide and G o ld sm ith 's C h in ese p h ilo s o p h e r . A t h i r d typ e o f ir o n y som etim es em ployed a s a s a t i r i c d e v ic e i s ir o n y o f s i t u a t i o n or ir o n y o f f a c t ; i n t h e t h e a t r e i t w ould be c a l l e d dram atic ir o n y . Irony o f s i t u a t i o n i s t h a t d isc r e p a n c y b etw een t h in g s a s th ey seem to th e v i c t i m s and t h in g s a s t h e y are , when th e d is c r e p a n c y i s ap p aren t to a d e ta c h e d o b s e r v e r , but n o t t o th e p e r so n s most im m ed ia te ly c o n c e r n e d . Iron y o f s i t u a t i o n le n d s i t s e l f r e a d i l y t o com bin a t i o n w it h a n o th er s a t i r i c d e v ic e to be c o n s id e r e d p r e s e n t l y , th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e , and i s em ployed e f f e c t i v e l y to empha s i z e th e iro n y o f a s i t u a t i o n by Samuel B u t le r i n The Way o f A l l F le s h and by Thomas Hardy in h i s " S a t ir e s o f C ircu m sta n ce." Iro n y o f s i t u a t i o n may a l s o be em ployed in b u r le s q u e , a s w i t n e s s Don Q u ixo te and H u d ib r a s. th e ir o n y o f w hich l i e s i n th e d is c r e p a n c y b etw een what ea ch hero th in k s h im s e lf or h i s 28 s i t u a t i o n to be and th e r e a l f a c t s . Some7 have c o n s id e r e d " cosm ic iron y" to be a s a t i r i c d e v i c e , b u t i t ca n n o t be so a d m itte d , fo r t h e r e a s o n , a lr e a d y d is c u s s e d , th a t th e r e i s no such t h in g a s cosm ic s a t i r e . The cosm os does n ot le n d i t s e l f to s c o r n f u l human la u g h te r or r i d i c u l e . Q A se c o n d major s a t i r i c d e v ic e i s b u r le s q u e , w h ic h i n tu rn em p loys v a r io u s d e v ic e s o f i t s own. The e s s e n c e o f b u r le sq u e i s a lu d ic r o u s or r i d i c u l o u s i n c o n g r u i t y , e i t h e r in subj e c t - m a t t e r or i n t r e a t m e n t • In s u b j e c t - m a t t e r th e in c o n g r u it y may be b etw een what someone p r e te n d s to be and what he i s , b etw een w hat he i s and what he sh o u ld b e , or b etw een w hat he i s and what p e o p le t h in k him t o b e . In Son Q u ix o te one su ch in c o n g r u it y i s t h a t betw een th e u n r e a l i s t i c c h iv a lr y o f Don Q u ix ote and th e be h a v io r t h a t m ight r e a s o n a b ly be e x p e c te d o f a norm al human b e in g , o r , b e t t e r , th e ab su rd in c o n g r u ity b etw een th e un r e a l i s t i c c h iv a lr y n a i v e ly a c c e p te d by S p a n ish r e a d e r s o f romance i n th e l a t e s i x t e e n t h and e a r ly s e v e n t e e n t h c e n t u r i e s and th e p r a c t i c a l w orld in w h ich th ey l i v e d . H u d ib ra s. among o th e r t h i n g s , s t r e s s e s th e in c o n g r u ity b etw een what th e ? W olfe, o p . c i t . , pp. 2 5 f . & The b e s t a v a i l a b l e tr e a tm e n t o f b u r le sq u e i s t h a t by W o rcester, o p . c i t . , p p . 4 1 - 7 0 . £9 E n g lis h P u r ita n s were and what th e y p r e te n d e d to b e . T hackeray i n th e b u r le sq u e R ebecca and Rowena a r t i s t i c a l l y s u g g e s t s th e in c o n g r u ity betw een c h iv a lr y a s i t must have been i n t h e days o f R ich a rd th e L.ao,n; H earted and th e c h i v a lr y o f th o s e tim e s a s i t w as r o m a n t ic a lly r e p r e s e n te d by S c o t t . Chaucer i n h i s " S ir Thopas" s u g g e s t s th e in c o n g r u it y b etw een th e u n r e a l i s t i c c h iv a lr y o f t h e m e t r i c a l rom ances o f h i s d ay, and l i f e a s i t was i n f a c t ; and he s u g g e s t s th e i n c o n g r u ity b etw een how a t a l e s h o u ld be t o l d and how i t was t y p i c a l l y (one su p p o se s) t o l d i n th e c u r r e n t rom an ces, w it h t h e i r i r r e l e v a n t d e t a i l , t h e i r c li c h e ' s , t h e i r c o n v e n t io n a l d e s c r i p t i o n , t h e i r want o f a c t i o n , and th e l i k e . P rob a b ly th e m ost common means f o r a c h ie v in g in c o n g r u it y o f s u b j e c t - m a tter are d i s t o r t i o n or e x a g g e r a tio n (w hich when em ployed i n th e s a t i r i c c h a r a c t e r i z a t i o n r e s u l t in l i t e r a r y c a r i c a t u r e ) , e x tr a v a g a n c e , j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f in h arm on iou s e le m e n t s , m im icry , and i m i t a t i o n . G e n e r a lly th e i n c o n s i s t e n c i e s o f th e s u b j e c t i t s e l f are su p p lem en ted by i n c o n s i s t e n c i e s i n tre a tm en t t h a t s e r v e t o make th e s u b j e c t even more a b s u r d . A f r i v o l o u s manner or s t y l e may be em ployed i n t r e a t i n g a d i g n i f i e d s u b j e c t , a s i n H u d ib r a s. where B u tle r r i d i c u l e s h i s le a d in g c h a r a c t e r s by p l a c in g them i n ab su rd s i t u a t i o n s , by assum ing a f r i v o l o u s , f a m i l i a r manner i n d e a lin g w ith them , and by em p loyin g p u n s, f a m i li a r or v u lg a r d i c t i o n , e r r o r s o f grammar or s p e l l i n g . 30 c o l l o q u i a l i s m s f i n c o r r e c t p r o n u n c ia t io n s , je r k y or syncopated, m e te r , and. a p p ro x im a te , u n n a tu r a l, to r tu r e d ., cacop h on ou s, or fe m in in e r im e s . A l l th e s e d e v ic e s s e r v e to make r i d i c u l o u s th e o b j e c t o f a t t a c k . One e x c e r p t from H udibras w i l l i l l u s t r a t e m ost o f th e s e d e v i c e s . H udibras and Ralpho have had t h e i r seco n d e n c o u n te r w ith t h e crowd, have b een d e f e a t e d , and have been im p r iso n e d and p la c e d i n s t o c k s . There th ey are v i s i t e d by th e widow whom H udibras a s p i r e s to marry but who, though she le a d s him o n , l o v e s him n o t . At f i r s t she \ p r e te n d s to h er m aid n o t to r e c o g n iz e th e u n fo r tu n a te k n ig h t and h i s s q u i r e , bu t t o b e l i e v e t h a t t h e p la c e i s e n ch a n ted and t h a t t h e o c cu p a n ts o f t h e s t o c k s a re a p p a r it io n s or g h o s t s , one o f w hich rem inds h er o f someone she h a s once known: But i f our e y e s are n o t f a l s e g la s s e s ., That g'ive a wrong a ccou n t o f f a c e s , That beard and I sh o u ld be a c q u a in te d , B e fo r e * tw as co n c u r ’ d and e n c h a n fe d . 3?or though i t be d i s f i g u r 1d som ew hat, As i f ’ t had l a t e l y b een i n com bat, I t d id b e lo n g f a w orthy K n ig h t, H ow e'er t h i s g o b lin i s come b y ' t . When H udibras t h e la d y h e a r d , D is c o u r s in g th u s upon h i s b e a r d , And sp eak w ith s u c h r e s p e c t and h on our, B oth o f th e beard and t h e b e a r d 's owner, He th ou gh t i t b e s t t o s e t as good A f a c e upon i t a s he could-, And th u s he sp o k e: l a d y , you r b r ig h t And r a d ia n t e y e s are i n t h e r i g h t ; The b e a r d 's th' id e n t iq u e beard you knew, The same n u m e r ic a lly t r u e : Hor i s i t worn by f i e n d or e l f , But i t s . p r o p r ie t o r h i m s e l f . 3 1 0 heaven s', quoth s h e , can t h a t he t r u e ? I do b e g in to f e a r 1 t i s you ; Hot by y o u r i n d iv i d u a l w h is k e r s , B ut by you [r] d i a l e c t and d i s c o u r s e , That n ev er spoke to man o r b e a s t , In n o t io n s v u lg a r ly e x p r e s t : But what m a lig n a n t s t a r , a la s '. q Has b ro u g h t you b oth to t h i s sa d p a ss? P arody i s a p a r t i c u l a r ty p e o f b u r le sq u e i n w h ich th e form , m anner, or s t y l e o f some l i t e r a r y work in p a r t i c u l a r or c l a s s i n g e n e r a l i s c l o s e l y i m it a t e d , e i t h e r fo r p u r e ly huiporous e f f e c t s or f o r t h e pu rp ose o f r i d i c u l i n g th e c o n te n t or manner o f t h e o r i g i n a l p i e c e or c l a s s . Parody em ploys c h i e f l y th e d e v ic e s o f e x a g g e r a t io n , d i s t o r t i o n , th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e , and i m i t a t i o n . " S ir T h o p a s a l r e a d y m en tion ed a s an exam ple o f b u r le s q u e , i s a good in s t a n c e o f a g e n e r a l p a ro d y , w h ile Sw inburne’ s H e p ta lo g ia c o n t a in s some s a t i r i c p a r o d ie s on p a r t i c u l a r w r i t e r s and poem s. A s a t i r i c d e v ic e t h a t seem s n ever t o have b een i d e n t i f i e d i s th e r e d u c t io ad absurdum d e v i c e , w hich r e v e a l s th e a b s u r d ity o f so m eth in g by p o in t in g o u t i t s p r e p o s te r o u s im p l i c a t i o n s and w hich em p loys a s a u x i l i a r i e s th e s a t i r i c d e v i c e s o f ir o n y , d i s t o r t i o n , e x a g g e r a t io n , t h e f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g , and th e j u x t a p o s i t i o n o t i n c o n g r u i t i e s . The r e d u c t io ad absurdum i s em p loyed by S w if t i n A T a le o f a Tub, when he r i d i c u l e s th e u se o f s c h o la r ly d e v i c e s among C h r is tia n s t o 9 Samuel B u t l e r , H u d ib r a s. pp.. 1 1 4 0 ’* ■ 32 c ir cu m v en t th e p l a i n m eaning o f t h e S c r ip t u r e s . P e t e r in t r y i n g to j u s t i f y th e w e a rin g o f sh o u ld e r k n o ts s e e k s l i t e r a l p e r m is s io n 1 1 t o t idem v e r b i s ;* * f a i l i n g t o f i n d i t , he d e te r m in e s to lo o k fo r th e mere words "to tid e m s y l l a b i s" and assu m es t h a t t h e e x i s t e n c e th u s o f th e e x p r e s s io n in th e S c r ip t u r e s w ould c o n s t i t u t e a p o s i t i v e p e r m is s io n to wear th e sh o u ld e r k n o t s . ^ But t h i s scheme f a i l s t o o , and so P e te r p r o p o se s to f i n d th e v .w o rd s nto tid e m l i t e r i s ." Then when th e l e t t e r k i s nowhere to be fo u n d P e te r r e s o r t s to th e e x p e d ie n t o f e x p l a in i n g t h a t k i s a m odern, " i l l e g i t i m a t e * 1 l e t t e r unknown t o th e a n c ie n t s and e r r o n e o u s ly w r it t e n f o r t h e l e t t e r _c. A c i s q u ic k ly fou n d ; th e p h rase sh o u ld e r c n o ts i s made o u t "tod id em l i t e r i s and th e t h r e e b r o th e r s b lo sso m f o r t h i n a s la r g e and gaudy sh o u ld e r k n o ts as were worn by any fo p i n to w n . The p r a c t i c e o f r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n i s th u s r i d i c u l e d by th e r e d u c t io ad absurdum d e v ic e a s s i s t e d by a l l e g o r i c a l n a r r a t i v e . By t h e same te c h n iq u e S w ift in h i s a cco u n t o f t h e s tr u ld b r u g s r e d u c e s to an a b s u r d it y th e common f e a r o f d ea th and th e d e s i r e t o l i v e i n d e f i n i t e l y . The same d e v i c e , a s s i s t e d by n a r r a t iv e and ir o n y , i s em ployed i n Oandide to red u ce to an a b s u r d ity th e p h ilo s o p h y t h a t t h i s i s th e b e s t o f a l l p o s s i b l e w o r ld s . I m p lic a t io n i s a f o u r t h s a t i r i c d e v ic e . The methods o f i m p l ic a t i o n are num erous, one o f th e more o b v io u s b e in g im p l ic a t i o n by p a r a l l e l . In u s i n g t h i s m ethod th e a u th o r 33 may c r e a te a c h a r a c te r h a v in g -c e r t a in in n o cu o u s q u a l i t i e s t h a t o b v io u s ly i d e n t i f y him w ith th e p erso n to he a t t a c h e d . The s i m i l a r i t y o f th e c h a r a c te r s h a v in g b e e n e s t a b l i s h e d , th e au th or p r o c ee d s to p o in t o u t in th e c r e a te d c h a r a c t e r c e r t a i n v i c e s or f o l l i e s w h ic h , b eca u se o f t h e i d e n t i t y a lrea d y - e s t a b l i s h e d , a r e assum ed by th e rea d er t o b e lo n g to th e p e r son a t t a c h e d , The o b v io u s s i m i l a r i t y o f t h e c h a r a c te r s i n c e r t a i n ammoral r e s p e c t s s u g g e s t s or im p lie s t h e i r s i m i l a r i t y i n c e r t a i n immoral r e s p e c t s . Thus i n "A Voyage to th e Houyhnhnms," w ith o u t d i r e c t l y a s s e r t i n g t h a t human b e in g s are d e g e n e r a te b r u te s , S w ift im p lie s t h e m oral s i m i l a r i t y o f p e o p le to th e Yahoos by i d e n t i f y i n g th e Yahoos p h y s i c a l l y w ith human b e i n g s . I n Beppo B ryon em ploys a ty p e o f im p l ic a t i o n when he t e l l s i n a commendatory manner what th e women o f a T u rh ish harem do n o t d o , and so s u g g e s t s a c r i t i c i s m o f th e E n g lis h women who do in d u lg e in th e s e t h i n g s : They can n ot r e a d , and so d o n 't l i s p i n c r i t i c i s m ; l o r w r i t e , and so th e y d o n 't a f f e c t th e m uss; Were n ever ca u g h t i n epigram s or w i t t i c i s m s , Have no rom an ces, serm on s, p l a y s , r e v i e w s , — In harams l e a r n in g soo n would make a p r e t t y schism '. B ut l u c k i l y i;he£e b e a u t ie s are no " B lu e s," ! o b u s t l i n g B o th e r b y s have th e y to show 'em TThat charm ing p a ssa g e i n t h e l a s t new poem ."l® Here th e im p l ic a t i o n i s co n v ey ed by c a l l i n g a t t e n t i o n i n an ^ Poems and B la v s o f lo r d B y r o n . Chapter I , l x x i i , p . 3 6 6 . 34 u n r e la t e d s e t t i n g and in a d is a p p r o v in g and s e e m in g ly i n c id e n t a l manner to c e r t a i n f a m i li a r f o l l i e s to be a t t a c k e d , th e d is a p p r o v a l b e in g r e g i s t e r e d by o u t r ig h t n e g a t io n and by a d i c t i o n o f n a t u r a l l y u n fa v o r a b le c o n n o t a t io n . The s a t i r e i s f a c i l i t a t e d , o f c o u r s e , by th e in h e r e n t r i d i c u l o u s n e s s o f th e t h in g s a t t a c k e d . In a few se em in g ly i n c i d e n t a l p h r a s e s , whose ap p aren t purpose i s t o show what th e T u rk ish women do n o t d o , Byron a l l u d e s t o c e r t a i n f a m i l i a r a s p e c t s o f th e a f f e c t e d , s u p e r f i c i a l G eorgian s o c i e t y , p a r t i c u l a r l y to i t s d i l e t t a n t e i n t e r e s t i n c u r r e n t l i t e r a t u r e , i t s sm a r t, f a s h i o n a b le p r e te n c e o f c r i t i c i s m , and i t s e s s e n t i a l d u l l n e s s , ig n o r a n c e , and v u l g a r i t y in l i t e r a r y m a t t e r s . At th e same tim e he d i r e c t l y e x p r e s s e s h i s d is a p p r o v a l o f t h e s e t h in g s by s a y in g t h a t th e y do n o t o ccu r among th e T u rk ish women, and he i n d i r e c t l y s o l i c i t s d is a p p r o v a l f o r h i s o b j e c t s o f - a t t a c k by em p lo y in g a d i c t i o n e x p r e s s iv e o f h i s own contem pt and co n d u civ e t o a s i m i l a r a t t i t u d e in th e r e a d e r . Words l i k e " l i s p , ” " a f f e c t , ” " c a u g h t," and "Blues" a l l c a r r y n a t u r a l l y an u n fa v o r a b le e d i t o r i a l comment, w h ile " lu c k ily " and " b u s tlin g " c a r r y o p e n ly th e w r i t e r ' s a t t i t u d e tow ard th e "Blues" and " th e B o th e r b y s." Thus t h e o b liq u e and a p p a r e n tly i n c i d e n t a l m ention o f c e r t a i n a c t i v i t i e s n o t fou n d in a T u rk ish harem rem inds th e r ea d e r o f th o s e a c t i v i t i e s in f a s h io n a b le E n g lis h s o c i e t y ; and th e p o e t ’ s d i r e c t and i n d i r e c t d is a p p r o v a l o f them im p lie s h i s own amused contem pt 55 o f th o s e who in d u lg e i n them and b e g e ts a s i m i l a r a t t i t u d e among h i s r e a d e r s • Som etim es th e im p l ic a t i o n i s e f f e c t e d by a m etap hor, as when Pope i n The Dunciad h as th e a u th o r s p a r t i c i p a t e , d u rin g th e c o r o n a tio n c e r e m o n ie s , i n c h a t t e r i n g and b r a y in g c o n t e s t s and th u s s u g g e s t s or im p lie s t h a t th e y a r e monkeys and a s s e s . I t may r e s t in a m e c h a n ic a l d e v ic e su ch as th e q u o ta tio n marks around th e l a s t v e r s e o f th e s t a n z a above from BebbO o r th e e x c la m a tio n p o in t and dash when B yron w r i t e s , "Bob S o u th e y ’ . You’ re a p o e t — P o e t l a u r e a t e . ” These d e v ic e s co n vey th e s a t i r e by im p ly in g t h e ir o n y , th e c o n d e s c e n s io n , or sc o r n in. th e w r i t e r ' s m ind. Som etim es th e m e c h a n ic a l d e v ic e s o f d i a l e c t , o f s p e l l i n g t o r e p r e s e n t f a u l t y p r o n u n c ia t io n , or o f in c o r r e c t grammar or s p e l l i n g are em ployed to im ply t h a t th e p erso n a t t a c k e d i s i l l i t e r a t e , ig n o r a n t , v u l g a r , b o o r is h , or p r o v i n c i a l . Whether th e s a t i r i s t im p lie s by means o f p a r a l l e l s , i n c i d e n t a l u n fa v o r a b le m en tion in an u n r e la t e d c o n n e c tio n , m eta p h o rs, or m ec h a n ica l d e v i c e s , he must alw ays m a in ta in a c e r t a i n a l o o f n e s s from h i s s u b j e c t and c a l l a t t e n t i o n t o th e i n h e r e n t ly r i d i c u l o u s a s p e c t s o f h i s o b j e c t o f a t t a c k or s u b t ly convey h i s own s a t i r i c a t t i t u d e to th e r e a d e r . A s a t i r i c d e v ic e t h a t has j u s t b een s u g g e s t e d by th e e x p r e s s io n " in h e r e n t ly r i d i c u l o u s ” i s th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e . R e a l iz in g th e e s s e n t i a l a b s u r d ity o f a g iv e n p erso n or s i t u a t i o n i f v ie w e d o b j e c t i v e l y and i n p e r s p e c t i v e , th e s a t i r i s t sim p ly d e s c r ib e s f a i t h f u l l y in a l i f e s e t t i n g th e o b je c t o f a t t a c h . He hnows t h a t p e o p le o f t e n become r i d i c u lo u s b eca u se th e y f a i l to s e e th e o b v io u s i n c o n g r u i t i e s b e tw een t h e i r own warped v ie w s or b e h a v io r and th e u n i v e r s a l or cosm ic r e a l i t y ; ab sorb ed in t h e i r own s m a ll i n t e r e s t s or v ie w p o in t s , th e y f a i l to s e e th e m s e lv e s and t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s th ro u g h th e e y e s o f o th e r p e o p le . The a b s u r d ity th u s b e in g i m p l i c i t in th e v i c t i m , th e s a t i r i s t has o n ly to d e s c r ib e him o b j e c t i v e l y . Chaucer in " S ir Thopas" p r o b a b ly u s e s th e f a i t h f u l p ic t u r e d e v ic e a s w e ll a s b u r le sq u e ; Thomas Hardy u s e s i t i n h i s i r o n i c " S a t ir e s o f C ircu m stan ce;" and Sam uel B u t le r em ploys i t i n The Way o f a l l f f le s h . M a g n ific a tio n and d im in u tio n a r e methods o f t h e f a i t h f u l p ic t u r e d e v i c e , f o r t h e i r purpose i s n o t to d i s t o r t , e x a g g e r a t e , b u r le s q u e , or i n any way f a l s i f y t h e f a c t s c o n c e r n in g t h e o b j e c t o f a t t a c h , b u t o n ly t o make them more e v id e n t by m a g n if ic a t io n or p r e s e n t them more t r u l y by d im in is h in g j t h e i r s i z e so t h a t th e y a r e :p r o p e r ly p r o p o r tio n e d i n t h e i r co sm ic s e t t i n g . S w ift em ploys m a g n if ic a t io n i n "A Voyage t o Brobdingnag" a s a means o f sh ow ing mankind t h e i r b le m is h e s and o f f e n s i v e q u a l i t i e s . V o l t a i r e i n M icromegas by th e d e v ic e o f d im in u tio n shows how u n im p ortan t and p e t t y man i s from a cosm ic p o in t o f v ie w . In n e i t h e r d e v ic e i s t h e p ic t u r e d i s t o r t e d : i t i s m erely v iew ed c l o s e l y o r a t a d i s t a n c e , 37 th rou gh th e e y e s o f a f l y o r th e e y e s o f a g o d . There rem ain s y e t f o r c o n s i d e r a t io n t h e s a t i r i c d e v ic e o f d i r e c t rebuke in c o m b in a tio n w ith i t s s e v e r a l a u x i l i a r y m echan ism s. By i t s e l f d i r e c t rebuke i s n o t s a t i r e any more th a n s t r a i g h t i n v e c t i v e i s s a t i r e . The p e r so n d e l i v e r i n g th e rebuke or i n v e c t i v e i s so c l o s e t o h i s o b j e c t o f a t t a c k and so c o m p le te ly e n g r o s s e d i n t h e a t t a c k t h a t he i s in c a p a b le o f s a t i r i c a l o o f n e s s . The d i r e c t rebuke i s s a t i r i c o n ly when i t i s com bined w ith o r a id e d by some o b j e c t i f y i n g mechanism t h a t shows t h e a t t a c k e r t o be v ie w in g h i s o b j e c t s e l f - p o s s e d l y from an i n t e l l e c t u a l p e d e s t a l , w ith a l i v e l y aw aren ess o f th e i n c o n g r u i t i e s and a b s u r d i t i e s in v o lv e d . One o f th e m echanism s w h ich when com bined w ith th e d i r e c t rebuke te n d t o g i v e i t a s a t i r i c f l a v o r i s th e f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g . An e x c e l l e n t exam ple o f th e u se o f t h i s mech anism i s found i n Mae ffle c k n o e . C o n sid er th e f o l lo w in g l i n e s from t h i s poem: ... he Sh ou ld o n ly r u l e , who m ost r e se m b le s me. Sh_______ a lo n e my p e r f e c t image b e a r s , Mature i n d u l l n e s s from h i s te n d e r y e a r s : 11 W o r c e ste r , o p . c i t . . d i s c u s s e s i n v e c t i v e w e l l . He s a y s th a t th e s p e c i a l d e v ic e s or te c h n iq u e s o f i n v e c t i v e s a t i r e are th e c u r s e , when c o n s c io u s ly e x a g g e r a te d , r e s o u r c e f u l l y a m p lif ie d by w i t t y v a r i e t y and r e p e t i t i o n , and l u x u r i a n t l y em b r o id e r e d (p . 2 4 ) ; th e e p i t h e t . when h e ig h t e n e d by c o n s c io u s " b om bast, n o v e l t y , or p o l y s y l l a b i c v e r b o s ity " (p . 2 4 ) , or by th e u se o f m etaphors and s i m i l e s (p p . 2 6 - 8 ) ; . and th e ep ig ra m , w hich i s b a sed upon w it (p . 29). " I n v e c t i v e - s a t i r e i s th e d i r e c t and d i d a c t i c e x p r e s s io n o f o p i n io n , r e l i e v e d from ted iu m and bad t a s t e by com ic mechanisms" (p . 4 4 ) ; i t " . . . u s e s w it mechanism t o circu m v en t m a n k in d 's- p r e ju d ic e a g a in s t naked r a g e . D e r is io n i s th e p u rp ose o f i n v e c t i v e - s a t i r e ." (p . 4 1 ) . Sh_______ a l o n e , o f a l l my s o n s , i s lie Who s ta n d s co n firm e d i n f u l l s t u p i d i t y . The r e s t t o some f a i n t m eaning make p r e t e n s e , But Sh_______ n e v e r d e v ia t e s i n t o s e n s e . The c h i e f means by w h ich t h i s a t t a c h i s r a i s e d from th e low l e v e l o f d i r e c t rebuke or i n v e c t i v e to th e s l i g h t l y h ig h e r l e v e l o f low s a t i r e i s th e f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g , w h ich a llo w s D ryden, in s t e a d o f sp e a k in g in h i s own p e r s o n , t o p u t h i s d e n u n c ia tio n in t o th e mouth o f F le c k n o e , th e P r in c e o f th e Kingdom o f D u ln e s s . A nother a u x i l i a r y commonly em ployed i n c o m b in a tio n w it h t h e d i r e c t rebuhe t o form a s a t i r i c d e v ic e i s w i t . Som etim es w it i s e x p r e s s e d i n a f e l i c i t o u s e p i t h e t or pun or m etaphor or s i m i l e , som etim es by a d i r e c t , com p act, n e a t l y tu r n e d o b s e r v a t io n ; alw ays i t in v o lv e s an u n e x p e c te d but p at a s s e r t i o n o f an id e a or th e o u t r i g h t a s s e r t i o n or i m p l ic a t i o n o f some u n e x p e c te d and hence et am using or s t a r t l i n g l i k e n e s s or c o n t r a s t . When B yron a p p lie d to t h e l i t e r a r y s m a ll-b o r e s o f h i s day su ch e p i t h e t s a s " th e su b lim e o f m e d io c r ity ," "The e c h o ’ s ech o ," th e " w ou ld -b e w it s and c a n * t-b e g e n tlem e n ," he em ployed th e d i r e c t r e b u k e -w it c o m b in a tio n as a s a t i r i c d e v i c e . A te c h n iq u e w hich i n co m b in a tio n w ith i n v e c t i v e o r d i r e c t rebuke makes an e f f e c t i v e d e v ic e o f s a t i r e i s c o n s c io u s B ep p o . l x x i i i , l x x v i , p p . 3 6 6 -6 7 . 59 e l a b o r a t i o n , v a r i e t y , r e p e t i t i o n , e m b r o id e r y , n o v e l t y , and v e r b o s i t y ; a f f e c t e d p om p ousness, p o l y s y l l a b i c w ord s, p e r i p h r a s i s , or redundancy; th e f a c e t i o u s d e m o n stra tio n o f e r u d i t io n ; and th e l i k e . T erse i s a means o f c o n s c io u s e l a b o r a t i o n , a s i s th e R a b e la is ia n c a t a l o g u e , and c o n s c io u s e la b o r a t io n i s t h e d e v ic e u se d by P h i l i p W ylie i n th e f o l l o w in g a t t a c k upon "momism," w h ich h a s b een w id e ly u se d ; w hieh comes from h i s v i t u p e r a t i v e , p l a t i t u d i n o u s , r a th e r t ir e s o m e , and g e n e r a lly n o n - s a t i r i c book , S h i s G e n e r a tio n o f V i p e r s ; X g iv e you mom. I g iv e y o u th e d e s t r o y in g m oth er. I g iv e you h e r j u s t i c e - - f r o m w hich we have n ever rem oved th e eye b an d age. I g iv e you th e A n g e l--a n d p o in t to th e sword in her han d . I g iv e you d e a th — th e hundred m i l l i o n d e a th s th a t a re m u tte re d under Y g g d r a s il l * s a s h . I g iv e you Medusa and Stheno and B u r y a le . I g iv e you th e h a r p ie s and th e w i t c h e s , and th e F a t e s . I g iv e you th e woman in p a n t s , and th e new r e l i g i o n : s h e - p o p e r y . I g iv e you P an d ora. I g iv e you P r o s e r p in e , th e Queen o f H e l l , fh e f i v e - a n d - t e n - c e n t - s t o r e L i l i t h , t h e m other o f G ain, th e b la c k widow who i s p o is o n o u s and e a t s h er m a te, and I d e s ig n a t e a t th e b ottom o f y o u r program th e grand f i n a l e o f a l l th e soap o p e r a s: th e m other o f A m erica’ s C i n d e r e ll a . Im p ortan t enough t o be c l a s s e d as a s e p a r a t e s a t i r i c d e v ic e i s th e d i r e c t a t t a c k d e l iv e r e d w it h t h e a id o f seem i n g l y i n c i d e n t a l m echanism s t h a t s u b t ly r e v e a l th e s a t i r i c a t t i t u d e o f t h e w r it e r tow ard t h e o b j e c t o f h i s a t t a c k and th a t se r v e a s a s i g n a l to th e r e a d e r s or l i s t e n e r to assume th e same a t t i t u d e . The e f f i c a c y o f t h i s d e v ic e i s p r e d ic a t e d 1 3 P h i l i p W y lie , S h i s G en erat io n o f V i p e r s . p . 2 0 5 . 40 on th e u n i v e r s a l human im p u lse to f o llo w th e l e a d e r . By- means o f t h e s e i n c i d e n t a l m echanism s th e s a t i r i s t somehow c o n v ey s a s e n s e o f h i s s u p e r io r am usem ent, h i s r i d i c u l e , or h i s s c o r n . The se n se may he co n v ey ed hy a f a m ilia r a d d r e s s , a c o l l o q u i a l o r s la n g w ord, a j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f th e e l e v a t e d and th e r i d i c u l o u s , o f th e s e r i o u s and th e l i g h t , or o f o th e r i n c o n g r u i t i e s ; i t may he con veyed hy a fe m in in e r im e , an i n c o r r e c t p r o n u n c ia tio n as i n d ic a t e d hy r im e , a t e l e s c o p in g o f two or more words t o rim e w ith a n o th er word or comhina-. t i o n , or a s y n c o p a tio n in rhythm ; som etim es i t i s c o n v e y ed by an a n t i - c l i m a x , a pu n, a word whose u s u a l c o n n o ta t io n c a r r i e s w ith i t t h e w r i t e r ’ s a t t i t u d e ; som etim es a f a u l t y s p e l l i n g o r an e x c la m a tio n p o in t w i l l s e r v e th e p u r p o se . Always th e mechanism s e r v e s as a g r im a c e , a n u d ge, or a w ink to r e v e a l th e a u th o r ’ s s a t i r i c a t t i t u d e , h i s own d eta ch m en t, h i s own aw aren ess o f th e i m p l ic a t i o n s o f t h e s i t u a t i o n . T h is s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y d e v ic e i s em p loyed , i n a f i c t i o n a l fram ew ork, hy Byron in Don J u a n , where th e p o e t hy a v a r i e t y o f m echanism s manages t o convey a lo n g w ith h i s c r i t i c i s m s o f p e o p le and i n s t i t u t i o n s h i s own r a th e r c a r e l e s s , in d u lg e n t , am used, s c o r n f u l , s u p e r i o r , or f l i p p a n t a i r . A good in s t a n c e i s to he fou n d i n th e ’’D e d ic a tio n ” o f Don J u an . B e s id e s th e d e v ic e s o f ir o n y and d i r e c t rebuke hy means o f an e p i t h e t , th e p o e t i n t h e s i n g l e s ta n z a t h a t f o l l o w s has em ployed f o r h i s main d e v ic e th e d i r e c t a t t a c k in c o m b in a tio n 41 w ith th e s e s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y m echanism s: th e f a m i l i a r a d d r e s s , th e e x c la m a tio n p o i n t , t h e fe m in in e r im e , s y n c o p a t io n , and th e t e l e s c o p i n g o f w ords; and th e p o e t ' s s u p e r i o r , amused s c o r n b e g e ts a s i m i l a r a t t i t u d e i n th e r e a d e r . Boh S o u th ey 1 . Y o u 're a p o e t - - P o e t - l a u r e a t e , SnS r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f a l l the r a c e , A lth ou gh •t i s tr u e t h a t you t u r n 'd out a Tory a t L a s t , — you rs h as l a t e l y been a common c a s e , - - And now, my k p ic Renegade', what a r e y e t a t ? With a l l th e l a k e r s , in and o u t o f p la c e ? A nesrt o f t u n e f u l p e r s o n s , t o my eye Like " fo u r and tw e n ty B la c k b ir d s in a p y e ." 1 4 S om etim es, i n a f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g , th e d i r e c t a t t a c k i s made s a t i r i c by com paring or i d e n t i f y i n g th e o b j e c t o f a t t a c k w ith so m eth in g g e n e r a l l y r i d i c u l e d , by a t t r i b u t i n g to i t q u a l i t i e s t h a t are g e n e r a l ly r i d i c u l e d , or by c a l l i n g a t t e n t i o n t o r i d i c u l o u s t h in g s a p e r so n h a s d on e. Such com p a r is o n or i d e n t i f i c a t i o n , o f t e n e f f e c t e d by means o f a s i m i l e or m etap h or, or such a t t r i b u t i n g or p o i n t i n g out i s an i n v i t a t i o n t o t h e s p e c t a t o r s to la u g h on t h e b a s i s o f t h e i r p r e v io u s ly form ed judgm ents o f w hat i s ab su rd or r i d ic u lo u s * So i n t h e f i c t i o n a l fram ework o f The V is io n o f Judgment B yron d i r e c t l y en u m erates some o f th e i n c o n s i s t e n c i e s o f S o u th e y 's l i t e r a r y c a r e e r , th u s a t t r i b u t i n g to him q u a l i t i e s o f i n c o n s is t e n c y and fa w n in g a p o s t a s y , w h ich n a t u r a l l y evoke s c o r n f u l la u g h t e r : 14 'Pb.e Poems and P la y s o f Lord B y r o n . I l l , p . 5 . 42 He had w r i t t e n p r a i s e s o f a r e g i c i d e ; He had w r i t t e n p r a i s e s o f a l l Icings w h a tev e r; He had w r i t t e n f o r r e p u b l i c s f a r and w id e , And th e n a g a in s t them b i t t e r e r th an e v e r : For p a n t is o c r a c y he once had c r i e d A lo u d , a scheme l e s s m oral th a n 1tw as c l e v e r ; Then grew a h e a r ty a n t i - J a c o b i n — Had tu r n e d h i s c o a t — and w ou ld have t u r n 1 d h i s s k i n . He had su n g a g a in s t a l l b a t t l e s , and a g a in In t h e i r h ig h p r a is e and g lo r y ; he had c a l l ' d R e v iew in g ' t h e u n g e n tle c r a f t , ' and th e n Become a s base a c r i t i c a s e ' e r c r a w l ' d - - F ed , p a i d , and pam per'd by th e v e r y men By whom h i s muse and m orals had been m au l'd : He had w r i t t e n much b la n k v e r s e , and b la n k e r prose And more o f both th an anybody k n o w s.15 These th e n a r e th e major d e v ic e s : v e r b a l ir o n y , ir o n y o f manner, and ir o n y o f s i t u a t i o n ; b u r le s q u e , w h ich in c lu d e s parody; th e r e d u c t io ad absurdum p r o c e s s ; im p l ic a t i o n ; th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e , in c lu d in g m a g n if io a t io n and d im in u tio n ; and d i r e c t rebuke in c o m b in a tio n w ith th e f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g , w ith c e r t a i n w it v e h i c l e s , w ith c o n s c io u s e la b o r a t i o n , or w it h s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y m echanism s. One does n o t e x p e c t to f i n d t h e s e d e v ic e s u sed a lo n e and a p a r t from o t h e r s . Alw ays th e y a r e combined i n v a r y in g numbers and w it h a l l s o r t s o f major and m inor em phases in ord er t o convey th e s a t i r i c a p p e a l. An au th or may p la c e h i s w hole s a t i r e i n a f i c t i o n a l s e t t i n g and th e n employ b u r le sq u e a s a p r i n c i p a l d e v i c e , v a r y in g i t w ith i r o n y , i m p l i c a t i o n , and d i r e c t a t t a c k s o f a l l s o r t s ; and a s i n g l e l i n e o f v e r s e "The Y is io n o f Judgm ent," The Poems and P la y s o f Lord B yron J V o l. I , pp. A 52f. 43 may d e r iv e i t s s a t i r i c f o r c e from s e v e r a l d e v i c e s , w h ich ajin ost d e fy a n a l y s i s and th e p r e s^ e n c e o f w hich i s n o t ap p a r e n t a t a l l t o th e c a s u a l r e a d e r . T h is p r e lim in a r y su rv e y o f s a t i r e in g e n e r a l s u g g e s t s some o f th e t h in g s to be l o o t e d f o r in a stu d y o f t h e s a t i r e o f B i e r c e , F i r s t o f a l l th e f a v o r i t e s a t i r i c t a r g e t s must be i n v e s t i g a t e d , t h e n t h e s a t i r i c fo r m s , th e s a t i r i c t e c h n iq u e s or d e v i c e s , and th e p o s s i b l e o r i g i n s . F i n a l l y an e v a lu a t io n must be a tte m p te d . CHAPTER VI THE LITERARY CAREER OP BIERCE B e fo r e p r o c e e d in g t o a c o n s i d e r a t io n o f th e s a t i r e o f Ambrose B i e r c e i t i s n e c e s s a r y to su r v e y b r i e f l y h i s l i t e r a r y c a r e e r w ith a v iew to sh ow in g so m eth in g o f i t s g e n e r a l n a t u r e , s e p a r a t in g th e s a t i r i c from th e n o n - s a t i r i c w r i t i n g , and i n d i c a t i n g th e p a r t i c u la r m a t e r ia ls upon w hich t h i s stu d y i s to be b a s e d . When B ie r c e came to San F r a n c is c o in t h e l a t e f a l l , ^ p ro b a b ly November, o f 1 8 6 6 , he was tw e n ty -fo u r y e a r s o l d , and , a lth o u g h h i s l i t e r a r y p r o c l i v i t i e s had a lr e a d y a s s e r t e d 1 Carey M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e . A B io g r a p h y , p . 7 9 , and V in c e n t S t a r r e t t , Ambrose B i e r c e . p . 2 4 , s t a t e t h a t B ie r c e a r r iv e d in San F r a n c is c o in th e s p r in g o f 1 8 6 6 . T h is i s f a l s e . I t i s w e l l known t h a t B ie r c e made th e t r i p to C a lif o r n ia a s to p o g ra p h er f o r G en eral W . B . H azen’ s p a r ty o f i n s p e c t i o n and e x p l o r a t i o n . In a l e t t e r d a te d F eb ru a ry , 1 8 6 7 , from J e f f e r s o n B a r r a c k s , M is s o u r i, and a d d r e ss e d to th e H onorable John B id w e ll o f t h e U n ite d S t a t e s House o f R e p r e s e n t a t iv e s , G en eral Hazen a l l u d e s to h i s " o b s e r v a t io n s upon a f f a i r s i n U tah w h ile t h e r e i n O ctober l a s t [ i t a l i c s m in e j . . . The M is c e lla n e o u s Documents o f th e House o f R e p r e s e n t a t iv e s . . . . 1866-* 6 7 p. 1 . From E x e c u tiv e Documents P r in t e d b y Order o f th e House o f R e p r e s e n t a t iv e s . . . , 18HT6-* 6 7 . V o l. V l l , Document # 4 5 , p p . 1 - 7 , i t i s le a r n e d t h a t Hazen w ro te h i s o f f i c i a l r e p o r t o f t h i s t r i p a t Camp D o u g la s , U tah T e r r it o r y , O ctober 1 6 , 1 8 6 6 . F i n a l l y in h i s book Our B a r r e n L an d s. p p . 4 2 f . , Hazen w r i t e s , " In 1866 I w ent a c r o s s th e c o u n tr y w ith my own tea m s, w it h a guard o f t w e n t y - f i v e men, le a v in g Omaha in J u l y , and a r r i v i n g in S acra m en to, C a l i f o r n i a , i n Novem ber, t r a v e l i n g by th e way o f Wyoming, M ontana, Id a h o , Utah and Nevada." 45 p t h e m s e lv e s , he had p r o b a b ly n o t y e t d e o id e d to become a w r i t e r . A c co r d in g to h i s b e s t b io g r a p h er ,® B ie r c e a t t h i s tim e was c o n s id e r in g a m i l i t a r y c a r e e r , and had come to C a l i f o r n i a , a s he had gone to C o lo n , or A s p in w a ll, a f t e r t h e w ar, m erely f o r t h e e x p e r ie n c e and th e a d v e n tu r e . B ut when, s h o r t l y a f t e r h i s a r r i v a l in San F r a n c is c o , he w ent t o th e P r e s i d i o to c la im t h e new com m ission a w a it in g him t h e r e and fou n d i t t o be o n ly a s e c o n d - l i e u t e n a n c y , a f t e r h i s h a v in g s e r v e d a s a c a p t a in in th e C i v i l War and h a v in g b een b r e v e te d major f o r d i s t i n g u i s h e d s e r v i c e t h e r e i n , he a b r u p tly and d i s g u s t e d ly abandoned th e army and d e c id e d to t r y l i f e in San F r a n c is c o . B ie r c e seem s f i r s t t o have s e c u r e d work t h e r e a s a n ig h t watchman in th e U n ite d S t a t e s Su b-T reasury o f f i c e and l a t e r to have been t r a n s f e r r e d to th e U n ite d S t a t e s M in t, p r o b a b ly w ork in g th e r e t i l l Decem ber, 1 8 6 8 , a t w h ich tim e he became e d i t o r o f th e San F r a n c is c o Hews l e t t e r and C a l i f o r n ia p N ote th e c r a fts m a n s h ip and s t y l e o f th e fo u r poems and t h r e e l e t t e r s w r i t t e n d u rin g th e C i v i l War or e a r l i e r and p u b lis h e d by Carey M cW illiam s i n an A r t i c l e e n t i t l e d , "Ambrose B ie r c e and H is F i r s t Love," The Bookman (New Y o r k ), 7 5 : 8 5 4 - 9 , June and J u l y , 1 9 3 8 . In "A S i d e l i g h t on Ambrose B i e r c e ," B o o k n o te s . A u g u st-S e p tem b er , 1983 (Morse C o l l e c t i o n ) , M aurice M. F r in k r e p o r t s t h a t "A v e ry o l d man now l i v i n g says" t h a t a f t e r t h e C i v i l War B ie r c e came to E lk h a r t , I n d ia n a , f o r a v i s i t and t h a t th e y d is c u s s e d B i e r c e ' s f u t u r e . Mr. F r in k r e p o r t s th e o ld man as s a y in g t h a t B ie r c e s a i d on t h i s o c c a s io n , " I d o n ' t ’know what I'm g o in g to d o , but l a t e l y I ' v e been w r i t i n g a l i t t l e , and I g u e s s I may keep i t up." ® Carey M cW illiam s, o p . o i t .. pp . 7 9 f . 46 A d v e r t i s e r . I t was p ro b a b ly d u r in g t h e s e u n c h r o n io le d two y e a r s in B i e r c e ’ s l i f e t h a t he d e ter m in e d t o become a w r it e r and began h i s a p p r e n t ic e s h ip a s s u c h . 4 M cW illiam s s a y s , on th e t e s tim o n y o f a f e llo w -w o r k e r w it h B i e r c e , t h a t d u rin g t h i s p e r io d B ie r c e r e s o l v e d t o le a r n th e l i t e r a r y c r a f t from th e g r e a t w r i t e r s and began a d eterm in ed and s y s t e m a t ic read in g program o f th e " h e a v i e s t ” b ook s.® f e n d in g to su p p o rt t h i s r e p o r t are undocum ented a c c o u n ts o f f u g i t i v e s k e tc h e s t h a t he w rote f o r The Mews L e tte r and A d v e r t is e r and f o r th e A lt a C a l i f o r n i a . f u r t h e r e v id e n c e p o i n t in g tow ard th e t r u t h o f M cW illiam s' r e p o r t i s a c o n tin u e d a r t i c l e on "Female S u ffr a g e ," by "A. G. B .," in th e December 7 th , 1 4 t h , 2 1 s t and 2 8 t h , 1 8 6 7 , i s s u e s o f th e C a l i f o r n i a n , th o r o u g h ly un t y p i c a l o f B ie r c e in to n e and manner, b u t q u it e l i k e him in s t y l e and l o g i c . B u t beyond t h e s e t h in g s n o th in g i s known ab ou t th e develop m en t o f h i s l i t e r a r y c a r e e r d u rin g th e s e f i r s t two y e a r s in C a l i f o r n i a . In h i s new e d i t o r i a l p o s i t i o n , B i e r c e , p ro b a b ly on December 5 , to o k over "The Toxwi C rier" colu m n, w h ich r e g u la r ly o c c u p ie d a f u l l page o f two co lu m n s, ea ch t h r e e and t h r e e - 4 I b i d . . p p . 8 0 - 5 . 5 I b i d . , pp. 8 0 f f . 6 I b i d . , p . 8 5 . 47 e i g h t s in c h e s w ide by t e n in c h e s in l e n g t h , and s e t i n f i v e and o n e - h a l f p o in t ty p e * A rranged a c c o r d in g t o l e n g t h , th e f i r s t b e in g u s u a l l y about one and o n e - h a l f in c h e s lo n g and th e l a s t c o n s i s t i n g o f o n ly a l i n e o r tw o , th e ite m s o f t h i s colum n were a m ix tu r e o f s a t i r i c comments on l o c a l , n a t i o n a l , and i n t e r n a t i o n a l e v e n t s and s i t u a t i o n s h u m o r o u s p a r a g r a p h s, .^ q u o ta tio n s f o llo w e d by s a t i r i c r e p l i e s , a n d ^ m isc e lla n e o u s com m ents. Of th e s e th e s a t i r i c comments on l o c a l m u n ic ip a l, p o l i t i c a l , r e l i g i o u s , and p e r s o n a l m a tte r s were m ost common. Though th e Hews Let t e r f o r th e y e a r s 1 8 6 8 -7 2 i s e x tr e m e ly s c a r c e , one can g e t a f a i r l y good id e a o f "The Town Grier" by r e a d in g The F ie n d 1 s J )e lig h t and H uggets and Dust Panned o u t i n G a li f o r n i a (b o th London, 1 8 7 3 ) , w h ich were made up c h i e f l y o f c l i p p i n g s from B i e r c e ’ s Town O rierism s and o th e r c o n t r ib u t io n s to th e Hews L e t t e r . B e s id e s h i s "Town G rier" c o n t r i b u t i o n s d u rin g t h i s e a r ly a p p r e n t ic e s h ip p e r io d th e r e i s a s e r i e s o f w r i t i n g s known a s th e " G r iz z ly P a p e rs." These a p p eared in 1871 i n th e J a n u a ry , M arch, A p r i l , and June i s s u e s o f The O verland M onthly and were n e a r ly a l l r e p r in t e d l a t e r , i n r ea r r a n g e d o r d e r , i n The Fiend* s D e lig h t and H u g g e tts and D ust under th e g e n e r a l heads r e s p e c t i v e l y o f " Laughorism s" and "The M odel P h ilo s o p h e r . By U rsu s." The " G r iz z ly Papers" in c lu d e p r o v e r b ia l o b s e r v a t i o n s , p h i l o s o p h i c a l com m ents, rem arks upon th e f a u l t s , f a l l a c i e s , i n c o n s i s t e n c i e s , e t c . , of human 48 b e in g s and human i n s t i t u t i o n s ; e x p r e s s io n s o f p e r s o n a l t a s t e s ; and b r i e f d is c o u r s e s upon any s u b j e c t t h a t happened to s t r i k e th e a u th o r ’ s f a n c y , The ite m s ran ge in le n g t h from one t o s e v e r a l p a r a g r a p h s; th e y have no p a r t i c u l a r plan' i n t h e i r arran gem en t; and th ey may u s u a l l y be d e s c r ib e d as m in ia tu r e e s s a y s . G e n e r a lly th e y are c h a r a c t e r i z e d by w it and ic o n o c la s m , o f t e n by a f la v o r o f c y n ic is m , and som etim es by g e n e r a l s a t i r e . On December 2 5 , 1 8 7 1 , B ie r c e m a rried M olly Day, a prom inent member o f San F r a n c is c a n s o c i e t y a t t h a t tim e and d au gh ter o f C a p ta in H. H. Day, and th e two p la n n e d a w edding t r i p t o London. The "Town C r ier ” gave a fo rm a l f a r e w e l l to h i s r e a d e r s i n h i s colum n o f March 9 , 1 8 7 2 , and he and h i s w if e l e f t San F r a n c is c o s h o r t l y t h e r e a f t e r . They se c u r e d t h e i r p a s s p o r t s on A p r il 3 0 , 1 8 7 2 , and a r r iv e d i n London p ro b a b ly i n May. Here B ie r c e c o n tin u e d h i s a p p r e n t ic e s h ip by s e r v in g a s a s t a f f member o f th e w eek ly humorous p e r i o d i c a l , F u n , e d i t e d by Tom Hood, th e y o u n g e r . H is f i r s t c o n t r i b u t i o n t o t h i s p u b l i c a t i o n a p p eared on J u ly 6 , 1 8 7 2 , under th e h e a d in g "L aughorism s." The ” L aughorism s” p r e te n d ed to be b i t s o f wisdom c u l l e d from th e u n p u b lish e d works o f one D r. J o lc o p p le Spumm, and were m erely a d ozen sa r d o n ic o b s e r v a t io n s su ch as th e f o llo w in g : However r i c h a man may b e , he n eed n o t d e s p a ir o f m a rry in g , so lo n g as he c o n t in u e s s u f f i c i e n t l y o l d , and 4? h i s cou gh g o es on r e g u l a r l y . I f h i s p a r a l y s i s shows a d i s p o s i t i o n t o a s s i s t , i t i n c r e a s e s h i s c h a n g e s .' In th e n e x t i s s u e , J u ly 1 3 , he began h i s s e r i e s o f "The F a b le s o f Zam bri, The P a r s e s ,” a d o p tin g th e pen name o f Dod G r ile and p r e te n d in g to have t r a n s l a t e d them out o f th e P e r s i a n . The s e r i e s ended w it h th e i s s u e o f Septem ber 2 8 , 1 8 7 2 , f i f t y - e i g h t s h o r t f a b l e s h a v in g b een p u b lis h e d in tw e lv e i s s u e s o f th e p a p e r . On lovem b er 2 3 , 1 8 7 2 , he began "The F a b le s o f Zam bri, t h e P a r s e s . Second S e r i e s . T r a n s la t e d from th e P e r s ia n by Dod G r i l e , ” c a r r y in g th e s e r i e s o f s e v e n t y - s e v e n p r o se f a b l e s th rou gh s i x t e e n i s s u e s o f Fun t o March 8 , 1 8 7 3 . These 135 f a b l e s , a lo n g w it h some o th e r t h i n g s , w ere r e p r in t e d in Cobwebs from an Empty S k u l l , by ” Dod G r i l e , ” w h ich was p u b lis h e d b etw een Septem ber 1 3 , 1 8 7 3 , and December 20 o f th e same y e a r , p r o b a b ly ab ou t th e m iddle o f D ecem ber. S e l e c t i o n s from t h e s e f a b l e s a re t o be foun d i n th e Goldrecteai W orks. Volume V I, in th e s e c t i o n e n t i t l e d "F a b le s from 1 F u n . 1" In th e m id st o f t h e se co n d s e r i e s o f f a b l e s t h e r e a p p ea red a s h o r t anonymous t a l e e n t i t l e d " P ip e r 0 . P ec k o v e r* s F o r e ig n S u b s ta n c e ,” th e s t y l e o f w h ich s t r o n g ly s u g g e s te d ” Dod G rile" a s i t s a u th o r . Three months l a t e r , F eb ru ary 1 , 1 8 7 3 , ap p eared a n o th e r anonymous o n e-p age s t o r y , "The 7 l a S . 1 6 , N . S .: 1 3 , J u ly 6 , 1 8 7 2 . M a g ic ia n 1 a J o k e ," w h ich was one hundred p er c e n t B i e r o ia n in f l a v o r . T h e r e a ft e r s i m i l a r anonymous s t o r i e s a p p ea r e d a lm o st e v e r y week down to A u g u st, 1 8 7 4 , some b e in g u n d o u b te d ly by- B i e r c e , o t h e r s b e in g p r o b a b ly , and s t i l l o th e r p o s s i b l y by him . The r e a d e r o f Fun f i n d s p r o o f o f t h i s c o n c lu s io n when he l a t e r d is c o v e r s a t l e a s t tw e n ty -tw o o f t h e s e t a l e s r e p r in t e d in Cobwebs from an Stapty S k u l l . w h ich i s a d m itt e d ly by "Dod G r ile ." From A ugust 8 , 1 8 7 4 , to J u ly S I , 1 8 7 5 , o th e r t a l e s ap p eared i n Fun t h a t m ig h t be by B ie r c e b u t are n o t c e r t a i n l y s o . A l l t h e s e anonymous t a l e s from 1873 t o 1875 a r e in te n d e d to be h u m orou s,— and th ey a r e . Most o f them em ploy e x a g g e r a tio n as a humor d e v ic e ; some a r e w r i t t e n l i k e f a i r y t a l e s b u t a r e d e r o m a n tic iz e d or " dem oraled;" many r e l y f o r t h e i r humor on th e d e p i c t io n o f human s t u p i d i t y ; f r e q u e n t ly th e y h a n d le th e u n p le a s a n t o r gruesom e i n a c a s u a l , m a t t e r - o f - f a c t manner; g e n e r a lly th e y are th o r o u g h ly im p r e g n a te d w ith w i t . B u t, w ith o n ly two or t h r e e minor e x c e p t i o n s , th e y a re n o t s a t i r i c . In th e Septem ber 1 2 , 1 8 7 4 ,number o f Fun B ie r c e began a s e r i e s o f humorous "E ssa y s in N a tu ra l H is t o r y . By L i t t l e Johnny," w h ich p r e te n d e d to be th e c o m p o s itio n s o f a s m a ll boy and were th e f i r s t o f h i s " L i t t l e Johnny" w r i t i n g s . T hese became a f a v o r i t e ty p e o f work w ith him , an d .h e c o n t in u e d t o w r it e them o f f and on th ro u g h o u t h i s new spaper c a r e e r . Even a f t e r he went t o W ash ington, 3). C ., and began 51 w r i t i n g f o r H e a r s t Ts Hew York A m erican . he w rote e x t r a c t s from th e d ia r y o f " l i t t l e Johnny," and t h e s e ite m s were a r e g u la r Sunday f e a t u r e in t h a t paper as l a t e a s May, 1 9 0 6 . H is l a s t " l i t t l e Johnny" ap p eared t h e r e on. June 1 7 , 1 9 0 6 , and h i s l a s t new spaper ite m was p u b lis h e d J u l y 1 1 , 1 9 0 6 . In s i x t e e n numbers o f F un, from Septem ber IE t o December 2 6 , 1 8 7 4 , B ie r c e p u b lis h e d f i f t y - t h r e e o f t h e s e m i s s p e l l e d e s s a y s on s u c h s u b j e c t s a s "The B p h a le n t," "The Cammle," "The Wale," and "The P id g in ." A f te r th e c o n c lu s io n o f th e " E ssa y s i n H a tu r a l H isto ry " th e " l i t t l e Johnny" w r i t i n g s d e a lt w ith m is c e lla n e o u s s u b j e c t s , and th r o u g h o u t th e r e m ainder o f B i e r c e ' s lo n d o n y e a r s we have " l i t t l e Johnny on K in g s," " l i t t l e Johnny on S o ld ie r y ," " l i t t l e Johnny on B a b ie s ," "Addenda to l i t t l e Joh n n y’ s E ssa y s in n a t u r a l H is t o r y ," and so on a t i r r e g u la r tim e s f o r a t l e a s t tw en ty i s s u e s o f th e p a p e r . B i e r c e ' s l a s t known c o n t r ib u t io n t o gun i s " l i t t l e Johnny on th e W eather," J u ly 3 1 , 1 8 7 5 . There may have been some anonymous work o f B i e r c e ' s i n gun a f t e r t h i s d a t e , but p ro b a b ly n o t . C e r t a in ly t h e r e c o u ld n o t have b een tim e f o r much, f o r on Septem ber 2 5 , 1 8 7 5 , B ie r c e a r r iv e d i n Hew York.® "The g a b l e s o f Zam bri, th e P a r s e s ," th e humorous t a l e s , and th e " l i t t l e J o h n n / w r i t i n g s com p rise p ro b a b ly ® Carey M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e . A B io g r a p h y , p . 1 1 4 . 5Z n in e t y p er c e n t o f B i e r c e 1s c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o Fun d u rin g h i s t h r e e y e a r s on th e s t a f f o f t h a t p u b l i c a t i o n . B e s id e s t h e s e , h o w ev er, he made a number o f m is c e lla n e o u s c o n t r i b u t i o n s su ch as "The E a r ly H is to r y o f B a t h ,” ”John S m ith . An E d i t o r i a l A r t i c l e from a J o u r n a l o f May 3 r d , A. D ., 38 7 3 ," " P o o l and P h ilo s o p h e r . . ." and " B r ie f S e a so n s o f I n t e l l e c t u a l D i s s i p a t i o n ," "Why I Am Not E d it in g th e *C o w v ille S atu rd ay S t i n g e r ,' " and "A L it e r a r y R i o t , " — a l l p r im a r ily humorous* none s i g n i f i c a n t in a stu d y o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e . A lso b e lo n g in g t o h i s London p e r io d are fo u r f a n t a s t i c t a l e s c o n t r ib u t e d in 1 8 7 3 , 1 8 7 4 , 1 8 7 5 , and 1876 t o Tom H o o d 's Oomic A n n u al, a l l o f w hich a r e b a s i c a l l y works o f humor and em ploy e x a g g e r a tio n a s a humor d e v i c e . Two o f t h e s e , "A N a u t ic a l N ovelty" (1 8 7 5 ) and "Some U n u su al A dventures" ( 1 8 7 6 ) , c o n t a in i n c i d e n t a l s a t i r e upon c u r r e n t f i c t i o n . B e s i d e s w r i t i n g f o r Pun w h ile i n London, B ie r c e a l s o w r o te , f o r th e ex-S m p ress E u g e n ie , The L a n te r n , a m a g n if ic e n t ly i l l u s t r a t e d and p r in t e d m agazine t h a t ap p eared o n ly t w i c e , once on May 1 8 , 1 8 7 4 , and once on J u ly 1 5 , 1 8 7 4 . Each i s s u e c o n ta in e d e ig h t p ages (B ie r c e s a y s t w e l v e ) , e i g h t and o n e - h a l f in c h e s by e l e v e n , fo u r o f w h ich w ere d e v o te d to e x c e l l e n t d r a w in g s, p r in t e d i n s i x c o l o r s . The a r t i c l e s , s a t i r i z i n g M. R o c h e fo r t and t h in g s E n g lis h , a re p r e v a i l i n g l y i r o n i c , s a r d o n ic , and c e n s o r io u s ; and B i e r c e ' s f i r s t u se o f " P r a t t le " a s a colum n head ap p ears in t h e se co n d i s s u e . The p u rp ose o f 53 t h i s w ork, a c c o r d in g to B i e r c e , was to preem pt th e t i t l e so t h a t i t c o u ld n o t he u sed i n England by M. H enri R o c h e fo r t f o r a jo u r n a l o f h i s own t o h a r a s s th e form er e m p r e ss.9 The t h r e e books th a t b e lo n g to t h i s London p e r io d have a lr e a d y b een i n c i d e n t a l l y m en tion ed : The F len d ^ s D e lig h t (1 8 7 3 5 > N u gg ets and D ust Panned ou t i n C a l i f o r n i a 9 For f u r t h e r d e t a i l s s e e "Working f o r an Empress" i n " B its o f A u to b io g ra p h y ," C o lle c t e d W orks, 1 :3 4 9 - 5 9 . T h is i s an e x tr e m e ly r a r e b i t o f B ie r c e a n a , th e o n ly numbers o f th e m agazine known to be i n e x i s t e n c e b e in g B i e r c e ’s own s i n g l e cop y o f e a c h . These two numbers are now a t Harvard U n iv e r s i t y . A lso d u r in g t h i s p e r io d B ie r c e a lm o st c e r t a i n l y c o n t r ib u t e d to a London p e r i o d i c a l c a l l e d F ig a r o , h i s work a p p e a r in g from A ugust 2 0 , 1 8 7 3 , to a t l e a s t November 2 8 , 1 874, i n an u n sig n e d colum n c a l l e d The P a s s in g Show," a t i t l e l a t e r u sed by B ie r c e i n San F r a n c is c o . The e x c e r p t s from t h i s colum n t h a t I have read a re t y p i c a l o f "The Town C r ier " i n c o n t e n t and s t y l e . I am in d e b te d f o r t h i s i n fo r m a tio n t o M iss L i l l i a n R. B en son , o f th e Lawson M em orial L ib r a r y o f th e U n iv e r s i t y o f W estern O n ta r io , London, Canada, where i s t o be fou n d , f o r B i e r c e ’ s London y e a r s , th e o n ly f i l e o f F ig a r o known to e x i s t i n th e W estern H em isp here. P r e v io u s to M iss B e n so n ’ s s e a r c h o f t h i s p ap er f o r me no one had v e r i f i e d B i e r c e ’s rem ark in The C o l l e c t e d W orks. V o l. I , p. 3 4 9 , th a t h e was " con n ected w ith . . .F ig a r o , thou gh V in c e n t S t a r r e t t , w ith o u t c i t i n g h i s a u t h o r i t y , had a s s e r t e d in h i s Ambros e B ie r c e . A B ib lio g r a p h y , p . 9 7 , t h a t B ie r c e had " e d ite d " FlgaroT M iss B enson i n a l e t t e r d ated Septem ber 9 , 1 9 4 4 , d e s c r ib e s B i e r c e ' s colum n i n p a r t as f o l l o w s : "'The P a s s in g Show" i s a s o r t o f g o s s i p colum n w it h b i t s o f news about n a t i o n a l l y and i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y known p e r so n a g e s w it h com m ents. Some o f them seem to i n d i c a t e t h a t th e w r i t e r was an E n g lish m a n ." 54 ( 1 8 7 5 ) and Cobwebs from an Empty S k u ll (1875), a l l pub l i s h e d i n London. As h a s a lr e a d y b een s t a t e d , th e f i r s t two a r e made up o f c l i p p i n g s from B i e r c e ’ s C a l i f o r n ia w r i t i n g s up t o 1 8 7 2 , and t h e y are th e c h i e f a v a i l a b l e body o f r e m ains o f t h i s p e r io d * Cobwebs from an Empty S h e l l . composed o f Parse© F a b le s and t a l e s em p lo y in g humor o f e x a g g e r a tio n , i s made up e x c l u s i v e l y o f c o n t r i b u t i o n s to. F u n . S t a r r e t t in h i s B ib lio g r a p h y a r b i t r a r i l y g i v e s 1872 a s t h e d a te o f b o th o f t h e s e books (p p . 2 5 - 2 4 ) . Of The F ie n d 1 s D e lig h t he s p e c i f i c a l l y s t a t e s t h a t th e r e i s no d a te on t h e t i t l e p a g e , b u t he g i v e s no e v id e n c e f o r th e d a te he a r b i t r a r i l y a s s i g n s to th e b o o k . On th e o th e r hand The E n g lis h C a ta lo g u e o f B o o k s . V o l. I l l , p. 1 5 8 , g i v e s 1873 a s th e d a te o f p u b l i c a t i o n , and th e Am erican p r i n t i n g o f th e book i s d a te d 1873 on t h e L ib r a r y -o f-C o n g r e s s c a r d . F u r th e rm o re , no m en tion i s made o f The F ie n d ’ s D e lig h t i n any 1872 colum n o f "T urning over Dew L e a v e s ," an i r r e g u l a r l y a p p e a r in g c o l l e c t i o n o f c r i t i c a l c u r r e n t book n o t i c e s in F u n , th ou gh i t i s m en tion ed i n t h i s column f o r J u ly 5 , 1 8 7 3 , a s f o l l o w s : ’’The F ie n d ’ s D e lig h t (H o tte n , P i c c a d i l l y ) can n eed no f u r t h e r recom m endation to th e r e a d e r s o f Fun th a n t h a t i t i s by Dod G r i l e , and c o n t a in s some o f th e v e r y b e s t sp ec im en s o f h i s p a r t i c u l a r g e n iu s , e x t r a c t e d from Am erican jo u r n a ls" (p . 6 ) . F urtherm ore The Fiend* s D e lig h t c a r r i e s in i t s a d v e r t i s i n g s e c t i o n an a d v e r tis e m e n t o f a book e n t i t l e d N apoleon I I I . The Man o f H is Tim e. N apoleon I I I d ie d Jan u ary 9 , 18 73. That t h e N apoleon b io g ra p h y was w r i t t e n a f t e r th e em peror’ s d e a th i s n o t c e r t a i n , s i n c e th e book i s n o t a v a i l a b l e f o r e x a m in a tio n ; b u t i t seem s l i k e l y com ing ou t so n ear th e tim e o f h i s d e a th , t h a t i t i s a p o s t mortem b io g r a p h y . F i n a l l y , th ou gh he m ight have made an e r r o r w r i t i n g from memory n e a r ly tw en ty y e a r s a ft e r w a r d s , B ie r c e h i m s e l f i n " P r a t t l e ," San F r a n c is c o E xam in er. A p r i l 2 7 , 1 8 9 0 , g i v e s 1873 as t h e - d a t e o f The F ie n d 's D e l i g h t . As f o r N u ggets and D u st. S t a r r e t t a g a in i s a r b it r a r y w it h o u t c i t i n g e v id e n c e , and i s c e r t a i n l y wrong i n h i s d a te o f 1872 inasm u ch a s th e p r e fa c e t o N u ggets and D ust m en tio n s " th e s u c c e s s o f a p r e v io u s and somewhat s i m i l a r book [ .i . e . . . o f c o u r s e , The Fiend* s D e l i g h t Iby Mr. G r i l e . . . " (p . v . j . 55 By O ctober SO, 18 7 5 , B ie r c e was back i n San F r a n c is c o , f o r on O ctober S I , 1 8 7 5 , t h e r e ap p eared t h i s item i n th e A lt a C a l i f o r n i a ; Mr. A. G. B i e r c e , th e o r i g i n a l "Town C rier" o f the Hews B e tte r y e s t e r d a y "dropped up" a t th e Bohem ian C lub, and was met w ith open arms by. a crowd o f h i s o l d f r i e n d s . Mr. B ie r c e has th e d i s t i n c t i o n o f h a r in g p a id th e f i r s t c a sh f o r i n i t i a t i o n f e e s i n t o th e C lu b , and th ou gh ab s e n t so lo n g in E n g la n d , i s q u it e a t home a g a in . He i s a t th e C o sm o p o lita n w ith h i s w i f e . They e x p e c t to make q u it e a lo n g r i s i t among u s . A f te r h i s r e t u r n i t was n o t 'u n til March o f 18 77 t h a t B ie r c e a g a in became e d i t o r o f a p e r i o d i c a l in San F r a n c is c o . What he d id in t h e meantime i s a m y ste r y . On t h i s p o in t M cW illiam s c o n j e c t u r e s , "He m ight have d on e, and p r o b a b ly d id d o , a g r e a t d e a l o f f r e e - l a n c i n g . . . , b u t w h atever work he d id , i t i s b u r ie d t o -d a y in a manner t h a t w ou ld d e fy e x h u m a tio n ." -^ The n e w e st id e a on t h i s p e r io d , ad v a n ced by P a u l F a t o u t , o f Purdue U n i v e r s i t y , i s t h a t B ie r c e may have gone back t o th e U n ite d S t a t e s M int i n San F r a n c is c o . P r o f e s s o r F a t o u t , in c o n v e r s a t io n w it h th e w r i t e r , a s s e r t e d th a t he had fou n d some e v id e n c e p o i n t in g tow ard t h i s c o n c lu s io n ; h o w ev er, t h e r e s u l t s o f h i s i n v e s t i g a t io n have n o t y e t been made p u b l i c . On March 2 5 , 1 8 7 7 , th e r e ap p eared in San F r a n c is c o a new w eek ly c a l l e d The A r g o n a u t. F rank P i x l e y and F red Somers M cW illiam s, o p .c i t . . p . 1 2 0 . 56 were th e men w hose names ap p eared i n th e e d i t o r i a l box o f th e paper and who to o k c r e d i t f o r i t s s u c e e s s ; b u t th e r e a l 1 p e d i t o r , th e man who d id th e w ork, was Ambrose B i e r c e . A f e a t u r e from th e f i r s t i s s u e d was a colum n by B ie r c e c a l l e d "The P r a t t l e r , " w h ich was g e n e r a l ly i n i t i a l e d "A. G. B. "A. B . or j u s t " B W i t h th e June 9 , 1 8 7 7 , i s s u e u o f The A rgonaut t h i s head was changed m erely t o " P r a t t l e ," th e colum n head he had p r e v io u s ly u se d i n The L a n te r n , and so i t rem ain ed u n t i l i t s f i n a l ap p earan ce in th e March 1 2 , 1 8 9 9 , i s s u e o f th e San F r a n c is c o E xam in er. Throughout th e two y e a r s o f i t s r e g u la r a p p eara n ce i n The A r g o n a u t. a s d u r in g th e su b seq u e n t tw e n ty y e a r s o f i t s ap p ea ra n ce e ls e w h e r e , t h i s column c a r r ie d a r u n n in g p r o se commentary on a f f a i r s p e r s o n a l , s o c i a l , l i t e r a r y , a r t i s t i c , p o l i t i c a l , m o ra l, and r e l i g i o u s , and o f t e n i t c o n ta in e d b i t s o f s a t i r i c v e r s e . I t d e a l t p a r t i c u l a r l y w it h San F r a n c is c a n and C a lif o r n ia n m a t t e r s , bu t a l s o somewhat w ith n a t i o n a l and i n t e r n a t i o n a l a f f a i r s , and th rou gh B i e r c e ' s b e s t l i t e r a r y y e a r s " P r a ttle " was th e backbone and p r a c t i c a l l y t h e w hole body o f h i s s a t i r e . In The A rgonaut B ie r c e r e p r in t e d a number o f h i s humorous t a l e s t h a t had f i r s t app eared i n P u n : an d , b e g in n in g I 2 -McW illiams s a y s , op . c i t . , p . 1 2 2 , "W ith a lm o st th e f i r s t i s s u e , B ie r c e became v i r t u a l l y s o l e e d it o r ; " and in h i s " P r a t t le " colu m n, San F r a n c is c o Ebcaminer. A ugust 1 8 , 1 8 9 5 , B ie r c e h i m s e l f s a y s th a t he was e d i t o r th e f i r s t y e a r . 57 in J a n u a r y , 1 8 7 8 , he resum ed h i s " L i t t l e Johnny" w r i t i n g s , c h i e f l y under th e h ead s o f " L i t t l e J o h n n y 's M enagerie" and " F a b le s and A n ecd o tes by L i t t l e John ny," b u t a l s o on a few m is c e lla n e o u s t o p i c s , s u c h as " L i t t l e Johnny on In d ia n s" and " L i t t l e Johnny a t th e M e c h a n ic 's F a ir ." Here a l s o was pub l i s h e d B i e r c e ' s f i r s t bona f i d e s h o r t - s t o r y , "The N i g h t ' s D oin gs a t Deadm an's," The A r g o n a u t. D ec. 2 9 , 1 8 7 7 . N e ith e r th e humorous t a l e s nor t h e " L i t t l e Johnny" w r i t i n g s nor th e s h o r t - s t o r y , a l l o f which were in te n d e d p r im a r ily t o am use, h as s a t i r i c s i g n i f i c a n c e , th o u g h a t tim e s t h e humorous t a l e s and th e " L i t t l e Johnny" ite m s do c a r r y a v e r y l i g h t and i n c i d e n t a l s o r t o f r i d i c u l e . Of th e t e r m in a t io n o f B i e r c e ' s c o n n e c tio n w ith The A rgonaut M cW illiam s w r i t e s , B ie r c e c e a s e d w r i t i n g f o r The A rgonaut i n A p r il o f 1 8 7 9 , and was a b s e n t from th e o f f i c e u n t i l November o f t h a t y e a r . T h is c o in c i d e s w it h th e c ir c u m s t a n c e s , f o r B ier ce * s copy d is a p p e a r e d from The A rgonaut in May o f 1 8 7 9 . There w ere a few ite m s th r o u g h o u t t h e summer; and a s e r i e s o f " F a b le s and A n ecdotes" and " L i t t l e Johnny" ap p e a r e d on O ctober 1 1 , 1 8 7 9 , but i t i s a p p aren t t h a t t h i s was copy w h ich had b een l e f t a t the o f f i c e . From o th e r r e c o r d s w hich B ie r c e l e f t w ith h i s d a u g h te r , i t a p p ea rs t h a t d u r in g th e summer o f 1879 he was i n t e r e s t e d i n th e p rom otion o f s e v e r a l m in in g co m p a n ie s. There a re s e v e r a l l e t t e r s from 0 . C. M i l l e r , an o ld f r i e n d , w ritterj/d u rin g A ugust o f 1 8 7 9 , i n d i c a t i n g t h a t B ie r c e was a s s o c i a t e d , i n some m anner, w ith th e C a r rie S t e e l e M in in g Company, a lo n g w ith M ille r and s e v e r a l o th e r San F r a n c is c a n s . What happened a f t e r B ie r c e r e tu r n e d to t h e o f f i c e o f The A rgonaut i n t h e f a l l o f 1 8 7 9 , may be r e l a t e d by Mr. H a r t. "About t h i s tim e B ie r c e grew much e x c i t e d over 58 th e t a l k o f g o ld m ines in th e B la c k H i l l s , th e n throw n open "by th e U .S . Government t o m in ers and s e t t l e r s . . . . He r e s i g n e d from The Argonau t s t a f f ; I t h in k t h i s was in th e s p r in g o f 1 8 8 0 .1 3 ” M cW illiam s a s s e r t s in a f o o t n o t e t o t h i s q u o t a t io n t h a t he se c u r e d th e in fo r m a tio n by l e t t e r d i r e c t l y from H art h i m s e l f . J u s t when B ie r c e l e f t th e A rgonaut o f f i c e , h o w ev er, when he r e tu r n e d , and when he r e s i g n e d a r e h a r d ly t o be de te r m in e d by t h e r e c o l l e c t i o n s o f an A rgonaut s t a f f member n e a r ly f i f t y y e a r s a f t e r t h e e v e n t . Human memory i s n o t so r e l i a b l e . The b e s t e v id e n c e o f B i e r c e ' s l i t e r a r y r e l a t i o n s h ip s w it h The A rgonaut f o r y e a r s 1879 and 1880 i s t o be found in th e f i l e s o f The A rgonaut i t s e l f . Here one f i n d s t h a t B i e r c e ' s " P r a ttle " and h i s " P a b les and A n e c d o te s . By l i t t l e Johnny" a p p ea red r e g u l a r l y i n 1879 up t o th e June 7 i s s u e , when th e y su d d en ly d is a p p e a r e d . H o th in g known t o be by B ie r c e app eared th e n u n t i l O ctober 11 o f t h e same y e a r , when th e r e was p u b lis h e d a " P a b le s and A n e c d o t e s . By L i t t l e Johnny." The n e x t t h i n g in t h e paper known t o be by B ie r c e i s a b r i e f a n ti-O h r is tm a s l e t t e r a d d r e ss e d to th e e d i t o r o f The Argonaut in th e December 27 i s s u e . The f a c t t h a t i t i s p r in t e d as a b i t o f r e a d e r c o rr esp o n d en ce and th e f a c t th a t i t i s j u s t th e s o r t o f p a ragrap h B ie r c e would p u t in h i s c o lu m n .if he w ere w r i t i n g o n e, and th e f a c t t h a t n o t a n o th e r I b i d . . p . 1 4 4 . 59 B ie r c e ite m , sa v e two " L i t t l e J o h n n y s," one on A p r il 2 4 , 1 8 8 0 , th e o th e r on F ebruary 1 2 , 1 8 8 1 , a p p ea rs in The A rgonaut d u r in g a l l o f 1880 and th e f i r s t h a l f o f 18 81— t h e s e t h in g s i n d i c a t e t h a t B ie r c e had i n f a c t te r m in a te d h i s c o n n e c tio n w it h The A rgonaut i n May o f 1879 i n s t e a d o f th e f o l l o w i n g s p r i n g . In b r i e f r e c a p i t u l a t i o n , t h e n , one may sa y t h a t B ie r c e l e f t The A rgonaut a t t h e end o f May, 1 8 7 9 , and t h a t d u r in g th e n e x t two y e a r s o n ly fo u r p i e c e s o f work ap p eared in t h a t p u b l i c a t i o n : t h r e e " L i t t l e Johnny" ite m s on O ctober 1 1 , 1 8 7 9 , A p r i l 2 4 , 1 8 8 0 , and F eb ru ary 1 2 , 1 8 8 1 , and one b r i e f l e t t e r a d d r e ss e d t o th e e d i t o r o f th e paper as th ou g h th e w r it e r were m erely a c o r r e s p o n d in g s u b s c r i b e r . B e fo r e l e a v i n g B i e r c e ’ s A rgonaut p e r io d m en tio n s h o u ld b e made o f two books o f d is p u te d a u th o r s h ip t h a t b e lo n g t o t h e s e y e a r s . They are The Dance o f D eath by " W illia m Herman," w h ich came ou t b e fo r e June 2 3 , 1 8 7 7 , and p ro b a b ly o n ly v e r y s h o r t l y b e fo r e t h a t d a t e ; and The Dance o f L if e . by "Mrs. D r. J . M ilto n B ow ers," w h ich was p u b lis h e d as a r e p ly t o th e f i r s t book som etim e b e fo r e Septem ber 2 9 , 1 8 7 7 , a t w h ich tim e B ie r c e acknow ledged r e c e i p t o f a c o p y . The Dance o f D eath i s a s t r a i g h t - f a c e d con d em n ation o f t h e w a l t z , w r i t t e n as a p r a c t i c a l jo k e and ab u sed and d efen d ed by i t s p e r p e t r a t o r s in th e n e w s p a p e r s; The Dance o f L if e i s a s p i r i t e d d e fe n s e o f th e w a ltz w r i t t e n in r e p ly t o th e a t t a c k . S in c e i t i s d o u b t fu l t h a t B ie r c e w rote e i t h e r o f 6(5 t h e s e h o o k s, n e i t h e r w i l l he c o n s id e r e d in t h i s s tu d y o f h i s s a t i r e . 1^a A lso b e lo n g in g to th e A rgonaut p e r io d i s B i e r c e ' s "On w it h th e D ance," w h ich appeared o v er th e pen name o f "B ashi B a z o u k ," and "A Monument t o Adam."l&b On th e a u t h o r it y o f th e p r e v io u s l y m en tioned l e t t e r t h a t h e r e c e iv e d from Jerome H. H a rt, M cW illiam s s t a t e s th a t when B ie r c e r e tu r n e d from h i s B la c k H i l l s g o ld m in in g a d v e n tu r e i n D ecem ber, 18 8 0 , he was r e fu s e d reem ploym ent on The A rgonaut b e c a u se " h is p r o lo n g e d a b se n c e proved t h a t he was n o t i n d is p e n s a b l e . . . ;" h e sa y s fu r t h e r t h a t , d u rin g th e in t e r im b etw een h i s r e tu r n from th e B la c k H i l l s and h i s employment on The Wasp, B ie r c e f r e e - l a n c e d f o r a w h il e , 14 a For i n t e r e s t i n g comments upon th e a u th o r s h ip and c o n t e n t o f t h e s e works s e e S t a r r e t t ' s Ambrose B i e r c e , A B ib lio g r a p h y , pp. 2 8 -3 4 ; two l e t t e r s i n th e Morse C o l l e c t i o n from B ie r c e to C h a r le s D e x te r A l l e n , d a ted S e p t. 2 7 and O ct. 2 5 , 1 9 1 1 , p r in t e d from th e o r i g i n a l s , and e n c lo s e d in a m a n ila e n v e lo p e b e a r in g a p r in te d l a b e l C o n ta in g Four Ambrose B ie r c e L e t t e r s ; " P r a t t l e ," i n th e 1877 A rgon au ts o f June 2 3 , June 3 0 , J u ly 1 4 , S e p t. 2 2 , S e p t. 2 9 , and O ct. 6 ; and " P r a ttle " i n th e San F r a n c is c o Exam iner o f Feb. 3 , 1888, i n w h ich B ie r c e c o n f e s s e s th e work to have b een a "m onstrous j o k e ." 14b (jfoQ form er o f t h e s e p i e c e s was f i r s t p u b lis h e d i n th e C a l i f o r n ia n 1 : 1 5 4 - 6 0 , 2 6 3 -7 4 , Feb. and M arch, 1 8 8 0 , and was r e p r in t e d w ith c e r t a i n d e l e t i o n s i n The C o lle c t e d W orks, 8 :2 6 5 -3 4 0 ; th e l a t t e r was p u b lis h e d in th e same p e r i o d i c a l , l : 9 2 f , J a n ., 1 880. 61 IS w r i t i n g o c c a s i o n a l l y f o r The C a l l * Then in J a n u a r y , 1 8 8 1 , he began w r i t i n g f o r The I l l u s t r a t e d Wasp, and p u b lis h e d " P r a t t l e ” t h e r e i n a s a r e g u la r f e a t u r e from March 5 , 1 8 8 1 , t o May 2 8 , 1 8 8 6 . Here as i n The A rgonaut " P r a t t le " c o n t a in s th e main body o f h i s s a t i r e . B e s id e s t h i s colum n, h ow ever, B ie r c e c o n t r ib u t e d a good d e a l o f m is c e lla n e o u s v e r s e t o The Wasp. g e n e r a l ly i n i t i a l e d and o f t e n s a t i r i c . Then, i r r e g u l a r l y , from March 5 , 1 8 8 1 , t o A ugust 1 4 , 1 8 8 6 , he ra n i n t h i s paper h i s " D e v i l ' s D ic t io n a r y ," a f e a t u r e t h a t was more c y n i c a l and sa r d o n ic th an s a t i r i c . B ie r c e d id n o t b e g in t h i s f e a t u r e in The Wasp, but m erely c o n tin u e d in a s u p e r io r manner th e "W asp's Im proved W ebster i n Ten Cent D o s e s ," w h ich had b een begun by S alm i Morse on A ugust 7 , 1 8 8 0 , and c o n tin u e d th r o u g h F eb ru ary 2 6 , 1 8 8 1 . When B ie r c e t o o k i t o v er on March 5 , 1 8 8 1 , he ch an ged th e name and began a g a in w it h th e A * s. He c o n tin u e d th e D ic tio n a r y r e g u la r ly from th e f i r s t th r o u g h th e i s s u e o f May 2 0 , 1 8 8 1 , and t h e r e a f t e r p u b lis h e d i t ir-? r e g u l a r l y , o f t e n a l t e r n a t i n g i t w ith " L i t t l e Johnny" i t e m s . By t h e end o f 1881 B i e r c e had g o t th r o u g h th e word " D ecid e;" a y e a r l a t e r he had f i n i s h e d th r o u g h th e word " E ffe r o u s;" a n o th e r y e a r g o t him th r o u g h th e S ' s ; and th e d e s u lt o r y 15 M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e . A B io g r a p h y , pp. 1 5 0 - 4 . 62 p r o g r e s s o f t h e D ic t io n a r y th r o u g h t h e y e a r s 1 8 8 4 -1 8 8 6 saw i t c o m p le te d th r o u g h " l i c k s p i t t l e " a t th e tim e o f i t s l a s t ap p earan ce on A u gust 1 4 , 1 8 8 6 . In 1906 t h e s e Wasp d e f i n i t i o n s p lu s some a d d i t i o n a l o n e s th rou gh th e l e t t e r 1 w ere b r o u g h t t o g e t h e r and pub l i s h e d i n b ook form a s The O ynicr s Word B o o k . T h is t i t l e was u se d b e c a u se th e p u b lis h e r s th o u g h t t h a t B i e r c e ' s t i t l e , "The D e v i l ' s D ic tio n a r y ," was so i r r e v e r e n t t h a t i t w ou ld i n t e r f e r e w ith th e s a l e s o f th e b o o k . ^ Then i n 1911 The Oynic* s Word B o o k , w ith a d d i t i o n a l d e f i n i t i o n s f o r th e l e t t e r s M t o Z , was p u b lis h e d as The D e v i l ' s D ic tio n a r y and became Yolume Y II o f th e C o l l e c t e d W orks. " l i t t l e Johnny" made a few a p p e a r a n c e s i n The Wasp, b u t a s i n Fun and The A r g o n a u t, was b a s i c a l l y humorous and o n ly o c c a s i o n a l l y s a t i r i c , and th e n o n ly i n a v e r y i n c i d e n t a l and e x c e e d in g ly m ild m anner. In The Wasp ap p eared a l s o th e a u t o b io g r a p h ic a l n o t e s a r t i c l e s "What I saw o f S h ilo h " and "How I Worked f o r an E m press," and h e r e to o were p u b lis h e d more s h o r t s t o r i e s . Hone o f th e s e t y p e s o f work i s im p o r ta n t as s a t i r e . D o u b tle s s B ie r c e p u b lis h e d a l s o a g r e a t d e a l o f anonymous e d i t o r i a l w r i t i n g in The Wasp. some o f w h ich can c e r t a i n l y be i d e n t i f i e d and a g r e a t d e a l o f w hich can be c o n f i d e n t l y g u e s s e d a t . Of t h i s u n sig n e d m a t e r ia l B ie r c e ^ Ib id .* » P* 209* 63 on ce w ro te a s f o l l o w s to a c o r r e sp o n d e n t: I do n o t " g e n e r a lly 1 1 s i g n m y s e lf "B. " n or a n y th in g . Alw ays when I have th e v a n it y to th in k my work o f s u f f i c i e n t im p o rta n ce to p rovok e p u b l i c r e s e n tm e n t o r p r i v a t e r e t a l i a t i o n , I append my f u l l name. 1 7 By J u ly 1 8 , 1 8 8 5 , The Wasp had b een s o l d to B i e r c e ' s o ld enemy, C o lo n e l J. P. Jack son . B ie r c e c o n tin u e d to w r it e " P r a ttle " f o r th e new owner u n t i l May 2 2 , 1 8 8 6 , th e n w ro te anonym ously u n t i l p r o b a b ly O ctob er 2 3 , 1 8 8 6 . He was c e r t a i n l y o f f The Wasp s t a f f by Decem ber. F or a tim e B ie r c e seem s to have sto p p e d w r i t i n g ; th e n on March 2 7 , 1 8 8 7 , " P r a tt le " made i t s f i r s t ap p earan ce in th e San F r a n c is c o E x am in er, where i t became a r e g u la r f e a t u r e o f th e Sunday e d i t o r i a l p a g e . B e s id e s " P r a ttle " t h e r e som etim es ap p eared i n th e Exam iner " F ab les and A n e c d o te s ," " F a b les o f th e P e r io d ," " F a b les and A l l e g o r i e s , " " T o p ic a l F a b le s ," " F a b les o f th e D ay," " F a b les w ith o u t M o ra ls," e t c . , t h a t were s a t i r i c ; o c c a s i o n a l l y t h e r e was a " L i t t l e Johnny" t a l e , humorous as a r u l e ; th e n t h e r e w ere a few book r e v ie w s and a t t a c k s upon c u r r e n t p e r s o n a l i t i e s and f a d s ; and t h e r e was th e s p e c i a l h a n d lin g o f o th e r m a tte r s o f c u r r e n t i n t e r e s t , some o f w h ich were n o t s a t i r i c . There was a m o c k - h i s t o r i c a l e s s a y e n t i t l e d "The F a l l o f th e R e p u b lic . An A r t i c l e From a 'C ourt J o u r n a l' 17 " p r a t t l e ," Wasp, May 3 1 , 1884. 64 o f ' th e T h i r t y - F i r s t C e n tu ry , ”i 8 w h ich was a s a t i r i c a t t a c k upon th e r e p u b lic a n form o f govern m en t, th e p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f , and th e w a r fa r e b e tw e en c a p i t a l and la b o r and w h ic h , u s in g th e r e t r o s p e c t i v e d e v ic e and a p p e a r in g on March 2 5 , 1 8 8 8 , o n ly th r e e m onths a f t e r th e p u b l i c a t i o n o f Edward B e lla m y 's L ook in g Back w ard , may have b een w r i t t e n b y B ie r c e a s an a n t id o t e f o r and a s a t i r e upon th e op tim ism o f B e lla m y 's book. A lso among h i s Ex am iner w r i t i n g s o f t h i s p e r io d w ere s i x s a t i r i c f i c t i o n a l t r a v e l n a r r a t i v e s , w h ic h , w ith c e r t a i n a d d it io n s and r e v i s i o n s , w ere p u b lis h e d i n h i s C o l l e c t e d W orks, Volume I , under th e t i t l e , ’’The Land Beyond th e B lo w .” In 1896 B ie r c e w ro te h i s fam ous e x p o su r e s o f th e r a i l r o a d o g r e , C o l l i s P. Hun t i n g t o n , and d u rin g th e S p a n ish -A m erica n War he w r o te h i s ’’War T o p i c s .” In 1898 he came o u t w it h a few ’’New 'Im a g in a ry C o n v e r s a t io n s '” and l a t e r , as h i s f i g h t i n g s p i r i t w e a r ie d , he abandoned ’’P r a t t l e , ” w h ich app eared l a s t on March 1 2 , 1 8 9 9 , and s u b s t i t u t e d f o r i t a new colum n, ’’The P a s s in g S h ow ,” w h ich was r e a l l y th e o ld colum n tamed and renamed. Then, t o o , d u rin g th e y e a r s from 1887 to 1899 t h e r e w ere a good many s h o r t - s t o r i e s and a number o f h i s t o r i c a l w r i t i n g s on th e C i v i l War. Among a l l t h e s e m is c e lla n e o u s w r i t i n g s th e c h i e f s o u r c e s o f s a t i r e a re th e f a b l e s , th e s c a t t e r e d c u r r e n t a t t a c k s o f a l l k in d s , th e p s e u d o - h i s t o r i c a l and f i c t i o n a l t r a v e l n a r r a t i v e s , th e H u n tin g to n e x p o s u r e s , th e ’’War T o p i c s , ” 1 8 V ide i n f r a , p. 349. 65 th e "New 'Im a g in a ry C o n v e r s a tio n s , 1 " and ’’The P a s s in g Show. ' 1 D u rin g th e E xam iner p e r io d , from 1887 t o 1899 i n c l u s i v e , B ie r c e p u b lis h e d t h e s e b o o k s: T a le s o f S o l d i e r s and C i v i l i a n s ( 1 8 9 1 ) , a c o l l e c t i o n o f tw e n ty s h o r t - s t o r i e s ; The Monk and th e Hangman' s D au gh ter ( 1 8 9 2 ) , w h ic h , i n c i d e n t a l l y , was t r a n s l a t e d from th e German b y G ustav A dolph D a n z ig e r and o n ly b a r e ly to u c h e d e d i t o r i a l l y by B i e r c e B la c k B e e t l e s i n Amber ( 1 8 9 2 ) , a c o l l e c t i o n o f h i s s a t i r i c v e r s e ; In th e M id st o f L i f e ( 1 8 9 2 ) , a London e d i t i o n o f T a le s o f S o l d i e r s and C i v i l ia n s , th e s t o r i e s b e in g th e same bu t a rra n g ed i n a s l i g h t l y d i f f e r e n t o r d e r ; Can Such T h in gs Be? ( 1 8 9 3 ) , a c o l l e c t i o n o f s h o r t - s t o r i e s d e a lin g w it h th e m y s t e r io u s , th e w e ir d , and th e su p e r n a t u r a l; T a le s o f S o l d i e r s and C i v i l i a n s ( 1 8 9 5 ) , an A m erican r e p r i n t o f th e o r i g i n a l e d i t i o n ; I n th e M idst o f L i f e ( 1 8 9 8 ) , a new e d i t i o n o f T a le s o f S o l d i e r s and C i v i l i a n s c o n t a in in g t h r e e s t o r i e s n o t in c lu d e d i n th e p r e v io u s e d i t i o n s ; and Fan t a s t i c F a b le s (1 8 9 9 ) . Hone o f th e s e books e x c e p t B la c k B e e t l e s i n Amber and F a n t a s t i c F a b le s i s im p o r ta n t a s s a t i r e . N e it h e r i s t h e r e any s a t i r e i n th e s e v e r a l c o n t r ib u t io n s by B ie r c e dur i n g t h i s p e r io d to books g o t o u t by o t h e r p e o p le : h i s ’’A Man o f L e t te r s ,* ' a memoir o f T. H. R eard en , i n P e tr a r c h and O ther E ss a y s ( 1 8 9 3 ) , by T. H. R earden; and h i s s k e t c h , " Joaq u in M i l l e r ," and poem, " I n v o c a t io n ," i n The S to r y o f th e F i l e s ( 1 8 9 3 ) , e d i t e d b y E l l a S t e r l i n g Cummins. - 1 -® S e e Frank M onaghan's "Ambrose B ie r c e and t h e Au th o r s h ip o f The Monk and th e Hangman' s D a u g h te r ," A m erican L i t e r a t u r e , 2 Y 3 3 7 -4 9 , Jan u ary, 1531. B i e r c e ’ s j o u r n a l i s t i c a c t i v i t i e s from 1900 t o the end o f h i s l i f e have n e v e r h e e n c a r e f u l l y r e p o r t e d , th e r e a s o n p ro b a b ly b e in g t h a t th e n ew sp ap ers upon w h ich an a c co u n t o f t h i s p e r io d must be b a s e d a r e e x c e e d in g ly r a r e , and f o r th e m ost p a r t a r e l o c a t e d e a s t o f th e M i s s i s s i p p i R i v e r . About th e m ost t h a t anyone h as b e e n a b le t o sa y h a s b e e n t h a t dur in g t h i s tim e h i s w r i t i n g s a p p ea red i n H e a r s t 1 s Hew York A m erican and h i s Hew Y ork J o u r n a l, b oth d a i l i e s , th e J o u r n a l h a v in g b een p r i n t i n g more or l e s s o f h i s s t u f f s i n c e as. e a r l y _ 19 a s O cto b er , 1 8 9 8 ; t h a t h i s w r i t i n g d u r in g t h i s p e r io d was p r in t e d i n t h e San F r a n c is c o E xam iner. th ou gh t h e r e i s no s u g g e s t io n o f how much; and t h a t from 1905 t o 1909 he w rote f o r H e a r s t 1 s C o sm o p o lita n M agazin e. Around t h e framework o f t h e s e g e n e r a l s t a te m e n ts t h e r e i s a patchw ork o f m i s s t a t e m e n ts, f a l s e i m p l i c a t i o n s , and vague g e n e r a l i z a t i o n s , a s w e l l a s a number o f g a p in g h o l e s , w hich a l l t o g e t h e r g iv e one a s e r i o u s l y in c o m p le t e , d i s t o r t e d , and hazy id e a o f th e r e a l body o f B i e r c e ’ s work d u r in g t h i s l a s t p e r io d o f h i s l i f e . In Decem ber, 1 8 9 9 , B i e r c e l e f t San F r a n c is c o perma n e n t ly f o r th e E a s t , g o in g f i r s t to Hew Y ork, w here he sp e n t 2 0 a few days w it h h i s so n X e ig h , th e n p r o c e e d in g e a r l y in Jan u ary t o W ash in gton , D. C ., w h en ce, on J a n u a ry 9 , he i s s u e d I 9 M cW illia m s, o p . c i t • , p . 2 5 9 . I b i d . . p . 2 6 1 . 67 th e f i r s t a r t i c l e o f h i s new a s s ig n m e n t. Though th e r e i s p r o b a b ly no fo rm a l sta te m e n t in e x i s t e n c e r e g a r d in g th e n a tu r e o f t h i s new p o s i t i o n , i t i s e v id e n t from what B ie r c e w ro te and th e way h i s w r i t i n g s w ere h a n d led th a t he was t o w r i t e a s he saw f i t , w e e k ly or d a i l y , a r e g u la r colum n or m is c e lla n e o u s a r t i c l e s , and t h a t th e m a te r ia l was to be s y n d ic a te d f o r th e H e a r st n ew sp ap ers: th e Hew York A m erican , th e Hew York J o u r n a l, and th e San F r a n c is c o E xam iner. B eca u se o f th e s c a r c i t y o f th e f i l e s o f th e New York J o u r n a l and b e c a u se o f th e im p e r fe c t c o n d it io n o f th o s e t h a t do e x i s t , i t i s d i f f i c u l t i f n o t im p o s s ib le to w r it e a com p l e t e h i s t o r y o f B i e r c e ' s work i n t h a t new sp ap er. H ow ever, a f t e r W illia m Randolph H e a r st a c q u ir e d th e J o u r n a l on Septem ber 2 5 , 1 8 9 5 , i t &a s b een e s t a b l i s h e d t h a t B i e r c e ' s work app eared t h e r e i n a t l e a s t a s e a r l y a s J u ly 2 0 , 1896 . 2- 1 - P h i l i p F a lc o , o f th e Newspaper D i v i s i o n o f th e New York P u b lic L ib r a r y , and M iss Ruth H. D a v is , o f th e S t a t e H i s t o r i c a l S o c i e t y o f W isc o n sin , h a v e made a c a t a l o g f o r me o f B i e r c e ' s w r i t i n g s in th e New York J o u r n a ls a t t h e i r r e s p e c t i v e l i b r a r i e s . The New York f i l e b e g in s w it h J u l y , 1 8 9 6 , and runs on p a s t 1900; th e W is c o n s in S t a t e H i s t o r i c a l L ib r a r y f i l e runs from Septem ber 9 , 1 8 9 6 , to A p r il, I 8 9 8 , and from November to Decem ber, i n c l u s i v e , 1 8 § 8 , w it h th e i s s u e s o r e d i t o r i a l p ages m is s in g f o r O ctob er 1 4 , November 2 0 , and December 2 2 -3 1 , I 8 9 6 ; f o r January 1 , F eb ru ary 2 1 , March 1 , May 1 , June 2 9 , J u ly 1 , A ugust 6 - 7 , 1 4 , 2 1 , Septem ber 1 , November 1 , 1897; and f o r F eb ru ary 2 7 , A p r il 2 2 , and December 4 , 2 9 , I 8 9 8 . S in c e Mr. F a lc o d id n o t c h e c k th e i s s u e s m is s in g i n th e W isc o n sin f i l e s , t h e r e may be so m e th in g by B ie r c e i n them . My own i n v e s t i g a t i o n o f th e J o u r n a l i s l im i t e d to i s s u e s o f J u ly 1 4 , I 8 9 6 , and March 1 3 , 1 8 9 8 , a t th e K ansas S t a t e H i s t o r i c a l S o c i e t y , T opeka, and t h o s e from A p r il 1 , 1 9 0 4 , to th e end o f h i s new spaper c a r e e r , a t th e Los A n g e le s P u b lic L ib r a r y . 68 From th a t tim e t i l l 190G some o f B i e r c e ' s Exam iner w r i t i n g s a p p ea red s p o r a d i c a l l y i n th e J o u r n a l, a t l e a s t t e n i n 1 8 9 6 , a t l e a s t e l e v e n in 1 8 9 7 , a t l e a s t one i n 1 8 9 8 , and a t l e a s t f o u r t e e n i n 1 8 9 9 . Then a f t e r B ie r c e moved t o W ash in gton , th e J o u r n a l c a r r ie d h i s colum n r e g u la r ly t i l l A p r il 2 9 , 1 9 0 0 , and p r o h a h ly t i l l a b o u t th e end o f 1 9 0 2 , f o r i n a l e t t e r t o G eorge S t e r l i n g w r i t t e n from th e J o u r n a l o f f i c e , O ctober 2 1 , 1 9 0 2 , B ie r c e s a y s , " I don’ t know i f a l l my ’ J o u r n a l' work 2 2 g e t s i n t o th e 'E xam in er' . . . . ” I t i s c e r t a i n t h a t by A p r il 1 , 1 9 0 4 , B i e r c e ’ s w ork had c o m p le te ly and p erm an en tly d is a p p e a r e d from th e J o u r n a l. sa v e f o r t h e Sunday i s s u e s , w h ich were m erged w it h th e Am erican and c a l l e d th e Hew York Am erican and J o u r n a l. In th e Hew Y ork A m erican , a l s o owned by H e a r s t , B i e r c e ’ s w r i t i n g s f i r s t ap p eared on Jan u ary 1 4 , 1 9 0 0 , and ran r a th e r s t e a d i l y t i l l J u ly 1 1 , 1 9 0 6 , when he gave up h i s new s paper w ork. The San F r a n c is c o Exam iner and th e A m erican con t a i n p r a c t i c a l l y a l l o f th e new spaper w ork a f t e r 1 9 0 0 . M eanwhile o th e r H e a r st new sp ap ers were s p r in g in g u p . The O hicago Am erican came i n t o e x i s t e n c e i n 1 9 0 0 , th e O hicago Examiner and th e Los A n g e le s Exam iner i n 1 9 0 2 , and t h e B o sto n A m erican i n 1 9 0 4 . These p ap ers u se d th e s y n d ic a te d a r t i c l e s w r i t t e n by B i e r c e , o f c o u r s e a c c o r d in g t o t h e i r own t a s t e and 22 B e r th a O lark P o p e . The L e t t e r s o f Ambrose B i e r c e . p . 7 9 . c o n v e n ie n c e * In a l l th e p a p er s th e a r t i c l e s ap p eared on th e e d i t o r i a l p age or in th e e d i t o r i a l s e c t i o n . When th e y were i l l u s t r a t e d , a s w it h th e " l i t t l e Johnny" s t o r i e s , t h e i l l u s t r a t i o n s were alw ays th e sam e• Even th e ty p e i n w h ich h i s f e a t u r e — and a l l f e a t u r e s - - w a s s e t was t h e same i n a l l th e Sunday p a p e r s . B i e r c e ' s work f o r th e H ea rst c h a in a f t e r 1900 was v e r y much l i k e t h a t done by him f o r t h e San f r a n c i s o o Exam iner from 1896 t o 1 9 0 0 . Im m ed ia tely a f t e r h i s a r r i v a l i n W ash in gton , D . 0 . , he w r o te th r e e or f o u r m is c e lla n e o u s f e e l e r s , th e n resum ed "The P a s s in g Show" w h o le h e a r te d ly and ‘ f o r a f u l l y e a r d e v o te d h i m s e l f t o i t w ith h a r d ly an o m is s i o n . Then a f t e r January 2 7 , 1 9 0 1 , "The P a s s in g Show" was dropped, n o t t o b e r e v i v e d u n t i l December 1 3 , 1 9 0 3 , a f t e r w h ich d a te i t ran th r o u g h A p r i l 3 , 1 9 0 4 , and l a t e r a p p ea red i n s e v e n c o n s e c u t iv e i s s u e s o f th e C o sm o p o lita n , b e g in n in g w ith Decem ber, 1 9 0 5 . Erom Jan u ary 2 7 , 1 9 0 1 , t o December 1 3 , 1 9 0 3 , t h e r e were s t i l l more " l i t t l e Johnny" s t o r i e s , more f a b l e s , l i t e r a r y c r i t i c i s m , and c o n v e r s a t i o n s , and a p e r f e c t v a r i e t y s t o r e o f m is c e lla n e o u s c u r r e n t c r i t i c i s m . T h^period from A p r i l , 1 9 0 4 , t o th e end o f h i s c a r e e r c o n ta in e d an abundance o f " l i t t l e Johnny" t a l e s , more f a b l e s , more l i t e r ary c r i t i c i s m , more c r i t i c a l n o t i o n s , a c o n s id e r a b le r e v i v a l o f th e o ld " D e v i l ' s D ic tio n a r y " under a new name, "The C y n ic 's D ic t io n a r y ," a n h i s t o r i c a l s a t i r e o f c u r r e n t A m erica , 70 s a t i r i c m anu factu red s o l i l o q u i e s and q u o t a t io n s from im p o r ta n t c o n te m p o r a r ie s , a few ’’View l e t s , fl and a t l e a s t a new head f o r a n o th e r r e v i v a l o f th e o ld m is c e lla n e o u s colu m n, ’’The V iew s o f O n e ,” w h ich b egan on January 2 7 , 1 9 0 5 , and c o n tin u e d f i t f u l l y t i l l June 1 5 , 1 906. W hile B ie r c e was s t i l l w r i t i n g fo r th e n e w sp a p er s, he became a r e g u la r c o n t r ib u t o r t o H e a r s t 's C o sm o p o lita n M a g a zin e , h i s f i r s t a r t i c l e a p p e a r in g t h e r e i n A u g u st, 1 9 0 5 , and f o r n e a r ly a y e a r he se r v e d i n th e d ou b le c a p a c it y o f n ew spap er and m agazine w r i t e r . Then on June 2 4 , 1 9 0 6 , H e a r st w r o te him i n p a r t a s f o l lo w s : I w i l l have enough m agazin es p r e t t y soo n t o .k e e p yo u w r i t i n g i n th e m agazine f i e l d , and th e n you w on’ t have t o b o th e r w it h n e w sp a p er s. I im agin e th e m agazine f i e l d w i l l p l e a s e you b e t t e r anyway, a s i t i s an o p p o r tu n ity f o r f u l l e r d i s c u s s i o n . 24 W hether B ie r c e had s i g n i f i e d a d e s i r e f o r su ch a ch an ge or w h eth er H ea r st was g e n t l y e d g in g him o u t o f h i s b r i g h t l y - y e llo w e d n e w sp a p er s, one ca n n o t know. At any r a t e B i e r c e ’s l a s t s y n d ic a te d item i n H e a r s t 's n ew sp ap ers was p u b lis h e d on J u ly 1 1 , 1 9 0 6 . I t was a s i n g l e colu m n, a s c a n t two in c h e s i n l e n g t h , and c o n s i s t e d o f t h r e e d e f i n i t i o n s f o r "The C y n ic 's Word B ook , 1 1 "Rags* 1 to " R am sh ack le," — an ^ M cW illiam s, o p . c i t . , p. 280 . 71 u n e l i m a c t i c , o b sc u r e en d in g to a g r e a t n ew spap er c a r e e r , B ie r c e w ro te f o r th e C osm op olitan from A u g u s t, 1 9 0 5 , t o May, 1 9 0 9 , Here h i s work was o f a v a r io u s c h a r a c te r a s b e fo r e * For s e v e n c o n s e c u t i v e i s s u e s , as h a s a lr e a d y b een s a i d , he r e v iv e d h i s o l d colum n, "The P a s s in g Show." Then, p erh ap s i n harmony w ith h i s d e c l i n i n g j o u r n a l i s t i c v i t a l i t y , he renamed i t " S m all C o n tr ib u tio n s" and c o n t in u e d i t t o th e end o f h i s m agazine c a r e e r , t h e f i n a l a p p ea ra n ce o f t h i s colum n b e in g in th e C o sm o p o lita n o f May,1 9 0 9 , A m ain i n t e r e s t o f t h i s colum n was c u r r e n t books and a u t h o r s . O ther f e a t u r e s o f B i e r c e ' s C o sm o p o lita n days were f i f t e e n w e ir d s h o r t - s t o r i e s o f t h e s u p e r n a tu r a l; s e v e r a l c r i t i c i s m s o f Am erican l i f e i n th e n a r r a t iv e form o f fu tu r e t r a v e l or h i s t o r i c a l s k e t c h e s o f th e p r e s e n t p r e te n d in g t o have b een w r it t e n about two th ou san d y e a r s h e n c e ; a n o t a b le b i t o f bad c o n t r o v e r s y i n w h ich he m a in ta in e d Goerge S t e r l i n g t o be one o f A m e r ic a 's g r e a t e s t p o e t s ; two or t h r e e e x c e l l e n t s h o r t e s s a y s , w hich h ave n e v e r b e e n , bu t d e se r v e to b e , r e p u b lis h e d ; a few e p i g r a p s ; and a few " l i t t l e Johnny" t a l e s . A f t e r th e d is a p p e a r a n c e o f h i s work from th e C o sm o p o lita n . B ie r c e w rote one more m agazine a r t i c l e , "Have We a Havy?" w h ich was p r in t e d i n E verybody1s M agazine f o r O c to b e r , 1 9 0 9 , There ended h i s c a r e e r as a m agazine w r i t e r . The p e r io d from 1900 to th e end o f h i s l i f e saw th e p u b l i c a t i o n o f a number o f B i e r c e 1 s b o o k s. Shapes o f C la y . 7E h i s se c o n d b o o k o f c o l l e c t e d poem s, came out i n 1 9 0 3 , and i n th e same y e a r th e r e a p p eared a c o l l e c t i o n o f h i s s u p e r n a tu r a l s h o r t - s t o r i e s , Pan Such T h in gs B e ? In 1906 D o u b led a y , Page & Company i s s u e d a book o f B ie r c e * s d e f i n i t i o n s under th e t i t l e , The Cynic* s D i c t i o n a r y . 1907 saw a new e d i t i o n o f The Monk and t h e Hangman* s D aughter and a r e p r i n t i n g o f two o f h i s C i v i l War s t o r i e s t h a t had lo n g ago a p p eared i n T a le s o f S o l d ie r s and C i v i l i a n s . th e new colum n b e in g named f o r one o f th e s t o r i e s , & Son o f th e C ods. In 1909 S . 0 . Howe, w it h B i e r c e ' s c o n s e n t and c o o p e r a t io n , s e l e c t e d , e d i t e d , and com bined m a t e r ia l from " P r a t t l e ," c h i e f l y , i n t o a book en t i t l e d I'he Shadow on t h e D ia l and o t h e r E s s a y s . 1909 saw a l s o th e p u b l i c a t i o n o f a s m a ll p o c k e t - s i z e d b ook e n t i t l e d W rite i t E i g h t , th e o n ly one o f B i e r c e ' s many books t h a t was n o t made up o f m a t e r ia l p r e v io u s ly p u b lis h e d i n n ew sp ap ers or p C m a g a z in e s . H is f i n a l p u b l i c a t i o n , a grand s c i s s o r i n g and p a s t i n g p r o j e c t , was h i s C o l l e c t e d W orks. i n tw e lv e v o lu m e s, w h ich came o u t a s f o l l o w s : Volumes I - I I , 1909; Volum es I I I - IV, 1910; Volumes V -X , 1 9 1 1 ; and Volum es X I -X I I , 1 9 1 2 . Though t h e s e volu m es c o n t a in a l l o f B ier ce * s b e s t s a t i r e , t h e y , n e c e s s a r i l y and d e s i r a b l y , om it h i s more l o c a l and ep h em eral w ork . B e s i d e s , i n c o l l e c t e d fo r m , th e work i s The Dance o f D eath and The Dance o f l a f e a re e x c e p te d a s p r o b a b ly n o t by B ie r c e a t a l l . 73 s e p a r a te d from i t s o r i g i n a l s e t t i n g . C o n s e q u e n tly , i n c l u s i v e a s th e C o lle c t e d Works a r e , f o r th e "best u n d e r s ta n d in g o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e in a c t i o n , f o r an u n d e r s ta n d in g o f h i s d e v e l opment a s an a r t i s t , and f o r a tr u e p i c t u r e o f h i s work a s a w h o le , one must rea d B i e r c e ’ s w o rk s, n o t in b ook form , h u t i n t h e i r d a y -to -d a y j o u r n a l i s t i c s e t t i n g , as t h e y were o r i g i n a l l y p u b lis h e d and in te n d e d t o be r e a d . P A H ! I I T H E O B J E C T S 0 ! B I E R C E ' S S A T I R E « CHAPTER I THE INTELLECTUAL DELINQUENTS R e p e a te d ly in th e c o u r se o f h i s f o r t y - y e a r c a r e e r a s a s a t i r i s t B ie r c e c l e a r l y a s s e r t e d i n w r i t i n g t h a t h i s s a t i r i c a t t a c k s w ere d i r e c t e d a g a in s t th e i n d i v i d u a l o f f e n d e r s and n o t a g a i n s t th e o f f e n s e . When seme c o r r e sp o n d e n t once a s s e r t e d t h a t i t was B i e r c e ' s p u rp ose " ' t o l a s h th e f o l l i e s and v i c e s o f th e tim e," * B ie r c e r e p l i e d , That i s n o t a l t o g e t h e r a c c u r a t e , n e ig h b o r : I t r y t o d u st th e j a c k e t s o f t h e f o o l s and th e v i c i o u s . I n e v e r w a ste d much tim e on t h e o th e r t h i n g s , i f my memory s e r v e s ; th e y o f f e r to o l i t t l e r e s i s t a n c e t o th e l a s h and a l l unheard i s th e m u sic o f t h e i r m o a n .i A nother tim e he w r o t e , I do n o t h a t e s i n , n or a n y th in g e l s e t h a t i s u n a b le to h a te b a c k . S in i s an a b s t r a c t i o n , h a v in g no m a t e r ia l e x i s t e n c e - - a w ord . I t has no p e r c h f o r a c u r s e , n o th in g upon w h ich t o r e c e i v e th e im pact o f a k i c k . I t i s n o t h a t a b l e • you m igh t as r e a s o n a b ly e x p e c t me to h a te a vacuum . In co n seq u en ce o f t h i s v ie w o f h i s a r t B ie r c e was p e r s o n a l and s p e c i f i c in h i s s a t i r i c w r i t i n g . H owever, he d id n o t h a te th e o b j e c t s o f h i s a t t a c k s on p u r e ly p e r s o n a l g r o u n d s, n or d id he a tte m p t to a r o u se i n " P r a t t l e , ” San F r a n c is c o E x am in er. J u ly 2 5 , 1 8 9 7 . ^ " P r a t t l e , ” £>. F . E x ., J u ly 3 1 , 1 8 9 2 . Other e x p r e s s i o n s o f th e same v ie w a r e t o be fou n d in " P r a t t l e ," S . F . J&. J a n . 1 7 , 1 8 9 2 , Nov. 1 8 , 1 8 9 4 , and F e b . 1 2 , 1899; and i n The C o l l e c t e d Works: "To a C ensor," 4 : 1 1 0 - 2 , " S u b sta n ce and Shadow, 5 : 2 4 8 - 5 0 , and "The P a s s in g o f S a t i r e ," 1 0 : 2 8 1 - 4 . 76 h i s r e a d e r s a b l i n d p e r s o n a l contem pt f o r h i s v i c t i m s . He h a te d or sc o r n e d them f o r what th e y were or f o r what t h e y d id ; and he a t t a c k e d t h e i n d iv i d u a l o n ly b e c a u se he con s id e r e d t h a t to be th e m ost e f f e c t i v e means o f g e t t i n g a t th e a b s t r a c t f o l l y o r abuse in g e n e r a l . M erely t o enum erate by name th e l i t e r a l l y hu n d red s o f p e r s o n s whom B ie r c e d is c o m f it e d by h i s s a t i r e o ver a p e r io d o f f o r t y y e a r s w ould be a t a s k b o th t e d i o u s and m e a n in g le s s . M ost o f t h e s e u n f o r tu n a te s by now have b een c o m p le te ly f o r g o t t e n , and in t h e i r tim e th e y were im p o rta n t to B i e r c e o n ly i n s o f a r a s t h e i r a t t i t u d e s and b e h a v io r a f f e c t e d th e a t t i tu d e s and b e h a v io r o f t h e s o c i e t y in w h ich th e y m oved. A more m e a n in g fu l p ro ced u re w ou ld be t o d i s c u s s t h e s e v e r a l p a r t i c u l a r groups o f o f f e n d e r s whom he a tt a c k e d m ost com m on ly, w h eth er t h e i r f a i l i n g s b e lo n g e d t o one or th e o th e r or b o th o f th e two broad c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s . The b road c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s w i l l be c o n s id e r e d i n C h ap ters I and I I o f P a rt I I , and th e p a r t i c u l a r grou p s i n C h apters I I - V I I I . Por B i e r c e , a s f o r s a t i r i s t s i n a l l a g e s , t h e two g r e a t c l a s s e s o f p e o p le m e r it o r io u s o f c e n su r e a re th e f o o l s and th e v i l l a i n s . As lo n g a s he l i v e d , he was t h e enemy o f a l l a s s e s , ig n o r a m u se s, and a d u lt i n f a n t s or a d o l e s c e n t s . J u s t why he lo o k e d upon them w ith d i s g u s t and a v e r s io n he seem s n e v e r t o have b o th e r e d t o e x p l a i n , p erh a p s assu m in g t h a t f o o l s w ould n ev er u n d e r sta n d t h e e x p la n a t io n and t h a t 77 an e x p la n a t io n w ould be s u p e r flu o u s to a l l o t h e r s . The e s s e n c e o f a l l f o o l i s h n e s s i s e m o tio n a lis m i n c o n t r a d i s t i n c t i o n to r a t i o n a l i s m . I t i s th e d i s p o s i t i o n or a t t i t u d e t h a t c a u s e s p e o p le to f e e l in s t e a d o f t o t h in k ; t o a c t upon im p u ls e s , s y m p a th ie s , s e n t im e n t s , a v e r s i o n s , or p r e j u d i c e s , i n s t e a d o f upon r e a s o n a b le b a s e s ; t o a c c e p t id e a s w ith o u t c r i t i c a l e x a m in a tio n ; t o su sp en d th e m e n ta l p r o c e s s e s in fa v o r o f th e v i s c e r a l ; and t o d e f e r t o i n t e l l e c t u a l i n e r t i a and l a z i n e s s . The i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t s who a n sw ered t o t h i s d e s c r i p t io n were a c h i e f o b j e c t o f B i e r c e ’ s a v e r s i o n . The a n t i - e v o l u t i o n i s t s who a tte m p te d to f i g h t D arw inism by means o f u n sou nd , e m o tio n a l argum ents were th e o b j e c t s o f r e p e a t e d a t t a c k s , i n one o f w h ic h , e n t i t l e d "A Monument to Adam," he gave a r e a so n e d and le n g t h y i r o n i c a p p r o v a l t o a p r o p o s a l, p r o b a b ly made by h i m s e l f , to e r e c t a monument to t h a t w orthy 3 fo r e b e a r o f th e human r a c e . He r i d i c u l e d th e in t r o d u c t io n o f se n tim e n t i n t o m a tte r s o f f a c t , and he r i d i c u l e d a l l w r i t i n g and s p e a k in g "from the h eart" t h a t d is r e g a r d e d l o g i c , m ean ing, d e f i n i t e n e s s , c l e a r - c u t i d e a s , c o n s i s t e n c y , s e n s e , * ' i* and th e l i k e . 4 The " C h r is t ia n p ress" o f th e c o u n t r y , who " th in k . . . w it h t h e i r f e e l in g s " and a r e f o r e v e r y 3 The C a l i f o r n i a n . J a n . . 1 8 8 0 . p . 9 3 . 4 " P r a t t l e ," The A r g o n a u t. S e p t. S I , 1 8 7 8 , June SB, - 1878. 78 u n d e r d o g , 5 th e s i l v e r a d v o c a te s o f th e m id d le n i n e t i e s , who th o u g h t and a rg u ed w ith t h e i r f e e l i n g s i n s t e a d o f w ith t h e i r ft h e a d s , — t o su c h p e o p le he was a c o n s ta n t and m a le v o le n t enemy* On.one o c c a s io n when an unnamed p e r so n c i t e d a number o f i r r e l e v a n t " rea so n s" f o r so m e th in g , B i e r c e w r o te , hone o f t h e s e f a c t s a r e c o n s i d e r a t io n s i n th e c a s e , or have e v e n th e r e m o te s t r e l a t i o n t o i t * A m erican sym p a t h i e s - - ! v e n tu r e to s u r p r i s e h i s i n t e l l i g e n c e and p a in h i s s e n s e o f j u s t i c e by in fo r m in g him— o u gk to go w it h th e s i d e t h a t i s r ig h t * Whenever t h e weak e y e s o f h i s u n d e r s ta n d in g s h a l l have grown accu stom ed t o th e r e v e a l i n g l i g h t o f t h i s n o v e l p r o p o s i t i o n , I mean t o sm ite him dead b l i n d w ith a n o t h e r , whose s u p e r io r g lo r y s h a l l e x t i n g u i s h th e te m p e r a te r a d ia n c e o f th e fo rm e r, a s when " r e d d e n in g Phoebus l i f t s h i s g o ld e n f i r e " he q u en ch es th e m a k e - s h if t glim m er o f a r e d h ead ed b a b e .7 A l l th e n o n - t h in k e r s o f p r o m in e n c e , and many o f i n s i g n i f i c a n c e ; th e c r e d u lo u s w o r s h ip e r s o f a n y th in g l a b e l e d " S c i e n t i f i c ; " t h e Masons who o b j e c t e d t o c re m a tio n on th e ground t h a t i t was n o t C h r is t ia n b u r i a l , y e t g l o r i e d i n th e p r e - C h r is t ia n o r i g i n o f t h e i r o rd er and were u n d is tu r b e d by th e f a c t t h a t Solom on and h i s e a r ly f o l lo w e r s n e v e r e n jo y e d a C h r is t ia n b u r i a l ; th e p e o p le who c i r c u l a t e d r e p o r t s t h a t c e r t a i n w e a lth y p e r s o n s had b e sto w ed many s e c r e t c h a r i t i e s ; th e p e o p le who a t t r i b u t e d B i e r c e ’ s s .a tfr e t o p e r s o n a l m a lic e ; 5 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x * ,' S e p t . 2 6 , 1 8 9 7 . 6 I b i d . , J u ly E l , 1895 ^ " P r a t t l e ," A r g o ., A p r il 2 0 , 1 8 7 8 . and th e p e o p le who were g u i l t y o f i n c o n s i s t e n t or com p art m e n t a liz e d " th in k in g*’ — a l l t h e s e w ere h e ld up in h i s work f o r d is p la y and r i d i c u l e • Among th e i n c o n s i s t e n t s w ere th o s e who o b j e c t e d t o th e b u r i a l o f p au p ers in u n v a r n is h e d , u n m u slin ed b oard c o f f i n s , y e t had no p a r t i c u l a r co n c er n f o r t h e co m fo rt o f th e l i v i n g p o o r; th e w e a lth y b u s in e s s men and i n d u s t r i a l i s t s who fo u n d ed u n i v e r s i t i e s , h o s p i t a l s , and l i b r a r i e s , y e t p a id t h e i r em p lo y ees s t a r v a t i o n w ages; t h e "W hite C h r i s t i a n s ” o f San F r a n c is c o who m i l i t a n t l y c ru sa d ed a g a i n s t gam b lin g in C hinatow n, y e t e n jo y e d t h e i r F r id a y - n ig h t ch u rch l o t t e r i e s ; th e a n t i- C h in e s e a g i t a t o r s who em ployed C h in ese when i t was p r o f i t a b l e t o do s o ; th e p e o p le who ap p lau d ed B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e u n t i l i t came round t o them ; t h e Q uakers who r a i s e d c o r n f o r th e army; th e p e o p le who lo o k e d upon enemy s p i e s a s verm in bu t upon t h e i r own a s h e r o e s . Such n o n - t h in k in g p e r so n s were a l l members o f t h e g r e a t f r a t e r n i t y o f f o o l s . Of them B ie r c e once w r o t e , 1 I f p e o p le who do n o t t h i n k — and but few have been b l e s s e d w ith any a d eq u a te a p p lia n c e s f o r t h a t b u s i n e s s - knew how th e y are m e n ta lly a n a ly z e d , and m o r a lly d i s s e c t e d , by t h o s e who d o , you c o u ld n e v e r g e t a word o u t o f th em . B u t th e y are a lw a y s a t th e same d is a d v a n ta g e as th e i n s e c t i n th e m ic r o sc o p e : -while t h e i r f a u l t s , ig n o r a n c e s , and m ean n esses a r e b e in g m in u te ly i n s p e c t e d , th e y a r e in t h a t s t a t e o f sim p le u n c o n s c io u s n e s s m ost f a v o r a b le to e x a m in a tio n . 8 So c l o s e l y r e l a t e d t o th e p e o p le who t h in k w ith t h e i r 8 " G r iz z ly P a p e r s ,” B o. 4 , The O verlan d M o n th ly . p . 382• 80 f e e l i n g s and to th e n o n -t h in k e r s a s to he in s e p a r a b le from them a r e th e i l l o g i o i a n s or lame t h i n k e r s , p e o p le who are ad d ic t e d t o su ch l o g i s t i c s i n s a s a p r i o r i r e a s o n in g , th e p e t i t i o p r i n c i p i i . and th e non s e q u i t u r . More th an o c c a s i o n a l l y B ie r c e w ou ld s i n g l e o u t some u n lu ck y o f f e n d e r and d e f t l y ex p o se a f a l l a c y in h i s argu m en t, as when M cK inley in h i s f i r s t p r e s i d e n t i a l cam paign r e a s o n e d t h a t , s i n c e th e B e p u b lic a n p a r ty had s u c c e s s f u l l y managed t h e f i n a n c i n g o f th e C i v i l War and th e p o s t-w a r f i n a n c e s o f t h e n a t i o n , i t c o u ld c o n f i d e n t l y be r e l i e d upon t o h a n d le s u c c e s s f u l l y th e c u r r e n c y p rob lem s o f 1896 ;9 o r when "a d i s t i n g u i s h e d fe m a le c o n t r o v e r s i a l i s t , ” i n p r o o f o f th e im m o r ta lity o f th e s o u l , p rod u ced t h i s n u g g e t: The s o u l ” i s b u t a b r e a th o f Cod, and as God i s l o v e , lo v e i s im m o r ta l.” ^ B i e r c e ' s im p a tie n c e w ith f a l s e r e a s o n in g was n o t m er ely academ ic or a e s t h e t i c ( i f th e word may be s t r e t c h e d som ew hat): i t was p r a c t i c a l as w e l l , To Mm th e r e a s o n in g p r o c e s s was m erely a p r e lim in a r y t o p r o p e r a c t i o n , a brake upon e m o tio n a lis m , or a s p e c i f i c f o r a s i n i t y , and a c t i o n b a sed on f a l s e r e a s o n in g was t o be e sc h e w e d . So when in 1898 th e U n ite d S t a t e s p a id S p a in tw e n ty m i l l i o n d o l l a r s f o r th e P h i l i p p i n e I s l a n d s , B i e r c e , i n an im a g in a ry c o n v e r s a t io n 9 " P r a t t l e , ” S . P . E x . , June 1 2 , 1 8 9 6 . 1 0 I b i d . . January 2 8 , 1 8 9 4 . 81 b etw een t h e h ea d o f th e S p a n ish M in is t r y and th e P r e s i d e n t o f th e U n ite d S t a t e s , p r o t e s t e d th e a c t and i t s h y p o c r is y in t h i s exch ange o f w ords: s a i d S a g a s t a , " E ith e r y o u have a r i g h t t o th e P h i l i p p i n e s , or you do n o t . I f y o u have why do y o u pay f o r them? I f y o u have n o t why do you ta k e them?" S a id M cK in ley, "You make me t i r e d . A c h i e f f r u i t o f i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n c y i n i t s s e v e r a l fo r m s , b u t p a r t i c u l a r l y o f e m o tio n a lis m , i s s e n t i m en ta l p a t r i o t i s m , p r o v i n c i a l e n th u s ia s m , and u n r e a so n a b le s e c t i o n a l and n a t i o n a l p h o b ia s . Prom th e b e g in n in g o f h i s c a r e e r B ie r c e r e v o l t e d a g a i n s t f l a g w o r s h ip e r s , who r e v e r e th e emblem r a th e r th an t h e t h i n g s o f w h ich i t i s e m b lem a tic; th e l i b e r t y l u n a t i c s ; th e P o u r t h - o f - J u ly and D e c o r a tio n -D a y b l a t h e r e r s ; th e f l a g s a l u t e r s , who assum e t h a t th e y can make " l i t t l e c h ild r e n good and l o y a l c i t i z e n s by c o m p e llin g them 1 ? once a w eek t o perform m o n k e y -tr ic k s b e f o r e th e f l a g ; " and a l l c h e a p , e f f u s i v e p a t r i o t s . He d e s p i s e d , y e t d e r iv e d a s u p e r io r amusement from the' p r o v i n c i a l e n t h u s i a s t s who p r a is e d t h e i r to w n , c i t y , c o u n ty , s t a t e , or n a t io n in s u p e r l a t i v e s . Such was th e l o c a l d ra m a tic c r i t i c who a s s e r t e d t h a t " th e drama i s b e t t e r ^ I b i d . . Hovember 2 7 , 1 8 9 8 . "War T o p ic s ," J3. P . E x ., May 8 , 1 8 9 8 . 82 a p p r e c ia t e d i n San F r a n c i s c o , th a n anywhere e l s e i n A m erica ;” su ch was th e v i l l a g e v a n i t a r i a n who g r a v e l y , w it h s u p e r io r r e s t r a i n t , a s s e r t e d t h a t San F r a n c is c o ’ s e l e c t r i c l i g h t s e q u a le d a n y th in g in t h i s c o u n tr y ; su ch was t h e l o c a l j o u r n a l i s t who r a te d San F r a n c is c o " a lm o st e q u a lly w o n d e r fu l” w it h th e B ig T r e e s . R e p lie d B ie r c e to th e l a s t o f t h e s e , " I l a c k th e i n t e l l e c t u a l p e n e t r a t i o n to com prehend how a s t r a g g l i n g town o f one hundred and f i f t y th ou san d i n h a b i t a n t s i s wonder f u l . ” 1 3 v H is stom ach h e a v e d when th e C a lif o r n ia n s r a i s e d t h e i r " g a l l in a c e o u s u l u l a t i o n , ” b e a t t h e i r drum s, t o o t e d t h e i r h o r n s , and e x h i b i t e d t h e i r s u p e r i o r i t y com p lex. They g o t up a t r a v e l in g show , c a l l e d i t " C a li f o r n i a on W h e e ls,” and to u r e d ,the n a t i o n , e m i t t i n g s u p e r l a t i v e s w herever th e y s t o p p e d . 14 They c a l l e d C a l i f o r n i a ’ s t r e e s th e b i g g e s t and h e r c lim a te th e b e s t i n th e w o r ld , a f f e c t i n g s u r p r i s e a t any u n p le a s a n t a s p e c t s o f the' w e a th e r . They f e l t h o m e sic k f o r C a l i f o r n i a when th e y t r a v e l e d in E u ro p e. They announced w it h g r e a t e r e n th u sia sm a book on th e d r e d g in g s and so u n d in g s o f th e P a c i f i c Ocean th an i t s com panion volum e on th e A t l a n t i c , and p r e f e r r e d ” a l o c a l p a i n t e r ' s 'S u n s e t a t J a c k a s s Cap” ’ to "a f o r e i g n 15 m a s t e r 's 'S u n s e t in th e A l p s . ’ " They t o l d t a l l s t o r i e s IS " G r iz z ly P a p er," No. 1 , The O verlan d M o n th ly . J a n . , 1 8 7 1 , p . 9 3 . 14 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Aug. 3 1 , 1 8 9 0 . 15 " P r a t t l e , ” A r g o ., June 1 5 , 1 8 7 8 . 83 a b o u t t h e i r s t a t e , and th e n ew sp a p ers b o a s te d o f e v e r y t h in g t h e C a lif o r n ia n s h a d , d i d , or made, good or b ad , and i n v i d i o u s l y compared t h e i r own p o s s e s s i o n s w ith t h o s e o f t h e i r n e ig h b o r s t a t e s . And when i t came to a h o r se r a c e , t h e y ca n v a s s e d th e w hole f i e l d o f human im a g in a t io n t o 1 1 e x p la in " th e d e f e a t o f a C a l i f o r n i a h o r s e by one from K en tu ck y , b la m in g th e w e a th e r , t h e t r a c t , th e j o c k e y , and e v e r y t h in g th e y c o u ld t h in k o f - - e x c e p t t h e h o r s e . 1® S a id B i e r c e o f t h e s e p o o r , u n c u l t i v a t e d , h e te r o g e n e o u s m ig r a n ts i n h i s c i t y , "When i t comes t o c o n c e iv in g so m e th in g g o r g e o u s t h a t i s n o t C a lif o r n ia n y o u r t r u e San F r a n c is c a n d e v e lo p s an im pedim ent i n h i s im a g in a t io n .! ^ He c a l l e d C a l i f o r n i a "The G old Hog,"-*-® and h e r cham bers o f commerce " C liq u e-an d -C la< iu e ," " p r i e s t s o f p lu n d e r ," "Sons o f T h r i f t ," " a l o t o f frumpy o ld d u f f e r s ," and a bunch o f " b u s y -b o d ie s" who o p e r a te on th e " s c r a tc h -m y -b a c k -a n d -I ' 1 1 - s c r a t c h - y o u r s p la n ." He lo v e d t o wound th e p r o v i n c i a l p r i d e . In "A M ournful P rop erty" B ie r c e has h i s h e r o in e say to h e r h e r o , " I w i l l go w ith y ou to th e end o f th e w o r ld , or ev en t o 16 I b i d . . J u ly 1 3 , 1 8 7 8 . 1^ " S m a ll C o n t r ib u tio n s ," C o s m o p o lita n . May, 1 9 0 9 . 18 " P r a t t l e , S . F . E x ., A ug. 2 8 , 1 8 9 2 . 19 I b i d . . J u ly 2 2 , 1 8 8 8 , F e b . 2 6 , 1 8 9 9 , A p r il 2 2 , 1 8 8 8 . S a c r a m e n to ." 2® M odesto was a dead tow n; and O akland, whose in h a b it a n t s he b a d g ered w ith e s p e c i a l d e l i g h t , was a d u l l v i l l a g e w ith ” a th o u sa n d and f i f t y k in d s o f c r a n k s ,” w ith bad r e s t a u r a n t s , w ith unhandsome b u i l d i n g s , w ith u n se w e r e d , un c le a n e d , u n l e v e le d s t r e e t s , w ith bad s i d e w a lk s , and w ith ” a m u n ic ip a l governm ent t h a t c o u ld b e im proved by s u b s t i t u t i o n o f a O ity O ou n cil o f dead dogs skimmed o f f th e s u r f a c e o f th e P e s t u a r y ." 2 ^ On one o c c a s io n when som eone e n t h u s i a s t i c a l l y sa n g p r a i s e o f " th e a v e r a g e O akland g i r l , ” B ie r c e c a u s t i c a l l y t o l d how t h i s "average" phenomenon chewed gum, how sh e lo o k e d , how sh e d r e s s e d , how she t a l k e d and so u n d ed . The in d ig n a n t Oakland fe m a le s bombarded him w it h l e t t e r s , w hereupon in h i s n e x t " P r a t tle " he c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n t o t h e f a c t t h a t he had b e e n w r i t i n g o n ly o f th e a v e r a g e Oakland g i r l ; b u t a s f o r h e r u n average s i s t e r , he h a s te n e d t o a d d , she was a jo y and a b e n e f a c t i o n to a l l who b e h e ld h e r . As f o r San F r a n c is c o , t h a t was o n ly -a n immature and p r o v i n c i a l to w n , w h ic h , in h i s f u t u r e s a t i r i c h i s t o r y o f t h e a n c ie n t " C on n ected S t a te s " was "somewhat d o u b t f u lly i d e n t i f i e d . . . a s th e modern f i s h i n g - v i l l a g e o f C h aroo ." 22 2 0 N u g gets and D u s t » p . 1 3 . 2 1 " P r a t t l e ," S . P . Jbc., J u ly 1 7 , 1 8 9 2 , N ov. 2 4 , 1 8 8 9 , O c t . -1 4 , 1 8 9 4 . “ 2 2 "A shes o f t h e B ea co n ," C o lle c t e d W orks. Y o l. I , p . 5 4 . 85 In a n t i c i p a t i o n o f a p o s s i b l e s u s p i c i o n t h a t B ie r c e was p a r t i c u l a r l y p r e ju d ic e d a g a i n s t C a l i f o r n i a n s , i t s h o u ld he a s s e r t e d t h a t h i s s p e c i a l anim us a g a in s t t h e r e s i d e n t s o f t h a t s t a t e was p r o b a b ly ab ou t i n d i r e c t p r o p o r tio n to t h e i r s p e c i a l d e m e r it, and t h a t he lo o k e d w it h e q u a l eye on p r o v i n c i a l i s m i n w h a tev er c i t i e s o r s t a t e s he fo u n d i t - - a n d he seem ed to f i n d i t r a t h e r o f t e n i n K ansas and M is s o u r i, and o t r som etim es e v e n i n C hicago and Hew Y o r k . T y p ic a l o f h i s s a r d o n i c a l l y j o c u l a r rem arks on su ch p l a c e s i s t h a t upon th e M is s o u r ia n s : Many w orthy p e o p le i n M is s o u r i t h in k a g r e a t m ista k e was m ade, th e o th e r d a y , i n h a n g in g a man in t h a t S t a t e . I don’ t know how i t i s p o s s i b l e to make a m ista k e i n han g in g a M is s o u r ia n , e x c e p t i n n o t h a n g in g him so o n e n o u g h . 2 4 As r i d i c u l o u s and o f f e n s i v e a s t h e l o v e r s o f to w n f c o u n ty , or s t a t e , were th e r a b i d , s w a g g e r in g , b o a s t i n g , s u p e r - n a t i o n a l i s t s . B ie r c e sc o r n e d th e c h a u v i n i s t s , th e j i n g o i s t s , t h e s u p e r - p a t r i o t s w it h t h e i r n a t i o n a l c o n c e i t , th e " a n th r o p o id ” p u r v e y o r s o f t h a t " r a s c a l l y s e n tim e n t," "Our c o u n t r y , r i g h t or w rong," th e in d ig n a n t p a t r i o t s who condemned W illia m W aldorf A s to r f o r t a k in g h i s m i l l i o n s t o London and becom in g a B r i t i s h c i t i z e n , and who o b j e c t e d t o th e e r e c t i o n o f s t a t u e s o f G oethe and S c h i l l e r i n San 25 " s t r o l l i n g Comments on P r o v in c ia lis m ," £>. F . E x . . March 2 4 , 1 8 9 5 . 2 4 "pr a t t l e , " A r g o . . A ug. 4 , 1 8 7 7 . 86 25 F r a n c is c o 1 s G olden G ate P a r k . Of a c e r t a i n o r g a n i z a t i o n o f women who make much o f t h e i r d e s c e n t from f a t h e r s who fo u g h t i n th e A m erican R e v o lu t io n , B ie r c e once w r o te , "The D au gh ters a re s a i d to be v e r y w e ll-m e a n in g o ld l a d i e s , b u t on ecan n o t h e lp w is h in g som etim es t h a t t h e i r f a t h e r had b e e n G on ten t t o l i v e a b a c h e l o r ." 28 And when a group o f A m erican c y c l i s t s i n P a r is c a l l e d on 1 1 C o lon el" Cody t h e r e a f t e r one o f h i s p e r form an ces and s h o u te d , "What1 s th e m a tter w it h C o lo n e l Cody? He1 s a l l r i g h t 1 . 1 1 and th e n s p e l l e d ou t in c h o r u s AMERICA, U. S . A ., B ie r c e c o n tem p tu o u sly s p o u te d , F ancy a l o t o f f u l l - g r o w n men, f r e e - b o r n and h a l f w h it e , e x e c u t i n g in th e h e a r t o f c i v i l i z a t i o n and e n lig h te n m e n t su ch r o l l i n g r o t a s t h a t 1 . . . . . To t h o s e our c o u n tr y men abroad who f i n d p le a s u r e i n th e j a c k a s s e r v a t io n o f t h e i r n a t i o n a l i t y by h e e -h o n k in g i t in t o th e f o r e i g n e a r 1 , g r e e t i n g : Be o f good h e a r t , b r e th r e n ; th ou gh a b s e n t y o u are n o t f o r g o t t e n . S i x t y m i l l i o n s o f A m erican s lare b lu s h in g f o r y o u .2 ” R a t io n a l p r o v i n c ia l i s m was e q u a lly o b n o x io u s t o him in a l l p e o p l e s , and B i e r c e once s a i d o f th e German n a t i o n a l i s t , ["The German] h a s two b r a i n s ; w it h t h e one he t h in k s o f Germany; w it h th e o th e r o f e v e r y t h in g e l s e . I t i s th e l a t t e r w h ich i s c o n n e c te d w it h h i s e y e s ." 28 On a n o th e r o c c a s i o n he 25 " P r a t t l e , 1 1 S . F . E x ., F e b . 3 , 1 8 8 9 , March 3 , 1 8 8 9 , May IB a n d -1 9 , 1 8 9 5 , Tune S , 1 8 9 5 , J u ly 6 , 1 8 9 0 , March 3 0 , 1 8 9 0 , A ug. 1 6 , 1 8 9 1 , J a n . 3 , 1 8 9 7 , R ov. B4, 1 8 9 5 . 28 "The V iew s o f One," Rew Y ork A m erica n . A p r il 2 4 , 1 9 0 5 . 27 " P r a t t le ," S . F . E x .. June 3 0 , 1 8 8 9 . 28 I b i d . , J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 9 . 87 made t h i s s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d , u n s a t i r i c sta te m e n t on co sm op ol ita n is m : "To th e w id e-m in d ed man whose s y m p a th e tic eye ’ s u r v e y s mankind from China t o P eru ’ ea ch c o u n tr y i s ' a p a r t i c u la r l o c a l i t y ’ and e a c h p a t r i o t a p o l i t i c a l b i g o t ." 29 C lo s e ly a k in t o p r o v i n c i a l i s m were th e p o s t - C iv il- W a r s e c t i o n a l i s m o f th e l a s t t h i r d o f th e n i n e t e e n t h c e n tu r y and, d u rin g th e w h o le c e n t u r y , th e p o s t - R e v o lu t io n a r y h a tr e d o f th e E n g lis h ; and t h e s e i n t e r n e c in e and i n t e r n a t i o n a l anim os i t i e s were a s s id u o u s l y c u l t i v a t e d by many war v e t e r a n s and u n s c r u p u lo u s , a m b itio u s p o l i t i c i a n s . O ften B i e r c e t r a i n e d h i s f i r e on t h e b l o o d y - s h i r t e r s ; on th e G. A. R. men who op p osed P r e s id e n t C le v e la n d ’ s g e s tu r e o f good w i l l t o th e S o u th in p r o p o s in g t o r e t u r n t h e C onfeder a te b a t t l e f l a g s ; and on t h e May 30-ith o r a t o r s l i k e G en er a l Salom on o f th e C a l i f o r n i a H a t io n a l G uard, who a n n u a lly on M em orial Bay, "drew h i s to n g u e and marched a g a i n s t th e Con f e d e r a t e dead and l a i d down h i s honor f o r h i s c o u n t r y ." 2® H is d is e s t e e m f o r th e mad dogs i n t h i s c o u n tr y t h a t a re a lw a y s t h r e a t e n in g and g r o w lin g a t o th e r n a t i o n s a l s o r e c e i v e d fr e q u e n t e x p r e s s i o n , e s p e c i a l l y f o r t h a t num erous p ack b i t t e n w ith A n g lo p h o b ia . Many o f t h e s e w ere Germans, more were Ir ish m e n , and m ost were A n g lo -S a x o n s , who had b een 29 I b i d . . J a n . 3 1 , 1 8 9 7 . 3® I b i d . , J une 5 , 188 7 . 88 r e a r e d on f a l s e h i s t o r i e s i n our common s c h o o ls and on e a g l e - sc re a m in g F o u r t h - o f - J u ly o r a t i o n s . Among th e s e " d o g s” was C h a rles M i l l s C a y le y , t h e n p r o f e s s o r o f E n g li s h l i t e r a t u r e a t th e U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a , who was g u i l t y o f an a n t i - B r i t i s h poem, in w h ic h , a c c o r d in g to B i e r c e , he sh o u te d in c a p i t a l s h i s " f o o l i s h , d i r t y , weak h a t e ." I n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n c y b e g e t s n o t o n ly c h e a p , s e n t i m en ta l p r o v i n c i a l i s t s , b u t s e n t i m e n t a l i s t s o f a l l k in d s ; and a s e n t i m e n t a l i s t o f any hue or v a r i e t y was anathem a t o Ambrose B i e r c e , who once t o l d H. L. Mencken i n c o n v e r s a t i o n , a c c o r d in g t o Mencken h i m s e l f , t h a t he k e p t th e a s h e s o f h i s I T g son i n a c i g a r box on h i s d e s k . He la u g h e d i r o n i c a l l y a t t h o s e who p r e s e r v e d i n a museum ".the f i r s t s h o v e l f u l o f a l k a l i ” tu r n e d up i n p ro m o tin g a b lu e - sky r a il w a y , and t h e i r k in d r e d who lo o k e d w it h a p p r o v a l upon th e in v e n t io n o f a g l a s s c o f f i n t h a t was t r a n s p a r e n t and w ould p r e s e r v e th e body i n d e f i n i t e l y . ^ He s c o f f e d a t th o s e who know " th e s e n t i m e n t a l m a n ip u la tio n o f th e h a n d k e r c h ie f" and " th e m essage o f th e v a r io u s p o s i t i o n s o f a stamp on a l e t t e r ; " "who judge c h a r a c t e r by c h ir o g r a p h y , by th e sh ape o f th e f i n g e r - n a i l s , and th e s e t o f th e e a r s ;" who know a m eaning ^ " ik e P a s s in g Show," S . F . E x . , Hov. 1 2 , and 1 9 , 1 8 9 9 . 32 H. L . M encken, P r e .in d ic e s . S ix t h S e r i e s , p . 2 6 3 . 3 3 T*ie Fiend* s D e l i g h t . p . 4 3 ;' " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. June 9 , 1 8 8 3 . f o r e a ch c o l o r o f s e a l i n g wax u se d on a l e t t e r ; ’’who know th e la n g u a g e o f f l o w e r s . ” 34 I t was su ch ’’ i n t o l e r a b l e s " who w gad th e San F r a n c is c a n s t o p la n t t h e i r f lo w e r b ed s in th e shape o f a M a lte se c r o s s in a n t i c i p a t i o n o f th e K n ig h ts Tem plar c o n v e n tio n t o he h e ld t h e r e l a t e r in t h e y e a r and who e n co u ra g ed S h a k esp ea re g a rd en s and T ennyson g a r d e n s . 33 I t was su c h " s e n t i m e n t a l e r s " i d i o t s and i d i o t e s s e s ," — who k e p t a g i t a t i n g f o r th e a d o p tio n o f a C a l i f o r n i a s t a t e f lo w e r and who, i f we may b e l i e v e B i e r c e , e n g in e e r e d th e i n t r o d u c t io n o f a b i l l i n t o C on gress t o make th e pansy th e n a t i o n a l f l o w e r . 36 T h is s o r t o f t h i n g t o B i e r c e was l u d i c r o u s , s t u p i d , i r r e l e v a n t , and b a r b a r o u s -- a h o ld o v e r from th e tim e o f th e ’’p it h e c a n a r b o r e a n ,” whose s t a t e f lo w e r was th e b an an a. Our n a t i o n a l and S t a t e ’’m ottoes" and ’’ c o a t s - o f - a r m s , ’’ f e a r f u l and w o n d e rfu l i n h e r a ld r y and su r c h a r g e d w ith s i g n i f i c a n c e i n s c r u t a b l e - - t h e y do n o t s a t i s f y our g r e e d o f b o s h --g o o d f a t t e n i n g B o s h ; H eaven b l e s s th e unspeak a b le Turk f o r t h e word'. G ive us a n a t i o n a l f l o w e r . To a l l t h a t have b e e n s u g g e s t e d I p r e f e r ( i n a l l h u m ilit y ) t h a t l o v e l y , e v e r l a s t i n g bloom , th e P e l e c t a t i o a sin o r u m . or D on k ey's d e l i g h t . 37 A f te r a n a t i o n a l f lo w e r s h a l l have b e e n s e l e c t e d 34 " P r a t t l e ," Si. P . E x . , March 8 , 1 8 9 1 . 33 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. June 9 , 1 8 85; " P r a t t l e ," S .F . E x. D ec. 4 , 1 8 9 2 . 36 I b i d . . D e c. 2 5 , 1 8 9 2 . 37 I b i d . . June 2 5 , 1 8 8 9 . 90 s u g g e s t e d B i e r c e , th e p e o p le s h o u ld d e v o te t h e i r e f f o r t s t o th e s e l e c t i o n o f a n a t i o n a l soup.®® L a te r he w r o t e , ” . . . my n o t i o n o f a s u i t a b l e d e s ig n f o r th e n a t i o n a l c o a t- o f - a r m s i s t h i s : An i l l i t e r a t e v o t e r , ram p ant, on a f i e l d o f g u l e s . M otto: "To H e l l w it h Everything."®** In h i s e a r l y days B ie r c e gave an o c c a s i o n a l paragrap h t o th e baby s e n t i m e n t a l i s t s . For th e b e n e f i t o f t h e i r d o t in g p a r e n ts he a f f ir m e d th a t b a b ie s w ere m erely l i t t l e salm on-' c o lo r e d b e a s t s and t h a t th e y w ere l u b b e r l y , h id e o u s ly de fo rm ed , i d i o t i c , and m on strou s in a p p e a r a n c e , b e a r a b le o n ly b e c a u se o f t h e i r " m i n u t e n e s s - - l ik e a s p i d e r ; e n d u ra b le o n ly b e c a u se t h e r e i s n o t much o f i t — l i k e a th e is m ;" 4® and on th e t i t l e - p a g e o f Ih e F ie n d 1 s D e lig h t he had p ic t u r e d a s e r i o u s - lo o k in g f a t man h o ld in g a baby i n a p a ir o f to n g s and c a lm ly g r i l l i n g i t over a f i r e . U n d ern eath i s th e f a m i l i a r p r o v e r b , Count t h a t day l o s t whose low d e s c e n d in g sun Y iew s from th y hand no w orth y a c t i o n d o n e. A f t e r he became th e f a t h e r o f s e v e r a l c h i ld r e n h i m s e l f , B ie r c e c o n f in e d h i s rem arks in t h i s f i e l d t o baby sh o w s, t o a s t o r y a b o u t Mark Twain1s o f f e r i n g a t one o f h i s l e c t u r e s t o e a t a baby— " i f some la d y w ould k in d ly le n d him o n e ," — t o th e nam ing o f b a b ie s a f t e r p r e s i d e n t s , and t o r i d i c u l e and 38 I b i d . . J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 9 . 39 I b i d . . A p r i l 1 7 , 1 8 9 2 . 40 "The M odel P h ilo s o p h e r ," H u ggets and D u s t , p . 6 1 . parody o f Sw inburne f o r d e b a s in g M s g e n iu s t o th e l e v e l o f w r i t i n g baby p o e t r y . 4 - * - Ho l e s s sc o r n e d th an t h e s e n t i m e n t a l i s t s were th e i n f a n t i l e or a d o le s c e n t a d u l t s . P rom inent among t h e s e were c o l l e c t o r s o f c e r t a i n t h i n g s , s p o r t s f i e n d s , and th e f r a t e r n a l b r e th r e n who lo v e d to f e e l t h e i r im p ortan ce and t o show o f f , and who to o k t h e i r t i t l e s and r i t u a l s e r i o u s l y . The a t t a c k s upon c o l l e c t o r s were r a t h e r in f r e q u e n t and m ild and were d i r e c t e d c h i e f l y a g a i n s t th o s e whose c o l l e c t i n g was m o tiv a te d by s y c o p h a n tic a d m ir a t io n , v a n i t y , s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , o r a mere c h i l d i s h d e s i r e t o a ccu m u la te t h i n g s . The a u to g r a p h and p h otograp h h u n t e r s were e s p e c i a l l y a n n o y in g t o B ie r c e b e c a u se th e y o f t e n w a n ted h i s s ig n a t u r e o r p i c t u r e . 42 R e a l ly s e r i o u s was th e o f f e n s e o f W illia m J e n n in g s B ry a n , who, when he w ent t o Jap an in 1 9 0 5 , was r e p o r t e d t o have b ou gh t th e s t o o l upon w h ich A d m iral Togo had s a t a t a S h in to cerem o n y. The r e p o r t s t a t e d t h a t B ryan r e tu r n e d th e s t o o l when he h e a r d t h a t th e J a p a n e se had p a r t e d w it h i t r e l u c t a n t l y and o n ly b e ca u se t h e y d id n o t w is h t o d is a p p o in t a " g r e a t" A m erican; but he ^bought i n s t e a d a r e s t a u r a n t c h a ir upon w M ch Togo had s a t . T h is k in d o f s o u v e n ir h u n tin g was d e s p ic a b le to B i e r c e , and he c a l l e d i t " s y c o p h a n tic a n t h r o p o la t r y ," th e s e l f - a b a s i n g 41 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 3 . Swinburne w rote a dozen poems w it h su ch t i t l e s a s "T w in s," "The S a l t o f th e E a r th ," "S even Y ea rs O ld," " E ig h t Y ea rs O ld," and "A C h il d ’ s Thanks. 42 " P r a t t l e , S . J?. E x ., March 1 9 , 1 8 9 3 . w o r sh ip o f g r e a t m en ,4 ® A ls o he r i d i c u l e d th e " b o o h - lo v e r s ” who pay h ig h p r i c e s f o r f i r s t e d i t i o n s , a u to g ra p h ed c o p i e s , and e la b o r a t e b i n d in g s , but have no a p p r e c ia t i o n o f or e o n - 44 c e r n f o r th e c o n t e n t s . l o r d id he o v e r lo o k th e o ld c o in c o l l e c t o r s and "stampwumps," w hose a c t i v i t y , he i r o n i c a l l y rem ark ed , " a d v a n ces th e r e i g n o f r e a s o n and p rom otes h i l a r i t y . " 4 ® H ow ever, B ie r c e s a i d n o t h in g abou t th e f a c t t h a t he h i m s e l f p o s s e s s e d an e x c e l l e n t c o l l e c t i o n o f In d ia n a r r o w -h e a d s , w hich he had g a th e r e d from th e h i l l s and v a l l e y s o f th e Bay D i s t r i c t . The s p o r t s e n t h u s i a s t s , th e s e n s a t i o n a l i s t s , and th e p e o p le who had t o be amused were a l s o c o n s id e r e d a d o l e s c e n t s by B i e r c e , i f n o t i n f a n t s , and he gave them g e n e ro u s and f r e q u en t a t t e n t i o n . Worst o f a l l were th e b o x in g fa n s and th e p r i z e - f i g h t e r s . J a c k Dempsy (n o t th e d e p o ser o f " J e s s ” W i ll a r d ) , a c e r t a i n l a B la n c h e , Jake K i l r a i n , John 1 . S u l l i v a n , P e t e r J a c k so n (a H e g r o ), and Jim O o r b e tt, l a t e r a d m ir in g ly c a l l e d " P r o f e s s o r Jim" C o r b e t t - - t h e s e men were some o f th e f i g h t e r s o f th e 1 8 9 0 ’ s , and th e y w ere d e s p is e d by B ie r c e w ith o u t e x c e p t i o n . J a c k so n and S u l l i v a n , s a i d B i e r c e , were drunken s o t s , w h ile S u l l i v a n was a w i f e - b e a t e r b e s i d e s , and 4 ® "The P a s s in g Show," C o s m o p o lita n . F e b ., 1 9 0 6 . 4 4 " S m a ll C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n . A p r i l , 1 9 0 8 . 4 5 " P r a t t l e ," 3 . F . E x ., S e p t . 2 1 , 1 8 9 0 . 93 th e e n t i r e l o t were b l a c k g u a r d s - - v u l g a r , c o u r s e , i n f a n t i l e 46 b r u t e s . Of an e v e n lo w e r o r d e r th a n th e f i g h t e r s were th e " f i g h t f a n s , ” lo w e r b e c a u s e , b e s f d e s b e in g a s v u l g a r , c o a r s e , * i n f a n t i l e , and .b r u ta l a s th e f i g h t e r s , th e y were a l s o cow a r d l y , p r e f e r r i n g to e n jo y th e b lo w s v i c a r i o u s l y . 4 7 They w o rsh ip p ed S u l l i v a n , t h e ” deus hoodlum norum ." and th e y w h is p e r e d i n awe to one a n o th e r when th e y saw him , " S e e , He /Q com es." Of b o th f i g h t e r s and ” fan s" B ie r c e s a i d , a lm o st u n s a t i r i c a l l y , ”A man who w ou ld n o t r a th e r be s h o t or sta b b e d th a n s t r u c k w it h a f i s t i s a p e r so n o f low and v u lg a r t a s t e s who c h o o s e s h i s p le a s u r e s w ith a pig* s d is r e g a r d o f q u a l i t y . 49 H ow ever, " P u g ilis m i s n o t a l t o g e t h e r d u l l and damn a b le : a t Hew O rlea n s i t gave t o l i t e r a t u r e th e f l o w i n g s e n t e n c e , "He f e l l prone upon h i s b a c k ." 58 Some o f th e c y c l i s t s o f th e mauve decade s t i r r e d B i e r c e 1s c o n tem p t. A b i c y c l e c lu b had b een form ed i n San 51 F r a n c is c o a s e a r l y a s 1 8 8 8 , b u t t h e c y c l i n g c r a z e d id n o t 46 I b i d . , A p r il 1 3 , 1 8 9 0 , J u ly 1 3 , 1 89 0; "The P a s s in g Show," S.. P.. E x ., Aug. 2 7 , 1 8 9 9 . 47 " P r a t t l e ," S .F . E x ., J u ly 1 3 , 1 8 9 0 . 48 I b i d . . A p r il 2 9 , 1 8 8 8 . 49 I b i d . . J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 9 . 50 I b i d . . S e p t . 1 1 , 1 8 9 2 . 5 ! npr a t t l e , " w asp . J a n . 2 0 , 1 8 8 2 . 94 r e a c h i t s peak u n t i l th e m id d le n i n e t i e s , by w h ic h tim e th e b i c y c l e s were t h r e a t e n i n g t o crowd th e p e d e s t r i a n s and c a r - 52 r i a g e s o f f th e r o a d s . B ie r c e had no c r i t i c i s m o f any o f t h e s e c y c l i s t s e x c e p t th e e x h i b i t i o n i s t s and t h e c o m p e t it io n f i e n d s . He c o n s id e r e d i t a d o le s c e n t a lw a y s t o be t r y i n g t o s e t new " w o r ld 's rec o rd " m ark s, w h ich c o u ld n o t p o s s i b l y be a u t h e n t ic anyhow , and he was d is g u s t e d w it h th e h i g h - s e a t e d , lo w -h a n d le d , bow -b ack ed r i d e r s ; th e y w ere a menace to them s e l v e s ( f o r t u n a t e l y ) a s w e l l a s to ev ery o n e e l s e , a n d , b e - . 53 s i d e s , t h e y were n o t human b e i n g s . The w hole s p o r t s w o r ld was m in d le s s . The b a s e b a l l z e a l o t s (D o u g la s T i l d e n ' s s t a t u e o f th e " B a l l Thrower" i n G olden Gate P ark was sh a m e fu l'.); th e f o o t b a l l e r s ; th e p a r t i c i p a n ts in t h e wom en's w a lk in g m arathon; Eugene San do w, th e g i a n t s t r o n g man, w it h " a p r o d ig io u s in co m p eten ce and a l a c k o f common s e n s e t h a t i s d i s t i n c t l y p r e c o c i o u s ," 3 4 and a l l who w ent to s e e him ; B lo n d in , t h e E rench r o p e -w a lk e r o v er N ia g a r a ; th e "two fe m a le r o a d -r u n n e r s and sea-sk im m ers" (one b e in g N e lly B ly ) , who w ere s e n t out by Gordon B e n n e tt o f th e New Y ork H e r a ld , to b e a t t h e im a g in a ry r e c o r d o f J u l e s Y ern e1 s s t o r y by g i r d l i n g t h e w orld i n l e s s th a n e i g h t y d a y s , who sto p p e d in Amiens and in t e r v ie w e d Y e rn e, and who p a s se d 52 " P r a t t l e ," S . E . E x ., S e p t . 2 3 , 1 8 9 4 . 5 3 I b i d . . J u ly 2 6 , 1896 and D ec. 1 , 1 8 9 5 , Aug. 2 2 , 1897 and Aug. 1 9 , 1 8 9 4 . I b i d . . June 1 0 , 1 8 9 4 . th r o u g h San F r a n c i s c o , w ith o u t s t o p p in g , on Jan u ary 2 1 , 1890; th e p la n n e r s o f a h e a d -o n c o l l i s i o n o f two o ld lo c o m o t iv e s f o r th e w o r ld ’ s f a i r i n C h icago i n 189 2; t h e r i c h h o r s e f l e s h e n t h u s i a s t s o f th e Bay R e g io n , l i k e S t a n fo r d , one o f th e C rocker h o y s , th e p o l i t i c i a n B o ru ck , and th e p a r a s i t i c W alter H ohart; y e s , and i n s o c i e t y , th o s e in d o o r c o u n te r p a r ts o f th e o u td o o r s p o r t s p e o p l e , th e w h is t d e v o t e e s - - t h e y were a l l a c h i l d i s h l o t , whose d e v o tio n to such t h i n g s was i n d i c a t i o n o f t h e i r u n m in d ed n ess; and B i e r c e q u o ted w it h p le a s u r e and se em in g a p p r o v a l t h i s sta te m e n t ab ou t them by some un named p e r so n : . . . a s s t u d e n t s o f a d i s e a s e d s o c i e t y we may ta k e a deep i n t e r e s t in su ch form s o f a b e r r a t i o n , a s a p a t h o l o g i s t may in a c a s e o f c a n c e r . And i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o change h a b i t s w h ich so o b v io u s ly b e lo n g t o bad s t o c k t h a t i s h a r d ly w orth im p r o v in g , The b e s t hope i s t h a t th e u n m itig a te d r e s u l t s o f su ch a d i s e a s e may q u ic k ly have f u l l e f f e c t on th e t y p e , and r e s u l t in i t s esrfcermina t i o n b e f o r e a b e t t e r c l a s s or b e t t e r r a c e . 5 ® A d o le s c e n t l i k e th e l o v e r s o f s p o r t s and amusement were t h e s e r i o u s members o f t h e s e c r e t o r d e r s . B ie r c e g u ffa w ed a t t h e i r p u e r i l e , solem n a d d i c t i o n to s e c r e c y , p a r a d e s , o f f i c e s , grai^Lose t i t l e s , c h i l d i s h i n i t i a t i o n r i t e s and r i d i c u l o u s r i t u a l s * c o d e s , s i g n s , r o y a l r e g a l i a , and b osh and humbug i n g e n e r a l . Time a f t e r tim e h e/ch a sten ed t h e s e b r e th r e n - ~ t h e V e i le d P r o p h e ts , th e M asons, th e F o r e s t e r s , th e Odd F e l l o w s , th e B o b le s o f th e M y s tic S h r in e , th e H e p ta so p h s, 55 " S m a ll O o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n . J a n ., 1 9 0 8 . 96 and th e K n ig h ts T e m p la r--a n d he d id i t w it h uncommon s e v e r i t y and d e l i g h t . When a c e r t a i n W illia m Morgan was su p p o sed to have b e e n drowned by th e M asons f o r r e v e a l i n g t h e i r s e c r e t s , B i e r c e w r o te , A d a u g h ter o f t h e l a t e W illiam M organ, whom th e f r e e m asons f i n d p le a s u r e in p r o f e s s i n g t o have m urdered, l i v e s i n O regon, a v e n e r a b le woman o f th e name o f S m ith . She c o n fir m s t h e s t o r y o f th e F re e and A c c e p te d t h a t her f a t h e r was ta k e n out on th e la k e by f i v e o f th e b r e th r e n and drowned; so I su p p o se th e good o l d la d y l i e s . I'm s o r r y to sa y i t , b u t th e Order* s c la im to i n i q u i t y h a s no b e t t e r f o u n d a tio n th a n i t s c la im t o a n t i q u i t y ; f o r M organ, who had ta k e n a l l th e d e g r e e s f o r th e pu rp ose o f d i s c l o s i n g th e s e c r e t s , r e a l l y com m itted s u i c i d e from c h a g r in b e c a u se t h e r e was n o th in g t o t e l l . I l i k e a l i a r - - n o t a t i m i d , c o a s t w is e l i a r , who makes a l l s a i l f o r a s h e l t e r i n g h aven e v e r y tim e a c a p - f u l l o f th e w ind o f esqoosure ro u g h en s th e w a t e r , but a n o b l e , d e e p -w a te r l i a r , who sq u a r e s away from th e m id -o cea n o f m e n d a c ity , d e f i a n t o f a l l th e sto rm s t h a t b lo w . Of t h i s im p o sin g k in d i s y o u r F reem ason w ith h i s A ra b ia n t a l e s o f p r o d ig io u s a n t i q u i t y , h i s e n g a g in g n a r r a t i v e s ab ou t S o lo m o n 's T em p le, h i s f i n e and f r e e - r u n n i n g f a n c i e s a n e n t th e s a c r e d a r c h iv e s o f h i s o r d e r , h i s f l u e n t f i b s o f m y s t e r ie s and sy m b o ls in t h e P y ra m id s, and . . . on th e o b e l i s k s and tom bs o f p r e h i s t o r i c k i n g s . O, I lo v e h i s m a r v e ls and h i s mum meries, h i s a n c ie n t r i t u a l s and m e d ia e v a l s p l e n d o r s . He i s so d e l i g h t f u l l y p i c t u r e s q u e . And su ch a l i a r ' . 0 su c h a l ia r ' . I l i k e t o h e a r him c a l l h i m s e l f a S i r K n ig h t, and a R o y a l R ig h t Worthy S u p e rn a l Jam b oree. I d e a r ly lo v e t o n o te th e sw a y in g o f h i s b r o id e r e d a p r o n , d ep en d in g from h i s b e e t l i n g b e l l y - - t o se e him t h r u s t h i s pudgy f i n g e r s i n t o th e u n accu stom ed g lo v e and e n t a n g le h i s f a t l e g s in th e g ea r o f h i s p o t - m e t a l sw ord . I l o v e him , and I lo v e t o lo v e him ; but when I c o n s id e r how h e l o v e s h i m s e l f I am t o r t u r e d w i t h a s e n s e o f in c a p a c it y and consum ed w ith t h e fla m e s o f e n v y . 56 ^6 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. Aug. 5 , 1881 97 B i e r c e in v e n t e d names to p la g u e th e members o f th e s e c r e t o r d e r s : he c a l l e d t h e i r s o c i e t i e s * th e K n ig h ts o f Adam; t h e V i s i o n a r i e s o f D e le c t a b le B osh ; th e A n c ie n t Order o f th e M oderns; th e League o f H oly Humbug; th e G olden P h a la n x o f P h a la n g e r s ; th e G e n te e l S o c i e t y o f E xp u rgated Hoodlums; th e M y stic A l l i a n c e o f G orgeous R e g a lia n s ; . . . th e O r ie n t a l Order o f th e Sons o f. th e W e st.5 ” and so o n ,. a lm o st ad i n f i n i t u m . And when th e K n ig h ts Tem plar came to San F r a n c is c o f o r a c o n v e n t io n , he f e i g n e d s u r p r i s e a t th e c o n c e r n o v er h o u s in g t h e f o r t y th o u sa n d r i o t e r s , s i n c e th e K n ig h ts Tem plar o f th e M iddle A ges were v a l i e n t men a c cu stom ed to h a r d s h ip s . H avin g b r i e f l y r e v ie w e d th e g l o r i e s o f th e m e d ia e v a l o r d e r , B ie r c e p r o c e e d e d , Are you n o t asham ed, y o u p u n y , s h o p -k e e p in g , g r a c e l e s s , d a y * s-w a g es men o f p ea ce to b e a r th e n o b le name o f K n ig h ts T em plar; t o m asquerade in s t o l e n h o n o rs o f an Order c e n t u r i e s dead b e f o r e yo u r fo u n d e r was " d i t c h d e l i v e r e d by a drab"? How dare you b e l i t t l e and d e f i l e th e w o r ld 's g l o r i o u s h e r it a g e in t h e i r h o n o r a b le h i s t o r y and f a i r t r a d i t i o n ? Of what a re you r K n ig h t s , and whose Temple do you g u a rd , y o u men o f s k in n in g c o n t r a c t s and c o m fo r ta b le in co m e, t r i p p i n g up on you r to y sw ords and b e d e c k in g your b o d ie s w ith f a n t a s t i c " r e g a l i a " . . . and making p a r a d e s f o r th e e d i f i c a t i o n o f g r in n in g u r c h in s and s e n t i m e n t a l h o u se m a id s. 0 , I ' d c o m fo r ta b ly h o u se you i f I w ere d i c t a t o r . The Warden o f th e S t a t e P r is o n sh o u ld be y o u r c a s t e l l a n , and you s h o u ld go p e a c o c k in g in a p p r o p r ia te b r a v e ry o f s t r i p y t r o w s e r s . 5 8 A d d r e s sin g h i m s e l f , i n P r o v e r b ia l s t y l e , to th e y o u th on t h i s s u b j e c t , he a d v is e d . Young man, se e t h a t th o u be n o t c a p t iv a t e d by t h i s manner o f n o n s e n s e . G ive i t n o t th e s a n c t io n o f th y 57 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J u ly E l, 1 8 8 9 . 58 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. D ec. 3 0 , 1 8 8 2 . 98 f a v o r , fo r i t com eth o f i n t e l l e c t u a l v a c u i t y . Ceremon i e s , r i t e s , m y s te r y , p a g e a n t r y - - t h e y are th e t o p l o f t y t o m fo o le r y o f empty m inds and b a r r e n l i v e s . Go s t o r e t h in e u n d e r s ta n d in g w ith m u l t i f a r i o u s k n o w led g es and w i s doms. E n rich t h e e w ith l i t e r a t u r e and a r t . . . .5 9 and so o n , a d v o c a tin g th e g e t t i n g o f know ledge and w isdom a s a means o f r e c o g n iz in g sham s, f o l l i e s , and u n w o rth . A l l p e o p le a d d ic t e d to v a n i t y , c o n c e i t , and s e l f d i s p l a y were a l s o i n f a n t i l e in B i e r c e ’ s s i g h t , and he fo u n d o c c a s io n to d i s c i p l i n e n o t o n ly l o c a l " n o b o d ie s" o f t h i s s o r t , b u t p e o p le l i k e G eorge Gary E g g le s t o n and Henry Gabot l o d g e , who c la im e d d e s c e n t r e s p e c t i v e l y from G eorge R ogers O lark and S e b a s t ia n Gabot ( fa n c y t h e 1 /2 0 4 8 p a r t o f Cabot b lo o d in Henry e le v e n g e n e r a t io n s rem oved from h i s fam ous a n c e s t o r '.) ; J o a q u in M i l l e r , who d r e s s e d w it h r o m a n tic e c c e n t r i c i t y , wore a b ea rd on th e p r e te n s e t h a t i t c o n c e a le d an u g ly s c a r r e c e i v e d in b a t t l e w ith th e I n d ia n s , c la im in g fu r th e r m o r e t h a t h i s r a z o r hand had b een d i s a b le d by a n o th e r I n d ia n wound, and lim p ed from an o ld arrow wound In th e h i p , a wound t h a t now and th e n s h i f t e d s t r a n g e l y from one s id e t o th e o t h e r O s c a r W ild e , who a v e r r e d t h a t i f he w ere s t i l l l i v i n g he w ould s t i r , w it h p o e t r y , th e b lo o d o f th e b e a u t i f u l E n g lis h a c t r e s s M rs. L an gtry when sh e was n i n e t y - f i v e . A l a r g e group o f i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t s can h a r d ly 59 I b i d . . D ec. 2 7 , 1 8 8 4 . " S m a ll C o n t r i b u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n . A u g ., 1 9 0 7 . 99 toe c la s s e d , w ith e i t h e r t h e s e n t i m e n t a l i s t s or a d o le s c e n t s * thou gh c e r t a i n l y th e y a r e o f t e n tooth s e n t im e n t a l and a d o l e s c e n t . They a r e th e m erely s t u p i d , ig n o r a n t , or in a n e . Such p e r so n s were n e v e r b o th e r e d toy B i e r c e u n l e s s th e y became p r e t e n t i o u s or o th e r w is e p u b l i c l y o f f e n s i v e . B e lo n g in g t o t h i s group w ere a l l th e p e o p le who c l i n g to e x p o se d e r r o r ; who s t a y up a l l n i g h t to g e t e l e c t i o n r e t u r n s ; who commit w eak, l i t t l e c r im e s t h a t g e t them n o th in g w hen, i f th e y a r e g o in g to be c r i m i n a l s , t h e y m ight as w e l l g e t t h e i r p e n a l t y ’ s w orth ; who know no b e t t e r th a n t o c la im an i n a n i t y , as th e M ich igan U n iv e r s i t y s t u d e n t s c la im e d a u t h o r s h ip o f th e What' s - t h e - m a t t e r - w it h - s o ~ a n d ~ s o ? - H e ’ s - a l l - r i g h t ' . i d i o c y . H e r e , t o o , b e lo n g e d p e o p le who make a s i n in e s t a t e m e n ts or d i s c u s s s i l l y q u e s t io n s : M rs. Mona G a ird , who d i s c u s s e d th e p ro b lem , ” I s M arriage a F a i l u r e ? " ; D r. Mary W alker, th e woman who d r e s s e d as a man and who l e c t u r e d on th e s u b j e c t , ’’What Makes a Man?’’ ; J o se p h Gook, who ask ed i n a s p e e c h , "Does d e a th and a l l ? ” (S a id B i e r c e , " I hope so f o r G ook ." ); Dr. B l i s s f o r s a y i n g , a f t e r G a r f ie ld had b e e n s h o t , ” i t was a m ost im p o r ta n t m a tter t h a t th e P r e s i d e n t ' s l i f e be p r o lo n g e d u n t i l th e p e o p le w ere p rep a red f o r t h e sh o ck o f h i s d e a t h ,” — a s i f an e x p l a n a t i o n or a p o lo g y w ere n e c e s s a r y fo r k e e p in g th e P r e s id e n t a l i v e a s lo n g as p o s s i b l e ; t h e c i v i l e n g in e e r R o b e r ts who t e s t i f i e d a f t e r th e John stow n f l o o d ’’ t h a t t h e d i a s t e r . . . was g r e a t l y augm ented by th e g i v in g 100 way o f th e dam . . . Mary Clemmer, who made th e m e a n in g le s s rem ark t h a t S e c r e ta r y B o b e r t L in c o ln had ” 1 an a p p e a lin g f a c e ' " (so d oes a ’ ’n u t - e x p e c t in g b e a r , or Mary Olemmer when sh e c a l l s in a l l h e r o u t - l y i n g e n e r g i e s and n o n - i n t e r e s t b e a r in g charms to r u s t l e f o r a k i s s ” ); th e t h i c k - s k u l l e d c o r r e sp o n d e n t who s e r i o u s l y o b j e c t e d t o B i e r c e ' s humorous s t a t e ment t h a t t h e main t h in g i n e x e c u t in g a c r im in a l i s " to g e t him dead enough to s t a y dead a l l th e r e s t o f h i s l i f e ; ” D avid S ta r r J o r d a n , who la m en ted th e u n b e g o tte n c h ild r e n t h a t r e s u l t e d from our unhappy m i l i t a r y e x p e r ie n c e s w ith th e F i l i p i n o s a f t e r th e S p a n ish -A m erica n War. S a id B i e r c e o f th e fam ous u n i v e r s i t y p r e s i d e n t , I can n ot u n d erta k e to a ss u a g e D r. J o rd a n ’ s g r i e f f o r t h e c h i l d r e n t h a t are d e n ie d b i r t h b e c a u se t h e i r f a t h e r s are k i l l e d in th e P h i li p p i n e war w ith o u t h a v in g a chance to b e g e t them . There a r e so rrow s to o s a c r e d f o r w ord s. The p e o p le who f a l s e l y p r e te n d e d t o a kn ow led ge o f l i t e r a t u r e , p a i n t i n g , a str o n o m y , or a n y th in g e l s e w ere o f t e n r i d i c u l e d ; f o r e x a m p le, t h o s e who m isq u o ted p o e t r y , m is s p e l l e d nam es, and m i s a t t r i b u t e d q u o t a t io n s or w o rk s. When Dana P e r k in s was a p p o in te d C a l i f o r n ia S t a t e L ib r a r ia n , B ie r c e hounded him f o r m onths, r e p r e s e n t i n g him to th e p u b lic as an ignoram us who was u n a b le t o rea d and w r i t e , b u t who c o u ld r e c o g n iz e a c l o s e d b ook th ou g h n o t an open o n e .®2 6 1 "The P a s s in g Show,” S . F . E x ., O ct. 1 , 1 8 9 9 . 62 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E fc., March 1 7 , 1 8 8 9 . Among th e m i s c e l la n e o u s l y s t u p id and in a n e were th e p e o p le who h e lp e d k eep a l i v e s i l l y c u sto m s , l i k e th e p a s s in g o f r e s o l u t i o n s o f r e s p e c t by o r g a n iz a t io n s upon th e d ea th o f some p rom in en t c i t i z e n ; s h a k in g h a n d s, tooth p o l i t i c a l l y and s o c i a l l y ; c e l e b r a t i n g C h ristm as in t h e t r a d i t i o n a l manner; m aking Hew Y ea r’ s r e s o l u t i o n s ; ^ c h r i s t e n i n g s h i p s w ith g o - f o r t h poem s, s p e e c h e s , and a l l th e r e s t o f th e f a l d e r a l and p o th e r in v o lv e d ; g e t t i n g drunk on Hew Y e a r 's e v e ; and s h o o t in g f i r e c r a c k e r s on th e F o u r th o f J u l y . S tu p id a l s o were th e f a d d i s t s o f a l l k i n d s , d i e t a r y , m e d ic a l, r e l i g i o u s , p h i l o s o p h i c a l , h e a l t h . The c r a c k e d - p o ts w ere s t u p i d and in an e t o o ; th e o ld l a d i e s who l e f t f o r t u n e s to m a in ta in p e t c a t s and a t l a s t e r e c t to m b sto n e s o v e r t h e i r g r a v e s ; th e " in v e n t o r o f a g r a v it y t u n n e l , b etw een B r o o k ly n and Hew Y ork , w h ich would ru n dow n-grade to a p o in t midway b etw een th e two t e r m in a ls , whence th e momentum o f th e t r a i n was su p p o sed to c a r r y i t " a lm o st” up th e i n c l i n e on th e o th e r s i d e ; th e p e o p le who b egan a movement a f t e r th e Spani sh-A rnerican War t o p r e s e n t A d m iral C ervera w ith a home on Tampa B a y , F l o r i d a . Hot l e a s t among th e s t u p id p e o p le were t h e a v e r a g e op t i m i s t s . Your o p t im is t Jsaid B ierc^ I i s u s u a l l y a smug and s h a llo w a s s w ith n e i t h e r th e f a c u l t y o f o b s e r v a t io n nor th e b r a in s to i n t e r p r e t th e f a c t s pumped i n t o h i s 63 n C h ristm a s and th e Hew Y ear," O o lle c t e d W orks. T o l . IX , p p . £ 3 5 - 4 1 . a t t e n t i o n by p u l s a t i o n s o f th e p r i n t i n g p r e s s and w a ste d a t th e d r i b b l i n g s p ig g o t o f h i s p e n . [Optim ism , l i k e c h e e r f u l n e s s and t o l e r a n c e , i s a c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f ] th e low er ord er o f m in d s. The s p i r i t u a l w o r ld i s l i k e th e m a t e r i a l; th e lo w la n d s and l i t t l e em in en ces sm ir k in g w ith g r e e n e r y , gay w it h f l o w e r s and t h e v i v a c i t y o f b ir d s th e d o m in a tin g p ea k s g r a v e , d e s o l a t e m a j e s t ie - - s t o r m p u rged o f l i f .e and c o l o r and a u s t e r e w ith a p rop h ecy o f doom .64 To B i e r c e t h e o p t i m i s t was a c h e e r f u l , f a t i g u i n g i d i o t , whose " e y e s a r e p r ism s d ecom p osin g t h e l i g h t " so t h a t "he s e e s a l l t h in g s i r r i d e s c e n t ." Y et he i s u s e f u l to c i v i l i z a t i o n , s i n c e by h i s b e l i e f i n p e r f e c t i b i l i t y mankind i s e n c o u r a g e d , a l b e i t u s u a l l y f u t i l e l y , to u n d erta k e t h e cu re o f h i s own i l l s . 6 ® One more group o f i n a n i t a r i a n s upon whom B i e r c e u se d a p r o d ig io u s q u a n t it y o f in k was th e d o g - l o v e r s . The dog- l o v e r s he s a t i r i z e d , th e d ogs he sim p ly d e t e s t e d . He s c o f f e d a t t h e s e n t im e n t a l s t o r i e s c i r c u l a t e d abou t th e s e l f - s a c r i f i c i n g d e v o t io n o f d ogs t o and t h e i r h e r o ic r e s c u e s o f c h i l d r e n , m o s tly from d r o w n in g - - f a ls e s t o r i e s C l C* a l l . N a t u r a l l y , th e b i g N ew foundlands s h o u ld n o t be blam ed f o r what p e o p le s a i d ab ou t them , bu t B i e r c e c o u n te d th e dogs no b e t t e r fo r t h a t . A dog to him was an " a n im a ted f l e a - p a s tu r e ," a " d i s t r i b u t i n g c e n t e r o f u n h o ly s m e l ls ," and " i n c a r n a te a p p e t i t e ," and " u n s e r v ic e a b le consum er," a " p o t e n t i a l 64 " P r a t t l e ," S . P . E te., O ct. 2 1 , 1 8 9 4 . 65 I b i d . . J u ly 2 6 , 1 8 9 6 . 66 E . g . , The F ie n d s 1 s D e l i g h t , pp. 5 8 f . 103 d is p o s e r o f h y d ro p h o b ia ” s q u ic k e n in g o u ie e ," a " d e v o te e to fo u r (4 ) u n m en tio n a b le p r a c t i c e s , " a n .” o f f e n s i v e s u r v i v a l o f th e c i v i l i z a t i o n o f th e c a v e - d w e l l e r s ," — in s h o r t , a 6 7 "damdog;" and e v er y dog was " lo a d e d up w ith the' prom ise and p o te n c y o f m adness."^® H is id e a t h a t dogs were r e a l l y dan gerous was n o t a mere i d l e p r e j u d i c e . Many o f th e b r u te s were v i c i o u s by n a t u r e , and e v e r y summer t h e r e w ere s c o r e s o f e a s e s o f h y d ro p h o b ia in th e l a r g e r c i t i e s . B i e r c e r e p o r t e d t h a t d u r in g h i s s t a y i n th e E a st in 1896 one mad dog b i t f i f t e e n p e r s o n s w i t h i n an hour*, and in one d a i l y p ap er o v e r a p e r io d o f a month he c o u n te d r e p o r t s o f 187 p e r s o n s h a v in g b een b i t t e n by d o g s . 69 A n other tim e he r e p o r t e d t h a t " e v e r y y e a r in Europe and th e U n ite d S t a t e s a lo n e more th a n f i v e th o u sa n d human b e i n g s d ie o f h y d r o p h o b ia .7C ) In a l e t t e r to S . 0 . H owes, u n d a te d , b u t p r o b a b ly w r i t t e n ab ou t June 2 4 , 1 9 0 8 , he r e p o r t e d , "W ashington i s in th e t h r o e s o f h y d r o p h o b ia --tw o or t h r e e c a s e s a d ay. B u t f o r th e in n o c e n t women and c h i l d r e n , who a r e th e c h i e f v i c t i m s , t h a t w ould make me 67 " P r a t t l e ," S . P . jEhc., June 1 3 , 1 8 9 7 . 68 n p r a t t l e , " Wasp. A p r i l 2 4 , 1 8 8 4 . 69 " P r a t t l e ," S. P . E x ., J a n . 1 0 , 1 8 9 7 . 70 I b i d . . J u l y 1 8 , 1 8 9 7 . 104 s m i l e , " 71 The dogs became o b n o x io u s on s t i l l a n o th e r c o u n t when th e b i c y c l e becam e p o p u la r , f o r th e y a l l seem ed t o t h i n k 78 t h a t v e h i c l e ’’was in v e n t e d f o r them t o c h a se and b a r k a t ." P o s s e s s e d o f t h i s h a t r e d f o r O anis f a m i l i a r i s . B i e r c e th rew many a j o u r n a l i s t i c s t o n e a t h im , and he r e p e a t e d ly p r a i s e d th e p e o p le who s h o t o r p o is o n e d d o g s . 7 ^1 B ut more th a n th e dogs he d e s p is e d t h e i r ow ners and w o r s h i p e r s ,— " c a n i o l a t o r s ," he c a l l e d them ; and i n "The la n d 74 ' - beyond th e Blow" he s a t i r i c a l l y r e p r e s e n t e d t h e dog a s th e god o f t h e p e o p le o f Ganegwag, m aking t h e d e s c r i p t i o n o f h i s p la c e i n t h e i r s o c i e t y c o r r e sp o n d v e r y c l o s e l y t o t h a t o f th e dog i n o u r s . Time a f t e r tim e he c a u s t i c a l l y a t t a c k e d th e p e o p le , m o s tly women, who l a v i s h e d t h e i r a f f e c t i o n upon t h i s v e s t i g i a l rem nant o f a b a r b a r ic a g e , m a in t a in in g i t in lu x u r y , p e r m it t in g i t to be a n u is a n c e t o o t h e r s , and f i n a l l y b u r y in g i t w ith an e x p e n s iv e tom b ston e o ver i t s h e a d . a When M iss L o u is e Imogen G uiney w r o te ^ d e fe n se o f d o g s , i n r e p ly to a p r o p o s a l by M rs. M ey n a ll t o a b o l i s h them , B i e r c e sc o r n e d h er f o r s u p p r e s s in g , o r i g n o r in g , th e f a c t o f th e an n u al d e a th r a t e from h y d ro p h o b ia in Europe and th e 71 l e t t e r i n H u n tin g to n L ib r a r y . 72 " P r a t t l e ," S . P . E x ., June 2 3 , 1 8 9 5 . ifc id . . May 2 4 , 1891 and D ec. 9 , 1 8 9 4 . 74 C o l l e c t e d W orks. V o l. I , p p . 1 4 5 - 5 0 . 105 U n ite d S t a t e s , and he r i d i c u l e d h e r u n fou n d ed a s s e r t i o n s and i l l o g i c a l r e a s o n in g . In r e p ly t o h e r s ta te m e n t t h a t " to w a lk m o d e stly a t a d og’ s h e e l s i s a c e r t i f i c a t e o f m e r it ," B ie r c e c r o o n e d , . . . i f M iss G uiney h a s e v e r o b s e r v e d th e dog h i m s e l f w a lk in g m o d e s tly a t t h e h e e l s o f a n o th e r dog sh e w ou ld p erh a p s have w is h e d t h a t i t was h o t t h e custom o f h e r s e x t o s e a l th e c e r t i f i c a t e o f m e r it w it h a k i s s . 75 One l a r g e and p rom in en t group of- p e o p le among th e i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t s y e t r em a in s f o r c o n s i d e r a t i o n , a group so e x t e n s i v e a s t o in c lu d e a g r e a t m a jo r ity o f our p o p u la t io n and t o p a r ta k e o f t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f e a c h o f th e s e v e r a l gro u p s a lr e a d y m e n tio n e d . I t i s th e v u l g a r i a n s . The b a s i c c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f t h e s e i s t h e i r l a c k o f i n t e l l e c t u a l c u l t i v a t i o n , w h ic h in tu r n l e a v e s t h e i r n a t u r a l , m a t e r i a l i s t i c p r o p e n s i t i e s u n s u b o r d in a te d , and w hich r e s u l t s i n s e n s u a lis m , a c q u i s i t i v e n e s s , ig n o r a n c e , v a n i t y , s e l f - d i s p l a y , s e n t im e n t a lis m a t t i m e s , i n f a n t i l i s m , m is c e lla n e o u s a s i n i t y , and a g e n e r a l l a c k o f good t a s t e . - I t i s a c l a s s i f i c a t i o n t h a t c u t s th r o u g h a l l o th e r t y p e s o f i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n c y . B i e r c e ' s a t t i t u d e tow ard i n t e l l e c t u a l l a z i n e s s , i n e r t i a , and le t h a r g y h as a lr e a d y b e e n s u f f i c i e n t l y c l a r i f i e d , a s have h i s a t t i t u d e s tow ard v a n i t y , s e n t im e n t a lis m , 75 ’’p r a t t l e , " S .E . E x ., J u ly 1 8 , 1 8 9 7 . A p a r t o f t h i s a r t i c l e on M iss ( l u i n e y ^ d e fe n s e i s r e p r i n t e d (0 1 3 -1 5 ) i n " B o g ,” C o l l e c t e d Works. V o l . I I , pp . 3 1 0 - 2 7 , w h ich e s s a y , co m p o sed -o f e x c e r p t s from a t l e a s t e i g h t o f h i s v a r io u s a t t a c k s upon d o g s , i s h i s f i n a l and m ost c o m p le te s ta te m e n t on th e s u b j e c t . 106 m a t e r i a li s m , b r u t a l i t y , and f a t u i t y i n g e n e r a l , - - a l l b e in g c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f th e v u l g a r ia n s ; bu t B i e r c e ’ s c o n c e p t o f v u l g a r i t y in c lu d e d a l s o p o r c in e m a t e r ia lis m and l a c k o f good t a s t e • M a te r ia lis m , w h ich a f t e r i n t e l l e c t u a l d e a d n ess i s th e m ost fu n d a m en ta l t r a i t o f t h e v u l g a r , B ie r c e d e s p i s e d w it h h i s w h ole b e i n g , and tim e a f t e r tim e he h e ld up t o b i t t e r s c o r n im p o r ta n t p e o p le or g ro u p s whose l i v e s were m o tiv a te d by t h i s d o c t r i n e . I t was common i n h i s tim e t o e u l o g i z e th e ' 4 9 e r s and e a r l y s e t t l e r s o f C a l i f o r n i a a s h e r o e s who l e f t d i s t a n t homes and en d u red and c o n q u er e d un - e x p r e s s i b l e h a r d s h ip s i n com ing to and s e t t l i n g C a l i f o r n i a . S a id B i e r c e , th e g o l d - s e e k e r s who came West i n 1849 and th e y e a r s a f t e r and th o s e who went N orth t o th e K lo n d ik e , b e g i n n in g i n 1 8 9 6 , w ere a l l p o s s e s s e d o f one d r iv in g m o t iv e , an a ll- c o n s u m in g , h o g g is h a v a r i c e . To my own u n tu to r e d d isc e r n m e n t t h e r e i s n o th in g im pres s i v e , n o b l e , e l e v a t i n g in the s p e c t a c l e o f a human h e r d m inded madwise and g r e e d in g f o r g o l d , w h eth er i t s mem b e r s move in t i d e s under th e s u a s io n o f t h e i r c u p i d i t y or s t a y a t home and p r o s p e c t one a n o t h e r 's p o c k e t s . A v a r ic e i s n o t a p r e t t y t h in g to c o n t e m p la te . . . . [I n C a lifo r n ia ]H o n e was a s s lo w a s he the[ g o ld -h u n te r ] to d is c e r n th e m a rv elo u s f e r t i l i t y o f th e s o i l t h a t he r o o t e d up l i k e a p i g in p u r s u it o f t r u f f l e s . He had a sn o u t f o r g o ld and was a l l s n o u t . 76 He d e f i n e d ’’ pocket" a s " th e main tem p le o f th e A m erican 76 " P r a t t l e ," S . P . E x . , J u ly 2 5 , 1 8 9 7 . 107 77 - d e i t y ;" lie lo o k e d c o n te m p tu o u sly down upon p e o p le o f ’’t r a d e ;'5 he r e p r o v e d t h e a c q u i s i t i v e n e s s o f t h e San F r a n c is c a n s by s u g g e s t i n g i r o n i c a l l y t h a t th e i n s c r i p t i o n on th e su n d i a l i n G olden Gate P ark toe changed from " I o n ly mark th e sunny hours" t o "Time i s m oney;" 78 and i n "The la n d beyond th e Blow" he s a t i r i z e d t h e p e o p le w hose m ain o b j e c t i v e i s w e a lth by r e p r e s e n t i n g w e a lth as a m is fo r tu n e and an e v i l i n th e la n d o f th e G o la m p is, where o n ly th e l o w e s t , m ost 7Q ig n o r a n t , and d ep ra v ed c l a s s e s d e s i r e d or p o s s e s s e d i t . Some o f th e w e a lth y San F r a n c is c a n s whom B ie r c e r e p e a t e d ly a t t a c k e d f o r t h e i r a v a r ic e were l e l a n d S ta n fo r d (whose name B i e r c e som etim es s p e l l e d l e l a n d S t a n f o r d ) , C h a rles C rock er, and C. P . H u n tin g to n , a l l f i r s t o f t h e C e n tr a l P a c i f i c R a ilw a y , l a t e r o f th e S o u th ern P a c i f i c ;881 A sa F i s k , a w e a lth y b a n k e r; N ic h o la s lu n in g ; F ran k P i x l e y , one o f th e p u b l i s h e r s o f The A r g o n a u t. a man who a lw a y s w ro te God w ith a l i t t l e £ and banker w ith a b i g B; W illia m S h aron , who e n jo y e d b e i n g known a s " th e S i l v e r K ing;" and Mike de Y oung, p u b lis h e r o f t h e Sail F r a n c is c o C h r o n ic le . ^ ^ b id . , M arch, 1 9 0 9 . 78 " P r a t t l e ," Sr* F . E x ., Hov. 2 6 , 1 8 9 3 . 0 o l l e c t e d W orks» V o l. I , p p . 9 3 f . Q Q R e a l l y , H u n tin g to n was a r e s i d e n t o f Hew Y ork C it y , th o u g h he made se m i-a n n u a l t r i p s to th e c o a s t and m a in ta in e d a m o n s tr o u s, V i c t o r i a n m ansion on Hob H i l l from th e e a r l y 1 9 0 * s on t o th e tim e o f h i s d e a th . % 108 Then as now, th e p e o p le who l i v e d f o r w e a lth lo v e d t o d is p l a y i t ; and B ie r c e to o k amused p le a s u r e i n e x p o s in g t h i s p h ase o f t h e i r v u l g a r i t y . He s c o f f e d a t t h e "Four Hundred" in San F r a n c is c o and in O akland, and a t Ned Greenway, o f the E v en in g P o s t « who g o t h i m s e l f a c c e p t e d as t h e i r s o c i a l d i c t a t o r , perh ap s i n i m i t a t i o n o f Ward M c A l l i s t e r , d i c t a t o r o f th e New Y ork e l i t e . He la u g h e d a t th e men who s u b m itte d t o th e d r e s s cod e o f t h i s group and a llo w e d t h e i r c l o t h e s to be d e s c r ib e d i n th e s o c i e t y colum ns a s w ere th e gowns o f th e womens. To him th e w o r sh ip o f cu stom and cerem ony by t h e s e p e o p le was i d i o t i c , w h ile th e bediam onded s h i r t - f r o n t s o f t h e men and th e b ed iam on d ed , b e r u b ie d , b eem era ld ed s t o c k i n g s o f th e women w ere n a u s e a t in g . B ie r c e on ce s a i d o f S o c i e t y , w it h a c a p i t a l S t " . . . th e h a b i t s o f th e monkeys i n t h a t 81 t r e e l i e o u t s id e my l i n e s o f s t u d y ; ’ b u t he c o u ld n o t a l t o g e t h e r ig n o r e them . S e v e r a l tim e s in h i s c a r e e r he r e c a l l e d w it h s a r d o n ic d e l i g h t a v u lg a r r e v e l g iv e n by S e n a to r W illia m Sharon: He once gave a p a r ty I . . a t h i s c o u n tr y harem , a t w h ich t h e r e w ere f i f t e e n hundred g u e s t s and f o u r f i g h t s . In th e e r u sh a t and ab ou t th e t a b l e wom en's t o i l e t s were" r u in e d and men c a l l e d one a n o th e r l i a r s . Frank P i x l e y g r u n te d o u t a happy d e s c r i p t i o n o f th e s c e n e , t o th e e f f e c t t h a t a d o u b le ran k o f h o g s a b ou t th e tr o u g h p r e v e n t e d t h e sow s from g e t t i n g a n y th in g to e a t .62 8 1 " P r a t t l e , " S . F . S t . , D e c. 9 , 1894-. 82 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, A p r il 1 9 , 1 8 8 4 . 109 B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d t h e d i s p l a y o f " c h a r ity " o f th e n ew ly r i c h , t h e i r l a v i s h n e s s w ith m oney, t h e i r f a s h io n a b le f u n e r a l s , t h e i r sn o b b e r y , a f f e c t a t i o n , and o v e r - n i c i t y . He c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n t o t h e i r bad m anners when t r a v e l i n g a b ro a d , when th e y were lo u d , d i s c o u r t e o u s , b o o r i s h , and v u l g a r , v u lg a r on one o c c a s i o n to t h e p o in t o f i n s i s t i n g upon c a r r y in g th e U n ite d S t a t e s f l a g i n t o th e th r o n e room o f W indsor P a l a c e . 8 2 Ho b e t t e r -than th e v u lg a r r i c h th e m s e lv e s w ere th o s e who w o r sh ip e d w e a lth and g r o v e le d b e f o r e i t , th e p r e s s p a r t i c u l a r l y , w h ic h p r in t e d colum ns o f e u lo g y and o b it u a r y when a v u lg a r r i c h man d i e d , bu t p a id l i t t l e h e e d when a c u l t i v a t e d s c h o l a r , a g e n tle m a n , or a w is e man d i e d . V u lg a r it y was n o t c o n f in e d t o t h e r i c h and th e w or s h i p e r s o f w e a lth ; i t seem s to have b een a b u n d a n tly p r e s e n t in e v e r y s o c i a l str a tu m o f San P r a n c is c a n l i f e . The men as a r u l e showed no d e f e r e n c e f o r one a n o th e r and b u t l i t t l e r e s p e c t f o r " l a d i e s ." To B i e r c e th e word d in in g m eant b o r e - some c o n v e r s a t i o n and o v e r e a t i n g , " th e m i s e r a b le , a c r i d f r u i t s o f a m e n ta l s o i l s t e r i l i z e d by c o m e s t ib le s and p o t a b le s in th e e x c e s s o f i t s c a p a c i t y . * 8 2 " P r a t t l e ," g . JP. E x ., J u ly 1 9 , 1 8 9 6 . 8 4 I b i d . . June 2 9 , 1 8 9 0 . P e o p le b ou gh t p u b l i c i t y in th e s o c i e t y colum ns by g i v i n g m oney, g i f t s , o r e n te r ta in m e n t t o r e p o r t e r s . P e o p le haw ked, s p i t , k i s s e d in p u b l i c , a t e c o r n o f f th e c o b , and chew ed t o o t h p i c k s , t o th e i r o n i c m errim ent of. th e doin' B i e r c e . They sh o o k hands w ith c r u s h in g v i g o r and p r o lo n g e d th e a c t u n b e a r a b ly ; th e y r e a d o n e * s new sp ap er o v e r o n e’ s s h o u ld e r or from th e o p p o s it e s i d e o f th e t a b l e , and th e y c h a se d g r e a s e d p i g s a t f a i r s . On t h e s t r e e t c a r s and f e r r y b o a ts t h e p e a n u t, c a n d y , and c i g a r v e n d e r s w ere f a m i l i a r and im p e r t in e n t , and th e p a s s e n g e r s t h e m s e lv e s w ere c o a r s e , p ro f a n e , and d ru n k en . P o l i t i c i a n s sh o u te d and l o s t t h e i r tem p e r s i n ’’h u r l i n g b ack th e in fam ou s a l l e g a t i o n , ” i n s t e a d o f s a y in g s im p ly , ” 1 deny t h e c h a r g e ;” and men o f n o t e , l i k e Henry M. S t a n l e y , w ere g r o s s l y i ll - m a n n e r e d . Of S t a n l e y , B i e r c e s a i d t h a t he Was u n p le a s a n t , b u m p tio u s, r u d e , and o f f e n s i v e , and t h a t t h e r e f o r e th e E n g li s h w ould have n o t h in g t o do w ith him a f t e r m e e tin g him o n c e . He had A w i l l t o conqu er and a s o u l ,t o d a r e , J o in e d t o th e manners o f a d a n c in g b e a r .0 ® Rowdyism was rampant in San F r a n c is c o th r o u g h o u t th e l a s t t h i r d o f B i e r c e ’ s c e n t u r y . As e a r l y a s 1870 B ie r c e d e s c r ib e d th e fla m b o y a n t c l o t h e s o f t h e t y p i c a l young hoodlum ; h i s g r e a s y h a i r , h i s d r u n k e n n e ss, h i s d i s r e s p e c t f o r p r o p e r ty . I b i d . . March 2 2 , 1 8 9 1 . Ill h i s a f f e c t a t i o n , h i s "mean d e v i l r y a n d h i s " a r t i s t i e 86 b r u t a l i t y , " Young r o w d ie s l i k e t h i s , i n l i n e n d u s t e r s , s p e c i a l i z e d i n Sunday p i c n i c s i n th e c o u n t r y , where th e y e n t e r t a i n e d th e m s e lv e s w it h drunken b r a w ls and t h e s p o l i a t i o n / o f p r o p e r t y , and l e f t b e h in d them , Y a h o o - li k e , o l d b o x e s , d i r t y p a p e r s , empty b o t t l e s , and th e rem n an ts o f lu n c h e s . R ic h , p o o r , and m i d d l e - c l a s s , t h e v u lg a r ia n s spoke a la n g u a g e t h a t was n o t E n g l i s h , and B i e r c e n e v e r c e a s e d f i r i n g a t t h e la n g u a g e f e l o n s who u se d bad grammar (Queen V i c t o r i a and K ip l in g , among them) or s la n g ; who m isp ron ou n ced or m is s p e l l e d w ord s; and who com m itted su ch a t r o c i t i e s a s dem ise f o r d e a t h , g e t m a rr ied f o r m arry. a u to g r a p h f o r s i g n a t u r e . humans f o r human b e i n g s . g o t t e n f o r g o t . d i r t f o r e a r t h , dove fo r d i v e d , and e x p e c t o r a t e f o r s p i t Of c o u r se B ie r c e fa v o r e d c o r r e c t grammar, s p e l l i n g , p r o n u n c ia t io n , and d i c t i o n b e c a u se e r r o r s d i s t r a c t e d h i s a t t e n t i o n from th e i d e a t o th e m ech a n ics o f sp e e c h and made him m e n ta lly u n c o m fo r ta b le . B u t , more im p o r ta n t, he c o n s id e r e d i n c o r r e c t o r im p r e c is e s p e e c h an i n d i c a t i o n o f a b a s i c d e f i c i e n c y o f c h a r a c te r and th o u g h t. Conduct i s o f c h a r a c t e r , c h a r a c te r i s o f th o u g h t, and th o u g h t i s unspoken s p e e c h . W e th in k i n w ords; we c a n n o t t h in k w ith o u t them . S h a llo w n e ss or .o b s c u r ity o f s p e e c h means s h a llo w n e s s or o b s c u r it y o f t h o u g h t . l u g g e t s and B u s t , p p . 16I f . F or t h e c o m p lete b l a c k l i s t se e B i e r c e ' s l i t t l e b o o k , W rite I t R i g h t . 1 9 0 9 . 118 B a r r in g a p h y s i c a l i n f i r m i t y , 'an e r r in g tongu e d e n o te s an.' e r r in g b r a i n . When I stu m b le in my s p e e c h I stu m b le i n my t h o u g h t . The p o e t s , who have th e r i c h e s t and m ost o b e d ie n t v o c a b u la r y , ard a l s o th e w i s e s t t h i n k e r s ; t h e r e i s l i t t l e w orth know ing bu t th e y have t h o u g h t .8 8 I n t e l l e c t u a l l y s t a g n a n t , s e n s u a l and m a t e r i a l i s t i c , ill- m a n n e r e d , crude o f s p e e c h , t h e v u lg a r ia n s w ere a l s o un aware o f , or u n co n ce r n e d w i t h , th e p e r s o n a l r i g h t s and d i g n i t y o f th e i n d i v i d u a l . The b arb er presum ed t h a t he had a r i g h t to i n f l i c t h i s in a n e c h a t t e r upon h i s c u sto m e r . H o te l k e e p e r s th o u g h t n o th in g o f e x p o s in g t h e names o f t h e i r ' g u e s t s in t h e r e g i s t e r so t h a t anyone c o u ld g r a t i f y h i s p r y in g c u r i o s i t y or ta k e a d van tage o f th e in fo r m a tio n g a in e d th e r e fr o m . The am ateur p h o to g ra p h er had no more r e s p e c t f o r p e r s o n a l r i g h t s , and c a s u a l a c q u a in ta n c e s assum ed th e p r i v i l e g e o f s la p p in g one on th e b ack and e j a c u l a t i n g a h e a r ty H e l l o . A s e r i o u s o f f e n s e a g a in s t human d i g n i t y and p e r s o n a l r i g h t s by t h e s e v u lg a r ia n s was t h e i r v i o l a t i o n o f th e r i g h t s o f th e dead e it h e r ^ c li s t u r b in g t h e i r rem ain s or by p u b l i s h in g t h e i r p r i v a t e p a p e r s . I t was such i r r e v e r e n t " la u g h in g hyenas" who w anted to d ig up S h a k e sp e a r e ’ s bod y and tak e h i s c r a n i a l m ea su rem en ts. Then t h e r e were th e a r c h a e o l o g i c a l grave r o b b e r s who s n o u te d a b o u t in th e tombs o f G r e e c e , E g y p t, and I n d ia and c a r r ie d o f f f o r p r o f i t a b l e d i s p l a y the 88 I b i d . . A p r il 7 , 1 8 8 9 . b o d ie s and ornam ents fo u n d t h e r e . How lo n g must a body be b u r ie d b e f o r e i t ca n w it h p r o p r ie t y b e d i s i n t e r r e d and e x h i b i t e d ? S a id B i e r c e , " I t depends on whose b od y." Worse th an th e b a r b e r s , h o t e l - k e e p e r s , and gra ve r o b b e r s , and a t l e a s t a s low as th e p h o to g r a p h e r s and b a c k - s l a p p e r s , were th e p u b l i s h e r s o f p r i v a t e p a p e r s . When L a fc a d io Hearn a s s e r t e d th e im p r o p r ie ty o f t h e a c t , B i e r c e c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n t o H e a r n 's p o in t o f v ie w and u sed th e o c c a s io n t o e x p r e s s a g a in h i s own d is a p p r o v a l o f th e p r a c t i c e : The s im p le t r u t h i s t h a t p u b l i c a t i o n o f l e t t e r s n o t w r i t t e n f o r p u b l i c a t i o n i s prim a- f a c i e e v id e n c e o f r a s c a l i t y i n t h e p e r so n d o in g s o ; and i t makes no d i f f e r e n c e w h eth er th e w r ite r o f t h e l e t t e r i s dead or l i v i n g . The p e r s o n who d oes t h i s t h i n g s u p p l i e s th e s t r o n g e s t p r e su m p tiv e e v id e n c e a g a i n s t h i m s e l f , and i s t o be h e l d g u i l t y , u n l e s s he can o f f s e t i t w ith p o s i t i v e p r o o f o f th e h a r d e s t t h in g i n t h e w o r ld t o p r o v e --a n u n t a i n t e d i n t e n t i o n , t a k i n g no a c c o u n t o f g a i n , g lo r y o r g r a t i f i c a t i o n o f a p u b lic a p p e t i t e . 89 Among th e p e r s o n s who s u f f e r e d h i s d i s p l e a s u r e f o r t h i s o f f e n s e were Mr. L a n g le y , T h a c k e r a y 's p r i v a t e s e c r e t a r y , who k ep t a d i a r y , and upon i t b a se d h i s R e c o l l e c t i o n s o f W illia m M akepeace T h a c k e r a y . i n w h ic h , a c c o r d in g t o B i e r c e , 90 w ere d i s c l o s e d s e c r e t s o f h i s e m p lo y e r 's p r i v a t e l i f e ; R o b ert B row n in g, Jr., who, m o tiv a te d by " t h r i f t , " p u b lis h e d h i s p a r e n t s ' l o v e - l e t t e r s ; 9^ S id n e y G o lv in , who p u b lis h e d in ®9 " S m a ll C o n tr ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , O c t ., 1 9 0 8 . 90 " P r a t t l e , S . P . Jhc. , D e c . 8 , 1 8 8 9 . 91 i b i d . . March 2 , 1 8 9 9 . S c r i b n e r ' s M agazine "The L e t t e r s o f R obert L o u is S t e v e n s o n ," among them b e in g some t o a London woman u n i d e n t i f i e d by C o l v i n ; ^ 2 and Lord T en n yson , th e so n o f A lf r e d , fo r th e pu b l i c a t i o n o f poems t h a t h i s f a t h e r had s u p p r e s s e d .9 3 L ik e w is e he s a t i r i z e d th e p u b lis h e r s o f H aw th orn e's l o v e - l e t t e r s and L a fc a d io H ea r n 's l e t t e r s ; th e p u b lis h e r and r e a d e r s o f S h e l l y ' s l e t t e r s to E l iz a b e t h K itc h e n e r ; th e buyer o f S c o t t ’s l e t t e r s to th e M a rch io n ess o f A b ercorn; th e e d i t o r who a f t e r h e r d e a t h , p u b lis h e d th e poems o f Mary C o le r id g e under h e r name, a lth o u g h sh e had fo r b id d e n him t o do so w h ile sh e was a l i v e and had h e r s e l f p u b lis h e d anonym ously f o r f e a r o f d i s c r e d i t i n g h e r famous g r e a t - g r a n d u n c le , Sam uel T a y lo r C o le r id g e and th e f i i e n d s o f R o s s e t t i fo r d ig g in g up th e m a n u sc r ip ts b u r ie d by him w it h h i s w i f e . 9^ When W h it t ie r d ie d , th e n o t e s , l e t t e r s , u n f in is h e d w o rk s, r e c o l l e c t i o n s , and l i v e s t h a t poured from th e p r e s s e s e l i c i t e d t h e s e v e r s e s from B ie r c e : "I c h a r g e , y e , f r i e n d s to whom I w r o t e ,' The d y in g W h it t ie r s a i d , 'Ye p r i n t n o t any p r i v a t e n o te Or l i f e when I am d e a d . ' He d i e d - - t h e p r e s s e s groan ed and thumped To show to a l l mankind Upon what v a c a n t l o t s h e 'd dumped The r u b b is h o f h i s m in d .95 92 i b i d . , March 1 2 , 1899- 93 "Sm all C o n t r i b u t i o n s ,” C o s m o p o lita n , May, 1 9 0 8 . 94 I b i d . , N o v ., 1 9 0 7 , M arch, 1 9 0 8 , S e p t . , 1 9 0 8 , N o v ., 1 9 0 8 , A u g .7 " ig o 8 . 95 " P r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , O ct. 2 , I 8 9 2 . W h ile a h o s t o f th e v u lg a r ia n s la c k e d ■ c o n c er n f o r th e r i g h t s and d i g n i t y o f o t h e r s , a se c o n d h o s t , in c lu d i n g many o f th e f i r s t , had no a d eq u a te s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l p r i d e , d i g n i t y , o r w o r th . They w ere t h e s e l f - a b a s i n g sy c o p h a n ts o r t o a d - e a t e r s . A lth o u g h su ch p e o p le a r e h a b i t u a l l y i n s i n c e r e and d i s h o n e s t , and m igh t t h e r e f o r e be c o n s id e r e d in t h e n e s t c h a p te r among t h e m o ra l d e l in q u e n t s , t h e i r m ost b a s i c c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a r e f a u l t y s ta n d a r d s o f v a l u e , owing t o mere i n t e l l e c t u a l a p a th y , and a l a c k o f s e l f - r e s p e c t , ow ing t o a vague r e c o g n i t i o n o f t h e i r i n t e l l e c t u a l in c o m p e ten ce and c o n se q u e n t p e r s o n a l i n f e r i o r i t y . To Ambrose B i e r c e , who was a proud man w it h t r u e E m erson ian d i g n i t y and s e l f - r e s p e c t , k o -to w in g to anybody was d e s p i c a b l e . No one a c q u a in te d w ith t h e c h a r a c te r o f B ie r c e w ou ld e x p e c t him -under any c o n d i t i o n s t o lo w e r h i s e y e or bend h i s n eck b e f o r e anyon e i n u n e a s i n e s s , aw e, f l a t t e r y , or c o m p u lsio n . He on ce r e f u s e d a command i n v i t a t i o n t o m eet K ing K alakaua o f t h e Sandw ich I s l a n d s , 96 and in E n glan d h e r e f u s e d t o ap p ear b e f o r e t h e ex-E m p ress E u g en ie o f F ran ce b e c a u se h e r i n v i t a t i o n t o him , by r o y a l cu sto m , was l i k e w i s e i n th e form o f a command.97 T h is same in d e p e n d e n t r e p u b lic a n is m a s s e r t e d i t s e l f a g a in i n 1 8 7 6 , when a s s e c r e t a r y o f th e Bohem ian C lub i n San F r a n c i s c o , he r e f u se d t o s ig n a 96 I b i d . , May 1 0 , 1 8 9 1 . 97 Co l l e c t e d W orks, Y o l. I , p . 3 5 9 . 116 s y c o p h a n tic i n v i t a t i o n to P ed ro I I , S u p e r io r o f B r a z i l , who was v i s i t i n g in t h e U n ite d S t a t e s a t t h a t tim e ; l a t e r h e r e s ig n e d from t h e Club b e c a u s e o f i t s to a d y in g on t h i s and 98 o th e r o c c a s i o n s . H is b e h a v io r i n t h e s e a f f a i r s w as i n no w is e o u t o f harmony w it h th e i n t e n s e s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l d i g n i t y , w o r th , in d e p e n d e n c e , and s t r e n g t h o f c h a r a c t e r t h a t one f e e l s i n a l l h i s s e r i o u s w r i t i n g . A s a c o n se q u en ce t h e r e a r e few t h i n g s t h a t he a t t a c k e d w it h s u c h c o r r o s i v e sc o r n a s s e r v i l i t y , g e n u f l e x i o n , g r o v e l i n g , b e l l y - s c r a p i n g , b o o t l i c k i n g , t o a d - e a t i n g , o r " p r o s t r a t io n o f s p i r i t ” i n any form or by any nam e. He fo u n d i t i n t h i s c o u n tr y i n t h e d a y - t o - d a y r e l a t i o n s o f th e p e o p le w it h one a n o th e r . They bowed b e f o r e t h e i r c u r r e n t h e r o e s and la u d e d them w it h t i t l e s : G o v ern o r, S e n a t o r , J u d g e , G e n e r a l, C a p ta in , L ie u t e n a n t , e t c . N ot o n l y w as t h i s p r a c t i c e d d u r in g t h e p e r s o n * s te n u r e o f o f f i c e , b u t th e r u l e w as t h a t on ce a t i t l e had b e e n a c q u ir e d i t becam e perm an en t. San F r a n c is c a n s a lw a y s r e f e r r e d t o t h e o f f i c e r s < o f th e C a l i f o r n i a N a t i o n a l Guard by t h e i r t i t l e s : i t w a s ’’G e n e r a l” McComb, " G en er a l” Salom on, "G eneral" B a r n e s , "G eneral" Diamond, "G eneral" S h e e h a n , o r " C o lo n el" I r i s h . A f t e r h i s term a s g o v e rn o r o f C a l i f o r n i a from 1 8 6 1 -1 8 6 3 , L ela n d S ta n fo r d was a lw a y s "G overnor” L e la n d S t a n f o r d , u n t i l he was e l e c t e d t o 98 " P r a t t l e , S . F . E x ., O c t. 1 5 , 1 8 9 3 and May 1 7 , 1 8 9 1 . 1 17 t h e U n it e d S t a t e s S e n a t e , w hereupon he became " S e n a to r ” L e la n d S t a n f o r d and rem ained so t o th e end o f h i s l i f e . When P e a r y was c a r r y in g on h i s fam ous A r c t i c e x p l o r a t i o n s he became " L ie u te n a n t" P e a r y , th o u g h h e was n o t e v e n a member o f t h e r e g u la r n a v y , b u t o n ly an e n g in e e r . D u rin g and a f t e r th e war o f 1898 i t was "Commodore" D ew ey, th e n "Adm iral" Dewey. A f t e r t h e M errimac e p is o d e e v e r y o n e w a s s a y in g " L ie u te n a n t" H obson, and Hobson made a to u r o f t h e c o u n tr y t o r e c e i v e t h e a d u la t io n o f t h e p e o p l e . F o llo w in g h i s v i s i t t o San F r a n c i s c o , B ie r c e w r o t e , i n h i s b e s t s a t i r i c m anner, a s f o l l o w s : H obson came and Hobson w ent and th e m a n -w o rsh ip e rs had t h e i r w i l l o f him , t o t h e perm anent dam age, i t i s f e a r e d , o f t h e i r s u p p le s p i n e s . I d are s a y i t i s r i g h t t o do homage t o — w e l l , t o a lm o st any one upon w hose lu c k y now l th e b r e e z e o f o p p o r t u n it y h a s b low n th e l a u r e l . I su p p o se , in d e e d , i t i s n o t o n ly - p r o p e r , b u t c r e d i t a b l e , t o f l e x t h e l e g and bow t h e " c o r r i g i b l e neck" b e f o r e " h ero es" o f a l l th e v a r io u s k i n d s . I do n o t deny t h a t i t i s done i n th e p u b l i c i n t e r e s t , e v en ; I o n ly w onder how any on e ca n do i t . B u t i f v o lu n t a r y p r o s t r a t i o n b e f o r e " g r e a tn e s s " i s i n c o m p r e h e n sib le w hat s u i t a b l e w o rd i s l e f t f o r t h e a c t o f a s s i s t i n g a t o n e* s own e x a l t a t i o n ? D o u b lt e s s a man a t t e n d in g a r e c e p t i o n or o t h e r show g iv e n in h i s h o n o r— d e l i b e r a t e l y and i n c o ld b lo o d p l a c in g h i m s e l f a t t h e f o c a l p o i n t o f c o n v e r g e n t str e a m s o f a d m ir a tio n f o r t h e avow ed p u rp o se o f l e t t i n g them b e a t upon him — can e x p l a i n and j u s t i f y h i s g r o te s q u e p erform an ce i n a dozen w a y s i n t e l l i g i b l e t o h i s own u n d e r s ta n d in g and t o t h a t o f h i s l e a s t s e l f - s a t i s f i e d a d o r e r . I t i s h o g r e a t f e a t t o p e r su a d e o n e s e l f t h a t one i s n o t p l e a s e d by a d u l a t io n , b u t o n ly c o n c er n e d t o g r a t i f y t h e a d u l a t o r s . J u s t why th e a d u la t o r s ou g h t to be g r a t i f i e d t h e d i s t i n g u i s h e d p e r s o n a c c e p t i n g t h e i r homage p r o b a b ly d o e s n o t t h in k t o a sk him s e l f . F or my p a r t , I know o f b u t one r e a s o n : w h ile w o r s h ip in g a n o th e r t h e y a r e n o t a d o r in g t h e m s e lv e s . 1 18 By t h e w ay, I o b s e r v e t h a t Mayor P h e la n h a s a b e a u t i f u l d e f e n s e o f Hobson i n t h e m a tte r o f k i s s i n g : i t seem s t h e p o or f e l l o w k i s s e d o n ly a kinswom an o r two and a few c h i l d r e n — whom h e c o u ld n o t w ith o u t d i s c o u r t e s y d e n y . T hat i s v e r y s a t i s f a c t o r y . U n f o r t u n a t e ly i t d i f f e r s r a t h e r r a d i c a l l y from t h e p l e a s e t up a fe w d a y s b e f o r e by H obson h i m s e l f , who d e fen d e d h i s p r a c t i c e by p o i n t i n g o u t t h a t th e l a t e G en er a l Lee d id th e -sa m e t h i n g w it h o u t r e p r o a c h or d i s s e n t . To f e e l t h e f u ll- im p u d e n c e "of t h a t p l e a one d o e s n o t n e e d t o have f o u g h t M c C le lla n a t S ev en P i n e s , n o r G rant a t P e te r s b u r g : th e m ost b i g o t e d l o y a l i s t o f th e c i v i l war w i l l p e r c e iv e a c e r t a i n im p e r f e c t io n i n t h e p a r a l l e l b etw een L ie u t e n a n t H obson and t h e l a t e G en era l L e e . F or one t h i n g , G en er a l Lee d id n o t make s p e e c h e s . W e ll, H obson i s away on th e w ild w a t e r s o f t h e woman- l e s s d e e p , w here t h e r e i s n o t h in g b e t t e r t o k i s s th a n th e m erm aids, and n ob ody t o o b j e c t b u t th e mermen. L e t u s remember f o r e v e r t h e co u r a g e w ith w h ic h he f a c e d h i s o s c u l a t o r y countrywom en and f o r g e t h i s f a i l u r e t o c l o s e t h e h a r b o r ’ s mouth a t S a n t ia g o and h i s own ev ery w h ere e l s e . L e t u s r e a r a monument a m ile h ig h on t h e s p o t w here h e b egan paym ent f o r h i s fam e t o th e f i r s t woman t h a t p r e s e n t e d h e r b i l l , and i n s c r i b e i t from to p t o b otto m w it h th e w is e and b e a u t i f u l s e n t im e n t s t h a t he d id n o t u t t e r . And a t i t s b a se l e t a l l t h e r a g - t a g and b o b t a i l r o u t o f h e r -w o r s h ip e r s who have b e e n happy t o s h in e by r e f l e c t i o n i n h i s l i g h t , and g e t t h e i r names i n t o t h e n ew sp a p ers a l o n g s id e o f h i s , be g e n t l y b u t fir r a ly and i n a l l C h r i s t i a n c h a r i t y k n ock ed on th e head l i k e b e e v e s . B ie r c e s m ile d s c o r n f u l l y a t th e s y c o p h a n ts b e f o r e w e a lt h and f a s h i o n , "The d ev o u t l a d i e s and g e n tle m e n o f f a s h i o n a t Newport" who crow ded t h e ch u rch g e n e r a l l y a t te n d e d b y t h e W h itn ey s and V a n d e r b ilt s and were d is a p p o in t e d by t h e i r a b s e n c e ; — b u t "God w a s t h e r e ," added B i e r c e , " f o r God i s e v e r y w h e r e ." 100 He lo o k e d down w it h l o f t y con tem p t upon " I b i d . . J a n . 1 , 1 8 9 9 . 100 I b i d . , S e p t . 6 , 1 8 9 6 . 11 9 t h o s e who s a c r i f i c e d p e r s o n a l d i g n i t y f o r b u s i n e s s or p r o f e s s i o n a l a d v a n ta g e ; a s when A tto r n e y M. M. F o o t g r o v e le d b e fo r e Judge Hebbard to a v o id a h e a v y f i n e f o r con tem p t o f c o u r t , 101 p r e f e r r i n g "a s m a ll f i n e t o a m anly b e a r in g . . . o r when Edward K. T a y lo r , C it y A tto r n e y o f A lam eda, i n a s k in g th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c t o p u l l some p i 4.e s w h ic h th e law and a c o u r t d e c i s i o n c o m p e lle d them t o p u l l , . . . came p r o m p tly fo rw a rd , g o t h i m s e l f down upon h i s d o g b e l l y , and c r in g e d and faw ned and w h in ed an e n t r e a t y f o r r e s t o r a t i o n o f h i s c i t y ’ s r i g h t s . A f t e r p u t t i n g a l i n g u a l g i r d l e around th e c o r p o r a t io n f o o t in f o r t y s e c o n d s , and r e p e a t i n g t h e a c t f o r t y t i m e s , he w as g r a c i o u s l y p e r m it t e d to c a r r y back i n th e mouth o f him an a s s e n t i n g l e t t e r p r e p a r ed th e day b e f o r e . W ith a proud wag o f h i s t a i l he l a i d t h i s a t t h e f e e t o f h i s w o rth y m a s t e r s , t h e C it y T r u s t e e s , and s o f a r a s i s known nobody k ic k e d him . P erh a p s i t w as n o t d e s i r e d t o d is t u r b h i s f i e a s . 102 But th e v e r s a t i l e A m erican s o f B i e r c e ’ s tim e w ere s y c o p h a n tic n o t o n ly b e f o r e t h e i r f e l l o w cou n trym en , b u t b e f o r e f o r e i g n e r s a s w e l l , e s p e c i a l l y i f t h o s e f o r e i g n e r s w ere o f n o b le o r r o y a l r a n k . N o tw ith s ta n d in g t h e c o n s t i t u t i o n a l i n t e r d i c t i o n o f t i t l e s i n t h i s n a t i o n and th e r e p u b lic a n is m upon w h ich th e A m erican s p r id e d t h e m s e lv e s o n th e F o u rth o f J u l y , th e s o c i a l l y e l i t e , t h e n e w s p a p e r s, and th e p o p u la c e in g e n e r a l seem ed t o v i e / w it h e a c h o t h e r i n f l a t t e r i n g any A m erican woman who m a r r ie d some p o v e r t y - s t r i c k e n f o r e i g n c o u n t or duke t h a t was w i l l i n g t o c o n f e r upon h e r th e 101 I b i d . . D e c . 3 0 , 1 8 9 4 . 102 I b i d . , O c t. 2 2 , 1 8 9 3 . 1 2 0 d i s t i n c t i o n o f b e in g a c o u n t e s s or a d u c h e s s i n r e tu r n f o r a 103 c o m fo r ta b le s h a r e o f h e r f a t h e r * s w e a l t h . When t h e r e p a s s e d th r o u g h San F r a n c is c o K ing K alak au a o f th e Sandw ich I s l a n d s ; or V i c t o r i a ’ s d a u g h te r , th e P r i n c e s s L o u is e , an d h e r h u sb an d , t h e M arquis o f L o r n e , t h e r e seem ed t o be no l i m i t t o th e A m erican t a s t e f o r s e l f - a b a s e m e n t . When th e P r i n c e s s L o u is e and h e r husband g o t o f f th e t r a i n a t O akland , B ie r c e r e p o r t e d t h a t th e townsmen a l l to o k o f f t h e i r h a t s , n o t b e c a u s e o f r e s p e c t f o r t h e i r r a n k , s t a t i o n , or w o r th , b u t b e c a u se o f " su p p le sy c o p h a n c y t o a noblem an and p rin cess." -* -0 ^ L a t e r , . . . our w o rth y Mayor and S u p e r v is o r s c a l l e d a t h e r h o t e l t o make o f f i c i a l p r o s t r a t i o n o f t h e c i t y . . . t h e y s to o d i n t h e p r e s e n c e w h i t e - f a c e d , tr e m b lin g and i n a r t i c u l a t e , e x c r e t i n g b e a d s o f b lo o d t o o f f e r . . . " th e freed om o f t h e c i t y 1 * . . . .1Q5 E ven when a c e r t a i n " s c io n o f n o b i l i t y ” w as j a i l e d i n F r e s n o , m ost o f t h e n ew sp a p ers managed t o sc r a p e t h e i r b e l l i e s a b i t by l o r d in g him , w it h a b la sp h em o u s c a p i t a l L . 106 F o r e ig n e r s d id n o t have t o p o s s e s s a t i t l e t o r e c e i v e su ch a d u l a t io n : i t w as c h e e r f u l l y a c c o r d e d L i Hung Chang-;, C h in e se r e p r e s e n t a t i v e t o t h i s c o u n tr y i n 1 8 9 6 ;^07 and a t a 103 I b i d . , F e b . 2 4 , 1 8 9 5 . 104 ttpr a t t i e , ” W asp, S e p t . 1 6 , 1 8 8 2 . 105 " P r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , May 2 0 , 1 8 8 8 . 106 I b i d . . A p r i l 2 8 , 1 8 9 5 . 107 I b i d . , S e p t . 1 3 , 1 8 9 6 . 121 r e c e p t i o n i n honor o f C h a r le s D ic k e n s , J r . , t h e A m erican v u l g a r ia n s n e a r ly sm oth ered him w it h m ush, v a lu in g him f o r w hat t h e y had h eard a b o u t h i s i l l u s t r i o u s f a t h e r . S a id B i e r c e , t h e y r e a l l y s h o u ld r e a d some o f D i c k e n s ^ b o o k s , and 108 t h e y sh o u ld b e g in w it h A m erican H o te s and M a rtin C h u z z le w it .. I n t h e s e , and i n a l l i t s o th e r m u lt it u d in o u s a s p e c t s and fo r m s , B i e r c e h a te d v u l g a r i t y ; f o r i t s p r o d u c t a t b e s t i s , . . . t h e " r e s p e c ta b le " man . . . t h e p r o s p e r o u s , w o o l- w i t t e d P h i l i s t i n e , who c o m p la c e n tly i n t e r l o c k s h i s f a t f i n g e r s un der t h e o v erh a n g o f h i s stom ach , and s u r v e y in g t h e w o r ld from t h e em in en ce o f h i s own e s t e e m , t r i e s v a i n l y t o im a g in e w hat i t w ou ld b e l i k e w ith o u t h im . 1 0 9 To B i e r c e , " . . . manner i s an in d e x t o c h a r a c t e r — . . . g r a c i o u s w ord s and p l e a s i n g w ays come o f g o o d h e a r t s a n d , c o n v e r s e l y , v u l g a r i t y i s a s u r e i n d i c a t i o n o f in n e r b a r r e n n e s s and i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n c y . 1 0 8 rb l< i». May 2 0 , 1 8 8 8 . 1 0 9 I b i d . . D e c . 2 2 , 1 8 8 9 . 1 1 0 "A F rea k War," S . F . E x . , Aug. 7 , 1 8 9 8 . CHAPTER I I THE MORAL DELINQUENTS P erhaps th e m oral d e lin q u e n t s in t h i s w o rld a r e w orse th a n th e i n t e l l e c t u a l d e l in q u e n t s . S in n e r s a r e w o rse th a n f o o l s ; f o r s i n i s th e r e s u l t o f a d e l i b e r a t e l y p e r v e r s e and e v i l i n t e n t i o n , w h ereas f o l l y may be th e r e s u l t o f mere i n t e l l e c t u a l i n e r t i a . F o o ls om it to c u l t i v a t e th e a b i l i t y to t h in k , t o d i s c r i m i n a t e , and t o e x e r c i s e w is e jud gm en t, w h ile r o g u e s and v i l l a i n s o f t e n h ave d e v e lo p e d t h i s a b i l i t y b u t d e l i b e r a t e l y r e s o l v e to v i o l a t e t h e i r own c o n v i c t i o n s o f m oral r i g h t and w rong. Upon th e r o g u e s and v i l l a i n s , th e m oral d e l i n q u e n t s , B ie r c e h eap ed th e h o t t e s t c o a l s o f h i s s a t i r e . The i m p l i c a t i o n o f t h e s e s a t i r i c a t t a c k s i s , o f c o u r s e , a b e l i e f on h i s p a r t i n c e r t a i n human m oral o b l i g a t i o n s t h a t a re c a p a b le o f b e in g m et. C h ie f among t h e s e o b l i g a t i o n s , as w i l l l a t e r be s e e n by th e o f f e n s e s ' f o r w h ich h e p u n ish e d p e o p le , a r e t h o s e o f p e r s o n a l i n t e g r i t y and t r u t h f u l n e s s and o f r e s p e c t f o r th e p r o p e r ty and p e r s o n a l r i g h t s o f o t h e r s . T r u th , i n d e a l in g w it h o n e s e l f , w ith o t h e r s , and w it h o b j e c t i v e f a c t s , i s a prim e o b j e c t i v e i n l i f e , a s i s a l s o a d e e p - r o o te d r e s p e c t f o r th e r i g h t s o f o t h e r s . Though B ie r c e now here p u b lis h e d a p a n e g y r ic on t r u t h i n th e a b s t r a c t , i t becom es u n m ista k a b ly a p p a r e n t, a s one o b s e r v e s th e u n d e v ia t in g p r o b it y o f h i s own c h a r a c t e r and h is- 124 contempt fo r a l l l i a r s , th a t he regarded t r u t h as the o b je c t o f h i s f i r s t a l le g i a n c e . I f th e re is one fundam ental t r a i t o f B i e r c e ’s c h a r a c te r t h a t u n d e r lie s and m odifies a l l o th e r s , i t i s an alm ost p e r f e c t i n t e g r i t y t h a t enabled him d u rin g h is f o r ty - y e a r c a r e e r as a s a t i r i s t to a t t a c k by name and w ith im punity w hatever fo o ls or v i l l a i n s he p le a se d . Only once in h i s e n t i r e e x p e rien ce as a p e rso n a l s a t i r i s t was he ever sued f o r l i b e l , th a t being fo r a f a c e tio u s rem ark to th e e f f e c t th a t the door o f the S ta te p r is o n was a good opening fo r John Monteith;-*- and never did he s u f f e r embarrassment from a p e r so n a l r e t a l i a t o r y a t t a c k by any of the hundreds o f persons whom he v i l i f i e d . His i n t e g r i t y was such t h a t in v w ritin g a d e fe n s iv e account o f a q u a r r e l between h im s e lf and a c e r t a i n Henry Widmer, a q u a r r e l to which Widmer had a w itn ess and B ierce had none and which r e s u lt e d in B i e r c e ’s being l i e d about by Widmer, B ie rc e could conclude, These are ’th e s h o rt and sim ple a n n a l s ’ o f t h i s a f f a i r - - t h i s i s th e whole t r u t h . In r e l a t i n g i t I have t h i s a d vantage over the r e p o r te r s : no one who knows me can d i s b e lie v e me [ i t a l i c s not in tEeT o r i g i n a l ] whereas th ey , even though th ey w rite anonymously, are n e v e rth e le s s not to be b e lie v e d , owing to the bad r e p u ta tio n o f t h e i r e d i t o r s .2 On one o cc asio n , in re p ly to some q u e s tio n r e g a rd in g the grounds fo r some sta tem en t made p ro b ab ly a dozen years b e f o re , 1 For B i e r c e 's sta tem en t on t h i s s u i t , see " P r a t t l e " , San F ran cisco Examiner, January 7, 1894 and The P assin g Show/ 1 San E ran cisco Examiner', September 1 7 , 1899. ■ 2 "Prattle", The Argonaut, October 5, 1878. 125 B ie r c e r e p l i e d c o n f i d e n t l y , About K ip lin g and th e H arper crow d , I c o u ld n o t p ro ve any o f t h a t i f i t sh o u ld be d e n ie d . In d e e d , I do n o t now r e c a l l my so u r c e o f in f o r m a tio n . I_ b e t a good sum t h a t i t i s t r u e , or I ' d n o t h ave g iv e n i t c u r r e n c y . . . .2 I n d e e d , B ie r c e a s s e r t e d r e p e a t e d ly t h a t th e e n t i r e e f f e c t i v e n e s s o f h i s s a t i r e was p r e d ic a t e d upon i t s t r u t h f u l n e s s . For ex a m p le, In c r i t i c i z i n g a f e llo w j o u r n a l i s t f o r u n t r u t h f u l n e s s , B ie r c e w r o te in p a r t , The f o r e g o in g c r i t i c i s m . . . I s p erh ap s n e e d l e s s l y p o in t e d ; i t I s made f o r your i n s t r u c t i o n , by ex a m p le, in th e u s e f u l a r t o f a s s a u l t i n g a f r ie n d w ith o u t l y i n g ab ou t him i n th e i n t e r e s t o f a n o th e r l i a r . I can recommend th e ‘t r u t h f u l m ethod, fo r I h a v e n e v e r p r a c t ic e d any o t h e r . I t i s h a r d e r on th e s e l f - r e s p e c t o f a f r i e n d , and e a s i e r on m ine; and i n any k in d o f c o n t e s t he who l o s e s h i s s e l f - r e s p e c t l o s e s th e b a t t l e . F a lse h o o d (y o u w i l l a g r e e ) i s th e method o f a b u n g le r - - a n Im p o ster who knows n o t h i s b u s i n e s s . A . man o f s e n s e and w it w i l l n o t w r i t e a l i e , f o r t h a t i s t o c o n f e s s h i m s e l f w a n tin g in im a g in a t i o n . Any body can make a l i e , b u t o n ly a w it can e v o lv e r i d i c u l e w it h e q u a l f a c i l i t y from a d i s c r e d i t a b l e and c r e d i t a b l e t r u t h . The man o f im a g in a tio n and ju d g m ent, t h e r e f o r e , ig n o r e s f a l s e h o o d , n o t b e c a u se i t i s w ic k e d , b u t b e c a u se I t i s weak. I t I s , I su p p o s e , a f a u l t in m o ra ls; I know i t to be a c rim e In t a s t e . Would you w i l l f u l l y s i n g a f a l s e n o te ? Then why would you w r i t e a f a l s e sta te m e n t? Are n o t l e t t e r s as good as m usic? T hink on t h i s . 4 - When th e j o u r n a l i s t fo r w hose b e n e f i t t h i s was w r i t t e n p u b l i c l y e x p la in e d th a t , h e had b e e n “ " m isled i n t o making an u n tru e s t a t e m en t," B ie r c e i n th e n e x t A rgonaut w ithd rew h i s own o f f e n s i v e 3 L e t t e r to S. 0 . H owes, May J>1, 1 8 0 6 , H u n tin g to n L ib r a r y . ^ " P r a ttle * ’, A rg o . Nov. 2 , I 8 7 8 . 126 remarks and h im s e lf e x p la in e d , This I do th e more c h e e r f u l ly b ecause, a lth o u g h my r e s p e c t fo r t h i s g en tlem an ’s t a l e n t has made me covet him as an enemy (heaven knows my penury o f enemies w ith b r a i n s ) , t h i s r e v e l a t i o n of h is candor su g g e sts th e s u p e r io r advantage o f h i s fav o r. I have had some ex p e rien ce in i n t e l l e c t u a l h o s t i l i t i e s , and o f a l l a n ta g o n is ts the candid one is th e one whom I l e a s t l i k e to en co u n ter. Candor is not only a s ig n o f power, i t is an elem ent, f o r , lik e th e g r a c e - t h r u s t of the swordsman i n th e s to r y , i t i s so c a p t i v a t i n g to th e a r b i t e r s th a t even though b lo o d le s s i t w i l l win the crown -unless met w ith a p a rry o f eq u a l charm. Candor can be overcome only w ith s u p e rio r candor and in him who has i t not by n a tu re the e f f o r t k i l l s - - h i s h e a r t i s broken in h i s body. Candor i s th e g a r r i s o n ’s li m e - l i g h t flo o d in g t h e i r own defenses to encourage the a s s a i l a n t s . I t i s t h a t ominous message, ’S i r , I am weak in c a v a lr y , but l e t us engage . 1 I t is th e ’Gentlemen o f th e Guard, f i r e f i r s t , ’ o f F ontenoy-- was i t not? One's most co n tem p tib le enemies co n fess o n e ’s e r r o r s ; i t is r e a l l y the form idable fellow who adm its h is own.5 On a n o th e r occasio n when The Wasp, of which B ie rc e was then e d i t o r , was accused by someone o f making a f i g h t fo r some ca u se, an unsigned e d i t o r i a l th a t is as B iercy as an y th in g B ierce ever w rote r e p l i e s in p a r t , This paper is not ’making a f i g h t ’ a t a l l . I t has no m issio n , i t i s not devoted to th e accom plishing of any o b je c t, i s ’a mere lo o k e r on in V ie n n a .’ Our purpose i s to speak the t r u t h r e g a r d le s s ; the r e s u l t , i f th e re be a r e s u l t , i s none o f our b u sin e ss and a m a tte r of in d if f e r e n c e . The t r u t h is w ith us n o t a means but an end. . . .6 5 I b i d . , Nov. 16, 1878. 6 The Wasp, May 3 , 1884. 127 T h is s o r t o f t h in g comes up tim e a f t e r tim e i n B i e r c e ' s w r i t i n g s , 7 and th e i m p l i c a t i o n and manner o f e v e r y th in g h e w ro te a s a m ature a r t i s t and an e x a m in a tio n o f e v e r y t h in g he w r o te i n th e l i g h t o f con tem p ora ry f a c t l e a v e s one w it h th e fir m c o n v i c t i o n t h a t when B ie r c e makes a s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d a s s e r t i o n , one can r e l y on i t s h a v in g "been tr u e to th e b e s t o f h i s k n o w led g e, and t h a t h i s s a t i r e , thou gh i t may em ploy su ch d e v ic e s as ir o n y , d i s t o r t i o n , or e x a g g e r a t io n , n e v e r d e c e i v e s o r l e a v e s f a l s e i m p l i c a t i o n s .8 7 Other in s ta n c e s may he found in '’’Prattle**, Wasp, May 28, 1881; S ept. 2^, 1882; A p ril 7, I 8 8 3 ; Oct. 18, 188^; ’ " T r a t t l e " , S.F.Ex.,M ay 25, 1889; l e t t e r to George S t e r l i n g , S ept. 1 2 ,1 9 0 3 r h “Pope L e t t e r s , 7 ^ . 8 This c o n c lu sio n i s not c o n tra d ic te d by N apier W i l t 's stu d y o f B i e r c e 's n o n s a t i r i c , a u to b io g ra p h ic a l sk etch es d e a lin g w ith th e C i v i l War, in which P ro fe s s o r W ilt r e p o r ts t h a t B ie rc e , w ith o u t naming them, used c e r t a i n w r i t t e n so u rces in w r i tin g th e se accounts and " a p p ro p ria te d to h im s e lf ad v en tu res which happened to someone e l s e . B ierce did t h i s , he sa y s, only to make h i s accounts v iv id and d ram a tic. He was s c ru p u lo u s ly c a r e f u l to p r e se rv e th e h i s t o r i c a l f a c t s i n th e se s k e tc h e s , and never did he tu r n th e sp o t l i g h t upon h im s e lf or " ’’make a h ero out o f h im s e lf in th e s e affa irs.* * (N apier W ilt, 1 1 Ambrose B ie rc e and th e C i v il W ar,” American L i t e r a t u r e , 1:260-85, Nov., 1929). The only r e a l impeachment o f B i e r c e ’s honesty?.- i s the sta te m e n t in h is f i n a l e d i t i o n o f The Monk and th e Hangman's D au g h ter, t h a t he " g r e a tly a l t e r e d and extended* Gustav D a n z ig e r's Frans Tat io n o f t h a t work. (C o lle c te d Works, 6 :1 7 ) . B ierce did not make t h i s c la im in the D rier e x p la n a tio n th a t preceded the o r i g i n a l p u b lic a t io n o f th e work in th e San F ra n c isc o Examiner (September 1 3 , I 8 9 I) or in h i s 1906 p re fa c e to th e t r a n s l a t i o n in book form. From a c a r e f u l com parison o f th e t a l e as i t appears in B i e r c e 's C o lle c te d Works w ith the German o r i g i n a l Frank Monaghan concludes th a t tEe- o r i g i n a l v e rs io n was n e i t h e r ’’g r e a t l y a l t e r e d " nor "e x te n d e d ," t h a t th e main change was o f only secondary im portance, and t h a t " a l l the s i g n i f i c a n t passages the im agery, the c h a r a c te r s , and th e development" are "c lo se p a ra p h ra s in g " or " l i t e r a l t r a n s l a t i o n s " from the German a u th o r. (Frank Monaghan, ’’Ambrose B ierce and the A uthorship of The Monk 128 This fundam ental d ev o tio n to t r u t h , w hether I t he fo r I d e a l i s t i c o r merely pragm atic re a s o n s , e x p la in s B i e r c e 's s u p e r io r sc o rn in co n tem p latin g l i a r s of a l l s o r t s . Foremost among h i s l i a r s were the pious h y p o c r ite s , the people who p r e tended to a v i r t u e o f G odliness or p u r ity or a l tr u i s m or g e n e r o s ity , y e t negated t h e i r p r e te n s io n s hy e v e ry th in g th a t th ey sa id or d id . There was John D. R o c k e fe lle r, who p io u s ly a tte n d e d church every Sunday in th e face o f h is w orld-w ide a v a ric e and monstrous d is h o n e s tie s . There was th e "O leag in o u s” John Wanamaker, '"Holy Jo h n ," B ie rc e c a lle d him, a p sa lm -sin g e r o f the d ee p est dye, a p u rch ase r of o f f i c e [though he pretended to have done n o th in g to se c u re h is appointm ent as P o stm aster G eneral] and t r a d e r on a u t h o r i t y , an unctuous u t t e r e r o f p l a t i t u d e s f a s c i n a t i n g th e P h i l i s t i n e u n d e rsta n d in g (which in h a b its the P h i l i s t i n e e a r ) , a c e n so r morum p r o s c r ib in g T o ls to i . . . I I f God had fo r e s e e n Wanamaker th e re had been no Adam.9 There was G ladstone, r e p o r te d ly " k n e e lin g by the sid e o f a common s t r e e t sweeper and 'a p p e a lin g to God in b e h a lf o f h i s humble b r o t h e r , '" w ith a l l the e g o t i s t i c , v irtu o u s im p lic a tio n (8 - co n tin u ed ) and the Hangman's D aughter, American L i t e r a t u r e , 2:j>k7, Jan u ary , Monaghan's c o n c lu sio n i s in harmony w ith a prev io u s sta te m e n t by Gustave G la s e r, who says t h a t D anziger f i r s t asked him to r e v is e h is t r a n s l a t i o n , th a t D anziger th e n took i t to B ie rc e , and th a t the f i n a l product was p r a c t i c a l l y unchanged, ". . .w ith the ex c e p tio n o f a word h e re and th e r e and perhaps the . tu rn o f a p h r a s e .” (New York Sun, Nov., 2 2 / 1 9 2 7 ) . 9 " P r a t t l e " , S .F .E x ., A p r il 16, 1 8 9 3. o f th e a c t . There was M a jo r-G en era l N e lso n A. M il e s , a t th e c l o s e o f th e S p a n ish -A m e rica n War, recom m ending t h a t C on gress r e v i v e th e ran k o f f u l l G en er a l i n th e army, t h i n k i n g , o f c o u r sq o f h i m s e l f as th e a p p o in t e e , h u t , on Toeing a sk ed fo r recommenda t i o n , a f f e c t i n g n o t t o have th o u g h t o f a c a n d id a t e . There was A dm iral G eorge Dewey p r e te n d in g a n o n - i n t e r e s t in th e P r e s id e n c y . L o c a lly B ie r c e found r i c h p e o p le l i k e Mayor A dolph S u tr o p r o t e s t i n g t h a t i t d o es n o t pay to he r i c h and d e p r e c a t in g t h e i r w e a ,lt h - - y e t k e e p in g i t . A lv in z a Hayward; “ "the em in en t g o l d - m i l l e r , ^ r a il r o a d p r o m o ter , and r i c h t h i e f , p r e te n d in g h e would h a v e n o th in g t o do w it h su ch a man as Jay G ould; H. H. B a n c r o f t , p r e te n d in g to he th e a u th o r o f h i s h i s t o r i e s , th ou gh th e y w ere a c t u a l l y w r i t t e n hy h ir e d h a ck s a t s t a r v a t i o n w ages; L o rin g P ic k e r in g , e d i t o r o f th e San F r a n c is c o C a l l , e d i t o r i a l l y p r a i s in g th e g e n e ro u s payment and tr e a tm e n t t h a t G eorge W. C h ild s o f th e P h ila d e lp h ia L edger g ave h i s e m p lo y e e s, b u t a t th e same tim e u n d erp a y in g and o v erw o rk in g h i s own men; and Ned N ap oleon C u r t i s , th e p o l i t i c a l t o o l o f S ta n fo r d , f i r i n g o f f *'a c a r e f u l l y p rep ared impromptu s p e e c h . 1 1 He saw m oral San F r a n c is c a n s r i g h t e o u s l y d en o u n cin g a s t h i e v e s , v i l l a i n s , and b r ib e r s su ch men a s H u n tin g to n and S t a n f o r d , y e t c h e e r f u l l y and c o r d i a l l y s h a k in g hands w it h them , a t h in g B ie r c e h i m s e l f would n e v e r do. He h eard h i s m oral n e ig h b o r s denounce p r i z e f i g h t i n g , g a m b lin g , and o th e r v i c e s , th e n w atch ed them f o llo w th e f i g h t s w it h an a v id i n t e r e s t and in d u lg e i n th e v i c e s th e y d en o u n ced , or in 150 o t h e r s e q u a l l y bad. The s o c i a l l y £ l i t e e x p r e s s e d h o r r o r a t a s a lo o n a d v e r tis e m e n t t h a t c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n to a s i d e e n tr a n c e f o r t h e i r s p e c i a l u s e , y e t em ployed i t th e m s e lv e s . The p r u d e s , -whom B ie r c e a l s o r i d i c u l e d , sh o u ld be c l a s s e d w it h th e h y p o c r i t e s , f o r in t h e i r d i s p l a y o f s u p e r io r m odesty and p r o p r ie t y t h e r e a r e e le m e n ts o f p i e t y , s e l f - r i g h t e o u s n e s s , and d e c e i t t h a t c a n n o t be g a i n s a i d . So i n th e n i n e t i e s , B ie r c e lau gh ed a t th e m i n i s t e r s , th e s c h o o l t r u s t e e s , and th e women r e fo r m e r s who m a in ta in e d t h a t b i c y c l e r i d i n g was im m oral fo r women, and he la u g h e d a t t h o s e who c a l l e d t h e 4,b lo om er costu m e* f o r women c y c l i s t s im m odest. The im m o r a lity and im m odesty, s a i d h e , l a y n o t w it h th e b lo o m e r -c la d fe m in in e c y c l i s t s , but i n th e minds o f th e m o r a l i s t s . The same was tr u e o f th e c r i t i c s o f th e dance and th e c e n s o r s o f s o - c a l l e d im m oral l i t e r a t u r e , - - y e s , and o f th e w r i t e r s o f th e v e r y m oral l i t e r a t u r e , su ch a s i: n M iss Nancy H o w e lls and M iss Nancy Jam es, J r .* A n t i c i p a t i n g a p o s s i b l e i n f e r e n c e t h a t he condoned r e a l l y im m oral l i t e r a t u r e , B ie r c e w r o te , M o r a lity i s n o t a myth and l i b e r t y has i t s w holesom e l i m i t s , bu t th e o ld m aids o f b o th s e x e s , th e P h i l i s t i n e s o f n e i t h e r and th e young d a u g h te r o f f h e r r e s e r v a t i o n , s e e k in g whom sh e may be devoured b y , sh o u ld h o ld t h e i r p e a c e or be s h o t . The prude i s no l e s s o f f e n s i v e in l e t t e r s th a n i n l i f e . 10 10 » Feb., 24, 1889. 131 B i e r c e ’s m ost s u s t a in e d a t t a c k g a i n s t p ru d ery i s h i s "'On w ith -,,11 th e D a n c e !' A R ev iew , w h ich b e g in s w it h a c h a p te r on ”The Prude i n L e t t e r s and L if e " and th e n p r o c e e d s t o a h i s t o r i c a l and r e a so n e d d e f e n s e o f th e d a n c e , w h ic h i s p a r t i a l l y d e v o te d to a w holesom e h a r r y in g o f th e P ru d e, w it h a c a p i t a l P. To B ie r c e th e p r u d e s' condem ning e p i t h e t , ‘ "im m oral1 ” , was m e r e ly an i n d i c a t i o n o f t h e i r en vy o f th e t r a n s g r e s s o r s and o f t h e i r r e p r e h e n s i b l e d o g -in -th e -m a n g e r a t t i t u d e ; o r , i f n o t t h a t , i t was " th e solem n judgm ent o f th e s t a l l e d , ox upon th e s u n - in s p ir e d la m b ." -^ And, d u r in g h i s s t a y i n E n g la n d , p erh ap s th e r e was a th o u g h t o f V i c t o r i a n p ru d ery i n h i s mind when he commented th u s upon th e b e l l o f S t . P a u l 's : I t i s n e v e r t o l l e d e x c e p t upon th e o c c a s i o n o f a d e a th i n th e R oyal F a m ily . I would g i v e a n y th in g to h e a r t h a t b e l l t o l l e d !13 In th e f a c e o f a l l t h i s , what s h a l l one sa y abou t an i n c id e n t on th e R u ss ia n R iv e r when B i e r c e fo r c e d G eorge S t e r l i n g , b e c a u se he was c la d o n ly i n a b a th in g s u i t , to jump o u t o f t h e i r ca n o e and swim a sh o r e to a v o id a m e e tin g w it h B i e r c e ' s f u l l y c la d d a u g h te r , who, w it h S t e r l i n g ' s w i f e , was a p p r o a c h in g them i n a n o th e r c a n o e f 1 * ’ Perhaps t h i s was n o t p r u d e r y , but o n ly extrem e H T h is a r t i c l e f i r s t ap p eared in The C a l i f o r n i a n , Feb. and M arch, 1 8 8 0 , 1 5 ^ -6 0 and 2 6 3 - 7 4 , . r e s p e c t i v e l y ; l a t e r i t was r e p r i n t e d , w it h s l i g h t r e v i s i o n s , i n th e C o l l e c t e d W orks, 8 : 2 6 3 - 3 4 o . 12 " L a u g h o r ism s," The F ie n d ' s D e l i g h t , p. 1 7 3 . 13 " S t. P a u l' s , " ' N u gg ets and D u s t , p. 3 5 . G eorge S t e r l i n g , "The Shadow M aker," The Am erican M ercury, 6 : 1 2 , S e p t . , 1 9 2 5 . 132 m o d e sty , a s S t e r l i n g , in d e e d , i n t e r p r e t e d i t to b e . At any r a t e , B ie r c e th r o u g h o u t h i s c a r e e r m a in ta in e d a c o n s t a n t f i r e a g a i n s t p e o p le who w ere a d d ic te d to h y p o c r ic y , c a n t , i n s i n c e r i t y , p r e t e n s e , and p r u d e r y , and he fa v o r e d th e s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d e x p r e s s i o n o f o n e ’s f e e l i n g s . When, a f t e r th e S p a n ish -A m e rica n War, our n a t i o n a l l e a d e r s began to r a t i o n a l i z e th e i m p e r i a l i s t i c p o l i c y t h a t th e y w anted to a d o p t, s a y in g t h a t our n a t i o n was d e s t in e d nto become a le a d in g f a c t o r i n i n t e r n a t i o n a l p o l i t i c s * ’ and t h a t we c o u ld n o t " r e t r e a t t o our form er p o l i c y o f i s o l a t i o n , 5 " B ie r c e t r i e d to b o l s t e r up th e f l im s y i n t e g r i t y o f th e p o p u la c e by w r i t i n g , inc e f f e c t , Who w an ts to s t o p u s? The t r u t h i s we a r e a c q u ir in g a t a s t e f o r c o n q u e s t and i n t e r n a t i o n a l pow er; l e t ' s n o t c a l l i t a d i v i n e command or " m a n ife st d e s t i n y ." I f w e ’r e o u t f o r c o n q u e s t , l e t ’s adm it i t . ^ 5 The o f f e n d e r s a g a i n s t t r u t h w ere n o t m erely th e h y p o c r i t e s . They in c lu d e d a l s o im p o s t o r s , who, l i k e th e h y p o c r i t e s , are d e c e i t f u l , b u t who, as t h e i r name s u g g e s t s , a r e m o tiv a te d more by a d e s i r e t o s e c u r e f a v o r a b le r e c o g n i t i o n or m a t e r ia l a d v a n t a g e th a n by a d e s i r e to s e c u r e m oral o r r e l i g i o u s a p p r o b a tio n . I n th e n i n e t e e n t h c e n tu r y , as now, C a l i f o r n i a swarmed w it h t h e s e p a r a s i t e s , and B ie r c e seem ed n e v e r to t i r e o f b e la b o r in g them f o r t h e i r im p o stu r e . 15 "War Topics,® S.F.Ex., July 24, I8 9 8. 133 The p h r e n o l o g i s t s , g r a p h o l o g i s t s , p a l m i s t s , and c l a i r v o y a n ts ; th e fr a u d s who p r e te n d e d th e y c o u ld read c h a r a c t e r by th e f a c e ; th e a s t r o l o g i s t s , s p i r i t u a l i s t s , and T h e o s o p h is t s , or " B la t h e r in g B l a v a t s k i a n s ; " th e h o m o e o p a th is ts and quack d o c t o r s ; th e s w in d l e r s , dead b e a t s , and c o n f id e n c e men; ev en th e C i v i l War h e r o e s i n C a l i f o r n i a , who, f a r from t h e i r o ld homes and war r e c o r d s , c o u ld m a n u fa ctu re t h e i r own war h i s t o r i e s - - a l l sh a red a l i k e th e im p a r t ia l h o s t i l i t y o f B i e r c e , and he g e n e r a l l y e x p o se d them by name. " P r o f e s s o r 1 ” Fred B e l l was b o th a p h r e n o l o g i s t and " h u m a n ita r ia n s p i r i t u a l i s t ; a c e r t a i n p e r so n h i d in g b eh in d th e names o f "Di" and " K r itik o " was a p u b lic s c h o o l em p loyee by day and a g r a p h o l o g i s t by n ig h t ; " P r o fe s s o r " Dahm was an a s t r o l o g i s t , and "D octor" G u stave S c h l e s s i n g e r was a s p i r i t u a l i s t ; Madame B la v a t s k y , o f w o r ld -w id e n o t o r i e t y , was th e T h e o s o p h is t ic im p o sto r and C o lo n e l H. S. 0 1 c o t t and W illia m Q. Judge w ere two o f h e r a r d e n t San F r a n c is c a n f o l l o w e r s ; Mrs. Hendee was an " e le c t r o - m a g n e t ic h e a le r ; * ’ M rs. F r a n c e s , an " in d ep en d en t s l a t e - w r i t e r ; " Mrs. G rey, th e " g r e a t e s t c la i r v o y a n t and h ealer;*" D. S u l l i v a n , a "h and -ru bb er and w o n d e r fu l rh eu m atic and p a r a l y t i c h e a l e r ; " M rs. C. E. Hubbard, a "s p ir it-m e d iu m ; " Mr. and Mrs. M cDonald, "m agn etic and d e v e lo p in g m ediums;" Mrs. E. F l i n t , a m a g n e t i c - e l e c t r i c h a n d -ru b b er; and Mesdames A it k i n and F o y e , a mere medium and s p i r i t u a l i s t r e s p e c t i v e l y . The h o m o e o p a t h is ts , th e " h u m o rists o f th e -.m e d ic a l p r o f e s s i o n , " w ere e v e r y w h e r e , and ev ery w h ere m e d ic in e v e n d e r s w ere s e l l i n g lo v e 134 p h i l t e r s , e l i x i r s , Dr. R. V. P i e r c e ’ s p a t e n t m e d ic in e s , and M rs. L y d ia E. Pinkham 's fe m a le c u r e - a l l . Dr. C. C. O'Donne IL , once a c a n d id a t e f o r mayor o f San F r a n c is c o and l a t e r a s u c c e s s f u l c a n d id a t e f o r c o r o n e r , in w h ich o f f i c e h i s in s a n e a n t i c s and u n p r e d ic t a b le g y r a t io n s g a v e th e San F r a n c is c a n s t h e i r b e l l y f u l l o f th e p r a c t i c a l jo k e th e y had p la y e d on th e m s e lv e s i n e l e c t i n g h i m - - t h i s man, w it h h i s a d v e r tis e m e n t s p a in te d a l l o v er th e r o c k s o f Y o se m ite V a l l e y , was r e p r e s e n t e d by B ie r c e as a n o t o r io u s a b o f t i o n i s t and th e q u a c k ie s t quack o f th e Bay r e g i o n . To t h i s d i s t i n g u i s h e d company sh o u ld be added th e name o f A lla n Forman, who s w in d le d th e " la d ie s " o f th e P a c i f i c C o ast Women's P r e s s A s s o c i a t i o n u n t i l B ie r c e f i n a l l y e x p o se d him to h i s a d m ir in g e m p lo y e r s, r e l u c t a n t th ou gh th e y w ere t o adm it th e s w in d le . Forman once t o l d t w e n t y - s i x l i e s a b o u t B ie r c e i n a h a lf - c o lu m n a r t i c l e , w hereupon B ie r c e c h r is t e n e d him " A lla n F orm an,(2 6 )" 1 ^ an a p p e l a t i o n t h a t s t u c k by him and , i t se e m s, e v e n t u a l l y d ro v e him o u t o f C a l i f o r n i a t o p r a c t i c e h i s a r t i n New Y ork, T hese im p o sto r s im posed f o r money, c h i e f l y ; th e m i l i t a r y im p o sto r s im posed f o r s o c i a l or p o l i t i c a l a d v a n ta g e , as w e l l as f o r money. Far away from th e p e o p le who knew them in t h e i r e a s t e r n hom es, and from t h e i r com rades in m i l i t a r y s e r v i c e , many C i v i l War v e te r a n s i n C a l i f o r n i a m a g n ifie d t h e i r im p o rta n ce i n th e w ar, b o a s te d o f t h e i r war r e c o r d , and som etim es e v e n 16 "Prattle," S.F.Ex., Feb., 21 and 28, 1892. 3-55 g a v e th e m s e lv e s o f f i c e r i a l r a t i n g s t h a t c o u ld n o t h e found i n th e r e c o r d s ; o th e r s s t r u t t e d ab ou t as show o f f i c e r s o f th e N a t io n a l Guard o f C a lif o r n ia ., as thou gh th e y w ere r e a l s o l d i e r s , b u t l a t e r d e m o n stra ted n o t o r io u s in c o m p e ten ce when t h e i r s e r v i c e s w ere n e e d e d . H avin g s e r v e d th r o u g h o u t th e C i v i l War, most o f th e tim e a s an e n g in e e r an th e s t a f f o f G en era l H azen, B ie r c e knew w ar, and he d e v e lo p e d a l i f e - l o n g i n t e r e s t in m i l i t a r y a f f a i r s . He s t u d ie d th e h i s t o r y o f th e C i v i l War and f a m i l i a r i z e d h i m s e l f w it h i t s ca m p a ig n s, b a t t l e s and p e r s o n a l i t i e s , b o th b e c a u se o f h i s own p e r s o n a l i n t e r e s t i n i t and b e c a u s e h i s b u s in e s s a s a s a t i r i s t c o m p e lle d him t o i n v e s t i g a t e th e c a r e e r s o f a good many p r e t e n d e r s . Thus B i e r c e was i n a f a v o r a b le p o s i t i o n to r e c o g n iz e and e x p o se m i l i t a r y im p o stu re i n C a l i f o r n i a . He la u g h ed c a u s t i c a l l y a t th e v e t e r a n s i n g e n e r a l who m a g n ifie d t h e i r d eed s and g l o r i f i e d th e m s e lv e s in '’t h e s e d ays when e v e r y o ld s o l d i e r i s in h i s a n ecd o ta g e," and he lo v e d to e x p o se i n d i v i d u a l s , l i k e S e n a to r V o o r h e e s , whose C i v i l War l o y a l t y was 1,a p la n t o f r e c e n t g r o w th ;1 ” A tto r n e y -G e n e r a l H a r t, o f C a l i f o r n i a , who owed h i s p o s i t i o n to h i s own p r e t e n s e to g a l l a n t s e r v i c e in th e C i v i l War and to Tom F i t c h ' s s u p p o r tin g l i e s abou t H a r t 's war r e c o r d ; and '’General*' Sam uel Backup, P o stm a ste r o f San F r a n c is c o , who was a good d e a l p r a is e d f o r h i s '’b r i l l i a n t m i l i t a r y c a r e e r , ” b u t who must h ave s u f f e r e d an a c u t e p a in i n h i s organ s o f p r id e when B ie r c e p r in t e d th e 156 fo llo w in g as a q u o ta tio n from the o f f i c i a l m i l i t a r y re c o rd s: ’’Backus, Samuel W. - -Promoted to c o r p o r a l; su b se q u en tly to A cting Regim ental Commissary S e rg ea n t. Served i n company u n t i l c lo s e o f war. * ’17 Of C olonel J. P. Jackson, a n o th e r im p o sto r, who was e d i t o r f i r s t o f th e San F ra n c isc o Evening P o s t , th e n , a f t e r B i e r c e 's e d i t o r s h i p , o f The Wasp, who served as a U nited S ta te s S u b -T reasu rer d u rin g H a r r i s o n 's a d m in is tr a tio n , who is s a id to have c a lle d B ie rc e *'im p r a c tic a l” fo r r e f u s in g to w rite campaign l i e s , and who in 1899 was appointed C o l le c to r o f th e P o rt o f San F r a n c i s c o ,- - o f t h i s man B ie rc e w ro te, While on the s u b je c t o f g r e a t s o l d i e r s I may as w e ll e n lig h te n my e d i t o r about C olonel J . P. Jackson, the f i e r y so u l who Is accused o f tr y in g to i n c i t e a mob to hand a p o l i t i c a l opponent l a s t Tuesday evening; th e Examiner in q u ir e s who he i s . In h is c i v i l c a p a c ity he is a p p a re n tly a s e l l e r o f ex p e rien ce to c a p i t a l i s t s . As a w a r rio r he says he 'r a i s e d equipped and commanded' th e T w en ty -th ird Kentucky I n f a n tr y d u rin g th e war. When th e panorama o f th e B a ttl e of M issionary Ridge was f i r s t opened I had th e p le a s u re o f re a d in g ^C olonel’* J a c k s o n 's glowing account o f how he led th a t regim ent up th e r id g e . The regim ent was led up the rid g e b^ C olonel James C. Foy, to whom I m yself conveyed th e o rd er to go. I t was in H azen's b rig a d e o f Wood's d i v is io n a t th a t tim e and long b e fo re and a f t e r . I was an o f f i c e r o f H azen's s t a f f and n a t u r a l l y had to know th e f i e l d - o f f i c e r s o f th e re g im e n ts. I knew th o se o f the T w en ty -th ird Kentucky, bu t I did no t know Jack so n , nor did I ever h e a r o f him. I t i s my opinion t h a t he was never a s o l d i e r a t a l l or he would have known b e t t e r th an to make sta te m e n ts so e a s i l y r e f u te d . He is no t th e only m i l i t a r y im postor in C a l i f o r n i a whose bubble o f g lo ry I can p r ic k when so d isp o se d . I have h i t h e r t o a b s ta in e d because th e bubbles a re so gorgeous t h a t I adm ire them m yself. 17 ’’P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, A p ril 2 5 , 1 8 8 5. 18 ’’P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x ., Nov. 1 1 , 1888. 137 L a te r i t tu rn ed out th a t J a c k so n ’s im posture was not so g r e a t as had a t f i r s t been supposed, and B ierce did j u s t i c e to h is v ic tim as fo llo w s: A few weeks ago I showed C olonel J . P. Jackson to have been in e r r o r in supposing h im s e lf to have commanded th e Twenty- t h i r d Kentucky I n f a n tr y in the a s s a u l t on M issionary Ridge. I th e n ex p ressed a c o n v ic tio n t h a t h i s whole m i l i t a r y reco rd was a d re a m --th a t the had never been a s o l d i e r . In t h i s I was wrong: I find th a t as L ie u te n a n t-C o lo n e l he commanded t h a t regim ent more than a y e a r b e fo re a t P e r r y v i l l e . At M issionary Ridge i t was, as I s t a t e d , commanded by L ie u te n a n t -C olonel J . C, Foy. I f Jackson had been w ith i t as an o f f i c e r i t could only have been as C olonel and he would have been in command. My n o tio n i s t h a t he had been reduced to the r a n k s .19 Two o th e r prom inent San F ra n c isc a n s who made c a p i t a l o f t h e i r C i v i l War re co rd s and who were about- e q u a lly honored by B ie rce were G eneral Salomon, *'the v e te r a n o f a hundred h e e l s , 0 and B rig a d ie r-G e n e ra l W. H. L. B arnes. Of the l a t t e r B ierce w rote; 0During the war o f the r e b e l l i o n he saw s e rv ic e through one o f th e most a c c u ra te te le s c o p e s ever tr a in e d upon the fo e - m an.1 1 20 L a te r Barnes served as ^ ’Department Commander o f the Grand Army, 0 and of him d u rin g t h i s p e rio d o f h i s c a re e r B ierce to ld t h i s s to r y : At one o f th e Grand Army conventions G eneral B arnes, in f u l l r e g a l i a , rebuked a b o o tb la c k f o r w earing a G.A.R. b u tto n . 19 I b l d - , Dec. 2 3 , 1888. 20 I b i d . , June 2, I 8 9 5 . 138 ’ 0 , I ’ m one o ' you f e l l e r s , ’ th e c u l p r i t c h e e r f u lly - e x p la in e d ; ’I was In th e w a r . ’ ’The d e v i l you w ere.’ ’ s a id th e plumed h e r o o f a hundred p i c n i c s - - ’what d id you do i n th e w ar ? 1 ' 0 , I d i d n ’t do n o t h i n g , ’ th e s in n e r m o d e s tly c o n f e s s e d w ith o u t lo o k in g up from h i s work on th e g r e a t man’ s b o o ts : 'I o n ly j e s t f i t . ’ 21 One o t h e r b i t o f r i d i c u l e , among t h e many th a t B ie r c e p a r c e le d ou t t o B a r n e s, I s a h a lf-h u m o r o u s s k e t c h ta k e n from th e d ia r y o f " L i t t l e Johnny:" . . .wen G en el B arnes dr-od h i s so rd fo r to p u t down th e r e b e lo n th e enem ies, th e y s e e n i t f l a s h , an th a y s a i d f l a s h i n w a sen t f a i r , an i f h e d id e n t s t o p i t th a y w o u ld e n t p l a y . G en er l B arn es he sp ok e up an s a id t h a t s u te d him to a t e , an he h a s ben a f l a s h i n i t e v e r s i n c h . And my s i s t e r s yung man he s a y s G en er l Salom on drod h i s e n in th e f e n c e o f h i s c o u n tr y , w ic h i s were he was h i d . 2 2 S t i l l a n o th e r a m b itio u s im p o sto r was " G en eral R u s s e l l A. A lg e r , U n ite d S t a t e s S e c r e ta r y o f War un der M cK in ley, who In 1892 c a s t a lo n g in g ey e toward th e P r e s i d e n t i a l c h a ir and who a s a r e s u l t had b o th h i s a m b itio n and h i s war r e c o r d r e v e a le d by C h a r le s A. Dana o f th e New York Su n, to th e g r e a t d e l i g h t o f B i e r c e , who i n tu r n h a p p ily p a sse d on th e news t h a t A lg e r had b een d is m is s e d from th e army fo r a b s e n c e w ith o u t l e a v e from w here f i g h t i n g w as. The p e a c e -p r o u d ’G e n e r a l' n a t u r a l l y d e n i e s th e s t o r y , b u t i t seem s t o be su p p o rte d by o f f i c i a l docum ents; and th e n t h e r e i s h i s b r i l l i a n t r e c o r d and h ig h ra n k i n th e Grand Army o f th e R e p u b lic . That i s v e r y dam aging e v id e n c e . P o s s i b l y t h e r e a re e x c e p t io n s to th e r u l e t h a t a man’s m i l i t a r y h i s t o r y i s bad In p r o p o r t io n t o th e a d v a n ta g e s t h a t h e t r i e s t o make i t b r in g him In c i v i l l i f e , b u t who knows o n e ? 23 21 Il3ld- » Fel3- l 897. 22 " ’L i t t l e Johnny", S .F .E x ., Ja n . 2 3 , 1892. 23 I b i d . , F eb. 2 1 , 1892; "New ’Im agin ary C o n v e r s a t i o n s ,’ " S .F .E x ., Sep^T 1 8 , 1898. 139 In th e C a l i f o r n i a N a t io n a l Guard t h e r e w ere many "show - s o l d i e r s , " " p r o f e s s i o n a l l i f e - l o n g fig h te r s ,* * p e a c e - t i m e , " d r e s s - parade,'" or " r o s e -w a te r " s o l d i e r s , who w ent '’p eacock in g*' ahout i n d r e s s u n ifo r m s , " s e r v in g t h e i r c o u n tr y i n th e c o n te n te d f i e l d a t S a n ta Cruz and i n th e c h a r g in g colum ns o f th e press. *"24 in f a c t , B ie r c e lo o k e d upon th e w h o le S t a t e Guard a s an Im p ostu re upon th e p u b l i c . As e a r l y as 1877 he c h a r a c t e r i z e d them a s " b o sh y ." They w ere s o f t , show y, c o w a r d ly , pam pered, in a c c u r a t e i n s h o o t in g , and hu ngry f o r c h ic k e n . The " u n f a l le n B r a v e ,* * e n j o y in g th e " s a fe s e c l u s i o n o f ' t h e N a t io n a l Guard,*1 were e l i g i b l e f o r red u ced premiums on l i f e I n s u r a n c e . .. When the S ix t h I n f a n t r y B a t t a l i o n o f th e T h ird B r ig a d e c a l l e d i t s e l f " th e G a lla n t S i x t h ," B ie r c e rem arked, "Upon what f i e l d o f b a t t l e i t d em o n stra ted i t s g a l l a n t r y , and from what f i e l d o f v i o l e t s i t d e r iv e d i t s m o d esty , i t i s n o t g iv e n to man t o k n ow ." 25 The s t u f f e d o f f i c e r s w ere o ld women w it h no judgm ent, g r e a t t i m i d i t y , and p l e n t y o f v a n i t y , th e l a s t two q u a l i t i e s b e in g a t t r i b u t e d t o W. H, L. B a r n e s , i n t h e s e l i n e s : "Q, I l o v e th e s o l d i e r ’s l i f e , ’ s i n g s he And he rubs up h i s e p a u l e t s , And h i s lo n g b r ig h t s a b e r w h ets; ’But th e s o l d i e r ' s d e a th i s what w o r r i e s . 24 " P r a t t l e , " S . F .E x ., J u ly 19, 1891. 25 ™ - d . , March 11, 1888 140 'Y es, I lo v e the s o l d i e r 's l i f e , bu t I w ish That the enemy d i d n 't , too. For he ta k e s i t w ith o u t ado; And th a t is ^he reaso n I'm S ta te M i l i s h . ' B i e r c e 's r i d i c u l e o f th e N a tio n a l Guard of C a lif o r n i a seems f i n a l l y to have beBn j u s t i f i e d d u rin g th e Pullman s t r i k e in July, 1894, when th e Guard was c a lle d out by Governor Markham and se n t to Sacramento to d is p e r s e th e mob o f s t r i k e r s th e re and take the ra ilw a y s t a t i o n . A rriv in g on th e scene " h a l f - dead o f f a tig u e and sta rv a tio n ,® ’ the s o l d i e r s were thrown in to c o n ta c t w ith a ”p e e rin g mob o f good-humored men, women, and c h i l d r e n , " and a p p a re n tly l e f t to mark time w hile G eneral Dimond withdrew to n e g o tia te w ith h i s own o f f i c e r s and w ith c i v i l i a n o f f i c i a l s in an e f f o r t to d is p e rs e the mob p e a c e f u lly , in s te a d o f c a rr y in g out h i s assignm ent. In th e end i t was th e N a tio n a l Guard t h a t r e t r e a t e d , and a Court o f In q u iry , which was l a t e r appointed by the Governor to in q u ir e in to th e a f f a i r , p u b lish ed a h ig h ly u n f l a t t e r i n g r e p o r t , s in g l in g out fo r s p e c i a l d em erit '"Major-General Dimond, B r ig a d ie r G enerals D ickinson and Sheehan, C olonels S u lliv a n , B arry and Noonan and Major J a n s e n - -. . .and a p p a re n tly a l l th e ra n k and f i l e o f two com panies."27 As a r e s u l t o f t h i s m i l i t a r y f ia s c o B ierce « c h o r tle d , 26 "prattle® ’, Argo, Feb. 1, 1879- 2T " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Oct. 7, 1894. 141 I t I s c l e a r t h a t th e S t a t e m i l i t i a w i l l e v e r g a l l a n t l y s u s t a i n i t s im m em orial r e p u t a t i o n a s a n e g l i g i b l e q u a n t i t y . I t n e v e r p erform ed a red c e n t ’s w o r th o f s e r v i c e f o r th e c o s t o f i t s k e e p . I n t h i s Sacram ento cam p a ig n no e le m e n t or i n c i d e n t o f d i s l o y a l t y , d is o b e d ie n c e and i n e f f i c i e n c y was o m it te d , n o t e v en th e cu sto m a ry f a t a l a c c id e n t from ig n o r a n c e o f th e n a tu r e o f f ir e a r m s . The lu d ic r o u s c ir c u m s ta n c e o f th e s t r i k e r s whom th e y w ere s e n t to k i l l becom ing t h e i r p r o v i d e r s , n u r s e s and d e f e n d e r s i s enough t o make a f i s h la u g h . . . . For s e v e r a l months d u r in g t h e G r e a te r R e b e l l i o n , I am t o l d , G en era l Dimond s e r v e d In th e F e d e r a l army a s Q u a r te r m a s t e r ’ s C le r k , and i s th e in v e n t o r o f t h a t fo r m id a b le m i l i t a r y e n g in e , th e ir o n c la d o f f i c e d e sk . . . .G e n e r a l Dimond I s a g r e a t man and a rem ark a b le s t r a t e g i s t , b u t th e p u rp o se o f a s o l d i e r ' s r i f l e i s a S t a t e s e c r e t f o r p o s s e s s i o n o f w h ich h i s l o y a l t y and f i d e l i t y p le a d in v a in . The M i l i t i a , a s w o r t h le s s a s i t c o u ld b e , i s a s v a lu a b le as i t c o u ld be e x p e c te d t o b e . T here i s no su c h p e r s o n a s a ' c i t i z e n s o l d i e r . ' T hese p e a c o c k in g y o u th s a r e n o t drawn from th e r i o t i n g c l a s s - - t h e y a r e n o t drawn a t a l l , b u t rem ain w it h t h a t c l a s s d u r in g a l l t h e i r f o o l i s h l i v e s . 28 And th e c h o r t l i n g c o n t in u e d , o f f and o n , f o r a f u l l .year",, w it h th e M i l i t i a g e t t i n g p l e n t y o f g e n e r a l a t t e n t i o n and G en e r a ls Dimond, S h eeh an , and D ic k in s o n r e c e i v i n g abundant p e r s o n a l m en tio n . W ith what h a s a lr e a d y b een shown o f B i e r c e ’ s own i n t e g r i t y and h i s h o s t i l i t y toward h y p o c r i t e s , p r e t e n d e r s , p r u d e s , and I m p o s to r s , i t g o e s a lm o st w ith o u t s a y in g t h a t h e d e s p is e d l i a r s and was a lw a y s r e a d y t o announce them as s u c h , som etim es i n so many w o rd s, som etim es by a r t f u l i n d i r e c t i o n . He once rem arked upon t h e i r t o u c h in e s s ab ou t b e in g c a l l e d l i a r s an d , a t 28 , March 1 9, 1899. 142 th e same tim e , t h e i r seem in g c o m fo r t In th e c o n s c io u s n e s s o f b e in g l i a r s .2 9 Som etim es t h e i r l i e s to o k th e form o f c o w a r d ly , e v a s i v e p r e t e n s e , a s when a c e r t a i n San F r a n c is c a n c e m e te r y became d e s i r a b l e fo r b u s i n e s s p r o p e r ty , a c e r t a i n new spap er p i o u s l y s a i d , "Some more s u i t a b l e p la c e sh o u ld be found fo r b u r i a l , " or when a s c h o o l board r u le d t h a t "A bsence d u r in g days h e ld sa c r e d to p a r e n ts s h a l l be c o u n te d a b se n c e f o r s i c k n e s s , " or when an e d i t o r w ould t r y t o c o r r e c t a m ista k e by b lam in g i t on th e t y p e s e t t e r s o r p r o o f r e a d e r s or by s a y in g t h a t in l a s t w e e k ’s p ap er th e w o rld H a ll was p r in t e d f o r F r a s e r . Why n o t come o u t and s a y , I made a m ista k e ? B ie r c e b e l i e v e d i n f a c i n g o n e ’ s m is ta k e s and u n tr u th s and a d m it tin g them . He once rem arked t h a t i t I s hard to s a y , I was m ista k e n and I am s o r r y j b u t I t i s s t i l l h a r d e r to s a y , I d e l i b e r a t e l y l i e d . E s p e c i a l l y among th e l i a r s d id B i e r c e a t t a c k th e com p r o m is e r s , p u s s y - f o o t e r s , and f e n c e s t r a d d l e r s in th e rea lm o f s c i e n c e and r e l i g i o n . I f D avid S t a r r Jordan b e l i e v e d in e v o l u t i o n , as he u n d o u b te d ly d id , l e t him sa y so in s t e a d o f a t te m p tin g t o " r e c o n c ile " h i s b e l i e f w it h th e Old T e sta m e n t, and t o n in g down h i s l e c t u r e s to s u i t th e "orth od oxen " and M rs. Jane S t a n fo r d . The same w ent f o r P r o f e s s o r J o se p h Le C on te o f th e U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a , who l i k e w i s e t r i e d to a v o id 29 Ibid.t March 1 9, 1899. 143 o f f e n d i n g p e o p le on th e s u b j e c t by a r t f u l d od ges and e q u i v o c a t i o n s and by a tte m p ts to r e c o n c i l e th e S c r ip t u r e s w ith e v o l u t i o n . S a id B i e r c e , The men In th e van o f th e movement In w hoseN r e a r lim p w it h l e p i n e t i m i d i t y th e Jord an s and th e Le C o n te s , c a r r y in g w a te r on b o th s h o u ld e r s , do n o t c o n c e r n them s e l v e s w it h f a n c i f u l and g r o te s q u e ’r e c o n c i l i a t i o n s 1 b e tw e en th e f a c t s o f s c i e n c e and th e c l o t t e d n o n se n s e o f th e p u l p i t s . They do n o t ’b e lo n g ' t o c h u r c h e s , nor k eep ,'In to u c h w it h th e str a w b e r r y f e s t i v a l and I c e -c r e a m s o c i a l b l e . They a r e n o t p e w -h o ld e r s and do n o t p r o c la im w it h o w lis h s o le m n it y t h e i r ’good P r e s b y t e r l a n i s m .’ In s h o r t , th e y a r e b i g enough t o sta n d a l o n e , c a r in g f o r th e fa v o r o f n e i t h e r smug fo u n d e r s o t t h e i r e l d e r l y widows n or solem n r e g e n t s who a r e th e spawn o f d i s t r i c t s c h o o ls and d e n o m in a tio n a l m e e t in g - h o u s e s .3° Som etim es th e l i a r s p r a c t ic e d t h e i r a r t more from a lo v e o f i d e a li s m th a n f o r s e l f i s h I n t e r e s t . T h e ir l i e s to o k th e form o f ro m a n tic b io g r a p h y and w h ite w a s h in g h i s t o r y , i n w h ich a l l e v i l s w ere ig n o r e d or e x p la in e d a s c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f th e age In w h ich t ie p e r so n l i v e d . Such p e o p le r e p r e s e n t e d L a F a y e tte as ”an u n s e l f i s h lo v e r o f l i b e r t y who p r o f f e r e d h i s l i f e and fo r tu n e f o r th e c a u se o f A m erican in d e p e n d e n c e , p e r fo r m in g p r o d ig io u s s e r v i c e and a l l t h a t ; " when r e a l l y he was ’ "a, t h r i f t y a d v e n tu r e r , a s o l d i e r o f fo r tu n e who drove a hard b a r g a in w it h th e C o lo n ia l Government and e x a c te d h i s pay to th e u tt e r m o s t penny w h ile h i s b e t t e r s w ent u n p aid .'" 3 1 Such p e o p le w h ite w a sh e d , g i l d e d , i d e a l i z e d , 5 0 Ibl<3- » Nov., 5 , 1893. 3 1 I b i d . t Oct. 3 0 ^ 1 8 9 8. 144 and dehum anized W ash in gton u n t i l he had "become " ’th e good boy o f l i t e r a t u r e , " ’’th e p u b lic p r i g ,"1 ’ "the L i t t l e Lord F a u n tle r o y o f S t o r y ; 1 ’ -when he sh o u ld h a ve "been c h a r a c t e r i z e d as a. f a i r l y h o n e s t man o f t h ir d r a t e a b i l i t y , a t o l e r a b l y e f f i c i e n t s o l d i e r , a b e t t e r p o l i t i c i a n , I n t e l l i g e n t l y a p p r e c ia t i v e o f th e o p p o sin g s e x , d i l i g e n t and p a in s t a k in g i n p r o f a n i t y , a h i g h - s t e p p i n g a r i s t o c r a t 32 --And what G eorge r e a l l y meant by h i s famous c h e r r y - t r e e s t a t e ment was n o t t h a t he c o u ld n o t b e a r to t e l l a l i e , bu t t h a t he c o u ld n o t t h i n k o f one t h a t would s e r v e th e o c c a s io n . Had he b e e n a b l e , [ s a i d B ie r c e ] I h ave no doubt h e would h a v e e x e c u te d a p i e c e o f m a tc h le s s m en d a city t h a t would h ave sto o d as a model f o r a l l fu tu r e g e n e r a t i o n s .3 3 Champions among a l l th e w h ite w a s h e r s w ere th e e u l o g i s t s o f Colum bus, e s p e c i a l l y on th e o c c a s i o n o f th e C olum bian E x h i b i t i o n o f 1 8 9 2 . B ie r c e s c o f f e d a t th e Am erican d e i f i e r s o f t h i s man and h i m s e l f sh ock ed and o ffe n d e d them by a f f ir m in g Columbus t o h a ve b e e n an ig n o r a n t , a v a r i c i o u s , c r u e l , t r e a c h e r ous man, a _ p r o f e s s i o n a l p i r a t e , a. s l a v e t r a d e r , and an o b s t i n a t e , u n r e a so n a b le man o f poor ju d g m en t.34 On a n o th e r o c c a s io n he l i s t e d th e s o u r c e s o f h i s in fo r m a tio n on Colum bus, and c o n c lu d e d , A l l t h e s e s o u r c e s o f o r i g i n a l in fo r m a tio n and many o th e r s a r e no more a c c e s s i b l e to me th a n th e y w ere to th e I r v in g s and th e F i s k e s , and a r e to my in d ig n a n t c r i t i c s , b u t I 32 I b i d . , Nov. 2 7 , 1892. 33 "The M odel P h ilo s o p h e r , ’ 1 N u g g ets and D u s t , p. 8 3 . 34 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., O ct. 2 3 , 1 892. 145 happen to have t h i s advantage; no t b ein g an h i s t o r i a n nor a b io g ra p h e r, but only a new spaper, man, I am not com pelled to l i c k th e du st b e fo re the random f e e t of b r u te p u b lic o p in io n . So I sometimes t e l l th e t r u t h . 35 In a l l im portant m a tte rs B ierc e i n s i s t e d i n f l e x i b l y upon t r u t h as a prime o b je c tiv e and o b lig a tio n . Said h e, In our sm all p e rso n a l a f f a i r s th e re is such a th in g as r ig h te o u s su p p re ss io n o f the t r u th - - e v e n such a th in g as commendable ly in g . . . .But in a l l the la r g e m a tte rs of th e m in d --in p h ilo so p h y , r e l i g i o n , sc ien c e a r t and the l i k e , a l e s s e r s e r v ic e to th e ra c e than u tte r a n c e o f the t r u t h as he th in k s and sees i t , le a v in g the r e s u l t to w hatever powers may be, no man has a r i g h t to be c o n te n t w ith having perform ed, fo r i t i s only so th a t t r u t h is e s t a b l i s h e d . 3® T hievery, w hether by d e c e i t , m is re p re s e n ta tio n , ev a sio n o f o b l i g a t i o n s , or sim ple a p p r o p r ia tio n , was a ls o r e p r e h e n s ib le , and i t was everywhere p r e s e n t. P u b lish e r C harles F. H e a z le ' o ffe re d * c a s h p r iz e fo r the b e s t review o f R u s s e ll H. C onw ell's new book, How to Get R ic h ; the Pope M anufacturing Company1 o ffe re d ca sh fo r an a r t i c l e on c y c lin g c o n ta in in g a c a s u a l men t i o n o f the tra d e name o f t h e i r b ic y c le . A c e r t a i n San F r a n c i s can c a p i t a l i z e d on a lemonade s p rin g th a t he claim ed to have found back in the m ountains. People w rote paid te s tim o n ia ls fo r soap, Henry Ward Beecher i n c l u d e d . 3T Eugene Debs l i e d fo r money. Joseph G rism er, an a c t o r , a d v e rtis e d g e n e ra l adm ission t i c k e t s a t f i f t y c e n ts each, th e n r a is e d the p r i c e to se v e n ty - f iv e c e n ts when he saw th e re would be a h o u s e fu l. Tom Maguire 35 I b i d . , Nov. 6 , 1892; '"Columbus/ 1 The C o l l e c t e d W orks, 9:68-75- 36 "The Dead L ion (A g a in ) and th e L iv in g P r o f e s s o r , ’ " S . F . E x . , O ct. 10, 1899. 37 " P r a t t l e / ’ S .F .E x ., June 28, I 8 9 I. 146 th e t h e a t r e manager cheated h is a c to r s . Banker Donohoe signed a f a l s e a f f i d a v i t to avoid payment o f d u tie s on the-toontents o f c e r t a i n tru n k s th a t he b r o u g h t,in to the c o u n try . James Latham, a law yer, and Douglas T ild e n , the s c u lp to r , ra n away from t h e i r h o n est d e b ts . A tto rn ey W . H. L. Barnes a p p ro p ria te d $ 2 5 ,0 0 0 o f h is c l i e n t ' s money to b r ib e a man to s te a l/, c e r t a i n ev id en ce. McCann and R id d e ll, c o n t r a c t o r s , s tu f f e d th e w alls o f San F r a n c is c o 's new c i t y h a l l "w ith broken b rock, in d u ra te d m ortar and o th e r unheavenly su b s ta n c e s , in s te a d ocf doing good h o n est b ric k w o rk .” 38 American a d v e n tu re rs ' in the Sandwick Is la n d s s t o l e p ro p e rty from th e n a tiv e i n h a b i t a n t s . The Big Four o f the C e n tra l P a c if ic Railway s t o l e tim ber from the p u b lic domain and cheated t h e i r s to c k h o ld e rs out o f e i g h t y - s i x m illio n d o l l a r s , which they them selves p o c k e te d .59 C o llis P. H untington as head o f the Southern P a c if ic Railway, t r i e d u n s u c c e s s f u l ly to s t e a l about $100,000,000 from the United S ta te s government by means o f th e infamous Refunding B i l l ?^0 B ierce reg ard ed a l l th e se people as le g itim a te o b je c ts o f s a t i r e . A ll belonged in the same c a te g o ry o f c h e a ts and th ie v e s ; a l l were 38 " P r a t t l e " , S .F .E x ., June I 5 , 1890. 39 " P r a t t l e , ” Argo, Nov. 10, 1877J "Says Hopkins Knew i t A l l , " S .F .E x ., FebT 21, 1 8 9 6; "Morgan to O ffer His Own M easure," S. FTEx. , Feb. 24, 1 8 9 6 . "B ierce on H u n tin g to n ," S .F .E x ., Feb. 21, I 8 9 6 ; "H ubbard's Plan Never to Pay," S . FTEx. , Feb. 27, 1896. 147 abou t e q u a l l y d e s p i c a b le ; t h e i r m ain d i f f e r e n c e v a s m er ely a m a tte r o f d e g r e e , and t h a t p r o b a b ly a mere m a tte r o f o p p o r t u n i t y and a b i l i t y . B ie r c e e v e n c o n s id e r e d i t im m oral to a s s o c i a t e w it h r i c h p e o p le who had a c q u ir e d t h e i r w e a lt h d i s h o n e s t l y , and h e seem ed to f e e l t h a t one c o u ld h a r d ly become w e a lth y o t h e r w is e , a s h e im p lie s i n th e " L i t t l e Johnny" s t o r y o f a man who w ent to s e e k h i s f o r t u n e . A f t e r many e x p e r ie n c e s h e "met a b i g s l i c k chap a d r i v i n i n a g o ld c a r r id g e and e a t i n a b u s h e l o f c a n d y ." When th e fo r tu n e s e e k e r ask ed th e a d v ic e o f th e s l i c k e r , t h e s l i c k e r r e p l i e d , "A f e l l e r d on t h a v e to s e e k h i s fo r c h u n e , c o s t h a t i s a lr e d d y so o k . You j e s t q u i t t h a t and s e e k a u th e r f e l l e r s , same a s me. 4 1 D e s e r v in g o f s p e c i a l m en tio n among t h e t h i e v e s a r e th e p l a g i a r i s t s , who g e n e r a l l y were l i t e r a r y n o b o d ie s l i k e a c e r t a i n L o u is e F r a n c in e W elck n er, who a l t e r e d a poem by B r e t H a rte and p u b lis h e d i t a s h e r own; th e "H onorable" Edward B a r b e r, e i g h t y y e a r s o f a g e , who s t o l e a poem and p u b lis h e d i t o v e r h i s name, e x p l a i n i n g t h a t th e poem was com posed when he was h a l f a s l e e p ("The h a l f o f him t h a t was a s le e p ,* ' s a id B i e r c e , " i s h i s c o n s c i e n c e . . . .*’); and th e B e r k e le y s t u d e n t s who s t o l e m a t e r ia l f o r a l i t e r a r y m a g a zin e, i n c lu d in g a poem by B i e r c e , and c h e a te d i n e x a m in a t io n s . 41 N. Y. Am., Oct. 19, 1905. P ro b a b ly more i n t e r e s t i n g a r e su c h p e r s o n s a s th e u n named e d i t o r o f th e S a n ta Cruz E v e n in g R e c o r d , th e w r i t e r i n t h e D e t r o i t F ree P r e s s , and "The Man About Town® o f th e L a f a y e t t e ( I n d ia n a ) Sunday T im e s, who p l a g i a r i z e d B i e r c e . Of th e many who c o p ie d from him o f f and on o v e r a p e r io d o f t h i r t y y e a r s , h e s a i d i n e f f e c t ," M a y th e y b r o i l i n h e l l f o r i t W orthy to o o f m en tio n h e r e a r e Warren Cheney f o r h i s " b ra zen crim e o f r o b b in g Mr. E. C. S ted m a n 's l i t e r a r y s l u i c e - b o x e s to e n r ic h th e W arm edoverland M o n t h ly ^ and D avid B e la s c o f o r p l a g i a r i z i n g from Frank G a ssa w a y 's p l a y , The H ea rt o f M aryland and th e n d e n y in g i t . Gassaway p roved th e t h e f t , a c c o r d in g t o B i e r c e , by p r o d u c in g th e o r i g i n a l p la y a t a n o th e r t h e a t r e . ^ The r o g u e s and v i l l a i n s , t h e n , i n th e mind o f B i e r c e , w ere c h i e f l y th e d i s r e s p e c t e r s o f t r u t h and o f p r o p e r ty r i g h t s o r , more p a r t i c u l a r l y , th e h y p o c r i t e s , p r e t e n d e r s , p r u d e s , im p o s t e r s , and- l i a r s and c h e a t s , t h i e v e s , and p l a g i a r i s t s . T h is and th e p r e v io u s c h a p t e r have b een d e v o te d to a n a ly z in g from h i s works B i e r c e ' s c o n c e p t o f th e com ponent d i v i s i o n s o f f o o l e r y and r o g u e r y , t o m e n tio n in g c e r t a i n r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s o f e a c h d i v i s i o n , and t o i l l u s t r a t i n g th e s a t i r i s t ^ ^2 "The P a s s in g Show," S . F . E x . , Nov. 1 2 , 1899; a l s o , " P r a t t l e " , . S . F . E x . , A p r il 2 7 , 1 8 9 0 “ " P r a t t le " , Wasp, May 1 9 , I 8 8 3 . W " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., S e p t. 12, 1897. 149 a t t a c k s upon them . T h is d o es n o t mean t h a t th e c h i e f a r e a s h a v e b e e n d e f in e d w h e r e in B ie r c e o b se r v e d th e f o o l s and v i l l a i n s i n a c t i o n . They a re to be found i n a l l c a t e g o r i e s o f human a c t i v i t y and in a l l s o r t s o f c o m b in a tio n s . T h e r e f o r e , th e n e x t f i v e c h a p t e r s a r e d e v o te d to a d i s c u s s i o n and i l l u s t r a t i o n o f B i e r c e ' s a t t a c k s upon a l l s o r t s o f i n t e l l e c t u a l and m oral d e l in q u e n t s i n th e a r e a s o f human a c t i v i t y w here th e y w ere most o b n o x io u s t o B i e r c e . Those a r e a s w ere ( l ) j o u r n a lis m , l e t t e r s and a r t , ( 2 ) b u s in e s s and l a b o r , (j5) r e l i g i o n and r e fo r m , (4 ) g o v e rn m e n t, and ( 5 ) e d u c a t io n , s c i e n c e , and m e d ic in e . CHAPTER III JOURNALISTS, LITTERATEURS, AND ARTISTS B e in g a j o u r n a l i s t h i m s e l f , p o s s e s s i n g a d eep i n t e r e s t i n l i t e r a t u r e and a r t , and feein g endowed w it h a k e e n c r i t i c a l s e n s e , Amferose B ie r c e fo u n d a g r e a t d e a l to r i d i c u l e among th e j o u r n a l i s t s , l i t t e r a t e u r s , and a r t i s t s o f v a r io u s k in d s . Among th e j o u r n a l i s t s he a t t a c k e d v i g o r o u s l y th e m er ely com m ercial ow ners and e d i t o r s o f n ew sp a p ers whose f i r s t aim was c i r c u l a t i o n and p r o f i t and who were w i l l i n g t o s a c r i f i c e t r u t h f o r a p p r o v a l. B ie r c e had no o b j e c t i o n t o a n e w s p a p e r s m aking money f o r i t s ow ner, b u t he d id o b j e c t to h a v in g p r o f i t a s th e prim e o b j e c t i v e . When I s r a e l Z a n g w ill was g r a t i f i e d to f i n d a g r e a t d a i l y n ew sp ap er com ing o u t on th e J e w ish New Y ear w it h th e J e w is h New Y ear g r e e t i n g p r in t e d i n Hebrew above i t s t i t l e , B ie r c e s e t him r i g h t : "That meant o n ly t h a t t h e owner o f th e n ew sp ap er had n o t a s much money a s he was w i l l i n g t o h a v e ." '1 ' Som etim es th e p a p e r s w ere c o n t r o l l e d by b i g c o r p o r a t io n s f o r th e p ro m o tio n o f p r i v a t e e n d s , a s , f o r ex a m p le, . . t h e B u l l e t i n and C a l l (R a ilr o a d ) th e C h r o n ic le ( S p r in g V a lle y [ W ater Company]) th e P o s t (b o th ) and th e A rgonaut ( a l l ) . . . 2 Som etim es th e p a p er s w ere c o n d u c te d to prom ote t h e p r i v a t e p o l i t i c a l an im os i t i e s , p r e j u d i c e s , o r a s p i r a t i o n s o f t h e ow ner. W hatever th e 1 "The P a s s i n g Show," San E r a n c is c o E xam in er, O ct. 8 , 1 8 9 9 . 2 E d i t o r i a l , The Wasp, A p r i l £ 4 , 1 8 8 3 . 151 aim , t h e means wen© f a l s i f i c a t i o n , t h e s u p p r e s s io n o f t r u t h , i n d i r e c t i o n , c o m p lic it y i n th e e l e v a t i o n o f im p o s t o r s , and o p p o r t u n i s t i c i n c o n s i s t e n c y , a l l o f w h ich meant to B ie r c e t h a t 'Z e d i t o r s w ere c o r r u p t, im m oral, and h y p o c r i t i c a l . w So when th e e d i t o r s o f f o u r n ew sp ap ers g o t i n t o a c o n t r o v e r s y a b o u t t h e s e x o f a n g e l s , B ie r c e to o k a d v a n ta g e o f th e o c c a s i o n by w r i t i n g , I t i s n o t e x p e c te d when t h e s e e d i t o r s s k in i n t o h e a v e n t h a t th e y w i l l e a t a t th e t a b l e w i t h t h e a n g e l s , n o r be i n v i t e d t o t h e i r e n t e r t a in m e n t s , Ho; th e y w i l l have th e same r e l a t i o n s t o t h e i r s o e i a l en v iro n m en t a s th e A m erican C olon y i n P a r i s , th e C a l i f o r n i a c o lo n y i n Hew Y ork and th e C h in e se c o lo n y i n San F r a n c is c o . How t h e n a re th e y c o n c e r n e d i n th e s e x o f a n g e ls ? I s t h e r e one o f t h e group upon whom a la d y a n g e l w ou ld e o n f e r th e d i s t i n c t i o n o f a s m ile ? W ould sh e t o l e r a t e a t e n d e r r e g a r d o u t o f t h e t a i l o f U n cle R ufus S h o em a k er's f i n e e y e , o r e x p o se h e r c o m b u s tib le plum age to th e " u n clou d ed b la z e o f l i v i n g l i g h t " w h ic h e m in a te s from th e a d m ir in g o r b s o f B rer M o f f i t t ? ©tie d i s c u s s i o n i s u s e l e s s ; i t may s e t t l e a d is p u te d p o in t i n c e l e s t i a l o r n i t h o l o g y , b u t i t d o e s n o t a t any p o in t to u c h th e s p i r i t u a l i n t e r e s t s o f th e g e n tle m e n c o n d u c tin g i t . ^ The w h o le aim o f a n ew sp ap er s h o u ld be to t e l l th e t r u t h , a s B ie r c e s a i d i n an e d i t o r i a l . ^ i t s h o u ld be n o t e d , h o w ev er, t h a t B ie r c e so m e tim e s f e l t t h a t n ew sp ap ers o u g h t n o t o n ly to g i v e a t r u e r e p o r t o f th e e v e n t s o f t h e d a y , b u t a l s o to work f o r c e r t a i n r e f o r m s . Gn one o c c a s i o n he r i d i c u l e d t h e n ew sp ap ers o f th e 3 "A shes o f t h e B e a co n ," C o l l e c t e d Works 1 :3 4 ; l u g g e t s and D u 3 t, p . 1 1 . 4 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x. , March 3 0 , 1 8 9 0 . ^ & h$ra, p . 1B5. 153 n a t i o n f o r n o t u n i t i n g more f r e q u e n t l y t o e f f e c t d e s i r a b l e c h a n g e s , a s th e y d id t o f o r c e th e r e s i g n a t i o n o f S e c r e t a r y o f War A lg e r from o f f i c e i n 1899• & go i t was th e b u s in e s s o f r e p o r t e r s t o r e p o r t , n o t w hat th e y w an ted o r e x p e c te d to f i n d , n o t w hat t h e y th o u g h t a p p r o p r ia t e , n o t w hat th e y th o u g h t th e s u b s c r i b e r s w an ted to r e a d , n o t w hat th e y th o u g h t w ou ld be good f o r th e p u b l i c , b u t w hat a c t u a l l y o c c u r r e d . (This was th e d u ty o f r e p o r t e r s , and i t was th e d u ty o f e d i t o r s to i n s i s t upon t h i s k in d o f r e p o r t i n g and t o p r i n t th e f a c t s as n e a r ly a s th e y c o u ld be a s c e r t a i n e d , The f i r s t q u e s t io n t o ask i n d e c id in g w h eth er to p r i n t o r r e j e c t a new s it e m , e s p e c i a l l y an u n p le a s a n t o n e , w a s, I s i t tr u e ? As i t was g e n e r a l l y th e co m m ercia l m o tiv e t h a t e a u se d e d i t o r s and r e p o r t e r s t o v i o l a t e t r u t h , so i t was g e n e r a l l y th e same m o tiv e t h a t c a u se d them t o w r i t e s e r v i l e l y o r t i m i d l y , i t was t h e n th e b e l i e f , a3 i t g e n e r a l ly i s to d a y , t h a t th e way t o s e l l o n e ’ s p a p er was t o f l a t t e r th e r e a d in g p u b l i c . C o n se q u e n tly e d i t o r s d e s c r ib e d e v e r y p ro m in en t woman a s b e a u t i f u l , a g r e e d w it h th e p u b l i c , and p r in t e d w hat th e y th o u g h t p e o p le w an ted t o r e a d . B ie r c e s c o r n e d su c h s e r v i l i t y w h e r e v e r he fou n d i t , and on ce w r o te o f i t a s f o l l o w s : . . .1 have o b s e r v e d one t h i n g . • . t h a t th e n ew sp a p ers o f t h i s s t a t e , l i k e m ost n ew sp a p ers e v e r y w h e r e , m a n if e s t an u n s l e e p in g sy c o p h a n c y — an a l e r t and a g g r e s s i v e o b s e q u io u s n e s s t o t h e i r p a tr o n s t h a t w ou ld be c r e d i t a b l e t o an E n g lis h s m a ll s h o p - k e e p e r , b u t n e i t h e r c r e d i t a b l e n or p o s s i b l e in an A m erican o n e . There i s no p o p u la r ig n o r a n c e to o d eep and 6 "War T o p ic s ," S .F .E x ., J u ly 3 3 , 18 99. 133 d a r k , no v u lg a r v a n i t y o r p r e j u d ic e to o u n l o v e i y , no l o c a l v i c e to o b a s e , f o r them t o f e e d i t w hat i t l o v e s and s c r a t c h i t s back w h ile i t e a t s . 7 I f a news ite m w ere w orth y o f a p l a c e i n th e p a p er i t s h o u ld be w r i t t e n i n an h o n e s t , f o r t h r i g h t m anner, and i t s h o u ld s e e k th e f a v o r o f no o n e . D e l i b e r a t e l y d i s h o n e s t o r e o r r a p t J o u r n a l i s t s w ere one e v i l ; m u d d le-h ead ed o r ig n o r a n t J o u r n a l i s t s w ere a n o t h e r , th e d i f f e r e n c e b etw een them b e in g t h a t b e tw e e n v i l l a i n s and f o o l s . £he fo rm er w ere m o r a lly a t f a u l t , th e l a t t e r i n t e l l e c t u a l l y . B ie r c e e x p e c t e d t h a t a man a b le to run a n ew sp ap er s h o u ld have enough s e n s e n o t to h a za rd h i s r e p u t a t i o n by p r o p h e c ie s o f war o r e l e c t i o n s . Ho one c o u ld know w hat was to h a p p en , and w i t h e l e c t i o n s i t was e i t h e r a s i n i n e o r u n t r u t h f u l t o p r e d i c t th e s u c c e s s o f o n e ’ s p a r ty o r c a n d id a t e . He e x p e c t e d t h a t an e d i t o r s h o u ld n o t be s o c r e d u lo u s a s t o be ta k e n i n by r e p o r t s t h a t w ere p a t e n t l y s p u r io u s o r q u e s t i o n a b l e , o r s o s im p le a s t o make b a s e l e s s a s s e r t i o n s o r a c c e p t i n f e r e n t i a l o r im a g in a t iv e r e p o r t i n g . An e d i t o r s h o u ld n o t be s o u t t e r l y p r o v i n c i a l a s t o s a y o f th e new San F r a n c is c o S to c k E xchange B u il d i n g t h a t "nowhere i n th e w o r ld d o e s t h e r e e x i s t s u c h a g o r g e o u s tem p le o f f o r t u n e . . . 7 " P r a t t l e ," A rg o . , O c t. 1 9 , 1878 8 I b i d . , O ct. SO, 1 8 7 7 . 154 o r t o m a in t a in , a s d id th e B u l l e t i n , t h a t C a l i f o r n i a ' s freed om from mad d o gs was due t o th e c lim a t e h e r e , i n s p i t e o f P a s t e u r ’ s s t a t e m e n t t h a t c lim a t e has n o t h in g t o do w it h th e d i s e a s e . 9 An e d i t o r should have enough good s e n s e n o t t o t a k e th e p a r t o f a woman b e c a u se o f h e r s e x o r p r a i s e h e r f o r q u a l i t i e s sh e d id n o t p o s s e s s ; and he s h o u ld know b e t t e r th a n t o p r a i s e th e neourage** and " c o o l n e s s ” and " b o ld n e ss" and " i n t e l l i g e n c e " o f b a n d it s o r t o d e fe n d a man ch a rg ed w i t h crim e on th e b a s i s o f h i s own a s s e r t i o n s , o r t o in d u lg e i n i n d i s c r i m i n a t e p r a i s e o f a l l f r e e book s s e n t him f o r r e v ie w , The m u d d le-h ead ed e d i t o r o r r e p o r t e r who e r r e d i n su c h r e s p e c t s m igh t r e a s o n a b ly e x p e c t t o become th e o b j e c t o f a s a t i r i c p aragrap h i n " P r a t t l e . " A lo n g w i t h s u c h c o n fu s e d t h in k in g w en t common ig n o r a n e e . I n th e San F r a n c is c o B u l l e t i n D r. W. C. B a r t l e t t ’ s a r t i c l e s on n a tu r e u s u a l l y c o n t a in e d enough e r r o r s t o p r o v id e m a t e r i a l f o r a s a t i r i c p a ra g ra p h i n any i s s u e o f " P r a t t l e . ” The D o c to r was a g r e a t n a t u r a l i s t , s a i d B i e r c e , who was e x p e r t a t s e e i n g t h i n g s t h a t w ere n o t t h e r e and who a v o id e d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r th e t h in g s he w r o te by a c c r e d i t i n g them t o "a d i s t i n g u i s h e d s a v a n t . 9 " P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x ., D ec. 8 , 1 8 8 9 . 10 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J u ly 3 1 , 188 7 ; a l s o , i b i d . , S e p t. 1 6 , 1888; " F a b les and” A neccC otes,” S .F .E x ., J a n . 1 4 ,~ I S S 3 . 155 Mr. L o r in P ie k e r i n g o f th e San F r a n c is e o G a ll was f a i r game w h en ev er B ie r e e w an ted t o s h o o t a t ig n o r a n c e , f o r P ie k e r i n g c o n d u c te d a q u ery colum n i n w h ic h he a tte m p te d to an sw er q u es t i o n s s u b m itte d by h i s r e a d e r s . O nce, a f t e r r i d i c u l i n g c e r t a i n m is - s t a t e m e n t s t h e r e a b o u t th e z o d ia c and b i l l i a r d s , B ie r c e c o n c lu d e d , "Mr. P ic k e r in g * s g r e a t m e r it a s a w r i t e r i s n o t h i s o m n is c ie n c e , b u t h i s t a l e n t f o r c o n d e n s a tio n : he ca n paek more b lu n d e r s i n t o a g iv e n s p a c e th a n any w r i t e r l i v i n g . j o u r n a l i s t s who e x h i b i t e d g r o s s ig n o r a n c e i n a str o n o m y , l i t e r a t u r e , o r g e o g r a p h y , o r show ed ig n o r a n e e o f E n g lis h t i t l e s , o r c o n fu s e d w ords l i k e s o c i a l i s m , communism, n i h i l i s m , and a n a r c h ism , o r d e m o n s tr a te d ig n o r a n e e i n a n y th in g t h e y s h o u ld know o r p r e te n d e d t o know w ere l i a b l e t o a t t a c k , and th e a t t a c k s were num erous. S e n tim e n t a l j o u r n a l i s t s a l s o w ere r i d i c u l e d , b o th f o r t h e i r o r n a te d i e t i o n and f o r th e e x a g g e r a te d o r u n tr u e f e e l i n g s th e y e x p r e s s e d o r r e p o r t e d i n t h e i r w r i t i n g . When some new sp ap er man r e p o r te d t h a t " s t r o n g men tu r n e d away t h e i r f a c e s and w e p t," B i e r c e u n f e e l i n g l y w r o t e , " I t i s t o be r e g r e t t e d t h a t . . . t h e r e p o r t e r s have n o t w a tch ed th e weak o n e s and made a r e c o r d o f t h e i r demeanor;"^-2 and a t th e tim e o f P r e s i d e n t G a r f ie ld * s d e a th 11 n p r a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , March 2 , 1 8 9 0 ; a l s o , i b i d . , June 3 , 1 8 8 8 . 12 I b i d . , S e p t . 8 , 1 8 8 9 . 156 h e s a i d c o n t e m p t u o u s l y o f t h e w r i t e r s w h o r e p o r t e d i n a n e x a g g e r a t e d a n d s e n t i m e n t a l m a n n e r t h e e f f e c t o f t h e n e w s u p o n t h e p e o p l e , " I t t h e hum an h e a r t a n d h e a d w e r e c o n s t i t u t e d a s t h e s e s u g a r - h e a r t e d s e n t i m e n t a l i s t s w o u l d h a v e u s b e l i e v e t h e y a r e , l i f e w o u l d b e i n s u p p o r t a b l e . • . [ a n d ] w e s h o u l d a l l h a s t e n t o l e t o u t o u r b o w e l s o f c o m p a s s i o n b y h a r i - k a r i . H o t l a e r y m o s e b u t y e t s e n t i m e n t a l w e r e t h e s o e i e t y r e p o r t e r s , w ho w e r e s c o r n e d b y B i e r c e m ore t h a n a n y o t h e r g r o u p o f r e p o r t e r s o n t h e d a i l y p a p e r s . T h e s o e i e t y c o l u m n s w e r e c h a r a c t e r i z e d b y a n a b u n d a n c e o f s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , a l a c k o f o r i g i n a l i t y , t r i t e a n d f a u l t y d i c t i o n , a f f e c t e d e l e g a n c e , s y c o p h a n c y , v u l g a r i t y a n d b a d t a s t e , a n d g e n e r a l i n a n i t y ; a n d B i e r c e r a t h e r o f t e n b u r l e s q u e d t h e c u s t o m a r y m a t t e r a n d m a n n e r o f t h e s e c o l u m n s b y som e s u c h i t e m a s t h i s : M i s s E n a m e l i n e M cR ou ge h a s r e t u r n e d f r o m M i l p i t a s , w h e r e s h e h a s b e e n t r y i n g t h e w a t e r s . A M i l p i t a s c o n t e m p o r a r y v o l u n t e e r s t h e d i a g n o s i s t h a t s h e s u f f e r s f r o m p s o r e s o n h e r s e p t e n n i s . M r. D r u r y M e lo n e cam e d ow n f r o m O ak K n o l l o n M o n d a y . T he c h a r m i n g n ew w a t e r i n g - p l a c e b e t w e e n E a s t O a k la n d a n d S a n L e a n d r o h a s b e e n v e r y p o p u l a r a l l t h i s s e a s o n , T he u r b a n e a n d e n g a g i n g p r o p r i e t o r t h i n k s o f p u t t i n g u p a n o t h e r t r o u g h n e x t su m m e r. M r. D r u r y M e lo n e cam e d ow n f r o m Oak K n o l l o n T u e s d a y . I n d i c a t i o n s p o i n t t o a s e a s o n o f s o c i a l f e s t i v i t i e s t h a t w i l l k n o c k a l l f o r m e r o n e s p e r f e c t l y c o l d . The S o e i e t y l s " P r a t t l e ," The Wasp, S e p t . 2 3 , 1 8 8 1 , s e e a l s o i b i d . , A p r il 9 , 1 8 8 1 , June £ o , 1 8 8 1 , and June 9 , 1 8 8 3 . 15? E d i t o r s ' L e a g u e h a s p u r c h a s e d a n ew d r e s s - c o a t a n d a p p o i n t e d a c o m m i t t e e t o a r r a n g e a u n i f o r m v o c a b u l a r y - - a s o c i a l v o l a p u k . T he p h r a s e s , " p a l a t i a l m a n s i o n , " " t h e h o s p i t a b l e d o o r s w e r e t h r o w n o p e n , " " S a n F r a n c i s c o ' s r a n k , b e a u t y a n d f a s h i o n , " " t h e f e s t i v i t i e s w e r e p r o l o n g e d i n t o t h e w e e sm a ' h o u r s , " " T e r p s i c h o r e a n e x e r c i s e s w e r e i n d u l g e d i n , " " t h e e l e g a n t c o l l a t i o n w a s d o n e a m p le j u s t i c e t o , " " j o i n e d i n t h e h o l y b o n d s o f w e d l o c k , " w i l l s t a n d w i t h o u t r e v i s i o n . M r. D r u r y M e lo n e cam e d ow n f r o m Oak K n o l l o n W e d n e s d a y .^ 4 — a n d s o o n t h r o u g h t h e w e e k . W hen J o . I r w i n , s o e i e t y e d i t o r o f t h e C a l l , b e c a m e e n g a g e d t o M i s s F i t z M o r r i s , s o e i e t y e d i t o r o f t h e D a i l y R e p o r t , I r w i n a s k e d t h e s o e i e t y e d i t o r s o f t h e c i t y n o t t o w r i t e u p t h e n e w s f o r t h e i r p a p e r s . T h e y a c c o m m o d a t i n g l y c o m p l i e d w i t h h i s w i s h e s , b u t B i e r c e h e a r d t h e n e w s a n d g l e e f u l l y p u b l i s h e d t h i s a n n o u n c e m e n t i n " P r a t t l e : " T he e n g a g e m e n t i s h e r e b y a n n o u n c e d o f M r. J o s e p h I r w i n , t h e t a l e n t e d a n d p o p u l a r s o c i e t y e d i t o r o f t h e M o r n i n g C a l l , t o M i s s F i t z M o r r i s , t h e t a l e n t e d a n d p o p u l a r s o c i e t y e d i t r e s s o f t h e D a i l y R e p o r t . T h e n u p t i a l s w i l l b e c o n s u m m a te d a t t h e p a l a t i a l m a n s i o n o f t h e b r i d e ' s f a t h e r . T h e h o s p i t a b l e d o o r s o f t h i s p r i n c e l y r e s i d e n c e w i l l b e t h r o w n o p e n t o t h e b e a u t y a n d f a s h i o n o f S a n F r a n e i s e o o n W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g n e x t ( a f t e r t h e i m p o s i n g c e r e m o n i e s a t B i s g r a e e C a t h e d r a l ) a n d t h e f r i e n d s a n d a c q u a i n t a n c e s o f t h e h a p p y c o u p l e w i l l b e r e g a l e d w i t h a n e l e g a n t c o l l a t i o n , t o w h i c h a m p le j u s t i c e w i l l b e d o n e . A f t e r t h i s , T e r p s i c h o r e a n f e s t i v i t i e s w i l l b e i n d u l g e d i n , a n d t h e f e s t i v i t i e s p r o l o n g e d t o t h e w e e sm a* h o u r s . T h e b r i d a l c h a m b e r h a s b e e n t a s t i l y f u r n i s h e d f r o m t h e c e l e b r a t e d u n d e r t a k i n g p a r l o r s o f J im a y M c G in n . B i e r c e t h e n c o m m e n te d i n h i s ow n c h a r a c t e r , I p r e s u m e M r, I r w i n w i l l b e " g o t t e n u p f o r t h e o c c a s i o n " a s h e w a s a t t h e a e s t h e t i c b a l l o f t h e I v y C l u b , i n h o n o r o f O s c a r W i l d e — k n e e b r e e c h e s , s i l k e n h o s e , w i d e - s k i r t e d c o a t , 14 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J u ly 3 1 , 1887. 158 em b ro id ered w a i s t c o a t , r u f f l e d s h i r t and i d i o t i c v i s a g e e u t t i n g i t s way th r o u g h w h is k e r s f e a r f u l l y and w o n d e r fu lly b e g r e a s e d . W henever d u ty c a l l s upon Mr. I r w in t o make a s p e c t a c u l a r e x tr a v a g a n z a o f h i m s e l f he comes p rom p tly to th e f r o n t , u n p a c k in g h i s charms o f p e r s o n and m i n d. 15 B e s id e s a t t a c k i n g t h e i r m a tte r s and m anners o f r e p o r t i n g , B ie r c e r i d i e u l e d th e s o c i e t y news g a t h e r e r s f o r p r e te n d in g to be what th e y were n o t and i n t r u d in g where th e y had no b u s i n e s s , p a r t i c u l a r l y s c o r n in g them f o r t h e i r im p u d en ce, t h e i r bad m ann ers, t h e i r c a l l o u s n e s s and i n c a p a b i l i t y o f sham e, t h e i r u n t r u t h f u l n e s s , t h e i r t r e a c h e r y i n g e t t i n g by p r e te n s e o r d i s g u i s e w here t h e y had no r i g h t t o b e , and t h e i r v e n a l i t y and c o r r u p tn e s s i n a c c e p t i n g money t o w r i t e up s o c i a l p r e te n d e r s and v u l g a r i a n s , a p r a c t i c e l e s s h o n o ra b le th a n s t e a l i n g . One o f t h e s e r e p o r t e r s , h a v in g n e i t h e r money n o r s o c i a l s t a n d in g and w e a r in g a h ir e d s u i t , in t r u d e d upon a w ed d in g t o r e p o r t i t , th e n t r i e d to v i s i t th e b r i d a l s u i t e t o d e s c r ib e i t . O th ers in tr u d e d upon th e p r iv a c y o f Mrs. Mark H opk in s w hen, a f t e r a d e c e n t p e r io d o f m ourning f o l l o w i n g th e d e a th o f h e r hu sb and , t h e w e a lth y widow i n v i t e d a group o f g u e s t s to d in n e r a t h e r Hob H i l l home. She t r i e d to e x c lu d e th e s o c i e t y r e p o r t e r s t o a v o id p u b l i c i t y , b u t th e y came u n i n v i t e d , o b se r v e d th e g u e s t s a s th e y a r r i v e d , p eep ed th r o u g h th e d o o r s and windows d u r in g th e e v e n in g , sn ea k ed i n t o th e h ou se i t s e l f (and were e j e c t e d ) , and a fte r w a r d s 15 n p r a t t l e , " fh e Wasp, S e p t. 9 , 1882. 159 i n t e r r o g a t e d th e l e g i t i m a t e g u e s t s f o r in f o r m a t io n , fh u s th e G a l l , from a v a r i e t y o f s o u r c e s , made up a s t o r y and p r in t e d i t . 16 Sueh i n t r u s i o n and v u l g a r i t y were m elf^ ir ea te d w it h s a t i r i c con tem p t i n th e colum ns o f " P r a t t l e . " Of th e s p o r t s r e p o r t e r s , who w ere a s s e n t i m e n t a l a s th e s o c i e t y w r i t e r s , B ie r c e s a i d c o m p a r a tiv e ly l i t t l e , th o u g h h i s few a t t a c k s upon them b e l i t t l e d them f o r t h e i r e x tr a v a g a n t p r a is e o f s p o r t i n g e v e n t s , t h e i r o v e r - e s t i m a t i o n o f th e im p o rta n ce o f s p o r t s , and th e p e r s o n a l v u l g a r i t y t h a t th e f o l l o w i n g o f t h e i r o c c u p a tio n im p lie d . A ls o r i d i c u l e d by B ie r c e w ere r e p o r t e r s who in t e r v ie w e d u n im p o r ta n t p e o p le and t e le g r a p h e d a c r o s s th e c o n t i n e n t news o f n o n e n t i t i e s i n th e lo w e r s o c i a l s t r a t a ; w r i t e r s l i k e p e t e r R o b e r tso n o f th e C h r o n ic le , who u s e d e x c la m a t io n p o i n t s and q u e s t io n marks to c a l l a t t e n t i o n t o t h e i r l i t t l e i r o n i e s and j o k e s ; th e s e r i o u s w r i t e r s o f o b it u a r y v e r s e ; and th e e d i t o r s who p r i n t e d r i d i c u l o u s news r e p o r t s i n t h e i r co lu m n s. F or R o b e r ts o n 1s b e n e f i t B ie r c e p r o p o sed a new p u n c tu a t io n mark, t h e " s n ig g e r p o i n t , " ^ , W hich r e p r e s e n t s , a s n e a r ly a s may b e , a s m i l i n g m outh. I t i s t o be ap p en d ed , w it h t h e f u l l s t o p , t o e v e r y j o c u l a r o r i r o n i c a l c la u s e o f a s e n t e n c e o t h e r w is e s e r i o u s — th u s: "Mr. P ic k e r i n g i s th e n o b l e s t work o f Godw ." "Our r e s p e c t ed and e ste e m e d ^ c o n t e m p o r a r y , Mr. De Y oung, whom f o r h i s v i r t u e s we r e v e r e and f o r h i s s u c c e s s envy, i s g o in g t o th e d e v i l a s f a s t a s h i s two h e e l s can e a r r y him ." "Deacon 16 Ifc ifl-, Jan. 13, 1882 160 F i t c h i s a t r u l y good man. , i s s e lf -m a d e i n th e l a r g e s t s e n s e o f th e term ; he was horn g r e a t , w is e and r i c h , h u t th e d e f l e c t i o n o f h i s n o se i s th e work o f h i s own e o a t - s l e e v e ." 1 7 F o r th e b e n e f i t o f th e w r i t e r s o f o b itu a r y v e r s e , c h i e f o f whom seem s to have b e e n L o r in g P i c k e r i n g , who p rod u ced i t f o r te n c e n t s a l i n e , B ie r c e b u r le s q u e d t h e i r "poems” d o z e n s o f t i m e s , and n e v e r e o u ld g iv e up th e p r a c t i c e s o lo n g a s P i c k e r i n g l i v e d . Of t h e s e numerous b u r le s q u e s , th e f o l l o w i n g i s a f a i r sam ple: Ah, s o b r i e f a tim e was l e n t u s To c a r e s s ou r l i t t l e Thomas And our l i t t l e A n n ie — s e n t u s O nly t o be ta k e n from u s i Now th e g r a s s i s g r o w in g 6 ' e r them , - And th e d a i s i e s bloom above them , And th e handed m o les e x p lo r e them , And th e worms have le a r n e d to l o v e themJ Do th e y l o v e — t h e s e worms t h a t maw them— H a lf so f a i t h f u l l y a s Ma d id ? Do th e m o les c a r e s s and paw them H a lf so t e n d e r l y a s Pa d id ? l© And f o r th e b e n e f i t o f th e p u r v e y o r s o f r i d i c u l o u s news s t o r i e s B ie r c e e x p r e s s e d an amused s e n s e o f th e p u rv ey o rs* s u p e r f l u i t y i n s h o r t i n c i d e n t a l r e f e r e n c e s t o th e s t o r i e s t h e m s e lv e s — s t o r i e s o f th e p e r p e t u a l s n e e z e r ; o f " th a t h a le and h e a r ty o ld g i r l o f one hundred and sev en " who was t h r e a d in g h e r n e e d le a g a in w ith o u t s p e c t a c l e s . • . , " and had b e e n t h r e a d in g i t e v e r s i n c e he had b e e n 17 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , S e p t. 2 5 , 1 8 8 7 . 18 n^He P r a t t l e r , " A r g o ., A p r il 1 , 1 8 7 7 . 161 r e a d in g th e n ew sp a p ers; o f th e woman who e v e r y s p r i n g , f o r y e a r s , h a s b e e n u n w e ll o f a l i v e sn ak e (o r som etim es a l i z a r d ) i n h e r stom ach ; o f th e s e a s e r p e n t t h a t , th r o u g h th e y e a r s , a p p ea red m y s t e r io u s ly h ere and t h e r e , and was n e v e r s e e n t w ic e i n th e same l a k e ; o f th e s t a r v i n g f a c t o r y g i r l who, dream in g t h a t an a n g e l had b r o u g h t h e r a b a s k e t o f f o o d , awoke and fou n d th e fo o d on th e t a b l e ; o f th e man who l i v e d a week w it h a k n i f e b la d e i n h i s b r a in ; and o f th e e le a n - s h a v e n man who was d i s i n t e r r e d t h i r t e e n y e a r s l a t e r and fou n d to have a b eard t h a t f i l l e d th e c o f f i n . • Bad w r i t i n g i n th e n ew sp ap ers seld o m f a i l e d t o evok e a s a t i r i c a t t a c k from B i e r c e , who on one o c c a s io n h i m s e l f rem arked, "I and some o t h e r s t i c k l e r s f o r p r o p r ie t y n e v e r t i r e o f p o k in g fu n a t th e E n g li s h n ew sp ap er r e p o r t e r s . ”^9 g i a m ain a t t a c k s were d i r e c t e d a g a i n s t f a u l t y d i c t i o n , c l i c h e s , g ra m m a tica l e r r o r s , c ir c u m lo c u t i o n s , and i m p r o p r i e t i e s , th o u g h he a l s o d e a l t w it h w o r d in e s s , m is p r o n u n c ia t io n s , euphem ism s, m ixed f i g u r e s o f s p e e c h , e x c e s s i v e a l l i t e r a t i o n , and p oor s t y l e . When Hhe A rgonaut was fo u n d ed w it h B ie r c e a s i t s e d i t o r , he p u b lis h e d i n th e f i r s t i s s u e t h i s w a r n in g to o t h e r j o u r n a l i s t s : Ho sp a re t h e m s e lv e s th e ann oyance o f b e in g s h o t by th e P r a t t l e r , l o c a l j o u r n a l i s t s w i l l p r u d e n tly a b s t a in , from th e u s e o f th e f o l l o w i n g words and p h r a s e s i n w h ic h th e y have h e r e t o p r e f e r r e d t o f i n d a p le a s u r e : " E s s e n t i a l ," i n th e s e n s e o f im p o r ta n t o r n e c e s s a r y : " in d iv id u a l" and "p arty" f o r p e r so n : " l i a b l e " f o r l i k e l y : ’ " tr a n s p ir e " f o r o e cu r: 19 " P r a t t l e ," S .F . E x ., March 4 , 1888. 162 "put i n an a p p e a r a n c e ," e x c e p t i n i t s l e g a l and t e c h n i c a l s e n s e : " t r a n s a c t io n " f o r i n c i d e n t : "pronunciam ento" f o r p r o c la m a tio n : and " a r t i c l e " f o r q u a l i t y , a s "a good a r t i c l e o f c h e e s e ." Ih e s u b j o in e d words and e x p r e s s i o n s are n o t to be u s e d i n any s e n s e w h a tev e r: " c o l l i d e , " " d o n a te ," " h elp m e et," " r e l i a b l e , " " e v e n t u a te ," " le a d to th e a l t a r , " and " j o in i n th e h o ly bonds o f w e d lo c k ." We s h a l l t o l e r a t e no argum ent on t h e s e w ords; we have gone o v e r t h e ground a th o u sa n d t i m e s , any a tte m p ts t o r e o p e n th e q u e s t io n s in v o lv e d w i l l be r e s e n t e d by a b u l l d o g . I t i s our i n t e n t i o n to p u r if y jo u r n a lis m i n t h i s town by i n s t r u c t i n g s u c h w r i t e r s a s i t i s w orth w h ile to i n s t r u c t , and a s s a s s i n a t i n g t h o s e t h a t i t i s n o t . As a m easure o f p r e c a u t io n , i t w ould be a s w e l l f o r e v e r y j o u r n a l i s t who i s n o t an e d u c a te d g e n tlem a n t o c u t o u t th e above l i s t o f c r im in a l term s and p a s t e i t on h i s d e s k , or have i t d e l i c a t e l y e n g r a v ed on th e moony d i s c s o f h i s s p e c t a c l e s . 20 B ie r c e p o s s e s s e d a k e e n c o n s c io u s n e s s o f w ord-m eaning and no dou bt p erform ed a v a lu a b le s e r v i c e t o many o f h i s r e a d e r s by h i s s a t i r i c a t t a e k s upon common f a u l t s i n d i c t i o n . O c c a s io n a lly he w ould r i d i e u l e some one f o r su c h an e x p r e s s i o n a s " e n jo y e d p oor h e a lth " o r "was h eard t o e e a se " (u s e d by J o a q u in M i l l e r ) . He r i d i e u l e d j o u r n a l i s t s who c a l l e d w r e c k s , in u n d a t io n s ; p e s t i l e n c e s , e a r t h q u a k es; and c o n f l a g r a t i o n s , h o l o c a u s t s ; who c a l l e d a shabby b oard i n g h ou se a h o s t e l r y o r a c a r a v a n s e r a i; o r who sp ok e o f some one a s p r e s i d i n g a t th e organ (why n o t p r e s id e a t th e p i c c o l o ? ) Adm is s i o n was n o t a c c e p t a b le f o r a d m itta n c e , a g g r a v a te f o r i r r i t a t e , a n x io u s f o r e a g e r — and so on th ro u g h th e lo n g l i s t o f e x p r e s s i o n s w hose m ean ings a r e commonly c o n fu s e d w it h t h o s e o f o t h e r w o r d s. . U n f o r t u n a t e ly , h ow ever, h i s c u r s e was e x te n d e d to u s e s t h a t , th o u g h p e r h a p s on ce u n a c c e p t a b le , had , by 1 9 0 9 , come i n t o good s t a n d in g ; 20 «5!he P r a t t l e r , " Argo. , March 2 5 , 1877 163 f o r e x a m p l e , h e b a n n e d b e t a s t h e p r e t e r i t f o r m o f b e t ; b u g w a s n o t t o b e u s e d f o r b e e t l e o r f o r a n y t h i n g ; r o o m e r w a s a s r i d i c u l o u s a s b e d d e r a n d m e a l e r w o u l d b e ; c a n n o t s h o u l d n o t b e u s e d f o r c a n { d o n o t s a y , I c a n n o t b u t g o , s a y , I c a n b u t g o ) ; c a s u a l t y s h o u l d n o t b e u s e d f o r l o s s e s i n b a t t l e , a c o a t o f p a i n t f o r a c o a t i n g o f p a i n t , o r m e r c h a n t f o r s h o p - k e e p e r ; a n d i t w a s a s u n a c c e p t a b l e t o s a y c o m m it s u i c i d e a s i t w o u l d b e t o s a y c o m m it m a t r i m o n y , 2 1 U n f o r t u n a t e l y , t h e p u r i s t B i e r c e o c c a s i o n a l l y m ade h i s ow n m i s t a k e s i n d i c t i o n . He w r o t e o f u n h e a l t h y s t i m u l i ; 2 2 w a s g u i l t y o f u s i n g r e p e a t e d l y t h e u n f o r t u n a t e n s o . . . a s " c o n s t r u c t i o n , e m p l o y e d w h e n h e s a i d o f a m o c k i n g b i r d t h a t i t " p o u r e d f r o m i t s j o y o u s b r e a s t s o i n e x h a u s t i b l e f l o o d s o f s o n g a s b u t o n e ' o f a l l G o d ’ s c r e a t u r e s c a n u t t e r i n H i s p r a i s e ; " 2 3 a n d , i n h i s 21 F or h i s f i n a l l i s t o f i n t e r d i c t e d words and p h r a s e s s e e W rite I t R i g h t , o r i g i n a l l y p r in t e d by W a lte r R e a le i n 1909 and r e p r in t e d by The U n ion L ib r a r y A s s o c i a t i o n , Hew Y ork, i n 1 9 3 4 . T h is b l a c k - l i s t r e v e a l s B i e r c e ’ s v i r t u e s and f a u l t s i n th e u s e o f w o rd s, h i s c h i e f f a u l t b e in g an in o r d in a t e r e s i s t a n c e to la n g u a g e g ro w th , w h ic h o f t e n made h i s own w r i t i n g r a t h e r s t i f f and fo r m a l and w ou ld have made th e w r i t i n g o f a l e s s g i f t e d man cramped and u n b e a r a b ly p e d a n t ic . I n f a i r n e s s t o B ie r c e i t s h o u ld be n o te d t h a t he h i m s e l f a d m itte d i n th e p r e fa c e t o W r ite I t R ig h t t h a t "n ot a l l l o c u t i o n s b l a c k l i s t e d h e r e in are a lw a y s t o be r e p r o b a te d a s u n i v e r s a l o u t la w s ," t h a t , w i t h c e r t a i n e x c e p t i o n s , " a b s o lu t e p r o s c r i p t i o n i s p o s s i b l e a s t o s e r i o u s c o m p o s itio n o n ly ," t h a t "some c o l l o q u i a l i s m s and. . . e v e n some s l a n g , may be s p a r in g l y em ployed i n l i g h t l i t e r a t u r e . • . , " and t h a t "some w ords and p h r a s e s are d i s a ll o w e d on th e grounds o f t a s t e . " pp The F ie n d 1s D e l i g h t , p. 8 4 . 23 tijHe M o c k in g -B ir d ," i n The M id st o f L i f e , C o l l e c t e d W orks, 2 : 2 2 8 . 164 z e a l t o d e fe n d P o p e f a c o u p l e t , Hen, some t o b u s i n e s s , some to p l e a s u r e , t a k e , B u t e v e r y woman i s a t h e a r t a r a k e , made th e e r r o r o f d e f i n i n g rak e a s "m erely a p e r s o n who c a r e s t o o much f o r en joym en t and t o o l i t t l e f o r a f f a i r s . " 24 A l l e l e g a n t , o b s e q u io u s , or m e r e ly t r i t e c l i c h e s he ab h o rred and r i d i c u l e d . A lr e a d y some o f t h e s e e x p r e s s i o n s have b e e n noticed.**® O th ers w ere " p le a s u r e s e e k e r s ," " s o l i c i t e d th e s u f f r a g e s o f h i s f e l l o w c i t i z e n s , " "was l a r g e l y a t t e n d e d ," " d a sh in g o f f i c e r s , " " b o u n cin g b a b e ," " f la s h in g " e y e s , " f l o r a l t r i b u t e s , " " c o ld sn a p ," " u n fo r tu n a te s u f f e r e r , " " la u n ch ed i n t o e t e r n i t y , " " c o n tr a c t a new m a tr im o n ia l a l l i a n c e , " " le d to th e Hymeneal [or " m a trim o n ia l" ] a l t a r , " "m uch-needed r e s t , " "devour i n g e le m e n t," " r e f l e c t s g r e a t c r e d i t , " and "much e ste e m e d by a l l who knew him ." As s u b s t i t u t e s f o r th e l a s t f i v e o f t h e s e e x p r e s s i o n s he s u g g e s t e d th e a d d i t i o n o f t h e s e w ords to th e la n g u a g e : " m est," " d e le m e n t," " r e f l e d i t , " and " e ste w e d ;" and f o r " j o in e d i n th e h o ly bonds o f w e d lo c k ” he p r o p o sed "je d lo c k e d " o r " n u p t ia t e d ." 26 V e r b ia g e t o o he a t t a c k e d and c o n s i s t e n t l y a v o id e d . He once c a l l e d w o r d in e ss "a f o r t u i t u o u s c o l l o c a t i o n o f random 24 npr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , Ja n . 6 , 1 8 9 5 . 25 V id e su p r a , l 5 6 f . , I 6 l f . 26 w p r a t t l e ," S . F .E x ., S e p t . 2 5 , 1 8 8 7 , "The P r a t t l e r , " A r g o . , A p r il 2 2 , 18777 165 v o c a b le s m eaning so m e th in g s i n g l y but n o t h in g t o g e t h e r . ”27 A n o th er tim e he r i d i c u l e d th e r e p o r t e r o f a y a c h t r a c e who wrote., t h a t , " th e s k y , th ou gh n o t c l o u d l e s s , was t h e r e v e r s e o f i n d i c a t i v e o f s t o r m ,**£8 and o f th e B u l l e t i n ’ s wordy e l a b o r a t i o n he r e f l e c t e d i r o n i c a l l y , I t i s rem ark ab le what d i s s i m i l a r e f f e e t s a r e due to s l i g h t d i f f e r e n c e s i n l o c a l i t y . The A rg o n a u t o f f i c e i s bu t a s h o r t d i s t a n c e from th e B u l l e t i n o f f i c e ; y e t when a t th e form er i t s im p ly ’ grows d a r k , 1 a t th e l a t t e r ' n i g h t throw s i t s c h a r i t a b l e f o l d s o f d a r k n e s s o v e r th e l a n d . ' 29 S in n e r s a g a i n s t t h e c o n v e n t io n s o f grammar n a t u r a l l y r e c e i v e d a good d e a l o f h i s a t t e n t i o n . He f r e q u e n t l y beeame i r o n i c o v e r a f a i l u r e t o e f f e c t an agreem en t i n number b etw een p r e d ic a t e and s u b j e c t or b e tw e en pronoun and a n t e c e d e n t ; he a lw a y s i n s i s t e d t h a t a p l u r a l p r e d ic a t e s h o u ld f o l l o w th e U n it e d S t a t e s when u s e d a s a s u b j e c t , and he n e v e r c o u ld s e e t h a t th e p o l i t i c a l f a c t and m e n ta l c o n c e p t i n v o l v e d s h o u ld a f f e c t t h e g ra m m a tica l r u l e , l i k e w i s e , th e p r e d ic a t e n o m in a tiv e s h o u ld a lw a y s a g r e e i n c a s e w it h i t s s u b j e c t , and B ie r c e u n d er no c o n d i t i o n s w ou ld a l lo w an e x c e p t i o n . C o o r d in a te c o n s t m e t i o n s he i n s i s t e d s h o u ld be p a r a l l e l , and p a s t p a r t i c i p l e s had t o be c o r r e c t i n form . Woe t o any " p ign o ran u s" who w r o te l e a d f o r l e d , l a i d f o r l a i n , g o t t e n f o r 27 » 0 o t * 2 1 » 1 8 9 4 * 28 " P r a t t l e , ” The W asp, May 1 5 , 1 8 8 6 . &9 nijhe P r a t t l e r , " A r g o ., J a n . 1 2 , 1 8 7 8 . 166 g o t , f e l l f o r f a l l e n , and th e l i k e l He o b j e c t e d t o th e compound i n g o f a d j e c t i v e s and p a r o d ie d some o f W. S . G i l b e r t T s v e r s e s , i n P in a f o r e , i n r i d i c u l e o f th e p e o p le who d id i t : A s w e l l - f r o n t e d , s t a r you n g man, A n o t - m u e h - o n - s t y le yo u n g man, A h e a r t - w i t h o u t - g u i l e you n g m a n ,30 e t c . He on ce e n t e r e d i n t o a good n a tu r e d c o n tr o v e r s y w it h W. C. Morrow i n w h ic h he r i d i c u l e d h i s op p on en t f o r m a in t a in in g t h a t C a l i f o r n i a i s an a d j e c t i v e ; i t i s a nou n , s a i d B i e r c e , and n o t h in g e l s e ; th e a d j e c t i v e i s C a l i f o r n i a n . 33- j n s p i t e o f h i s argu m en t, h o w ev er, he f i n a l l y gave up C a l i f o r n ia n i n t h i s s e n s e . E a r ly i n h i s c a r e e r he had no s e r u p l e s a g a i n s t s p l i t t i n g an infinitive b u t he g r a d u a lly dropped th e p r a c t i c e , and a t l a s t a t t a c k e d w. G » H a r r is o n f o r t h i s o f f e n s e : " W riters h a v in g a b ow in g a c q u a in ta n c e w i t h th e E n g l i s h la n g u a g e do n o t p a r t an i n f i n i t i v e v e rb i n th e m id d le and p u t i n an a d v e r b ."33 j n h on or o f some o b sc u r e v i o l a t o r o f th e la w s o f grammar i n g e n e r a l , B ie r c e on ce p u b lis h e d t h i s e p ita p h : Here l a i d a h u m o rist w hat d ie d Gf worms a s w o r r ie d h i s i n s i d e Him d o n ’ t no lo n g e r mind t h e i r sq u irm s F o r he have g o t i n s i d e them w o r ms . 34 30 «pr a t t l e ,« The Wasp, F eb . 3 , 1 8 8 2 . " C a lif o r n ia v e r s u s C a l i f o r n ia n ," S . F . E x . , J a n . 1 9 , 1 8 9 2 . 32 v i d e i n f r a , p . 1 8 8 . 33 " p r a t t l e ," S ^ F .E x ., D ec. 1 , 1 8 9 5 . 34 Rg?iie p r a t t l e r , " A r g o ., S e p t . 2 9 , 1 8 7 7 . 167 M i l i t a n t l y i n t o l e r a n t o f g r a m m a tica l e r r o r s i n th e w r i t i n g o f o t h e r s , B ie r c e was a s a r u l e m e t i c u l o u s ly c o r r e c t i n h i s own c o m p o s it io n . H ow ever, a s h as a lr e a d y b e e n s e e n , he to o made h i s m is t a k e s , a few o f them p e r s i s t i n g th r o u g h o u t h i s w h ole e a r e e r . W orst o f h i s e r r o r s was h i s i n s i s t a n e e upon th e o b j e c t i v e e a s e f o r a compound r e l a t i v e pronoun u s e d a s th e s u b j e e t o f a c la u s e f o l l o w i n g a p r e p o s i t i o n ; " to w hom soever may be i n t e r e s t e d . ” He seem s n e v e r to have b een c h a lle n g e d f o r t h i s e r r o r . A g a in , he r e g a r d e d b u t a s a c o n j u n c t io n o n ly ; i t c o u ld n e v e r be a p r e p o s i t i o n . C o n se q u e n tly he m a in ta in e d t h a t ”a l l b u t he d e p a r te d ” i s ”g r a m m a tic a lly c o r r e c t . r *. . . A f t e r th e c o n j u n c t io n " b u t , 1 e i t h e r th e n o m in a tiv e o r th e o b j e c t i v e may be u s e d , a c c o r d i n g t o th e s e n s e i a s , ‘ ’Bo one b u t I s t r u c k h im .” r|He s t r u c k no one b u t me. ”35 A n o th er e r r o r was h i s c o n s i s t e n t u s e o f th e n o m in a tiv e a f t e r th a n i n t h i s s o r t o f c o n s t r u c t io n : "Mr. G eorge B. M e r r i l l , th a n who few men a r e more f a m i l i a r w it h E n g li s h . . . l i t e r a t u r e . . . h as w r i t t e n a m onograph. . ." 3 6 g e n e v e r c o u ld g e t away from th e g r a m m a tica l d ic tu m t h a t th a n i s a c o n j u n c t io n and make a l l o w ance f o r i t s p r e p o s i t i o n a l f o r c e i n t h i s c o n s t r u c t i o n , n o r w ould he r e c o g n iz e th e e e n t u r i e s o f s a n c t i o n g iv e n t o th e th a n whom c o n s t r u c t i o n by th e b e s t w r i t e r s i n E n g l i s h . 3?his m a t t e r , l i k e h i s p u r i s t i e d i c t i o n , i s s i g n i f i c a n t i n t h a t i t s u g g e s t s one o f 35 n p r a t t l e , 1 1 S . F . E x . , B ov. 2 4 , 1 8 9 5 . 36 "She W r ite r s W r itte n ," S .F . E x . , D ec. 1 6 , 1 8 9 4 . 168 th e fu n d a m en ta l c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f th e man, a c e r t a i n l e g a l i s m o r e x c e s s i v e d e v o t io n t o l o g i c i n l i t e r a r y m a t t e r s . P erh ap s t h i s a c c o u n ts f o r h i s d e f y i n g any d i c t i o n a r y or grammar h i s r e a d e r c o r r e s p o n d e n ts m igh t e i t e i n c o n t r o v e r s i e s o v e r w ord -m ean in gs and grammar. S a id h e , "I do n o t ta k e my grammar from th e a u th o r i t i e s . ”*^ Once when a c o r r e s p o n d e n t q u e s tio n e d h i s u ltim a tu m , B ie r c e w r o te , p erh a p s w it h j o c o s e a r r o g a n c e , When some q u e s t io n has h een su b m itte d to me and answ ered (commonly th e y a re n o t an sw ered and are n e v e r i n v i t e d ) t h e r e ’ s an end o f th e m a t t e r , so f a r a s I am c o n c e r n e d . The d i s s e n t e r s e e k in g b e t t e r a u t h o r it y th a n mine can go d i g f o r i t ; o r i f he have i t a lr e a d y , a p p ly i t i n r e f u t a t i o n and r e s t c o n t e n t . When I go i n t o th e fe m p le t o d i s p u te w it h th e d o c t o r s d o u b t l e s s I s h a l l ta k e an a rm fu l o f b o o k s; b u t i n t h i s tem p le I am h ig h p r i e s t and o r a c l e , and th e c o n t e n t i o u s w i l l p l e a s e be good en ou gh to r e f r a i n from i n f r a c t i o n s o f th e p e a c e by t h i n k i n g . 38 A b id in g by th e l e t t e r o f th e law on one o c c a s i o n , he w r o te , ” . . . h ere a r e f i v e d o l l a r s , ”3 ®— one sum; e n t i r e l y ig n o r in g i t a n o th e r t im e , he w r o t e , t h e o r i e s w ere a b u n d a n t. . . , b u t none w ere c o n so n a n t w it h a l l t h e f a c t s . ”40 so m etim es he w ou ld u s e s u c h an e x p r e s s io n a s "what k in d o f a d i s p l a y ” o r ”t h a t k in d o f a s i n n e r . ”41 37 " P r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , Aug. 2 8 , 1 8 9 2 . 38 I b i d . , D eo. 2 3 , 1 8 9 4 . 39 n p a b le s W ith ou t M o r a ls," S . F .E x ., J a n . 2 2 , 1 8 9 0 . 4 0 H aunted H o u s e s," S . F . E x . , J u ly 7 , 1 8 8 9 . 4 1 n p r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , March 2 3 , 1 8 9 0 . 169 At o t h e r tim e s he employed, th e s u p e r l a t i v e f o r th e c o m p a r a tiv e d e g r e e , "The Chinaman. . . i s t o be d e p o r te d o r im p r is o n e d , w h ic h e v e r f a t e w ou ld be m ost d i s a g r e e a b l e ;"42 m is p la c e d th e ad verb , "They o n ly f i n d e x p r e s s i o n i n p a s s i v e , n o t i n a c t i v e f o r m; "43 d a n g le d th e in t r o d u c t o r y p a r t i c i p i a l p h ra se, " P a s s in g n e a r th e E le p h a n t t h a t a n im a l [ t h e E lep h a n t] s a i d . . .*'44 l i n k e d n o n - p a r a l l e l c o n s t r u c t i o n s w i t h a c o o r d in a t e c o n j u n c t io n , "Mary Tudor d id n o t burn f i f t y P r o t e s t a n t s a t th e s t a k e b e c a u se o f t h e i r r e l i g i o u s o p i n i o n s , b u t b e c a u se when e x p e c t i n g an h e i r t o th e th r o n e sh e tu r n e d o u t to have d r o p s y , "45 an^ ©nee penned t h i s m o n s t r o s it y : "There was no s e e r e t s n e a k in g i n t o th e d a rk n e s s t o d r a g o u t a man whom nobody c o u ld sa y he w ou ld n o t make a good p r e s i d e n t J "46 n o t w it h s t a n d in g t h e s e c o n s t r u c t io n s o f h i s own, he once w r o t e , The o n ly e r r o r i n grammar I e v e r saw t h a t I was u n a b le t o c o r r e c t o c c u r s i n a s i g n on M arket S t r e e t . Here i t i s ; B o o ts n i c e l y S h in e d , 5 c e n t s I t d o e s n o t seem to make i t any b e t t e r t o s u b s t i t u t e "shone" f o r " s h in e " — w i l l somebody k in d ly sa y w hat sh o u ld be done i n th e m a tte r ? I t makes me v e r y u n h ap p y, and I have n o t d e s e r v e d i t . 47 42 I b i d . , March 2 , 1 8 9 0 . 43 i b i d . , H ov. 1 7 , 1 8 8 9 . Ifrlfl-. » March 2 2 , 1 8 8 9 . 45 npr a t t l e , " The W asp, J u ly 2 , 1 8 8 1 . 46 npr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , J u ly 8 , 1 8 8 8 . 47 n p r a t t l e ," The Wasp, J u ly 2 , 1 8 8 1 . 170 H ere a g a in one s e e s th e l e g a l i s t i c te n d e n c y and th e f a i l u r e to r e c o g n iz e e x c e p t i o n s e s t a b l i s h e d by p o p u la r u s a g e . D u r in g h i s c a r e e r he d is c h a r g e d random s a t i r i c s h o t s a t th e c r e a t o r s o f m ixed m eta p h o rs; th e l o v e r s o f euphem ism s; th e em p lo y ers o f u n o r i g i n a l , r e p e t i t i v e , o r i n a r t i s t i c e p i t h e t s ; th e p e r p e t r a t o r s o f bad s t y l e ; a t : t h e v e r s i f i e r s whose rhythm .o r rim e c a l l e d f o r th e m is p r o n u n c ia t io n o f words i n t h e i r v e r s e ; and e v e n th e s i g n p a i n t e r s who s in n e d a g a i n s t th e c o n v e n tio n s o f s p e l l i n g , grammar, and l e t t e r i n g . Mueh o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e i n th e f i e l d o f jo u r n a lis m was aim ed d i r e c t l y a t th e e d i t o r s o f p ro m in en t n e w sp a p e r s, o r a t th e n ew sp a p ers th e m s e lv e s and th u s by i m p l i c a t i o n a t th e e d i t o r s . 2Jhis s a t i r e was som etim es s p e c i f i c and so m etim es g e n e r a l i n n a t u r e . As f o r Phe A r g o n a u t, o f w h ic h B ie r c e was t h e f i r s t e d i t o r , he n e v e r fo u n d much f a u l t w it h th e p a p er i t s e l f , th o u g h he d id s e e k t o d is c o m f o r t i t s e d i t o r , Frank M. P i x l e y , a s o f t e n and as mueh a s p o s s i b l e , p u n is h in g him f o r h i s a v a r ic e and mean m a t e r i a l ism , f o r h i s d i s h o n e s t y , f o r h i s i n o r d i n a t e h a tr e d o f th e C a t h o l i c s , th e I r i s h , and th e J e w s, f o r h i s c o n c e i t , and f o r h i s p o l i t i c a l a m b it io n s . B ie r c e onee s a i d to a c o r r e s p o n d e n t t h a t "Frank P i x l e y i s a nom de p lu m e; h i s t r u e name i s P a t r i c k Abram son."48 A n oth er tim e he c a l l e d P i x l e y " th e d i s t i n g u i s h e d m is e r ," and when som eone r e p o r t e d him to be s e r i o u s l y i l l B ie r c e 48 " P r a t t l e ," S . F .E x ., J u ly 1 9 , 1891. 171 r e p l i e d , "Yes, poor man, he Is n e a rly a t h is l a s t g ra s p . ”^9 Again he w ro te, '"Consistency i s th e only jew el Frank P ix le y d o e s n 't w o rs h ip .”50 Yet a g a in , when P ix le y in two c o n s e c u tiv e is s u e s o f The A rgonaut^1 s e r i o u s l y defended drunkenness, ly in g , and th e love o f money, B ie rc e r e p l i e d w ith two poems, which were l a t e r combined in to o n e . 5 2 In i t s f i n a l form th e poem beg in s and ends th u s: What I P ix le y , must I h e a r you c a l l th e r o l l Of a l l th e v ic e s t h a t i n f e s t your soul? W as't not enough t h a t l a t e l y you did bawl Your money-worship i n th e e a rs of a l l ? S t i l l must you c ra c k your b raz e n cheek to t e l l That though a m iser y o u 'r e a s o t as w ell? S t i l l must I h e a r how low your t a s t e has su n k -- From g e t t i n g money down to g e t t i n g drunk? Who w orships money, damning a l l b e s id e , And shows h is c a llo u s knees w ith pious p r i d e , Speaks w ith h alf-k n o w led g e , fo r no man e ’e r sc o rn s His own p o s s e s s io n s , be they co in s or c o rn s . You've money, n eig h b o r; had you g e n tle b i r t h You'd know, as now you never can, i t s w orth. You've money; i f you’d manners too you'd shame To b o a st your weakness or your b aseness name. A ppraise the th in g s you h ave, but measure not The th in g s denied to your unhappy l o t . 49 . J u ly 12, 1891. 50 - ’P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, Feb. 2 3 , 1884. 51 Argo. , June 3 0 and J u ly 7 , I 8 8 3 . 52 Accompanied by th e e x c e r p ts , th e se poems were combined under th e t i t l e , "The T ra n sm ig ra tio n of a Soul” and p u b lish ed w ith s l i g h t r e v is i o n s in th e f i r s t e d i t i o n o f B lack B e e tle s in Amber. S t i l l l a t e r th e s in g l e poem was r e p r in te d i n The C o lle c t W orks, 5:70-73. 172 A l l t r a i l s t o odium y o u t r e a d and t o a s t , Y o u r s e l f enam ored o f th e d i r t i e s t m o st. One day t o he a m ise r y o u a s p i r e , The n e x t to w a llo w drun ken i n th e m ire; P r a y , i n th e c a t a lo g u e o f a l l y o u r g r a c e s Have t h e f t and e o w a r d ie e no hon ored p la c e s ? Y i e l d t h e e , g r e a t S a ta n — h e r e ' s a r i v a l name W ith a l l th y v i c e s and b u t h a l f th y shame I QuiGk t o th e l e t t e r o f th e p r e c e p t , q u ick To th e exam ple o f th e e l d e r H ick ; W ith a s g r e a t t a l e n t a s was e ' e r a p p l ie d To f o o l a t e a e h e r and t o f o g a g u id e ; ? /it h s l a c k a l l e g i a n e e and b o u n d le s s g r e e d , To paunch t h e p r o f i t o f a t r a i t o r d e e d , He aim s t o make th y g lo r y a l l h i s own, 54 And crowd h i s m a ste r from th e i n f e r n a l th r o n e ! F i n a l l y , a c c o r d in g t o W a lk er, t h i s i s an e p i t a p h t h a t B ie r c e com posed f o r P i x l e y ; Here l i e s Frank P i x l e y a s u s u a l . "55 G. K. ( "D eacon") F i t c h , h i s p a p e r , and h i s s t a f f o f w r i t e r s w ere n o t i c e d by B ie r e e a lm o s t a s much a s was P i x l e y . The "Deacon" he c a l l e d t h a t " v e n e r a b le S i l u r i a n ; " h i s p a p e r , u n s e n s a t i o n a l , bu t m i l i t a n t l y c o n s e r v a t i v e r e g a r d in g a l l p u b lic e x p e n d it u r e s , e s p e c i a l l y m u n i c i p a l , w a s th e E v e n in g S i l u r i a n , and i t s The C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 : 7 0 , 7 2 f . 55 F r a n k lin W alk er, San F r a n c i s c o ' a L i t e r a r y F r o n t i e r , p . 3 3 8 . ^ John P . Y oung, J o u r n a lis m i n C a l i f o r n i a , p. 146; Jerom e H a r t, i n Our Second""CenturyT P* 1 1 8 . T ills o p p o s i t i o n t o p u b lic ex p e n d T tu re s was q u it e i n harmony w it h th e B u l l e t i n ' s o b l i g a t i o n s t o th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d , w h ich i n i88& was p a y in g th e p ap er $125 a month f o r " f r i e n d l i n e s s , " a s u b s id y t h a t was l a t e r r a i s e d t o $3 75 a m onth. . (F reem ont O ld e r , My Own S to r y , p p . 1 7 , 271 173 s u b s c r i b e r s w e r e n a t u r a l l y " S i l u r i a n s . " T h e i m p l i c a t i o n w a s , o n e s u p p o s e s , t h a t F i t c h w a s a n i n v e r t e b r a t e , s o m e w h a t l o w e r t h a n t h e f i s h e s , a n d t h a t h e , h i s p a p e r , a n d h i s s u b s c r i b e r s w e r e a l l s e v e r a l m i l l i o n y e a r s b e h i n d t h e t i m e s . B i e r c e w a s c o n s t a n t l y a r r a i g n i n g F i t c h f o r i n t e l l e c t u a l o r m o r a l d e l i n q u e n c y i n s o m e f o r m o r o t h e r , r e p r e s e n t i n g h im a s a p o o r , w e a k , w orm a n d m i s e r a b l e , p i o u s s i n n e r , who n e e d e d h i s m o r a l s w a s h e d . He h a d p a r e n t h e t i c a l l e g s ; h i s i d e a s w e r e n o n s e n s i c a l ; h i s s t a f f i n c l u d i n g " t h e g r e a t m o r a l i s t , " c e l e b r a t e d n a t u r a l i s t , a n d g r a m m a r - s c h o o l s t y l i s t , D r . B a r t l e t t — w a s a s e t o f l u n a t i c s ; a n d h i s p a p e r w a s i r r i t a t i n g , h o g g i s h , a n d u n t r u t h f u l . L o r i n g P i c k e r i n g a n d h i s M o r n i n g C a l l w e r e s a t i r i z e d l e s s b y B i e r c e t h a n w e r e F i t c h a n d t h e B u l l e t i n . A m ong t h e t h i n g s f o r w h i c h P i c k e r i n g w a s r i d i c u l e d w e r e h i s " M o te s a n d Q u e r i e s " c o lu m n a n d h i s m o r t u a r y v e r s e ; * * 7 h i s la m e p e n ; h i s w o r s h i p o f s t e a m a n d e l e c t r i c i t y , w h i c h t o h im w e r e p r o o f s o f m a n * s p r o g r e s s ; h i s a d m i t t a n c e i n t o t h e C a l l o f a u n i f o r m l y b a d q u a l i t y o f v e r s e w h i c h , b e s i d e s b e i n g b a d , e n c o u r a g e d v u l g a r l i t e r a r y t a s t e a n d p o e t a s t e r y i n g e n e r a l ; ^ 8 a n d f i n a l l y h i s n e e d o f b e t t e r a n t e c e d e n t s . M. H . D e Y o u n g , e d i t o r o f t h e S a n F r a n c i s c o C h r o n i c l e , w a s h a n d l e d r o u g h l y b y B i e r e e f o r c o a r s e m a t e r i a l i s m , f o r v u l g a r i t y , 57 V id e s u p r a , p . 1 6 0 . 58 V id e i n f r a , p<p.il84ff. 174 f o r i n d i f f e r e n c e to t r u t h , f o r p o l i t i c a l a m b itio n (o n c e to be M in is t e r t o F ra n ce) and f o r b l i n d p a r ty l o y a l t y * " Ig n o ra n ce . and im pudence o f ig n o r a n c e " c h a r a c t e r i z e d b o th him and h i s p a p e r . On th e G h r o n ie le s t a f f B ie r c e a t t a c k e d P e t e r R o b e r ts o n , d r a m a tic c r i t i c , f o r l a c k i n g a s e n s e o f humor, y e t t r y i n g t o amu.se i n h i s . colum n " U n d erto n es." The D a ily A lt a C a l i f o r n i a , w h ic h had b e e n e s t a b l i s h e d i n 1849 and w h ic h a f t e r a s lo w d e e l i n e f i n a l l y c e a s e d p u b l i c a t i o n i n 1 8 9 1 , was g o o d -n a tu r e d ly and s l i g h t i n g l y c a l l e d "Old Granny A lta " f o r i t s age and f o r i t s g e n e r a l la c k o f j o u r n a l i s t i c v i t a l i t y . I t s c i r c u l a t i o n d e c li n e d i n th e l a t t e r 1870*3 and th r o u g h th e 1 8 8 0 * s , and B ie r c e p r e te n d e d to sy m p a th iz e w it h t h e e d i t o r i a l s t a f f , who somehow c o u ld n o t g e t t h e i r v ie w s b e fo r e th e p u b l i c . At one tim e he w r o t e , "Mr. C arl S eh u rz w ould l i k e t o have a perm anent r e c o r d o f h i s i n t e r v i e w s w it h B ism a r ck , b u t f e e l s t h a t p u b l i c a t i o n w ou ld be a b r e a c h o f c o n f i d e n c e . He m ig h t p r in t them i n th e A l t a . " 60 A g a in he w r o t e , "Ihe G reat P yram id o f E gypt g i v e s a c o m p lete s y s te m o f w e ig h t s and m e a su r e s, th e s u n ’ s d i s t a n c e from th e e a r t h , th e l e n g t h o f t h e s o l a r y e a r . . . t h e e a r t h ’ s d ia m e t e r . . . and th e l a t e s t news p u b lis h e d i n th e A l t a . 59 w p r a t t l e ," The W asp, J a n . 1 9 , 1 8 8 4 . 50 " p r a t t l e , " S . P . E x . , J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 9 . 61 " P r a t t l e ," She Wasp, March 1 , 1 8 8 4 . 175 D u r in g t h e s e d e c l i n i n g y e a r s th e p a p er w as e d i t e d s u c c e s s i v e l y by John McComb, W a lte r T u r n b u ll, and John P . I r i s h , These men w ere a l l r i d i e u l e d by B ie r c e a s n o n e n t i t i e s . "John P e r d i t i o n I r i s h , " f o r ex a m p le, was an e l d e r l y dude who had an a v e r s i o n t o s h i r t c o l l a r s , who p r id e d h i m s e l f on h i s " o r a to r y ," who was s t u p i d and d u l l , and who w r o te d e a d ly e d i t o r i a l s t h a t no one c o u ld r e a d . The San P r a n c is c o E v e n in g P o s t , f i r s t e d i t e d by Henry G eo rg e, n e v e r r e c e i v e d much n o t i c e by B i e r c e . D u rin g th e y e a r s from 1 8 7 1 , when th e p ap er was fo u n d e d , to th e en d o f th e e e n tu r y a d o zen e d i t o r s t r i e d t h e i r hands a t ru n n in g th e p o s t , b u t e a c h one f a i l e d t o make i t a f i n a n c i a l s u c c e s s . The o n ly one o f i t s e d i t o r s t o draw much o f B i e r c e ’ s f i r e was " C o lo n el" John p . J a c k s o n , from 1 8 7 5 -8 5 , who was s h o t a t u s u a l l y w it h o u t e x p la n a t i o n , and a t o t h e r tim e s on th e eh a r g e o f p o l i t i c a l a m b itio n s and d i s h o n e s t y . B i e r c e ’ s j o u r n a l i s t i c s a t i r e a t v a r io u s tim e s s t r u c k o t h e r n ew sp ap er p u b l i s h e r s , su c h a s e d i t o r s f f i o f f i t t o f th e O akland T im es; J . J . Owen o f th e San J o s e M ercu ry; one S m ith , o f th e San D ie g o U n io n ; M arcus D. B o ru ck , "The S o a r in g V i o l e t , " o f The S p i r i t o f th e T im es, nicknam ed by B ie r e e " th e h o r s e p a p e r ;" and th e unnamed e d i t o r o f th e H o l l i s t e r P a c i f i c C o a s t . On th e o p p o s i t e s i d e o f th e c o n t i n e n t h i s c h i e f a v e r s i o n was " th e e o a r s e c r e a t u r e who 'r u n s ' th e le w York W orld ," James Gordon B e n n e t t . He s a t i r i z e d B e n n e tt f o r s e n d in g o u t S t a n le y t o f i n d L i v in g s t o n e , f o r 176 p r o m o tin g th e s e n s a t i o n a l g i r d l i n g o f th e g lo b e by B e l l y B ly and h e r com panion i n 1889 and 1 8 9 0 , and, i n 1 8 7 9 , f o r s e n d in g th e ste a m y a c h t J e a n n e t t e , u n d e r L ie u te n a n t George W ash in g ton De Long, on an ’’e x p l o r i n g 1 1 e x p e d i t i o n to th e A r c t i c , where sh e was w reck ed , m ost o f h e r crew p e r i s h i n g a f t e r i n d e s c r i b a b l e h a r d s h ip s amid th e h o r r o r s o f c o ld and s t a r v a t i o n - - a l l to e r e a t e e x c l u s i v e , s e n s a t i o n a l , c i r c u l a t i o n - b u i l d i n g new s. From h i s v a r io u s a t t a c k s upon th e e d i t o r s and j o u r n a l i s t s i t i s c l e a r t h a t B i e r c e ’s i d e a o f a n ew sp ap er was t h a t i t s h o u ld be ’’c l e a n , ” " e n t e r p r i s i n g , ” ’’h o n e s t , ” ’’c l e v e r , ” ”d e e e n t , ” " s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d ,” " p u b l i c - s p i r i t e d , ” and " in d e p e n d e n t ,” " d ig n i f i e d , ” and ’’w e l l w r i t t e n . ” Su eh a n ew sp ap er m igh t n o t make so much money a s a s e n s a t i o n a l y e l l o w s h e e t , b u t i t w ou ld p rod u ce a f a i r r e t u r n on th e ow n er’s in v e s t m e n t , th ou gh w h eth er i t o p e r a te d a t a p r o f i t o r a l o s s was an i r r e l e v a n t c o n s i d e r a t io n ; i t s h o u ld s t i l l p o s s e s s t h e s e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s . ^ 2 Though B ie r c e e a rn ed h i s l i v i n g a s a j o u r n a l i s t , he was a l i t e r a r y a r t i s t a t h e a r t . He r ea d w id e ly and c r i t i c a l l y o v e r th e w h o le ran ge o f w o r ld l i t e r a t u r e , and h i s i n t e r e s t t h e r e i n was n e v e r t h a t o f a mere d i l e t t a n t e . M a in ta in in g a lw a y s , t h e o r e t i c a l l y C f. "H ew sp apers, ” C o l l e c t e d W orks, 9 : 1 5 1 -6 0 ; ’ lA sh es o f th e B e a e o n ,” C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 7 6 ; p r a t t l e , ” The Wasp, March 2 8 , 1 885 ; and " P r a t t l e , 1 1 S . F . E x . , H ov. 1 3 , i 5 $ 2 . 177 a t l e a s t , ^ t h a t manner was more im p o r ta n t th a n m a tte r i n w r i t i n g , he s t r o v e f o r f i n i s h , c o r r e c t n e s s , and l i t e r a r y c r a fts m a n s h ip i n h i s own j o u r n a l i s t i c w ork, d i f f i c u l t th o u g h i t was when he was w r i t i n g a lw a y s on o r d e r and a g a i n s t t im e . H is s h o r t s t o r i e s , h i s v e r s e , h i s ep igram s and e y n i c a l d e f i n i t i o n s , h i s f a h l e s , i n f a c t th e tw e lv e volu m es o f h i s C o l l e c t e d Works c o m p ile d from h i s r e g u la r n ew sp ap er c o n t r i b u t i o n s w i t h a minimum o f r e v i s i o n — a l l e x h i b i t h i s a b i l i t y and c o n c e r n w i t h h i s w r i t i n g a s an a r t , f h i s c o n c e r n and h i s a b i l i t y a s an o b s e r v e r and a c r i t i c n a t u r a l l y l e d him to d e v o te a g r e a t d e a l o f h i s a t t e n t i o n to l i t e r a r y m a tte r s and to d i r e c t much o f h i s s a t i r e a g a i n s t l i t e r a r y o f f e n d e r s . it prim ary l i t e r a r y i n t e r e s t o f B i e r c e ' s was p o e tr y and p o e t s , but th o u g h he r ea d w id e ly h i s s a t i r i c e r i t i c i s j a was r e s e r v e d g e n e r a l l y f o r h i s c o n te m p o r a r ie s who c o u ld p r o f i t m ost by i t , or o c c a s i o n a l l y f o r modern w r i t e r s who, he th o u g h t , w ere o v e r r a te d by h i s c o n te m p o r a r ie s . B row nin g he d is e s t e e m e d f o r h i s r o u g h n e ss 63 o p t i c a l l y " b e c a u se i n p r a c t i c e B ie r c e n e v e r w ro te v e r s e w it h o u t h a v in g s o m e th in g t o s a y . W ith a l l th e s t r e s s p la e e d on i n t e l l e c t and r a t i o n a l th o u g h t and w it h a l l t h e d e em p h asis t h a t he p la c e d upon f e e l i n g , i t was i n e v i t a b l e t h a t i n m a tte r s p o e t i c th o u g h t s h o u ld p la y an im p o r ta n t p a r t . I n f a c t t h e g r e a t e s t w eak n ess o f B ie r c e a s a r t i s t and e r i t i e i s p e r f e c t l y i l l u s t r a t e d i n t h i s v e r y p o in t : th e book s on a r t sa y manner i s more im p o r ta n t th a n m a tte r — a r t f o r a r t ' s s a k e ; so B ie r c e s a i d i t a g a in and a g a in ( £ . g . , C o l l e c t e d w o r k s, 5 : 1 0 ) , b u t i n p r a c t i c e he made a r t su b serv ien T f t o c o n te n t* 178 o f v e r s e , h i s v i o l a t i o n o f " p o e t ic l a w - a n d - o r d e r , a n d e s p e c i a l l y h i s o b s c u r i t y o f th ou g h t; and he s a t i r i c a l l y c r i t i c i z e d M rs. B row ning f o r " r e c k l e s s n e s s o f r im e ." Of th e fo rm er* s o b s c u r i t y he w r o te , P o o r Mr. B row ning m ust have e x p e r ie n c e d a c o n s i d e r a b l e d i f f i c u l t y i n c a l l i n g h i s w if e by a name t h a t sh e c o u ld n o t u n d e r s ta n d w it h o u t s tu d y ; f o r I am s t e a d f a s t i n my c o n v i c t i o n t h a t he w i l l f u l l y a v o id e d e l a r i t y and t h a t n o t h in g i s more opaque th a n B row nin g, e x c e p t b la ck in g .® ® I n a b o red manner he damned S t e v e n s o n 's p o e tr y ^ 6 and he s m ile d a t th e p a u c it y o f th o u g h t o f S w in b u rn e, w hose " p o e t i c a l g e n iu s " . . . a l l t h e s e y e a r s h as b e e n r u n n in g i n a t one r a t - h o le and o u t a t a n o th e r . . . [ and who ] h as s to p p e d s i n g i n g th e w e tn e s s o f th e s e a and th e b e a u ty o f s i n , and ta k e n to p o u r in g th e j e w e l s o f h i s mind a b o u t th e f e e t o f b ab es and d o u b l i n g s . 67 L o n g fe llo w was to o p o p u la r , and B ie r o e q u o ted w it h a p p r o v a l an e a s t e r n c r i t i c ' s e v a l u a t i o n o f "A P salm o f L i f e ; " "a p a c k -a s s o f to m m y -ro t, b e a r in g w i t h g r o w in g s t r e n g t h i t s a c c u m u la tin g lo a d o f in fam ou s p o p u l a r i t y . "66 B l i s s C arm an's c o l l e c t e d e d i t i o n o f t h e f i v e numbers o f P ip e s o f P a n , B ie r c e im p lie d , p erh a p s h a l f f a c e t i o u s l y , was i n f e r i o r p o e tr y ; "Mr. B l i s s Carm an's f i v e book s 64 nP ra t t l e ," S * F .E x ., O et. 1 6 , 1 8 9 2 . "The W r ite r P o lk ," S . P . E x . , J u ly 3 , 1 8 9 9 . 6 6 (" 0 , w e l l , h i s p o e tr y d o e s no harm. . ." ) " P r a t t l e ," S . P . E x . , May 2 1 , 1 8 9 3 . 67 n p r a t t l e ," The W asp, J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 3 . 68 " P r a t t l e ," S .p .E x * , B ov. 1 8 , 1 8 9 4 . 179 o f v e r s e have b e e n 1 r o lle d , i n t o o n e . ’ T h is i s v e r y much as i f one should, t r y to make a t e n - s p o t o f f i v e d e u c e s . " ^ n o v e y ’ s T a l i e s i n , A Masque was a n a c h r o n i s t i c , in c o n g r u o u s , and. co n fu sed .. A t t h e l a s t , when e v e r y t h i n g i s said . and. d o n e, no m o r ta l r e a d e r can sa y w hat i t i s a l l a b o u t. I t i s a s i f a c o o k . • • s h o u ld throw i n t o th e p o t w h a te v e r was n e a r e s t a t hand to produce a g e n e r a l e f f e c t . 70 i n "The Mormon Q u e stio n " 71 he p a r o d ie d g o o d -n a t u r e d ly th e fla m b o y a n t s t y l e o f J o a q u in M i l l e r ’ s v e r s e , th o u g h i n g e n e r a l he c o n s id e r e d M i l l e r to be a t r u e p o e t . Edwin Markham’ s "The Man w it h th e Hoe" e s p e c i a l l y , b u t a l s o h i s o t h e r s o c i a l poem s, e l i c i t e d colum ns o f r i d i c u l e from B i e r c e . I t was packed w i t h "crude p h ilo s o p h y and b a rb a ro u s s e n t im e n t s : " d e s p i t e some o f i t s n o b le l i n e s , i t i s n e i t h e r tr u e i n s e n t im e n t n o r a d m ira b le i n form . . . [ and] i s , i n f a c t , a d d r e s s e d to p e a s a n t u n d e r s t a n d i n g and so u re d h e a r t s . 72 I n s t r u c t u r e he f e l t t h a t t h e poem was " s t i f f , i n e l a s t i c , m onoton ous" b e c a u se o f th e r e g u l a r l y p la c e d c a e s u r a s and end s t o p s ; and he r i d i c u l e d i n i t th e id e a t h a t th e l a b o r in g man had b e e n made w hat he i s by th e "m asters" and " r u l e r s . "73 w h ole poem 69 "S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , March, 1 9 0 7 . 70 " fo u r Hew B ooks and What I T hink o f Them," Hew Y ork J o u r n a l, May 4 , 1 9 0 1 . ^ C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 : 3 0 4 ; a l s o , 72 "More a b o u t The Man w it h th e H o e," S . I . l x . , June 4 , 1 8 9 9 . a s to b la n k v e r s e anyhow, B ie r c e had s a i d l o n g b e f o r e t h a t i t was m er ely p r o s e a r b i t r a r i l y b rok en in t o l i n e s and f e t t e r e d w i t h u s e l e s s c a p i t a l s , ( " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , F eb . 1 0 , 1 8 9 5 .) D oubt l e s s an e x a g g e r a t io n o f h i s tr u e f e e l T n g , b u t n e v e r t h e l e s s i n d i c a t i v e o f h i s n e o - c l a s s i c a l l e a n i n g . On th e o t h e r hand, he s a i d a number o f tim e s t h a t good b la n k v e r s e i s s o d i f f i c u l t t h a t o n ly M ilt o n had e v e r b een a b le to w r it e i t . S h a k e sp e a r e , s a i d B i e r c e , n e v e r w ro te b la n k v e r s e ; he w r o te d r a m a tic b la n k . 180 was mad© up o f "s a n d - l o t ” s e n tim e n t and was u n tru e and s i l l y : "As a l i t e r a r y c o n c e p tio n i t h a s n o t th e v i t a l i t y o f a s i c k f i s h . ”74 B ie r c e c o u ld n o t f i n i s h c h a s t i s i n g t h e a u th o r o f th e poem o r i t s a d m ir e r s. Markham had " u n sa d d led P e g a su s and s t r a d d le d th e P ly i n g J a c k a ss o f th e S a n d l o t ." 7 ® Markham and h i s "gang" hoped to b r in g a b o u t u n i v e r s a l w e lf a r e b y " f r a t e r n i t y . " R id ic u lo u s .' F r a t e r n i t y i s t h e en d , n o t t h e m eans. 7 ® When he t i r e d o f b e a t in g Markham, B i e r c e tu r n e d on Markham's a d m ir e r s , who by now w ere b a i t i n g B ie r c e . He r i d i c u l e d them f o r la u d in g th e w ork , n o t b e c a u s e t h e y a p p r e c ia t e d i t s a r t i s t r y , b u t b e c a u se t h e y a g r e e d w it h i t s f a l s e s e n t i m e n t s ; 7 7 and he rem in d ed them o f Markham's d e v o t io n to C h r i s t i a n i t y , assum ed t h e i r own a c c e p ta n c e o f t h a t f a i t h , and l o f t i l y r e p r o v e d them f o r t h e i r u n - C h r is t ia n h a tr e d o f th e " m a s te r s, l o r d s and r u l e r s , " who h a v e o n ly th e w o r t h l e s s t h in g s esch ew ed b y C h r is t h i m s e l f . 7® When th e a lm o st unknown H a r r ie t Monroe was c h o se n to w r i t e th e com m em oration od e f o r th e C olum bian E x p o s i t io n i n 1 8 9 2 , he b e r a te d th e co m m ittee r e s p o n s i b l e f o r h e r s e l e c t i o n , and h e r poem he p ron ou n ced lo n g 7 4 I b i d . , Jan. 2 2 , 1 8 9 9 . 7 S>"The p a s s in g S h ow ,” S . P. E x. , Nov. 2 6 , 1 899. 7 6 I b l d . , O ct. 8 , 1 8 9 9 . 77,lMore a b o u t The Man W ith t h e H oe," S. P. E x . , June 4 , 189 9 . “ 7 8 " P r a t t l e ," S. P. E x ., F eb . 1 2 , 189 9 . 181 and w e a riso m e , a m o r t i f i c a t i o n o f th e f l e s h . 79 Two y e a r s l a t e r when sh e r ea d from h e r ode i n a damage s u i t a g a i n s t t h e Hew York W orld, he p ron ou n ced h e r l i t e r a r i l y d e a d . He a t t a c k e d H am lin G a rla n d ’ s "uneven m e te r ," and l a b e l e d R. W. G ild e r * s The F ir e D iv in e a "new book o f b e n ig n com m on places." G ilm er , s a i d B ie r c e i n s u b s t a n c e , i s no p o e t , b u t he and e v e r y o n e e l s e th in k s he i s . 80 The w r i t e r s o f f r e e v e r s e w ere n o t p o e t s a t a l l ; Whitman was a w r i t e r o f f r e e v e r s e ; t h e r e f o r e Whitman was no p o e t , — o r a t m ost o n ly a " l i t t l e p o e t ." On th e o c c a s i o n o f m aking t h i s con c e s s i o n B ie r c e add ed , . . . by th e w ay, I o b s e r v e t h a t h i s b r o k e n -h e a r te d ad m irers a r e a lr e a d y b e g in n in g to show an i n f a n t s e n s e o f th e s i t u a t i o n ’ s awkwardness when c a u g h t w e e p in g a t th e tomb o f h im .81 A n oth er tim e he s a i d , I f "What Whitman D id f o r P o e t r y 1 ' i s n o t t o be a work o f f i e t i o n i t s h o u ld be a t l e a s t a s h o r t s t o r y — th e s h o r t e s t s h o r t s t o r y i n th e w o r l d .82 Whitman was n o t a p o e t ; b u t he was v e h e m e n tly d e c la r e d to be one by many a " r a v in g m aniac" and " f r e e - f l y i n g W hitm aniae" who t r i e d 79 I f r i d - » l o v , 1 3 , 1 8 9 2 . 88 " S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , May, 1 9 0 8 . 81 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , O ct. 1 6 , 1 8 9 2 . 88 "Sm all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , J u n e , 1 9 0 7 . 182 t o i m i t a t e him , t o B i e r c e ’ s i r o n i c d e l i g h t , S te p h en Crane was s u f f i c i e n t l y p ro m in en t among th e w r i t e r s o f f r e e - v e r s e t o s e c u r e s a t i r i c a t t e n t i o n s e v e r a l t i m e s . On one o c c a s i o n B ie r c e p u b l i s h ^ o n e , ..of " C r a n e 's poems a s a p r o se p a ra g ra p h and c h a lle n g e d an y o n e , i n c l u d i n g Grane h i m s e l f , to r e s t o r e i t to i t s f i r s t form w it h o u t r e c o u r s e t o th e o r i g i n a l t e x t . He a l s o a t t a c k e d Crane f o r n o t u s i n g p r e c i s e , d e c l a r a t i v e s e n t e n c e s . 8* * A group o f v e r s i f i e r s p r o b a b ly e v e n more d e t e s t a b l e to Ambrose B ie r c e th a n th e w r i t e r s o f v e r s l i b r e w ere th e " p o ets" who w r o te d i a l e c t . He h a te d them b e c a u se th e y were d e l i b e r a t e l y v u lg a r and g l o r i e d — w a llo w e d i n t h e i r v u l g a r i t y . James Whiteomb R i l e y and h i s f o l l o w e r s he a s s a i l e d m e r c i l e s s l y . R i l e y ' s H o o s ie r v e r s e was " c o a g u la te d v u l g a r i t y , " th e more r e p r e h e n s ib le s i n c e i t s a u th o r was c a p a b le o f good , c o n v e n t io n a l p o e t r y ; th e " R ile y p e r s o n . . . [ was ] in e o m p a ta b le w it h t h e w i l l o f G-od;" and th e R i l e y e n t h u s i a s t s , i n e l u d i n g h i s d e f e n d e r D avid S t a r r J o r d a n , w ere a " r a g - t a g and b o b t a i l f o l l o w i n g o f l i t e r a r y tram ps and d e t e s t a b l e s . "84 . . . l e t u s c o n c lu d e th e d i s c o u r s e [s a id B ie r e e a t th e c l o s e o f one o f h i s a s s a u l t s ] w i t h some s t i r r i n g l i n e s by James Whiteomb R i l e y , M a ster o f E m otions and P u p il 83 "What th e W r ite r F o lk Are Up T o," S_.J>Ex. , Aug. 2 7 , 1 8 9 9 . 84 " P r a t t l e ," _ S .F .E x ., May 2 0 , 1 8 9 4 . 183 o f th e Tenor Drum: P i g - t a i l d o n e 2 Go c a l l so n ! T e l l d a t C h ile d a t P i g - t a i l done 185 Sam W a lte r F o ss was a n o th e r v e r s i f i e r i n d i a l e c t who w as o n ly a f e e h l e i m i t a t o r o f a l l t h a t was abom in able i n R i l e y , Eugene F i e l d was g u i l t y o f th e t r i p l e s i n o f e m p lo y in g d e t e s t a b l e d i a l e c t , w r i t i n g " i n f a n t e s e ," w h ie h was "among th e m a lig n a g e n c ie s t h a t make t h i s w o r ld a d e s o l a t i o n and a c u r s e , "86 and , w i t h a l , p r o s t i t u t i n g h i s good p o e t i c t a l e n t . T h ese t h r e e s i n n e r s B ie r c e popped i n t o one b a g , c u r s i n g them c o l l e c t i v e l y and i n d i v i d u a l l y : May th e d e v i l ta k e Jim R ile y J May th e d e v i l 1s w i f e ta k e Sam F o s s 2 And i f Eugene F i e l d c e a s e n o t to c la w th e l y r e a s i f i t had t h e i t c h and to how l f o l k - s p e e e h l u l l a b i e s t o H o o s ie r w h e lp s , may th e d e v i l * s b a b ie s ta k e him and have him f o r t h e i r v e r y own2 87 B r e t H a r te * s "Jim ," " C ic e ly ," "H eathen C h in e e ," and " P e n e lo p e ;" John H ay’s " P ike County B a lla d s ; " W i l l C a r le t o n ’ s s e n t i m e n t a l , c o l l o q u i a l farm v e r s e a l l won s e o r n f u l la u g h s f o r t h e i r a u t h o r s , Hay g e t t i n g an a d d i t i o n a l one f o r t h in k in g h i s d a u g h te r M rs. H elen 86 » 1)60• 2 » 1 8 9 4 ‘ 8 6 I f t i d . , J a n * 3 , 1 8 9 7 . 87 I b i d . , J a n . 1 3 , 1 8 9 5 . 184 Hay W hitney c o u ld w r i t e v e r s e . Her "Gypsy V e rses" w ere "not w r i t t e n i n R om an y--Ju st p l a i n commony." B ie r c e e v e n d i s l i k e d B urns and a s s e r t e d t h a t he "erred " i n w r i t i n g i n S e o te h when he c o u ld have w r i t t e n i n E n g li s h , th o u g h he makes some a llo w a n c e f o r th e f a c t t h a t Burns was born to th e S c o t t i s h d i a l e c t . 88 T e n n y so n ’ s " p ea sa n t p o e tr y " l i k e "The N o r th e rn Farmer" was " i n s u f f e r a b l e , ” as w ere a l l who d e fe n d e d i t . K i p l i n g ’ s B arrack - Room B a lla d s w ere a ff ir m e d n o t p o e t r y , b u t o n ly v e r s e , a s w ere L o w e ll’ s B ig lo w p a p e r s . D i a l e e t and s l a n g had no p la c e i n B i e r c e ’ s A r n o ld ia n c o n c e p t o f p o e tr y and t h e r e was no su c h t h i n g a s a humorous poem. "A ’ humorous poem’ c a n n o t b e , f o r p o e tr y i s f i r s t o f a l l , s e r i o u s ; s o th e t r i f l e r i s n o t e n t i t l e d t o th e p o e t ’ s l i c e n s e . H is v e r s e s must be f a u l t l e s s — p e r f e c t . "89 I f th e K i p l i n g s , th e R i l e y s and o t h e r i n e x t i n g u i s h a b l e e x p o n e n ts o f th e m ost in s u p p o r t a b le l i t e r a r y v i c e o f our day c o u ld p u t th e n o te o f a j a c k a s s i n t o rhym e, o r th e M u r fr ee s and W ilk in s e s make i t p a r t l y i n t e l l i g i b l e i n p r o s e , t h e i r m a x illa r y cups w ou ld be f u l l to o v e r d r o o l i n g , and t h a t w ou ld p erh a p s mark an i n c r e a s e i n th e sum o f human h a p p in e s s ; but i t w ould n o t augm ent th e volum e o f E n g li s h p o e t r y . 90 P h is h a n d lin g o f th e more w id e ly known contem p orary p o e t s d id n o t d i v e r t th e s a t i r i s t ’ s a t t e n t i o n from th e p o e t a s t e r s o f 88 I b i d . , S e p t . 1 3 , 1 8 9 6 , J a n . 2 0 , 1895; l e t t e r t o " B .P ." n . d . , B e r th a 'C la r k JP ope, - e d i t o r , The L e t t e r s o f Ambrose B i e r c e , p. 19 . 89 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Hov. 2 7 , 1 8 9 8 . 90 I b i d . , A p r il 2 5 , 1 8 9 7 . 185 C a l i f o r n i a , e s p e c i a l l y t h o s e o f th e Bay R e g io n , They were con s t a n t l y h a r r a s s e d by h i s p en , u s u a l l y a s i n d i v i d u a l s , o c c a s i o n a l l y as a c l a s s , Sam D a v is o f th e C arson A p p eal c h r i s t e n e d them th e " v e r se c a r p e n t e r s , "91 a term t h a t B ie r c e c o n te m p tu o u sly u s e d a t tim e s i n r e f e r r i n g t o them . As a r u le t h e i r v e r s e was d i d a c t i c , rou gh i n rhythm , and i n e x a c t i n r im e . A n n u a lly th e y came o u t w it h a new erop o f r o m a n tic s p r i n g , summer, o r lo v e " p o e tr y ;" and a lt h o u g h m ost o f t h e i r numerous o f f e n s e s a g a i n s t la w , s e n s e , and t a s t e m ig h t go u n p u n ish e d , y e t , B ie r c e rem inded them , God s e e s , h e a r s , and knows a l l * One group o f p o e t a s t e r s t h a t he r i d i c u l e d i n v e r s e was th e c o n t r i b u t o r s o f v e r s e t o Edward B okf s L a d ie s 1 Home J o u r n a l; a n o t h e r made up o f c o n t r i b u t o r s t o th e C entu ry M a g a sin e , c o n s i s t e d o f o n ly two p e r s o n s , lo n g s i n c e f o r g o t t e n , John Jay Chapman and Emma H u n tin g to n B ason ; s t i l l a n o th e r , c l o s e r to home and r a t h e r num erous, was made up o f th e " so n g sm ith s" o f Mr. P i c k e r i n g ^ C a l l , th e l i t e r a r y e d i t o r o f w h ic h , i n c i d e n t a l l y , s t r o n g l y ap p roved o f Sam W a lte r F o s s . T h is l a s t group in c lu d e d John E. R ie h a r d s , w r i t e r o f a poem i n th e p e r so n o f a t r e e , w h ic h poem w it h i l l u s t r a t i o n s to o k up an e n t i r e page o f th e C a l l ; L i l l i a n P lu n k e t t , " th e sw e e t s i n g e r o f S te v e n s o n S t r e e t ; " Anna M o rr iso n Reed; P o l l y S t o e k w e ll; " M ig n o n ette;" Grace Hubbard; Mary Lam bert; " A n eleh ;" E s t h e r L eonard; B e th B ram ble; P . Hi G afney; 91 A r g o ., J u ly 14, 1877. 186 "M .C .C .," o f O akland; J . C a r lto n Bomm; "Alma A ld e n ;" " L eig h Lydon;" " B eth ;" H a t t ie W h itn ey; James Sm ith ( l!Jim th e J i n g l e r " ) ; R uth Ward Kahn; M a ttie S. H a m ilto n ; "M r., M r s ., o r M iss M. B r i t t , o f O akland;" "Hi V ernon;" B i l l P o l l o c k — and o t h e r s , p h is "chorus o f d i c k y - b i r d s ," t h i s a b h o r r e n t, d r i v e l i n g , i n s u f f e r a b l e , " corp s o f s o n g s m it h s ," t h i s " m u l t i p l i c a t i o n o f h e b e tu d in o u s ig n o ra m u ses p e a c o c k in g and p o u t e r - p ig e o n in g " i n th e colum ns o f th e C a l l i s w o rth m e n tio n in g o n ly a s a means o f g i v i n g some id e a o f th e p o e t a s t e r s p ep p ered by B ie r c e on one h u n tin g e x p e d i t i o n i n one p a p er i n th e c o u r s e o f one summer, b e g in n in g A p r i l IE , 1 8 9 1 , and e n d in g A u gu st 3 0 . H ow ever, t h e r e w ere p o e t a s t e r s whom he s n ip e d a t much more f r e q u e n t l y , p h ere was F red Emerson B r o o k s, "phe P o e t o f e v e r y D ay," who was i n l o c a l demand a s an o c c a s i o n a l p o e t and whom B ie r e e r i d i c u l e d a s b a t h e t i c and s e n t i m e n t a l . A n o th er was w i l l i a m G reer H a r r is o n , whom B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d as v u l g a r , a b y sm a lly ig n o r a n t and d i s h o n e s t i n c o n t r o v e r s y .9^ A n o th er was D avid L e s s e r L e z in s k y , " p o e t f s l o u s e , g o s p e l e r o f g u s h , a d v e r sa r y o f s y n t a x ," 9 ® who i n a d d i t i o n to h i s v e r s e w r o te a book o f p r o s e , D a n ie l , Daddy, Ruth and Company. S a id B i e r e e , "On th e w h ole I H a r r is o n i s th e s u b j e c t o f a p ie c e o f v e r s e i n B la c k B e e t l e s i n Amber, w h ic h b e g i n s , "Here l i e s G reer H a r r is o n , a w e l l c r a c k e d T o u s e ." C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 : 3 7 7 . 93 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Jan. 8 , 1893. 187 p r e f e r Mr. L e z in s k y ’ s p r o se to h i s w o r s e , and d e a th a t a r ip e o ld age t o e i t h e r . " 94 s t i l l a n o th e r was "Dunk" M cPherson o f S an ta C ruz, whom B ie r e e r e p r e s e n t e d as a r i d i c u l o u s , in a n e c o a l - h e a v e r , th e a u th o r o f v e r s e l i k e t h i s : "Sunday th e p r e s i d e n t put i n th e day a t B u zz a rd ’ s Bay, Any c a u se i s s u f f i c i e n t C o n g ress to g e t away, th e r e b y l e g i s l a t i o n t o g e t aw ay." 9 ® H e c to r S t u a r t was a n o th e r " v e r s e c a r p e n t e r .” R e p r e s e n te d by B ie r c e a s s u p e r l a t i v e l y b a d , p r e t e n t i o u s , ig n o r a n t , and s e r i o u s i n a c c e p t i n g p r a i s e f o r h i s w ork, "H ektor A. S tu r t" c o u ld n e v e r r a i s e h i s head w ith o u t h a v in g a m a lic io u s s h o t f i r e d a t i t , and t h i s p e r s e c u t i o n f i n a l l y e l i e i t e d th e f o l l o w i n g e p it a p h on h i s to rm e n to r ; As dry a s a c r u s t L ie s B i e r c e , who b e fu d d le d n ew sp a p ers; W e ll- p r iz e d f o r h i s n ob , V ery d ea r a t a bob , And noisom e as B u tc h e r Town v a p o r s . When he l i v e d lo n g enough He b e lc h e d h i s l a s t p u f f , And b u r s t l i k e a wad o f g u n - c o tt o n ; How h e r e he d o th l i e , Turned to a d i r t - p i e L ik e a l l t h a t h e ’ s s c r i b b l e d — forgotten* 96 HECTOR A. STUART 94 I b i d . , Jan . 6 , 1 8 9 5 . 95 I b i d . , F eb . 2 1 , 1 8 9 7 . 96 A rgo . , 1 : 3 , May 2 6 , 1 8 7 7 . 188 S a i l B ie r e e th e n e x t w eek , C o n ce rn in g my e p it a p h , i n l a s t w e e k 's A r g o n a u t, By H ec to r A. S t u a r t (who, t o h i s honor Be i t s a i d , i s th e o n ly one o f my f a v o r i t e e n e m ie s t h a t e v e r d id o r d a red r e s e n t my c e n s u r e s o v e r h i s own n am e), i t i s perh ap s s u f f i c i e n t to say t h a t I o u g h t to Be w i l l i n g to have my name a t th e top o f i t i f he i s w i l l i n g t o have h i s a t th e B ottom , as t o Mr. S t u a r t ' s o p in io n t h a t my work w i l l Be so o n f o r g o t t e n , I can a s s u r e him t h a t t h a t v ie w o f th e m a tte r i s l e s s gloom y to me th an i t ou gh t to Be t o him . I do n o t c a r e f o r fa m e, and he d o e s; and h i s o n ly e a r t h l y ch an ce o f B ein g rem em bered i s th ro u g h h i s humble c o n n e c t io n w it h w hat I w r i t e . T ru e, I have i n . th e l a s t two m on th s, c a u s e d t h e s a l e o f s i x c o p ie s o f h is poem s, w h erea s But t h r e e had e v e r Been s o l d B e f o r e ; But I d e fy any man who r e a d s t h a t rem ark ab le volum e t o a fte r w a r d remember t h e a u t h o r 's name. He w i l l do w o n d e r f u lly w e l l to remember h i s ow n .97 A n o th e r tim e he w r o t e , "The body o f an unknown man was fou n d th e o t h e r day f l o a t i n g i n th e w a te r a t th e Alameda B a t h s . I t was t h a t o f th e a m b itio u s p o e t , H e c to r A. S t u a r t ." 88 Then t h e r e was A d a ir W e le k e r , " th e Sacram ento S h a k e sp e a r e ," and f i n a l l y t h e r e was E l l a W h eeler W ilc o x , s a i d By B i e r c e , i n 1 8 9 7 , to have a " B r i l l i a n t p a s t B e fo r e h e r . "99 I n l a t e r y e a r s , a f t e r B ie r e e w ent l a s t , M rs. W ilc o x Became a r e g u la r c o n t r i b u t o r t o th e H e a r s t p a p e r s . Her s e n t i m e n t a l s t u f f was s y n d i c a t e d , and f e a t u r e d i n th e e d i t o r i a l s e c t i o n o f th e H e a r s t Sunday p a p ers a l l o v e r th e c o u n tr y . There i r o n i c a l l y enough sh e was f e a t u r e d e q u a lly w i t h , o r o f t e n ahead o f , B ie r c e and so m etim es when sp a c e was s c a r c e e v e n drove h i s u n sw e e te n e d comments o u t o f t h e p ap er a l t o g e t h e r . 98 " B r a t t le ." The Wasp, O ct. S I , 1 8 8 1 . 99 opr a t t l e , " J 3 .F .E X ., F eb . 1 4 , 1 8 9 7 . 189 F u l ly f o r t y more o f t h e s e n o n e n t i t i e s m ight he m e n tio n e d , among them Drury M e lo n s, a l l e g e d by B ie r e e to he " au th or o f th e im m ortal E le g y on a Dead Cow;1 1 Madge M o r r is , " th e San D ie g a n sw e e t s i n g e r , " a u th o r o f a "poem1 1 i n one l i n e o f w h ic h sh e a v e r r e d o f t h e c o y o te t h a t he " h o w ls, and h o w ls , and h o w ls , and h o w ls;" M rs. E l i z a b e t h A. O t i s , th e w i f e o f G en era l H a r r is o n Gray O t i s , e h r is t e n e d by B ie r c e " fh e S w eet S in g e r o f Los A n g e le s , w hose h e a r t s t r i n g s are a b a n jo ;" P r o f e s s o r Frank S o u le o f th e U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a , whom B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d f o r a poem i n w h ic h f o u r u n i n t e n t i o n a l g r a m m a tica l e r r o r s o c c u r r e d i n f o u r s u c c e s s i v e l i n e s ; " C olon el" C h a r lo t t e P e r k in s S t e t s o n , m i l i t a n t f e m i n i s t ; and D r. W. R. J o s c e l y n , " th e s o n g s m ith L a u r e a te o f th e S a n ta Cruz W ater C a r n iv a l," whom B ie r e e d e c la r e d to be "no g e n tle m a n ." (I n d ig n a n t a d m irers o f t h e D o c t o r , r i s i n g e a g e r ly to th e b a i t , warmly d e fe n d e d th e D o c to r , and B ie r e e h ea v ed them ou t on th e bank f o r a l l to s e e : Ko, th e D o c to r was a woman). I n s i g n i f i c a n t a s t h e s e p e r s o n s w e re , B ie r c e m a in ta in e d t h a t h i s a t t a c k s upon them w ere n o t i n d i s c r i m i n a t e n o r " fo r t r i v i a l c a u s e ; " When I s e l e c t a c e r t a i n s t a n z a , o r c o u p l e t , o r s i n g l e l i n e f o r p a r t i c u l a r r e p r o b a tio n th e r e a d e r may be v e r y su re e i t h e r t h a t t h e e n t i r e p i e c e from w h ic h i t i s ta k e n i s in e u r a b ly a w f u l, o r t h a t th e a u th o r i s lo n g known to me a s a l i t e r a r y ig n o r a m u s, o r b o th . Lhe o f f e n d e r h i m s e l f commonly r a i s e s a g r e a t s q u e a l and a v e r s t h a t i n c l o s i n g th e g a te upon h i s t a i l I a t t r i b u t e an undue im p o rta n ce to th e t r e s p a s s o f t h a t r e a l l y h a r m le ss and i n s i g n i f i c a n t a p p e n d ix ; b u t th e s h r i l l i n g w r e tc h knows w e l l enough t h a t t h e p in c h in g i s i n th e p u n is h ment o f r e p e a t e d i n v a s io n s o f th e s a c r e d f i e l d by h i s e n t i r e b o d y , w i t h i t s fu r r o w in g s n o u t . 100 100 nP ra -fctle," S . F . E x . , F eb. 4 , 1894. 190 When som eone u n l u e k i l y a s s e r t e d C a l i f o r n i a to he ’’th e r h y m s t e r 's P a r a d i s e , ” th e a u th o r o f " P r a t t le " r e p l i e d , T h is i s s o f a r t r u e a s t h a t h ere th e r h y m ste r s go n a k ed , do n o t h in g f o r a l i v i n g , and— l i k e Adam and Eve— w r i t e no p o e t r y . M oreover, th e y a r e i n p r e t t y c o n s t a n t t r o u b le th r o u g h th e m a le v o le n t a t t e n t i o n s o f a c e r t a i n S e r p e n t , o f whom my v i o l e t - l i k e m od esty f o r b i d s more p a r t i c u l a r m e n t io n .101 A l l B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e o f p o e t s , p rom in en t and o b s c u r e , r e v e a l s u n d e n ia b ly h i s c l a s s i c a l p r e d i l e c t i o n s . He i n s i s t e d upon c o r r e c t n e s s and c o n fo r m ity t o c e r t a i n sta n d a r d s o f d i c t i o n , u s a g e , grammar, rhythm , r im e . He a s s e r t e d th e e x c l u s i v e im p o r ta n c e o f s t y l e : "In l i t e r a t u r e i t makes v e r y l i t t l e d i f f e r e n c e w hat y o u s a y , b u t a g r e a t d e a l how yo u sa y i t . I t i s p r e c i s e l y t h i s t h i n g e a l l e d s t y l e w h ic h d e te r m in e s and f i x e s th e p la c e o f any w r i t t e n d i s courses^-^2 He em p h a sized th e prim aey o f r e a s o n and i n t e l l e c t and s u b o r d in a te d f e e l i n g . T hese e le m e n ts i n h i s app roach to l i f e and l i t e r a t u r e l a b e l B ie r c e c l a s s i c a l , a term he w ou ld have a v o id e d b e c a u se o f h i s own p a s s io n f o r e x a c t n e s s . He h i m s e l f d e f i n e d a ’’c l a s s i c a l p o e t ” a s "an em in en t p o e t o f G reece o r Home, or a modern p o e t w hose work i s g e n e r a l ly a d m ired , o r one who i s h e ld i n r e p u te f o r c o r r e c t n e s s and p u r i t y ; " 103 th e n ad d ed , " c l a s s i c a l " i s a good 101 »pr a t t l e , ” A r g o . , A p r il 1 3 , 1 8 7 8 . 102 I b i d . , June 1 9 , 1 8 8 7 . 103 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , A p r il 2 1 , 18 9 5 . 191 word n o t to u s e when one c a r e s f o r p r e c i s i o n , and p r e c i s i o n i s an e x c e l l e n t t h i n g to c a r e f o r . ”1 0 ^ i f more were n eed ed to p rove C i e r c e ’ s c l a s s i c i s m , i t c o u ld be a b u n d a n tly p ro d u ced ; b u t i t w ould be s u f f i c i e n t t o p o in t o n ly t o th e s a t i r i c poems o f the man h i m s e l f . B e fo r e p r o c e e d in g t o a d i s c u s s i o n o f B i e r e e ’ s s a t i r e o f f i c t i o n w r i t e r s , i t w ou ld p erh ap s be w e l l to s e t f o r t h h i s v iew o f th e n o v e l a s a l i t e r a r y g e n r e . f o B ie r c e th e term s n o v e l and romance w ere m u tu a lly e x c l u s i v e . A n o v e l to him was a lo n g r e a l i s t i c p i e c e o f p r o se f i c t i o n d e v o te d to th e p o r t r a y a l o f c h a r a c t e r s , a c t i o n , and s e t t i n g s t h a t seem ed p r o b a b le i n a narrow s e n s e t o common p e o p le , S c o t t and Hugo, among many o t h e r s , d id n o t w r it e n o v e l s a t a l l , he c o n te n d e d , b u t ro m a n ces. When an a u th o r " r e l a t e s th e i m p o s s i b l e 1 ’ he ’’p a s s e s o v e r th e l i n e i n t o th e rea lm o f rom an ce, th e kingdom o f S c o t t , D e fo e , H aw thorne, B e e k fo r d and th e a u th o r s o f th e A rab ian H ig h t s — th e la n d o f th e p o e t s , th e home o f a l l t h a t i s good and l a s t i n g i n th e l i t e r a t u r e o f th e i m a g i n a t i o n .”1^5 Among th e w r i t e r s o f "rom ance” he p r a is e d Hawthorne and Hugo h i g h l y , th e l a t t e r so h i g h ly a s to s a y , ”So lo n g a s a book by Hugo i s u n rea d no o t h e r a u th o r i s w o rth r e a d i n g . ”106 104 Loc c i t . 105 I b i d . , May 2 2 , 1 8 9 2 . 106 I b i d . , D ee. 8 , 1 8 9 5 . 192 But tow ard th e " n o v e l” he b o re a s t r o n g a n t ip a t h y and w ou ld n o t adm it i t to be a l e g i t i m a t e l i t e r a r y form . I t was "the b a s t a r d h a l f - b r o t h e r to romance" and c o u ld n o t i n h e r i t ; i t c o u ld have no perm anent p la c e i n l i t e r a t u r e and was a lr e a d y f a s t d y in g o u t: The v e i n i s worked o u t . I t was a t h i n o n e ' and i t d id n o t "go down." A s i n g l e c e n tu r y from th e tim e when R o b e r tso n [ s ic ] sa n k th e d is c o v e r y s h a f t i t had a lr e a d y begun to " p in ch o u t ." The m in ers o f to d a y have abandoned i t a l t o g e t h e r to s e a r e h f o r " p o c k e ts ," and some o f th e b e s t o f them a re m erely " c h l o r i d in g t h e dumps." To g e t a n o th e r good n o v e l i n E n g lis h i s to e x p e c t th e g o ld t o "grow a g a i n . "107 The b a s i c f a u l t o f th e n o v e l , B ie r c e e x p l a in e d , p erh a p s i n e x t e n s i o n o f P o e ’s id e a s on p o e t r y , i s t h a t i t , l i k e th e e p i c , i s to o l o n g f o r u n i t y o f im p r e s s io n . I t w i l l be a d m it te d , I t h i n k , t h a t ev en i n i t s e x t e r i o r a s p e c t S t . P e t e r ’ s Church i s a work o f h ig h a r t . But i s Rome a work o f h ig h a r t? Was i t e v e r , o r c o u ld i t by r e b u i l d i n g be made su ch ? C e r t a in ly n o t , and the r e a s o n i s t h a t i t c a n n o t a l l ta k e a t t e n t i o n a t o n c e . . . So w i t h a n o v e l o r e p ic poem: i t c a n n o t w it h o u t w e a r in e s s and f l a g g i n g a t t e n t i o n be r ea d a t a s i t t i n g . . . The o n ly way to g e t u n i t y o f im p r e s s io n , t o t a l i t y o f e f f e c t , from a n o v e l i s s h u t i t up and lo o k a t i t . l o t o n ly i s th e n o v e l . . . a f a u l t y form o f a r t , b u t b e c a u se o f i t s f a u l t i n e s s i t has no perm anent p la c e i n l i t e r a t u r e . I n E n glan d i t f l o u r i s h e d l e s s th a n a c e n tu r y and a h a l f , b e g in n in g w it h R o b e r tso n [ s i e ] and e n d in g w it h T h a ck era y , s i n c e whose d e a th no n o v e l s , p r o b a b ly , have been w r i t t e n t h a t are w orth a t t e n t i o n ; th o u g h a s to t h i s one c a n n o t p o s i t i v e l y s a y , f o r o f t h o s e w r i t t e n o n ly a few have b e e n r e a d by co m p eten t a u t h o r i t y . The F ren ch n o v e l , t o o , and th e 107 I b i d . , l o v . 20 , 1887. 193 German a r e aa dead as k ip p e r e d h e r r i n g s , and a p p a r e n tly w it h a s l i t t l e hope o f a b l e s s e d r e s u r r e c t i o n , i n R u s s ia n l i t e r a t u r e th e n o v e l has s t i l l so m e th in g o f v i t a l i t y , f o r i t i s s t i l l y o u n g , new— " n o v e l .1 1 That i n a l l t h e s e l i t e r a t u r e s n o v e ls a r e s t i l l p rod u ced i s n o t h in g to t h e p u rp o se ; I am s p e a k in g o f t h e n o v e l a s a work o f a r t , w h erea s th e n o v e l o f t o - d a y h as no a r t b r o a d e r and b e t t e r th a n t h a t o f i t s i n d i v i d u a l s e n t e n c e s — th e a r t o f s t y l e . 108 T hat t h i s i s n o t m omentery o p in io n o r u n c a u t io u s o v e r s ta te m e n t i s p ro ved by th e f a c t t h a t i n The C o l l e c t e d W orks, a t th e v e r y c l o s e o f h i s l i f e , B ie r c e b r o u g h t t o g e t h e r h i s v a r io u s rem arks on th e s u b j e c t and sh ap ed them i n t o a c r i t i c a l e s s a y e n t i t l e d "The H o v e l," w h e r e in h i s o r i g i n a l v ie w s a re r e i t e r a t e d . 109 I n harmony w it h t h i s a p p r o v a l o f th e "romance" and d i s a p p r o v a l o f th e " n o v e ls a re h i s r e c o g n i t i o n o f th e s h o r t s t o r y as a d e s i r a b l e l i t e r a r y g en re and h i s u s e o f t h a t form f o r h i s own w e ir d t a l e s . B e a r in g i n m ind, t h e n , B i e r c e ' s v ie w s on th e n o v e l and b e a r in g i n m ind, a l s o , h i s d e e p h a tr e d o f s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , ig n o r a n c e , v u l g a r i t y , and i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n c y i n a l l i t s fo r m s, one may p r o c e e d t o a c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m i n t h e f i e l d o f f i c t i o n . The f i c t i o n w r i t e r s were o b j e c t s o f i n t e r e s t and r i d i c u l e t o B ie r c e th r o u g h o u t h i s e n t i r e c a r e e r . Som etim es h i s s a t i r e 1 0 8 I M d * » J u n e 1 3 » I 8 9 7 - 109 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 0 : 1 6 - 2 4 . 194 a g a i n s t them was g e n e r a l , b u t u s u a l l y i t w as p e r s o n a l; and, d e s p i t e h i s v ie w s on th e n o v e l a s a fo rm , a lm o st n e v e r d id he a t t a c h th e sta n d a r d n o v e l i s t s o f th e e i g h t e e n t h o r n i n e t e e n t h c e n t u r i e s . He d id once sa y t h a t ”. . . George M e r e d ith ’ s p r a i s e o f M rs. A th e r to n and M rs. W harton f o r t h e i r sm ooth and " flo w in g s t y l e " i s l i k e th e com m endation o f a n o t h e r ’ s p e a r ly s k in by one who h a s had h i m s e l f e l a b o r a t e l y t a t o o e d from h ead to h e e l . ”1 !^ He d id onee r a t h e r b e l i t t l e P ic k e n s m and a n o th e r tim e he s a i d o f him r a t h e r humour o u s ly th a n s a t i r i c a l l y , "We c a n n o t a l l w r i t e l i k e P ic k e n s and {may H eaven f o r g e t th e f a u l t ) he o v e r d id i t h i m s e l f . ”112 u n s a t i r i c a l l y , he p ron ou n eed G eorge E l i o t d u l l 1^ an^ _ jj9 S te v e n s o n f e e b l e i n n a r r a t i v e a b i l i t y . H o w e v e r , h i s c h i e f c o n c e r n was n o t w ith s u c h w r i t e r s o f f i c t i o n , b u t w it h h i s A m erican c o n te m p o r a r ie s , and he c r i t i c i z e d them c o r r o s i v e l y . F a v o r it e o b j e c t s o f s a t i r e were the members o f "H arper’ s l i t e r a r y c l i q u e , ” c o n s i s t i n g o f W illia m Dean H o w e lls , Henry Jam es, Thomas B a i le y A ld r ic h , and Lawrence H u tto n , th e f i r s t two o f t h e s e g e t t i n g th e p r i n c i p a l s a t i r e , th e l a s t two mere i n c i d e n t a l m e n tio n . 110 » s ma l i C o n t r i b u t i o n s , ” C o s m o p o lita n , J u n e, 1 9 0 8 . 111 " P r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , June 1 9 , 1 8 8 7 . 112 I b i d . , P e c . 3 0 , 1 8 8 8 . ^ 3 "Sm all C o n t r i b u t i o n s ,” C o s m o p o lita n , May, 1 9 0 8 . 114 s . f .E e. , l o v . 2 0 , 1 8 8 7 . 115 I b i d . , J u ly 2 4 , 1 8 9 2 . 195 H o w e ll and h i s f o l l o w e r s were " d e t e s t a b l e ” to B ie r c e b e c a u se t h e y c o n c e r n e d th e m s e lv e s w it h th e r e a l i s t i c p o r t r a y a l o f th e p e o p le o f P h i l i s t i a , th e "commonplace p e o p le . . . n o b o d ie s , ig n o ra m u ses and m i l l i o n a i r e s . . . th e v i l l a g e v u l g a r ia n , th e r u r a l m aiden w hose s p i r i t u a l g r a c e i s n o t in c o m p a tib le w it h a h a b it o f f a l l i n g o v e r h er own f e e t , th e om n olen t n i g g e r , th e s n u f f - r u b b i n g c l a y - e a t i n g " eraefeer1 1 . . . th e s o c i e t y p e r s o n and th e h a b it a n t o f M is s o u r i. ”116 rp^e H o w e lls s c h o o l w ere " d e t e s t a b le " b e c a u se th e y em ployed th e r e p o r t o r i a l t e c h n iq u e , w h ich assum ed t h a t "what i s n o t i n t e r e s t i n g i n l i f e becom es so i n l e t t e r s " and w h ic h , f o r th e sa k e o f v r a is e m b la n c e , enum erated th e eommon a r t i c l e s o f f u r n i t u r e p r e s e n t a t ea ch c o n v e r s a t i o n , r e c o r d e d a l l th e movements o f th e body t h a t accom pan ied e a c h s p e e c h , and em p loyed d i a l e c t . And th e y w ere " d e t e s t a b le " b e c a u se th e y i n s i s t e d upon p r o b a b i l i t y i n a narrow s e n s e , t h a t i s i n th e s e n s e o f l i k e l y t o commonplace p e o p le o f l i m i t e d e x p e r i e n c e . The H o w e lls s c h o o l d id n o t r e c o g n iz e what had l o n g b een a c c e p t e d i n drama, t h a t t h e o n ly p r o b a b i l i t y r e q u ir e d i s t h a t an i l l u s i o n be c r e a t e d and m a in ta in e d — t h a t t h e a c t i o n seem p r o b a b l e .1 ^7 M ost o f t h e s e ^ c r i t i c i s m s he a p p l ie d to H o w e lls h i m s e l f and i n a d d i t i o n t h o s e o f p r u d e r y , s a e e a r i n i t y , f e m i n i n i t y , and 116 I b i d - » May 2 2 , 1892 117 - k ° c » o it. 196 sm u g n e ss. So he c a l l s H o w e lls th e c r e a t o r o f " i n s p i r e d p r u d e s ,” a p u r v e y o r o f c e n s o r e d n o v e ls f o r women and c h i ld r e n ; and he c a l l s him "M iss Mary W illia m Dean H o w e lls ," "M iss Haney H o w e lls ," and " P u t t e r ie H o w e l l s ."118 I n a d d i t i o n to th e g e n e r a l c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f th e " c liq u e " B ie r c e a t t r i b u t e d to Henry James th o s e o f lo n g -w in d e d n e s s and o b s c u r i t y , and dubbed him "M iss Haney Jam es, J r ." and " R e s p e e t- a b i l i o u s Jam es. " H ^ . C l o s e l y c o n n e c te d w it h and ap p roved by t h i s in n e r c i r c l e °*- H a rp er’ s was th e w hole s e h o o l o f d i a l e c t and l o c a l c o l o r w r i t e r s who, w it h few e x c e p t i o n s , w ere an a b o m in a tio n to B i e r c e . f£he e x c e p t io n s w ere E. W. fo w n se n d , th e c r e a t o r o f "Chimmie F ad d en ," who u s e d d i a l e c t , and B r e t H a r te , who u s e d b o th d i a l e c t and l o c a l c o l o r . B oth seem to have b een e x c u s e d a s n o t h a v in g ISO v i o l a t e d t h e r u l e s f o r th e u s e o f d i a l e e t . Of th e l a t t e r o f t h e s e men he w r o te , "Mr. H a r t e ’ s lu m in ou s p i c t u r e s o f ou r moun t a i n l i f e a r e tr u e i n th e h i g h e s t a r t i s t i c s e n s e ." l & l And fow n - s e n d , B ie r c e s a i d , "knows th e o n ly l e g i t i m a t e u s e o f d i a l e c t i n l i t e r a t u r e , an d . . . knows w here to f i n d i t when i t i s n e e d e d — nam ely i n h i s own h e a d ." ! 22 A n o th er tim e , h o w ev er, he rem arked 118 L oc. c i t .; a l s o i b i d . , S e p t . 6 , 1896, Aug. 1 9 , 1894, F eb . 2 6 , 1888. 119 »on f f i t h th e D an ce," C o l l e c t e d W orks, 8 :2 6 8 ; " P r a t t l e ," J S .F .E x ., F eb . 2 6 , 188 8 ; and " S m all C o n t r i b u t i o n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , A p r i l and S e p t . , 1 9 0 8 . 120 V id e i n f r a . , p . 1 9 9 . 121 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Aug. 2 8 , 1 8 9 2 . 122 I b i d . , S e p t. 2 6 , 1 8 9 7 . 197 p e r h a p s f a c e t i o u s l y , t h a t Townsend w r o te " p u trid " E n g lis h and wore d i r t y s h i r t s . 123 A m on g t h e f i c t i o n w r i t e r s d is a p p r o v e d f o r u s e o f l o e a l c o l o r and d i a l e c t w ere H am lin G arlan d , Mary M u r fr ee , Mary E. W ilk in s Freem an, J o e l C h an d ler H a r r is , and George W ash in gton C a b le . He s a i d t h a t G a rla n d , l i k e H o w e lls , was a d d ic t e d t o p r u d is h , c e n s o r e d , s a c c h a r in e n o v e l s f o r woman and c h i l d r e n . G arlan d , he s a i d , was " w a itin g w id e -e y e d to * h a i l th e dawn’ o f a l i t e r a t u r e t h a t was to be d i s t i n c t i v e l y A m erican ," t h a t i s bou nd ed , d a t e d , and w o r t h l e s s ; 126 aB£j_ ^ l a t e r c h a f f e d G arland g o o d -n a tu r e d ly on th e i n c r e d i b i l i t y o f h i s s t o r i e s o f t h e s u p e r n a tu r a l i n The Shadow W o rld , th e t r u t h o f a l l o f w h ic h was a t t e s t e d by " w it n e s s e s (unnamed)" and " a f f i d a v i t s ( u n p u b lis h e d ) ." 126 He h a te d Mary M urfree o f th e " D e t e c ta b le M o u n ta in s, w it h a l a p f u l o f l i t t l e t i n e l a y - e a t e r s and s n u f f r u b b e r s , "— " h i l l t r i b e d e t e s t a b l e s ; " and he was c o n tem p tu ou s o f Mary E. W ilk in s Freem an, "queen o f th e P h i l i s t i n e s , " w it h a l l h e r " c a r t i l a g i n o u s v i r g i n s " and " H ew -E n g lish a n t iq u e s and d e t e s t a b l e s , f i l i n g t h e i r t e e t h w it h t h e i r t o n g u e s ." 127 3-23 « s t r o l l i n g Comments on P r o v i n c i a l i s m , " _S.F_.Ex. , March £ 4 , 1 8 9 5 . 124 tipr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , Aug. 1 9 , 1 8 9 4 . 125 I b i d . , J a n , 1 4 , 1 8 9 4 . 126 "S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , M arch, 1 9 0 9 . 127 I b i d . , l o v . 6 , 1 8 9 2 , S e p t . 6 , 1 8 9 6 , May 2 2 , 1 8 9 2 , D e c. 1 8 , 1 8 W T 198 M rs. Freem an’ s c o n c e p t o f "norm al1 1 human b e i n g s , he a lle g e d ^ was p e o p le , ’who l i v e i n s m a l l , c h i l l y , fram e h o u s e s , i n t o w hose d i e t sw e e t cak e e n t e r s l a r g e l y , who d ie f o r th e t r u t h , o r , more h e r o ic y e t , condemn th e m s e lv e s t o e t e r n a l d am n ation by l y i n g i n a j u s t c a u s e . 1 To t h i 3 i t s h o u ld i n f a i r n e s s be added t h a t t h e y a re presum ably f e m a le , m a n i f e s t l y m id d le a g e d , and p r e m a tu r e ly m o r a l.128 J o e l C h and ler H a r r is he d is m is s e d as th e a u th o r o f " im p o s s ib le n i g g e r lo r e " and th e c r e a t o r o f a "b urnt cork" U n cle Remus, an " im p o s s ib le o ld n i g g e r f a b u l i s t , " no l o n g e r b la c k . l o t o n ly d id B ie r c e a s s a i l th e i n d i v i d u a l members o f th e s c h o o l o f l o c a l i s m , b u t he f i e r c e l y a s s a i l e d th e s c h o o l as a w h o le: I am s i c k o f th e pignoram ous crew o f m a l i n g u i s t s , e a e o p h o n o lo g is t s and a p o s tr o p h o g r a p h e r s who th in k th e y can g e t c l o s e to n a tu r e by d e p i c t i n g t h e s t e r i l e l i v e s and l i m i t e d e m o tio n s o f th e gowks and s o d - h op p ers t h a t sp ea k o n ly to t a n g le t h e i r t o n g u e s , and move o n ly to f a l l o v e r t h e i r own f e e t . . . [ They c o m p r is e ] a b l e s s e d b la th e r h o o d o f i l l i t e r a r y bu m pk ins. . . . . . There f o l l o w s an in t e r m in a b le t a i l o f i m i t a t r e s s e s , c a u s in g two " d i a l e c t s ” to grow w here but one grew b e f o r e , and r a b b i t i n g th e l i t e r a r y p r e s e r v e w it h a m u l t i p l i c a t i o n o f i m p o s s ib le s to sp e a k them . "Sm all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , J u n e , 1 9 0 7 . 1£9 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x :., S e p t . 6 , 1 8 9 6 , March 1 9 , 1 8 9 3 , B ee. 1 8 , 1 8 9 2 , J a n . 2 d , 189l>. Y ears l a t e r , a f t e r H a r r is ' d e a t h , B ie r c e a d m itte d t h a t th e U n c le Remus s t o r i e s w ere good r e a d in g and t h a t t h a t was s u f f i c i e n t j u s t i f i c a t i o n f o r t h e i r e x i s t e n c e . He d id h o w ev er, a s s i g n a n o th e r v a lu e t o them: n o t th e v a l i d i t y o f t h e i r f o l k - l o r e , w h ich he d e n ie d , s a y in g t h a t th e s t o r i e s were sp u n o u t o f t h e a u t h o r ’ s h e a d , "as ’ f o l k - l o r e ’ i s com m only," b u t th e t r u e n e s s w it h w h ich he r e c o r d s th e Hegro d i a l e c t " o f h i s tim e and p l a c e ; n o body e l s e has had so tr u e an e a r f o r i t , n or so g r e a t s k i l l i n p u t t i n g i t upon p ap er w it h th e clum sy and d i s o b e d i e n t means t h a t our a lp h a b e t s u p p l i e s . " " S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , O c t ., 1 9 0 8 . 130 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Dee. 18 , 1892. 199 . . . th e ground o f my a n t ip a t h y — i t am ounts to t h a t — i s e a s i l y named. I t i s " d i a l e c t . ” How th e " d ia l e c t " o f w h ic h t h e s e p e r s o n s a re s o enamored a s t o f i l l w h ole volu m es w it h i t i s n o t tr u e d i a l e c t ; i t i s s im p ly E n g lis h a s sp o k e n by none b u t ig n o r a n t p e o p le , and w r i t t e n , n o t by t h e m s e lv e s , f o r th e y do n o t w r i t e , b u t by t h o s e to whom ig n o r a n c e i s a t t r a c t i v e and seem s p i c t u r e s q u e . To a sa n e i n t e l l i g e n c e i t i s n e i t h e r . 131 A n o th er tim e he g i v e s th e r u l e s f o r th e u s e o f d i a l e e t : To be a llo w a b le i n e i t h e r v e r s e o r p r o se i t m ust be th e M o th e r -s p e e c h , n o t o n ly o f th e " c h a r a c te r s " u s i n g i t , bu t o f th e w r i t e r h i m s e l f , who, a l s o , m ust be u n a b le to w r i t e e q u a l l y w e l l i n th e " la r g e r t o n g u e ." I n humorous and s a t i r i c a l w ork, l i k e f o r ex a m p le, The B ig lo w P a p e r s , th e law i s r e l a x e d , ev en su sp en d e d ; ancTTn s e r i o u s p r o se f i c t i o n i f th e e x i g e n c i e s o f th e n a r r a t i v e demand th e i n t r o d u c t i o n o f an " u n l e t t e r e d kin d" w hose s p e e c h w ou ld n a t u r a l l y b e" ra cy o f th e s o i l " he m ust n e e d s come i n and s p o r t th e t a n g l e s o f h i s to n g u e . But he i s t o be g o t r i d o f as p rom p tly a s p o s s i b l e — p r e f e r a b ly by d e a t h . The m aking o f an e n t i r e s t o i y o u t o f th e l i v e s and l o v e s and l i n g o e s o f him and h i s c o - p i t h e c a n s — t h a t i s f e l o n y . . , The t a l k o f i n t e l l i g e n t p e r s o n s i n an u n f a m il i a r to n g u e i s a l e g i t i m a t e l i t e r a r y " p r o p e r ty ," b u t th e t a l k o f ig n o r a n t p e r so n s m is u s in g t h e i r own to n g u e has v a lu e and i n t e r e s t t o nobody b u t o t h e r ig n o r a n t p e r s o n s and , p o s s i b l y , th e p h i l o l o g i s t . 132 Even more c o n te m p t ib le th a n th e w r i t e r s o f l o c a l f i c t i o n w ere th o s e who w r o te i n th e v e r n a c u la r and c a p i t a l i z e d on s l a n g , th e " G ee-w h iza ers" o r t h e Lampton-Ade " u p t o d a t e r s ." B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d A d e’ s F a b le s i n S l a n g , and he waxed s a r c a s t i c when i t w as announced t h a t th e two men w ere "w ork in g on a grammer o f 131 I b i d . , S e p t . 1 3 , 1 8 9 6 . 132 I b i d . , J a n . 2 0 , 1 8 9 5 . 200 S la n g . « * 133 A ls o d is a p p r o v e d w it h s c o r n o r r i d i c u l e w ere th e w r i t e r s o f p r o p a g a n d is t ie o r refo rm f i c t i o n . He fou n d th e p r e a c h in g n o v e l s o f M rs. Humphrey Ward d u l l ; 134 he r i d i c u l e d th e r e fo r m n o v e l s o f James H op p er;135 and he s c o f f e d a t U pton S i n c l a i r f o r t h i n k i n g t h a t th e " r e g e n e r a t io n o f mankind" was a t h a n d .135 A c h i e f w r i t e r o f p r o p a g a n d is t ie f i c t i o n , one adm ired and im it a t e d by W. D. H o w e lls , was Count Leo T o l s t o y , b u t th o u g h B ie r c e r i d i c u le d H o w e lls f o r b e in g a d i s e i p l e o f T o l s t o y , he d id n o t r i d i c u l e T o l s t o y . He d id , h ow ev er, c r i t i c i z e th e R u s s ia n f o r u s i n g th e n o v e l a s a means o f refo rm and f o r s e t t i n g f o r t h , and a p p a r e n tly b e l i e v i n g , th e id e a th at' g r e a t human e v e n t s a r e n o t a f f e c t e d by human a g e n c i e s . 1 3 ? R e g a r d in g T o l s t o y ' s u s e o f th e n o v e l f o r p r o p a g a n d is t ie p u r p o se s B ie r c e e x p r e s s e d h i m s e l f a s f o l l o w s i n a l e t t e r t o B la n c h e P a r t i n g t o n , A u gu st 1 5 , 1892: . . . i t seem s to me t h a t men h o ld in g T o l s t o y ' s v ie w a r e n o t p r o p e r ly l i t e r a r y men ( t h a t i s t o s a y , a r t i s t s ) a t a l l . They a r e " m i s s io n a r i e s ," who, i n t h e i r z e a l t o la y about them , do n o t s c r u p le t o s e i z e any weapon t h a t th e y can la y t h e i r hands on; th e y w ould grab a c r u c i f i x to b e a t a d o g . The d og i s w e l l b e a t e n , no dou bt (w h ich makes him a w o rse d og th a n he was b e f o r e ) , b u t n o te t h e c o n d i t i o n o f th e c r u c i f i x . 138 3.33 n sja a ll C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , J u n e, 1 907; J u l y , 1907 ; S e p t . , , 190 7 ; J a n . 190 8 ; and O c t ., 1 9 0 8 . 134 I b i d . , A u g ., 1 90 7 ; May, 1 9 0 8 . 135 I b i d . , J a n . , 1 9 0 9 . 136 I b i d . , H ov*, 1 9 0 7 . 13? npr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , Feb. 26, 1888. Pope, op. p i t . , 5 . 201 I n a n o th e r l e t t e r , J u ly 3 1 , 1 8 9 2 , t o th e same p e r s o n , he denou nced refo rm w r i t i n g a s w h o lly in c o m p a tib le w it h a r t i s t i c w r i t i n g . I t was d u l l r e a d in g and was a '’p r o s t i t u t i o n o f a r t . ” Love th e w o r ld a s much a s y o u w i l l , b u t s e r v e i t o t h e r w is e . The b e s t s e r v i c e y o u can p erfo rm by w r i t i n g i s to w r it e w e l l w it h no c a r e f o r a n y t h in g b u t t h a t . P la n t and w a te r and l e t God g iv e th e in c r e a s e i f he w i l l . . . . . . The l o v e o f t r u t h i s good enough m o tiv e when I w r i t e o f my f e l l o w s . 139 T h is a t t i t u d e e x te n d e d n o t o n ly to m oral o r r e l i g i o u s , but to s o c i a l , e co n o m ic , and p s y c h o l o g i c a l f i c t i o n i n w h ic h th e a u th o r a tte m p te d t o s o l v e p rob lem s o r a d v o c a te a p o in t o f v ie w , o f th e p s y c h o l o g i c a l n o v e l he commented, We a r e t o l d by an em in en t o b s e r v e r t h a t no fish m o n g e r c r i e s , " S t in k in g F is h ! " b u t Mr. W illia m F arquhar comes w i t h i n a m ea su r a b le d i s t a n c e o f t h a t u n a t t a i n a b l e ca n d o r by d e c l a r i n g t h a t a l l h i s f u t u r e s t o r i e s a r e to be " p s y c h o l o g ic a l p r o b le m s. "2.40 A g a in , o f l i t e r a r y p r o p a g a n d is t s , he s a y s , ". . . when a l i t e r a r y a r t i s t i s b i t t e n by th e mad d og o f r e fo r m , ’ p h y s i c ia n s a r e i n v a i n . 1 H a p p ily th e p a t i e n t ’ s r a v in g s are i n a u d ib le beyond th e w a l l o f h i s own g e n e r a t i o n . ”141 F i n a l l y , B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e w r i t e r s o f c u r r e n t p o p u la r f i c t i o n . He r i d i c u l e d t h e i r s e n s a t i o n a l i s m , m elodram a, and gashy> 1 3 9 » 3 ldO ngmai i c o n t r i b u t i o n s , ” C o s m o p o lita n , S e p t . , 1 9 0 7 . 14:1 I b i d . , Hov. , 1907. 202 s i c k l y s e n t i m e n t a l i t y ; t h e i r f a l s e n e s s to l i f e and la c k o f prob a b i l i t y and r e a l is m . He r i d i c u l e d a t t h e i r a f f e c t a t i o n , wooden a c t i o n , bad d e s c r i p t i o n , and lame n a r r a t i v e . He c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n t o t h e i r t r i t e n e s s , bad E n g li s h , f l o r i d e m b e llis h m e n t, l a c k o f w i t , and g e n e r a l ly i n a r t i s t i c c o n s t r u c t i o n . He r i d i c u l e d t h e i r f o r g i v i n g h e r o e s , happy e n d in g s , and u n r e a l i s t i c l o v e s c e n e s . A f a v o r i t e m ethod o f s a t i r i z i n g th e s e v a r io u s c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s was by ’’q u o t in g ” s h o r t e x c e r p t s , m o stly i n v e n t e d , one f e e l s , t h a t sp oke f o r t h e m s e lv e s ; f o r ex a m p le, As th e y s a t t h e r e w ra p p in g t h e i r arms a b o u t e a c h o t h e r , sh e ad van ced th e b e l i e f t h a t th e y had lo v e d i n a form er s t a t e o f e x i s t e n c e . ’B ut n o t as now, I r e n e , s u r e l y n o t a s now.^’ She was w e l l c o n t e n t to l e t him f e e l so a b o u t i t , and d id n o t s e e k to a l t e r th e c h a r a c t e r o f h i s e m o tio n , f o have done so w ou ld have e u t h e r to th e h e a r t . On t h e con t r a r y , a l i t t l e b ir d p e r c h e d i n t h e p a s s i o n v in e above them and sa n g s e v e r a l t h r i l l i n g p a s s a g e s . 142 jj. H a is in g h e r t im id , b lu s h in g e y e s to h i s , sh e le a p e d upon him l i k e a t i g e r , and c r u s h in g h i s handsome head a g a i n s t h e r bosom , b e w a ile d h i s f a t e i n b o th E n g lis h and F r e n c h .143 E a r l i e r , d u r in g h i s London p e r io d , B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e p o p u la r f i c t i o n o f th e e a r ly 1 8 7 0 ’ s by a t a l e e n t i t l e d "A H a u t ic a l C o l l e c t e d Work3 , 12; 289* 143 " P r a t t l e , ” S .F . E x ., S e p t. 2 1 , 1890. M o v e l t y .1,144 I n t h i s work th e a u th o r s e n t th e s h ip Camel on a tw o -y e a r fcroyage to th e S o u th P o l e . l o t once d u r in g t h i s p e r io d d id th e s h ip to u c h s h o r e , and a b o u t a y e a r ’ s tim e was s p e n t i n a dead calm a t th e e q u a to r . £he fo o d su p p ly on th e s h i p g r a d u a l l y was consum ed, t i l l a t l a s t e v e r y e d i b l e t h i n g was gone e x c e p t a c a rg o o f n o v e ls t h a t t h e e a p t a in had b rou gh t a lo n g f o r h i s own s p e c i a l d i e t . When th e fo o d su p p ly gave o u t , h o w ev er, th e n o v e ls had to be sh a r e d by a l l and s o became th e e x c l u s i v e d i e t o f p a s s e n g e r s and crew , fh e e f f e e t upon th e d in e r s was to " e x a lt" them m e n t a l ly , t o make them m o r a lly "a t r i f l e w o r s e ” th a n t h e y had b e e n , to c a u se them to make lo v e to one a n o t h e r , s i n g l o v e - s o n g s , make r o m a n tic e x c la m a t io n s , and c a r r y on an e n d l e s s b o u t o f p l o t t i n g , c o u n t e r p l o t t i n g , p l o t s o l v i n g , e a v e s d r o p p in g , e s c a p e , and th e l i k e . I h e y t a lk e d "as no human b e in g e v e r t a l k e d b e f o r e ," e n g a g in g i n in n u m erab le rou n d s o f b r o a d , p o l i s h e d , p o i n t l e s s w i t , b o a s t i n g "much a n c e s t o r y ," a d m ir in g th e w h it e n e s s o f t h e i r h a n d s, c o n v e r s in g p r e f e r a b ly o f l o v e , th e n o f " th e v e g e t a b l e kingdom , a r s o n , a d u l t r y . . . r i t u a l , and a r t , " i n t e r l a r d i n g t h e i r c o n v e r s a t io n w i t h "about e q u a l p a r t s . . . o f c l a s s i c a l a l l u s i o n s , q u o t a t io n s from th e s t a b l e , sim p e r from th e s c u l l e r y , c a n t from th e c l u b s , and th e t e c h n i c a l s l a n g o f h e r a ld r y . Phus w ere s a t i r i z e d th e s e n t im e n t a l romance o f t h i s f i c t i o n , i t s 144 lom Hood’ s Comic A n n u a l,fqi». > 1 8 7 5 , pp. 9 0 - 3 . 204 m o r a l i s i n g , i t s la c k o f r e a l is m i n p l o t , d i c t i o n , and d i a l o g u e , and i t s la c k o f o r i g i n a l i t y ; m o reo v er, th e im p rob a b le e n d in g s o f th e p o p u la r n o v e ls w ere s a t i r i z e d by an u t t e r l y f a n t a s t i c and im p o s s ib le e n d in g to th e v o yage o f t h e Cam el. Among th e p a r t i c u l a r f i c t i o n w r i t e r s s i n g l e d o u t f o r a t t a c k was W illia m B la e k , whom B ie r e e r e c h r is t e n e d " S im p e r e lla " and r i d i c u l e d f o r h i s c o n s c io u s word p a i n t i n g and h i s i n a b i l i t y to t h in k o f " m ou n tain s, v a l l e y s , r i v e r s , s e a s , and t r e e s 1 1 as e x i s t i n g f o r any o t h e r p u rp o se th a n to be d e s c r ib e d by h i m .l 4^ A lso he r i d i c u l e d B la e k f o r in a c c u r a t e o b s e r v a t io n — h a v in g th e new moon r i s e a t s u n s e t i n th e s o u t h . ^46 K is s B raddon, M rs. O lip h a n t, M rs. S ou th w o rth , "Ouida"— a l l " d a u g h ter s o f th e d e v i l " — and F. M arion C raw ford were r i d i c u l e d f o r t h e i r p r o l i f i c w r i t i n g , w h ich i n i t s e l f p r e c lu d e d good a r t . Of C raw ford he t o l d t h i s s t o r y : On a t r a i n t r i p w it h h i s w if e th e n o v e l i s t su d d e n ly d is a p p e a r e d , and b e f o r e l o n g M rs. C raw ford became a n x io u s o f h i s w h e r e a b o u ts . S a id a f r i e n d , "Calm y o u r s e l f , madam; X t h in k he s t e p p e d back in t o th e w a i t i n g room to w r i t e a n o v e l . " I 4 ? He a c c u s e d "Fan" B u r n e tt 145 «rpr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , March 2 5 , 1 8 8 8 . 146 I b i d . , D ec. 1 , 1 8 8 9 . D u rin g h i s lo n g c a r e e r B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d many w r i t e r s f o r f a u l t y lu n a r o b s e r v a t i o n , among them b e in g L o n g fe llo w i n h i s " D a y lig h t and M o o n lig h t;" T ennyson i n "The L o v e r ’ s T a le ;" H. R id e r Haggard i n "K ing Solom on’s M in es;" Edgar S a l t u s i n "A Maid o f A th en s;" Jean In g e lo w i n "Songs o f the E i g h t - W a tch es;" and F r i e d r i c h S p ie lh a g e n , Bayard T a y lo r , W ordsw orth, C o le r id g e , S c h i l l e r , M oore, and S h e l l e y i n u n i d e n t i f i e d p i e c e s . At l a s t m ost o f t h e s e a s tr o n o m ic a l o f f e n d e r s w ere b ro u g h t t o g e t h e r i n t o one a r t i c l e , "The Moon i n L e t t e r s , " w h ic h a p p e a r s i n The C o l l e c t e d Worka, 9 : 5 8 - 6 7 . See a l s o "The P a s s i n g Show," C o sm o p o lita n MarcH,""T9'0iri------ 147 "Sm all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , J a n ., 1 9 0 9 . 205 o f s t e a l i n g a " l i t t l e p r ig " from M rs. A. T. W in th ro p ’ s book;-*-4 ® R id e r H aggard he nicknam ed "P lunger" H a g g a r d .l^ 9 th o u g h he con s i d e r e d M iss H a r r a d e n 's work u n m e r e t o r io u s , he gave h e r c r e d i t f o r h i t t i n g upon a f e l i c i t o u s t i t l e i n S h ip s t h a t P a ss in th e E i g h t . A m elie R iv e s C h a n ler he c h a r a c t e r i s e d a s an a u th o r o f " p h r e n e t ic m e p h i t i c i s m s ;" Edgar S a ltu s * n o v e l s were i n s i p i d and e f f e m in a t e ; 1 5 0 A r c h ib a ld C la v e r in g G unther he c a l l e d " A r c h ib a ld S l a v e r i n g G unther;" and Laura B a in tr y he r i d i c u l e d a s th e a u th o r o f i n s i p i d , r a in w a t e r n o v e l s . W ith o u t r e f e r e n c e to s p e c i f i c w orks i n v e r s e o r p r o s e , B ie r c e s a i d o f C rane, . . • P e r c i v a l P o ll a r d o f t h e "Eeho" has d ra g g ed to u p p er day two w orse w r i t e r s th a n S te p h e n C rane. . . H. W. P h i l l i p s and R u p ert H ughes. . . I had th o u g h t t h a t t h e r e c o u ld be o n ly two w o rse w r i t e r s th a n S te p h en C rane, n a m ely , two S te p h en C r a n e s .151 The p o p u l a r it y o f B a v id Harum d i s g u s t e d B i e r c e , and , h a v in g i n mind e s p e c i a l l y th e d i a l e c t and p h ilo s o p h y o f th e b o o k , he a c c u se d i t s a u th o r o f w r i t i n g "one o f th e m ost c a n d id ly v u lg a r and s t u p i d b ook s e v e r o f f e r e d to th e p i g l y t a s t e and ela m w ise u n d e r s ta n d in g o f t h a t i n f i n i t e a s s , " th e g e n e r a l p u b l i c . a to o k by 148 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , O ct. 6 , 1 8 8 9 . 149 I b i d . , F eb . 2 6 , 1 8 8 8 . l 5 Q » P r a t t le ,» S .F .E x . , J u ly 2 1 , 1 8 8 9 ; B e e . 1 5 , 1 8 8 9 . 1 5 1 I b i d . , J u ly 2 6 , 1 8 9 6 . 1 5 2 itrgke p a s s i n g Show," _S.F_.Ex., Aug. 2 0 , 189 9 ; a l s o , O ct. 1 , 1 8 9 9 . 206 George Du M au rier B ie r e e w r o te one o f h i s w i t t i e s t b r i e f c r i t i c i s m s : "My e s t im a t e o f " T r ilb y " i 3 t h a t i t s a u th o r s h o u ld be proud o f e v e r y y e a r he l i v e d w it h o u t w r i t i n g i t . " 1 5 3 A n oth er s a t i r i c book r e v ie w o f t h i s ep ig ra m m a tic s o r t i s a t t r i b u t e d to B ie r c e by Carey M cW illiam s, b u t undocum ented: "The c o v e r s o f t h i s book a r e to o f a r a p a r t . E l i n o r G ly n ’ s n o v e l Three Weeks B ie r e e renam ed, Three R e ek s. 3 H a ll C a in e , s u b j e c t e d f o r some tim e to o c c a s i o n a l p a s s i n g r i d i e u l e , a t l a s t became th e c e n t r a l f i g u r e o f an a r t i c l e e n t i t l e d " H a ll C aine on H a ll C a in in g .« 1 5 6 I n t h i s a r t i c l e B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d C ain e f o r h i s i n a r t i s t i c w r i t i n g , h i s la c k o f i n s p i r a t i o n , h i s w r i t i n g f o r m oney, th e p o p u la r a p p e a l o f h is b o o k s, and t h e i r p r e d e s t i n e d , e a r l y o b l i v i o n . B ie r e e s a t i r i z e d -at- Jack London f o r h i s " t i t a n i c e x a g g e r a t i o n s ," h i s b e l i e f i n an e v e n t u a l B ro th erh o o d o f Man, h i s s o c i a l i s t i c s y m p a th ie s , h i s e s s e n t i a l v u l g a r i t y , and h i s s u b o r d in a t io n o f a r t to m oney. To B i e r e e , London was a tramp by b i r t h and by n a t u r e , who d w e lt among tram ps b e c a u se he b e lo n g e d among them , and who b e lo n g s among them y e t . . . He l i v e d th e l i f e be c a u se i t was c o n g e n ia l to h i s mind and h e a r t , and l e f t i t o n ly i n o b e d ie n c e to th e c a l l o f t h e p o c k e t . So he 1 5 3 " P r a t t l e ," S . F .E x ., D ee. 1 5 , 1 8 9 5 . 1 5 4 M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e , a B io g r a p h y , p. 2 8 7 . I 33 "S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , J u n e, 1 9 0 8 ; S e p t . , 1 9 0 8 . Hew York A m erica n , May 2 4 , 19 0 5 ; r e p u b lis h e d i n C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 0 : 1 1 7 - 2 1 . 207 o b s e r v e s w i t h h i s memory and t a k e s d i c t a t i o n from h i s bank- a c c o u n t . A f t e r a l l i t d o e s n o t g r e a t l y m a tte r what i s w r i t t e n a b ou t tram ps e x c e p t i n th e s t a t u t e s and o r d in a n c e s . 167 f h i s i s n o t h i s w h ole o p in io n o f London, h o w ev er. I n a l e t t e r to George s t e r l i n g , F eb . 1 8 , 1 9 0 5 , a b o u t Ih e Sea w o l f , B ie r c e d e p r e c a te d th e a u th o r * s s t y l e i n t h a t book and h i s t o t a l l a c k o f a s e n s e o f p r o p o r t io n ; a l s o th e s u p e r -h e r o is m and lo v e e le m e n t i n th e s t o r y w ere " a w f u l.” On th e o th e r hand he r e c o g n iz e d t h a t London had c r e a t e d a good s t o r y , had f i l l e d i t w it h p l e n t y o f a c t i o n , and had c r e a te d a memorable c h a r a c t e r i n W olf L a r s e n .^ ® B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d Rex B each f o r h is " b e s t s e l l e r s " and f e l t t h a t h i s work was m ed io cre and f a i l i n g i n q u a l i t y , and he la u g h e d a t London, B ea ch , S i r G ilb e r t P a r k e r , and K i p l i n g when a C an adian, M r. A r t h u r S t r i n g e r , b r a n d e d th e m a s " f a k e r s " i n t h e i r C a n a d ia n s e t t i n g s . R i c h a r d H a r d i n g D a v i s B i e r e e p r o n o u n c e d e l i g i b l e f o r i n c l u s i o n i n M r s . M a tth e w A r n o l d ' s b o o k o f U n k n o w n A u t h o r s E d i t h W h a r to n w a s d i s m i s s e d w i t h a m e r e c o n d e s c e n d i n g g l a n c e ; a n d G e r t r u d e A t h e r t o n , t h o u g h o f t e n p r a i s e d , w a s r i d i c u l e d w h e n s h e a b a n d o n e d w e s t e r n l i f e f o r t h e " m a n n e r s a n d e m o t i o n e t t e s " 157 c o n t r i b u t i o n s , " C o s m o p o lita n , F e b ., 1 9 0 9 . 1 5 8 p o p e , crp. p i t . , 1 0 5 . 159 wgm aii C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , F e b ., 1 9 0 9 . 160 n p r a t t l e , " S . F .E x ., Ja n . 1 5 , 1 8 9 3 . 161 "Sm all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , J u l y , 1 9 0 7 . £08 o f t h e "unhuman," " f is h - b lo o d e d ," "H igh-bred" E n g li s h "hupper s u c k l e s . "16£ I n a l l h i s c r i t i c i s m o f f i c t i o n one s e e s t h a t B ie r c e d e manded good w r i t i n g , good c h a r a c t e r c r e a t i o n s , and good n a r r a t i v e ; t h a t he demanded p r o b a b i l i t y , o r a t l e a s t an i l l u s i o n o f p r o b a b il i t y ; t h a t he demanded " a r t f o r a r t ’ s sake" and r u le d o u t a l l p roblem o r p r o p a g a n d is t ie f i c t i o n ; t h a t he was i n t o l e r a n t o f s e n t i m e n t a l i t y ; t h a t he demanded a n o th e r o b j e c t o f i n t e r e s t i n f i c t i o n th a n th e commonplace b e h a v io r o f v u lg a r c h a r a c t e r s ; t h a t he i n s i s t e d upon th e a c c u r a t e o b s e r v a t io n and r e c o r d in g o f th e phenomena o f l i f e ; t h a t he e x p e c t e d a work o f f i e t i o n to be o r i g i n a l and f u l l o f v i t a l i t y ; p o s s i b l y ev en t h a t he p r e f e r r e d e x c e p t i o n a l or abnorm al to ty p e c h a r a c t e r s . Q n e s e e s a l s o t h a t B i e r c e ’ s p r e j u d ic e a g a i n s t common p e o p le and h i s con d em n ation o f th e ’’n o v e l" a s a l i t e r a r y g en re made him in c a p a b le o f th e j u d i c i o u s , d i s c e r n i n g a p p r a i s a l o f c e r t a i n t y p e s o f f i c t i o n . B e s id e s c r i t i c i z i n g o r i g i n a l c r e a t i v e work B ie r e e s a t i r i c a l l y c r i t i c i z e d th e c r i t i c s . M o stly t h e s e a s s a u l t s w ere f o r 162 £ £ i d * » Ja n * » 1909- I n a l e t t e r to "Ruth”— R o b e r tso n , I t h i n k , March £ 3 , 1 9 1 3 , B ie r c e w r o t e , ". • . 1 n e v e r c o u ld s e e why o n e ’ s c h a r a c t e r s s h o u ld be t y p e s — "such p e r s o n s as one m ee ts i n e v er y d a y l i f e . " 3? ' he e x c e p t i o n a l - e v e n ’ a b n orm a l’ — p e r so n seem s to me t h e more i n t e r e s t i n g , b u t I must w arn y o u t h a t he w i l l n o t seem s o to an e d i t o r . "— P o p e , o p . e i t . , 1 9 1 , 209 in c o m p e te n c e ; so m etim es th e y w ere f o r d i s h o n e s t y ; v e r y o c c a s io n a l l y th e y w ere f o r th e manner o f w r i t i n g . How and th e n some c r i t i c seem ed t o "be b a s in g h i s c r i t i c i s m upon p r e j u d i c e s , d e fe n d i n g some f a l s e p o in t o f v ie w , w r i t i n g h y p o c r i t i c a l l y , o r i n d u lg in g i n p l a i n , u n ea m o u fla g ed d i s h o n e s t y . B ie r c e th o u g h t p r e j u d ic e a c c o u n te d f o r th e p r o v i n c i a l i t y o f th e e a s t e r n l i t e r a r y c r i t i c who c o u ld n o t s e e w e s t o f B u f f a l o , and f o r t h a t o f the t y p i c a l Hew Y ork e r i t i e who n e i t h e r knows n o r c a r e s a b o u t a n y th in g w r i t t e n e ls e w h e r e i n A m erica. And n e a r ly a l l t h a t i s good i n i t s [ Hew Y ork ’ s] own p r o d u ct i s made by w r i t e r s from a f a r . I f a l l b u t two o r t h r e e o f i t s n a t i v e w r i t e r s , c e a s i n g t o w r i t e , w ou ld t i l l th e s o i l l i t e r a t u r e w ou ld p r o f i t a t t h e e x p e n se o f a g r i c u l t u r e .1 6 4 A g a in i t was f o r p r e j u d i c e , o r r a t h e r b i g o t r y , t h a t he a t t a c k e d Harry 'Thurston P eck f o r w hat he c o n s id e r e d an u n f a i r r e v ie w o f th e ’’w o rk s” o f th e l a t e C o lo n e l R obert E. i n g e r s o l l . ^ - 6^ And y e t a g a in p r e j u d ic e was th e s i n f o r w h ic h B ie r c e a t t a c k e d Jerome H art o f ffhe A r g o n a u t. H art had s e v e r e l y c r i t i c i z e d W a lte r B la ck b u rn H a r te , o f I h e Hew E n glan d M a g a z in e , sand B i e r e e , who had r e c e n t l y p r a is e d th e E a s te r n H arte (who b e f o r e t h a t had p r a i s e d B i e r c e ) , i n t e r p r e t e d H a r t’ s a t t a c k , n o t a s a bona f i d e a s s a u l t upon th e E a s t e r n e d i t o r , but as an a t t a c k upon h im s e lf ; f o r B ie r e e had f r e q u e n t l y c h a s t i z e d ghe A rgonau t s t a f f , and t h e W estern H a r t’ s c r i t i c i s m o f th e e d i t o r o f ghe Hew E n glan d 164 ngmai i C o n t r i b u t i o n s ,” C o s m o p o lita n , S e p t . , 1 9 0 7 . 165 «g»he Dead L io n (A g ain ) and th e L iv in g P r o f e s s o r , ” S . P .E x ., S e p t. 1 0 , 1 6 9 9 . E 10 seem ed to B ie r c e t o be in te n d e d m er ely t o d i s c r e d i t h i m s e l f . Hence B ie r c e w r o te , The g i f t e d i d i o t who b o i l s th e l i t e r a r y pap f o r The A rgonaut i s p le a s e d t o s n e e r a t Mr. W a lte r B lack b u rn H a r t e , o f The Hew E n glan d M aga zin e, a s a p e r so n o f whom nobody has~T5eard.' W a lte r B la ck b u rn H arte i s , a s i t d e s e r v e s t o b e , one o f th e b e st-k n o w n names i n A m erican con tem p orary l i t e r a t u r e . I f Mr. Jerome H art o f The A rgon au t h as n e v e r c a u g h t th e sound o f i t I can o n ly i n f b r t h a t he p a s s e s to o much o f h i s tim e U 3 in g one e a r a s a m a t t r e s s and th e o t h e r as a c o v e r l e t . 166 B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d a s h y p o c r i t e s th e r e v ie w e r s and c r i t i c s who, w h ile condem ning th e p u b l i c a t i o n o f t h e B row nin g l o v e - l e t t e r s , y e t q u o ted c o p i o u s ly from th em ;167 ana. he a t t a c k e d as d i s h o n e s t a Mr. H a z e l t i n e , b o o k -r e v ie w e r o f t h e Hew Y ork S u n , who had un f a v o r a b ly r e v ie w e d B i e r c e ' s T a le s o f S o l d i e r s and C i v i l i a n s i 68 and who had a tte m p te d to "make" th e r e p u t a t i o n o f a r i c h s o c i e t y woman, a M rs. Yan R e n s s e la e r C ru ger, by d i s h o n e s t l y p r a i s i n g h e r w ork. A ls o s a t i r i z e d f o r d i s h o n e s t y w ere t h o s e c r i t i c s who, when a w r i t e r c i t e d th e p r e c e d e n t o f a r e c o g n iz e d m a ste r t o j u s t i f y a l i t e r a r y p r a c t i c e , a t once a e e u s e d th e w r i t e r o f compar i n g h i m s e l f t o t h a t m a s t e r .169 166 " p r a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , A p r i l 9 , 1 8 9 3 . 167 nThe. W r ite r F o lk ," S . F . E x . , J u ly 3 , 1 8 9 9 . 168 " p r a t t l e , " S . F .E x ., June E6, 1892 ; J u ly 2 4 , 1 8 9 2 . 169 " p r a t t l e , " The Wasp, May 8 , 1 8 8 6 . These a t t a c k s upon c r i t i c a l p r e ju d ic e and d is h o n e s t y w ere r a t h e r s c a r c e . H ow ever, a t t a c k s upon c r i t i c s f o r c r i t i c a l i n com p eten ce o c c u r f r e q u e n t l y th r o u g h o u t th e w h ole c o u r s e o f h is c a r e e r . To d e f i n e th e term " in c o m p e ten t e r i t i e " i s n o t e a s y , th o u g h to B ie r e e i t seem ed to mean any c r i t i c who f a i l e d to a n a ly z e and m easure a work a c c o r d in g to th e r e c o g n iz e d s ta n d a r d s o f d e s ig n and workm anship f o r th e p a r t i c u l a r g e n r e u n d er s c r u t y — t h a t i s , th e sta n d a r d s r e c o g n iz e d by B i e r e e , a good many o f w h ic h have a lr e a d y "been s u g g e s t e d by h i s c r i t i c i s m s o f j o u r n a l i s t s , p o e t s and f i c t i o n w r i t e r s . In c o m p e te n c e , a lo n g w it h d i s h o n e s t y , was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f h i s a t t a c k upon th e c r i t i e s who f o llo w e d th e le a d o f th e E n g lis h c r i t i c a l d i c t a t o r s and made th e U n ite d S t a t e s " E choland , home o f th e d it t o m a n ia e ." 1 7 0 in c o m p e te n c e was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f h i s jqab a t Edwin Markham f o r r e g a r d in g James Oppenheim a s a p o e t w it h "more p a s s io n th a n any o t h e r p o e t i n Am erica" and e n c o u r a g in g him to w r i t e a n t i - W a l l - S t r e e t v e r s e . 1 7 1 I t was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f h i s a t t a c k upon a R ob ert Duncan M iln e , " th e J u l e s Yerne o f T e le g r a p h H i l l , " whom he r i d i c u l e d f o r h i s o b j e c t i o n s t o B i e r c e ’ s p r a i s e o f c e r t a i n poems by M iss F lo r a McDonald S h e a r e r . 172 I t was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f h i s a t t a c k s upon 170 " P r a t t l e ," S_.F.3£c., S e p t . 3 , 1 8 9 3 . 171 "S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , May, 1908. 172 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , A p r il 1 4 , 1 8 9 5 . 21Z o t h e r c r i t i c s f o r m is s t a te m e n ts o f f a e t , f o r m e c h a n ic a l e r r o r s i n w r i t i n g , and f o r f u s s i n g a b o u t i n e o n s e q u e n t i a l i t i e s . I n com p eten ce was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e upon A m erican c r i t i e s f o r f a i l i n g to r e c o g n iz e th e m e r it s o f L o w e ll’ s " b u r n e r ’ s O ld T em eraire" o r o f George S t e r l i n g ' s "A Wine o f W iz a r d r y ,” w h ic h B ie r e e p r a is e d v e r y h i g h l y , r a n k in g S t e r l i n g a s A m erica ’ s g r e a t e s t l i v i n g p o e t .-1 -?3 In co m p eten ce was th e i m p l i c a t i o n o f h i s s a t i r e upon Harry I h u r s t o n p e c k o f ih e Bookman who, a c c o r d in g to B i e r c e , ig n o r e d " R e c e s s io n a l 1 1 and p ron ou n ced "Phe TTampire" "the b e s t s h o r t poem t h a t has been w r i t t e n i n th e p a s t te n y e a r s ; " and i t was ch a rg ed a g a i n s t C h a r le s Dana f o r c h o o s in g th e t e n b e s t s h o r t poem s, f o u r o f w h ic h c h o i c e s , a c c o r d in g to B i e r c e , w ere n o t poems a t a l l . An o b scu re C a l i f o r n i a e d i t o r was i n c o m p ete n t f o r p r o n o u n c in g D ic k e n s a g r e a t e r n o v e l i s t th a n S c o t t , who was no n o v e l i s t a t a l l ; P r o f e s s o r A n derson o f S ta n fo r d was in c o m p e te n t f o r p r a i s i n g James Whitcomb R i l e y , p r a i s e f o r s u c h a p e r s o n b e in g v i c i o u s and d e b a s in g t o A m erican l i t e r a r y t a s t e ; and Edmund G0 3 s e and Madame Hazimova w ere in c o m p e te n t f o r t h e i r w o r sh ip o f I b s e n . 17 3 n o t h in g show s more e l e a r l y B i e r c e ’ s in a d eq u a cy a s a c r i t i c o f p o e tr y th a n h i s i n o r d in a t e p r a i s e o f t h i s poem o f S t e r l i n g ’ s , w h ich he a c c e p t e d as a g r e a t poem c h i e f l y on th e ground s o f i t s m e t r i c a l p e r f e c t i o n and i t s p r o f u s io n o f im a g er y . F or B i e r c e ’ s p a r t i n t h i s c o n t r o v e r s y s e e "A P o e t and H is Poem," C o s m o p o lita n , S e p t . , 1907; "Sm all C o n t r i b u t io n s ," C o sm o p o lita n , i to v ., 1 9 0 7 ; and "An I n s u r r e c t i o n o f th e P e a s a n t r y ,1 * C o sm o p o litan , D e c ., 1 9 0 7 . 213 S a t i r i z e d a s in c o m p e te n t, and to a c e r t a i n e x t e n t d i s h o n e s t , w ere t h o s e who w ro te " a p p r e c ia t io n s " i n s t e a d o f e r i t i y - e i s m ? ,i n d i s c r i m i n a t e l y p r a i s i n g , e u l o g i z i n g , o r f l a t t e r i n g w h at e v e r th e y p r e te n d e d t o e v a l u a t e . They c a l l e d n o v e l s " a p p e a lin g ," " c o n v i n c i n g ," " v i t a l , " " s i g n i f i c a n t , " o r " c o m p e llin g ," when th e y s h o u ld have c a l l e d them s l a n g y , i n c o n s e q u e n t i a l , w o r t h l e s s , s a i d B i e r c e , " . . . ou r s h a r p e s t n e e d i s a r e v ie w e r o f r e v i e w e r s — who s h o u ld have had e x p e r ie n c e i n th e g e n t l e a r t o f p o k in g a s t i c k i n t o a h o r n e t ’ s n e s t . " 1 *^ T h is te n d e n c y o f th e c r i t i c s t o p r a i s e i n d i s c r i m i n a t e l y was s a t i r i z e d i n th e Judgment o f a group o f m agazin e c r i t i c s who l i s t e d f o r t y E n g li s h and f o r t y more A m erican n o v e l i s t s whom th e y c a l l e d "em inent" and who, th e y s a i d , w ou ld " l i v e a s lo n g a s th e la n g u a g e ." The same te n d e n c y was s e e n among th e t h e a t r e c r i t i c s who v u l g a r ly f l a t t e r e d 'both a c t o r s and a u d ie n c e , an a c t o f s im p le d i s h o n e s t y . I t was s e e n i n George W ash in gton C a b le 's p r a i s e o f A m erican m a g a zin es and t h e i r e d i t o r s — su c h e d i t o r s a s " E lo i H o w ells" and "Jahveh G ild e r ," who had b r e a th e d t h e b r e a th o f l i f e i n t o C a b le . 175 I t w as s e e n i n J o a q u in M i l l e r , who, a c c o r d in g to B i e r c e , w as a lw a y s read y to g i v e an e n c o u r a g in g word o f p r a i s e t o any a s p i r i n g w r i t e r , e s p e c i a l l y i f f e m in in e . S a id B i e r c e , 17^ "S m all C o n t r ib u t io n s ," C o s m o p o lita n , J a n ., 1 9 0 9 . 1 7 5 " P r a t t l e ," S .E .Ex. . , O ct. 2 2 , 1 8 9 3 . 214 He i s a d e v o u t w om an -w orship er— one o f th e m ost s h a m e le ss o f t h a t d is a g r e e a b le A m erican t r i b e . Ho gum -chew ing s c h o o l g i r l or b lo w sy dame e v e r w ro te a n y th in g so f o o l i s h t h a t sh e c o u ld n o t c o u n t upon th e p u b lic com m endation o f J o a q u in M i l l e r . . . I c a n n o t f o r b e a r t o rem ind him o f h i s own amus i n g rebuke t o a la d y who a ff ir m e d n o t w e l l b u t to o warmly h e r p le a s u r e i n m e e tin g him: M u s t n ’ t t e l l l i e s - - g o to H e l l i f y o u d o . ’ 176 F i n a l l y i n d i s c r i m i n a t e p r a i s e was s e e n to o o f t e n i n th e c r i t i c i s m o f W. D. H o w e lls , th e ’’m e a n e s t, b e c a u se th e a b l e s t , o f a l l t h i s s y c o p h a n t ic c r e w .”17? of t h e s e c r i t i c s and r e v ie w e r s en m asse he w r o t e , " . . . i n a l l C h risten d om t h e r e are n o t 1 0 ,0 0 0 p e r s o n s q u a l i f i e d by b r a i n s , t a s t e , e d u c a t io n and r e f l e c t i o n to know a good book from a poor on e; and n o t 100 o f them w r i t e r e v i e w s . ”178 The d e f i c i e n c i e s s a t i r i z e d by B ie r e e among th e c r i t i c s o f m u s ic , p a i n t i n g , and s c u lp t u r e w ere ab ou t th e same a s t h o s e s a t i r i z e d among th e l i t e r a r y c r i t i c s , d i s h o n e s t y and in c o m p e te n c e . The p ru d ery t h a t dom in ated t h e i r c r i t i c i s m o f nudes was a form o f d i s h o n e s t y , w h ile one o f t h e g r o s s e s t and m ost c o n te m p tib le form s o f d i s h o n e s t y was p r a c t i c e d by th e c r i t i c s who p r a is e d t h e a r t i s t t h a t w ou ld f a v o r them w i t h a com p lim en tary g i f t o f one o f h i s works o f a r t . D i s h o n e s t , t o o , were th e c r i t i c s who, f o r t h e i r b e l l y ’ s s a k e , w ro te f a v o r a b le c r i t i c i s m s to h e lp t h e ’’a r t i s t s ” s e l l t h e i r p i c t u r e s , o r e n co u ra g ed " p r o m isin g ” yo u n g a r t i s t s 176 rtjiore abou t The Man w it h th e H o e ,” J3»F.Ex. , June 4 , 1 8 9 9 . 177 n p r a t t l e , ” _ S .F .E x ., June 3 , 1 8 8 8 . 17 8 I b i d . , O ct. 4 , 1 8 9 6 . 215 "by in d u c in g a p a tr o n ’who can a f f o r d i t ’ to buy th e e v id e n c e s o f th e s t r u g g l e r ' s s t r u g g l e ; ” i t was mere l y i n g . Among th e a r t c r i t i c s whom B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d as in c o m p e te n t w ere John S . H i t t e l l , a San F r a n c is c a n a r t c r i t i e , a s w e l l a s h i s t o r i a n ; some unnamed w r i t e r i n The n a t i o n who s a i d t h a t B e e t h o v e n 's s o n a t a s c o n t a i n more good id e a s th a n S c h u b e r t 's { " th e r e a r e no i d e a s i n m u s ic . I t h a s no i n t e l l e c t u a l c h a r a c t e r b u t i s p u r e ly e m o t i o n a l." ) ; and John R u sk in , whom he b e l i t t l e d f o r h i s " p ro fo u n d ly sh a llo w " t e s t o f e x c e l l e n c e i n s c u l p t u r e : n a m ely , " I f a work c r e a t e s i n th e mind o f th e s p e c t a t o r a d e s i r e t o s e e th e r e a l i t y i t r e p r e s e n t s , i t i s a good w ork ." S a id B ie r e e i r o n i c a l l y , "I su p p o se th e t e s t o f th e e x c e l l e n c e o f th e L aocoon i s w h eth er th e s i g h t o f t h a t work f i l l s one w it h the d e s i r e to s e e a l i v i n g man and two c h i ld r e n s q u e e z e d t o d e a th by two s n a k e s . "179 The f a c t t h a t B ie r e e u s u a l l y h e ld to th e p r i n c i p l e o f f l a y in g t h e f o o l o r th e v i l l a i n , n o t h i s a b s t r a c t f o l l y o r v i c e , p e r haps a c c o u n t s f o r th e s l i g h t amount o f s a t i r e penned by him a g a i n s t th e in a n im a te m a g a zin es t h e m s e lv e s . H is c r i t i c i s m s o f th e mag a z in e s w ere h i s c r i t i c i s m s o f t h e i r e d i t o r s and c o n t r i b u t o r s , and u s u a l l y a h i t a t a m agazin e somehow managed t o be a h i t a t an e d i t o r . Once e a r l y i n h i s c a r e e r B ie r e e r i d i c u l e d "The E d i t o r ’ s Drawer" o f H a r p e r 's f o r th e a n t i q u i t y and m u s tin e s s o f i t s a n e c d o t e s . There w ere s e v e r a l o b liq u e s h o t s a t The L a d i e s ’ Home 179 "Q -rizzly P a p e r s ," # 3 , The O verlan d M o n th ly , 6 : 2 8 5 , M arch, 1 8 7 1 . 216 J o u r n a l, one o f w h ic h was a d o u b le p o in te d l i t t l e s t o r y o f how Bole a sk ed R i l e y to w r i t e him some p o e tr y w ith p l e n t y o f lo v e in i t . R i l e y , u n a b le t o th in k o f a n y t h in g , c o m p lie d by b r e a k in g one o f Bok*s o ld e d i t o r i a l s in t o s h o r t l i n e s t h a t b egan w ith C a p it a l s and a t a d i s t a n c e lo o k e d l i k e p o e t r y . H ow ever, Bok p u b lis h e d i t w it h some m i s g i v in g s ; f o r th o u g h he fo u n d h ig h 1 m e r it i n th e rhythm and rim e o f th e "poem," th e " v e r s e s , ” he d e c la r e d , were d e v o id o f c o n t e n t . 180 A h a l f d ozen t im e s or so B ie r e e r i d i c u l e d The O v erlan d M onthly f o r i t s i n s i p i d p o e tr y and g e n e r a l d e a d n e s s . When a c o n t r o l l i n g i n t e r e s t i n th e paper was p u rc h a sed by R o u n s e v e lle Wlldman i n 1 8 9 4 , B ie r c e e x p r e s s e d a d o u b t f u l hope t h a t a l i v e p ap er c o u ld be made o u t o f "The W arm edoverland M onthly— o th e r w is e known, from th e number o f S h in n s t h a t i t s u p p o r t s , a s The S u p in e C e n t ip e d e ;" and he ch a r a c t e r i z e d i t s c o n t r i b u t o r s a s t h e h e a d l e s s horsem en o f th e B e r k e le y h ip pod rom e, th e f i n g e r c o u n t in g f e m i n i n n i e s , th e fa d d e r s fa d d in g on t h e i r f a d s , th e m i l k - a n d - m o r a l i t e r s , and th e o t h e r l i t e r a r y c a n a i l l e who f o r many y e a r s , a t i t s e x p e n s e , have b een s m o th e r in g t h e i r n e e d l e s s k id n e y s w i t h a eir cu m b e se tm e n t o f f o l i a t e d f a t . . . . I f Mr. Wildman ea n make a m agazine o u t o f th e O verland he s h o u ld be r i g o r o u s l y e x c lu d e d from th e c e m e t e r i e s , f o r he can r a i s e th e d e a d .181 180 n u n ele Bed on S c i e n t i s t s . By L i t t l e Joh n n y," le w York A m erica n , l o v . 1 3 , 1 9 0 4 . 181 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , A p r il 8 , 1 8 9 4 . 2X7 I n g e n e r a l he r a t e d A m erican m a g a zin es a s i n f e r i o r i n q u a l i t y to th e London m a g a z in e s , d e f i n e d th e a v e r a g e e d i t o r ’ s " sta n d a rd o f l i t e r a r y e x c e l l e n c e ” a s ”a m a tt r e s s and a p a i r o f b l a n k e t s , ” and e n d o r se d h e a r t l y th e s e n tim e n t o f a f r i e n d who w r o te , fh e A m erican m agazin e i s what i s th e m a tte r w it h A m erican l i t e r a t u r e . A l l our l i t e r a t u r e i s f i l t e r e d th r o u g h th e e m a s c u la te d m inds o f ab ou t s i x f o o l s . I f we c o u ld o n ly have an e r a o f in d e p e n d e n t p a m p h le te e r in g we m ig h t have some l i t e r a t u r e to b o a s t o f . . . I t i s a p i t y th e y [ th e p e r i o d i c a l s ] have s u p p la n t e d b o o k s, ffhen I was i n s h o r t f r o c k s , w it h th e s w e e t e s t l i t t l e draw ers sh o w in g b e n e a th , I u s e d to read th e m a g a z in e s ; b u t I have g o t b r a v e ly o v e r t h a t . . .1 8 2 Some s a t i r e a l s o was a p p a r e n tly d e s e r v e d , and c e r t a i n l y r e c e i v e d , by th e r e l i g i o u s p e r i o d i c a l s , w h ich w ere f i l l e d w it h ”a b e w ild e r i n g s u c c e s s i o n o f i n a n i t i e s ” and w h ich w ere s im p e r in g , w i t l e s s , h u m o r le ss, and s e n s e l e s s — so p o o r ly w r i t t e n , i n f a c t , s a i d B i e r c e , t h a t a n y th in g good i n them had b een l i f t e d from a s e c u l a r s o u r c e : f a l k a b ou t th e v e n a l gam bols o f a f a t s t e e r , th e prance o f a b u n io n - tr o u b le d h ip p op otam u s, th e a i r y w h e e l o f a s o a r i n g g a n d e r , th e r i p p l e and t o s s o f a s e a o f mud! Com p ared w it h th e e d i t o r i a l g y m n a s tic s o f th e r e l i g i o u s p r e s s , t h e s e a r e g r a c e , and s p i r i t , and v i v a c i t y c o m b in e d .183 fh e a t t a c k s o f t h e s e p e r i o d i c a l s upon s i n w ere a s weak and i n e f f e c t u a l a s "th e ta p o f a w o o d p e c k e r 's beak upon an a n v i l , " p a r t l y b e c a u se th e y a v o id e d b e in g to o p a r t i c u l a r w ith s i n f o r " f e a r o f e x h i b i t i n g a to o g r e a t f a m i l i a r i t y w it h t h e i r s u b j e c t ." 1 8 3 I b i d . , Aug. 2 0 , 1 8 9 3 . B u g g e ts and L u s t, p . 1 2 5 . 218 The a d m o n itio n s o f "th e g o s p e l e r s o f t h e r e l i g i o u s w e e k lie s " w ere g e n e r a l , th e la n g u a g e was f i g u r a t i v e , th e a d v ic e was im p r a c t i c a l , th e c o n c e p t o f C h r i s t i a n i t y was narrow , th e c o n t e n t was a lu d ic r o u s c o m b in a tio n o f th e im p o r ta n t and th e t r i v i a l . 184 I n th e la r g e f i e l d o f c r e a t i v e a r t B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m e x te n d e d beyond p o e t r y , f i c t i o n , c r i t i c s , and p e r i o d i c a l s t o in c lu d e p e r fo r m e r s on th e s t a g e , l o c a l p a i n t e r s , s c u l p t o r s , and a r c h i t e c t s . On th e s t a g e he r i d i e u l e d Lawrenee B a r r e t t ("L arry B rannigan" i n t h e a t r i c a l c i r c l e s ) f o r e x h i b i t i o n a r y , a f f e c t e d , m e c h a n ic a l a c t i n g ; 185 an^ s a l v i n i , h ig h ly p r a is e d by th e t h e a t r e c r i t i c s , he la u g h e d a t f o r e x h i b i t i o n i s m , g r a n d io s e g e s t u r e s , p o s in g , o v e r a c t i n g , and d e c l a m a t i o n .I ®8 S ta g e em inence i n t h o s e d a ys was " a t t a i n e d . . . by d i l i g e n t c u l t i v a t i o n o f c o n g e n i t a l i d i o c y . "187 M oreover a c t o r s and a c t r e s s e s w ere n o t m o r a lly r e s p e c t a b l e , and The g l o r i f i c a t i o n o f th e w o r ld ’ s h ig h e r h a r lo t a g e i s one o f th e g r e a t c o n t i n e n t a l f a c t s t h a t no i n g e n u i t y , no s o p h i s t r y , no s u b l i m it y o f l y i n g ca n c ir c u m n a v ig a t e . I t marks a c i v i l i z a t i o n t h a t i s r ip e and r o t t e n . I t c h a r a c t e r i z e s an age t h a t has l o s t th e landm arks o f r i g h t r e a s o n . T hese a c t o r s and a c t r e s s e s o f u n t id y l i v e s — th e y r e e k a u d ib ly . We sh o u ld n o t sp ea k o f g o in g to s e e them ; ’I am g o in g to s m e ll M iss M olocha M ontflumm ery i n ’ J u l i e t ’ — t h a t w ould a d e q u a te ly d e s c r i b e th e m oral s i t u a t i o n . B r a in s and h e a r t s t h e s e p e r s o n s have n on e; th e y are d e s t i t u t e o f m an n ers, m o d e sty , and s e n s e . 184 p o r r e p r e s e n t a t i v e p i e c e s o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e upon t h e s e p e r i o d i c a l s s e e The F ie n d ’ s D e l i g h t , 1 1 8 f . , 1 4 0 f . ; F u g g e ts and D u st, 1 0 9 f . , 1 1 7 f , 124T r~!tP r a ft'le ,7r"fEe~lTasp, S e p t . 1 6 ,'iS S E : 185 ”B r a t t l e ," The Wasp, F o v . 1 3 , 1 8 8 3 . 186 l b * * * . F eb . 1 3 , 1 8 8 6 . 187 " B r a t t le ," S_.F.Ex. , D ec. 2 0 , 1 8 9 0 . 219 The s i g h t o f t h e i r p a in t e d f a c e s , th e memory o f t h e i r h o r r i b l e s l a n g , t h e i r s im ia n c l e v e r n e s s , t h e i r v u lg a r wa l i a s e s , " t h e i r d i s s o l u t e l i v e s , h a l f e m o tio n and h a l f w in e — t h e s e a r e a s i g k n e s s to any c l e a n l y s o u l . 188 I t was a s im p o s s ib le f o r a c t o r s t o be g e n tle m e n , o r a c t r e s s e s to be t r u l y gen tlew om en a s f o r t o a d s to be humming b i r d s . ^ 88 B i e r c e f s s a t i r e upon a r t i s t s was u s u a l l y c o n f in e d to t h o s e o f th e Bay R e g io n , and he r i d i e u l e d them m a in ly f o r p oor a r t , bu t a l s o f o r c o m m ercia lism and d i s h o n e s t y . On t h i s l a t t e r s c o r e he to o k t o t a s k a Mr. B enn y, s u g g e s t i n g t h a t he s t o l e th e i d e a s f o r h i s p i c t u r e s ; and he a t t a c k e d W illia m K e it h f o r n o t b e in g s a t i s f i e d w i t h th e $ 1 0 ,0 0 0 t h a t he r e c e i v e d a t a u c t i o n f o r "a few hundred" p a i n t i n g s t h a t "were from th e w a s te dump o f h i s v a r io u s s t u d i o s . "190 g e r i d i c u l e d "p i c t u r e - p i r a c y , " a r t i s t i c p o t - b o i l i n g , " a r t s a l e s , " and sham a r t , a l l r e p r e s e n t i n g v a r io u s t y p e s o f d i s h o n e s t y , a s d id th e sy c o p h a n c y o f p o r t r a i t p a i n t e r s to t h e i r s u b j e c t s , th e a tte m p ts o f a r t i s t s to s e l l t h e i r w a res on b a s e s o t h e r th a n t h a t o f m e r it , and th e c r i t i c i s m s o f th e "m utual a d m ir a tio n s o c i e t y , " t h e m em bership o f w h ic h was made up o f new spap er a r t c r i t i c s and th e a r t i s t s t h e m s e lv e s , bound t o g e t h e r i n "the i n t e r e s t o f t h e i r b a ck s and 1 8 8 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 9 : 1 7 7 f . 189 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , March 1 5 , 1891; a l s o "To E le v a t e t h e S t a g e ," C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 9 : 3 7 6 - 8 . 1 9 ° " P r a t t l e ," The Wasp, O ct. 1 2 , 1 8 8 2 . sto m a c h s ." He once summed up th e d is h o n e s t y o f C a l i f o r n i a a r t i s t s by s a y i n g t h a t i t c o n s i s t e d i n d o in g l e s s th a n t h e i r b e s t , i n s e e k i n g t o g a in a c c e p ta n c e by f a v o r a b le p u b l i c i t y and c r i t i c i s m r a t h e r th an by m e r it , and i n s e l l i n g t h e i r i n f e r i o r s t u f f , w h ieh was w o r t h l e s s , a s w e l l a s t h e i r b e s t.3 -9^ A r t i s t s who d id s u c h t h i n g s w ere d i s h o n e s t , and B ie r e e d i s c o u r a g e d them w i t h s a t i r i c p u b l i c i t y . P e r p e t r a t o r s o f bad a r t he a l s o d is c o u r a g e d w ith g e n e r a l and s p e c i f i c s a t i r e . The g e n e r a l c h a r g e s a g a i n s t th e p a i n t e r s w e r e , (1 ) They do n o t know a n y th in g ; (2 ) th e y do n o t s e e an y t h in g ; (3 ) th e y do n o t f e e l a n y t h i n g .19^ K e it h , a lr e a d y men t i o n e d a s d i s h o n e s t , was a l s o g u i l t y o f s l o p p y , c a r e l e s s w ork. The ch a rg e a g a i n s t Mr. Sam uel B r o o k e s, p a i n t e r o f " b e a s t o g r a p h s , " f i s h s c a p e s ," and nv e g e t r a i t s , " was t h a t he ". . • c o u n ts th e s c a l e s upon a f i s h , l e a v e s none o u t and i s h a p p y ."193 V i l i a m Van z a n d t , p a i n t e r o f cows and h o r s e s , p a r t i c u l a r l y o f Mr. S ta n fo r d * s r a c e h o r s e s , evok ed r i d i c u l e , a s d i d a Mr. Swan ("a J u s t l y c e l e b r a t e d s i g n p a i n t e r who d i s p u t e s w i t h C a rl Browne t h e honor o f h a v in g in v e n t e d th e s i x - l e g g e d h o r s e " ) , a M iss L otz Thomas H i l l , H orton B u sh , and L a y to n T h iq u e. Of t h i s group 191 n p r a t t l e ," S . F . l x . , May 1 5 , 1 8 8 7 . 1 9 2 L oc. c i t . 193 j b i d . , J u ly 2 4 , 1 8 8 7 . 221 C a r l B r o w n e , w ho l a t e r b e c a m e a l a b o r r a c k e t e e r , w a s p r o b a b l y h a n d le d as r o u g h ly as a n y , and th e h a r r o w in g o f him d e l i g h t e d t h e h e a r t o f B i e r c e ; • . . M r. B r o w n e a d o r n s e v e r y t h i n g t h a t h e t o u c h e s , p a r t i c u l a r l y i f i t i s w h i t e ; h e l e a v e s n o t h i n g a s he f i n d s i t , u n l e s s i t i s v e r y h e a v y i n d e e d . B e f o r e h i s t i m e a r t k n ew n o t h i n g o f t h e r e v e r s i b l e l a n d s c a p e , t h e f i v e - l e g g e d c o w , t h e s t r e a m w h i c h r u n s u p h i l l a n d t h e h o u s e w h i c h h a s h a d i t s h a i r c u t . . . Mr, B row n e's p e r s p e c t i v e has b e e n h ig h ly e x t o l l e d . . . b u t i t i s i n h i s c o l o r i n g t h a t he comes o u t r e a l l y s t r o n g , l o t h i n g c o u ld be f i n e r th a n t h e s u b t l e h arm on ies w h ic h he p r o d u ce s w it h a a r s e n i c - g r e e n sky b r o o d in g upon a carm ine f o r e s t , beyond w h ich a y e ll o w s e a r i s e s s t e e p l y to th e h o r iz o n , b e a r in g two or t h r e e b lu e s h i p s — a f a v o r i t e su b j e c t w h ic h he h as now th e s k i l l to p a i n t w it h h i s e y e s s h u t . . . B ut t h i s a r t i s t ' s g r e a t e s t work i s d o u b t le s s h i s panorama o f H a m le t's " S o lilo q u y " i n w h ic h th e s p e c t a t o r s t a n d s i n th e m id d le o f H am let and s e e s th e s o l i l o q u y r e t i r i n g by t h e c o u n tr y r o a d s tow ard a l l t h e p o i n t s o f th e co m p a ss, th o r o u g h ly b e a te n and su b d u ed , f h i s p a i n t i n g was a t one tim e e x h i b i t e d a s " th e B a t t l e o f G e tty s b u r y ," and was h ig h ly commended i n a r t e i r e l e s i n C a l i s t o g a . A fte r w a r d i t was shown a s " P en elo p e a t H er Loom," and i s now, I b e l i e v e , a t t r a c t i n g c o n s i d e r a b l e a t t e n t i o n i n th e E a s t a s " th e P e t r i f i e d F o r e s t . "194 C h a r le s U a h l's m u rals i n th e S t a t e C a p i t o l , d e p i c t i n g th e s p i r i t o f ' 4 9 , w ere c h a r a c t e r i z e d a s " a s in in e ; " th e c i v i l i a n a r t i s t s who e v o lv e d war s c e n e s o u t o f t h e i r " in n e r c o n s c io u s n e s s " w ere g u i l t y o f " i n e x p r e s s i b l e s t u p i d i t y ; " so w ere th e a r t i s t s who d e p i c t e d as o l d men th e s o l d i e r s o f th e R e v o lu tio n a r y War; and s o w as th e p a i n t e r ( o r p a i n t e r s ) o f t h e panoram as o f V ic k sb u r g 194 i b i d , , J a n . 1 2 , 1890 £22 an<i M is s io n a r y R id g e , w h ic h w orks f a i l e d to produce an i l l u s i o n , la c k e d t r u t h and im a g in a t io n , w ere f a u l t y i n c o l o r i n g , d e f i e d th e la w s o f p e r s p e c t i v e , ig n o r e d h i s t o r i c a l f a c t s and m i l i t a r y s c i e n c e , and w i t h a l were " d e s t i t u t e o f e x c e l l e n c e . " I ®5 in d e e d , had a r t was so much th e r u l e t h a t a t th e San F r a n c is c o A rt A s s o c i a t i o n E x h ib it o f 1886 B ie r c e c o u ld f i n d o n ly one p i c t u r e n o t d e s e r v in g o f r i d i c u l e — a p i c t u r e o f " s e v e r a l c a d a v e r s . . . ta k e n o u t o f p i c k l e i n o r d e r t o d ry b e f o r e g o in g on t h e t a b l e . " Among th e p o r t r a i t p a i n t e r s bad a r t was i n e v i t a b l e , n o t o n ly b e c a u se o f t h e i r sy c o p h a n c y , b u t b e c a u s e , i n s t e a d o f t r y i n g t o p a in t a s u b j e c t a s he w a s, th e y d e l i b e r a t e l y t r i e d "to make a work o f a r t by s u f f u s i n g i t w it h im a g in a t io n ," a t t e m p t in g to p u t " in t o th e man’s p o r t r a i t s o m e th in g o f th e man’ s c h a r a c t e r : ’’ Y our " tr u ly " a r t i s t n e v e r t r i e s to p a in t h i s s u b j e c t a s he i s ; t h a t w ou ld n o t be a r t — th e p a i n t e r w i l l t e l l y o u s o , and y o u a r e to b e l i e v e him . What he t r i e s to do i s t o p a i n t him a s he s h o u ld b e—*as he w ou ld be i f n a tu r e had made h i s f a c e conform to h i s c h a r a c t e r a s th e p a i n t e r u n d e r s ta n d s i t . As no two p a i n t e r s u n d e r s ta n d t h a t th e same w ay, and no one u n d e r s ta n d s i t a r i g h t , no two p o r t r a i t s a re a l i k e and no one i s c o r r e c t . F or abundant c o n f ir m a t io n o f t h i s compare th e v a r io u s p o r t r a i t s o f W a sh in g to n , f o r ex a m p le. I f a f t e r c a r e f u l e x a m in a tio n any o b s e r v e r ea n know how t h i s much b e p a in te d and b e e h i s e l e d p e r so n r e a l l y lo o k e d he may J u s t ly b o a s t h i m s e l f g i f t e d w it h a s p i r i t u a l i n s i g h t u n a f f e c t a b l e by im pudent a tte m p ts to c lo u d the t r u t h . F o r a work o f a r t one s i t s to a n . a r t i s t , n a t u r a l l y ; f o r a l i k e n e s s — t h a t i s a n o th e r m a t t e r . 196 19 5 !*>*&♦ . 2 4 » 1887 ; Aug. 2 8 , 1887 196 I b i d . , E ov. 1 3 , 1 8 9 2 . 223 As t o a r t c r i t i c s and c o n n o i s s e u r s , he had an a lm o st h e a r ty la u g h f o r t h o s e who Judged p i c t u r e s , n o t by how th e y lo o k e d , h u t hy "an i n v i s i b l e sta n d a r d " o f " g e n u in e n e s s ;" a c c o r d in g t o t h a t s ta n d a r d a p i c t u r e m igh t he e i t h e r b e t t e r o r w orse th an i t lo o k e d , a s B i l l Hye s a i d o f W agner’ s m u sie , t h a t i t was b e t t e r th a n i t so u n d ed . 197 i n th e f i e l d o f mag a z in e a r t work B ie r c e a b om in ated th e h a l f - t o n e s and w ashed d r a w in g s . Phe b o r d e r s , b a c k g r o u n d s, f r i l l s , b ack grou n d s beyond b o r d e r s , and g e n e r a l g in g e r - b r e a d work w ere i r r e l e v a n t ; th e bad d ra w in g had become c a r i c a t u r e ; and th e p i c t u r e s t h e m s e lv e s had "no c o n n e c t io n w it h th e t e x t " b u t e x i s t e d " l i k e c h a s t i t y and h ig h e r m a th e m a tic s, f o r t h e i r own s a k e . " 1 9 8 Q a r t o o n s , he m ain t a i n e d , s h o u ld n o t r e p r e s e n t t h e i r s u b j e c t s a s h a t e f u l , o f f e n s i v e , o r lo a th e s o m e , b u t s h o u ld r e p r e s e n t them a s r i d i c u l o u s o r a b su rd ; t h a t i s p i c t o r i a l c r i t i c i s m s h o u ld n o t be a b u s i v e , b u t s a t i r i c , 199 a p r i n c i p l e t h a t he h e ld f o r h i m s e l f i n h i s w r i t t e n c r i t i c i s m o f p e o p le . B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r i c comments on s c u lp t u r e and a r c h i t e c t u r e a r e s c a r c e . He d e p lo r e d th e " s e v e r a l hundred" " e x c e e d in g ly h id e o u s" s t a t u e s a t G e tty sb u r g (had th e y b een e r e c t e d b e fo r e 197 I b i d . , l o v . 1 8 , 1894; " fh e P a s s in g Show," S . P . E s . , S e p t . 1 7 , 1W 9T 19 8 " P r a t t l e ," JUJT.Jlx. , May 2 1 , 1 8 9 3 . 199 ttfjike p a s s i n g Show," C o sm o p o lita n , May, 1 9 0 6 . 224 th e b a t t l e t h e y w ou ld have s c a r e d t h e C o n fe d e r a te s back a c r o s s th e P otom ac); and he lo o k e d a sk a n ce a t s e t t e r s - u p o f monuments, d e c l a r i n g t h a t "(She d e s i r a b i l i t y o f monuments and s t a t u e s d e pend s a g r e a t d e a l more on th e p e r so n t h a t makes them th a n on th e p e r s o n t h a t th e y c e l e b r a t e . . . " 2 °° Among th e a r c h i t e c t s he la u g h ed a t one Shea f o r th e to w er he d e s ig n e d o f th e San F r a n e is c o C it y H a l l , d id th e same f o r th e unnamed d e s ig n e r o f t h e O akland F r e e L ib r a r y , and r i d i c u l e d th e a r c h i t e c t o f a new c h u r c h i n S acram en to, w h ic h ch u r c h , to p p e d w i t h a s q u a t t y , g r a c e l e s s dome, was so s y m m e tr ic a l t h a t one e n t e r i n g th e b u i l d i n g w ou ld f e e l h i s h a ir ough t to be p a r te d i n th e m id d le . 2 0 1 I n h i s s a t i r i c a t t a c k s upon c r i t i c s , e d i t o r s , s t a g e p er fo r m e r s , a r t i s t s , s c u l p t o r s , and a r c h i t e c t s , a s i n h i s a t t a c k s upon j o u r n a l i s t s , p o e t s , and f i c t i o n w r i t e r s , Ambrose B ie r c e show ed a c o n s t a n t c o n c er n f o r p e r s o n a l and a r t i s t i e i n t e g r i t y , f o r c o u r a g eo u s p r e s e n t a t i o n o f th e t r u t h , and f o r h i g h - c l a s s w orkm anship. He was c o n s i s t e n t i n h i s h a t r e d o f ig n o r a n c e , c a n t , v u l g a r i t y , m e d i o c r it y , h y p o c r is y , bad t a s t e , and u n w o rth . He was n e v e r v a r y in g i n h i s i n s i s t e n c e upon c o n fo r m ity to s t a n d a r d s , 2 0 0 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , Ja n . 3 1 , 1 8 9 7 . 2 0 1 I b i d . , U ov. 2 5 , 1 8 8 8 . 225 a t r a i t o f immense v i r t u e when th e s ta n d a r d s h e ld up w ere tr u e o n e s , a s th e y g e n e r a l ly w e r e , and one o f w eak n ess when th e s ta n d a r d s w ere f a u l t y o r w hen, i n h i s d e t a i l e d , e x c e s s i v e i n s i s t e n c e upon m a tte r s o f form , th e s ta n d a r d s seem ed t o "become an end i n t h e m s e lv e s . CHAPTER IV CAPITALISTS AND UNIONISTS I t h a s b e e n shown i n P a rt I I , C h a p ters I and I I , t h a t Ambrose B i e r c e ’ s q u a r r e ls w ere b r o a d ly w it h two g r e a t c l a s s e s , th e i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t s and th e m oral d e l i n q u e n t s , e a c h o f w h ic h i s com posed t o v a r io u s t y p e s . C h apter I I I h a s su r v e y e d th e a t t a c k s o f th e s a t i r i s t a g a i n s t b o th th e i n t e l l e c t u a l and m oral d e lin q u e n t s i n th e l a r g e f i e l d o f jo u r n a lis m , l i t e r a t u r e , and th e f i n e a r t s . Now we a r r i v e a t h i s s a t i r i c w ork in th e f i e l d o f b u s in e s s and l a b o r . B i e r c e ’ s d is e s t e e m o f a v a r ic e and h o g g is h m a t e r ia lis m h a s a lr e a d y b een n o te d i n c o n s i d e r in g h i s c o n c e p t o f and h a tr e d f o r v u l g a r i t y . 1 W ealth to him was n o t u n d e s ir a b le so lo n g as i t rem ained a means to th e end o f s e l f - r e a l i z a t i o n , t o th e end o f c u l t i v a t i n g t h e l a r g e , g o o d , and d i s c r im i n a t i n g i n d i v i d u a l , and so lo n g a s I t was n o t u sed a s a means o f i n f r i n g i n g upon th e r i g h t s o f o t h e r s . B ut a s an end i t s e l f i t was o f no i n t e r e s t to him . I n a round t a b l e d i s c u s s i o n i n 1906 among R ob ert H u n te r , M orris H i l l q u i t , and Ambrose B i e r c e , th e f o l l o w i n g b i t o f c o n v e r s a t i o n o c c u r r e d , a f t e r B i e r c e had e n u n c ia te d and d e fen d e d th e p r o p o s i t i o n t h a t , In s p i t e o f numerous e x c e p t i o n s on b o th s i d e s , t h e r e i s a p o s i t i v e c o r r e l a t i o n b e tw e en w e a l t h and b r a i n s , on th e one han d , and p o v e r ty and no b r a i n s , on t h e o t h e r 1 V id e s u p r a ., pp. 1 2 0 -1 2 3 . 227 HUNTER: Mr. B i e r c e , I g a th e r from y o u r g r e y h a i r s t h a t you a r e a con tem p o rary o f John D. R o c k e f e l l e r . BIERCE: Y e s, s i r . HUNTER: And I sh o u ld sa y you a r e on a par w it h him in c l e v e r n e s s . BIERCE: I t h in k him a damn f o o l i n some w ays. HUNTER: And y e t by some le g e r d e m a in he h a s managed to g e t i n h i s l i f e t i m e a b i l l i o n d o l l a r s . BIERCE: Do you t h in k I c o u l d n 't do t h a t ? Why, I s e e a th ou san d o p p o r t u n i t i e s around me a l l th e tim e f o r m aking money. I m ight be w i l l i n g to ta k e th e t r o u b l e , b u t I d o n 't want th e m on ey.2 ‘ B i e r c e ' s w h ole c a r e e r , w it h th e p o s s i b l e e x c e p t i o n o f h i s B la c k H i l l s m in in g v e n tu r e i n 1 8 8 0 , t e s t i f i e s t h a t t h i s was a s i n c e r e s ta t e m e n t o f h i s a t t i t u d e toward w e a lth . I f he had s u f f i c i e n t incom e t o s u p p ly h i s m oderate w ants and g i v e him a r e a s o n a b le m easure o f s e c u r i t y , he was s a t i s f i e d . H avin g t h i s s o r t o f p h ilo s o p h y , b e in g Imbued w it h a s t r o n g s e n s e o f i n d i v i d u a l r i g h t s , and p o s s e s s i n g a k een and z e a lo u s c r i t i c a l s e n s e , I t i s n a t u r a l t h a t he s h o u ld h ave b een p e r s i s t e n t and v ig o r o u s in h i s s a t i r i c a s s a u l t s upon th e r i c h men or c a p i t a l i s t s who v i o l a t e d th e r i g h t s o f o t h e r p e o p le . I t i s n a t u r a l to o t h a t , c o n v e r s e l y , h e sh o u ld r e s e n t v i o l a t i o n s by la b o r o f th e p r o p e r ty , b u s i n e s s , o r management r i g h t s o f c a p i t a l . N a t u r a l l y , m ost o f th e o f f e n d i n g c a p i t a l i s t s and u n i o n i s t s w ere m oral r a t h e r th an i n t e l l e c t u a l d e l in q u e n t s . 2 ’’The S o c i a l U n rest,'" C o sm o p o lita n , J u ly 7 , 1906. 228 The d i s h o n e s t i n d u s t r i a l i s t s and b u s i n e s s men, la r g e and s m a ll, w ere l e g i o n , and th e y w ere a l l t h i e v e s ; t h e y a l l f e l l i n one o r more o f t h r e e c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s : ( 1 ) t h o s e who so u g h t c o m p e t i t i v e a d v a n ta g e o r s p e c i a l p r i v i l e g e s by l e g a l m ethods; ( 2 } t h o s e who t r i e d to make money by t h e f t , m onopoly, e x o r b i t a n t c h a r g e s , i l l e g a l or u n e t h i c a l c o m b in a tio n s , s m a ll- t im e c h e a t i n g , l y i n g , and th e l i k e , ( i n c l u d i n g t h o s e who t r i e d to make money by g i v i n g p oor good s or s e r v i c e s to t h e i r p a t r o n s ) ; and ( 3 ) t h o s e who t r i e d to make money by u n d e rp a y in g t h e i r em p lo y ees or t a k in g a d v a n ta g e o f la b o r i n o th e r w ays. A s p e c i a l p r i v i l e g e so u g h t by l e g i s l a t i v e means was t h a t o f c h a r g in g more fo r an a r t i c l e o f tr a d e th an w o rld c o n d i t i o n s w ould j u s t i f y ; th e means by w h ic h th e p r i v i l e g e was g u a r a n te e d was t h e p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f , w h ich B i e r c e r eg a r d e d as a g e n e r a l ta x f o r th e b e n e f i t o f a m in o r it y g ro u p . P r o t e c t e d from f o r e i g n c o m p e t i t i o n , m a n u fa c tu r e r s o r p r o d u c e r s s o ld t h e i r p r o d u c ts a t u n j u s t i f i a b l y h ig h r a t e s , and by d is c o u r a g in g im p o r t a t i o n t h e y d e p r iv e d th e p e o p le a t la r g e o f l u x u r i e s and c o m fo r ts t h e y m ight o t h e r w is e e n j o y , a t th e same tim e l i m i t i n g t h e f o r e i g n m arket f o r t h e i r own s u r p lu s g o o d s .3 The p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f was a " s t r a ig h t fo r w a r d r o b b e r y ;” i t was n o t in te n d e d t o en c o u r a g e i n f a n t or m a rg in a l i n d u s t r i e s o r to b e n e f i t la b o r w it h h ig h e r w a g e s, a s i t s p r o p o n e n ts m a in ta in e d ; i t s p u rp o se was s o l e l y t o i n c r e a s e th e a lr e a d y e x c e s s i v e p r o f i t s o f p r o d u ce r s 3 "Ashes o f th e Beacon,®' C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 6 5 - 7 ; ”The Land Beyond th e B lo w ,” C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 181 - 6" . 229 op m a n u f a c tu r e r s . C o n seq u en tly B ie rc e s a t i r i z e d ’ th e p r o t e c t i o n i s t s i n g e n e r a l and p a r t i c u l a r . He s a t i r i z e d "The P r o te c ti v e League o f San F r a n c is c o ," a ls o known a s "One Thousand D e fen d e rs' o f A m erican I n d u s t r y ," f o r t h e i r p r e t e n s e , h y p o c r is y , and ly in g , f o r t h e i r muddled th in k in g ; f o r t h e i r r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n ; and f o r th e d is s e n s io n among t h e i r members who a l l wanted t h e i r own p ro d u c ts p r o te c te d and th o s e o f ev ery o n e e l s e f r e e . 1 * - P rom inent members o f t h i s group w ere John D. R o c k e f e lle r , Andrew C a rn e g ie , L eland S ta n f o r d , and th e S p re e k e ls b r o t h e r s . I n "The Land Beyond th e Blow" McKinley was s a t i r i z e d f o r h i s t a r i f f b i l l o f 1 8 9 0 , as w ere th e p e o p le o f th e c o u n try who a c c e p te d h i s a r g u m ents and e v e n tu a lly e le v a te d him to th e p re s id e n c y f o r h i s work in t h i s c a u s e . The fo llo w in g p a ra g ra p h s from t h i s S w if tia n h i s t o r i c a l n a r r a t i v e r e f e r r e s p e c t i v e l y to th e M cKinley and th e W ilson-Gorm an t a r i f f s o f 1890 and 189^ and in them , "Pragam" i s M cKinley: . . . e a r l y in th e p r e s e n t c e n tu r y a p o w e rfu l T o r t i r r a n demagogue named Pragam began to p ersu a d e th e p e o p le th a t commerce was p i r a c y - - t h a t t r u e p r o s p e r i t y c o n s is te d in co n sum ption o f dom estic p ro d u c ts and a b s t e n t i o n from f o r e ig n . T h is e x t r a o r d in a r y h e r e s y soon g a th e re d such head t h a t Pragam was a p p o in te d R egent and in v e s te d w ith a lm o st d i c t a t o r i a l pow ers. . .D eprived o f a m arket f o r t h e i r s u r p lu s p ro d u c ts and com pelled to fo re g o th e c o m fo rts and l u x u r ie s w hich th e y had o b ta in e d from a b ro a d , th e p eo p le began to murmur a t th e e f f e c t o f t h e i r own f o l l y . A r e a c t i o n s e t in , a p o w erfu l o p p o s itio n to Pragain and h i s p o lic y was o r g a n iz e d , and he was d r iv e n from power. ^ For some o f B i e r c e 's s a t i r e on th e L eague, se e " P r a t t l e " S .F .E x ., June 2k, 1888; J u ly 22, 1888; th e " L i t t l e Johnny" ite m s. I n tEe" S .F .E x ., J u ly 8 , 1888; J u ly 1 5 , 1888; and A u g ., 5 , 1888. 230 But th e n o x io u s t r e e t h a t Pragam had p la n t e d i n th e f a i r g a r d e n o f h i s c o u n t r y ’ s p r o s p e r i t y had s t r u c k r o o t to o d e e p ly t o be a l t o g e t h e r e r a d i c a t e d . I t threw up s h o o t s e v e r y w h e r e , and no s o o n e r was one c u t down th a n from r o o t s u n d erru n n in g th e w h ole dom ain o f p o l i t i c a l th o u g h t o t h e r s sp ra n g up w it h a v ig o r o u s and b a l e f u l g row th . W h ile th e d ic tu m th&t tr a d e i s p ir a c y no lo n g e r commands u n i v e r s a l a c c e p t a n c e , a m a jo r it y o f th e p o p u la c e s t i l l h o ld a m o d ifie d form o f i t , and t h a t ^ im p o r ta tio n i s t h e f t 5 * ' i s t o - d a y a c a r d i n a l p o l i t i c a l ‘ " p r in c ip le * ' o f a v a s t body o f T o r t i r r a ' s p e o p l e . 5 T y p ic a l o f th e p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f a d v o c a t e s , i n t h e mind o f B i e r c e , w ere th e F resn o g ra p e g r o w e r s , L eiand S t a n f o r d , C lau s S p r e c k e ls , and A dolph S p r e c k e ls . The g ra p e g ro w ers w ere a g i t a t i n g f o r a t a r i f f t h a t w ould e x c lu d e th e Z an te c u r r a n t o f G r e e c e , make th e p e o p le h e r e e a t what th e y d id n o t want t o e a t , a n d , i n c i d e n t a l l y k e e p th e g r a p e -g r o w e r s c o m fo r ta b ly i n b u s i n e s s . L eland S ta n fo r d denounced F ren ch w in e s and w ish ed to e x c lu d e them from th e c o u n t r y - - s i n c e he was a v i t i c u l t u r i s t a s w e l l as a r a il r o a d b a r o n . The S p r e c k e ls b r o t h e r s demanded p r o t e c t i o n f o r su g a r i n t h e M cK inley T a r i f f o f 1 8 9 0 , f a i l e d to g e t i t , and p r e te n d e d t h a t th e su g a r m a n u fa c tu r e r s w ere b e in g d r iv e n i n t o b a n k r u p tcy . B ie r c e resp o n d ed to t h i s p l e a by c i t i n g company s t a t i s t i c s to show t h a t th e b r o t h e r s ' su g a r company was r e a l i z i n g a n e t p r o f i t o f $ 2 6 2 5 a day. Four y e a r s l a t e r A d olp h S p r e c k e ls was a r g u in g f o r a o n e - c e n t a d d i t i o n i n p r o t e c t i o n on th e ground s t h a t th e a v e r a g e p e r s o n consum es o n ly ab ou t s i x t y pounds o f su g a r a y e a r and t h a t t h e r e f o r e th e in c r e a s e would be f e l t by no on e. I t was a c a s e o f a s k in g f o r a lm s, s a i d B i e r c e , who th e n announced th e 5 "The Land Beyond th e Blow,*' C o l l e c t e d W orks, l : l 8 2 f . 231 f a c t t h a t C la u s S p r e c k e ls had r e c e n t l y w r i t t e n a c h e c k f o r o n e - a n d - a - h a l f m i l l i o n d o l l a r s (w h ic h was c a s h e d ) and s u g g e s te d t h a t , s i n c e h i s su g a r b u s in e s s th r o v e so by r e a s o n o f ,fp r o t e c - t i o n , " h e had b e t t e r w r it e a c h e c k to th e c o n s c ie n c e fund o f th e U n ite d S t a t e s T r e a su r y . W orse th a n th e l e g a l i z e d p r o t e c t i o n i t s e l f w ere th e c o r r u p t p r a c t i c e s by w h ic h i t , and o t h e r s p e c i a l g o v e rn m e n ta l f a v o r s , w ere o b t a in e d . B r ib e r y and a l l s o r t s o f p o l i t i c a l c h ic a n e r y w ere p r a c t i c e d by b i g b u s i n e s s , e s p e c i a l l y by th e h ea d s o f th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c r a i l r o a d . For y e a r s C a l i f o r n i a ’ s s t a t e governm ent was dom inated by t h e s e men; L eland S ta n fo r d was s a i d to own th e S t a t e L e g i s l a t u r e ,^ and th e S t a t e R a ilr o a d C om m ission was b ou gh t by th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c and u sed f o r i t s own i n t e r e s t s . ? W. W. S tow , B i e r c e - a s s e r t e d , . . .w as f o r many y e a r s i n th e s e r v i c e s o f th e C e n tr a l P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d Company a s C u sto d ia n o f th e L e g i s l a t i v e Sack; 8 L elan d S ta n fo r d a d m itte d b e f o r e a San F r a n c is c o Grand Ju ry t h a t he had p a id Tom F i t c h $ 1 0 ,0 0 0 t o stum p th e S t a t e f o r him in h i s cam paign f o r r e e l e c t i o n t o th e U n ite d S t a t e s S e n a te in 1 8 9 0 ;9 6 ”P r a t t i e , ” S . F . E x . , F eb . 1 , 189 1 . 7 ^'Stubbs Shows C om peting L in e s , S . F .E x ., F eb . 2 6 , 1 8 9 6 ; 4 1 P ra t t l e , " S . F . E x . , May 2 9 , 1892. 8 I fc id . , O ct. 6 , 18 89. 9 ' " P r a t t l e ,” S .F .E x . , Nov. 2 9 , 1 891. 2 3 2 C o l l i s P. H u n tin g to n h i m s e l f t e s t i f i e d b e f o r e a C o n g r e s s io n a l c o m m ittee t h a t " h is v a r io u s ’c o m p a n ie s ’ " had sp e n t " s e v e r a l m i l l i o n s i n ' i n f l u e n c i n g l e g i s l a t i o n , a n d i n h i s cam p aign f o r h i s in fa m ou s R efu n d in g B i l l he p a id "hundreds o f th o u sa n d s o f d o l l a r s . . . t o h a lf - a - h u n d r e d h ig h p r ic e d l o b b y i s t s . . . . " H Such c o r r u p t io n c o u ld n o t e s c a p e s a t i r i c rebuke i n th e p r e s e n c e o f B i e r c e ; n or c o u ld e v e n th e r a i l r o a d ' s l e g a l a c q u i s i t i o n o f v a s t t r a c t s o f p u b lic la n d s , i n c l u d i n g a l l th e m in e r a ls p o s s i b l e , f o r t h i s a c q u i s i t i o n , p r o g r e s s i v e i n n a t u r e , was a v i o l a t i o n o f j u s t i c e , t r u t h , and d e c e n c y , an i m p o s i t i o n upon th e r i g h t s o f p e o p le , and a t h r e a t to th e R e p u b lic . The worst s t e a l e v e r known to h a v e b e e n a tte m p te d by th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c Company by l e g i s l a t i v e means was t h a t o f $ 1 0 0 ,0 0 0 ,0 0 0 from th e U n ite d S t a t e s Government in I 8 9 6 . T h ir t y y e a r s b e f o r e , th e fo u n d e r s o f th e Company had q u a l i f i e d f o r governm ent lo a n s i n th e b u i l d i n g o f t h e i r p r o j e c t e d C e n t r a l P a c i f i c r a il w a y , and had b e e n advan ced a s th e w ork p r o g r e s s e d , a t o t a l o f $ 6 0 , 0 0 0 ,0 0 0 w h ich was s e c u r e d by f i r s t m ortgage bonds t h a t b o r e s i x per c e n t i n t e r e s t and were to f a l l due i n I 8 9 6 . L a te r th e S o u th e r n P a c i f i c got*“Government t o e x ch a n g e th e f i r s t m ortgage bonds f o r seco n d m ortgage b o n d s, th u s m aking i t p o s s i b l e f o r th e Company t o s e l l th e p u b lic an i s s u e o f f i r s t m ortgage b o n d s. When 1 8 9 6 came th e C e n tr a l P a c i f i c had n o t r e p a id a n y t h in g on th e p r i n c i p a l and had p a id none o f th e 10 ’’why H u n tin g to n S e e k s D a r k n e s s," S . F .E x ., March 2 2 ,1 8 9 6 . "Funding i s Dead u n t i l D ecem ber, S . F .E x ., May 2 6 ,1 8 9 6 . 233 i n t e r e s t . Of th e '""Big F ou r5 " who had o r i g i n a l l y o r g a n iz e d , managed and l o o t e d th e Company, o n ly H u n tin g to n was s t i l l a l i v e . He was s t i l l i n c o n t r o l o f th e o r g a n i z a t i o n , and upon him &L1 th e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r m e e tin g th e $ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 ,0 0 0 payment when i t came du e. H is p la n was to m eet i t by th e s im p le e x p e d ie n t o f g e t t i n g th e U n ite d S t a t e s C o n g ress to r e fu n d th e d e b t fo r n i n e t y - n in e y e a r s a t th e r a t e o f l / 2 p e r c e n t i n t e r e s t . ^2 He had p l e n t y o f b r ib e money r e a d y to p la c e w here i t w ould be most e f f e c t i v e and an e f f i c i e n t o r g a n i z a t i o n o f l o b b y i s t s t o make c o n t a c t s and o f f e r th e b r i b e s . ^3 H u n tin g to n h i m s e l f was in W ash in gton D. C ., t o g u id e th e e n t e r p r i s e , w h ic h seem ed su re t o s u c c e e d . But th e r a i l r o a d O ctopus o f C a l i f o r n i a had s o f a s t e n e d i t s t e n t a c l e s upon th e g o v ern m en t, c i t i e s , t r a n s p o r t a t i o n , m in e r a l and tim b e r l a n d s , fa rm s, and f in a n c e s o f t h a t S t a t e t h a t th e p e o p le t h e r e c o u ld n o t be i n d i f f e r e n t , e v e n th ou gh t h e i r two S e n a t o r s , G eorge C. P e r k in s and S te p h en M. W h ite , w ere under th e c o n t r o l o f t h e r a i l r o a d and o f f e r e d n o t th e s l i g h t e s t r e s i s ta n c e to H u n tin g to n 's grand la r c e n y . John W alton C aughey, C a l i f o r n i a , p. 5 0 2 . 13 In "The R a ilr o a d M achine a s i t Now Works,® C h a r le s Edward R u s s e l l , f o u r t e e n y e a r s a f t e r th e e v e n t , q u oted from th e W a sh in g to n C o rresp o n d en ce o f th e C h ica g o E v e n in g P o s t , IS 9 6 , a s f o l l o w s : "The most p i t i a b l e and a t th e same tim e th e most d i s g u s t in g s p e c t a c l e t h a t now o f f e n d s th e n a t i o n a l c a p i t a l i s th e H u n tin g to n lo b b y . The l i s t o f p a id l o b b y i s t s and a t t o r n e y s now number t w e n t y - e i g h t , and t h e i r b r a z e n a tte m p ts t o i n f l u e n c e C o n g ress to p a s s th e P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d R e fu n d in g B i l l have become t h e d i s g r a c e o f t h e s e s s i o n . " H am pton's M a g a z in e , 2 5 : 3 6 5 , S ep tem b er, 1 9 10. 2 ^ 4 W ith p o p u la r r e se n tm e n t h o t a g a i n s t th e r a il r o a d f o r r e a s o n s t h a t had b e e n a c c u m u la tin g f o r t h i r t y y e a r s , th e San F r a n c is c o Exam iner u n d e r to o k to r e s i s t th e S o u th ern P a c i f i c and s e n t H u n tin g to n ’ s o ld enem y, Ambrose B i e r c e , to W ash ington t o make th e f i g h t . Soon a t W a sh in g to n , B ie r c e began an a lm o st d a i l y s e r i e s o f a r t i c l e s t h a t p h otograp h ed in p r i n t th e magnate's c u n n in g , d i s h o n e s t y , a v a r i c e , b a s e n e s s , and s h a m e le s s n e s s , and f o r two months la s h e d H u n tin g to n , h i s p a id e m p lo y e e s, and h i s l e g i s l a t i v e s u p p o r te r s w it h u n r e l e n t i n g , s a r d o n ic f i e r c e n e s s . He f la y e d H u n tin g to n f o r h i s w i l l i n g n e s s t o rob th e U n ite d S t a t e s G overnm ent; f o r h i 3 a d m is s io n t h a t i f r efu n d e d th e d eb t n e v e r w ould be p a id ; f o r h i s c o n s i s t a n t v a g u e n e ss and u n t r u t h f u ln e s s ; f o r h i s f o r g i n g o f te le g r a m s o v e r names o f prom inent C a l i f o r n ia n s i n an e f f o r t to c o n v in c e l e g i s l a t o r s t h a t th e R efu n d in g B i l l was approved i n C a l i f o r n i a ; fo r c r y i n g ab o u t h i s com pany’ s f i n a n c i a l d i f f i c u l t i e s ; f o r h i s own p e r s o n a l u n e a s in e s s and d i s t r e s s o v e r fo r c e d a d m is s io n s and s e l f c o n t r a d i c t i o n s ; f o r h i s i n d i r e c t n e s s , e v a s i v e n e s s , in c o h e r e n c e , and u n i n t e l l i g i b i l i t y under c r o s s - e x a m in a tio n ; f o r h i s c o n t r a s t i n g b o a s t f u l n e s s , s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d n e s s , and i n t e l l i g i b i l i t y i n t a l k i n g a b o u t h a r m le ss m a tte r s ; f o r h i s a n g er i n b e in g c o r n e r e d ; f o r h i s a d m is s io n o f numerous i n s t a n c e s o f g r o s s d is h o n e s t y i n th e management o f h i s company; f o r h i s v u lg a r grammar and v u lg a r o u t lo o k upon l i f e ; f o r h i s a f f e c t e d i n f i r m i t y ; f o r h i s o c c a s i o n a l a u d a c it y ; and so on and on. The f u l l e f f e c t o f t h e s e b u rn in g a t t a c k s i s c u m u la tiv e ; and th e f o l l o w i n g b r i e f e x c e r p t s o n ly s u g g e s t th e e f f e c t th a t comes i n 23$ th e c o m p le te a r t i c l e s , w h ich ran up to more th a n t h i r t y in c h e s i n le n g t h : J an u ary 3 1 . - - I t i s p a i n f u l t o o b s e r v e t h a t i n h i s m ethods o f a f f i r m i n g h i s r i g h t t o th e p r o p e r ty o f o t h e r s , Mr. H u n tin g to n em p loys means n o t a lw a y s j u s t i f i e d by th e e n d .1 4 F eb ru ary 1 . - -Mr. H u n tin g to n ’ s aged lim b s c a r r ie d h i s v e n e r a b le b u lk t o - d a y i n t o th e rooms o f th e S e n a te Com m ittee on P a c i f i c R a i l r o a d s . 15 Mr. H u n tin g to n i s n o t a l t o g e t h e r bad . Though s e v e r e , h e i s m e r c i f u l. He tem p ers i n v e c t i v e w it h f a ls e h o o d , h e s a y s u g ly t h in g s o f h i s enem y, b u t h e h a s th e t e n d e r n e s s to be c a r e f u l t h a t th e y a r e m o s tly l i e s . l 6 F eb ru a ry 8 , --D u r in g th e e x a m in a tio n o f th e U n ion P a c i f i c ’s a t t o r n e y (Mr. B i e r c e , whom S e n a to r W o l c o t t ’ s q u e s t io n s p a i n f u l l y r a t t l e d ) and i t s D i r e c t o r , Mr. A nder s o n , Mr. H u n tin g to n s a t i n v e i l e d a t t e n t i o n . He a f f e c t e d i n d i f f e r e n c e , b u t was k e e n ly i n t e r e s t e d . He h a s b e e n i n v i t e d t o th e sw e a t-b o x h i m s e l f and was t h e r e to m easure sw ords w it h M e ssr s. W o lc o tt and M organ, who w ould have him on th e g r i l l d i r e c t l y h e s h o u ld open h i s mouth. He o b se r v e d them d o in g P ie r c e to a d e l i c a t e n u t-b r o w n , i n s e r t in g t h e i r fo r k s i n h i s i n c i n e r a t e d s i d e s , t u r n in g him on th e ir o n and b a s t in g him i n h i s own g r a v y . D o u b t le s s t h e s p e c t a c l e d id n o t en c o u r a g e Mr. H u n t in g t o n .17 F eb ru a ry 1 4 /- -T h e s p e c t a c l e o f t h i s o ld man s t a n d in g on th e b r in k o f e t e r n i t y , h i s p o c k e t s lo a d e d w it h d i s h o n e s t g o ld w h ich he n e i t h e r knows how t o e n jo y n or to whom t o b e q u e a th , sw e a r in g i t i s th e f r u i t o f w h olesom e la b o r and hom ely t h r i f t and b e s e e c h in g an o p p o r t u n it y t o m u l t i p l y th e s t o r e , was one o f th e most p i t i a b l e i t h a s b een my l o t t o o b s e r v e . He knows h i m s e l f an ou tm ate o f e v e r y p e n a l i n s t i t u t i o n i n th e w o rld ; he d e s e r v e s to hang from e v e r y brand o f e v e r y t r e e o f e v e r y S t a t e and T e r r it o r y p e n e t r a t e d by h i s r a i l r o a d s , w ith th e s o l e e x c e p t i o n o f N evada, w h ich h a s no t r e e s . Y et t h i s n o t o r io u s o ld man s to o d t h e r e b e f o r e a co m m ittee o f th e h i g h e s t l e g i s l a t i v e body o f h i s c o u n tr y and made o a th t h a t h e was an h o n e s t man and u n s e l f i s h c i t i z e n . 18 ^ S ._ F . E x ., F eb. 1 , I 8 9 6 . 15 I b i d . , F eb. 2 , 1 8 9 6 . 16 Loc_. c i t . 17 I^ id -> P e b * 9 , 1 8 9 6 . 18 I b i d . , F eb. 1 5 , 1 8 9 6 . 236 But th e a t t a c k d id n o t f a l l on H u n tin g to n a lo n e . I t f e l l on th e C a lif o r n i a n s who backed him ( t h e i r names and o c c u p a tio n s w ere p u b lis h e d in a lo n g b l a c k l i s t t h a t came in a t l e a s t fo u r i n s t a l l m e n t s ) ; and I t f e l l upon th o s e R e p r e s e n ta tiv e s ( in c lu d in g Grove L. Jo h n so n , th e f a t h e r o f Hiram Johnson) and S e n a to rs ( in c lu d in g P e rk in s and W hite o f C a l i f o r n i a ) who showed by i n d i f fe r e n c e o r o p p o s itio n t h e i r sym pathy w ith t h i s s c o u n d re l and h i s infam ous scheme. I n two months o f h a rd work B ie rc e broke th e b ack o f th e R efunding B i l l and on May 26 was a b le to announce t h a t H u n tin g to n co u ld n o t s e c u re c o n s i d e r a t i o n f o r h i s b i l l d u rin g th e s p r in g s e s s io n o f C ongress even i f he d ared t r y ; t h a t i f i t w ere to be c o n s id e r e d , I t would be d e f e a te d i n th e House; t h a t i f i t were p assed in th e H ouse, th e S e n a te would d e f e a t i t ; and t h a t i f i t w ere p a sse d by th e S e n a te , C le v e la n d would v eto i t . C o l l i s P. H u n tin g to n , m u l t i - m i l l i o n a i r e f i n a n c i a l k in g and m ani p u l a t o r o f r a i l r o a d com m issions, m u n ic ip a l g o v ern m en ts, and s t a t e and n a t i o n a l l e g i s l a t i v e b o d ie s , was th o ro u g h ly d i s c r e d i t e d and b e a te n by a man w ith a pen. The f i n a l d e f e a t o f th e b i l l was announced by B ie rc e i n ’ " P r a t t l e , ’ ”19 and se v en days l a t e r H u n tin g t o n ’s a n x ie ty had reac h ed such a p i t c h t h a t he was b eg g in g th e Government to ta k e th e p r i n c i p a l and i n t e r e s t in f u l l . I n March, 1 8 9 9 , when H u n tin g to n p a id th e U n ited S ta te s T re a s u ry th e f i r s t in s t a ll m e n t o f $ 1 2 ,0 0 0 ,0 0 0 on h i s d e b t, B ie rc e c o u ld n o t r e s i s t t w i t t i n g him on th e lo s s o f h i s f i g h t and e s p e c i a l l y rem in d in g 19 ’ " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., J a n . 1 7 , 1 8 9 7 . 237 him o f h i s u n s u c c e s s f u l a tte m p t to buy B ie rc e o f f i n W a sh in g to n .2^ The mad, u n sc ru p u lo u s s c ra m b le rs f o r -wealth d u rin g th e G ild ed Age d id n o t alw ays b o th e r to g iv e t h e i r schemes f o r r o b b in g th e p e o p le th e s a n c tio n o f l e g a l i t y . The p e rio d from 1 8 6 5 to 1 9 0 0 was th e g o ld e n age o f t r u s t s , p o o ls , com bines, and mono p o l i e s . I t was a p e rio d o f m e r c ile s s , u n sc ru p u lo u s c o m p e titio n w ith o u t any r u l e s f o r p la y in g th e game. D is c rim in a to ry r a t e s , r e b a t e s , p r i c e f i x i n g , s to c k m a n ip u la tio n , l o o t i n g o f company t r e a s u r i e s , p o l i t i c a l c h ic a n e r y - - a n y th in g " w e n t" . H u n tin g to n , S ta n f o rd , C ro c k e r, and Hopkins w ere n o t i s o l a t e d phenomena, b u t w ere o f a k in d w ith th e Ja y G oulds, D a n ie l Drews, C o rn e liu s V a n d e r b il ts , and John D. R o c k e f e lle r s . The s p i r i t o f th e tim es i s w e ll p o rtra y e d i n T w ain’s and W a rn e r’s G ild ed Age and in N o r r i s ’s O cto p u s. B ig i n d u s t r i a l i s t s met i n c o n v e n tio n s and, l i k e r o b b e r s , p l o t t e d s e c r e t l y to p lu n d e r th e p e o p le . They were m e rc ile s s i n t h e i r d is r e g a r d f o r th e r i g h t s o f sm a ll b u s in e s s men, m iddlem en, em ployees, consum ers, and i n t a c t , a l l p e rs o n s . They o p en ly d e f ie d th e la w s, and no one e x p e c te d them to assume r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e i r m isd eed s, to be h o n e s t, o r to s u b je c t th e m se lv e s to th e w i l l o f th e p e o p le . They w ere i n d u s t r i a l a n a r c h i s t s , whom th e p eo p le had n o t y e t le a r n e d to c o n t r o l . , Such men B ie rc e a tta c k e d a g a in and a g a in th ro u g h o u t h i s c a r e e r . "The Jumjum o f G o k ee tle-G u k ," i n ’ "The Land beyond th e Blow, " 21 i s B i e r c e 's most im p o rta n t g e n e r a l s a t i r e upon t r u s t s , 20 I b i d . , March 1 9 , 1 8 9 9 . 21 O o ^ e c te d W orks, 1 :1 6 8 - 7 8 ; f i r s t p u b lis h e d in th e San F ra n c is c o E x am in er, Nov. 1 9 , 1 8 9 9 , u n d er th e t i t l e , " T r u s tla n d , A T a le o f a T r a v e l e r ." 2 3 8 ’’b ig b u s i n e s s , ” and modern c o r p o r a tio n s . H is s a t i r e o f i n d i v i d u a ls i s s c a t t e r e d th ro u g h o u t h i s w r i t i n g s . O c c a s io n a lly i t h i t s n a t i o n a l f ig u r e s l i k e Ja y G ould, R o c k e f e lle r , and C a rn e g ie , b u t u s u a l l y i t f a l l s upon C a l i f o r n i a 's r a s c a l s , and p a r t i c u l a r l y upon th e S o u th e rn P a c i f ic R a ilro a d crow d, among whom h i s f a v o r i t e t a r g e t s were C o l l i s H u n tin g to n , L eland S ta n f o rd , and C h a rle s C ro c k e r. He sco u rg ed th e s e men f o r lo o ti n g th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c t r e a s u r y by means o f a s u b s i d ia r y c o r p o r a tio n , C o n tra c t and F in a n c e . Through t h i s o r g a n iz a tio n th e y p a id th e m selv es $12 2 ,0 0 0 ,0 0 0 o u t o f C e n tr a l P a c i f i c funds to b u ild th e r a ilw a y , w hich th e y c o n s tr u c te d and equipped a t a c o s t o f n o t more th a n $ 3 6 ,0 0 0 ,0 0 0 . 22 He scourged them f o r ch o k in g out a l l c o m p e titio n i n f r e i g h t h a u lin g by p ay in g th e P a c i f i c M ail S team ship l i n e s from $6 0 ,0 0 0 to $1 0 0 ,0 0 0 a y e a r f o r n o t c a r r y in g f r e i g h t from C a l i f o r n i a p o r ts ? ^ He sco u rg ed them f o r t h e i r r e f u s a l to pay some two m il lio n s o f d o l l a r s . i n ta x e s t h a t th e S o u th e rn P a c i f ic owed th e S t a t e ? 1 * ’ He sco u rg ed them f o r t h e i r t h e f t o f tim b e r from 22 "Says Hopkins Knew I t A l l , " San F r a n c is co E x am in er. F eb. 2 1 , 1 8 9 6 ; "Morgan to O ffe r H is Own M easu re," San F ra n c is c o E x am in er, Feb. 24, I 8 9 6 . 23 "His D eal w ith P a c i f i c M a il," San F ra n c is c o E xam iner, F eb.. 1 5 , I 8 9 6 ; se e a ls o " B ie rc e on H u n tin g to n , 1 1 , 1 San F ra n c is c o E x am in er, Feb. 21, 1 8 9 6 .. 2^ " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., F eb. 1 9 , I 8 9 3 . v. govern m ent l a n d s , f o r t h e i r t h e f t o f lan d upon w h ich to b u ild th e Bark and Ocean R a ilw a y , and f o r t h e i r t h e f t o f lan d t h a t th e y had s o ld to farm ers a t M u ssel S lo u g h , a tr a g e d y r e c o r d e d i n The Octopus. He sc o u r g e d them fo r e x c e s s i v e f r e i g h t c h a r g e s , w h ic h som etim es w ere due m e r e ly to h ig h r a t e s , b u t o f t e n t o h ig h r a t e s p lu s round abou t or u n n e c e s s a r y s h o r t h a u l s . That i s , i n s t e a d o f h a u lin g n o r th e r n C a l i f o r n i a f r e i g h t e a s t v i a th e C e n tr a l and U nion P a c i f i c r a i l r o a d s and c o l l e c t i n g o n ly on th e s h o r t h a u l to Ogden, H u n tin g to n would h a u l i t on h i s own l i n e s t o New O rlea n s and s h i p i t th e n c e to New York on h i s own s h i p s , o f w h ich he owned a f l e e t o f t w e n t y - e i g h t .^ 6 Or som etim es th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c would n o t q u o te f r e i g h t r a t e s to in t e r m e d ia t e p o i n t s b e tw e e n th e la r g e r c i t i e s , but w ould q u o te o n ly on th e lo n g e r d i s t a n c e s , th e n c h a r g e f o r a r e t u r n h a u l , so t h a t a c a r - l o t o f good s b e in g sh ip p e d from New Y ork t o P resn o would be s e n t p a s t F re sn o t o S t o c k to n , and th e n b a ck a g a in t o P r e s n o , a c h a r g e o f f o r t y - e i g h t c e n t s a hundred b e in g made f o r th e r e t u r n sh ip m e n t. I f th e c a r w ere c u t o f f a t F r e s n o , th e a d d i t i o n a l c h a r g e w ould b e made a n y w a y .27 B ie r c e sc o u r g e d th e C a l i f o r n i a r a i l r o a d b aro n s f o r th e p e r s o n a l c o r r u p t i o n w i t h i n t h e i r o r g a n i z a t i o n , w h ich began a t th e to p and r a n 25 K b g o ., Nov. 1 0 , 1877; ^ P r a t t l e , " Wasp, Ja n . 1 9 . 1884; Wasp, A p r i r T F , 1 8 8 1 , Dec. 2 , 1 8 8 1 , Dec. 9 , “ I8B1; 26 "Mr. H u n tin g to n on th e G r i l l , 1 1 S .F .E x ., Deb. 9 , I 8 9 6 . 27 " P r a t t l e / ' S .F . E x ., D ec. 9 , 1894. 240 down to th e v e r y b o tto m . H igh o f f i c i a l s w ere so d i s h o n e s t and t h e i r s u b o r d in a te s knew s o much ab ou t them t h a t th e s u b o r d in a te s c o u ld s t e a l from th e company a s th e y p le a s e d w it h o u t f e a r o f d i s m i s s a l . The New England h i l l s b lu sh e d a t th e s t o r y o f t h e i r n a t i v e s o n , th e ro b b e r H u n tin g to n ; "Jove" S t a n f o r d w a s th e w o r st k in d o f s c o u n d r e l; C h a r le s C r o ck er , th e w e a lth y c r o o k w ith th e b i g b e l l y , d id n o t own an h o n e s t d o l l a r ; and a l l w ere " r a ilr o a d m a lig n a te s " o f th e f i r s t o r d e r . B ie r c e h i m s e l f on ce s a i d , . . . f o r a q u a r t e r - c e n t u r y I h a ve 'fo u g h t* t h a t gang in e v e r y jo u r n a l a c c e s s i b l e to my c o n v ic tio n s ; and to no one o f th e crowd now l i v i n g o r dead h a s my hand e v e r b e e n o f f e r e d o r su r r e n d e r e d i n s a l u t a t i o n . I am n o t o f th o s e who denounce ro b b er# y and d in e w it h r o b b e r s .29 B e s id e s th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c highwaym en t h e r e was th e " c r o p -e a r e d g a s company" w it h i t s l y i n g g a s m e te r s; t h e r e was th e S p r in g V a l l e y W ater Company, w h ich fu r n is h e d w a te r f o r San F r a n c is c o a t e x h o r b it a n t r a t e s and was run by t h a t fo o tp a d and t h i e f , C h a r le s Webb Howard; and t h e r e w ere th e b a n k ers and money l e n d e r s , l i k e A sa F is k who, w it h h i s m a g n etic f i n g e r s , to o k a " great i n t e r e s t i n San F r a n c is c o " ( f o u r p e r c e n t p e r month) and chewed to b a c c o " to ta k e th e t a s t e o f h og o u t o f h i s m outh;" l i k e James C. F lo o d , one o f th e g r e a t b on anza k i n g s , who a t h i s d e a th l e f t an e s t a t e o f $ 2 ,2 ^ 1 ,0 0 0 ; and l i k e th e p a r a s i t i c S . G. Murphy p r e s i d e n t o f th e F i r s t N a t io n a l Bank o f. San F r a n c is c o , o f whom 28 Ibid. July 1 9 , 1891. 29 I b i d . , J u ly 1 , 1894. 241 B ie r c e w r o te , [,He] : i s a t r u l y good man who l o v e s to embower h i s k id n e y s i n b r o a d , c r i s p l e a v e s o f s a t i n - f i n i s h t a l lo w s u p p lie d by t h e la b o r o f o t h e r s . The b read t h a t he e a t s i n th e sw ea t o f a n o th e r m an's fa c e h e deems in co m p a ra b ly s u p e r io r t o t h a t w h ic h r e a c h e s th e in n e r Murphy u n sod d en . Upon h i s own f a c e a drop o f p r e s p i r a t i o n would c o n g e a l i n th e c o ld p r id e o f a u n iq u e d i s t i n c t i o n . 30 Of one b a n k e r , u n i d e n t i f i e d , B ie r c e o n ce w r o t e , T here i s a bank i n San F r a n c is c o w h ich was fo r m e r ly c o n d u cte d s o l e l y to a s s i s t one m an's schem es f o r b e a t in g th e p u b l i c , m ilk in g th e m arket and c in c h in g f o o l s who p u t t h e i r t r u s t i n h im . D u rin g t h a t p e r io d i t s em p lo y ees p lu n d er ed i t o f h u nd reds o f th o u sa n d s o f d o l l a r s . The ' s t o c k h o l d e r s ’ knew what was g o in g o n , and i n m ost i n s t a n c e s w here th e money w e n t, b u t nobody was p r o s e c u t e d , nobody d is c h a r g e d . A few m ild a d m o n itio n s , h a b i t u a l l y d is r e g a r d e d , w ere th e o n ly e f f o r t s to s t a y th e l o o t i n g . One chap who v o l u n t a r i l y r e t i r e d w it h a f o r t u n e , e x p la in e d t h a t th e bank was ab ou t to go i n t o b an k in g and he th o u g h t i t b e s t to abandon th e s in k in g s h i p . He d ra g s o u t a m is e r a b le e x i s t e n c e on t e n th ou san d a y e a r , a f f l i c t e d w it h th e s e l f - r e s p e c t t h a t comes o f im p e r f e c t a c q u a in t a n c e .5 1 T hese r i c h men and t h e i r k in d w ere a l l b i g t h i e v e s , bu t i n B i e r c e ' s e s t i m a t i o n th e y w ere no w orse th an th e l i t t l e o n e s , - - th e c o r n e r g r o c e r s , f o r i n s t a n c e , or th e m usic and drama t e a c h e r s who d e c e iv e d t h e i r p u p i l s in o r d e r to h a ve th e l e s s o n s c o n t in u e . In f a c t , c h e a t i n g was so common among s m a ll A m erican b u s i n e s s men a s to be a lm o st a synonym f o r b u s in e s s ; so i n th e days o f th e b lu e la w s , he w r o t e , . . I t i s w ick ed t o c h e a t on Sunday. The law r e c o g n iz e s t h i s t r u t h , and s h u t s up th e s h o p s ; . . .**32 3 ° I b i d . , Feb. 1 7 , 1 895. 31 I b i d . , Feb. 1 9 , 1893- 32 ’’L a u g h o r ism s/* The F ie n d 's D e l i g h t , p . 172. 242 and th e " t h r i f t y m inded” Je w ish im m igrant who f le d th e R u ssia n pogroms to t h i s c o u n tr y , B ie rc e w arned, " w i l l he c h e a te d out o f th e v e ry marrow in h i s b o n e s ."33 Much o f th e c h e a tin g and th ie v in g by th e r a s c a l s , g r e a t and s m a ll, was e f f e c t e d by g iv in g th e p o o re s t goods o r s e r v ic e s p o s s i b l e . The S o u th ern P a c i f i c , a g a in , was th e c h i e f o f f e n d e r . I t had no c o n c e rn f o r th e s a f e t y o r c o n v e n ien c e o f e i t h e r i t s em ployees o r p a s s e n g e rs ; i t s w a itin g rooms w ere so poor and in a d e q u a te t h a t th e p eo p le o f Alameda County a s l a t e as 1894 were b u ild i n g t h e i r own; baggage was c u s to m a r ily u n lo ad ed by th e law o f g r a v i t y and many a tr u n k was "c asc ad ed from a c a r and l o s t i n a s p ra y o f [ i t s ] own s p l i n t e r s ; ® and p a s s e n g e r co ach es were b u i l t w ith l e s s c a re o f t h e i r s a f e t y th a n f r e i g h t c a r s , b ecau se f r e i g h t was more v a lu a b le th a n p e o p le . W ith i t s r o t t e n t i e s , l i g h t , in a d e q u a te ly sp ik e d r a i l s , aged c o a c h e s, a i l i n g e n g in e s , and in c o m p eten t management, th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c , s a id B ie r c e , was th e w o rs t road in th e w o r l d .34 The te le g r a p h co m p an ies, to o , gave p o o r s e r v i c e , making a l l s o r t s o f e r r o r s in th e m essages g iv e n them to tr a n s m it and r e f u s in g to a c c e p t r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , though th e y demanded p ay , f o r t h e i r m is ta k e s . The e x p re s s com panies d is c la im e d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r damage to o r lo s s o f goods e n t r u s t e d to them f o r t r a n s p o r t a t i o n . The l i f e - and f i r e - in s u r a n c e com panies s c i e n t i f i c a l l y c a l c u l a t e d what would be a 33 " P r a ttle ,® Wasp, May 2 6 , 1 8 8 2 . 34 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., Aug. 1 9 ,1 8 8 8 ; " P r a t t l e ," A r g o ., F eb . 2 3 , 1 8 7 8 ; " P r a ttT e / 1 1 W asp, May 3 , 1884; " P r a t t l e ," "STf. E x. , S e p t. 9 , 1 8 9 4 . 243 s a f e b e t t i n g r a t i o on p e o p l e ’s l i v e s o r b u i l d i n g s , sc a re d them i n t o buying in s u ra n c e by e x a g g e ra te d t a l e s , and t r i e d to evade payment o f t h e i r h o n e s t l o s s e s . The in s u ra n c e men were k in d re d o f th o s e ocean t i g e r s , th e s h a rk s ; th e y w ere gam blers on a * su re t h i n g ; 1 1 th e y were th ie v e s who to o k from th e p eo p le enormous rev en u e f o r w hich v a lu e was n e v e r given. 55 B e sid e s t h e i r l e g a l and p o l i t i c a l c h ic a n e r y , t h e i r o u t r i g h t t h e f t s , t h e i r o v e rc h a rg e s , and t h e i r f a i l u r e to g iv e v alu e f o r v a lu e r e c e iv e d , th e c a p i t a l i s t s , la r g e and s m a ll, t r i e d to e n la r g e t h e i r m argin o f p r o f i t by p ay in g t h e i r la b o r as l i t t l e as p o s s i b le and a v o id in g e v e ry expense f o r c o n v e n ie n c e s , c o n s i d e r a t i o n s , o r p r o t e c t i o n s t h a t were r i g h t l y due t h e i r em ployees. N ev er, so f a r a s I have been a b le to f i n d , d id B ie rc e a t t a c k th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c , f o r u n d e r-p a y in g i t s em ployees, and he d id p r a i s e i t f o r se n d in g out i t s pay c a r on r e g u l a r sc h e d u le to pay th e S o u th ern P a c i f ic s t r i k e r s d u r in g th e Pullm an e p iso d e o f 1894. He d id , how ever, s a t i r i z e th e c a p i t a l i s t s i n g e n e r a l f o r b e a tin g wages down to th e lo w e st p o s s ib le l e v e l upon th e p r e te n c e o f b e in g com pelled to do so by th e law o f su p p ly and demand. 56 He a tta c k e d v i t r i o l i c a l l y an Oakland new spaper 35 F or B i e r c e ’s most com prehensive s a t i r e on in s u r a n c e se e "Ashes o f th e B e ac o n ," C o lle c te d W orks, 1 :4 9 -5 8 ; a ls o "P ra ttfe " S .F .E x ., S e p t. 5 , 1888, Feb" IT', 1889, March 1, 1 8 9 1, and "S m all . C o n t r ib u t io n s , C o sm o p o lita n , Ju n e , 1907. 36 "Ashes o f th e B eaco n ," C o lle c te d W orks, l : 7 2 f . 244 p u b lis h e r who, p ay in g h i s r e p o r t e r s no r e g u l a r w ages, lo u d ly condemned Pullm an in e d i t o r i a l s "draw n to command by a w r i t e r whose b e l l y was s t i c k i n g to h i s b a c k .1 * S im il a r ly he a tta c k e d L o rin g P ic k e r in g o f th e C a ll f o r p r a i s i n g g e n e r o s ity i n an E a s te r n p u b lis h e r and a t th e same tim e c h e a tin g h i s own em ployees. H. H. B a n c ro ft he r i d i c u l e d f o r p ay in g s t a r v a t i o n wages to th e h acks who w ro te " h i s ” h i s t o r i e s . He a tta c k e d th e b u s in e s s m en-- "M u n n in g lu ts" and "good p r o v i d e r s ” —f o r th e m is e ra b le p i t t a n c e th e y p a id women em ployees, a p i t t a n c e t h a t was o f te n d e lin q u e n t. E very w ife o f a "good p r o v i d e r ," s a id h e , sh o u ld a sk h e r husband, "From whose backs and b e l l i e s do you p ro v id e ? " One o f h is - f a b le s b o re upon t h i s p o in t: A Woman w ith se v en dependent c h i l d r e n was p e rm itte d to work f o r a B e n e v o le n t G entlem an f o r a wage o f fo u r d o l l a r s a week. One day she v e n tu re d to a s k him f o r a l i t t l e money. ’Why, n o , ’ he s a id ; ' I owe you o n ly s i x w eeks' w ages, w hereas i t i s a r u l e o f my b u s in e s s to be alw ays two months i n a r r e a r s . Money g iv e n to you now would be i n th e n a tu r e o f an ad v an ce, a lo a n . What s e c u r i t y co u ld you g iv e ? 1 ’My d a u g h te r h as a sm a ll in s u ra n c e on my l i f e . ’ th e Woman r e p l i e d . ’The p o lic y co u ld be a s s ig n e d to y o u / ’ 'God f o r b i d . ’ s a id th e B e n e v o le n t G entlem an. 'That would b r e a k down a s a c r e d t r a d i t i o n o f my c l a s s . No, I c a n n o t f o r a p o s s i b l e p r i v a t e g a in c o n s e n t t h a t i t s h a l l make any d i f f e r e n c e t o me w h eth er an em p lo y ee l i v e s or d i e s . ' 3 7 37 "Nine F a n t a s t i c F a b le s ," S .F .E x ., Oct. 1 7 , 1896. 245 Among th e s e o p p re s s o rs o f em ployees B ie rc e in c lu d e d th e farm e rs who e x e c ra te d o p p r e s s iv e , ty ra n n o u s c a p i t a l , y e t overw orked, u n d e rp a id , b a d ly f e d , and b a d ly housed t h e i r " h ir e d m en," even o r g a n iz in g i n 1895 to red u ce th e p r i c e o f la b o r to f i f t y c e n ts a day f o r men, f o r t y c e n ts a day f o r women, o r se v en d o l l a r s a month w ith b o a rd . T alk ab o u t th e ty ra n n y o f c a p i t a l and th e t r e a d in g down o f l a b o r ’ ex claim ed B ie rc e i n e f f e c t . 38 But tho u g h Ambrose B ie rc e a tta c k e d -unrighteous c a p i t a l i s t s and defended th e r i g h t s o f la b o r , he was e q u a lly z e a lo u s in h i s d e fe n s e o f th e r i g h t s o f c a p i t a l and i n h i s a t ta c k s upon u n io n i s t s f o r t h e i r o f f e n s e s . C a p i t a l i s t i c t r u s t s were i l l e g a l l y o rg a n iz e d to e f f e c t m onopolies and fo rc e i n j u s t i c e s upon b u y ers and com peting com panies; b u t j u s t as s u r e ly th e u n i o n i s t s had o rg a n iz e d a la b o r t r u s t , w h eth er known by t h a t name o r n o t, th e im m ediate aim o f w hich was to c r e a t e a monopoly o v er t h e i r com m odity, l a b o r , and to c o n t r o l c o m p e titio n . The u lti m a t e o b je c ti v e was " th e a b s o lu te and f i n a l s u b je c ti o n o f e v e ry I n t e r e s t and e v e ry w i l l to th e i n t e r e s t s o f th e la b o r c l a s s and to th e w i l l o f i t s l e a d e r s .*’39 B ie rc e re c o g n iz e d . .t h e e q u a l unw orth o f th e p r e d a to r y r i c h and th e p r e d a to ry p o o r. . . th e banded c a p i t a l i s t s . . .a r e no more s e l f i s h , ty r a n n o u s , b r u t a l and u n sc ru p u lo u s th a n th e banded l a b o r e r s . . . . w 40 38 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Ja n . 6 , 1895, March 14, 1897. 39 I b i d . , J u ly 1, 1894. I b l d - » May 13, 1894. 246 So he s c o r n f u l l y exposed th e i n j u s t i c e o f t h e i r dem ands, th e s e n s e l e s s n e s s , f a l l a c i o u s n e s s , and d is h o n e s ty o f t h e i r a r g u m ents, and th e la w le s s n e s s and v ic io u s n e s s o f t h e i r a c t i o n s . I n th e f i r s t p la c e B ie rc e f e l t t h a t la b o r d en ied th e fu n d am en tal r i g h t o f a man to work f o r whom he p le a s e d a t a p r i c e he was w i l l i n g to a c c e p t; second i t v i o l a t e d th e p r o p e r ty r i g h t s o f th e em ployer and h i s r i g h t to h i r e and d is c h a rg e whom he p le a s e d , to d e c id e what wages he co u ld a f f o r d to p ay , and to manage h i s b u s in e s s as he saw f i t . When some s t r i k e le a d e r s a id t h a t th e r e was no d is p u te a b o u t w ages, t h a t a l l th e s t r i k e r s asked was th e d is c h a rg e o f n o n -u n io n men, B ie rc e w ith b i t t e r , s c o r n f u l ir o n y r e p l i e d , What m o d eratio n ! 'A l l we a s k ' i s t h a t th e l i b e r t y o f l a b o r be m a in ta in e d by c o m p e llin g a la b o r e r to cho o se betw een s t a r v a t i o n and Us. 'A l l we a s k ' i s t h a t th e r i g h t o f a la b o r e r to say when he w i l l work and when he w i l l n o t s h a l l be a s s u re d by f o r c in g him to subm it th e q u e s tio n to Us. 'A l l we a s k ' i s t h a t h i s m anum ission from ty ra n n y o f h i s em ployers s h a l l be acco m p lish ed by h i s e n slav e m en t to U s 3 I As f o r r e a s o n a b le n e s s , c o n s is te n c y , good s e n s e , and h o n e s ty , th e u n i o n i s t s were devoid o f a l l . They m a in ta in e d th e r i g h t o f a man to judge th e v a lu e o f what he had to s e l l —h i s la b o r - - a n d demanded t h a t r i g h t ; y e t th e y a s s a s s i n a t e d n o n -u n io n men who m ight s e t a low er r a t e on t h e i r la b o r th a n th e u n io n men.^ 2 They ac cu sed c a p i t a l i s t s o f b u y in g v o te s . Whose v o te s did th e c a p i t a l i s t s buy? asked B ie rc e ; d o u b tle s s ea ch o th e r s ! 41 I b i d . , Ja n . 1 3 , 1895. 4 2 I b i d . , June 3 , 1894. 247 The u n i o n i s t s opp osed c o n v i c t la b o r a s an in fr in g e m e n t upon t h e i r r i g h t s and co m p la in ed t h a t th e y c o u ld n o t com p ete "with p r i s o n l a b o r ,- - t h o u g h th e y c o u ld c a r e f o r th e i d l e p r i s o n e r s and th e l u n a t i c s c r e a t e d i n p r is o n s by i d l e n e s s . They b l i n d l y a t t r i b u t e d a l l t h e i r h a r d s h ip s to th e r a p a c i t y o f t h e c a p i t a l i s t s e n t i r e l y o v e r lo o k in g th e o p e r a t io n o f econom ic law and ig n o r in g , i n 1 8 9 5 , th e u n a s k e d - fo r e le v e n p e r c e n t i n c r e a s e in wages v o l u n t a r i l y g iv e n t o la b o r th r o u g h o u t th e c o u n tr y by th e h a te d c a p i t a l i s t s , - - a move begun by Carnegie . |J+3 They d i s h o n e s t l y j u s t i f i e d f o r t h e i r own u s e th e w eapons th e y d e n ie d th e em p l o y e r s , and th e n r e s o l u t e l y ig n o r e d t h e i r own i n c o n s i s t e n c y . A "Part o f th e S h o r te r C a te c h ism o f Labor" runs t h u s , w it h B i e r c e , d o u b t l e s s , a s th e i n t e r l o c u t o r : What i s a b o y c o tt ? A c o n c e r te d e f f o r t to p r e v e n t th e s a l e o f what some o b j e c t i o n a b l e p e r s o n h a s t o s e l l . I s t h a t n o t a t o l e r a b l y a c c u r a t e d e s c r i p t i o n o f a b l a c k l i s t ? Wo. What i s a c a p i t a l i s t ? A v i l l a i n who sh o u ld be b a n ish e d from th e c o u n tr y . When he w ith d raw s h i s c a p i t a l and l i v e s abroad i s he n o t c a l l e d a r e c r e a n t A m erican — a t r a i t o r t o h i s c o u n tr y ? He i s n o t . What i s a t r u s t ? 4 5 Ib id _ ., J u ly 1 4 , I 8 9 5 . 248 A c o m b in a tio n o f c a p i t a l i s t s to keep up th e p r ic e o f w hat th e y have to s e l l . A u n io n i s a co m b in atio n o f l a b o r e r s to keep up th e p r i c e o f w hat th e y s e l l . I s t h a t a t r u s t ? I t i s n o t. Why n o t? Go to th e d e v i l . ^ B ie rc e sc o re d th e la b o r u n i o n i s t s f o r t h e i r u n tr u e r a b b le - r o u s in g s ta te m e n ts , f o r t h e i r m an u factu red g r ie v a n c e s , and f o r t h e i r e s s e n t i a l d is h o n e s ty . When th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c v o l u n t a r i l y p aid i t s i d l e , r i o t i n g workmen d u rin g th e P ullm an S t r i k e f o r work done up to th e tim e o f th e w a lk - o u t, B ie rc e c o n t r a s t e d t h a t a c tio n w ith what one m ight have ex p e cte d i f th e la b o r e r s had been p a id a month i n advance and th e month had had y e t to be worked out when th e s t r i k e was c a l l e d . He co n clu d ed t h a t , * ’to c o n c e iv e a la b o r u n io n a c t i n g j u s t l y and r i g h t e o u s l y i s ab o u t as e a sy as i t i s to im agine a th r e e - c o r n e r e d c i r c l e o r a tw o -leg g ed q u a d ru p e d . "^5 F i n a l l y , o rg a n iz e d la b o r was e x tre m e , v ic io u s , and la w le s s i n I t s methods o f s e c u r in g i t s o b j e c t i v e s . The s t r i k e i n I t s e l f was t h e o r e t i c a l l y j u s t i f i a b l e , b u t i t s im p lic a tio n s r a n f a r beyond th e mere c e s s a t i o n o f la b o r ; a c t u a l l y , no m ajor s t r i k e o f any co n seq u en ces e v e r ta k e s p la c e i n t h i s c o u n try w ith o u t th e c o n c o m ita n ts o f v io le n c e and d e s t r u c t i o n o f p r o p e r ty , and, u s u a l l y , m urder. ^ I b i d . , Oct. 2 1 , 1894. ^5 I b i d . , J u ly 2 2 , 1 8 9 4 . 249 F u r th e r , a s t r i k e means ( f o r i t in c lu d e s a s i t s main method) v io le n c e , la w le s s n e s s , d e s t r u c t i o n o f th e p r o p e r ty o f o th e r s th a n th e s t r i k e r s , r i o t and i f n e c e s s a ry b lo o d sh e d . Even- i f th e s t r i k e r s th e m se lv e s had no hand in th e s e c rim e s th e y a r e m o ra lly l i a b l e f o r a l l th e c o n se q u e n c e s. . .and sh o u ld be made so i n la w --o n ly t h a t s t r i k e s a r e needless. 46 T his i s n o t s a t i r e , b u t a s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d , open s ta te m e n t o f v ie w p o in t. B ut B ie rc e d id s a t i r i c a l l y e x c o r i a t e th e u n io n s f o r t h e i r u se o f th e s t r i k e , th e sy m p a th e tic s t r i k e , th e b o y c o tt, th e l i e , th e to r c h , r i o t , and a s s a s s i n a t i o n . B i e r c e ’s f i c t i o n a l "The S tr i k e o f 1899, 1 1 a s a t i r e upon th e e x c e s s e s o f th e Pullm an S t r i k e . ^7 E lsew here he a tta c k e d th e " s y m p a th e tic " s t r i k e , s a t i r i z e d th e S a i l o r s ’ Union f o r em ploying v io le n c e (a n e x p lo s io n ) to m a in ta in wages and th e n f o r t r y i n g to s h i f t th e blame e ls e w h e re , and s a t i r i z e d C a rl Browne and A. E. ifedstone f o r t h e i r p a r t in o r g a n iz in g , and "G e n e ra l" C h a rle s T. K e lly f o r h i s p a r t i n le a d in g , th e '" I n d u s t r i a l Army," San F r a n c is c o ’s c o n tin g e n t o f C oxey’s Army, w hich marched upon W ashington i n 1894 to b l a c k m a il C o n g ress. The s a t i r i c a l a t t a c k upon th e Bay c o n tin g e n t o f t h i s "army" i s n o te w o rth y b ec au se i t is th o ro u g h ly t y p i c a l o f B ie rc e and b e c a u se i t i l l u s t r a t e s B i e r c e ’s a b i l i t y to combine s a t i r e w ith a s t e e l y e a r n e s tn e s s and r e f l e c t s h i s a g g r e s s iv e c o u r a g e : 46 I b i d . , J u ly 22, 1894. 47 S .F .E x ., May 5 , 1895- 250 ’Two hundred d eterm in ed men’ c a l l i n g th e m selv es 't h e s o v e re ig n p e o p le o f O akland' met on; l a s t Tuesday e v e n in g , and a f t e r l i s t e n i n g to a c o r r u s c a t i n g [ s i c ] sp e e c h by an h a ra n g u e -o u ta n g named Q-regg r e s o lv e s t h a t th e C ity C o u n c il must f o r th w it h a p p r o p r ia te two hundred th o u san d d o l l a r s to employ th e unem ployed. . . One o f th e re so lu tio n s d i s t i n c t l y d e c la r e s t h a t th e m eetin g does n o t p e t i t i o n b u t ’d em an d s.’ . . . i f th e d e s ir e d a c t i o n i s n o t had 'so m e th in g w i l l h ap p e n , 1 and th e p r e s e n tin g com m ittee 'w i l l be p re p a re d to s u s t a i n I t s demands. ’ . . . I f th e Oakland C ity C o u n c il i s n o t composed o f ro g u es and cow ards and th e p o lic e a u t h o r i t i e s o f cow ards and ro g u e s th e 's o m e th in g ' t h a t 'w i l l h a p p e n 1 w i l l be ab o u t t h i s : when th e com m ittee o f 't h e s o v e re ig n p e o p le ' p r e s e n ts t h a t i n s u l t i n g demand backed by th e i n t i m i d a t in g 't u m u l t ' w i t h i n ' i t s members w i l l be p ro m p tly lo c k e d up. I n c a s e o f any d e m o n s tra tio n o f a m enacing c h a r a c t e r th e c u rre n c y o f c ra c k e d crowns w i l l be so n o ta b ly i n f l a t e d t h a t e v e ry one o f th e 'd e te rm in e d men' may g e t as many as he w an ts. I f so m eth in g o f t h a t k in d i s n o t to o cc u r th e Town Councilm en w i l l o b lig e th e f i f t y - o d d tho u san d men, women and c h i l d r e n whose money th e two hundred 's o v e r e ig n p e o p l e ’ say b elo n g s to them by r e s ig n i n g on Monday m orning b r i g h t and e a r l y . The u s e f u ln e s s o f a l e g i s l a t i v e body s u b je c t to th e s u a s io n o f demands and t h r e a t s i s a s e l f - p l e a s i n g i l l u s i o n . A few weeks ago t h i s same u n tid y mob t h a t i s now b r e a t h in g f i r e and s l a u g h t e r fo rm a lly denounced me f o r s a y in g t h a t th e r e would be r i o t i n g . T h e ir n o tio n seems to have b een t h a t r i o t i n g would be a v e rte d by t e r r o r o f t h e i r arms and su b m issio n to t h e i r r u l e . I t may be t h a t th e y knew th e co w a rd ic e o f th e ra m a jo rity b e t t e r th a n I . I t may be t h a t i n th e s o i l o f C a l i f o r n i a n p u b lic l i f e and c i v i c a u t h o r i t y d u ty and s e l f - r e s p e c t a r e p l a n t s t h a t do n o t grow. T hat rem ain s to be se e n ; i f Monday e v e n in g 's e v e n ts te n d to c o n firm t h a t view o f th e m a tte r Oakland may r i g h t l y be re g a rd e d as a f a i r l y good p la c e f o r men o f co u ra g e and c h a r a c t e r to ' h a i l fro m .'4 o The Oakland C ity C o u n c il d id n o t r e s i g n Monday m orning. The "m o n ster mass m eetin g " d id n o t m a t e r i a l i z e , and B ie rc e r e p o r te d th e C o u n c il m eetin g i n p a r t as fo llo w s : 48 " p r a t t l e , " S .P .E x ., March 4 , 1 894. 251 The Committee on F ire and S la u g h te r went up l i k e a lamb to th e l a t t e r and r e s p e c t f u l l y handed in th e ’demand1 o f th e 'tw o hundred determ ined men1 to f i t whose p u rp o ses and courage i t had been fo rm u late d by C alam ity Clough. I t was 'r e f e r r e d ' u n read , and th e b u s in e s s o f tb e rm e e tin g proceeded w ith o u t c a la c ly sm . That was th e n e t r e s u l t o f th e drumming and b ra s s -b a n d in g and b ra n d is h in g o f th e f i e r y c r o s s . That i s what 'o c c u r r e d . ' I t i s th o u g h t t h a t most o f th e wounded w i l l re c o v e r. By th e way, I o b serv e th a t th e h u m o rists o f O ak la n d 's F e d e ra l Labor Union have n o t, in c o n s id e r a tio n o f my s e r v ic e ...o m itted t h e i r custom ary 'd e n u n c ia tio n ' o f me. I fe a re d th ey w ould--w hich would have done som ething to e c l i p s e th e g ay e ty o f th e s i t u a t i o n . Perhaps i t is m erely a c o in c id e n c e th a t th e h u m o rists a re known as th e Committee o f T en--one f o r each o f th e o ld Commandments. I f n o t, I move t h a t a n o th e r p e rso n be added in honor o f th e new E le v e n th , designed to meet th e views o f th o se la b o r e r s who la b o r w ith t h e i r c h in s : Thou s h a l t not w ash .49 B ie rc e did n o t deny th e l a b o r e r 's g rie v a n c e s n o r d id he h e s i t a t e to enum erate them and j u s t i f y th e l a b o r e r 's *howlw. But he did deny th e w orker any r i g h t to r i o t , d e s tro y p r o p e r ty , k i l l , or i n t e r f e r e w ith th e r i g h t o f h i s fe llo w s to work. Said B ie rc e , when th e s t r i k e r d e n ie s h i s fe llo w s th e r i g h t to work as th e y p le a s e , and w ith i t th e r i g h t to o rg a n iz e d s o c ie ty to e x i s t , th e n e c e s s ity o f s h o o tin g him is n o t o nly a p p a re n t; i t i s conspicuous and im p e r a tiv e .5° To th o se who w ished to quieb l a b o r 's f e a r o f th e use o f armed fo rc e a g a in s t i t he s a id , Why should L a b o r's f e a r to do wrong, be 'q u i e t e d '? Why sh o u ld n o t a w orking man be made as much a f r a i d to e x e c u te h is f a v o r i t e crim es o f r i o t and bloodshed as th e r e s t o f us to commit th e s in s we a re in c lin e d t o ? 5 l 49 I b i d . , March 11, 1894. 5° I b i d . , June 5 , 1894. 51 "The P a ssin g Show," S .F .E x ., Oct. 8 , 1899- 252 In h i s f u tu r e h i s t o r y o f 4930 A .D ., ’’Ashes o f the B eacon,*1 B ie rc e re p r e s e n te d C a p ita l and Labor as e q u a lly v ic io u s and c u lp a b le : on one o c c a sio n two m illio n u n o ffe n d in g workmen w ere. . .d isc h a rg e d w i t h o u t w arning and prom ptly a r r e s t e d as v a g ra n ts and d ep riv e d o f t h e i r e a rs because a s u lk in g ca n al-b o atm an had kick ed h i s c a p t a i n ’s dog in to the w a te r. And th e dog was a r e t r i e v e r . 52 A nother tim e, in 1931, because an in n -k e e p e r re fu s e d a cook a h a l f h o lid a y , h a l f th e f a c t o r i e s in th e c o u n try were c lo s e d : a l l r a i l r o a d and s e a t r a v e l was h a l t e d ; fam ine a tta c k e d th e p e o p le ; armed c o n f l i c t o ccu rred in ev ery s t a t e ; hundreds were s l a i n and in c a lc u a b le amounts o f p ro p e r ty wrecked and d e s tro y e d . 55 C i v il war follow ed r i o t i n g , and th e c l a s s e s d e stro y e d each o th e r , th e e n t i r e American c i v i l i z a t i o n c r a s h in g t o r u i n and e x t i n c t i o n . Such were th e l o g i c a l im p lic a tio n s o f th e s t r i f e between c a p i t a l and la b o r, who were e q u a lly g u i l t y o f th e v i o l a t i o n o f th e p r o p e rty r i g h t s o f o th e r s , and B ie rc e saw l i t t l e hope f o r th e f u tu r e . The o n ly p o s s ib le s o lu t io n was th e a p p l ic a tio n by b o th s id e s o f th e p r i n c i p l e o f th e Golden R ule, a s o lu t io n th a t would be u n a c c e p ta b le to b o th c a p i t a l and la b o r because o f t h e i r s e lf is h n e s s 5 ^ and t h a t could n o t be imposed by th e p u b lic because i t was to o weak. 52 C o lle c te d Works, 1:78 53 I b i d . , p. 76 54 I b i d . , p. 84f f . CHAPTER ¥ PEOPLE IN GOVERNM ENT Ambrose B i e r c e 's s a t i r e upon people In governm ent was % d ir e c te d n e a r ly e q u a lly a g a in s t two groups: th o se in " p o litic s ® and th o se a s s o c ia te d w ith th e ju d ic ia r y system . The form er of th e s e groups In c lu d e s th o se a s p i r i n g to o f f i c e , th e in d iv id u a ls and groups a s s i s t i n g to g e t them th e r e , and th e e x e c u tiv e s , l e g i s l a t o r s , and c l e r k s th a t f i n a l l y a r r iv e d ; th e l a t t e r in c lu d e s ju d g e s, law yers and ju r:o rs- to g e th e r w ith th e im p e rso n a l laws and c o u r t t r a d i t i o n s and p r a c t i c e s o f th e c o u n try . B ie rc e scorned and s a t i r i z e d th o se who openly sought o f f i c e o r p o l i t i c a l appointm ent and th o se who d e s ire d p la c e b u t p re te n d e d a r e lu c ta n c e to a c c e p t i t . I t was h i s b e l i e f th a t th e o f f i c e sh o u ld se ek th e man, not th e man th e o f f i c e , and th a t c a n d id a te s should sta n d r a t h e r th a n run f o r o f f i c e a s fo r p o l i t i c a l ap p o in tm e n ts, th ey should be made on a b a s is o f m e r it, n o t d e s i r e . C onsequently p o l i t i c a l am b itio n was th e f i r s t I n d ic a tio n o f unw orth in a c a n d id a te , and B ie rc e r i d i c u l e d th o se who e x h ib ite d I t , g e n e ra lly in a r a t h e r l i g h t and mocking manner. When a c e r t a i n Sam C a ru si was a c o m p e tito r o f a c e r t a i n Mike McGrath f o r some unnamed D em ocratic o f f ic e in 1881, B ie rc e la b e le d C a ru s i an ’ ’immense bunch o f i n t e s t i n e s , 1 " in c o m p e titio n w ith a man o f b r a in s . He laughed I r o n ic a lly a t Mark McDonald, 1 " P r a t t le ," S .F .E x ., J u ly 27 , 1890, Nov. 2 5 , 189^. "a S hylock1 ' and "G iant P ru d e ," f o r once spen d in g l "a sm a ll f o r tu n e to squeeze h i s lu b b e rly b u lk in to th e U nited S ta te s S e n a te , and f o r a s p i r i n g now to th e o f f i c e o f C o lle c to r o f I n t e r n a l R ev en u e."2 He laughed a t M. M. E s te e , John W. S w ift, and M. H. De Young, who a l l hoped f o r an appointm ent to H a r r is o n ’s c a b in e t i n 1888; a t C o lo n el Ja ck so n in 1889 f o r s e l l i n g The Wasp to " d is e m b a rr a s s 1 1 h im s e lf o f im pedim enta in h i s e f f o r t s to s e c u re an appointm ent as C o lle c to r o f Customs f o r th e p o r t o f San F ra n c is c o ; a t C o lo n el H. H. Markham f o r h i s a m b itio n in 1890 to be G overnor o f C a l i f o r n i a , an a m b itio n t h a t B ie rc e s a id would be s h a tte r e d (Markham was e l e c t e d ) ; a t James H. Budd and M. M. E ste e f o r a s p i r i n g to th e g o v e rn o rsh ip in 1894; a t Dan Burns f o r a s p i r i n g to th e U n ited S ta te s S en ate in 1899> i-n s p i t e o f th e f a c t t h a t he had s t o l e n $^1,000 from C a l i f o r n i a d u rin g h i s term as S e c r e ta r y o f S t a t e ; a t Jo a q u in M ille r i n I 907 f o r h i s am b itio n , as r e p o r te d by B i e r c e ,t o be a U nited S ta te s S e n a to r from O regon? and a t governm ent job se e k e rs en m asse. Men who cov eted o f f i c e , y e t a f f e c te d r e lu c ta n c e to become c a n d id a te s , he lik e w is e r i d i c u l e d : Leland S ta n fo rd , who ached f o r th e P re sid e n c y ; John Sherman, i n 1880, who was " w ill in g to be persuaded to become P r e s i d e n t ; 1 ' James G. B la in e , who w ro te home from I t a l y in th e s p rin g o f 1888 to say he would n o t be a c a n d id a te , a s ta te m e n t t h a t most new spapers, alo n g w ith B ie r c e , c o n s id e re d in s i n c e r e ; and th e unsavory Matthew S. Quay, S e n a to r from P e n n sy lv a n ia , who, 2 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, A p ril 2 5 , I 8 8 5 . 3 Sm all C o n tr ib u tio n s , C osm opolitan, S ep t., 1 9 0 7 . 255 i n 1 8 9 6 , when he was s i x t y - t h r e e y e a rs o ld , announced t h a t he would r e f u s e ren o m in a tio n a t th e end o f h i s term and r e t i r e from p o l i t i c s to g e t a c q u a in te d w ith h i s fa m ily . (He became a c a n d i d a t e , was s e n t back to th e S en ate and d ied in o f f i c e . ) In 1 8 8 5 , th e y e a r b e fo re George H e a rs t, f a t h e r o f a famous so n , was a p p o in te d to th e U nited S ta te s S en ate from C a l i f o r n i a , B ierce c h a r a c te r iz e d him as "th e dodo o f p o l i t i c s ,® 1 who c ra c k s h i s beak " to g r e a t e r a d m ira tio n th a n ad v a n ta g e .'"2 * When he th o u g h t B la in e and Sherman i n 1887 were p o in tin g fo r th e R e p u b lic an p r e s id e n t i a l n o m in atio n th e fo llo w in g y e a r , he tw itte d them and t h e i r s u p p o r te r s , d e c la r in g b o th men dead and b u rie d ; and when Don Cameron, machine p o l i t i c i a n o f P e n n sy lv a n ia , was ru n n in g f o r r e - e l e c t i o n to th e U nited S t a t e s S e n a te , B ie rc e encouraged him w ith th e grave p r e d i c t i o n t h a t h i s f u tu r e was b eh in d him. B ie rc e a ls o seemed to en jo y r i d i c u l i n g th o s e who had a s p ir e d and f a i l e d . Among o th e r s , M orris E s te e re c e iv e d such a t t e n t i o n in 1894 on th e o c c a sio n o f h i s d e f e a t f o r th e G overnor s h ip , and W illiam Je n n in g s B ryan, when h i s book, The F i r s t B a t t l q was p u b lis h e d In 1897. When Rascoe C onkling, e x p e c tin g to be r e tu r n e d to h i s o f f i c e by th e Hew Y ork S ta te L e g i s l a t u r e , r e sig n e d from th e U nited S ta te s S en ate because G a r fie ld re fu s e d to l e t him govern th e New York ap p o in tm en ts and was re fu s e d r e - e l e c t i o n , B ie rc e had C onkling sa y , wThe S ta te t h a t would n o t send me back to th e S en ate is unworthy to go R e p u b lic a n .1 ^ 4 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, A p ril 2 5 , I 8 8 5 . 5 I b i d . , O ct. 21, 1882. 256 And when Tom Reed r e c e iv e d hut s c a n t su p p ort as a f a v o r i t e so n c a n d id a te fo r th e p r e s id e n c y a t th e S t . L ou is c o n v e n tio n in I 8 9 6 , B ie r c e q u oted him a s g r a v e ly s a y in g , **. . . p a r t i e s v e r y seld om c h o o se t h e i r n o b l e s t men to le a d them ."^ B e sid e s la u g h in g a t men f o r t h e i r p o l i t i c a l a s p i r a t i o n s , B ie rc e r i d i c u l e d them f o r th e methods by w hich th e y a tte m p te d to win o r h o ld o f f i c e . He sco rn ed th e d is h o n e s t machine b o s s e s , l i k e C h ris B uckley, who went about on e l e c t i o n days w ith h i s p o ck e ts f u l l o f tw o - a n d - a - h a lf - d o lla r g old p ie c e s and who d e manded t r i b u t e o f h i s b e n e f i c i a r i e s . He scorned th e p o l i t i c i a n s who to g a in p o p u la r a p p ro v a l, b e r a te d a u n iv e r s a lly d is c r e d i t e d man, l i k e G u ite au a f t e r h i s a s s a s s i n a t i o n o f G a r f ie ld . He r i d i c u l e d th e p o l i t i c a l b u c k -p a s s e r s , f e n c e - s t r a d d l e r s , fe n c e - b u i l d e r s , and ca m p aig n -p ro m ise rs, and he was contem ptuous o f the p o l i t i c i a n s who t r i e d to c la im c r e d i t fo r th in g s f o r w hich th e y were n o t r e s p o n s ib le . He r i d i c u l e d th e R ep u b lican s fo r m ain t a i n i n g t h a t th e Spanish-A m erican War was a ^R epublican W ar;1 " t h a t i s , t h a t i t s q u ic k c o n c lu s io n and d e c is iv e n e s s were due to th e R ep u b lican a d m in is tr a tio n ; and in 1897 he ex p ressed contem pt f o r George C. P e rk in s and S tephen M. W hite, C a l i f o r n i a ’s S e n a to rs , f o r h av in g done n o th in g to f i g h t H u n tin g to n ’s Funding B i l l th e p re v io u s y e a r, th e n coming home and solem nly a c c e p tin g , even s o l i c i t i n g , a p p la u se from t h e i r c o n s t i t u e n t s fo r t h e i r g a l l a n t f i g h t a g a in s t i t . When someone p ra is e d P e rk in s as a le a d e r , 6 '’P r a t t l e / ' S .F .E x ., Aug. 9 , 1 8 9 6 . 257 B ie r c e an sw ered , " S en ator P e r k in s i s a le a d e r o n ly when fo llo w e d by a l i n e o f cows who are c u r io u s to a s c e r t a i n what e l s e he i s , and i f he i s good to eat;? b u t, he added, i n com p arison to S e n a to r W h ite, S e n a to r P er k in s " i s a c lo u t e d s u c k l in g ." B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d p reten d ed a f f e c t i o n fo r th e c a u s e s o f p r e s s u r e groups t h a t had v o t e s to g i v e , p r o v i n c i a l " s ta te s m a n s h ip ," and p o l i t i c a l m aneuvering su ch a s h e s u s p e c te d in O ctober o f 1899, when he th o u g h t M cK inley was d e l i b e r a t e l y p r o lo n g in g th e P h ilip p in e cam p a ig n w it h a view t o im provin g h i s c h a n ces o f r e - e l e c t i o n . ® C a n d id a te s fo r o f f i c e who v i l i f i e d , l i b e l e d , and sla n d e r e d t h e i r op p on en ts d u rin g e l e c t i o n cam p a ign s, and th o s e who em ployed "soap and sugar" to a t t a i n t h e i r e n d s , as d id Mark Hanna, he e q u a lly r i d i c u l e d . He p ro cla im ed th e a b s u r d ity o f th e p o l i t i c ia n s who p r o p h e sie d v i c t o r y in o rd er to draw v o t e s , o f t h o s e who a ttem p ted to in f lu e n c e p e o p le w it h su ch i r r e l e v a n c i e s as b r a s s bands and p arad es and o f th o s e who urged p e o p le to v o te f o r a c e r t a i n c a n d id a te or p r o p o s i t i o n w ith o u t g i v in g a r e a so n f o r d o in g s o . Demagoguery i n a l l o f i t s m a n if e s t a t io n s B ie r c e d e s p is e d ,' and o r a to r y , an in s e p a r a b le e le m en t o f dem agoguery, he d e s p is e d w it h a s p e c i a l z e a l . "Waving th e b lo o d y s h i r t , " " t w i s t i n g th e t a i l o f th e B r i t i s h l i o n , " p r o m isin g e v e r y th in g to ev er y b o d y , c o u r t in g th e fa v o r o f a l l , o f f e r i n g nostrum s and p an aceas fo r th e p u b lic i l l s , " r i s i n g i n h i s p l a c e , ” " p o in tin g p ro u d ly to h i s 7 I b i d . , A p r il 2 5 , 1 8 9 7 . 8 " P a ss in g Show," S .P .E x ., O ct. 1 5 , 1899- r e c o r d , ” "and h u r lin g back th e a l l e g a t i o n , ” waving th e f l a g , and making th e e a g le scream were a l l d is g u s tin g ; and he named th e o f fe n d e r s : John Sherman, Henry Gage, G en eral B a rn e s, S. M. S h o rtr ld g e , G en eral Salomon, C olonel D ic k in so n , P rank M o f f i tt, John P. I r i s h , Judge Sawyer, Judge George W . T u rn e r, O ra to r D avis, and t h a t k in g o f th e o r a t o r s , th e s i l v e r tongued B ryan, who s a id , d u rin g h i s f i r s t cam paign, i f B ie rc e quoted c o r r e c t l y , " I r e j o i c e t h a t I l i v e i n a land where to be a c i t i z e n i s g r e a t e r th a n to be a k in g in any n a tio n on earth. ”9 These "’p o s tp r a n d ia l H a ra n g u e -o u ta n g s" loved h ig h -flo w n r h e t o r i c , ! " b u rs ts o f eloquence bom bast, h y p e rb o le , e x tra v a g a n c e , s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , p o ly s y l la b i c words ending in - o r y , ” w hich to h e a r were ! "a l i f e on th e ocean wave and a t r i p up th e C ongo.” They loved a n c ie n t f ig u r e s o f sp e e c h , “ mixed m etaphors and a i l i n g a l l e g o r i e s , ” p l a t i t u d e s , sim ia n b e h a v io r, ir r e le v a n c y , t u r g i d i t y , i l l o g i c i t y , bosh, d r i v e l , humbug, f i d d l e - d e - d i e , f o l - d e - r o l , fee-faw -fu m , f i d d l e - f a d d le , p o llic u m c ra c k e ry , and s c re e c h e ty s k a k k . ^ I t was a l l i n f l a t e d n o n se n se, d is h o n e s t, m ischievous and u n d e s ir a b le , th e purpose b ein g to c o n c e a l th o u g h t o r to say th in g s ” in such a way as to make them p ass f o r more th a n th e y were w orth. 9 “ P r a t t l e , ” S .F . E x .t Aug. 3 0 , I 8 9 6 . 3-0 " P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, Feb. 16, . 1884. 11 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Nov. 8 , 1891; se e e s p e c i a l l y " R h e to ric a l M onke-Shines/"" S .F .E x. , Aug. 28, I 8 9 8 . 259 Of W illiam M. E v a r ts , S e c r e ta r y o f S ta te u nder H ayes, B ie rc e ■wrote, In p r i v a t e l i f e S e c r e ta r y E v a rts i s an i n t e r e s t i n g c h i l d . I t is s a id to be charm ing t o h e a r him s a y — Now I la y me down to sleep,* I p ray th e Lord my s o u l to keep. He k n e e ls a t h i s b e d sid e In h is l i t t l e n ig h ty , c la s p s h i s tin y h an d s, and lo o k in g t r u s t f u l l y upward b e g in s : At th e p r e s e n t ju n c tu re o f a f f a i r s , deeming i t e x p e d ie n t to s u b s t i t u t e fo r a v e r t i c a l a t t i t u d e one o f recumbency in o rd e r to a v a i l m yself o f th e n o c tu rn a l c e s s a tio n o f c o n sc io u sn e ss t h a t r e s t o r e s th e v i t a l e n e rg ie s and ex h a u ste d pow ers, I have th e d is t in g u is h e d honor to s o l i c i t y th e a t t e n t i o n o f His E x c e lle n c y , th e R u ler o f N a tio n s, to th e u n p ro te c te d c o n d itio n o f my in c o rp o r e a l p a r t , and v e n tu re to s u g g e s t, th a t such m easures may be ta k e n , lo o k in g to i t s p r e s e r v a tio n , as In H is wisdom He may c o n s id e r most l i k e l y to be e f f e c t i v e . 12 A f te r B ry a n 's sudden r i s e to fame i n 1896 B ie rc e w ro te , To th e d iz z y e le v a t io n o f h i s can d id acy he was h o is te d out o f th e shadow o f h i s own to n g u e, th e lo n g e s t and l i v e l i e s t in C hristendom . Had he h e ld it- - w h ic h he co u ld n o t have done w ith b o th h a n d s - - th e r e had been no B ryan. H is c r e a tio n was th e u n stu d ie d a c t o f h i s own la ry n x ; i t s a i d , 'L e t th e r e by B ry a n ,' and th e r e was B ryan. Even in th e s e d e g e n e ra te days th e r e i s a hope f o r th e o r a to r s when one can make h im s e lf a P r e s i d e n t i a l p e r i l by m erely waving th e red f la g in th e cave o f th e winds and to rm e n tin g th e c irc u m fe re n c e w ith a b ra n d is h o f abundant h a n d s . 13 Bryan was c h a r a c te r iz e d as a v u lg a r demagogue, "'the N ebraska - a n a r c h i s t " who preached " th e g o sp e l o f f r e e s i l v e r r e p u d ia tio n and d is h o n o r ;" and B ie rc e sm iled w ith d e l ig h t when, upon B ry a n 's ap p earan ce a t New Haven, 500 Y ale s tu d e n ts y e lle d him o f f th e 12 " P r a t t l e , A rgo, Nov. 2 , 1 8 7 8 . 3-3 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., J u ly 1 9 , 1 8 9 6 . 2 6 0 p la tfo r m and p re v e n te d him from g iv in g a speech t h e r e . ^ N a tu r a lly th e p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s th a t sponsored th e c a n d i dates f o r o f f i c e and t r i e d to c o n t r o l them when th e y were se a te d came in f o r c o n s id e r a b le s a t i r i c ab u se. By r e g i s t r a t i o n B ie rc e was a R e p u b lic a n , ^5 b u t i n p r a c t i c e he was a "mugwump." Con s e q u e n tly h i s d i s p r a i s e was d i s t r i b u t e d about e q u a lly betw een th e two m ajor p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s o f h i s tim e . Among iothejr : ; . re a s o n s he r i d i c u l e d th e R ep u b lican s f o r n o m in atin g obscure p e rso n s f o r im p o rta n t o f f i c e s on th e p resu m p tio n t h a t th e l e s s known about them, th e more l i k e l y th e y were to w in. The Demo c r a t s he r i d i c u l e d , among o th e r r e a s o n s , f o r t h e i r f r e e - s i l v e r sta n d in I 8 9 6 . Both p a r t i e s he a s s a i l e d f o r t h e i r m u lti-p la n k e d p la tf o r m s , which n ev e r allow ed an e l e c t i o n to s e t t l e a n y th in g , f o r no one could t e l l which p la n k , i f any, persuaded p eo p le to v o te as th e y d id . N e ith e r p a r ty was w i l l i n g to ta k e a c l e a r , u n e q u iv o c a l sta n d on a m ajor is s u e and l e t th e peo p le speak. D uring th e d e p re s s io n t h a t follow ed th e m ining s to c k p an ic o f 1875 B ie rc e many tim es poured s c a th in g , contem ptuous abuse upon th e Workingmen and t h e i r le a d e r s . Denis Kearney was re p re s e n te d as a " n ig g e r" and th e son o f a p ig , a c rim in a l,- and a p o l i t i c i a n - - a t any r a t e , th e y were among h is fo re b e a rs ; ^ "ft G en tlem an’ o f Y a l e ’s D e m o n stra tio n ," S .F .E x ., O ct. 6 , I 8 9 6 . 15 " P r a t t l e ," A rg o , A p r il 1 9 , 1879. 16 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., Nov. 1 3 , I 8 9 8 . 261 he was th e " D irty D i c t a t o r , 1 1 and when he went b a th in g a t Coney I s la n d , he was th e p o l l u t e r o f th e A tla n tic O cean.^7 I . S. K a llo c h , S t . , B a p tis t p re a c h e r and W orkingm en's mayor o f San F ra n c is c o from 1879 to 1881, was r e p re s e n te d as a sc o u n d re l i n ev ery n e rv e , m uscle, and bone, f o r whom i t was absurd to p le ad t h a t he was a c o n s c ie n tio u s man t r y i n g s in c e r e ly to do h i s du ty . When K a llo c k s a id in h i s own b e h a lf , "L ike the s t r i p l i n g D avid, I am b a t t l i n g a g i a n t , 1 1 B ie rc e r e p l i e d , in v e r s e , "Y es, but your s l i n g i s f u l l o f mud, and your sid e -a rm is th e weapon used by Samson a g a in s t th e P h i l i s t i n e s .18 K earney, K allo c h , th e r e s t o f th e le a d e r s o f th e p a r ty , and th e S a n d - lo tte r s them selv es were ig n o r a n t; and o f th e p a r ty was a w hole, B ie rc e , p u b lis h e d th e s e v e r s e s . Wild wanton Luxury la y s w aste th e land W ith d i f f i c u l t y t i l l e d by T h r i f t 's h a rd hand.' Then d ie s th e S t a t e ! - - a n d , i n i t s c a rc a s s found, The D enis K earneys, m a g g o t-lik e , abound. A las! was I t f o r t h i s th a t W arren d ie d , And A rnold so ld h im s e lf to t ’o th e r s i d e - - S ta r k p ile d on B ennington h i s B r i t i s h dead And G ates a t Camden, Lee a t Monmouth, fle d ? For t h i s th a t P e rry did th e foeman f l e e c e , and H u ll s u rre n d e r to p re s e rv e th e peace? D eg en erate countrym en, ren o u n ce, I p ra y , The s l o t h f u l e a s e , th e lu x u ry , th e gay And g a l l a n t tr a p p in g s o f your i d l e l i v e s , And be more w orthy o f each o t h e r 's w iv es, I m arv el, when b e s id e your s i r e s I s e t you, They e v e r to o k th e tr o u b le to b e g e t y o u .19 -* ■ 7 " L i t t l e Johnny on K earn y ," Argo., J u ly 1J>, 1878. " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, March 12, 1881. ^ " P r a t t l e , " Argo., May 11, I 8 7 8 . 2 6 2 The P o p u lis ts were a tta c k e d f o r t h e i r money p o l i c i e s ; and th e "bluggy-m inded" a n a r c h is ts - - " D e v a s ta te s m e n ,"--th o u g h h a r d ly a p a r ty , were a tta c k e d f o r t h e i r v io le n c e , t h e i r denun c i a t i o n o f law , and t h e i r e a g e r n e s s , a t th e same tim e , to en jo y i t s p r o te c tio n . In "The Kingdom o f T o r t i r r a , " Eierce re p re s e n te d a l l p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s as t r y i n g to j u s t i f y , d e fe n d , o r prom ote t h e i r own s e l f i s h , d e s tr u c tiv e p o l i c i e s under th e p r e te n s e o f a c tin g upon h ig h m oral p r i n c i p l e s , though th e y were v e ry vague about d e f in in g th e p r i n c i p l e s , which r e a l l y were o nly a smoke s c re e n behind w hich s e l f i s h p o l i t i c a l a c t i v i t i e s m ight be h id d e n . 20 B ie rc e found th e p o l i t i c i a n s and government em ployees in o f f i c e to e x h i b it ig n o ra n c e , l a z i n e s s , w eakness, and i n e f f i c i e n c y They engaged in c o r r u p tio n , g r a f t , and th ie v e ry a t a l l l e v e l s , and th e y ad vocated p o l i c i e s i n t e r n a l l y and i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y th a t were som etim es s i l l y and o f te n v ic io u s . M u n icip al o f f i c e r s and p u b lic o f f i c i a l s were la z y , from p o licem an McCrosky, who became a councilm an by n o t doing h i s jo b , th u s making f r ie n d s in s te a d o f enem ies, to W illiam Sharon, th e v u lg a r, w ealth y b a n k e r, n o to rio u s f o r h is l i t i g a t i o n w ith S arah A lth e a H i l l and f o r h i s i n a t t e n t i o n to d uty w h ile in p u b lic o f f i c e . As U nited S ta te s S en ato r from Nevada he p o tte r e d around San F ra n c is c o when he should have been in W ashington, and he made i t a 20 "The Land Beyond th e B low ," C o lle c te d W orks, 1 :8 0 . 2 6 5 r u le "n e v e r. . . t o e n t e r th e S enate Chamber a t a l l , b u t picked h i s c o u n tr y ’s p o ck e ts o u ts id e , l i k e a p r i v a t e gentlem an. Everywhere one found' tim id weak o f f i c i a l s . On th e occasiaa. o f th e s in k in g o f th e Maine B ie rc e , in a " l e t t e r from a Dead S a i l o r , " s a t i r i z e d McKinley as weak f o r n o t re b u k in g S pain and f o r alm o st ig n o rin g th e in c id e n t . L a te r he c a lle d a tte n tio n ' to M cKinley’s weakness in r e t a i n i n g as S e c r e ta ry o f War, th e am bi t i o u s , c o r r u p t, and incom petent R u s s e ll A. A lg e r, who was th e o b je c t o f g e n e ra l d is a p p ro b a tio n : The common se n se in ab u sin g S e c r e ta ry A lger and s p a rin g P re s id e n t M cKinley, who in v e n ted and p r o te c ts him , is n o t o b v io u s. I f A lger i s a f o o l, McKinley is a f o o l f o r n o t f in d in g i t o u t. I f A lg er I s a r a s c a l McKinley i s a r a s c a l f o r su p p ly in g him w ith a c o n tin u in g o p p o r tu n ity f o r r a s c a l i t y . A lger i s th e c r e a t u r e , M cKinley, th e c r e a t o r . . . .22 U nited S ta te s S e n a to r George C. P e rk in s was th e "w eakest man th a t e v e r sto o d up w ith o u t h o ld in g onto so m e th in g ," a s evidenced by h i s a s k in g th e C a l i f o r n i a L e g is la tu r e how to v o te on th e P h ilip p in e Is la n d q u e s tio n , and, e a r l i e r , by h is em barrassm ent a t n o t knowing what to do when two s tro n g elem en ts in h i s S ta te d is a g re e d on a m a tte r upon w hich he had to v o te as S e n a to r. 21 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Ja n . 21, 1897. 22 I b i d . , March 12, 1899. In "A V oice from th e Tomb," i b i d . , Aug. 6 , 1899, A lg er h im s e lf i s contem p tu o u sly s a t i r i z e d for- th e i r r e l e v a n t d efen se he advanced fo r th e m isconduct o f h is o f f i c e - - a d e fe n se th a t ig n o red th e main o ffe n s e s and sought j u s t i f i c a t i o n on h i s h av in g done w e ll in some minor ap p o in tm en t. 264 N. Said B ie r c e , w ith o u t s a t i r e , . . .you were n o t s e n t to W ashington as a mere d e le g a te to urge upon C ongress an y b o d y 's views b u t your own-- to r e c e iv e 'i n s t r u c t i o n s ' and c a r r y them o u t. You ta k e too low a view o f your o f f i c e . You a re n o t an ad v o c a te j you r e p r e s e n t. To r e p r e s e n t a S t a t a is n o t th e same th in g as to r e p r e s e n t th e o p in io n o f th a t S ta te . Not only would i t be e n t i r e l y c o n s i s t e n t w ith your d u ty as a S e n a to r to a c t upon your own judgm ent a g a in s t even a unanimous p u b lic o p in io n in your s t a t e , but you would be j u s t l y c h a rg e a b le w ith d is h o n e s ty i f you did n o t . 23 G overnor R. W. Waterman was s a t i r i z e d as weak, when, y ie ld in g to h i s e g o tism ,h e w rote u n j u s t i f i a b l e pardons (a s did G overnor George Stoneman o f th e p re v io u s a d m in is t r a tio n ) , and p e rm itte d h i s p r i v a t e s e c r e t a r y , Marcus D. Boruck to ru n th e S ta te fo r him. " L i t t l e Johnny p u ts th e s e words in t o th e mouth o f Boruck: "I run th e S ta te and S e n a to r S ta n fe rd he runs me. *"24 l o w lie s t p u b lic s e rv a n ts were as weak a s t h e i r b e t t e r s , and when th e "tram p menace" was w o rry in g everyone in th e l a t t e r p a r t o f 1895, th e r e appeared in " P r a t t l e " t h i s s u c c in c t summary o f th e s i t u a t i o n : "For our p r o t e c t i o n we r e l y upon th e v i l l a g e c o n s ta b le , who, f o r h i s own, r e l i e s upon an h e ro ic a b s e n te n tio n from d u t y . "25 On th e ch arg e o f incom petence, which i s o f te n th e r e s u l t o f weakness, B ie rc e s a t i r i z e d many p u b lic o f f i c i a l s , among them b ein g e x -B rig a d ie r-G e n e ra l McComb, Warden o f San Q u e n tin , who. 25 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., May 16, 1897. " L i t t l e Jo h n n y ," S . F . E x ., Ja n . 1 5 , 1888. 25 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Dec. 3 , 1893- 265 h e ld o f f t h i r t y h o u rs , th e n n e g o tia te d a c o n d i tio n a l s u r r e n d e r , accom panied by sh a k in g o f h an d s, In a tte m p tin g to c a tc h th r e e armed c o n v ic ts in a wood su rro u n d ed by f i f t y armed g u a rd s. B ie rc e was u t t e r l y contem ptuous o f such methods and s a id th a t McComb was incom petent w ith an e l a s t i c i t y t h a t ^ c o n tr a c ts o r expands in obedience to th e re q u ire m e n ts o f th e s i t u a t i o n , and i s alw ays coterm inous w ith h i s d u t i e s . **26 A gain, he s a t i r i z e d as weak and cow ardly th e o f f i c e r s and s o l d i e r s a t U rbana, Ohio, who f a i l e d to sta n d up to a mob t h a t was t r y in g to g e t a man out o f j a i l th e r e . The s o l d i e r s r a n away a f t e r one v o lle y ; th e o f f i c e r s threw away th e .k e y to th e j a i l and h id ; a company s e n t to r e in f o r c e th e f i r s t company a ls o ra n away, on th e a d v ic e o f th e mayor; and th e s h e r i f f d en ied r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r th e io n e d ec en t a c t , th e o rd e r to fire. 27 These men were t y p i c a l o f " p e a c e o f f ic e r s '" everyw here. S h e r i f f s , d ep u ty s h e r i f f s , d e t e c t i v e s , and p o lic e m e n ,- - a l l were weak, tim id , u n r e s o u r c e f u l, and i n e f f i c i e n t : I f th e c o u n try co u ld g e t no b e t t e r s e r v ic e from i t s s o l d i e r s th a n i t can from i t s peace o f f i c e r s , i t co u ld be subdued by an i n s u r r e c t i o n o f sheep and i t s l i b e r t i e s tram pled under fo o t by th e r a b b i t s . 28 E lsew here he found mismanagement, i n e f f i c i e n c y , o r i n com petence in many p la c e s . I t e x is te d among San F r a n c is c o 's 26 I b i d . , Aug. 17, 1890. 27 i b i d . , June 1 5 , 1897. 28 I b i d . , Aug. 14, 1892. 266 l i f e - s a v i n g crews a t h e r l i f e - b o a t s t a t i o n s ; among the members o f San F r a n c is c o 's p o lic e fo rc e , who every now and then shot someone w ith o u t j u s t i f i c a t i o n , tw is te d a law to s u i t their-..own p u rposes, k i l l e d someone w ith a b r u t a l b e a tin g , then a t t r i b u t e d the d ea th to a c o in c id e n ta l a c t of God, or v io la te d some o n e’s c i v i l r i g h t s by e n te rin g and se a rch in g h is home w ithout a w arra n t; among the United S ta te s p o s ta l employees; and among governm ental employees g e n e ra lly . P ublic o f f i c i a l s were as c o rru p t as they were Ig n o ra n t, la z y , weak and incom petent. O u trig h t th ie v e r y from the p u b lic t i l l , w a s . common,and B ierce never ceased to plunge the s a t i r i c r a p i e r in to the c r im in a ls . In th e land o f Ghargaroo,29 where the b e s t people have n othing and the w orst most, B ierce made '"the g r e a t o f f i c e r s . o f the realm 1 " the w e a lth ie s t of a l l , and c h a ra c te r iz e d the p o l i t i c i a n s as merely advanced slu ic e -b o x robbers and fo rg e rs . He o f te n mentioned '"the h a u ls o f l e g i s l a - t i n n , " and o fte n c e le b ra te d the g e n e ra l grabbing o f p u b lic money by government o f f i c i a l s and employees. An in sta n c e in p o in t is th e l a s t sta n z a o f "The R a tio n a l Anthem:'" , Let F e d era l employees And rin g s rob a l l they p le a s e , The w hole y e a r lo n g . Let o f f ic e - h o ld e r s make T heir p i l e s and judges rake Our co in . For J e s u s ’ sake L e t’s a l l go wrong.’3° 29 "The Land Beyond th e B low ," C o lle c t e d Works, 1 : 1 5 5 . 3° C o lle c t e d W orks, 5 :2 0 1 . 267 The p r i n c i p l e o f p o l i t i c a l success was t h i s : The more you s t e a l , the more power you have (Mentioned in co n n ectio n w ith New York C ity p o l i t i c s in 1 8 8 2 ) , and B ierce proposed fo r t h i s co u n try , where "more than h a l f o f a l l th e money paid in ta x es i s i n one way or a n o th er s t o l e n , " a S o cie ty f o r th e P re v en tio n o f Mal feasance in O f f ic e .3 1 In h i s s a t i r i c h i s t o r i c a l n a r r a t i v e , "Ashes o f the Beacon,*’ I t is re p o rte d o f the "Connected S ta te s " t h a t any su rp lu s In the n a t io n a l tr e a s u r y was so abhorred. . . t h a t a l l were agreed upon the ex p e diency o f g e t t i n g r i d o f i t , two g re a t p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s e x i s t i n g fo r a p p a re n tly no o th e r purpose th an the p a t r i o t i c one o f ta k in g i t o u t . 32 B esides a tta c k in g c o rru p t o f f i c i a l s in g e n e ra l, B ie rc e a tta c k e d them in p a r t i c u l a r , w hether prominent o r obscure, c a l l i n g t h e i r names and never h e s i t a t i n g to say th e word t h i e f . Among th e se c u l p r i t s were W illiam Sharon and Dan Burns, b o th a lre a d y i n c i d e n t a l l y c i t e d fo r th ie v e r y in o th e r co n n ectio n s; Benjamin F ra n k lin B u tle r , o f M assachusetts; Eugene E. Schmitz, Mayor of San F rancisco from 1 9 0 2 to 1 9 0 8 ; e x - D i s t r i c t A ttorney James D. Page, in d ic te d by a Grand Jury fo r embezzlement; Park Commissioner W. W. Stow, former d i s t r i b u t o r o f b rib e money f o r the C e n tra l P a c i f i c , who once denied "any intended r a id upon p u b lic funds;"' the obscure Mr. Crimmins and "P ippy," both th ie v e s ; and a 31 "M alfeasance in O f f ic e ," C o lle c te d Works, 9 : 3 6^ - 7 . 32 C o lle c te d Works, l: 6 7 f . 268 f o rg o tte n government a g e n t, concerning whom a paragraph may he quoted: L iv in g sto n , th e Crow Creek In d ian Agent, whose immatehable th ie v in g drove to s u ic id e not only the s e n s i t i v e accom plices whom he e x c e lle d , h u t th e savages whom he s ta rv e d , is d escrib ed as an E p isc o p a lia n in good sta n d in g who had th e pious h a b i t o f g iv in g to ch ap els such 't e s t i m o n i a l s ' as s ta in e d windows. I t i s to be hoped th a t th e se various^windows may be a l l c o lle c te d in a memorial chapel d ed icated to S t. Mammon, w ith an o f f i c i a t i n g p rie sth o o d of American statesm en supported by the Government. I t should be ere c te d over th e mouth o f the Mammoth Cave, which i t is b e lie v e d would serv e as a s u f f i c i e n t l y roomy c ry p t fo r th e b u r i a l o f such eminent o f f i c i a l th ie v e s as have g iv en im p erish ab le l u s t r e to the annals and i n s t i t u tio n s o f t h i s co u n try . In th e 'dim, r e l i g i o u s l i g h t ' o f t h i s monumental e d i f i c e th e re should be c o n tin u a l p ra y e r fo r the 'a c t i v e p a r t i c i p a t i o n ’ o f c le a n -h e a rte d gentlem en in the p o l i t i c a l a f f a i r s o f a n a tio n in. which they form th e one-one-hundreth [ s i c ] p a r t o f the v o tin g p o p u la tio n .33 One o f the most common methods o f s t e a l i n g p u b lic funds was to use o n e 's p u b lic o f f i c e fo r the prom otion o f p r iv a te f i n a n c i a l schemes. This was the s i n fo r which B ierce gibed a t S enator Jones from Nevada, who, having in v e ste d h e a v ily in San Pedro p ro p e rty , supported H untington in tr y in g to lo c a te the Los Angeles h arb o r th e re in s te a d of a t Wilmington. Accord ing to B ie rc e , who was in W ashington,B .C ., a t th e tim e, S enator Jones p r i v a t e l y pleaded w ith h is fellow se n a to rs to vote fo r th e R ivers and Harbors b i l l l e s t he be r u in e d .3^ The same motive seems to have helped S enator Stephen M. White to f ig h t 33 ’ ’Prattle,*' Argo., July 20, 1878. 3^ "Prattle," S.F.Ex., Jan. 3 1, 1 8 9 7. 269 v a l i a n t l y a g a in s t the S anta Monica lo c a tio n . W hite, said B ie rc e , o-wned p ro p e rty th a t would b e n e f i t by lo c a tin g the h a rb o r a t San Pedro. I f S enator White had owned p ro p e rty th a t would have a p p re c ia te d by the d e fe a t o f the Funding B i l l , said B ie rc e , he might have been w i l l i n g to f ig h t H u n tin g to n ’s attem pted robbery in th a t in s ta n c e a l s o . 35 In a g e n e ra l s a t i r e upon the use o f p u b lic o f f ic e fo r p r iv a te g a in , B ie rc e , in h is account of the Lang of Ug i r o n i c a l l y re p re se n te d the l e g i s l a t u r e of th a t country as allow ing only those members to vote on any iss u e who had a p e rso n a l, pecuniary i n t e r e s t in th e m a tte r a t hand.36 B rib e -ta k in g was an o th er common form o f p o l i t i c a l c o r r u p ti o n a s s a ile d by B ie rc e . C ris Buckley demanded b rib e s fo r h is p o l i t i c a l fa v o rs. Marcus D. Boruck, th e p r iv a te s e c r e ta r y o f Governor R. W. Waterman, was c a lle d '"the Guvnor’s h ir e d man,5 " an a p p e la tio n o f double s ig n if ic a n c e because Leland S tanford was g e n e ra lly given the t i t l e o f Governor. S ta te S enator Vrooman was sa id by B ierce to be the p ro p e rty o f Anthony Chabot o f Oak lan d . Assemblyman Elwood Bruner was caught in the a c t o f s e l l i n g a l e t t e r o f recommendation fo r $400. On one occasion t h i r t y members o f the C a lif o r n i a S ta te L e g is la tu re were re p o rte d to have "banded to g e th e r to s e l l t h e i r v o te s ," an a c t which B ierce i r o n i c a l l y approved^fand the g e n e ra l resp o n siv en ess o f the membeBs 35 Because o f the w elts on h i s back from B i e r c e ’s whip,W hite i s sa id to have condemned B ierce as an in d is c rim in a te s a t i r i s t o f a l l mankind. " P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x ., J u ly 18, 1897. 36 ’’The Land Beyond the Blow,*" C o lle c te d Works, l:1 3 2 f . 37 " P r a t t l e , " S.F,Ex?,--Feb. 1 5 , 1 8 9 1. 270 o f t h a t body to monetary p e rsu a sio n i s im plied by th e statem ent a lre a d y c i t e d , th a t ¥ . ¥. Stow was "fo r many y ears in the s e rv ic e o f the C e n tra l P a c ific R a ilro ad as C ustodian o f the L e g is la t iv e S a c k ."38 The b r ib a b le c h a r a c te r o f th e U nited S ta te s Congress as w e ll as th a t of v a rio u s s t a t e l e g i s l a t u r e s i s su g g ested by C o llis P. H u n tin g to n 1s adm ission o f having spent m illio n s in " in flu e n c in g l e g i s l a t i o n " and by h i s having spent "hundreds o f thousands o f d o lla r s " to secu re the passage o f h is Funding B i l l . Another common form o f p o l i t i c a l c o r ru p tio n s a t i r i z e d by B ie rce was th a t o f making p o l i t i c a l appointm ents on any b a s is o th e r th an th a t o f f i t n e s s fo r the p o s it io n . R epublican "Boss'" Dan Burns, g u i l t y o f embezzlement from the S t a t e , was l a t e r ' appointed P o lice Commissioner o f San F ran cisco by Republican Governor H. H. Markham; and Burns h im s e lf supported M. M. E stee fo r an unnamed o f f i c e , " in g r a t e f u l memory o f th a t g entlem an’s loans to him [Burns] when he was in p ris o n , charged w ith embez£Le- ment .? /39 L ik e w ise G overnor Budd was r i d i c u l e d f o r h i s " r e h a b i l i t a tio n " o f G en eral Dimond, a f t e r h i s Pullm an S t r ik e f i a s c o , as a r e t u r n fa v o r fo r m i l i t a r y a s s i s t a n c e o f f e r e d by G en er a l Dimond to G o v e r n o r -e le c t Budd when th e l a t t e r "was in a p p r e h e n sio n o f a f l i g h t o f s t o n e s i f he a ttem p ted to p lu c k th e f r u i t o f f th e t r e e 38 I b i d . , Oct. 6 , 1889. 39 I b i d . , J u ly 1 , 1894. 271 up -which he had been boosted. . Even Benjamin H a rriso n was s a t i r i z e d f o r nepotism in g iv in g f e d e r a l p o s itio n s to h i s own and h is w i f e ’s r e l a t i v e s during h i s term as P re s id e n t. N a tu ra lly , the whole s p o ils system was a ls o a tta c k e d . Lying was s t i l l another type o f c o rr u p tio n fo r which numerous p o l i t i c i a n s were s c o r n f u lly r i d i c u l e d . For example, when W illiam Windom was named S e c re ta ry o f the T reasury in G a r f i e l d 's c a b in e t, th e appointm ent t e r r i f i e d the orthodox f in a n c ie r s o f th e co u n try , fo r he, i t seems, had voted f o r th e B la n d -A lliso n s ilv e r - c o in a g e a c t o f 1 8 7 8; bu t the new S e c re ta ry o f the T reasury d isso lv e d t h e i r fe a rs by b la n d ly announcing, a c co rd in g to B ie rc e , th a t h is s i l v e r vote had been wf o r a p o l i t i c a l p u r p o s e . "^2 Among a l l ranks o f p u b lic o f f i c i a l s , B ierce found t h i s d esp ic a b le d isre g a rd fo r t r u t h , and he once confessed th a t ,he could not understand how men in h ig h o f f ic e could accep t the t i t l e "H onorable," y e t l i e and th ie v e and b r ib e . Although B ierce in h is s s a t i r e upon a s p ir a n ts to o f f i c e and c o rru p t p o l i t i c i a n s s e le c te d o ffe n d e rs throughout the e n t i r e b re a d th o f the c o u n try , the g r e a t b u lk of t h i s work d e a lt w ith l o c a l fig u re s : w ith San F rancisco c i t y and county o f f i c i a l s , whom he co n sid ered " f a i r l y adm irable as examples o f t o t a l d e p r a v i t y , " w ith members of the S ta te l e g i s l a t u r e , and w ith Ibid., May 12, 1895. Ibid., June 2, 1889. ^2 Ibid., March 12, 1881. 272 C a l i f o r n i a 's r e p r e s e n ta ti v e s in th e United S ta te s Congress. B esides being c o r r u p t, th e p o l i t i c i a n s were o fte n ig n o ran t and s tu p id in t h e i r campaign id eas and in the conduct o f I n t e r n a l and i n t e r n a t i o n a l a f f a i r s . People in and out o f o f f ic e were s tu p id in assuming th a t every e v i l can be cured by a law. The id e a th a t decency in government could be achieved by the A u s tra lian B a llo t , a v o tin g machine, new c o n s t i t u t i o n s , the i n i t i a t i v e and referendum , u n iv e rs a l s u f f r a g e , and the lik e was r id ic u l o u s . Reform comes only w ith a change of h e a r t , w ith the ad o p tio n and p r a c t i c e of the Golden Rule. U n til we amend our p e rso n a l c h a r a c te r s we s h a l l amend our laws in v ain . . . .The S ta te i s An a g g re g a tio n of in d iv id u a ls . I t s p u b lic c h a r a c te r is the e x p re s sio n o f t h e i r p e rso n a l ones. . . .To expect th a t men who do not honorably and i n t e l l i g e n t l y conduct t h e i r p r iv a te a f f a i r s w i l l honorably and i n t e l l i g e n t l y conduct th e a f f a i r s o f the community i f to be a f o o l . ^3 B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th o s e who in h i s o p in io n ig n o r a n t ly a d v o c a ted a h ig h p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f as w e l l as t h o s e who d id so d e l i b e r a t e l y o u t o f s e l f i n t e r e s t . In 1877 be r i d i c u l e d th e 5 ,5 7 5 s i g n e r s o f a p e t i t i o n to C on gress p r o t e s t i n g th e r esu m p tio n o f s p e c ie p a y m en ts, a p o l i c y th a t th e y fe a r e d would a b o l i s h th e m e t a l l i c b a s i s o f our c u r r e n c y , and l a t e r he lau gh ed a t th e P o p u li s t d e mands f o r an a l l- p a p e r - c u r r e n c y s y s te m . When A. J . G regg was th e P o p u lis t c a n d id a te fo r L ie u te n a n t-G o v e r n o r o f C a l i f o r n i a in 189^ , B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d him fo r *'his ad v o ca cy o f th e g r e a t b a s i c 4 5 IMd-, Feb. 10, 1895- 273 p r i n c i p l e th a t any th in g i s money and th e f a s c in a tin g d o c trin e t h a t A i s e n t i t l e d to the use B 's money fo r n o th in g ."44 A lso, he r id ic u l e d Gregg fo r h is unreasonable d e t e s t a t i o n o f "Wall S t r e e t , " o f -which he understood n o th in g , and fo r h is m ispro n u n c ia tio n o f the -word "finance,*” -which was m erely an in d ic a tio n o f h is v u lg a r it y . Likewise he s a t i r i z e d the proponents o f fre e s i l v e r coinage. The f r e e coinage o f s i l v e r would be merely le g a liz e d c o u n t e r f e i t i n g on a grand s c a le by the Western s i l v e r S ta te s , im plied B ierce in r e p o r tin g th a t a c o u n t e r f e i t e r had been a r r e s te d fo r making s i l v e r coins o f "th e same w eight, f i n e ness and design as those made in the Government m in ts:" S e rio u sly [he a s k e d ], --from the W estern v ie w p o in t—what harm was done? I f any ' s i l v e r man1 w i l l have the good ness to e x p la in he may count upon a t t e n t i o n . The wicked gold bugs would lik e to know what he i s 'k i c k i n g 1 a b o u t.45 i But the s i l v e r i n f l a t i o n i s t s would not be laughed down, and when they ra n away w ith the Democratic P r e s i d e n t i a l Convention o f I 896 and the gold Democrats b o lte d the p a rty and s e le c te d a c a n d id ate o f t h e i r own, B ierce ch affed David B. H i l l over h is d isc o m fitu re . Poor, q u i e t , s u f f e r i n g H i l l had to e a t crow during the e n t i r e campaign. In i n t e r n a t i o n a l a f f a i r s our p o l i t i c a l ignorance and s t u p i d i t y were proclaim ed, B ierce f e l t , in our abandonment of W ashington's "no e n ta n g lin g a l l i a n c e s " p o lic y . Why did we want 44 I b i d . , May 2 7 , 1894. 45 I b i d . , A p ril 1 5, 1894. to a c q u ire is la n d p o sse ssio n s in the P a c ific ? He d ep recated our a c tin g upon "sym pathies" in s te a d o f upon r a t i o n a l "bases, as we did in 1894 when we d ec lared o u rse lv e s f o r Japan in h e r war w ith 3 China b e fo re we knew the r e a l is s u e s inv o lv ed , a d e c la r a t io n based r e a l l y upon our a n ti-C h in e se p re ju d ic e s and our rom antic id e as o f th e Ja p a n e s e . ^6 jje a tta c k e d our all-too-com m on p r a c t ic e o f sending abroad as our diplom atic r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s , no t g e n t l e - men, but ignoram uses, b o o rs, p o l i t i c i a n s , commercial men, v u l g a r ia n s , whose main purpose was th e promotion o f our i n t e r n a t i o n a l tra d e i n t e r e s t s . He a tta c k e d s a t i r i c a l l y the r e l a t i o n s h i p b e tween the s t a t e s and the n a t io n a l government in t h i s co u n try th a t made i t p o s s ib le fo r the c i t i z e n s o f a s t a t e to commit an i n t e r n a t io n a l o ffe n s e , y e t gave n e i t h e r the s t a t e nor the n a tio n a u t h o r it y to d e a l w ith the f o re ig n government involved. "W hen some I t a l i a n c i t i z e n s were lynched in New O rlean s, our n a t io n a l government was pow erless to d ea l w ith the I t a l i a n government, in s p i t e o f an i n t e r n a t i o n a l agreement to p r o te c t fo re ig n c i t i z e n s in t h i s co u n try . L o u isia n a obviously could not engage in independent d iplom atic c o n v e rs a tio n s w ith a f o re ig n n a tio n , and fo r the United S ta te s Government to has?e given I t a l y s a t i s f a c t io n by punish in g the lynchers would have been an in v a sio n o f S t a t e 's r i g h t s . Our government was i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y ir r e s p o n s ib le ; we were " d r i f t i n g about on the se a o f i n t e r n a t i o n a l p o l i t i c s 46 Ibid., Aug. 18, 1894. 275 w ith o u t a c a p ta in . 7 Again, B ierce s a t i r i z e d our meddling in the p r iv a te a f f a i r s o f o th e r n a tio n s ; fo r example, our s e iz u re o f the in su rg e n t v e s s e l I t a t a in the C h ilean a f f a i r o f 1891; th e g iv in g asylum in 1897 "by some American n av al o f f i c e r to the d e f e a t e d G en era l E z e ta o f E l S a lv a d o r , th e n s a i l i n g o f f w ith him a g a in s t h is w ishes; and, during the course o f G re ece's s h o r t, d i s a s t r o u s war w ith Turkey in 1897, our o f f i c i a l r e s o lu tio n s o f sympathy and encouragement to the Greeks. These r e s o l u t i o n s , by b o th th e House and th e S e n a te , . . .a re c a r e f u l l y charged w ith a b lan k c a r t r i d g e fo r Turkey and the Powers, and Greece is in v ite d to be c o n te n t w ith the n o ise of the d isc h arg e and the sm ell o f th e powder. That is c a lle d 'm oral s u p p o r t , ' which may be defined as encouragement w ith o u t exertion. ^8 A r b i t r a t i o n he looked upon as absurd, and a c co rd in g ly he r i d i c u l e d i t s proponents as ad vocating a d ish o n o rab le means of se ttlin g i n t e r n a t i o n a l , and i n t r a n a t i o n a l , d is p u te s . I f the n a tio n s concerned have honorable in te n t i o n s , he thought, they would agree w ith o u t the in te r v e n tio n o f a t h i r d p a rty . I f n o t, th e l o s e r would not accep t the r e s u l t s . A r b i t r a t i o n merely m u ltip lie d the grounds fo r disagreem ent, and hence fo r war, by r a i s i n g o th e r q u e s tio n s as d e l i c a t e and d i f f i c u l t as the o r i g i n a l one. Moreover, i t r e s u l t s in compromise, which is d ish o n o ra b le , and which becomes a cowardly "means o f e x t o r t i o n . 4 1 ^9 I b i d . , March 2 2 , 1891. ^8 i b i d . , May 2, 1897. 49 I b i d . , J u ly 22, 1Q9*; Sept. 6 , I 8 9 6 ; March 1 9 , 1899; '"Passing Show," S .P .E x ., Oct. 8 , 1899- 276 As he "was an a d v o c a te o f hon or and j u s t i c e in p r i v a t e a f f a i r s , s o h e was in i n t e r n a t i o n a l a f f a i r s . He a tta c k e d our t h e f t o f th e governm ent in H aw aii and a n n e x a tio n o f 1 0 0 ,0 0 0 H aw aiian s a g a in s t th e w i l l o f 9 7 ,0 0 0 o f them; our su pp osed i n j u s t i c e s a g a in s t th e Cubans and F i l i p i n o s in th e S p a n is h - A m erican war; and our i n j u s t i c e to th e Somoans in c o n s e n t in g to th e p a r t i t i o n o f t h e i r i s l a n d s i n 1899. He la u g h e d , h a l f in am usem ent, a t G overnor L eary o f Guam, where O c c id e n ta l m arriage cu stom s and law s w ere unknown, fo r v i r t u o u s l y commanding "imme- d i a t e w e d lo c k o f a l l a d u l t s . " By and la r g e he found th e men who had ch a rg e o f our i n t e r n a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s to be ig n o r a n t , u n s k i l l e d , in te m p e r a te , b o a s t f u l , u n d i g n i f i e d , i n s u l t i n g , and v u lg a r i n our i n t e r n a t i o n a l c o n v e r s a t i o n s , th ou gh a t tim e s th e y w ere tim id and o v e r c a u t io u s . Some o f th e r e c i p i e n t s o f h i s a t t a c k s on t h e s e c h a r g e s were S e c r e t a r y o f S t a t e ¥ . Q. Gresham, f o r h i s b u l l y i n g , p r e j u d i c i a l m essage t o S p a in in th e A l l i a n c e a f f a i r ; S e c r e t a r y o f S t a t e R ichard Olney, f o r h i s " sw a g g e r in g ," " a g g r e s s iv e , ” and " tr u c u le n t" manner i n c o n f e r r in g w it h England o v e r th e V e n e z u e la n boundary d is p u te ; S e c r e ta r y o f S t a t e John Shecman, f o r h i s i n s u l t i n g and v u lg a r n o te to England about s e a l f i s h i n g ; and P r e s id e n t M cKinley, f o r i n e p t i t u d e i n h a n d lin g th e d ip lo m a tic a f f a i r s p e r t a in in g t o our war w it h S p a in . E v e r y th in g t h a t he w ro te on t h i s s u b j e c t showed t h a t B ie r c e fa v o re d l e s s " p e r f e r v id p a t r i o t is m and " co m b u stib le" dem agoguery, l e s s "h ip p o c k e t d ip lo m a c y ," l e s s b i g t a l k , and more d e l i b e r a t e , i n t e l l i g e n t fir m , d i g n i f i e d a c t i o n . 277 Not only did B ierce r i d i c u l e the p o l i t i c i a n s , Tout he a tta c k e d th e re p u b lic a n form o f government i t s e l f and a l l who p ro fe ssed a b e l i e f in i t . Such a government was im p ra c tic a l because the people who comprised i t were ig n o ra n t, s e l f i s h , and c o rru p t. U nenlightened, the ’’i n t e l l i g e n t p ro p e rty owners* 1 and th e '"impe cunious dunces" voted e q u a lly u n i n t e l l i g e n t l y . I t was s i l l y to b e lie v e th a t the people who were in d iv id u a lly ig n o ra n t and i d i o t i c could in com bination pronounce sane judgments; for~ u n its of i n t e l l i g e n c e were not addable q u a n t i t i e s . And i t was e q u a lly s i l l y to b e lie v e th a t a count of noses could determ ine th e b e t t e r p o lic y or b e t t e r c a n d id a te ; i t could only determ ine th e more pow erful p a r t y . 50 Moreover, most of the people were s e l f i s h and c o r r u p t. Any scoundrel who chose to run f o r o f f ic e could g e n e ra lly count on a good siz e d vo te, and the "S overeign p e o p le ” and "worthy" v o te rs d e l i b e r a t e l y elected incom petent and c o rru p t o f f i c i a l s . The people w e ll deserved what they g o t, and he hoped they would g e t t h e i r b e l l i e s f u l l . But even i f the people were reaso n ab ly w ell informed and d ec e n t, democracy would be a f a i l u r e , he f e l t ; fo r th e c a n d id a te s fo r p u b lic o f f i c e were m ostly sc o u n d re ls, and the people could only choose between two e v i l s . As a r u l e , "one c a n d id ate is as bad as a n o th e r, and i f the d e v i l were no t b e t t e r th an b o th , God would k i l l h im ."51 50 "Ashes o f the Beacon," C o lle c te d Works, 1 : 1 7 , 6 3 ; "John Smith, L ib e r a t o r ," I b i d . , . l : 2 1 7 f f . 51 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, June 2 5 , 1887. 278 Even under th e b e s t o f c o n d i t i o n s th e c i t i z e n m ight n o t v o te f o r th e man whom he fa v o r e d , but had to c h o o se b etw een two men whom somebody e l s e fa v o re d and whom he d id n o t know sa v e by h e a r s a y . There was no c o n t e s t o f p r i n c i p l e s , b u t o n ly o f i n t e r e i ; p e o p le had no ch an ce to r e g i s t e r h o n e s t o p in io n as to what p o l i c i e s would b e s t prom ote th e g e n e r a l w e l f a r e . In a c h a p te r o f "The Land Beyond th e Blow*' e n t i t l e d "The T am tonian s” B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e w h ole sy ste m o f r e p u b lic a n governm ent a s i t i s found in th e U n ite d S t a t e s by d e s c r i b in g th e s i m i la r governm ent o f th e T am ton ian s. The p a r t i c u l a r o b j e c t s o f h i s r i d i c u l e w ere g iv e n u n p ron ou n cab le S w if t ia n or B u t l e r i a n names w h ich a re r e c o g n iz e d a s e x a c t or ap p roxim ate r e v e r s e s p e l l i n g s o f Am erican p o l i t i c a l term s; g i l b u p e r , T n e d ls e r p , S e i t r a p , m r o f t a lp , and l a l t n e d i s e r p n g ia p m a c. The r e p u b lic a n form o f governm ent was in v e n te d by S a ta n , and under i t th e c o u n tr y was managed w it h i n c r e d i b l e w a s t e , f o l l y , and in c o m p e te n c e , b e c a u se th e g o v e r n m en ta l f u n c t io n s w ere n o t c e n t r a l i z e d , and o f f i c e h o ld e r s were u n f i t t e d f o r t h e i r p o s i t i o n s o r , i f p erch a n ce th e y w e r e , th e y w ere so o n d is p la c e d by in c o m p e te n ts . The p r e s id e n t was n ot s e l e c t e d by th e p e o p le , b u t by th e p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s , th e two main on es o f w h ich w ere i n t e l l e c t u a l l y and m o r a lly weak. As a r e s u l t t h e i r p la tfo r m s were i n s i n c e r e and m e a n in g le s s and were a s s e n t e d to by a l l p a r ty members, w h eth er th e y u n d e rsto o d th e p la tfo r m or n o t . In th e p o l i t i c a l cam paigns th e v a r io u s c a n d i d a te s a l l had a x e s to g r in d , and th e y t r i e d t o c o n v in c e p e o p le 279 by v i t u p e r a t i o n and s p e c t a c l e r a th e r th an by r e a so n ; th e p r e s i d e n t a l c a n d id a t e s w ere u s u a l l y i d i o t s and i;ried i n t h e i r cam paigns to prove t h i s to th e p e o p le . The v i c e - p r e s i d e n t i a l c a n d id a te s were v i r t u a l l y dead men, w h o lly u n f i t f o r th e o f f i c e t h a t m ight f a l l to them. U n iv e r s a l ly th e p e o p le a llo w e d th e man to s e e k th e o f f i c e in s te a d o f h a v in g th e o f f i c e s e e k th e man, and everyw h ere b r ib e r y and c o r r u p tio n w ere ra m p a n t.5^ Having dem onstrated to h is own s a t i s f a c t i o n the unwork a b i l i t y o f re p u b lic a n government B ierce found i t d i f f i c u l t to determ ine upon a s a t i s f a c t o r y s u b s t i t u t e . He was somewhat s o c i a l i s t i c , approving the r e a l i s t i c s o c ia lis m th a t ^ n a t u r a lly and slow ly" evolves "from th e a l t e r i n g c o n d itio n s o f modern l i f e - - a s o c ia lis m not o f ’p r i n c i p l e 1 but e x p e d i e n c y . "5 3 —w hat ever th a t may mean; but "th e ro b b er s o c ia lis m of the b eer c e l l a r s . . .[and] the rainbow s o c ia lis m o f the'-.lecture h a l l s 0 he disapproved and in the end chose as the b e s t form of g o v ern ment f o r th e United S ta te s a re p u b lic w ith a nominal d i c t a t o r , t h a t i s , a lim ite d monarchy l i k e E n g la n d 's .5^ As bad a o f f e n d e r s a g a i n s t our governm ent in p o l i t i c a l m a tte r s w ere a l l l a w l e s s p e r s o n s , our s i l l y , u n w ise law s and t h e i r m akers, c e r t a i n absurd l e g a l t r a d i t i o n s , th e s lo w n e s s o f 52 C o lle c t e d W orks, 1 :1 1 5 -2 9 . 53 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J u ly 2 1 , I 8 9 5 . 5^ " P a ssin g S h o w ,” C o sm o p o lita n , March, 1 9 0 6 . 280 o f the c o u r t s , the law yers, the j u r i e s , the judges, and our pen al system. In a tta c k in g law lessn ess B ierce r id ic u l e d law less o f f i c i a l s , the people o f prominence who sa n ctio n ed la w le s s n e s s , and law less persons them selves. He r i d i c u l e d S h e r if f Connolley and revenue o f f i c e r s , T innin and F o g arty , along w ith smuggler Holz, who were accom plices in an opium smuggling a f f a i r in lower San F ra n c isc o . He r id ic u l e d C h ie f -o f-P o lic e Crowley in San F ra n cisc o whose b u sin e ss i t was to en fo rce th e law but who denounced th e Chinese as a law less l o t and th re a te n e d them w ith mobbing. In t h i s t h r e a t , sa id B ierc e , Crowley not only showed h im s e lf to be la w le s s , b u t encouraged la w lessn e ss in o th e rs . He r id ic u l e d a c e r t a i n Judge Hornblower whom he quotes as having sa id o f a defendant in h is c o u r t, " i t seems to me th e old c h iv a lr y of C a l i f o r n i a is ebbing, or Seneca A. Swalm would not be in a c o u rt o f the law to punish him"55 Thus Judge Hornblower approved and suggested ta k in g the law in to o n e ’s own hands, and h im s e lf b e came a p a r ty to a murder th a t might p o s s ib ly r e s u l t from h is words. B ierce r id ic u l e d the newspapers as law less when they encouraged a Mr. Gray to become judge, ju ry , and e x e c u tio n e r and k i l l C. R. B ennett (S e c re ta ry o f the S o ciety fo r th e S u ppression o f Vice) f o r seducing G ray’s daughter. He r i d i c u l e d the man who t r i e d to a s s a s s in a te the a s s a s s in G uiteau, a l l the people who applauded and the c o u rt th a t d e a lt l e n i e n t l y w ith him. Even c e r t a i n 55 "Prattle," S.F.Ex., Dec. 18, 1887. 281 " p a t r i o t s ” o f the United S ta te s House o f R e p re s e n ta tiv e s -were g u i l t y o f encouraging la w le ssn e ss when they " a u s te r e ly " d i s approved an a n ti-ly n c h in g speech by M in iste r Bayard. Of course common law breakers a ls o were sometimes s a t i r i z e d , though no t so s e v e re ly or f re q u e n tly as la w less o f f i c i a l s or people o f im portance who encouraged la w le ssn e ss. B ie rc e scored th e i n t o l e r a n t la w less mob th a t a tta c k e d a Chinese fu n e ra l p ro - 56 c e s s io n in San F ra n c isc o ; and he savagely lashed a l l mobs, w ith t h e i r "crude form less n o tio n s o f r i g h t and wrong** and t h e i r b e s t i a l la w le ssn e ss and f e r o c i t y . Being b e a s t s , they should be shot lik e b e a s t s . ^ But though people should obey law s, laws were n o t always w ise ly made or d e s ir a b le . B ierce pointed out th e iro n y and a b s u rd ity o f laws a g a in s t begging, s t e a l i n g , and vagrancy in the face o f s o c i e t y ’s f a i l u r e to give a man a le g a l way o f m a in ta in in g 56 The f u n e r a l was th a t of the n o to rio u s Chinese c rim in a l " L i t t l e P e te ." "These p e o p le ,” says B ie rc e , "to the number o f a t l e a s t 5 0 0 , . tram pled over the g ra v es, to re down th e fences and hooted a t the expressman t h a t c a r r ie d the p ig s , ducks, sheep, ca k es, t e a and g in to th e p la tfo rm th a t had been provided fo r them. . . .The l i t t l e g a u d ily d eco rated paper f ig u re s th a t are a p a r t o f the p r o p e r tie s in Chinese f u n e ra l cerem onies were snatched from the hands o f the men th a t c a r r ie d them and to rn to p ie c e s by th e tro p h y -h u n tin g mob. When the c a s k e t was born in to the cem etery the crowd hooted and y e lle d and laughed. The f i r e s t h a t the Chinese s t a r t e d were tram pled on and ex tin g u is h e d . Sand and clo d s o f t u r f were thrown a t th e mourners and p r i e s t s . I t was im possible fo r the Chinese to perform t h e i r ceremony, so they abandoned I t , and p la c in g th e c a sk et back on the h e a rs e , th ey drove in to the c i t y a g a in . W o sooner had the Chinese withdrawn than the mob made an o n slau g h t on the food. The p ig s , sheep and ducks were c a r r ie d o f f whole by men. The g in and t e a were s p i l l e d on the ground. The cakes and ducks were used to p e l t the d e p a rtin g C h in ese ." " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Jan. 3 1, 1897. - 57 Ibid., June 1 3, 1897. 282 h im s e lf when he could n o t g e t w o r k .57 He s a t i r i c a l l y opposed the law th a t made i t ’ "a c a p i t a l o ffe n ce to run away from an o f f i c e r , ” c o n f e rrin g upon him the q u in q u e p a r tite r e s p o n s i b i l i t y of ’’p ro se c u tin g a tto rn e y , w itn e s s , judge, ju ry , and e x e c u tin n e r” ’ and e n a b lin g him to handle th e e n t i r e case in two seconds. He s a r d o n ic a lly c r i t i c i z e d the law which provided th a t a person co n v icted in a lower c o u rt o f a felony must s ta y in p ris o n w hile h i s ap p eal is pending. B ierce c i t e d the case o f A rthur B a n n is te r who served h is e n t i r e sentence in p ris o n w hile w a itin g fo r the Supreme Court to a c t on h is appeal fo r a new t r i a l - - w h i c h was g r a n t e d .58 And a g a in , when the c o n s t i t u t i o n a l s t a t u s o f alimony was b e in g d eterm in ed by th e S t a t e Supreme C o u r t, h e lau gh ed a t p le a s o f women f o r a lim o n y . S aid h e , I fancy I see one o f them k n e e lin g b e fo re the C ourt, h e r garments in d is o r d e r , h e r h a i r down, t e a r s stream ing from h e r eyes. ’A las, your H o n o rs,' she c r i e s , 'he i s nothing to me now, nor I to him; we go our s e p a ra te ways, and the ocean o f estrangem ent r o l l s between. But 0, I have a f o o lis h woman's h e a r t and c h e ris h a f o o lis h woman's memories o f the p a s t. Whom God s t i l l , in a measure, jo in s to g e th e r l e t no man put e n t i r e l y asunder. Do n o t, I pray se v e r t h i s l a s t and te n d e r e s t t i e - - t h e h o ly bond of alim ony 159 L a te r, when th e Court affirm ed the l e g a l i t y o f M th e p r a c t i c e o f making men support women who are no longer t h e i r wives and may even be the wives o f o th e r men” B ierce pronounced th e d e c is io n 57 I b i d . , March 1, 1897 58 11016 • * F eb* 11 > 1894; a ls o Aug. 12, 1894. 59 I b i d . , Dec. 29, 1889. 283 n o t only "anomalous," but "wicked" and " d e s t e s t a b l e " : " i t is something which the vocabulary o f d isesteem is not s u f f i c i e n t l y r i c h f i t l y and a d e q u ate ly to c h a r a c t e r i z e . I t is b a r b a r i t y . I t i s infamy. By Heaven, i t is law !" 6 ° Of a law which p r o h ib ite d the v o lu n ta ry d i s s o l u t i o n o f m arriages by common c o n sen t, he w rote, ag ain only s e m i-s e rio u s ly , I t seems, . . .th e p a r tn e r s h ip c a lle d m arriage d i f f e r s from o th e rs in t h i s th a t i t cannot be l e g a l l y d iss o lv e d u n le ss d i s s o l u t i o n can be shown to be repugnant to one o f th e p a r tn e r s - a wise p r o v is io n of the law, intended to remind us th a t E a rth i s not Heaven, and to a s s i s t in p re v e n tin g I t from becoming H eaven.61 Regarding th e ;jnaking o f laws B ierce a s s a ile d the common id e a th a t lawyers ware e s p e c i a lly f i t t e d fo r l e g i s l a t i v e o f f i c e , f o r the lawyers pu rp o sely designed the laws in such a way as to prolong l i t i g a t i o n , which was the l i f e of law yers;he affirm ed t h a t the lawyer lawmakers p u rp o sely kept the ju d ic ia r y branch o f government in a continuous s t a t e o f u n c e r ta in ty , c o n fu sio n , com plexity, and c o n t r a d ic ti o n , thus g u ara n te e in g them selves l i f e - l o n g e m p lo y m e n t .6 2 B esides some o f the laws, and lawmakers B ierce s a t i r i c a l l y condemned v ario u s le g a l and c o u rt t r a d i t i o n s . Be deplored the t r a d i t i o n a l l e g a l s a n c tio n o f "th e despotism of the d ead ," p a r t i c u l a r l y when i t took the form o f th r e a te n in g the b e n e f i c i a r i e s 6 ° I b i d . , March 3 0 , 1890. 6 1 Ifrid . . March 10, I 8 9 5 . 6 2 I b i d . , Dec. 2 5 , 1892, Feb. 5 , 1893; ''The Land Beyond th e Blow, " C o lle c te d Works, 1:19. 284 o f -wills -who might c o n te s t them. Since le g a to r s a re sometimes d a f t o r in flu en c ed by p r e s s u r e , the c o u rt should be competent to determ ine w hether the a c tio n brought by th e com plaining p a r ty i s j u s t o r n o t . ^ 3 He s a t i r i z e d the r e f u s a l o f th e c o u rts to allow a p r iv a te c i t i z e n to i n s t i t u t e a c i v i l a c tio n to r i g h t the wrong o f somebody e l s e ; and he r id ic u l e d the " m u l tip li c a t io n o f p ro ceed in g s" whereby a su sp e ct was t r i e d th re e tim e s —"once b e fo re the c o ro n e r, once b e fo re a com m itting m a g is tra te , and once b e fo re a judge o f the S u p e rio r C o u rt." I f a c o r o n e r ’s ju ry found a man g u i l t y , was th a t not s u f f i c i e n t grounds f o r com m itting him to t r i a l ? ^ A lso, he a tta c k e d th e " c a n ’t remember" re p ly o f w itn e s s e s , the p r in c ip l e th a t a person s h a l l no t be compelled to in c rim in a te h im s e lf, the presum ption t h a t a p r is o n e r is in n o c e n t u n t i l proved g u i l t y , even though he may have adm itted h is g u i l t b e fo re a grand ju ry , and the in s a n ity p le a in murder c a s e s . He a tta c k e d the t r a d i t i o n a l saying th a t n in e ty - n in e g u i l t y ^ persons had b e t t e r go fre e th a n th a t one innocent p erso n should be punished; i f the purpose of law was to in su re the g r e a t e s t good to the g r e a t e s t number, t h i s maxim was as empty as a s h e lle d pea pod. A c o u rt t r a d i t i o n o f major d em erit, in B i e r c e ’s eyes, was th e p r a c t i c e o f d is c h a rg in g p ris o n e r s on i r r e l e v a n t t e c h n i c a l i t i e s in s te a d o f fin d in g out whether th ey were r e a l l y g u i l t y o f th e crim es charged a g a in s t them, and th e s im ila r p r a c t ic e o f 63 " P r a t t l e " S .F .E x ., March 5 , 1 8 9 5 , March 1 4 , 1 8 9 7 . 64 Ib ld • » A p ril 2 8 , 1 8 9 5 . o f supreme c o u r t s o f r u l i n g on i r r e l e v a n t t e c h n i c a l i t i e s i n s t e a d o f on th e main p o in t a t i s s u e . T h is c o u n tr y 'was "the U n ite d S t a t e s o f T e c h n i c a l i t y and A c q u itta l.* " A lso u n d e s ir a b le was th e t r a d i t i o n t h a t a llo w e d th e judge in "summing up th e c a s e to t e l l th e ju ry what to d e c id e . Uo o n e , s a i d h e , h a s a r i g h t to command one to b reak h i s o a th , n or w i l l a r e a l man b rea k h i s o a th . F i n a l l y , B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e t r a d i t i o n a l l e g a l la n g u a g e - - j a r g o n — o f th e c o u r t s , w h ich c o n c e a le d or c o n fu s e d r a th e r th an c l a r i f i e d , w h ich c o m p lic a te d and in v o lv e d r a th e r th a n s i m p l i f i e d th e d e v i l ta k e th e law and e s p e c i a l l y , th e la w y e r s , who w ro te and e x p la in e d and l i v e d by i t , w ith t h e i r q u ip s and t h e i r q u i d d i t i e s , t h e i r m u ltitu d in o u s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s , t h e i r m u l t i p l i c a t i o n o f w o rd s, and t h e i r ’ " in te r m in a b le g a b b le and g a r b le ." As f o r th e la w y e r s who fo u g h t o v er th e laws,, v e r b ia g e was n o t t h e i r c h i e f s i n . Beyond t h i s th e y w ere e x o r b it a n t i n t h e i r f e e s , a b u s iv e and i n s u l t i n g i n t h e i r c o u r t-r o o m b e h a v io r , and u n e t h i c a l in t h e i r p r a c t i c e s . There was no s a t i s f y i n g t h e i r r a p a c io u s a p p e t i t e f o r o th e r p e o p l e 's money. I n h a n d lin g e s t a t e s th e y f o r e s t a l l e d s e t t le m e n t a s lo n g a s th e r e w ere any a s s e t s l e f t ; and in l i t i g a t i o n th e y g e n e r a l ly c o n t r iv e d to p r o lo n g th e p r o c e e d in g s lo n g enough so t h a t a c l i e n t p a id more in f e e s th an he c o u ld p r o t e c t or g a in by th e a c t i o n . Greed and a v a r ic e w ere th e r u l i n g p a s s io n s o f th e la w y e r s , and th e o n ly man to o mean or f i e n d i s h fo r a la w y er to d efen d was a poor man. 286 B e s id e s b e in g a v a r ic io u s th e la w y e rs were, u n s c r u p u lo u s , a b u s iv e , and i n s u l t i n g i n t h e i r h a n d lin g o f w i t n e s s e s i n c o u r t . T h ese b la c k g u a r d s o f th e cou rtroom b u l l i e d and torm ented w i t n e s s e s , i n s u l t e d them , ro a red a t them , in t im id a t e d them , and ev en l i b e l e d them. On one o c c a s io n a woman f a i n t e d as sh e was b e in g h a r r a s s e d by th e o p p o sin g la w y e r , and a n o th e r tim e a maddened w it n e s s on th e sta n d drew a r e v o lv e r and s h o t h i s p e r s e c u t o r , A tto r n e y D. J . Murphey. B ie r c e d e t e s t e d and s a t i r i c a l l y sc o u r g e d both , th e la w y e r s who em ployed su ch cou rtroom b e h a v io r and th e ju d g es who c o u n te n a n ce d i t . Some o f th e men whom B ie r c e la s h e d f o r t h e s e o f f e n s e s w ere la w y e rs D uprey, F o o t, P e r r y , and Van F l e e t , and ju d g es C on lan , G reen e, Murphey (who as judge en cou raged th e v i c e he had p r a c t i c e d a s an a t t o r n e y ) , and S e w a ll. When Judge S e w a ll s e n t one A lex a n d a r Cam pbell to p r is o n on a contem p t c h a r g e f o r sp e a k in g h i s mind i n c o u r t , B ie r c e a d d r e sse d th e judge i n p a r t , as f o l lo w s : . . . th e man Was p u n ish ed fo r r e s e n t i n g I n s u l t i n g words from one who can At p le a s u r e be to r m e n tin g , Rude, b r u t a l , u n r e l e n t in g , W ith a l l im m unity from b la m e -- Even i n your H onor’ s h e a r in g May f o u l w ith h i n t s a m a id 's 'g o o d name, And madden men by s n e e r i n g - - In s h o r t , a la w y e r . Did you e v e r c h id e One o f t h a t gang f o r s a y in g a w i t n e s s l i e d ? Contempt o f c o u r t? I s ' t n o t contem pt When an a t t o r n e y , sp u r n in g The law s o f d e c e n c y --e x e m p t From law s o f lo v e and l e a r n i n g - - Goes on f o r h o u rs a t t o r n in g ? 287 Why i s I t n o t contem p t when h e , Of Man and God d e f i a n t , Defames a w itn e ss f o r a fe e , Or lands a scurvey c l i e n t ? Does J u s t i c e need such d i r t y work? My view, Judge, i f you th in k so I s - - t h e j a i l needs y o u . 1 ^5 F in a ll y B ierce s a t i r i z e d the lawyers fo r t h e i r u n e t h ic a l, d ish o n e st p r a c t i c e s . The l e g a l p ro fe s s io n was one in which su ccess is c e r t a i n fo r a m aster c h e a t, and the lawyers were not so much concerned w ith r i g h t and j u s t i c e , as w ith winning t h e i r c a s e s . I n d i r e c t and cunning, they a s s i s t e d one a n o th e r behind a f r o n t o f e a r n e s t, o fte n h o s t i l e , o p p o sitio n ; th ey accepted cases in the outcome o f which they were p e rs o n a lly i n t e r e s t e d ; they l i e d , sla n d ered the l i v i n g and dead, b rib ed w itn e s s e s , j u r i e s , and, one i n f e r s , even judges. A c e r t a i n law yer, C. Ben Darwin, went so f a r as to in tim a te in an ad v ertisem en t t h a t , having been a law p a r tn e r of Judge MUrphy, he enjoyed an advantage in Murphy's c o u rt from which h i s c l i e n t s would p r o f i t . These law yers were accom plices w ith the c r im in a ls , fo r they d e l i b e r a t e l y sh ie ld e d law -b reak ers and d efea ted j u s t i c e . In defending g u i l t they n a t u r a l l y employed any d ish o n e st devices th a t would serve t h e i r purposes. They coached t h e i r w itn e sse s and c l i e n t s to l i e and they re h ea rse d them in f a l s e testim ony; they suppressed or w ith h eld evidence; they p u rp o sely used m islead in g , i r r e l e v a n t , I l l o g i c a l , bombastic argum ents; they r e s o r te d to every form of s e n tim e n ta l ap p e al, even u sin g chem icals to induce te a r s where 65 "Prattle,'" S.F.Ex., Oct, 2 9, I8 9 3. 288 d e s ire d ; they m isled the jury "by s u b tle im p lic a tio n and innuendo; and th ey employed a l l kinds of d ish o n e st d e fe n se s, f a l s e l y a t t r i b u t i n g the crim inal's a c t to s e l f - d e f e n s e , in f ir m ity o f tem per, in s a n ity , youth, old age, i l l h e a l t h , g r i e f , and th e l i k e . And a l l t h i s was knowingly and u n n e c e s s a rily to l e r a t e d by the judges. In h is s a t i r e upon the bad e t h ic s o f the lawyers B ierce m aintained t h a t an a tto rn e y ought not to defend g u i l t , or l i e , or pretend to b e lie v e a g u i l t y c l i e n t In n o c e n t--in f a c t , ought no t to be a lawyer i f th ese th in g s a re n e c e s s a r ily a p a r t o f the p r o fe s s io n . He would not agree th a t the end j u s t i f i e d the means, but he h eld th a t " P re s e rv a tio n o f conscience and c h a r a c te r is a c iv ic duty as w ell as a p erso n a l; one’s fellow men have a d i s t i n c t i n t e r e s t in i t . "66 Said he on one o ccasion in a b i t o f s a t i r e somewhat l i g h t e r than u s u a l, The newspapers a re t e l l i n g of a lawyer who has the h a l l u c i n a t i o n th a t he i s always atte n d e d by a frie n d and c o n fid a n t. To t h i s im aginary person he i s fre q u e n tly heard d is c lo s in g h i s p r o f e s s io n a l s e c r e t s , and from him seems to take a d v ice . This is no h a l l u c i n a t i o n ; the ’frie n d and c o n f id a n t’ i s an eminent c o u n s e llo r w ell known in the p r o fe s s io n as th e s e n io r p a r tn e r in the g r e a t firm of S atan , Mammon & Co. I t is a m istak e, however, to suppose he g iv es advice to h is b ro th e r law yers; they advise h im .©7 J u ro rs in g e n e ra l B ierce r i d i c u l e d as n e c e s s a r ily u n i n t e l l i g e n t and incom petent, sin c e to q u a l if y fo r s e rv ic e they were re q u ire d to be fre e from a l l p r e ju d ic e , and so dead i n t e l l e c t u a l l y 66 i b i d . , Nov. 2k, 1 8 9 5. 67 " P r a t t l e , '’ Argo,, Oct. 12, 1878 . 289 as n e v e r t o h av e e v en read or t a lk e d ab ou t th e c a s e ; th e y were a llo w e d no o p in io n , th o u g h t, r e s p e c t a b i l i t y , or b r a i n s . 68 j n d isp a ra g em en t o f th e ju r o r s and th e la w y e r s t o g e t h e r , h e w r o te , There i s no way to g e t t o g e t h e r tw e lv e men o f s u f f i c i e n t i n t e l l i g e n c e , h o n e s t y , and s k i l l i n a n a l y s i s o f e v id e n c e to d e ter m in e th e s im p le s t q u e s t io n o f f a c t when th e la w y ers h ave done w it h i t . 69 B ie r c e m a in ta in e d t h a t a good jud ge was i n f i n i t e l y s u p e r io r t o a ju ry : The d i f f e r e n c e b etw een him and t h e . . .j u r o r s i s n o t w h o lly one o f know ledge o f law ; i t i s n o t a l t o g e t h e r a d i f f e r e n c e i n n a t u r a l i n t e l l i g e n c e or a c q u ir e d worldly wisdom; he i s f a m i l i a r w ith th e c h e a t in g o f la w y e r s and th e l y i n g o f co ach ed w i t n e s s e s , and s k i l l e d in th e s i f t i n g o f e v id e n c e and th e y a r e n o t . M oreover, s e r v i c e on th e bench h as g iv e n him th e h a b i t - o f i m p a r t i a l i t y ; and i m p a r t i a l i t y d o es n ot come t o a ju r o r by h i s sw ea r in g th a t he w i l l be impartial.70 As f o r th e ju d g e s , th e y w ere s a t i r i z e d as ig n o r a n t , s t u p i d , in c o m p e te n t, and c o r r u p t a t a l l l e v e l s o f th e j u d i c i a l sy s te m . The p o l i c e c o u r t ju d g es r e f u s e d to c l o s e bawdy h o u se s and g am b lin g dens b e c a u se th e y g o t p a id fo r n ot c l o s i n g them. O ther l o c a l ju d g es were i n t e l l e c t u a l l y , m o r a lly , or tem p era m e n t a lly u n f i t fo r th e b en ch . I n d i v i d u a l members o f th e S t a t e Supreme C o u rt, were s a t i r i c a l l y a r r a ig n e d on c h a r g e s o f ig n o ra n cq s t u p i d i t y , or c o r r u p tio n , and th e c o u r t as a w h o le - - t h a t "grim g h a s t l y body" "the Hen R o o s t," and t h e i r H en sh ip s o f th e Supreme P e r c h ," --w a s r e p e a t e d ly r i d i c u l e d f o r r e v e r s e d d e c i s i o n s , f o r m ic r o s c o p ic h a i r s p l i t t i n g , fo r i n c o r r e c t d e c i s i o n s , and ev en f o r 68 "Ashes o f th e B eacon ," C o lle c t e d Works l : 3 7 f . , 4 7 - 9 . 69 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., S ep t 1 9 , 1897. 70 L o c . c i t . 290 a r b itr a r ily ig n o rin g c e r t a i n p ro v is io n s o f the law. Of th e S ta te Supreme Court B ierce s a id , The Bench w i l l be s u f f i c i e n t l y re sp e c te d when i t is no lo n g er a p la c e where d u lla rd s dream and rogues rob--when i t s p e rso n n e l is no longer chosen in the back-rooms of tip p le - s h o p s , forced upon yawping conventions and confirmed by the votes o f men who n e i th e r know what the c a n d id a te s are nor what they should b e . 71 The United S ta te s Supreme Court he r i d i c u l e d as slow, s tu p id , la z y , and incom petent, though never, I b e lie v e , as c o r r u p t. I t was a body o f "d in o so u rs and ignanodons" o r, lik e the S ta te Supreme C ourt, a f lo c k o f c a p ric io u s " old h e n s ," who "pronounced a l l the most p recio u s p a r ts o f the C o n s titu tio n u n c o n s t i t u t i o n a l . "72 The Court decided as few c o n s t i t u t i o n a l q u e s tio n s as p o s s ib le in the cases brought b e fo re i t , e x p la in in g th a t i t could not decide them u n le ss t h e i r d e te rm in a tio n were e s s e n t i a l to the d i s p o s i t i o n o f th e case in which they aro se ; and i t sometimes d e c la re d laws u n c o n s titu t io n a l th a t had been enforced fo r many y e a rs . I t was B i e r c e 's b e l i e f th a t the Court ought "not merely to secure to an in d iv id u a l l i t i g a n t h is r i g h t s , b u t to make fu tu r e l i t i g a t i o n n e e d le s s by determ in in g in advance th e r i g h t s o f a l l . 73 I d e a l ly th e c o n s t i t u t i o n a l i t y o f every law should be determ ined b efo re i t is enforced. 71 I b i d . , June 2, 1895- 72 I b i d . , Ju ly 1 5 , 1888. 73 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, May 1 5 , 1886. 291 B i e r c e 's c h i e f in d iv id u a l ta r g e t on th e United S ta te s Supreme bench was J u s t i c e Stephen J . F ie ld , ^the Great U nshot, p whose o f f ic e a lso included the C a lifo rn ia -O re g o n United S ta te s c i r c u i t jud g esh ip . F ie ld served in t h i s dual p o s i t i o n from 1863 to 1897, t h i r t y - f o u r y ea rs lo n g e r than he should have se rv e d , sa id B ie rc e , and had the nerve when he r e t i r e d , by r e q u e s t o f h i s fellow judges, to c o n g r a tu la te h im s e lf on h is long term on the bench. F ie ld gained g re a t n o to r ie t y as judge in the H ill-S h a ro n c a s e , which e v e n tu a lly r e s u l t e d in th r e a t s upon F i e l d 's l i f e by Sarah A lth ea H i l l ' s lawyer and in t h a t la w y e r's d e a th from a b u l l e t f i r e d by F i e l d 's bodyguard. F ie ld was so d is r e p u ta b le sa id B ie rc e , th a t h is blame was p r a is e . Seldom did B ierce r i d i c u l e the judges as se n tim e n ta l and l e n i e n t , though on th e se charges he did b e d e v il ju r o r s , go v ern o rs, l e g i s l a t o r s , p ris o n wardens and b o ard s, p ris o n refo rm e rs, and the p u b lic a t la r g e . B ierce wasted no sympathy on c rim in a ls under d e a th se n te n c e , and he s a t i r i z e d a l l opponents o f c a p i t a l punishment as s e n tim e n ta l, unreasoning, and i n t e l l e c t u a l l y d e lin q u e n t. Confirmed enemies o f s o c ie ty , such as m urderers, should be hanged, and the o f f ic e of e x e c u tio n e r was a d ig n if ie d and honorable one. I t was s i l l y to reg ard the public e x e c u tio n e r w ith re v u ls io n , and i t was ju v e n ile to attem p t to evade or c o n c e a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y fo r ex ecu tio n s by an arrangement whereby the gallow s was sprung by the hangee, by a f i r i n g squad h a l f o f whom f ir e d b lan k c a r t r i d g e s , or by o th e r such d e v ice s. I f a man 292 d e se r v e d to be k i l l e d , i t was h o n o r a b le t o .'.k ill him; and th e e x e c u t io n e r sh o u ld be a llo w e d and sh o u ld be w i l l i n g t o f a c e h i s v i c t i m s . Furtherm ore a l l t a l k ab ou t c o m fo r ta b le , humane m ethods o f e x e c u t in g c r im in a ls was s e n t im e n t a l and l e f t B i e r c e unmoved, sa v e by c o n tem p t. I f c o m fo r ta b le m ethods were to be u sed f o r k i l l i n g p e o p le , th e m urderers sh o u ld be th e f i r s t ' ’to u s e them; o t h e r w is e , l e t th e c r i m in a ls bew are. On th e s e n t i m e n t a lit y Of j u r i e s B ie r c e w ro te i n one o f h i s '"Fables w ith o u t M o r a l s / ’ An A s s a s s in b e in g put upon t r i a l i n an Oregon c o u r t , h i s c o u n s e l r o s e and s a id : 'Your H onor, I move f o r a d is c h a r g e on th e ground o f " o n c e i n jeop ard y" : my c l i e n t h a s b een a lr e a d y t r i e d f o r th a t murder and a c q u i t t e d . ' ’i n what c o u r t , ' asked th e Ju d ge. i n th e S u p e r io r Court o f San F r a n c is c o } t’ he C o u n sel r e p l i e d . !Let th e t r i a l p r o c e e d --y o u r m otion i s denied', s a id th e Ju d ge. 'An a s s a s s i n i s n o t i n jeo p a rd y when t r i e d in C a lifo r n ia .* /!- But i f th e p u b lic and th e j u r i e s w ere s e n t im e n t a l ab ou t th e o r d in a r y run o f m ale o f f e n d e r s , t h e r e was no word to d e s c r ib e t h e i r a t t i t u d e toward women c r i m i n a l s . Women were w o r sh ip ed a s m inor d i e t i e s and w ere g e n e r a l l y immune from p u n ish m en t. Even th e * fem a le a s s a s s in " was c h i v a l r o u s l y d efen d ed by th e p u b lic ; and sh e e n jo y e d a d o u b le im m unity i f sh e k i l l e d h e r own h u sb an d , f o r t h e n she was n o t o n ly a woman, but a l s o a widow. I f a c r im in a l w ere put i n t o p r i s o n , he c o u ld r e s t in th e a s s u r a n c e t h a t he would p r o b a b ly so o n be o u t. The p u b lic was 7^ S.F.Ex., Dec. 12, 1890. a lw a y s p i t y i n g some d e v i l s , l i k e Hugh Dempsey, th e p o is o n e r o f " n on -u n ion men d u rin g th e la b o r t r o u b le s a t H om estead,*1 and a g i t a t i n g f o r t h e i r pardon; and, in f lu e n c e d by t h i s a t t i t u d e , th e l e g i s l a t o r s w ere alw ay s t r y i n g to s o f t e n th e la w s , and th e g o v e r n o r s , e s p e c i a l l y I r w in , Stonem an, Waterman, Markham, were p r o d ig a l i n th e is s u a n c e o f p a rd o n s. T h in gs came to su ch a p a s s , s a id B i e r c e , t h a t '" life s e n te n c e s " a v era g ed ab ou t s e v e n y e a r s , and " M u rd erers’ Row5 " h e r i d i c u l e d a s "a h e a l t h r e s o r t . " Even w h ile th e c r im in a l was i n p r is o n , h e was pampered w ith good f o o d , good c l o t h i n g , good m e d ic a l tr e a tm e n t, c o m fo r ta b le fa c il- - i t i e s , i d e a l w ork in g c o n d i t i o n s , h u m a n ita r ia n tr e a tm e n t, and p l e n t y o f " m ilk -a n d -m o r a lity ." The a d v o c a te s o f t h i s " r o s e - w a te r p en o lo g y " B ie r c e s c o r e d r e p e a t e d l y , m a in ta in in g th a t a c r im in a l ought to s u f f e r fo r h i s crim e and t h a t h i s s u f f e r i n g w ould to some e x t e n t be a d e t e r r e n t to p o t e n t i a l o f f e n d e r s . Under su ch a sy ste m o f s e n t im e n t a l l e n ie n c y th e p r is o n s were g r a d u a tin g t h e i r in m ates a s f i n i s h e d c r im in a ls ; and B ie r c e s a t i r i c a l l y e n v isb n e d th e tim e in th e n e a r fu tu r e when our f e l o n s would a l l be a t l a r g e , and a dozen im m ense, m ile - s q u a r e p r is o n s in t h i s c o u n tr y would be n e c e s s a r y to h o u se and p r o t e c t th e h o n e s t p e o p l e . 7 5 S o , a lo n g w it h th e a s p i r i n g p o l i t i c i a n s , th e in co m p eten t o f f i c e h o ld e r s and r e p u b lic a n governm ent i t s e l f , B ie r c e v i r u l e n t l y s a t i r i z e d th e broad-’ and m u ltitu d in o u s group o f p e r so n s 75 " P r a t t le ," S .F .E x ., Feb. 10, 1895; a l s o "The New P en o lo g y ," C o lle c t e d Works, 1 0 :3 3 1 -5 . 29k c o n n e c te d w it h th e l e g a l and j u d i c i a l s i d e o f th e U n ite d S t a t e s govern m en t. He s a t i r i z e d th e la w b r e a k e r s , th e law m akers, c e r t a i n law s and c o u r t t r a d i t i o n s , th e la w y e r s , th e j u r o r s , th e ju d g e s , and a l l s e n t im e n t a l sy m p a th iz e r s w it h th e c r i m i n a l s . CHAPTER VI RELIGIONISTS AND REFORMERS Reared in an e v a n g e l i c a l r e l i g i o u s atm osp h ere and b e in g a man o f k e e n i n t e l l e c t , B ie r c e was n a t u r a l l y i n t e r e s t e d i n r e l i g i o n and r efo rm , and h e d e v o ted a la r g e sh a r e o f h i s w r i t i n g t o s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m In t h e s e r e l a t e d f i e l d s . H is a t t i t u d e toward r e l i g i o n in g e n e r a l was one o f l o f t y d i s d a i n . I t made p e o p le s e r i o u s , l o n g - f a c e d , and unhappy; I t en cou rag ed much t h a t i s u n d e s ir a b le in mankind, su ch as emo t i o n a l i s m , n a r r o w n e ss, b i g o t r y , and in t o l e r a n c e ; i t answ ered none o f th e q u e s t io n s i t p r e te n d e d to answ er; and i t was i n e f f e c t i v e as a means o f r e g e n e r a t in g human n a t u r e . I n h i s s h o r t - s t o r y , "H alta th e S h e p h e r d ,0 ’ B ie r c e ca u sed H a'ita t o e x c la im a f t e r p u z z lin g a lo n g and f r u i t l e s s l y on th e problem s o f d e a th and im m o r ta lity , I w i l l no lo n g e r be a s u p p lia n t fo r know ledge w h ich th e god s w it h h o ld . L et them lo o k to i t t h a t th e y do me no w rong. I w i l l do my d u ty as b e s t I can and i f I e r r upon t h e i r own h ea d s be i t ! 1 H avin g d eterm in ed upon t h i s s o l u t i o n to h i s p ro b lem , th e y o u th f u l sh e p h e r d ’ s d e p r e s s io n o f s p i r i t v a n is h e d , and he became v ery happy. T h is u n s a t i r i c e p is o d e i s a p a r a b le o f B i e r c e ’s a t t i t u d e toward r e l i g i o n , an a t t i t u d e t h a t i s g iv e n s a t i r i c e x p r e s s i o n in h i s S w if t i a n a c co u n t o f th e G olam p ian s, o f Mogon- Z w air, whose r e l i g i o n i s r e p r e s e n te d a s b e in g s i m i l a r to p o p u la r 1 Collected Works, 3: 3 0 1. 296 C h r i s t i a n i t y and who them selves, *in consequence of t h e i r f a l s e view s,* a re *the most c o n s c ie n c e le s s l i a r s , c h e a ts , th ie v e s , rak es and a ll-a ro u n d many-sided s in n e rs th a t ever were c re a te d to he damned. * 2 This was h i s a t t i t u d e toward r e l i g i o n in g e n e ra l. However, h i s c h i e f s a t i r i c t h r u s t s were n o t a t r e l i g io n in g e n e ra l, hut a g a in s t p a r t i c u l a r persons and c l a s s e s , the r e l i g i o n i s t s . A c h i e f c r i t i c i s m o f th e se people was th a t they could n o t , or would n o t, th in k h o n e s tly , hut r a t h e r p r e f e r re d to he merely em otional and s e n tim e n ta l .vin r e l i g i o u s m a tte rs . The l a i t y were v u lg a r, ig n o ra n t, and em otional, w hile the S lerg y were em o tio n al, ig n o ra n t, and v u lg a r, and to g e th e r they r e v - §lede ; in r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n , th e o ry --* g o o d , s o l i d , n o u rish in g t h e o r y , * —and an en d le ss su c c e s sio n o f i l l o g i c a l , ahsurd, a s in in e id e a s . Who hut an i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t would g lo ry in the ^conversion* and baptism of a s ix - y e a r - o ld c h i l d , or take d e lig h t in the p e r i o d i c a l l y appearing hoy p re a c h e r, or send as a d e le g a te to a r e l i g i o u s convention a fo u r- y e a r- o ld prodigy and proudly w rite of him th a t he * is a C h r is t ia n d e s p ite h i s te n d e r y e a r s , and loves to sin g and t a l k of h is Savior*? When a s e n s a ti o n a l hoy p reac h er appeared i n San F ran cisco in 1881, B ierce showered contempt upon th e adm irers o f th is * h l a s t i t wonder;* he c h a ra c te riz e d th e hoy as a f,how ling d e r v is h f a *w ire-w alker on the female n erv e,* a * s la v e rin g c o n t o r t i o n i s t , * 2 *The Land Beyond the Blow,* Collected Works, 1: 9 8-1 0 3. 297 a s u f f e r e r "from an open wound. . .h is m outh,” a "holy i d i o t , ” a member o f th e " h e - h a r lo t r y of h o r r i b l e s , ” a " h o t- g o s p e le r ," and an in s e c t p e s t in "the moral v in e y a r d .” Might the d e v il sm ite him !5 Would a person who th o u g h t, sa id B ierce in e f f e c t , m a in tain t h a t a l l the p ro g re ss o f O cc id en tal c i v i l i z a t i o n is due to the C h r is t ia n r e l i g i o n , o r, w orse, to th e C h r is t ia n Sabbath? Would he take s e r io u s ly d e a t h - c e l l re p e n ta n c e s, as did the c le rg y ? In r i d i c u l e o f a member of the l a s t group B ierce w rote, Mr. Anderson, the gentlem an who rendered im portant s e rv ic e to Mr. Troy Dye in perform ing the T u lli s murder, i s re p o rte d by h i s ’s p i r i t u a l a d v i s e r ’ as having given evidence o f ’deep r e l i g i o u s c o n v ic tio n ' j u s t b efo re 'd y in g a trium phant C h r is t ia n d e a t h ’ ta n g le d in a rope. I v en tu re w ith due and becoming d eferen ce to the Governor to subm it th a t a f t e r a condemned murderer has re p e n te d , reform ed, and become a good C h r is t ia n , he might s a f e ly be tu rn ed lo o se . What is th e use o f hanging a pious and es t imahtre? ci t izen?^ The lame th in k in g r id ic u l e d in t h i s iro n ic a t t a c k was t y p i c a l , B ierce b e lie v e d , o f th e th in k in g of a l l r e l i g i o n i s t s ., who " n e ith e r know nor have the c a p a c ity to understand what t h e i r c o n v ic tio n s in one m atter l o g i c a l l y e n t a i l in a n o t h e r ;”5 and whose c l e r i c a l r e p r e s e n ta ti v e s preach " c lo tte d n o n se n se .” Some o f t h i s i l l o g i c a l "th in k in g " was to be fcund among the b e s t ed u ca ted ad h e re n ts to the C h r is t ia n church among men l i k e David S ta r r Jo rd an , whom B ierce r id ic u l e d fo r tr y in g to r e c o n c ile 3 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, Oct. 21, 1881. ^ " P r a t t l e , " Argo. May 3 1 , 1879. 5 "Prattle," S.F.Ex., June 16, 1 8 9 5. 298 orthodox C h r i s t i a n i t y w ith s c i e n c e . ^ The two were i r r e c o n c i l a b l e , and when a Rev. Dr. Hobart a lle g e d th a t the young people a t the U n iv e rs ity were a c c e p tin g e v o lu tio n because they wished to be c la s s e d as th in k e r s , B ie rc e in te r p r e t e d the a l l e g a t i o n as an u n w ittin g adm ission th a t the c le r g y were not t h i n k e r s - - e l s e why would the youths p r e f e r the s c i e n t i s t s to the p reach ers? B ierce saw the r e l i g i o n i s t s ’ i n c a p a b i l i t y o f thought e x h i b i t e d most g la r in g l y in the sermons o f the c le r g y , in the " r e v i v a l s ” o f the e v a n g e li s ts , and in the th e o lo g ic a l b e l i e f s of a l i t y and c le rg y . The droning p reac h ers he s a t i r i z e d f o r m istakes i n grammar and d i c tio n ; fo r a d reary sameness in th e form, s t y l e , and d e l iv e r y of t h e i r serm o n s;fo r obvious m i s in te r p r e ta tio n s o f th e S c r ip tu r e s ; fo r p l a t i t u d e s , i r r e l e v a n c i e s , i n c o n s is te n c i e s , and c o n t r a d ic ti o n s in thought; fo r s a c r ile g i o u s and blasphemous p r e sum ption; and fo r t o t a l b lin d n e ss to the im p lic a tio n s of t h e i r serm ons.7 Worst of a l l the p reac h ers i n the eyes o f B ierce were the " e v a n g e le r s , 1 1 "the nomadic p e rs u a d e r[s ] o f e p i l e p t i c a l r e l i g i o n . ” A lle n , Woodworth, Dowie, W h ittle , D avenport, H a rriso n , Halenbeck, E a r le , Knapp, "Thick-necked Moody” and S a n k e y --a ll f o r g o tte n now save th e l a s t tw o --th e se "Godders and s o u l e r s , ” among whom were 6 i b i d ., Feb. 21, 1897. 7 For mock serm onettes see Nuggets and D u st, pp. 100-2, and " P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, Feb. 3 , 1882. 299 numbered " N e e d le s ig h t, H e l l y e l l , [and] Y oupsturdy," played upon p e o p le ’s em otions; they shouted and c o n to rte d th em selv es; they sweated and s la v e re d ; they made a h o ly -sh o w -o f-th em selv es; they clouded p e o p le ’s v is i o n and peddled paroxysmal p ie ty ; they caused people to behave r a s h ly ,, f a n a t i c a l l y , sham efully. When a c e r t a i n Rev. Major W h ittle came to town, B ierce c h a ra c te r iz e d him as an "incom parable john-donkey," a mountebank seek in g cheap ap plause by f la y in g a dead d e v i l, a r e l i g i o u s vaquero rounding up th e L ord’s c a t t l e . 8 B ie rce s a t i r i z e d the th e o lo g ic a l b e l i e f s o f " th e ran k and v i l e , " In c lu d in g th e c le rg y . The anthropomorphic concept o f God, whom man has c re a te d in h is own image; th e v e s t i g a l p o ly th eism evinced by the awe in which the D evil is s t i l l h e ld ; the b e l i e f th a t e v e ry th in g on e a r t h and the very u n iv e rs e i t s e l f a re ordered fo r the com fort and happiness of man; the l i t e r a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of the S c r ip tu r e s and the b e l i e f in t h e i r i n f a l l i b i l i t y ; th e b e l i e f in d iv in e in te r f e r e n c e in the a f f a i r s o f man, e i t h e r by way o f rew arding the good, punishing th e bad, answering p ra y e r, or e f f e c t i n g m ira c le s ; the acceptance o f th e d o c trin e o f f a i t h ; th e b e l i e f s in heaven and h e l l ; the b e l i e f in o r i g i n a l s in and the concept t h a t the s in f u ln e s s of any a c t is in d i r e c t p ro p o rtio n to th e p le a s u re i t a f f o rd s ; the b e l i e f in th e r i t e of baptism and the v ic a rio u s atonement fo r s in ; the b e l i e f in B i b l i c a l proph- f-b.Yly; and the accep tan ce o f such d o c trin e s as those o f the T rin ity , ^ ^ 3 -(3e in ffr a , P* 3 8 1 . 3 00 th e d i v i n i t y o f C h r is t , and His imminent Second C om ing--all "bespoke, to B ie rc e , the i n t e l l e c t u a l v a c u ity o f the C h r is t ia n "orthodoxen. ’ *'9 E s p e c ia lly among the people “ who embraced th e s e b e l i e f s did he a t t a c k th o se who b e lie v e d in p ra y e r, e x to lle d f a i t h , and wished fo r im m o rta lity . In r i d i c u l e of those who b e lie v e d , or p re te n d e d to b e lie v e th a t s p e c i a l Providence might be e f f e c te d by p ra y e r and who p io u s ly thanked God th a t they were spared the m is fo rtu n e s of t h e i r n e ig h b o rs, he asked In e f f e c t , would an o m n isc ie n t, " a l l - l o v i n g and a ll-p o w e r f u l F a th e r4 9 w ithhold from h i s c h i ld r e n what were b e s t fo r them u n t i l they asked fo r i t ? And why a t Thanksgiving should we not thank God fo r our a f f l i c t i o n s as w e ll as our b le s s i n g s , fo r he i s the g iv e r o f a l l ? And why should we take such a s e l f i s h joy in escap in g the calata - • l i t i e s t h a t have b e f a l l e n our b re th re n ? And why, i f th e c le r g y b e lie v e d in p ra y e r, did they not l e t God know what th e people needed f a i r l y and sq u a re ly : "What we need Is p ra y e r fo r ra in --n o n e of your la z y , d raw lin g , s n u ffin g , and p e rfu n c to ry ^ ’p e t i t i o n s to the throne of G r a c e ,1 but a good, sq u a re , r in g in g sta tem en t o f what we r e q u ir e fo r next y e a r 's c ro p s, when we r e q u ir e i t , and why we conceive o u rse lv e s e n t i t l e d to I t . The p r i e s t or p arso n who f a i l s now i n th e hour o f our need has no claim to our to le ra n c e when i t comes to the hour o f h is need. They must a l l be made to understand t h a t our a b i l i t y to pay t h e i r s a l a r i e s and reduce the church debts depends upon next y e a r 's h a r v e s t, and i f we d o n 't g et any wheat we w on't take any s a l v a t i o n —th a t we a re n o t going to buy a th in g th a t is cheap u n le ss we have the money. I f th e p a r s o n '3 w on't pray fo r r a i n , we must t r y to fin d somebody 9 Nuggets and Dust, pp. 102ff. 301 th a t w ill--som ebody t h a t has f a i t h in p ra y e r and a sta k e in th e country--som ebody whose i n t e r e s t s are not a l l in the B e tte r Land. . . .1* And when on an o th er occasio n the ‘ "p arso n s 0 did pray (o c c a s io n a lly B ierce s p e l l s i t 0p rey 0 ) he w rote, Before v o tin g fo r an A s s is ta n t Bishop on Thursday l a s t , the h o ly men o f the E p isco p al Convention o f th e C a lif o r n i a Diocese ’u n ite d in s i l e n t p ra y e r fo r d iv in e g u id a n c e .* They then divided t h e i r votes among. . .[ n in e c a n d id a te s ] . There was no c h o ice. On a second b a l l o t the Kev. Mr. N ichols was e le c te d w ith t h i r t y votes a g a in s t him. I f the m a jo rity voted by D ivine guidance, who guided th e g e n t l e men c a s tin g th e se t h i r t y v o te s ? H Those who commended f a i t h he s a t i r i z e d as n a iv e , c re d u lo u s, and g u l l i b l e . B ie rce defined f a i t h as ^ B e lie f w ith o u t evidence in what is to ld by one who speaks w ithout knowledge, of th in g s w ith o u t p a r a l l e l . 012 And as f o r th e b e l i e f in im m o rtality , i t aro se out of a f e a r of d e a th , and no one knew an y th in g about i t . He suggested t h a t i f the body is r a is e d and our e x is te n c e co n tin u e d in an o th er l i f e , our f a u l t s w i l l co n tin u e a l s o , and we may expect to see the b u ild in g s o f heaven d eco rated w ith c o u n t le s s sig n s f u l l o f gram m atical e r r o r s , m issp e lle d words, and mis-formed l e t t e r s . To B ierce i t seemed th a t the wide acceptance o f orthodox 10 0P r a t t i e , ” Argo. Dec. 28, 1878. 11 " P r a t t l e , 1 ' S .P .E x ., Feb. 9 , 1890. 12 C o lle c te d Works, 7^95. i n s t i t u t i o n a l r e l i g i o n was due to i t s " i n s c r u ta b le u n i n t e l l i g i b i l i t y . " The whole system was c o rru p te d by a b s u r d i t i e s and "bosh"; and of the s p e c i a l i s t s who attem pted to e x p la in and r e c o n c ile i t s a b s u r d i t i e s 'h e s a id , "There never liv e d ah h o n est Theologian th a t knew how to th in k . A Theologian th a t knew how to th in k would be a r a s c a l . "13 As a r e s u l t of t h i s i n a b i l i t y or r e f u s a l of the r e l i g i o n i s t s to th in k , B ie rc e found them to be narrow , b ig o te d j,, and i n t o l e r a n t . T h eir narrowness a s s e r te d i t s e l f in t h e i r c o n t r o v e r s ie s over t r i v i a l m a tte rs , and B ierce r a l l i e d f i r s t one group, th en a n o th e r, as they debated w hether or no t churchi mem b e rs should p la y c a rd s , dance, d rin k , or belong to s o c i a l c lu b s; w hether or not the wine used fo r th e communion should be ferm ented w hether o r not the rim o f the common communion cup should be "tow eled"; w hether or not in s tru m e n ta l music should be allowed in the church; and w hether or n o t the r a b b i should be allowed to preach w ith o u t a h a t . He r i d i c u l e d the E ast Oakland Congre g a t i o n a l Church fo r com plaining t h a t t h e i r m in is te r made them laugh and did not preach enough about h e l l , and he r id ic u l e d the P re s b y te r ia n Church f o r s il e n c i n g one o f i t s m in is te rs who re fu se d to a c ce p t the d o c trin e s o f a l i t e r a l h e l l , and e t e r n a l damnation o f c h i ld r e n and h ea th en who died w ith o u t having heard th e Gospel. B ierce r i d i c u l e d those C h r is tia n s who co n sid ered "every *3 "Passing Show," S.F.Ex., Nov. 1 9, 1899. 503 p erso n o f a n o th e r f a i t h . . .a wild hog,*’ who were b i t t e r l y i n t o l e r a n t o f people of o th e r r e l i g i o u s c o n v ic tio n s , and who wanted to impose t h e i r p e rs o n a l b e l i e f s upon everyone e l s e . He a s s e r te d th a t "th e tw o-and-seventy j a r r i n g s e c ts " (o f which the M ethodist was i n f i n i t e l y the w orst and fo r which th e r e was re se rv e d in h e l l a s p e c ia l fu rn a c e , trTJo.6 9 7 , 0 0 0 -h o t") could be harm onieusly u n ite d only by common o p p o rtu n ity to p l u n d e r . ' Indeed a l l the s e c ts were merely " f a c tio n s o f th e P r o te s ta n t f a c t i o n o f the C h r is t ia n f a c t io n o f the P o ly th e i s tic f a i t h . B ierce p o in te d out th a t th e b ig o ts enjoyed and eulogized the C o n s titu t io n a l g u aran tee o f freedom o f r e l i g i o n ; y et they b i t t e r l y h a ted th e C a th o lic s , and th ey in s u lte d and m e rc ile s s ly p e rse c u te d th e Seventh-Day A d v e n tists and the Mormons. Though s c o r n f u l o f the g e n e ra l body o f dogmas o f bo th th ese s e c t s , he c h a lle n g e d the o b serv ers o f the f i r s t day o f the week as the Sabbath to j u s t i f y t h e i r p r a c t i c e by S c r ip tu r e , and on v ario u s o ccasio n s he defended the Mormons on the b a s is of t h e i r p e r so n a l c h a r a c te r and in d u s try : B ierce was always ready to m ain t a i n th e r i g h t o f any group to i t s own r e l i g i o u s c o n v ic tio n s , b u t he could no t abide the meddlers in o th e rs p e o p le s ’ r e l i g i o u s a f f a i r s , p a r t i c u l a r l y th e S a b b a ta ria n s and the m is s io n a rie s .. The former group, he sa id would ru n t h i s l a n d o f c i v i l a n d r e l i g i o u s l i b e r t y as a dependency o f th e Kingdom Uncome. . .They would s e t up a T h eo cracy --a government o f S n u ffle and Psalmody. . . 14”Prattie," S.F.Ex., March 3, 1895. 304 They would remember the Sawbath day to make us keep i t w holly. . .1 5 The m is s io n a rie s to o , he s a t i r i z e d as "narrow, b ig o ted ze a lo ts,® who were th e to o ls o f commerce and who were making a p le a s a n t, com fortable l i v i n g in t h e i r chosen v o c a tio n . He m aintained th a t they were u n tru stw o rth y in t h e i r r e p o r ts o f th e fo re ig n tro u b le s which th ey them selves i n c ite d ; th a t th ey were immoderate and b ia se d ; th a t they made i t "th e b u sin e ss o f t h e i r l iv e s to go abroad and c ra c k th e o lo g ic a l n u ts upon the heads of o th e rs and e a t the k e rn e ls th e m selv es;" and, in the words o f l i t t l e Johnny, t h a t th ey ta u g h t " them h eath en s to w urship t h e i r s e lv e s , same as we d o ."16 F in a ll y , B ierc e s a t i r i z e d th e C h r is tia n s fo r p i e t y , h y p o c risy , u n c h a rita b le n e s s , love o f w e a lth , and u n -C h r is tia n c h a r a c te r . T h eir p ie ty and sanctim ony appeared in the d is p la y o f t h e i r goodness, in t h e i r "holy g ro a n s ,*1 t h e i r "am ens," and t h e i r " t e s t i m o n i a l s . 1 1 Even P r e s i d e n t - e l e c t Benjamin H arriso n l e t i t be known t h a t he would no t open h i s m ail on Sundays. T h eir presum ption appeared in the modest announcing o f them s e lv e s as "God’s e l e c t , " and, p a r t i c u l a r l y among the c le r g y , in th e assum ption o f t h e i r own i n f a l l i b l e om niscience, which assump t i o n j u s t i f i e d t h e i r speaking a u t h o r i t a t i v e l y about the n a tu re x5 I b i d . , J u ly 1 6 , 1893. 16 i b i d . , Aug. 4 , 1895* May 2 , 1897; " ’L esser Breeds W ith out the Law, Cosm opolitan, March, 1 9 0 9. For a b u rle sq u e account o f the d ea th o f Lav id L iv in g sto n e , see "C u rren t J o u r n a lin g s ,*1 The F ie n d ’s D e lig h t, p. 99- 305 and w i l l of God and d e a lin g out dam nation as th ey p le a se d . I n s i n c e r i t y , sham, and h y p o c risy , among both the l a i t y and the c le r g y , were w itnessed by the in s i n c e r e p re a c h ers who c o n s c io u sly t r i e d to s tim u la te sobbing a t f u n e r a l s ; by the p re ac h e rs and m is s io n a r ie s who, when they re c e iv e d a more a t t r a c t i v e o f f e r to work elsew here, explained m y ste rio u sly th a t they were " c a l l e d ” to la b o r in an o th e r p a r t o f "th e moral v in y a rd ;" by th e c l e r g y men who q u a rre le d w ith each o th e r and were p a r t i e s to p e t t y r i v a l r i e s and a n im o s itie s ; by a l l the f a i t h f u l who j u s t i f i e d war, which C h r is t i n t e r d i c t e d ; by the whole body of " s a i n t s ” who li e d and cheated and dodged the t r u t h ; by th e gourmets in th e church; by th e death-bed r e p e n ta n ts ; by the p ro fe s s in g laymen and clergym en who s e t a h ig h v alu e on m a te r ia l th in g s , and i n ■ t h e i r h e a r t s had no r e a l f e e l in g o f c h a r i t y , g e n e ro s ity , or a l tru ism ; and by th e parsons who took an undue i n t e r e s t in the women of t h e i r c o n g re g a tio n . Time a f t e r time B ierce s a t i r i z e d the C h r is tia n s f o r t h e i r u n - C h r is tia n a v a ric e : the c le rg y were l i a r s who p e r p e tra te d an i n t e r e s t in im m o rtality to keep t h e i r jo b s; they were members of a "p a id f i r e d e p a rtm e n t,” and heaven and h e l l were " n e ith e r p la ce s nor c o n d i t i o n s , ” but " p a rts o f an a p p a ra tu s f o r p ic k in g p o c k e ts .” N a tu ra lly th e n , sa id B ie rc e , "When Mr. I n g e r s o l l throws cold w ater on Hades the p rea c h e rs throw cold w ater on Mr. I n g e r s o l l . ” 17 The clergymen B ierce !7 "Prattle,” S.F.Ex., Aug. 5, 1888. 306 re p re s e n te d as p r o f e s s io n a l Sprayer men/ 1 or ”h o ly ” men who got t h e i r l i v i n g "by b e lie v in g in J e s u s ; ” u n lik e C h r is t , they po ssessed a deep and i n s a t i a b l e love o f t h i s w o r ld 's goods, and, i n c o n t r a s t to the s i m p lic ity o f Him ”who had n o t where to la y h is h e a d ,” they re v eled in gorgeous, r i c h d r e s s , in ch u rch ly pomp and p ag ean try . Even the Pope was a v a r ic io u s , mercenary, a c q u i s i t i v e , and devoted to d is p la y ; and a l l r e l i g i o n s were devised fo r ’’plucking p ig e o n s .” The ”g u lf between C h r i s t i a n i t y and C h r i s t ” was ”no f l o o r - c r a c k . ” More than once B ierce s a t i r i z e d some unlucky m in is te r fo r ” too l i t e r a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f th e Gospel o f Love” among h is fem inine p a r is h io n e r s : two B a p tis t m in is te rs were in c o u rt because one k iss e d the o t h e r 's w ife; Michael P in n e rty , a M ethodist h o t- g o s p e le r , had the bad lu c k to enamor h im s e lf o f a ewe lamb of h i s f lo c k , and, unable to dissem ble h is lo v e ,. . .had h is nose fre sco e d w ith an i n t r i c a t e and e la b o r a te system of f i n g e r - n a i l i n g s ; 18 a m in is te r a t Redding, unnamed, l o s t the woman he loved to arm the* man, but f i n a l l y possessed h e r de_ fa c to i f not de_ j u r e , and thus became the hero o f B i e r c e 's poem, ”The P a rs o n 's Triumph;” 19 and the id o liz e d Henry Ward Beecher h im s e lf, u n in flu en c ed in conduct by h i s r e l i g i o u s b e l i e f s , d is c r e d ite d the whole body of C h r i s t i a n b e l i e v e r s . With a z e a l q u ite l i k e th a t which he r i d i c u l e d i n e v a n g e lic a l C h r i s t i a n i t y , B ierce assumed B e ech er’s ’ ’Prattle,” Wasp, Feb. 24, 1882. 19 , Sept. 2 3, 1881. 307 g u i l t in the E liz a b e th T ilto n sc an d al and, lik e n in g him to the Rev. A rthur Dimmesdale, proceeded to scourge him u n m e rc ifu lly : . . .th e s c a r l e t l e t t e r , a l b e i t covered w ith fo ld upon fo ld o f h y p o c r is ie s and p e r j u r i e s , burns r e d ly on the g r e a t man's b r e a s t ; and we may c o n f id e n tly aw ait the time when th e d iv in e a u d a c ity th a t s u s t a in s t h i s forem ost i n f i d e l in th e p u p il, wings h i s words w ith flame and sends them b la z in g and th u n d e rin g in to the crushed ran k s o f h i s a l l i e s , w hile he o v e rtu rn s the a l t a r s th a t he a s s i s t e d to s e t up and makes a b o n f ire o f the creed s t h a t he e x to ls--w e may look fo r the tim e, I say, when t h i s immatchable a u d a tity . w i l l have exhausted i t s e l f , and t h i s 's i n - s t a i n e d c r e a tu r e o f the d u s t , 1 c lu tc h in g a p a rt h is garments o f r ig h te o u s n e s s , s h a l l p e n i t e n t l y expose the hideous w itn e ss o f h i s unexam pled crim e. Should t h i s topmost sc o u n d re l o f h i s e ra die im p e n ite n t th e re is an end o f a l l e x h o rtin g : 'R e lig io n , b lu s h in g , v e i ls h e r sacred f i r e s ' ; the ch urch packs up h e r cracked and d is c r e d ite d thunders and is o f f ; the p r i e s t s h e l l s h im s e lf out o f vestm ent; the d e v il f o re c lo s e s h is m ortgages, and makes b u r i a l o f the whole m iserab le b u s i ne s s. 20 I t was B i e r c e ’s view th a t the p erv e rsio n s and c o rr u p tio n s of C h r i s t i a n i t y were so m u ltitu d in o u s and so monstrous th a t C h ris t could not now c a l l h im s e lf a C h r i s t i a n . 21 In s p i t e o f the b i t t e r n e s s o f B i e r c e 's s a t i r i c a tta c k s upon modern " C h r i s t i a n s 1 1 he was h im s e lf a tr u e adm irer o f C h r is t , though he denied th a t he was a C h r is t ia n h im s e lf. On numerous o ccasio n s he h eld up C h r is t as an id e a l , and he once w rote, That is my u ltim a te and determ in in g t e s t o f r i g h t - - 'What, under the c irc u m sta n c es, would C h ris t have done?' th e C h r is t o f the New T estam ent, a o t th e C h r is t of the com mentators, th e o lo g ia n s , p r i e s t s and p a rso n s. The t e s t i s perhaps not i n f a l l i b l e , but i t is e x c e l l e n t l y sim ple and g iv e s as good p r a c t i c a l r e s u l t s as any. I am not a C h r is t i a n , but so f a r as I know, the b e s t and t r u e s t and sw e e te st 2° Ibid., Nov. J, 1 8 8 3. 21 "Passing Show," S.F.Ex., Nov. 26, 1899- 308 c h a r a c t e r In l i t e r a t u r e i s t h a t o f J e s u s C h r i s t . He ta u g h t n o th in g new in g o o d n e s s , f o r a l l g o o d n e s s , was' a g e s o ld b e f o r e he came; hu t w it h an i n t u i t i o n t h a t n e v e r f a i l e d h e a p p lie d t o l i f e c o n d u ct th e e n t i r e law o f r i g h t e o u s n e s s . I h ave b e f o r e d e s c r ib e d him as a l i g h t n i n g m oral c a l c u l a t o r : t o h i s lum inous i n t e l l i g e n c e th e s ta te m e n t o f t h e problem co n v ey ed th e s o l u t i o n - - h e c o u ld n o t h e s i t a t e , h e c o u ld n o t e r r . That he founded a r e l i g i o n w h ic h i n a d eb ased form p e r s i s t s and even sp r e a d s t o t h i s day i s mere a t t e s t a t i o n o f h i s m arvelou s g i f t : a d o r a tio n i s a mode o f r e c o g n i t i o n . 22 When B ie r c e was i n Jtiis e a r l y s i x t i e s h e made a f o r t h r i g h t s t a t e m ent, i n c i d e n t a l t o a d i s c u s s i o n o f th e b e n e v o le n c e s o f John D. R o c k e f e l l e r , t h a t r e v e a l s c l e a r l y h i s own ^ r e l i g i o n , w S in c e i t c o n s t i t u t e s th e b a s i s o f a l l h i s s a t i r e , i t i s w orth q u o tin g in i t s e n t i r i t y : In l a s t Monday’s I s s u e o f t h i s paper * T .Q .M .’ c o n c lu d e d h e r e x c e l l e n t p r i z e l e t t e r on th e R o c k e f e l l e r d o n a tio n s th u s: ’Are n o t some members o f th e Board m is ta k in g p e r s o n a l a n t ip a t h y f o r r e l i g i o u s z e a l ? ' ’Some members o f th e B o a r d ’ may ta k e c a r e o f t h e m s e lv e s , bu t a s I s id e d w ith them I want to sa y t h a t I do n o t m ista k e my p e r s o n a l a n t ip a th y f o r a n y th in g w h a te v e r . I t i s j u s t p l a i n , o b v io u s , p e r s o n a l a n t ip a t h y . And when I f a i l to f e e l and c h e r i s h t h a t se n tim e n t toward Mr. R o c k e f e l l e r and a l l o t h e r s o f h i s d e t e s t a b l e b r e e d ; when I b e g in to f e e l c h a r i t y fo r them , f in d e x c u s e s f o r them , c r e d i t them w it h good i n t e n t i o n s , co n c ed e th e s i n c e r i t y o f t h e i r r e l i g i o u s p r o f e s s i o n s , th e p u r i t y o f t h e i r p e r s o n a l l i v e s and th e r e s t o f I t - - t h e n I s h a l l know t h a t I am c o n t r i b u t i n g out o f my own c h a r a c t e r and c o n s c ie n c e to t h a t n a t i o n a l fund o f t o l e r a n c e w h ich makes them p o s s i b l e . I s h a l l know t h a t I am a f f e c t e d by th e glam our o f t h e i r w e a lt h , t h e i r pow er and t h e i r d i s t i n c t i o n ; t h a t my p e r s o n a l sta n d a r d o f m o r a lit y i s no h i g h e r , my p e r s o n a l s e n s e o f r i g h t and wrong no k e e n e r , th a n t h o s e o f my age and c o u n t r y —and w orse th a n t h a t can be s a id o f no man o f any c o u n tr y i n any a g e . I f a man have no r e l i g i o n a b i t t e r p e r s o n a l a n t ip a th y to su ch f e l l o w s as John D. R o c k e f e l l e r w i l l s e r v e him f a i r l y w e l l i n p la c e o f o n e , and make him o f a t l e a s t some s m a ll v a lu e t o h i s f e l l o w s . 22 ^ ’P r a t t l e , 1 ’ S.F.Ex. , June 29, 1891. For o th e r in s ta n c e s o f B i e r c e 's r e p r e s e n ta ti o n o f C h ris t as an i d e a l see ^ P r a t t l e / S. .F .E x., J u ly 7 , 1889, March 1, 1891, May g, 1891, J u l y . l 5 , 1894, Aug. 19, 1894, Aug. 11, 1895, J a n - 21, 1o97a Nov. 20, 1898, D ec.3 1 , 1898; 'ftar T o p ic s / 1 S .^ .E x ., June 26,1898; ^P assing Show, S .F .E x ., Oct. 2 9, 1899; I J Ashes of the Beacon,” Collected Works, l:85f. 309 Not to overlove your fellow men, fo r th a t Im plies unwisdom and is i t s e l f unwise, b u t m o rta lly to h a te t h e i r e n e m ie s -- th e ir f l a t t e r e r s and b e t r a y e r s , who e q u a lly prey upon th e m --th a t i s th e whole law. Before condemning it,:.in fav o r of something m ild er and sw e e te r, l e t th e re a d e r c o n s id e r what would be th e r e s u l t o f i t s g e n e ra l a d o p tio n -- and what is the r e s u l t o f what we have in s te a d . For a s in g le i l l u s t r a t i o n , what would be th e e f f e c t upon th e b u sin e ss o f Mr. R o c k e fe lle r, or Mr. Morgan, or Mr. Armour, o r Mr. Belmont, or any o th e r p u b lic enemy, i f no man would tak e him by th e hand; i f no woman would s u f f e r him to address h e r; i f the very b r a t s i n the s t r e e t would follow and je e r? Do you th in k , h o n e s tly , th a t the gospel o f c h a r i t y , of t o l e r a t i o n , o f the ’brotherhood of man1 and so f o r t h , as we have the h ap p in ess to have i t dinned in to our e a r s , can ev er accom plish th e reform s and re fo rm a tio n s which would flow from th a t? I f i t can i t i s about time fo r i t to begin. ^5 Much might be w r i t t e n In f u r t h e r e x p o s itio n o f B i e r c e ’s s a t i r e upon C h r is tia n s and C h r i s t i a n i t y and upon p e rso n s, m ostly clergym en, long s in c e fo rg o tte n : A. W illiam s, ^ M illio n a ire m i n i s t e r ; ” P h ilip G ra if, B. Fay M ills , Doctor Sweeney, and M©rton Smith, o f Oakland; the Reverend Doctor "H y p o critu s” Barrows; F a th e r Scanlon, R ector of S t. J o s e p h 's ; Doctor Cogswell, e r e c to r o f fo u n ta in s and S ta tu e s , sometimes c a lle d "Coggy,” sometimes X "th e Rev. Dr. A l l e l u i a Cox; th e Reverend Edwards D avis, of Oak la n d , g reasy o f h a i r , uncomely o f countenance, who e n te r ta in e d h is c o n g re g a tio n s w ith e lo c u tio n a ry , dancing, and p la y - a c tin g s t u n t s , who a d v e rtis e d h im s e lf a s ” the a c to r p r e a c h e r ,” and whose very ap pearance, in the words o f L i t t l e Johnny, was "so fu rio u s ugly th a t he can s t a r t a bawky h o r s e ; ” Doctor J . F. Clymer, who made th e b ic y c le "an embodiment o f th e p r i n c i p l e s o f C h r i s t i a n i t y ; ” 23 "The Views of One,” N.Y.Am., April 21, 1905, p. 310 th e R everend d o c t o r s S t e b b in s , P l a t t , H o rto n , J e w e l l , and Bacon; B ish o p W illia m Ingraham K ip , who p r e te n d e d to he a d e sc e n d a n t o f S t . P e t e r , th ou gh r e a l l y he was a r e l a t i v e o f th e D e v il; th e P r e s b y t e r ia n s h e r e s y h u n t e r , R everend J . B. R o b e r ts , who was a c o ll e a g u e o f S a ta n , a " h id eo u s a p p a r i t i o n ," a "m onstrous m a le f a c t o r , " a " tr a in e d c h u r c h -h o g ," a " s a v a g e ," an " in c a r n a te s m e l l f a "m alarium from catacom bs o f dead-and-dam ned c r e e d ," a w a lk in g p e s t i l e n c e , " a " t h e o l o g i c a l G u ite a u ;" th e " b la d d e r-h ea d ed s k y - p i l o t , " M unhall; and t h e i r r e v e r e n c e s E astm an, Newman, M cK enaie, M a jo rs, L ounsbury, Badlam , G ib so n , M a ck en zie, Sp urgeon , and McHenry. T hese a r e a few o f th e s c o r e s o f r e l i g i o n i s t s who w ere w o r r ie d , a n g e r e d , and h a r r a s s e d by th e s a t i r e o f B i e r c e . R e la te d t o th e r e l i g i o n i s t s w ere t h e r e f o r m e r s , among thorn B ie r c e a t ta c k e d c h i e f l y th e members o f th e Young M en's and Young Women's C h r i s t i a n A s s o c i a t i o n s , a l l tem p eran ce a d v o c a t e s , and th e w h ole body o f m i l i t a n t f e m i n i s t s . The members o f th e Young M en's and Young Women's C h r i s t i a n A s s o c i a t i o n B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d as h a l v e , i n s i p i d , or h y p o c r i t i c a l . The men among t h e s e "young G o s p e lle r s " w ere im m ature, g r e e n , and e f f e m in a t e , and th e y p r id e d th e m s e lv e s on t h e i r w h e y is h , "w ater and m o la s s e s and u n s a lt e d b u t te r " g o o d n e s s . They in d u lg e d i n p io u s B ib le r e a d in g and hymn s i n g in g and so u g h t p le a s u r e d o in g g y m n a s tic s w it h o th e r s of, t h e i r k in d . He r i d i c u l e d them f o r t h e i r d is a p p r o v a l o f a l c o h o l i c b e v e r a g e s , and f o r t h e i r " p a r t i e s ” t h a t w ere as " jo y o u s as th e p e a l o f a f u n e r a l b e l l , and i n s p i r i n g as t h a t o f a su ck ed o r a n g e ." T hese " g u i l e l e s s , " "m uscular" young 311 * C h r is t ia n s were a l l re p re s e n te d as h y p o c r ite s , who, when they thought th ey were not d e te c te d , behaved l i k e u n re g e n e ra te pagans. No b e t t e r th a n t h e i r snow-white b r o th e r s were the W ewe lambs” : ”godly R a c h e l,” -’s e rio u s R u th ,” ”meekeyed H anna,” ®Mehitable Ann,” and ”J e ru s h a , c o m e lie st o f h e r s e x . ” The members o f b o th a s s o c ia tio n s e l i c i t e d from B ierce th e contemptuous ir o n ic sm ile. To B ie rce the temperance advocateslv'ere4 "'b ig o tsy h afrd w -o p p o n e n ts o f a u n iv e r s a l p r a c t i c e based upon a n a t u r a l a p p e t i t e and p h y s ic a l n e c e s s ity , and an i d i o t in c ap a b le o f d i s t in g u is h i n g between drunkenness and m o d e r a t i o n . 24 Some o f t h e i r f a u l t s were t h a t they a tta c h e d undue im portance to t.he m a tte r of d r i n k in g , made exaggerated claim s fo r th e f i t n e s s of a b s ta in e r s fo r a l l o f f ic e s or p o s it io n s , to ld u n tru e s t o r i e s o f the e f f e c t s o f a lc o h o l upon th e human body, tr y in g to s c a re people in to a b s t i nence, to o k too s e r io u s ly the im portance of t h e i r own good example, and went to r id ic u lo u s extrem es. Moreover, they c o n sid e re d them selves ^endowed w ith th e f a c u l ty of d iv in e s i g h t ” and were c r e a tu r e s of enthusiasm and z e a l r a t h e r than o f re a s o n . B esides ,a~ 'they? cbften preached t o t a l a b s tin e n c e fo r everyone save them selves. On th e se charges B ierc e r id ic u l e d the Women’s C h r i s t i a n Temperance Union, and a l l temperance o r g a n iz a tio n s . He laughed a t t h e i r argument of th e temperance advocates over Mrs. C le v e la n d ’s use of wine in s te a d of w ater in C h ris te n in g a s h ip . He laughed a t t h e i r le c t u r e s to school c h ild re n on Nuggets and D ust, p. 79f. 3 1 2 '" s c i e n t i f i c tem perance," which he c a lle d le c t u r e s on " th e p h y s- io lo g y o f in te m p e ran c e," and he laughed a t t h e i r i n s i s te n c e upon the use o f unferm ented grape ju ic e fo r the communion s e r v ic e . He tw itte d a l l t e e t o t a l e r s , among h is v ic tim s being R utherford B. Hayes, Mrs. Hayes, who re fu se d to serv e wine to White House g u e s ts hu t served "cider-lem onade" in s te a d ; S enator Beveridge o f In d ia n a ; and Mrs. Emily P i t t s S tevens, temperance l e c t u r e r , who p ra is e d G eneral John B idw ell o f B u tte County, C a l i f o r n i a , f o r p u lli n g up h is grape v i n e s . 25 Ranking in i n t e n s i t y w ith B i e r c e ’s a tta c k s on the r e l i g i o n i s t s was h i s s a t i r e on m i l i t a n t woman, c ru sa d in g f o r fem inine "em ancipation" and " e q u a lity " w ith men. D esp ite h i s c h i v a l r i c r e s p e c t and a f f e c t i o n f o r modest, r e fin e d w o m e n , B i e r c e had only contempt fo r th e " a s s o c ia te d s is te r h o o d s ," " th e C o lo n e ls ," the "D aughters o f Thunder," " th e voicy v en e rab les o f th e Equal R ights L eague," "The Gorgon g i r l s , " "th e Eminent A u d ib le s," the "Advanced-Fetnalese," the " S i s t e r s in E vidence," the "C h ild ren o f the C h in ," and the "Daughters o f Hope." Said h e , "Women a re o f th re e s e x e s - -th e f a i r sex, the b are sex and th e b l a r e sex. The f i r s t a r e found a t home, th e secon d in s o c i e t y , and th e t h ir d a t S a c r a m e n t o . i t was e s p c i a l l y " th e b la r e sex" t h a t he a t t a c k e d , th e women r e f o r m e r s , "male and fe m a le ," who w ere f i g h t in g f o r " e q u a li t y ," a s s e r t i n g t h e i r r i g h t s , and ch am p ion in g th e r i g h t 25 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., Nov. 2, 1890. 2 6 I b t d ♦» 0 c t - 2 8 * 1 8 9 4 . 27 I b i d . , Feb. 1 7 , 1893- 313 and a b i l i t y o f women to do an y th in g men do. He charged t h a t , by c laim in g eq u a l r i g h t s w ith men to employment in th e commercial world, they brought about a su rp lu s o f la b o r and became re s p o n s ib le f o r "augmented p o v erty and crim e, 'i n d u s t r i a l d i s c o n t e n t ’ and the tramp e v i l . " He r id ic u l e d the women who became war n u rses d u rin g th e Spanish-American War, fo r they only c a r r ie d s e n t i m e n ta lity and n o s t a l g i a in to m i l i t a r y camps and h o s p i t a l s . Said th e v e te ra n B ie rc e , The b e s t n u rse th a t a s o l d i e r can have is an o th er so ld ie r--w h o can smooth h i s p illo w , i f he has one, about as w e ll as h i s own mother could and c u rse him back to h e a l t h a v a s t d eal b e t t e r . 28 Said h e , a g a in , A woman in a m i l i t a r y camp fo r any purpose w hatever is m a tte r out o f p la c e - - a m is c h ie f and a n u is a n c e . 28 When Susan B. Anthony in h e r campaign fo r woman s u f fr a g e made the r id ic u l o u s promise t h a t , i f given the b a l l o t , the women would b ea r arms in time of war, B ie rc e g l e e f u l l y suggested the p o s s i b i l i t y of e n c o u n te rin g a lo n e ly female v e d e tte on a dark n ig h t a m ile from. . .[ o n e 's ] s u p p o r ts ; . . . o f meeting a la d y - sc o u t sk irm ish in g about in th e shades o f some v a s t f o r e s t , where no human ea r could h e a r th e s h iie k s o f h e r v i c t i m ’ . . . o f being placed a t some s o l i t a r y o u tp o s t, w ith only a p r e t t y dragoon fo r a c o m p a n i o n . 29 In t h e i r b a t t l e f o r e q u a lit y women r e p e a te d ly took i t upon them selves to horsew hip some man who in some way offended 28 "women in This War," S .F .E x ., June 12, I 8 9 8 . 29 N uggetts and D ust, p. I 6 5 . 314 them or v io la te d t h e i r r i g h t s . In commenting on such in s ta n c e s B ie rc e not only r i d i c u l e d th e -woman f o r h e r f o l l y , bu t p o in ted out th e f a c t th a t women’s immunity from£ a t t a c k by man r e s t s not upon h e r w eakness, but upon h er r e f u s a l to employ v io le n c e h e r s e l f . Whenever she presumes to employ fo rc e a g a in s t man, or whenever she tak es advantage of t h i s immunity to abuse or i n s u l t a man, she su rre n d e rs th a t immunity and should be s tr u c k down.^0 The c h i e f reform fought f o r by th e n in e te e n th - c e n tu ry fe m in is ts was equal s u ffra g e w ith men. Here the main q u e s tio n , B ierce s a id , was n o t w hether women’s s u ffra g e would p u r if y p o l i t i c s : i t would n o t. The only q u e s tio n was what i t would do to th e c h a r a c te r of woman. Would p u b lic a c t i v i t y make fo r a ’’r e f i n i n g and sw eetening o f h e r c h a r a c t e r , ” f o r a ”growth in g race and winsomeness?” In answer to h is own q u e s tio n B ierce p o in te d to th e mannish ’’C olonels 0 and ” th e Gorgon g i r l s , n and he c a lle d a t t e n t i o n to th e ste a d y d e c lin e among men o f '’c e r e monious r e s p e c t ” fo r w o m e n .5 1 so , m e rc ile s s ly and c e a s e l e s s l y , he r i d i c u l e d the s u f f r a g e t t e s , who responded to h i s r i d i c u l e w ith g r a t i f y i n g ra g e . He laughed a t t h e i r disappointm ent and anger over a r u l i n g in 1895 by th e Assembly J u d ic ia r y Committee th a t women’s s u ffra g e In C a l i f o r n i a could not l e g a l l y be g ran te d by the L e g is la t u r e , but only by th e people of the S t a t e through a C o n s t i t u t i o n a l amendment. He im plied th a t the m iddle-aged 30 1 1 P ra t t i e , ” S .F .E x ., Aug. 26, 1888, Jan 5 , I 8 9 0 , Nov. 2 3 , I 8 9 0 , Jan 1 7 , 1892", OcT. 27, 1895. 51 Ibid., Feb. 24, 1 8 9 5. 315 and e l d e r l y females were/crusading fo r th e f r a n c h is e , n o t because they r e a l l y wanted to v o te , but because the p u b l i c i t y in c id e n t to t h e i r endeavors was "a balm fo r the a f f l i c t i o n s of age, i n a t t e n t i o n and la c k o f c o m e l i n e s s / ’ He sie ze d every occasio n to a d v e r t i s e t h e i r gram m atical e r r o r s , t h e i r f a u l t y d i c t i o n , t h e i r had s e n te n c e s , t h e i r i l l o g i c a l re a s o n in g , t h e i r q u a r r e ls w ith one a n o th e r, t h e i r d isap p o in tm en ts and f a i l u r e s , t h e i r w itle s s r e p l i e s to h is a t t a c k s , and- t h e i r m iscellaneous f a t u i t i e s , t h e i r ra g e a t h is d e v i lr y . For example, when the long overdue La Gascon a t l a s t a r r iv e d in p o r t and "’the female p a r t of the w a itin g crowd" surrounded th e c a p ta in , "overpowered him and k is s e d him a l i v e , " B ie rc e , a f t e r d e s c rib in g the i n c id e n t , had th e c a p ta in say. By Gar.’ i t i s no zhoke--non! I h a f no f u r z e r veesh fo r ze grand ombrace, ze kees g e n e r a le , in a co u n try vere fo r every two dames k e e sa b le s m a crowd zere a re seex vot you c a l l w o m an -so u ffrag ists 132 The in c id e n t was p a r a l le d by th e p u b lic mass k i s s in g a d m in is te re d to Adolpho Sutro by a group o f women belo n g in g to the P a c ific Coast Women's P ress A s s o c ia tio n , which occurrence B ierce a llu d e d to long a fte rw a rd s in th e s e v e rse s; He thought o f th a t h a p p ie r day, w ith r e g r e t , When women who s c r i b b l e had k isse d him a l l w e t.33 He s a t i r i z e d th e s u f f r a g i s t s as mannish, loud, v u lg a r, and c o a rs e , and never t i r e d o f c a l l i n g a t t e n t i o n to and b e l i t t l i n g such 32 i b i d . t Feb. 1 7 , I 8 9 5 . 53 i b i d . , Oct. 21, 189^. 3 16 le a d e r s a s Mrs. Susan B. A nthony, " C o lo n el" C h a r lo t te P e r k in s S t e t s o n , ''C olonel*’ C h a r lo t t e Sm ith and h e r " C h a r lo t t r y ," " C o lo n el" Phoebe C o u z in s , "who c a r r i e s most o f th e b r a in s and c o n s c ie n c e o f th e Woman S u ffr a g e movement,"!?^ E l iz a b e t h Cady S ta n to n , Lawyer C la r a P o l t z , and Mrs. C a r r ie Chapman Cafet, a t one tim e p r e s id e n t o f N a t io n a l S u f fr a g e A s s o c i a t i o n . In t h e i r q u e s t f o r " e q u a lity * 1 .the f e m i n is t le a d e r s prom oted a v a r i e t y o f " ca u ses" and o r g a n i z a t i o n s w h ich drew down B i e r c e ' s r i d i c u l e . They prom oted "The Woman’ s R escu e L ea g u e," th e p r e v io u s l y m en tion ed Women’s C h r i s t i a n Tem perance U n ion , "The N a t io n a l A s s o c i a t i o n fo r th e P r e v e n tio n o f V ic e and D i s e a s e ," and th e " H ealth C u ltu r e C lu b ," th e p u rp o se o f t h i s l a s t o r g a n i z a t i o n b e in g t o h e l p women c u t t h r e e in c h e s o f f t h e i r s k i r t s . (W e ll, ask ed B i e r c e , c o u ld n ’ t th e y c u t I t o f f w ith o u t a c lu b ? Where was woman’ s f e a r l e s s n e s s , r e s o l u t e n e s s , and i n d e pen d en ce o f a c t io n ? The t r o u b le w it h t h e s e women was t h a t on t h e i r m inds th e y w ore c o r s e t s w h ich d is p la c e d t h e i r i n t e l l e c t u a l v i s c e r a . ) They prom oted a n tiL -k is s in g c lu b s and l e a g u e s , to p r e v e n t th e sp re a d o f i n f e c t i o u s and c o n ta g io u s d isea se s,* "Di V ern on ," one o f San F r a n c i s c o ’s "New Women," le d a c r u sa d e f o r n ig h t l i g h t s i n th e h a l l s o f a l l th e c i t y ’s lo d g in g h o u s e s ; and th e Bay women o r g a n iz e d th e ''San F r a n c is c o C o n fe d e r a tio n o f Women,« who p r e te n d e d t h a t t h e i r p u rp o se was t o prom ote s o c i a l and p o l i t i c a l r e fo r m s , th ou gh r e a l l y i t was m erely to make 54 rbid., May 9, 1897. 317 s p e e c h e s , p a ss r e s o l u t i o n s , h o ld o f f i c e s , and g e t new spaper p u b l i c i t y . S t i l l a n o th e r group o f women o r g a n iz e d th e P a c i f i c C o a st Womem’.s P r e ss A s s o c i a t i o n , th e members o f w h ich b o d y , and e s p e c i a l l y i t s l e a d e r s , B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d t i r e l e s s l y . The ' ’’New Woman,’ " s a id B i e r c e , was b r in g in g down upon s o c i e t y "a s c o r e o f g r e a t and ir r e p a r a b le g e n e r a l e v i l s " ("The mind t h a t c a n n o t d i s c e r n . . .[th e m ] i s a s im p regn ab le to th e l i g h t a s a toad in a r o c k " ); w ith e v e r y " r ig h t" g a in e d sh e was s a c r i f i c i n g a p r i v i l e g e or an im m unity; and sh e was r a p id ly l o s i n g th e r e s p e c t o f men. On t h i s l a s t p o in t he w r o te , I f . . . [ s h e ] w an ts to p l e a s e sh e must r e t a i n some sc r a p o f n o v e l t y ; I f sh e d e s i r e s our r e s p e c t sh e must n o t be a lw a y s i n e v id e n c e , d i s c l o s i n g th e b a s e r s i d e o f h e r c h a r a c t e r , a s i n c o m p e t it io n w it h us sh e must do (a s we do to one a n o th e r ) or la m e n ta b ly f a i l . 35 B i e r c e ' s s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m o f woman w ent beyond th e f e m i n i s t movement, and was g e n e r a l iz e d to in c lu d e th e w h ole s e x . Hr r i d i c u l e d woman a s b a s i c a l l y and I n c u r a b ly a m anhunter; he r i d i c u l e d h e r a s a s l a v e o f " F a sh io n ," w h ic h was o n ly a r a t i o n a l i z e d p e r s o n i f i c a t i o n o f h e r own f o l l y ; h e r i d i c u l e d h e r as v a in , a f f e c t e d , v u lg a r , s e n t i m e n t a l , and in a n e ; h e r i d i c u l e d h e r a s a d d ic te d to lou d e x tr a v a g a n t and s u p e r flu o u s t a l k ; and f i n a l l y , most m addening o f a l l to th e o b j e c t s o f h i s fe m in in e s a t i r e , he r i d i c u l e d h e r a s i n t e l l e c t u a l l y , a r t i s t i c a l l y , and tem p e r a m e n ta lly i n f e r i o r t o man. 35 Ibid., June 24, 1894. 318 T hroughout th e w h o le o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e on r e l i g i o n i s t s and r e fo r m e r s t h e r e i s a p p a re n t a h a tr e d o f sham, p r e t e n s e , i n s i n c e r i t y , and h y p o c r is y ; a h a tr e d o f a v a r ic e and p r e d a c it y ; a h a tr e d o f i n t e l l e c t u a l v a c u i t y , s t u p i d i t y , and b l i n d n e s s ; a h a tr e d o f n a r r o w n e ss, b i g o t r y , and i n t o l e r a n c e ; and a h a tr e d o f s i l l y e o g t i s m - - a l l o f w h ich h a t r e d s must be now r e c o g n iz e d as t y p i c a l l y B i e r c i a n . CHAPTER V II SOLDIERS, SCIENTISTS, AND EDUCATORS The w r i t e r s , th e "business men, th e manual l a b o r e r s , th e v a r io u s grou p s co n c er n e d w it h g o v ern m en t, th e s o v e r e ig n p e o p le , and th e r e l i g i o n i s t s and r e f o r m e r s - - t h e s e w ere t h e grou p s th a t r e c e iv e d a m ajor p a r t o f B i e r c e ’s ^ c a n t h a r i d ia l c r i t i c i s m . 0 B e s id e s t h e s e t h e r e w ere s e v e r a l minor grou p s t h a t f e l t a t tim e s th e s t i n g o f h i s s a t i r e . Of t h e s e th e on es t h a t r e q u ir e m en tio n a r e t h o s e h a v in g to do w it h m i l i t a r y , s c i e n t i f i c , and e d u c a t i o n a l a f f a i r s . P ro b a b ly b e c a u se o f h i s own c a r e e r a s a s o l d i e r , B i e r c e was k e e n ly i n t e r e s t e d i n th e p a r t i c u l a r s o f n a t i o n a l d e f e n s e , and he o f t e n s a t i r i z e d t h o s e who t a lk e d i g n o r a n t l y o f war and m i l i t a r y a f f a i r s and t h o s e who g u id ed in c o m p e te n tly our m i l i t a r y d e s t i n i e s . He r i d i c u l e d th e p r o p h e ts o f p e r p e t u a l p e a c e , who argued t h a t im proved w eapons o f k i l l i n g w ere making war to o d an gerou s a game to p la y and t h a t i n t e r n a t i o n a l a r b i t r a t i o n would prove a s u b s t i t u t e f o r w ar. The f a c t w a s, he s a i d , t h a t f o r e v e r y im proved k i l l i n g d e v ic e a new and a d eq u a te d e f e n s e was soon in v e n t e d . T h us, w ith th e a d v en t o f th e lo n g ran ge r i f l e , f i g h t i n g was done a t a s u f f i c i e n t l y g r e a t e r d i s t a n c e to g u a r a n te e t o th e s o l d i e r s th e c e r t a i n modicum o f s a f e t y th e y r e q u ir e d f o r e f f e c t i v e com bat; w it h th e i n v e n t i o n o f th e G a t lin g gun , f i g h t i n g from c l o s e fo r m a tio n was abandoned i n fa v o r o f a s c a t t e r i n g o f 320 p e r s o n n e l; and w it h th e in v e n t i o n o f armor p i e r c i n g p r o j e c t i l e s came im proved armor t h a t would r e s i s t th e new p r o j e c t i l e s . The n e t r e s u l t w a s, w it h th e a r m o r -p ie r c in g p r o j e c t i l e s and th e p r o j e c t i l e s p r o o f arm or, f o r ex a m p le, t h a t a l l members o f th e i n t e r n a t i o n a l f a m ily would buy new guns and new armor f o r t h e i r s h i p s , and t h e i r r e l a t i v e s t r e n g t h would rem ain u n d is tu r b e d . The o n ly p la c e w here a d i f f e r e n c e c o u ld be d e t e c t e d would be in- th e p o c k e ts o f th e p e o p l e . ^ So wars w ere n o t g e t t i n g m ore, b u t l e s s d a n g e r o u s, and B ie r c e r e p e a t e d ly a s s e r t e d t h a t th e m ost d e a d ly weapon o f war t h a t had e v e r b een u sed was th e Roman s h o r t sw ord. B u t, h e m a in ta in e d , e v e n i f war d id become to o d an gerou s t o en g a g e i n , i t c o u ld be abandoned o n ly t e m p o r a r ily . N a tio n s w ould l o s e th e a r t o f making d e s t r u c t i v e w eapons; th e n th e y w ould f o r g e t why th e y c e a s e d to f i g h t ; th e n w ith p r i m i t i v e w eap on s, t h e y w ould s t a r t upon a new c y c l e o f w a r s. As f o r a r b i t r a t i o n , t h a t c o u ld n e v e r s t o p w a r s. What was to com pel th e d is p u t a n t s t o a g r e e on a s e t t le m e n t ; and i f com prom ise w ere to be th e s o l u t i o n , w hat was t o p r e v e n t n a t io n s from making u n j u s t c la im s and demands m erely as a means o f s e c u r in g u n d eserv ed c o n c e s s io n s ? As much a s th e p r o p h e ts o f p e a c e , B ie r c e sc o rn ed th e p e o p le who dragged God in t o t h e i r w ars by im p lo r in g H is d i v i n e a s s i s t a n c e i n b e h a l f o f t h e i r own c a u s e , a t t r i b u t i n g s u c c e s s t o H is i n t e r v e n t i o n , or t r y i n g to h arm on ize war w ith th e t e a c h in g s o f C h r i s t . God d id n o t ta k e s i d e s i n man*s c o n te m p tib le q u a r r e l s , 1 " P r a t t l e / 1 S .P .E x ., A p r il 19, 1891. ?21 and i t was im p o s s ib le t o r e c o n c i l e war w it h C h r i s t i a n i t y . ^ So he r i d i c u l e d G en era l B r e c k e n r id g e f o r a s s e r t i n g t h a t th e S p a n is h - A m erican c o n f l i c t was ” th e L o r d 's war*1 and t h a t our s u c c e s s was ’’due t o H is s u p e r v is io n .'” L ik e w is e h e lau g h ed a t C a p ta in P h i l i p o f th e Texas fo r c a l l i n g h i s men on d eck a f t e r th e d e s t r u c t i o n o f C e r v e r a ’ s f l e e t , p u b l i c a l l y a c k n o w le d g in g t h e r e h i s b e l i e f i n God, a s k in g th e s a i l o r s to th an k Him f o r t h e i r v i c t o r y , and s t a t i n g , a s B ie r c e q u o ted him , t h a t , ”As fa r b ack a s h i s t o r y g o e s . . .t h e man who f i r e s th e f i r s t s h o t o f a b a t t l e on th e S ab b a th i s s u r e o f d e f e a t . ” 2^ i n s a t i r i z i n g th e ”C h r i s t i a n s w who approved w ar, B ie r c e w ro te t h i s f a b le : ' I c a l c u l a t e , ' s a id a V e te r a n O f f i c e r , ' t h a t in my f o r t y y e a r s o f m i l i t a r y s e r v i c e I h a v e ta k e n tw e n ty thou san d l i v e s ; y e t I am o n ly a b r i g a d i e r - g e n e r a l . My c o u n tr y I s in d eed u n g r a t e f u l . ' ' Y e s , ' a s s e n t e d th e C h a p la in o f th e b r ig a d e , as in d u ty bound, 'b u t t h e r e i s a g r e a t e r th a n th e P r e s id e n t . I s h a l l t h i s day b e s e e c h Him n o t to o v e r lo o k y o u . ' 'Thank y o u ,' s a id th e V e te r a n O f f ic e r ; 'y o u a r e a h o ly and r ig h t e o u s m a n .’ So s a y in g he w alked away, in d u lg in g h i s dream o f p r o m o tio n . L a te r in th e day he r e tu r n e d and ta k in g th e C h a p la in a s i d e s a id : ' 0 , abou t t h a t p e t i t i o n to th e Throne o f G race. Would you mind p u t t in g I t on th e ground o f my p i e t y , and say.fng n o th in g abou t t h o s e tw e n ty ,th o u sa n d dead? I d o n 't l i k e to b o th e r God w it h m ortuary s t a t i s t i c s . '3 2 "War T o p i c s , ” S .P .E x ., J u ly 1 0 , 189 8 . 3 ’’F a b le s and A n e c d o t e s ,” S_.F_.Ex., A p r il 3 0 , 18 99. 3 2 2 Among th e p r o f e s s i o n a l army and navy men and among th e p o l i t i c a l s u p e r io r s o f th e m i l i t a r y army o f our governm ent B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d th e j i n g o i s t s and sword r a t t l e r s , p a r t l y on th e ground t h a t i t i s i n f a n t i l e t o b r a g , p a r t l y on th e ground t h a t we w ere im p o ten t on b o th lan d and s e a . They p r e fe r r e d b i g t a l k and d i s p la y to n a v a l and m i l i t a r y e f f e c t i v e n e s s . Our n e g l i g i b l e army had poor g u n s, and th e p o p u la r f e a r o f a la r g e s t a n d in g army in p ea ce tim e was u t t e r l y s e n s e l e s s . Our " N oach ian ” navy was so f e e b l e and u s e l e s s t h a t i t s c a r c e l y m a ttered w h eth er our c r a f t w ere a f l o a t or aground . And when l a t e r a U n ite d S t a t e s n a v a l v e s s e l d id run agrou n d , he lau g h ed in G i l b e r t i a n f a s h io n a t S e c r e t a r y o f th e Navy T ra cy ,^ R e p e a te d ly he r i d i c u l e d th e d e s ig n or equipm ent o f our w o r s h ip s , and th e l a s t j o u r n a l i s t i c a r t i c l e o f B i e r c e ' s w r i t i n g c a r e e r b ore th e t i t l e , "Have We a Navy?" I n t h i s g e n e r a l l y u n s a t i r i c a r t i c l e B ie r c e m a in ta in ed t h a t Theodore R o o s e v e l t ' s s u c c e s s i n g e t t i n g our n avy around th e w orld i n 1907 was no p r o o f th a t we had a n avy. Our f i n e t a r g e t r e c o r d s w ere made i n g l a s s y M agdalena Bay; our s h ip s w ere f u e le d from th e p o r t s o f c o l l i e r s o f o th e r n a t io n s ; we la c k e d s u p p o r t i n g .c r a f t f o r our show y, f r o n t - l i n e v e s s e l s ; and , w o r st o f a l l , our s a i l o r s w ere a l l la n d lu b b e r s , who had n e v e r g o t th e f e e l o f th e d eep s e a . We had no r e a l seam en b e c a u se we la c k e d a m erchant m a r in e .5 ^ " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , March 23, 1 8 9 0 . ^ E veryb ody1 s , Oc t I 9 0 9 . 323 R eg a rd in g th e co n d u ct o f war B i e r c e a l s o em ployed s a t i r e , n o t so much f o r faraw ay s t r u g g l e s l i k e th e S in o -J a p a n e s e , th e B o e r, or th e R u ss o -J a p a n e se w a r s, where th e b lu n d e r e r s would n e v e r f e e l h i s d a r t s , b u t f o r our own S p a n ish -A m erica n and P h i li p p i n e w a r s, w here th e M cK in ley s, th e A lg e r s , and th e O t is e s c o u ld p r o f i t , or a t l e a s t be made to f e e l u n c o m fo r ta b le , by h i s rem ark s. He s a t i r i z e d P r e s id e n t M cK inley and S e c r e ta r y -o f-W a r A lg e r fo r p l a c in g u n tr a in e d c i v i l i a n s , l i k e " M ile s , S h a f t e r , O tis , [an d ] Eagan*’ i n c h a r g e o f th e m i l i t a r y o p e r a tio n s o f th e S p a n ish -A m erica n War, in s t e a d o f W e s t-P o in t men.^ He s a t i r i z e d P r e s id e n t M cK inley fo r h i s i n d e c i s i v e h a n d lin g o f th e d ip lo m a tic d e v e lo p m en ts p r e lim in a r y to th e war; and on ce th e s h o o t in g had s t a r t e d , h e lo o k e d a sk a n c e a t th e P r e s i d e n t ’s p rom o tio n o f A c t in g R ear-A d m iral W. T. Sampson over th e h ead s o f a Commodore and ”a h a l f - d o z e n v e t e r a n R ear-A d m irals d e s t i t u t e o f com m ands.”7 He s a t i r i z e d S e c r e ta r y -o f-W a r R u s s e l l A. A lg e r and a l l o f f i c i a l s i n th e war d ep artm en t f o r c o n t in u in g t o u s e b la n k powder i n s t e a d o f th e s m o k e le ss powder t h a t ev en th e S p a n ia r d s had a d o p te d . He s a t i r i z e d th e members o f th e war d ep artm en t f o r th e s e l e c t i o n o f su c h u n h e a lt h f u l camp s i t e s t h a t i t was more d an gerou s to be in camp th a n in b a t t l e ; f o r s e n d in g our s o l d i e r s i n t o t r o p i c a l 8 or s e m i - t r o p i c a l c li m a t e s c la d i n w o o le n u n ifo rm s; and f o r 6 " P r a t t l e , ” S. P. E x ., Feb. 1 9 , 1899- 7 "War T o p i c s , ” S .F .E x ., June 1 9 , I 8 9 8 . 8 "The Sheep i n th e War," S _.F .E x., May 2 7 , I 8 9 8 . 324 a llo w in g a c o n f u s io n to e x i s t as to who was i n command o f th e army, G en era l M ile s or G en era l S h a f t e r . A lg e r he p a r t i c u l a r l y a tt a c k e d f o r th e c o m m issio n in g o f c i v i l i a n s and p o l i t i c i a n s , unnamed, a s ^ Q u a r te r m a ste r s, C om m issaries o f s u b s i s t e n c e and so f o r t h , ” w here th e y c o u ld do a maximum o f harm t o th e army; and he ch arg ed A lg e r w ith i n c a p a c i t y , in c o m p e te n c e , and d o u b le - d e a l in g th r o u g h o u t th e w ar. The w h ole c o n d u c t o f th e S p a n is h - A m erican War i s m ild ly s a t i r i z e d in G u l l i v e r i a n s t y l e i n ^Marooned on U g ,” The Land Beyond th e B lo w , w here B ie r c e t e l l s o f th e war b etw een th e U ggards and th e Wuggards o v er th e i s l a n d o f S c a m a d u m c litc h c lit c h .9 Among th e o f f i c e r s who a c t u a l l y d i r e c t e d th e war i n th e f i e l d or on th e w a te r B ie r c e s a t i r i c a l l y c r i t i c i z e d G en eral S h a f t e r fo r poor d i s c i p l i n e among h i s men in Cuba, and he r i d i c u le d A c tin g R ear-A d m iral Sampson f o r th e u s e l e s s bom barding o f la n d b a t t e r i e s and ” f o r t i f i c a t i o n s ” from h i s b a t t l e s h i p s (w h e r e i n , th ou gh i n e f f e c t i v e h e c la im e d g r e a t damage t o th e f o r t i f i c a t i o n s and g r e a t s l a u g h t e r among th e enem y), when he sh o u ld h ave b e e n s in k in g th e S p a n ish f l e e t . The U n ite d S t a t e s c o u ld w in th e war q u i c k l y , d e c i s i v e l y , and p a i n l e s s l y by d i s p o s i n g o f C e r v e r a ’s m e n -o f-w a r , b u t th e s h e l l i n g o f b a t t e r y em placem ents and f o r t i f i c a t i o n s - - e v e n s u p p o s in g t h a t Sampson h i t th em --w ou ld be f u t i l e a s lo n g as C e r v e r a ’ s f l e e t e x i s t e d . Sam pson’s t i m i d i t y and i n com p eten ce w ere d e m o n stra ted t o B ie r c e by t h i s i r r e l e v a n t a c t i o n , 9 C o lle c t e d Worfcs, l : l 3 6 f f . 325 by h i s m a ssin g an e x c e s s i v e l y la r g e f l e e t o u t s id e S a n tia g o H arbor when C e rv era was tra p p ed w i t h i n , by h i s w a s t in g th e Merrlmac i n a tte m p tin g to b lo c k th e h a r b o r , and by h i s f a i l u r e to go i n a f t e r th e f l e e t as Dewey d id a t M anilla.10 In our war w ith th e F i l i p i n o s a f t e r th e S p a n ish a f f a i r was c l o s e d he s a t i r i z e d th e War D ep a rtm en t’ s u s e o f c i v i l i a n g e n e r a l s , men who w ere unhampered by a m i l i t a r y e d u c a t io n , and e s p e c i a l l y h e to o k p le a s u r e in p r o c la im in g th e in co m p eten ce o f C o lo n e l H. G. O t is ("whom nobody l o v e s b u t God1 " ) , commander o f C a l i f o r n i a ’ s m i l i t a r y c o n t in g e n t in th e P h i l i p p i n e s , and o f G e n e r a l E l w e l l S . O t i s , b e s i d e s b e in g u n a b le t o d is s u a d e "the l i v e l y F i l i p i n o from e x e c u t in g f a n t a s t i c rigad oom s on t h r e e s i d e s o f him" s e n t b ack f a l s e r e p o r t s . H B ie r c e a s s e r t e d t h a t th e w h ole P h i li p p i n e f i a s c o had b een p r o p e r ly d e s c r ib e d when a c o m p o sito r i n a d v e r t e n t l y dropped an s_ in s e t t i n g up th e p h r a s e , " th e f i e l d s o f s l a u g h t e r in th e P h i l i p p i n e s . " B e ca u se o f th e e l u s i v e n e s s o f A g u in a ld o and th e i n s u f f e r a b l e P h i li p p i n e h e a t i n th e s h a d e l e s s tr e n c h e s he s u g g e s t e d t h a t G en era l " O tis th e O dious" w r i t e th e U n ite d S t a t e s D epartm ent o f A g r ic u lt u r e f o r a to n o f a c o r n s . 10 "war T o p ic s ," S . F .E x ., June 1 9 , 1 8 9 8 , J u ly 1 8 9 8 , J u ly 1 7 , 1 8 9 8 ; "A F reak W ar,*"35.F . E x . , Aug. 7 , 1 8 9 8 ; A p ocryp h al C o n v e r s a t io n s ," S . F . E x . , S e p t. 2 5 , “1 8 9 8 . 11 " P r a t t l e ," S . F .E x ., March 5 , 189 9 . 326 Among th e s p e c t a t o r s o f th e wars B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d th e c i v i l i a n s t r a t e g i s t s and c r i t i c s and th e ifen o ra n t, u n t r u t h f u l , o r p r o p a g a n d is t ic war c o r r e s p o n d e n t s . The ^Commodores and R ea r- A d m ir a ls ” and th e "Kept C o r p o r a l[ s ] v o f th e p r e s s , knowing n o th in g o f m i l i t a r y s c i e n c e and t a c t i c s , w ere in c o m p e ten t to c r i t i c i z e m i l i t a r y s t r a t e g y ; and th e b a t t l e c o r r e s p o n d e n t s , who had no m i l i t a r y kn ow led ge and no s e n s e o f h o n e s t y w ere w o rse r e p o r t e r s th a n none a t a l l . They c o n fu s e d th e m i l i t a r y term s; th e y made h e r o e s o f ev ery b o d y p o s s i b l e ; th e y r e p o r te d g r e a t l o s s e s to th e enemy b u t few f o r o u r s e l v e s ; th e y t r i e d to s t i m u l a t e c o u r a g e a t home by r e p o r t in g d e f e a t s and a b o r t i v e s a c t i o n s a s s u c c e s s e s ; and th e y e v e n c r e a t e d v i c t o r i e s o u t o f su c h t h in g s a s th e solem n m i l i t a r y r i t e o f " s h e l l i n g th e w o o d s !*1 R ich ard H ard in g D a v is was B i e r c e ’s c h i e f a v e r s i o n among t h e s e o f f e n d e r s , and B ie r c e s a t i r i c a l l y r e p r e s e n t e d him as g u l l i b l e , ig n o r a n t o f m i l i t a r y a f f a i r s , and v o id o f w r i t i n g a b i l i t y . 12 As r i d i c u l o u s to B ie r c e a s su c h r e p o r t e r s w ere th e war a r t i s t s who p ic t u r e d s o l d i e r s d y in g i n t h e a t r i c a l p o s e s and who la c k e d th e k n o w led g e, a b i l i t y , o r i n t e g r i t y t o r e p r e s e n t s e t t i n g s r e a l i s t i c a l l y . F i n a l l y , a f t e r th e w ars w ere o v e r and th e s u r v i v i n g s o l d i e r s had once more become c i v i l i a n s , B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d th e e x - s o l d i e r s f o r t h e i r u n n e c e s s a r y ig n o r a n c e and in a c c u r a c y i n r e l a t i n g i n c i d e n t s o f th e w ar, f o r t h e i r v a n i t y in m o d e stly m aking th e m s e lv e s h e r o e s and " t i d e t u r n e r s * 1 i n b a t t l e s , and f o r 1 2 "War T o p i c s ,” S .F .E x ., J u ly 3 1 , I 8 9 8 ; "Uncle Ned on S c i e n t i s t s , by L i t t l e Johnny7”" W .Y.Am., e d . s e c . 2 2 , Nov. 1 3 , 1 9 0 4 . 327 d i s c l a im i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e i r m is ta k e s and d e f e a t s . Worse i n th e e y e s o f B i e r c e , h o w ev er, w ere th e men who came home from s o l d i e r i n g and demanded p e n s io n s and s p e c i a l p r i v i l e g e s f o r t h e m s e lv e s . Of t h e Grand Army o f th e R e p u b lic B ie r c e on ce w r o te , " i t . . .w as no w orse and no b e t t e r th a n s c o r e s o f o th e r o r g a n iz a t i o n s h a v in g no p u rp o se b u t p lu n d er and no method b u t m e n a c e ."^3 When t h e s e men engaged to f i g h t " f o r t h e i r c o u n tr y ," s a id B ie r c e " i t was n o t in te n d e d t h a t th e y sh o u ld ta k e i t i n p a y m e n t." 1^ A n oth er o f th e m is c e lla n e o u s grou p s s a t i r i z e d by Ambrose B ie r c e was t h a t made up o f th e s c i e n t i s t s , i n v e n t o r s , and m e d ic a l d o c t o r s , toward a l l o f whom he to o k an a t t i t u d e s i m i l a r to t h a t o f S w if t tow ard th e e x p e r im e n te r s o f h i s tim e . Many, I f n o t m o st, o f th e men engaged in s c i e n t i f i c r e s e a r c h seem ed t o B ie r c e n a i v e , c r e d u lo u s , i m p r a c t i c a l , o b s e s s e d w it h t r i v i a l i t i e s , e a g e r f o r r e c o g n i t i o n from t h e i r f e l l o w s c i e n t i s t s , d e s ir o u s o f im p r e s s in g p e o p le w it h h ig h - s o u n d in g , le a r n e d s c i e n t i f i c ja r g o n , and som etim es j u s t s t u p i d . So he 13 "Ashes o f th e B e a co n ," C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 6 5 . I 2 * " P a ssin g Show," iLJE.JCx., S e p t. 1 7 , 1899* B ie r c e h i m s e l f t w ic e wounded i n th e C i v i l War but n o t p e r m a n en tly d i s a b l e d , was b o th e r e d by " v i o l e n t h e a d a c h e s and v e r tig o " r e s u l t i n g from h i s head w o u n d .. On t h i s ground he a p p lie d f o r and r e c e i v e d a governm ent wan p e n s io n , w h ich amounted to t h i r t y d o l l a r s a month. ( M illa r d , B a i l e y , " P e r so n a l Memoiirs o f Ambrose B i e r c e ," The Bookman'^^’ O: 6 5 8 F e b ., 1 9 1 5 . ) B u t,th o u g h B ie r c e a p p lie d f o r a p e n s io n , he was n o t r a p a c io u s . D u ring th e war h i s pay had sto p p e d f o r th e f i v e months when he was o u t o f a c t i o n r e c o v e r in g from h i s wounds ( " P r a t t l e , " A r g o . S e p t. 2 1 , 1 8 7 8 . ) and y e a r s l a t e r , when th e governm ent d e c id e d t h a t su ch s to p p a g e s had b e e n an i n j u s t i c e and d eterm in ed t o pay th e d e d u c tio n s w it h compound i n t e r e s t , B ie r c e r e f u s e d t o a c c e p t h i s sh a r e w h ich am ounted to "some $ 5 0 ,0 0 0 ." (M cW illiam s, C arey, "Ambrose B i e r c e ," Am. M ercu ry, 1 6 :2 1 8 , F eb., 1 9 2 9 . ) S ee a l s o N a p ier W i l t ' s "Ambrose B ie r c e and th e C i v i l War," A m erican L i t e r a t u r e , 1 : 2 6 1 ,2 6 6 . N ov., 1 9 2 9 . : --------------------- 328 poked fu n a t o n e , J e n k in s , th e w e a th e r b u reau man f o r h i s e r r in g p r e d i c t i o n s ; a t th e s c i e n t i s t s who p r e d ic t e d th e X -ray w ould k i l l " th e germs o f a l l our f a v o r i t e d i s o r d e r s * 3 and who to o k p le a s u r e i n " p h y s ic a l i n t r o s p e c t i o n ;*3 a t a Dr. G a lle y f o r t r y i n g t o k i l l th e y e llo w f e v e r germ by f r e e z i n g ; a t M. G a u t ie r , who c la im e d to h a ve d is c o v e r e d so m e th in g t h a t he c a l l e d " t o x ic a lk a lo id s ; * ' a t "Herr K och," th e enemy o f m ic r o b e s , f o r a l l t h e p o th e r t h a t h e s t i r r e d up a b o u t t u b e r c u l o s i s and f o r h i s "lymph t r e a t m e n t ; "15 a s c e r t a i n McCoppin, f o r b r in g in g to C a l i f o r n i a th e p a r a s i t i c A u s t r a li a n la d y b u g, w h ich B ie r c e p r e d i c t e d , how s e r i o u s l y i t i s hard t o s a y , would d e f o l i a t e C a l i f o r n i a ; 16 a t James Gordon B e n n e tt fo r s e n d in g h i s " s c i e n t i f i c " e x p e d i t i o n to th e N o rth P o le and a t th e c o n g ressm en and laym en who th o u g h t t h a t d a ta o f s c i e n t i f i c v a lu e c o u ld be g a th e r e d on a p o la r e x p e d i t io n ; a t s c i e n t i s t s S i r A r ch ib a ld G e ik ie and S i r O liv e r Lodge o f E ngland and P r o f e s s o r M a r te l o f P a r is f o r p r e d i c t i n g r e s p e c t i v e l y , th e e v e n t u a l d e s t r u c t i o n o f th e human r a c e by d e lu g e , e x t i n c t i o n o f th e su n , and t h i r s t ; a t P r o f e s s o r Prank Cramer o f S t a n f o r d , f o r h i s u s e l e s s r e s e a r c h "On th e C r a n ia l C h a r a c te r s o f th e Genus S e b a s t o d e s ," a s i f i t m a tter ed to th e d in e r w h eth er th e two f i s h e s commonly «;thought to b e i d e n t i c a l w ere found to b e d i f f e r e n t v a r i e t i e s o f a s i n g l e gen u s in s t e a d o f two d i f f e r e n t g e n e ra ; and a t P r o f e s s o r Elm er G a tes o f W ashing t o n f o r h i s announcem ent o f th e s c i e n t i f i c d is c o v e r y o f th e s o u l . 15 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. A p r il 1 0 , 1886; S .F .E x ., N o v . 2 3 ,1 8 8 9 , F e b . 8 ,1 8 9 1 . 16 I b i d . , S-rF .E x ., D ec. 1 5 , I 8 8 9 . 5 2 9 Such " s c i e n t i s t s * 1 a s t h e s e would do w e l l t o stu d y th e unansw ered q u e s t i o n , do c r o c o d i l e s p o s s e s s h in g e s i n t h e i r s p in e s w h ich e n a b le them t o tu r n , o r must th e y a lw a y s t r a v e l in a s t r a i g h t l i n e ? 1? But th e c h i e f o b j e c t s o f h i s r i d i c u l e on th e ground o f g e n e r a l s t u p i d i t y w ere th e members o f t h e C a l i f o r n i a Academy o f S c i e n c e s . B ie r c e la u g h ed r e p e a t e d ly a t t h e i r t r i v i a l m in u te s , a t su ch p r o j e c t s a s e x p lo r in g th e b ottom o f San F r a n c is c o B ay, a t t h e i r im p r a c t i c a l m ethods o f i n v e s t i g a t i o n , a t t h e i r s i l l y t h e o r i z i n g , a t t h e i r p r e t e n t i o u s u s e o f L a tin s c i e n t i f i c nam es, a t t h e i r in t e r m in a b le s c i e n t i f i c p a p er s d e v o id o f m a tte r but one crammed f u l l o f words (^of t h e s e p a p e r s , * t h r e e m arine le a g u e s lo n g 1 1 on flth e r h y th m ic a l c o n t o r t i o n s o f c a r c a s s -m aggots , w a v e r r e d B ierce")^ a t t h e i r h o t argum ents o v e r p e t t y n o t h i n g s , and a t th e d u s t y , p a l e o l i t h i c sp ec im en s c o m p r is in g t h e i r m em bership r o s t e r . Among t h e i r d i s t i n g u i s h e d members, h e s a i d , w ere P r o f e s s o r F u n gu s, C a p ta in J . S m ith , D r. Bamphery B o o z le , K .2 , P r o f e s s o r O c to g e n a r iu s B l e a r , Mr. P a ts e y L o n g o la b iu s — F e llo w o f th e R o y a l Sand S h o v e lin g A s s o c i a t i o n o f I r e l a n d , Dr. Mummidust, R ev. B a tr a c h ia n C roaque, D r. B u m b llic u s , and Dr. D o z e —b e s i d e s su ch l e s s e r l i g h t s a s Dr. H a r k n e ss, P r e s id e n t o f th e Academy; P r o f e s s o r ^ T o a d sto o l" Moore and R ob ert S te a r n s ; th e ® Bulldogm atio® P r o f e s s o r D a v id so n , C a l i f o r n i a ’s a u t h o r i t y on e a r th q u a k e s ; and '’Mahatma® H o ld en , D ir e c t o r o f th e L ic k O b ser v a to ry o f M b.H am ilton, 1? *'Uncle Wed on S c i e n t i s t s . By L i t t l e Johnny® N .Y .A m ., Nov. 1 5 , 1 9 0 4 .. . 330 n o te d f o r h i s e x c e s s i v e l y f i n e m a th e m a tic a l c a l c u l a t i o n s , and remembered c h i e f l y f o r h i s s u p e r io r ig n o r a n c e , c o n c e i t and j e a l o u s y , q u a l i t i e s w h ich d rove away from th e O b se r v a to r y P r o f e s s o r s Burnham and B a rn ard , h i s b e s t a str o n o m e r s . D u rin g h i s c a r e e r , s a id B i e r c e , th e "Mahatma1 " had made t h r e e n o t a b le c o n t r i b u t io n s t o th e s c i e n c e o f astronom y: on ce a f t e r y e a r s o f s e a r c h h e had r e d is c o v e r e d th e moon; a n o th e r tim e he had c h a r te d th e l i g h t s o f San J o s e ; and l a s t he had d is c o v e r e d a b r ig h t '" star *1 e n c i r c l e d by two b r ig h t r i n g s , w h ich ^ sta r*’ h i s c o l l e a g u e s f i n a l l y p ersu a d ed him to name S a t u r n .18 T y p ic a l o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e o f th e Academy i s t h i s e x c e r p t from an im a g in a ry s e t o f m in u te s : On T u esd ay e v e n in g l a s t th e Academy o f S c ie n c e s c o n d en sed a s u s u a l . P r o f e s s o r P ie ld s q u a s h to o k th e c h a i r , and a l l th e r e s t a d r in k e a c h . D r. S ch w ack en h eim er, o f th e I m p e r ia l Academy o f A u g e s p ie lh a u s e n , was e l e c t e d an a c t i v e l i f e member, and a s s ig n e d to th e d u ty o f c o l l e c t in g red h e r r in g s from th e p oor f o r th e advancem ent o f s c i e n c e . P r o f e s s o r Thumbscrew read an i n t e r e s t i n g paper upon d i t c h f i s h , and t h e i r r e l a t i o n to th e p o t a to r o t i n s h e e p . . . .The S e c r e t a r y begged to in t r o d u c e th e le a r n e d Dr. S p ig g o t w r in g e r , o f th e T ie r r a d e l Fuegan Academy o f Common S e n s e . The r e q u e s t was u n a n im o u sly r e f u s e d . . . . A f t e r some d e s u l t o r y c r a c k in g o f n u t s , i t was moved t h a t th e Academy a d jo u r n . The m o tio n b e in g l o s t , a member was s e n t o u t to s e e i f t h e r e was a n y th in g w orth y o f a t t e n t i o n i n th e moon. He r e tu r n e d i n an h o u r , and r e p o r te d t h a t th e moon was j u s t s e t t i n g . Dr. B e e fn o d d le w ish ed t o know i f any one p r e s e n t had i n v e s t i g a t e d th e alm anac; i t was h i s o p in io n t h a t th e moon was a t l e a s t f i f t e e n m in u tes ahead o f tim e . T h is p r o v in g to be th e f a c t , i t was u n a n i m ou sly r e s o l v e d t h a t th e moon was n o t s e t t i n g . P e r c e iv in g 18 ' " P r a t t l e ,1 1 S .F .E x . , May 2 3 , I 8 9 7 . 331 t h a t i t w a s, Dr. L e a t h e r b e lly gave n o t i c e t h a t a t th e n e x t m e e tin g h e w ould move a r e c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f th e v o t e . The r e p o r t e r s o f th e p r e s s , h a v in g t h e i r n o te -h o o k s f i l l e d , d e c la r e d th e m e e tin g ad jo u rn ed t i l l th e n e x t e c l i p s e . At t h a t tim e t h e r e w i l l he an i n t e r e s t i n g d e h a te upon th e red c o r p u s c l e s i n sn a fl.-slim e , and what in th u n d er t h e y a r e $ o in g t h e r e . 19 N ear k in to th e s c i e n t i s t s w ere th e i n v e n t o r s , whom B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d f o r w a s t in g t h e i r tim e on ahsurd d e v ic e s or sch em es: a p n eu m atic tu b e d e s ig n e d to t r a n s p o r t p e o p le a t th e r a t e o f 1 0 0 0 m ile s p e r h ou r; c o l o r p h o to g ra p h y , a s im p o s s ib le as p e r p e t u a l m o tio n o r alch em y; an e x p l o s i v e p r o j e c t i l e ; ^ ® and th e f l y i n g m ach in e. As f o r f l y i n g , man was "A w i n g l e s s I n s e c t , " and I t would he p r o f i t a b l e in th e end i f man w ould ta k e a h i n t from h i s l a c k o f w in g s , and s e t t l e down c o m fo r ta b ly i n t o th e a s s u r a n c e t h a t m id a ir i s n o t h i s a p p o in te d e le m e n t. . . He h a s done h i s e n d e a v o u r , and done i t n o b ly ; b u t h e 111 b r e a k h i s p r e c io u s n e c k . 21 A c h i e f t a r g e t o f s a t i r e among p a r t i c u l a r in v e n t o r s was Thomas A. E d is o n , whom B ie r c e a t t a c k e d , n o t so much to w orry E d is o n , i t se e m s, a s t o h eap s c o r n upon h i s u n c r i t i c a l a d m ir er s and r e l i e v e h i s own f e e l i n g s . "Count" E d is o n , " th e B lin d Tom o f E l e c t r o l o g y , " f a t i g u e d B i e r c e en o r m o u sly . He was a " f r e a k e r ," a " p et o f th e n e w sp a p e r s," a " fa k e r ," a " m i l it a r y im p o s to r ," an 19 N u g g ets and D u s t , pp. 1 2 0 f f . 2 0 D ynam ite c a n n o t be f i r e d i n a h o llo w b u l l e t w ith o u t e x p lo d in g i n th e gun from w h ic h i t i s f i r e d ; . . ." y o u c a n f r y me i n l i g h t i n g i f t h a t can be d o n e ." f P r a t t l e , " Wasp, March 6 , 1 8 8 6 ) . -------- 21 The F ien d 1s D e l i g h t , pp. 7 7 f . 332 u n s c i e n t i f i c handyman w it h ,fn i c k l e - i n - t h e - s l o t i n g e n u i t y . * * He was t o be r e g a r d e d w it h amused contem p t f o r h i s ab su rd n o t i o n s o f m i l i t a r y d e f e n s e by means o f e l e c t r i c a l l y ch arged f l y i n g c h a i n s , to r p e d o stu d d e d c h a in s a c r o s s h a r b o r m o u th s, e l e c t r i f i e d str e a m s o f w a te r (One h o p es B ie r c e d o es n o t h i m s e l f i n v e n t h e r e ) , to r p e d o e s dropped a u t o m a t i c a l l y from unmanned b a l l o o n s , and cannon w i t h i n cannon. As a s c i e n t i s t he i s . . . d e s t i t u t e o f r e p u t a t io n among s c i e n t i f i c men. H is o b s e r v a t io n and u n d e r s ta n d in g n e v e r tr a n s c e n d th e m etes o f e l e c t r o l o g y , and t h e y c o te r m in a te a t t h e b e g in n in g o f common s e n s e . 2 2 I t was o f su ch men a s he c o n c e iv e d E d is o n t o be t h a t B ie r c e w r o te t h e s e S w if t i a n s c i e n t i f i c n o t e s : H igh r a i l r o a d a u t h o r i t y p ro n o u n ces aluminum r a i l s l i g h t e r , s t r o n g e r , and more d u r a b le th a n g o ld o n e s . Dr. B eh r, th e d i s t i n g u i s h e d e n to m o lo g e r , h a s in v e n t e d a l a b o r - s a v i n g f l y - p a p e r w h ic h r e q u ir e s th e s e r v i c e s o f b u t one man t o c a t c h th e f l i e s and s t i c k them on. By a s e r i e s o f e x p e r im e n ts c o n d u cte d b y P r o f e s s o r S c h im m e lth a l d u r in g th e l a s t t e n y e a r s , i t a p p ea r s l i k e l y t h a t a s a t u r a t e d s o l u t i o n o f s h i l l i - s h a l l ! c a c id would remove r a t s i f t h e y c o u ld be p e r su a d e d to d r in k I t . 23 In th e m e d ic a l d o c t o r s B ie r c e fou n d m ost o f t h e f o l l i e s o f th e s c i e n t i s t s and in v e n t o r s and th e added v i c e s o f d i s h o n e s t y and a v a r ic e . He m a in ta in e d t h a t th e g e n e r a l run o f p r a c t i t i o n e r s was s t u p i d , ig n o r a n t , in c o m p e te n t, and v a i n , and t h a t th e y t r i e d 22 '’p r a t t l e , 1 * S. P. Ex. , Nov. 1 3 , 1 8 9 8 ; a l s o , Jan. 1 2 , 1 8 9 6 , J u ly 1 1 , 1 8 9 7 , J u ly 1 8 , 1 8 9 7 , and Hov. 1 3 , 1898. 25 I b i d . , S e p t. 3 0 , 1888. 333 t o c o v e r up th e f a c t In v a r io u s w ays. They lo o k e d w is e and ask ed q u e s t i o n s , th e an sw ers t o w h ich t h e y sh o u ld know "better th a n t h e i r p a t i e n t s . They t r i e d to a r r o g a t e c r e d i t and d i s t i n c t i o n to them s e l v e s , o r som etim es c o v e r up u n p le a s a n t f a c t s , by u s in g h ig h so u n d in g s c i e n t i f i c t e r m s .o r words t h a t meant n o t h in g , a s when some one o f f i c i a l l y a t t r i b u t e d th e d e a th o f a s u i c i d e n o t to h a n g in g b u t to s y n c o p e , or when h i s p h y s ic ia n s r e p o r te d t h a t S e c r e t a r y - o f S t a t e John H a y 's h e a r t d i s e a s e was ® 'n ot o r g a n ic , b u t sy m p to m a tic . ' " S a id B i e r c e I r o n i c a l l y , There ought t o be co m fo rt and r e a s s u r a n c e i n t h e . . . r e p o r t . . .A d i s e a s e t h a t c o n s i s t s o f symptoms o n ly i s su c h a n o v e l t y t h a t i t may a lm o st be welcom ed a s a c o n t r i b u t i o n t o th e phenomena o f e n t e r t a in m e n t . But a r e th e p h y s i c ia n s e n t i r e l y c o n f i d e n t t h a t th e S e c r e t a r y ' s a ilm e n t i s n o t d ia g n o stic? * ? 1 * When th e d o c to r s w ere n o t f o o l s , th e y w ere v i l l a i n s , and t h e i r d is h o n e s t y and c r im in a l n e g l e c t w ent f a r beyond th e r a t h e r h a r m le s s frau d o f p r e te n d in g to k n ow led ge t h a t th e y d id n o t p o s s e s s . They d e l i b e r a t e l y p r o lo n g e d i l l n e s s e s a s lo n g a s p o s s i b l e In o r d e r to g e t th e maximum In f e e s from t h e i r moneyed p a t i e n t s , and t h e y p a id s c a n t a t t e n t i o n to p a t i e n t s who w ere d e s t i t u t e , th u s i n a d v e r t e n t l y d o in g t h e l a t t e r group a fa v o r . I n w r i t i n g o f a c e r t a i n drunk man who was b rou gh t to j a i l w it h a f r a c t u r e d s k u l l and d ie d t h e r e , B ie r c e s a id o f th e d e a d ly d o c t o r s , An i n t e r e s t i n g ' f e a t u r e ' o f t h i s c a s e i s t h a t a lth o u g h t h e . . .g e n tle m a n was i n s e n s i b l e when ta k e n to th e c i t y 24‘ »The V iew s o f O n e,” N.Y.Am. , A p r i l 2 8 , I 9 0 5 . 33* p r i s o n and chucked in t o a c e l l , he was p e r m itte d t o r e m ain i n t h a t c o n d i t i o n some tw e lv e h o u rs w it h o u t a t t e n t i o n from th e p r is o n su r g e o n . B e in g p la c e d a t l a s t un d er tr e a t m e n t , h e d ie d . The o f f i c i o u s p e r s o n who summoned th e m edico sh o u ld e r e d a lo a d o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , w h ic h , a s an Ir ish m a n m ight s a y , w i l l c a r r y him t o th e g r a v e . 25 B i e r c e 1 s. a t t i t u d e toward a la r g e p r o p o r t io n o f th e f r a t e r n i t y o f p h y s i c ia n s i s w e l l r e f l e c t e d by t h i s b r i e f f a b l e : A dog w h ic h had s e e n a P h y s ic ia n a t t e n d in g th e b u r i a l o f a w e a lth y p a t i e n t s a i d : 'When do you e x p e c t t o d i g i t u p ? ” 'Why sh o u ld I d ig i t up?' th e P h y s ic ia n a sk e d . •When I bu ry a b o n e ,' s a id th e Dog, ' i t i s w it h an i n t e n t i o n t o u n co v e r i t l a t e r and p i c k i t . 1 'The b on es w h ich I b u r y , ' s a i d th e P h y s i c ia n , 'a r e t h o s e w h ich I c a n no lo n g e r p i c k . '26 I n th e f i e l d o f e d u c a t io n B ie r c e s a t i r i c a l l y a t t a c k e d th e s c h o o l s o f h i s tim e i n g e n e r a l , and p a r t i c u l a r l y h e a tt a c k e d th e p u b lic a t l a r g e , th e g o v e r n in g b o a r d s , th e t e a c h e r s , and th e t e x t s . Our common s c h o o l s , " ’th e w o r s t in th e w o r l d ,” 27 s a id B i e r c e , w ere so bad t h a t any p e r s o n n o t an i d i o t t o b e g in w ith was i n im m inent d an ger o f b e in g one i f he p a sse d th r o u g h t h e a v e r a g e "prim ary d e p a r tm e n t. ” 28 He s a t i r i z e d th e p u b lic f o r 25 " P r a t t l e , ” A rgo, June 2 9 , 1 8 7 8 . 26 ”F a b le s W ith ou t M o r a ls ,” S . F . E x . , Ja n . 1 3 , 1 8 9 0 . 27 " P a s s in g Show," S . F .E x ., N ov. 1 2 , 1809- 28 " P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x ., Nov. 9 , 1890. 335 b e in g i n d i f f e r e n t tow ard th e f a c t t h a t th e s c h o o l s w ere p o o r , and f o r o p p o sin g d e c e n t s a l a r i e s f o r t e a c h e r s . He s a t i r i z e d th e s c h o o l d i r e c t o r s a s ig n o r a m u se s, who w ere c h i e f l y i n t e r e s t e d i n p l a c i n g o r p r o m o tin g t h e i r r e l a t i v e s o r f r i e n d s , w ith o u t r e g a r d f o r m e r i t , q u a l i f i c a t i o n s , o r s e n i o r i t y . He s a t i r i z e d th e t e a c h e r s i n g e n e r a l as a c o l l e c t i o n o f fe m a le c u r i o s i t i e s who w ou ld “r e g a r d d e n i a l o f th e D e i t y a s a k in d o f p e r s o n a l s l i g h t . “ He fou n d th e t e x t s u sed i n th e common s c h o o l s , p a r t i c u l a r l y th e h i s t o r y t e x t s , to be g r o s s l y b i a s e d and i n a c c u r a t e , and i n m a tte r s o f te r m in o lo g y , grammar, and p u n c t u a tio n h e fou n d them t o be i n c o r r e c t . W orst o f a l l , i n h i s e y e s , th e s c h o o ls em p h a sized th e “p r a c t i c a l ; " w a ste d th e p u p i l s ' tim e w it h su ch s i l l y f a d s as s c h o o l b a n k s, h o r t i c u l t u r e , e n to m o lo g y , and se w in g ; and n e g l e c t e d o r g a v e o n ly a s m a t te r in g o f th e r e a l l y im p o r ta n t m a t t e r s . E a r ly i n h i s s a t i r i c c a r e e r B ie r c e rem arked, As a means o f d i s p e n s i n g fo r m u la te d ig n o r a n c e our b o a s te d p u b l i c s c h o o l s y s te m i s n o t w ith o u t m e r it; i t sp r e a d s o u t s u f f i c i e n t l y t h i n t o g i v e e v e r y one enough to make him a more com p eten t f o o l th a n he w ou ld have b e e n w ith o u t i t . . . . 29 T h is v iew he n e v e r abandoned. N ear th e c l o s e o f h i s c a r e e r B ie r c e e x p r e s s e d a m atured c o n c lu s io n o f much th e same n a tu r e when he s a t i r i z e d e d u c a tio n i n th e U n ite d S t a t e s f o r n e g l e c t i n g a l l l e a r n i n g e x c e p t t h a t c r u d e , e le m e n ta r y s o r t w h ic h f i t s men for^ th e c o a r s e d e l i g h t s o f b u s in e s s and a f f a i r s b u t c o n f e r s no c a p a c it y o f r a t i o n a l e n jo y m e n t;. . . e x a l t i n g t h e w o rth o f w e a lt h and m aking i t th e t e s t and t o u c h - s t o n e o f m e r it; 29 " P r a t t l e ," A r g o ., Feb. 9 , 1878. 336 . . .i g n o r i n g a r t , s c o r n in g l i t e r a t u r e and d e s p i s i n g s c i e n c e e x c e p t a s t h e s e m ight c o n t r i b u t e to th e g l u t t i n g o f th e p u r s e ; . . . s e t t i n g up and m a in ta in in g an a r t i f i c i a l sta n d a r d o f m o r a ls, w h ich co n d o n e. . . a l l o f f e n s e s a g a i n s t th e p r o p e r ty and p e a c e o f e v e r y one bu t th e c o n d o n e r ,. . .[a n d ] p i t i l e s s l y c r u s h in g o u t o f t h e i r n a tu r e s e v e r y s e n tim e n t and a s p i r a t i o n u n co n n ected w it h a c c u m u la tio n o f p r o p e r ty . . . .3 0 About th e same c r i t i c i s m s l e v e l e d a t th e common s c h o o ls w ere a p p lie d to th e c o l l e g e s and u n i v e r s i t i e s . The g o v e r n in g b o a rd s w ere ig n o r a n t and in c o m p e te n t; th e f a c u l t y w ere p e d a n tic and r i d i c u l o u s ; and u n i v e r s i t y e d u c a t io n was c u r s e d by th e d u a l, a n t i t h e t i c t r e n d s o f ’'scholarly*" a b s o r p t io n i n u n im p ortan t m in u tia e on th e one hand and p o p u l a r i z a t i o n on th e o t h e r . The " lea r n e d and s c h o la r ly " " e d u c a to r s" w ere " n ever so t r u l y g r e a t and s e l f - e s t i m a b l e a s when. . . [ t h e y had] n o t h in g to s a y , p l e n t y o f room i n w h ich to sa y i t and a c ir c u m ja c e n c e o f solem n f o o l s t o sa y i t a t ; "31 w h ile th e p o p u la r " e d u c a to r s ! " s o l i c i t e d th e a tte n d a n c e a t th e u n i v e r s i t i e s o f p e o p le who d id n o t b e lo n g t h e r e by p e r m it t in g s u p e r f i c i a l i t y and making a t h l e t i c s a m ajor s c h o o l a c t i v i t y . I n d i c a t i v e to B ie r c e o f th e g e n e r a l s t a t u s o f e d u c a t io n was a s ta te m e n t by th e p r e s i d e n t o f th e C h icago Normal S c h o o l t h a t s t u d e n t s sh o u ld s p e l l w e l l b u t n o t to o w e l l , 3 2 and an a d d r e s s to th e s e n i o r c l a s s by Dean T u fts o f th e U n iv e r s i t y o f C h icago on th e v a lu e and im p o rta n ce o f c o q u e tr y and t e a s i n g . 33 Such t h in g s were a s r i d i c u l o u s t o B ie r c e a s an o p i n i o n a te d d i s c u s s i o n , by "The P h i l o s o p h i c a l U n ion o f th e U n i v e r s i t y o f 30 "A shes o f th e B e a co n ," C o l l e c t e d W orks, I z j j f . 31 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x . , O ct. 2 , 1 8 9 2 . 5 2 E-Ap ril 2 6 , 190 4 . 33 i b i d . , May 1 , 1904; 337 C a l i f o r n i a , " o f th e q u e s t io n o f W hether th e d o c t r i n e o f S y m b o lic C o n c e p tio n , as l e g i t i m a t e l y i n t e r p r e t a b l e i n th e l i g h t o f N a tu r a l S e l e c t i o n , c a n r e a l l y s a t i s f y th e C ra v in g f o r a F in a l C a u se, when th e l a t t e r i s so s t a t e d a s to e x h i b i t i t s d e e p e s t s o u r c e s i n th e human h e a r t . '"34 Of th e U n iv e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a a s a w h ole he; once s a id t h a t s t u l t u s means a U n i v e r s i t y r e g e n t ; li t h a t ig n o r a r e means to b e lo n g to t h e f a c u l t y ; and t h a t lu s u s n a tu r a e means a U n i v e r s i t y s t u d e n t . 35 A gain i n s a t i r i z i n g th e U n i v e r s i t y he pronounced i t n o t a u n i v e r s i t y and n o t a f i t p la c e w h e r e in to e d u c a te o n e 's s o n . And s t i l l a n o th e r tim e h e a s s e r t e d t h a t a man o f b r a in s c o u ld n o t b r e a th e a t th e U n i v e r s i t y o f C a l i f o r n i a . 5 6 H avin g su c h a view o f A m erican e d u c a t io n , i t i s l i t t l e wonder t h a t B ie r c e r e f e r r e d t o c o l l e g e s t u d e n t s a s s t u l t a e and p la c e d q u o t a t io n marks around th e p h r a se " ed u ca ted A m erica n s." But he had y e t a d ee p e r c r i t i c i s m o f c o l l e g e g r a d u a te s th an t h a t t h e y w ere n o t e d u c a t e d . In c o l l e g e most o f them , h e im p lie d , l o s t t h e i r m oral s e n s e d u r in g t h e i r freshm an and sophom ore y e a r s. ^ M oreover, th e y became u n w i l l i n g t o work w it h t h e i r han ds so lo n g a s th e y c o u ld do w o r se , and a l l a s p ir e d to th e p r o f e s s i o n s . The 34 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , A p r il 8 $ 1 894. N u g g ets and D u s t, pp. l 6 f . 5 6 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x ., May 1 5 , I 8 9 2 . 3 7 I b i d . , May 1 3 , 18 9 4 . 338 r e s u l t was a s u p e r f l u i t y o f p r o f e s s i o n a l men and tram p s, who a r o u se d i n d u s t r i a l d i s c o n t e n t , s o c i a l u n r e s t , and p o l i t i c a l i n s t a b i l i t y . 39 S aid B ie r c e w it h a minimum o f s a t i r e : I f I w ere d i c t a t o r I sh o u ld a b o l i s h e v e r y ' i n s t i t u t i o n o f le a r n i n g ' i n t h i s S t a t e above th e grammar s c h o o l s , e x c e p t in g one o f th e two u n i v e r s i t i e s . I w ould make t h a t a u n i v e r s i t y i n f a c t a s w e l l a s i n name. I t sh o u ld n o t o n ly tu r n o u t th e f i n e s t s c h o l a r s in th e w o r ld , b u t i t sh o u ld be a p la c e o f o r i g i n a l r e s e a r c h i n a s e n s e t h a t n e i t h e r o f our u n i v e r s i t i e s now i s . From th e grammar s c h o o l to I t s p o r t a l th e s t u d e n t sh o u ld make h i s upward way u n aid ed — enough w ould a c c o m p lis h th e f e a t and th e r e b y p rove t h e i r f i t n e s s ; and th o s e who f a i l e d would n o t be harmed by th e e f f o r t . I am n o t q u i t e su r e i f I w ould l i m i t th e number o f s t u d e n t s by law ; p r o b a b ly t h a t c o u ld b e s t be done by th e r i g o r o f e x a m in a t io n s . Under my d i c t a t o r s h i p C a l i f o r n i a w ould n o t be a comm unity o f ' c o l l e g e g r a d u a t e s ,' m o stly men o f p r e y , b u t n e i t h e r would I t be so to p -h e a v y t h a t i n s o c i a l c o n v u ls io n i t would 'tu r n t u r t l e ' and sta n d on i t s h e a d . On f u r t h e r c o n s i d e r a t i o n I t h in k I s h o u ld a b o l i s h th e grammar s c h o o l s . ^0 39 I b i d . , F eb . 2 1 , 1897. 4 0 I b i d . . March 1 2 , 1899- CHAPTER V I I I MANKIND IN GENERAL Prom Ambrose B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e upon a l l ; k in d s o f i n t e l l e c t u a l and m oral d e lin q u e n t s in a l l w a lk s o f l i f e , i t i s a p p a ren t t h a t he lo o k e d upon m ost o f mankind w it h s c o r n and c o n tem p t, th o u g h , l i k e S w i f t , h e found many a c c e p t a b le i n d i v i d u a l s . I n d e e d , he once s a i d as much h i m s e l f , when he a d m itte d t h a t s i n g l y human b e in g s w ere t o l e r a b l e , p erh ap s e v e n c le a n - lim b e d , and sw ee t and g r a c i o u s , and com ely c r e a t u r e s , b u t i n c o n t a c t w ith one a n o th e r w ere h a t e f u l , d i s g u s t i n g b e a s t s , "a ta n g le d wad o f r a t t l e s n a k e s th a w in g and r e e k in g i n th e S p r in g s u n l i g h t ,"1 a mass o f " v a r ie d and m u l t i f o ld u n p le a s a n tn e s s ," ’ a " t r ib e o f n o x io u s i l l - s m e l l i n g , u n g o d ly Y a h o o s . " 1 Even i n d i v i d u a l l y , h e found m ost p e o p le t o be f o o l s . They w ere ig n o r a n t , i d i o t i c , and d u l l; th e y w ere narrow and p r o v i n c i a l . They w ere " p a t r i o t [ s ] f i r s t . . .o b s e r v e r [ s ] l a s t . . .[a n d ] t h i n k e r [ s ] n e v e r .*1 They had n o t e v e n " th e c a p a c i t y t o r e c e i v e , d i g e s t and a s s i m i l a t e i n f o r m a tio n ," p o s s e s s i n g o n ly "a c e r t a i n l i m i t e d in te llig e n c e ® * ab ou t e q u a l t o t h a t o f th e d o m e stic cow. They w ere s e r v i l e , s u b m i s s i v e , and p u s illa n im o u s when c o n fr o n te d w it h i n j u s t i c e , d i s h o n e s t y , and m isgo vern m en t. They la c k e d a good s e n s e o f humor; th e y w ere d e v o id o f good t a s t e ; and , a s w it h th e le a d in g c i t i z e n s o f San F r a n c is c o , t h e i r e s s e n t i a l d e v o t io n was t o " th e dead low 1 "Man i n Q u a n tity ," from " E d it o r i a l P in e F r e n z ie s ," N u g g ets and D u s t, pp. 8 6 f . l e v e l o f s o r d id , v u lg a r and m a t e r ia l t h i n g s / ’2 ’’G ive an A m erican a new spap er and a p ie ,* ’ s a id B i e r c e , ”and he w i l l make h i m s e l f c o m fo r ta b le anywhere"/’5 W orse th a n t h i s , p e o p le w ere so u n i v e r s a l l y d i s h o n e s t , h y p o c r i t i c a l , im m oral, w ic k e d , d e p r a v e d , h o n o r l e s s , s e l f i s h , b a r b a r o u s , and b e s t i a l t h a t to a t t r i b u t e to a man th e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f k in d n e s s , h o n e s t y , g e n e r o s i t y , and d e c en cy was t o c a l l him an e c c e n t r i c . Time a f t e r tim e B i e r c e r e p r e s e n t e d mankind as b r u t e s . Man was d i s t i n g u is h e d from th e ’’lo w e r anim als,** h e rem arked i r o n i c a l l y , by ’’f e e l i n g s o f d e l i c a c y and r e f in e m e n t ” i n m a tte r s o f s e x . Man was a d e sc e n d a n t o f th e a p e , th o u g h he m ight c o m fo r t h im s e l f i n th e th o u g h t t h a t he had ’’n o t d e sc en d e d so f a r a s to p r e c lu d e a l l hope o f r e t u r n . Man came ou t secon d when compared w it h th e g r i z z l y b e a r . Man was an a s s , a s B ie r c e im p lie d in The F ie n d 1s D e l i g h t , by u s in g a s a c o lo p h o n t o th e book th e p i c t u r e o f an a s s above t h i s q u o t a t io n from S w if t: 'F or my p a r t , I must c o n f e s s t o b e a r a v e r y s i n g u l a r r e s p e c t t o t h i s a n im a l, by whom I ta k e human n a tu r e to be m ost a d m ira b ly h e ld f o r t h i n a l l i t s q u a l i t i e s a s w e l l as o p e r a t i o n s . . . . '4 Man was a p r e d a to r y a n im a l. And a b o v e , or b e n e a th , a l l , man was a h o g , and when a man i s c a l l e d a h o g , ” i t i s th e man who g e t s a n g r y , b u t i t i s th e hog who i s i n s u l t e d . 5 In f a c t , on a 2 ’’P r a t t l e , ” S . F .E x ., Jan . 3 , 1892. 3 The F ie n d ' s D e l i g h t , p. 1 6 0 . * I b i d . , p . 199. 5 I b i d . , p. 1 60. 341 se co n d c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f th e m a tte r , B ie r c e c o n c lu d e d t h a t man was p erh ap s n o t a hog a f t e r a l l : th e h og was "a l i n e a l d e s c e n - f i d en t o f man" and "an honour to h i s p a r e n t ." On one o c c a s io n B ie r c e rem arked t h a t th e s tu d e n t o f human n a tu r e w ould do w e l l t o s tu d y a drove o f h ogs i n a pen a t f e e d in g tim e , th u s a t t r i b u t in g t o man th e s e l f i s h n e s s , g lu t t o n o u s c o n c e r n f o r th e b e l l y , w a s t e f u l n e s s , d i r t i n e s s , te n d e n c y to s q u e a l, and e x t r o v e r s i o n o f th e h o g s . 7 A n oth er tim e , un der th e t i t l e "Pork on th e H o o f," h e w r o te , t h e r e i s a s t y e i n th e s o u l o f e v e j^ n e o f u s , i n w h ich a b id e s a p o rk er more or l e s s o b j e c t i o n a b l e . . . . The b e s t o f u si-are th o s e who spend most tim e r e p r e s s i n g th e b e a s t by r a p p in g him upon th e n o s e . 8 and a g a in h e w r o te , E very man i s a t h e a r t a b r u t e , and th e g r e a t e s t i n j u r y you c a n pu t upon any one i s t o provoke him i n t o d i s p la y i n g h i s n a tu r e . No g e n tlem a n e v e r f o r g i v e s th e man who makes him l e t o u t h i s b e a s t . 9 Y e s , man was th o r o u g h ly u n ad m irab le: A man w it h b u t one l e g i s a b e t t e r man th an a man w it h two l e g s , f o r th e r e a s o n t h a t t h e r e i s l e s s o f him . A man w ith o u t any l e g s i s b e t t e r th a n a man w it h one l e g ; n o t b e c a u se t h e r e i s l e s s o f h im , b u t b e c a u s e he c a n n o t g e t ab ou t t o e n a c t so much w ic k e d n e s s . 10 H um anity needed "an u n i v e r s a l f l o g g i n g ," d e s e r v in g r e a l l y t o be e x te r m in a te d , and B ie r c e d e s p is e d i t a c c o r d in g ly . ^ N u g g ets and D u s t, p . 137. 7 The_F ie n d 1s D e l i g h t , p . 9 4 . 8 I b i d . , p . 8 1 . 9 I b i d . , p . 169. 10 I b i d . , p. 1 5 9 . 342 I t may be o b j e c t e d t h a t t h e s e m is a n th r o p ic s t a te m e n ts b e lo n g g e n e r a l l y t o th e e a r l y p a r t o f B i e r c e ’s c a r e e r . T h is i s tr u e o f t h e s e p a r t i c u l a r c i t a t i o n s , b u t th e same a t t i t u d e toward mankind a p p ea r s in h i s c a s t i g a t i o n , i n m id - c a r e e r , o f th e e n t h u s i a s t s o v e r ’’U n iv e r s a l B rotherhood.** . . . t h a t i s ab ou t th e l a s t t h in g t h a t I c o u ld w is h t o b r in g a b o u t. U n iv e r s a l b r o th e r h o o d , I f i t means a n y t h in g , means ( f o r me) a c l o s e r r e l a t i o n s h i p b e tw e e n men and th e r e s t o f th e r a c e . As a c o n s id e r a b le m a jo r ity o f th e r e s t o f th e r a c e happens to be made up o f k n a v e s , du nces and s a v a g e s , I am n o t s e e k in g t h a t k in d o f r e l a t i o n s w it h i t . . . The u n i v e r s a l b r o t h e r , a s I know h im , h a s e v e r m a n ife s t In th e manner o f him an i n v i t a t i o n t o be sla p p e d on th e b a ck and a d d r e ss e d a s ’o ld f e l l e r ’ — to w h ich l o v e f e a s t I am d e e p ly d i s i n c l i n e d . i l And th e same view o f h u m anity a p p ea r s i n A shes o f th e B ea co n , * a work t h a t was p la c e d i n f i n a l form n e a r th e end o f B i e r c e ’s l i f e . H er e, w r i t i n g h i s t o r i c a l l y i n th e y e a r 4 9 3 0 , he c a l l e d th e Am erican c i v i l i z a t i o n one o f th e ’’E v i l C i v i l i z a t i o n s , ’1 and s a t i r i z e d th e p e o p le as ’ "b ack w ard,’ ” " p r i m i t i v e ," and " h a l f - c i v i l i z e d . " H o ld in g su ch a view o f h u m a n ity , b e l i e v i n g i n m oral r e s p o n s i b i l i t y and h a v in g an e y e f o r i n c o n g r u i t i e s , B i e r c e , h a v in g c h o s e n t o be a w r i t e r , c o u ld h a r d ly have b een a n y th in g b u t an s a t i r i s t . 11 " P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x ., May 1 5 , 189 2 . PART III V E H I C L E S , D E V I C E S , AND P O S S I B L E O R I G I N S OP B I E R C E ’ S S A T I R E CHAPTER I THE VEHICLES OF SATIRE The s a t i r e , o f Ambrose B ie r c e was c a r r ie d i n a v a r i e t y o f w e ll-k n o w n , sta n d a r d l i t e r a r y fo rm s, most o f w h ich w ere em ployed w it h some fr e q u e n c y th r o u g h o u t h i s l i t e r a r y c a r e e r . For h i s d i r e c t p r o se s a t i r e B ie r c e em ployed c h i e f l y th e form o f u n d i s g u is e d j o u r n a l i s t i c comment, v a r y in g t h i s form o n ly r a r e l y w ith d i r e c t a d d r e ss i n p r o s e . 1 For h i s d i r e c t v e r s e s a t i r e he u sed th e u n d is g u is e d comment, d i r e c t a d d r e s s , and th e e p i g r a m - - a l l f r a n k ly s a t i r i c i n p u r p o se . The p r o s e v e h i c l e s o f h i s i n d i r e c t s a t i r e in c lu d e d f u t u r e h i s t o r y , G u l l i v e r i a n n a r r a t i v e , f a b l e s and a n e c d o t e s , L i t t l e Johnny n a r r a t i v e s , a l l e g e d q u o t a t io n s o f , or from , w r i t i n g s o f many s o r t s , im a g in a ry c o n v e r s a t io n s and u t t e r a n c e s i n a v a r i e t y o f fo r m s, e x a g g e r a te d o r em b ro id ered d e s c r i p t i o n , and d i c t i o n a r y d e f i n i t i o n s . I n v e r s e h i s i n d i r e c t s a t i r e was c a r r ie d b y n a r r a t i v e s , m o n o lo g u es, and d i a l o g u e s — a l l s e p a r a t e l y and i n v a r io u s c o m b in a tio n s ; by e p it a p h s ; and by s e v e r a l i n f r e q u e n t l y u sed m is c e lla n e o u s form s. By f a r th e m ost commonly u sed v e h i c l e f o r B i e r c e ’s d i r e c t p r o s e s a t i r e was t h a t o f j o u r n a l i s t i c comment upon c u r r e n t 1 B i e r c e ’s p r o se e p ig r a m s, o c c u p y in g n e a r ly f o r t y p a g es i n t h e C o l l e c t e d W orks, V o l. 8 , a r e f o r t h r i g h t and d i r e c t , b u t c a n n o t be r eg a r d e d as v e h i c l e s o f s a t i r e , f o r th e y a r e a lm o st w h o lly p h i l o s o p h i c . Even b a re s u g g e s t i o n s o f s a t i r e a r e p r a c t i c a l l y n o n e x i s t e n t . 345 h a p p e n in g s and m a tte r s o f I n t e r e s t . I t was th e f i r s t s a t i r i c form t h a t he u s e d , and I t was th e main form t h a t he em ployed d u r in g h i s many y e a r s a s a new spaper c o lu m n is t . Som etim es one o f t h e s e d i r e c t comments or a t t a c k s would occu p y f i f t e e n to t h i r t y i n c h e s , one colum n w id e , In e i g h t - o r n i n e - p o i n t ty p e ; u s u a l l y i t would he b etw een one and s e v e n in c h e s i n le n g t h ; o f t e n i t would be no more th a n a l i n e or tw o , a s when th e San F r a n c is c o C h r o n ic le rem ark ed , "T h is c o u n tr y i s f u l l o f h a l f w i t t e d i n d i v i d u a l s who fa n c y t h a t workmen a r e f o o l s t o be ca u g h t w it h c h a f f . " and B i e r c e , f i r s t q u o tin g th e rem ark, r e p l i e d , "Such c h a f f , fo r ex a m p le, as t e l l i n g them th e y a r e n o t f o o l s and c a n ' t be ca u g h t w it h c h a f f . ’ "2 The lo n g e r p i e c e s w ere s e l dom p u re s a t i r e , b u t w ere u s u a l l y s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d w r i t i n g so f la v o r e d w it h s a t i r e h e r e and t h e r e a s to p rod u ce a g e n e r a l to n e o f r i d i c u l e . The p r o s e a t t a c k s a d d r e ss e d s p e c i f i c a l l y to th e o b j e c t o f a t t a c k w ere u s u a l l y , though n o t n e c e s s a r i l y , the p e r s o n a l , and m ight ra n g e i n le n g t h f r o m - a - m e r c ile s s 3 ,0 0 0 word b lu d g e o n in g a d m in is te r e d to one John Bonner^ t o th e b r i e f ite m a d d r e ss e d to one o f h i s p o e t a s t e r s , " C la ir b e a u ," who had a p p a r e n t ly r e s e n t e d , in p r i n t , th e p u b lic r i d i c u l e sh e had r e c e i v e d from B i e r c e . S a id th e i r o n ic s a t i r i s t to th e r e m o n s tr a n t, 2 P r a t t l e , " Wasp, May 2 2 , 1 8 86. 3 " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x . , Nov. 3 , 1 895. 346 Dear 'C la ir b e a u , 1 when I c r i t i c i z e d you th e o th e r day I was n o t aware t h a t you b e lo n g e d i n th e c a t e g o r y o f t h in g s to o s a c r e d f o r r i d i c u l e . I have now ad op ted you r own r e v e r e n d view o f th e m a tte r and s h a l l blasph em e your work no more. Suppose we c a l l yo u S a in t " C la ir b e a u .l14 V e r s e , f r a n k ly w r i t t e n to e x p r e s s or in d u c e r i d i c u l e was a n o th e r f r e q u e n t l y u sed v e h i c l e , th e Im p ortan ce o f w h ich i n B i e r c e ' s w r i t i n g s i s i n d ic a t e d by th e f a c t t h a t two o f th e tw e lv e volum es w h ic h c o m p r ise h i s C o l l e c t e d Works a r e d e v o ted a lm o st w h o lly to s a t i r i c v e r s e . T hese two volum es c o n t a i n some 5 50 poem s, a b o u t 530 o f them b e in g s a t i r i c . The im p o r ta n c e o f v e r s e to B i e r c e a s a v e h i c l e o f s a t i r e i s f u r t h e r i n d ic a t e d by th e f a c t t h a t , i n th e colum ns o f " P r a t t l e ," w here m ost o f th e c o n t e n t s o f t h e s e f i r s t two volum es a p p ea r e d , t h e r e w ere p r in te d s c o r e s upon s c o r e s o f v e r s e s a t i r e s t h a t have n e v e r b e e n c o l l e c t e d . L ike th e f r a n k ly s a t i r i c comments in p r o s e , th e v e r s e s a t i r e s w ere o f v a r ie d l e n g t h , ru n n in g from two to o v e r two hundred l i n e s , and I a v e r a g in g ab ou t t w e n t y - f i v e l i n e s . R ou ghly h a l f o f th e c o l l e c t e d v e r s e s a t i r e s a r e d i r e c t i n t h e i r a t t a c k , and among t h e s e th e u n d is g u is e d s a t i r i c v e r s e comment i n th e t h ir d p e r so n i s th e m ost commonly em p lo yed , a s , f o r ex a m p le, i n t h i s s h o r t poem from Shapes o f C la y : In C o n g ress on ce g r e a t Mowther s h o n e , -D e b a tin g w e ig h ty m a t t e r s , W ow i n an asy lu m throw n , He v a c u o u s ly c h a t t e r s . I f i n t h a t l e g i s l a t i v e h a l l H is wisdom s t i l l h e 'd v e n te d , I t n e v e r had b een knjv^n a t a l l That Mowther was d e m e n te d .5 4 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, May 9, 1 88 5 . 5 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 4 : 3 0 4 . 347 Poems a d d r e ss e d d i r e c t l y to th e p e r so n s a tta c k e d c o n s t i t u t e an im p o r ta n t sh a r e o f th e v e r s e o f d i r e c t s a t i r e . They p r e te n d e to he n o th in g h u t what th e y a r e , an a t t a c k upon th e p e r so n a d d r e ss e d ; and t h e i r p u rp o se i s to h a r r y th e a d d r e s s e e , to i n v i t e t h e r i d i c u l e o f s p e c t a t o r s , or t o do h o th . T h is was th e form em ployed hy B ie r c e in h i s poem to O scar W ild e , w h ich hegan th u s: B eca u se from P o l l y ' s l i p s you g o t Some b a h h le d mandate t o suhdue The r ea lm o f Common S e n s e , and you Made p ro m ise and c o n s id e r e d n o t , . . . .6 In a d d i t i o n to t h e s e v e r s i f i e d comments and poems o f d i r e c t a d d r e ss B ie r c e w r o te a c o n s id e r a b le number o f ep igram s w h ich a l s o s e r v e d a s b e h i c l e s o f d i r e c t s a t i r e and f r e q u e n t l y w ere i n th e form o f u n d is g u is e d comment or d i r e c t a d d r e s s . About te n p e r c e n t o f a l l th e s a t i r i c poems i n The C o l l e c t e d Works a r e e p ig r a m s . The ep igra m was a g e n r e p a r t i c u l a r l y s u i t e d t o B i e r c e ' s g e n iu s b e c a u se o f h i s n a t u r a l s a t i r i c b e n t and h i s k een w it ; and a s e a r c h o f h i s new spaper colum ns w ould b r in g to l i g h t a r e s p e c t a b l e number o f good u n c o l l e c t e d e p ig r a m s, s u c h , fo r ex a m p le, a s t h e s e ab o u t D e n is K earn ey, o f S a n f - l o t n o t o r i e t y , and th e lo n g s i n c e f o r g o t t e n R everend Dr. J e w e ll: " i f I show my f a c e a l l th e t h i e v e s w i l l w ith d ra w , As imps f l y th e b i s h o p 's c r o z i e r , " Says K earn ey. B u t, D e n is , you d a r e n ' t - - t h e law P r o h ib it s in d e c e n t e x p o s u r e .7 6 I b i d . , 4 :1 4 4 ; f o r c o m p le te poem, v id e i n f r a , p. 3 9 9 . A n o th er i n s t a n c e o f t h i s form i s "The T r a n sm ig r a tlo n o f a S o u l , 0 s u p r a ,pp. I l l f f , 7 " P r a t t l e , 1 " A rg o . , Feb. 1 , 1879. 348 D r. J e w e ll sp ea k s o f Balaam And h i s v i c e s , to a s s a i l 1 em 'T is an a n c ie n t f e u d ' s r e n e w a l- - Balaam c u d g e le d o n ce a J e w e l l . 8 The v e h i c l e s o f th e i n d i r e c t s a t i r e a r e n a t u r a l l y more num erous th an t h o s e o f th e d i r e c t . The e s s e n c e o f t h e i r i n d i r e c t i o n i s t h a t th e a u th o r d o es n o t p r e te n d to s a t i r i z e anyone; he p r e te n d s t o he t e l l i n g a s t o r y , q u o tin g some o n e , or m erely d e f i n i n g a w ord, and th e s a t i r e may:.take one u n aw ares. For th e i n d i r e c t s a t i r e , as fo r th e d i r e c t , th e f a v o r i t e form i s p r o s e , and th e p r o se v e h i c l e s a r e v a r io u s . Among t h e s e i s th e f u t u r e h i s t o r y , w h ich p r e te n d s to have b e e n w r i t t e n hu nd reds o r th o u sa n d s o f y e a r s h e n c e i n d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h a t rem ote p a s t to w h ich th e p e o p le s a t i r i z e d "belong. I t i s w r i t t e n i n th e c o n v e n t io n a l s t y l e o f h i s t o r i c a l n a r r a t i v e and s a t i r i z e s e le m e n ts o f th e con tem p orary s c e n e c h i e f l y by th e h i s t o r i a n ' s comments upon what he d e s c r i b e s , by th e u n fa v o r a b le c o n t r a s t t h a t h e draws b etw een th e p e o p le and i n s t i t u t i o n s s a t i r i z e d and t h o s e o f th e f u t u r e h i s t o r i a n ' s own d a y , and by th e r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f our c i v i l i z a t i o n as t r a n s i t o r y and b a r b a r ic and th e t h i n g s t h a t we c h e r i s h and m agn ify a s i n s i g n i f i c a n t and c r u d e . Though B i e r c e ' s f i r s t u se o f t h i s form ap p eared a s e a r l y a s 1 8 7 3 ,9 h i s main s a t i r i c f u tu r e h i s t o r y i s h i s ®Ashes o f th e ® " P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, June 2 8 , 1 884. 9 "John S m ith ,'' An E d i t o r i a l A r t i c l e from a J o u r n a l o f May 3 , 3 8 7 3 ," London Fun, May 1 0 , 1 8 7 3 , r e p r i n t e d , w it h c e r t a i n r e v i s i o n s , a s "John Sm ith L ib e r a to r " i n The C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 2 1 7 - 2 2 . " 349 B e a c o n ,” w h ic h h e made th e t i t l e p i e c e o f Volume I o f The C o l l e c t e d W orks,IQ T h is w ork, w h ich p r e t e n d s t o be a j u d i c i o u s , s c h o l a r l y h i s t o r i c a l monograph w r i t t e n i n 4 9 3 0 , d e s c r i b e s th e a n c ie n t c i v i l i z a t i o n and d o w n fa ll o f t h e ’’C on n ected S t a t e s o f A m erica ," and th u s i t s e r v e s a s a n o v e l and e f f e c t i v e v e h i c l e f o r a p o ig n a n t , s a t i r i c a t t a c k upon co n tem p orary p r a c t i c e s and i n s t i t u t i o n s . O ther s h o r t works o f t h i s s o r t , n o t in c lu d e d i n The C o l l e c t e d W orks, a r e " H isto r y o f t h e Maid o f Podunk” (C a r r ie N a tio n , c o n fu s e d by th e h i s t o r i a n w i t h Joan o f Arc and G eorge W a sh in g to n ); "The E x t i n c t i o n o f th e Smugwumps" ( t h e A m erican p e o p l e ) ; "The F u tu r e H is t o r i a n and H is F a tig u e " ( S i r Thomas L ip t o n ’ s y a c h t r a c i n g ) ; a v e r y b r i e f u n t i t l e d and in c o m p le te a c c o u n t o f P r e s i d e n t T heodore R o o s e v e l t ’ s c a t e g o r i c a l r e f u s a l to tu r n o v e r to th e U n ite d S t a t e s S e n a te a l l h i s p a p e r s and i n fo r m a tio n on th e Panam anian i n c i d e n t o f 1 9 0 3 ; and " T h e'R ise and F a l l o f th e A ero p la n e" (a h a l f p l a y f u l , h a l f s a t i r i c t r e a t i s e t h a t f i x e d 1 9 1 7 — 369 B e fo r e S m ith — a s th e d a te o f th e f a l l ) . H 10 In i t s f i n a l form t h i s work o f s e v e n t y p a g e s i s a c o m b in a tio n and r e v i s i o n o f f o u r o r i g i n a l l y in d e p e n d e n t it e m s o f f u t u r e h i s t o r y : "The F a l l o f th e R epublic," San F r a n c is c o E xam in er, March 2 5 , 188 8 ( v id e s u p r a , pp. 6 3 f .)*; "The Jury i n A n c ie n t A m e rica ," The C o sm o p o lita n M a g a zin e, A u g u st, 1 9 0 5 ; "Ashes o f th e B e a co n , An H i s t o r i c a l Monograph W ri11en i n 3 9 4 0 ," Los A n g e le s E x am in er, March 2 5 , 1 9 0 6 ,- - p r o b a b ly th e same a s "The A sh es o f th e B eacon , W r it te n i n 3 9 4 0 , An H i s t o r i c a l Mono g r a p h , T r a n s la t e d b y Ambrose B i e r c e ," w h ic h had b e e n p u b lis h e d i n th e C h ica go A m erican o f F eb ru ary 2 6 , 1 9 0 5 ; and " In su r a n c e i n A n c ie n t A m erica , " The C o sm o p o lita n M a g a zin e, S ep tem b er, 1906. 11 T hese m o c k - h i s t o r i e s a r e t o b e fo u n d r e s p e c t i v e l y i n th e San F r a n c is c o E xam in er, March 1 9 , 1901; Aug. 1 2 , 1 9 0 1 , S e p t . 5 , 1 9 0 3 , and Feb. 2 1 , 1 9 0 4 ; and i n The C o sm o p o lita n Mag a z i n e , O c t . , 1 9 0 8 . 350 C l o s e l y r e l a t e d to th ese- f u t u r e h i s t o r i c a l n a r r a tiv e s - i s "For th e A h k o o n d , " 1 2 an a c c o u n t o f a s c i e n t i f i c e x p e d i t i o n t h a t s e t o u t from " S an f R a n ch isco " i n th e y e a r 4591 t o e x p lo r e th e unknown w a s t e s ea stw a rd from th e " U ltim a te H ills'" ( t h e Rocky M o u n ta in s) t o t h e '"Wintry S e a ." T h is v a s t a r e a i s d e s c r ib e d a s h a v in g on ce b e e n th e s i t e o f an a n c i e n t c i v i l i z a t i o n , w h ich had b e e n f i r s t d ecim a ted by w in d s t h a t had blow n away th e to p s o i l o f th e M i s s i s s i p p i V a l l e y and had b e e n f i n a l l y o b l i t e r a t e d by a new g l a c i a l a g e . By th e y e a r 4 5 9 1 , h o w ev er, th e r e g i o n had become a t r o p i c a l lan d o f la k e s and swamps, in h a b it e d by " ob scen e" ig u a n o d o n s and " g r e a t f l o c k s o f p e t e r o d a e t y l s ." As d id th e fu tu r e h i s t o r y , t h i s s c i e n t i f i c n a r r a t i v e s e r v e d B ie r c e a s a n o v e l and e f f e c t i v e v e h i c l e f o r h i s s a t i r e upon con tem p orary c i v i l i z a t i o n . The G u l l i v e r i a n n a r r a t i v e i s a n o th e r v e h i c l e o f B i e r c e ' s i n d i r e c t s a t i r e . In t h i s ty p e o f w ork th e a u th o r t a k e s h i s r e a d e r on a jo u r n e y t o one or more U to p ia n c o u n t r i e s and t h e r e s a t i r i z e s con tem p o ra ry l i f e by h a v in g h i s c h a r a c t e r s comment d i s p a s s i o n a t e l y on th e im p e r f e c t io n s o f our c i v i l i z a t i o n and by em phasizing th e r i d i c u l o u s n a tu r e o f th o s e im p e r f e c t io n s th r o u g h c o n t r a s t . G u l l i v e r i a n n a r r a t i v e i s th e v e h i c l e em ployed i n "The Land Beyond th e B low ," a h u n d red -p a g e t r a v e l t a l e w h ich a p p ea r s i n Volume I o f The C o l l e c t e d Works and w h ich shows s i m i l a r i t i e s n o t o n ly t o S w if t ,, b u t a l s o to L u c ia n , M ore, V o l t a i r e , Sam uel 12 "For th e Ahkoond" seem s n o t t o have b e e n p r in te d b e f o r e i t s p u b l i c a t i o n i n The C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 : 1 9 9 - 2 1 4 . 352 B u t le r I I , and Edward B e lla m y . As i n th e c a s e o f "Ashes o f th e B e a co n , 1 1 riThe Land Beyond th e B low * 1 i s a c o m b in a tio n , w it h more o r l e s s r e v i s i o n , o f a number o f p i e c e s t h a t had p r e v io u s l y b e e n p u b lis h e d as in d e p e n d e n t s a t i r e s . 23 F a b le s and a n e c d o t e s , th e form er term b e in g u sed by B ie r c e t o mean s h o r t , f i c t i t i o u s t a l e s a b o u t p e o p le as w e l l a s about a n im a ls , c o m p r ise a t h i r d ty p e o f h i s n a r r a t i v e p r o s e v e h i c l e . He b egan w r i t i n g t h e s e f a b l e s and a n e c d o te s d u rin g h i s London p e r io d , and h e c o n tin u e d to w r it e them a s - s uch- u n t i l as l a t e as May 1 0 , 1 9 0 4 , ^ thou gh a f t e r 1895 made d e c r e a s in g u s e o f th e form . The London f a b l e s and a n e c d o t e s were w h o lly g e n e r a l and w ere u s u a l l y more s a r d o n ic th a n s a t i r i c . When he becam e e d i t o r o f T!he A r g o n a u t. B ie r c e r e p r in t e d some o f th e London f a b l e s , and d u r in g h i s A rgonaut and Wasp e d i t o r s h i p s s c a t t e r e d a few f a b l e s and a n e c d o te s th ro u g h h i s " L i t t l e Johnny * 1 w r i t i n g s . The form d id n o t r e a l l y become an e f f e c t i v e v e h i c l e o f s a t i r e , h o w ev e r, 2-3The c h a p te r e n t i t l e d "The Kingdom o f T o r tir r a " was p u b l i s h e d under th e same t i t l e i n . t h e San F r a n c is c o E xam in er, o f A p r il 2 2 , 1 8 8 8 , and was a good d e a l r e v i s e d f o r i n c l u s i o n in th e l a r g e r w ork. The T a m to n ia n s," under t h a t t i t l e , ap p eared i n th e E xam iner o f November 1 1 , 1 8 8 8 , , and in f i n a l form is. s u b s t a n t i a l l y th e same a s th e o r i g i n a l . "An I n t e r v ie w w it h G narm agzote" was f i r s t p u b lis h e d in th e E x a m in e r . o f November 2 4 , I 8 8 9 , &s "The G o la m p ia n s." Marooned on U g," o r i g i n a l l y e n t i t l e d ’ "The War w ith.T Jg," was f i r s t . p u b lis h e d i n th e E x am in er, Septem ber 1 1 , I 8 9 8 . '"The Jurajum o f G ok eetle-G u k " was p u b lis h e d i n th e Exam iner o f November 1 9 , I 8 9 9 , a s " T r u s tla n d , a T a le o f a T ra v elerT " "A C o n f la g r a t io n i n G hargaroo" f i r s t ap p eared in The C o sm o p o lita n M agazine o f F e b r u a r y , 1 9 0 6 , as "The C o n f la g r a t io n . . T" F i n a l l y , t h e l a s t h a l f o f "An E x e c u t io n in B a t r u g ia ” was p r in t e d un der t h a t t i t l e i n The C o sm o p o lita n Magazhe o f May 1 9 0 7 . Sons o f th e F a ir S ta r " and " th e Dog i n Ganegwag" seem n o t t o have b een p u b lis h e d b e f o r e T h e . C o l l e c t e d W orks, and th e b r i e f i n t r o d u c t i o n and c o n c l u s i o n t o 1 1 The Land Beyond th e Blow" e n t i t l e d " T h ith e r ” and " H ith e r ?" w ere o b v io u s ly w r i t t e n a t th e tim e when th e p a r t s w ere w eld ed in t o a w h o le . 14 N ._Y 1_ Am. , May 1 0 ,1 9 0 4 . u n t i l h e began w r i t i n g f o r th e San F r a n c is c o E xam in er. Then from 1 8 8 9 t o 1 8 9 3 k e w ro te w e l l o v e r 3 5 0 o f t h e s e b r i e f n a r r a t i v e s , p u b l i s h in g them u s u a l l y i n grou p s o f from f i v e to n in e . Though some o f th e f a b l e s and a n e c d o te s o f t h i s p e r io d were s a r d o n i c , a s in th e London p e r io d , most o f them w ere s a t i r i c ; and th o u g h th e y w ere a l l g e n e r a l in manner a f t e r th e t r a d i t i o n a l n a tu r e o f f a b l e s , some r e f e r rerig; o b v io u s ly to p a r t i c u l a r e v e n t s o r p e r s o n a g e s . So when B ie r c e b egan an a n e c d o te w ith th e words nA B oss who had gone to Canada was ta u n te d by a C i t i z e n o f M o n tre a l w it h h a v in g f l e d to a v o id p r o s e c u t i o n , t h e u s e o f th e i n d e f i n i t e a r t i c l e and th e f a i l u r e to m en tio n a p a r t i c u l a r p e r so n gave th e n a r r a t i v e an a i r o f A e so p ia n g e n e r a l i t y , b u t e v e r y San F r a n c is c a n r e a d e r knew t h a t "A B oss" r e f e r r e d p a r t i c u l a r l y t o th e b lin d p o l i t i c a l b o s s , C h r is B u c k le y , who had f l e d to Canada to e s c a p e p r o s e c u t io n in th e C a l i f o r n i a c o u r t s . Som etim es th e a n e c d o te s w ere q u i t e p e r s o n a l , a s in t h i s on e: A D eb tor who owed a C r e d ito r one th ou san d j a c k a s s e s o f f e r e d him W illia m G reer H a r r is o n , th e p la y w r ig h t , in paym ent. ‘ "N o,1 * th e C r e d ito r s a i d , ‘’you can s e t t l e some o t h e r t i m e - - I c a n ' t ch an ge t h a t . " 16 A f o u r t h ty p e o f n a r r a t i v e p r o se v e h i c l e f o r th e s a t i r e w ere th e " L i t t l e Johnny5 " w r i t i n g s . T hese w ere a lm o s t a lw a y s p r i m a r i ly humorous in p u r p o se , th o u g h a t th e same tim e t h e y o f t e n c a r r i e d b i t s o f i n c i d e n t a l s a t i r e , / F o r ex a m p le, when B i e r c e h a s 15 R e p r in te d i n C o l l e c t e d Works 6 :2 6 6 . 16 " P r a t t l e / 1 S . F . E x . , O c t. 1 3 , 1895- one o f th e b oys s a y o f some n o n se n s e v e r s e in a ^ L i t t l e Johnny” t a l e o t h e r w is e q u i t e in n o c e n t o f s a t i r e , "and t h a t ’ s p o e t r y , t o o , j e s t l i k e M is s is W indle w h ic h r i t e s f o r th e C a l l . " O c c a s i o n a l l y , t h e " L i t t l e Johnny" r a m b lin g s were p r im a r ily s a t i r i c ; b u t w h eth er t h e s a t i r e was i n c i d e n t a l or p r im a ry , i t was a lw a y s m ild , good n a tu r e d , and d e v o id o f b i t t e r n e s s . When th e p u rp o se o f th e s t o r i e s i s humor, th e s u b j e c t i s u s u a l l y some member o f th e a n im a l kingdom , r e a l o r im a g in a r y , su c h a s " O i s t e r s ," "The e a l , " "H ogs," " B u t t y g o a t s ," " E p h a le n ts ," "The Num poraucus," "The G o fu r io u s ," and "The H ip p o r ip p u s. 93 When th e p u rp o se i s s a t i r e , th e s u b j e c t may be " L i t t l e Johnny on K ea rn ey ," " L i t t l e Johnny oh th e New C o n s t i t u t i o n , 1 1 " L i t t l e Johnny on th e Ape" (a n a t t a c k upon some unnamed C h icago T rib u n e w r i t e r who e i t h e r c o p ie d or im it a t e d B i e r c e ’ s s t o r i e s and s ig n e d them " L i t t l e J o h n n y ,"18 and " L i t t l e Johnny on M arine M onsters'” ( t h e m o n sters b e in g a d m ir a ls Dewey, S c h le y , and Sam pson). A t y p i c a l exam ple o f t h i s ^ L i t t l e Johnny” s a t i r e i s th e f o l lo w in g b i t on B o ss C h ris B u c k le y and Judge Toohy o f San F r a n c is c o : One tim e M is te r 2y he w anted f o r t o be a ju g , and so he w ent t o M is te r B u c k ly , w g ic h i s th e B o s , j e s t l i k e h e was - a k in g , an s e d , M is t e r 2y d id , "Make me a Jug and l i e a q u it you e v r y whack.’ " M is te r B u c k ly , w ic h i s b l i n d , he s e d , "Gimme yu re h an d ." 17 " F a b le s and A n e c d o te s . By L i t t l e Jo h n n y," Argo., A p r i l , 2 6 , 1 8 7 9 . 18 S . F . E x . , Nov. 1 3 , 190 1 . 354 M is t e r 2y h e was d l i t e d and g i v e him i t s h an d , an sh o o k , an sh o o k , an sh o o k , b u t M is te r B u c k ly h e was n o t h in g b u t o n ly j e s t f e e l i n h i s pom, and bime by he s e d , Mr. B u ck ly d id , " A ll r i t e , o l e man, you may be a J u g , bu t g o t to g i v me one q u o r t e r o f w ot you make." M is te r 2y he tu rn ed h i s n o s e u p , s n e e r y , and sed i r o n i c l e , "hadent you b e t t e r ta k e my h o l e s a lr y ? " But M is te r B u ck ly h e c u d e n t s e e th e n o se u p , and he se d r e a l s o l l e m , "No s i r , I h a v e made yo u th e b e s t o f f e r I ca n a f f o r d . I f you don t wont t o do b i z n e s s w ith me you n e e d e n t , b u t I wunt ta k e a red c e n t l e s th a n th e f i g g e r w ic h I h ave s a i d . 19 A lle g e d q u o t a t io n s o f , or from s e v e r a l s o r t s o f w r i t i n g s p r o v id e s t i l l a n o th e r v e h i c l e o f s a t i r e . Som etim es t h e s e q u o t a t i o n s a r e from im a g in a ry n o v e l s , o r a t i o n s , or serm ons and s e r v e to b u r le s q u e s e n t im e n t a l f i c t i o n , i n f l a t e d o r a t o r y , or i l l o g i c a l r a m b lin g h o m i l i e s . Som etim es th e y p r e te n d to be th e m in u te s o f some o r g a n i z a t i o n , u s u a l l y th e C a l i f o r n i a Academy o f S c i e n c e s . They may p r e te n d to be a p e r s o n a l l e t t e r , a news it e m , or a r e s o l u t i o n , and th u s p r e s e n t in b o ld , n o v e l , and s t r i k i n g manner th e a b s u r d it y o f som eon e’s a t t i t u d e , p o s i t i o n , or c o n d u c t. When H enry Vrooman was f o r c e d , th r o u g h th e w r i t i n g o f B i e r c e , t o r e s i g n from th e R e p u b lic a n e l e c t o r a l t i c k e t i n 1884 b e c a u se he was owned by th e C e n tr a l P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d , B ie r c e ta u n te d him w i t h t h i s f i c t i t i o u s l e t t e r , p u b lis h e d o v e r Vroom an's name in The Wasp: To th e R e p u b lic a n S t a t e C e n tr a l C o m m ittee- - G en tlem en : The C e n tr a l P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d Company, th r o u g h i t s d u ly a c c r e d it e d r e p r e s e n t a t i v e i n th e S acram ento c o n v e n t io n , h on ored me w it h a n o m in a tio n a s P r e s i d e n t i a l E l e c t o r on th e R e p u b lic a n t i c k e t . I was t i c k l e d h a l f to d e a th , and many men em in en t i n th e c o u n c i l s o f th e p a r t y would 19 " L i t t l e Joh n n y," S.F .E x ., J a n . 1 5 , 1888. 355 w i l l i n g l y have t i c k l e d me th e o th e r h a l f . I a lw a y s i n s p i r e a g e n e r o u s e n th u s ia s m . I d eterm in ed t o b r in g to th e d is c h a r g e o f th e . f a t i g u i n g d u t i e s o f th e p o s i t i o n a l l F red . C r o c k e r ’ s e n e r g i e s and as much o f h i s f a t h e r ’ s money a s I d i d n ' t want f o r m y s e lf . I d id n o t th e n , nor do I y e t , t h in k t h a t th e c ir c u m s ta n c e o f my owning a b i t c h pup and a t i n t o o t - h o r n d i s q u a l i f i e d me under th e E le v e n t h Commandment, b u t as yo u have i n d ic a t e d a doubt o f my e l i g i b i l i t y on a c co u n t o f a w art on my b ack ( c o u p lin g th e # i n t , I am s o r r y to s a y , w it h a t h r e a t t o k i c k me o f f th e t i c k e t i f I d o n 't c a t c h on) I b eg to in fo r m you t h a t r a t h e r th a n s u b m i s s iv e l y a c c e p t su c h tr e a tm e n t I h e r e b y r e s i g n u n c o n d i t i o n a l l y and w it h f ir m n e s s . W ith g r e a t r e s p e c t (damn y o u r e y e s .') I am, g e n tle m e n , you r o b e d ie n t s e r v a n t , H enry Vrooman. 20 F a v o r it e v a r i a t i o n s o f t h i s v e h i c l e w it h B i e r c e w ere th e im a g in a r y c o n v e r s a t io n ^ o r u t t e r a n c e , and th e a s s ig n e d q u o t a t io n . O fte n th e im a g in a ry c o n v e r s a t io n s w ere d ra m a tic e p i s o d e s o f s e v e r a l hundred words among s e v e r a l characters; 2 1 o f t e n th e y w ere mere a n e c d o te s i n c o n v e r s a t i o n a l form or e v e n t h e m er est ex ch a n g e o f words ( "I d i d n ' t . - - H . W. B e e c h e r . H en ery , you know y o u d i d . —M rs. B e e c h e r ” ); and som etim es th e y would ta k e th e form o f a c a t e c h is m or i n t e r l o c u t o r y d ia l o g u e . When words w ere p la c e d i n th e mouth o f a s i n g l e p e r s o n , th e u t t e r a n c e s w ere a lm o st a lw a y s s h o r t and w ere g e n e r a l l y p r in t e d i n grou p s o f a h a l f d ozen or so under some su c h head a s " N o ta b le S a y in g s o f .G r e a t Men" or "Last Words o f I l l u s t r i o u s Men." S o , a f t e r 20 " P r a t t l e ," W asp, S e p t. 2 0 , 1 8 8 4 . For ex a m p les o f th e q u o t a t io n from an im a g in a ry n o v e l , th e f i c t i t i o u s news ite m , and th e m an u factu red m in u tes o f an o r g a n i z a t i o n s e e s u p r a , p. 2 0 2 . 2 1 JL-it*, "Two A d m in is t r a t io n s ," C o l l e c t e d W orks. 1 2 : 1 9 9 - 2 6 7 , w h ic h i s a c o l l e c t i o n o f t h e s e lo n g e r " a p o c r y p h a l c o n v e r s a t i o n s , w r i t t e n m o s tly b e tw e e n th e y e a r s I 8 9 8 and 1 9 0 4 . 356 th e e x p o s u r e s o f fra u d i n th e New Y ork m u n ic ip a l e l e c t i o n s o f I 9 0 5 , B ie r c e w r o te t h e s e s a y in g s : I f I h ave done w rong, p l e a s e f o r g i v e me and l e t me k eep th e money,--GAGE E TARBELL. S o c i e t y h e r e i n S in g S in g i s n o t e v e n now what i t s h o u ld h e , and t h a t Tammany crowd I s c o m in gI E x p el m e .- - M ONK EASTMAN. The w o r st i s y e t to c o m e .—WARDEN OP SING SING. I was n o t a lw a y s t h i s way. I c o u ld on ce run a m ile i n f i v e m in u te s to tu r n o v e r a cam paign c o n t r i b u t i o n to th e p ro p er committee.--THOM AS C P L A T T . 22 I n s t e a d o f b e in g a s s ig n e d o r i g i n a l s p e e c h e s th e o b je c ts o f s a t i r e w ere o f t e n r e p r e s e n t e d a s u t t e r i n g s e l f - c h a r a c t e r i z i n g or c o n dem ning q u o t a t io n s from some w e l l r e c o g n iz e d l i t e r a r y w ork, p erh ap s H am let o r M acb eth. 23 O ther v a r i a t i o n s o f th e a p o c r y p h a l q u o t a t i o n s , c o n v e r s a t i o n s , and rem arks w ere th e f i c t i t i o u s d e s c r i p t i o n , a u to b io g r a p h y , dream, and c a t a lo g u e o f p i c t u r e s In an a r t e x h i b i t . An exam ple o f th e l a s t o f t h e s e v a r i a t i o n s I s t h i s p aragrap h from The Wasp o f S eptem ber 6 , 1884; The f o llb w in g p i c t u r e s w i l l n o t be on e x h i b i t i o n a t th e M e c h a n ic s ’ I n s t i t u t e a f t e r t h i s w eek: No. 1 7 0 1 - - James A. Joh n son d i s c o v e r s th e jo y s o f p r i v a t e l i f e . 3 1 2 6 - - C h r is t o p h e r B u ck le y r e b u k in g s i n . 1 9 8 2 —B ish o p K ip s e l l i n g a l l h e h a th and g i v i n g t o th e p o o r . . . . 3 5 I 6 — Prank P i x l e y f o r g i v i n g God. . . 9 3 1 5 - - S t r u g g le b etw een John P. S w if t and th e s u b j u n c t iv e mood. 12 3 8 — H arr, o f th e G old en Era r e l e a s i n g t h e o b j e c t i v e c a s e from i t s th r a lld o m to th e p r e p o s i t i o n . . . . 2 1 4 7 - -W illia m N e i ls o n undrunk. 22 A l l , N .Y .A m ., Nov. 2 £ , 1 9 0 5 . 23 E . # . , " P r a ttle ,* ' S . F .E x ., June 1 5 . and 2 2 , 1890; N .Y .A m ., March 21 and 2 2 , I 9 0 5 . E m broidered d e s c r i p t i o n o f a r e a l or a l l e g e d l y t y p i c a l s c e n e c o n s t i t u t e d y e t a n o th e r p r o se v e h i c l e o f i n d i r e c t s a t i r e , th e em b ro id er y c o n s i s t i n g c h i e f l y i n th e i r o n i c u s e o f d i g n i f i e d fo r m a l, o r u n u su a l d i c t i o n and i n b i z a r r e o r e x a g g e r a te d im a g e s. T h is v e h i c l e , th ou g h seld o m u sed by B i e r c e , was u n m ista k a b ly d i s t i n c t from a l l o t h e r s , a s may be s e e n by t h i s d e s c r i p t i o n o f a p r o p o sed s k a t in g r in k and o f th e s k a t e r s t o be: We a r e t o have a s k a t i n g - r i n k o f r e a l i c e w h it h e r th e young m ale w it h f a t t e d h a i r and h i s a p p o in te d m ate, th e p e a c h y -f a c e d fem in in n y o f im m ature y e a r s , may go to sp ra w l l o o s e - l e g g e d and lim b e r w it h s e r p e n t i l e g r a c e to th e b lo w in g o f b a n d -h o r n s. And t h e r e s h a l l be th e u s u a l n u is a n c e o f c o m p e t i t i v e en d ea vor to e x c e l i n su dd en s e n s a t i o n s w it h h e e l s u p flu n g from c lo u d s o f r e v e a le d d im it y , d i s g u s t i n g to p h i lo s o p h ic eye o f y o u th b u t a l l u r i n g to th e s p e c t a c l e s o f s e n i l i t y . The man w i l l be t h e r e - - a s a s p e c t a t o r - - t h e s m ile o f g e n t l e t o l e r a n c e upon h i s l i p s , th e wg e n t , w g l o r i o u s i n a c o lo r e d s c a r f , a v i d l y p a r t i c i p a n t ; th e woman, n e a t - b o o t e d , s h a l l m o d e r a te ly p erv a d e th e unw holesom swarm o f ' ' l a d i e s ’' w it h m e a s u r e le s s e x t e n s i o n o f t r a i n t r i p p i n g th e unwary. P a t e r f a m i l ia s w i l l c r a c k th e bone o f h i s b a ld head t w i s t i n g h i s e y e s t o mash th e c i r c e e d i n g s h o p - g i r l i n t e n t upon h e r a r c . The s h o r t , sh a rp sn ap o f b r e a k in g arms s h a l l p l e a s a n t l y p u n c tu a te th e drone o f s c r a p in g s k a t e s and th e s u r s u r a t io n [ s i c ] o f a i l i n g lu n g s . And d o m in a tin g a l l , th e good d e v i l , p erch ed a l o f t upon a r a f t e r , s h a l l s l a n t h i s i n t e l l i g e n t e y e upon th e s c e n e o f h i s d e v i s i n g , and c o n s id e r th e c o s t o f e s t a b l i s h i n g a s k a t i n g - r i n k a t hom e.2 4 One o th e r p r o se c a r r i e r o f i n d i r e c t s a t i r e was th e p r e te n d e d d e f i n i t i o n . O s t e n s i b ly th e d e f i n i t i o n was m erely f a c t u a l , i n f o r m a t iv e , e x p la n a to r y ; a c t u a l l y i t was e x p r e s s i v e o f a p e r s o n a l f e e l i n g , a t t i t u d e , or o b s e r v a t io n . B i e r c e ’ s u se o f t h i s p r o s e form b eg a n i n 1 8 8 1 and c o n tin u e d t o th e end o f h i s c a r e e r . 24 " ' P r a t t l e ," A rgo., S e p t. 2 2 , 1877. 358 Som etim es th e d e f i n i t i o n s -were o n ly hum orous; so m etim es th e y w ere s a t i r i c i n a g e n e r a l manner; u s u a l l y th e y w ere more sa r d o n ic o r c y n i c a l th a n s a t i r i c . In d e e d , B ie r c e on ce p u b lis h e d a la r g e p o r t i o n o f h i s 1 1 d i c t i o n a r y 1 '" under th e t i t l e 'T h e Cynic ’ s Wordbook and i n h i s s y n d ic a t e d work a f t e r 1900 h e r e g u l a r l y u sed ’ "The C y n ic ’s D ictionary''" a s th e new spaper head f o r t h e s e d e f i n i t i o n s . The hum orous, th e s a t i r i c , and th e s a r d o n ic p u r p o se s o f B ie r c e i n t h i s ty p e o f work, a r e r e a d i l y s e e n r e s p e c t i v e l y i n th e f o l l o w in g p a i r s o f d e f i n i t i o n s : M a y o n n a ise, n . One o f th e s a u c e s w h ich s e r v e th e F ren ch in p la c e o f a s t a t e r e l i g i o n . M ustang, n . An i n d o c i l e h o r s e o f th e w e s t e r n p l a i n s . I n E n g lis h S o c i e t y , th e A m erican w i f e o f an E n g li s h noblem an. * * * * * * * * A b s t a in e r , n, A weak p e r so n who y i e l d s to th e te m p ta t io n o f d e n y in g h i m s e l f a p l e a s u r e . A t o t a l a b s t a i n e r i s one who a b s t a in s from e v e r y t h in g b u t a b s t e n t i o n , and e s p e c i a l l y from i n a c t i v i t y i n th e a f f a i r s o f o t h e r s . W it , n.. The s a l t w it h w h ich th e A m erican h u m o r ist s p o i l s h i s i h t e l l e c t u a l c o o k e r y by l e a v i n g i t o u t. * * * * * * * * A f f i a n c e d ,p p . F i t t e d w it h an a n k l e - r i n g f o r th e b a l l and p p c h a in . B ack, n . That p a r t o f you r f r ie n d w h ich i t i s y o u r p r i v i l e g e t o c o n te m p la te in your a d v e r s i t y . 25 The v e r s e v e h i c l e s o f t h e i n d i r e c t s a t i r e w ere n o t so v a r io u s n o r so o f t e n u sed a s th e p r o s e , th ou gh t h e r e w ere v e r s e c o u n t e r p a r t s f o r a number o f th e p r o s e fo rm s. 25 A l l , C o l l e c t e d Works, V ol. V II. T here w ere v e r s e n a r r a t i v e s , v e r s e d ia lo g u e s and m o n o lo g u es, a v e r y few p i e c e s o f d e s c r i p t i o n i n v e r s e , many v e r s e e p i t a p h s , and v e r y r a r e l y a v e r s e b u r le s q u e o f a n o th e r v e r s e form . Among th e more th a n 500 s a t i r i c poems o f S h ap es o f C lay and B la c k B e e t l e s i n Amber a b o u t f f i f t e e n p e r c e n t w ere in th e form o f dream s, v i s i o n s , dream n a r r a t i v e s , or s im p le n a r r a t iv e ; l e s s th a n one p er c e n t w ere pu re d e s c r i p t i o n ; e le v e n p er c e n t w ere e i t h e r d ia lo g u e ( m o s t ly u n d r a m a tic ) o r m onologue; about e i g h t p e r c e n t w ere v a r io u s c o m b in a tio n s o f n a r r a t i v e , d e s c r i p t i o n , m on ologu e, d i a l o g u e , op en comment, d i r e c t a d d r e s s , and e x p la n a t io n ; e i g h t p e r c e n t w ere e p it a p h s ; l e s s th a n o n e - h a l f o f one p e r c e n t w ere b u r le s q u e s o f o th e r v e r s e form s; and a b o u t t h r e e p er c e n t w ere o f o t h e r m is c e lla n e o u s t y p e s . W ith ou t i l l u s t r a t i n g e a c h ty p e o f v e r s e v e h i c l e u sed f o r i n d i r e c t s a t i r e , one may s t a t e b r o a d ly th e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r i c p o e t r y . The v e r s e i s m e t r i c a l l y r e g u la r a s a r u l e , th ou gh a H u d ib r a s tic r o u g h n e s s , p r o b a b ly i n t e n t i o n a l , a p p ea r s a t t im e s . Rime i s a lw a y s u s e d , th e rim e s b e in g som etim es f e m in in e , so m etim es d o u b le , som etim es com posed o f s y l l a b l e s o f two words m atched w it h ;th o se o f o n e , so m etim es i n t e r n a l , and a lm o st i n v a r i a b l y e x a c t . The rhythm and rim e p a t t e r n s a r e v a r ie d ; th e c a e s u r a i s v a r ie d ; and l i b e r a l u s e i s made o f r u n -o n l i n e s . The f i g u r e s o f sp e e c h a r e o r i g i n a l , c o n s i s t e n t , and a c c e p t a b l e , and th e th o u g h t flo w s s m o o th ly , l o g i c a l l y , and c l e a r l y , w it h r e a s o n a b le n a t u r a l n e s s o f e x p r e s s i o n . T h is i s n o t to s a y t h a t B i e r c e w r o te good p o e t r y . He d id n o t , e x c e p t in a v e r y few 3 60 i s o l a t e d I n s t a n c e s , and he n e v e r c la im e d to he a p o e t; h u t he d id w r i t e a c c e p t a b le v e r s e , v e r s e t h a t i s s u f f i c i e n t l y sm ooth , v a r i e d , n a t u r a l , c l e a r , and f a c i l e t o make i t w e l l s u i t e d t o i t s p u r p o s e , th e co n v e y a n c e o f s a t i r e . To i l l u s t r a t e th e adequ acy o f t h i s v e h i c l e one may s a f e l y ta k e a lm o st any poem t h a t B i e r c e e v e r w r o te . H ere i s an a t t a c k upon C o lo n e l J a c k so n i n th e form o f a q u o ted p r a y e r . I t was w r i t t e n d u r in g th e P r e s i d e n t i a l cam paign o f 1 8 8 4 , and i l l u s t r a t e s m ost o f th e q u a l i t i e s o f h i s v e r s e a lr e a d y m e n tio n e d , b e s i d e s su c h w e a k n e sse s a s th e im m ature, i r r e l e v a n t w humor° o f l i n e t h r e e i n th e f i r s t s t a n z a and th e clu m sy i n v e r s i o n o f l i n e t h r e e i n th e f o u r t h s ta n z a : The moon was g i l d i n g a l l th e v a le And C o lo n e l J a c k so n p r a y in g ; H is l i t t l e n i g h t s h i r t wagged i t s t a i l ; T h is seem ed w hat h e was s a y in g : 0 L ord, i f e v e r I n e g l e c t One Dem ocrat to s l a n d e r , Or m iss one term o f d i s r e s p e c t - - ’ S n eak , 1 1l i b e r t i n e , ' or 1 pander *; I f e ' e r w it h i n s u f f i c i e n t z e a l I s a y t h a t o n e ’s a p u r se t h i e f Y et do n o t make h i s m other f e e l That s h e ’ s a v e r y w orse t h i e f ; I f any l i e I ’ ve o v e r lo o k e d , Or c o a r s e c a lu m n ia tio n A foem an ’ s g o o se t h a t m ight have cooked On c o a l s o f d e fa m a tio n ; I f e ’e r I ’ ve f a i l e d th r o u g h f e e b l e h a t e To pour a str e a m o f mud o u t On ’ th e o p p o sin g c a n d i d a t e ' - - Or l e t th e v i l l a i n ' s b lo o d o u t; 3 6 1 F o r g iv e me mine im p e r f e c t a r t ' W herever my work i s s l a c k , Lord: For th ou gh my l i v e r ' s w h it e , my h e a r t - - Thou k n ow est i t i s "black, L o r d . 26 Of s p e c i a l m e r it among B i e r c e ' s v e h i c l e s o f i n d i r e c t v e r s e s a t i r e a r e th e e p ig r a m s, w h ich , d e s e r v e to he r e p r e s e n t e d by a few random e x a m p les: For t h o s e t h i s mausoleum i s e r e c t e d Who S ta n fo r d to th e Upper House e l e c t e d . T h e ir lu c k i s l e s s or t h e i r p ro m o tio n s lo w e r , F o r, d ea d , th e y w ere e l e c t e d to th e Lower. * * * H ere P o r t e r A she i s i n th e g r o u n d [j] G reen grow s th e g r a s s upon h i s mound. T h is p a tr o n o f t h e t u r f , I vow, N 'e r s e r v e d i t h a l f s o w e l l a s now. * * * H ere S ta n fo r d l i e s , who th o u g h t i t odd That he sh o u ld go to m eet h i s God. He lo o k e d , u n t i l h i s e y e s grew dim , For God to h a s t e n t o m eet h im .27 B ie r c e c o n s ig n e d h i s s a t i r e , b o th d i r e c t and i n d i r e c t , to a w id e v a r i e t y o f s p e c i f i c v e h i c l e s in b o th p r o se and v e r s e . The v e h i c l e s em ployed w ere s u f f i c i e n t l y a l t e r n a t e d w it h ea ch o th e r and v a r ie d w i t h i n th e m s e lv e s to be p l e a s i n g to c r i t i c a l r e a d e r s , and th e y w ere e n t i r e l y a d e q u a te f o r th e p u rp o se th e y were i n t e n ded to s e r v e . I f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e f a i l e d o r f e l l s h o r t o f g r e a t n e s s th e f a i l u r e or s h o r t-c o m in g was n o t due to th e m edia to w h ich i t was e n t r u s t e d . 26 " p r a t t l e ," Wasp, Aug. 27 A l l , C o l l e c t e d W orks, 2 , 1884. 5 0 7 6 , 3 8 I . CHAPTER I I THE SATIRIC DEVICES N o th in g i s so d i f f i c u l t i n a s tu d y o f th e s a t i r e o f Ambrose B ie r c e a s to i d e n t i f y and c l a s s i f y t h e d e v i c e s by -which th e a u th o r a c h ie v e d h i s s a t i r i c e f f e c t s . The d e v ic e s a r e som e tim e s so e l u s i v e , so v a r ie d i n a p p l i c a t i o n , and so in t e r m in g le d w it h one a n o th e r t h a t th e y d e f y i d e n t i f i c a t i o n . M oreover, some o f t h o s e t h a t c a n be I d e n t i f i e d a r e so r e l a t e d to or com bined w it h o t h e r d e v i c e s t h a t i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o know^what c a te g o r y t h e y sh o u ld be p la c e d . C o m p a r a tiv e ly s im p le , h o w ev e r, a r e th e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n and c l a s s i f i c a t i o n o f B i e r c e ' s i r o n y , w h ich i s s o im p o r ta n t an e le m e n t i n B i e r c e ' s p r o s e s a t i r e t h a t i t a p p ea rs on a lm o st e v e r y p age he e v e r w r o t e . Som etim es ir o n y was th e o n ly d e v ic e em ployed t o ev o k e s a t i r e ; b u t more o f t e n i t was g i v e n an e q u a l or o n ly i n c i d e n t a l f u n c t i o n a lo n g w it h o th e r d e v i c e s . Two ty p e s o f ir o n y , v e r b a l and S o c r a t i c , w ere em ployed by B i e r c e , b u t c h i e f l y h e u sed v e r b a l ir o n y , w h ich i n c lu d e s b o th ir o n y o f i n v e r s i o n and ir o n y o f u n d e r s ta te m e n t. I r o n y o f i n v e r s i o n was u sed v e r y w i d e l y by B i e r c e . Some body' h a v in g v o ic e d a b r a i n l e s s , h ig h - s o u n d in g s e n t im e n t , B ie r c e w ould q u o te i t and r e p l y , "That i s th e r i g h t s p i r i t , my s o n . . . , ” th e n go on t o a t t a c k th e s e n t im e n t , p erh ap s by means o f o th e r d e v i c e s . 1 He w ould i r o n i c a l l y d e f e r to o r com p lim ent a v i c t i m 1 " P r a t t l e , " Argo., Feb. 2 , 1878. 3 6 3 by th e i n s i n c e r e u s e o f t i t l e s and term s o f a d m ir a tio n , commenda t i o n , f r i e n d l i n e s s , o r en d ea rm en t, a s Mr. or D r ., th e R everen d or t h e R ig h t R ev eren d , th e H o n o r a b le, your R e v e r e n c e , n e ig h b o r , good f r i e n d , d e a r , my p r e c i o u s , and d a r l i n g . Of a s i l l y e x p la n a t i o n t h a t som eone g a v e, B ie r c e rem arked t h a t "one ca n o n ly g i v e i t s i l e n t and r e v e r e n t r e c o g n i t i o n . **2 He u sed th e -word " in t e llig e n t * * t o d e s c r i b e an a tte m p t t h a t had b e e n a n y th in g b u t i n t e l l i g e n t , and h e i r o n i c a l l y approved a b i t o f ja r g o n w it h t h e comment, **W ow, t h e r e i s so m e th in g in t h a t k in d o f w r i t i n g t h a t i s s i n g u l a r l y a f f e c t i n g . * ’3 And when p o e t a s t e r **J. M. * * a c c e n te d l u n a t i c on th e l a s t s y l l a b l e , B i e r c e w r o t e , I f 1J . M. ' w ere n o t so g r e a t a p o e t t h a t th e l i g h t o f h i s l e s s e r m e r it p a l e s i n th e b la z e o f h i s c a p i t a l renow n, h e would w in im p e r is h a b le honor i n t h e f i e l d o f p r o n u n c i a t io n .4 T y p ic a l o f B i e r c e ’s u s e o f th e ir o n y o f i n v e r s i o n a s a p rim ary s a t i r i c d e v ic e i n a somewhat s u s t a in e d a t t a c k a r e t h e s e ite m s on C oroner C. C. O’ D o n n e ll o f San F r a n c is c o and P r e s id e n t T heodore R o o s e v e lt , th e " lo n e c o n q u er o r o f S p a in : * * T hose v e r y humorous p e r s o n s who th o u g h t i t a f i n e p r a c t i c a l jo k e to ’v o t e f o r O’D o n n e l’ a r e , I h o p e , i n f u l l and ample en joym en t o f t h e i r p l e a s a n t r y . The a n t i c s o f t h i s b l a z i n g m aniac [ a s c o r o n e r ] a r e e n t e r t a i n i n g , no en d . H is l e a d in g a mob o f b orn a s s a s s i n s th ro u g h th e s t r e e t s , b r e a k in g th e b o n es o f C h in e s e , was j u s t to o fu n n y f o r a n y t h in g , and l o s t u s th e C h in e se M is s io n . I t i s s t r o n g l y s u s p e c te d t h a t h i s warm a d d r e s s to h i s p a r t i s a n s in San J o s e k in d le d th e z e a l o f th e ch ap who made t h e r e p e a te d e f f o r t s to com m unicate h i s a r d o r t o t h a t town th ro u g h th e medium o f m atch es and c o m b u s t ib l e s - - 2 I b i d . , Aug. 4 , 1 8 7 7 . 3 I b i d . , F eb . 1 6 , 1 878 . ^ " P r a ttle ,* * Wasp, J u ly 2 2 , 1 8 8 2 . S ' 564 a most am using p er fo r m a n c e. O’D o n n e ll ’ s r e f u s a l to h o ld i n q u e s t s , h i s p e c u l ia r manner o f c o n d u c tin g t h o s e he d o e s h o l d , h i s g e n e r a l r a s c a l i t y and u n i v e r s a l o f f e n s i v e n e s s , a r e j u s t to o a w f u lly s i d e s p l i t t i n g . But we a r e h a v in g to o much f u n — i t i s n o t good f o r u s . G ive us a s e r i o u s i n t e r v a l . I n s h o r t , l e t some of**lTunny dogs who w anted ’O’D o n n e ll f o r C o r o n e r ’ and g o t a good d e a l o f O’D o n n e ll and v e r y l i t t l e C oroner w r i t e o u t a p e t i t i o n f o r him t o b eh ave h i m s e l f , go ab ou t and g e t i n f l u e n t i a l s i g n a t u r e s , ap p roach him r e s p e c t f u l l y , put i t i n t o h i s hands and s h o o t him a s he r e a d s i t . 5 * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** W hile a u to m o b ilin g l a s t Sunday th e P r e s id e n t was p u rsu ed and h a lt e d by p o lic e m e n f o r e x c e e d in g th e sp eed l i m i t b u t , f o r t u n a t e l y f o r th e " p u b lic i n t e r e s t and th e p r o s p e c t s o f p e a c e i n M anchuria, e sc a p e d a r r e s t by m e n tio n in g h i s name and ra n k . I t i s e x p la in e d t h a t h e to o k th e m a tte r ’g o o d - n a t u r e d l y .’ R e a l l y , t h a t was a n o t a b le in s t a n c e o f m agnanim ity; one a lm o st w is h e s t h a t he had run o v e r a l i t t l e g i r l i n o rd er t h a t he m ight h a v e f o r g i v e n h e r . I t was an I n s t a n c e o f s e l f - p o s s e s s i o n , t o o . The o n ly f i n e r one t h a t I e v e r h eard o f i s t h a t o f a man owning a m u l e . 6 Ir o n y o f u n d e r s ta te m e n t, l e s s u sed by B ie r c e th an ir o n y o f i n v e r s i o n , i n v o l v e s th e e x p r e s s i o n o f th e a u t h o r ’ s tr u e v ie w p o in t w it h an i n s i n c e r e m ild n e s s , r e s e r v e , or r e s t r a i n t , a s when B i e r c e c o n d e s c e n d in g ly and p i t y i n g l y a d d r e ss e d a v i c t i m a s "u n- i n s t r u c t e d c o n tem p o ra ry ,* ’ or " i m p e r f e c t l y in form ed c o n tem p o ra ry .* ’ I r o n y o f u n d e r s ta te m e n t i s em ployed i n t h i s remark: I am bu t m ild ly enamored o f th e c l e r g y and o n ly i n d i f f e r e n t l y im p r essed w it h r e s p e c t f o r t h e m i l i t a n t p r o h i b i t i o n i s t s ; 7 5 I b i d . , June 1 5 , I 8 8 5 . 6 N .Y .A m ., June 2 2 , I 9 0 5 . 7 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, F eb . 2 8 , I 8 8 5 . 365 and a g a in In t h i s comment, made a f t e r some S u p e r v is o r had c o n ten d e d t h a t a c e r t a i n h i l l sh o u ld he p a id im m e d ia te ly and i t s l e g a l i t y i n v e s t i g a t e d a fte r w a r d s : Mr. A shw orth i s a s r i g h t as a p r e a c h e r : th e h i l l s sh o u ld f i r s t he p a id , th e c o n t r a c t th e n exam in ed , and l a s t o f a l l i t m ight he p ru d en t t o a s c e r t a i n i f any work h a s h een d o n e . 8 U s u a lly t h i s d e v ic e was em ployed o n ly as a means o f d e l i v e r i n g an i n c i d e n t a l f i l l i p ; h u t in a t t a c k i n g a Mr. E w ing, o f th e Lower House o f C o n g r e ss , f o r some s ta te m e n t a h o u t money, B i e r c e u s e s ir o n y o f u n d e r s ta te m e n t a s a p r i n c i p a l d e v i c e , and he u s e s i t c u m u la t iv e ly : I do n o t sa y t h a t t h i s s im p le v iew o f th e m a tte r i s i n c o r r e c t ; I s a y i t i s uncommon. I do n o t a f f i r m th e a u t h o r 's u n f a m i l i a r i t y w it h h i s t o r y ; I p e r c e iv e t h a t h i s t o r i a n s h a v e m isu n d e rsto o d e v e n t s . I do n o t c h a r g e t h a t h i s d i s c o u r s e i s la c k in g i n s e n s e , but he w i l l n o t h i m s e l f deny t h a t i t i s e lo q u e n t . And f i n a l l y , w h ile I am f a r from a s s e r t i n g t h a t Mr. Ewing i s a f o o l , I a v e r and c a n p ro v e t h a t h e i s a member o f C o n g r e s s .9 T hen, t o o , i r o n i c u n d e r s ta te m e n t p la y e d an Im p ortan t p a r t i n B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e o f c r im in a l or b r u t a l a c t s . B ie r c e alw ays seem ed t o ta k e a m orbid d e l i g h t i n s h o c k in g p e o p le by a c a lm , m a t t e r - o f - f a c t d i s c u s s i o n or d e s c r i p t i o n o f .gruesome c r im e s or d e a t h s . He seem ed t o a d m in is t e r t h e s e macabre h i t s o f w r i t i n g t o h i s p u b lic to c o u n t e r a c t th e s e n t i m e n t a l i t y and s a c c h a r i n i t y t h a t h e saw e v ery w h ere ah ou t him and to s a t i r i z e th e h o r r i b l e b r u t a l i t i e s t h a t o c c u r r e d among s u p p o s e d ly c i v i l i z e d p e o p le . 8 I b l d - * F e b * i 8 8 5 - 9 4 1 P r a t t l e , 1 f Argo,. May 1 7 , 1 8 79. 3 6 6 The s a t i r e i n t h i s s o r t o f w r i t i n g was a c h ie v e d by v a r io u s d e v i c e s , bu t in la r g e m easure by ir o n y o f u n d e r s ta te m e n t. In t h e f o l l o w i n g ite m one may s e e th e e f f e c t i v e n e s s o f t h i s d e v i c e . I n k i l l i n g th e r e v e r e n d Mr. B ord en , th e R ev. Mr. J e n k in s o f M a n s f ie ld , L o u sia n a , seem s t o h a v e p erform ed an a c t t h a t i s i m p e r f e c t l y c o n s i s t e n t w it h h i s sa c r e d c a l l i n g . He m ight h a v e rebuked h i s b r o th e r w it h a l e s s b i t t e r s e v e r i t y th a n i s in d ic a t e d by ’ one s h o t in th e l e g , one i n th e h e a r t , s h a t t e r i n g h i s w a tc h , and one i n th e f o r e h e a d , j u s t b e tw e en th e e y e s . 1 I f Mr. B orden t r i f l e d w it h Mr. J e n k i n s ' s s w e e t h e a r t , a s t h a t e s t im a b le young woman had th e fr a n k n e s s t o c o n f e s s , i t i s h a r d ly p o s s i b l e to o v e r e s t im a t e th e g r a v i t y o f h i s o f f e n s e u n l e s s sh e was p r e t t y . S t i l l , i t seem s a s i f a s e n s e o f h i s s i n m ight h a v e b e e n im p a rted t o him w it h o u t b r e a k in g h i s w a tch . Hor do I d i s c e r n th e p u rp o se o f th e s h o t i n th e f o r e h e a d , ' j u s t b e tw e e n th e e y e s ' - - t h e one i n th e l e g h a v in g d o u b t le s s a lr e a d y d i s a b le d th e r e c i p i e n t o f t h a t fa v o r and th e one i n th e h e a r t h a v in g g iv e n him th e coup de g r stc e . In s h o r t th e R ev. Mr. J e n k i n s ' s p io u s z e a l Tn l a b o r in g w it h h i s r e c r e a n t c o -s h e p h e r d a p p ea rs t o h a v e c a r r ie d him t o a c e n s u r a b le extrem e and s e r i o u s l y im p aired h i s u s e f u l n e s s a s a c h i l d o f l i g h t . I t i s to be hoped t h a t h i s c o n g r e g a t io n may mark t h e i r s e n s e o f t h e im p r o p r ie ty o f h i s c o n d u c t by s u s t a i n i n g an ir o n s i l e n c e when h e k n e e ls in th e p u l p i t and a s k s th e Lord to s a n c t i f y t h a t l a s t s h o t to th e s o u l o f th e d e c e a s e d . S o c r a t i c ir o n y , or ir o n y o f m anner, l i k e v e r b a l ir o n y , was f o r B ie r c e an im p o r ta n t means o f a c h i e v i n g s a t i r e . E s s e n t i a l t o ir o n y o f manner i s a seem in g in n o c e n c e o f p u r p o se , w h ich i s a c h ie v e d by th e u s e o f su c h d is a r m in g e x p r e s s i o n s a s may s u g g e s t on th e p a r t o f th e a u th o r an a t t i t u d e o f f a i r n e s s , c a n d o r , r e c e p t i v e n e s s , s u s p e n s io n o f ju d gm en t, c o n c e s s i o n , and th e l i k e . R e p e a te d ly B ie r c e a c h ie v e d or m a in ta in e d th e i r o n i c p o se by su ch e x p r e s s i o n s a s a,T ru e," ” 1 b e l i e v e , 1 " ,3I t i s th o u g h ^ ,” ’ "On th e w h o le ” 10 Prat t i e , ” Wasp, June 2 3 , 1 8 8 3. V 367 1,I v e n tu r e to t h in k ," "I b eg to s u b m it , 0 and " i t i s a d m it t e d . 0 B ie r c e f r e q u e n t l y u sed th e p o se th u s a c h ie v e d to d e c e iv e h i s r e a d e r s i n p r e p a r a t io n f o r a s u r p r i s e tu r n o r e n d in g . He w ould f e i g n b e l i e f , a c c e p t a n c e , c o n c e s s i o n , i m p a r t i a l i t y , c a n d o r , or th e l i k e f o r a b r i e f s e n t e n c e or tw o , th e n s h a t t e r th e i l l u s i o n w it h a su d d en r e v e r s a l o f th o u g h t th&t w ould c o n v e r t a s im p le , d i r e c t s t a t e m e n t i n t o s a t i r e . T hus, i n com m enting w it h seem in g f a v o r upon a c e r t a i n b oo k , B ie r c e c o n c lu d e d , . . .1 c a n n o t h e lp t h in k in g i t w i l l l i v e f o r p o s t e r i t y when yon d er S h a k e sp ea r e s h a l l h a v e b e e n thumbed t o r a g s . 11 S im ilarly he w r o te w it h seem in g can d o r o f a c e r t a i n s c i e n t i f i c e x p e r im e n t, e i t h e r r e a l or in v e n te d : A F ren ch s c i e n t i s t h a s b e e n t e s t i n g th e e f f e c t o f v a r io u s k in d s o f a l c o h o l i c d r in k s on a p i g , w h ich he k e e p s dead drunk m ost o f th e tim e . S im ila r e x p e r i m ents a r e to be made h e r e , and D i r e c t o r Van S c h a ic k h a s , I u n d e r s ta n d , a p p lie d f o r th e p o s i t i o n o f p i g . ^ And a g a in , C y n ic s who h o ld t h a t t h i s a g e p ro d u ces no r e a l l y g r e a t men a r e c o v e r e d w it h c o n f u s io n a s w it h a garm ent: Y a le h a s d is c o v e r e d a m a tc h le s s p u n t e r .1^ Do t h e s e b r i e f p o s e s c o n s t i t u t e ir o n y o f manner? C e r t a i n l y n o t a s one f i n d s i t in "The S h o r t e s t Way w ith D i s s e n t e r s , 0 "l; M odest P r o p o s a l," or G u l l i v e r ' s T r a v e ls ; bu t i t seem s t o be an a b b r e v i a t e d form o f th e same t h i n g . U s u a lly B ie r c e em ployed th e b r i e f i r o n i c p o s e , a s i l l u s - tra ted ^ in p r e p a r a tio n f o r a sudden r e v e r s e in th o u g h t; b u t 11 " P r a t t l e ," Argo., Jan. 12, I 8 7 8 . 3-2 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, A p r il 3 0 , 1881. N.Y.Am., S e p t. 22, 1 9 0 5 . 36 8 o c c a s i o n a l l y h e w r o te an ite m t h a t d id n o t end w it h t h e cu sto m a ry r e v e r s e , t h a t was o n ly m ild ly s a t i r i c and more th an h a l f humorous and t h a t seem ed i r o n i c i n manner d e s p i t e o b v io u s i n s t a n c e s o f v e r b a l ir o n y t h e r e i n . Such a p o se i s found i n t h i s p a r a g r a p h , w h e r e in B i e r c e commented upon an e x p l a n a t i o n o f f e r e d , p resu m ab ly i n c o u r t , by a c e r t a i n San F r a n c is c a n f o r h i s s t r a n g e b e h a v io r : I t i s g r e a t l y to be r e g r e t t e d t h a t Mr. R ob ert N e w e ll, o f G eary s t r e e t [ s i c ] , sh o u ld have c h e r is h e d th e c o n v i c t i o n t h a t i t was e x p e d ie n t to 'c h a s e h i s w i f e ou t o f th e h o u se and a lo n g th e road f o r am u sem en t.' As r e c r e a t i o n , th e p u r s u i t o f a w i f e a lo n g a p u b lic h igh w ay i s u n d e n ia b ly s u p e r i o r to m ost o f t h e o th e r m anly s p o r t s to w h ich our l o c a l a t h l e t e s a r e a d d ic t e d , but i t i n t e r r u p t s t r a v e l and i s l i k e l y to f r i g h t e n h o r s e s , a s Mr. N e w e ll was rem inded by th e o f f i c e r who a r r e s t e d him . .At c e r t a i n h o u rs and in some o f th e l e s s fr e q u e n te d s i d e - s t r e e t s i t m ig h t, w ith o u t s e r i o u s p u b lic in c o n v e n ie n c e , b e p e r m it t e d , b u t u n d er any c ir c u m s t a n c e s , i t w ould be b e t t e r t o c h a se a n o th e r m an's w i f e . The s p o r t would be ta m er, f o r sh e would n o t be so h ard t o c a t c h , bu t th e q u e s t io n s what t o do w it h h e r when c a u g h t and how to l e t h e r go would open a f i n e f i e l d f o r th e d i s p l a y o f judgm ent, and a d v a n ce th e game o f w i f e - r u n n in g t o th e f r o n t ran k o f I n t e l l e c t u a l p u r s u i t s .1 4 I r o n y o f manner i n i t s b e s t t r a d i t i o n a l form , h o w ev er, i s l o n g - s u s t a i n e d , s e e m in g ly in n o c e n t o f d e s i g n , and n e v e r d iv u lg e d . Such i s th e ir o n y o f t i e r c e ' s Land Beyond th e B lo w ,” w h e r e in th e t r a v e l e r , in n o c e n t and c u r i o u s , g o e s from r ea lm to r e a lm , o b s e r v i n g s o c i a l c u s to m s , econom ic s y s t e m s , m oral s y s t e m s , and g o v e r n m e n ts, a s k in g q u e s t i o n s , and t e l l i n g th e p e o p le whom he m eets o f h i s own c o u n tr y . Through a lo n g s u c c e s s i o n o f s e e m in g ly in n o c e n t o b s e r v a t i o n s , q u e r i e s , r e p l i e s , and d e s c r i p t i o n s , w h e r e in th e r e a d e r i s s t im u la t e d c o n s t a n t l y t o make c o m p a riso n s and c o n t r a s t s b e tw e e n t h in g s a s th e y a r e i n th e book and t h in g s a s th e y a r e i n ’ " P r a t t l e ,*1 Wasp, A p r il k, 1 8 8 5 . 369 r e a l i t y , th e a u th o r d e v e lo p s a m e r c i l e s s , s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m o f modern s o c i e t y . T h is i s w hat W o r c e ste r c a l l s * * in g e n u s a t i r e , * ’ th e p h r a se h a v in g b e e n s u g g e s te d t o him by V o l t a i r e ' s i r o n i c c o n t e p h i lo s o p h iq u e , L' I n g e n u . ^ "The Land Beyond th e Blow*’ i s r e l a t e d i n th e f i r s t p e r s o n , th e a u th o r h i m s e l f p o s in g a s th e in g e n u . A s a t i r i c d e v ic e u sed o n ly o c c a s i o n a l l y by B ie r c e was b u r l e s q u e , w h ich h e em ployed i n b o th th e p a r o d ic and th e n a r r a t i v e and d ra m a tic form s. The b u r le s q u e p a r o d ie s a r e s im p le and b r i e f and a r e s k i l l f u l l y and a r t i s t i c a l l y d on e. They i n c lu d e b o th p r o s e and v e r s e , and th e y s e r v e v e ry w e l l to r i d i c u l e th e p a r t i c u l a r p e r s o n s or th e g e n e r a l l i t e r a r y form s t h a t th e y i m i t a t e . The c h i e f a u x i l i a r i e s o f b u r le s q u e i n t h e s e p a r o d ie s a r e m im icry , e x a g g e r a t io n , and i n c o n g r u i t y . B i e r c e ' s e f f e c t i v e n e s s i n th e u se o f p arod y i s t o be s e e n i n h i s in v e n te d e x c e r p t s from p o p u la r n ovels,1' ? ’ w h e r e in he b u r le s q u e d th e s lu s h y s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , a f f e c t a t i o n , i m p r o b a b ilit y , and bad a r t i s t r y o f th e p o p u la r n o v e l by c o n c e n t r a t i n g and e x a g g e r a t in g t h e s e q u a l i t i e s . S i m i l a r l y he b u r le sq u e d th e p l a t i t u d e s , v a g a r i e s , a f f e c t e d p i e t y , p r e su m p tio n , i l l o g i c i t y , c l i c h e s , and m annerism s o f a g r e a t body o f p r e a c h e r s by a s e r m o n e tte o f h i s own, i n w h ic h t h e s e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a r e f e a t u r e d w ith mock s e r i - . o u s n e s s . 1^ A g a in , u s in g in c o n g r u it y and i m i t a t i o n a s th e c h i e f im p lem en ts o f h i s b u r le s q u e , h e s a t i r i z e d th e em p ty, e u l o g i s t i c o r a t o r y o f th e C ongressm en w ith a l l i t s g r a n d io s e p r e t e n s e , i t s i 6 D avid W o r c e s te r , The A rt o f S a t i r e , pp. 1 0 2 f f . ! 7 V id e su p r a , p . 2 0 2 . 18 , " P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, F eb. 3 , 18 8 2 . 370 i t s f a u l t y f i g u r e s o f s p e e c h , i t s i n s i n c e r i t y and e x a g g e r a t io n , i t s m e a n in g le s s and a n t i c l i m a c t i c g e n e r a l i a a t i o n s , i t s t r i t e p h r a s e s , i t s n a t i o n a l i s t i c e g o tis m , and i t s s e n t i m e n t a l i t y i n th e f o l l o w i n g ^ e lo q u e n t p a s s a g e from a c o n g r e s s i o n a l e u lo g y on a dead member: 0 W h e r e fo r e , Mr. S p e a k e r , th e h a l l s o f l e g i s l a t i o n a r e t o - d a y a g u l f o f d ark d e s p a i r , upon w hose k e y s to n e s ta n d s th e A n g el o f Sorrow u t t e r i n g an a p p r o p r ia te s e n t im e n t . So i t i s t h a t to d a y C olum b ia w ea rs upon h e r s i e e v e in th e s i g h t o f h e a v e n and e a r t h th e c u s tom ary badge o f m ourning. So i t i s t h a t th r o u g h o u t th e l e n g t h and g r e a t e r b r e a d th o f t h i s la n d o f th e f r e e we h e a r th e w a i l o f a s t r i c k e n p e o p l e - - t h e n o te o f c o n s i d e r a b l e p u b lic a f f l i c t i o n . We h e a r i t i n e v e r y murmur o f th e p in e s o f M aine, i n e v e r y w h is p e r o f th e b lu e g r a s s o f K en tu ck y, i n e v e r y th u n d er o u s r e v e r b e r a t i o n from th e c a t a r a c t s t o th e G u lf Stream* And y e t , Mr. S p ea k er , t o t h e u n aid ed ey e a l l i s a s i t was b e f o r e th e hand o f d e a th s te p p e d i n . I n d u s tr y p la c e s h i s v a r io u s im p le m e n ts, Commerce a d v a n ce s h e r b an n ers on e v e r y s e a and th e G reat L a k es, and A g r ic u lt u r e f l i e s w it h a f r e e w in g . The p o e t ’b u i l d s t h e l o f t y rhyme *. . . [ e t c . e t c .] 1 9 E m p loyin g th e a d d i t i o n a l a u x i l i a r i e s o f i m i t a t i v e and i m p lic a t o r y s p e l l i n g and d i c t i o n , B ie r c e b u r le sq u e d th e t y p i c a l p o l i t i c a l demagogue i n th e f o l lo w in g ^ L i t t l e Johnny0 e x c e r p t , w h e r e in th e a m b i t i o u s - t o - b e - k i n g " b u t t i g o t e ” sp e a k s t o h i s f e l l o w s : 'Look a round you and s e e how you s u f f e r ! I n q u ie r , s tu d d y , i n v e s s i g a t e , an be come s c u s b l e o f y u r e m izzery I Wy d o n ’ t no more s i r c u s s e s com e, so you c a n e a t th e b i g b u t i f l e p o s t e r s c ? Wot h a s w ent w it h o l th e p ap er c o l l a r s an th e h oop s k e r t s w ic h u s e t o e n r i t c h th e v a c a n t l o t s l i k e g r a p e s upon t h e v i n e s or w e a t i n th e f e e l d ? Hoo made th e s h a p r e l o l c u t down an th e b r i e r s c le a r e d a way? Wy h a s th e yumans sto p p e d w e a r in k id g lu v e s an to o k to dog s k in ? F e l l e r s l a v e s , how lo n g do you mean t o su b m it t o s e c h a t r a n i c l e d e s p i t ? ’ 20 ^ 'p assin g Show, 0 S .F . E x ., A p r il 8 , 190 0 . 20 0 L i t t i e J o h n n y ,” S .F .E x ., March 1 1 , 189*1-. 371 An i n s t a n c e o f B i e r c e ' s v e r s e p a ro d y i s "The Mormon Q u e s tio n By J_qu_n M _ ll_ r ," i n w h ich B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d t h e c o n t e n t and manner o f J o a q u in M i l l e r ' s p o e t r y : I s a i d I w i l l sh ake m y s e lf o u t o f my c l o t h e s , I w i l l r o l l up my s l e e v e s , I w i l l s p i t on my hands (The hands t h a t I k i s s e d t o th e sun i n th e la n d s To t h e n o r t h , t o t h e e a s t , t o th e s o u t h , and th e w e s t Of e v e r y s e a t h a t i s under th e s u n ) , I w i l l go to t h e la n d t h a t th e G e n t il e l o a t h e s As he g a t h e r s h i s one sm a ll w i f e t o h i s b r e a s t And c u r s e s and l o a t h e s t i l l h i s l i f e i s done. I w i l l go t o t h e p l a c e o f th e Mormon: th e p l a c e Where th e j a c k a s s r a b b i t i s f i r s t i n th e r a c e And th e w oodchuck c h a t t e r s i n m e a n in g le s s g l e e - - C h a tte r s and t w i s t s a l l h i s m a r v e lo u s f a c e — T w is ts i t and c h a t t e r s and l o o k s l i k e me. And I r o s e i n th e s t r o n g e s t s t r e n g t h o f my s t r e n g t h , W ith my b r e a s t o f b r a s s and my h a i r ' s f u l l l e n g t h , And I sh ook m y s e lf o u t o f my c l o t h e s i n t h e la n d Of th e Mormons, and s t o o d t h e r e and k i s s e d my h a n d .21 B i e r c e ' s n a r r a t i v e and d r a m a tic b u r le s q u e was l e s s em p lo y e d th a n p a ro d y . N ever c o m p lic a te d o r s u s t a i n e d l i k e Hud- i b r a s , G a rg a n tu a , Don Q u ix o te , o r The B e g g a r 's O pera, i t i s c o m p a r a t iv e ly sim p le and b r i e f . I t i s t y p i c a l l y i n th e form o f a p o e t i c , d r a m a tic n a r r a t i v e w h e r e in th e s a t i r e i s a c h ie v e d m a in ly by e x a g g e r a t i o n , d i s t o r t i o n , lu d ic r o u s i n v e n t i o n , and a t h i n l y d i s g u i s e d f l i p p a n c y or i r r e v e r e n c e o f manner i n t r e a t i n g w hat t o some one i s a m a tte r o f s e r i o u s n e s s , b u t i s i n t r i n s i c a l l y t r i v i a l o r ab su r d . Such i s th e p l a y l e t "A Bad N i g h t , "22 w h ic h i s a b u r le s q u e on th e p erfo rm a n ce o f c e r t a i n r i d i c u l o u s m agic r i t e s by S a r a h A lt h e a H i l l (S h aron ? ) a t an op en g r a v e i n th e M asonic C em etery, i n t h e 21 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 :3 0 4 22 I b i d . , 5 : 3 6 2 - 7 0 . 372 / s p r in g o f I 8 8 3 , a s a means o f w in n in g th e lo v e o f W illia m S h aron , th e m i l l i o n a i r e s i l v e r k in g , h a n k e r, and u n i t e d S t a t e s S e n a t o r - - whom sh e was s u in g f o r d i v o r c e . A s a t i r i c d e v ic e e x t e n s i v e l y em ployed by B i e r c e was im - p l i c a t i o n - - i m p l i c a t i o n , o f c o u r s e , o f th e r i d i c u l o u s o r a b su r d , f o r i m p l i c a t i o n i s n o t o f i t s e l f n e c e s s a r i l y s a t i r i c . I m p li c a t i o n o f th e r i d i c u l o u s was e f f e c t e d i n s e v e r a l w a y s. Som etim es i t was a c h ie v e d by f a l s e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n w it h so m e th in g commonly th o u g h t o f a s p o s s e s s i n g c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s out o f k e e p in g or h a r mony w it h th e p r e t e n t i o n s o r r e p u t a t i o n o f th e p e r s o n un der a t t a c k , as when B ie r c e c a l l e d th e male s o c i e t y e d i t o r o f th e C h r o n ic le a woman, or when h e rem arked o f W illia m C u lle n B ryan t, },who i f n e v e r a v e r y g r e a t p o e t i s now a v e r y o ld woman,” t h a t h i s tem p era n ce l e c t u r e s w ere th e b e s t work he had done " s in c e h i s muse became a g ra n d m o th er. ” 2^ C l o s e l y s i m i l a r t o i m p l i c a t i o n by i d e n t i f i c a t i o n i s i m p l i c a t i o n by s e e m in g ly i n c i d e n t a l c l a s s i f i c a t i o n w it h t h in g s o f a n a tu r e so f o r e i g n t o th e o b j e c t c l a s s i f i e d w it h them a s t o be r i d i c u l o u s . T h is d e v ic e was u sed when th e s a t i r i s t e x p la in e d a p e r io d o f i n a t t e n t i o n to th e l o c a l '"poets” by s a y in g he had n e g l e c t e d them b e c a u se h e "had o th e r f o o l s to f r y . ” He u sed th e same method o f i m p l i c a t i o n when h e sp ok e o f "men, women, and o th e r c a t t l e , " and a g a in when h e sp oke o f " q u ie t in g b a b ie s w it h s o o t h in g s y r u p s , p a r e g o r i c , T h a n a t o p s is , and s i m i l a r n a r c o t i c s . " 23 " P r a t t l e , ” A rgo., S e p t. 22, 1877. O fte n th e r i d i c u l o u s n a tu r e o f so m e th in g was im p lie d by p o i n t i n g o u t some e x i s t i n g p a r a l l e l a b s u r d it y or by i n v e n t i n g some su ch p a r a l l e l . The s a t i r i s t d id n o t o p e n ly sa y t h a t A was as f o o l i s h a s B, e l s e th e d e v i c e w ould h a v e b e e n d i r e c t co m p a riso n ; h e m erely a s s e n t e d , som etim es t a c i t l y , to th e a b s u r d it y to be r i d i c u l e d , th e n p ro p o sed so m e th in g a n a lo g o u s t h a t was so p a t e n t l y ab su rd and so s i m i l a r to t h a t w h ich was i r o n i c a l l y or t a c i t l y a c c e p te d t h a t th e a b s u r d it y would be a u t o m a t i c a l l y t r a n s f e r r e d t o th e f i r s t s u b j e c t . The i r o n ic p o se seem s t o b e a p a r t o f t h i s a u x i l i a r y o f i m p l i c a t i o n , f o r th e a u th o r p r e te n d e d , th ou gh p erh ap s n o t v e r y s u b t l y , t o a c c e p t b o th th e o r i g i n a l a b s u r d it y and th e a n a lo g o u s o n e . S o, when th e new C a l i f o r n i a S t a t e C o n s t i t u t i o n was b e in g d r a f t e d in th e f a l l o f 1 8 7 8 and p e o p le w ere u r g in g a l l s o r t s o f f o o l i s h id e a s f o r i n c l u s i o n i n t o i t , B ie r c e i r o n i c a l l y u rged th e i n c l u s i o n o f a few p r o v i s i o n s o f h i s own, w h ic h by t h e i r own r i d i c u l o u s n e s s im p lie d th e p e t t i n e s s , i r r e l e v a n c e , and a b s u r d it y o f th e s i m i l a r id e a s urged by o t h e r s . 24 He im p lie d th e r i d i c u l o u s n e s s o f p o p u la r new sp ap er s t o r i e s ab ou t n e e d l e s w o rk in g t h e i r way th r o u g h th e f l e s h o f th e body by t e l l i n g , w ith a p p r o p r ia te s e r i o u s n e s s and e l a b o r a t i o n , o f a p e r s o n a l a c q u a in ta n c e o f h i s who, h a v in g sw a llo w ed a handfCL o f c a t e r p i l l a r s , so o n b egan to b lo s so m f o r t h from e y e s , n o s e , m outh, h a i r , and r i b s wth e m ost g o r g e o u s b u t t e r f l i e s i m a g in a b l e .2 5 He s a t i r i z e d th e r e l i g i o u s 24 I b i d . , O ct. 1 9 , 1878. 2 5 4 1 P ra t t i e / ' Wasp, May 1 4 , 1 881. -374 b e l i e f t h a t man i s th e c e n t e r o f th e u n iv e r s e and t h a t a l l t h in g s w ere c r e a t e d f o r h i s u s e or e d i f i c a t i o n by a r g u in g , a c c o r d in g to th e r e a s o n in g o f th e Dog, t h a t t h a t a n im a l was ‘ "the r o o f and crown o f t h i n g s , ” s e r v e d e v e n by m a n . 26 L ik e w is e , by th e s i l k h a t p a r a l— M e l , he s a t i r i z e d th e c o n t e n t i o n o f some churchm en t h a t , s i n c e I n d ia and C hina w ere n o t C h r i s t i a n n a t i o n s , C h r i s t i a n i t y e x p la in e d th e d ev elo p m en t o f s c i e n c e i n t h e O c c id e n t: s i n c e th e s i l k h a t was n o t worn i n A s ia or A f r ic a and s i n c e in a l l th e c o u n t r i e s w here i t i s worn s c i e n c e h as ta k e n r o o t , t h e r e f o r e , th e s i l k h a t i s th e c a u s e o f th e s c i e n t i f i c d i s c o v e r i e s o f th e w e s t e r n h e m is p h e r e . 27 A f a v o r i t e method o f i m p l i c a t i o n w it h B ie r c e was s t r a i g h t forw ard a s s e r t i o n , a s th ou gh i t w ere h i s main th o u g h t, o f a v ie w p o i n t , o p in io n , o b s e r v a t i o n , or comment t h a t was r e a l l y s u b o r d in a te t o an im p lie d id e a s e r v in g a s th e r& iso n d 1e t r e fo r th e e n t i r e s e n t e n c e or p a ra g ra p h . T hus, o s t e n s i b l y , th e a u th o r was i n t e r e s t e d i n th e s e x o f a n g e ls i n th e f o l l o w i n g rem ark, th ou gh r e a l l y , and o b v i o u s l y , h i s p u rp o se was t o im p ly t h a t th e Tammany p o l i t i c i a n s w ere d e v i l s : The more S c u lp t o r Borglum s t u d i e s Tammany p o l i t i c s , th e more s t e a d f a s t l y grows h i s c o n v i c t i o n s t h a t th e a n g e ls a r e f e m a l e . 2o The f o l l o w i n g ite m i f ta k e n f o r no more than i t p r e te n d s to be i s m e a n in g le s s , b u t r e a l l y i t s e r v e s a d m ir a b ly t o im p ly , i n a 26 ”P r a t t i e , ” Wasp, A p r il 1 4 , 18 8 2 . 2 7 ” P ra t t i e , ” A r g o S e p t. 2 1 , I 8 7 8 . 28 N .Y .A m ., Nov. 8 , I 9 O5 . 375 h a l f - f a c e t i o u s and b a n t e r in g m anner, t h a t C h a r le s A. Dana was i r r e t r i e v a b l y damned and h e ll^ b o u n d : I n a c o n s p ic u o u s h e a d l i n e th e e d i t o r o f th e _N. If. Sun i n q u i r e s : ‘ I s t h e r e a H e l l ? ’ Ten thou san d y e a r s from now he w i l l - b e c o n s u l t i n g th e dim t a b l e t s o f h i s memory by f i r e l i g h t f o r answ er to th e q u e s t io n : Was t h e r e e v e r a n y th in g e lse. 29 In th e f o l l o w i n g comment B ie r c e was n o t c o n cern ed w it h th e p r o p r i e t y o f S e n a to r P e r r y ’s a c t i o n i n v o t i n g f o r a c e r t a i n b i l l , b u t he w ish ed m erely to im p ly t h a t th e S e n a to r was a f e e b le - m in d e d c h i l d : I t may or may n o t b e e x p e d ie n t f o r th e s t a t e t o e s t a b l i s h a home f o r fe e b le -m in d e d c h i l d r e n , b u t a t l e a s t i t was Im proper o f S e n a to r P er ry to v o t e on th e b i l l : he had to o d i r e c t a p e r s o n a l i n t e r e s t i n th e r e s u l t .3 0 And, f i n a l l y , in t h i s p aragrap h B i e r c e was n o t r e a l l y i n t e r e s t e d i n t r y i n g t o e x c u s e th e la d y and g e n t l y reprim and th e ju d g e: I n a New York p o l i c e c o u r t , th e o t h e r d a y , a w e l l - known a c t r e s s was ask ed h e r m aiden name and was u n a b le to .answ er. I t i s n o t a lw a y s e a s y t o r e c o l l e c t m a tte r s p e r t a i n i n g t o o n e 's e a r l y c h ild h o o d , and th e ju d ge s h o u ld h a v e b e e n c o n t e n t w it h a s c e r t a i n i n g what was th e l a d y ' s name a t th e tim e sh e was m a r r i e d .f l The n a r r a t io n o f an o b v io u s f a ls e h o o d was a n o th e r means o f im p ly in g a c r i t i c i s m w it h s u b t l e t y , humor, and a c i d i t y . Som etim es th e f a ls e h o o d assum ed th e p r o p o r t io n o f a f u l l - f l e d g e d 2 9 ” P r a t t l e , ” A rg o . D ec. 2 2 , 1 8 7 7 . 3P ” P ra t t i e , * ' Wasp. March 1 4 , 188 5 . 3 1 ”P r a t t i e , ” A rg o .. Aug. 2 5 , 1 8 7 7 . 376 a n e c d o t e , as i n t h a t o f th e d e b to r who owed h i s c r e d i t o r one th o u sa n d j a c k a s s e s and o f f e r e d him W illia m G reer H a r r is o n i n p a y m e n t.52 U s u a l l y , h o w ev e r, th e f a ls e h o o d was o n ly ,a n i s o l a t e d a s s e r t i o n ab ou t som eone. Such was B i e r c e ' s comment on th e Southern- cu stom o f d e s i g n a t i n g tim e by su ch p h r a s e s a s " b e fo r e th e war" or " s in c e th e w ar;" s a id B i e r c e , The h a b i t i s n o t in d ig e n o u s ; i t i s im it a t e d from M iss S u san B . A n th on y, who p a r t s h e r e x p e r ie n c e i n th e m id d le o f t h e f f i r s t F ren ch R e v o l u t i o n .33 An in v e n te d f a ls e h o o d o f p i c t o r i a l n a tu r e becom es th e e f f e c t i v e in s tr u m e n t o f i m p l i c a t i o n i n B i e r c e ’ s r i d i c u l e o f th e S t . P a t r i c k ' s "poem" o f a l o c a l Mr. Henry Hogan. A f t e r q u o t in g a s t a n z a , B ie r c e rem arked, H avin g d is c h a r g e d h i s s p i r i t o f t h i s p r e d i c t i o n , Mr. Hogan d e p r e s s e d h i s w e a th e r e a r , l a b o r i o u s l y s c r a t c h e d th e b a s e o f i t w ith h i s h in d h o o f and t r a n q u i l l y e x p la in e d t h a t h e w ould now go down t o p o s t e r i t y . 34 F r e q u e n tly a c h i e f e le m en t o f th e o b v io u s f a ls e h o o d i s e x a g g e r a t i o n , th e p u rp o se o f w h ich i s to im p ly e x a g g e r a t io n or f a ls e h o o d on t h e p a r t o f a n o th e r . To s a t i r i z e th e p o l i t i c a l l i b e l c i r c u l a t e d by th e " H a lf-B reed " R e p u b lic a n s u p p o r te r s o f P r e s id e n t Hayes a g a i n s t th e h a te d " S ta lw a r t" R e p u b lic a n le a d e r from New Y ork, B ie r c e im p lie d th e e x tr e m e s to w h ic h th e " H a lf-B r e e d s" would go by t h i s e x a g g e r a tio n : I t i s now a s c e r t a i n e d by th e A d m in is t r a t io n organ s t h a t when S e n a to r C o n k lin g was a s c h o o l- b o y h e n e v e r fo r g a v e th e p la y -m a te who had b e a te n him a t any gam e, but w atched h i s o p p o r t u n it y , and c u t t i n g ou t th e p oor l i t t l e f& llo w 's h e a r t , a t e i t w it h an a i r o f p l a c i d s a t i s f a c t i o n . V id e su p r a , p . 3 5 2 . 33 " P r a t t l e , " A rg o ., Nov. 2 4 , 1 877. 3^ " P r a t t l e ," W asp, March 2 4 , 188 2 . 377 But th e ‘c h a r a c t e r i s t i c a n e c d o te ' ab ou t h i s le a d in g h i s f a t h e r th r o u g h th e s t r e e t s by th e s m a ll i n t e s t i n e i s b e l i e v e d t o be c o lo r e d by th e g o r g e o u s im a g in a tio n o f th e n a r r a t o r . 55 A n oth er means o f i m p l i c a t i o n was by s u g g e s t io n . I n u s in g t h i s method th e s a t i r i s t , w ith o u t d i r e c t l y a s s e r t i n g so m e th in g , s im p ly r a is e d a q u e s t io n or c a l l e d to th e mind o f th e r e a d e r an id e a t h a t im p lie d a s a t i r i c c r i t i c i s m o f som eone. S u g g e s t io n i s th e means o f i m p l i c a t i o n in t h i s comment upon t h e i n t e g r i t y o f a c e r t a i n con tem p o ra ry e d i t o r : The S h a s t a C o u r ie r s a y s a q u a r tz le d g e h a s b e e n d is c o v e r e d n e a r ” i t s tow n, w here th e d i s c o v e r e r s hammer o u t a pound o f g o ld p er day to th e man. Now i f S a ta n i s th e f a t h e r o f l i e s , what r e l a t i o n i s th e e d i t o r o f th e S h a s ta C o u r ie r t o S atan ?3o I m p li c a t io n was a l s o a c h ie v e d by s im p le m e c h a n ic a l m eans. When a r e v ie w e r s a i d o f a c e r t a i n book t h a t i t s argum ents w ere u n a n s w e r a b le , B i e r c e im p lie d by i t a l i c s th e l i m i t e d i n t e l l i g e n c e o f th e r e v ie w e r a s he r e p l i e d w it h i r o n i c c o u r t e s y , “Any w it h w h ic h y ou a r e a c q u a in te d , d e a r . ”!’? S p e l l i n g i m i t a t i v e o f p o p u la r d i c t i o n and p r o n u n c ia t io n in t h i s rem ark im p lie d th e v u l g a r i t y o f t h e p u b lic whom he a d d r e s s e d , and th e m e c h a n ic a l e x c la m a tio n p o in t im p lie d h i s own sc o r n : T e l l i g e n t , inieducated yuman b e e n g s , a r e y o u ? --K e r a te d i n t o th e nim age o f you r M aker!38 55 “P r a t t l e , * ’ A rg o ., Jan 2 6 , 1 878 . 38 I b i d . , Nov. 1 0 , 1 8 77. 31 " P r a t t l e , n A r g o May 1 9 , 1 8 7 7 . 3® I b i d . , June 2 3 , I 8 7 7 . 378 L ik e w is e he im p lie d t h a t h i s r e a d e r s w ere c h i l d r e n by a d d r e s s in g them i n v e r y s im p le words and d i v i d i n g w ith hyphens a l l w ords o f more th a n one s y l l a b l e : Y e s , my l i t - t i e r e a d - e r s , when a man who i s a -b o u t t o be pu t i n j a i l p r e - f e r s d e a th t o d is - h o n o r and b low s ou t h i s b r a in s he s e t s you a n o - b l e e x -a m p le . I t i s b e t - t e r to d i e th a n t o go to j a i l . Some p e o - p le p r o f e s s t o b e - l i e v e i t i s b e t - t e r t o d i e th a n t o d e - s e r v e t o go t o j a i l ; and th e y * a y t h a t a man who p r e - f e r s d e a th t o d is - h o n o r w i l l n o t w a it u n - t i l h e I s a -b o u t t o b e a r - r e s t - e d b u t w i l l blow h i s b r a in s ou t f i r s t and th e n s e e a -b o u t b e - i n g a t h i e f a f - t e r - w a r d s . Now, l i t t l e b oys and g i r l s , w hat do you t h in k a -b o u t i t y o u r - s e l v e s ? 3 9 He Im p lie d th e r a p a c i t y o f th e p r e s i d e n t o f th e C e n tr a l P a c i f i c R a ilr o a d by an I n g e n io u s s u b s t i t u t i o n o f c h a r a c t e r s ; i s l a n d S t a n f o r d a s e v e r y o n e d o e s , he made a s im p le p a ir o f q u o t a t io n marks im p ly th e s p u r io u s n e s s o f a commonly a c c e p te d v a lu e or th e i n c o r r e c t n e s s o f an e x p r e s s io n ; and h e im p lie d t h a t G. J . C a r p e n te r and ¥ . P. Humphreys w ere t h i e v e s in t h i s sim p le m e c h a n ic a l arran gem en t o f t h e i r names in r e s p e c t to t h a t o f A tto r n e y ¥ . ¥ . P o o t e , t h e i r s a v io r : C H A F U G -R -J ¥ -0 -¥ ¥-M -P 39 1 1 Prat t i e , S . P . E x . , May 4 , 1890. *0 I b i d . , O ct. 21, 1888. 41 1 ,P r a t t l e , w ¥ a s p , June 9 , 1 8 8 3 . 379 Thus i m p l i c a t i o n , a f f e c t e d i n a v a r i e t y o f "ways, was w ith B ie r c e an e f f e c t i v e and w id e ly u sed d e v ic e f o r d i r e c t i n g r i d i c u l e upon th e o b j e c t s o f h i s a v e r s i o n . P rom inent a l s o in B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e i s th e d e v ic e o f com p a r i s o n , i n u s in g w h ich th e s a t i r i s t a s s e r t s a s i m i l a r i t y b e tw een A, th e o b j e c t o f h i s a t t a c k , and B, so m e th in g w h ic h i s i n h e r e n t l y r i d i c u l o u s or w h ich becom es so i n c o n n e c t io n w it h A. The t r a n s f e r o f th e c o n c e p t io n o f r i d i c u l o u s n e s s from B to A i s e f f e c t e d e x p l i c i t l y . U s u a l l y , b u t n o t n e c e s s a r i l y , th e c o m p a r iso n i s i n th e form o f a s i m i l e . Such co m p a riso n i s th e d e v ic e em ployed i n th e f o l lo w in g a tte m p t t o d i s c r e d i t th e p ro p o sed * !g o l o i d ! M d o l l a r , n o t by e x p o s in g th e d e m e r its o f t h a t c o n te m p la te d c r e a t i o n , b u t by overw h elm in g th e r e a d e r ' s r e a s o n by a f e l i c i t o u s c o m p a riso n w i t h th e p a t e n t l y r i d i c u l o u s and d ep en d in g upon th e c o n tin u a n c e o f th e f e e l i n g th u s a r o u se d : The exp ou n d ers o f 'an A m erican sy s te m o f f i n a n c e ' a r e g i v i n g t h e i r s o - c a l l e d minds to th e i n t r o d u c t i o n o f th e g o l o i d d o l l a r , w h ich i s to c o n t a in h a l f a s much g o ld as th e g o ld d o l l a r , and h a l f as much s i l v e r a s th e s i l v e r d o l l a r . The n o t i o n o f t h e s e p h ilo s o p h e r s i s t h a t t h i s w i l l p r e s e r v e th e e q u ilib r iu m b etw een th e two m e ta ls : th e g o ld in th e new c o i n c a n n o t r i s e w ith o u t c a r r y in g up th e s i l v e r , n or th e s i l v e r f a l l w ith o u t d r a g g in g down th e g o ld . T h is i s v e ry much a s i f one sh o u ld en d ea v o r to e q u a l i z e th e p r i c e o f s a u s a g e s and th e p r i c e o f p i c k l e s by t y i n g a b u ll- p u p to a b a s k e t o f c u e u m b e r s.42 S i m i l a r l y , w ith o u t e x a m in a tio n o f th e. im erits o f th e c a s e , B ie r c e a tte m p ts to d i s c r e d i t th e a p o lo g y o f one Humphreys by d i r e c t 42 " P r a t t l e , Argo., D ec. 28, 1 8 7 8 . 3 8 0 c om parison: R a ilr o a d C om m issioner Humphreys h a s w r i t t e n a v i n d i c a t i o n o f h i m s e l f . I t i s a b o u t a s good a one a s Judas I s c a r i o t m ight h ave made*. ’ I t i s tr u e I b e tr a y e d my M aster fo r t h i r t y p i e c e s o f s i l v e r , b u t t h a t f e l l o w P e te r w ould h ave c h a r g ed f o r t y . '43 One o th e r su c h co m p a riso n sh o u ld be c i t e d , w h e r e in th e s a t i r i s t by means o f s u b s i d i a r y l i k e n e s s e s , b u i ld s up i n th e mind o f h i s r e a d e r an o v e r - a l l l i k e n e s s b e tw e en th e o b j e c t o f r i d i c u l e and th e r i d i c u l o u s c r e a t i o n o f th e a u t h o r 's im a g in a tio n . When th e' c i t y c o u n c i l o f a c e r t a i n town i n O regon p a sse d a c i t y o r d in a n c e o u tla w in g th e '"Mother-Hubbard” gown, B ie r c e w r o te : No m odest woman h a v in g kn ow led ge o f th e m a sc u lin e I m a g in a tio n w i l l w ear a M other Hubbard gown. I n th a t ,/iideous costu m e th e w ea rer seem s to han g l i k e th e c la p p e r i n a b e l l . I t i s I m p o s s ib le to t h in k o f h e r o t h e r w is e th a n a s a naked woman, su sp en d ed by th e n e c k . She may h ave some o th e r c l o t h i n g on h e r , b u t t h e r e i s no outw ard and v i s i b l e s i g n o f i t . She seem s to have c r e p t i n a t th e b o tto m and d is r o b e d , in o rd er to g e t out a t th e t o p . One b lu s h e s and a v e r t s h i s e y e s in f e a r o f h e r s u c c e s s . 44 In u s in g t h i s d e v ic e B ie r c e e n jo y e d th r o w in g th e com p a r is o n i n t o r e v e r s e . That I s , h e m ight a s s e r t som eone to be a s good as a n o th e r who p o s s e s s e d no v i r t u e , to be as b e lo v e d a s a n o th e r who was h a t e d , or t o be a s famous a s some o b sc u r e p e r s o n . So h e w r o te t h a t some s c r i b b l e r ’ s "poems” w ere a s good a s t h o s e o f H e c to r A. S t u a r t - - a s a t i r i c rem ark t h a t c u t b o th w ays; t h a t a c e r t a i n g e n tle m a n 's fame "has e x te n d e d a l l o v er two w ards o f t h i s c i t y an d . . . i s o b t a i n in g r e c o g n i t i o n i n a 4 3 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp J u ly 1 7 , I 8 8 3 . 44 I b i d . , O ct. 1 1 , 1 8 8 4 . 3 8 1 t h i r d ; a n d t h a t a s c e r t a i n e d i t o r ’ s l i t e r a r y c r i t i c i s m was as " b r illia n t ,fa s th e w a v e r in g fo r e g lo w o f a r e d -h e a d e d woman com ing o v e r a h i l l . ” And h e r e a g a in i s a r e v e r s e co m p a riso n t h a t c u t s two w ays: Mr. James Dods [ d e f a u l t i n g T r e a s u r e r o f A lam ed a], . . who had th e m is fo r tu n e to s t e a l f o r t y thou san d d o l l a r s w ic k e d ly p e r s i s t s i n making no d e f e n s e i n c o u r t . He s a y s he had a l l th e t r o u b le o f t a k in g th e money and he d o es n o t p r o p o se to d i v i d e i t w it h t h e la w y e r s . Mr. Dods o v e r lo o k s some c ir c u m s ta n c e ; i t i s t r u e th e la w y e r s d id n o t a s s i s t him t o ta k e th e money but th e y w ould h a v e done so i f he had ask ed them . They h a v e th e same c la im to a p o r t io n o f h i s e a r n in g s t h a t th e l i c e n s e d p i l o t s h a v e t o h a l f - p i l o t a g e from a s b ip w h ic h d e c l i n e s t h e i r a id i n e n t e r i n g our h a r b o r .^5 O c c a s i o n a l l y th e a u th o r com p ressed a s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d c o m p a riso n i n t o m etaphor a s a more d i r e c t method o f i d e n t i f y i n g th e o b j e c t o f h i s a t t a c k w it h th e r i d i c u l o u s . So h e c a l l e d an e v a n g e l i c a l r e v i v a l m e e tin g a ftr e l i g i o u s rodeo*' and , s p e a k in g i n term s o f th e m etap h or, rem arked t h a t th e a f f a i r ha.s r e s u l t e d i n th e l a s s o i n g and b r a n d in g o f a la r g e h erd o f s i n n e r s . When M ajor W h it t le [ t h e r e v i v a l i s t ] sw in g s th e r l a t a , th e y do n o t w a it f o r th e c o n s t r i c t in g n o o s e , b u t come i n and l i e down, s o f t l y b e llo w in g f o r th e g lo w in g ir o n . The g r e a t vaqu ero c o n f e s s e s w it h a p r o p e r p r id e t h a t he h a s b e e n d o in g a good w ork. . . .4 6 A d e v ic e t h a t B ie r c e em ployed i n a v a r i e t y o f form s i s t h a t o f c o n t r a s t , w h ich was e f f e c t e d by h o l d in g up t o p l a i n and somewhat p r o lo n g e d view th e two o p p o s i t e s , by p l a c in g them , c o n c i s e l y s t a t e d , i n j u x t a p o s i t i o n t o one a n o th e r w i t h o u t com m ent, or by a mere f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e o f th e o b j e c t o f a t t a c k w it h o u t a d e s c r i p t i o n o f i t s l a r g e r , more u n i v e r s a l , 4-5 I b i d . , June 3 0 , 1 8 8 3 . 46 I b i d . , Feb. 24, 1882. 382 and a p p a r e n t o p p o s i t e , th e a u th o r assu m in g in t h i s l a s t method t h a t th e i n c o n g r u it y -would he e v id e n t w ith o u t e x p la n a t i o n . The c o n t r a s t i t s e l f was g e n e r a l l y b e tw e en two c o n f l i c t in g r e a l i t i e s , b etw een th e r e a l and th e i d e a l , b e tw e en th e r e a l and some i n v e n t i o n by th e a u th o r , or b etw een two im a g in a r y s i t u a t i o n s t h a t w ere t y p i c a l o f r e a l o n e s. I n p o i n t i n g out th e absurd i n c o n g r u it y b e tw e e n two o p p o s i t e s B ie r c e d id n o t f e e l i t n e c e s s a r y to b a la n c e t h e two v iew s q u a n t i t a t i v e l y . He m ight d e s c r i b e or e x p l a i n one w it h c o n s i d e r a b l e d e t a i l , and th e more o b v io u s and s e n s i b l e o p p o s it e m ight b e p r e s e n te d v e r y b r i e f l y . And th o u gh h e m ight c o n c e i v a b l y h a v e made one or b o th o f th e d e s c r i p t i o n s somewhat l e n g t h y , th e lo n g e r d e s c r i p t i o n or e x p l a n a t i o n w ould seld o m be o v e r one or two hundred words i n l e n g t h and w ould ra n g e down from t h a t t o a lo w e r l i m i t o f th e m e r e st f l a s h e x p o s u r e . One o f th e s e v e r a l e x c e p t i o n s t o h i s g e n e r a l p r a c t i c e o f s h o r t d e s c r i p t i o n s i s h i s poem "The P a s s in g S h o w , ,1^ 7 i n w h ic h th e d e s c r i p t i o n o f modern San F r a n c is c o i s f o r t y - e i g h t l i n e s lo n g and t h a t o f th e s i t e o f th e c i t y some c e n t u r i e s h e n c e i s t w e n t y - e ig h t l i n e s in l e n g t h . I n t h i s poem th e s a t i r e i s upon th e m u n ic ip a l p r id e and v a n i t y o f th e San F r a n c is c a n s , and th e s a t i r e was e f f e c t e d by sh o w in g th e c i t y a s i t was a t th e tim e o f w r i t i n g , m er ely s u g g e s t i n g t h e p r id e o f th e p e o p l e , and th e n in c o n t r a s t d e s c r i b i n g th e r e g i o n abou t th e Bay a s i t m ight be c e n t u r i e s l a t e r , ^7 C o lle c t e d Works, 4 : 1 9 - 2 2 . 383 w it h e v e r y s i g n o f modern c i v i l i z a t i o n o b l i t e r a t e d by n a t u r e , s a v e th e rem nant o f a tom b. A lso r a th e r e x te n d e d i n t h e i r d e s c r i p t i o n s or e x p o s i t i o n s o f c o n t r a s t a r e th e poems wThe Crime o f 1 9 0 5 ,,,i* '® i n w h ich B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d our governm ent f o r i t s a p p r o v a l o f and a s s i s t a n c e to Panama i n t h a t c o u n t r y ’ s s e c e s s i o n from C olom b ia, d e s p i t e th e f a c t t h a t s e c e s s i o n was h e ld w i t h i n our own c o u n tr y t o be th e g r e a t e s t o f a l l <2imes;^9 wJudex J u d i - c a t u s , 1 ' i n w h ich was c o n t r a s t e d th e d i s p a r i t y b e tw e en Judge Arm s t r o n g ’ s tr e a tm e n t o f th e r i c h and th e p oor i n h i s c o u r t; and #The Two C a v e e s , ^ 0 i n w h ich B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d th e i n s i n c e r i t y , in c o n s t a n c y , and w ea k n ess o f e d i t o r s F i t c h and P ic k e r in g by c o n t r a s t i n g t h e i r e a r l y e d i t o r i a l o p p o s i t i o n to r a i l r o a d c o r r u p t io n and t h e i r l a t e r c o l l a b o r a t i o n w it h th e r a i l r o a d . ‘ '"The F re e T r a d e r 's Lament4,5 l c o n t r a s t s an in v e n t e d i n s u l a r s i t u a t i o n under f r e e t r a d e , th e n un d er p r o t e c t i o n , th e s a t i r e f a l l i n g upon th e p r o t e c t i o n i s t s . S i m i l a r l y i n p r o se B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d H. R id e r Haggard fo r i n a c c u r a c ie s i n th e astron om y o f K ing Solom on*s M ines b y q u o tin g from th e book t h r e e p a s s a g e s t h a t d e s c r ib e f o r t h r e e s u c c e s s i v e days lu n a r and s o l a r phenomena t h a t would be im p o s s ib le i n c o n j u n c t io n w it h one a n o t h e r , th e n a d d in g t h i s rem ark t o b r in g out th e d i s p a r i t y b e tw e e n H a ggard ’ s s y s te m and N a tu r e ’ s: ^8 I b i d . , 4 : 1 4 6 - 8 . ^9 Ib id .. 5:222-5. 50 I b i d . , 5 : 5 1 9 - 2 6 . 5 1 I b l d •• 4 : 1 5 9 - 6 0 . 384 A w r i t e r who b e l i e v e s t h a t th e new moon can r i s e i n th e e a s t so o n a f t e r s u n s e t , and th e f u l l moon a t 10 o ’c l o c k i n A f r ic a ; who t h in k s th e se co n d o f t h e s e rem ark ab le phenomena ca n o c cu r tw e n t y - f o u r h o u r s a f t e r th e f i r s t , and i t s e l f be fo llo w e d some f o u r t e e n h o u rs l a t e r by an e c l i p s e o f th e s u n - - s u c h a man i s n o t a v e r y g i f t e d w r i t e r , b u t I am n o t a v e r y g i f t e d r e a d e r .5 2 I n l i k e manner c o n t r a s t was em ployed by B i e r c e t o em p h a size th e absurd d i s p a r i t y b e tw e en w hat a C a l i f o r n i a N a t io n a l G uards man’ s sword was su p p osed t o be and do and w hat i t r e a l l y was and d id ; b etw een p e o p l e ' s r e a c t i o n t o r e a d in g s c a n d a l ab ou t o t h e r s in th e n ew sp a p ers and s c a n d a l ab ou t th e m s e lv e s ; b etw een th e p e o p l e ' s h a tr e d o f a p o l i t i c a l b o s s when h e was l i v i n g and t h e i r i n s i n c e r e , s y c o p h a n t ic e u lo g y o f him when h e d ie d ; b e tw een th e c o n f l i c t i n g n ostru m s o f th e p o l i t i c i a n s ; b e tw e en F rank P i x l e y ' s t h r i f t y a c c e p ta n c e o f th e C h in e se a t one tim e and h i s e a r l i e r and e q u a l l y t h r i f t y d am n ation o f them a t a n o th e r ; and b etw een th e a c c e p ta n c e o f a p r i s o n e r ’ s c o n f e s s i o n by a Grand Ju ry and th e e x c l u s i o n o f t h a t c o n f e s s i o n from h i s s u b se q u e n t t r i a l . 53 A l l t h e s e c o n t r a s t s , r e g a r d l e s s o f th e n a tu r e o f th e t h in g s c o n t r a s t e d , w ere e f f e c t e d by g i v i n g a s t e a d y , e x p o s i t o r y or d e s c r i p t i v e v ie w , somewhat pidLonged, o f a t l e a s t o n e , and o f t e n o f b o th , o f th e o p p o s i t e s . 5 2 ’’P r a t t le ,* ' S . F . E x . , June 1 2 , 1 887. 53 R e s p e c t i v e l y , " C ou p lets" C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 * . l l 4 f . ; "The S c u r r i l P r e s s , ” i b i d . , 4 : 2 0 1 - 3 ! "The F a s s in g o f S h ep h erd ," i b i d . , 4 :1 9 8 f.; "The . S t a t e s m e n ," i b i d . , 4 : l6 6 f .; " P r a t t l e ," S .F .E x . OcTT 2 3 , 1 8 8 7 . - -------- ---------------- 385 Absurd c o n t r a s t e f f e c t e d by th e j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f i n c o n g r u i t i e s d i f f e r from e x p o s i t o r y or d e s c r i p t i v e c o n t r a s t i n t h a t th e c o n t r a s t i n g e le m e n t s , p la c e d i n c l o s e p r o x im ity t o e a c h o t h e r , a r e so o b v io u s ly or s t r i k i n g l y in c o n g r u o u s t h a t t h e y r e q u ir e no comment by t h e a u th o r . The c o n t r a s t sp e a k s f o r i t s e l f . H ere i s su ch a p i c t u r e o f S ta n fo r d , p h i l a n t h r o p i s t ! One hand b e sto w s In alm s what t ’ o t h e r one t o j u s t i c e ow es. T h ere i s C o l l i s H u n tin g to n , th e t h i e f , ’ "D enouncing T h e ft as hard a s e ’ e r he c a n ! ” S a t i r i z i n g t h o s e who t a lk e d o f our "C hristian** army and n a v y , t h e r e i s th e p i c t u r e " o f a b r a s s - b u tto n e d J e s u s f i r i n g g u n s ." R e g a rd in g th e in fam ou s S t a r - H oute C a se s,th e r e ;js th e rem ark, i n th e c o u r s e o f a lo n g d i s c u s s i o n , t h a t t A f t e r g r a v e ly p e r p e n d in g th e wisdom o f th e p r o s e c u t i o n and th e c o u n te r -w isd o m o f th e d e f e n s e , th e Judge d e c id e d t h a t th e crim e ch arged was o f s o infam ous a n a t u r e t h a t th e d e fe n d a n ts c o u ld n o t be h e ld u n l e s s th e y w ere b r o u g h t b e f o r e him i n d i f f e r e n t w a y .5^ And t h e r e i s th e e f f e c t i v e and r e p e a te d u s e o f t h i s d e v ic e i n a s h o r t , s e l f - e x p l a n a t o r y a t t a c k upon a r e l i g i o u s p u b l i c a t i o n o f th e day: The M o n ito r ' s r e l i g i o u s pen To L e it r im ' s m u r d e r s a y s Amen! Thou p io u s k n a v e s , i n words o f p r a y e r , The d e v i l ’s r i g h t e o u s n e s s d e c l a r e - - Church j o u r n a l f s ] th u s a r e made to s e l l , And c a t c h th e p a tr o n a g e o f h e l l . 55 51 * "Prattle',' Wasp. Nov. 18, 1881. 55 " P ra ttle,* ' A rgo. , A p r il 20, I 8 7 8 . 3 86 T h ese exam p les show th e c o n t r a s t "being e x p o se d w it h th e su d d en n e ss and c l a r i t y o f a f l a s h o f l i g h t . S om etim es, h o w ev e r, th e c o n t r a s t i s more in v o l v e d , and th e s e t t i n g f o r t h o f i t i s c o n s e q u e n t ly somewhat more drawn o u t . I t s c l a r i t y , th o u g h , i s u n d im in ish e d in co m p a riso n w it h t h a t o f th e more c o m p a c tly e x p r e s s e d c o n t r a s t , and i t , t o o , i s w h o lly s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t . W itn e ss th e j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f th e s u p e r f i c i a l and s e n t im e n t a l w it h th e r e a l i s t i c i n t h e s e v e r s e s , r e m in is c e n t o f " c a b le d a y s * 1 i n San F r a n c is c o : S h e.--H ow c o m fo r ta b le ’ t i s to g l i d e By c a b le up th e s t e e p h i l l s i d e , W ithou t a jad ed h o r s e to s p o i l Your p le a s u r e w it h h i s p a i n f u l t o i l ! H e . - - Y e s , p l e a s a n t e r by f a r to know The w r etc h e d n ags t h a t make you go T o i l n o t upon t h e s e p a t e n t l i n e s . But i n t h e c o a l and ir o n m in e s .5° Thus r i d i c u l o u s c o n t r a s t s o r i n c o n g r u i t i e s w ere r e v e a le d by sim p ly p l a c in g them , w ith o u t comment, in c l o s e p r o x im it y w ith one a n o th e r . O c c a s io n a lly B ie r c e p r e s e n te d a s i n g l e p i c t u r e o f th e f a l s e o r th e t r u e and r e l i e d upon h i s r e a d e r s t o make th e c o n t r a s t t h e m s e lv e s , a method t h a t he once d e s c r i b e d , i n c o n n e c t io n w it h a q u o t a t io n from a l e t t e r w h ich some c o r r e s p o n d e n t had w r i t t e n h im , a s " p h on ograp h in g th e b ray o f t h i s v a g r a n t ass. ” 57 i f he 56 " P r a t t l e / 1 Wasp, A p r il 3 0 , 1 881. 57 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , June 9 , I 8 9 5 . 387 p r e s e n te d a f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e o f t h e f a l s e or i d i o t i c , s t r ip p e d o f a l l i t s c o n v e n t io n a l c a m o u fla g e , h e e x p e c te d h i s r e a d e r s a t once t o a s s o c i a t e i t w it h c e r t a i n u n i v e r s a l l y r e c o g n iz e d t r u t h s , p e r c e iv e i n s t a n t l y th e r i d i c u l o u s i n c o n g r u i t y , and la u g h a t th e p e r s o n w hose f a l s i t y or i d i o c y was f a i t h f u l l y p i c t u r e d . Or, i f f o r v a r i e t y h e p r e s e n te d a f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e o f th e tr u e or s a n e , h e e x p e c te d h i s r e a d e r s by th e a id o f c e r t a i n h i n t s or s u g g e s t i o n s a u t o m a t i c a l l y t o a s s o c i a t e th e p i c t u r e w it h i t s g e n e r a l l y a c c e p te d f a l s e or s i l l y c o u n t e r p a r t , r e c o g n iz e th e a b s u r d i t y , and la u g h a t th e p e r so n or p r a c t i c e th u s b ro u g h t t o m ind. In r i d i c u l i n g a p a r t i c u l a r p i e c e o f ja r g o n by th e form er o f t h e s e two m eth o d s, h e q u oted from th e a u th o r whom h e was a t t a c k i n g , p e r m itte d th e ja r g o n t o sp e a k f o r i t s e l f , and a llo w e d th e r e a d e r s t o d i s c o v e r th e d i s p a r i t y b e tw e e n t h e t h in g q u oted and good s e n s e . I t I s tr u e t h a t h e was n o t c o n t e n t i n t h i s I n s ta n c e to l e t th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e s e r v e a s th e o n ly d e v ic e o f h i s s a t i r e ; a fte r w a r d s h e a s s i s t e d i n th e r i d i c u l e by u s i n g o th e r d e v i c e s , b u t th e s a t i r e r e a l l y b egan b e f o r e B ie r c e added h i s a s s i s t i n g r i d i c u l e . H ere i s th e p a s s a g e : ”The s p r in g s o f a c t i o n i t s e l f , a s w e l l a s i t s d e - . t e r m in a t io n , a r e lo d g e d i n th e s e n s i b i l i t y , w h ich i s n o t mere p a s s i v i t y , b u t p o te n c y i t s e l f , i n t e r p e n e t r a t e d by i n t e l l i g e n c e . Thought I s bu t one form o f i t ; in i t r e s i d e c u r i o s i t y , p a s s i o n , d e s i r e , and i t i s s p e c i a l i z e d by v a r ie d form s o f a p p r e h e n s io n , from s e n s a t i o n t o th e h i g h e s t r e a c h o f im a g in a t io n . The w h o le p h y s i c a l o rg a n ism i s r e l a t e d to th e w orld about i t , w h ich I t s e i z e s upon fo r n o u r is h m e n t, upon w h ich i t r e a c t s i n a com p lex economy ” --e n o u g h , enough! T h is I s n o t a '’ so n g w ith o u t s e n s e ”; i t i s th e n o i s e made by th e e d i t o r o f a l e a d in g m agazin e i n p r o v in g t h a t s t o r i e s i n w h ic h n o th in g o c c u r s a r e t h e b e s t s t o r i e s . Read i t backw ards and s e e . 58 58 "Sm all C o n tr ib u tio n s ,M C osm opolitan, March, 1909. 388 W ith s l i g h t v a r i a t i o n t h i s i s th e method u sed in r i d i c u l i n g th e C a l i f o r n i a c l e r g y i n 1 8 8 3 f o r t h e i r a tte m p ts to p r e v e n t th e r e p e a l o f th e S t a t e b lu e law by e x tr a v a g a n t p r e d i c t i o n s o f what w ould hap pen i f th e r e p e a l b i l l p a s s e d . I t d id p a s s , and B ie r c e p ro c ee d e d t o t r a n s l a t e t h e i r p r e d i c t i o n s i n t o a panorama o f a c t u a l o c c u r r e n c e s on th e f i r s t open Sunday. The f a c t s , o f c o u r s e , w ere a t s u c h m r ia n c e w it h th e in v e n te d a c c o u n t t h a t th e m i n i s t e r s w ere made to app ear r i d i c u l o u s .5 9 A gain t h i s was th e method o f r i d i c u l i n g Prank P i x l e y f o r h i s u n r e s t r a in e d e n th u sia sm i n d e s c r i b i n g th e R e p u b lic a n N a t io n a l C o n v e n tio n o f 1 8 8 4 , to w h ich P i x l e y had gone as an a l t e r n a t e . W rote B i e r c e , m aking l i b e r a l u s e o f P i x l e y ' s s u p e r l a t i v e s , I t was a ’grand o c c a s i o n 1- - ' n o g ra n d er s i g h t was e v e r w i t n e s s e d . ' The d e l e g a t e s - - a l t e r n a t e s i n c lu d e d --w e r e 'c l o t h e d w it h m a je s ty and d i g n i t y ' ; 'no more solem n d u ty e v e r d e v o lv e d upon i n t e l l i g e n t m a n .' Even th e a u d ie n c e was ' c l o t h e d i n th e m a je s ty o f th e p o p u la r w i l l . '60 An exam p le o f th e r e v e r s e o f t h i s m ethod, w h e r e in th e s a t i r i s t p i c t u r e s , n o t th e f a l s e or f o o l i s h , but th e t r u e (no doubt w it h some e x a g g e r a t io n i n t h i s p a r t i c u l a r i n s t a n c e ) i s t o be found in nA R a t io n a l A n t h e m , i n w h ich poem B i e r c e , p a r o d y in g ’’A m e r ic a ,1 ’ p ic t u r e d th e U n ite d S t a t e s a s i t ap p eared to him . N a t u r a l l y th e rhythm , s t a n z a form , and p a r a l l e l p h r a s e s s u g g e s t th e p a t r i o t i c s o n g , and t h e r e i s enough o f o b v io u s t r u t h i n B i e r c e ' s * ’f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e 1 ’ t o d i s c r e d i t somewhat th e i d e a l i z e d 59 ‘ ’’P r a t t l e , 1 ’ Wasp, F eb . 2 4 , 1 8 8 3 . 6 0 I b i d . , J u ly 5 , 18 84. C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 :2 0 1 ; fo r an e x c e r p t , v id e s u p r a , p . 2 6 6 . 389 c o n c e p t o f th e U n ite d S t a t e s t h a t i s found i n th e p o p u la r ly a c c e p te d so n g . More or l e s s p r o lo n g e d e x p o s i t i o n or d e s c r i p t i o n o f i n c o n g r u i t i e s w it h a u t h o r i a l comm ent, b r i e f j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f o p p o s i t e s t h a t sp ok e fo r t h e m s e lv e s , and f a i t h f u l p o r t r a y a l o f a s i n g l e e le m e n t t o be c o n t r a s t e d by th e r e a d e r w it h i t s o p p o s i t e - - t h e s e w ere m ethods by w h ic h B i e r c e b ro u g h t t o th e a t t e n t i o n o f h i s r e a d e r s some o f th e a b s u r d i t i e s o f human a t t i t u d e s , th o u g h t , and b e h a v io r . They c a n n o t, h o w e v e r , be s a i d t o e x h a u s t th e u s e s t h a t B i e r c e made o f c o n t r a s t i n h i s s a t i r e , f o r c o n t r a s t i s an e le m e n t i n so many d e v i c e s t h a t i t i s d i f f i c u l t t o know w here and how t o c l a s s i f y some o f them . C e r t a i n l y c o n t r a s t i s an e le m e n t i n ir o n y ; som etim es i t seem s t o be a means o f i m p l ic a t i o n ; a g a in i t i s d i s c e r n i b l e i n c o n s c io u s e l a b o r a t i o n , ^2 w here th e e la b o r a t i o n b e t r a y s th e s p i r i t and b e l i e s th e w ords; and i t i s a lw a y s an e le m e n t i n th e s u r p r i s e e n d in g or tu r n , 63 o f w h ich B ie r c e made fr e q u e n t u s e . S e e m in g ly th e o n ly t h i n g t h a t d i f f e r e n t i a t e s th e v a r io u s t y p e s o f c o n t r a s t d is c u s s e d a t l e n g t h above from t h e s e l a t t e r t y p e s i s t h a t in th e form er group th e c o n t r a s t e x p o s e s th e i n t r i n s i c f a l s i t y or i n a n i t y o f so m e th in g and e x i s t s w i t h i n t h e s u b j e c t m a tte r i t s e l f , w h ile in th e l a t t e r grou p i t seem s t o b e an e le m e n t o f tr e a tm e n t or m anner. 6 2 V ld e I n f r a , p p . 3 9 4 f f . 6 3 V id e i n f r a , p p . 4 0 4 f f . 390 A s a t i r i c d e v ic e r a r e l y found i n th e w r i t i n g s o f B ie r c e i s th e r e d u c t i o . nad absurdum , t h e d i s t i n g u i s h i n g f e a t u r e o f w h ic h i s th e r e v e l a t i o n o f th e f a l l a c y o f a p r o p o s i t i o n or p o in t o f view hy sh o w in g th e l o g i c a l a b s u r d it y o f one or more o f i t s i m p l i c a t i o n s . R e d u c tio ad absurdum , a s s i s t e d by ir o n y , i s th e d e v ic e by w h ic h B i e r c e r i d i c u l e d a c e r t a i n D r. B u c k le y for- a d v o c a tin g th e s u p p r e s s io n o f books by c e r t a i n ^im m oral” w r i t e r s : The R ev. D r. B u c k le y p ro n o u n ces H a ll C ain e and S ie n k ie w ic z im m oral w r i t e r s w hose book s sh o u ld be s u p p r e s s e d by la w . I f t h a t i s s o , one ou gh t to condemn th e books a lo n g w it h D r. B u c k le y . But Dr. B u c k le y w ould n o t e x p e c t one to condemn them w ith o u t r e a d in g th e m --h e i s no su ch a u t o c r a t a s t h a t . I t f o l lo w s t h a t one ough t t o read th e im m oral books o f H a ll C ain e and S i e n k ie w i c z . I f t h e r e i s a d e f e c t i n t h i s l o g i c p e r hap s th e good D r. B u c k le y w i l l h ave t h e k in d n e s s to p o in t i t o u t . 64 R e d u c tio ad absurdum i s a g a in th e d e v ic e em ployed i n r i d i c u l i n g t h o s e who d efen d ed th e w r i t i n g o f ”X m as.” S a id B i e r c e . . . .t h e u sa g e o f a l l Xendom s h a l l n o t c o n v in c e me t h a t i t i s a X ian p r a c t i c e . Nor do I b e l i e v e t h a t i t i s a g r e e a b le t o our Lord and S a v io u r , J e s u s X.6 5 The same d e v ic e a p p ea rs in t h i s p a r a g r a p h , w h ich r i d i c u l e s P r e s id e n t T h eod ore R o o s e v e lt f o r a p p o in t in g Leonard Wood a m a j o r -g e n e r a l f o r n o n - m il i t a r y r e a s o n s , th ou gh h e r e th e a u th o r s t a t e s th e ab su rd c o n c lu s i o n f i r s t , th e n g o e s b a ck to th e b e g i n n in g and t r a c e s l o g i c a l l y th ro u g h t o t h a t c o n c lu s io n : I f G en er a l Wood h a s r e a l l y d e v e lo p e d th e m i l i t a r y t a l e n t t h a t nobody e v e r c r e d i t e d him w it h i t w i l l be a d is a p p o in tm e n t t o th e P r e s i d e n t , w i l l i t n o t? The 64 ”The V iew s o f O n e ,” N .Y .A m ., March 9 , 1 9 0 5 . 6 5 ^ P r a t t l e , ” S . F .E x ., D ec. 2 2 , 1 8 9 5 . 391 P r e s id e n t d e c la r e d t h a t h e made him a m a jo r -g e n e r a l to rew ard him f o r s e r v i c e in Cuba d i s t i n c t l y c i v i l i a n . I f i t tu r n s o u t t h a t h e i s a good s o l d i e r , co m p eten t t o le a d tr o o p s i n th e f i e l d and f i t f o r e v e n t u a l com mand o f th e army, many w i l l t h i n k t h a t th e P r e s id e n t s u s p e c t e d i t a l l th e tim e --w h e r e b y so m e th in g o f th e g l o r y o f f i d e l i t y t o p e r s o n a l f r i e n d s and g r a titu d e " f o r com m onplace s e r v i c e s w i l l d e p a r t from t h i s c a n d id A d m in i s t r a t i o n .66 Som etim es th e r e d u c t i o ad absurdum was throw n c o m p le t e ly i n t o r e v e r s e , and in s t e a d o f a r g u in g from a commonly a c c e p te d f a l s e p r o p o s i t i o n t o an absurd c o n c l u s i o n , th e a u th o r b egan w it h a commonly a c c e p t e d t r u e p r o p o s i t i o n and, s t e p by s t e p , showed how i t l o g i c a l l y im p lie d th e f a l s i t y o f a p o p u la r ly c h e r is h e d b e l i e f . The argum ent i s i n d ia lo g u e form: THE MAN OP MARS--Who i s t h i s Mr. Hanna o f whom I h e a r so much? THE MAN OF EARTH—A bad and f o o l i s h man, whom th e members o f th e Ohio L e g i s l a t u r e s e n t t o th e S e n a t e . THE M. OF M .--T h en th e members o f th e Ohio L e g i s l a t u r e , who s e n t t h i s bad and f o o l i s h man to th e S e n a t e , a r e th e m s e lv e s bad and f o o l i s h , a r e th e y n o t? THE M. OF E .- - T h e y , i n d u b it a b ly a r e . THE M. OF M .--A nd who s e n t them t o th e Ohio L e g i s l a t u r e ? THE M. OF E .--T h e p e o p le o f O hio. THE M. OF M .— Then th e p e o p le o f Ohio who s e n t t h e s e bad and f o o l i s h men to th e L e g i s l a t u r e , a r e them s e l v e s - - THE M. OF E .-- H o ld on , t h e r e ! The p e o p le a r e good and w i s e , and t h e i r v o i c e i s th e v o i c e o f R ea so n . 66 "The V iew s o f One,*’ N .Y.Atn. , March 2 0 , 1 906. 392 THE M -. OF M. (w in g in g h i s way i n t o s p a c e ) - - H o l y Smoke! I am t h a n k f u l t h a t t h e r e i s one s p o t on th e u n i v e r s e w here th e v o i c e o f R eason i s n o t h e a r d .67 I n e i t h e r i t s c o n v e n t io n a l or r e v e r s e o r d e r , th e r e d u c t i o ad absurdum d e v ic e i s th o r o u g h ly e f f e c t i v e . I t may be r e p e a te d t h a t th e d e v ic e was u sed s p a r e l y , and i t may be added t h a t i t was u sed o n ly i n s h o r t a t t a c k s . A ls o u sed as a s a t i r i c d e v ic e i s th e s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y m echanism , w h ic h s u b t l y r e v e a l s th e s a t i r i s t ' s a t t i t u d e tow ard h i s s u b j e c t and a tte m p ts t o a r o u s e in th e r e a d e r th e same a t t i t u d e , n o t by th e i n t r i n s i c r i d i c u l o u s n e s s o f th e s u b j e c t , bu t by th e f o r c e o f th e s a t i r i s t ' s ex a m p le. When, q u o t in g a p a s s a g e o f j a r g o n , B i e r c e su d d e n ly in t e r r u p t e d h i m s e l f w it h a d a sh , and th e words ’’en ou gh , e n o u g h !”68 th e d a sh , t h e d i c t i o n , th e r e p e t i t i o n , and th e e x c la m a tio n p o in t a l l s e r v e d to r e v e a l u n m is t a k a b ly h i s a t t i t u d e tow ard t h e q u o t a t io n and to i n v i t e the- satne sp o n ta n e o u s r e a c t i o n i n th e r e a d e r . When, o f t h e r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s a t a P r o h i b i t i o n i s t c o n v e n t io n , B ie r c e w r o te : . . .t h e y d id n o t . . . c o n f i n e th e flo w o f t h e i r w isdom w i t h i n th e banks o f p r o h i b i t i o n , b u t slo p p e d o v e r i n t o th e p a r a l l e l , c h a n n e ls o f fe m a le s u f f r a g e and f i n a n c i a l i n f l a t i o n , 6 9 th e words 'slop p ed and fe m a le s e r v e d t o r e v e a l t h e ' .w r i t e r ' s- c o n tem p t and to b e g e t con tem p t i n th e mind o f th e r e a d e r . I n th e poem " Ju ven tu s M undi"?0 t h e p o e t , w i t h i n th e f i r s t two l i n e s , 67 ’’A p ocryp h al C o n v e r s a t i o n s ,” S .F .E x ., June 3 0 , 1 9 0 1 . 68 Y id e s u p r a , p . 3 8 7 . 6 9 " P r a t t l e , * * A rg o .. May 4 , 1 8 7 8 . 7 ° C o l l e c t e d 'W orks, 5 : 3 0 7 . 393 e s t a b l i s h e d a to n e o f b a n t e r in g m ockery by th e o c ta m e tr ic l i n e and a f a c e t i o u s r im e , b o th a id e d , o f c o u r s e , by an im p lic a t o r y e p i t h e t : Dr. A lle n G r i f f i t h s i s an a u d ib le T h e o so p h e r — A s t u d e n t o f B la v a t s k y , i n c o n s o l a b l e f o r l o s s o f h e r . T h is r e v e a le d a t t i t u d e o f th e a u th o r te n d s to sw eep th e r e a d e r a lo n g i n th e same c o u r s e w ith o u t any c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f th e c h a r g e s to be b ro u g h t a g a i n s t Dr. G r i f f i t h s . A s im p le i n t e r j e c t i o n , a c o l l o q u i a l i s m , a fe m in in e r im e , a f a m i l i a r m anner, and, somehow, th e a s s o c i a t i o n o f l a d i e s and Hades i n rim e s e r v e th e same p u rp o se in th e poem ,fAd M oodium,*71 t h e f i r s t s t a n z a o f w h ich r u n s t h u s : T u t! Moody, do n o t t r y t o show To g e n tle m e n and l a d i e s That i f th e y have n o t ^Faith,** t h e y ' l l go H ead lon g t o H ad es. S i m i l a r l y i n t h i s f i r s t s t a n z a o f "A C e le b r a te d C a s e , w 7 2 th e a n a p a e s t ic rhythm , the* f a m i l i a r m anner, t h e c o l l o q u i a l i s m s , and e s p e c i a l l y th e n o n s e n s i c a l , y e t s u g g e s t i v e o ld r e f r a i n a l l com b in e t o r e v e a l th e a t t i t u d e o f th e p o e t and a r o u se th e same a t t i t u d e i n th e r e a d e r tow ard th e o b j e c t s o f th e s a t i r e : Way down in th e Boom B e l t l i v e d M rs. R o s e l l e ; A p e r so n named P e t r i e , h e l i v e d t h e r e a s w e l l ; But Mr. R o s e l l e h e r e s i d e d a w a y -- S in g t o o r a l i o o r a l i o o r a l i a y . T h ese and o th e r s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y t r i c k s a r e s c a t t e r e d th r o u g h o u t B i e r c e ' s p e r s o n a l s a t i r e , and a l l o p e r a te on th e a ssu m p tio n t h a t , 71 i b i d . . 5 :2 8 1 . 7 2 I b i d . , 5 : 1 1 2 . 394 o f t e n , p e o p le do n o t demand an I n t e l l e c t u a l l y e s t a b l i s h e d c a u s e f o r r i d i c u l e b u t , b e c a u se o f t h e i r te n d e n c y t o f o llo w th e le a d e r i n l a u g h t e r , may be stam peded i n t o r i d i c u l e m e r e ly by ex a m p le. One o f th e m ost im p o r ta n t o f th e s a t i r i c d e v ic e s i s c o n s c i o u s e l a b o r a t i o n . T h is was u sed w it h i n v e c t i v e , v i t u p e r a t i o n , d i r e c t r e b u k e , or i n s u l t t o g i v e th e a t t a c k an a i r o f s o p h i s t i c a t i o n , o b j e c t i v i t y , and h u m o r --in f a c t t o make i t s a t i r e . P e o p le a r e o ffe n d e d by u n r e s t r a i n e d , cru d e a b u s e , and th e y a r e more a p t t o la u g h a t , th a n w it h th e p e r s o n who sto r m s and r a g e s . To a r o u s e s a t i r i c la u g h t e r among h i s s p e c t a t o r s a t th e v i c t i m o f h i s a t t a c k , th e s a t i r i s t must h a v e enough p e r s p e c t i v e , a l o o f n e s s , or d etach m en t t o be a b le t o la u g h h i m s e l f , and i t i s th e p rim ary f u n c t i o n o f c o n s c io u s e l a b o r a t i o n t o show t h i s d e ta ch m en t, to p r e c lu d e th e s p e c t a t o r s ' s u s p e c t i n g t h a t th e a u th o r i s m o tiv a te d b y mere i l l tem p er. I t m ig h t, i n f a c t , b e c o n s id e r e d as s e l f - r e l e v a t o r y d e v i c e . C o n sc io u s e l a b o r a t i o n i s v e r b a l e m b ro id er y , w h ich may assum e a g r e a t v a r i e t y o f fo rm s. I t may be i n th e form o f a r c h a ic , p o e t i c , or B i b l i c a l d i c t i o n ; i t may b e i n th e form o f n o v e l , f a n c i f u l , d i s t o r t e d , or c o in e d d i c t i o n ; or i t may assum e th e form o f humorous or f o r e i g n d i c t i o n . O ften th e d i c t i o n i s p o l y s y l l a b i c , l u x u r i a n t , e l a b o r a t e , f l o r i d , b o m b a s tic , r a n t i n g , r e p e t i t i o u s , a l l i t e r a t i v e , c i r c u i t o u s , or v a r io u s . Som etim es th e em b ro id ery i s i n th e form o f n o v e l word o r d e r s , and many tim e s i t assum es the:'form s o f rhythm and r im e . Always th e r e a d e r 395 i s aw are t h a t t h e e l a b o r a t i o n h a s b e e n c o n s c i o u s l y added and t h a t th e -w riter m a in ta in e d a s o p h i s t i c a t e d d etach m en t th r o u g h o u t h i s a b u s iv e a t t a c k . The a r c h a ic or B i b l i c a l d i c t i o n in B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e ap p ears i n h i s u s e o f th e pronouns y e , th o u and th e e ; i n h i s u s e o f th e a r c h a ic v e rb form s; i n th e two i n v e r s i o n s ; and i n su ch B i b l i c a l p h r a s e s as a r e found i n th e seco n d s e n t e n c e o f t h i s s h o r t q u o t a t i o n : . . . i f t h e s e e d i t o r s h a v e s e n s e , p erm it them to t a l k i t , f o r w it th e y h a v e n o t , and humour th e y know n o t by name! T h e ir b a b b le i s a w e a r in e s s t o th e f l e s h and a h e a v in e s s to t h e s p i r i t . 73 N o v e l, f a n c i f u l , d i s t o r t e d , and v o in e d d i c t i o n p r e v a i l s i n a p a s s a g e su c h a s t h i s , w it h a l l i t e r a t i o n p la y in g a p a r t a t th e c l o s e ; i n c i d e n t a l l y , B ie r c e was w r i t i n g o f a man: I t i s o n ly a woman--and a d a s h n a t io n b r a i n l e s s o n e, t o o ,- - w h o f a n c i e s a man ta k e s p le a s u r e In t h i s manner o f t h i n g . . . .t h e c r e a t u r e . . . i s a g in - s o a k e n , h e r b - c o n e o c t i n g , pap-com pounding c r o n e , w hose d a i l y assu m p t i o n o f p a n ta lo o n s i s t o tbe im p o stu re an added im p e r t i n e n c e - - a r e c u r r e n t p r o v o c a tio n t o th e f l e x o r s and e x t e n s o r s o f th e m anly l e g . 7^ Combined w it h c r i t i c i s m , su c h humorous e x p r e s s i o n s as g r a n g e r f o r fa rm e r, p a t e l l a f o r k n e e , or c o le o p t e r o u s a d v e r s a r y f o r p o t a t o b e e t l e become c o n s c io u s a id s to s a t i r e , a s d o e s th e o c c a s i o n a l c o n s c io u s humorous u s e o f a f o r e i g n or l i a t i n word i n su c h a p a s s a g e a s t h i s : 73 N u g g ets and D u s t , p . 1 2 5 . 7^ T t P ra t t i e , 1 , 1 A rg o ., May 4-, I 8 7 8 . 396 I t i s rem ark a b le by how s h o r t a s t r i d e , c i v i l i z a t i o n i s s e p a r a te d from b a r b a r ism . By a l l t h e s e c e n t u r i e s o f ' c u l t u r e 1 t h e d e v i l h a s n o t b e e n c h a se d o u t o f th e human h o g . . . . I n p r o o f o f h i s p r e v a le n c e , c ir c u m s p ic e ! 73 When B ie r c e began a p aragrap h w it h th e w o r d s, "That a d v e n t i t i o u s c o n c a t e n a t io n o f p h a n ta sm a l s u r m is e s known as th e fem a le m i n d , "76 or when he c h a r a c t e r iz e d th e " u su a l l i t e r a r y c r i t i c " or "book-w hacker" a s an " a n i l e , I n s u l s e , n u g a c io u s and h e b e tu d in o u s f a b r i c a t i o n o f some c e l e s t i a l f u t i l i t a r i a n , "77 h e was e m p lo y in g l u x u r i a n t , e l a b o r a t e , p o l y s y l l a b i c d i c t i o n . H ere one f in d s an em b ro id ery o f c o n s c io u s r e p e t i t i o n , com b in ed , o f c o u r s e , w it h ir o n y and s u g g e s t i v e parody: A n oth er Rear A dm iral h a s sp o k e n . He Is a r e t i r e d R ear A d m ira l, bu t th ou gh you sh o u ld r e t i r e a Rear A dm iral i n t o a m o rta r , y e t w i l l n o t h i s Rear A d m ir a ln e ss d e p a r t from him . D eath alon.e ca n rem ove i t . The " e l d e r l y n a v a l man" i n t h i s in s ta n c e * R e a r A dm iral Henry E rben ( r e t i r e d ) w it h w hose name and fame many o f us h a v e n o t th e h a p p in e s s t o be f a m i l i a r . 78 C ir c u it o u s p a r a p h ra se a p p ea rs In th e e x p r e s s i o n "a p e r i p a t e t i c m e ta l-w o r k e r 's m a l e d i c t i o n ; "79 and c o n s c io u s v a r i e t y was u sed In t h i s a t t a c k upon P. T. Barnum: T h is i s th e m a le f a c to r who p e r p e t r a t e d th e mermaid fr a u d , th e w o o ly - h o r s e s w in d le , th e J o y c e H eath d e c e p t io n , and th e Jenny Lind i n i q u i t y . 75 " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, March 24, 1 8 8 3 . 76 " P r a t t l e , " S .P .E x ., June 26, I 8 8 7 . 77 i b i d . , J u ly 4 , 1897. 78 " P a s s in g Show," S .P . E x ., March 18, 1 9 0 0 . 79 i b i d . , Nov. 19, 1899. 80 " P r a t t l e , " A rgo., J u ly 28, 1877- 397 A:amore s t r i k i n g exam ple o f c o n s c io u s v a r i e t y i s t o "be s e e n in B i e r c e ’ s o c c a s i o n a l u s e o f a R a b e l a i s i a n c a t a l o g , a s when h e w r i t e s , . . .1 f in d t h e s e W h is k e y - s o ld ie r s o f th e " N a tio n a l" Guard o f th e S t a t e o f C a l i f o r n i a so c o n s p ic u o u s ly and v a r i o u s l y r i d i c u l o u s ; so d i s a g r e e a b l e , v a i n , v u l g a r , u g l y , e x p e n s iv e o f f e n s i v e i g n o r a n t , g r a c e l e s s , s h a m e le s s , a b s u r d , l o u t i s h , c o n c e i t e d b r u t a l , p r e su m p tu o u s, im p u d en t, i n s o l e n t d run ken, s i l l y , s w a g g e r in g , c o n t e m p t ib le , m e n d a c io u s, p r e d a c io u s , s a l a c i o u s , i n s u p p o r t a b l e , i n t o le r a b l e , and i n s u f f e r a b l e . b r a w lin g , t h a t i f I d id n o t u t t e r my mind o f them I sh o u ld p e r i s h o f s u p p r e s s e d i n d i g n a t i o n . 81 Som etim es s e v e r a l o f t h e s e v a r io u s t y p e s o f v e r b a l em b r o id e r y w ere com bined t o g i v e s a t i r i c f l a v o r t o a c u r s e , a s i n t h i s a t t a c k upon a r e lig io u s j o u r n a l o f th e day: That s u p e r p io u s and o l e a g i n o u s l y u n w o r ld ly s h e e t , ^ ;iie P a c i f i c , w a lk s i n t o th e p u l p i t and d i v e s t s i t s s a i n t l y s o u l o f a p l e a f a v o r in g th e R a ilr o a d . Now, t h e r e f o r e , do I e n t r e a t h ig h h e a v e n t h a t th e e d i t o r be d e l i v e r e d o v e r u t t e r l y t o S a ta n ; t h a t h e be s p i t t e d on a s p i t , embrowned t o th e c o m p le x io n o f a n u t and t h e r e a f t e r e r e c t e d upon h i s head t i l l h i s s h o e s f i l l w it h h i s own g ra v y ; t h a t h i s m inor e n t r a i l be r u d e ly d ek in k ed and i t s c o m p l e x i t i e s r a v e le d t o a r e c t i l i n e a r s i m p l i c i t y ; t h a t h i s w h ole im m ortal p a r t be e v e r l a s t i n g l y a f f l i c t e d w it h an i n c a l c u l a b l e m u ltitu d e o f shrewd and s e r i o u s p a n g s. May h i s e t e r n i t y be u n sw e e te n e d by th e memory o f a d i s h o n e s t d o l l a r . 82 Even a ch an ge i n word o r d e r so m etim es se r v e d a s a ty p e o f c o n s c io u s e l a b o r a t i o n . When, a f t e r q u o tin g a p ara gra p h from 81 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, J u ly 2 9 , 1 8 8 2 . 8 2 7.1D16. , A p r il 2 $ , 1 8 8 4 . 398 B u l l e t i n , B ie r c e b eg a n h i s comment w it h t h i s s e n t e n c e ,. ’’T here sp ak e th e P h i l i s t i n e ,”83 th e i n v e r s i o n added s o p h i s t i c a t i o n to th e s t a t e m e n t . I t m ight be o b j e c te d t h a t th e s o p h i s t i c a t i o n r e s u l t s from th e a r c h a ic s p a k e , and i t d o es to a c e r t a i n e x t e n t ; b u t i f one s u b s t i t u t e s th e r e g u la r form o f th e v e r b , an a p p r e c ia b le amount o f th e s o p h i s t i c a t i o n s t i l l r e m a in s. A n other in exam ple o f e l a b o r a t i o n by i n v e r s i o n i s fo u n d A th e a t t a c k upon e d i t o r s , ^ when he w r i t e s , ” . . . f o r w it th e y h a v e n o t , and humour t h e y know n o t by n am e.” H ere a g a in , o f c o u r s e , th e s a t i r e d o es n o t d e r iv e w h o lly from th e i n v e r s io n ; i t r e s u l t s p a r t l y from th e B i b l i c a l p h r a s e o lo g y . A w id e ly and e f f e c t i v e l y u sed ty p e o f em b ro id ery i s rhythm and r im e . A s t r a ig h t f o r w a r d p i e c e o f r e p r o o f or i n s u l t , i f e x p r e s s e d in good v e r s e , ca n h a r d ly seem t o come from a man who i s b e s i d e h i m s e l f w it h a n g e r and h a s l o s t h i s s e n s e o f p e r s p e c t i v e . The u s e o f v e r s e d o es n o t n e c e s s a r i l y c o n v e r t c r i t i c i s m i n t o s a t i r e , b u t i t a t l e a s t s u g g e s t s t h a t th e w r i t e r i s c o n s c i o u s o f h i m s e l f , o f h i s r e l a t i o n s to th e o b j e c t o f h i s s a t i r e , and o f h i s r e l a t i o n t o h i s s p e c t a t o r s or a u d i t o r s ; and th u s i t te n d s t o r e l i e v e th e a t t a c k o f r a g e , c r u d i t y , or o f f e n s i v e n e s s . C o n sid e r t h i s a t t a c k upon O scar W ild e , d e l iv e r e d two days a f t e r h e had l e c t u r e d i n San F r a n c is c o a t th e Bush S t r e e t T h e a tr e on March 2 9 , 1882; 83 ’ " P r a t t l e , ” A rgo. May 3 1 , 1879- V id e s u p r a , p . 3 9 3 * 399 TO OSCAR WILDE B e ca u se from. F o l l y ' s l i p s you g o t Some b a b b led m andate t o subdue The r e a lm o f Common S e n s e , and you Made p ro m ise and c o n s id e r e d n o t , — B e ca u se you s t r i k e a random blow At what you do n o t u n d e r s ta n d , And b eck on w it h a f r i e n d l y hand To so m e th in g t h a t you do n o t know I h o ld no s p e e c h o f you r d e s e r t , Nor b a f f l e w it h p o r r e c te d s h i e l d The w ooden weapon t h a t you w i e l d , But m eet you w it h a c a s t o f d i r t . D is p u te w it h su ch a t h in g a s y o u — Twin show t o th e tw o -h ea d ed c a l f ? Why, s i r , i f I r e p r e s s my la u g h , 'T is more th a n h a l f th e w o rld c a n d o .85 T h is i n s u l t i n g a t t a c k i s , p e r h a p s , a s l a c k in g in f i n e s s e a s a n y th in g B ie r c e e v e r w r o te ; y e t th e rhythm and rim e o f th e p i e c e , p lu s th e p e r s o n i f i c a t i o n and th e com bat f i g u r e , sa v e i t from u t t e r c r u d i t y and 'show th e p o e t t o h a v e b e e n h a u g h t i l y co n tem p tu ou s r a t h e r th a n m e r e ly b o o r i s h . A lw a y s, o f c o u r s e , i t i s d i f f i c u l t , i f n o t i m p o s s i b l e , to s a y how much o f th e s a t i r i c q u a l i t y o f a poem i s due t o i t s rhythm and rim e and how much i s due t o th e many o th e r s a t i r i c f a c t o r s t h a t may be found in i t . S t i l l a n o th e r means by w h ic h B ie r c e e x p r e s s e d and i n c i t e d r i d i c u l e m s th e w i t d e v i c e , w it h i t s many p o s i b i l i t i e s fo r v a r i a t i o n s . T hose two m ines o f w i t , The D e v i l ' s D ic t io n a r y and th e c o l l e c t i o n o f some 2 5 0 ep igram s bound i n w it h th e N e g l i g i b l e T a l e s , ^6 a r e h a r d ly r e l e v a n t t o a d i s c u s s i o n o f th e 8 5 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 4 : l 4 4 f . 86 I b i d . , 8 : 3 4 3 - 8 1 . 400 s a t i r i c d e v i c e s , fo r th e d e v i l i s h d e f i n i t i o n s and th e c o r r o s i v e ep igra m s a r e more c y n i c a l th a n s a t i r i c . H owever, w i t a p l e n t y i s to he found i n w r i t i n g in d u b it a b ly s a t i r i c , w here th e f e l i c i t o u s t u r n , th e u n e x p e c te d a s s o c i a t i o n , or th e in g e n io u s r e v e r s e i s th e v e r y h e a r t o f th e s a t i r e . In a d i s c u s s i o n o f w it B i e r c e h i m s e l f on ce rem arked t h a t i t may make one s m ile or w in c e , but n e v e r la u g h . "Wit s t a b s ,* 1 he s a i d , "b egs p a rd o n --a n d tu r n s th e w eapon i n th e w o u n d .1 ’ F u r th e r , h i s c o n c e p t o f w it i s to be g a th e r e d from h i s c h a r a c t e r i z a t i o n o f what h e term ed an "ideal** p i e c e o f w it from R o c h e fo u c a u ld : I t i s an in d ic tm e n t o f th e w h o le human r a c e ; n o t a l t o g e t h e r tr u e and t h e r e f o r e n o t a l t o g e t h e r d u l l , w ith j u s t enough o f a u d a c ity t o s t a r t l e and j u s t enough o f p a rad ox t o charm , p r o fo u n d ly w i s e , a s b le a k a s s t e e l . . . .a s a d m ir a b le as a w e l l c u t g r a v e or t h e h e a d s m an's p r e c i s i o n o f s t r o k e , and ab ou t a s f u n n y .8 7 H is own u s e o f w it a s a s a t i r i c d e v i c e harm onized r a t h e r w e l l w it h h i s c o n c e p t o f th e p ro p er f u n c t i o n o f w i t , th o u g h , n e c e s s a r i l y i n l o c a l u s e , h i s s a t i r i c w i t f r e q u e n t l y la c k e d th e u n i v e r s a l i t y o f a p p l i c a t i o n and t h e p rofou n d wisdom t h a t he s p e c i f i e d a s i d e a l . Such w it i s much more l i k e l y t o ap p ear i n th e g e n e r a l iz e d ep igram or c y n i c a l d e f i n i t i o n th a n i n p e r s o n a l s a t i r e . But w h eth er u n i v e r s a l and p rofoun d or n o t , B i e r c e ' s s a t i r i c w i t i s a lw a y s p a l a t a b l e - - i f i t i s b e in g fe d to som eone e l s e . L et us sam ple i t . When B i e r c e made some d is p a r a g in g rem arks ab ou t o l e o - 87 Ibid., 10:99f. 401 m a r g a r in e , th e a g e n t f o r th e p r o d u c t , a Mr. F e ln b e r g , c i r c u l a t e d th e s t o r y t h a t th e a t t a c k was prom pted by t h e com pany’ s r e f u s a l t o g i v e a d v e r t i s i n g to The W asp, o f w h ich B i e r c e was e d i t o r . B ie r c e r e p l i e d a t l e n g t h t o t h i s l i e an d , in h i s c o n c lu d i n g s e n t e n c e s , n e a t l y im p aled h i s a d v e r sa r y on a t w o - t in e d fo r k : . . .w h a te v e r may be th e sc o p e o f i t h e r e a f t e r , th e c o n t r o v e r s y b etw een th e o le o m a r g a r in e company and th e Wasp n ew spap er i s narrow ed t o th e q u e s t io n o f w h eth er I am a b la c k m a ile r or Mr. F e in b e r g i s a l i a r . I t lo o k s to me as i f th e l a t t e r p r o p o s i t i o n must be h e ld t r u e u n l e s s Mr. F e in b e r g have th e s a g a c i t y to in v o lv e i t i n a c lo u d o f doubt by a f f i r m in g h i m s e l f . 88 W it, f la v o r e d w it h ir o n y , was th e weapon em ployed a g a i n s t a c e r t a i n c le rg y m a n who r e f e r r e d t o h i s fame in t h e s e w o r d s, i f B ie r c e q u o ted him c o r r e c t l y : "Some men t h in k I t a g r e a t t h in g t o be known a l l o v er th e w o r ld , b u t I b e l i e v e t h a t I am somewhat known i n t h r e e w o r ld s a l r e a d y . ” R e p lie d B i e r c e , C e r t a i n l y , s i r . You a r e a famous p u b lic work: you w ere p la n n ed in he'aven, a r e to be e x e c u te d on e a r t h and w i l l be a c c e p te d in th e r e m a in in g p l a c e . 89 A g a in , b e a u t i f u l l y i l l u s t r a t i v e o f B i e r c e ’ s a b i l i t y t o p e r c e iv e and c a p i t a l i z e upon s u b t l e p o s s i b i l i t i e s u n ap p aren t t o o t h e r s , t h e r e i s a n e a t , l e i s u r e l y d o u b le s t a b b in g o f a G en er a l Swaim, who was p r e s e n t a t th e tim e o f P r e s id e n t G a r f i e l d ’s d e a th and who a c c o r d in g t o B i e r c e , r e p o r te d th e P r e s i d e n t ' s l a s t words t o h ave b e e n , " 0, Swaim’ " /B ie r c e com m ented, 88 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, Jan 1 J , I 8 8 3 . 89 " P r a t t l e , " A rg o ., D e c . 1 5 , 1877* 402 . . .t h e a c c o u n t i s e n t i r e l y c r e d i t a b l e , fo r t o anyone who knows Swaim i t must h a v e seemed a n t e c e d e n t l y p r o b a b le t h a t h e would be th e v e r y H a s t man t h a t G a r f ie ld would t h i n k o f . T hen, th r o u g h a tw o -in c h p a r a g r a p h , th e s a t i r i s t g e n t l y and i r o n i c a l l y le d up t o t h i s c o n c lu d in g paragraph: The d i g n i t y th u s c o n fe r r e d upon G en er a l Swaim a p p ea r s t o h a v e r e q u ir e d a c o r r e s p o n d in g e x p e n d it u r e t o m a in ta in i t , and h e h a s b e e n a c c u se d by a banker o f s e l l i n g f o r i t s f a c e v a lu e a due b i l l f o r f i v e th o u sa n d d o l l a r s , a f t e r h a v in g ch eck ed o u t th e e n t i r e d e p o s i t t h a t i t r e p r e s e n t e d . The same g e n t l e man, Mr. Batem an, p le d g e d h i m s e l f a l s o to th e S e c r e t a r y o f War t o p ro v e t h a t Swaim a s s i s t e d t o n e g o t i a t e t r i p l i c a t e pay a c c o u n t s . W h erefore th e p a in e d a n g e ls f i x upon th e famous enem agogue t h e i r sad and so lem n e y e s , th e w h ile t h e y r e p r o a c h f u l l y murmur: ’0 , Swaim !*90 The f e l i c i t o u s r e p l y , b e a r in g th e u s u a l f r e i g h t o f s a t i r e , a p p ea rs i n t h i s l i t t l e e x c h a n g e , th e f i r s t p aragrap h o f w h ich was q u oted i n s m a ll ty p e : B r o th e r B ie r c e w i l l p l e a s e e x p l a i n why h e and C o lo n e l C rock er sh o u ld n o t b e r e p r e s e n t e d i n t h e A rt G a lle r y a s Damon and P y t h ia s h u n tin g f o x e s . - - P u b lic O p in io n . B e c a u se [an sw ered B ie r c e ] th e p i c t u r e w ould b e h i s t o r i c a l l y f a l s e . When C o lo n e l C rock er and I h a v e had a d a y ’ s s n o r t f o x - h u n t in g t o g e t h e r h e h a s commonly b een th e f o x . 91 M ild ly s a t i r i c i s t h i s m o m en ta rily b e w ild e r in g a s s a u l t upon women: ’How i s i t , ' a s k s a p h i lo s o p h e r , ’ t h a t a woman s e e s s o r e a d i l y sh e i s l o v e d , b u t n e v e r c a n fin d out t h a t sh e i s lo v e d no lo n g e r ? ' I t i s b e c a u s e , my f r i e n d , sh e a c q u ir e s su ch a h a b it o f s a y in g sh e i s n o t lo v e d , w ith o u t m eaning i t , t h a t when sh e d o es mean i t sh e c a n n o t b e l i e v e h e r s e l f . 92 90 " p r a t t l e ,* 1 Wasp. A p r il 2 6 , 188*1-. 9 1 I l 3 i d M a7 1 6 » 3.8 8 5 . 9 2 " P r a t t le ,® A r g o ., Nov. 2 4 , 1 8 7 7 . 403 On one o c c a s io n B ie r c e w r o te a s f o l l o w s o f J . J . Owen o f San J o s e : . . . t h e e d i t o r o f th e M ercury h a s gon e and sm eared h im s e l f from th e d is k o f h i s sn o u t t o th e k in k o f h i s t a i l . And now, as h e s c r a t c h e s h i s ham a g a i n s t a harrow and s u r v e y s th e w orld from b e n e a th h i s f la p p in g e a r s , he t h in k s h i m s e l f a l i t e r a r y h o g .93 When th e San J o s e man r e s e n t e d t h e s e rem a rk s, B ie r c e r e p l i e d , The e d i t o r o f th e San J o s e M ercury, w hose good w i l l I was weak enough to t r y t o s e c u r e by th e f l a t t e r y o f nam ing him a l i t e r a r y h o g , i s so o b d u r a te a s t o c a l l me a p o l e c a t , and sa y I envy h im . Why, my good man, i f I w ere a p o l e c a t you would n a t u r a l l y envy m e.94 Then t h e r e i s t h i s s a t i r i c comment on o f f i c i a l i n t e r n a t i o n a l c om m unication: The b e a u ty o f d ip lo m a tic la n g u a g e i s t h a t h e to whom i t i s a d d r e ss e d can be k e p t g u e s s in g what i t s i g n i f i e s u n t i l i t s m eaning i s s h o t i n t o him out o f a c a n n on . For c o n c e a l in g an i n t e n t i o n i t i s a lm o st as u s e f u l as s i l e n c e . 95 And t y p i c a l o f s c o r e s o f h i s s a l l i e s t h a t depend upon w it a r e t h e s e b r i e f s a t i r i c it e m s , th e l a s t o f w h ic h , in v e r s e , was w r i t t e n o f a p u z z le e d i t o r , who was d i s c l o s i n g th e s e c r e t s o f h i s b u s i n e s s i n th e P o s t : Mr. E l i P e r k in s , th e a l l e g e d h u m o r is t —who i s n o th in g i f n o t c i v i l , and i s n o t c i v i l - - . . .9 6 9 3 I b i d . , June 3 0 , 1 8 7 7 . 94 i b i d . , J u ly 1 4 , 1 8 77. 95 "The V iew s o f O n e,” W.Y.Am. , March 2 4 , I 9 0 5 . 96 " P r a t t l e r ," A rg o ., May 2 6 , 187 7 . 404 S e n a to r I n g a l l s i s s a id t o s u f f e r from, an a f f e c t i o n o f th e r o o f o f h i s mouth. P o s s i b ly ; h e c e r t a i n l y h a s a m ig h ty l o o s e p la n k in th e f l o o r o f i t . 97 * * * * * When I am i l l I would r a t h e r h ave w r i t t e n ’D avid Harum1 th a n d i e . At a l l o th e r tim e s I would r a t h e r d i e . 98 * * * * * . . .How, I t c a n f f be a s w ick ed n o t to be s o r r y t h a t G oerge R ig n o ld i s s i c k as i t would h a v e b een to make him s o . 99 * * * * * F ear n o t my la d : c o n f i d e th y s e c r e t s a y To J a c k s o n 's t y p e s - - t h e y n e v e r w i l l b e tr a y ; For e ' e n th e t h in g s t h a t a l l men knew b e f o r e , I f p u b lis h e d i n th e P o s t , th e y know no m ore. 100 A s p e c i a l form t h a t B i e r c e ' s s a t i r i c w it o f t e n to o k was a sudden u n e x p e c te d tu r n o r wry t w i s t , g e n e r a l l y a t th e end o f a p a ra g ra p h . Thus th e s a t i r i s t t w is t e d t h e s e i t e m s , none o f w h ic h i n th e b e g in n in g g a v e p ro m ise o f i t s end: H eaven h a s s t i l l one r e p r e s e n t a t i v e in th e lo w er h o u se o f C o n g r e s s - - t h e t c h a p la in . I n c i d e n t a l l y , i t may be m en tion ed t h a t he i s b lin d and h a s n o w o te .1 0 1 * * * * * B u l l e t i n s a y s th e h e a t o f th e w e a th e r t h i s w eek i n San F r a n c is c o was i n t e n s i f i e d by f i r e s r a g in g i n th e redw oods o f San M ateo C ou nty. T h is i s a m ost i n t e l l i g e n t o p in io n t r u l y ! The h e a t o f a b u rn in g f o r e s t c r e a t e s a c o n v e r g in g c u r r e n t o f a i r and a c t u a l l y lo w e r s th e te m p e r a tu r e for. m ile s i n e v e r y d i r e c t i o n . 9 7 " P r a t t l e , ” S .F .E x . , March 1 8 , 3.8 8 8 . 9 8 " P a s s in g Show," S .F . E x . , D ec. 9 , 1 9 0 0 . 99 " P r a t t l e . ” A rg o .. F eb. 2 , 1879'. 1 0 0 I b i d . . F eb . 2 3 , 18 7 8 . 101 vj_ews o f O n e ,” N .Y .A m ., J a n . 1 9 , 1 9 0 6 . 405 An a c t i v e v o lc a n o p r o d u ce s th e same e f f e c t , and e v e r y body knows how c o o l i t i s i n th e B u l l e t i n o f f i c e from i t s c o n t i g u i t y t o th e p la c e whence i t s e d i t o r r e c e i v e s h i s i n s t r u c t i o n s , and w h ith e r h e w i l l one day go to rea p th e reward o f h i s o b e d ie n c e .^ 02 * * * * * An o ld man o u t a t th e m is s io n h a s in h i s p o s s e s s i o n ' a g h a s t l y s o u v e n ir w h ich he c h e r i s h e s w it h t e n d e r c a r e and e x h i b i t s w it h p a r d o n a b le p r i d e . I t i s th e rop e w it h w h ich Tom Desmond ought to h a v e b e e n hanged in 1852.103 * * * * * Gen. Lew W a lla c e , r e c e n t l y a p p o in te d G overnor o f New M ex ico , and now en r o u t e f o r h i s p o s t o f d u ty , sa y s t h a t i f h e i s pleased " w it h th e c o u n tr y h e w i l l rem ain t h e r e ; i f n o t , he w i l l r e s i g n . T h is i s n o t th e la n g u a g e o f p a t r i o t i s m . The A m erican t r u e s t a te s m a n , proud to s e r v e h i s c o u n tr y ev en a t a s a c r i f i c e , would rem ain i n New M exico w h eth er h e l i k e d i t or n o t , s o l o n g a s th e s a l a r y s u i t e d . 104 F r e q u e n tly t h i s u n e x p e c te d tu r n was p r e ce d e d by an ir o n y o f manner t h a t a l l a y e d th e v i c t i m ' s or r e a d e r ' s s u s p ic i o n s and en co u raged i n .him an unw arranted f e e l i n g o f s e c u r i t y or e v e n p r i d e . S o , i n d i s c u s s i n g a l i t t l e book e n t i t l e d E p it a p h s , O r ig in a l and S e l e c t e d B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d c e r t a i n i n d i v i d u a l p i e c e s , b u t tem p o r iz e d w it h th e w h o le , s u g g e s t in g t h a t t h e r e was a good d e a l to be s a id f o r th e volum e: On th e w h o le , th o u g h , M e ss r s . J .S .C l a r k & Co. h ave done t o l e r a b l y w e l l . They h ave g i v e n us 5 0 0 s e n t im e n t s a p p r o p r ia t e t o v a r io u s o c c a s io n s and s u i t a b le t o a w id e ra n g e o f r e m a in s ,. . . Thus on and on i n a j u d i c i o u s , sem i-com m en datory v e in t i l l th e l a s t s e n t e n c e : 102 " P r a t t l e / ’ A r g o S e p t. 2 2 , 187 7 . 103 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, S ep t 2 , 1 881. 1Q4 " P r a t t l e ," A rgo., S e p t. 2 1 , 1 8 7 8 . 406 T here i s n o t i n th e w h o le book a s e n tim e n t w h ich I would n o t g l a d l y read upon th e h e a d s to n e o f my w o r st enemy. 1 0 5 A g a in , h a v in g panned i n d i v i d u a l l y , and a t l e n g t h , s e v e n o f th e e i g h t members o f th e San F r a n c is c o Board o f E d u c a tio n , a c c u s in g them o f su ccum b in g to th e f l i r t a t i o n s o f a m b itio u s la d y t e a c h e r s , B ie r c e m o m en ta rily e n c o u r a g e d 'th e e ig h t h member b e f o r e a d m in is t e r in g t o him th e coup de g r a c e : C a h a lin a lo n e i s s t o l i d l y u n a f f e c t e d by t h e s e a r t f u l b la n d is h m e n ts ; h e j u s t s t e e l s h i s h e a r t a g a i n s t a l l su ch n o n s e n s e , and w it h an ad am an tin e s e n s e o f d u ty l a y s h o ld o f h i s own d a u g h te r and s n a t c h e s h e r a lo n g t o th e head o f th e p r o c e s s i o n . 106 S i m i l a r l y h e i r o n i c a l l y a p p ro v e d , th e n s t r u c k i n t h e s e ite m s: R e p r e s e n t a t iv e H ep bu rn 's a p p a ren t s c o r n o f c l a s s i c a l e r u d i t i o n i s o b v io u s ly an a f f e c t a t i o n , f o r a l l know t h a t he i s one o f th e p r o fo u n d e s t c l a s s i c a l s c h o l a r s i n h i s to w n s h ip l0 7 * * * * * I n P a u l L au ren ce Dunbar our c o lo r e d f e l l o w c i t i z en s h a v e l o s t t h e i r o n ly d i s t i n g u i s h e d p o e t . No one had a f i n e r i n t u i t i v e k n ow led ge o f th e n e g r o as he i s n o t . 108 F r e q u e n tly some s p e c t a t o r , w a tc h in g t h i s b u ild - u p and e n j o y in g th e p r o s p e c t o f s e e i n g a n o th e r m o r t i f i e d was dism ayed t o f in d 1 0 5 " P r a t t l e , " S .F .E x ., J u ly 2 1 , I 8 8 9 . 106 " p p a t t l e ," W asp, A p r il 7 , I 8 8 3 . -*-°7 "As t o th e Sp inx/fsJL c] N.Y.Am. , A p r il 2 6 , 1 9 0 4 . 1 0 8 "The V iew s o f O ne," N .Y .A m ., F eb . 1 7 , 1 9 0 6 . 407 t h e s a t i r e sae-turned u n e x p e c t e d ly upon h i m s e l f . H ere B ie r c e l i f t e d h i s v o i c e i n p io u s p r a y e r: Mr. W illia m Cameron, "brother t o th e d i s t i n g u i s h e d s t a te s m a n , and u n c le t o Don, i s r e p o r te d d a n g e r o u s ly i l l . M e r c if u l H eaven, sp a r e t h i s good o ld man. Sp are him t o h i s home, h i s f r i e n d s , h i s c o u n tr y . S u f f e r him y e t a l i t t l e w h ile t o t a r r y among us t o th e end t h a t we may "be i n s t r u c t e d by h i s words and p r o f i t by h i s e x a m p le .1 0 9 Such s u r p r i s e tu r n s or r e v e r s e s w ere much u sed by B ie r c e th r o u g h o u t h i s w h ole c a r e e r a s a s a t i r i s t , and s c o r e s o f i n s t a n c e s o f i t s use- c o u ld be c i t e d . A form o f w it t h a t B ie r c e was n o t a f r a i d o f was th e pun. He u sed t h i s w i t d e v ic e f r e q u e n t l y , th ou gh n o t to o f r e q u e n t l y , o f t e n e m p lo y in g i t a s th e prim ary f o r c e o f a s a t i r i c q u ip or p a r a g r a p h . R e p r e s e n t a t iv e o f h i s u s e o f t h i s d e v i c e a r e th e f o l l o w i n g i n s t a n c e s , m ost o f w h ich r e q u ir e no p r e lim in a r y e x p la n a t io n : G en er a l Leonard Wood i s a b o u t to go b ack t o h i s f i e l d o f d u ty i n th e P h i l i p p i n e s ; he s a y s h i s head no lo n g e r ’ t r o u b l e s ' him . Of c o u r s e n o t; he i s t o o p h i l o s o p h i c a l t o be tr o u b le d by a l i t t l e t h in g l i k e t h a t .H O * * * * * I t i s s t a t e d on th e a u t h o r i t y o f th e Hew York World t h a t John K e lly [p r o b a b ly th e Tammany le a d e r ] may d ie ’ a t any tim e . He m a y --so f a r as I am c o n c e r n e d . H I 109 " P r a t t l e , ” Argo., S e p t. 8 , 187 7 . tr The ^yiqwscQf .O ne, " 4H.Y. Am.-,- Sept’T 24', "I9 0 5 . I l l " P r a t t l e , ” Wasp, F eb . 2 7 , 1 88 6 . 4 q8 S p ea k in g o f a c e r t a i n o c c a s io n i n th e n in t h c e n tu r y a t w h ich 3 6 3 p r e l a t e s w ere p r e s e n t , B ie r c e s a y s , i n p a r e n t h e s e s , The w orld was n o t th e n a f f l i c t e d w it h a fam ine o f c le r g y m e n . I t h a s n o t b e e n s i n c e . 1 1 2 H avin g r e f u t e d two rumors t h a t Pred C ro ck er had s t a r t e d abou t The Wasp, B i e r c e c o n c lu d e s , They a r e n o t v e r y im p o r ta n t m a t t e r s , bu t i f I th o u g h t I had n o t th e a r t o f m aking t r i f l e s i n t e r e s t i n g , I c e r t a i n l y sh o u ld n o t w r i t e ab ou t F r e d d ie C r o c k e r .113 * * * * * M ajor G en er a l Sam uel B a c k u s[P o s tm a ste r o f San F r a n c is c o ^ f e e lin g ly c o m p la in s t h a t c e r t a i n e v i l - s p i r i t e d p e r s o n s h a v e d is s e m in a te d s la n d e r s 'about th e board o f d i r e c t o r s o f th e V e t e r a n s ' Home A s s o c i a t i o n . That i s so ; th e y h ave gone t o th e l e n g t h 1 o f a f f i r m i n g t h a t Mr. Backus b e lo n g s t o i t ; w h ereas i t i s w e l l known th a t he b e lo n g s t o Mr. W. ¥ . Stow o f th e S o u th e r n Pacific.114 * * * * * . . .S e n a t o r Warren o f Wyoming h a s made t h i s s t a t e m e n t . . . t h a t G en era l Leonard Wood h as no l e g a l r i g h t t o th e m edal o f h o n o r t h a t h i s p e r s o n a d o r n s . S e n a to r Warren i s s a id t o h a v e a r r iv e d a t t h i s c o n c l u s i o n 'by c l o s e s tu d y o f th e A c ts o f C o n g r e s s . 1 T here was a s h o r t e r r o u t e to th e same c o n c lu s io n : s tu d y o f th e a c t s o f G en er a l W o o d .H 5 * * * * * . . .t h e h a u ls o f l e g i s l a t i o n . . . .1 1 6 'The Way o f th e t r a n s g r e s s o r *- - a r a i l w a y . 117 * * * * * 112 »pr a t t l e , M A rg o ., J u ly 1 3 , 1 8 7 8 . 113 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp, O ct. 1 8 8 2 . 1 1 4 I b l d •■ J a n . 1 3 , I 8 8 3 . 1:L5 " P a s s in g Show," S .F .E x . , March 1 3 , 1 9 0 4 . 116 " F a b les W ith o u t,M o r a ls ," " S .F ? E x * , March 7 , I 8 8 9 . 117 " P r a t t l e ," Wasp. March 3 1 , 1 8 8 3 . S ays F ig a r o ' s unhandsome l o u t : 'P o o r Mr. B i e r c e - - h e ' s w r i t t e n o u t . ' 'T is t r u l y sad and s a d ly t r u e - - H e’ s w r i t t e n ou t a s k e t c h o f y o u , And so a b h o r r e n t d id h e draw I t , Men r e c o g n iz e d I t e r e t h e y saw i t ; And e v e n y o u , d elu d ed w r e tc h ! Thought i t th e f o o l , y o u r s e l f th e s k e t c h ! The p u b l i c , know ing n au gh t o f you , P eru sed th e m i s c h i e f , lo o k in g b l u e , Condemned th e l i c e n s e o f th e p r e s s And th e d e c a y o f g e n t l e n e s s , P r o t e s t i n g 'tw a s u n f a i r t o l e v e l So f i e r c e a l i b e l a t th e D e v i l! * * * * * A p a r so n and a la w y e r , a s t h e y w a lk e d , Of t h i s and t h a t and t ' o t h e r m a tte r t a l k e d . P a s s in g a s q u a lid h o v e l w hence t h e r e came The ra g g ed c h i l d r e n o f a s l a t t e r n dame, The la w y e r s a id : 'Su ch d e s t i t u t i o n ' s a w fu l; I so o n c o u ld fin d a remedy t h a t ' s la w fu l.' 'Whom th e Lord l o v e t h th e y must f e e l th e r o d , ' The p a r so n s a id : ' i t i s th e w i l l o f G od.' The la w y e r snapped h i s f i n g e r s and r e p l i e d : 'B e q u e s ts u n r ig h te o u s ca n be s e t a s i d e . I n my o p i n io n — i f th e sa m e 's r e q u e s te d — That w i l l c o u ld be s u c c e s s f u l l y c o n t e s t e d . ' H 9 F i n a l l y , h e r e i s what may be c a l l e d an im p lie d pun, th e r e p e t i t I o n o f th e p h r a se b e in g o m itte d b u t u n d e rsto o d w it h a d i f f e r e n t m eaning in c o n n e c tio n w it h " c o n s e c r a te d grou n d :" G overnor A x t e l l , o f New M ex ico , i s a c cu sed o f h a v in g become a Mormon b is h o p . A b is h o p , I b e l i e v e , h a s th e power o f c o n s e c r a t i o n by th e I m p o s it io n o f h a n d s. I f Mr A xtell p u r s u e s i n New M exico t h e c o u r s e t h a t some o f I / •hfeuOld-time f r i e n d s a r e p u r s u i n g ' i n C a l i f o r n i a we may e x p e c t some o f th e f i n e s t t r a c t s o f Government lan d in t h a t t e r r i t o r y to become c o n s e c r a t e d g r o u n d .1 2 0 118 " P r a t t l e / 1 A rg o ., May 2 6 . 1 8 7 7 . 119 " p r a t t l e , " Wasp, S e p t . 2 2 , 1 8 8 3 . 120 " P r a t t l e , " A rg o ., J u ly 7 , 1877* 410 One o th e r s a t i r i c d e v ic e to he n o t ic e d i n th e works o f Ambrose B ie r c e i s th e e p i t h e t . Though i n i t s o r i g i n a l s i g n i f i c a t i o n th e word e p i t h e t was a p p lie d t o an a j e c t i v a l e x p r e s s i o n o f s p e c i a l a p p r o p r ia t e n e s s , i t h a s g r a d u a lly come t o d e n o te a l s o any s p e c i a l l y a p t , a p p r o p r ia t e , or s i g n i f i c a n t a p p e l a t i o n or s u b s t a n t i v e . I t i s i n t h i s l a r g e r s e n s e t h a t th e e p i t h e t a p p ears a s a s a t i r i c d e v ic e i n th e w r i t i n g s o f B i e r c e . W ith him t h i s d e v ic e i s o f t e n c l e v e r and i n c i s i v e , but more f r e q u e n t l y i t i s s a r c a s t i c , s c o r n f u l , and venem ou s. O c c a s io n a lly i t i s h e a v y and c r u d e . Thus i n th e hands o f B ie r c e th e e p i t h e t i s som etim es a l i g h t sword or a f i n e w h ip - l a s h , b u t o f t e n i t i s a q u a r t e r s t a f f or b lu d g e o n w it h w h ich h e b e a t s h i s v i c t i m s i n t o i n s e n s i b i l i t y . I t i s n o t a form o f w i t , b u t r a t h e r an in str u m e n t o f s a t i r i c v i t u p e r a t i o n , i n s u l t , or a b u s e . The more sa v a g e th e w r i t e r ' s i n d i g n a t i o n , th e h e a v i e r and c r u d e r become h i s e p i t h e t s . I t i s d i f f i c u l t t o be te m p e r a te in s e l e c t i n g i l l u s t r a t i o n s from th e p r o f u s io n o f e p i t h e t s t o be found in t h e j o u r n a l i s t i c w r i t i n g s o f B i e r c e ' s c a r e e r . H is con tem p t fo r th e c l e r g y and c h u r c h p e o p le was e x p r e s s e d som etim es i n su ch e x p r e s s i o n s as th e "p aid f i r e departm en t" or th e " o r th o d o x e n ,” b u t more o f t e n a m i n i s t e r was g iv e n some su ch a p p e l a t i o n a s "th e R ev. Mr. P h a t t n u d le ," " th e R ev. Mr. D o b r a n e ,” " th e R ev. Mr. Impycu" ( o f th e "Church o f th e H oly M ortgage*’ ) , " th e Rev. Mr. S t o c k d e a le S lo p o q u e ," " B ib le d o z e r ," " H o ly h o r r o r ," " H e l l y e l l e r , * * " H o ly d ro n e," or "W heybosh," and th e l e s s e r o f f i c e r s or com m unicants in th e c h u r c h was g iv e n su ch names a s "Deacon H o ly o g le S q u e e z e ," "Mr. 411 P h eeb u ry” ( t h e ’’s e x t o n o f C a la m ity Church” ) , ”01d Mr. Muckrake S u n d ip r a y ,” ’’M eekcheek, ” ’’M ild s p e e c h ,” Madam H o ly h o r r o r ,” and ’’M iss P r im id im it y . ” Women w ere ’’th e p a in te d s e x ” or " th e o p p o sin g s e x , ” and th e New Women w ere th e ’’m u ltim en ted c o - f a d d i s t s ” and " th e b a t t e r in g la m b s .’’ The f a s h io n a b l e s o c i e t y o f San F r a n c is c o w ere r e fe r r e d to a s th e ”A s s o c r a t [ s ] , ” th e San F r a n c is c o ’’P a r i s t o c r a c y , ” th e ’’s w i l l i o n a i r e s , ” and th e ’’Sore h u n d r e d ,” I n th e f i e l d o f th e law B ie r c e sp ok e o f th e C a l i f o r n i a Supreme C ourt a s " th e Hen R o o s t , ” o f th e members o f t h a t body a s ’’t h e i r H en sh ip s o f th e Supreme P e r c h ,” and o f a p a r t i c u l a r member a s " o ld C h ica b id d y M cF arland. ” I n jo u r n a lis m B ie r c e c a l l e d Mr. G odey, o f L ad y' s Book fam e, a ’’s h a m e le s s o ld i m p o t e n t a t e .” Mr. P ic k e r in g was e d i t o r o f th e Sunday S q u a ll and h i s paper was t h e '"Monarch o f th e S c a l i e s ; ” C o lo n e l J a c k so n was e d i t o r o f th e E ven in g G h o st; Mr. B oruck, " th e R o a rin g V i o l e t , ” was e d i t o r o f t h e " h o r s e p a p e r ; ” and ”£ran k P i g s - l e y ” was e d i t o r o f th e ’’H o gon au t. ” The;yp ap er on ce e d it e d by B r e t ■ H a rte became in i t s d e c l i n i n g days th e "W armedoverland M o n th ly . ” Mike De Young, e d i t o r o f th e C h r o n ic le was d e s p is e d p r o b a b ly more d e e p ly by B ie r c e th an any o th e r San F r a n c is c o j o u r n a l i s t , and B ie r c e n e v e r t in e d o f m au lin g t h i s v u lg a r P h i l i s t i n e . He was th e ’’commandant o f th e C h r o n ic l e ’ s ra g g ed r e g i m e n t ,” a " d i t c h - d e l i v e r e d , slu m -r e a r e d and s t r e e t i n s t r u c t e d M aster o f th e M y s t e r ie s to th e A n c ie n t and H on orab le Order o f L it e r a r y C a n a i l l e , ” 4 1 2 a " c h ild o f L ig h t in t h e H ie r a r c h y o f H o r r ib l e s ," a "m end icant c r e t i n o f th e v a l l e y o f th e shadow o f s i n , " a " w a lk in g A p p e t it e ," a " s t a l e - b r e a d - b l o a t e d t a t t e r d e m a li o n ," " th e C h r o n ic l e 1s T h e r s i t e s , " " th e most d e t e s t a b l e o f p a r a s i t e s , " a " p la g u e - s p o t t e d m e n ta l and m oral o u t c a s t , " an " in c u r a b le L azaru s o f th e slu m s , b a n in g a l l dogs o f co m p a ssio n w it h th e v i r u s o f h i s s o r e s and im p e s tin g th e p i t y i n g b r e e z e s t h a t d ry -w a sh h i s © ru sted c a r c a s s ," an " o u t - p a t i e n t o f H ad es," an " in c a r n a te e f f lu v ih m from t h e w a s t e - dump o f th e m oral h o s p i t a l , " "a s p e c k le d b e a u ty s m it t e n s i c k w it h s i n , " a " d itc h -d a n k b e g g a r daubed w it h th e e s s e n t i a l o i l s o f p e s t i l e n c e , " a " w alk in g c o n ta g iu m ," th e "Head Hog" o f th e C h r o n ic l e , 3-21 Among th e a r t i s t s s a t i r i z e d was Sam uel B rookes who p a in te d " b e a s to g r a p h s ," " f i s h s c a p e s ," and " v e g e t r a i t s ;" w h ile among th e l i t e r a r y p e o p le , famous o r o t h e r w is e , w ere " M a in stren g th " S te v e n s o n , " S im p e r e lla " B la c k , " P lu n ger" H aggard, " R e s p e c t a b ilio u s " Jam es, and " P u t t e r ie " H o w e lls . Mr. B. P . T a y lo r , o f C h ic a g o , "a rhymer o f d i s t i n g u i s h e d i n c a p a c i t y ," was "a law dy-daw dy l i t t e r a t e u r ; " a c e r t a i n o b scu re v e r s i f i e r o f th e Bay R e g io n was th e " c o w -v o ic e d Sw eet S in g e r o f Goat I s la n d ; " th e l o v e r s o f W h it man were "W h itm an iacs;" and H a r r ie t M onroe’s com m em orative poem f o r th e C olum bian E x p o s i t io n was n o t an o d e , b u t an "Odamn." 3-21 A l l t h e s e ep igram s on De Young a r e from o n ly two a t t a c k s upon t h a t e d i t o r . " P r a t t l e , " Wasp, Aug. 1 9 , 1881 and Aug. 1 8 , I 8 8 3 . O ther t y p i c a l e p i t h e t s w ere "Mr. A f f l i c t e r A. S p ew a rtw f o r th e l o c a l hard who s ig n e d h i s name '‘H ec to r A .'S te w a r t* ' and " S te a la n d L anford" f o r L eland S t a n fo r d . D en is K earney was th e " D ir ty D ic t a t o r ; " O f f i c e r B arnes o f C a l i f o r n i a N a t io n a l Guard was " B r a g a d ie r -G e n e r a l B arn es" and h i s m i lit ia m e n , " th e h o t t i e s c a r r e d v e t e r a n s ; " John Sharp W illia m s , in 1 9 0 6 , was " th e m islea-d er o f th e m in o r it y i n th e House o f R e p r e s e n t a t i v e s ; 1 * a c e r t a i n s o c i e t y r e p o r t e r was a " r o y a l B e n g a l j a c k a s s ; " and th e r a i l r o a d m agnates o f C a l i f o r n i a w ere " th e r a i l r o g u e s , " C e r t a in c l a s s e s o f p e o p le w ere " p l a t i t u d i n a r i a n s , " ' " s e n t i m e n t a li t e r s ," " r o s e w a te r r e f o r m e r s ," " f u t i l i t a r i a n s , " " f e m in in e s ," " s lo p t o m is t s " c o c k e r a l ’ c r i t i c s , 1" " p e a sa n t s o u l s , " " b lo c k h e a d s ," and " f o o l s ; " and su ch d e s i g n a t i o n s a s " c r i t i c a l c a p o n ," " l i g n i c e p h a l u s d u lla r d " p a u n ch p a tes d i g e s t i o n l e s s , " " S ir B lo c k h e a d ," " B lo c k to p ," "Gut - b r a i n s ," "S m ir k fa c e ," and "Slushwump" w ere f r e e l y b esto w ed upon h i s v i c t i m s . 122 F r e q u e n tly B i e r c e ’s e p i t h e t s w ere L a tin i m p r o v is io n s . The t r a v e l i n g sa le sm a n was "homo lo q u a x ;" th e E v en in g B u l l e t i n was th e V e s p e r t in e S i l u r i a n ; and W. L. M erry was J o c o s u s . The e p i t h e t s c i t e d h e r e d i f f e r c o n s id e r a b ly i n t h e i r n a t u r e . A l a r g e p r o p o r tio n o f them a r e i n th e a d j e c t i v a l t r a d i - - t i o n , l i k e " M ain stren gth " S te v e n s o n , " r o se w a ter " r e f o r m e r s , and e v en " G u tb r a in s." Some, l i k e " W h itm an iacs," " f u t i l i t a r i a n s , " and "a s h a m e le s s o ld im p o te n ta te " a r e s u b s t a n t i v e s . O fte n th e 122 M ost o f th e l a s t d ozen o f t h e s e e p i t h e t s come from a d i s c o u r s e on g e n i u s , Wasp, J a n . 2 6 , 1 8 8 6 . 414 s u b s t a n t i v e I s m e ta p h o r ic a l and i s com bined w it h an a d j e c t i v a l e p i t h e t , a s i n th e i n s t a n c e s o f th e " r o y a l B e n g a l ja ck a ss^ ’ and " th e R o a rin g V i o l e t . " A g ain th e s u b s t a n t i v e , o r c o m b in a tio n o f a d j e c t i v e and s u b s t a n t i v e may depend i n p a r t f o r i t s f o r c e upon one o r more p h r a s e s t h a t f o l l o w , as i n th e e x p r e s s i o n s a ” c h i l d o f L ig h t i n th e H ie r a r c h y o f H o r r ib le s '1 1 and th e ”c o w -v o ic e d Sw eet S in g e r o f Goat I s la n d ." O c c a s io n a lly a b lu n t s u b s t a n t i v e i s a s s i s t - ed~‘ m e r e ly by a l l i t e r a t i o n , a s i n th e e x p r e s s io n s " D ir ty D i c t a t o r ” and " th e Head Hog" o f th e C h r o n ic le . F r e q u e n t ly th e e p i t h e t i s a f e l i c i t i o u s rhymed d i s t o r t i o n o f a noun or p h r a s e , a s a r e th e e x p r e s s i o n s " s w i l l i o n a i r e s , " "Sore H u n d red ,” "Frank P i g s l e y , ” and " S tea la n d L a n d fo rd ." A l l t h e s e ty p e s o f e p i t h e t s show B ie r c e t o h ave b e e n s p o n ta n e o u s , o r i g i n a l and in g e n io u s i n t h i s ty p e o f a t t a c k . As fo r th e s a t i r i c a u x i l i a r i e s o f th e e p i t h e t s , t h e most common a r e i m p l i c a t i o n by s u g g e s t i o n or i d e n t i f i c a t i o n and d i r e c t i n s u l t em b ro id ered w it h a l l i t e r a t i o n , rhyme and humor. I t I s im p o r ta n t to n o te t h a t th e s e v e r a l d e v i c e s d e s c r ib e d i n t h i s c h a p te r a r e v a r i o u s l y com bined i n th e s a t i r e o f w h ich th e y a r e a p a r t . Ir o n y o f i n v e r s i o n , u n d e r s ta te m e n t, or manner; i m p l i c a t i o n by a v a r i e t y o f means; c o n t r a s t ; th e s e l f - r e v e l a t o r y d e v ic e s ; c o n s c io u s e la b o r a t i o n ; w it ; and e p i t h e t - - a l l w ere b le n d e d so v a r i o u s l y , s k i l f u l l y , and s u b t l y t h a t o f t e n i t seem s im p o s s ib le to d isc o v e r j u s t what I t i s t h a t makes a p a s s a g e s a t i r i c , e v e n th ou gh th e s a t i r i c f l a v o r i s u n m is ta k a b le . M oreover, i n th e u se o f t h e s e d e v i c e s th e a u th o r shows su c h an I n s t i n c t f o r h i s a r t t h a t h i s s a t i r e u s u a l l y manages to he e f f e c t i v e , f r e s h , and th o r o u g h ly r e a d a b l e , th ou gh o f t e n somewhat v i o l e n t , c h e a p , and la c k in g i n f i n e s s e . CHAPTER I I I SOME POSSIBLE ORIGINS OF BIERCE'S SATIRE I t i s im p o s s ib le t o sa y what e x t e r n a l f o r c e s , what f a c t o r s o f h e r e d i t y , what f a c t o r s o f r e a s o n and v o l i t i o n , and w hat s t r a n g e i n t e r n a l c o m p u lsio n s com bined to make Ambrose B ie r c e th e s a t i r i s t he w a s, th ou gh c e r t a i n la r g e n o n - l i t e r a r y e le m e n ts seem t o o f f e r p a r t i a l e x p la n a t io n s o f h i s g e n e r a l a t t i t u d e s , and c e r t a i n s i m i l a r i t i e s app ear b e tw e en h i s w r i t i n g s and t h o s e o f o th e r s a t i r i s t s . I g n o r in g h i s h e r e d i t a r y endow m ents, w h ich c a n n o t be a n a ly z e d , one f i n d s t h a t th e f i r s t g r e a t n o n - l i t e r a r y f o r c e te n d in g to make B ie r c e a s a t i r i s t was th e r e l i g i o u s atm o sp h ere o f h i s c h ild h o o d and e a r l y y o u th . C arey M cW illiam s shows t h a t B ie r c e came from a l i n e o f r e l i g i o u s a n c e s t o r s on th e p a t e r n a l s i d e ; t h a t h e was r e a r e d in "a s e t t l e m e n t o f v e r y r e l i g i o u s and p io u s e m ig r a n ts from C o n n e c tic u t t h a t th e e n t i r e W estern R e se r v e i n th e r e g io n w here B ie r c e s p e n t h i s y o u th was " i n t e n s e l y r e l i g i o u s 91. and p u r i t a n i c a l ; and t h a t one o f B i e r c e ' s s i s t e r s s e r v e d a s a m is s io n a r y t o A f r ic a . But i f one knew n o th in g a b o u t th e y o u th o f B i e r c e , h i s own w r i t i n g s w ould t e s t i f y to h i s e a r l y r e l i g i o u s b ackgroun d. T hrough o u t h i s c a r e e r h e made hund reds o f s p e c i f i c r e f e r e n c e s to m a tte r s i n th e B i b l e . H is m u lt it u d in o u s r e f e r e n c e s to t h e c l e r g y b e sp e a k a f i r s t - h a n d a c q u a in ta n c e w it h th e P r o t e s t a n t m i n is t r y . He d e s c r ib e d t h e i r a t t i t u d e s , p a r o d ie d t h e i r d i c t i o n , and i n b u r le s q u e in to n e d t h e i r p r a y e r s w ith a c c u r a c y . But d e s p i t e h i s s c o r n o f i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d C h r i s t i a n i t y , h e r e t a i n e d th r o u g h o u t h i s l i f e a 1 C arey M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e , A B io g r a p h y , p. 21. 417 g e n u in e r e s p e c t f o r u n p e r v e r te d C h r i s t i a n i t y and c o n tin u e d to h o ld c e r t a i n P u r ita n a t t i t u d e s toward l i f e . He r i d i c u l e d c o n v e n t io n a l C h r i s t i a n s , h u t he d id so b e c a u se o f t h e i r d e p a r tu r e from th e t e a c h i n g o f th e fo u n d e r , and more th a n on ce he a s s e r t e d t h a t h i s u l t i m a t e t e s t o f r i g h t was th e s im p le q u e s t i o n , What w ould C h r is t h a v e don e?2a As f o r h i s P u r ita n a f f i n i t i e s , B i e r c e p o s s e s s e d a k een s e n s e o f r i g h t and w rong, a s e t o f h i g h , i d e a l i s t i c s t a n d a r d s , a r e a d in e s s to p ron ou n ce judgm ent upon t h o s e who d id n o t m easure up t o h i s s t a n d a r d s , a fir m b e l i e f i n i n d i v i d u a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , and in e t h i c a l m a tte r s an u n q u e s t io n in g a ss u m p tio n o f h i s own i n f a l l i b i l i t y . R e c o g n i z i n g h i s own dogm atism , y e t se em in g to t h in k t h a t i t was c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o n ly o f th e f i r s t p a r t o f h i s l i f e , B ie r c e on ce rem arked t h a t when he came to C a l i f o r n i a i n 18 6 6 he came w ith ''k c a s t - i r o n c o n v i c t i o n ab ou t e v e r y t h in g from t h e s e l f - e v i d e n t t o th e u n k n ow ab le, b o th i n c l u s i v e , " 213 th ou gh w h eth er he knew i t or n o t , In c e r t a i n m a tte r s t h i s dogm atism p e r s i s t e d th r o u g h o u t h i s l i f e . T h ese c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s a l l ten d to show th e r e l i g i o u s o r i g i n o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e , an o r i g i n t h a t he h i m s e l f a f f ir m e d , In B i b l i c a l '■k d i c t i o n , when he was e d i t o r o f th e News L e t t e r : In h i s c h a r a c t e r o f C e n so r, News L e t t e r h a s provoked d i s c u s s i o n a s w e l l a s mere a d m ir a tio n . Y et h i s t r u e f u n c t i o n - - th e p u rp o se o f h i s b e i n g — a p p e a r e th n o t to h a v e b e e n p r e c i s e l y d i s c e r n e d . He i s an o f f s h o o t o f th e ch u rch ; h i s o r i g i n a l was e r s t a p a r t o f h e r o r g a n i z a t i o n ; sh e lo p p ed o f f t h a t o r i g i n a l , b u t h i s r o o t was p la n te d d e e p i n th e s o i l o f hu m an ity and n u r tu r e d by th e e v e r - w e l l i n g w a t e r s o f t r u t h . He i s sp ru n g up a g a in i n th e m id st-'o f t h o s e who would d e s t r o y h im , armed w it h sh a r p th o r n s w h ich t e a r th e c u t i c l e s o f su ch a s would do him wrong; f l o u r i s h i n g m i g h t i ly i n t h e la n d and r e j o i c i n g in* th e s t r e n g t h w h ich i s h i s o n ly so lo n g a s h e d raw eth n o u rish m en t from th e s o u r c e s o f t r u t h and h u m a n ity as a f o r e s a i d . I n th e C a t h o lic C hurch, when a name i s p ro p o sed f o r c a n o n i z a t io n , t h e r e i s a sp e a k e r who s u s t a i n s th e m o tio n , term ed th e A d vocatu s 2a v i d e su p r a , pp. 3 0 7 f» 2b '" P r a ttle ," A rg o . , March 9, 1 8 7 8 . 418 D e l; op p osed t o him i s a n o th e r who shows c a u s e a g a i n s t s a id c a n o n i z a t i o n — and he i s term ed A d vo catu s D l a h o l i . T h a t’ s Us — we show c a u s e a g a i n s t th e c a n o n i z a t io n o f anyb ody. I f , f o r i n s t a n c e , th e ewes o f a C h r i s t i a n f l o c k a r e im p e lle d to e l e v a t e u n to th e s a in th o o d a ran k o ld (o r you n g) c l e r i c a l ram, w hose manual fu m h lin g s w ould b r in g upon one o f th e u n c l e r i c a l a m e r ite d t h r a s h in g , i n s t a n t l y News L e t t e r t a k e t h up h i s p a r a b le a g a i n s t c a n o n i z a t io n . . . . Or, i f a f r e r e o f t h a t new o r d e r o f b e g g in g e c c l e s i a s t i c s , y c l e p t r e l i g i o u s e d i t o r s , p u r tu r b e th th e p e o p le w it h th e p i t e o u s w h in in g w h ic h i s th e manner o f t h i s p h l e b o t o n i z i n g f r a t e r n i t y , what d o e th th e News L e t te r ? R is in g i n h i s m ight and w r a th , he f a l l e t h upon him w ith a g r ie v o u s f a l l i n g , and s m it e t h him h ip and t h i g h - - y e a , under th e f i f t h r i b p i e r c e t h h e him , and a f t e r th e manner o f men he g i v e t h him so m e th in g to w h in e f o r . Or when a t h i e f a r i s e t h am on g'S u p er v i s o r s , or a f o o l i n th e Board o f E d u c a tio n . . . .w hat d o e th News L e t t e r ? He g i r d e t h up h i s l o i n s , he b a r e th h i s arm, he t a k e t h h i s w h ip , e v e n h i s w hip o f s c o r p i o n s , and he l a s h e t h th e e v i l d o e r s s o t h a t th e y r o a r a g a in . . . .H e r e in , th e n c o n - s i s t e t h th e s t r e n g t h and p u rp ose o f th e News L e t t e r : He i s A d v o ca tu s D i a b o l i - - a b r e a k e r o f g r a v en im a g e s , a p u t t e r down o f f a l s e g o d s , 5ut c h i e f l y a f l a g e l l u s , a m a l l e u s , fo r t h o s e f a l s e g o d s , f a l s e r s a i n t s and f a l s e r p r i e s t s w h ic h y e t do v e x and c o z e n th e p e o p l e . 2c As B i e r c e ' s e a r l y r e l i g i o u s en viron m en t p la y e d a v e r y la r g e p a r t i n sh a p in g him i n t o a m oral s a t i r i s t , so h i s e a r l y p h y s i c a l and s o c i a l en v iro n m en t must have c a u se d him to h a t e v u l g a r i t y and p a r o c h ia lis m . V ery l i t t l e i s known ab ou t B i e r c e ’s boyhood and y o u th . Two f a c t s , h o w ev e r, seem th o r o u g h ly e s t a b l i s h e d : t h a t h i s e a r l y y e a r s w ere s p e n t on a farm i n Ohio and t h a t , som etim e d u r in g h i s b oyh ood , th e f a m ily moved to I n d ia n a . But how lo n g he l i v e d on th e farm was n o t known u n t i l Carey M cW illiam s u n co v ered th e s t o r y o f a y o u t h f u l l o v e a f f a i r b etw een B i e r c e and F atim a W right o f Warsaw, I n d ia n a . T h is s t o r y , i n c i d e n t a l l y r e v e a l s t h a t h e l i v e d on a farm n e a r Warsaw u n t i l h e f i n i s h e d h ig h s c h o o l , s h o r t l y b e f o r e th e C i v i l War. 2c The San F r a n c is c o News L e t t e r and C a l i f o r n i a A d v e r t is e r , Jan u ary 1 5 ," I 8 7 O. 419 Thus one may f e e l r e a s o n a b ly c e r t a i n t h a t f o r h i s f i r s t s i x t e e n or e i g h t e e n y e a r s B ie r c e f o l lo w e d th e norm al d a i l y r o u t in e and had th e norm al e x p e r ie n c e s t h a t a r e a s s o c i a t e d w it h M id dle W estern farm l i f e a t t h a t t im e . D ic k e n s i n h i s A m erican H o te s (1 8 4 2 ) d e s c r i b e s t h e m iasm al swamps o f t h i s r e g i o n , th e p e r p e t u a l and u n i v e r s a l c h o r u s o f f r o g s ; t h e n e a r ly im p a ssa b le r o a d s; th e u n s a t i s f a c t o r y fa rm s, th e n o n ly r e c e n t l y c le a r e d o f th e v i r g i n f o r e s t s and s t i l l d o t t e d w it h stu m ps; th e c r u d e , un s a n i t a r y , u n l o v e l y h a b i t a t i o n s ; and , w o r st ,o f a l l , th e r u d e , u n c u l t i v a t e d i n h a b i t a n t s o f th e r e g i o n . M oreover, few o f the m odern t e c h n o l o g i c a l im provem ents i n farm m a ch in ery had been in v e n t e d b e f o r e th e C i v i l War; h e n c e , fa rm e rs worked from su n r i s e to s u n s e t , rode n o t a t a l l i n p lo w in g , h a r r o w in g , p l a n t i n g , c u l t i v a t i n g , and r e a p in g , and p erform ed by t h e i r own s t r e n g t h n e a r ly e v e r y a e t o f la b o r on th e farm sa v e t h e a c t u a l d raw in g o f im p lem en ts and v e h i c l e s . That B ie r c e r e a e t e d v i o l e n t l y a g a i n s t t h i s en viron m en t one ca n n o t d o u b t. Farm d ru d gery m eant a e h in g l e g s a t th e c l o s e o f a lo n g day b eh in d th e p lo w , o r a b r e a k in g back a f t e r a h o t day i n th e h a r v e s t f i e l d . S o , d u r in g h i s j o u r n a l i s t i c c a r e e r , B ie r c e r e p e a t e d ly a s s e r t e d t h a t nobody lo v e d la b o r and t h a t we work w it h ou r hands o n ly b e c a u se we have t o ; “Manual la b o r h a s n o t h in g o f d i g n i t y , n o t h in g o f b e a u ty . I t i s a h a r d , im p e r io u s , and d i s p i r i t i n g n e c e s s i t y . He who i s condemned to i t f e e l s 420 t h a t i t s e t s upon h i s brow t h e s i g n o f i n t e l l e c t u a l i n f e r i o r i t y . And t h a t brand o f s e r v i t u d e n e v e r c e a s e s to burn. A gain farm la b o r was d i r t y , sw e a ty la b o r — and fa rm ers and t h e i r w i v e s , l a e k in g modern w a te r and b a t h in g f a c i l i t i e s , w ere o f t e n unw ashed. B i e r c e ’ s r e a c t i o n to t h i s i s p r o b a b ly t o be s e e n i n h i s l a t e r m ania f o r c l e a n l i n e s s , i n r e f e r e n c e t o w h ic h George S t e r l i n g s a y s t h a t B ie r c e "would sp en d h ou rs on h i s t o i l e t d a i l y , h i s nephew , C a r lto n , g o in g s o f a r a s t o a s s e r t t h a t he sh a v ed from head t o f o o t . " 4 B ie r e e seem s to have b een ashamed o f h i s e a r l y en v iro n m en t; a t l e a s t i t w as so d i s t a s t e f u l t o him t h a t he a lm o st n e v e r a llu d e d to i t e i t h e r i n w r i t i n g or s p e e c h . 5 one poem, h ow ever, seem s to r e f e r to h i s farm l i f e and to c a r r y , to u c h e d w it h humor, h i s ex trem e d i s l i k e o f t h a t l i f e . I t a p p ea red i n fh e Wasp d u r in g B i e r c e ’ s e d i t o r s h i p , Hovember 3 , 1 8 8 3 , b u t was u n s ig n e d ,^ a s one w ou ld 3 C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 1 :1 5 2 . ^ George S t e r l i n g , ,f5*he Shadow M aker," A m erican Mereua?y, 6 : 1 2 , S e p t . , 1 9 2 5 . ® P a u l J o r d a n -S m ith , On S tr a n g e A l t a r s , p . 2 6 2 . ^ T h is poem i s a s c r ib e d t o B ie r c e on th e grou n d s o f a s t a t e ment by Carey M cW illiam s and c e r t a i n s i m i l a r i t i e s w i t h i n th e poem t o B ie r c e * s known v e r s e . M cW illiam s s a y s , " B ie r e e * s own r e c o r d o f h i s boyhood i s p erh ap s b e s t summed up i n some l i n e s . . ." (Ambrose B i e r e e , A B io g r a p h y , p . 2 6 ) , th a n q u o te s from th e poem. M cW illia m s' t e s t im o n y s h o u ld be good i n su ch m a t t e r s , s i n c e he w orked from B i e r c e ’ s own c o l l e c t i o n o f n o t e s , c l i p p i n g s , and l e t t e r s , fh e e h i e f b i t s o f e v id e n c e w i t h i n th e poem, m eager and i n c o n c l u s i v e th ou gh t h e y a r e , a r e th e r u n -o n l i n e s ( e i g h t i n th e e n t i r e poem ), w h ich a r e t y p i c a l o f B i e r c e ' s v e r s e ; th e m e n tio n o f th e "duck pond," w h ic h p h r a se o c c u r s s e v e r a l tim e s i n B i e r c e ’ s farm a l l u s i o n s ; th e l i n e , "Ihe w a te r — im pure a s th e v e r s e s o f B yron ," from s t a n z a tw o, w h ich c a r r i e s a B i e r e i a n s i m i l e ; th e l i n e , "And now, f a r rem oved from t h e s c e n e s I ’m d e s c r ib in g " w h ic h i s i n harmony w it h B i e r c e ' s s i t u a - 421 e x p e c t i t to b e: THAT TERRIBLE WELL W ith w hat a n g u is h o f m in i I remember my c h ild h o o d , R e c a lle d i n th e l i g h t o f a k n ow led ge s i n c e g a in e d ; The m a la r io u s farm , th e w e t, fu n g u s -g r o w n , w ild w o o d , The c h i l l s th e n c o n t r a c t e d t h a t s i n c e have rem a in ed ; The sc u m -c o v e r e d duck pond, th e p i g s t y e c l o s e by i t , The d i t c h w here th e s o u r - s m e l l i n g h ou se d r a in a g e f e l l ; The damp, sh a d ed d w e l l in g , th e f o u l b arn yard n ig h i t — But w o rse th a n a l l e l s e was' t h a t t e r r i b l e w e l l , And th e o ld oaken b u c k e t , th e m o u ld -c r u s te d b u c k e t, The m o s s -c o v e r e d b u c k e t t h a t hung i n th e w e l l . • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • t e a How l i t t l e I knew o f th e d rea d ty p h o id f e v e r W hich lu r k e d i n th e w a te r I v e n tu r e d to d r in k I But s i n c e I ’ ve become a d e v o te d b e l i e v e r I n th e t e a c h i n g s o f s c i e n c e , I sh u d d er to t h in k ; And now, f a r rem oved from th e s c e n e s I ’m d e s c r i b i n g , The s t o r y f o r w a r n in g t o o t h e r s I t e l l , As memory r e v e r t s t o my y o u t h f u l im b ib in g , And I g a g a t th e th o u g h t o f t h a t h o r r i b l e w e l l , And th e o ld oak en b u c k e t, t h a t fu n g u s-g ro w n b u c k e t, I n f a c t , th e s l o p b u ck et t h a t hung i n th e w e l l . B i e r c e ’ s a t t i t u d e tow ard h i s r u r a l su r r o u n d in g s may a l s o be i n f e r r e d from h i s more than o c c a s i o n a l u s e o f farm f i g u r e s w it h u n f a v o r a b le c o n n o t a t io n . He sp ok e o f so m e th in g b e in g ”a s a g r e e a b le as th e f r i e n d l y a t t r a c t i o n s o f a w et dog or a c a r e s s from th e s lim y m u zzle o f a s u c k in g e a l f , ” and , an i n s t a n c e a lr e a d y c i t e d , w ro te (6 - c o n tin u e d ) t i o n a t th e tim e ; th e c a t a l o g , i n th e un q u o ted p o r t i o n , o f th e v a r io u s i m p u r i t ie s and form s o f l i f e i n th e w a te r — m o ss, r o t t i n g wood f i b r e , o x id e o f i r o n , mud, a l g a e , germ s, and a f r o g — w h ich c a t a l o g i s somewhat s i m i l a r t o th e s e v e r a l a n a ly s e s B ie r c e made o f th e w a te r o f th e S p r in g Y a lle y W ater Company; th e l a s t l i n e o f th e poem, w h ic h h a rm o n izes w i t h B i e r c e ’ s s u r p r i s e e n d in g s and h i s p en ch a n t f o r s h o c k in g p e o p le ; th e a n t i - r o m a n t i c , a n t i - s e n t i m e n t a l a t t i t u d e e x p r e s s e d i n th e p o e m --th e s e t h i n g s a l l te n d t o le n d c r e d e n c e t o M cW illiam s’ t e s t im o n y . 43S t h a t th e e d i t o r o f th e San J o s e M ercury "has gone and sm eared h im s e lf from th e d is k o f h i s sn o u t t o th e k in k o f h i s t a i l " and now " s c r a t c h e s h i s ham a g a i n s t a harrow and s u r v e y s th e w o r ld from b e n e a th h i s f l a p p i n g e a r s . " 7 He c a l l e d one o f th e San F r a n c is c o d a i l i e s a "moribund s w i l l - e a r t ," c o n t r a s t e d th e " f l i g h t o f an e a g le " t o ^ th e clu m sy tu m b lin g o f a h e a d le s s h e n ," d e s c r ib e d a f a c e a s b e in g "d im p led l i k e a d u ek -p on d ,in a summer sh ow er," sp o k e o f "a w a rn in g l i k e th e w a i l o f a c a l f i n a c o ld sto r m ," and compared so m e th in g e l s e to "th e p r o g r e s s o f a k i c k i n g mule th r o u g h a b a r n -y a r d o f p i g s . " A lso p r e v io u s l y c i t e d i s th e remark t h a t S e n a to r P e r k in s was "a le a d e r o n ly when f o l lo w e d by a l i n e o f cows who are c u r io u s to a s c e r t a i n what e l s e he i s , mid i f he i s good t o e a t ." Y e t a g a in , he d e s c r ib e d th e d r in k e r s o f a t o a s t : ". . . th e y p u t t h e i r f o r e - f e e t i n the tr o u g h , and f o r te n m in u t e s n o t h in g was h ea rd b u t th e eh u ek er and s c h lo o p o f com m u n istic t i p p l i n g . "8 P erh a p s B ie r c e * s r e v u l s i o n a g a i n s t r u r a l l i f e was n o t f u l l y d e v e lo p e d b e fo r e he l e f t th e fa rm . I t may have grown grad u a l l y as h i s h o r iz o n s w id en ed d u r in g t h e e v e n t f u l y e a r s from 1861 t o 1 8 7 5 . S u r e ly th e d r u d g e r y , d i r t i n e s s , s o r d i d n e s s , and u n lo v e l i n e s s o f farm l i f e and th e p a r o c h ia lis m and c r u d it y o f m anners 7 " P r a t t l e , 1 ? A rg o. , June 3 0 ,1 8 7 7 8 I b i d . , May 4 , 1 8 7 8 . 4 2 3 and s p e e c h among th e farm f o l k must have b een b ro u g h t i n t o sharp f o c u s by h i s v a r ie d e x p e r ie n c e s d u r in g t h i s p e r io d ; and th e con t r a s t b e tw e en farm l i f e on th e one hand and h i s new e x p e r ie n c e s on th e o t h e r m ust have b e e n p a r t l y r e s p o n s ib l e f o r B i e r c e f s i n t e n s e , l i f e - l o n g h o s t i l i t y tow ard v u l g a r i t y i n a l l i t s fo rm s. T h ese f a c t s may o f f e r a p o s s i b l e e x p la n a t io n f o r B i e r c e ' s f r e q u en t d e r o g a to r y rem arks a b o u t K a n sa s, M is s o u r i, Io w a , I l l i n o i s , I n d ia n a , and K en tu ck y , a s w e l l a s f o r h i s s c o r n o f A de, R i l e y , and th e l o c a l - c o l o r and d i a l e c t w r i t e r s , and o f a l l th e "gowks” and " sodh opp ers" o f P o se y C ou nty. A n o th er i n f l u e n c e i n B i e r c e ' s y o u t h may have b e e n h i s u n c l e , G en era l L u ciu s V erus B i e r c e , who, a c c o r d in g t o Carey M cW illia m s, 9 was th e boyhood h e r o o f yo u n g Am brose. G en eral B i e r c e , a man o f a c t i o n , who had p a r t i c i p a t e d i n th e a b o r t iv e " P a t r i o t War" o f 1 8 3 7 , was n o t o n ly a s o l d i e r , b u t a la w y e r , o r a t o r , p a t r i o t , p o e t , and p o l i t i c a l and c i v i c le a d e r a s w e l l ; m o re o v er , he had g r a d u a te d from Ohio U n i v e r s i t y . P erh a p s i t was h i s U n c le L u c iu s who f i r s t gave Ambrose an a d m ir a tio n f o r m i l i t a r y l i f e , gave him a v i s i o n o f h o r iz o n s beyond th e farm , and i n s p i r e d him w i t h a d e s i r e t o l e a r n . But p o s s i b l y B ie r c e r e c e i v e d h i s e a r l y v i s i o n and i n s p i r a t i o n from h i s f a t h e r ' s l i b r a r y , f o r B e r th a C lark Pope q u o te s him a s h a v in g s a i d , " to a f r i e n d ," 9 C arey M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e , a B io g r a p h y , p . 4 8 . 424 "My f a t h e r was a p o o r fa rm er and c o u ld g iv e me no g e n e r a l ed u ca t i o n , "but he d id have a good l i b r a r y , and to h i s book s I owe a l l t h a t I h a v e . " ^ C o n s id e r in g B i e r c e ’s r e l i g i o u s and farm e n v iro n m en ts as m ajor fo r m a tiv e i n f l u e n c e s i n h i s e a r e e r and c o n s i d e r in g h i s U n c le L u c iu s as o f o n ly se c o n d a r y im p o r ta n c e , one may d e s ig n a t e h i s m i l i t a r y e a r e e r a s a t h i r d g r e a t fo r m a tiv e i n f l u e n c e i n h i s l i f e . One ca n n o t know what he w ou ld have b een w it h o u t i t , b u t p erh a p s h i s p a s s io n f o r e x a c t n e s s , h i s s t e r n n e s s , h i s s t r i c t n e s s i n j u d g in g o t h e r s , and h i s i n s i s t e n c e upon d i s c i p l i n e and d u ty a re a t t r i b u t a b l e i n p a r t to h i s a d m ir a tio n o f t h e s e f a c t o r s i n army l i f e . l e a r l y t h i r t y y e a r s a f t e r he had l e f t th e s e r v i c e B ie r c e w r o te t h i s i n p r a i s e o f th e army: So f a r a s I know o f th e men o f my c o u n tr y t h e r e i s bu t one c l a s s o f them t h a t can be a lw a y s t r u s t e d f o r d u ty — the U n ite d S t a t e s Army. E very c l a s s o f c i v i l i a n s i s r o t t e n and r e e k in g w i t h a s e l f i s h n e s s t r a n s c e n d in g e x p r e s s i o n . The s o l d i e r a lo n e s t a n d s a t h i s p o s t o f d u t y , k e e p s h is head o u t o f h i s h e a r t [ a c a r d in a l t e n e t o f B i e r c e T s c o d e ] , and p erfo rm s h i s a p p o in te d work w it h n e v e r a th o u g h t o f a l e s s d i s a g r e e a b le o r p e r i l o u s a l t e r n a t i v e — th e s o l e s e r e n e and s i g n i f i c a n t f i g u r e o f th e show , a p e r p e t u a l i n s t r u c t i o n i n th e a d v a n ta g e s o f a c o n s c ie n c e by s i m p l i c i t y o f l i f e , by freed om from d i s t r a c t i o n s o f th e u n d er s t a n d in g . D e s t i t u t e o f s t r a w , and o f c la y a s w e l l , he i s n o t en co u ra g ed t o make b r i c k s ; h a v in g o n ly th e a v e ra g e man’ s a llo t m e n t o f b r a i n s , he i s n o t r e q u ir e d to t h in k . God b l e s s th e s o l d i e r , and l e t me l i v e i n a c o u n tr y where one s e e s him , lo o k i n what d i r e c t i o n one may. And God g r a n t i t to be A m e r ic a .11 10 B e r th a C lark P o p e, The L e t t e r s o f Ambrose B i e r c e , v i :, 11 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J u ly 2 2 , 1 8 9 4 . 425 W hatever was th e so u r c e o f t h i s a d m ir a tio n , some o f th e c h i e f c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f army l i f e w ere adm ired "by B ie r c e and were c e n t r a l f a c t o r s i n h i s own n a t u r e . But g r e a t e r th a n th e i n f l u e n c e o f th e army i t s e l f was t h a t o f th e U n io n s o l d i e r , G en era l W. B . H azen, upon whose s t a f f B ie r c e s e r v e d a s t o p o g r a p h ic a l e n g in e e r from th e e a r l y p a r t o f 1862 to th e end o f th e w a r, and th e d e s c r i p t i o n o f whom sou n d s l i k e a d e s c r i p t i o n o f B ie r c e h i m s e l f . T hese are B i e r c e ’ s w ords: G en era l ¥ . B. H azen, a horn f i g h t e r , an e d u c a te d s o l d i e r , a f t e r th e war C h ie f S ig n a l O f f i c e r o f th e Army and now lo n g d ea d , was th e h e s t h a te d man t h a t I e v e r knew, and h i s v e r y memory i s a t e r r o r to e v e r y unw orthy s o u l i n th e s e r v i c e . H is was a storm y l i f e ; he was i n t r o u b le a l l rou n d . G rant, Sherman, S h e r id a n and a c o u n t l e s s m u l t i t i d e o f th e l e s s em in en t l u c k l e s s had th e m is f o r t u n e , a t one tim e and a n o t h e r , t o in c u r h i s d i s f a v o r , and he t r i e d to p u n is h them a l l . He was a lw a y s— a f t e r th e war— th e c e n t r a l f i g u r e o f a c o u r t - m a r t ia l or a C o n g r e s s io n a l i n q u ir y , was a e e u se d o f e v e r y t h in g , from s t e a l i n g t o c o w a r d ic e , was b a n is h e d to o b sc u r e p o s t s , ’’.jumped on” by th e p r e s s , tr a d u c e d i n p u b lic and i n p r i v a t e , and a lw a y s em erged tr iu m p h a n t. W hile S ig n a l O f f i c e r , he w ent up a g a i n s t th e S e c r e t a r y o f War and put him to th e c o n t r o v e r s i a l sw ord . He c o n v ic t e d S h e r id a n o f f a l s e h o o d , Sherman o f b a r b a r ism , Grant o f i n e f f i c i e n c y . He was a g g r e s s i v e , a r r o g a n t, t y r a n n i c a l , h o n o r a b le , t r u t h f u l , c o u r a g e o u s— a s k i l l f u l 3 o l d i e r , a f a i t h f u l f r i e n d and one o f th e m ost e x a s p e r a t in g o f men. D uty was h i s r e l i g i o n , and l i k e th e Moslem he p r o s e l y t e d w ith th e sw ord . H is m is s io n a r y e f f o r t s w ere d i r e c t e d c h i e f l y a g a i n s t th e s p i r i t u a l d a r k n e ss o f h i s s u p e r io r s i n ran k , th o u g h he w ould tu r n a s id e from p u r s u i t o f h i s e r r in g commander t o s e t a c h i c k e n - t h i e v i n g o r d e r ly a s t r i d e a wooden h o r s e , w it h a heavy s to n e a t t a c h e d to e a c h f o o t . ’H a z e n ,’ s a i d a b r o th e r b r i g a d i e r , ’ i s a synonym o f i n s u b o r d i n a t i o n . * F or my commander and my f r i e n d , my m a ste r i n th e a r t o f w ar, now u n a b le t o answ er f o r h i m s e l f , l e t t h i s f a c t answ er: when he h eard Wood sa y th e y w ou ld pu t him i n and 426 s e e w hat s u c c e s s he w ou ld have In d e f e a t i n g an army [G en era l J o h n s t o n 's a t P i c k e t t ' s M i l l ] —-when he saw Howard a s s e n t — he u t t e r e d n e v e r a w ord , rode to th e head o f h i s f e e b l e b r ig a d e and p a t i e n t l y a w a ite d th e command to g o . Only by a lo o k w h ich I knew how t o r e a d d id he b e tr a y h i s s e n s e o f th e c r im in a l b lu n d e r . 12 B ie r c e p r a is e d H azen a s an " e x c e l l e n t s o l d i e r , " a "born f i g h t e r , " a man o f a s t e r n and h ig h " c o n c e p t io n o f d u t y ," and a man who d o e s h i s "w hole d u ty and demands i t o f o t h e r s . " ^ T h ese p h r a s e s a r e d e s c r i p t i v e o f B ie r c e h i m s e l f . At o t h e r tim e s B ie r c e w rote w it h u n c o n c e a le d and u n q u a l i f i e d a d m ir a tio n o f H a z e n 's f e a r l e s s n e s s and su p erb l e a d e r s h i p . I n th e l i g h t o f B i e r c e ' s e x p r e s s e d a d m ir a tio n f o r th e v e r y q u a l i t i e s i n Hazen t h a t w ere c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f h im s e lf and i n v ie w o f B i e r c e ' s c l o s e a c q u a in ta n c e w ith H azen d u r in g th e war and h i s t r i p W est w it h him i n 1 8 6 6 , one can n o t b u t b e l i e v e t h a t to a c o n s id e r a b le e x t e n t B ie r c e m odeled h i s c h a r a c t e r upon t h a t o f G en eral W. B. H azen. I n a d d i t i o n to th e p o s s i b l e i n f l u e n c e s a lr e a d y d is c u s s e d was t h e r e some h id d e n p s y c h o l o g i c a l f a c t o r t h a t h e lp e d to sh ape t h e n a tu r e o f B ie r e e and make him th e s a t i r i s t he was? The q u e s t io n i s r e l e v a n t , b e c a u se i t was commonly s a i d d u r in g h i s l i f e t h a t t h e r e must have b e e n some deep d is a p p o in tm e n t, some b i t t e r e x p e r i e n c e , o r some f r u s t r a t e d d e s i r e t h a t made h i s C o l l e c t e d W orks, 1 :2 8 3 f . 13 " p r a t t l e , " Wasp, D e c. 1 9 , 1 8 8 5 . 42? s a t i r e a s m e r c i l e s s , c a u s t i c , and m is a n th r o p ic a s i t w a s. i t h as b een c o n j e c t u r e d t h a t he may have b e e n d is a p p o in t e d i n l o v e , o r b e tr a y e d by a f r i e n d , or so u r e d by h i s own f a i l u r e to g a in p o p u l a r it y . The p o s s i b i l i t y o f su e h a p s y c h o l o g i c a l traum a has assum ed s p e c i a l im p o rta n ce s i n c e Garey M cW illia m s1 r e p o r t ^ o f B ie r c e * s lo v e a f f a i r w i t h F atim a W r ig h t, w h ich began when sh e was a c la s s m a te o f h i s i n th e s c h o o l s o f Warsaw, I n d ia n a . When he w ent o f f to war he l e f t h e r an u n s ig n e d poem: F a tim a , s h o u ld an a n g e l come from h e a v e n , B r ig h t w it h c e l e s t i a l a r d o r from a b o v e , And sa y no s i n o f mine s h o u ld be f o r g i v e n , T i l l I s h o u ld c e a s e to s i g h f o r th y d e a r l o v e , — Though I ’ d ack n ow led ge J u s t was th e d e c r e e , (F or how ean I lo v e God a d o r in g t h e e ) , I ’ d p r o u d ly p o in t him back t o h e a v e n , and say ’’G ive me h e r l o v e , — w ash n o t my s i n s a w a y ,— B ut d o u b le them upon my h e a d , and b id me go When l i f e i s ended to th e r e a lm s b e l o w ,” Thy l o v e , d e a r g i r l , i s w o rth e t e r n a l woe And w o u ld s t th o u know w hose h e a r t th u s y e a r n s f o r th e e And i f th o u knew e o u l d s t d e ig n t o pardon me Two moments sw e e t I ’ ve b een i n p a r a d is e Thy l i p s have tw ic e met m ine and o n ly t w i c e . They became en gaged when B ie r c e was on l e a v e b e c a u se o f a head wound r e c e i v e d a t Kenesaw M ou n tain , and when he r e tu r n e d to s e r v i c e , he l e f t w it h h e r t h i s a c r o s t i c : 14 The ..Bookman ( K .Y .) , 7 5 ; 2 5 4 - 9 , June and J u ly , 1 9 3 2 . 15 I b i d . , p. 2 5 5 . 428 F a t e — whose e d i c t o f t h a th wrung A n g u ish — d ro p s from h e a r t s u n s tr u n g — T ea rs o f h o p e le s s p r a y e r l e s s p a in — I now d e f y t h e e . F r e e a g a in , My s o u l th ou gh d ark en ed s t i l l by t h e e , And ’ b i t t e r e d s t i l l , sp u r n s th y d e c r e e . W hile sh e l o v e s me, s h e a th e th y d a r t ; Rob me o f t h a t l o v e — and bury I n t h i s b u r n in g p a s s i o n - h e a r t — Gloomy c e l l o f m is e r y — H ated to y o f wom an's a r t — Thy f e a r f u l s h a f t — I n s a n i t y . B ut when he r e j o i n e d th e army h e r l e t t e r s s to p p e d com in g. He w ro te a lo n g l e t t e r to h e r s i s t e r to d i s c o v e r w hat w as w rong. A f t e r th e war he w ent to C a l i f o r n i a , a p p a r e n tly w it h o u t s e e i n g her* Then B ie r c e h eard t h a t F atim a had m a rried a n o th e r , b u t w ould n o t b e l i e v e i t u n t i l th e s t o r y had been c o n fir m e d by h i s b r o th e r A l b e r t . L a t e r , a c c o r d in g to M cW illiam s, A lb e r t r e tu r n e d t o h e r some l e t t e r s and a d i p p i n g from t h e San F r a n c is c o F i g a r o , i n th e m argin o f w h ic h was B ie r c e * s s c h o o l n ick n am e, "Brady." The c l i p p i n g was a poem: Hot Q u ite F o r g o t t e n Hot q u it e f o r g o t t e n , th ou gh th e y e a r s en d ea v o r To f l i n g a v e i l b etw een th y s o u l and m ine; Deep i n my h e a r t th y memory l i v e s t e v e r ; By t e a r s and s m ile u n a l t e r ' d i s th y s h r i n e . 16 I b i d . , p . 257 429 H ot q u it e f o r g o t t e n , oh! th o u f i r s t and f a i r e s t Of a l l my d a y-d ream s! th o u who y e t m ust be T r u ste d i n l o n g i n g and s t i l l lo v e d th e d e a r e s t . F o r g o tte n ? T here i s no su ch word f o r t h e e l H ot q u it e f o r g o t t e n , f o r th y d e a r r e f l e c t i o n Undimm'd i n memory e v e r m ust rem ain ; And t h e r e a re tim e s when a l l th e o ld a f f e c t i o n W hich I have borne th e e s u r g e s back a g a in . S o , n o t f o r g o t t e n ! f o r a chanee r esem b la n ce A v o i c e w h ic h r in g s as t h i n e h a th ru n g o f o l d , W i ll o f t e n b r in g th e e back t o my rem em brance, And rep ro d u c e th e p a s t a th o u sa n d f o l d . F a in t a s th e fr a g r a n c e o f a f l o w e r lo n g g a th e r* d Such i s th e lo v e I b e a r f o r t h e e ; and no s i n I c o u n t i t , f o r i t s p a s s io n lo n g s i n c e w it h e r 'd ; And now f t i s lo v e [ w it h ] n a u g h t o f e a r t h t h e r e i n . 1 ” W hether t h i s d is a p p o in tm e n t i s th e e x p l a n a t i o n o f B i e r c e ' s c y n ic is m r e g a r d in g women and m a r r ia g e , and w h eth er i t i s one so u r c e o f h is eontem p t o f hum anity i n g e n e r a l , one c a n n o t know. I t seem s to have made a deep im p r e s s io n upon him , i f "Hot Q u ite F o r g o tte n " i s , in d e e d , by him . B ut p r o b a b ly su ch an e x p e r ie n c e w ou ld n o t mark th e w h o le l i f e o f a man l i k e B i e r c e . R a th er i t w ould s e r v e m erely a s one s t r o n g p ie c e o f e v id e n c e on t h e f i c k l e n e s s o f woman's l o v e , and many o t h e r i n s t a n c e s w ould be n e c e s s a r y to j u s t i f y a c o n c lu s i o n . P erh ap s a s he h i m s e l f s a i d , 18 he was con tem p tu ou s o f men and women b e c a u se t h e y a r e o f t e n c o n t e m p t ib le . I n c i d e n t a l l y one n o t i c e s i n th e f i r s t o f t h e s e poems an i n s t a n c e o f i r r e v e r e n c e t h a t i s 1 7 » 2 5 9 * V id e i n f r a , p. 4^1. 430 p r o p h e t ic o f B ie r c e th e s a t i r i s t . Of c o u r se B ie r c e h im s e lf n e v e r t e s t i f i e d p r e c i s e l y on th e e f f e c t o f F a tim a * s l o s t l o v e . But he d id comment on a v a r i e t y o f p o p u la r e x p la n a t io n s o f h i s a t t i t u d e , when, a t th e c l o s e o f one o f h i s own s a t i r i c ' p a r a g r a p h s , he a n t i c i p a t e d th e r e a c t i o n o f some o f h i s r e a d e r s . S a id B i e r c e , I t r u s t t h a t n o t h in g d e p r e c a to r y h e r e in c o n t a in e d w i l l he a t t r i b u t e d by th e a n c i e n t and i n e v i t a b l e o r d e r o f Gowks to th e b i t t e r n e s s o f a b a f f l e d a m b itio n . Hay, I v e n tu r e to c h e r i s h th e w i l d hope t h a t i n t h i s i n s t a n c e th e y w i l l g e n e r o u s ly r e f r a i n from t r a c i n g i t s d e s c e n t back to i l l h e a l t h — as C a r ly le * s d i s i n c l i n a t i o n to them and th e t h i n g s d ear t o them was commonly named d y s p e p s ia . To hope t h a t th e la d y Gowks m ig h t f a i l to a c c o u n t f o r i t by d is a p p o in tm e n t i n lo v e w ou ld be g o in g to o f a r . 19 To th e d i r e c t ch a rg e t h a t he was e m b itte r e d by f a i l u r e , a c h a r g e l a t e r made by Mary A u s t i n , 20 he r e p l i e d , A s i l l y p e r so n named F lo r e n c e Hardiman M i l l e r , who a p p ea r s to be th e e d i t o r o f s o m e th in g c a l l e d The O c c id e n t , i s p e r m itte d to say t h i s o f me, i n a n o th e r p e r i o d i c a l : *A s t o r y h a s g a in e d c u r r e n c y t h a t h i s k e e n t h r u s t s a t th e f a u l t s and f o l l i e s o f o t h e r s a re made w i t h a tw o -e d g e d sw ord sh a rp en ed by d is a p p o in tm e n t and la c k o f s u c c e s s i n h i s own l i f e ; t h a t t h e r e r a n k le s i n h i s b r e a s t a s e n s e o f d e f e a t and i n j u s t i c e , w h ic h makes him im p a t ie n t o f m ankind.* In d e e d ! and w hen, p r a y , d id t h a t s t o r y , " o b ta in c u r r e n c y ? 1 * Hot q u it e r e c e n t l y , my p r e t t y m aid , a s y o u r rem arks would le a d one to su p p o se ; i t h a s , to my k n o w led g e, b een d r o o lin g from t h e l i p s and pens o f r o g u e s and s im p le t o n s f o r a q u a r t e r - 19 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J a n . 2 2 , 1 8 9 2 . 20 Mary A u s t in , "George S t e r l i n g a t C arm el," The A m erican M ercury, l l : 6 7 f , May, 1 9 2 7 . 431 c e n t u r y . And i f y o u r kn bw ledge o f l i t e r a t u r e w ere a s d eep and broad a s y o u r c o n v i c t i o n t h a t you have a hand i n i t y o u w ou ld know t h a t th e " sto r y " h as " o b ta in e d cu rren cy" o f e v e r y w r i t e r who h as t h r u s t a t th e " f a u l t s and f o l l i e s " o f o t h e r s from A r is to p h a n e s down. You w ould know, t o o , t h a t t h e " s t o r y ’ s" u n f a i l i n g i t e r a t i o n by the f a u l t y and f o o l i s h (e a c h :re_p.et'entb so le m n ly p e r su a d e d o f i t s o r i g i n a l i t y ) h a s g iv e n i t , among men and women o f v l e t t e r s , a p e c u l i a r v a lu e i n c l a s s i f i c a t i o n ; l i k e th e p o l e c a t ’ s fr a g r a n c e i t f i x e s th e s p e c i e s o f the c r e a tu r e u t t e r i n g i t . D id i t e v e r o c c u r to y o u r m in d ie , my e h i c , t h a t i n a c c o u n t in g f o r th e m en ta l a t t i t u d e o f a c e n s o r i o u s w r i t e r th e m oral a t t i t u d e o f t h o s e whom he c e n s u r e s i s a r e l e v a n t c o n s i d e r a t io n ? — t h a t t h e i r o f f e n c e s and un w o r th may have so m e th in g to do w it h i t ? 2 1 Though th e s u b j e c t ’ s own te s tim o n y i s n o t alw ays good e v id e n c e o f th e p s y c h o l o g i c a l f o r c e s w i t h i n h im s e lf t h a t have produ ced a g iv e n e f f e c t , i t seem s h ere t h a t B ie r c e may be a llo w e d to sp ea k i n h i s own b e h a l f , f o r he was so l o g i c a l , a n a l y t i c a l , r e a l i s t i c , and c o u r a g e o u s t h a t he w ou ld p r o b a b ly have r e c o g n iz e d su c h a p s y c h o l o g i c a l m o tiv e and a d m itte d i t to h i m s e l f . That he had th o u g h t on th e m a tte r i s i n d i c a t e d by th e q u o t a t io n . That he w ou ld deny th e t r u t h seem s u n l i k e l y i n th e l i g h t o f h i s c h a r a c t e r i s t i c h o n e s ty . P ro b a b ly i t was n o t a s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l f r u s t r a t i o n , f a i l u r e , o r d is a p p o in tm e n t t h a t a c c o u n te d f o r h i s s a t i r i c w r i t i n g , b u t, as he s a i d , th e " o f f e n s e s and unw orth" o f p e o p le . R e l i g i o u s , r u r a l , and m i l i t a r y f a e t o r s , and p o s s i b l y p e r s o n a l d is a p p o in tm e n t i n l o v e — t h e s e were p r o b a b ly th e c h i e f n on - l i t e f a r y i n f l u e n c e s t h a t h e lp e d to d e te r m in e B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r i c a l b e n t . 2 ! npr a t t l e , " S . F . E x . , D ec. 2 4 , 1 8 9 3 . 4 32 The l i t e r a r y men o r works t h a t may have h e lp e d to d e v e lo p B ie r c e i n t o a s a t i r i s t "belong l a r g e l y to t h e y e a r s a f t e r 1 8 6 6 . F i r s t among t h e s e i s James W a tk in s, e d i t o r o f the Hews L e t t e r i n 1 8 6 8 . About W atkins we know v e r y l i t t l e , b u t h i s i n f l u e n c e upon B ie r c e h as b e e n e s t im a t e d by M cW illiam l^ w h o, i n m aking h i s e s t i m a t e , had a e c e s s t o B ie r c e * s p r i v a t e p a p e r s . A c c o r d in g to M cW illiam s, **Watkins* i n f l u e n c e upon B ie r c e e a n n o t be o v e r e s t im a t e d . He p o in t e d o u t th e v u lg a r and c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n to th e b e s t i n s t y l e w it h u n im p ea ch a b le t a s t e .1 1,23 M oreover he i s s a i d to have c a l l e d B i e r c e ’ s a t t e n t i o n to S w i f t , and V o l t a i r e , and a d v is e d him t o rea d o v e r th e m a t e r ia l t h a t W illia m T hackeray had w r i t t e n f o r B unch, t h a t he m igh t c l o t h e h i s w i t i n th e s i l k o f a charm in g s t y l e . . . He was w ith o u t d o u b t, th e m ost c u lt u r e d a n d ' i n t e l l i g e n t a s s o c i a t e t h a t B ie r c e knew d u r in g t h i s p e r io d . And i t was a c r u c i a l tim e i n B i e r c e ’ s l i f e . W atkins was a r a r e s p i r i t and seem ed to u n d e r s ta n d B ie r c e b e t t e r than anyone e l s e e v e r d id . S u r e ly B ie r c e n e v e r gave t o a n o th e r t h e r e s p e c t and a d m ir a tio n t h a t he a lw a y s a c c o r d e d W a tk in s. They s p e n t many d e l i g h t f u l h o u r s t o g e t h e r i n t h e s e f i r s t y e a r s , and th e f r i e n d s h i p was n e v e r b ro k en . 2 2 M cW illiam s, Ambrose B i e r c e , a B io g r a p h y , p . 8 3 - 5 . M cW illiam s s a y s h e r e t h a t James W atk in s was m anaging e d i t o r o f th e San F r a n c is c o Hews l e t t e r when B ie r c e f i r s t began c o n t r i b u t i n g to th e p ap er and t h a t ’ he r e s ig n e d h i s p o s i t i o n and l e f t th e p a p er i n D e c ., 1 8 6 8 . B e fo r e com in g to San F r a n c is c o he had b een a jo u r n a l i s t i n London and Hew Y o rk , and a f t e r l e a v i n g the W est he worked on th e Hew York Sun. He i s d e s c r ib e d a s "a s t r a n g e , w h im s ic a l, s c h o l a r l y f e l l o w Tr“ w it h a s t y l e " r a th e r s u g g e s t i v e o f S t e v e n s o n ’ s . " Ho books a r e a s c r i b e d t o him . 23 I b i d . , p . 8 4 . 4 3 3 Mapy o f W a tk in s 1 e a r ly l e t t e r s are f a l l o f shrewd comment and a d v ie e . I n one l e t t e r , w r i t t e n i n 1 8 7 4 , he m en tio n ed La R o c h e fo u c a u ld , M urger and B a lz a c , whose w orks he had p r a is e d t o B i e r c e , and th e n added t h i s comment: fYour m ethod o f la n g u a g e i s t h a t o f t h e s e Frenchm en; y o u r m ethod o f th o u g h t, m eanw hile i s e s s e n t i a l l y d i f f e r e n t from t h e i r s : i t i s th e o ld E n g lis h (o r A m erican) th o u g h t, and y o u g i v e u s th e n e t r e s u l t o f i t s p r o c e s s e s p h ra sed w it h the F r e n c h m a n s w it and p o in t and e p ig r a m .’ 24 S om eth in g o f th e im p o rta n ce o f W atkins to B ie r c e i s s u g g e s t e d a l s o by a few rem arks o f B ie r c e h i m s e l f . On one o c c a s io n he a s s e r t ed t h a t W atkin s was a b e t t e r w r i t e r th a n h i m s e l f , b u t " n ev er a warm f r i e n d o f anybody b u t Mr. W atk in s;" h i s was a s e l f i s h n e s s " t r u ly c o n t i n e n t a l . A g a i n he p ron ou n ced W atkin s " d i s t i n c t l y t h e b e s t l i v i n g w r i t e r o f E n g l i s h ." 2 ^ On y e t a n o th e r o c c a s io n B ie r c e r a te d W atkin s as a g r e a t g e n iu s and e x p r e s s e d t h e o p in io n t h a t o t h e r p e o p le w ou ld a g r ee i f som eone w ou ld "go th r o u g h th e f i l e s o f th e San F r a n c is c o n e w sp a p e r s, a l i t e r a r y e h i f f o n n i e r , h o o k in g o u t e d i t o r i a l a r t i c l e s and t o p i c a l p a r a g r a p h s , t e s t i n g them f o r s t y l e , r e p r o d u c in g t h o s e i d e n t i f i e d 'w it h th e f i z z o f f ’ and p e r s u a d in g p e o p le to r e r e a d and c o n s i d e r . " 27 From t h e s t a t e m e n t s o f b o th M cW illiam s and B ie r e e i t w ou ld seem t h a t W atkins h e lp e d h i s 24 I ^ i d . , p. 8 4 f . 2 5 n p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , J a n . 2 2 , 1 8 9 3 . 26 22 * 1 8 9 1 . 27 I b i d . , Hov. 3 , 1 8 8 9 . 434 p r o t£ g € to a c q u ir e good l i t e r a r y t a s t e and ju d gm en t, h e lp e d him t o d e v e lo p a good s t y l e , and s t e e r e d him to t h o s e a u th o r s whose s p i r i t and manner seem ed a k in to B i e r c e ’ s s p i r i t and m anner. Phe i m p l i c a t i o n o f th e a l l u s i o n to l a R o e h fo u c a u ld , M urger, and B a lz a c i s n o t t h a t B ie r c e had im it a t e d them , b u t t h a t i n d e v e lo p i n g h i s own manner he had shown a s i m i l a r i t y to them i n th o u g h t and e x p r e s s io n and t h a t t h e r e f o r e he m igh t l e a r n more from them . I n d e e d , be i t s a i d , b e fo r e d i s c u s s i n g th e p o s s i b l e i n f l u en ce o f w r i t e r s more d i s t i n c t l y l i t e r a r y th an W a tk in s, t h a t B ie r c e was n e v e r s e r i o u s l y and b a s e ly an i m i t a t o r o f a n y o n e. He was read y and e a g e r t o l i s t e n to th e g r e a t i n t e l l e c t s and a r t i s t s o f th e p a s t , b u t th e s u g g e s t io n s and th o u g h ts he r e c e i v e d from them he a d a p ted to h i s own p u rp o se s and u s e d i n th e a s s e r t i o n o f h i s own c r e a t i v e g e n i u s . A p a r t i a l e n u m e ra tio n o f th e w r i t e r s to whom B ie r c e a llu d e d i n h i s w r i t i n g s from 1868 to March _ 9 , 1 8 7 2 , when he w en t to London, w i l l r e v e a l th e a g g r e s s i v e c u r i o s i t y o f h i s mind a t t h i s tim e and show t h a t t h i s was a p e r io d o f a e s t h e t i c and , p a r t i c u l a r l y , i n t e l l e c t u a l g row th s u c h a s no m erely i m i t a t i v e s p i r i t c o u ld e x p e r ie n c e . frPhe G r iz z ly P a p e r s ,” ( 1 8 7 1 ) , The F ie n d ’s D e l i g h t ( I 8 7 3 } , and H u g g ets and B u st (1 8 7 3 ) a re r e p r e s e n t a t i v e o f t h e s e y e a r s and con t a i n f a m i l i a r a l l u s i o n s to th e f o l l o w i n g group o f v a r i e d w r i t e r s : Homer, H e r a c l i t u s , E m p ed ocles, P l a t o , A r i s t o t l e , E p ic u r u s , C haucer, P a s s o , C e r v a n te s , B acon, S h a k e sp e a r e , D e s c a r t e s , M il t o n , S h a ft s b u r y , Bunyan, L ock e, D e fo e , S w i f t , C ib b e r , B o lin g b r o k e , S t e e l e , P op e, 425 V o l t a i r e , J o h n so n , S t e r n e , K a n t, G o ld sm ith , M aepherson, C h a t te r to n , B u rn s, W ordsw orth, C o le r id g e , " E o v a l i s ,n I r v i n g , B yron, S h e l l e y , Hugh M i l l e r , Comte, Em erson, D i s r a e l i , M i l l , L ew es, Whitman, S p e n c e r , B u c k le , C h a r le s Henry L ea , S ab in e B a r in g -G o u ld . B e s id e s r e f e r e n c e s to t h e s e p a r t i c u l a r w r i t e r s , e i t h e r by name o r m en tio n o f t h e i r w o r k s, t h e r e a r e p a s s a g e s t h a t show h i s k een i n t e r e s t i n p h ilo s o p h y , i n a n c ie n t F r e n c h , E n g li s h , and A m erican h i s t o r y , i n c l a s s i c a l and T e u to n ic m y th o lo g y , and i n th e c u r r e n t m a g a z in e s . These w r i t e r s , and d o u b t l e s s many o t h e r s whom he d o es n o t m e n tio n , m ust have had a la r g e p a r t i n th e f o r m u la tio n o f B i e r c e ’ s o u t lo o k upon and a t t i t u d e s tow ard l i f e . They s e r v e d to s t im u la t e h i s m ind, d e v e lo p h i s t a s t e , and p erh a p s t e a c h him so m eth in g abou t t e c h n iq u e s . Among th e a n c i e n t s a t i r i c w r i t e r s B ie r e e shows k in s h ip w it h L u c ia n , th o u g h d i r e c t i n f l u e n c e i s hard t o e s t a b l i s h . From L u cia n i t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t B ie r c e d e r iv e d th e id e a o f th e s a t i r i c c o n v e r s a t i o n , th ou gh he m igh t e a s i l y have g o t i t e ls e w h e r e o r e v o lv e d i t h i m s e l f , and i t i s p o s s i b l e t h a t B ie r c e d e r iv e d th e g e n e r a l id e a o f h i s s a t i r i c n a r r a t i v e , The Land Beyond th e B lo w , from L u cia n * s True S to r y or Ic a r o m e n ip p u s, an A e r ia l E x p e d it i o n , th o u g h S w i f t ’ s ✓ G u l l i v e r * s T r a v e ls seem s a more l i k e l y d e r i v a t i o n th a n e i t h e r . I n d e e d , u n d er th e t i t l e o f B ie r c e * s s a t i r i c n a r r a t i v e i s th e p h r a s e , " A fte r th e m e th o d ^ S w ift, who f o l lo w e d L u c ia n , and was h im s e lf f o l lo w e d by V o l t a i r e , and many o t h e r s ." T h is i s an acknow ledgem en t t h a t sh o u ld n o t be ta k e n to o s e r i o u s l y , f o r B i e r c e , 436 i l l a l e t t e r to h i s p u b l i s h e r , W a lte r H e a le , p o i n t s o u t t h a t th e s i m i l a r i t y i s i n m ethod o n ly , n o t i n s t y l e , and s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e p u rp ose o f th e p h ra se i s n o t to ack n ow led ge a r e a l d e b t , b u t m e r e ly t o f o r e s t a l l th e a c c u s a t i o n o f p la g i a r i s m from r e v ie w e r s and c r i t i c s . ^ m inor u s e t h a t B ie r c e made o f L u cian i n one i s s u e o f " P r a t t l e ," was t o c i t e two p a s s a g e s from 1 c a ro m en ip p u s, one o f w h ic h , w it h i t s i r o n i c i n t r o d u c t i o n f o l l o w s ; I t h in k L u cian was p r e ju d ic e d and u n f a i r . H ear, f o r ex a m p le, what he s a y s o f our San F r a n c is c o p a r s o n s — . . . T How l i t t l e th e y a g r ee upon any one t h i n g , and w hat a v a r i e t y o f t e n e t s th e y em b race, i s b u t to o e v i d e n t . F o r , f i r s t , w it h r e g a r d to th e w o r ld , t h e i r o p in io n s are e n t i r e l y d i f f e r e n t . Some a f f i r m t h a t i t h a th n e i t h e r b e g in n in g o r end; som e, whom I c a n n o t but a d m ire, p o in t o u t th e manner o f i t s c o n s t r u c t i o n , and th e maker o f i t , a suprem e d e i t y , whom th e y w o r sh ip a s c r e a t o r o f the u n i v e r s e ; b u t th e y have n o t shown u s w hence he came, n o r w here he e x i s t s ; n e i t h e r , b e f o r e th e fo r m a tio n o f th e w o r ld , ca n we have any id e a o f tim e or s p a c e . ’ 29 The acknow ledgem en t p r e fa c e d to "Phe Land Beyond th e Blow" and t h i s s l i g h t q u o t a t io n show r e s p e c t i v e l y m e r e ly t h a t B ie r c e c o u ld have d e r iv e d s u g g e s t io n s o f form and p h i l o s o p h i c a l i d e a s from L u c ia n . 2 ® U n p u b lish e d l e t t e r to W a lte r H e a le , Nov. 2 0 , 1 9 0 8 , H u n tin g to n L ib r a r y . 29 " P r a t t l e ," S I .F .E x ., J u ly 1 0 , 1 8 8 7 . 437 Among th e l a t e r w r i t e r s one f i n d s B ie r c e in d e b te d to R a b e la is i n o n ly a s l i g h t d e g r e e . He adm ired R a b e l a i s , a g r ee d w it h h i s v ie w o f l i f e , and a f f e c t e d to app rove th e j u d i c i a l m ethods o f B r id le g o o s e ; b u t i n B ie r c e t h e r e i s none o f R a b e la is* e x tr a v a g a n c e , c lo w n in g , g r o s s n e s s , b o i s t e r o u s humor, g u s t o , or l a r g e n e s s o f s p i r i t . P o s s i b l e R a b e la is ia n e e h o e s i n th e works o f B ie r c e a re h eard o n ly i n an o c c a s io n e d b i t o f b u r le s q u e , f o r ex a m p le, a b u r le s q u e serm on,® 0 w h ic h m igh t be compared i n o n ly th e m ost g e n e r a l manner w i t h th e b u r le sq u e o r a t i o n o f M aster ja n o t u s de Bragm ardo, i n G argan tu a, f o r th e r e c o v e r y o f th e b e l l s o f H otre Dame; i n B i e r c e ' s s c o r n o f th e c l e r g y ; i n B i e r e e ' s u s e o f th e e la b o r a t e d c u r s e , and i n h i s u s e o f c o n s c io u s e l a b o r a t i o n , . e s p e c i a l l y by means o f th e R a b e la is ia n c a t a l o g u e . The s i m i l a r i t y b etw een B i e r c e ' s ep ig ra m s and La R o c h e fo u c a u ld 's maxims i s i n d i s p u t a b l e , b u t, l y i n g i n w r i t i n g s more c y n i c a l th an s a t i r i c , may be c o n s id e r e d i r r e l e v e n t to t h i s d i s c u s s i o n . S u f f i c e i t t o sa y t h a t B ie r c e r e f l e c t s th e same c y n ic is m , e v in c e s th e same shrew d d isc e r n m e n t i n ju d g in g human b e h a v io r , and w r i t e s i n much th e same com p act, c l e a r , p h ilo s o p h ic manner a s d o e s La R o c h e fo u c a u ld . There i s no i m i t a t i o n i n s u b j e c t m a tte r by B i e r c e . 30 t if Wasp, F e b . 3 , 1882 r t - 1 V tde s u p r a , p . 3 9 7 * 438 B etw een B ie r c e and S w if t t h e r e are c l.o se r e s e m b la n c e s , w h ic h may be i n d i c a t i v e o f i n f l u e n c e from S w i f t . F i r s t , t h e r e a re th e same s c o r n and contem p t o f hum anity en m a s s e , th e same i n t e l l e c t u a l i t y and a b sen ce o f s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , th e same con tem p t f o r z e a l , th e same a t t i t u d e tow ard women and s c i e n t i s t s , and , i n much o f B i e r c e ’ s w ork, th e same c l a r i t y , d i r e c t n e s s , and s t r e n g t h o f s t y l e . On th e o t h e r hand B ie r c e i s u s u a l l y more p e r s o n a l th an S w i f t , more co n c er n e d w it h t r i f l e s , l e s s c o n v in c in g i n th e f a b l e o f h i s n a r r a t i v e s a t i r e , l e s s g iv e n t o le a r n e d a l l u s i o n s and q u o t a t io n s , and d e v o id o f g r o s s n e s s o r in d e c e n c y . A more p a r t i c u l a r s i m i l a r i t y t h a t p r o b a b ly r e p r e s e n t s a r e a l b o r r o w in g by B ie r c e i s th e g r o te s q u e a r r a y o f in v e n t e d names em ployed i n v a r io u s p l a c e s , b u t e s p e c i a l l y i n "The Land Beyond th e B low ." S t r i c t l y S w i f t i a n a re su ch m o n s t r o s i t i e s a s lo g o n - z w a i r , b a lu k a n , G olam p is, r y l a t , s t r a m b a l t i s , G ropoppsu, Lalugwum pian, Onarmag- Z o t e , S e u m a d u m e litc h e lite h , and G o k e e tle g u k . A lso S w if t ia n i s B i e r c e ’ s i r o n i c u s e o f th e m a c a b r e , t h o u g h so m etim es i n t h i s , u n l ik e S w i f t , B ie r c e seem s more i n t e n t upon sh ock th an s a t i r e . S w i f t i a n a g a in (L u c ia n ie and V o l t a i r i a n a l s o ) i s th e framework o f "The Land Beyond th e B low ," w h e r e in s a t i r e i s e f f e c t e d upon some o f th e contem p orary v i c e s and f o l l i e s o f our n a t i o n by s e n d i n g an in n o c e n t t r a v e l e r to a s u c c e s s i o n o f im a g in a ry c o u n t r ie s Vi<3e s u p r a , pp. ^6 5 f . 439 and. h a v in g him compare or c o n t r a s t t h e r e our f a u l t s w it h t h e i r f a u l t s o r v i r t u e s . B ie r c e h i m s e l f c a l l e d a t t e n t i o n to t h i s s i m i l a r i t y , a s has a lr e a d y b een r e m a r k e d . 3 3 H ere, a s w it h hhe in v e n te d nam es, i t i s p r o b a b le t h a t th e g e n e r a l p la n o f th e s a t i r e came from S w i f t , th ou gh th e i d e a s and th e f a b l e b e lo n g to B i e r c e . B ie r c e n e v e r a tte m p te d to h id e h i s a d m ir a tio n f o r S w i f t . Of him and h i s c r i t i c fh a e k e r a y B ie r c e w r o te , ". . . on one dead l i o n l i k e S w if t a d o zen g e n e r a t io n s o f P h a ck eray s may f l a s h t h e i r h e e l s , e v o k in g b r a y s o f a s s e n t . "34 s w i f t he c a l l s a " g r e a t and h o n o r a b le man," "a g r e a t man who s t a n d s up t a l l and t e l l s th e tr u th " a b o u t th e "Yahoos [who] a r e a s num erous to d a y a s th e y were when he named and d e s c r ib e d th em ;. . . [who] u s e th e same p r i m it i v e w eapons and a r e n o t a t r i f l e l e s s f u r i o u s 35 and J . i m p l a c a b l e ." B i e r c e ’s a d m ir a tio n o f S w if t a l s o a p p ea r s i n c i d e n t a l l y i n t h e s e l i n e s , ta k e n from a poem p u b lis h e d by him i n She A rgonau t: P e r u s in g S w i f t , th e o t h e r d a y , D e s p a ir and envy made me p ray: ’D ear L ord, i f i t be r i g h t and f i t , Give me su c h fo r m id a b le w i t ; I f n o t , b e sto w upon me p l e a s e , Such fo r m id a b le e n e m ie s .* 36 3 3 S u p ra, p . 4 3 5 . 34 " P r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , June 2 5 , 1 893. 35 L oc. c i t . 36 tipr a -t-t2e," A rgo. , Hov. 9 , 1 8 7 8 . 440 These e x p r e s s io n s o f a d m ir a tio n s e r v e to u n d e r s c o r e th e f a c t t h a t th e "basic s i m i l a r i t y "between t h e s e two men was n o t t h e n o m en cla tu re i n or p la n o f t h e i r t r a v e l s a t i r e s , w h ich are m erely s u p e r f i c i a l l i k e n e s s e s , "but t h e i r s i m i l a r a t t i t u d e s t o ward m ankind, t h e i r s i m i l a r d e v o t io n to h ig h p r i n c i p l e s , and t h e i r s i m i l a r co u ra g e and v i g o r i n a t t a c k i n g e v i l , B ie r c e th e s a t i r i s t i s r e l a t e d a l s o to P o p e, l i k e P op e, B ie r c e in d u lg e d i n a g r e a t d e a l o f p e r s o n a l s a t i r e , was o f t e n / a b u s iv e , e n t e r t a i n e d a s p e e i a l contem p t f o r m ed io cr e and p oo r w r i t e r s , and o f t e n a t t a c k e d them w it h g r e a t e r f i e r c e n e s s th an t h e i r im p o rta n ce w a r r a n te d . L ik e P op e, t o o , he u s e d th e h e r o ic c o u p l e t , th o u g h n o t by any means e x c l u s i v e l y . A s u r v e y o f th e m ain body o f poems i n The C o l l e c t e d W orks, e x c l u s i v e o f "The Mummery," th e e p i t a p h s , and "The Scrap H e a p ,” show s t h a t B ie r c e u s e d t h e h e r o ic c o u p le t i n a b o u t o n e - f o u r t h o f h i s poems; and an a n a l y s i s o f one hundred l i n e s o f h e r o ic v e r s e s e l e c t e d a t random from e a c h shows t h a t th e t e c h n i c a l f e a t u r e s o f B i e r c e ’ s v e r s e a r e c l o s e l y s i m i l a r t o t h o s e o f P o p e ’ s . 37 H o n - te e h n ic a l ^ 7 The s e l e c t i o n s a n a ly z e d a r e B i e r c e ’ s "Two D e l e g a t e s ," "Matte: f o r G r a titu d e ," and 1 1 . 1 - 1 5 o f "Three K in d s o f K ogue," (C o l l e c t e d W orks, 5 :2 9 - 3 3 } and P o p e ’ s p u n c ia d , 1 1 . 1 - 1 0 0 . i n t h e s e p a s s a g e s B ie r c e em p loys n in e i n v e r s i o n s , Pope t e n ; B ie r c e t h r e e d o u b le r im e s , Pope f i v e ; B ie r c e e le v e n r im e s w it h one member b e in g d i s s y l l a b i c , Pope t e n ; B ie r c e one fe m in in e e n d in g , Pope tw o; B ie r c e t w e n t y - f i v e c o u p l e t s w it h o u t a v erb i n th e r im e , Pope tw e n ty -tw o ; B ie r c e f o r t y - t h r e e sp o n d a ic o r t r o c h a i c v a r i a t i o n s , Pope s e v e n t y - s i x ; B ie r c e tw e n ty -tw o r u n -o n l i n e s , Pope s e v e n . I n none o f t h e s e co m p a riso n s i s th e d i f f e r e n c e s i g n i f i c a n t , sa v e i n th e l a s t tw o , and t h e r e i t i s s u f f i c i e n t l y g r e a t t o amount to a b a s i c d iv e r g e n c e i n t h e i r t e c h n i c a l u s e o f the c o u p l e t . 441 d i f f e r e n c e s b etw een B ie r c e and Pope a r e B i e r c e ’ s o c c a s i o n a l u s e o f s l a n g and i r r e l e v a n t p a d d in g , h i s f r e q u e n t p r a c t i c e o f a tta c k ' in g h i s v i c t i m i n th e s e c o n d p e r s o n i n s t e a d o f i n th e t h i r d , th e l e s s s u s t a i n e d n a tu r e and l e s s even q u a l i t y o f h i s v e r s e , a n d , th o u g h he was p e r s o n a l i n h i s m eth o d s, h i s im p e r s o n a l m o t iv e s i n a t t a c k . Exam ples o f th e s l a n g and p a d d in g may be s e e n i n t h e s e l i n e s from "Two D e le g a t e s : " Frank P i x l e y ' s m e e tin g w i t h G eorge Gorham s i n g , C e l e s t i a l m use, and w hat e v e n t s d id s p r in g From th e e n c o u n te r o f th o s e m ig h ty so n s Of th u n d e r , and o f s l a u g h t e r , and o f g u n s. T h r i c e i n c o n v e n t i o n r i s i n g t o h i s f e e t , He t h r i c e h a d b e e n t h r u s t b a c k i n t o h i s s e a t ; T h r i e e h a d p r o t e s t e d , b e e n r e m i n d e d t h r i v e T he n a t i o n h a d n o n e e d o f h i s a d v i s e . ' B a l k e d o f h i s w i l l t o s e t t h e p e o p l e r i g h t , H i s s o u l w a s g lo o m y t h o u g h h i s h a t w a s w h i t e . F u r t h e r e v i d e n c e o f l i t e r a r y k i n s h i p t o P o p e may b e s e e n i n B i e r c e ’ s ow n r e m a r k s a b o u t P o p e a n d i n a c o m m en t o f o n e o f B i e r c e ’ s p u p i l s . A t o n e t i m e B i e r c e w r o t e , My f a v o r i t e t r a n s l a t i o n o f Homer i s t h a t o f P o p e, o f whom i t i s th e p r e s e n t f a s h i o n to sp ea k d i s p a r a g i n g l y , a s i t i s o f B yron. I know a l l t h a t can be s a i d a g a i n s t them , and sa y some o f i t m y s e l f , bu t I w is h t h e i r d e t r a c t o r s had a l i t t l e o f t h e i r b r a i n s . I know to o t h a t P o p e ’ s t r a n s l a t i o n s o f The I l i a d and The O d yssey are r a t h e r p a r a p h r a se s th a n t r a n s l a t i o n s , B ut I l o v e them j u s t th e sam e. . .3 9 38 e c t e d W orks, 5 :& 9 f. L e t t e r to G eorge S t e r l i n g , May 1 1 , 1 90 4; P o p e, o p . e i t . , 9 3 f • 4 4 2 A n o th er tim e he d e fe n d e d Pope a f t e r an a t t a c k by Jerome H art i n The A r g o n a u tfQ A gain he q u o ted from "The E p i s t l e to Dr. A sb u th n ot" and a t t r i b u t e d th e q u o t a t io n t o ^ th e M a s te r ." 4 1 ^nd y e t a g a in he d e fe n d e d h i s own s e v e r i t y i n s a t i r e by c i t i n g P o p e ’ s exam ple i n The D u n e ia d . I n t h i s l a s t in s t a n c e he w r o te , Was n o t Pope more s e v e r e th a n I have t h e s k i l l to be? M ight n o t h i s v i c t i m s o f ’’The D u n c ia d ” have a c c u s e d him o f ’^savage t r u c u l e n c e ? ’1 R e a l l y , he was v e r y hard upon th e p o o r d e v i l s , and had n o t th e f a i n t e s t com p u n ction a b ou t p l a i n l y p o i n t in g them o u t as im p o sto r s and p r e te n d e r s . . • w ou ld you w is h to expunge from E n g lis h l i t e r a t u r e th e d e l i g h t f u l "Dunciad?" Would y o u e f f a c e a s i n g l e l i n e o f i t o u t o f t e n d e r n e s s to th e memory o f some l u c k l e s s dunce who l i v e s o n ly i n P o p e ’ s w ork. . .? 4 2 The d e b t to The D unciad t h a t t h i s s u g g e s t s i s a s s e r t e d by one o f B i e r c e ’ s l i t e r a r y p r o t e g e s , Herman S e h e ff a u e r : S e i n e . • . A nsehauung von d e r S a t i r e g ru n d ete s i c h d a r a u f, d a s s S p itz b u b e n und H arren d ie r e e h t m a s s ig e B eu te d e s S a t i r i k e r s s i n d , d a s s e s i n d e r T at n i c h t nur s e i n Y o r r e c h t, so n d e rn auch s e i n e P f l i c h t . ‘ 3 st, s i e an den P r a n g e r , zu s t e l l e n und g e h b r ig zu b e s t r a f e n . H ie r wurde P opes ’’D u n cia d ” s e i n , V o r b ild . Manche s e i n e r O pfer w aren , w ie man s a g t , nur b e d a u er n sw e rte H aschen, a r m s e lig e W ie h te , d ie d e s b l i t z e n d e n , m it v o l l e r Wucht geh an d h ab ten S ch laeh ts^ h w ertes s e i n e s W itz e s gar n i c h t we.rt w a r e n .43 40 " P r a t t l e , ” S . F . E x . , J a n . 6 , 1 8 9 5 . 41 I b i d . , D ec. 1 5 , 1 8 9 5 . 42 I b i d . , l o v . 3 , 1 8 9 5 . 43 "Ambrose B i e r c e , e i n a m e r ik a n is e h e r S a t i r i k e r , " P r e u s s i s c h e ja h r b u c h e r , 2 0 5 : 5 3 5 } T S e p t ^ ' 1 9 2 6 * 443 B i e r c e ’s g e n e r a l and s p e c i f i c r e se m b la n c e s to P o p e , h i s own r e p e a t e d ly e x p r e s s e d a d m ir a tio n f o r him , and S c h e f f a u e r ’ s te s tim o n y i n d i c a t e t h a t B i e r c e ’ s s t r o n g i n c l i n a t i o n tow ard s e v e r e p e r s o n a l s a t i r e , and h i s fr e q u e n t u s e o f th e h e r o ic c o u p le t a s a v e h i c l e o f h i s s a t i r e p r o b a b ly d e r iv e d p r i n c i p a l l y from P o p e . On th e o t h e r hand, th e a b se n c e o f c l o s e p a r a l l e l s i n th o u g h t and im agery and th e s e v e r a l d i f f e r e n c e s b etw een the w r i t e r s a g a in show t h a t B ie r c e was n o t an i m i t a t o r . V o l t a i r e ran k s i n im p o rta n ce w it h S w if t and Pope a s a p o s s i b l e l i t e r a r y i n f l u e n c e upon B i e r c e . He may have had a p a r t i n th e fo r m a tio n o f B i e r c e ’ s l o g i c a l , u n e m o tio n a l, s a r d o n ic a t t i t u d e tow ard human l i f e and human i n s t i t u t i o n s , h i s c o n te 3 p h i lo s o p h iq u e s , as w e l l a s L u c ia n ’ s Ica ro m en ip p u s and A True S to r y and S w i f t ' s G u l l i v e r ’ s T r a v e l s , may have f u r n is h e d a s u g g e s t i o n f o r ’’The Land Beyond t h e B lo w ;” and th e D i e t i o n n a i r e p h ilo s o p h iq u e may have o f f e r e d s u g g e s t io n s f o r The D e v i l ’ s D i c t i o n a r y . The f i r s t o f t h e s e p o s s i b i l i t i e s seem s th e m ost im p o r ta n t. Prom V o l t a i r e B ie r c e may have le a r n e d n o t to be a f r a i d o f th o u g h t, th o u g h he may a l s o have le a r n e d i t from G ibbon, whom M cW illiam s s a y s he was r e a d in g so o n a f t e r he came to C a l i f o r n i a . One o f B i e r c e ’ s c a r d in a l p r i n c i p l e s was t o t h in k i n s t e a d o f f e e l , and h i s f e a r l e s s t h i n k i n g , p o s s i b l y a id e d by id e a s from V o l t a i r e , l e d him to th in k many o f th e same th o u g h t s . To m e n tio n a few 444 o f t h e s e l a r g e s i m i l a r i t i e s , B i e r c e , l i k e V o l t a i r e , a f f i r m e d t h e i m p e r f e c t i o n o f t h e u n i v e r s e ; l i k e h im h e s c o r n e d a l l t h e o l o g i a n s ; a n d l i k e h im h e e x a m in e d a n d r e j e c t e d o n l o g i c a l g r o u n d s a l m o s t t h e w h o l e "body o f C h r i s t i a n t h e o l o g i c a l b e l i e f s . L i k e V o l t a i r e B i e r c e h a d t h e f a c u l t y o f s e e i n g t h e s u b t l e c o n t r a d i c t i o n s b e t w e e n o u r b e h a v i o r a n d b e l i e f s , t h e a b s u r d i t i e s i n m any o f o u r c o m m o n ly a c c e p t e d d o g m a s , a n d t h e b a s i c w e a k n e s s e s o f o u r c i v i l i n s t i t u t i o n s . L i k e V o l t a i r e B i e r c e h a t e d i n a e e u r a t e t h i n k i n g . F i n a l l y , l i k e V o l t a i r e B i e r c e l o o k e d u p o n m a n k in d , b y a n d l a r g e , a s c o w a r d s , h y p o c r i t e s , a n d p r e d a t o r s , m o t i v a t e d , n o t b y g e n e r o u s p u r p o s e s , b u t b y t h e i r own s e l f i s h r e g a r d f o r t h e i r own h a p p i n e s s . A s f o r t h e c o n t e s p h i l o s o p h i q u e , t h e i r i n f l u e n c e u p o n ’’T h e L an d B e y o n d t h e B lo w n i s t o b e c o n s i d e r e d , n o t a s p r o b a b l e , b u t m e r e l y a s p o s s i b l e . I f B i e r c e h a d s e e n o n l y L u c i a n o r S w i f t h e w o u l d n o t h a v e n e e d e d t o s e e V o l t a i r e ’ s t a l e s . H o w e v e r , h e m ay h a v e d e r i v e d a s u g g e s t i o n f r o m s u c h a w o r k a s C a n d i d e , M i c r o m e g a s , o r T he t r a v e l s o f S c a r m e n t a d o . He may h a v e i m i t a t e d t h e f r a m e w o r k o f t h e s e t a l e s i n h i s t r a v e l s a t i r e , a n d t h e y may h a v e i m p r e s s e d h im w i t h t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f i r o n y o f m a n n e r f o r s a t i r e . T he D i e t i o n n a i r e p h i l o s o p h i q u e p r o b a b l y f u r n i s h e d s e v e r a l h i n t s f o r T he D e v i l ’ s D i c t i o n a r y , t h o u g h B i e r c e ' s f i r s t d e f i n i t i o n s s e e m t o h a v e b e e n i n s p i r e d b y t h e d e f i n i t i o n s o f S a lm i 445 4-4. Morse xn The Wasp. The p a r a l l e l s b e tw e en t h e s e '" d ic tio n a r ie s " a r e th e d i s i l l u s i o n i n g , s a r d o n ic , c y n i c a l , a b r a s iv e c h a r a c t e r o f th e d e f i n i t i o n s ; th e fr e q u e n t u s e o f i r o n y , w it , and i r r e v e r e n c e ; and th e u s e o f i l l u s t r a t i v e poem s, q u o t a t io n s ( in v e n t e d by B i e r c e ) , and c o l l o q u i e s . The c h i e f d i f f e r e n c e s a r e th e b r e v i t y o f B i e r c e ’ s d e f i n i t i o n s a s c o n t r a s t e d w it h th e l o n g d i s c u s s i o n s o f V o l t a i r e , and th e g r e a t e r f l a s h i n e s s and s u p e r f i c i a l i t y o f B i e r c e ' s w i t a s c o n t r a s t e d w it h the d e e p , d e v a s t a t i n g ir o n y o f V o l t a i r e . On a t l e a s t one o c c a s i o n B ie r c e p a ra p h ra sed V o l t a i r e , s a y i n g o f a Mr. S tu b b s, o f th e S o u th e r n P a e i f i e R a ilr o a d , "I sh o u ld l i k e t o t e l l him one [ s t o r y ] a b o u t a f o o l : Once t h e r e was a r a i l road man who to o k to w r i t i n g l e t t e r s . "45 A n o th er tim e he r i d i c u l e d th e a t t a c k o f some i n s i g n i f i c a n t p e r s o n upon a g r e a t e r by r e c a l l i n g " th e q u e s t io n p u t by V o l t a i r e — why su c h a man a s J u r ie u was p e r m itt e d t o m o le s t su c h a man a s B oy le." 4& F i n a l l y , i n a d i s c u s s io n o f R ob ert I n g e r s o l l , B ie r c e e v a lu a t e d V o l t a i r e by s a y in g t h a t I n g e r s o l l was i n f e r i o r i n g e n iu s to " th e in co m p a ra b le V o l t a i r e . "47 M inor p a r a l l e l s are to be s e e n b etw een B ie r c e and a few 4 4 v i d e s u p r a , p . 6 1 . 45 " p r a t t l e ," S . F . E x . , June 1 4 , 1 8 9 1 . 46 " p r a t t l e , " A rg o. , A p r i l 2 2 , 1 8 7 7 . 47 " I n g e r s o l l , Bead L io n ," S_.jP.E x. , J u ly 3 0 , 1 8 4 4 . 446 o t h e r w r i t e r s . B i e r c e ’ s i r o n i c m en tio n o f th e m a r r i a g e a b i l i t y o f a r i c h o ld man w ith a cou gh s u g g e s t s t h i s ep igram from M a r tia l: "G em ellus s e e k s w ed lo ck w it h M a r io n illa ; he d e s i r e s i t , he u r g e s h e r , he im p lo r e s h e r , and se n d s h er g i f t s . I s sh e b e a u t i f u l ? Hay, no c r e a t u r e i s more d i s g u s t i n g . What th e n i s th e b a i t and charm o f h er? Her co u g h . ”4 8 A p o s s i b l e s u g g e s t io n from M a r tia l i s to be fou n d i n th e t i t l e o f a volum e o f v e r s e , B la ck B e e t l e s i n Amber. M a r tia l has t h i s epigram : "In an am ber-d rop th e b e e l i e s h id and l i g h t e n s so t h a t i t seem s to be s h u t i n i t s n a t iv e s w e e t s . Worthy rew ard f o r a l l i t s t o i l s i t has won; m eth in k s m y s e lf w ou ld have w ish e d to d i e . "4=9 ^he p a r a l l e l s b etw een B ie r c e and J u v e n a l a re so g e n e r a l a s h a r d ly to be w o rth r em a rk in g . Every one knows t h a t J u v e n a l i s d i r e c t , in d ig n a n t , s a v a g e , and p e r s o n a l i n h i s a t t a c k s and t h a t he r e p r e s e n t s men and women a s d e s p i c a b l e , d ep ra v ed c r e a t u r e s . B ie r c e em ploys th e J u v e n a lia n m ethod o f a t t a c k , and h i s v ie w s o f men and women c o r r e sp o n d to J u v e n a l* s . B i e r c e , on th e o t h e r hand, i s u s u a l l y more d e ta c h e d i n h i s s a t i r e . B i e r c e ’s p e r s o n a l s a t i r e i n h e r o ic v e r s e i s s i m i l a r to " E n g lis h 4 8 M a r t ia l, E p ig ra m s, (1 ,3 c), 1:3?> c f . s u p r a . , pp. 4 8 f . 4 8 I b i d . , ( I , x x x ) , 1 : 2 5 3 . B ie r c e m igh t have fou n d th e same s u g g e s t i o n s , 'however, i n th e t h i r d p a r t o f B a co n ’s I n s t a u r a t i o Magna, i n H e r r ic k ’ s "On a F ly B u ried i n Amber," o r t o p e * s * fE p i s t i e t o D r. A r b u th n o t." 447 B ards and S c o tc h R e v ie w e r s ," by B yron , whom B ie r c e adm ired.® ^ The t i t l e "Hew Im a g in a ry C o n v e r sa tio n s " w h ich B ie r c e u s e d f o r some o f h i s s a t i r i c d i a l o g u e s , w h ich he so o n changed to "A pocryphal C o n v e r s a t io n s ," was d o u b t l e s s ta k e n from Landor, th ou gh t h e r e e x i s t s no s i m i l a r i t y b etw een th e two w r i t e r s . The b u r le s q u e " q u o ta tio n s " from con tem p orary f i c t i o n , g rou p ed i n th e C o l l e c t e d Works u n d e r th e head "The B a r g a in C o u n te r," r e m o te ly s u g g e s t T h a ck era y ’ s b u r le s q u e n o v e ls and B r e t H a r te ’ s C ondensed H o v e ls . I n f a c t B ie r c e once d e fe n d e d H a r te ’ s C ondensed H o v e ls a f t e r th e y had been a t t a c k e d i n th e San F r a n c is c o B u l l e t i n and i n so d o in g a l s o p r a is e d T h ack eray’ s b u r le s q u e s : The la m e n ta b le s e n s e i n w h ic h H a r t e ’ s "Condensed H ovels" w ere o r i g i n a l i s t h i s : th e y w ere o b v io u s ly and avow ed ly m odeled upon T h a ck era y ’ s " P r iz e n o v e l i s t s , " t o w h ic h fam ous work—- e v id e n t ly unknown i n C lay S t r e e t - - th e y a re h a r d ly i f a t a l l , i n f e r i o r , th e y b e in g i n many r e s p e c t s th e m ost charm ing p r o d u c t o f H a r te ’ s in com p arab le hum or.51 F i n a l l y , some o f th e g r o te s q u e names l i k e g i lb u p e r and T h e d ise r p i n "The la n d Beyond th e Blow" a r e l i k e th e g r o te s q u e a p p e la t io n s i n Samuel B u t l e r ’ s Erew hon, w h ich a r e form ed by s p e l l i n g names backw ard. Herman S c h e f f a u e r has s e e n a l s o i n th e works o f B ie r c e th e i n f l u e n c e o f H e i n e , t h o u g h I f a i l t o f i n d any t r a c e o f i t V id e su p r a , p. 4 4 1 . 51 ^ p r a t t l e ," W asp, S e p t . 2 , 1 8 8 1 . ^ " s w i f t . P o p e, V o l t a i r e , H ein e und P o e— d i e s e f u n f g r o s s e n G ei.ter wurden a l l e an d i e G e b u r t s s t a t t e d i e s e r A nom alie [ B ie r c e ] d e s a m e r ik a n is c h s iP a n th e o n s g e r u fe n ." ( S c h e f f a u e r , op . c i t . , 3 3 6 .) 448 i n th e s a t i r e . H ein e was m e la n c h o ly , p e s s i m i s t i c , and c y n i c a l , h u t t h e r e i s a s t r a i n o f r o m a n tic ism and l y r i c i s m r u n n in g th ro u g h h i s work t h a t makes him o f an a l t o g e t h e r d i f f e r e n t tem p er from B i e r c e . B i e r c e ' s m oral s a t i r e and h ig h id e a lis m t h e n , seem to have had t h e i r b e g in n in g s i n th e e v a n g e l i c a l r e l i g i o u s atm osp h ere o f h i s boyhood and y o u t h . H is i n t e n s e d i s l i k e f o r v u l g a r i t y , r u r a l l i f e , and u n r e fin e m e n t may have sp ru n g from h i s e a r ly u n c o n g e n ia l r u r a l e n v ir o n m e n t. H is f e a r l e s s n e s s , d i r e c t n e s s , a g g r e s s i v e n e s s , and d e v o t io n to d u ty seem to show i n h i s l i f e th e d i r e e t i n f l u e n c e o f G en eral W. B. H azen. B i e r c e ' s l i t e r a r y t a s t e s and manner o f w r i t i n g , a c c o r d in g to M cW illiam s, w ere d e v e lo p e d u n d er th e c r i t i c i s m and g u id a n c e o f James W a tk in s. Pope p r o b a b ly s e r v e d a s B i e r c e ' s m odel i n p e r s o n a l v e r s e s a t i r e , th e p e r s o n a l e le m e n t c a r r y in g o v e r i n t o h i s p r o se s a t i r e a s w e l l . L u c ia n , S w i f t , and V o l t a i r e , but S w if t e s p e c i a l l y , may have g iv e n him s u g g e s t i o n s f o r h i s i r o n i c n a r r a t i v e s a t i r e , w h ile S w i f t ' s and V o l t a i r e ' s w r i t i n g s seem to have i n f l u e n c e d h i s p h i l o s o p h i c a l o u t lo o k upon l i f e . Phe p a r a l l e l s b etw een B ie r c e and h i s k in d r e d s a t i r i s t s , h o w ev er, show t h a t th e i n f l u e n c e o f t h e s e w r i t e r s w as s u g g e s t i v e o n l y . B ie r c e c a n n o t be a e c u s e d o f I m i t a t i o n . He was a w r i t e r o f o r i g i n a l i t y and i n t e g r i t y who, i n th e l i g h t o f th e s u g g e s t io n s and id e a s o f o t h e r s , d e v e lo p e d h i s own th o u g h t and c r e a t e d th e s a t i r i c p a t t e r n s b e s t s u i t e d to h i s n a tu r e and p u r p o se . P ART IV C O N C L U S I O N CONCLUSION A s tu d y o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e r e v e a l s t h a t th e o b j e c t s o f h i s a t t a c k s may be d iv id e d i n t o two c o n v e n t io n a l c l a s s e s : f o o l s and v i l l a i n s , th e Wormer b e in g i n t e l l e c t u a l l y and th e l a t t e r m o r a lly d e lin q u e n t . Among th e i n t e l l e c t u a l d e lin q u e n t s B ie r c e r i d i c u l e d e s p e c i a l l y th o s e p e o p le who, l i v i n g by t h e i r e m o tio n s , p r e fe r r e d to f e e l i n s t e a d o f t h in k and th e o n es who w ere to o in d o le n t or t im id to t h in k . I t was among th e n o n - t h in k e r s th a t B ie r c e found t h e p r o v i n c i a l p a t r i o t s , th e extrem e n a t i o n a l i s t s , th e s e n tim e n t a l i s t s , th e s p o r t s a d d i c t s , th e s e r i o u s members o f f r a t e r n a l o r d e r ? , th e dog l o v e r s , and th e g r e a t h o s t o f P h i l i s t i n e s , w it h t h e i r b a se m a t e r ia lis m , t h e i r g r o s s m anners, t h e i r cru d e s p e e c h , t h e i r l a c k o f r e s p e c t f o r p e r s o n a l and p r o p e r ty r i g h t s , and t h e i r sy c o p h a n c y . In th e e y e s o f B ie r c e a l l t h e s e p e o p le w ere f o o l s , and he r i d i c u l e d them th r o u g h o u t h i s e n t i r e c a r e e r . P o s s e s s e d o f a s t r o n g m oral s e n s e , B ie r c e was more s e v e r e w it h th e v i l l a i n s th a n w it h th e f o o l s . The f o o l s sin n e d o u t o f ig n o r a n c e or w e a k n e ss, bu t th e v i l l a i n s d id so d e l i b e r a t e l y and w i l f u l l y . C h ie f among t h e s e m oral d e lin q u e n t s w ere th e v i o l a t o r s o f p r o p e r ty r i g h t s , i n c lu d in g p e t t y c h e a t s , t h i e v e s , and p l a g i a r i s t s . C u tt in g v e r t i c a l l y th ro u g h t h e s e two h o r i z o n t a l c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s o f th e o b j e c t s o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e are f i v e s u b j e c t c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s : th e j o u r n a l i s t s , l i t t e r a t e u r s , and a r t i s t s ; th e c a p i t a l i s t s and u n i o n i s t s ; th e r e l i g i o n i s t s and r e fo r m e r s ; th e 450 p e o p le c o n n e c te d w it h a l l p h a se s o f govern m en t, and th e e d u c a t o r s , s o l d i e r s , s c i e n t i s t s , and p h y s i c ia n s I n th e f i r s t o f t h e s e g ro u p s B i e r c e s a t i r i z e d th e n ew spap er ow ners and e d i t o r s who w ere m er ely co m m ercia l i n t h e i r i n t e r e s t s and who, h e n c e , w ere d i s h o n e s t , t im id , s e r v i l e , o r s e n t i m e n t a l . Among th e San F r a n c is c a n e d i t o r s whom he a tta c k e d m ost f r e q u e n t l y and s e v e r e l y w ere Frank P i x l e y o f The A r g o n a u t, G. K. F i t c h o f The E v en in g B u l l e t i n , L o r in g P ic k e r in g o f The M orning C a l l , and M. H. De Young o f The C h r o n ic le . A l s o , he s a t i r i z e d r e p o r t e r s who w ere p resu m p tu ou s, who Ignored th e p e r s o n a l r i g h t s o f o t h e r s , who v i o l a t e d th e r u l e s o f p r o p r ie t y and good s e n s e , and who w ro te h a d l y . Among th e l i t t e r a t e u r s B i e r c e s a t i r i z e d e s p e c i a l l y th e p o e t a s t e r s and f i c t i o n w r i t e r s , a t t a c k i n g th e form er f o r f a u l t y m e te r , r im e , grammar, s e n s e , or s e n t im e n t . He d e t e s t e d th e w r i t e r s o f v e r s l i h r e , and thee d i a l e c t ^ 'p oets’’ l i k e James Whitcomb R i l e y . In th e f i e l d o f f i c t i o n h i s a t t a c k , among th e b e t t e r w r i t e r s , was d i r e c t e d c h i e f l y a g a i n s t th e p r u v e y o r s o f d i a l e c t , l o c a l c o l o r , p r u d is h m o r a l i t y , and p rop agan d a, and somewhere i n t h i s group h e in c lu d e d W illia m Dean H o w e lls , H enry Jam es, H am lin G arlan d , Mary H o a i l l e s M u rfee, Mary E. W ilk in s Freem an, J o e l C h an d ler H a r r is , G eorge W ash in gton C a b le , J a ck London, Upton S i n c l a i r , and M rs. Humphrey Ward. He a tta c k e d th e l e s s e r w r i t e r s f o r f a u l t y o b s e r v a t i o n , sm u g n ess, s a c c h a r i n i t y , s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , and e v e r y t h in g t h a t h e lp s to make p o p u la r f i c t i o n p o p u la r . 451 L it e r a r y c r i t i c s he s a t i r i z e d c h i e f l y f o r in co m p eten ce and d i s h o n e s t y . H is s a t i r e e x te n d e d a l s o i n v a r y in g am ounts to p e r i o d i c a l w r i t e r s , t o a c t o r s and a c t r e s s e s , and to l o c a l p a i n t e r s , s c u l p t o r s , and a r c h i t e c t s . I n th e rea lm o f b u s in e s s and la b o r B ie r c e a t ta c k e d th o s e c a p i t a l i s t s , g r e a t and s m a ll, who, o f t e n by b r i b e r y , so u g h t s p e c i a l l e g i s l a t i v e p r i v i l e g e s , su ch a s th e p r o t e c t i v e t a r i f f . He a t ta c k e d a l s o t h o s e who f o r money r e s o r t e d t o g r o s s or p e t t y t h e f t , e x o r b it a n t c h a r g e s , m o n o p o lie s , o r i l l e g a l or u n e t h i c a l c o m b in a tio n s ; and he a tt a c k e d th o s e who so u g h t g a in by u n d e r p a y in g t h e i r em p lo y ees o r im p o sin g upon them i n o th e r w ays. A l l t h e s e p r a c t i c e s w ere d e s p i c a b le to B i e r c e , and he f r e e l y s a t i r i z e d t h o s e who em ployed them , h i s g r e a t e s t w ra th f a l l i n g upon C o l l i s P. H u n tin g to n , L eland S ta n fo r d , and C h a r le s C rock er o f th e S o u th e rn P a c i f i c R a ilw a y , b u t a l s o upon John D. R o c k e f e l l e r and Andrew C a r n e g ie In th e E a s t , and upon th e S p r e c k e ls b r o t h e r s and many l e s s e r men o f w e a lth i n C a l i f o r n i a . F i t h i n th e ran k s o f o r g a n iz e d la b o r B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e la b o r grou p s t h a t i n t e r f e r e d w ith th e r i g h t o f e v e r y man to s e l l h i s la b o r a s h e p l e a s e s , t h a t engaged i n a c t s o f l a w l e s s n e s s and v i o l e n c e , and t h a t a ttem p ted to e s t a b l i s h a m onopoly o v e r th e p r o d u c t th e y had f o r s a l e , a s th e c a p i t a l i s t s d id o v e r t h e i r p r o d u c ts . D e n is K earney was a f a o o r i t e t a r g e t o f B i e r c e ’s s a t i r e i n th e S a n d lo t d a y s . 452 In th e f i e l d o f governm ent B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e p o l i t i c i a n s f o r t h e i r p e r s o n a l a m b itio n , dem agoguery, o r a t o r y , e q u i v o c a t io n , and p a r ty l o y a l t y , add he s a t i r i z e d them and governm ent em p lo y ees f o r t h e i r ig n o r a n c e , l a z i n e s s , w e a k n e s s, I n e f f i c i e n c y , in co m p e t e n c e , i r r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , and c o r r u p t io n . Most o f t h i s s a t i r e f e l l upon C a l i f o r n ia n s ; b u t h i s s a t i r e a l s o e x te n d e d to n a t i o n a l f i g u r e s , and h e a tta c k e d ig n o r a n c e , in c o m p e te n c e , and i n d i g n i t y in th e c o n d u ct o f our i n t e r n a t i o n a l r e l a t i o n s . F in d in g ig n o r a n c e , i n e f f i c i e n c y , and c o r r u p t io n ev ery w h ere in th e c o n d u ct o f l o c a l , n a t i o n a l , and i n t e r n a t i o n a l a f f a i r s , h e g a v e up h i s f a i t h i n th e r e p u b lic a n form o f governm ent ab ou t th e m id d le o f h i s l i f e and f i n a l l y a d v o c a te d a l im i t e d monarchy l i k e E n g la n d 's . B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e a g a i n s t p e o p le in governm ent was d i r e c t e d a l s o a g a i n s t th e la w y e r s who made our law s ( f o r t h e i r own a d v a n t a g e , he th o u g h t); a g a i n s t th e s e n s e l e s s t r a d i t i o n s t h a t t h e y and th e c o u r t s p e r p e tu a te d i n our j u d i c i a l sy ste m ; a g a i n s t th e u n s c r u p u lo u s la w y e r s , c o r r u p t ju d g e s , and ig n o r a n t jurym en i n our c o u r t s ; a g a i n s t th e c o r r u p t and b u n g lin g law en fo rc em e n t o f f i c i a l s ; a g a i n s t th e l a w l e s s p e o p le ; and a g a i n s t t h e g o v e r n o r s who pardoned th e c r im in a ls who had a t l a s t b e e n pu t i n t o p r is o n . The r e l i g i o n i s t s and r e fo r m e r s w ere much s a t i r i z e d by B i e r c e . The form er w ere a tt a c k e d f o r t h e i r d is h o n e s t t h i n k i n g , t h e i r e m o tio n a lis m , t h e i r t h e o l o g i c a l b e l i e f s , t h e i r n a r r o w n e ss , b i g o t r y , and i n t o l e r a n c e , and t h e i r p i e t y , h y p o c r is y , and 453 g e n e r a l l y u n - C h r is t ia n c o n d u c t. As B ie r c e -was, a f t e r a l l , a p r a c t i c i n g j o u r n a l i s t , i t was n a t u r a l th a t h i s l a s h J&l h e a v i l y on th e h a ck s o f th e l o c a l c le r g y m e n o f th e Bay R e g io n . Among th e r e fo r m e r s B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d c h i e f l y th e members o f th e Young Men’ s and Young Women's C h r i s t i a n A s s o c i a t i o n s , t h e tem p erance a d v o c a t e s , th e s u f f r a g e t t e s , and a l l th e m i l i t a n t a d v o c a te s o f wom en's r i g h t s . S o l d i e r s , B ie r c e r e s p e c t e d , e x c e p t f o r th e members o f th e N a t io n a l Guard. He a t ta c k e d s a t i r i c a l l y th e h e r a ld s o f p e r p e tu a l p e a c e , th e p e o p le who m a in ta in e d t h a t war was becom ing so d a n g e r ous t h a t i n t e r n a t i o n a l a r b i t r a t i o n must so o n s u p p la n t i t , th e p e o p le who made God a p a r ty to w a r s, and th e " C h r is t ia n s 5 " who j u s t i f i e d w ar. He r i d i c u l e d th e p r o f e s s i o n a l army and navy o f f i c e r s who b o a s te d o f our m i l i t a r y power and who in war tim e e x h i b i t e d in c o m p e ten ce ; th e ig n o r a n t c i v i l i a n c r i t i c s o f m i l i t a r y m a tte r s and th e ig n o r a n t , u n t r u t h f u l war c o r r e s p o n d e n ts ; and th e d is c h a r g e d v e te r a n s who demanded fa v o r s and p e n s io n s from t h e i r c o u n tr y on th e ground s o f t h e i r p r e v io u s s e r v i c e . Toward " im p r a c tic a l" s c i e n t i s t s B ie r c e d ir e c t e d much r i d i c u l e , e s p e c i a l l y toward th e members o f th e C a l i f o r n i a Academy o f S c i e n c e s , th e i n v e n t o r s , and th e m e d ic a l d o c t o r s , th e l a s t group b e in g a c c u se d by him n o t o n ly o f ig n o r a n c e and p r e su m p tio n , but o f d e l i b e r a t e p r o lo n g a t io n o f i l l n e s s a s lo n g a s p o s s i b l e f o r p e r s o n a l g a in . B ie r c e c o n s id e r e d our p u b lic s c h o o l s b ad , and f o r t h i s he s a t i r i z e d c h i e f l y th e s c h o o l d i r e c t o r s , who to o o f t e n w ere more i n t e r e s t e d i n p o l i t i c s and economy th a n i n e d u c a t io n . The p u b lic 454 h e som etim es s a t i r i z e d f o r i n d i f f e r e n c e , and a v e r y few tim e s h e r i d i c u l e d th e t e a c h e r s f o r o d d it y or th e undue e x e r c i s e o f a u t h o r i t y and th e a ssu m p tio n o f a s u p e r io r im p o r ta n c e . The c h i e f f a u l t s w ith th e s c h o o l s , h o w ev e r, w ere due to th e p en n y - p in c h in g s c h o o lb o a r d s , who a t th e r a t e s th e y w ere w i l l i n g to p a y , c o u ld n o t h i r e th e b e s t t e a c h e r s , t o in a c c u r a t e and b a d ly w r i t t e n t e x t b o o k s , and to su ch ‘ " f a d s '1 as h o r t i c u l t u r e and s e w in g . In c o l l e g e s and u n i v e r s i t i e s B ie r c e s a t i r i z e d th e g o v e r n in g b oard s a s ig n o r a n t , th e f a c u l t i e s as p e d a n t ic , i m p r a c t i c a l , t im id , or " p o p u la r ," and m ost o f th e s t u d e n t s a s f o o l s . I t was th e n o t io n o f B ie r c e t h a t th e c o l l e g e s and u n i v e r s i t i e s d id n o t e d u c a te m ost o f th e s t u d e n t s , b u t d e s tr o y e d t h e i r m oral s e n s e , p rep ared them f o r f i e l d s t h a t w ere a lr e a d y o v ercro w d ed , and je o p a r d iz e d th e n a t i o n a l s t a b i l i t y by making them d is c o n t e n t e d and u n w i l li n g to work w it h t h e i r h a n d s. In d e e d , th e s a t i r e o f B i e r c e , so o n e r o r l a t e r JSL1 upon a l l ranks o f s o c i e t y , and he came to d e s p i s e mankind i n g e n e r a l , th ou gh he a lw a y s r e t a in e d a k in d ly a t t i t u d e and a c e r t a i n a d m ira t i o n f o r c e r t a i n o f i t s p a r t i c u l a r members, and h i s a t t i t u d e r e s e m b le d .a good d e a l t h a t o f S w i f t . P e o p le w ere g e n e r a l l y u n - a d m ira b le to him , and he s a t i r i z e d them b i t t e r l y as d e v o id o f h o n o r , h o n e s t y , g e n e r o s i t y , and d i g n i t y . They w ere h a l f - c i v i l i z e d h ogs and p r e d a to r y a n im a ls . As v e h i c l e s f o r h i s d i r e c t s a t i r e B i e r c e em ployed c h i e f l y th e j o u r n a l i s t i c p r o se comment, b u t a l s o v e r s e comment, d i r e c t a d d r e s s i n b o th p r o s e and v e r s e , and th e v e r s e ep igram . H is i n d i r e c t s a t i r e i n p r o se was em bodied i n a v a r i e t y o f m ed ia, 455 c h i e f l y th e mock h i s t o r y o f th e f u t u r e , th e G i l l i v e r i a n n a r r a t i v e , th e s a t i r i c f a b l e or a n e c d o t e , th e humorous “L i t t l e Johnny'” n a r r a t i v e , and th e im a g in a ry c o n v e r s a t i o n . The i n d i r e c t v e r s e s a t i r e was c a r r ie d c h i e f l y i n n a r r a t i v e , th e im a g in a ry m onologue o r c o n v e r s a t i o n , and in th e e p it a p h . Among th e s a t i r i c d e v i c e s em ployed by B ie r c e v e r b a l ir o n y i s p e r h a p s m ost f r e q u e n t ly u s e d , th ou gh h e a l s o makes e x t e n s i v e u s e o f i m p l i c a t i o n o f th e r i d i c u l o u s by a w ide v a r i e t y o f m eth od s, o f e x p l i c i t c o m p a riso n , u s u a l l y by s i m i l e , o f c o n t r a s t by e x p o s i t i o n , j u x t a p o s i t i o n o f o p p o s i t e s , or th e f a i t h f u l p i c t u r e , o f s e l f r e v e l a t o r y m echan ism s, o f c o n s c io u s e la b o r a t i o n o f s e v e r a l k in d s , o f a v a r i e t y o f w it d e v i c e s , and o f th e e p i t h e t . I n f r e q u e n t ly u sed d e v i c e s a r e b u r le s q u e and th e r e d u c t io a d absurdurn. Among th e p o s s i b l e i n f l u e n c e s th a t h e lp e d to make B ie r c e a s a t i r i s t , a s i d e from w h a tev e r p a r t h e r e d i t y p la y e d , w ere c e r t a i n n o n - l i t e r a r y f a c t o r s , th e m ost im p o rta n t o f them b e in g th e e v a n g e l i c a l r e l i g i o u s atm osp h ere and cru d e r u r a l su r r o u n d in g s o f h i s boyhood and y o u th , and h i s m i l i t a r y c a r e e r i n th e C i v i l War. A g a in s t h i s r e l i g i o u s and r u r a l en v iro n m en ts h e r e a c te d v i o l e n t l y , th ou gh from th e form er he r e t a in e d or d e r iv e d a s t r o n g i d e a l i s m , a s t r o n g m oral s e n s e , and a z e a lo u s i n t o l e r a n c e o f w rong. From h i s m i l i t a r y c a r e e r and p a r t i c u l a r l y from h i s r e s p e c t fo r G e n e r a l W. B. H azen, he seem s to h ave d e r iv e d or had s tr e n g th e n e d w i t h i n him a c h i v a l r i c s e n s e o f d u ty and r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , a v ig o r o u s i n t e g r i t y , a d i s p o s i t i o n t o demand t h a t o t h e r s l i v e up w h o lly t o t h e i r m ora l o b l i g a t i o n s , and a f e a r l e s s , a g g r e s s i v e f i g h t i n g n a t u r e , a l l o f w h ich c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s were h i g h l y im p o r- 45 6 t a n t f a c t o r s i n h i s c a r e e r a s a s a t i r i s t . O ther p o s s i b l e i n f l u e n c e s d u rin g t h i s e a r l y p e r io d w ere h i s r e s p e c t f o r th e c a r e e r and th e p e r s o n a l i t y o f h i s U n cle L u ciu s V eru s B i e r c e , a s o l d i e r , la w y e r , and p o l i t i c a l f i g u r e i n l o c a l and s t a t e a f f a i r s , and B i e r c e ' s d is a p p o in tm e n t in h i s f i r s t l o v e a f f a i r . A sid e from h i s w id e r e a d in g , B ie r c e was p r o b a b ly in f lu e n c e d by s e v e r a l l i t e r a r y f o r c e s . Among th e rm o st im p o r ta n t o f t h e s e was James W a tk in s, under whom B ie r c e le a r n e d to w r i t e and who, r e c o g n i z i n g B i e r c e ' s i n c l i n a t i o n s , g u id ed him tow ard t h o s e l i t e r a r y f i g u r e s m ost c o n g e n ia l to h i s n a t u r e , S w if t and V o l t a i r e . T hese two w r i t e r s , p erh a p s a s s i s t e d by J u v e n a l, L u c iu s , La R o c h e fo u c a u ld , Pope and B yron , must have had a la r g e im p ortan ce i n th e s h a p in g o f B i e r c e ' s g e n e r a l a t t i t u d e s toward l i f e . T e c h n i c a l l y B ie r c e seem s to have se c u r e d s u g g e s t io n s from L u c ia n , S w i f t , and V o l t a i r e i n p r o s e , and from Pope i n v e r s e . In n e i t h e r h i s a t t i tu d e s n o r h i s fo rm s, h o w ev e r, i s B ie r c e to be r eg a r d e d a s an im ita to r .- H is was an o r i g i n a l , c r e a t i v e f o r c e t h a t found id e a s and s u g g e s t io n s i n many p l a c e s and ad ap ted them to h i s own p u r p o s e s . In a l l o f B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e one f i n d s a w id e v a r i e t y in th e p a r t i c u l a r o b j e c t s o f h i s a t t a c k ; h i s s a t i r e i s embodied in a p l e a s i n g v a r i e t y o f e f f e c t i v e form s; and th e d e v i c e s by w h ich he a c h ie v e s th e s a t i r e a r e l i k e w i s e v a r ie d and e f f e c t i v e . P a r t l y b e c a u se o f t h i s v a r i e t y one f in d s B ie r c e a lw a y s r e a d a b le . At th e b o tto m o f a l l B i e r c e ' s s a t i r e , sa v e some o f h i s e a r l i e s t , p re-L on d on w r i t i n g , w h ich a t tim e s was perhaps n o t q u i t e s i n c e r e , t h e r e i s d i s c e r n i b l e an e a r n e s t m oral and a e s t h e t i c p u r p o se , 457 a p u rp o se t o com p el m oral b e h a v io r , and to d is c o u r a g e i n a r t i s t i c work in l i t e r a t u r e and th e f i n e a r t s . In t h e p r o s e c u t io n o f t h i s d u a l p u rp ose B ie r c e i s a lw a y s c o u r a g e o u s and v ig o r o u s ly a g g r e s s i v e , and he e x h i b i t s e a r n e s t n e s s , s i n c e r i t y , r ig h t e o u s i n d ig n a t io n , and a d m ira b le p e r s o n a l i n t e g r i t y . At th e same t im e , h o w ev er, he manages c o n s i s t e n t l y to r e t a i n a s e n s e o f hum or, a p rop er p e r s p e c t i v e on t h i n g s , and an a l o o f n e s s t h a t k e e p him from b e in g m erely c r i t i c a l and t h a t make p o s s i b l e i n a l l h i s work an a i r o f r i d i c u l e . I t sh o u ld be added t h a t B ie r c e n e v e r u sed h i s s a t i r e t o r e d r e s s p e r s o n a l g r ie v a n c e s . I n h i s s a t i r e B ie r c e g e n e r a l l y sc o u r g e d th e o f f e n d e r r a t h e r th a n th e v i c e , a p r a c t i c e t h a t im p lie d th e c o n c r e t e , p e r s o n a l a t t a c k r a t h e r th a n th e a b s t r a c t , g e n e r a l a t t a c k . I t a l s o d i c t a t e d t h a t h i s o b j e c t s o f a t t a c k sh o u ld be c u r r e n t r a t h e r th a n h i s t o r i c a l , and was c o n d u c iv e to th e c h o i c e o f l o c a l s u b j e c t s r a t h e r th a n r e m o te o n e s . As a r e s u l t o f t h e s e p e r s o n a l , c o n c r e t e , c u r r e n t , l o c a l c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s th e b u lk o f B i e r c e ’ s s a t i r e was h i g h l y a p p e a lin g and r e a d a b le a t th e tim e i t was w r i t t e n , but tim e d im in is h e s i t s s i g n i f i c a n c e , and much o f i t i s a lr e a d y o u td a te d . T h is , i t se em s, i s th e p e n a lt y a s a t i r i s t must pay fo r im m ediate e f f e c t i v e n e s s , u n l e s s he be o f v e r y g r e a t s t a t u r e . On th e o t h e r han d , a l i m i t e d 'amount o f th e s a t i r e , c h i e f l y ^Ashes o f th e B e a c o n ,” w h ich B ie r c e c o n s id e r e d h i s m ost n o t a b le w ork, and ^The Land Beyond th e B lo w ,” i s g e n e r a l i n i t s n a t u r e , thou gh e v e n h e r e much o f th e s a t i r e i s d i r e c t e d a g a i n s t a b u se s t h a t a re more or l e s s d a te d . Most o f th e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s th u s f a r n o ted have b een 458 f a v o r a b le to B i e r c e . Among t h o s e t h a t a re u n fa v o r a b le a r e h i s d i s p o s i t i o n to a t t a c k u n im p ortan t p e o p le fo r t r i v i a l o f f e n s e s ; h i s f r e q u e n t l y wrong ju d g m en ts, f o r exam ple h i s judgm ents on s c i e n t i s t s , i n v e n t o r s , and w r i t e r s ; h i s ten d e n c y a t tim e s to c o n demn p e o p le w ith o u t s u f f i c i e n t e v id e n c e , a s i n th e B e e c h e r - T ild e n c a s e ; and h i s p o l i t i c a l r e a c t io n a r y is m , w h ich le d him to o p p ose th e . i n i t i a t i v e and r efer e n d u m , th e r e c a l l , e m p lo y er s' l i a b i l i t y , and woman s u f f r a g e . B ie r c e i s n o t to be r a te d as a g r e a t s a t i r i s t . He i s b r i l l i a n t and p o w e r fu l and e f f e c t i v e i n many o f h i s a t t a c k s , b u t h i s e n e r g y i s so o f t e n m i s d i r e c t e d , h e i s so o f t e n w rong, and he i s so p r e d o m in a n tly l o c a l t h a t he must be a s s e s s e d a t no b e t t e r th a n seco n d r a t e . H is e f f e c t i v e n e s s a s a s a t i r i s t was c h i e f l y l i m i t e d to h i s own tim e s ; bu t i n t h o s e tim e s he fo u g h t c o n s i s t e n t l y , s t r o n g l y , and c o u r a g e o u s ly a g a i n s t a m u l t i tu d e o f f o o l e r i e s and v i c i o u s p r a c t i c e s , and he p la y e d an im p o r ta n t, th ou gh un m easurable p a r t in th e m oral e d u c a t io n , c u l t u r a l d e v e lo p m en t, and c i v i l i z a t i o n o f p e o p le w h erev er h i s colum n was p r in t e d . S u r e ly much p r o g r e s s h a s b e e n made s i n c e 1 8 6 8 i n m a tte r s o f t a s t e , p e r s o n a l c o n d u c t, b u s i n e s s , e m p lo y e r - em p loyee r e l a t i o n s h i p s , r e l i g i o n , and g o v ern m en t, --a n d s u r e l y th e s a t i r e o f B i e r c e , a s in th e v i c t o r i o u s f i g h t a g a i n s t C o l l i s P. H u n tin g to n and th e r a il r o a d i n t e r e s t s , wa

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