Razz Edition
Price 10 Cents
Number 34
Razz Edition
Price 10 Cents
Vol. XV
Los Angeles, California, Tuesday, December 17, 1923
PUT ’EM TO SLEEP CONTES] ENDS IN TIE AND QUARREL
Drs. Lowrey and Harley Carry Off Honors; Harley Accuses Mussatti
Sits On Problem
Dr Lowrey and Dr. Harley are tied for first place in the “Put ’Em to Sleep” contest for members of the T'niversity Faculty. The contest closed at six o’clock yesterday:
Professors Touton and Weatherby came in second and ■‘bird respectively, with Wann, Howard, and Naether paining honorable mention. Professor PhflMps, of the Economics Department, was in the lead for some time, but was disqualified on the ground that he himself 'has been asleep in all hi8 classes for the past four years.
Actual count, of the number of students lulled to sleep by the ‘.wo competitors for first place In the contest showB that Lowrey actually put more to sleep than did Harley due to the fact that he had a much greater opportunity in that he has more students enrolled in his classes than has the latter professor. The percentages of sleepers, however, were identical, and the rules of the contest were explicit in stating that the deciding factor was the percentage of students lulled to sleep in comparison to the number enrolled under the various contestants rather than the actual number which were put to sleep.
Professor Harley has entered a protest to the Judges that Lowrey had an unfair advantage by having .lames Mussatti as assistant lecturer when he felt h mself to be weakening His c'.aim is based on tfhe fact that the students which were put to sleep by Mussatti in the absence of Low (COKTTNTED ON PAGE 4>
Keeps 'Em Warm
TAPPAAN DESERTS LAW FOB THEOLOGICAL
Straddles the Issue
Mt** Mary Jane <«»(■.a*. V. C. A. social uorkcr an.i reformer, who lia* conic out flat tooled in fnvor of Kitting (Ion n on :• Ii issue* of th> liquor problem. tt hen aAeil if there is siny	of get till K around the
Issue. >llss Collins replied: "Whoops, my dcjir.“ nnri thus the question is Mettled for nil time. The barrel is emptj due to the efforts of a confiscation K<|iuid recruited from the Sis Tau and Siuni;: Chi houses. It took in all n''Sht seance to pt*C down old J. B. Corn. The conHKcators ire not at Mchool this morning desnlte the double penalty for absence todxy.
Carla’s Election Due to His Purity”--Prof. Knopf
P> shf il Cla’r S. Tappaan, Profes-1 sor of Law, ex-assistant chaplain in the R. 0. T. C., and leading disciple of the Law College Y. M C. A., h£s announced to the public that he has tem’e.-ed h’s resignation to become effective on January 1st, and has derided to leave for the East and enter a theological seminary. The motive which actuated this tragic move on beb'If o" Prof. Tappaan was the pernicious prevalence of immorality in t.ue c’tv of Los Angeles. Ex-Chaplain Tappaan was induced to leave the corrupt legal practice by the honorable, w ITful and brainy Reverends “Bob“ Shuler and “Gus” Rrieglieb. t o‘_h r en who stand pre-eminent among the motion picture society of -'o’lywcad.
It was reported late last night that lhe peop e who are connected w;t.h he motion picture industry voted to r've Prof. Tappaan a yearly gift of $5,0110 in order that be might enjoy and imbibe a profound knowledge ot-theology so that he might be able to help t.os Angeles enforce the “Rlue T aws.’
Prof. Tappaan points out in his sober manner the reasons why he deems s irh a change exped ent. “Firstly,” he said, “the study of law brings one into contact with many rndes-'rables. such as Assistant-Deans o' ihe Law Colleges, people who Joke tro much, i-udges from whom one is forced io hear anecdotes which are frr more humorous than uplifting and ’ enrehcnsible bootleggers who fail 1o rav their income tax because the I shyster lawyer has failed to pay for the 'ast shipment.”
At n meeting of the Law College Student Eodv a vo*e of confidence rnd appreciation was taken for the spir t which is soon to depart. LeRoy Pawr.cn. Student Body President, said during the meeting: “Prof. Tappaan will always stand out in our minds as a sober judge of righteousness; one who for in the consideration of the law students is seeking to place himself in a position where he will le ef value +o the profession, for as he points out, marr age is necessary veroi:e a divorce action can be com-rieneed. It is a fating profession and Prof. Ttppaan is a bfg man. His very wrri h° ; weigh/. His great civic pride ' ill no doubt be the big factor for the atcl:‘ion nf the dance and the
The secret is out at last as to why it was that Teet Carle, author of he famous “Willie Live” letters, was elected editor of the Trojan. Strange as it may seem it is thru the co-operation of Professor Carl Knopf and the Faculty Welfare Committee that the editors of the Razz edition are permitted to give the students the low uown on the phenomenon.
Briefly, the reason for the election w;s his irresistible good looks, his yo thfu', innocenr. unsophisticated aprtaranre. 'He looked so gocd,” explained Knopf in an in-tc-. view on how Teet gained the consent of the Welfare Committee to run for the position, “we felt sure a man wieh such an angelic countenance, whose pure soul shone undefiled by those with whom he had been fcrced to associate, could no: help but have a beneficial influence up >n the campus. His own feature also, was the most uplifting that ‘has ever appeared in the columns of our pape.-, r.nd wi felt that he would be equally pure in regard to the general lone ot he paper as he was in his own writing.
“S ’ch a man. we argued, could not help but raise the moral standard of the entire campus, and so
CRITICS PLAN TO PURIFY ‘TROJAN”
A popular member of the Executive Committee poses to Illustrate the typical policy of the A .S. Ii. in continually straddling the Issue. Shoes by Walk Over «nd I'iwler. Stockings by Peck a Bo.
PATRICK MILLIGAN GET HIS REWARD
At a recent meeting of the faculty Professors Carl Knopf and Clarence C i l land were chosen to censor the T o;an in the future in order that the ^ ousands of God fathers of the Trojau nstitution over the state may save stamps and stationery in the | Fang.
‘ Every great man will receive his just rev. ard,” is the adage which came true yesterday when Famous Pasiick Milligan was appointed Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court. After many years of frolicsome buffoonery our notorious “Near Dean” has received his judic al appointment frcm no less a personage than the far f uned President Coalidge himself. In a word the jokester of law schooi has been made presiding judge of Lhe “yours till then” contest in the Whiz
MIm So ■*< So. who figure In the rank* ®f enjoy* her usual recreation of enlng the Kroah. “All violator* of tra-J ditlona will be dealt with naratly,” •he aaya. O. Henry king report* hav-1b< had a hat time.
we gave our unqualified consent to	leaky dyke in Holland but Helen
his candidacy. I am glad to have	danssen seems to have the job now.
th s opportunity ot explaining to	scc^rding tn H story,
the students generally what must	ve-c fi'led with fighting and flirting,
h've appeared to them as an un	•- y-u t’link there is no repeating of
explicable action on our part," con-	history just watch Okey.
! litded ^he genial campus reformer.	Kansas has its grasshoppers and
One of fhe most notab’e reforms-	; razor bsck hogs but It took the cr;
Sunday bath
plete expurgation of the S. A. E.	—
bedtime story as the old s‘o iea were entirely too rough in his opin ion. Now he reads ro tiie fellows every night his own daily innocent “Willie Live.”
“Why. they used to t^lk of the most awful things,” says Teei.
“You'd have thorght they had all sold baking powder, bookfi, rubbers, or something out on the road. Why it was just terrib’e; it just sicken ed my soul.
“You see that’s why I’ve changed my tune in this year's Willie Live. ]
I wanted to bring to the boys a vigorous story. Therefore, I’m getting funny on athletics this year in s‘ead of love. Anyway, Hittie gr d-uattd last .Tune and I’ve been too sad since to speak of hearts and
diamonds. That’s why you see I’ve	—_____________-	, .	, ... , , , , ,
<• . n-u *	.. __boys, ever ready w'ith a deck of blue
turned Clubs aud boxin* gloves ", future. The act on came as the result ,
_______ 1 of a petition which was circulated	J
among this constituency in which the	he has gone to the reward of signers stated: “That due to the lack j great lawyers from the bench to
of moral tone in the Trojan we have	the bar.
been forced to spend great sums of	A farewell party was given to rrcnt-y in mailing letters to the pres-	laughing Pat” by the other amateur ident and religious education de-	law professors. It was reported that partment.” jj their, grief was colcssa; as they finally rihe ei;-ction of these men did not	succumbed to drowning, and o-cjtne as a surprise. Prof. Knopf has	wards morning the Tajo building, been train ng for several semesters	scene of the bachanalian festivities, for this position. Prof. Gilliland, who	was fairly rocked by the uncontrolled las gained popularity with the Epis-	mi.th of the inebriates, crpal and Newman Clubs, will be a	Dean Porter acted as the containable man cn this new committee	no sseur of the affair ih the place of since the carpet in his office will be	judge Craig who was incapacitated, easy on the feet of the editors of the —----
-i
WANN EXPLAINS
Dr. Wann, author of the famous look, “How I Want My Papers Prepared,” wishes to state that from the enormous proceeds of the great literary work he is able to support a large, respectable family—he being large and his family respectable.
RIG THREE SPLIT ON WHICH PUYS GAMEWITH U.S.C.
Henderson Will Probably Refuse Game; No Time for Game With East
BY MARK KELLY Yale. Harvard and Princeton, the giteat triumvirate of Bias tern Colleges, threaten to sever the athletic bond that has held them aloof from the lesser Universities in the matter of gridiron honor uniess the controversy arising over ttoe question involving which of these elevens shall engage the great U. S. C. team or 1924 is satisfactorily ironed out.
Old Eli, by reason of her triumph over the Crimson, and the big Orange and Black squad seems, at this writing, to have the grea.er prestige, but has met with opposition on all s des Cornell, Notre-Dame, Colgate and Syracuse are also spoiling for a crack at the eleven coached by the mighty Elmer C. Henderson. Yale is said to have told Harvard and the Tiger squads to go out and get a reputation tefore attempting to match an eleven of the caliber of the Trojan outfit.
This is the absolute fact. I don’t know whether the unassuming ‘bloomy Gus” himself says so or not, but I know it is true. At present Henderson is working out some new format ons and trick p.ays for h!s Cole-Eiglit and also pondering over the question of throwing a flock of traffic cops for substantial losses; incidentally he has not time for trivial matters.
Henderson is, without donbt, the greatest gridiron mentor that ever reached a hungry hand for his pay check. We speak authoritatively when we give out this information and say it without the slightest fear of contradiction, because he told us so himself.
‘My schedule for next season.” Henderson gave out In an Interview last night, “is the easiest thing that has ever come my way. We will lick California, Stanford and Idaho to the prettiest little brown frazzle you ever saw and swab down on the rest of the Coast with our third team, and then I will turn the boys loose for a vacation, giving them my Cole-Eight for Christmas as next year I expect *o receive a custom built Rolls-Royce from the Alumni.”
Little hope is entertained around the Methodist Institution that the pe-(CONTINUED ON PAGE 4)
No more will Pat’s loud and boisterous laughter reverberate through the halls of the bastile; no more will j promiscuous listeners be convulsed by his smoking car wheezes; for al-i ready he lias left for Robbinsdale, ! Minn. Now school will m ss his genial I presence for he was a pal of all the
OBSERVATIONS
Why are so many of our young :es s? f nd of “Silke?” Ask Harry.
Why a.e the cars parked in front i "ed by the e“exclusive” spooners bunch? Why are the curtains always -u led down ?
Why do girls leave home? Ask Hal Warner.
A celebrated hero got considerable fame by holding his hand over a
An Uplifting Scene
e sheet.
The Tiojan is printing the pictures of the two honored gents above, the
TAKE NOTE
Marguerite Matson, prominent
j tions that Teet has been responsible	s;cr of “Willie Liven to mak« the Tro-	photos hiving been taken when the member of the Trojan staff, hac swori ^
| for in the University is in the type	ian famous.	youngsters were in College. The man to turn over a new leaf this New
of bed-time stories told at the S.	Ace high or one in the hole doesn’t	with whiskers is Prof. Knopf. The Year’s and start taking
A. E. house. He has caused a com-	mean anything unless you are a Zeke.	other is Prof. Gilliland.	] instead of passing them.
One of thi particularly moving scenes from tbe Y. M. C. A. draaMtte notes in class *«“rmon, “The i’rodlKitl tiiver,” which la the oaly tWag ever “give*" hr
the local “V.” Thc picture showing; Ben ralalafc most uplifting: pnrt ot the play.
Hur la eo»*Her*4 ihe