JN THIS PAPER YOU WILL
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ISSUED EVERY YEAR.
FOUR FULL PAGES OF THE JUICIEST SCANDAL MONEY CANT BUY.
PUBLISHED IN BOLIVIA, KANSAS, WEDNESDAY-, OCT. 27, 1937
(FORMERLY DAIIY TROJAN)
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THE SIGMA DELTA CHI
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Darkheads Are Twinnies
A Double Exposure and Two Peaches
Jitages of t4>e Fottr-SW ooed contest cotfJd not cKoose which one of the Meeker twins should get the brunette award, so there are four Four-Star coeds instead of three. The lucky girls ere from left +o right* Dorothy and Shiriey Meeker, brunettes; Bette Brainard, redhead; Nancy Holme, blonde.	•—Vuliure Photo by VlAture Photographer
NOW IT CAN BE TOLD! CAL REVELATIONS-
* At last! The moment for which the campus has waited all year—selection of the 4-star coeds — a redhead, a blonde, and two brunettes! Sigma Delta Chi, national professional journalistic fraternity and expert connoisseur of feminine pulchritude, makes its annual selections and tosses them into the lap of the campus (or don’t you wish it!) Here they are:
Bette Brainard, redhead Nancy Holme, blonde Dorothy and Shirley Meeker, brunettes.
Selections were based upon:
J, Beauty
2.	Personality
3.	Activity
4.	Oh boy!
Outdoing Solomon, who had only one baby to deal with and then threatened to divide it. the judges saw double and hesitated not an instant, but chose both—the Meeker twins—to wear the brunette crown. Dorothy and Shirley are both enrolled in the College of Commerce, are seniors. Alpha Chis, and graduates of Kerman high school, Kerman, Calif.
A very active miss is Nancy Holme, who, besides being a mainstay on the women's debate squad, is a member of Amazons and Spooks and Spokes. Recognized by j her friends as “very smart'’ as well i as beauteous, she is an education major in the College of Letters. Arts, and Sciences. Search into her past reveals that she is a graduate of Manual Arts high school and a former dancer for Fanchon and Marco. She is an Alpha Delta Pi and a junior.
Bette Brainard came all the way from Loraine high school, in Ohio, to be named the redhead easiest on the eye and hardest on the blood-pressure. Also from the College of Commerce, she i6 slim, 5 feet 2 inches, and will be here a coupla more years, thank gawsh! Alpha Gamma Delta claims her
TWO-TIMER
WHO DONE WHAT TO WHO —AND WHY?
Underdog Upsets Swiss Fleet in Naval Battle
By Special Vulture Correspondent SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTH SEA. June 31—A terrific naval battle between the Atlantic fleet of the Andorra republic and Swiss
,	By The Man In The Upper Berth
Can you imagine a girl as beautiful as Madeleine Carroll, as glamorous as Marlene Detrich. and with as much SA as i gunboats early this morning re-Mae West? Can you? Well. then, just think of the wonder- ‘ suIted in the first defeat ever suf' ful creature who draped herself around one of our noble rooters and begged him to embrace her—right in the entrance
to the lobby of the Palace hotel! —-----J_
Lead on, MacDuff! To horse!
Bob Myer, U.S.C.'s head yell leader. will offer a prize to the ‘person
Rev. John Glass, 3?g Ep president, who had two broads on his hands Saturday night. He never lets any Glass grow under his feet.
MY GAWD!
BERKELEY. Sept. 31.—It was ru who can tell him the name of the ! niored here last night that students girl he took to the Rose room bowl
j fered by Sw itzerland's forces.
The Swiss losses included three i eight-oared dories, five flat boats, ten scows, and one outboard The j outboard, fastest boat of its kind j in the world, was capsized when it ! was rammed by an Andorran gig. The Andorran fleet, previously m tlie state university returned to thought to be a much less potent,
** fighting force than the Swiss navy, i came out with only three losses-
classes day before yesterday, was Monday.
Cel Mentor Resigns Post
Saturday night? And the lights didn't go out, as far as he was concerned. until Sunday morning.
What fun!
MARY WAS PUZZLED
Thetas Mary Claire Johanssing was never quite sure if she ever had a date in San Francisco Saturday night, yet Kappa Alpha's Bob Olsen kept telling everyone he	By Ben Waldick	*
thought he had a date with her. “Are they real nice girls, Madam?” I timidly inquired at But never the pair could meet! the back door of the Theta hovel as I searched for a job.
Ron Cooley assistant yell leader, j “You see,” I went on. “my mother made me promise that T6	ul ous Person of I only work where there are real nice girls. (I myself have
L™ "other KA.’s-hT conUnuTlly j ™	h^?.. W.°rked_at several hash hoUS®^.
started serpentines among the lob
Many Nasty Things About Thetas Revealed by Former Houseboy
Organ
Program
Paiane for a Dead Duck............Donald
The pavane is a stately and formal old dance, and the music is supposed to be appropriate. Don-old apparently was thinking of something else when he wrote his pavane.
Tuonela ..........................fibelstatttchukz
Tuonela is the Hell of Finnish mythology, and Sibelsian-Schultz has captured the meaning of the place in this work. It certainly sounds like Tuonela.
Sonata for Three Kettledrums. . Bvojne Trov's organist seems to have his work cut out for him here.
DICTATOR
Stars? Stars! Rally With
Rythm ! !'
‘Dick Powell. Joan Blondell. Hugh Herbert, Pat O'Brien. Chester Morris. Toby Wing, Mary Carlisle, the Three Rhythm Kings, the Rhythm Rascals, the Rhythm Twins, the Rhythm Sisters, the Rhythm Roisterers, the Rhythmic Rhythmers, the Ritzy Rhythmic Ritz brothers will be on hand to make merry rhythmically at tomorrow night’s rhythmic rally. Coalson Morris, chairman, said last night.
“We have absolute, complete, positives, unquestionable indisputable guarantees that all of these persons, great names in the world of the cinema and of Hollywood, will be present to cheer U.S.C. on to victory. All of these people are solidly behind us. Each personally has promised me that he will not fail to do his part for Troy tomorrow night. ‘Rallying with Rhythm’ is the keynote of the big party-
“We have asked all of the houses to dismiss meetings early so that we will not have to keep these celebrities waiting. Their time is really valuable, jyou know, but they're willing to do it for a great school and a great student body.
“Really I hope all of them kids will support us on this. We don't often go out to Hollywood and get all these big names for entertainments. In fact, we’ve made a really big effort this time to make the rally tomorrow' night better than any rally we've ever had before. We're giving the whole program a really different twist because we've thought up this original slogan.
Two-Finger Fweddie Flays Coke Swozzlers
1.5 AVERAGES NECESSARY TO SIT IN UNION
Splitting ttie air with infinitives and with two wildly gesticulating fingers of his left hand. Fred Hall .dynamic, bombastie, tempestuous, super-capable, powerful Demosthenes from the Phi Kappa Tau roadside inn, last night dropped an-, other bombshell on the campus when he appeared before a
* meeting of the Student Union committee and demanded—yes. literally demanded—that no student be admitted to the StHdent Union coffee shop unless he has a grade point average of a least 1.7 “Gentlemen.’* Hall oried in a worried tone, “we are faced with a problem that needs immediate solution. Yesterday morning I bumped into that cute little TZA pledge from next door and invited her io
Dapper Dictator Duce Hall draped in ducky dungarees . . . Ain't it tho?
TROUBLE IN PARADISZ PATTON. Calif.. April 31.—Attendants at the state hospital here were busy today trying to preveni; George Washington from shooting God.
COMES WRITER COMES
SAN FRANCISCO. Sept. 31 — Gertrude Stein landed here today. She said, “I have nothing I have to nothing I have I have nothing I have to say nothing.” Roscoe Ates, on the same beat, said essentially the same thing.
‘Rallying with Rhythm.' And we've really made a special effort to get the kind of entertainment that would tit in with our theme.
“Trojan Knights and Squires and Amazons will be on campus tomorrow morning giving tags. “Rallying with Rhythm.’ to everybody. This, the committee feels, will get everybody into the mood for things tomorrow night.
“Really I hope everybody will turn out, and remember: It's ‘Rallying with Rhythm’ at old U S. C—I mean S.C.—tomorrow.”
A Secretary Is Man s Best Friend
Arnold Eddy has a new secretary.
Gee, she's nice. She shouldn’t be called a secretary, she should be have a coke. It was during assem -called a hostess. Gee. she's nice. bly. period. Well, gentlemen, you She has a kind word for everybody know the answer, who enters her joint on the second j FREDDIE STYMIED
floor of the Student Union. Probably there is no person on campus who is much more pleasant than this charming lady. Her name is Madelyn Mangels.
“The Union was packed with fraternity and sorority members My little companion and I could not find a seat. That's just where thf* trouble with the entire university
The way Miss Mange:s can bang program lies. Ninety per cent of up a telephone receiver is the epi- those men and women in the Un-
tome of secretarial grace. She probably saves more time than any other secretary at U S.C. by her sharp, curt answers to questions.
ion were inferior students. T'n?y should have been spending the 35-minute assembly period in Doheny refreshing their minds with whole-
Miss Mangels has only one fault, j some knowledge rather than their Everything one says to her seems stomachs with beverages.”
“vague.” no matter how carefully one may try to express oneself
clearly.
Gee, she's nice.
TSK, TSK. ALF
A United Unpressed Short
Governor Alfred M. Landon. speaking before a capacity audience in the junior high school auditorium in Pe Ell. Wash., today condemned the activities of its admin istration-
Jim Hogan, chairman of the Student Union committee, was startled. Hogan had been one of the persons drinking cokes at the time Hall mentioned; he couldnt’ deny It, much as he might want to.
The situation was delicate. The air was tense. Diplomacy was needed. Two great campus leaders were split on opposite sides of an important question.
“You may have something there.’* Continued on Page Four
I
Mental Giants Jam Series
♦
Bromo-Heimer To
von KleinSmid hall, and Aeneas
«•	^ „ I Home for Boys during my career
H ™	a hashfr ” thls neighborhood."
But has no recollection.	j when , ^ assureQ (hat ^
CULLY ON HAND	j was a decent place to work I hus-
Happy Valley was the happy tied into my dainty oil-cloth apron hunting grounds foi the Trojan ancj waded into the pantry-like. PAN FRANCISCO. Oct. 26— <UB) rooters for it was there that the dish-washing vestibule. “These Because of his inability to produce K A’s and sigma Nus seemed to gais certainly must eat a lot.” I Winning football teams. “Stuff”! gattier an<* take charge of things. ' mUsed three hours later as I was
including those lassies from Mills, still scrubbing the dishes from the .'t 11 tcday announced his res- Nelson Cullenward was there <as third course. Molly assured me ic nation as h?ad grid coach of the you might have expected* making (Molly is a swell cook) that the University of California. Alleyson a, fool of himself, or just being sweet things never had more than so id that matters were brought to I plain Cullenward.	seven courses.
a hmh	„ Can someone tell us whether i • Now I suppose every house boy
owing the Bears 96-0	<panchp) Hamilton hung his has his affairs but I am different—
jput by tht Trojans last Saturday.	Continued on Page Fow and the Thetas are too. They don’t
have anything to do with menfolk at that house, and I tell you it certainly is peaceful working there, hearing nothing but the rythmical, tinkling laughter of the “little women” as they sit about doing their knitting and telling little anecdotes of the day’s happenings in their gentle, subdued voices (also little jokes, bits of gossip und-so-weiter>.
Sometimes I thought it strange that no young men ever came to call on the Thetas and sometimes I think that the Thetas missed this bit or normal romance which fits into every young woman's norma! life. Sometimes I would oatch a Cont*»Hed on Pa$e Four
SENATE RAPS PLAN TO RAZE OLD COLLECE
Vigorously opposing a reported move by the Administration to demolish Old College and supplant the aged Trojan structure with a new, modern building, the student senate convened late yesterday in extraordinary session, drew up a resolution urging university officials to “preserve for poster-
Revise Lectures
ity the memoried halls and sacred precincts long enshrined in the hearts of generations of U.S.C. students.”
“Such an idea is unthinkable,” Gardiner Pollich. ASUCS president, declared indignantly, as he hastily summoned the senate together “Why, my father, my father’s father, and his father before him sneezed in the consecrated drafts of dear old Old College!”
It was in an atmosphere of tenseness that the senate, conscious of the great responsibility resting upon its shoulders, opened the proceedings in disorder, under Pollich’s leadership.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” he began, we are gathered here today on a most grievous occasion. As you
subject long endeared to the memory of Troy—oh. very long—a subject that has moved strong men to tears and weak ones to ask for another Old Fashioned. And speaking of old fashioned, that brings us to our topic of discussion. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you—Old College!”
Chorus: “You can have it!” Pollich: “Then, since we are unanimously agreed, let us make known to the Administration our humble desire — namely, that we. and students of future years be allowed our inalienable right to trod the ancient and honored corridors of Old College forever and ever, until such time as the weight of tradition, cherished memories, and wormholes shall cause it to orum-
all know, we are about to discuss a ble to the ground in glorious dU6t!”
Because of the increased interest which is being shown in the present Wednesday Lectures, and because the people who are attending the lecture series are of superior minds-men-tal giants, in short—the College of Letters, Arts, and Sciences, has decided to revise the present Wednesday Lecture series.
“It is silly,” said Dr. Sid Bromo-Heimer, dean of the college, “to bore the mugs who come to the lectures with such elementary stuff as •Investigations in Cosmic Radiation,’ ‘Recent Developments in the Chemistry of the Rame Elements,’ or even ‘The Sympathetic Nervous System/ After all we deans and professors should have realized that the students and pubkc want Kultur, so we're going to give it to ’em. And we mean to give it be i emi”	I
*!be oitiemtL fcts of new Wednesday kecbttces which wiil commence this evening at 14:9* p.m. in room 7856094 of tfrie Doheny library lot-lowsi AU oommenfc are by Dr. Bromo-Wewwr and are pm»W for the sake of etacKfertian.
•'is College Worth While?” by Dtv. Isaac X. Oteh. » is an epic m interrogation* "Th* Ihsmery Teacher Steps Out;" by Doo Harry Reed it is a brflHacrt eapose of thac glamourless decade, the fatuous forties, and It shows tfhs modem trends; “What to do at Recess.” by Dr. Vic Stork. lt reveals the thoughts of a mac Jar ahead of his time wrho sees the demand which a future generation wiH make, but it is too good to be true.
BACON TEiXkS
“Standard Testing Reduced to Its Lowest Terms.” by Dr. Francis Bacon. Jfc refutes the old adage thar Continued on Pa§e Four