LAW SCHOOL STUDENTS TO HAVE FITTS, RUMOR
15c
YELLOW DOG
The Truth, The Whole Truth,
. And J\[othing But The Truth
VOL. — ASK THE PHI DELTA PHIS, OR BUD FESSLER
UNIVERSITY AVE., APRIL 23, SEMI-SENSIBLE YEAR
WEstmore 7795 — ASK ZEMAN
NEWMAN IS DARK HORSE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
DIST ATTY neelley commits
MAVciiiVru SOCIAL ERROR IN MAYMVlllH WILD STATEMENT
NEW AMAZON PLEDGES BARED
Will Run Against So-called Fraternity Brother in Ballot Battle.
Possibility that Burton T. "As-
loM-as-I-am-district-attomey-of-this
county” Fitts would be the next dean of the S. C. law school was roiced yesterday in official circles. The great Julian prosecutor’s inability to get going in his nee for governor, and the opposition furnished by the Los Angeles Record to his campaign, forced the distinguished Trojan alumnus to change his plans, and to accept the suggestion put forth by the numerous Theta Psis now j registered in the Blackstonian halls.
Fitts graduated from here several years ago, and would be an Ideal dean, according to the best available reports, inasmuch as he probably wouldn't get any such j ofters from other universities, such as that -which caused the departure of Justin Miller.
However, another well-founded report had It that there was to be no new appointment. "We got along all right under Miller, and he was never here, so now that he’s gone permanently, It really doesn't seem to make any difference whether we have a new one or not,” Marty Malone, politically-minded legal student averred yesterday.
“As long as we've got such fellers as Malone, and Tappan, and Keefer, and Fetterley, and Chain around, to handle the difficult situations, there really isn’t any absolute necessity for a dean. In Tappaan we have a rising young footstep who should follow in his father's fellows. Keefer was some-what handicapped by going to U.
L- A. before he came here, but he’s rapidly becoming a real college student, I am happy to say. Fetterly—well, he’s just Fetterly, and you know what that means. And Chain! Where would the campus be without good old Morrie—he's my jester, you know. And this fellow Malone—" here Marty broke down, practically In tears—“Why I could go on for (Continued on Page Four)
Whataman Enrages Law Powers By Selecting Tap For Nomination.
General consternation reigns among some of the political organizations of law school as a result of a recent announcement by Whataman Neeley rrom the college of commerce to the effect that Francis Tappaan had been chosen to nominate Neeley’s man for student body president of the university because of the fact that Tap and his fraternity had things pretty well sewed up at law school.
According to Ellsw’orth Myers, j bar association president, such a statement from a campus leader like Whataman Neeley necessarily implies that the poor old P. A. D. house with its Ward Foster and Howard Edgerton and Marty Ma-1 lone had better grab their tin j cups and go sit on the nearest corner with the Gamma Eta Gammas.
DENTAL SENIOR RAVAGES FUND
Adolph Reginald Borsum, a senior at dental, one dearly beloved by his fellow students, has let shame fall on his mighty brow. He deliberately borrowed money from the only too meager student loan fund, and on thc pretense of giving him financial aid to finish his course, this red-head ups and buys himself a new car.
Borsum, how can your lovable nature and honorable standards permit of such a deed? May you ever feel the pangs of remorse for I being such a weak sister as to J | possibly imagine that this would I never be exposed.
All your friends admired you i and hoped to see you a shining j light on the faculty next. year.
I Let us hope that your conduct will escape the ears of the govern-i ment from whence comes your hard earned pension.
T. CLARK COWERS BEFORE WRATHY LUNCHEON QUEEN
Table-pounding Registrar Out-gamed by Kitchen Venus In Brief Encounter.
PHI K. SIGH JOINS LIST
Malone Sees No Necessity For Move; Foster Backs “Abie” Divine.
Here are the new members of that distinguished group which sometimes enforces campus traditions. Originally only 20 were announced, but the members did a “Skull and Dagger” and added four more to the original list as the pictures show. The co-eds are shown here In their new costumes which they have adopted. B. Loftus and W. Biegler, an ex-politician and a hopeful one, have charge of the ceremony.
It was noon hour in the J. and U. Grill, popular rendezvous for all S. C. administration heads who prefer to eat there rather thxa in the university's student fountain. Everybody was rushing around, trying to get something to eat.
Theron Clark, robust, food-loving registrar of the university, entered with haughty demeanor. He chanced to elide into a booth, waited a few moments, and rapped on the table for service. No answer.
Next time, Theron raised his voice into a “Service!” call, along with a few heavy taps Uiat sent the table rocking.
Mrs. Pierson (no relation to Fred), wife of the J. and U.'s proprietor, calmly took charge of the situation. She hastened over to Clark’s table, planted both feet firmly on the floor, and delivered her Philliplc:
"Listen here, Mister, you don’t have to be back in your office until 2 o’clock. The students in here have to be back in classes at 1:15 or you will mark them late. You can wait just as well as the rest of them in here and I you're going to." And with that I she popped him with a bun at j ten paces.
j For once Clark was squelched.
Hopeful of smashing Tammany Hall’s long string of successful presidential candidates—which already Includes Tallman, Henley, Behlow nnd Adams—the disgruntled rivals have attempted to steal some of that popular party's thunder, and is all set to do a bit of political maneuvering at the student body nomination* a week from Friday it was disclosed yesterday by Sigma Sigma sleuths.
To the known list of present candidates—Louie Gough, "Friendly Glen” Johnson, and "Also” Ran Ritchie— has been added the name of Sam Nowman.
It has been discovered that the slow-moving head of the Trojan Knights, sometimes known as the rally committee, has had his petition quleUy filed away for soma time, preparatory to making a large splurge at nominations . The plan, of course, la not to have Newman on the stag*> but to spring him as a surprise candidate, nominated unexpectedly, amid the thunderous applause of hit 37 fraternity brothers, omitting those already pledges to "Also” Ran, who, surprisingly, is Newman's brother-in-bond at dear old Phi Kappa Sigh.
Such a maneuver was pulled when Leland Tallman was nominated from the floor, greaUy to the confusion of Willard Brown and Arthur Syvertson, the other (Continued on Page Pour)
PRIMO HALL TELLS ATHLETIC PROWESS
Smith Is Put On Grease; Dorm “Roomie” Tells All
Pierson Reveals Secrets of Pal’s Inner Life Under Pressure of Necessity and Flock of Gags; Powder On Coat Lapel Told.
Trank Smith, somewhat of a basketballer, president of lhe \ ellow Dog association, papa-in-chief ol Aeneas Hall, and an exuder (if masculinity, has strayed from the beaten path to laconic entangled in various and sundry affairs with certain Kappa Delts, Tri-Delts, Phi Phis, and residents of the Women’s Dorm. Prank's chiet assistant a> papa-in-chief of Aeneas Hall, one Fred Pierson, was waylayed** person, and must be put to bed by several Yellow Dog scribes and forced to spill the dirt.
Frank is a pure and innocent ®°ul.” bellowed Fred through gags n Ms mush, “and does not go with mort* than one at a You are all brutes tx» mal; *
^ confess that I must stay m j pledged dire treatment for ftl3 **ery evening from my social du- faithful room-mate. “After t es so that Frank can have som^ ■ way I’ve treated him can y fun He will hurt me when he 1 imagine anything more revolting, nnds out that 1 told, and now 1 more disgusting, and more pathe-* can’t go driving even 011 Satur- , tic. I have always tried to lead !®a>’ nights for a whole month, a life of righteousness and purity besides I don’t know any- ; but my associations with Fred L ng about Frank’s affairs except t 1 have seen lipstick on his 00 rs* Mack, blonde, and red hair 011 c°at, is always calling a . _ certain Kaydee, Pi Phi, or Dorm . it, too.
occasionally. I don't know anything else, and it' I did I wouldn’t tell you, so there.”
When Frank was faced with the evidence, he blushed, huug his head, a shudder shook his emaciated frame, and between sohs
Beeg, Strang Feller Exposes Secret of "How I Throwa Tha Deesc.”
What makes that discuss sail 30 far? It’s the light that lies in a woman’s eyes, and lies, and lies and lies.
Big Bob "Primo” Hall, the S.
A. E. adonis, is all aflutter over Betty Henninger, the w. k. A. D. Pi sweetheart. Of course nobody blames Bob, but its liable to ruin Dean Cromwell's track team. So many of those jealous swains aro runuing around wild-eyed, that a half-dozen of them may band together some dark night, and attempt to wreak havoc and ruin ou ihe muscular man-mountain. Betty is planning on running
for vice-president, and points out that only one secretary in the history of the university ever moved up the following year. The one exception was the present incompetent—(pardon, incumbent)— Dorothie Smith, and every one seems to agree that it was just an" accident or a mistake or something.
have shown me that my former life was one of disillusionment and innocence. Ah. well, I guess I can't have my cake and eat
“Also Ran” Gives Modest Story Of Career At Ucla
“How I Gave Phi Psi a Break,” or “Memoirs of a Track Man Gone Intelligent,” is Title of Ritchey’s Autobiography.
BY RANDOLPH RITCHIE
I was born some time ago, at I ought to change to S. C., where
a very tender age, and I’ve b sen tender ever since. I started out life as a quarter miler, and through indominable perseverance I became a debate manager, and a presidential candidate.
I went from Hollywood high school, where I was a great athlete, to U. C. L. A., where I became a member of Kappa Sigh. But after one semester, I discovered that it was never going to go Plii Kappa Sigh. I thought
there was a chapter of that great organization which I knew would be glad to have me.
On account of my modest nature, I can't tell you all I’ve done, but I’ll be glad to recite some of my more inconsequental accomplishments. I won the interfraternity track meet for til3 Kappa Sighs when I was a Bruin, but after I’d turned intellectual and became debato manager, I (Continued on Page Four)
MISAPPROPRIATION CHARGED
AGAINST “FRIENDLY GLENN”'
SEEKING JOB
Chuck Neilson is going to be chairman of the Student Uion committee next year if his candidate gets elected. He found roon> 328, Just opposite the social hall of the union, a very attractive place to hold a private dance.
CHASE POPULAR
Isn’t Freddie Chase cute? Does he go with anybody steady? Good, I’ll ask him to our next house dance. So sayeth the Frosh coeds who hang around the Cat's Milk house and the House-play office.
Early season reports "Friendly Glenn” Johnson misappropriated tlie community chest funds of last semester’s campaign, seemed to become validated today when the Sam Newman, Phi Psi’s other presidential candidate, revealed the inside dope to tlie Yellow Dog reporter.
Newman was apparently bribed to keep mum but he never received the bribe remuneration aad when Johnson burst forth upon the ramwia with a new car the New Man in the race of politics became irate and spouted off to the first Yellow Dog reporter ho could find.
"Glenn Johnson promised me a new suit for hush bribe and he has yet to pay tlie debt," claimed Newman early today, "I was willing to let the matter drop but when the scoundrel blossomed out on the campus with a new Pliord coupe, I was forced
that^to release all that I know about the community chest fund misappropriations.”
"In the first place I know personally that sixteen sororities came through with over 400 per cent quotas and we laid plans to abscond the money in such a manner that it would appear that most of them would be recorded at only 100 per cent which in itself is misleading.
"Secondly I know that the amount must have been around 1000 dollars or more which Johnson and I agreed to split so that I could have a new suit for ray own presidential campaign program.
"Johnson, until now, has cum pletely concealed the deed and now that I don’t get my cut. I am willing to speal the scandal.
“I am willing to press charges and intend to do so unless 1 get my cut,” Newman concluded.
Mgr. Sells Fruit;
$5 To McClung; As Team Goes Hungry
Maybe baby needed new shoes, but anyway. Bill McClung probably figured hi, needed five sim-oleans more than Curtis Totten, a sophomore manager, did on the Notre Dame trip last fall.
Tlie Thundering Herd, it seeni3, is supplied with boxes and boxes of the best apples obtainable to eat on the train during its many jaunts hither and yon. On the Chicago trip, at least Totten figured, there were too many boxes of them. So, when the train chanced to stop in a village In route one day, Totten hopped out, interviewed a restaurant owner nearby, and arranged to sell a box of them for $2.50.
Just as Totten was unloading the fruit to the jovial restaurant, proprietor, McClung popped on the scene. "Totten, that will cost you five bucks.” McClung is not given to sermons. Totten, with ambitions toward a junior managership some time in the future, whimperingly forked over the five. Try as you will, you won’t find any record of MeClung’s turning the five over to the Associated Students' treasury. Yeh, really.
Handicapped, Footicapped, Gough Tells All......Hmm
From Pilot to Prexy, or the Life Story of a Hundred Percenter; Social Leader Bares Everything in Startling Revelations to Political Adherents.
By LEWIS GOUGH
A thing happened in the Gough family back in 1909. It was I, 01* rather 1 was it. As far as that goes I am still it. I am always getting- tagged for something. But now I'm away ahead of my story.
get the expression on his face when he first saw me. Seems that he wanted to name his child said to Myself, "I guess you are
Virginia and I went and ruined his plans, although deep down in my heart I don’t believe it was really my fault on account of 1 was so young 1 couldn’t think things out for myself very well, and besides that he didn’t tell m»* what it was all about.
My first ambition was to be a pilot. I told my mother I was go ing to handle a thing that has four wheels and flies. She put a stop to it when 1 hastened to add that it was a garbage wagon.
The early stages of my life, as 1 recall it were very vague. And anyway I guess I have a right to keep a few secrets. If there are any who care to have my early
DIVA SIGNED
Mildred “Christie” WMcli, Delta Gamma chortler, has been signed • to sing her favorite hot number “Jingle Dells” in the 193‘> extravaganza, the play productions office announced yesterday. Christie has been practicing at recent funerals, weddings, and sorority initiations.
life divulged, arrange a fev ■with this vie\
due to go through life with big feet.” No truer words were ever spoken. Many friends have told ine that my feet are so big that from a distance it looks as though X were kneeling.
When I was iu high school I was a great athlete. I used to run around the track so fast that it looked as though a low fog was hanging over the oval. My fame spread far and wide and 1 many offers from various univer sitles and colleges all of which I turned down in scorn. My faith in athletics was destroyed and I determined never to compete again Besides 1 didn't like the idea of training for the various events I will be glad to i beeause it really hindered my so
private conferences in mind.
rial
etivitie
I have no plans for the imme
I don't think It would be at all I diate future, but if I had I would out of place to mention that 1 j !,,t “'“d telling them on account nave numerous Handicaps w hien j G‘	" ’ did somebody
would break the hearts of many j Probably beat me lo it. Of course far more sturdier than myself. But | ‘u tllis “hort autobiography I have not L. Gough. "How now,” I , 'ailed to include a few unpleasant would often cry thickly. And then incidents that the bound to hap-
The K.A.’s are still riding on the glory of 20 pledges, or was it 30, Well, anyway, 19 were finally initiated, of whom it is estimated that 7 are paying dues.
I’d dance ’round and ’round. My biggest drawback was my big feet.
1 tried rubbing Crisco
them
before and after retiring because I read someplace where it was good shortening. But it was ail in vain. “Heh, heh, heh, Lewis,” 1
pen to even the most cautious, but 1 trust I have gone into enough detail.
As a parting shot may I add that Gough wears no man’s shoee or collar and 100 per cent for most anything.