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Cultural differences
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Cultural differences
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CULTURAL DIFFERENCES by Adetokunbo Kujore A Thesis Presented to the FACULTY OF THE USC GRADUATE SCHOOL UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree MASTER OF ARTS (JOURNALISM) August 2012 Copyright 2012 Adetokunbo Kujore ii TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract………………………………………………………………………………..iii Cultural Differences…………………………………………………………………....1 Bibliography…………………………………………………………………………..16 iii ABSTRACT The contrast between the Nigerian and Western cultures is one that is not so apparent to those who are unfamiliar with the African upbringing. However many that are caught in this trap find it difficult to balance both worlds which eventually causes a strain on the new generation of Nigerian-Americans that must adjust to both worlds and frustration to their parents who have experienced a totally different upbringing altogether. Cultural differences become a barrier to how different generations see the world in America, which can either be a positive experience or a negative one. 1 CULTURAL DIFFERENCES The Banjo family walks into Christ Apostolic Church in Carson singing and clapping to Christian praise songs in Yoruba, a native language from the western part of Nigeria, during Sunday morning’s praise and worship. Femi Banjo sits near the front of the sanctuary next to his wife of 19 years, Bunmi. Their sons Ayo, 13 and TJ, 5, are escorted to the children’s section. The family seems happy as they praise God. New members of the church wouldn’t know that just ten months ago the Banjos’ 15-year-old daughter, Ebun, ended her own life. Neither does the family speak openly about the tragedy because suicide is an unthinkable act among the Nigerian community. Ebun Banjo leapt from her mother’s car as the two drove to pick up Ebun’s youngest brother from school. Ebun spent her 16 th birthday in a coma, days later she died. After a teen suicide, the blame often rests with the child’s family or friends, but cultural differences between Nigeria and the West may have also contributed to Ebun’s untimely death. Honoring culture and tradition is very important to Nigerian people, irrespective of their various tribes or religious affiliations. Honesty, education, morality, respect for elders, fellow citizens, life, religion and family loyalty rank high among Nigerians. These values and practices shape their everyday lives. However, when it comes to complex issues such 2 as sex, marital conflicts, financial and family problems, that are foreign to their way of life, seeking help from an institution or mental health practitioner is not easy. Trying to adjust their customs to Western standards is difficult. Nigerian born and raised citizens account their transition into the Western way of living. Dorothy Ugorji, a nurse manager and Nigerian mother of five, moved to the US when she was 16. “The American culture was shockingly different when I moved from Nigeria,” she said. She was very surprised by the way Americans communicated. Back in Nigeria, “we don’t challenge, when we talk to people we don’t look the person straight in the eye. But in American society if you don’t look into someone’s eyes its like you’re not being respectful.” Ebun Banjo was a beautiful young woman to those who knew her, always smiling but determined and kind at heart. She grew up in Corona, CA with her Nigerian born parents and siblings and had many friends from different ethnicities as well as those who were a part of the Nigerian community that she met through her family and church. However, like many other children from two cultures, she had to balance both. Nigerian children are caught between two cultures, and their parents and leaders in the community are torn: should they bring up their children solely in the Nigerian tradition or allow them to assimilate both the Nigerian and the Western cultures? 3 “Our children will be a lost cause,” if they do not learn about their culture and where they came from,” explains Ignatius Ukgpabi, also known as the “Mayor.” Ukgpabi, an elder and leader in preserving culture among the Nigerian community in the US, believes that Western culture and media distract Nigerian children from learning and appreciating their own culture and its values. “We as the elders have told the [various] ethnic groups [in America] that they should try and teach the children the culture,” said Ukpagbi. Nigerian- Americans make up about 260,000 people according to a 2008 American Community Survey. He believes parents must “open up to the idea of living in both places, because [many want to return and live in Nigeria].” In African culture, respect for elders, is key. Age is a sign of experience and intelligence. Elders have experienced what the younger people are going through, and are capable of giving good advice. Children should listen while elders are speaking. But respect for elders often prevents Nigerian children who want to express themselves. Among the community if children do express themselves, they are considered rude. This cultural difference is one of the reasons that Nigerians cannot discuss difficult issues that they or their families experience. As the case of Ebun illustrates, young people, especially, may be afraid to confide their problems to their parents. 4 Abimbola Akpata, who works at the Embassy of Nigeria and is a mother of two, believes that the mindset of Nigerian -American youth becomes altered because they are taught to believe in the ideals of the American system when they are outside of the home. “Freedom of expression and being opinionated become values to these children,” she said, “the parents though take their values as a form of rebellion and result to disciplining the child.” “It takes a worldly parent who is well travelled and can understand different ways of thinking to understand that the children are not rebelling, but just trying to fit in,” Akpata said. Nigerian parents and youth share some, but not all, values. However, the three things that set the Nigerian community and culture apart from the West, said Ugorji, are, “respect for the elders, loyalty and the way [Nigerians] socialize.” Ugorji, 53, who considers herself a liberal mother, has worked at the USC Keck School of Medicine for 27 years. "The most important aspect of raising my kids here is instilling the belief that they can excel,” Ugorji said, “You have to continually encourage your kids to excel regardless of what they might be going through.” 5 She believes that certain Western communities also instill high achievement in their children. Nigerian parents however expect their children to bring home good grades at the end of the semester, but do not monitor the process during the school year. Ugorji explained that when her 17-year-old daughter brought home bad grades she used spanking as a form of punishment. She had high-expectations for her child. “We [as parents] want to be able to tell our friends that our child is doing better than others,” she said, “It’s almost like a competition for us, and if [our children] don’t follow through, then they have to get better.” “They say that you don’t spank your child, but you do. You don’t spank them to the point that they are going to die. You want to teach them a lesson that cannot repeat itself,” she said, adding that her daughter remembers that lesson today. Ugorji also remembers the punishments she herself endured when in Nigeria. “If I did something bad when I was in grade school, my neighbor would spank me before I got to my mother. And when I got home my mother would spank me again, because the neighbor would tell her the dilemma that she found me. It is a part of our culture.” This is the same concept that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton celebrated when she said, “it takes village to raise a child.” Today Ugorji considers herself blessed because her first child is an electrical engineer and a Navy officer, her second child is a registered nurse and a mother, and her third 6 child is studying pharmacy at the University of California, Irvine. Her two youngest boys excel in grade school. She believes that she has been a successful parent because of the traditional Nigerian values that she taught her children in tandem with an American “open door” policy. “With my family I have always had an open door system,” she said; this allowed her children to freely talk to her about anything, a luxury that some Nigerian children are not able to enjoy. “Nigerian youth growing up here, I don’t envy them at all,” said Bright Merightian, pastor of Christ Apostolic Church, a prominent church in Nigeria with many outposts in the US. He laments the pressure they face here. And “until the Nigerian parent begins to recognize that, we will not be training these children well,” he said. Merightian, who is a father of four, said, “in our own community too, we sometimes don’t want to appreciate what our youth go through.” Merightian believes Nigerian parents who grew up in Africa want to train their children in the same ways that they were raised, but growing up in the US is very different. “If we parents don’t come to the point that we understand what they are going through and we go through it with them, we will just be fighting a lost cause,” he said. “I feel that 7 most youth today just want to be heard and for us to understand them, but we don’t and we don’t give them that chance.” Many Nigerian young people say that when they do something wrong, their parents shout and yell rather than trying to talk with them. “I have not seen anywhere where yelling and shouting works. The only thing that works is if you sit the person down and talk and talk to them intelligently,” Merightian said. Six years ago, Merightian accepted the job transfer from a CAC branch in Maryland because he believed that there were many young people in Los Angeles that needed direction. “I saw people who had a voice but nobody was listening to them,” he explained referring to the Nigerian- American youth in Los Angeles. “The parents are not listening.” Ugorji believes that it is difficult for some Nigerian children in America to talk with their parents, but being busy or strict should never be an excuse. She tells Nigerian parents that may come to her for advice because of her parenting experience that being less strict does not mean they should spoil their child. But some do overindulge youngsters as a result of the Nigerian tendency to be “too flashy” when it comes to spending. 8 “We are flashy and flamboyant people, who feel that everyone should have money, and when we don’t have money some of us begin to think ‘I am useless, I am not worthy’,” she said. Nigerians take pride in what they own. The more expensive items they own the better their family is perceived. Ugorji says parenting is not easy, but it can be made simple. “If they screwed up, they screwed up. You fix it.” But many parents, confused by the clash of values that come with raising a Nigerian family in the West, don’t know how to fix their children’s problems. Ebun Banjo’s friends said that she understood and loved both cultures. She attended Nigerian parties with her parents and had close Nigerian friends, but also listened to Western music. Her parents and friends don’t seem to understand why she ended her life, nor do many elders in the community. Many Nigerians consider her actions to be a sign of disrespect when from the outside everything appeared well with the family. “If someone in the family goes to jail, it will affect everyone in the family, so that is why we keep things secret when something happens so people outside of the family won’t judge,” said Ukgpabi. 9 The surname of every Nigerian family represents where the family is from, their economic standing, and their position within the community. A terrible accident or a wrongdoing by a member of the family could bring shame to the family name, and anything done wrong by one member of the family, could tarnish everyone else. This could devalue the importance of the family within the community. “You want to keep your family name pure,” he said, “ It would be a disgrace to the family otherwise.” “If a suicide or sickness occurs within the family, other families might be scared to marry into your family,” explained Akpata. Religious beliefs are another reason that topics like suicide remain taboo among Nigerians. Suicide is “definitely what we call a taboo topic,” said Ugorji, “it’s not discussed.” “You are not supposed to take your life,” Ugorji said, “It’s a coward who chooses to do that.” “Among us,” Ugorji continues, “if it did ever happen, we wouldn’t discuss it, or we wouldn’t tell what really happened,” to that family member or friend. 10 Nigerians do not discuss suicide generally because of religious beliefs- it is an option. God gave life to humankind, so why would anyone want to end it? Since Almost 48 percent of Nigerians are Muslim and 50 percent Christian, the Bible is very important, and scriptures say suicide is a sin. Faith teaches Nigerians to hold onto God and trust that He will see them through. “For me, I don’t think about it, to me it’s stupid.” Merightian said referring to suicide. “Somebody said that whenever there is life there is hope, so when you take away the life, there is no hope again.” Merightian believes that “God is the giver of the life and when your time is done, then you will return to Him. Whatever suffering you may feel now will ultimately end in glory,”--which is another reason he does not understand the idea of suicide. “Someone said that a problem shared is a problem half solved,” he added. Merightian explained that if people took time to share whatever problems they are going through, it would help. When difficult issues arise in Nigerian families, most seek help from their pastor. But the pastor needs to develop trust. Otherwise people worry he would gossip to others in the community. Merightian believes that pastors should be different, and that people should know that religious leaders would not betray them. 11 “We as a community should really come together and talk to each other and the kids, to hear their minds and get the best out of them,” he said. By doing this, Merightian believes that the children will feel they belong. Trust issues and cultural differences may explain why many Nigerians do not seek professional help from mental health practitioners. “Parents need to start taking classes in the signs and symptoms of depression,” Ugorji said. “Go to seminars, read up on it, because then they will get clues on what to look for.” She believes that her experience as a nurse manager helped her see the signs of depression in one of her own daughters. “When she was going through depression, if I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I would have taken her to the doctor. So that she could seek help and know that there are other people there. She is not alone. That is the whole key.” Pastor Merightian said that, members of the Nigerian community need to know where they can get safe and reliable mental health. 12 “Some Americans call me and tell me that they have issues within their families and they come together for a counseling session,” he said. “But in our culture the husband, because the Bible says is the head of the house, won’t seek help from a pastor, a shrink or a psychiatrist so most of the time the women and family suffer in silence.” “You see, you have to work on it,” Ugorji said. “I’m not going to wait until [my youngest son] is 16 to start telling him what to do. You have to take the time. Managing children, especially in our dual communities takes time.” Merightian also noticed some problems dealing with the youth. “When the kids want to talk, the adults shut them down. They are making great points, which we can counter because parents are older and therefore believe that they are wiser, we are not listening to them. So even now when they want to talk, the ones that do voice their opinion will be labeled as rebellious children.” Merightian explained that these children are not rebellious; they’re trying to express themselves. “If we can come to that point where we are open to them and talk to them,” Merightian said, “then we would be in less trouble.” 13 Adolescence can be tough for any young person, and the Nigerian culture place a lot of more pressure on their children to succeed as they try to uphold their traditional values. Although, Ukpagbi blames the media for distracting Nigerian children in America, he admits that social media has helped bring Nigerian youth closer to their families and increased their understanding of Nigerian culture. “They know each other through the Facebook, now they communicate,” he said, noting social media outlets have connected long lost cousins and also linked the younger generation to Nigerian community organizations. Social media may not be enough. Ugorji says if parents see negative changes in their children’s behavior, they should do everything possible to make it positive. When she heard about Ebun’s death, she could not understand why the signs were not noticed sooner. Pastor Bright believes that the young lady did not want to kill herself. “I just felt that she wanted to scare her parents a bit,” he suggested. “I don’t think that if she knew how it was going to end she would have done that.” “There were times that I 14 wanted attention when I was young, so I did some stuff to get back at my parents,” Merightian said. Living in two worlds mentally may or may not have been the cause because what caused Ebun’s to take her own life is still unknown. Her friends organized a remembrance service days after her death in a park near Carson, CA. They lit candles at sundown and placed them under her picture as they stood in a large circle. They talked about their memories of her and what they would miss most. Many said that if they knew she might have had problems, they would have reached out to her. “I’m really going to miss her,” said friend Lora Babalola. “She walked to the beat of her own drum and did what she wanted for herself,” she said describing Ebun’s personality. “She didn’t seem unhappy or anything before her birthday, she was her normal self,” she said. “I wish she could have told someone what she was going to do before she did what she did,” said Babalola. Babalola, 19, said “sometimes it can be hard because we want to just do what every normal teenager can do, but the pressure to be perfect and to be so ‘cultured’ always gets in the way.” She said that trying to fit in at school or in a social scene when you are forced to hold specific morals and values can be confusing as well.” “Being in this community is hard for any Nigerian- American young person because they can easily get distracted by one particular way of living,” said Kristina Olapekun. 15 Olapekun, 21, said that Nigerians, whatever their age, have certain responsibilities and values that they have to uphold. However, she said, “growing up in the US and upholding her parents tradition allows her to appreciate both cultures for what they offer.” Ebun’s death has been painful for her friends and for her family. Mr. Banjo, who is a successful lawyer in Pomona, said, “It’s still a nightmare.” “Nobody feels it, nobody can know it, nobody understands it,” he said, trying to hold back tears. “It’s not even something that you can explain,” Bunmi said softly. “We just have to hold onto God, and just hope that one day we will see her again in heaven.” 16 BIBLIOGRAPHY American Community Survey Statistic "Community Alliance." DFW International. N.p., n.d. Web. May 2012. <http://www.dfwinternational.org/DFWToday/DFW_Today_demographic_data.p df>. "Interview with Abi Akpata." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Bunmi Banjo." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Dorothy Ugorji." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Femi Banjo." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Kristina Olapekun." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Lora Babalola." Personal interview. Jan. 2012. "Interview with Pastor Bright Merightian." Personal interview. Jan. 2012.
Abstract (if available)
Abstract
The contrast between the Nigerian and Western cultures is one that is not so apparent to those who are unfamiliar with the African upbringing. However many that are caught in this trap find it difficult to balance both worlds which eventually causes a strain on the new generation of Nigerian-Americans that must adjust to both worlds and frustration to their parents who have experienced a totally different upbringing altogether. Cultural differences become a barrier to how different generations see the world in America, which can either be a positive experience or a negative one.
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Asset Metadata
Creator
Kujore, Adetokunbo
(author)
Core Title
Cultural differences
School
Annenberg School for Communication
Degree
Master of Arts
Degree Program
Journalism (Print Journalism)
Publication Date
08/06/2014
Defense Date
08/06/2012
Publisher
University of Southern California
(original),
University of Southern California. Libraries
(digital)
Tag
cultural pressures,Nigerian,OAI-PMH Harvest
Language
English
Contributor
Electronically uploaded by the author
(provenance)
Advisor
Winston, Diane H. (
committee chair
), Hicklin, Thomas (
committee member
), Parks, Michael (
committee member
)
Creator Email
kujore@usc.edu,tokem23@yahoo.com
Permanent Link (DOI)
https://doi.org/10.25549/usctheses-c3-87522
Unique identifier
UC11290307
Identifier
usctheses-c3-87522 (legacy record id)
Legacy Identifier
etd-KujoreAdet-1142.pdf
Dmrecord
87522
Document Type
Thesis
Rights
Kujore, Adetokunbo
Type
texts
Source
University of Southern California
(contributing entity),
University of Southern California Dissertations and Theses
(collection)
Access Conditions
The author retains rights to his/her dissertation, thesis or other graduate work according to U.S. copyright law. Electronic access is being provided by the USC Libraries in agreement with the a...
Repository Name
University of Southern California Digital Library
Repository Location
USC Digital Library, University of Southern California, University Park Campus MC 2810, 3434 South Grand Avenue, 2nd Floor, Los Angeles, California 90089-2810, USA
Tags
cultural pressures
Nigerian