WILSON FIXES ANOTHER PIPE SCHEDULE FOR S.C. SQUAD
V	---—PI DELT-	(15
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Vol. One Fifth
Los Angeles, Calif., Nov. 20, 1929
No. 15-7
Bare War Flag Complexion Changes
GYN WILSON MAPS OUT EASY ONE
Pitt, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Dated on Successive Saturdays.
BIG RECEIPTS
Notre Dame and Stanford Will be “Breathers;” Band Get Rake-off.
"The football game? Well, that wasn't so good. But say! We had the best band on the field Good old Hal—my fraternity brother by the way — always comes through in a pinch. Look at the tough game he had in Palo Alto. And then he came back and outplaye dthe Bears on every note! If that bum Howard Jones had some of Roberts’ ability we might get somewhere”
Thus spake the Great God Wilson, that astute, far-seeing, ubi-quitius graduate manager, after the California game. Thus spake Gwynn Wilson, the graduate manager, who scheduled Stanford and California on successive Saturdays. Thus spake the greatest schedule-maker of them all, who was in the East looking up a postseason foe when the Conference bosses were in Los Angeles arranging the 1929 season.
Yes, we had the better band, but what o[ it? What boots it if your bass drum soloist is better than tlie olher guy’s piccolo player, if, on the same afternoon, you drop a football game to thc "hated rival?”
LAUDS LITTLE HAL However, to get back to tlie story, Mr. Wilson looked the picture of health as he dripped laudatory comment about the band leader. In front ol him were a calendar and tt Spaulding's football guide.
“Look here what I've figured out," he chortled. “I've got the world’s best schedule doped out Tor next season. Practice starts on the 15th, »Mch is a Thursday. The 17th, a Saturday, we’ll open with Pittsburgh. Then, we can take on Har-'ard, Yale and Princeton. Tills over, »e ease up against Georgia Tech aud Alabama. Fresh and ready again, we take on California, Stanford and Dartmouth. Then we get a couple of breathers iu Southern Methodist and Army, and then right hack In the running again with Wisconsin, Illinois and then the grand fi&aie with Notre Dame! What a schedule! What crowds! What Sate receipts!
PLAY HOLIDAYS, TOO!
Of course," he continued, "there *r*n t that many Saturdays in a foot-
1 season ,so I’ve arranged to play aturday and Wednesday both, with
‘taksgiving, Labor Day and Armia.
ice Day thrown in. A night game “ Hall°we’en with Texas, Louisiana .a e or Northwestern may be in* cludede.”
Newest Amazon Pledge
PHI DELTA CHI’S PULL FASTY; GET MALE BOAT RIGHTS
Sororities Signed Up; P. D. C.’s Sign Up; S. S. Yale Reservations Close.
Can Cook, Too!
Ciymenestra Zilch, wife of Agwnemnon, talented Wampu* writer, is shown here, just after being pledged to Amazon. She holds the world’s records In the shot, discus, javelin, 56-pound weight, hammer-throw, straight lift, clean lift, two-hand Jerk, and whatnot, which clearly entitles her to membership In the organization.
HEEBCHIZELS TROJAN N1TES
Red-Shirts’ Invitation is Declined as Yellow Zone is Violated.
Disclosure was made to a Pi-delt reporter that the Trojan Knights, that powerful body of non-doers, have issued a personal and private invitation to Miss Muriel Heeb to park in yellow zones and to double park at her own discretion. This was finally arranged after Sam Newman, chief Pi Omicron of the outfit, had admitted to the campus that Heeb was beyond his control (as every other man lias found her).
So far tills year she lias collected all the tickets that the Red-Shirts have had printed and all the Knights have been worn out physically removing said truck from its permanent parking place.
When Miss Heeb was approached on the subject she stated, “Yes. they have given me a permanent pass, for which I thank the little boys very, very much. They are such dears, and perhaps some day 1 will join the organization. But now that this matter of parking is fixed up of course I don’t care to use their invitation. I have only annoyed them for so many years because I love to see them so thoroughly griped. But then they must do what Wilson tells them, and I have him and the rest of the board wrapped around my little finger.
COPS GET’EM AT TICKET SPEAKEASY IN STUDENT UNION
The eagle-eyed reporter of Pi Delt has uncovered ope of the greatest pieces of strategy' ever pulled on tho campus.
When the Phi IJ>elta Chi men heard that the Yale was going to the Stanford game, they immediately became campus agents for the Los Angeles Steamship Co., and according to report, sold nearly the entire boat to the leading sorority houses.
typical conversation over the phone, as listened in on by our reporter :
“Is this the Pi Beta Phi house?’
“Yes.”
“This is the agency for the Yale Steamship, that ia going to the Stanford game,’
“Yes.”
“There are only 27 staterooms left, and if you are considering going on the boat, we advise that you hurry right down, and get your reservations before these staterooms are all taken.”	•'
‘‘Oh, thank you sir, we’ll be right down.”
This same conversation was carried on with other leading sororities and the net results were that the Phi Delta Chi house went north enmasse with a bevy of beautiful sorority women, with practically no other fraternity men on the boat.
Well done, men, well done.
Pierson and Tennant Aren’t Choosey About Who They Scalp ’Em to in Adams* Den.
Just another outlet for those 50-yard-line tickets was unearthed by an eagle-eyed Pi Delt detective stationed in the suite of rooms stretching from 203 Student Union to the Women’s Organization ofllce. Fred Pierson, gallant upholder of the Tro-jjan Knight honor, and Doris Tennant, merely lite president of the Women’s Self-Government association, announce the opening of a ticket speakkeasy in their quarters.
It all came out when a pair of cops, John Law and John Darme, sauntered down to school in search of some Cal tickets. Naturally, they dropped in the Union and happened to contact Pierson, looking quite “ofllcial” in his Knight insignia. “D’ya know where we can pick up a couple of good tickets?” one asked.
Continued on Page Four
Henninger of A. D. Pi Makes Hall of Fame
Betty Henninger—most unpopular woman on the Trojan staff, would-be society editor of that publication, member of A. D. PI, and other lion-oraries, gets all the by-lines for the column which Whimpering Winnie really writes. The column should be changed to "A. D. Pi Hooey." Other sororities don’t stand a chance. The dirty Pi’s have the. monopoly, and at meetings they bow down to the great Betty, for is she not an Amazon, the SOCIETY EDITOR?), and has she not apparently (?) captivated Hob Hall. Oh, my, oh my!
WAR FLAG LOSES ITS COLOR
Banner Develops Naughty Habits; Knights Unable to Control its Antics.
OFFER THEORIES
Proving just why Russ Saunders has been such a heavy line plunge.* with the Trojan varsity this year. Mrs. Saunders tries her own cooking. After use of pulmotors had brought about a partial recovery Mrs. Saunders remarked: “You see, I make Russ eat a big lunch before every game, and with all that added weight he just can't help but go through the line for big gains.”
EXPOSE TRl-DELT WANN Kj|K INCENDIARISM IN ™
SIG ALPH’S MESS NOVEL IDEAS
DINK WANTED
No wonder the war flag gets stolen when the Knights elect a freshman to membership in the Trojan Squires, Theta Sigma Nu honorary. Ned Naess, Sig Ep, is still a peagreener. WThere’s the dink, Ned?
News Sleuths Also Blamed in Insurance Collection Frame-up ; Phi Tau’s Insulate.
Just • how many Tri-Delts did it take to start the S. A. E. fire, we ask you. As soon as the little co eds move over to Twenty-eighth, things start blowing up. If it hadn't been for the Phi Tau insulation, mebbe the whole street would have caught fire. Who knows?
Another story is that Quentin Keger, Herald correspondent, burned this shanty down to get some news; that Is, just for practice before he
Continued on Page Four
No Thinking Allowed in English Department, Savant Declares.
Get the latest song lilt from Hal Roberts:
From Ford Coupe To Packard Sedan With four years of Trojan baud
BOND GETS CONTRACT; MAY BE
NAMED AS CO-RESPONDENT ALSO
MASCOT
With Jimmy Lane and Bill Harvey officially placed in the menagerie, the Dee Gees are anxiously searching for a new mascot to adopt. What with the Thetas and Zetas rushing the Sigma Chis. off tneir feet, the Dee Gees are falling for Steve Underwood, as shown here.
^ard Bond was tendered four* vhile Mable escaped down the back 0V,QR	____________ .	................
aft%ln^ p*clure contracts recently Mabl great “P^sh” scene with cov ISlgma rau cook. The connIUl8lre8s of the pots and pans
attic ld an orderly retreat to the su,‘d’ h^*ere lh* "villyun” still pur-
rh!»m*'S,llat lmn(licnpped by his ^ucte^18ni> Tom’ the house-boy, con-in di a Feai	and succeeded
^gaging Bond’s attention,
stairs. The hero of “Salute” gave up the pursuit, and Tom has announced the launching of a suit for divorce, in which Bond is mentioned prominently as co-respondent.
The figures in the petition indi cate Mable’s age as 46 and Tom’s as 49. The prized canary will g<> into Tom’s custody, if the suit is successful.
Acting on the rumor that there was an original thought prowling about the English department, Dr, Louis Wann last week called in squad of detectives to trace it down. They are still working on the case although the trail of the Idea was necessarily so carefully covered up that detection was difficult.
‘‘I’ll have no original thinking going on in my department,” Wann declared, “and my men are doing their best to stilie all intelligent thinking. We’ll have none but pedants here.”
If found, the Original Thought is to be hanged and quartered as an example to others.
APE FAINT8
Los Angeles, Nov. 20—(By Pi Delt private wire)—Jean Maschto, lukewarm chorus girl of the recent extravaganza, loses wager and must kiss ‘“I'oodles,” the pet gorilla in the Luna Park zoo. On being told the news the gorilla fainted.
Medbury’s Fascisti Cringe As Bad Thieves Romp Away with Totem.
BULLETIN 6:40 a.m.
The Trojan War Flag will be unfurled for a one-minute period as chapel hour today to show its genuineness, Sam Newman, president of the Trojan Knights, said this morning to a Pi Delt reporter who aroused him from his slumbers. A special model, No. 632W, of the flag will be used today. Squires armed with sawed-off shotguns will ward off any cameramen seeking photos of this flag to be used in comparison with other models.
FLASH 6:47 a.m.
The Trojan War Flag, hanging from the tower of the Administration building, was tom from its mast at an early hour this morning. The flag was one of the early models, being No. 36. When detectives reached the tow-they found several black-sweatered Fascisti draped on the floor in a disgraceful condition, Capt. H. N. Hawkshaw explained. Tell-tale fingerprints were found on the mast and fastening^ near the window sill. Later, experts declared these to be identical with the fingerprints of S. Newman and B. Medbury, who figured in the sensational theft of flag No. 138 yesterday.
WAR FLAG GONE After doing nothing and acting Important about lt all year, the Trojan Knights and Squires finally pulled their prize fade-out act last week and let somebody steal the war flag from under their officious noses.
Sam Newman, chief of the Knights, had left instructions with Bud Medbury and his band to guard the flag at all times. Medbury’s boys did well, preceding the Stanford and California games; but Hag paving before the Notre Dame brawl proved too much for them.
Neither the Squires nor the Knights seemed greatly perturbed over the absence of the flag, however. “Poo poo” Newman is alleged to have said, "This ain't Continued on Page Four
FLYNN SCORES AGAIN; DEAN FALLS FOR DAUGHTER GAG, PLEDGES HIM
Announcement of the appointment^other of Winifred Pearle “Forest Primeval” Biegler as women’s editor of the Daily Handbill was followed by the an nouncement of the pledging of ltalph '•inlnor" Flynn, chief of the dally, to the sole remaining engineering fraternity. Dean Philip Sheridan Biegler was instrumental in persuading Flynn to enter the portals of the engineering society.
The pledging of Flynn was the greatest coup engineered by the Trojan in many years, Flynn said today. Caught In an unguarded moment,
Flynn expressed himself as follows:
’’Miss Biegler is no worse than any
member of my Trojan staff. Since it is possible for me to better myself by being polite to the only daughter of Dean P. S. H , I feel that 1 might as well kill two stones with one bird. Besides. Miss Biegler has consented to attend several benefit dances with me when Mary is busy with someone else. If Dorothy Banker continues to do the women’s editor’s work everyone will be happy. However, I shall be forced to fine Glenn Johnson and Tom Patterson $3.00 each, or post their names on the bulletin board if they do not leave Winnie alone."