Los Angeles, California, Thursday, March 27, 1924
Number 000
Volume 00000
Future Garbage Men of Engineers ’ School Lauded By President
HUNGRY SNAKE, FOILED, SINKS TOOTH IN LIMB OF MISS BEERS, PRETTY BIOLOGICAL ASSISTANT
At a banquet given in honor of prexy at the city dump, the president in his picturesque language lauded our future garbage men who are now preparing themselves for this work in U. S. C.’s Engineering School. His words follow: “1 think that this school is composed of the most down down <Tt&Ib$ loafers ??$<§ @$:??@@ imbeciles Ib@Tb!*$??!*&?@*!@*$!? & @	?-*o-<£ Eggs
Author of Syndicalism Law is Praised for Presenting Such a Peaceful Topic
ARGUE LASTING SUBJECT
Too Little Credit Given Big Men Who Do Little Things
We neglected to nominate for the hall of fame our beloved debaters, and their patron saint the author of the criminal syndicalism law. This act h?.s been to the debators what Teapot Dome is to Congress—a perpetual topic. Upon this topic, the debators' yodei hinges the destiny of mankind and the fates of the judges in the contest. That they have energy who vain woul deny.—they have ferreted out four million and sirty six thousand standpoints from which to view his I.eviathian document, which for long life makes a cat look like a butterfly, and daddy Methusaleh like one of the late War Babies.
We believe in immortality and we confidently expect that when we wake •up in the celestial spheres the first words that will greet our ears are ‘‘Resolved that the Criminal Syndicalism I^aw is a combination divine blessing and instrument of the devil aud darkness.”
We thought at first we understood this act but after the phonographic monologues of the debators we are undecided as to whether it is supposed to supplement the Mann Act or to be another Anti-Farm Bloc Bill. Even the one horse shay of the deacon fell to pieces but the Criminal Syn. act shows signs of being possessed of eternal life. Like the Prudential Life Ins. Co., it is as “eternal as the rocks of Gibraltar.”
Whoever the unknown monster is that teaches or coaches the debators he certainly merits the rooster’s corsage for selecting this subject as a topic. We interviewed one of the say, fugitive little debators, that warm up to publicity like an old maid to the scent of orange blossoms, and queried him as to the necromancy, or (CONTINUED ON PAGE THREE)
Loss of Soul Mate Sets Heart
Bleeding and Weeper Wants $10,000 Balm
Mrs. Ella M. F. Atchley. altrac j tive society belle and law student of I". S. C., commenced suit against | her loyal and life long pal. Miss Sarah Danning. also a law student, in the Superior Court of lx>s Angeles. alleging that Miss Danning alienated the affection nf Professor Jones i Mrs. Atchley demands $10,000 as balm to sooth her bleeding heart : wounded by the humiliation, s ffer-«ng and torture which she has endured due to the loss of her soul mate.
Plaintiff alleges that through connivance, trick and device childish Miss Danning stole into the heart of Mr. Jones and was the sole reason for compelling the notorious Pro fessor not only to break his engagement to her, but to steadfastly i and to continuously refrain from seeing her in the day time, in the night time, or at all thereby sending her sh»p of love and romance crashing madly against the rooks of agony to destruction.
Prof. Jones, commonly known to all as the Flaming Youth, has been engaged to the divine Mrs. Atchley for nine years. During this time Mr. Jones has been her constant and devoted companion, even going so far as to sacrifice his stage career in order to instruct his Cherry Blossom. To all of 'the many admirers of the loving couple it looked as tho intrinsic relation would culminate in the inevitable. The marriage which wag to have taken place last Xmas was postponed Sine Die be cau«e Mr. Jones wanted to be assured that his spouse to be would be able to support him in the style in which he had been accustomed.
(CONTINUED ON PAGE FOUR)
A special investigating committee of the American Bar Association has just rendered a thorough report show, ing where the tuition of the law students is expended. Closely following the great Tea Pot Dome expose it is not at all surprising that those who appeared most innocent are to bear the brunt of the blame.
The following is an exact transcript taken from the financial report of Law School.
INCOME
Tuition. 323 students at $80.$2.">,S40.00 From Judge Craig for being allowed to teach (political reasons) ............ 300.00
Total ..................$20,140.Oh
EXPENDITURES
Faculty ....................$ 2,004.03
Prof. Tappaan ............ 15.23
Janitor Work ............. ......
Office Force ............... 2,004.03
Rent for 4th and 5th floors.. 1,000.28 Dean Porter (for use of his
name) ................... 3,000.13
Total ..................$ 8,023.70
Net Profit (per quarter I... $18,116.30 This net profit has been made into a sinking fund but the report shows that it has been sinking into the pockets of some of the supposedly respectable members of Law School.
(CONTINUED ON PAGE FOUR)
“A man need spend but very little for clothes,” says Professor Morton, of the College of Commerce. “Take my own case as an example. At home I have a suit purchased in New York eight years ago that cost me just five dollars, i bought it at the end of the season. I have an overcoat that cost me just $7.50. It was also purchased at the opportune time. A certain dealer had bought a large supplv of overcoats, the winter proved warm and the dealer found himself overstocked in March. The result is hanging in my office. The best coat in the house I secured for little or nothing. I bought the rug now in my living room at half price from Wanamak. er’s, and I always buy my boy his toys after Christmas. Were it not that I secure nearly all my clothes lrom J. C. Penny Co. at wholesale prices, I should never buy until the end of each season because a saving of a third to a half can always be made.”
Mr. Morton also believes that the cost of clothes can and shouid be decreased by having all college students purchase and wear overalls
made by the J. C. Penny Co.
The two leads, Ethel Stone and Ruth Seaver rehearsing the opening dance in the new Zeta Phi Eta musical show which will be presented in Bovard Auditorium on April tenth. The name of the play is “Dirty Hands and Dirty Feet” and the plot is reflected throughout by the dancing of these two popular favorites.
Miss Seaver and Miss Stone appear in new gown creations in each act. The encores in each case will be dances of their own interpretation.
—Photo by Don Gillum (This ain't all he’s got)
Maggie Sobs As Gwinnie Goes Forth on Honeymoon
THE WORLD’S GREATEST LOVER
Busty Dupuy, he loves himself. Of all the brilliant men on the campus of the University of Southern California, we will have to take our wigs off to Buster. He is a knockout with the co-eds (in his own estimation).
Buster we are jealous of you, jealous because we can't find such contentment within ourselves, perhaps >t is because we are not as smart and intelligent, perhaps it is because we lack your womanly beauty, we only know that we are jealous. Ah! If we could but be such lady-killers! But then, it is an art, an art acquired only after long and hard training, now isn’t it Buster?
It is the sincere hope of the edi torial staff that Busty's love for Busty will not want, for then Busty's one and only excuse for existence would be gone. But then, take heart Busty for there is nothing like being very efficient and perfect in this great task you have set out to accomplish.—By Francis Yeager.
The i LOVED HER BUT SHE TURNED ME DOWN CLUB” (now called the Bachelors Club) has the fo lowing membership:
Charter Members	Reason
Buck Oudermuelen...... Eve Smith
(pending)
Harry Silke.........Doris Henderson
Arnold Eddy........Kathleen Bender
Claire Mobarry.......Helen Faulkner
Marquis Busby... Marguerite Benning Art Metcolfe.. Helen Green (Pending)
Lester Heineman........Emily Biles
George Hall.......Mrs. Geo. Hall (?)
Stanley Wheeler------Eizabeth Kemp
Okey King...........4*va Woodhouse
Hal Williamson........Martha Smith
(pending)
Dave Cleveland . .Georgia Bennethem
Waldo King......She wouldn’t stand
for his saxophone
Cliallen Landers.......Phoebe Sischo
Kenneth Campbell.. .Margaret Cleary
Teet Carle----..All women (especially
reporters)
Howard Bridegroom......Ruth Seaver
Ralph Cummings........Ruth Seaver
Roy Edwards ..........Ruth Seaver
Solly Seamans.... .Doris Henderson
1919
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we have this year we will be able to develop a varsity next year that will defeat California.
1920
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we have this year we will be ab'.e to develop a varsity next year that will defeat California.
1921
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we have this year we will be able to develop a varsity next year that will defeat California.
1922
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we have this year we will be able to develop a varsity next year that will defeat California.
1923
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we have this year we will be able to develop a varsity next year thaf will defeat California.
1924
Coaches Henderson and Cromwell in chorus:
With the Freshman material we Lave this year we will be able to develop a varsity next year that will defeat California.
1925
EXPLANATION One reason why the College of Commerce has been so actively advocating the removal of the removal of the University High School from the campus is because of the fact that almost unanimously the students and faculty (others than those in Commerce) of the University fail to find any difference between Commerce and High School students.
Noted U. S. C. Chemist Finds Formula For Alcoholic Beverage
Ur. Weatherby, the world’s famous chemist, who discovered and patented a method for removing nicotine from the tobacco that his students use, has just discovered a new formula for “Gordon Gin" which he Is ready to release to the students.
It is understood that Dr. Weatherby has just been taken in as honorary into Sigma Tau.
ANOTHER BROMO BROMIDE
In News Writing. 2.8 a. m— Miss McCorkle to Mr. Setzler: “Mr. Setzler, what is your opinion of that construction?” Question: Was Miss McCorkle thinking of Bromo-selzer and why?
Ye low-lived denizens of U. S. C.
Who thrive on mud and slimy filth In whispered conversations close:
To ye, bald hypocrites, to ye—
Not to those few who, with fair self-respect Keep clean their minds and tongues from that Which filters bout the halls of Troy—
To ye, in smut and sympathy We dedicate this Yellow Dog!
ROBB ROBBED OF DUTY
Lyn Robb in front of the Ad. Building sees two Alpha Chis (both of them recent Initiates), rush up and fondly embrace each other. Says the youth, “Ain’t it awful the way these girls do a man’s duty.”
SHORT STORY
There was a town in this country that had an honest newspaper but now only the editors of the Ran-Mc-Nally Atlas know^ where it is located.
Wanted—By Miss Mary Plckford, America's little sweetheart, the name, address and salary of the press agent of the Bachelors Club.
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